The Magicians (2015–…): Season 5, Episode 2 - The Wrath of the Time Bees - full transcript

Alice didn't buy enough tacos. Fen's got 3 bars.

Previously, on "The Magicians"...

On Earth, barely any time has passed,

while here, it's been 300 years.

High King Fen and Josh the Fresh Prince

were overthrown 300 years ago.

The Dark King reigns. Glory to his rule.

So, tell me, did you happen
to bring any food with you?

A monster rode you around for months

while he murdered people,

and then one of your
closest friends died.

The surges are getting worse.

I'm just saying,
this is the type of thing

I should be using my magic to fix.

The apocalypse is happening,

but you won't accept my help

- because I'm a woman?
- Quite right.

My name is Professor Adiyodi.

It's not a voice.
It's more like a signal.

I'm gonna take down my
wards so you can show me.


This building, it's missing.

Do you know what kind
of skills it would take

to steal a building
with level five wards?

I miss him every day too.

No one gets to tell you
how to grieve, Alice.

If you need to do something crazy

to get through it...

do something crazy, okay?


Where am I?

Where are my pants?

If this is a dream...

which it seems like it's a dream...

shouldn't knowing it's
a dream wake me up?

Unless it's a lucid dream

like that episode of "Voyager."

Or I've been kidnapped by aliens

who are trying to get secrets out of me,

like that other episode of "Voyager."

- Something wrong?
- No.

It's just, you sound like
someone I used to know.

I feel like...

I'm supposed to be helping
you with something.

Is that weird?

No, it isn't weird at all.

You're right. This is a crazy dream.

See, this belonged to my friend,

and I can't read it.

But you can, and you're
supposed to tell me

what it says and then you'll wake up.

- What language is it in?
- I was hoping you knew.

I've never seen it before.



If it was Elvish or Klingon...

This is a really weird dream.

Do you have a car?

Can you take me to Taco Bell?

Where the hell is that portal tree?

You are doing such a great job.

Will you promise me something?

When this is all over...

we can still be friends?




This isn't real.


- Hey!
- Hey.

How are you talking right now?

I'm dead, not rude.

- Oh, you're a ghost.
- Am I?

- Sorry.
- It's hard to be mad.

I was a terrible High King.

Or that's what a lot of
people screamed at me,

and a lot of strangers screaming at you

- can't be wrong.
- Right.

Anyhoo, they hung me.

Fen out, bitches.

For what it's worth,

I am sorry that I wasn't
here to save you.

It's okay, really.

The last I heard,

you were still possessed by The Monster.

And I figured if they did save you,

you'd probably be off drinking.

Honestly, I was counting
on Margo to save me.

Or Quentin or Alice or Penny

or Julia or Dean Fogg,

but I know the man I married.

Too well, it seems.

Oh, no, look at your sad face.

Don't be hard on yourself.
I'm already dead.

It's not like you can
do some kind of magic

to turn back time...
wait, unless... can you?

Eliot, if you can save
me, you have to do it.

- The buzzards are coming soon...
- Wha...

To peck out my eyes! My poor dead eyes!

- Okay, fine. Jesus, ch... chill.
- Oh, God!

Oh, God!


Which one of you beefy twats
built a magician-proof dungeon?

All right, let's
brute-force this mother.

Oh, my God.

"My friends, if you're reading this,

"it's because I'm dead

"or I escaped and forgot
to get rid of this letter,

"but probably the first one.

"R-I-P me.

"We knew something had
gone right on your end

"when magic came back
stronger than ever,

but then we didn't hear from you."

- News from the Northern Marsh.
- What about our friends?

Have any of the messenger
bunnies returned?

Not as of yet.

The rabbits believe the connection

between our world and yours
has been disturbed somehow.

They're refusing to come
out of their burrows

no matter how many
cigarettes we offer them.

"Days turned into months
with no word from anyone

and no way for us to return to Earth."

Her languorousness Abigail

advises we send our armies
to the Northern Marsh

to investigate the reports
of these creatures.

The locals call them The Takers.

Look, man, I may be drowning
my sorrows in fried chicken,

but I'm not an idiot.

We're in over our heads.

That's why we need to
get a message to Margo.

"We spent so much time
trying to get you back

"that we didn't see the real
problem right in front of us.

The people rose up against us."

On the count of three, we charge.

- I don't have a weapon.
- You are the weapon!

I'm just saying, you have two.

One, two, three, charge!

"It did not go well for us."

"Like a dope, I had
done some renovations

"and made the dungeon magician-proof.


"Margo, I hope it's
you who finds this...

"And I hope you understand,

I did it all for you."


Did your pig visitor tell
you about the nature

of this apocalyptic whatever-the-hell

that's coming to kill us all?

No, but magicians are
blowing themselves up

all over the place.

So many that civilians have caught on.

- I think...
- There's too much goddamn magic.

Yes, I know.

Some surges come and go
and hardly anyone notices.

And sometimes it's a clusterfuck

of catastrophe and death.

I'm trying to find a pattern.

Why some surges and not others.

Well, if you'd had a proper
Brakebills education,

you'd know the answer.

Circumstances, dear.

The phase of the moon,
the nearest body of water.

You must factor them
all into your casting.

Even us filthy hedges
know about Circumstances.

Trick is, certain Circumstances

make casting easier.

Others make them much more difficult.

Some of the surges must be lining up

with particularly
favorable Circumstances.

Is there any way to predict them

so we can warn people in advance?

I may know someone who can help you.

Professor Ex.

Wait, like the X-Men?

No, she's my ex-lover.

I like calling her that
because she hates it.

She's a genius at metamath.

- Do you feel that?
- Surge.

Damn it.

That was Professor Ex's
classroom blowing up.

I picked a hell of a
week to quit drinking.

I asked around.

Nobody knows who stole
the Book Depository.

Did you ask David Copperfield?



But a job this big,
somebody should have seen it.

All right, look.

My brain is fried, so...

I either need to get some sleep

or to fry it some more recreationally.

Well, club soda is as crazy
as I get these days, so...

- Casual sex, then?
- Good-night, Pete.

Good-night, boss.

Your friend is like if
cocaine was a person.

Well, it's a hedge bar.

That description fits
half the people here.

Not you.

What am I?

A Mossad assassin
undercover as a lumberjack?

And you play bass in a J-pop
hard metal cover band?

Close. K-pop.



Oh, good morning.

Is it?

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Haven't had a night
like that in a while.

I'll just, um... pants.

Uh, if you, uh... wanna
hang sometime or...

You know, I'm just gonna stop talking.

Yeah, I'll just, uh...


C-call me.

Finally getting that GED?

Have some respect. I'm a professor.

Oh, "Chapter Seven:
Traveling Against Your Will."

That sounds like a problem.

One of my students was
hearing this signal,

and when I listened
to it, I just traveled.

No idea where, no idea why,

and none of this can explain it.

So just don't listen
to the signal again?

- Wow, thank you.
- Shut up.

Except now I hear it all the time.

This here helps quiet
it down a bit, but...

It's kind of terrifying

to lose control of yourself like that.


Are you okay?

You know, hangover remedies are...

kind of a specialty of mine.

I remember.

No judgment or anything,
but I thought...

I'm sober.

Well, I was.

Almost a year, and here I am,

and my head feels like
it's gonna explode.

And if I remembered deciding
to have that first drink...

I would tell you why I did it.

You're human. Dust yourself off.

Maybe keep searching for leads

on that vanishing Book
Depository or whatever.


That library branch that got heisted.

You spent all day
yesterday looking for it.

I have no idea what
you're talking about.

Are you sure you're just hungover?

Did you get my tacos?

I got one of everything they had.

- Whose house is this?
- My mom's.

Where is she?

She's at a sex... she's camping.

This is a really long dream.


- Hey.
- Oh, God.

- What?
- Oh, hi.

Um, look, I need help
with a metamath problem.

The professor who specializes
in it at Brakebills

blew herself up, so I figured,
uh, next best thing, right?

Yeah, you know, uh,
now's not a good time.

My cousin's here from Canada and, well,

he's Canadian. So anyway,

- I gotta go.
- Alice.

That's... that's Quentin.

What the hell did you do?



So what do you say?

Wanna go back in time, save my friends,

and unfuck history for old times' sake?

If I change anything,
it could undo every sacrifice

we've all made to stop The Beast.

Why did you build a workshop
full of time travel gadgets

if you aren't willing to use them?

The lesson that I've learned

from a life of trying to change the past

is, well, you almost
always make things worse.

Speaking of, where is my
little volunteer tomato?

Volunteer, um...

Quentin, my dear.

He died saving me.

Saving everybody.

Stiff upper lip, eh?

Positively British of you.

Someone's gotta keep it together.

Is that what you think you're doing?

Back when Quentin first came to Fillory

in the very first timeline,

he was running from grief.

His best friend had died tragically.



A victim of your own vices.

I was worried that I was
taking advantage of him,

of his sorrow.

So the first change I
made was to save you

to see if he would still
answer Fillory's call.

And he did.

And then he died...

39 times.

I had hoped this time
would be different.

It still could be.

You saved him 39 times.

Why not 40?

Because he won.

If you took away his sacrifice,

you'd lose everything
that it bought you:

your life and the lives
of everyone around you.

Same with your friends,
Josh and... was it Flen?

It was not.

You have to let go of the past, Eliot.

Let the dead stay dead.

Time is a motherfucker, isn't it?

Ah, tea is ready.

Oh, shit.

Why are you staring at me?


Holy shit.

You look like somebody I know.

My friend Julia...

her grandma.

Yeah, okay, great.

Um, you know, I actually
have to talk to Alice,

so maybe you could go play
with rocks or something.

So you built a golem out of living clay

and used the book of Quentin's life

to fill it with his memories?

It's not so crazy.

And then you animated the whole thing

with his essence?

No, it's just a tiny grain of Q's soul

that I pulled from the Underworld.

You wouldn't help me with a séance,

and then you go and do this?

Well, I... I knew it was
risky, but it worked.

But it didn't.

That is not the Quentin
you knew. That's...

how could you do something like this?

I found this in Q's stuff at Brakebills.

What is this?

I don't know. It's in a language
I've never seen before.

It could be a... a letter or a diary

or a project he was working on.

I thought maybe he left
it for me to find.

So you built the version of Q
that could read this for you.

Right, but...

He's 12, so he can't.

Get rid of it.

Put back the piece of Q's
essence that you stole

and let him be at rest.

It's not that simple.

The spell keeps the golem alive

until he completes the task
I brought him here to do.

So the spell can never be finished

'cause he can't read Q's letter.

This was so insanely selfish.

I can't sleep.

I can barely breathe.

I... I needed to fix something,

finish something for him.

Yeah, well, you fucked up.

Maybe if we can figure
out how, we can fix it

and you can put back the
piece of Quentin's soul

where it belongs.

I'm glad you called.

Last night was a bit of a blur.

I was hoping for a second chance.

Kind of a blur for me too...

- Mm.
- Which is why I called.

See, I'm sober.

I don't remember drinking last night,

but I've got gaps in my memory,
and not just last night...

I can't remember things
that happened days ago.

What are you saying?

I want to know if you can explain.

Wait, you want to know if I drugged you?

I left you my number.

I... I showed up for a second date,

which is big for me, since I
am terrified of settling down.

Oh, maybe I took a chance on you

because you remind me of my cousin,

who I've been obsessed
with since we were 13.

Yes, my first cousin,
but our moms are twins.

So genetically my half-sister,
which makes it worse.

Why am I saying all this?

Because I "truthied" your drink.

You drugged me to see if I drugged you?

You are insane.

But I swear, whatever happened
to you, I didn't do it.

I... I mean, I did some
stuff to you. O-on you.

I mean, with you! Th-the sex stuff!

Because you asked, for the record.

God, fucking truth serums.

Wait, wait. Kady, Kady.


I got to my building this morning,

and I couldn't remember
which apartment was mine.

I... I thought, "Hey, crazy night."

But it seems like if
your memory was changed,

so was mine.

I need to know why.

If the beheading didn't kill Josh,

the room service would have.

I'll take your complaint to the manager.


Just in time.

The cell is Margo-proof,

and when the Dark King gets
back from his summer palace,

I'm gonna be executed.

What's that?

The contents of Jane Chatwin's garage,

which we will use to
take back our kingdom.

My kingdom.

But sure.

What is this?


for men and women.

Ugh, God, could you ask first?

Says this will protect us
from timey-wimey-whatever.

So we can change the past

and not erase ourselves in the future.


- What's that?
- A smoker.

Beekeepers use them to
calm down their hives.

So that's super applicable
to our current situation.


Josh would never shut up

about the Royal Bees of Whitespire.

They make all the honey
for the castle's kitchens.

And they're talking bees.

Okay, all you have to do

is get the bees to deliver a
message to Josh in the past

and then smoke them out.

Huh, time bees.

Hello, there, bees.

Time bees activated.

I'm not sure it feels
like we changed the past.

At least, not yet.

What are you doing?

There used to be a letter in here.


It's Fen's.

High King Fen here giving you an update

on life in Castle Whitespire.

Babadook hats and open-toed shoes

are the style this season.

Ooh, hey, Josh.

- Hey, get in my Insta story.
- Uh, no.

- There is no Insta on Fillory, Fen...
- But...

So this is...

- I have three bars.
- We're on a different planet.

That's not even po...
how do you have three bars?

This is... what phone is this?

- The time bees.
- Oh, God, do you hear that?

Well played, sister.

- Oh, they're saying something.
- Fen, I'm allergic to bees!

Or maybe not.

- Oh, God!
- Please help me!

- Oh, God! Oh, God!
- I'm being killed...

by so many bees!

Did Josh say he was allergic?


That's why Josh would never
shut up about the bees.


I had a friend who used to do that.

Once he got to the end
of his favorite book,

he'd go back to the beginning again.

Endings are the worst part.

Characters grow up, they move on.

Some of them die.

- It feels like...
- Your best friend in the whole world's

abandoned you.

- I've had this conversation before.
- So have I.

The therapist my mom sends me to

says I have transition anxiety.

As if it's too much to ask
that nothing ever change.

Well, your real friends
won't abandon you.

That will never change.

My best friend will start
dating skeevy guys

who smoke and spit, and
she'll forget I ever existed.

You're just gonna have
to trust me on this one,

but the "skeevy guys" thing?

It's just a phase.

She needs you just as
much as you need her.

Um, excuse me.

I tried to find a flaw in the casting,

but I couldn't.

That's him.

It's Q.

The one I knew at that age.

But the spell...

I've been doing a lot of
reading on Circumstances.

Not all of them are astrological.

- Some of them...
- Are inside you.

I think you did that spell perfectly.

Your brain might have asked
for the version of Q

that could his letter, but...

your internal Circumstances
asked for something different.

Maybe you need to ask him
a different question.

What's that?

"A History of Fillory,"
from the Royal Library.

What does it say?

"After the Fresh Prince
was stung to death

"by a swarm of honey-drunk assassins,

High King Fen... "

My God, she listened to the bees.

"She sent an army of soldiers
to hunt down the Dark King,

"a massive manhunt that was viewed

"as tyrannical overreach
by the people of Fillory.

She was overthrown and executed."

The Takers invaded,
the Dark King still rose.

So... that's it, then?

I-in what conceivable
universe is that it?

I'm just saying, we're doing all of this

to save a man you ostensibly love

who died of a bee sting because
you forgot he was allergic.

What is your fucking point?

I was gone, you were alone...
and you hate being alone...

and so you grabbed the first
dick that crossed your desk,

and you're having a
hard time letting go.

You think I should let go
of our friends' lives?

I think you have a textbook case

of cock blindness.

You are Margo the Destroyer,
not Margo the Pining Girlfriend.

I'm gonna let your bullshit slide

on account of you so
recently being possessed

by a homicidal monster...

But I'm not changing my plan.

Okay. Okay.

Go for it.


I recognize these.

The first time Jane came
to Fillory by herself,

she was homesick and
missed her brothers.

A forest crone gave her these stamps.

Put them on a letter,
address it whoever,

wherever, whenever, and it gets to them.

This could be our chance.

I can just tell Josh how to fix things.

Find an envelope!

Address it to "Josh Hoberman,
Castle Whitespire,

before he was killed by bees."

"Dear Josh, hello from your friends

"300 years in the future.

"The bad news is, we can't
come back to get you.

"The good news: if you
do exactly what I say,

you won't be overthrown and executed."

Uh, Fen, you're gonna want to see this!

"Those reports you've been ignoring

"about an invasion of creatures

"in the Northern Marsh?

Stop ignoring them.
Send an army, today."

- I told you we should have.
- Just shush!

Summon the guards!

Everyone, we did it!

We scared The Takers back

to wherever the hell they came from.

Go us!

"And somehow, when we fix the past... "

"I hope we can see each other again.

Love, Margo."

The letter disappeared the
moment I closed the mailbox.

It worked.

Josh and Fen did a banishment spell

to scare off The Takers... they thought.

Then the creatures came back

and killed Josh and Fen

and everyone in Whitespire.

Don't say anything.

Okay, it's working.

So how does a homemade
psychic amplifier help

if I'm not a psychic?

Lowers the bar just
enough for the two of you

to be able to connect your minds.

We're both missing memories.

If we combine the ones we have,

it might be enough to give us an answer.

Huh, so it's like, uh, memory VR.

- No.
- So you're sure about this?

I'm sure I need to know
what happened to me.


- Same.
- Don't touch.

Hands together, please.

So where should we start?

Last night, the bar.

Your friend is like if
cocaine was a person.

Well, it's a hedge bar.

That description fits
half the people here.

Not you.

Oh, come on, this is totally memory VR.


All right, now what?

A Mossad assassin undercover as...

Now we watch.

And you...

play bass in a J-pop
hard metal cover band?

I could look away.

You clearly already remember it.

I don't know.

No drugs slipped into our drinks,

no head injuries.

Whatever happened to us,
it seems like we both forgot.

Whoa, what the hell?

Stop! What are you doing?

Kady, I... I know that looked bad.

What the hell was that?

What, some kind of memory spell?

I mean, it looked like it,
but I don't know.

I don't remember.

Well, what the hell do
you remember, then?

- Why were you at the bar?
- To drink.


to meet a friend.

- Who?
- A... a hedge

I know from my first safe house.

Show me.

That's my friend. She's...

The woman that Pete left with.

What are you?

What, some kind of Manchurian Candidate?

A sleeper agent that gets activated

to attack women in their bedrooms?

This doesn't make any sense.

What's on the card?

I-I can't make it out.

Damn it.

I know what's on the card.


You put your phone number on it...

Whoa, K-Kady, wait...

So show me who you really are.

Someone sent you to
erase my memory. Who?

I have no idea.

I never do.

I get a job, I do it,

and when it's over,

I make sure I don't remember.

You walk around having no idea

what you do for a living?

Why would I want that on my conscience?

Because that's what a conscience is for,

to keep you from doing fucked up shit.

The world is painful.
That's not gonna change.

So I use whatever crutch I have to

to keep going.

The point is,

you can take the shiv from my throat,

because I can't rat out
someone I don't remember.

Well, my friend's a psychic.

Why don't I have him root around

and see what you do and don't remember?

Then you don't leave
me much choice, Kady.


No, no! Damn it!

Who sent... who sent you?


What the hell happened?

I don't know. He just...

He's gone.

Telling them to kill the
Dark King was a bust.

Same with going after The Takers.

We need a new plan.
We only have two stamps left.

One stamp. After your
last letter to Josh,

I had an idea.

I gave it a shot. It didn't work, so...

one stamp.

And you didn't tell me?

I'm not your subject.

- I'm your friend.
- Fine.

Then what would you tell Josh to do?

Run to the nearest dive and
drink himself to death?


I would run away,

because you try to save your friends

and they die anyway.

You can't stop The Takers,

and you can't stop the Dark King.

And if we don't focus
on getting you out,

you're gonna get decapitated.

Fillory is fucked because it always is,

and I don't get why you keep
trying to fix something

that wants to be broken.

It may be broken, but it's my home.

It hasn't been your home for 300 years.

You are right about one thing.

I have gone soft.

I've been telling myself

that if I can just keep Josh from dying,

somehow I can get him
and my kingdom back.

But that's not possible, is it?

What are you telling him?

I told him he needs to stay here.

He can use the information
from this history book

to fight the Dark King and The Takers

wherever they show up
for the rest of his life.

I told him good-bye.

I'm not dreaming, am I?

I ask because it's been,
like, a full day,

and if you sleep for that long,
it's 'cause you're dead.

I had this friend...

who I loved very much...

And he died, and I didn't
get to say good-bye.

And I honestly don't know

how I'm gonna go on without him.

And he gave me this
gift I can never repay.

What was the gift?

His life.

He gave it up for mine.

I brought you here
'cause I wanted closure.

You know, I just... I wanted to...

fix something or finish
something for him.

But the letter I showed you,

you couldn't read it, so...

You're skipping to the
beginning of the book.


I can't help you

because you don't want me to.

Because then your
friend's story is over.

My dad says when I get
sad about something

that's gonna end...

I should just imagine
this is the first page

in a new book.

The gift your friend gave you...

It wasn't his life.

It was yours.

That story just started.


I just shouldn't be surprised
that, even at age 12,

Quentin Coldwater is still
the smartest person I know.

I'm feeling tired.

Really tired.

Hey, do you want to see a trick?


- That was cool.
- Yeah.

There's just one more
thing I wanted to say.


Good-bye, Quentin.

He's gone.

You okay?

I'm sorry he couldn't give you

the answer you wanted.

No, he did.

Maybe I can still help
you with your problem.

My dad had a friend with a...

really rare discipline,

predicting Circumstances.

They lost touch years ago,

but she wrote this.


If anyone can find the
pattern you're looking for,

it'll be her.


I don't remember any of it.

The Book Depository,

the mystery woman who
apparently wiped my memory.

All I know is what you told me, which...

Isn't enough to do anything with.

Somebody's out there with enough power

to steal a building,
paranoid enough to send

mind-wiping sleeper agent
assassins after you...

It's not nothing.

Well, I need a drink.

Sorry. Insensitive.

I'll show myself out.

How are you feeling?

You know, I thought that
if I took on more power

and more responsibility...

that I'd want heroin less.

But the truth is,

when I thought I'd relapsed,

I wasn't disappointed.

Wasn't mad at myself.

I was relieved.

It gave me permission
to relapse some more.

And trying to lead the hedges,

it's only gonna get harder.

And I'm not sure I can
do it without a crutch.

Which maybe means
I shouldn't do it at all.

No, don't.

You never quite get used to the smell

of Fillorian plumbing, do you?


You're alive.

Thanks to you. I got your letter.

Right. The letter.

Did exactly what you said.

I went to the Clock Dwarf,
brought him a ham sandwich,

and told him to send
me forward 300 years.

- Just you?
- No, Fen came too.

And Tick, and Rafe,

and a few guys from my bowling league...

I started a bowling league...
and a dozen other people.

Nobody cool wanted to stay in the past

once they knew what was coming.

I can't believe it.

Look behind the stone.

I hid it there before I left.

Margo, thank you.

May I present the government

of High King Margo in exile.

Let's get out of here
before we all get killed.