The Magicians (2015–…): Season 5, Episode 10 - Purgatory - full transcript
Margo learns to project; Josh goes to the spa.
‐ Previously on
"The Magicians"...
‐ The Takers are swarming.
‐ They're swarming because Seb
summoned them with a spell.
‐ Okay, so what if we locate
the tree from Seb's tattoo
and chop it down?
Would that sever this conduit?
‐ In theory, yes.
He would be mortal
and 100% stab‐able.
‐ [grunts]
[gasps]
I wouldn't if I were you.
Surprised?
‐ I just have a problem,
and it's getting worse.
‐ Whoa.
‐ [gasps]
I traveled us to 1998.
[gasps]
This is where
the signal brought us.
It was just a room.
No windows,
no doors.
We can't leave.
‐ That's Ms. Persephone.
‐ That's Our Lady Underground.
‐ [gasps]
‐ When the sister was in me,
I remember everything.
‐ Promise.
Give me the page.
If the finger's still viable,
I reattach.
‐ Hey, what happened
to your eye?
‐ I lent it to Josh.
I'm keeping
an eye on him, okay?
Hold up.
Somebody's near Josh.
It's the Dark King.
He's coming.
‐ [gasps]
Your Highness.
[stammers]
I mean, Your Majesty.
I think there's been a huge‐‐
‐ No mistake.
You were part of the plot
to kill me, were you not?
‐ I wouldn't say that exactly.
‐ It doesn't matter.
There is a way you can
make it up to me.
To Fillory.
‐ Okay, sure.
Uh, what?
‐ Down.
‐ [wheezing]
‐ You are a brave, brave man.
‐ Right.
Thank you.
‐ Uh‐‐oh,
is this a blood brothers
kind of thing?
[chuckles]
‐ [chanting in Latin softly]
‐ I'm guessing this isn't
a medal of valor.
‐ [chanting in Latin]
‐ What are you doing?
‐ [chanting in Latin]
Your death will not be in vain.
But I will miss your cooking.
‐ What?
[rumbling]
[Taker growling]
‐ No. No.
No, no, please.
[grunts]
Please, please.
No, no, no.
No.
[screams]
[menacing music]
‐ The walls are solid.
There's no buttons or switches.
‐ Everything I cast
is wrong here.
Circumstances are
impossible to read.
Okay, are you sure
this is the room that
the signal brought you to?
‐ Yes, but I can't remember
where here is.
Oh, good.
I've still got
the welter's plaque.
Let's just try again.
‐ It didn't work last time.
‐ [groaning]
‐ Come, come.
Sit, sit, sit, sit.
‐ The signal pulled us back.
You were right.
[whooshes]
‐ That's why you should listen
to your elders, Plum.
‐ Who the hell are you?
‐ That was a Tiffany lamp,
you know.
Crafted from a design
I acquired
from Clara Driscoll herself.
It took me ages to make.
‐ Do I need to tell you
how much I don't give a shit?
‐ Why are we here?
What do you want?
‐ I want you to stop
time traveling.
‐ Are you, like,
the God of Time
or something?
‐ Hardly.
I'm a time traveler
like young Plum here.
I have been monitoring you.
‐ And now you're
keeping us prisoner?
‐ This one will be smart,
I thought.
Cautious.
Then you had to risk
altering the future
to save some young pervert.
‐ So is this the part where
you draw us little diagrams
about screwing up the flow
of time or whatever?
‐ Nice thing about
the 21st century.
You've all seen "Looper."
So I can get to the point.
We are here because though
I would rather be making lamps,
I am forced to focus on the
most important task there is,
protecting the integrity
of space‐time.
Which you threaten.
I'd have hoped you'd waste
your time on something useful.
Try to kill Hitler at least.
‐ I was getting to it.
I'm not an asshole.
I just found out.
‐ Well, doing any
of those things would be‐‐
‐ Would be a royal cluster.
We get it.
She gets it.
‐ Yeah, she does
loud and clear.
We promise not to change
the past anymore.
Can we leave?
‐ Well, this isn't
a pinky‐swear situation.
I know how intoxicating
the prospect
of altering time can be.
"Just this once."
I'd like to relieve you
of that burden.
[whooshes]
This device neutralizes
your abilities.
It's painless‐‐
‐ It's got fucking teeth.
‐ It's painless once it's on.
Works quickly
and permanently to eradicate.
And you can still traverse
space like your peers.
‐ Traveling is in our DNA.
What exactly would
you be eradicating?
‐ Plum, you and I
have a mutation of
the plasma factor of the blood.
Luckily, we stop producing it
by the time we can walk.
What's in you now,
it's finite.
When we traverse time,
we use up a fraction of it.
‐ So you want to take away
the thing that makes me, me?
‐ That's dramatic.
I'm offering to rid you
of your curse.
I can't force you.
You must consent or
the spell work won't function.
It's up to you.
I'm offering to free you.
‐ No, this is crazy.
You have no right
to drag us both here‐‐
‐ I didn't.
You, Professor,
are a hanger‐on.
The signal was meant for her.
‐ I won't do it.
‐ Oh, they can never
just say yes.
[clears throat]
Well, whenever
you change your mind,
simply place your arm
inside the cuff.
He can't help you.
You have to do it yourself.
Till then, enjoy
my space out of time.
My name is Eliphas,
by the way.
Friends call me Eli.
So Eliphas.
‐ Is he just gonna
leave us here?
[eerie music]
♪ ♪
‐ How do they feel?
‐ Like ghost fingers.
They work, but magically,
they still feel severed.
‐ So you can't cast?
‐ Not really, no.
One‐handed
and that pretty much
rules out most spells.
‐ I'm not gonna forget
what you did.
We're gonna get
those pricks for this.
‐ I don't know, Kady.
Maybe we should just walk away.
‐ You can walk away,
but to be clear,
I'm not done until I cut that
son of a bitch's balls off.
‐ [chuckles]
‐ I owe them that
for tying me up,
and I owe them triple
for what they did to you.
You can sit it out, okay?
‐ Um, no.
We're in this together.
‐ [whimpers and sniffles]
[muffled] Oh, it's just
so beautiful, you guys.
Female friendship really is
the most underrated
form of love, right?
I'm sorry.
I'm extra emotional.
I just‐‐the assassination
going sideways,
and then Josh and Eliot
and Julia not making it back.
Not to mention all that
crazy stuff Plover told us.
It's just...
It's really overwhelming.
So, um, what have you guys
been up to?
[thunder rumbles]
‐ [gasping]
[grunts]
‐ [snarling]
‐ No, no.
No, no.
[whimpers]
‐ [raspy groaning]
‐ [grunts]
[panting]
Okay, okay, okay.
Josh, Josh,
calm, calm.
You are in...
Taker Home Base Land,
I guess? Or...
never fear.
No reason to fear
because Taker Kryptonite
for some reason.
[inhales]
Focus.
Mission, get home.
Also don't die.
When you were lost
at "Burning Man,"
what did you do?
You...
called Margo.
[panting]
‐ [groaning loudly]
[inhales]
Voldemort's clit.
‐ Wait, where's Josh?
‐ Where the Takers come from.
‐ I don't understand.
Is it in Fillory?
‐ Sure as shit
doesn't look like it.
‐ So then why is Josh there?
‐ No clue, but seems stuck,
wandering around.
And it's, it's...
Stop moving
the damn camera, Josh.
It's like I'm watching
"Cloverfield."
[sighs]
I really don't think my eye
likes being in a different
world than me.
[groans]
[gasping]
Is that my blood?
‐ Oh, God.
‐ Margo.
Um, hey, not an expert,
but does that seem‐‐
‐ Real goddamn bad.
‐ Is there a spell
or something
to calm fairy eyes transmitting
from foreign realms?
‐ Even assuming yes,
casting's ultra
moon‐jacked today.
I can't say I'd risk it.
‐ [whimpers]
‐ I have an idea.
‐ Is she trying to do magic?
‐ Mm‐hmm.
‐ Should you tell her
that's a waste of time?
‐ Should I?
It seems like it's helping.
‐ Hmm?
‐ Hey, uh, a gentle reminder:
This is a magic‐proof cell,
so...
the hedge‐witch‐explosive
arts and crafts
are at best
wishful thinking.
‐ And you didn't think
to tell me that 45 minutes ago?
‐ It seemed like
you needed an activity.
I'm honestly trying to help.
It's bad enough for me,
and I don't even have
a human inside me.
‐ Except you do, technically.
‐ Shit.
Now there's nothing to do.
‐ I really let it go on
as long as I felt morally able.
‐ What are we going
to do, Eliot?
‐ We'll think of something?
‐ Is that a question?
‐ I am trying my best
to calm you down‐‐
‐ Calm me down?
What am I,
a maiden with the vapors?
‐ You're upset‐‐
‐ [yelling] I'm not upset.
I'm locked in a dungeon during
Red fucking Monkey month
with this baby growing
inside me like a weed on HGH,
on a planet without so much
as a fucking prenatal vitamin.
But no, I'm not upset.
I don't get upset.
I figure it out.
[inhales and exhales]
There is always something.
‐ Is there?
‐ Of course there is.
I agree.
‐ Do you?
Do you actually believe that?
‐ [exhales]
‐ Um...
‐ I can't believe
I thought I could fix this.
I'm the reason we're here
in the first place.
‐ Hey.
‐ No.
‐ I wouldn't say that‐‐
‐ Face it, I failed, Eliot.
‐ [sighs]
You didn't fail,
you're just tired.
You're cooped up‐‐
‐ I stole a quest,
I got it wrong.
I screwed magic on Earth,
I screwed us here.
And the thing about it is,
you know,
facing ever increasing bad odds
is that you have to be
really good
at thinking
of the next thing to try.
‐ Hey, let's just
take a deep breath, okay?
We'll just‐‐
‐ I mean,
there is nothing else.
We are done.
‐ [softly] No.
‐ We're gonna die here.
My baby is going to die here.
We are gonna die.
And it all went to shit.
‐ Hey, hey, hey.
You're just,
you're having a moment‐‐
‐ This is not a moment.
It's my life.
‐ You need to calm her.
She's gonna give
the baby bad humors.
‐ I just heard a voice
say bad humors?
‐ You heard that?
‐ You heard me?
Can you still hear me?
This is wonderful.
‐ Yeah.
‐ My name is Charlton.
‐ What the fuck's a Charlton?
‐ So there's a man inside
your head and I heard him?
‐ That's it, more or less.
‐ An excellent summation.
‐ Why all of a sudden
could I hear him?
And then why did it stop?
‐ I don't know.
‐ Well...
Her weird baby is developing.
My mother, who was a midwife,
once tended a lady
pregnant by a nixie.
She often sleepwalked
into the sea,
but no ill befell her,
because she developed
gestational gills.
‐ Charlton theorizes that
you had a psychic attack
because of, well,
who and what the baby daddy is.
‐ Wait, so you're saying
that's a thing?
Me being able to take on
what the baby can do?
‐ Maybe.
‐ Well, maybe this baby
is a traveler.
I mean that'd be pretty goddamn
handy right about now, no?
‐ Mm‐hmm.
‐ Okay, we need
to quantify this shit.
What's happening,
how can I control it,
keep baby safe, and get us
the hell out of here.
‐ I studied this.
First year.
They make us take sex ed,
inter‐magician relations being
so fraught with STIs and peril.
I think we may have
covered this stuff.
‐ You think, or‐‐
‐ I'm not proud,
but I was on a...
record amount
of greenhouse cannabis.
And so while technically
I heard every single word,
it was all, you know,
Sondheim lyrics.
I was there,
but in a greater sense,
was I there?
‐ Well, perhaps I can help.
If you were,
as you say, there,
perhaps the remembrance
itself is‐‐
‐ Is intact in here still
somehow, that is brilliant.
Can you go‐‐
‐ Yeah, I can
certainly attempt.
‐ My imaginary friend is on it.
‐ Great.
‐ "Dos and don'ts
of magical intercourse."
‐ I avoided real college
so I wouldn't have
to see shit like this.
‐ You kidding?
This is spank bank material.
‐ If it burns when you pee,
infirmary.
Red bumps like a curse,
see a nurse.
Scales, feathers, furs‐‐
‐ Medical attention
that rhymes with fur,
read you loud and clear.
‐ Now, let's chat
procreation, shall we?
Let's start with some basics.
[chalkboard squeaks]
Do not assume
that your classmate is human
just because they look it.
Hybrids abound.
DNA magic develops in utero
which can affect
the mother unpredictably,
which can, of course,
result in maiming
or death.
If you think you've
been impregnated
by a hybrid or creature,
you may want
to take precautions
to prevent any episodes.
Let's go over a few, shall we?
‐ Excuse me, wait,
I have questions.
‐ Who are you?
You are not a student here.
‐ Of course I am.
I did a thing to my face.
Hello, it's...
Todd.
‐ Todd.
Yes, what's your question?
‐ What if a person
wanted the episodes?
Let's say the fetus was
psychic, or even a traveler.
‐ I cannot speak to that.
‐ Well, but you are
speaking to that.
‐ This is a memory.
I made no mention
of travelers specifically.
‐ Okay, but say
I wanted my baby to‐‐
‐ I can only tell you what's
happening in this memory,
Todd.
And how to prevent it.
‐ But that won't help me.
You see, I need to know‐‐
‐ Hey, genius.
Why don't you just let him
tell you how to stop it
and do the opposite?
‐ It's a defense mechanism.
The fetus detects
the mother's distress
and reacts protectively.
‐ You freaked the baby out
with your meltdown,
so it psyched you up.
Next?
‐ And this can be avoided
by cultivating a tranquil mind.
Soothing teas, meditation‐‐
‐ Can we just skip to the part
where Julia travels to safety?
‐ Oh, right,
then she'll need to
aggressively do the opposite.
‐ The opposite
of tea and meditation?
‐ Wait, is he saying
I need to freak out more?
‐ She needs to feel imminent
life or death danger, yes.
‐ [sighs]
Basically.
We need to scare
the living shit out of you.
‐ Great.
‐ This is fine.
Totally fine.
[Taker growling]
Just a totally normal walk
through a totally
normal forest.
‐ [shrieking]
‐ You can't hear that,
but that is a Taker
screaming for some reason.
‐ Whose eye is that?
‐ [screams]
Nobody's.
It's...
My girlfriend's eye.
‐ That's not better, you know?
‐ She lent it to me.
Where did you come from?
How about that?
So did I.
So how did you end up
down here?
‐ I was taken
with my friends.
‐ Friends.
Friends are good.
Uh, where are they?
‐ The Takers put them
in a big, shiny cave.
It opens sideways.
And when you poke
its big, yellow eye,
its mouth opens
and says "ding."
‐ That sounds like an elevator.
‐ Is that a kind of monster?
‐ No, not a monster.
A machine.
‐ That eats people?
‐ No, it goes up,
it goes down.
It's just weird that it's here.
Maybe we should check it out.
Do you know where‐‐
‐ Are you an adult?
‐ Of course.
Do I not seem like an adult?
‐ Adults lie and say
everything's okay
when it really isn't.
‐ [sighs]
‐ Then Takers come.
I'm not helping an adult.
‐ Oh, please.
No.
[groans]
God, just wait!
‐ [shrieking]
‐ No, wait! No!
No, don't touch.
Let me go.
No, let me go.
‐ Hey.
‐ [screaming] No, no, no!
‐ Hey.
Uh, you like this?
Yeah, shiny, right?
Yeah, good.
Go get it.
‐ [panting]
‐ Hey, hey, hey, you okay?
‐ Yeah.
How did you do that?
‐ Luck.
Let's get the hell out of here.
That'll do it.
My own personal Mar‐Go‐Pro.
Trust me, where I'm from,
that was really clever.
‐ Well, here it's stupid, okay?
Now here's the cave over there,
okay?
‐ Okay.
Looks clear.
Let's get a little closer
and see where it goes.
Come on.
Shh.
[ding]
Underworld?
‐ Do we not want to go there?
‐ Uh...
‐ [snarling]
‐ Underworld sounds
pretty good right now.
‐ [growling]
‐ Come on.
Come on!
‐ [snarling]
‐ Oh!
Not today, Takers.
‐ [sighs]
But where are we going?
[dramatic music]
[elevator dings]
So this is the Underworld?
And it's where we go
when we die?
Does this mean we're dead?
‐ No, no, we're not.
I mean, neither of us died.
Technically, so...
‐ Are my friends dead?
‐ Look.
I don't know.
And I'm not gonna lie,
this isn't good.
But I promise you
I'm going to whatever I can to
get us both out of here, okay?
‐ You better.
‐ Let's see if we can
find some help.
[classical music playing]
"Welcome, you are dead.
Please take a card."
[bell dings]
‐ Take a card.
You can read, can't you?
‐ [chuckles]
Right, question.
Where do we go if we...
Aren't dead?
‐ If you're here,
you're dead.
And if you're dead,
you take a card.
‐ [sniffles]
But I'm not dead.
I can't be dead.
Please, mister.
There must be someone
we can talk to.
‐ Great, now look
what you've done.
‐ I'll see
if I can find someone.
‐ Hey, hey, hey, hey.
You okay?
‐ [panting]
Of course.
I do this all the time.
Crying makes
adults uncomfortable.
‐ Not bad.
‐ [laughs]
‐ Hoberman?
‐ Penny?
‐ What the fuck?
What are you doing here?
‐ Remind me why you dragged me
to the Brakebills Lab
instead of staying
in our comfortable penthouse?
‐ We had to bring you somewhere
where we could
control circumstances.
Besides, I'm going to have to
rely on Kady to do any casting.
‐ I don't even know
what to start.
‐ Trash can.
‐ Oh. Okay.
‐ What?
‐ [gags, retching]
‐ That I can handle.
‐ I can see the tether
between you and your eye
and it's kind of
between worlds.
It's all glitchy.
I think we should
sever the connection
before it does
permanent damage.
‐ My fairy eye is the only
connection I have to Josh.
You cut that out,
I cut out your uterus.
[screams]
‐ Uh, Margo?
Just a gentle observation.
If you scorch your brain pan,
that won't be great
for Josh either.
‐ [groaning]
‐ Okay.
‐ [whimpers]
‐ [sighs] Okay.
That won't work for long,
so we're gonna need
a solution yesterday.
‐ Yeah, okay.
You stay with her.
Fen, come with me.
I'm going to need help.
‐ I'm gonna need to get
a couple other things stat.
‐ I can only bring
authorized items.
‐ Well...
‐ [panting]
‐ Then ask a doctor
about premature labor.
And get it authorized.
‐ [whimpering]
‐ Now.
‐ Ow.
‐ Five stalks
green nightshade,
one dead quail unplucked,
rock salt,
and two fingers of bourbon.
Now.
‐ Ow, ow.
It really hurts.
‐ Ask the king if he wants
this woman to die.
I need to cast something
to stop her pain.
Or alternately, oceans
of blood on your hands, friend.
Chop chop.
‐ Hey. Psst.
Okay, so what's
all that really for?
‐ I need you scared,
and you don't scare easy.
So the less you know,
the better.
Gruel?
‐ Hey, you think Ash
will be fine
with, uh, what's‐her‐name,
right?
‐ Kathy?
Old friend.
She's great with kids.
Should feel like recess
plus birthday.
‐ It's just me and the kid
kind of have this.
Newt and Ripley thing going.
I promised I'd get her home.
‐ Then I should get
the bad news out of the way.
I can't help you.
‐ Why the hell not?
‐ Take a look around.
Librarians have been going
through some shit lately.
No magic, too much magic,
but unpredictable.
A lot of our folks
got relocated, and we...
Kind of don't exactly
know where.
Okay, perfect world,
boss steps in,
oversees shit.
But...
[sighs]
Hades is vanished.
‐ Your boss is the god, Hades?
That's cool,
except for
the abandoning you part.
‐ I can't say that's great.
Kind of skeleton crew.
And here's
the bad news for you.
Our connection to the world
of the living?
Hades controls that.
And right before he FO'd,
he flipped the switch.
‐ Why?
‐ [exhales]
‐ Man, dead you is
just way more zen.
So after all that,
why did you stay?
‐ I make a promise,
I keep it.
‐ Look, bro, I hear you
and bad timing.
But me and the kid?
We didn't die.
We just got dragged
into a weird netherworld
by the Takers.
‐ Right, you said.
Never heard of them.
‐ Well, I promise you
they're real and they suck.
And we are in the wrong place.
I mean, this can't be
the first time in history
not dead people
ended up here, right?
Accidents happen.
There's got to be
some protocol
or some special
dispensation thing.
‐ Anyone sent
to the Underworld by mistake
has 24 hours
to file a dispute.
‐ Great, let's file a dispute.
‐ Disputes have
to be sent up top.
And since Hades left,
we can't.
‐ So if we don't find Hades,
we're just stuck?
‐ I'm sorry.
‐ Does he have, like,
a pager or a walkie?
‐ If he doesn't want
to be found, he won't be.
The Underworld is big.
He could be anywhere.
‐ Well could I maybe get a map
and start checking things off?
‐ Shit.
I might know someone
who can help.
God, but it is the suck option.
‐ Penny, you got my invite.
‐ Uh...
‐ Oh, you need something.
‐ Sorry, man.
‐ [scoffs]
This is so typical.
You don't come to my brunches,
which I guess is fine,
but you could at least RSVP.
‐ That is
the polite thing to do
so he doesn't have
too much food.
‐ That makes sense.
‐ Anyway, we need an expert.
That is why we're here.
And I gather you are the guy
who knows where everything is.
‐ Well, I do know
a thing or two.
[chuckles]
And I am very generous
with my time,
unlike some people.
‐ We are looking for Hades.
Penny thinks you might know
where he is.
‐ I have no idea.
Penny told you
he disappeared, right?
Very odd.
Usually there's
at least one person
who can get a hold of him.
This time‐‐
‐ But you know all his spots?
‐ Gods no.
Quite the opposite.
He is insanely strict on me.
You know, I'm not even allowed
to map the place where he...
[whispers] Wait a minute.
He forbade me from mapping
an area in the Underworld.
I always suspected he had some
kind of special retreat there.
‐ I'm sorry, if it's
not on the map,
what good
would that do us?
‐ Well, because I mapped
everything else around it.
So in an ironic way, it's
like I mapped it... perfectly.
‐ [chuckles]
‐ Is it time to put
another scratch mark up?
It's been a day,
right?
I can't tell anymore.
‐ I think your count is short.
We've been here
longer than a month.
‐ This whole conversation
is predicated
on time having meaning,
which it doesn't in here, so.
‐ A time traveler walks
into a bar in Vienna, 1908.
Sits next to a young
art student named Adolf Hitler.
Adolf sighs into his beer.
"You know what I hate?"
he asks.
Time traveler says,
"I don't know, Jews?"
And Hitler goes,
"Huh, now that you mention it."
[snorts and sighs]
I mean, you got
to laugh, right?
‐ You're right.
There are no good jokes
about time traveling.
‐ At first, I thought
it was better at least
that we don't get hungry
or tired or need to pee.
But it's just‐‐
‐ Fucking torture.
‐ The sameness.
It is intolerable.
‐ Hey, hey, hey.
We are tolerating fine.
Hey, we are going
to figure this out.
‐ There is nothing
to figure out.
It is what it is.
There is just one decision.
I'd still be
a regular traveler.
‐ No, that's not happening.
‐ This is it, Penny.
The Chatwin curse.
The tipping of the scale.
‐ No, this is just some
self‐important asshole
we need to outsmart.
I'm not letting you
be forced into a decision
that's gonna ruin your life.
‐ It's not my life
exactly, it's‐‐
‐ You don't know what it is.
You are at the beginning.
That's why, no.
‐ We could be here forever
if we don't do something.
[sighs]
‐ What are you doing?
‐ I'm making my decision.
[soft dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[whirring]
[breathing slowly]
‐ Wow.
The Underworld is in shambles,
and Hades is out here doing...
Whatever this is?
‐ Pink Himalayan sea salt.
I do a great salt‐crusted cod
with a lovely...
You know what, never mind.
Not important.
‐ He uses it as a spa bath. It
extracts toxins.
It's a great stress releaser
if you‐‐.
So I've heard.
‐ Excuse me.
This temple is off limits.
‐ Yes, hi.
We are looking for Hades.
‐ He's unavailable.
‐ Respectfully,
we wouldn't come here
if it wasn't urgent.
Can you please let him know
that we are here?
‐ No, he's gone.
‐ Well, he can't just be gone.
‐ I assume you're here
because he just up and left.
And you're worried
it was for good.
Well, I'm sorry to tell you,
when he left, he told me
he might never be back.
‐ Wait, what?
‐ Never?
‐ He didn't feel
like elaborating.
‐ It's just some of us
are trying to keep
the Underworld running.
‐ Yeah, and some of us
are trying to map it.
‐ And he is a god.
He doesn't answer
to any of you.
‐ Well, excuse me, please‐‐
‐ Uh, guys?
I think I got something.
Let's just hope
Margo's still watching.
[chalk scratching]
‐ So here's the plan.
We separate the signal
before it enters Margo's brain
and then we deflect it.
‐ Like put it somewhere else?
How?
‐ With this.
Now, I have a mixed history
with prism spells,
so you're going to need
to check my math.
‐ This feels weird as fuck.
‐ Just don't move.
‐ Did you‐‐did you poke
her brain parts?
‐ What?
‐ How does that feel?
‐ Like you just stuck a
flash drive into my jello hole.
[groans]
Oh, my God.
I feel something
coming through.
What the fuck?
‐ Oh, channel Josh is live.
‐ How does it feel?
‐ Like I'm getting acupuncture
inside my brain,
but it doesn't hurt.
Well, thank God he's alive.
Except where
the shitfaced Jesus is he?
‐ Wait,
why is Penny in Taker Land?
‐ That's not‐‐that's
not that Penny.
That's... that's Penny.
That's my Penny.
‐ But that would mean
that Josh is in the Underworld.
‐ No, no, no, no, no.
That would mean‐‐
‐ Josh is dead?
‐ Maybe he's trying to tell us
that he's still alive
and needs our help.
But I don't get it.
Isn't Hades down there?
‐ [stammers] I am so confused.
[gasps]
An address! In Queens!
Hades is on Earth?
‐ Well, shit, go check.
I'd come with, but I've got
a goddamn movie projector
stuck in my eye hole.
‐ Okay, now arrange
the feathers in front of you
in a triangle,
and then drink this.
‐ What's the bourbon for?
‐ It's for me.
‐ Ugh.
‐ Okay, so, um, this isn't
going to do anything
to you or mini you physically.
But, um, you will feel a huge
shot of fear and anxiety,
and it's not gonna be nice.
So hopefully that'll
do something.
Okay, bottoms up.
Now listen to exactly
what I'm going to say
because the next part
can get a little bit, um...
‐ [burps]
‐ Weird.
Okay, on my count.
Three, two...
‐ [inhales and whimpers]
What?
Oh, my God.
My water just broke.
‐ What?
‐ That's very bad.
‐ Oh, my God,
the baby's coming, Eliot.
‐ Tell her to lay on her back.
‐ I can't lay on back.
It's coming.
It's too soon.
This is way too soon.
Eliot, please, do something.
You have to get a guard.
‐ Guard!
‐ They won't come.
They never come between meals.
‐ Oh, shit.
‐ I'm sorry.
‐ Eliot, you have
to get us out of here.
‐ I can't.
Tell the baby.
‐ Okay.
Okay, baby, we got to go.
We got to go.
Okay, baby?
We got to go.
Oh, we got to go.
‐ Okay, how does Penny travel?
He pictures it
in his mind, right?
Right, okay, so picture it
in your mind.
Picture the other side
of the bars.
‐ I'm trying.
I can't.
‐ Now, Julia.
‐ I'm trying, El.
I can't.
‐ Come on, Jules.
Now.
‐ Oh, my God.
[exhales]
Eliot, I did it.
It worked.
‐ Yes.
Okay, now do it for real.
‐ What?
‐ I'm sorry.
‐ You motherfucker.
You incepted me.
‐ Your baby's strong.
It took three castings
to deceive it.
‐ I had to make you believe it,
so we had to tell you
the spell was something else.
‐ Honestly, fuck
the both of you.
‐ Get mad later.
Use the adrenaline right now.
[dramatic music]
Do it again.
Now, Julia.
‐ Go to hell.
My baby is awesome.
‐ Celebrate later,
escape now.
Keys.
‐ Right.
‐ [sighs]
‐ Alice, Kady.
Been expecting you.
[mutters]
So did you come here to watch
me play video games or what?
‐ Our friend is trapped
in the Underworld
but he isn't dead.
‐ Wow, how did
he manage to do that?
‐ Well, he's gifted
at screwing up.
Can you please help him?
‐ [scoffs]
Sorry, can't.
‐ Of course you can.
You run the Underworld.
‐ I did, but then I quit.
‐ You what?
Can you even do that?
‐ I can do what I want.
‐ But why?
Our friend,
he's not supposed to be there.
‐ You think death is fair?
You think life is fair?
Skip the sales pitch,
Kady Orloff‐Diaz.
I know your life,
so I know you know better.
Give me one reason you deserve
to be treated any better
than the rest of us,
and I'll help.
Otherwise, you're
messing up my game.
‐ What is wrong with him?
Why is every god we meet
such a nutsack?
[goose honks]
‐ Look around.
What do you see?
‐ A shitty apartment?
‐ Shades drawn,
take‐out,
he's a mess.
Look familiar?
It's me after Q died.
‐ Oh, my God.
Our Lady Underground
was his wife.
And the monster's sister,
she killed her.
The God of the Dead
is in mourning.
[soft music]
‐ Let me try to talk to him.
♪ ♪
‐ Figured it out, huh?
‐ Can you just put that down
and talk to me for a second?
‐ [sighs and clears throat]
Look.
There's nothing to say.
It's not the same,
your grief and mine.
‐ I disagree.
I think when you lose someone‐‐
‐ When you die,
you go somewhere.
You know how I know?
'Cause I built it.
For you.
To help you.
Quentin?
Penny?
I eased their passage.
There's no Underworld for gods.
[clears throat]
‐ What happens to you?
‐ I don't know.
We're not supposed to die,
but...
she did, and...
that's all I get to know.
Forever.
See, you'll die someday.
But I won't.
‐ I'm sorry.
I wish there was something
I could say to help.
Our friend, Josh, didn't die.
He was in
the Taker Realm, and‐‐
‐ Well, that's not possible.
That place doesn't connect
to the world above.
‐ Well, someone opened a door.
‐ That's very bad.
The creatures you call Takers,
do you know what they are?
‐ [stammers]
‐ They're guard dogs.
Their realm is
a security measure.
A barrier between your world
and the world of the dead.
If a soul tries to come back,
it takes them
and returns them
to the Underworld.
Trust me.
The dead coming back
to the living,
that's not a good thing.
‐ So if they're in Fillory?
‐ Then somebody opened a door
that should not
have been opened.
‐ And I think I know why.
What if it was
a person like us,
who just wanted to bring back
someone he loved?
‐ I leave for a couple months,
and everything goes to shit.
I will help your friend.
But you will
clean up this mess.
Stop whoever's trying
to get past the Takers.
If you don't, and let me
say this very clearly,
your world will be
destroyed too.
‐ Destroyed how?
‐ If this person were
to get past the Takers,
there would be just one door
between them and the person
that they lost.
And if they were
to crack that door,
who knows how many of the dead
would spill through.
Not just
the one he wants,
but all the dead.
It could mean
the end of everything.
[elevator doors shut]
‐ I think we're back.
Fillory smells a lot
better than Takerville.
I didn't think
you were a hugger.
‐ Shut up.
‐ [snarling]
[wheezing]
[Taker thuds]
[suspenseful music]
♪ ♪
‐ Look.
‐ Oh, my God.
They're all dead.
‐ Is that a good thing?
‐ I don't know.
[whirring, clanging softly]
‐ Okay, we should stop.
‐ [tiredly] It's okay.
I can do this.
[snores]
‐ Okay. All right, come here.
He said this was
eradicating your‐‐
‐ Timey wimey plasma factor.
‐ Why does it look like
this is collecting it?
‐ What?
Let me see that.
‐ Your hand is shaking.
‐ [groans]
I don't want this.
Get this thing off.
‐ [grunts]
‐ What the hell is it now?
Step away from her.
‐ This is how you
unburden her curse?
By collecting it?
‐ You don't understand
what you're talking about.
Put that down.
‐ How about I smash it?
‐ Wait.
Stop.
Okay.
‐ Your hand.
That tremor.
That's what happens
when you run low?
Your finite supply?
‐ Do you ever stop
asking questions?
‐ You're not a guardian
of space‐time.
You're a junkie.
‐ I wasn't lying‐‐
‐ You used the signal
to find us
so you can take what we have
to use for yourself.
‐ I wasn't lying
about what I do.
Time travelers are so rare.
But you spend your life
chasing them to unflap
every butterfly wing, it feels
like they're everywhere.
I'm just trying to stop idiots
from destroying
the entire universe.
‐ Oh, it's interesting
that idiots
include everyone except you.
‐ Tell me most people
can be trusted.
Tell me more power
makes people better.
No?
I thought so.
I have been keeping
this whole thing together,
by myself, forever.
‐ You didn't think
you could ask me for help?
‐ Oh, I tried a few times
with a few of you
when I was your age.
I believed in people.
‐ You mean back before
you thought you were better
than everyone else?
‐ You can't understand
unless you've seen what I have.
And I wouldn't wish that
on the devil.
It's why I put you here.
One day, maybe you'll
know enough to thank me.
‐ Okay, brass tacks.
We're leaving.
‐ When she finishes‐‐
‐ I won't.
‐ She's not finishing.
She's walking away
with whatever's in her veins
in exchange for this.
‐ I can't let her go if she‐‐
‐ That's the deal.
‐ Fine.
Learn not to time travel.
Because hear me.
If you go back,
if you change a hair on a fly,
you will be seeing me.
And it will be the very
last time you see anyone.
‐ Can't wait.
Hey, help!
‐ Okay, she's breathing.
She's coming to.
‐ Oh.
Yeah, uh,
we should probably talk.
"The Magicians"...
‐ The Takers are swarming.
‐ They're swarming because Seb
summoned them with a spell.
‐ Okay, so what if we locate
the tree from Seb's tattoo
and chop it down?
Would that sever this conduit?
‐ In theory, yes.
He would be mortal
and 100% stab‐able.
‐ [grunts]
[gasps]
I wouldn't if I were you.
Surprised?
‐ I just have a problem,
and it's getting worse.
‐ Whoa.
‐ [gasps]
I traveled us to 1998.
[gasps]
This is where
the signal brought us.
It was just a room.
No windows,
no doors.
We can't leave.
‐ That's Ms. Persephone.
‐ That's Our Lady Underground.
‐ [gasps]
‐ When the sister was in me,
I remember everything.
‐ Promise.
Give me the page.
If the finger's still viable,
I reattach.
‐ Hey, what happened
to your eye?
‐ I lent it to Josh.
I'm keeping
an eye on him, okay?
Hold up.
Somebody's near Josh.
It's the Dark King.
He's coming.
‐ [gasps]
Your Highness.
[stammers]
I mean, Your Majesty.
I think there's been a huge‐‐
‐ No mistake.
You were part of the plot
to kill me, were you not?
‐ I wouldn't say that exactly.
‐ It doesn't matter.
There is a way you can
make it up to me.
To Fillory.
‐ Okay, sure.
Uh, what?
‐ Down.
‐ [wheezing]
‐ You are a brave, brave man.
‐ Right.
Thank you.
‐ Uh‐‐oh,
is this a blood brothers
kind of thing?
[chuckles]
‐ [chanting in Latin softly]
‐ I'm guessing this isn't
a medal of valor.
‐ [chanting in Latin]
‐ What are you doing?
‐ [chanting in Latin]
Your death will not be in vain.
But I will miss your cooking.
‐ What?
[rumbling]
[Taker growling]
‐ No. No.
No, no, please.
[grunts]
Please, please.
No, no, no.
No.
[screams]
[menacing music]
‐ The walls are solid.
There's no buttons or switches.
‐ Everything I cast
is wrong here.
Circumstances are
impossible to read.
Okay, are you sure
this is the room that
the signal brought you to?
‐ Yes, but I can't remember
where here is.
Oh, good.
I've still got
the welter's plaque.
Let's just try again.
‐ It didn't work last time.
‐ [groaning]
‐ Come, come.
Sit, sit, sit, sit.
‐ The signal pulled us back.
You were right.
[whooshes]
‐ That's why you should listen
to your elders, Plum.
‐ Who the hell are you?
‐ That was a Tiffany lamp,
you know.
Crafted from a design
I acquired
from Clara Driscoll herself.
It took me ages to make.
‐ Do I need to tell you
how much I don't give a shit?
‐ Why are we here?
What do you want?
‐ I want you to stop
time traveling.
‐ Are you, like,
the God of Time
or something?
‐ Hardly.
I'm a time traveler
like young Plum here.
I have been monitoring you.
‐ And now you're
keeping us prisoner?
‐ This one will be smart,
I thought.
Cautious.
Then you had to risk
altering the future
to save some young pervert.
‐ So is this the part where
you draw us little diagrams
about screwing up the flow
of time or whatever?
‐ Nice thing about
the 21st century.
You've all seen "Looper."
So I can get to the point.
We are here because though
I would rather be making lamps,
I am forced to focus on the
most important task there is,
protecting the integrity
of space‐time.
Which you threaten.
I'd have hoped you'd waste
your time on something useful.
Try to kill Hitler at least.
‐ I was getting to it.
I'm not an asshole.
I just found out.
‐ Well, doing any
of those things would be‐‐
‐ Would be a royal cluster.
We get it.
She gets it.
‐ Yeah, she does
loud and clear.
We promise not to change
the past anymore.
Can we leave?
‐ Well, this isn't
a pinky‐swear situation.
I know how intoxicating
the prospect
of altering time can be.
"Just this once."
I'd like to relieve you
of that burden.
[whooshes]
This device neutralizes
your abilities.
It's painless‐‐
‐ It's got fucking teeth.
‐ It's painless once it's on.
Works quickly
and permanently to eradicate.
And you can still traverse
space like your peers.
‐ Traveling is in our DNA.
What exactly would
you be eradicating?
‐ Plum, you and I
have a mutation of
the plasma factor of the blood.
Luckily, we stop producing it
by the time we can walk.
What's in you now,
it's finite.
When we traverse time,
we use up a fraction of it.
‐ So you want to take away
the thing that makes me, me?
‐ That's dramatic.
I'm offering to rid you
of your curse.
I can't force you.
You must consent or
the spell work won't function.
It's up to you.
I'm offering to free you.
‐ No, this is crazy.
You have no right
to drag us both here‐‐
‐ I didn't.
You, Professor,
are a hanger‐on.
The signal was meant for her.
‐ I won't do it.
‐ Oh, they can never
just say yes.
[clears throat]
Well, whenever
you change your mind,
simply place your arm
inside the cuff.
He can't help you.
You have to do it yourself.
Till then, enjoy
my space out of time.
My name is Eliphas,
by the way.
Friends call me Eli.
So Eliphas.
‐ Is he just gonna
leave us here?
[eerie music]
♪ ♪
‐ How do they feel?
‐ Like ghost fingers.
They work, but magically,
they still feel severed.
‐ So you can't cast?
‐ Not really, no.
One‐handed
and that pretty much
rules out most spells.
‐ I'm not gonna forget
what you did.
We're gonna get
those pricks for this.
‐ I don't know, Kady.
Maybe we should just walk away.
‐ You can walk away,
but to be clear,
I'm not done until I cut that
son of a bitch's balls off.
‐ [chuckles]
‐ I owe them that
for tying me up,
and I owe them triple
for what they did to you.
You can sit it out, okay?
‐ Um, no.
We're in this together.
‐ [whimpers and sniffles]
[muffled] Oh, it's just
so beautiful, you guys.
Female friendship really is
the most underrated
form of love, right?
I'm sorry.
I'm extra emotional.
I just‐‐the assassination
going sideways,
and then Josh and Eliot
and Julia not making it back.
Not to mention all that
crazy stuff Plover told us.
It's just...
It's really overwhelming.
So, um, what have you guys
been up to?
[thunder rumbles]
‐ [gasping]
[grunts]
‐ [snarling]
‐ No, no.
No, no.
[whimpers]
‐ [raspy groaning]
‐ [grunts]
[panting]
Okay, okay, okay.
Josh, Josh,
calm, calm.
You are in...
Taker Home Base Land,
I guess? Or...
never fear.
No reason to fear
because Taker Kryptonite
for some reason.
[inhales]
Focus.
Mission, get home.
Also don't die.
When you were lost
at "Burning Man,"
what did you do?
You...
called Margo.
[panting]
‐ [groaning loudly]
[inhales]
Voldemort's clit.
‐ Wait, where's Josh?
‐ Where the Takers come from.
‐ I don't understand.
Is it in Fillory?
‐ Sure as shit
doesn't look like it.
‐ So then why is Josh there?
‐ No clue, but seems stuck,
wandering around.
And it's, it's...
Stop moving
the damn camera, Josh.
It's like I'm watching
"Cloverfield."
[sighs]
I really don't think my eye
likes being in a different
world than me.
[groans]
[gasping]
Is that my blood?
‐ Oh, God.
‐ Margo.
Um, hey, not an expert,
but does that seem‐‐
‐ Real goddamn bad.
‐ Is there a spell
or something
to calm fairy eyes transmitting
from foreign realms?
‐ Even assuming yes,
casting's ultra
moon‐jacked today.
I can't say I'd risk it.
‐ [whimpers]
‐ I have an idea.
‐ Is she trying to do magic?
‐ Mm‐hmm.
‐ Should you tell her
that's a waste of time?
‐ Should I?
It seems like it's helping.
‐ Hmm?
‐ Hey, uh, a gentle reminder:
This is a magic‐proof cell,
so...
the hedge‐witch‐explosive
arts and crafts
are at best
wishful thinking.
‐ And you didn't think
to tell me that 45 minutes ago?
‐ It seemed like
you needed an activity.
I'm honestly trying to help.
It's bad enough for me,
and I don't even have
a human inside me.
‐ Except you do, technically.
‐ Shit.
Now there's nothing to do.
‐ I really let it go on
as long as I felt morally able.
‐ What are we going
to do, Eliot?
‐ We'll think of something?
‐ Is that a question?
‐ I am trying my best
to calm you down‐‐
‐ Calm me down?
What am I,
a maiden with the vapors?
‐ You're upset‐‐
‐ [yelling] I'm not upset.
I'm locked in a dungeon during
Red fucking Monkey month
with this baby growing
inside me like a weed on HGH,
on a planet without so much
as a fucking prenatal vitamin.
But no, I'm not upset.
I don't get upset.
I figure it out.
[inhales and exhales]
There is always something.
‐ Is there?
‐ Of course there is.
I agree.
‐ Do you?
Do you actually believe that?
‐ [exhales]
‐ Um...
‐ I can't believe
I thought I could fix this.
I'm the reason we're here
in the first place.
‐ Hey.
‐ No.
‐ I wouldn't say that‐‐
‐ Face it, I failed, Eliot.
‐ [sighs]
You didn't fail,
you're just tired.
You're cooped up‐‐
‐ I stole a quest,
I got it wrong.
I screwed magic on Earth,
I screwed us here.
And the thing about it is,
you know,
facing ever increasing bad odds
is that you have to be
really good
at thinking
of the next thing to try.
‐ Hey, let's just
take a deep breath, okay?
We'll just‐‐
‐ I mean,
there is nothing else.
We are done.
‐ [softly] No.
‐ We're gonna die here.
My baby is going to die here.
We are gonna die.
And it all went to shit.
‐ Hey, hey, hey.
You're just,
you're having a moment‐‐
‐ This is not a moment.
It's my life.
‐ You need to calm her.
She's gonna give
the baby bad humors.
‐ I just heard a voice
say bad humors?
‐ You heard that?
‐ You heard me?
Can you still hear me?
This is wonderful.
‐ Yeah.
‐ My name is Charlton.
‐ What the fuck's a Charlton?
‐ So there's a man inside
your head and I heard him?
‐ That's it, more or less.
‐ An excellent summation.
‐ Why all of a sudden
could I hear him?
And then why did it stop?
‐ I don't know.
‐ Well...
Her weird baby is developing.
My mother, who was a midwife,
once tended a lady
pregnant by a nixie.
She often sleepwalked
into the sea,
but no ill befell her,
because she developed
gestational gills.
‐ Charlton theorizes that
you had a psychic attack
because of, well,
who and what the baby daddy is.
‐ Wait, so you're saying
that's a thing?
Me being able to take on
what the baby can do?
‐ Maybe.
‐ Well, maybe this baby
is a traveler.
I mean that'd be pretty goddamn
handy right about now, no?
‐ Mm‐hmm.
‐ Okay, we need
to quantify this shit.
What's happening,
how can I control it,
keep baby safe, and get us
the hell out of here.
‐ I studied this.
First year.
They make us take sex ed,
inter‐magician relations being
so fraught with STIs and peril.
I think we may have
covered this stuff.
‐ You think, or‐‐
‐ I'm not proud,
but I was on a...
record amount
of greenhouse cannabis.
And so while technically
I heard every single word,
it was all, you know,
Sondheim lyrics.
I was there,
but in a greater sense,
was I there?
‐ Well, perhaps I can help.
If you were,
as you say, there,
perhaps the remembrance
itself is‐‐
‐ Is intact in here still
somehow, that is brilliant.
Can you go‐‐
‐ Yeah, I can
certainly attempt.
‐ My imaginary friend is on it.
‐ Great.
‐ "Dos and don'ts
of magical intercourse."
‐ I avoided real college
so I wouldn't have
to see shit like this.
‐ You kidding?
This is spank bank material.
‐ If it burns when you pee,
infirmary.
Red bumps like a curse,
see a nurse.
Scales, feathers, furs‐‐
‐ Medical attention
that rhymes with fur,
read you loud and clear.
‐ Now, let's chat
procreation, shall we?
Let's start with some basics.
[chalkboard squeaks]
Do not assume
that your classmate is human
just because they look it.
Hybrids abound.
DNA magic develops in utero
which can affect
the mother unpredictably,
which can, of course,
result in maiming
or death.
If you think you've
been impregnated
by a hybrid or creature,
you may want
to take precautions
to prevent any episodes.
Let's go over a few, shall we?
‐ Excuse me, wait,
I have questions.
‐ Who are you?
You are not a student here.
‐ Of course I am.
I did a thing to my face.
Hello, it's...
Todd.
‐ Todd.
Yes, what's your question?
‐ What if a person
wanted the episodes?
Let's say the fetus was
psychic, or even a traveler.
‐ I cannot speak to that.
‐ Well, but you are
speaking to that.
‐ This is a memory.
I made no mention
of travelers specifically.
‐ Okay, but say
I wanted my baby to‐‐
‐ I can only tell you what's
happening in this memory,
Todd.
And how to prevent it.
‐ But that won't help me.
You see, I need to know‐‐
‐ Hey, genius.
Why don't you just let him
tell you how to stop it
and do the opposite?
‐ It's a defense mechanism.
The fetus detects
the mother's distress
and reacts protectively.
‐ You freaked the baby out
with your meltdown,
so it psyched you up.
Next?
‐ And this can be avoided
by cultivating a tranquil mind.
Soothing teas, meditation‐‐
‐ Can we just skip to the part
where Julia travels to safety?
‐ Oh, right,
then she'll need to
aggressively do the opposite.
‐ The opposite
of tea and meditation?
‐ Wait, is he saying
I need to freak out more?
‐ She needs to feel imminent
life or death danger, yes.
‐ [sighs]
Basically.
We need to scare
the living shit out of you.
‐ Great.
‐ This is fine.
Totally fine.
[Taker growling]
Just a totally normal walk
through a totally
normal forest.
‐ [shrieking]
‐ You can't hear that,
but that is a Taker
screaming for some reason.
‐ Whose eye is that?
‐ [screams]
Nobody's.
It's...
My girlfriend's eye.
‐ That's not better, you know?
‐ She lent it to me.
Where did you come from?
How about that?
So did I.
So how did you end up
down here?
‐ I was taken
with my friends.
‐ Friends.
Friends are good.
Uh, where are they?
‐ The Takers put them
in a big, shiny cave.
It opens sideways.
And when you poke
its big, yellow eye,
its mouth opens
and says "ding."
‐ That sounds like an elevator.
‐ Is that a kind of monster?
‐ No, not a monster.
A machine.
‐ That eats people?
‐ No, it goes up,
it goes down.
It's just weird that it's here.
Maybe we should check it out.
Do you know where‐‐
‐ Are you an adult?
‐ Of course.
Do I not seem like an adult?
‐ Adults lie and say
everything's okay
when it really isn't.
‐ [sighs]
‐ Then Takers come.
I'm not helping an adult.
‐ Oh, please.
No.
[groans]
God, just wait!
‐ [shrieking]
‐ No, wait! No!
No, don't touch.
Let me go.
No, let me go.
‐ Hey.
‐ [screaming] No, no, no!
‐ Hey.
Uh, you like this?
Yeah, shiny, right?
Yeah, good.
Go get it.
‐ [panting]
‐ Hey, hey, hey, you okay?
‐ Yeah.
How did you do that?
‐ Luck.
Let's get the hell out of here.
That'll do it.
My own personal Mar‐Go‐Pro.
Trust me, where I'm from,
that was really clever.
‐ Well, here it's stupid, okay?
Now here's the cave over there,
okay?
‐ Okay.
Looks clear.
Let's get a little closer
and see where it goes.
Come on.
Shh.
[ding]
Underworld?
‐ Do we not want to go there?
‐ Uh...
‐ [snarling]
‐ Underworld sounds
pretty good right now.
‐ [growling]
‐ Come on.
Come on!
‐ [snarling]
‐ Oh!
Not today, Takers.
‐ [sighs]
But where are we going?
[dramatic music]
[elevator dings]
So this is the Underworld?
And it's where we go
when we die?
Does this mean we're dead?
‐ No, no, we're not.
I mean, neither of us died.
Technically, so...
‐ Are my friends dead?
‐ Look.
I don't know.
And I'm not gonna lie,
this isn't good.
But I promise you
I'm going to whatever I can to
get us both out of here, okay?
‐ You better.
‐ Let's see if we can
find some help.
[classical music playing]
"Welcome, you are dead.
Please take a card."
[bell dings]
‐ Take a card.
You can read, can't you?
‐ [chuckles]
Right, question.
Where do we go if we...
Aren't dead?
‐ If you're here,
you're dead.
And if you're dead,
you take a card.
‐ [sniffles]
But I'm not dead.
I can't be dead.
Please, mister.
There must be someone
we can talk to.
‐ Great, now look
what you've done.
‐ I'll see
if I can find someone.
‐ Hey, hey, hey, hey.
You okay?
‐ [panting]
Of course.
I do this all the time.
Crying makes
adults uncomfortable.
‐ Not bad.
‐ [laughs]
‐ Hoberman?
‐ Penny?
‐ What the fuck?
What are you doing here?
‐ Remind me why you dragged me
to the Brakebills Lab
instead of staying
in our comfortable penthouse?
‐ We had to bring you somewhere
where we could
control circumstances.
Besides, I'm going to have to
rely on Kady to do any casting.
‐ I don't even know
what to start.
‐ Trash can.
‐ Oh. Okay.
‐ What?
‐ [gags, retching]
‐ That I can handle.
‐ I can see the tether
between you and your eye
and it's kind of
between worlds.
It's all glitchy.
I think we should
sever the connection
before it does
permanent damage.
‐ My fairy eye is the only
connection I have to Josh.
You cut that out,
I cut out your uterus.
[screams]
‐ Uh, Margo?
Just a gentle observation.
If you scorch your brain pan,
that won't be great
for Josh either.
‐ [groaning]
‐ Okay.
‐ [whimpers]
‐ [sighs] Okay.
That won't work for long,
so we're gonna need
a solution yesterday.
‐ Yeah, okay.
You stay with her.
Fen, come with me.
I'm going to need help.
‐ I'm gonna need to get
a couple other things stat.
‐ I can only bring
authorized items.
‐ Well...
‐ [panting]
‐ Then ask a doctor
about premature labor.
And get it authorized.
‐ [whimpering]
‐ Now.
‐ Ow.
‐ Five stalks
green nightshade,
one dead quail unplucked,
rock salt,
and two fingers of bourbon.
Now.
‐ Ow, ow.
It really hurts.
‐ Ask the king if he wants
this woman to die.
I need to cast something
to stop her pain.
Or alternately, oceans
of blood on your hands, friend.
Chop chop.
‐ Hey. Psst.
Okay, so what's
all that really for?
‐ I need you scared,
and you don't scare easy.
So the less you know,
the better.
Gruel?
‐ Hey, you think Ash
will be fine
with, uh, what's‐her‐name,
right?
‐ Kathy?
Old friend.
She's great with kids.
Should feel like recess
plus birthday.
‐ It's just me and the kid
kind of have this.
Newt and Ripley thing going.
I promised I'd get her home.
‐ Then I should get
the bad news out of the way.
I can't help you.
‐ Why the hell not?
‐ Take a look around.
Librarians have been going
through some shit lately.
No magic, too much magic,
but unpredictable.
A lot of our folks
got relocated, and we...
Kind of don't exactly
know where.
Okay, perfect world,
boss steps in,
oversees shit.
But...
[sighs]
Hades is vanished.
‐ Your boss is the god, Hades?
That's cool,
except for
the abandoning you part.
‐ I can't say that's great.
Kind of skeleton crew.
And here's
the bad news for you.
Our connection to the world
of the living?
Hades controls that.
And right before he FO'd,
he flipped the switch.
‐ Why?
‐ [exhales]
‐ Man, dead you is
just way more zen.
So after all that,
why did you stay?
‐ I make a promise,
I keep it.
‐ Look, bro, I hear you
and bad timing.
But me and the kid?
We didn't die.
We just got dragged
into a weird netherworld
by the Takers.
‐ Right, you said.
Never heard of them.
‐ Well, I promise you
they're real and they suck.
And we are in the wrong place.
I mean, this can't be
the first time in history
not dead people
ended up here, right?
Accidents happen.
There's got to be
some protocol
or some special
dispensation thing.
‐ Anyone sent
to the Underworld by mistake
has 24 hours
to file a dispute.
‐ Great, let's file a dispute.
‐ Disputes have
to be sent up top.
And since Hades left,
we can't.
‐ So if we don't find Hades,
we're just stuck?
‐ I'm sorry.
‐ Does he have, like,
a pager or a walkie?
‐ If he doesn't want
to be found, he won't be.
The Underworld is big.
He could be anywhere.
‐ Well could I maybe get a map
and start checking things off?
‐ Shit.
I might know someone
who can help.
God, but it is the suck option.
‐ Penny, you got my invite.
‐ Uh...
‐ Oh, you need something.
‐ Sorry, man.
‐ [scoffs]
This is so typical.
You don't come to my brunches,
which I guess is fine,
but you could at least RSVP.
‐ That is
the polite thing to do
so he doesn't have
too much food.
‐ That makes sense.
‐ Anyway, we need an expert.
That is why we're here.
And I gather you are the guy
who knows where everything is.
‐ Well, I do know
a thing or two.
[chuckles]
And I am very generous
with my time,
unlike some people.
‐ We are looking for Hades.
Penny thinks you might know
where he is.
‐ I have no idea.
Penny told you
he disappeared, right?
Very odd.
Usually there's
at least one person
who can get a hold of him.
This time‐‐
‐ But you know all his spots?
‐ Gods no.
Quite the opposite.
He is insanely strict on me.
You know, I'm not even allowed
to map the place where he...
[whispers] Wait a minute.
He forbade me from mapping
an area in the Underworld.
I always suspected he had some
kind of special retreat there.
‐ I'm sorry, if it's
not on the map,
what good
would that do us?
‐ Well, because I mapped
everything else around it.
So in an ironic way, it's
like I mapped it... perfectly.
‐ [chuckles]
‐ Is it time to put
another scratch mark up?
It's been a day,
right?
I can't tell anymore.
‐ I think your count is short.
We've been here
longer than a month.
‐ This whole conversation
is predicated
on time having meaning,
which it doesn't in here, so.
‐ A time traveler walks
into a bar in Vienna, 1908.
Sits next to a young
art student named Adolf Hitler.
Adolf sighs into his beer.
"You know what I hate?"
he asks.
Time traveler says,
"I don't know, Jews?"
And Hitler goes,
"Huh, now that you mention it."
[snorts and sighs]
I mean, you got
to laugh, right?
‐ You're right.
There are no good jokes
about time traveling.
‐ At first, I thought
it was better at least
that we don't get hungry
or tired or need to pee.
But it's just‐‐
‐ Fucking torture.
‐ The sameness.
It is intolerable.
‐ Hey, hey, hey.
We are tolerating fine.
Hey, we are going
to figure this out.
‐ There is nothing
to figure out.
It is what it is.
There is just one decision.
I'd still be
a regular traveler.
‐ No, that's not happening.
‐ This is it, Penny.
The Chatwin curse.
The tipping of the scale.
‐ No, this is just some
self‐important asshole
we need to outsmart.
I'm not letting you
be forced into a decision
that's gonna ruin your life.
‐ It's not my life
exactly, it's‐‐
‐ You don't know what it is.
You are at the beginning.
That's why, no.
‐ We could be here forever
if we don't do something.
[sighs]
‐ What are you doing?
‐ I'm making my decision.
[soft dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[whirring]
[breathing slowly]
‐ Wow.
The Underworld is in shambles,
and Hades is out here doing...
Whatever this is?
‐ Pink Himalayan sea salt.
I do a great salt‐crusted cod
with a lovely...
You know what, never mind.
Not important.
‐ He uses it as a spa bath. It
extracts toxins.
It's a great stress releaser
if you‐‐.
So I've heard.
‐ Excuse me.
This temple is off limits.
‐ Yes, hi.
We are looking for Hades.
‐ He's unavailable.
‐ Respectfully,
we wouldn't come here
if it wasn't urgent.
Can you please let him know
that we are here?
‐ No, he's gone.
‐ Well, he can't just be gone.
‐ I assume you're here
because he just up and left.
And you're worried
it was for good.
Well, I'm sorry to tell you,
when he left, he told me
he might never be back.
‐ Wait, what?
‐ Never?
‐ He didn't feel
like elaborating.
‐ It's just some of us
are trying to keep
the Underworld running.
‐ Yeah, and some of us
are trying to map it.
‐ And he is a god.
He doesn't answer
to any of you.
‐ Well, excuse me, please‐‐
‐ Uh, guys?
I think I got something.
Let's just hope
Margo's still watching.
[chalk scratching]
‐ So here's the plan.
We separate the signal
before it enters Margo's brain
and then we deflect it.
‐ Like put it somewhere else?
How?
‐ With this.
Now, I have a mixed history
with prism spells,
so you're going to need
to check my math.
‐ This feels weird as fuck.
‐ Just don't move.
‐ Did you‐‐did you poke
her brain parts?
‐ What?
‐ How does that feel?
‐ Like you just stuck a
flash drive into my jello hole.
[groans]
Oh, my God.
I feel something
coming through.
What the fuck?
‐ Oh, channel Josh is live.
‐ How does it feel?
‐ Like I'm getting acupuncture
inside my brain,
but it doesn't hurt.
Well, thank God he's alive.
Except where
the shitfaced Jesus is he?
‐ Wait,
why is Penny in Taker Land?
‐ That's not‐‐that's
not that Penny.
That's... that's Penny.
That's my Penny.
‐ But that would mean
that Josh is in the Underworld.
‐ No, no, no, no, no.
That would mean‐‐
‐ Josh is dead?
‐ Maybe he's trying to tell us
that he's still alive
and needs our help.
But I don't get it.
Isn't Hades down there?
‐ [stammers] I am so confused.
[gasps]
An address! In Queens!
Hades is on Earth?
‐ Well, shit, go check.
I'd come with, but I've got
a goddamn movie projector
stuck in my eye hole.
‐ Okay, now arrange
the feathers in front of you
in a triangle,
and then drink this.
‐ What's the bourbon for?
‐ It's for me.
‐ Ugh.
‐ Okay, so, um, this isn't
going to do anything
to you or mini you physically.
But, um, you will feel a huge
shot of fear and anxiety,
and it's not gonna be nice.
So hopefully that'll
do something.
Okay, bottoms up.
Now listen to exactly
what I'm going to say
because the next part
can get a little bit, um...
‐ [burps]
‐ Weird.
Okay, on my count.
Three, two...
‐ [inhales and whimpers]
What?
Oh, my God.
My water just broke.
‐ What?
‐ That's very bad.
‐ Oh, my God,
the baby's coming, Eliot.
‐ Tell her to lay on her back.
‐ I can't lay on back.
It's coming.
It's too soon.
This is way too soon.
Eliot, please, do something.
You have to get a guard.
‐ Guard!
‐ They won't come.
They never come between meals.
‐ Oh, shit.
‐ I'm sorry.
‐ Eliot, you have
to get us out of here.
‐ I can't.
Tell the baby.
‐ Okay.
Okay, baby, we got to go.
We got to go.
Okay, baby?
We got to go.
Oh, we got to go.
‐ Okay, how does Penny travel?
He pictures it
in his mind, right?
Right, okay, so picture it
in your mind.
Picture the other side
of the bars.
‐ I'm trying.
I can't.
‐ Now, Julia.
‐ I'm trying, El.
I can't.
‐ Come on, Jules.
Now.
‐ Oh, my God.
[exhales]
Eliot, I did it.
It worked.
‐ Yes.
Okay, now do it for real.
‐ What?
‐ I'm sorry.
‐ You motherfucker.
You incepted me.
‐ Your baby's strong.
It took three castings
to deceive it.
‐ I had to make you believe it,
so we had to tell you
the spell was something else.
‐ Honestly, fuck
the both of you.
‐ Get mad later.
Use the adrenaline right now.
[dramatic music]
Do it again.
Now, Julia.
‐ Go to hell.
My baby is awesome.
‐ Celebrate later,
escape now.
Keys.
‐ Right.
‐ [sighs]
‐ Alice, Kady.
Been expecting you.
[mutters]
So did you come here to watch
me play video games or what?
‐ Our friend is trapped
in the Underworld
but he isn't dead.
‐ Wow, how did
he manage to do that?
‐ Well, he's gifted
at screwing up.
Can you please help him?
‐ [scoffs]
Sorry, can't.
‐ Of course you can.
You run the Underworld.
‐ I did, but then I quit.
‐ You what?
Can you even do that?
‐ I can do what I want.
‐ But why?
Our friend,
he's not supposed to be there.
‐ You think death is fair?
You think life is fair?
Skip the sales pitch,
Kady Orloff‐Diaz.
I know your life,
so I know you know better.
Give me one reason you deserve
to be treated any better
than the rest of us,
and I'll help.
Otherwise, you're
messing up my game.
‐ What is wrong with him?
Why is every god we meet
such a nutsack?
[goose honks]
‐ Look around.
What do you see?
‐ A shitty apartment?
‐ Shades drawn,
take‐out,
he's a mess.
Look familiar?
It's me after Q died.
‐ Oh, my God.
Our Lady Underground
was his wife.
And the monster's sister,
she killed her.
The God of the Dead
is in mourning.
[soft music]
‐ Let me try to talk to him.
♪ ♪
‐ Figured it out, huh?
‐ Can you just put that down
and talk to me for a second?
‐ [sighs and clears throat]
Look.
There's nothing to say.
It's not the same,
your grief and mine.
‐ I disagree.
I think when you lose someone‐‐
‐ When you die,
you go somewhere.
You know how I know?
'Cause I built it.
For you.
To help you.
Quentin?
Penny?
I eased their passage.
There's no Underworld for gods.
[clears throat]
‐ What happens to you?
‐ I don't know.
We're not supposed to die,
but...
she did, and...
that's all I get to know.
Forever.
See, you'll die someday.
But I won't.
‐ I'm sorry.
I wish there was something
I could say to help.
Our friend, Josh, didn't die.
He was in
the Taker Realm, and‐‐
‐ Well, that's not possible.
That place doesn't connect
to the world above.
‐ Well, someone opened a door.
‐ That's very bad.
The creatures you call Takers,
do you know what they are?
‐ [stammers]
‐ They're guard dogs.
Their realm is
a security measure.
A barrier between your world
and the world of the dead.
If a soul tries to come back,
it takes them
and returns them
to the Underworld.
Trust me.
The dead coming back
to the living,
that's not a good thing.
‐ So if they're in Fillory?
‐ Then somebody opened a door
that should not
have been opened.
‐ And I think I know why.
What if it was
a person like us,
who just wanted to bring back
someone he loved?
‐ I leave for a couple months,
and everything goes to shit.
I will help your friend.
But you will
clean up this mess.
Stop whoever's trying
to get past the Takers.
If you don't, and let me
say this very clearly,
your world will be
destroyed too.
‐ Destroyed how?
‐ If this person were
to get past the Takers,
there would be just one door
between them and the person
that they lost.
And if they were
to crack that door,
who knows how many of the dead
would spill through.
Not just
the one he wants,
but all the dead.
It could mean
the end of everything.
[elevator doors shut]
‐ I think we're back.
Fillory smells a lot
better than Takerville.
I didn't think
you were a hugger.
‐ Shut up.
‐ [snarling]
[wheezing]
[Taker thuds]
[suspenseful music]
♪ ♪
‐ Look.
‐ Oh, my God.
They're all dead.
‐ Is that a good thing?
‐ I don't know.
[whirring, clanging softly]
‐ Okay, we should stop.
‐ [tiredly] It's okay.
I can do this.
[snores]
‐ Okay. All right, come here.
He said this was
eradicating your‐‐
‐ Timey wimey plasma factor.
‐ Why does it look like
this is collecting it?
‐ What?
Let me see that.
‐ Your hand is shaking.
‐ [groans]
I don't want this.
Get this thing off.
‐ [grunts]
‐ What the hell is it now?
Step away from her.
‐ This is how you
unburden her curse?
By collecting it?
‐ You don't understand
what you're talking about.
Put that down.
‐ How about I smash it?
‐ Wait.
Stop.
Okay.
‐ Your hand.
That tremor.
That's what happens
when you run low?
Your finite supply?
‐ Do you ever stop
asking questions?
‐ You're not a guardian
of space‐time.
You're a junkie.
‐ I wasn't lying‐‐
‐ You used the signal
to find us
so you can take what we have
to use for yourself.
‐ I wasn't lying
about what I do.
Time travelers are so rare.
But you spend your life
chasing them to unflap
every butterfly wing, it feels
like they're everywhere.
I'm just trying to stop idiots
from destroying
the entire universe.
‐ Oh, it's interesting
that idiots
include everyone except you.
‐ Tell me most people
can be trusted.
Tell me more power
makes people better.
No?
I thought so.
I have been keeping
this whole thing together,
by myself, forever.
‐ You didn't think
you could ask me for help?
‐ Oh, I tried a few times
with a few of you
when I was your age.
I believed in people.
‐ You mean back before
you thought you were better
than everyone else?
‐ You can't understand
unless you've seen what I have.
And I wouldn't wish that
on the devil.
It's why I put you here.
One day, maybe you'll
know enough to thank me.
‐ Okay, brass tacks.
We're leaving.
‐ When she finishes‐‐
‐ I won't.
‐ She's not finishing.
She's walking away
with whatever's in her veins
in exchange for this.
‐ I can't let her go if she‐‐
‐ That's the deal.
‐ Fine.
Learn not to time travel.
Because hear me.
If you go back,
if you change a hair on a fly,
you will be seeing me.
And it will be the very
last time you see anyone.
‐ Can't wait.
Hey, help!
‐ Okay, she's breathing.
She's coming to.
‐ Oh.
Yeah, uh,
we should probably talk.