The Magicians (2015–…): Season 3, Episode 8 - Six Short Stories About Magic - full transcript

Julia and Fen investigate a dangerous group of Magicians as Eliot and Margo's reign is challenged.


- Previously on
"The Magicians"...

- Fray isn't yours.

Your real daughter died
during childbirth.

- All right, I can help you.

- It's the excretion of
a very rare magical creature.

- Penny, Sylvia.

- Sylvia is your supervisor.

- If you can't bring me back,
you die too, Penny.

- not do it!


- Mmm...yummy.

- Children of Earth have been
making a mess of things here

for some time.

- She planned this.

- I'm your queen,
you motherfuckers!

- Short-circuiting
your panic attack.

- Wait a minute,
I--I--I know these people.

- Well, every book is here,

all the books of all the people
who ever lived.

- It's not like I can just
travel to the Underworld.

- So we need a gatekeeper.

- What about
the Library's dragon?

They call it the Bookwyrm.

I hear they use it

to send books
to and from the Underworld.

- Well, what if the person
was a book?

- Say I get the Key
and send it back up,

it's stuck in
the Satellite Library.

- We need another traveler.

- Okay, I work with
this group now.

It's kind of about
freedom of information.

- You have to go,
if that's what you wanna do.

- I'm sorry we're cursed.

Damn it!

Hey, uh, guy...

Yeah, what is this?

- Temp housing,
and before you ask,

yes, the system is still down.

Rations arrive Tuesday.
Smoking is prohibited.

The outhouses to your left.

No, look, I--I'm--

I'm just looking for someone.

You'll have to hand-deliver it
to the Underworld Hotel.

I really, really can't wait.

- I might be able to help,

if, uh...

- Yeah, uh...

what the hell do you
bribe dead people with? there money here?

- And what about
the White Walkers?

Yeah, I mean,
those guys are bad news.

You know, but then
the British-sounding dude

came and, uh, you know,
kicked their asses, so...

- You know!

You know, dope outfit.

Speaks in rhymes.
Has eight dragons.

- Where did he get
so many dragons?

- I mean...that's the question.

So, you know, he came in

and, uh, won the throne game.

- Well, no one does
a twist like they do.

- Okay, what's
your friend's name?

- Hi, um,
I'm looking for Benedict.

- Go away.

- I'm dead! Go away!

- It's--it's Penny.

- Oh, Penny, my friend!

- Oh...okay. Um...

Good hug.

Yeah, let's call this, man.

- You can't imagine
how terrible this place is.

I'm so happy to see you.

That isn't to say I'm--I'm--
I'm sorry you're dead.

- Oh, yeah, about that:

No, I'm--I'm not
technically, uh--

I came to find you.

- Yeah.

- Oh!
- Okay, we're--

and we're hugging again.

- When you died,
were you holding a key?

Are you here for the key?

- I thought you, uh--

because we were friends,
that, um...

- Oh, um...

Yeah, look, we're not
not friends.

It's just, you know,

I'm--I'm on a mission,
and--and if we are friends--

- I am your friend!
- Then give me the key...

uh, please

- They--they took it.

- Well, the Library.

- Of course.
Fuck me.

I just snuck out of there.
Damn it!

- Well, the Library's
the only part of the Underworld

that functions now.

It's well-protected.

I'd say just cut your losses.

There's no way you can
get in there.

- Yeah, there is.

I'm a Librarian.

Currently on the lam from
a billion-year contract.

- Oh, well, like I said...

best let go of it.

Would you let that go?

Oh, well, I'll figure it out,

find the Key,
avoid indentured servitude--

- Oh, even in death,
you lead an exciting life.

I'll--I'll help
- No--no, that's okay.

- No, I insist!
I can help you sneak.

I can--

- Great. Yeah!

We'll go together.

I just--you know, I just
need to find one more person...

- And then, uh, we'll loop back
and grab you in ten, okay?

Okay, no hugging.

- All right.
- I'll be here.

- I'm gonna go this way.
- Okay.

- Hi, Penny.

- You're about to do
something stupid.

- I'm sorry...

for leaving you behind in--

- Oh, you mean
in the Poison Room?

God, I was a goner.

I'm not mad.
- I am.

- Well, don't be.

I'm fine, well,
for a dead girl.

You, on the other hand,
are not doing so hot,

between the
stuck-in-the-astral thing

and the 'bout-to-
fuck-up-royally thing.

- How do you know I'm...

- Oh, the same way I knew
that you were here right now.

It is written.

- Trust me, your best bet
of finding that key

is with the person
who wrote these pages.

Follow me.

I brought a friend.


- Cassandra, calm down.
It's okay.

It's okay.

- Cassandra doesn't like to see
anybody that she writes about.

- I'm sorry, but she just looks
exactly like a friend of mine,

who, last time I checked,
was still alive.

- I don't know
what to tell you.

She's been here, like,
thousands of years.

Make him go away.
- I can't. He needs your help.

- Here's the deal:

Cassandra has a gift.
- A curse.

- She kinda got involved
with this guy...

- God.

- And it didn't end well,
and he was pissed,

so he gave her magical sight.

She can see the future.

This should sound familiar,

if you've read
any ancient myths.

- The one that no one believed

and it drove her batshit crazy?

- Quiet, squirrels.

- I guess some Librarians
found her

and got her to start
writing everything down.

- Wait, she's the person
that writes the books

of the people in the Library?

- Well, yes and no.

She can only write
one at a time.

So, at some point,
the Librarians wrote a spell

to, like,
industrialize her thing,

and that's how
all books were written.

That stopped when magic did,

and now it's just her,
one book at a time.

- Trying to concentrate.

- Anyway, I take her pages
to the Bookwyrm,

and I read that you were here,

and then, I read
that I come to help you,

and so I did,
and here we are.

- Out of 7 billion people
in the world,

she's writing about me?

- Well, you and your buds are
on a quest to restore magic,

making you maybe our only hope.

No presh.

Do we just--
do we just wait for her

to maybe write about
the lost key?

This one seems to be
about Poppy and Quentin--

God, it's a sex scene.

- I'm worried that
the plan won't work.

- Well, that means my plan
definitely didn't work.

- The one where I bang
the panic right out of you.

- I don't know how Harriet
thinks we pull this off.

It's incredibly dangerous,

and I don't think
that we are... know, equipped.

- I assure you, Quentin,

I'm fully equipped.

- I can't ask you

to risk your life
for my quest.

Real talk, I'm a very
self-interested person,

and I want magic back.

And how do we know
it's not my quest too?

Maybe I'm the second act
add-on that saves the world.

Maybe you have to bring me

or you totally fail, hmm?

- I don't think
that's how this works.

If it's such a bad idea,

then why are you going?

- Because it's the opposite
of what I usually do.

A quest is supposed
to change a quester.

The person who starts it

couldn't, you know, finish it.

- So run a gauntlet
to get the keys,

and the gauntlet is what
makes you the guy

that can get the keys?

- Exactly.

I know what I have to be

to win this quest:


I also know what I am,
which is not that, so...

- Okay...

I reject your whole premise.

That's all people do:
try to change.

The real me is an asshole
with no filter.

Believe me, I tried.

Eventually, I realized

the brave thing is to be you

and accept the consequences.

Who's to say that isn't
the key to the quest?

Shit's about to
get awkward, huh?

Yeah, I'm not really worried
about his penis right now.

I'm more worried about
how he's about to get killed.

Robbing the Library?
- Oh.

- How are you even
gonna get there?

- We have a traveler:

- But how's she
gonna travel you?

That part's a spell.

- Yeah, so,
we're not doing that.

Travelers are
magical creatures--

- They're technically hybrids.
- Fine, whatever.

All I know is that
we can use her DNA.

She's gonna build
a Mirror Bridge.

All we need is, uh--

- PHD-level skill and patience

and more traveler blood than
she has in her entire body.

- Exactly.

- Look, I know the physics
of Mirror Bridges

from when I was a--

- Yeah.

Bridges are usually built
between hedge witch safe houses

a hundred miles apart, max.

- Well, we're better
than hedges.

You do know that the distance
changes the metamath, right?

So if you're not perfect,
Victoria dies.

- Forget it. I'm out.
- Okay, hold on.

- I was on the fence
when it sounded semi-safe.

Now it sounds a lot like
I could get everyone killed.

- Look, we don't do it
until we get the math right,

and I'll make sure that--

- None of us understands
how the Bridge works.

Alice does.

Get her to do the math,
we can talk.

- She said,
"I already talked to Alice.

She's not gonna help."

- Look, it's simple.

Prove to me the Bridge
will be stable, or I'm out.

- Victoria, wait...

Oh, shit. Fuck.

What do we do now?


- If we're gonna risk
our lives to help her,

we deserve to know why.

- Okay.

Library's been searching
for this thing

called the Alexandria Cell.

It's a huge battery.

Librarians from
ancient Egypt made it,

and if they followed the plans,
it is fucking massive.

- And Harriet thinks
that they found it?

- Or her people saw Librarians
doing magic on Earth,

big magic.

But none of it matters

if we can't get to
the Satellite branch.

- Niffin notes.

Pages and pages
about Mirror Bridges.

- How did--how did you
convince her to help us?

- Didn't. I stole them.

I'll make copies
and put them back

before she comes home

from wherever she went
to sulk and be a martyr.

- No, this is--
this is not a good idea.

- Under the circumstances,
it seemed worth it.


Just had to be myself.


Be careful
when you step through.

Okay. I have to stay
and feed the sigils,

so, you know, take your time.

- We'll hurry.

Thank you, Victoria.

- Okay, she says,
"Go left down the hall."

Said, "You'll find
the book drop chute.

The Bookwyrm's inside."

- Wait, have you
been here before?

- Well, okay--well, let's go
before Victoria bleeds out.

Come on.

- Penny said he'd hide it
in a book.

Make sure to check the chute.
Might be stuck.

- Okay, no books.
Just an actual dragon.

- Ooh.

Uh...God damn it,
we don't have time.

- Oh, fuck it.

- Key's not here.

So, Penny failed?

- Shit. Uh, maybe he did. I--

- Well, we can't just
stand here and wait.

- No, we need the key.

- I just realized
my part to play in this quest.

I'm here to tell you
it is time to cut bait and run.

Just live another day.
- No, we can't.

Kady and Harriet--

- They are on their own trip,
and call me crazy,

but I don't think any of this
is worth Victoria's life.

Alice, what the hell?

- Come on, we gotta go.

- I don't know.

Come with me.

- No, they'll be stuck.

- Do what you need to do.


- This can't be right.
The key's not there.

Quentin's about to bail
without me.

- Well, "about to": That means
that there's still a chance.

A lot of this is still
in the future, so...

- And what--and what
the hell is Alice is doing

in the Satellite branch?

You'd think she could
at least answer that.

Alice, if you're in there,

Where is the key?


- Here's a bright idea:
Keep fucking reading.

- We're better than hedges.

You do know the distance
changes the metamath, right?

If you're not perfect,
Victoria will die.

- Then help.

- Look, bottom line, Alice,

you told Poppy
the Mirror Bridge won't work.

Now Victoria's not gonna help.

- It won't work.

Would you rather
I didn't tell her

and just let you guys
walk off into deep space?

- She asked, "Have you
been to the Library?"

- Once.

I wasn't there long.

- "Brochure makes it
sound great.

"They collect knowledge,
keep it safe...

but from who?"

- Whom.

- I said "whom."

- "The Library buries

"Only the people they choose
get access.

The rest of us"--

- You just wanna let
all that knowledge loose

for anyone to use?

For good or bad?

- "Don't tell me there isn't
a book in the Library

"you wouldn't die to read.

"If you help us,

we can offer you a piece
of what we find there."

- The biggest battery
ever created.

You wanna help Penny?
This is how.

- If I say yes,
that means risking lives

to give you power
maybe no one should have.

No thank you.

- Door was stuck.

Can I have one of those?

So, I left.

Just needed a little space
from the ol' ball and cock.

- It's "ball and chain,"
I think you mean.

- No, that doesn't
sound right.

- I think I know
what you mean.

I lost a lot of
people recently,

including kind of myself.

- Mm. That makes no sense.

- I had everything.

I knew everything
there was to know

in every book and more,

and--and I lost it.

- I'm sorry...

You think that's the same
kind of problem at all?

My daughter's gone...


You forgot some stuff?

What you lost
is still out there.

Go get it back.

Umber's ass, I am drunk.

- Oh, Christ.

No. The answer's no.

- You don't even know
what I want.

- You're a Library groupie.

You got a knowledge boner.

How'd you find out
about this place anyway?

It was Karen.

N--no, Penny told me.

- Bad news, book tart.

The Library's closed,

- I got bored waiting.

Look, I need to
speak to your boss.

I have something she'll want.

You're so mysterious.

- It's important, asshole.

- Fine.

Come on then.

- Wait, this shouldn't work
without Wellspring magic.

How can you

- Alice Quinn.

- Till we meet again,
book tart.

- If you're his supervisor,
I wanna file a complaint.

- Roguish belligerency is
a common trait among travelers.

- How can he take people
with him when he travels?

You really do have a battery.

- No, I don't care
about the battery.

Well...of course I do.

All I want is a Library Card.

- We're no longer accepting
new applications.

- What do you know
about niffins?

I was one for a time,

and this is all I can remember.

It's half of a puzzle.

The other pieces
fell out of my head,

but...they could be
inside your books.

- You are suggesting
a trade of information?

- More than that.

I wanna finish what I started:

a Grand Unified
Theory of Magic.

- But you're just a human
Magician with no magic now.

I'm afraid your experiences
as a niffin

have already been documented
to our satisfaction.

It's in my book.

You don't want me to finish.

- There is something
you could do for us,

and, in exchange,
we would give you

full access to our collection.

You're familiar with
the Quest for the Seven Keys?

Excuse me a moment.

- Come on, we gotta go.

How do you just keep appearing?

What were you--

Alice, are you working
with the Library?

- Q, you have to go.

- Okay, great, then let's go.

Alice, come on.

- Q, please...


- The bookish girl
joins the Library.

Didn't see that coming.

- Yeah, little bit
of a bigger problem.

Quentin left without the key!

This is it, right?

An actual...answer?

- Yes, I do want to make
a final statement.



It is a backwards,

malodorous shithole

full of animals who are smarter
than they're supposed to be

and humans who are
so much dumber.

And what you'd call
indoor plumbing,

we on Earth would call

a war crime.


when I was drowning,

Fillory saved me,

and now it's my turn
to save Fillory.

But I can't do that
if my head's in a basket,

so if it pleases the--

You guys...

I demand that this
trial/peasant uprising

be dismissed...

Your honorable wombat-ness.

Why is he talking
to a marsupial?

This is not at all relevant!

You're gonna
piss her off again.

- Next!

- Uh, well, she's not my
favorite person at the moment,

but, um, the transfer worked,
so thank you.

- Oh, well,
I'm glad to hear it.

- Yeah.
- you're...

- Yeah, back to powered up.

- Good...

because I've, uh, come here

to collect on that favor
that you owe me.

- Oh, my God.

- Yeah.

Side-effect from
the powder that I gave you.

- Um...
- Oh, don't worry.

No, you haven't used
nearly enough.

No, you're safe.

Look, there is a treatment,

but it's big magic.

I--I can't do it on myself,

because it would just
make things worse.


Here's what we'll need.

My office, 3:00 p.m.

And I can't see her,

because I've never
made a fairy deal?

- This is what they do...

- They hide behind
powerful people,

manipulate them into
doing terrible things...

- Wait a minute,
at Irene's house,

Penny said that he--

he thought that he saw
something moving

that--that Q and I
couldn't see.

Oh, no.

- No, what I'm--
what I'm saying is

I'm not so sure that they're
manipulating much of anything.

They were doing chores.

Wait, what was
Irene's fairy doing?

- Just...

standing there,
like she was waiting on Irene,

and her head was
sort of bowed, but--

Wait, that's--

I mean, that kind of
sounds like a servant.

- You can't trust them.

I don't know why they'd be
acting that way, but--

- Do you have slavery
in Fillory?

- If these fairies are slaves,
you'd be better off.

- Fen...

no one is better off
with slavery.

Look, I have this
tiny spark of magic,

and it seems like when I use it

to do good things,
to help people,

it--it grows.

I didn't ask for it,
and I can't get rid of it.

If I want it to be
anything but a burden,

I have to use it.

- My daughter's dead
because of them.

- Fen, we need to know,

and I can't see her.

You need to talk
to Irene's fairy.

Hey. What's your name?


I can see you.

- I'm--I'm not
supposed to talk to you.

- You must answer me.

Irene will be very angry
if you don't.

- Of course. Of course.

Um...I'm sorry.

- Oh, shit, you are her slave.
- No.

Okay, Miss McAllistair keeps us
safe from bad Magicians.

She hides us.

- I made a deal.

Well, a deal was made
on my behalf...

with a fairy.

- But...there are
no other fairies.

Oh, I'm late.
Miss will be waiting.

Uh...can we...

talk again tomorrow?

Miss Irene won't be home.

My name is Skye.

- No sign of fairies.

- Then let's look
in here first.

If, uh, we don't find Skye,

we'll have to break
into the main house,

hope that Irene
doesn't come home.

What do you see?

- It's her. It's Skye. She's--

oh, God, they cut off her leg.

- Hey...

It's what the powder's made of.

Who did this?



- They left.

The Mirror Bridge is gone.


just talk to me.

Come on.

- I'm not Alice.

God damn it!

- Quentin and Poppy:
sex scene.

- That you kinda
skimmed, prude.

- Um, not that I'm complaining,
but, um...

- 'Cause I can only go so long

feeling completely
alone and worthless,

before I break down
and do something stupid.

- Right.
You're an idiot.

- No, me!

Look, I get it.

You didn't want me
to bail on you, so you lied,

and then I bailed
on you anyway.

Be mad.
Don't be stupid.

- I buried it. Sorry.

I spent so much
of my life alone,

the thought of spending
the rest of time--

I thought you were my friend,

and I thought...

if you couldn't find
the key, eventually you'd...

I don't know--

- What, decide to hang out
in your dumb tent?

- I thought we'd
spruce it up together.


don't ask me
how I know this, but...

you are the only person
who cried when I died.

We are friends,
and I appreciate you,

so, listen...

once you show me
where the key is buried,


is gonna take you
to the Library map room.

You are going to be
very popular.

Well, um, I guess this is it.

- Well, until the next time
I die, anyway.

- And I want the record to show
that I helped you get that key,

making this the second time
I saved your ass.

Oh, my gosh.

Wait--whoa, hey, whoa!

I need to--
still need to get in there.


What did you do?
- I'm sorry.

Alice, are you working
with the Library?

- Q, please...

- Hey.
- Hey.

- It sounded like
a dragon barfing.

We gotta get back to
the book chute. Come on.

- Sh--

- Holy shit!

- Did you--okay.

- Yeah.
- Okay, come on.

Oh, but Penny...

- No, we don't have time.
I'm sorry.

- Shit.