The Magicians (2015–…): Season 3, Episode 5 - A Life in the Day - full transcript

Julia helps Alice navigate a personal crisis as Quentin and Eliot go on an adventure.

- Previously
on "The Magicians"...
- I wouldn't. Playing with time
is such difficult magic.
- This is Jane Chatwin,
all grown up.
We know about the time loops
that you keep making.
- As you should by now.
- Prince Ess of Loria.
- I like you.
- Tick, you're going to go
to that fairy repellent hallway
and you're gonna grind
one of those bricks to dust.
You're gonna put it
in the fairy queen's bath.
I'm gonna cut out her heart
and eat it.
- No, come on, Penny.
Don't--don't--Come on.
- I was astral projecting.
I wasn't in my body
when I died.
- Thank you.
You're missing
the signs, Julia.
- Help her, now.
[fast-paced electronic music]
- Jesus.
- Kady!
- We've been--we've been
calling it the Truth Key,
'cause it--well,
it reveals truths.
- Mm, I can handle
a little truth.
Oh, hey, Penny.
- Wai--
- Hi.
I was just leaving.
- Okay.
Oh, hey, wait.
I, um...
- Um, don't talk shit
on Penny.
He's--he's here.
He's coming with me.
- Oh. Okay.
Um, hi, Penny.
Right, sorry.
You heard
about Brakebills, right?
Well, it turns out,
the Physical Cottage
has been, like,
magically moved so many times
that, uh, there's
no valid deed on it,
so, like, you can't sell
something that you don't own,
so we can, um...
- Um, I'm sorry.
I'm sor--sorry.
I'm not trying
to make it weird.
It's just weird now.
It just is.
It's just weird.
So I'm going to take the key
so I can see Penny,
and I'll bring it back.
- You guys have fun.
- Mm-hmm.
[indistinct chatter]
- Sorry.
I thought you went to rehab.
- Uh, this is where
they stick you
when you don't have insurance.
- Oh.
- The upside?
I'm the least crazy person
in here.
What do you want?
- Hold this.
- Why?
Oh, my God!
No. No, no, no, wait!
- You just need to hold this.
[dramatic music]
- Oh, my God.
- I'm Just gonna give
you two a moment.
- Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
[door opens, closes]
[woman speaking indistinctly
over PA]
- Look, I know
it's weird,
but at least I'm not stuck
in the fucking Underworld
for a billion years.
- Why are you acting
like this is good news?
- Because...
I'm not dead.
- Yeah, well,
I almost was.
Look--look at me.
Look at where I am.
- I know.
And I'm sorry.
- I tried to save you,
and I failed,
and it broke me,
and now--
now you're--you're--
You're--you're what--
some kind of ghost?
- Astral projection.
- What's the fucking
I-I can't--I can't touch you.
I can't even see you
without holding a key
that makes me physically ill.
I can't...
I... [sighs]
- Look, I'm here.
That's all.
- God, when does this end?
- Let me help you.
- [laughs]
How are you gonna help me?
You're the reason
I'm in here, Penny.
Don't you fucking get that?
No, I have to put myself
back together.
- Yeah, but, Kady, I--
- No.
If you say "I love you,"
I swear to God,
I will find a way to kill you.
At least then,
this would be over.
- Whatever happens,
remind me never to take
your advice again.
Let's go.
- I'm sorry. You sent
Fen and Fray into the City?
They're gonna get eaten alive.
- [sighs] She is
a knife maker's daughter.
She can handle herself.
Besides, I sent them with Todd,
so it's not like
I'm completely irresponsible.
Look, if you really want
to talk about this
instead of getting over Alice,
then we can, but...
I'm sorry.
I know that it's all shitty
right now, but--
- At least we're doing
whatever we can to fix it.
- Mm.
- Right?
And when we do,
maybe Alice will act
like someone I recognize.
- On the plus,
you didn't exaggerate.
This book is
strangely compelling,
yet incomplete.
- Yeah, it's
a one-step-at-a-time quest.
Okay, so the chapter, right?
It's about
the Daughter's training
to become a knight, right?
And it is--
it's sort of fascinating
how it plays with the classic
trope of the hero's journey.
- Right. Cute.
Where do we get the key?
- Um...
Right here.
- Mm.
Oh, yeah.
- Familiar?
- Mm-hmm.
- It's the Mosaic.
- What's the Mosaic?
- The Mosaic.
The puzzle.
- Nope.
- It's...
You use tiles...
Are you kidding me?
You use the tiles
to create a design
that reflects the beauty
of all life,
and when you do,
there's a-a mystery prize.
you've never heard of this?
- "The beauty of all life"?
Sounds appropriately vague
and impossible.
What's the prize?
- A so-called key
to greater magic.
- [sighs] Don't you love it
when the metaphors
turn out to be literal?
Let's go.
- El, it's in Fillory.
- Psst!
You look nervous.
- [chuckles]
Why would I be nervous?
I only collected a substance
I must assume the fairy queen
would kill me for having--
- Shh.
Ovary up, Tick.
Let me see the jar.
- Having scraped
from the very walls
she is violently allergic to.
- Nicely done.
We need more.
- This took me seven hours.
- So seven more hours
should be easy.
We only get one shot
to slip this in her bath.
- High Queen Margo.
Join me, won't you?
[indistinct chatter]
- All right.
You want to tell me
what the fuck is going on here?
- A leader as brave and cunning
as yourself
knows that she needs alliances
in order to grow her kingdom.
- Does she?
- Consider this
a wedding gift.
Well, don't just stand there.
You've got to get ready
for your guests.
- Oh, fucking balls.
[eerie music]
On Earth, we tend to meet the
people we're gonna marry first,
or at least know
where they come from.
- Surely you've heard of the
Tribe of The Floating Mountain.
- I mean, vaguely.
I was told they're marauding
dickholes who steal stuff.
- Well, thanks to the loss of
magic, their mountain crashed
and is now an island
off your coast.
Their army, however,
numbers 4,000 spears.
Marry into the tribe,
it's yours.
- [scoffs]
Look, somebody already
tried to trick me
into the whole
"alliance by wedding" thing.
I passed.
- You had a choice back then.
Being a queen
means sacrificing
for your people.
Get used to it.
- Do you want to enlighten me
as to why you give a queef
whether I marry
some mountain turd or not?
- No, I don't.
- High Queen Margo.
- Jesus.
You scared me.
- Were you talking
to someone?
- No, I just didn't expect
to see you there.
- True.
Haven't seen you since...
After our own
little near-miss,
I'm a little surprised
to see you running off
to the altar so soon.
- I hear you there.
- I mean,
The Floating Mountain?
[scoffs] They don't have much
in the way of resources.
- They have a real big army.
- Well, whatever you plan on
doing with all that manpower,
I certainly hope it doesn't put
us on opposite sides.
- High King Eliot and your dad
forged an alliance.
Nothing's changed.
- [sighs]
- Is this about the time
that we banged
and then I opted
out of marrying you?
Your insecurity
is showing, babe.
- That was purely political.
But if we'd had
another round,
I'm certain my charms
would lead you to reconsider...
my queen.
I look forward
to our future talks.
[indistinct chatter]
Your Queeniness, the groom's
wedding party has arrived,
and taken it upon themselves
to set up camp
in your very favorite hallway.
I fear there is no way
to complete the task
we discussed.
- Shit.
We have to figure out
another weapon.
In the meantime,
I need the fastest bunnies
you got.
- So we know that this
is a portal to Fillory...
or was.
Um, so I figured, you know,
stick the key in...
- Mm.
- Wind it, and...
- Logical.
- Right.
Except that
there is not a--
you know,
there's no keyhole anywhere.
- It's chain-wound.
- Huh?
- I took an elective
in Horomancy.
- At castle.
Getting married.
- Well, hello, there,
little plot development.
- At castle.
Getting married.
- Does that sound
like Margo to you?
- Uh...
- Need help
now, dickwads.
- Definitely Bambi.
Okay, we have to find a way
to get there.
Um, uh, do you think
that the key
can create a portal
to Fillory somehow?
- Eliot, look.
- Oh.
I guess this is my cue.
[dramatic music]
[clock ticking rapidly]
- Okay...
Well, we should wait
and gather the troops, right?
- Go time.
Guess this leg of the quest
is you and me.
- Okay.
Okay, well, I hope that was
the right choice,
'cause the portal just closed.
- Do you feel that?
- Yeah.
Oh, my God.
- Magic. Ha!
- Eliot.
- What?
- They...
- How is it back?
- It's not back.
- Um, is that...
- They're constructing
the north spire.
- Which was built in, uh...
- Decades before
the Chatwins arrived.
in Fillory in the past.
- So, in the Fillory books,
Jane, um,
she decides to try
the Mosaic, right?
Uh, but she's too late.
Someone had already
solved it first.
- Who?
- Well, I don't know,
but maybe it's us,
and that's why
we're here now.
- I don't know. Time travel
only really makes sense to me
when I'm on a good deal
of peyote.
- [grunts]
It's all yours...
if you don't mind wasting
your gods-damn time.
[dramatic music]
- Oh. Well...
auspicious signs abound.
- All right, so 784 tiles
in 15 colors.
Uh, so that's 784 factorial,
uh, divided by...
- Seriously?
You're trying to calculate
the beauty of all life?
- Uh, well, I'm just trying
to see what we're in for.
There's a finite set
of possible solutions, so...
Okay, yeah,
that's a lot of zeroes.
- Um, how many zeroes?
- Uh, to be exact?
- Yeah.
A shitload.
- The mother of your
soon-to-be prince consort
wishes to meet with you.
- Yeah, thanks.
Not in the mood.
- May I present,
from the Tribe
of The Floating Mountain
That Is No Longer Floating,
Lady Agate Grey
the Stone Queen?
- Greetings, High Queen Margo.
- Um, hey, Stone Queen.
I'm actually glad you're here.
I'd like to discuss
postponing the nuptials.
- Well, I was led to believe
this was a matter
of some urgency.
- And who led you
to believe that?
- A mutual royal friend.
Very pale.
- Look, I'm sure your armies
are super great.
It's just...
- My own wedding
was so long ago,
I forget how nervous
a bride can be.
- [laughs]
- Perhaps we forego
and let you meet my son
before the ceremony.
Unless you think
that's too forward?
- Fine.
I'd love to meet the man
I'm gonna marry
in a couple hours.
- Wonderful.
Invite the rest in.
Oh, stand up straight, darling.
May I present
Prince Fomar.
- Okay, no.
Too freaky, even for me.
- Oh, no, Your Highness,
of course not.
Fomar is far too young.
- Mother.
- A pebble's time
will come, dear.
Fomar will be
your brother-in-law.
Your betrothed...
Prince Micah.
- Greetings, my queen.
May our great mountain
find its way
through your fertile valley.
- Hello, Prince Micah.
- Why don't you two
take a moment
to get to know
each other... alone?
Let's go. Come on.
- How can I make this right
for you, my queen?
- Are you one of those
sick fuck princes
who likes to shoot girls
with arrows,
or am I gonna wake up tomorrow
chained to a wall?
- If you are, I will free you,
if you command.
You are a woman.
- Okay.
Since you mention women,
let's discuss.
- Our women are leaders.
They are the cave,
full of wisdom.
Men are the boulder,
full of strength.
The spear with the boulder...
- [laughs] Yeah, okay.
I get the idea.
So, matriarchy, huh?
Society where women
hold the primary power.
- Is that not the way it is
everywhere, my queen?
- [inhales sharply]
- It is.
I still don't understand
why we have to do this
in the same room.
- It's a Floater custom, ma'am,
and it has its advantages.
- [chuckles]
[dramatic music]
- Oh, my queen.
I am unharmed,
and you?
- I'm good.
Um, one sec, okay?
- Mm-hmm.
- Are you seriously accusing me
of trying to kill Micah?
Why in Loria's name
would I do that?
- I don't know.
Why would you?
- You know, you didn't seem
all that excited
about the wedding yourself
last time we talked.
- Are you suggesting
I did it?
Is your war council
getting afraid
of our alliance
with the Floaters?
- You told me
we had nothing to fear.
- And you told me
you'd win me with charm.
- If I'd actually tried to kill
that walking jawline,
he'd be dead.
- It's not the first time
you've waltzed in
and tried to kill someone
to get your way.
- Spoken like someone
who's really starting
to miss me.
- Honey...
you ain't even top 50,
and you ain't getting
another chance
to kill my husband.
Lock him up.
And be a little rough about it.
- Yeah, they're still
not moving, Q.
- Son of a...
I checked...
Look, I've checked
the Circumstances,
and the Slavic is perfect.
It should work.
I don't...
- Unless magic doesn't work
on this.
- Great. Brought back to a time
when magic exists
except on the one thing
that we need it to.
- Okay, okay, so--
so what?
We do it the old-fashioned way.
We're smart.
We can do hard things.
- This is
an impossible thing, Eliot.
- We have to show
the beauty of all life.
- The beauty of all life?
- Yeah.
- What does that mean,
and how are we supposed
to show it with tiles?
- We're not gonna show it with
fucking math, Quentin!
- This is the stupidest puzzle!
- No, no, no.
- I...
- This is our quest.
We have to do it ourselves.
I'm not saying that it's not
going to take a while.
Logic this with me
for one second, okay?
Jane came along
too late, right?
Someone came to the Mosaic
and solved it
before she even got here--
gets here--
will get here.
You tried to convince me
that someone was us.
- Yeah, but I didn't think that
it was gonna take a decade.
- Well, in the absence
of a better option,
at least try, huh?
- [groans]
- Is Penny with you?
- He needed some time
to himself.
- [sighs]
- What are you doing?
- Uh, I've just been
trying to figure out this thing
that Penny told me--
uh, something that he saw
in the astral plane.
- These aren't magic.
These are religion.
- Yeah.
We're in that territory.
[ominous music]
[book thuds on floor]
- Alice needs your help.
- Who are you?
- Help her, Julia.
What the fuck?
- [sighs]
[book thuds on table]
Let's go get a drink.
[indistinct chatter]
[lively music playing]
- Everyone, gather around.
Greetings, Fillorians,
We gather to join
two great lands.
High Queen Margo,
do you take Micah
of the Tribe of
The Floating Mountain...
That Is No Longer Floating
to be yours,
binding your houses together
for eternity?
- Oh, what the hell?
Traditional Earth saying.
- Prince Micah,
do you take Margo
of the Tribe of Hanson
to be yours,
binding your houses together
for eternity?
- I do.
[blade slices]
- [gasps]
[crowd screaming]
- When the rock
crumbles in our hand,
we must reach for the next.
Pickwick, continue, per custom.
- What?
- Yes, yes, of course,
you're right.
- [breathing heavily]
What are you talking about?
What custom?
- Uh, when tragedy befalls
a royal wedding,
it is the solemn duty
of the surviving sibling
to carry out--
- What?
- It is my duty
and honor
to take the place of my...
late brother.
- But he--he
fucking killed him.
He murdered his own brother!
- That does not affect my duty.
- Are you people all crazy?
- Marry him...
- [sighs]
[muttering rapidly]
God damn it!
I'm done.
- Okay.
Just don't take it apart
until I write it down.
- Okay.
- God damn it.
- I'll write it down.
- Okay, yeah, so you just
fill in--
fill that in with red.
- Oh, my God.
You know, you're not going
to get very far
if you're this frustrated
after 14 days.
- How are you not?
- Oh, Q.
You know the answer.
Can you imagine Margo
putting up with this tedium?
- No, not even a little.
- She'd have blown it up
day two.
What is that, anyway?
- You know, not everything
has to look
like something, Eliot.
- Ah, it's
the eternal argument.
Realism versus
abstract expressionism.
Mm, okay.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, green one.
No, no, there.
- There?
- No.
Just kidding. You had it right
the first time.
- You know what? I'll tell you
where I'll put this.
- Yeah?
Come at me, Coldwater.
- Peaches? Plums?
- I'm Eliot.
This is my friend, Quentin.
- Hi, there.
- Hi.
Oh, this is my helper, Lunk.
[soft electronic music]
- Happy anniversary, Q.
To our first and last year
at this thing.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- I, um...
[dramatic music]
Um, so...
- Yeah.
let's just save our
for the puzzle, yeah?
- Yeah.
- * Being him
is who you are *
* Lay her
in her lover's arms *
- We could be done tomorrow
for all you know.
- * He will never know...
- We can't just throw away
all this time we've invested.
You want to live your life,
live it here.
- What is that supposed
to mean?
- You know exactly
what that means.
- * And she will never
know why *
- Oops.
I don't know.
It's just...
- Hey.
- No Lunk today?
- Found him holding
someone else's peaches.
- Sorry, I, um...
I mean, I always thought you
were too good for him anyway.
- * These young bodies turn
* Evolve on a word
* You found in my...
[both laughing]
* It's all that I find
* And if you wanna sell
your body *
* There's a war to side
* I don't wanna say
what I want first *
* In the middle
of your desert *
* Where I only made it worse
* Would I light them up
and know that it's done? *
* There's a bottle
full of water *
* I've been turning
on its side *
* I don't mind
if I don't find *
* Where it's been running
all this time *
* I don't mind
if I don't see it... *
- Come visit soon.
- Of course.
- * I don't mind...
- If we're not here--
- I know, Dad.
- * I don't know what to say
- I love you, too.
- You ever think about them?
- My grandkids?
- No, um...
our friends...
Uh, from our lives before.
- I dream about them
- Hmm.
- Eliot...
[shovel clanks]
[dramatic music]
- Did you just solve
the Mosaic?
- With a friend.
We solved it together.
- Well, this is dreadful!
You see--
Sorry, I don't mean
to be rude.
My name is--
- Jane Chatwin.
- Do I know you?
You do look...
- Ah, just one of those faces.
- The dwarves...
They built me this watch.
It's terribly important.
I need that key
to power it.
- It sort of took us
a while to, um...
- It's just...
My brother, he's...
he's become dangerous,
and I'm trying to stop him.
The dwarves told me
if everything gets
too buggered up to fix,
I could use this watch.
- To create time loops.
You need the key
to stop The Beast.
- What's The Beast?
- Unfortunately,
you'll find out.
[inhales deeply]
You have to take it.
- [sighs with relief]
Thank you.
- My queen,
time to complete our marriage.
We must become one flesh.
- I told you--
it's Earth tradition.
- But must you really open
every present
before we can consummate?
- Well, if I don't...
your manhood will rot
and drop off
like an overripe banana.
- Better not to chance it.
- Don't wait up.
- So I arranged for this
to be delivered
the day of your wedding,
way, way in advance.
Long story.
Anyway, I hope you're okay.
No easy way to say this,
so I'll just say it.
Eliot and I are both dead.
Uh, the quest sent us
to the past--
again, super-long story--
and you should know
that we led full, good lives,
and we took the quest
as far as we could, and...
now there's something
that we need you to do.
[solemn music]
[rapid ticking]
- Hello, Margo.
- Hi.
Didn't you die?
- [chuckles]
On the linear plane, yes.
Not here, in the Clock Barrens.
- Right.
So some kind of timey-wimey
magic going on here.
- Time loops are not
my only trick.
Here I managed to
create a spot
where all moments exist
at the same time,
- So, even if you're dead...
- You're alive here.
And dead, too, I suppose.
This is a place
outside of time.
- Well, I got a note
from Quentin.
He told me
you could give me a key.
- Yes.
The key is here,
but I can't give it to you.
It's what keeps
the Clock Barrens stable.
That said, I would like
to help you, Margo.
- I don't need help.
I need the key.
Now, I'm sorry, but I've had
a bad couple of days,
and my best friends are dead,
and, frankly, I wish I had
your magic, or any magic,
'cause I'd like to build
my own Clock Barrens
right about now
and just live there
for, like, five minutes
without anyone trying to usurp
or marry or educate
or hump me.
It is exhausting.
- You're going to be
a very, very powerful magician
and queen.
- Well, it doesn't feel
that way.
Eliot and Quentin
make all the real moves.
I'm more of a Fillorian
middle manager.
- [scoffs]
I know how that feels.
Sometimes like you're
a supporting player
in somebody else's story.
Your tale is your own, Margo.
You may not get
the appreciation
you deserve, frankly,
or the peace,
but it is yours,
and I can tell you,
it won't be boring.
[rapid ticking continues]
- Thank you.
- Now, as to how I can help--
out there
in the linear plane,
the key rests on my body
at Brakebills.
I can send you there,
no problem.
- You're telling me
to dig up your corpse.
How the hell can you be
so chipper about it?
- Eh, hasn't happened yet.
And I'm very English.
It's been so good
to chat to you, Margo.
Ready to go?
- Yeah.
[dramatic music]
- I guess this is my cue.
- Wait!
You bitches looking for these?
That entrance line was
the only thing
keeping me going
through six feet of dirt
and corpse.
- Bambi. Hey.
- And I swore
I wouldn't do this.
- Wow.
I mean, I can't believe
we died.
Sort of weird.
Sad, right?
- But we didn't die.
It was an alternate timeline
and one that we never have
to live now.
Margo, you saved our lives.
- In addition to robbing
the cradle and a grave.
I'll never get that smell
out of my hair.
[rock music playing]
- I mean, I know who I was.
I was Alice Quinn.
I was the best at something,
at magic,
but then magic took over,
and I lost Alice,
and by the time I got her back,
I lost magic.
- Okay, so how can I help?
- I could use magic,
and you have it.
Why do you have it?
- Mm.
Prevailing theory?
Extra sprinkles on the cupcake
from when Our Lady Underground
restored my Shade, but...
she didn't exactly
leave a note, so...
- So you don't know.
- I mean, do I want to know?
- Yes.
I mean, if you want
to understand it,
you need to know.
Hey, all magic
has a provenance.
Uh, there was this machine
that the professors would use.
- Yeah, Q showed it to me,
but it doesn't work anymore.
- Right, of course not.
What about the key?
It shows the truth
of things, right?
Have you tried using that?
- I've held it.
- Maybe a mirror
could help you focus it.
- Yeah, okay.
[indistinct chatter]
- What?
- [gasps]
No, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
- Have a seat, Julia.
- What did you do to me?
- I planted a seed
for you to grow.
- Without telling me
or asking me?
- I've tried to guide you
as gently as I could.
- I saw his eyes.
I saw Reynard's eyes.
- Because the seed
comes from him.
- Are you kidding me?
- I took it from him
and gave it to you,
and when you showed mercy,
you earned this.
- You didn't think
before shoving
some rapist's seed
inside me to ask?
You gods are real shaky
on the concept of consent,
you know that?
- It doesn't matter
where it comes from.
It matters
what you do with it.
- I don't want it.
I don't accept it.
- Do you think the chosen
want to be chosen?
- I don't want a molecule
of his power.
- It's not his anymore.
It's yours.
[indistinct chatter]
[rock music playing]
- This might sound horrible,
but he's gone.
Does it matter
where it came from?
It's magic.
- You sound like her.
- Yeah, well,
maybe she's right.
- You don't understand.
- No, I don't.
I'd do anything
to get it back.
- If I could give it to you,
I would.
- [scoffs]
What if you could?
- Kady, have a seat, please.
- Actually, I need to sign out.
- Yes, well,
let's talk about that.
- No offense, but we just did.
So, if there's something
for me to sign or--
- Kady, you are a danger
to yourself and to others.
- You say "I love you,"
I swear to God,
I will find a way to kill you.
At least then,
this would be over.
- So who do you think
you're talking to?
Who did you want to kill?
- This is not something
you'll understand.
- Kady, we're going to give you
a light sedative.
- Bob...
- Kady!
Code gray.
[suspenseful music]
[man speaking indistinctly
over PA]
No, no, no!
No, God damn it!
You can't do this!
[needle pierces]
- Well...
you guys got to loop
out of your shitty past.
Looks like I'm stuck with mine.
- [sighs]
We are not leaving you
alone with this.
- There's the old
ball and chain now.
I better catch some rest
before he wakes up
with a boner
and some bad, bad ideas.
[indistinct whispering]
- * Being him
is who you are *
* Lay her
in her lover's arms *
* He will never know why
* He will never know why
* And she
will never know why *
- Déjà vu.
- Peaches and...
- Peaches and plums.
- Peaches and plums.
Peaches and plums.
Peaches and plums.
- * Being him
is who you are *
- I got so old.
- * Made us in a star...
- You died.
- * Eating us alive
- I died.
- * All these
young bodies turn *
- You had a wife.
- * You found in my mind
- And we had a family.
- How... how...
how do we remember that?
- [laughs] I don't know.
- * It's all been asked
of you now *
- Can't you see it?
- I'm trying.
- Oh, my God.
- * If being him
is who you are *
* Say it loud,
say you know you are *