The Magicians (2015–…): Season 3, Episode 12 - The Fillorian Candidate - full transcript

The political situation in Fillory comes to a head. Julia makes amends and Alice makes a confession.


Previously on "Us"...

- What?
- Just imagine a montage.

A group of
fine looking grad students

were invited to a
secret school for magic

where a bunch
of stuff happened

that doesn't really matter,

until they ran into
a mysterious figure.

The answer to a riddle
they didn't even know to ask.

It's you.

Do you want
this recap or not?

So yeah, it was me.
Things were awesome.

For a minute.
We became kings and queens.

Well, everybody but you.

Everyone hooked up, I had a
threesome with two harpies.

Just get
to the parts about me.

You had a lot of drama
with your hands.

You signed a billion-year
contract with the Library

to help out Kady.
Wait, who's that?

Kady Orloff-Diaz?
Love of your life?

Looks like she could
crack open your balls,

because she can?

Well, it was
a love for the ages.

Despite the fact that Kady
got in way over her head

with some hedge witches.
Especially her best bitch,

Julia Wicker.
Their term, not mine.

I would never.
Whatever went down

definitely made them


the only person
Kady can stand is you.

And that pretty much
cut both ways.

No, come on, Penny,
don't... don't... Come on.

And then you died.
Kind of.

magic got all jacked up.

You know what's weird,
that jacked up is bad,

but jacked off is great.
Focus, dude.

So, with magic gone,
a bunch of Fairy dicks

invaded Fillory, made Eliot
and Margo look like derps,

so the people revolted.
Only ray of hope?

Julia mysteriously
still has magic.

Why? Question mark!

We got sent on a dope quest

to find the Seven Keys
that unlock magic.

But the fourth one
got dragon gobbled

and lost in the Underworld.

The other Penny
sent us the key,

but never came back.

Then came my grand adventure.
Hard pass.

I also saved the day
in your dumb timeline.

And snagged up Key seven.
Yeah, I was there for that.

And you didn't save shit.

Now wait, you skipped
the Sixth Key.

This makes no goddamn sense.

No, it's
intentionally confusing.

You see, Julia saved a bunch
of Fairies from slavery,

So the Fairy Queen was like,
I have the Sixth Key,

but I'm not going to give
it to you because she's...

A creamy bitch
is what she is.

Meanwhile, Alice has
been acting real fishy.

Quentin was all like...

Are you working
for the Library?

And she was all...

And now, if you would
please refer

to the hookup/murder chart.

Penny got with
the other Alice.

Now that we know

who porked whom, let's go over
who murdered whom.


[dramatic music]

You're Kady.

- What's going on?
- I'm not your Penny.

[dark music]

[mysterious music]

[muffled, staticky voices]


- Sorry, uh, what?
- What I'm saying is,

if there's a
monster behind the door,

opening the door is probably
not the smartest plan.

But that's where magic is,

what, we can't exactly just
stop. Plus, this didn't come

from the most reliable source.
He was you.

- He was the Beast.
- Making decisions like this

without understanding
the consequences

is exactly why magic
is gone.

So we figure out
if it's true.

We... we search the castle,
find out what's inside.

We could ask the Library.

Yeah, you're right.
You should ask them.

They say they want to help.

It'd be nice
if they actually did.

I'll let you know
what they say.


Do you have a better plan?

Yeah, maybe don't
trust the Library?

They literally
snort the bones of Fairies.

We don't have to trust them.

The Penny that you
brought with you,

Penny 23.

Yeah, look.
Ask him to follow Alice

to the Library.
He can Astral Project,

they'll never even
know he was there.

Catching up on the news?

My timeline
was post apocalyptic,

and it wasn't
this... ed up.

Alice is meeting
with the Library.

We need you to follow her
on the Astral Plane.

Q thinks you're more likely
to say yes if I ask,

because you and the
other me shared a thing.

But we both know
that we're total strangers.

Go on.

Well see, this is a chance
to un... magic.

And as a new citizen
of Timeline 40,

that should be something
you would want to do.

Whoever asks.

I have heard of the Castle
at the End of the World.

It was built by the gods,
but its contents

are secret by design.
All we mortals know

is that we are
not meant to know.

Why wouldn't they want you
to know what's inside?

Perhaps it is indeed the lair
of a horrifying monster.

Or perhaps they simply enjoy
tormenting those of us

who dedicate our lives
to cataloguing information.

Well whatever their motive,

we'd be idiots
to go in totally blind.

Then ask someone
who's been inside.

A god.
I believe your friends

have had encounters with them.
Now, there is another matter.

That's the Siphon?

We thought it'd be bigger.

It needs to be powered, and
it requires a lot of energy.

Our intended source
has not fulfilled

their end of our bargain.

Well, how are we
supposed to use it?

Your friend Julia.
She's powerful enough.

If her magic were
implanted into the Siphon...

She'd never go for that
if she knew what this does.

Then you'll have to take
the power from her by force.

That could kill her.

We've all made sacrifices in
pursuit of our greater purpose.

We need the Siphon
charged before...

I know.

I just need some time to
figure out another way, or...

I'll be in touch.

Once magic is flowing again,

you have 30 seconds
to attach the Siphon.

If you miss that window,
our chance is gone forever.

[suspenseful music]


I come bearing gifts.

This is like,
80% taco supplies.

I'm sorry, do they not
have Tuesdays in Fillory?

Feel free to do your own
grocery shopping next time.

No, no, if I have
to catch, pluck, or boil

one more pigeon, I'm going
to hurl myself off this ship.

I was gone a lot longer
than I thought it would be.

Listen, Fen.

Before you were born,
you were promised

to a stranger.
A king.

And I'm not one anymore.

You don't have
to stay for my sake.

I'm guessing
you've never thought about

where I would be
if you never showed up.

I have.

Still in that same village
where I was born,

married to
one of the three

obnoxious boys I lived next to.

Now those boys want to
drop you off a waterfall,

and that's them being polite.

What do you think they would do
if they got their hands on me?

That got less touching
as you went.

I can't go back
to my old life.

I'm stuck with you, and that
means you're stuck with me.

We've been trying to
negotiate with the Fairy Queen

for the last Key, but this
is what we got back.

- Eat my ass!
- We're not sure if...

Eat my ass!

- We're not sure if...
- Eat. My. Ass!

If this was
the Fairy Queen's response

or this is one
very kinky rabbit.

Maybe there's something we
can do to get her attention?

Eat. My. Ass.

These are on the house.
For you saving my life.

We need to talk
to your Queen.

You must know
how to get her to come.

It's an emergency.

The last time I saw her,
she threatened to murder me.

Glass half full... she didn't
actually go through with it.

But you must have
Fairy stepsisters

or someone you can talk to?

There were no Fairy children
in the realm.

Just humans they bargained away
from their real parents.

Like me.

Being sent to you
ruined everything.

I can't go back
to the Fairy Realm.

I don't fit in with humans.
Why do you think

I work at an animal bar?
No, really,

[laughing] really,
I'm not judging you.

Trust me,
I'm not judging you.

Now you show up and want
to make things even worse.

Look, it's too late for me to
fix your... ed up childhood.

But what we want
to offer the Queen

would mean real peace
for humans and fairies.

Maybe the distance between us
can finally start to close.

And maybe then,
you won't feel so alone.

That's kind.

But just so you know,
I'm not alone.

No, really.

Bye, Margo.

Bye, Humbledrum.

I love that bear.

So do I.

Yeah, hooray for bears,
but we were

kind of having a moment.
No, honey,

she loveshim.

Uh, so not bear boss.
Bear boyfriend?

Is that a thing in Fillory?
Apparently, very taboo.

But like I told Humbledrum,
as long as it's consensual,

if I got my way,
I'd say go hog wild

or bear wild or bull wild.

He's very concerned
about getting your approval.

I don't think he quite gets

that you're not even
Fray's real dad.

Well, then...

I will say what I wish
my father had said to me.

I'm so happy
you're dating a bear.



Fray's dad.

No problem.

That's all
the Librarian knows.

We have to find somebody
who's been inside the Castle.


A god.
You say that like it's easy.

Our Lady Underground
hasn't answered me in months.

Yeah, the only way
to track Bacchus down

was his Instagram, and it
looks like it got deleted

for terms of
service violations.

Nipples, apparently.
Well, that's bullshit.

I'll ask Dean Fogg.

If I can catch him
when he's sober, maybe.

She's lying.

Not about the god stuff,
that's true.

It's what she's leaving out.

They have some sort
of metal thing

called a Siphon.
She's supposed to charge it up

by ripping out Julia's power,
which could kill her.

She didn't seem
psyched about the idea,

but she didn't say no.

So, now what?

[suspenseful music]

What's that?
Truth Key?

If it was,
I'd tell you to go away.


The walkie-talkie key.

You're trying to talk
to the other Penny.

No offense...
you're the otherPenny.


I don't blame you.
You're just trying to survive.

It's... it's everyone else.

Acting like
finding you is enough.

When our Penny, the real Penny,

is out there.
Down there.

And maybe if...

we talk to him,
we could help him.

Oh, what?

all that shit that
you did for the other me.

The only person that
would have done that for me

on my timeline is Julia.

Yeah, well...

Our Julia is different.

She is not
the person you loved.

You don't owe me anything.

But for what it's worth,

it'd be helpful
if you explained it.

How she's different.

What about Reynard?

What happened to him
after O.L.U. took him away?

I don't know.

But it was his spark
that Our Lady gave to Julia.

And now it's not about me.

None of it ever
really felt about me.

So I've, uh...

never really known how to deal

with how angry I am
at all of it.

Wait, so he could
be out there?

Still a god, but powerless?

I guess.

And only gods know
what's behind the door.

[suspenseful music]


We have to find Reynard.


Thank you for coming.
I actually have

nothing to say to you.

I know what you want.

And I can't give it to you.
We get it.

Humans will chop you up
and snort your innards.

But not all humans
are like that, you know that.

We aren't.
I told Julia about our Key

to give you all a chance
to give up on your quest.

We aren't questing,
we are surrendering.

We are giving you
what you want...

A nice, quiet,
moist as hell spot

on Fillory for you to settle.

And you give us the Key.

Or... I walk away.

And when the Lorians,
Floaters, and Western Hordes

are done with Fillory,
I can take it.

All of it.

Our lifespans
dwarf even the dwarves.

We can wait for what we want.

Oh, but you can't, can you?

You see, Fray,
well, she told us

that there are no
Fairy children in your realm.

So... that's a prob.

That's why you
planted your eggs

in the Northern Orchard,
isn't it?

You can't reproduce
in the Fairy Realm.

Without Fillory,
you go extinct.

Fine, ignore the problem.

Your egg hole's
only getting dustier.

You no longer speak
for the people of Fillory.

Tick Pickwick does.

And he has
no interest in a deal.

If you want my Key,
come back with a crown.

Or an army.

[dark music]

I pray to you,
Our Lady Underground.

Please don't be
withholding for once.

[whispering voices]

- God damn it!
- Hello?

Dean Fogg?

Were you talking in here?

No, I was not, why?

I, um, I woke
up this morning

with this ringing in my ears.

You should get that

By someone who isn't me.
But it's not just that.

I can feel what
other people are feeling.

You were given
the power of a god.

Spiritual people might say
that you're hearing prayers.

I heard you.

I felt something
coming from you.

What, exactly?



Look, I think that I'm
supposed to help you...

No, I do not need your help.

Yes, you do.

Your eyes...
Were injured magically,

and fixing them with magic
risks changing

the very core of who I am.
Do you understand?


If you did it,
or another Magician.

But that's not
what I am, exactly.

If I'm hearing prayers,
I'm supposed

to do something about them.
Why give me this otherwise?

[somber music]

You know, I put a little
leftover pigeon in my taco,

and it's really...

really bad.

We need the Key
to get back magic.

We need our thrones
to get the Key.

We need magic
to get our thrones.

It is an ouroboros of ass.

Maybe King Idri
and the Stone Queen

will back our claims.
We defeat Tick's army,

storm the castle...
Yes, and,

what if we replace the part
where we kill everyone with...

Oh, off the top
of my head... democracy?

Like we were going to do
before magic got borked?

Tick's the only one who
can call for an election,

and he's got nothing to gain.

Oh, he'll call
for it, all right.

Josh, I need you
to go to Kinko's.

What is this?

There are thousands of them.
They were falling from the sky.

Over villages, farms,
a brothel...

I... happened to...
be walking by.

Collect them all
and burn them.

Of course, your grumpiness.

But as Abigail
wisely reminded me,

the citizens now believe
they're getting elections.

You'd have to be the one
to announce they're not.

Given the revolutionary mood

the people have
been in recently...

Your plan worked.

Tick already started putting up
his own campaign flyers.

Of course it worked.
Giving people shit is easy.

Taking it away
is almost impossible.

Like Obamacare.

Or herpes.
Too true, Bambi.

Speaking of
difficult conversations

with a former lover,
do you have a second?

Why the... shouldn't
my name be on that ballot?

Because we are
running for king.

We can call the job whatever
we want after we win it.

It has been a struggle
to bring this place

into the 20th century.
Yes, 20th,

because when we got here,
it was straight up Dark Ages,

and we have to start somewhere.

Yeah, we're really
civilizing them.

What should we teach them next?
To outlaw abortion?

Women don't want to work?
Wage gaps? Thigh gaps?

Fillory is patriarchal.

And we've got to put
our best foot forward.

And I'm sorry,
but in this case,

our foot should have a dick.

What, Josh?

Do you have some patronizing
bullshit to tell me, too?

No, uh, could you drop me off
at the Earth portal tree?

I have an idea, but I need...

- How did you...
- Yeah, I have no idea.

Hi, Margo.
I felt you needed my help.

And now I'm here.
It's been a weird day.

Can't believe I did this.

This forest fed so many people.

Not for nothing,

but when I was at
my lowest point,

that tiny spell you showed me,

it's what got me
back in the fight.

Magic is the thing that makes
the children of Earth special.

All I'm asking is, try.

[somber music]

[branches creaking, crackling]

Vote Children of Earth.

Vote Children of Earth.

Vote the Children of Earth!

Step right up,
grab a poster.


We need to talk.

- Look, Quentin...
- What is a Siphon?

And why do you need
Julia to power it?

- You spied on me?
- What does it do?

It's a safeguard.
That's all.

The Library wants
to turn magic back on.

And once it's back on,
they want to make sure

it doesn't get used
for the wrong things

by the wrong people.
So, the Siphon diverts

magic to the Library so that
they can choose who can use it?

Look, you took a test
to get into Brakebills.

If you failed, you would
have gotten sent away,

with no memory of magic.
Happily ignorant.

But because a group
of smart individuals

made a judgment call,
they let you in.

Why should
the Library get to choose?

They're corrupt,
they're killers.

Yeah, so are we.

At least they have
the information,

the perspective.

You love magic,
and you're probably

the best there is at it.

You're terrified of what
you'll do with it.

- I have reason to be.
- I don't know everything

that you did as a niffin, but I
know that people make mistakes

so that they can change
and do better.

But only if they're
given the chance.

Taking away choice
is not the answer.

There are seven Keys,
and we have eight questers.

We can do this without you,
and we will.

Unless you give me the Siphon.

[dramatic music]

Just remember that when
magic was turned off,

your dad went
into remission, Q.

And once you turn it back on,
his cancer comes back,

and he dies.

[somber music]

Straw polls are in,
and our ratings are way up.

I mean, off the charts.
Julia has done us

the solidest solid.
After the trees,

she grew food
for the starving peasants.

She fixed the dry wells.

She even helped this one guy's
bajanked case of head lice.

I mean, Children of Earth
are back on top!

Her Flealessness suggests
that your time as High King

has been so brief,
the Fillorian people

don't yet know
what you stand for.

I stand for them.
I stand for economic stability.

For a solid,
well-researched strategy.

That's it.

I'm going to tell them,
in detail, my plan.

Rafe, write this down.

My fellow Fillorians,
I hereby set forth

my policy to restore
economic and societal growth

to a reunified Fillory...

Blah, blah, blah, blah.
So uninspiring.

Does he really think he can
win by boring them to death?


I hereby declare
all native Fillorians

shall receive ten free
sacks of grain every year.

And how exactly
are we supposed to

grow that much grain,
even with magic?

You're making a promise
you can't keep.

Bambi, first rule
of politics on Earth...

All you have to do is say it.
It doesn't have to be true.

[tense music]

I hereby declare,
under my administration,

low-interest loans
for all new infrastructure.

Easy. No-interest loans.

And we're going to build
Fillory's first...

Power... plants.

Like, geraniums?

Will Tick's granular policies
keep you warm at night?

No, you know what will?

the Fillorian summer.

My proposition
for growth in new sectors...

- Free healthcare for all!
- Based on rigorous

rigorous survey research...
Champagne fountains

in every village.
The abatement of dependency

on the Golden Goose standard.

of agricultural waste

to prevent
environmental runoff.

- Feasts.
- Annual famine

and rampant poverty.
Boat parties!

All: Three cheers for Eliot!

Hooray, hooray, hooray!

- Eliot, I am so sorry.
- What is it?

Tick's campaign just leaked
the transcript from your trial.

You mean the one
where he called Fillory

a malodorous shithole?

It's already hit the Posts.

Son of a Pickwick.

Julia, what the...

There's a little boy
in Syracuse.

I can feel his parents praying.

I know if I just focus enough,
I can bring down his fever.

I feel bad interrupting this.

But we need your help
with something.

Finding Reynard.

I know.

But we need to talk to a god.

- I want to help you, but...
- Julia.

You have all the power now.

Yeah, but he's
still a trickster.

We don't know
what he's capable of.

Look, nobody hates that he's
still alive more than me.

But if we don't do it...

we're at a complete standstill.

All you'd have
to do is locate him,

power up Penny's tattoos,
and we'll take it from there.

You can also say no.

[tense music]

I'm not going
to send you there alone.


All right, I'll get the stuff
for the locater.

There's no need.

I can feel him with my mind.

You guys ready?
Wait, what are you-

- This is the place.
He's nearby.

I have to say,
this is pretty disappointing.


We were all kind of hoping
to find Reynard

showering in a Russian prison.

Oh, shit.


Roxanne Gay, Bell hooks,
feminist lit?

What, are you saving these for
a rapist book burning party?

I've changed.

Living amongst the humans

has given me
a whole new perspective.

You're still
a liar and pathetic,

but I guess you always were.

Why are you here?

What could I have
that you could possibly want?

Let's talk about the
Castle at the End of the World.

What's inside?

How do you guys
know about that place?

Answer her question.

You're not thinking
of going there, are you?

You know there's a reason
the gods had the Architect

put it at the end of the world?
The Architect?

It's not for
you little guys to know.

It's funny...

'cause from where I stand,
you're the little guy now.


You have all my power,
and look at you.

Trying to handle
something you cannot handle.

You should have kept your mouth
shut and stayed in your place.

You've gotten yourself
into some real trouble now.

You think it's easy
being a god?

[dramatic music]

You feel that?

Your... tiny... spark

has grown bigger in me than
it could have ever in you.

You want the truth
about the Castle?

The Castle's where the gods put
the stuff they made before us.

The stuff that didn't work out.

Mistakes that never
should have happened.

Kinda like you.
I hope you do go.

Open that door,
see what happens!

[tea kettle shrills]


Recognize it?


I made it to kill him.
How did you get this?

Did Our Lady give it to you?

Of course not.

My mother left me here to rot.

My stepfather Hades was the
only one that took pity on me.

He slipped me that gun to shoot
myself in case of emergency.

I'm still a god.

Limp or not,
we're hard to kill.

What are you willing to bet
this god killing bullet

will work on the
monster in the Castle?

The fate of the world?

That's good enough for me.

Whoa, that's it?

You're just going
to leave him there?

After what he did
to the both of you?

Shoot him.

Kady, you wanted this.

I wanted him to be
punished for what he did.

And he is.
Leave him here.

I am here to deliver
the official election results.

Eliot has lost.


Uh, Tick has also lost.

Um, what?

Our new High King...

is Margo.

But I wa... I wasn't
even on the ballot.

- You won as a write in.
- Who wrote me in?

The talking animals.

It seems you were the only
human on the campaign trail

who stopped to listen
to their concerns.

You mean that drunk bear?

is a highly respected

member of the community.
You see, there are certain

taboo subjects
you broached with him.


The talking animals believe

that if they were allowed
to inter-marry with humans,

then humans will finally
see them as equals.

None of us were brave enough
to speak out

in support of the cause,
until you.

You really love
that sloth, don't you?

So the human vote basically
means nothing in Fillory.

Considering there's
never been an election

or census before,
we had no idea

there were only
50,000 humans in Fillory,

and upwards of a million
talking animals.

So... yes.

On behalf of Abigail,
let me be the first

to swear loyalty
to the new administration.


I'm so sorry.

And allow me
to be the second.

High King Margo.
Long may you reign.


[both laughing]

[cheers and applause]

Hey, Tick.

I intend to choose
Death by a Thousand Pokes.

They say you only feel
the first hundred or so.

Tick, we're not going
to execute you.

If you proved anything
during your campaign,

it's that Fillory needs
a policy wonk like you.

You're still
bitch listed, but...

King Margo would like you
in her cabinet.


With a full 24-hour
security detail

watching everything you do.

We don't trust you,
but we need you.

[inspiring music]


Citizenship for every Fairy,
full protection of the law,

and a seat in the government.
But we need the Key.

And you shall have it.

Once the last Fairies have
been moved to our new home.

I always saw something in you.

Even when you didn't
see it in yourself.

Now, perhaps you will.

[dramatic music]


You gave me...

I can... I can
see all sorts of things.

It's a Fairy eye.
A gift you will learn

to understand in time.

But one you must hide
in plain sight.

Could I maybe get
some Fairy toes?



[soft whining/whirring]

- It's cranky as shit.
- Just take a little

off the top.
I just collapsed

my entire rental.

- Last time, we were...
- Oh, my God...

Are we supposed
to sing again?

- Holy shit, no.
- We've got news!

- Penny, is that you?
- Yeah.

We just got the last Key
from the Fairies.

Okay, everyone just shut up!
It's Penny.

All right, look, listen.

I-I don't know
how much time we have.

- Kady.
- But I'm going to get you out

of the Underworld, no matter
what it takes, I promise.

- Kady.
- I love you.

This is Penny 23.

The Key replaced
my Penny with you.

Look, I'm really sorry.

This is it.

The end of the story.

Floodgates of magic,
ready to be opened.

What's up, what's wrong?

The quest
is supposed to change us.

I've sacrificed everything
that it wanted me to

up to this point, and I-I...
I can't...

You thought that
when you got here,

you'd be 150% sure
you were doing the right thing.

Now, you're only somewhere
around 70%.

Because you're worried
about your dad.

Party trick.

I just feel things.

I heard you healed
Dean Fogg's eyes.

I could heal your dad?

Right now,
he's perfectly healthy.

There's nothing to do.

If magic comes back,

a lot of dominoes will fall in
ways that we can't predict.

I don't know if I'll
be able to help or not.

It's the deal.

Sorry it's vague.

[somber music]

What if the thing that the
quest wants me to be is cold?

Being willing to sacrifice
the people I love?

Then the quest... ed up when
it chose Quentin Coldwater.


It's all real.

The Chatwins and Fillory.

I've been there.
I s... I sat on a throne

in Whitespire, and I...

I explored the Flying Forest.

And I... met Ember and Umber.

I remember
reading you those books.

Curly Q...

if all that's out there...

What are you doing here?
I'm on a quest.

In New Jersey?

I have a problem.

And I don't know what to do.

No matter what choice I make,
somebody gets hurt.

Magic's gone.

Isn't it?

I'm not like you.
I'm not a Magician.

But I could feel it
when it was gone.

And I knew it
wasn't a coincidence

when I went into remission
a week later.

You're right. My friends and
I were trying to fix it.

- And how's that been going?
- We're getting really close.

So are you here
to ask my permission?


turn it back on?

On this quest...

I've lived a whole life.

I grew old, and I got married.
And I had a son.

Who grew old.

And what was all that for
if it's not for this?

[somber music]

No, I'm not here
to ask for your permission.

I wanted to
look you in the eye

and tell you that I'm sorry.

I don't know
what's going to happen.

But I'm going to do this.

What was his name?

Your son.

I named him after you.

[soft emotional music]