The Magicians (2015–…): Season 3, Episode 11 - Twenty-Three - full transcript
The group strategizes as Josh and Julia travel to a familiar place and are given a chance to help.
Previously on "The Magicians"...
No magic means no more
idiotic Earth rulers,
and I get my kingdom back.
We are gonna hunt down
every last living slaver,
and hang them by their own entrails.
[TENSE MUSIC]
What does Jane have
to do with The Beast?
Ember gave her the ability
to create a time loop.
A time loop.
So far, all the loops
ends in your death.
How many times have I died?
39... the Alice from the 23rd timeline
was the sole survivor of The Beast.
- We need to talk to her.
- Well, you can't.
Well, what about a Tesla Flexion?
I'm from another timeline.
We only have two minutes.
I thought I'd never see you again.
The Beast, he... he tore you apart,
piece by piece, but not just your body,
but your... your Shade, everything.
Oh! I have sexually-transmitted
lycanthropy.
It's totally curable.
- There is no actual cure.
- A silver bullet.
These are my students, they are in need
- of the Rhinemann Ultra.
- [LAUGHS]
No one but you can be within
20 feet of the blast...
[WHOOSHING]
It will kill anyone
including your Beast.
So, you wanna tell me where you
hooked up with your partner?
Fillory.
If he smells you again, he won't show.
If you want him,
you might just have
to risk losing your base.
You and your companions
are on a quest for seven keys?
Yes.
We have one of the keys
in the Fairy Realm.
Without the key, everything collapses,
which is why we can
never give it to you.
I don't know what they think
is going on with my nose.
Yeah, and those are not my teeth.
And only 1,000 Fillorian
gold crescents for us?
Tick is cheap. It'll be his downfall.
- I'll kill him.
- Who you gonna kill?
That dick, Tick Pickwick.
Your incursion into the throne room
put that cheapskate on red alert.
Wait, we're on there too?
You're Kings and Queens of Fillory,
so you're a threat to his reign.
Yeah, well, so was Josh.
I don't see his face on there.
He was more like a substitute
teacher, didn't count.
We got news... Julia sent a bunny.
Apparently, her and the Fairy
Queen are on good terms now.
Fucking what?
Hold on, so, on Earth,
the fairies are slaves,
and the Fairy Queen is...
- A good guy, kind of?
- Uh-uh, you know what?
Fuck Tinkerbitch.
Fuck her right in the Egg McMuffin.
Guys, we need Tinkerbitch's
help to get the Sixth Key.
Unfortunately,
she's as helpful as pubic lice.
Right, which is why
we should talk to Julia
- and I think we should do it in person.
- Sorry, but we're all wanted,
and Tick's just stepped up the
patrols around the portal tree.
Why don't we just send one of us?
It'll be easier to break through.
- I'll do it.
- You can't.
Tick wants your head,
says so right there.
Have you guys tried
this Fillorian salami?
It doesn't taste like horse...
[CHUCKLES]
What?
Jesus, fuck.
I'm... [LAUGHS]
I'm much too sober for all this.
Yeah, well, you have to hear it.
A lot of the McAllisters are dead,
but Irene is still out there,
and I don't know what she's going to do.
Slavery, mass murder...
and yet, it smells so floral in here.
Lucier's cleaning charm.
Next time, try less rosewater.
Any idea about how to deal with Irene,
who will doubtless
want her property back?
Well, she'll have to find it first.
Did you poke out her eyes?
No.
I replaced all the wards
and shields around Brakebills.
You did what? By yourself?
That's impossible.
That's apparently what I can do now.
My magic's been growing,
maybe because I helped
free all those fairies.
[CHUCKLES]
This is new territory for me.
Me too.
Well, look, the school's
yours again, if you want it.
Sober up.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
'Sup.
So, the Fairy Queen
can't give us the Sixth Key.
The Fairy Realm
will collapse without it.
Well, that blows.
Honestly, my instructions
ended at talk to Julia.
So what are we supposed to do now?
[WHOOSHING, ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
Uhh...
How did we end up at Burning Man?
We're inside a Tesla Flexion.
Is that a car?
A device that allows you to
communicate across timelines.
Like, alternate universes-type shit?
Like alternate universes-type shit.
- Don't touch anything.
- Copy that.
Usual paradox/explosion problems?
Someone cast this to pull us inside.
We just need to find out who.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
Thank God, it worked.
[HAUNTING MUSIC]
Holy mirror universes, Batman.
It's me.
Like, you're me...
Okay, calm your shit.
I'm from a different timeline.
You're in a Tesla Flexion,
we only have...
Two minutes. We know the rules.
Right. Of course. You pulled
Alice into one of these before.
Wait, you're from that same timeline?
That's right. Look, we need your help.
There's this monster here
killing Magicians.
- We call him The Beast.
- 12 fingers?
Cloud of moths around his face?
Yeah, I tried to get people to
call him Mothra... didn't stick.
Here either, can't expect everyone
to be down with the Kaiju classics.
[STAMMERS] Okay, guys,
two minutes, right?
Right, uh, problem is, magic vanished.
These plumber guys
showed up one day and just...
Shut it off like a faucet.
Here, too. But you
guys have no idea why?
No clue, except the problem is,
we lost magic, but The Beast didn't.
He was suddenly unstoppable.
[STAMMERING] I don't understand.
So magic is gone, but then
how does he still have it?
Dude, I don't know.
Maybe it has something to do
with this key around his neck.
Wait, what key?
About yea big.
Rumor is, it gives him
visions of the future.
Visions of the future...
none of our keys do that.
Look, Julia, in my timeline,
you were the best student
Brakebills ever had
until you were horribly murdered.
- Oh.
- But with your help,
we might stand a chance against Mothra.
And Josh, well, you're me.
No argument there.
[WATCH BEEPS]
Shit, uh, please... you have
to find a way back here.
This is our most desperate hour.
Help us, Julia and Josh.
You're our only hope.
[EXHALES]
[EXHALES]
[SOFT LAUGH]
Ended on a "Star Wars" reference?
He really knew how to get to me.
We're his new hope.
All I'm saying is,
can we even trust him?
Of course we can trust him. It's me.
I would know if I was lying.
You said we can't get the Sixth
Key, and visions of the future?
That has to be the seventh.
Any reason we gotta do this in order?
I don't know.
Up until now,
the book told us where to go,
we got a key, and then
the book gave us a clue
- about where to find the next one.
- Well, maybe this time, we flip it.
The key quest has been Q's thing.
I've been trying to
figure out my own magic.
Listen, I say we take
this problem back to him,
and see what he and the others
have to say about it.
Fine, but I will freely admit
I was getting excited
at the idea of
a Josh-Julia solo adventure.
Sorry.
Yeah, what would
the shippers even call us?
Josh? Julia? See?
You couldn't even tell that
I swapped the first letters.
Nope.
[FOREBODING MUSIC]
Where's the portal?
[STAMMERS] What happened?
The time key sent us to the lab.
Not our lab.
This place is a wreck.
Damn, that was fast.
We're in Timeline 23.
Act out.
This doesn't make sense.
The key was supposed
to take us to Fillory.
It just decided to send us back here?
What even are the rules?
Beats me...
they're weirdly inconsistent.
I guess we have some shit
to take care of in Timeline 23,
maybe key-related.
It worked! They're here!
Marina?
Holy shit.
Wait, you know her?
Of course I do,
she was a year ahead of me,
and hot, um... [LAUGHS]
Okay, I know you by reputation,
but how do you know me?
I don't know you here?
No.
You went to Brakebills,
I'm a hedge witch, we don't mix.
So, what happened in your timeline?
Um, I didn't go to Brakebills,
so we became friends.
Friends?
That does not sound like me.
Wait, you didn't go to Brakebills?
That's, like, Hermione Granger
not getting into Hogwarts.
Alternate timeline shit is weird.
Tell me about it.
Why don't we go somewhere safer?
We can talk about all this.
Jesus, place hasn't looked this
partied out since my first year.
So, you guys have no idea
why magic went away here?
No clue, how about in yours?
[SIGHS]
A God was killed by a human.
The Old Gods took it away as punishment.
Bunch of Mount Olympus-sized dicks.
And magic going out here was the
beginning of the end for us.
That Beast started killing Magicians...
first Brakebills,
then the hedge witches.
So, we joined forces to survive.
Wait, so if The Beast
is killing Magicians,
is Brakebills really the safest
place for us to hang out?
Oh, he hasn't been here
since the first massacre.
Thinks everyone's dead.
We have scoured what's left of the place
looking for away to defeat
that moth-faced cock-whistler.
That's how we found the Tesla Flexion,
and a battery to cast it.
And this sweet jacket.
It's not magic, but might as well be.
Hey, speaking of magic,
we got some big news.
- Julia can...
- [CLEARS THROAT]
Uh, tell you about it herself.
And it's not even...
it's not even big news.
I don't know why I said that...
[DRY LAUGH]
Your Beast has some sort of key?
Mm-hmm.
We need it.
You help us kill our Beast,
key is yours.
Deal.
Boom.
Let's celebrate, bitches...
Powerful women.
So, Marina, huh?
You know,
I've always had a crush on her.
I know.
Oh, right... [LAUGHS]
Hey, what happened to the glasses?
Lasik.
You know, I've always
been too scared to do that.
You are the braver Josh.
I've been through some shit.
Tell.
Spring break Fillory
turned into a massacre.
- I ended up stuck...
- Stuck in the Neitherlands, me too.
If the Physical Kids hadn't shown
up, I don't know how long...
No one ever showed up for me.
No one made it out?
Some made it out,
they just forgot about me.
Dude.
So, I came back determined
not to need anybody.
I'd be a lone wolf...
brave, heroic, solo.
Got Lasik, found this sweet jacket,
and changed my fucking life.
Wow.
Is this like that time when we got
that Kangol hat in middle school
and thought everything
was gonna be different?
No, it's not like that at all.
Cool.
Inspiring.
And, uh...
[EXHALING] Phew.
Did you...
[STAMMERS] Did you just roofie me?
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY]
♪ ♪
Nighty-night.
Oh, ugh.
What happened?
What the hell are we tied up with?
It was Professor Sunderland's.
Wish I took more classes with her.
Why are we all tied up?
'Cause we didn't have a way
to stop The Beast's attacks,
until now.
We're gonna give you to him.
This is insane.
You can't trust The Beast.
What makes you think he'll make
a deal instead of killing you?
You.
When he showed up here with
his key killing everybody,
he kept asking for you.
I don't understand, I
thought I was dead here.
You are, it was actually
pretty confusing.
So, maybe the guy with
the face full of moths
isn't in the best place psychologically.
But it gave me an idea.
Give The Beast what he wants...
Julia, from an alternate timeline
in exchange for leaving us alone.
And what about me?
Sorry, bro.
You're the Cedric Diggory of this story.
At least he died looking hot.
The Beast should be here soon.
He can sense magic.
There's no way he'd miss
that Tesla Flexion.
You have another choice.
In our timeline,
we killed The Beast using a spell...
the Rhinemann Ultra.
[LAUGHS] Yeah, I've heard of that.
Don't you need
God-level power to cast it?
[SOFT, DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[EXHALES] [CLICKING]
♪ ♪
[CLEARS THROAT]
Yeah, you do.
♪ ♪
[SHAKY BREATHING]
♪ ♪
Also took care of your migraines,
and smoking addiction... you're welcome.
- How did you...
- Long story.
Act out.
Easy, cowboy.
I promise you, it's real.
And we can use it to stop
The Beast once and for all.
So, what do you say?
♪ ♪
You have this Rhinemann spell?
Dean Fogg will know where to
find it, if he's still alive.
Oh, he's still alive...
not exactly the premier
educator he once was.
Kind of a walking opioid crisis.
I'll, uh, take you to him.
But Josh is our hostage
until we get back.
Enjoy swapping puberty stories.
They're the same stories.
[FOOTSTEPS FADING]
So, you and Dean Fogg
are on good terms here?
I mean, he did kick
me out of Brakebills,
but he's warmed to me a bit since then.
Nothing like watching all
of your students and friends
get murdered by a creature from
another world to open you up.
How do you know him? I thought
you didn't go to Brakebills.
It's complicated.
- You fucked him.
- No! What?
Okay, defensive much?
He's not that bad in bed... [SOFT LAUGH]
Okay... [SOFT LAUGH]
Hey, speaking of,
what's the deal with
you and me in your timeline?
I'm sensing some weird kinda tension.
- Is it the fun kind?
- Like I said, we were friends.
It wasn't always fun.
We got into a big fight,
but we ended up kinda getting over it.
That's it?
From your face, I was expecting
something a little more...
dramatic.
Yeah, sorry to disappoint.
This way?
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
[CLEARS THROAT]
Marina.
Aww, come on.
I won't steal anything
from you this time.
What did you steal from me last time?
Nothing, just forget I said anything.
Just... I found an
old student of yours, okay?
[SOFT, DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[LOCK CLICKING]
♪ ♪
Come in.
♪ ♪
Timeline 40?
I have to live through
another 17 more of these.
Uh, you don't remember them all?
Only the ones I've been through already.
I thought 22 was absolutely dreadful,
until this one.
[PILLS RATTLING]
Is that really necessary?
If I'm going to experience
16 more of these fiascos,
it really doesn't matter
what I do, now does it?
No, it doesn't.
So, what about that spell,
the Rhinemann Ultra?
Ah, yes, the Rhinemann Ultra.
My friend Bigby had that.
Unfortunately, she's dead.
Everything went to shit when magic died.
Creatures got set upon,
chopped up to steal their mojo.
That poor thing.
[GULPS] I killed a leprechaun once.
I'm not proud.
Just saying.
I'd forgotten how
entertaining he can be.
You wouldn't happen to know
where Bigby kept it? The spell?
I don't.
But you're not the first
students to inquire about it.
There was this whole
puzzle thing I can skip over,
but I sent two students to see her.
[SNIFFS] They died.
Seems to be a bit of a theme.
There's good news.
You see, their deaths were,
well, earth-shatteringly horrible.
I mean, really awful... [LAUGHS]
I don't like to think
about it if I can help it.
Wait, so how is this good news?
Because they're ghosts, dear.
They still haunt the library,
last I checked...
pretty deep in the stacks.
They might remember the spell.
But I'd be careful if I were you.
Ghosts, well, ghosts can be dangerous.
Yeah.
How could you do this to me, man?
You're me, I'm you, we're us.
I would never betray myself.
You haven't been through
what I've been through.
Yes I have, except the Lasik.
There's more than that.
Whatever.
You know, I thought you were cool
and brave.
And I dug your jacket, but now
I just think you're a dick,
which sucks,
because that means I'm a dick.
What do you expect?
My friends abandoned me.
Maybe they were right too.
What, did you
roofie and betray them too?
No.
It's not what I did,
it's what I'm gonna do.
How do you know what you're gonna do?
The Quickening?
What's The Quickening?
I can't think about it. I don'
want all their blood on my hands.
What the hell is The Quickening?
Nothing you need to worry about.
Just be glad you didn't bang a werewolf.
Let's talk about something else, okay?
Now I need an aspirin.
[EERIE MUSIC]
Yeah, the library got ransacked
after The Beast took out
most of the school.
Honestly, I did most of the ransacking,
but I didn't see any ghosts.
♪ ♪
[SCREAMS] Eliot, holy shit!
Oh, what the hell was that?
I think I know
the students who died here.
- Eliot and...
- Margo?
[ELECTRICITY FIZZLING]
I told you we need to
get our shit together, Eliot.
I have my shit together.
No, you're holding
your shit together, barely.
There's a difference.
Don't let that pixie twat
Bigby get in your head.
[SLIGHTLY SLURRED] She called me a lush,
which is basically just
a nice way of saying alcoholic.
[SCOFFS] And she said
I couldn't handle the spell.
Why don't you prove her wrong
and help me, okay?
What are we doing?
Well, before we can do the
Rhinemann, we need a power-up.
Here is a cooperative spell.
Now, if we can cast this together,
it might just give us
enough juice to kill The Beast.
And if we cast it wrong,
kaboom.
So, let's not cast it wrong.
What if Bigby was right?
[STAMMERS] What if I am too drunk?
[STAMMERING] What if I screw it up?
Ack!
You are not gonna cock out on me.
Cock out?
I'd say pussy, but let's be honest.
Which one is tougher?
Point made.
[ELECTRICITY FIZZLING]
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[SHAKY] Oh God, oh God...
♪ ♪
I screwed up, I screwed up,
I screwed up, I screwed...
ah, ah, ah, ah...
Ugh... [WHIMPERING] Oh!
[SOBBING] I screwed it up, I
screwed it up, I screwed it up,
I screwed it up,
I screwed it up,
I screwed it up...
[WHISPERING] I screwed it up,
I screwed it up...
[ELECTRICITY FIZZLES] Bambi?
- Where's my Bambi?
- [SHUTTER CLICKS]
[GROWLING] Where's my Bambi?
- Come on... oh!
- Jesus Christ!
[GASPS]
Cocks.
- Ugh, yuck, that was...
- So yuck.
Not fun at all.
Please tell me you got that spell.
Yeah, I, uh, I think I can make it out.
[WHISPERING] I think
someone is following us.
When I give the signal,
stay out of the way.
Okay.
[SOFT, DRAMATIC MUSIC]
- Now!
- That's your signal?
♪ ♪
Penny?
Julia.
So, it is you.
You're real.
You're alive.
♪ ♪
Whoa, um, um...
Julia, it's me.
- Yeah, I... I know.
- God, it's like I'm...
- I'm living in a dream.
- Just let me short-circuit this.
If you think following two strangers
and then kissing one of them
is dream behavior...
She's not a stranger.
She's my soul mate.
Oh, God.
Um, I'm...
I'm actually not your Julia.
You see, I'm from a different timeline.
One where romantic comedy
behavior gets you arrested.
I'm sorry, I thought-
- No, it's... it's okay.
When I heard a rumor that The
Beast was looking for her
even though she's dead, I...
it's crazy, but I...
I had to see.
I'm sorry.
It was stupid.
Julia, we gotta get out of here.
- Where are you going?
- To kill The Beast.
- Let me come with you.
- Okay, sorry, buddy,
but we got everything we need,
no baggage necessary.
I wanna kill The Beast
as badly as you do.
[SCOFFS]
He's a traveler, could come in handy.
Eye roll.
[SOFT, DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪ ♪
It's working, I can feel it.
♪ ♪
[EXHALES]
It's just a lot of moving pieces.
So...
what's up with me in your timeline?
Well,
you're kind of in the Underworld.
Not good.
I'm not sure you're technically dead.
So, in the Underworld, but not dead?
That sounds worse.
Truth is,
you got there because
you did something heroic.
Unlike my alternate self, who's a dick,
possibly related to self-esteem issues,
and, I guess, lycanthropy.
Yeah, it sounds like y'all
got something to work out.
Here he comes.
Hey, can I ask you one last time...
what is The Quickening?
No, you can't.
I don't wanna talk about
my private tragedy,
- so unless you want me to gag you...
- Okay, fine, Dick Josh.
Don't call me Dick Josh.
Then don't be a dick, Josh.
I am not a dick.
I've had harder life than you.
Did you? What makes you so sure?
Because you get to hang out with Julia,
who is awesome,
and I get Marina,
who is mean all the time.
[SCOFFS]
Then why do you hang out with her?
Because when she dies,
it's not going to feel so bad.
Truth is, maybe my friends abandoned me,
or maybe, I pushed them away.
Because whatever
this thing is that's looming...
because unlike me,
you were dumb enough
to bang a werewolf chick.
[SCOFF]
[SIGH]
Don't call me Dick Josh again.
[SOFT LAUGH]
Wow.
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪ ♪
Oh shit, we got company!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
I hope you're ready.
[GAGS]
[GRUNTS]
Josh, go!
A Josh has to live to tell our story.
♪ ♪
Get back! Anything inside
of 20 feet will be ash!
♪ ♪
[CRASH]
♪ ♪
Julia.
The key didn't lie.
Q?
Getting a little sick of plot twists.
Focus, we need to get out of here.
I can travel, but I can't
take anyone with me
'cause these fucking things
don't work without magic.
Let me try.
♪ ♪
Quentin is The Beast.
Quentin is The Beast?
How the fuck is Quentin The Beast?
Who's Quentin again?
He's the motherfucker
who convinced my Julia
to run away to Fillory in the
first place and get murdered.
Yeah, by The Beast.
So, you see why this is confusing?
Doesn't make any sense.
Alice 23 told us that
The Beast killed Quentin.
She said that he tore out his
Shade, and destroyed him.
Uh, did he look destroyed to any of you?
He survived a direct hit
from the Rhinemann Ultra.
I didn't even think that was possible.
You'd have to have a lot
of power, like a God.
Oh, we are in such deep shit.
Maybe we should just stay here
in this branch of the library.
Hey Penny, where are all the Librarians?
I don't know.
It's been empty as long
as I've been coming here.
It's the first place I found
where I couldn't hear The Beast.
Now, is that The Beast beast,
or the Q beast,
or is there another beast?
I think we're missing
some pages of the story here
somewhere between Quentin
was killed by The Beast
and Quentin is The Beast,
only more powerful.
I know who we should talk to...
the one person who tried
to bring Quentin back.
do any of you have
any clue where Alice is?
Um... [CLEARS THROAT]
is there an Alice Quinn on this boat?
Other cabin.
Thanks.
I was going to give up on Quentin.
He died and his Shade
went to the Underworld,
and I couldn't reach it
until your Tesla Flexion came through.
That changed everything.
Seeing him and hearing
that he loved me...
just knowing that he was out there,
if only I could bring him back.
So, what did you do?
There's a creature in the Northern Marsh
who can give you just
about anything for a price.
What kind of evil creature-type
deal are we talking here?
When I die,
I won't go to the Underworld.
Now, I belong to him.
So, Harvey Weinstein-type evil.
So, um, what did he give you?
The power to bring
Quentin back without his Shade.
I was so heartbroken, I thought
that maybe we could just
fix it together once he returned.
It was the biggest mistake of my life.
Without his Shade, he...
- He wasn't Quentin.
- No.
[SOFT, DRAMATIC MUSIC]
He wanted Fillory for himself.
So, he killed The Beast.
But that wasn't enough.
So, he found a way to kill
Ember, and steal his powers.
But because he killed a God...
[STAMMERS]
The Old Gods took magic away.
Quentin still had the power
he stole from Ember.
He told me that Fillory was the
only thing that he truly loved.
It was always his escape.
He was afraid of magic,
of any Magician who might bring it back.
Anyone who would oppose him,
take Fillory from him...
And the six fingers, moths...
how'd that shit happen?
I don't know.
He did tell me that he finally
understood Martin Chatwin,
that he was the only one who
appreciated Fillory like he did.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean for any of this to happen.
I just... I loved Quentin.
And I wanted to see him again.
It's okay.
Hell no, it's not okay.
All of our friends died because of you,
because of what you did.
Because of what I did.
Quentin and I used the Tesla Flexion
to talk to her.
And if we hadn't,
Alice never would've tried
to bring her Quentin back,
and none of this would've happened.
Whoa, whoa, time travel headache.
Okay, so, what, just
because you gave her the sads,
it's somehow your fault that
she resurrected a crazy monster
who murdered everybody and got
magic turned off? I mean, yeah,
I guess it's kind of
a little bit your fault,
but mostly it's on this blonde,
seven-fingered nutcase.
So, why you on this ship anyway?
What is with all the bunnies?
Are you trying to send a
bunch of messages or something?
No, I work for them.
They're radish smugglers, I...
I stack boxes. It's the
only thing they can't do.
[SOFT LAUGH]
And this ship is the only
place Quentin can't track me,
so I can try to fix my mistake.
How?
By finding a weapon to kill Quentin.
Okay, now we're getting somewhere.
♪ ♪
I found this.
♪ ♪
Don't ask me how.
♪ ♪
Let me guess... you traveled to the past
and made a deal with a knife maker?
♪ ♪
The only problem is,
I don't have enough power to touch it.
♪ ♪
[GASPS]
♪ ♪
I do.
I'll tell Captain Hopps I'm leaving.
♪ ♪
Found some carrot wine.
The other Josh
told me something terrible
was going to happen to him.
Something did... he fucking died.
Yeah, but...
It's gonna happen to me too.
Whatever the holy hell
was gonna happen to him
that he never goddamn told me
because I never got past the part,
it's called The Quickening,
'cause that's not ominous.
And they told me sexually-transmitted
lycanthropy was no big deal.
That's what I always heard too.
Turns out, it's murder herpes.
So, yay.
If I find out I may turn into
a monster and kill everyone,
I'd run far away.
'Cause if you're near Julia
when that happens,
I'll kill you myself, Dick Josh.
[SOFT LAUGH]
- We can't do that.
- But it totally works.
We pop in, we throw Alice to The Beast,
and when he's munching on her entrails,
Penny pops you behind and
you stab Q-bert in the back.
Marina, I'm not going
to use Alice as bait.
Why not? I mean, you heard her.
This is all her fault,
she wants to fix what she screwed up.
There are ways to do this without
sacrificing her life, okay?
Are you getting cold feet because The
Beast is your former best friend,
the unimpressive white guy?
No, it's not that.
Because people have already
died in this timeline.
Basically, everyone I know...
they're dead because of short,
blonde, and crazy, and I guess you.
But why would you give a shit about
that? You just want your stupid key.
I tried to kill a God once
with help from a friend...
you.
I used you as bait to lure him.
And when I couldn't get back
in time, he killed you.
I screwed up, and you died.
And it was horrible.
Jesus Christ.
I'm so sorry.
I couldn't tell you before because
it was my fault.
And I can never do that
to someone again.
So, what do you wanna do?
I mean, this shit is dangerous.
We can't just waltz up on The Beast.
He may act like a beast, but,
deep down, he's the Quentin
I've always known.
So, what are you saying?
You wanna spare him?
♪ ♪
I wanna use that against him.
♪ ♪
Uh, wow.
He really let the place go.
What is all this shit?
[SOFT MUSIC]
♪ ♪
The Winter's Doe...
what's left of her.
Jesus, did he eat her?
These are the polished rocks
from the Silver Banks.
That's where Martin Chatwin
learned to skip rocks.
This is a bugle from Brass City.
Rupert learned to play on this.
- You guys, this isn't trash.
- No.
This is a "Fillory and
Further" fan boy's collection.
It's trash.
Quentin's been hoarding this.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[DISCORDANT BUGLE TRUMPETING]
You're not a very good player,
whoever you are.
[STONES CLATTERING]
Hilarious.
[SNIFFING]
- Alice?
- [GASPS]
I can smell you.
Why don't you come on out?
[KNIFE CLATTERS]
[WHISPERING] He knows I'm here.
Hurry, quick, let's go.
I'm trying.
Shit, he must've cast a ward. I
can't travel into the throne room.
Fine, you don't wanna come out?
Then I will...
fill the room with fire.
[TENSE MUSIC]
You guys stay, I'll go.
- No, Alice, don't.
- I have to.
[FIRE WHOOSHES]
If I don't, he'll kill all of us.
♪ ♪
I'm here, Quentin.
♪ ♪
Wait.
I am the only one who can stop him.
♪ ♪
I made a mistake.
- I should never have run from you.
- That's what I said.
You killed every
Magician you could find,
except me.
Why?
I thought about it, but you were doing
such a good job of torturing yourself.
And the others, I...
I could say that they were a threat,
but honestly, I just realized
that I didn't like them very much.
Doesn't sound like you.
I know you.
You knew me.
You're not Martin Chatwin, you're
not The Beast... you hate The Beast.
True.
But you show up with a face full of
moths, and everyone loses their shit.
People think that The Beast
is invincible.
♪ ♪
Who wouldn't use that
to their advantage?
I think that he would be flattered
I did a Dread Pirate Roberts.
"The Princess Bride."
Please, Quentin.
I know the man that I love
is still inside you somewhere.
Yeah, I ate him.
Okay, this is obviously
a ploy to buy your friends time,
so why don't we just get this over with?
[GROANS]
♪ ♪
That's a familiar scent.
♪ ♪
Julia.
You can't kill me, you've already tried.
♪ ♪
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]
♪ ♪
What did you...
what did you do to me?
- It's my Shade.
- [GROANS]
And I can live without it if I have to.
[GASPS]
Everything that you are
feeling right now,
I have felt...
grief, sadness, shame, regret.
Q?
♪ ♪
Alice.
[SOLEMN MUSIC]
♪ ♪
I killed her.
♪ ♪
I'm so sorry.
Q?
Where did you find the key?
Um...
I heard it could be used
to bring back magic,
and I couldn't have that,
so I got it first.
I know why you were looking for me.
The key...
it showed you visions of the future...
me killing you.
Julia...
I'm here to tell you I'm not.
I'm not going to kill you.
I wanna help you.
The visions weren't of you killing me.
I saw you opening a lock
at the End Of The World.
You were trying to let magic in, but
you let in something much worse.
What?
A monster.
[FOREBODING MUSIC]
One even worse than me.
You should take your Shade back.
♪ ♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[GROANS]
♪ ♪
You look dumb.
I'm trying to get this
stupid key to open up a door.
Well, isn't there, like, some
kind of ritual for that? Or...
It would be nice
if there was, but no, so, key-waving.
Is that my Josh's jacket?
Yeah.
Hm, you look cooler.
You are mean.
[HEELS CLACKING, FADING]
[GENTLE MUSIC]
So, the key show you anything?
Visions of the future?
Nothing.
Okay.
Then I guess you don't know
that I'm coming with you.
What?
Your Penny's dead, or,
not alive in some confusing way.
- Penny, I don't...
- I'm not asking permission.
Okay.
I'm not her.
I know that.
It's just, there's nothing here for me.
But there?
Give it time.
[HIGH-PITCHED WHOOSHING]
Hey, uh, Jules?
We have a door.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
Um, is it bad that Marina
just ran right through?
I honestly don't know.
♪ ♪
No magic means no more
idiotic Earth rulers,
and I get my kingdom back.
We are gonna hunt down
every last living slaver,
and hang them by their own entrails.
[TENSE MUSIC]
What does Jane have
to do with The Beast?
Ember gave her the ability
to create a time loop.
A time loop.
So far, all the loops
ends in your death.
How many times have I died?
39... the Alice from the 23rd timeline
was the sole survivor of The Beast.
- We need to talk to her.
- Well, you can't.
Well, what about a Tesla Flexion?
I'm from another timeline.
We only have two minutes.
I thought I'd never see you again.
The Beast, he... he tore you apart,
piece by piece, but not just your body,
but your... your Shade, everything.
Oh! I have sexually-transmitted
lycanthropy.
It's totally curable.
- There is no actual cure.
- A silver bullet.
These are my students, they are in need
- of the Rhinemann Ultra.
- [LAUGHS]
No one but you can be within
20 feet of the blast...
[WHOOSHING]
It will kill anyone
including your Beast.
So, you wanna tell me where you
hooked up with your partner?
Fillory.
If he smells you again, he won't show.
If you want him,
you might just have
to risk losing your base.
You and your companions
are on a quest for seven keys?
Yes.
We have one of the keys
in the Fairy Realm.
Without the key, everything collapses,
which is why we can
never give it to you.
I don't know what they think
is going on with my nose.
Yeah, and those are not my teeth.
And only 1,000 Fillorian
gold crescents for us?
Tick is cheap. It'll be his downfall.
- I'll kill him.
- Who you gonna kill?
That dick, Tick Pickwick.
Your incursion into the throne room
put that cheapskate on red alert.
Wait, we're on there too?
You're Kings and Queens of Fillory,
so you're a threat to his reign.
Yeah, well, so was Josh.
I don't see his face on there.
He was more like a substitute
teacher, didn't count.
We got news... Julia sent a bunny.
Apparently, her and the Fairy
Queen are on good terms now.
Fucking what?
Hold on, so, on Earth,
the fairies are slaves,
and the Fairy Queen is...
- A good guy, kind of?
- Uh-uh, you know what?
Fuck Tinkerbitch.
Fuck her right in the Egg McMuffin.
Guys, we need Tinkerbitch's
help to get the Sixth Key.
Unfortunately,
she's as helpful as pubic lice.
Right, which is why
we should talk to Julia
- and I think we should do it in person.
- Sorry, but we're all wanted,
and Tick's just stepped up the
patrols around the portal tree.
Why don't we just send one of us?
It'll be easier to break through.
- I'll do it.
- You can't.
Tick wants your head,
says so right there.
Have you guys tried
this Fillorian salami?
It doesn't taste like horse...
[CHUCKLES]
What?
Jesus, fuck.
I'm... [LAUGHS]
I'm much too sober for all this.
Yeah, well, you have to hear it.
A lot of the McAllisters are dead,
but Irene is still out there,
and I don't know what she's going to do.
Slavery, mass murder...
and yet, it smells so floral in here.
Lucier's cleaning charm.
Next time, try less rosewater.
Any idea about how to deal with Irene,
who will doubtless
want her property back?
Well, she'll have to find it first.
Did you poke out her eyes?
No.
I replaced all the wards
and shields around Brakebills.
You did what? By yourself?
That's impossible.
That's apparently what I can do now.
My magic's been growing,
maybe because I helped
free all those fairies.
[CHUCKLES]
This is new territory for me.
Me too.
Well, look, the school's
yours again, if you want it.
Sober up.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
'Sup.
So, the Fairy Queen
can't give us the Sixth Key.
The Fairy Realm
will collapse without it.
Well, that blows.
Honestly, my instructions
ended at talk to Julia.
So what are we supposed to do now?
[WHOOSHING, ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
Uhh...
How did we end up at Burning Man?
We're inside a Tesla Flexion.
Is that a car?
A device that allows you to
communicate across timelines.
Like, alternate universes-type shit?
Like alternate universes-type shit.
- Don't touch anything.
- Copy that.
Usual paradox/explosion problems?
Someone cast this to pull us inside.
We just need to find out who.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
Thank God, it worked.
[HAUNTING MUSIC]
Holy mirror universes, Batman.
It's me.
Like, you're me...
Okay, calm your shit.
I'm from a different timeline.
You're in a Tesla Flexion,
we only have...
Two minutes. We know the rules.
Right. Of course. You pulled
Alice into one of these before.
Wait, you're from that same timeline?
That's right. Look, we need your help.
There's this monster here
killing Magicians.
- We call him The Beast.
- 12 fingers?
Cloud of moths around his face?
Yeah, I tried to get people to
call him Mothra... didn't stick.
Here either, can't expect everyone
to be down with the Kaiju classics.
[STAMMERS] Okay, guys,
two minutes, right?
Right, uh, problem is, magic vanished.
These plumber guys
showed up one day and just...
Shut it off like a faucet.
Here, too. But you
guys have no idea why?
No clue, except the problem is,
we lost magic, but The Beast didn't.
He was suddenly unstoppable.
[STAMMERING] I don't understand.
So magic is gone, but then
how does he still have it?
Dude, I don't know.
Maybe it has something to do
with this key around his neck.
Wait, what key?
About yea big.
Rumor is, it gives him
visions of the future.
Visions of the future...
none of our keys do that.
Look, Julia, in my timeline,
you were the best student
Brakebills ever had
until you were horribly murdered.
- Oh.
- But with your help,
we might stand a chance against Mothra.
And Josh, well, you're me.
No argument there.
[WATCH BEEPS]
Shit, uh, please... you have
to find a way back here.
This is our most desperate hour.
Help us, Julia and Josh.
You're our only hope.
[EXHALES]
[EXHALES]
[SOFT LAUGH]
Ended on a "Star Wars" reference?
He really knew how to get to me.
We're his new hope.
All I'm saying is,
can we even trust him?
Of course we can trust him. It's me.
I would know if I was lying.
You said we can't get the Sixth
Key, and visions of the future?
That has to be the seventh.
Any reason we gotta do this in order?
I don't know.
Up until now,
the book told us where to go,
we got a key, and then
the book gave us a clue
- about where to find the next one.
- Well, maybe this time, we flip it.
The key quest has been Q's thing.
I've been trying to
figure out my own magic.
Listen, I say we take
this problem back to him,
and see what he and the others
have to say about it.
Fine, but I will freely admit
I was getting excited
at the idea of
a Josh-Julia solo adventure.
Sorry.
Yeah, what would
the shippers even call us?
Josh? Julia? See?
You couldn't even tell that
I swapped the first letters.
Nope.
[FOREBODING MUSIC]
Where's the portal?
[STAMMERS] What happened?
The time key sent us to the lab.
Not our lab.
This place is a wreck.
Damn, that was fast.
We're in Timeline 23.
Act out.
This doesn't make sense.
The key was supposed
to take us to Fillory.
It just decided to send us back here?
What even are the rules?
Beats me...
they're weirdly inconsistent.
I guess we have some shit
to take care of in Timeline 23,
maybe key-related.
It worked! They're here!
Marina?
Holy shit.
Wait, you know her?
Of course I do,
she was a year ahead of me,
and hot, um... [LAUGHS]
Okay, I know you by reputation,
but how do you know me?
I don't know you here?
No.
You went to Brakebills,
I'm a hedge witch, we don't mix.
So, what happened in your timeline?
Um, I didn't go to Brakebills,
so we became friends.
Friends?
That does not sound like me.
Wait, you didn't go to Brakebills?
That's, like, Hermione Granger
not getting into Hogwarts.
Alternate timeline shit is weird.
Tell me about it.
Why don't we go somewhere safer?
We can talk about all this.
Jesus, place hasn't looked this
partied out since my first year.
So, you guys have no idea
why magic went away here?
No clue, how about in yours?
[SIGHS]
A God was killed by a human.
The Old Gods took it away as punishment.
Bunch of Mount Olympus-sized dicks.
And magic going out here was the
beginning of the end for us.
That Beast started killing Magicians...
first Brakebills,
then the hedge witches.
So, we joined forces to survive.
Wait, so if The Beast
is killing Magicians,
is Brakebills really the safest
place for us to hang out?
Oh, he hasn't been here
since the first massacre.
Thinks everyone's dead.
We have scoured what's left of the place
looking for away to defeat
that moth-faced cock-whistler.
That's how we found the Tesla Flexion,
and a battery to cast it.
And this sweet jacket.
It's not magic, but might as well be.
Hey, speaking of magic,
we got some big news.
- Julia can...
- [CLEARS THROAT]
Uh, tell you about it herself.
And it's not even...
it's not even big news.
I don't know why I said that...
[DRY LAUGH]
Your Beast has some sort of key?
Mm-hmm.
We need it.
You help us kill our Beast,
key is yours.
Deal.
Boom.
Let's celebrate, bitches...
Powerful women.
So, Marina, huh?
You know,
I've always had a crush on her.
I know.
Oh, right... [LAUGHS]
Hey, what happened to the glasses?
Lasik.
You know, I've always
been too scared to do that.
You are the braver Josh.
I've been through some shit.
Tell.
Spring break Fillory
turned into a massacre.
- I ended up stuck...
- Stuck in the Neitherlands, me too.
If the Physical Kids hadn't shown
up, I don't know how long...
No one ever showed up for me.
No one made it out?
Some made it out,
they just forgot about me.
Dude.
So, I came back determined
not to need anybody.
I'd be a lone wolf...
brave, heroic, solo.
Got Lasik, found this sweet jacket,
and changed my fucking life.
Wow.
Is this like that time when we got
that Kangol hat in middle school
and thought everything
was gonna be different?
No, it's not like that at all.
Cool.
Inspiring.
And, uh...
[EXHALING] Phew.
Did you...
[STAMMERS] Did you just roofie me?
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY]
♪ ♪
Nighty-night.
Oh, ugh.
What happened?
What the hell are we tied up with?
It was Professor Sunderland's.
Wish I took more classes with her.
Why are we all tied up?
'Cause we didn't have a way
to stop The Beast's attacks,
until now.
We're gonna give you to him.
This is insane.
You can't trust The Beast.
What makes you think he'll make
a deal instead of killing you?
You.
When he showed up here with
his key killing everybody,
he kept asking for you.
I don't understand, I
thought I was dead here.
You are, it was actually
pretty confusing.
So, maybe the guy with
the face full of moths
isn't in the best place psychologically.
But it gave me an idea.
Give The Beast what he wants...
Julia, from an alternate timeline
in exchange for leaving us alone.
And what about me?
Sorry, bro.
You're the Cedric Diggory of this story.
At least he died looking hot.
The Beast should be here soon.
He can sense magic.
There's no way he'd miss
that Tesla Flexion.
You have another choice.
In our timeline,
we killed The Beast using a spell...
the Rhinemann Ultra.
[LAUGHS] Yeah, I've heard of that.
Don't you need
God-level power to cast it?
[SOFT, DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[EXHALES] [CLICKING]
♪ ♪
[CLEARS THROAT]
Yeah, you do.
♪ ♪
[SHAKY BREATHING]
♪ ♪
Also took care of your migraines,
and smoking addiction... you're welcome.
- How did you...
- Long story.
Act out.
Easy, cowboy.
I promise you, it's real.
And we can use it to stop
The Beast once and for all.
So, what do you say?
♪ ♪
You have this Rhinemann spell?
Dean Fogg will know where to
find it, if he's still alive.
Oh, he's still alive...
not exactly the premier
educator he once was.
Kind of a walking opioid crisis.
I'll, uh, take you to him.
But Josh is our hostage
until we get back.
Enjoy swapping puberty stories.
They're the same stories.
[FOOTSTEPS FADING]
So, you and Dean Fogg
are on good terms here?
I mean, he did kick
me out of Brakebills,
but he's warmed to me a bit since then.
Nothing like watching all
of your students and friends
get murdered by a creature from
another world to open you up.
How do you know him? I thought
you didn't go to Brakebills.
It's complicated.
- You fucked him.
- No! What?
Okay, defensive much?
He's not that bad in bed... [SOFT LAUGH]
Okay... [SOFT LAUGH]
Hey, speaking of,
what's the deal with
you and me in your timeline?
I'm sensing some weird kinda tension.
- Is it the fun kind?
- Like I said, we were friends.
It wasn't always fun.
We got into a big fight,
but we ended up kinda getting over it.
That's it?
From your face, I was expecting
something a little more...
dramatic.
Yeah, sorry to disappoint.
This way?
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
[CLEARS THROAT]
Marina.
Aww, come on.
I won't steal anything
from you this time.
What did you steal from me last time?
Nothing, just forget I said anything.
Just... I found an
old student of yours, okay?
[SOFT, DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[LOCK CLICKING]
♪ ♪
Come in.
♪ ♪
Timeline 40?
I have to live through
another 17 more of these.
Uh, you don't remember them all?
Only the ones I've been through already.
I thought 22 was absolutely dreadful,
until this one.
[PILLS RATTLING]
Is that really necessary?
If I'm going to experience
16 more of these fiascos,
it really doesn't matter
what I do, now does it?
No, it doesn't.
So, what about that spell,
the Rhinemann Ultra?
Ah, yes, the Rhinemann Ultra.
My friend Bigby had that.
Unfortunately, she's dead.
Everything went to shit when magic died.
Creatures got set upon,
chopped up to steal their mojo.
That poor thing.
[GULPS] I killed a leprechaun once.
I'm not proud.
Just saying.
I'd forgotten how
entertaining he can be.
You wouldn't happen to know
where Bigby kept it? The spell?
I don't.
But you're not the first
students to inquire about it.
There was this whole
puzzle thing I can skip over,
but I sent two students to see her.
[SNIFFS] They died.
Seems to be a bit of a theme.
There's good news.
You see, their deaths were,
well, earth-shatteringly horrible.
I mean, really awful... [LAUGHS]
I don't like to think
about it if I can help it.
Wait, so how is this good news?
Because they're ghosts, dear.
They still haunt the library,
last I checked...
pretty deep in the stacks.
They might remember the spell.
But I'd be careful if I were you.
Ghosts, well, ghosts can be dangerous.
Yeah.
How could you do this to me, man?
You're me, I'm you, we're us.
I would never betray myself.
You haven't been through
what I've been through.
Yes I have, except the Lasik.
There's more than that.
Whatever.
You know, I thought you were cool
and brave.
And I dug your jacket, but now
I just think you're a dick,
which sucks,
because that means I'm a dick.
What do you expect?
My friends abandoned me.
Maybe they were right too.
What, did you
roofie and betray them too?
No.
It's not what I did,
it's what I'm gonna do.
How do you know what you're gonna do?
The Quickening?
What's The Quickening?
I can't think about it. I don'
want all their blood on my hands.
What the hell is The Quickening?
Nothing you need to worry about.
Just be glad you didn't bang a werewolf.
Let's talk about something else, okay?
Now I need an aspirin.
[EERIE MUSIC]
Yeah, the library got ransacked
after The Beast took out
most of the school.
Honestly, I did most of the ransacking,
but I didn't see any ghosts.
♪ ♪
[SCREAMS] Eliot, holy shit!
Oh, what the hell was that?
I think I know
the students who died here.
- Eliot and...
- Margo?
[ELECTRICITY FIZZLING]
I told you we need to
get our shit together, Eliot.
I have my shit together.
No, you're holding
your shit together, barely.
There's a difference.
Don't let that pixie twat
Bigby get in your head.
[SLIGHTLY SLURRED] She called me a lush,
which is basically just
a nice way of saying alcoholic.
[SCOFFS] And she said
I couldn't handle the spell.
Why don't you prove her wrong
and help me, okay?
What are we doing?
Well, before we can do the
Rhinemann, we need a power-up.
Here is a cooperative spell.
Now, if we can cast this together,
it might just give us
enough juice to kill The Beast.
And if we cast it wrong,
kaboom.
So, let's not cast it wrong.
What if Bigby was right?
[STAMMERS] What if I am too drunk?
[STAMMERING] What if I screw it up?
Ack!
You are not gonna cock out on me.
Cock out?
I'd say pussy, but let's be honest.
Which one is tougher?
Point made.
[ELECTRICITY FIZZLING]
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[SHAKY] Oh God, oh God...
♪ ♪
I screwed up, I screwed up,
I screwed up, I screwed...
ah, ah, ah, ah...
Ugh... [WHIMPERING] Oh!
[SOBBING] I screwed it up, I
screwed it up, I screwed it up,
I screwed it up,
I screwed it up,
I screwed it up...
[WHISPERING] I screwed it up,
I screwed it up...
[ELECTRICITY FIZZLES] Bambi?
- Where's my Bambi?
- [SHUTTER CLICKS]
[GROWLING] Where's my Bambi?
- Come on... oh!
- Jesus Christ!
[GASPS]
Cocks.
- Ugh, yuck, that was...
- So yuck.
Not fun at all.
Please tell me you got that spell.
Yeah, I, uh, I think I can make it out.
[WHISPERING] I think
someone is following us.
When I give the signal,
stay out of the way.
Okay.
[SOFT, DRAMATIC MUSIC]
- Now!
- That's your signal?
♪ ♪
Penny?
Julia.
So, it is you.
You're real.
You're alive.
♪ ♪
Whoa, um, um...
Julia, it's me.
- Yeah, I... I know.
- God, it's like I'm...
- I'm living in a dream.
- Just let me short-circuit this.
If you think following two strangers
and then kissing one of them
is dream behavior...
She's not a stranger.
She's my soul mate.
Oh, God.
Um, I'm...
I'm actually not your Julia.
You see, I'm from a different timeline.
One where romantic comedy
behavior gets you arrested.
I'm sorry, I thought-
- No, it's... it's okay.
When I heard a rumor that The
Beast was looking for her
even though she's dead, I...
it's crazy, but I...
I had to see.
I'm sorry.
It was stupid.
Julia, we gotta get out of here.
- Where are you going?
- To kill The Beast.
- Let me come with you.
- Okay, sorry, buddy,
but we got everything we need,
no baggage necessary.
I wanna kill The Beast
as badly as you do.
[SCOFFS]
He's a traveler, could come in handy.
Eye roll.
[SOFT, DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪ ♪
It's working, I can feel it.
♪ ♪
[EXHALES]
It's just a lot of moving pieces.
So...
what's up with me in your timeline?
Well,
you're kind of in the Underworld.
Not good.
I'm not sure you're technically dead.
So, in the Underworld, but not dead?
That sounds worse.
Truth is,
you got there because
you did something heroic.
Unlike my alternate self, who's a dick,
possibly related to self-esteem issues,
and, I guess, lycanthropy.
Yeah, it sounds like y'all
got something to work out.
Here he comes.
Hey, can I ask you one last time...
what is The Quickening?
No, you can't.
I don't wanna talk about
my private tragedy,
- so unless you want me to gag you...
- Okay, fine, Dick Josh.
Don't call me Dick Josh.
Then don't be a dick, Josh.
I am not a dick.
I've had harder life than you.
Did you? What makes you so sure?
Because you get to hang out with Julia,
who is awesome,
and I get Marina,
who is mean all the time.
[SCOFFS]
Then why do you hang out with her?
Because when she dies,
it's not going to feel so bad.
Truth is, maybe my friends abandoned me,
or maybe, I pushed them away.
Because whatever
this thing is that's looming...
because unlike me,
you were dumb enough
to bang a werewolf chick.
[SCOFF]
[SIGH]
Don't call me Dick Josh again.
[SOFT LAUGH]
Wow.
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪ ♪
Oh shit, we got company!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
I hope you're ready.
[GAGS]
[GRUNTS]
Josh, go!
A Josh has to live to tell our story.
♪ ♪
Get back! Anything inside
of 20 feet will be ash!
♪ ♪
[CRASH]
♪ ♪
Julia.
The key didn't lie.
Q?
Getting a little sick of plot twists.
Focus, we need to get out of here.
I can travel, but I can't
take anyone with me
'cause these fucking things
don't work without magic.
Let me try.
♪ ♪
Quentin is The Beast.
Quentin is The Beast?
How the fuck is Quentin The Beast?
Who's Quentin again?
He's the motherfucker
who convinced my Julia
to run away to Fillory in the
first place and get murdered.
Yeah, by The Beast.
So, you see why this is confusing?
Doesn't make any sense.
Alice 23 told us that
The Beast killed Quentin.
She said that he tore out his
Shade, and destroyed him.
Uh, did he look destroyed to any of you?
He survived a direct hit
from the Rhinemann Ultra.
I didn't even think that was possible.
You'd have to have a lot
of power, like a God.
Oh, we are in such deep shit.
Maybe we should just stay here
in this branch of the library.
Hey Penny, where are all the Librarians?
I don't know.
It's been empty as long
as I've been coming here.
It's the first place I found
where I couldn't hear The Beast.
Now, is that The Beast beast,
or the Q beast,
or is there another beast?
I think we're missing
some pages of the story here
somewhere between Quentin
was killed by The Beast
and Quentin is The Beast,
only more powerful.
I know who we should talk to...
the one person who tried
to bring Quentin back.
do any of you have
any clue where Alice is?
Um... [CLEARS THROAT]
is there an Alice Quinn on this boat?
Other cabin.
Thanks.
I was going to give up on Quentin.
He died and his Shade
went to the Underworld,
and I couldn't reach it
until your Tesla Flexion came through.
That changed everything.
Seeing him and hearing
that he loved me...
just knowing that he was out there,
if only I could bring him back.
So, what did you do?
There's a creature in the Northern Marsh
who can give you just
about anything for a price.
What kind of evil creature-type
deal are we talking here?
When I die,
I won't go to the Underworld.
Now, I belong to him.
So, Harvey Weinstein-type evil.
So, um, what did he give you?
The power to bring
Quentin back without his Shade.
I was so heartbroken, I thought
that maybe we could just
fix it together once he returned.
It was the biggest mistake of my life.
Without his Shade, he...
- He wasn't Quentin.
- No.
[SOFT, DRAMATIC MUSIC]
He wanted Fillory for himself.
So, he killed The Beast.
But that wasn't enough.
So, he found a way to kill
Ember, and steal his powers.
But because he killed a God...
[STAMMERS]
The Old Gods took magic away.
Quentin still had the power
he stole from Ember.
He told me that Fillory was the
only thing that he truly loved.
It was always his escape.
He was afraid of magic,
of any Magician who might bring it back.
Anyone who would oppose him,
take Fillory from him...
And the six fingers, moths...
how'd that shit happen?
I don't know.
He did tell me that he finally
understood Martin Chatwin,
that he was the only one who
appreciated Fillory like he did.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean for any of this to happen.
I just... I loved Quentin.
And I wanted to see him again.
It's okay.
Hell no, it's not okay.
All of our friends died because of you,
because of what you did.
Because of what I did.
Quentin and I used the Tesla Flexion
to talk to her.
And if we hadn't,
Alice never would've tried
to bring her Quentin back,
and none of this would've happened.
Whoa, whoa, time travel headache.
Okay, so, what, just
because you gave her the sads,
it's somehow your fault that
she resurrected a crazy monster
who murdered everybody and got
magic turned off? I mean, yeah,
I guess it's kind of
a little bit your fault,
but mostly it's on this blonde,
seven-fingered nutcase.
So, why you on this ship anyway?
What is with all the bunnies?
Are you trying to send a
bunch of messages or something?
No, I work for them.
They're radish smugglers, I...
I stack boxes. It's the
only thing they can't do.
[SOFT LAUGH]
And this ship is the only
place Quentin can't track me,
so I can try to fix my mistake.
How?
By finding a weapon to kill Quentin.
Okay, now we're getting somewhere.
♪ ♪
I found this.
♪ ♪
Don't ask me how.
♪ ♪
Let me guess... you traveled to the past
and made a deal with a knife maker?
♪ ♪
The only problem is,
I don't have enough power to touch it.
♪ ♪
[GASPS]
♪ ♪
I do.
I'll tell Captain Hopps I'm leaving.
♪ ♪
Found some carrot wine.
The other Josh
told me something terrible
was going to happen to him.
Something did... he fucking died.
Yeah, but...
It's gonna happen to me too.
Whatever the holy hell
was gonna happen to him
that he never goddamn told me
because I never got past the part,
it's called The Quickening,
'cause that's not ominous.
And they told me sexually-transmitted
lycanthropy was no big deal.
That's what I always heard too.
Turns out, it's murder herpes.
So, yay.
If I find out I may turn into
a monster and kill everyone,
I'd run far away.
'Cause if you're near Julia
when that happens,
I'll kill you myself, Dick Josh.
[SOFT LAUGH]
- We can't do that.
- But it totally works.
We pop in, we throw Alice to The Beast,
and when he's munching on her entrails,
Penny pops you behind and
you stab Q-bert in the back.
Marina, I'm not going
to use Alice as bait.
Why not? I mean, you heard her.
This is all her fault,
she wants to fix what she screwed up.
There are ways to do this without
sacrificing her life, okay?
Are you getting cold feet because The
Beast is your former best friend,
the unimpressive white guy?
No, it's not that.
Because people have already
died in this timeline.
Basically, everyone I know...
they're dead because of short,
blonde, and crazy, and I guess you.
But why would you give a shit about
that? You just want your stupid key.
I tried to kill a God once
with help from a friend...
you.
I used you as bait to lure him.
And when I couldn't get back
in time, he killed you.
I screwed up, and you died.
And it was horrible.
Jesus Christ.
I'm so sorry.
I couldn't tell you before because
it was my fault.
And I can never do that
to someone again.
So, what do you wanna do?
I mean, this shit is dangerous.
We can't just waltz up on The Beast.
He may act like a beast, but,
deep down, he's the Quentin
I've always known.
So, what are you saying?
You wanna spare him?
♪ ♪
I wanna use that against him.
♪ ♪
Uh, wow.
He really let the place go.
What is all this shit?
[SOFT MUSIC]
♪ ♪
The Winter's Doe...
what's left of her.
Jesus, did he eat her?
These are the polished rocks
from the Silver Banks.
That's where Martin Chatwin
learned to skip rocks.
This is a bugle from Brass City.
Rupert learned to play on this.
- You guys, this isn't trash.
- No.
This is a "Fillory and
Further" fan boy's collection.
It's trash.
Quentin's been hoarding this.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[DISCORDANT BUGLE TRUMPETING]
You're not a very good player,
whoever you are.
[STONES CLATTERING]
Hilarious.
[SNIFFING]
- Alice?
- [GASPS]
I can smell you.
Why don't you come on out?
[KNIFE CLATTERS]
[WHISPERING] He knows I'm here.
Hurry, quick, let's go.
I'm trying.
Shit, he must've cast a ward. I
can't travel into the throne room.
Fine, you don't wanna come out?
Then I will...
fill the room with fire.
[TENSE MUSIC]
You guys stay, I'll go.
- No, Alice, don't.
- I have to.
[FIRE WHOOSHES]
If I don't, he'll kill all of us.
♪ ♪
I'm here, Quentin.
♪ ♪
Wait.
I am the only one who can stop him.
♪ ♪
I made a mistake.
- I should never have run from you.
- That's what I said.
You killed every
Magician you could find,
except me.
Why?
I thought about it, but you were doing
such a good job of torturing yourself.
And the others, I...
I could say that they were a threat,
but honestly, I just realized
that I didn't like them very much.
Doesn't sound like you.
I know you.
You knew me.
You're not Martin Chatwin, you're
not The Beast... you hate The Beast.
True.
But you show up with a face full of
moths, and everyone loses their shit.
People think that The Beast
is invincible.
♪ ♪
Who wouldn't use that
to their advantage?
I think that he would be flattered
I did a Dread Pirate Roberts.
"The Princess Bride."
Please, Quentin.
I know the man that I love
is still inside you somewhere.
Yeah, I ate him.
Okay, this is obviously
a ploy to buy your friends time,
so why don't we just get this over with?
[GROANS]
♪ ♪
That's a familiar scent.
♪ ♪
Julia.
You can't kill me, you've already tried.
♪ ♪
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]
♪ ♪
What did you...
what did you do to me?
- It's my Shade.
- [GROANS]
And I can live without it if I have to.
[GASPS]
Everything that you are
feeling right now,
I have felt...
grief, sadness, shame, regret.
Q?
♪ ♪
Alice.
[SOLEMN MUSIC]
♪ ♪
I killed her.
♪ ♪
I'm so sorry.
Q?
Where did you find the key?
Um...
I heard it could be used
to bring back magic,
and I couldn't have that,
so I got it first.
I know why you were looking for me.
The key...
it showed you visions of the future...
me killing you.
Julia...
I'm here to tell you I'm not.
I'm not going to kill you.
I wanna help you.
The visions weren't of you killing me.
I saw you opening a lock
at the End Of The World.
You were trying to let magic in, but
you let in something much worse.
What?
A monster.
[FOREBODING MUSIC]
One even worse than me.
You should take your Shade back.
♪ ♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[GROANS]
♪ ♪
You look dumb.
I'm trying to get this
stupid key to open up a door.
Well, isn't there, like, some
kind of ritual for that? Or...
It would be nice
if there was, but no, so, key-waving.
Is that my Josh's jacket?
Yeah.
Hm, you look cooler.
You are mean.
[HEELS CLACKING, FADING]
[GENTLE MUSIC]
So, the key show you anything?
Visions of the future?
Nothing.
Okay.
Then I guess you don't know
that I'm coming with you.
What?
Your Penny's dead, or,
not alive in some confusing way.
- Penny, I don't...
- I'm not asking permission.
Okay.
I'm not her.
I know that.
It's just, there's nothing here for me.
But there?
Give it time.
[HIGH-PITCHED WHOOSHING]
Hey, uh, Jules?
We have a door.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
Um, is it bad that Marina
just ran right through?
I honestly don't know.
♪ ♪