The Magicians (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - The Flying Forest - full transcript

- Previously
on "The Magicians"...

- No, no, no.
- Don't you fucking touch her.

Fine, I'll take you first.

No!
No.

- Now!

- Julia.
- Move!

Wait.

- I had Reynard.
I had the beast.

- Man, fuck this.
We're out.

The chain was the only thing
keeping my hand from...

- sorry.
Not my problem.



- Do you know what a niffin is?

It's when too much
runs through you,

consumes you.

Only the magic is left.

- Hard to cast
when you're sliced in two.

What is she doing?

She can't.
She'll niffin out.

Alice, stop.

- Let's finally finish this.

- He did it on purpose.

- Alice, don't.

- Five surgeries.
- He'll recover.

- I know we're being serious
right now,

but that surgeon
has the biggest dick.



Eliot, it's time to go.

- Our kingdom awaits.

- With the beast dead, there's
a power vacuum in Fillory.

- Power vacuum?

Hello?
High king and queen right here.

- We, of course, recognize your
rule, but others...

- everyone assumes
you'll be dead soon...

Or you'll run away
or vanish or go mad.

- There are stirrings
of rebellion

in the Southern orchard,
the outer islands,

refusal to pay
the crown's taxes.

- You know who loves
paying taxes?

People with broken legs.

- Abigail would remind you

that money cannot fill
the wellspring.

Without it, Fillory withers.

- Okay, well,
we talked about this.

When someone drops a log
at a public pool,

you just send a kid with a net
to fish it out.

- The befouling
was substantial, your majesty.

We've employed
several filtration systems,

but the wellspring
isn't recovering fast enough.

- If there was a royal appeal
to ember himself...

- okay, we can't find him.

He's not in his temple
or his filthy sex cave.

- We need to devote
more resources.

- We're going to build
a monument

to our fallen queen...

A statue, I think...

100 feet high.

- Do you know
what that would cost?

- I don't care
how much it costs.

I want designs drawn up
and funds...

Funded immediately.

- Can you give us a moment?

I said get the fuck out.

So that's the plan, huh...

Blow all our cash
on sappy nonsense,

bankrupt the kingdom?

- We have to do something.

Alice was our friend.

- No. She wasn't.

Alice was a package deal.
She came with Quentin.

- Somebody skipped her colonic
this morning.

- For whatever stupid reason,

you're the high king
of an entire land.

You have to be
responsible, Eliot.

- Since when are you
Fillory Clinton?

- Since I'm me.

My crown is just as heavy
as yours.

- You can leave
whenever you feel like it.

You can go back to Brakebills.

You can do whatever
you goddamn want.

I don't belong here.

I'm not ready to be a king.

I wasn't done being me.

It was so much simpler
when there was just

one giant evil dick
trying to kill us.

Now we're just...
- grown-ups.

- How did this happen?

- I have an idea...
To help you.

- Like a loophole?
- Mm-hmm.

- You're gonna ironically
abandon me here to go find it.

- I'll be back.
I promise.

- I know you...

Will.

Hey.

- Kady?

Hey.

- Kady, come on,
I need your help.

Let's go.

- You haven't had any other
problems with your casting?

- I've had nothing but problems.

I thought it was because
of my hands,

but it's getting worse,
not better.

- Hmm.

I've had a few...
Brownouts, you could call them.

I mean, I thought it was
the Xanax, honestly.

- How many?

- Two a day if I can get them.

Oh, you mean the brownouts.

Four or five.

Hmm.

- Yes.

- What happened?

- I'm trying to get back here,
but my aim's off.

- Okay, all right, it seems like
more than your aim.

- Last three worlds I've been in

haven't had any fucking oxygen.

My fingers just... they just...
They just keep shorting me out.

What happened?
Did we kill the beast?

- We did.

- But, um, Quentin's
pretty banged up.

Alice was hurt
a lot worse, penny.

She... she died.

- Budget?
- Citizen petitions.

I want everyone
to stop wanting things.

Great time to ask for something?

- Your father makes knives
for a living

and knows where I sleep, so...

Ask away.

- I'm know I'm not precisely
the type

you'd most likely choose,

and I wasn't so experienced
when we were first together,

but you're so great at it.

You're... you're huge,
and it's so good.

And, Eliot, I don't know how
to politely ask you to fuck me.

- Oh, look, Margo’s here.

- You remember Lasaro?

- That creep who made
the margolem?

- I twisted his arms
and/or balls a little,

and he gave up the spell.

Living Clay is hard to come by,

but Fogg left his stash
so unprotected,

it's like
he wanted me to steal it.

So I did.

We're gonna make another you.

- Hey.

- Made you a sandwich...
Half an hour ago.

Then I ate it.

- I'm sorry.

It's been a long time
since I've had a hot shower.

- How you feeling?

- Uh...

Better...

Nap, seeing you alive,

magic methadone...

Methadone.

Thanks...

For all of it.

So, um, how did you find me?

- After asking around a bit,
I heard about a girl

who was doing miracles
for a quick fix.

- I called it
"turning tricks."

- You think I'm judging you,
I'm not.

- No.
No, I'm judging myself.

You... you saved my life,

and...

You know, i-i thought
it would be okay to run...

If I got the cavalry
and I came back to help you,

but I...

I just ran.

I hid.

- Yeah, well, there was nothing
you could have done then.

But you can help me now.

Oh, my god.

Ju... Julia, is that...
- marina.

She helped me bait a trap
for Reynard.

He killed her.
- You freeze-dried her corpse?

- Alonso's reverse
thermogenesis.

But look...

She left this for a reason...

A message or a code.

I mean, at least
I thought that...

- no, no.
I know exactly what that is.

That's a locator number...

For a book in the library
at Brakebills.

- Be careful.

That's a long
drop for human legs.

We would not want to see you
get hurt

so soon after being rebuilt.

- "Rebuilt"?

It's strange, I know.

But you'll get used to it.

- Is this a hospital?

Are you... are you a doctor?
- You're at the retreat...

A few hours gallop north
of Whitespire.

I was a patient years ago.

The centaurs saved my life
when no one else could.

Now I try to repay that debt
by serving them as a nurse.

- The centaurs?
- Mm-hmm.

- Horse people.

- Mm-hmm.
- How... how long have I...

- three weeks.
Your injuries were severe.

Your friends were called away,
but they left that for you.

We can start physical therapy
in the morning.

- "Dear Q,

"we buried Alice today
in the gardens,

"where she'll
always be close by.

"We left a box of her things,
if you ever wake up.

"Please wake up.

Your benevolent overlord,
high king Eliot."

Hey.

- Margo sent me here
to get my hands checked out.

Look...

It sucks about Alice.

- "Sucks"?

That's the best that you can do?

- I cared about her, too.

- For what, like, ten minutes,
including foreplay?

- Are you mad at me because
I cared too much or too little?

- I'm mad 'cause you fucked up
the one thing that

we were counting on you for.
- You want to blame me?

It was your cacodemon
that killed her.

- That was not Alice.
Alice was gone.

- So you just saved
the day, huh?

- Could we just...

Convalesce from our horrible
injuries separately, please?

- Nice to see you, too, man.

- Good day. My name is sawbones.
I'll be examining you.

Ugh!

Those are the most accursed
things I've ever smelled.

They must be removed posthaste.

How did they become cursed?

- Uh...

Some guy, this... this valet type
of dude at Chatwin's torrent.

- The river watcher.
- You know him?

- I'm sorry.
I-i can't help you.

- Dude, just chop 'em off
and give me

some magic wooden shit
like you did Quentin.

- I'm a surgeon.
I can't risk the curse

spreading to my own hands.

The river watcher...

He's mercurial and dangerous.

You erred greatly
in offending him, penny.

- Did you...

Are you shitting?

- You're welcome.

What was I saying?

- Me likey.

- You're thinking about
banging yourself, aren't you?

- Shh, shh, shh.

No, no.

Doing your clone is more like
AP-level masturbation.

- Ugh, put on a robe, would you?

- Aww.
- Now, part two...

A variation
on the mind-control work

Mayakovsky hammered us
with first year.

You sleep here, your mind
goes into the golem.

- And the golem
goes to Brakebills,

unless, of course, we're wrong
about the fine print

in my contract and he can't
leave Fillory either.

- Yeah, totally possible
he touches a button

and just explodes.

Only one way to find out.

- Richard's alumni key.

It gets you past the wards
at Brakebills.

- I was expelled.

Alarm bells will go off
the second I pop in.

- I didn't go to school there.

I mean, how am I supposed
to find this book?

"Best bitches"?

It's the only one
the bodega had.

Okay, bitch, say something.

- You seeing this?
- Head down this row.

Wait. Yeah, that room
on your left.

It's got an anti-decay charm
on it.

It's where they keep
the good shit.

- Got it.
- What?

Wait, let me see.
Hold it up.

Wait, flip it to the back.

Damn it.
It's like a library lojack.

It'll go off if you try
to take the book

outside the Brakebills wards.

- I mean, this will take hours
to copy.

Someone's gonna notice me.

- Well, not if you know
the right place to hide.

- Okay.
Didn't explode so far.

Why does everything smell
so great?

- Because your doppelganger
hasn't met cocaine yet.

Todd! Todd! Todd!
Todd! Todd! Todd!

- Why is everyone
cheering for...

Todd?
- Oh, hey.

You guys!

- You made a lot
of friends, huh?

- I heard you guys were dead.

So I threw this massive rager
in your honor.

- The fact that you just
called it a rager sickens me.

- Thing is, it went great,

and everyone had so much fun
that I kind of...

- Became the new me.

- Todd, answer truthfully.

Are you wearing my vest?

- I am wearing your vest.

- Keep it.

New plan...
I give up on Fillory

and dedicate myself completely
to destroying Todd.

- Oh, it's just Todd.
- "Just Todd"?

He's usurping me.
My entire kingdom is at stake.

- Your actual kingdom
is actually at stake.

- There are some things
more important

than saving an entire world.

- Okay, I'm gonna go out
on a limb

and say this isn't really
about Todd.

- You don't say, Margo.

- No killing Todd.

Fucking Todd.

- is this a bad time?

Come sit over here.

- I saw a-a... Strange woman.

She's... Pale and had...

Horn things.

- You've seen the white lady.

- I'm sorry.
"White lady?"

- You are fortunate
she offered herself

to some centaur's sight

while you happened
to be watching.

- Is that...
- Mm, skin.

It won't feel,
but it might help you forget

what's underneath.

Get up, Coldwater!

- What... what happened?

- My hands tried to kill me,
so I broke my own arms.

Look, forget all the mean shit
I said to you earlier.

The bronies can't fix me.
I need your help.

- Okay, I guess.

- First things first...
Find an ax.

- Are you sure about this?

- Do you know how strong
booze has to be

to get a horse drunk?

I c... I ca...
I can't feel my face,

much less my face...

I mean hands.

Just do it.

- I'm going to.
Jeez.

Nope.

- Damn it, Quentin!

- Sorry, I just... I panicked.
I don't love blood.

- Who loves blood?

I'm not gonna feel anything,
so fucking go!

- I don't think I can do this.
- Oh, my god!

I knew I fucking couldn't
count on you!

You are so fucking pathetic,
you... you... you floppy-haired,

limp dicked dork.

Fucking... no wonder Alice
couldn't get off on you.

You have no fuck... aah!
- Aah!

- Oh, I fucking feel it!
- Okay, okay!

- Oh, what did you do?
- I can fix it! I can fix it!

- Oh, I wouldn't.

Todd made that.
It's vile.

Here.

Mmm.
Delicious.

- I'm Eliot.
- Javier.

- You're a first-year?

- Second-year.

Universidad De Asombro in Spain.

I'm here
for the welters tournament.

- Oh.
- Mm-hmm.

- I would make a joke
about ball handling,

but I'm deadly serious
about ball handling.

- Me too.
- Mm.

Listen, Javier, I could
keep this up all night...

- So could I.
- But I have to reclaim my title

as the life of this
and every party

by making a drink so perfect...

- it seems like you need
to relax.

- I'm married...

To a woman.

- I have a boyfriend.

But he's on another
continent, so...

It doesn't count.

And where is your wife?

- On another planet.

Definitely doesn't count.

- Ahh.
It's working.

- ¿Qué?

- Nothing.
Back at it.

Eliot?

Hey. You were talking
in your sleep.

- What... what did you do?

- I'm sorry. I get a little bit
enthusiastic sometimes.

I'll be gentle.

- You've been in bed all day.

I came to check on you.

- I'm fine.
I'm f-f-fine.

- Uh, are you sure
you still want...

- uh, i-i do.

- What?
- I do...

Want to tell you I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.
- For what?

- Um...

- I'm gonna go.

- Um...

No, no. No, no, no, no.
No, no, no.

I-i absolutely want
to have sex right now.

- You do?

- Yeah.

Ah...

This is interesting.

Do you want me to stop?

- Uh...

- Good morning, Quentin.
- How's penny?

- He lost a lot of blood,
but he'll live.

You're ready
for physical therapy.

Some calisthenics maybe
or core work?

- I had something else
in mind, actually.

- You're exactly as good with
a bow as you are with an ax.

Since I was a kid, the beast has
been whispering shit in my ear.

Now that he's dead, the world's
gotten a lot quieter...

Or would be
if not for you out here

thinking low-self-esteem shit.

- I'll re-do my wards.

- There's something
in the Declan text

about making arrows
fly straight.

- Show me.

- If I had middle fingers,

you know what they'd be doing
right now?

Start with popper 31.

- Now cross your index
and ring fingers.

No, under the middle.

Now slide the thumb
along the meridian.

Now draw the arrow back.

- Thank you.
- Thank me by shutting up.

- There's a creature
called the white lady.

I saw her yesterday.

She's one of the seven
questing creatures of Fillory.

If you can catch her, she has
to give you whatever you ask.

Plover wrote about her,
called her the winter's Doe.

She lives in the darkling wood.

It's just past
the flying forest.

It's not far from here.

We could hunt her together.

- "Let's go hunt
the white lady"?

People like me get shot
for saying shit like that.

- She can give you
your hands back.

- What's in it for you?

- I'm gonna ask her
to bring Alice back to life.

- The river we crossed
was at the edge of it.

So we're in the flying forest.

- What? Shouldn't the trees be,
like, flying and shit?

- Yeah, actually.
Most of them are crepuscular.

It means they're active
at dawn and dusk.

- You smell that?

It smells like...

- Good.

What is that?

- I don't know.

I Th... I think I'm...
I'm getting a contact high.

- Yeah. Definitely starting
to feel something.

Flying forest.

- Oh, my god.

The Chatwins were, like, ten
when they came through here.

They must have been blazed
the entire time.

- Super inappropriate.

- Hey, i-i take back
what I said.

I-i fully expect
to see

a tree flapping around
at any second.

- Listen, Quincy,
if we get a tree or...

- did you just call me Quincy?

- Is... is that not
your name?

Dude...

Dude, what the fuck?

Get away from my mouth, man.
- It's my mouth.

- Uh...
- No, it's not.

- Oh.

Oh, where...
Uh, where...

Where are my stuff touchers?

Aah! Ooh!

What the fuck is going on?

Who the fuck are you?

Who am I?

I have no idea.

Okay.

The beast shit
in the wellspring.

- No. No.
Ember.

Ember shat in the wellspring.

I think he meant well.

He probably didn't know

how hard it would be
to clean out.

- And now magic is failing
on earth...

Because of shit,

proving once again
that comedy and tragedy

can coexist
in the same goddamn sentence.

Honestly...

I am in over my head.

I am not even in control
of which world

my body is awake in,
and my sexually aggressive wife,

she could wake me up
at any moment in Fillory.

- Eliot, there are certain
student/teacher boundaries

which I'd prefer not to cross.

- So what am I supposed
to do, Henry?

- What did you think
was going to happen

when you dove headfirst
into another world?

- I thought I'd die.

- But you didn't.

Now you have two lives.

You're trying to live both.

- Yes.
- Yes, but you can't.

That's stupid.

You can let it tear you in half

or pick one.

- I can never leave Fillory.

- The choice is easy.

- I am...

Ill-equipped to be a king.

- I am no better equipped
to teach one.

Being an adult is recognizing
your responsibilities.

A bunch of my students went
and conquered another world.

- They more, like,
gave it to us.

- Either way,
it doesn't look great for me.

It reeks of earth privilege.

The very least I can do is...

Is to help you rule it.

- What do you have in mind?

- Bring in
the best minds we can...

Historians, politicians,

shamans, military leaders.

Hmm.
Your thesis project is...

"How to save
an entire goddamn world."

- Right or left?

- Right seems to be
the popular direction.

- I must be an adventurer.

No, you're not.

- What?
I have a bow and arrow

and a cool questing outfit
and a manservant.

- Oh-ho-ho, you did not
just say that, white boy.

Besides, what kind of servant
has no fucking hands?

- Right or left?

- Right seems to be
the popular direction.

Julia?

What the hell
are you doing here?

- Look, I can explain.
- No.

After you jumped in and screwed
everything up with penny,

Alice died killing
your little friend Martin.

Then Quentin was almost
ripped in half.

And you have the balls
to come here.

- Look, if you guys
had trusted me,

both Reynard and the beast
would be dead.

None of that
would have happened.

- Quentin should have left you
in your little hedge hole,

trading rim jobs for spells.

- You actually think because
you go to this bullshit school

that you're better than me.

- I think I didn't get
my friends killed.

- You don't have friends.

You have people
that are so afraid of you,

they'd rather be on your side.

There's a difference.

- Well...

And you have no one.

And you deserve no one.

- Look,
I don't expect you to care

'cause this doesn't directly
affect your hair

or your social life,
but since you let Reynard free,

he has murdered
over a dozen women,

and this book might be
my last shot at killing him.

- The book's blank.

Put yours in the box
and wait for them to mate.

The baby should be a pretty
decent xerox of the original.

- You know what this is?

Ooh, this is a girl's.

What if I'm supposed to be
rescuing her?

- Ooh, or what if
you're a stalker?

- Right or left?

- Right seems to be
the popular direction.

- Wait, no.

If I'm supposed
to find her, I...

I have to look
where no one else is searching.

- What?

- Penny.

Douche bag.

The effect of the weed forest
is wearing off.

- Oh, my god.

It's Alice. Uh...

- Quentin, look, I...

I know how you feel, man.

Before, when your wards
were slipping, I...

I know.

- I can't.
- No, hey, no, no. Listen.

You... you can't...

You can't puss out right now.

Think about Alice.
She needs you, man.

I need you.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- So I've been thinking.

Is 100 feet really tall enough
for Alice's memorial?

- We weren't her friends,
remember?

- We owe it to her...

Because we weren't her friends.

- We don't have the money.

- We're magicians.

Let's build it ourselves.

- Look, what Margo said
about me was true.

So if... if you want to bail,
now's your chance.

- Well, you do have
questionable judgment.

I mean,
we're best bitches, right?

For better or for worse.

- God.

- Wait a minute.

I know why marina
wanted me to find the book.

- Why?
- It's a necromancy spell.

- As in bring back to life?

No, no fucking way.

- Kady...
- She killed my mother.

- Look, the effects
are unstable.

It'll only last a few minutes,
and then she goes away again.

- Fine.

Fine.
Let's defrost the bitch.

It says the last ingredient
is the book itself.

- Then we got one chance.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

It's okay.
It's okay.

My skin is so cold.

- It's okay. Look at me, please.
- You... you brought me back...

- you had a message
you wanted to tell me.

- I'm gonna die.
- We don't have that much time.

- You don't understand.
You don't know where I was.

I don't want to go back there.
I don't want to go back there.

- Marina, your clock
is running out, okay?

Please, you are the strongest
person that I have ever met.

I need you to pull it
together now,

and I need you to tell me.

- I need you to tell me
about the thing that killed you.

You can stop him, Julia.

It is possible,
but you need to do it.

You need to do it.
- Okay, what?

What do I need to do?

- There was... A girl.

40 years ago,
she banished Reynard from earth.

That's where he was
until you summoned him.

That's where he was
until you brought him back.

I'm sorr... I'm sorry.

- Shh.

- Hi.

Don't run.

Are you gonna?

- What's the deal?

- I don't know.
She's kind of ignoring me.

- Yo, white lady, we caught you.

- Hey, show some respect.

- Pardon me...
Miss lady?

- It hurts.

- Uh, sorry.
Uh...

- Why have you come?

- That's my arrow.

You have to give me what I ask.

- Obviously, you turd.

Look at you.

Someone's been rebuilt...

And so cleverly.

Mm.

Feel that?

- Could you not?

- Here's a riddle.

How much do you have to lose

before you're no longer
yourself?

- I don't know.
Why don't you tell me?

- What is it, Quentin Coldwater,

that you ache for?

You have a crown

and the power to reshape
the very ether to your whim.

What else could you
possibly want?

- Um, technically speaking,
uh, we both caught you, so...

- Shut up. I'll ask for your
thing with my third wish.

- No.
We each get a wish,

and then we have one
mutually agreeable third wish.

- You can each have one wish,
or you can fuck off.

- Okay.

Alice Quinn...

Bring her back to life...

Please.

- I can't.

- What do you mean you can't?

You are not the only magical
creature in this fucking forest.

- True.

And we all have limits.

We can give you anything.

But we cannot Pierce that veil.

Alice is gone.

- My turn.

I want my hands back.

- That I can do.

No!

- What did you do to him?

- That screaming was irritating.

He'll wake when he's healed.

Now, I can't nap
until I've granted your wish.

- I'd like to be happy.
Could you do that?

- I can do wonders.

But you should know...

There's nothing I can give you
that will soothe your shade.

There's only
what I can take away.

- You'd take away
my memories of Alice?

- Yes.
I would free you completely.

- No.

- You are wiser than you appear.

You would find your way
back to sadness,

no matter how far
you run from it.

- Well, that's comforting.

- Is there nothing else
you desire?

- Everything I've ever wanted,
I've got.

Magic is real, and it can fix
anything except what I need.

I loved a girl.

My entire life...
I've dreamed of Fillory,

that I would be like
Martin Chatwin.

I'd find a way
to stay here forever.

Send me home.