The Magicians (2015–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - The Mayakovsky Circumstance - full transcript

The students are taught by an overbearing teacher while back at Brakebills Elliott and Margon prepare for a debaucherous vacation.

- Previously on
"The Magicians"...
- This school exists for
a single and timeless purpose:
to reveal your innate abilities
and hone them to
the highest degree.
- Holy shit.
I'm doing this.
[rippling noise]
- Quentin Coldwater.
There you are.
- All we can do is...
make them Magicians.
- That's not enough.
- Marina didn't betray my mom.
She cleaned up her mess.
Cut to now Marina
has to demand
that I steal shit
ten times a week.
- Wait, you know who
has a ton of new stuff?
- 911, what's your emergency?
- You are a traveler.
- It's a terrible,
life-destroying burden.
- [gasping]
- I designed it myself.
Works by binding
your body to Earth.
- You must bare yourself
in the presence
of another magical adept
and expose your utmost truth.
- I'm falling in love with you.
- I only flirted with you
that first day
because you looked useful,
and you were.
We stole a lot of shit.
So there it is.
It's all a lie.
- [gagging]
- Hey!
- Alice, I--
[geese honking]
[foreboding music]
♪ ♪
[geese honking]
- [sighs]
♪ ♪
- [sighs]
M.E. thinks it was
some kind of
very rare brain hemorrhage.
Your friend have a history
of that kind of thing?
- She wasn't my friend.
- Then why are you crying?
- I don't know.
- Anyway, you're free to go.
Somebody waiting out here
to pick you up.
Says she's your sister.
[somber music]
♪ ♪
[wind howling]
- That happened, right?
We flew...
here to Antarctica?
[wind howling]
- I don't want to lose it--
how it felt.
the sky, it, uh--
- It's like you
could feel it
inside the air.
Part of it--
all of it, like--
- Everything fit...
all by itself.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- Penny, can we--
- Birds.
I never shit so much
in my life.
But at least I got
to eat bugs, so...that.
Now snow.
God, I hate snow.
- Hey, you were told
to report here, right?
By that TA or whatever?
- Uh, yeah.
I saw him herd another six
or seven kids into the library.
- So what is this then?
- We're here to study
with Mayakovsky.
- Who I hear is crazy.
- You heard wrong.
[wind howling]
[eerie music]
I do not ask
and I do not order twice.
♪ ♪
I hate you.
♪ ♪
I hate all of you.
And you know why?
[paper flapping]
- It's the Hammer Charm
of Legrand.
We know this.
- I hate all of you
because you don't
know anything.
You learn magic like
parrot learns Shakespeare:
tricks for birdseeds.
You are all clever pets.
What is the Hammer Charm
of Legrand?
- It's, um--
it's the--
- One day your looks
will be gone like that
and unless there's
a brain behind
those batting eyelashes
you will be selling oranges
at an off-ramp.
- It's a spell that makes
nails go into boards
perfectly straight.
- You think you know
how to do this,
I assure you,
you do not.
♪ ♪
- Ein saat schlug tief--
[snaps fingers]
♪ ♪
- Your voices are your enemies.
A great Magician--
and as you gaze
into your mirrors
in the coming years,
you may recall that I
was the last great Magician
you ever saw,
a great Magician is magic
in his bones,
blood, heart,
and dick.
Or lady parts.
♪ ♪
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[eerie music]
♪ ♪
- Does this say "Ibiza"?
- Yes,
but this...
screams "Ibiza."
- [laughing]
Hey, so Ibiza...
- Is a place--
- That we're going to.
- I'm hearing Encanto Octulo
this year
is gonna be, like,
off the chain,
but you have to be invited
by people who've been...
- [sighs]
- And you guys have both been.
- Twice.
- Right.
Margo, you look so beautiful.
- [whispering]
Uh, I--I can't even--
- I got this.
Tell me your name again.
- Todd.
- Todd.
Here's the thing.
Encanto Oculto
is a solid week of sun,
drugs, and magical art.
Time stops,
reality bends,
and you fu**
five times a day.
- On a bad day.
- [chuckles]
It sounds awesome.
- It is, Todd.
It is awesome,
but honestly,
you'd end up
in a corner alone.
Bumming everyone out.
Like last year
at the bacchanal.
- Poor--
Wait, what was his name?
- Hmm.
- Todd.
How weird is that?
Todd, you don't want to
end up like the other Todd.
- What happened to him?
- He just wasn't
meant to be there.
He moped and whined
and brought everything down.
Okay, we were
a little wrecked,
and for fun, someone--
someone not us...
- No, not us.
- Turned Todd into a pig.
- And we ate him.
- [laughs]
Wait, are you guys
messing with me right now?
[eerie music]
Well, I'm just gonna...
I'm gonna...
[both laughing]
- Oh, my God.
Okay, focus.
Last thing: the regalo.
- The re-what-now?
- The gift to the elders
footing the bill
for the debauchery.
- Right.
What did we get them last year?
- An actual,
working bag of dicks.
- Right.
It was lame.
- You got anything?
- You?
- [sighs]
I wrote something down.
These TA's were whispering,
so I figured it had to be good.
They were talking about--yes.
"How to make magical gin."
- Mmm, gin and tonic.
Strong, classic.
No one kicks that out
of a party.
Me likey.
- Good, but this you hatey.
I only got part of the spell.
We have to dig out the rest
in the library.
- [groans]
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- [sighs]
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
[gentle music]
♪ ♪
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- Why don't you two
just fu**?
♪ ♪
Then try this:
I'm fine, okay
I'm just--
I got hooked up with
some sketchy people,
but I'm fine.
I'll get to this tomorrow.
- Blood's not going to
come out of that sweater.
You should just throw it out.
- Okay, thanks...
For getting me home.
I'll call you.
- I'm staying.
- What?
- To make sure you're okay.
- You really don't
have to do that, I'm--
- The blankets still here?
- Yup.
- What is this?
- It's Arabic.
- I flunked Arabic.
- I got an A.
Well, partly because I paid
for the exam answers
in nipple clamps.
- Bag Of Dicks is sounding
awful good.
- Ooh, copy that.
- Whoa.
- She means "Hi."
- Are you guys trying
to translate Arabic
because I aced it here?
I mean, it was a couple
years ago, but--
- Yeah, mm-hmm.
Cry for help.
- Answered.
- Eliot.
- Margo.
[piano music]
♪ ♪
[wind howling]
[wood cracks]
- [panting]
♪ ♪
- Yes, yes.
By all means,
congratulate yourselves.
You are both such winners.
[boards clattering]
[wood splintering]
[ominous music]
♪ ♪
[wind howling]
Possibly your first
intelligent communiqué
You should have been
rendered mute long ago.
Now you're probably wondering,
"What next?"
- [groans]
- Bujold's Nail Extraction,
that's what.
♪ ♪
[gentle music]
♪ ♪
- You need help.
- "Help."
- You can't keep
going like this.
- You have no idea what
you're talking about.
- [sighs]
This is just like Daddy.
- Daddy was a drunk.
He was crazy.
I'm not--
- James told us
he's worried.
- James?
Well, let me bring you
up to speed.
James doesn't remember me...
at all.
- He called last month.
Said the reason you dropped out
was your recovery.
- Well, so much
for "anonymous," right?
- He cares, Julia.
So do I.
It's why I left
eight messages.
I mean if I had known
that you were--
[somber music]
Mom knows you got arrested.
She has to keep this
out of the papers.
She just got elected
to the board of the Met
and is trying to close
on a new co-op.
- Of course she is.
- She said you're gonna
get help, or--
- Or what?
You tell her that I'm not Daddy.
I'm not crazy.
She's not sticking me someplace
to rot where she stuck him.
- She's not gonna
let go of this.
- Well,
I'm sorry, what can she do?
You know, I'm an adult.
- Who disappeared,
confessed to being on drugs,
got arrested.
You think she doesn't
go to the opera
with ten judges who would
happily commit you?
She's Mom.
- [whispering]
Fu**ing bitch.
- Right down
to her lizard pumps.
But I'm not.
I love you
and I can keep her away
and get you help.
- [sighs]
- Just please let me.
I called a place.
They can take you tomorrow.
- A "place"?
[snaps fingers]
You may now speak.
[wind howling]
You remain silent?
Perhaps you're teachable
after all.
As that which you
will now learn,
few know
and even fewer understand.
Mind control.
And these...
Are your first subjects.
- Uh...
isn't that kind of unethical?
I mean, even if they're bugs,
they're alive.
They have free will.
- We've been taught not to
try to control living things.
- How was your lunch today?
Excellent boeuf bourguignon, no?
And how much free will
was exerted by the cow?
Mind control
is in everything, everywhere.
We make only one choice:
are you the controller
or controlled?
You do not like the moth
I see.
That which you hate--
or fear,
will motivate you
to enslave it.
My favorite.
[wind howling]
You're psychic?
You're also Traveler?
- Yeah.
- What idiot marked you there?
Don't tell me.
A well-meaning educator.
- It's saving my life.
- It's chaining you
to a rock.
You are free.
More free than almost anyone
in this universe
or any other.
- Where you think
you're sticking that?
- They told you not
to travel, eh?
Too unpredictable,
too hard to control--
- Yeah, because it is.
I got zero control.
I don't--I don't even have
a decent sense of direction.
- Is like telling eagle
to fear heights.
I teach you to soar.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- [gasping]
- So--so, wait.
So, um--
so, so you know Rick?
- Oh, my God, Rick is--
is great.
- This magic gin better make us
see unicorns that fart rainbows.
Guys, we have a lot
of work to do here.
Just bang.
[wind howling]
- Okay, that was weird.
- Describe.
- Yeah, I was in
my hometown in--in Florida.
- Weird. Dull.
- Uh, desert.
- Earth?
- Yeah.
- Maybe Afghanistan.
There were guys with guns.
Um, I think I saw a drone.
- Again.
Fu**ing volcano!
- Which you survived.
Gold star.
Well, you seem
to be the only ones
who can't complete the task.
In one case, surprising.
The other...
We try something new.
The rings are wired to zap.
Bug flies into ring.
[electricity crackles]
[both groan]
Ah, Jesus.
- Your fate is now tied
to the lowest form
of sentient life.
I deem that...
- [sighs]
Let's just get one.
- Okay.
Upper left.
- Okay.
[gentle music]
♪ ♪
- [whispering]
♪ ♪
It's working.
- Yeah.
♪ ♪
[both chuckle]
- Yes! Yes!
- [laughing]
- Whoa, I am so--
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
- It's okay.
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
[electricity crackling]
- Whoa--ow.
[electricity crackling]
- Quentin!
I don't, um--
I'm sorry, really sorry--
Is that vodka?
- You want me to flunk him
so you can pass this test
with flying colors alone?
- No, sir.
- I tried.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- [laughing]
- Ha, yes! Yeah!
Oh, my God.
♪ ♪
- Where's the joy?
The fun?
Why are you both determined
to be so fu**ing bland?
- Wait, are you flunking us?
- Sadly, I cannot.
Rest. Eat.
Meet me in the entry at 5:00.
- I almost, uh--
I almost died today
and I--I realized
I didn't want to die
without knowing, so--
if you--
if you feel like telling me,
I'm here.
- I don't have
to tell you anything.
I just have
to drop my wards...
let you in.
You can see everything.
Come on in.
[inhales, exhales deeply]
- Your mom...
[gentle music]
♪ ♪
Jesus, she...
♪ ♪
And she's the only person
you love in the world.
♪ ♪
- Not anymore.
♪ ♪
- Oh, my God.
- Oh!
[gentle music]
♪ ♪
- I'm thinking.
- You're too pretty.
♪ ♪
- Okay, listen, listen.
- What?
- What if this--Marina?
Okay, what if she got this--
what if she got
some serious shit?
I mean, like, really dope,
one-of-a-kind magic.
Maybe it'd buy you out.
For good.
- It'd have to be
pretty amazing.
- It is.
I've seen it.
[dramatic music]
- Where?
- Mayakovsky's office.
♪ ♪
- [laughs]
- I'd just like to point out
that for the record,
you guys basically did nothing
except each other.
Todd was more helpful
than you.
I'm just using you for effect.
- You're right, Margo.
I'm sorry.
Listen, I really hope
we get a chance
to get to know each other.
- We'll give it a whirl
after Ibiza...
- Enough, ladies.
- Shall we magic some gin?
- Please.
[smoke puffing]
[air hissing]
- [sighs]
Well, that was underwhelming.
- Oh, yeah, smart guy?
ice, olives, stat!
[electricity popping]
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- Oh, no.
Oh, shit.
Not gin--
This summons a djinn-
- A genie?
- Cool.
- Shut up, Todd.
- [speaks Arabic]
- Wait, this could be great.
I mean, if he
grants wishes for real,
and we bring him to Ibiza,
I mean--
that's a fu**in' regalo!
- [laughs]
- Okay,
this genie totally gets me.
- [speaking Arabic]
[suspenseful music]
- Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa!
[electricity crackles]
- The fu**?
- Remove your clothes.
[ominous music]
♪ ♪
- Oh, come on.
- You think this is the worst
it can be for you?
Do it.
♪ ♪
[both panting]
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- Being out there without fur...
- It's brutal.
♪ ♪
- With fur--
- It's nice.
♪ ♪
[wind howling]
- Uh...
this isn't gonna be weird,
is it?
- It doesn't have to be.
♪ ♪
- How am I supposed to know?
This was your idea.
- The genie looked at you.
He was talking to you.
- I don't even know
what he said.
- It was Arabic.
He said, "Yes, Mistress,
I understand,"
and then something I didn't get,
and then, "I will do
exactly that to him."
- To him.
To Mike.
What did you tell him to do?
- You were right there.
I didn't say a word.
- You didn't have to.
You uncorked him.
He could read your thoughts.
- That is fu**ing rude.
- God damn it, Margo.
- Okay, just...
okay, nothing bad.
I just wanted Mike to go back
to where he came from.
- What does that even mean?
- It would be the place where
you first saw him...maybe?
♪ ♪
- Let's go.
- Oh, okay.
♪ ♪
- You wished
my boyfriend away.
- Boyfriend?
He's a random cock.
- You are unbelievable
- Other people aren't supposed
to get between us.
- He didn't get between us.
I want him with us--
- What's so special about him?
What makes him more interesting
than the last 10?
- Uh, guys?
- Mike?
Get up.
What the actual f--
- He'll only listen to you.
- Stop.
- [gasps]
- Whoa.
- Put him back, Margo.
- You don't have
to say anything.
- Fine.
[electricity buzzing]
- Ugh.
- Oh, God. Shh.
- [groans]
- Okay, baby,
come here.
- I don't get this part.
- My full wish:
that Mike would go back
to where he came from
and suck on some other knob.
So literal.
[gentle music]
♪ ♪
- Swag.
Good enough to trade you
out of Marina's hold?
- Small enough for bird flight.
- I'll go mix some paste
for the spell.
A few minutes,
we're flying again.
♪ ♪
- Go.
- [sighs]
- [laughs]
♪ ♪
[wind howling]
- Your mental wards
are quite strong,
I couldn't read anything until
you dropped them for Penny.
Then I saw it all.
You have suffered much
for your mother.
And I'm afraid it's not over.
Your mother is dead.
[somber music]
♪ ♪
A spell of some kind gone wrong.
I only learned yesterday
through the school
and only just now realized
who she you.
How it all fit together.
♪ ♪
You are now free
of Marina.
♪ ♪
But also...
they know everything
at Brakebills.
Who you are, what you've done.
You cannot go back.
- I was forced.
- Brakebills is not
a forgiving place.
You deserve better
than their punishment,
which would be...
You're planning to fly
tonight with Penny.
You need to think about
his future as well.
His gifts are a curse.
Without training and practice,
they could kill him.
- What am I supposed to do?
- What we all do
each moment.
♪ ♪
- [sighs]
[melancholy music]
♪ ♪
- No.
[wind howling]
- Eliot, come on.
We're gonna miss
the opening orgy.
You're not even dressed.
- [sighs]
[somber music]
I'm not going.
- Fu**.
You're still mad?
- No.
I mean yes,
but that's not why.
I--Mike--Ibiza's not
really his thing, so...
- It's ours.
- And will be again,
along with the million
other things
that are just us.
I only have one Bambi.
- You're gonna miss me
so hard,
you won't be able
to get it up.
- That's probably true.
Have fun.
- Todd?
- Todd.
- It's your lucky decade.
Pack a swimsuit.
- Seriously?
- Ground rules:
you need to fit in,
so don't talk.
- Um...
- See that she hydrates,
wears sunblock,
and waxes.
Mama's down south
can get jungly.
[upbeat music]
- And you're in charge
of the genie.
♪ ♪
[ominous music]
♪ ♪
- Hey.
Come back to bed.
- Be right there...
[wind howling]
- Hey, where's Kady?
- Who gives a shit?
- Alice, Quentin.
I got you both to drop
your fears and inhibitions.
For that you should be
eternally grateful,
but I give you more.
I give you
your life's purpose.
Go and live
to prove me wrong.
Love each other,
be honest and kind,
faithful and happy,
and then,
come back here in 50 years
with your perfect family
and gloat over my frozen corpse.
You're welcome.
Why the fox?
Why not mollusk or firefly?
- The fox knows
and I knew...
everything I needed
to survive was me
and it's not just to survive,
but to be happy.
I was...
- The fox is in you now--
both of you.
Feed it.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- You really are
a great teacher.
♪ ♪
- I know.
♪ ♪
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪