The Magicians (2015–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Unauthorized Magic - full transcript

- There you are.

- You're late.
- I have a school to run.

- There are
more important things.

- It's always something
with you, isn't it?

It's always an emergency.

- It's happening.

- They're not even
at Brakebills yet.

- I know.
- Get them there.

Pray that they get a little
something under their belts

before he finds a way to them.

- Your ability to think



that we have the slightest
molecule of control

over anything
never ceases to amaze me.

- It's not that.

I have to try.

- We.

- Look, this is
your responsibility.

You have to get them ready.
They're infants.

They know nothing, especially...

Especially him.

- I will do what I can,

and you know this.

- I do know.

Here...

just in case.



You do still have
an eye on our boy, don't you?

- Yes.

- Great. Great.

- Not exactly.

- Why not?

Where is he?

- Wow.
- Nice trick.

Well, I'm sure
you're a hit at parties.

- So...

you think you're ready.

- I do.
- Why?

- I feel better.

- On admitting, you reported
you couldn't concentrate,

eat, get out of bed.

You said the feeling

of not belonging anywhere
was overwhelming.

- It's not sleight of hand
if you're gonna use CGI.

Well, I'm sorry.
It's just...

That's insulting
to anyone who's ever done

any kind
of close-up magic, so...

- And that you were
the most useless person

who ever lived.

And now...
you feel better?

- It's the original version,
the Danish version,

that it's, like... it's dark.

It's, like, 100 times better

because the Danish people,
they're... they're, uh...

they have a dark soul.

I mean, I get it.

- Get...?

- You're a kid, and your
whole life's ahead of you,

and you have these notions...

about what life is...

and...

what it could be.

But eventually
you have to let all that go.

So that's what I'm...
That's what I'm going to do.

That's what I'm doing.

Um, it's a part of growing up...

You know, selling
the comic-book collection

and getting serious.

- You graduate soon.

- And then?
- Um, I'm supposed to have

a grad-school interview
on Tuesday... Yale.

- Quentin, I'd really recommend
further treatment.

- Look, I've never threatened
to hurt myself or anybody else.

So you can't make me stay.

Can you?

The Chatwin Twins
and their older brother

had been sent
to the countryside.

From a young age,

Martin Chatwin
had a gloomy nature.

And to combat his melancholy,

he would lose himself
in stories of wonder.

So he knew that he
would have trouble convincing

his brother and sister
that this was no fantasy.

Rupert, wounded in the war

and the first Chatwin
to put away childish things...

And Jane, the family skeptic.

This was Fillory.

A land of magic.

- Rupert! Martin!
- Have a look at this!

- Martin thought
they needed Fillory...

but, no, Fillory needed them.

It is here
that our story begins,

but be warned...

This adventure
is no mere children's tale.

- Where'd she go?

The, uh... the girl
in the rainbow shorts?

- Yeah, you just missed her.

- And?

- Not my type.

- Dude, she was wearing
a unicorn T-shirt.

She's clearly into fantasy.

But how would you know?

You're in here reading
obscure fantasy,

and she's out there.

Honestly, like, 73 of her...

kind of waiting for you
to finish reading the books

you've already read 800 times
and come out of your room.

- I'm about to.
- It's just it's a first edition,

and I am looking at it
one last time

before I sell it on eBay.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Is this a serious conversation?

Should I sit up?

- I called you...

all weekend.

Where were you?

- I was at my dad's.

I got angsty
prepping for the interview,

and I...

I fled...

for the magical hills of Jersey.

Don't judge.

- I'd never.

- Oh, my God.

My girl. My friend.

- Have you no decency?
- Not even a little.

- Excellent.
- Three-way!

No, no, no, no!

- Okay, we have got
to pull you together.

- This is it, Quentin. It.
- I'm still high.

I just...
Okay, you know what? Screw it.

- It's only the alumni interview.
- Right.

- And it's only Yale.
- Right, lesser Ivy.

- And, honestly, they probably
take anyone conscious

for philosophy.

- For philosophy,
"conscious" is a detriment.

- So I'm good.
- You're great.

- You know, you can go.
- Hey.

I am the angel protecting
your future, Coldwater.

Tighten your shit.

- Yes, ma'am.

- Hello?

- Um...

It's Quentin Coldwater

for the grad-school interview?

I don't believe it.

- Oh, shit!

- Well...

he's dead.

By the look of him,
he was a big...

- I'm sorry?
- Why? Did you kill him?

- No. Jesus.

- I was kidding.

- Um, can we go now?

Let's go.

- Wait!

I think he left
something for you.

- Q, come on, let's go.

- Whoa, look at that.

"Fillory and Further,
Book Six: The Magicians."

- Look at the date... 1952.
- All right, please.

- There are five
Fillory books, Julia... five.

- Yeah, I-I know, Quentin.
- Everyone knows.

- There's always been rumors of
a sixth book that disappeared.

- Yeah, and those
are just some stupid rumors

off a super-fan message board.

- Come on, don't be naive.
- Maybe, but maybe it's...

- What, it's a very special
art project

that the dead guy made up?

'Cause I don't know...

You wrote your admissions essay
on the glory of Fillory?

- Come on, Q.
- Come on. What if...

- No! You have to stop!

- Stop what?

- You can't run away
hard enough, can you?

What happened to giving up
on the Fillory crap?

- You used to like Fillory.

Yeah, I liked it.

- I loved it...
- You got me into it, Julia!

I learned magic tricks
just to keep up with you.

It was our thing.

- Yeah, it was our thing,

and it was fun,
silly, nerdy bullshit,

and it got us
through high school.

- I guess I'm just a silly,
bullshit nerd, then, huh?

- Hey, I'm not saying...

- Which never seemed
to bother you

until right around the second
you met James.

- I know where you were
all weekend...

At the hospital.

- No.

- You feel exactly
like you did the last time.

- Life is raw.
- Everybody medicates.

- No, life is starting...
- for real.

Look, I am just saying
that you are good

at so much stuff.

Pick something...

please.

Start living your life.

Look, I got to go meet James.

I love you.
Call me, okay?

Great.

- Quentin Coldwater?

- Uh-huh.

- I'm Eliot.

You're late.

Follow me.

- Uh, okay.
- Um, hey...

- Di... Where am I?
- Upstate New York.

- Upstate, but I was just...

Hey.

Okay, what... what
is this place?

- Brakebills University.

You've been offered
a preliminary exam for entry

into the graduate program.

- Am I hallucinating?

- If you were,
how would asking me help?

Come on, or you'll miss it.

- Late!

Be seated.

Welcome.

You may address me as Dean.

I know you have questions.

They will be answered in time.

Now your only job

is to pass the examination
before you.

Begin.

Sorry.

I know that.
I know that.

- I...
- Ah.

Please report to this next room
for your final examination.

Thank you.

Next.

Please report to this next room
for your final examination.

Thank you.

- Jules.
- Oh, my God. Q?

Oh, my God.

How did you get here?

- Well, I can't...
- really explain that.

- No, me neither.
- It was so weird.

I-I-I went into an elevator,

and then I got
out of the elevator.

- Thank God. Thank God.
- Thank God what?

- No, thank God that
you're confused too.

I just... I just started
these new meds today,

and I thought maybe...

- Stop talking, please.
- Stay focused.

- You've just been given
an examination

of your magical aptitude.

- "Magical"?

- We had reason to believe
you possess certain...

nascent abilities.

- Okay.

I mean, I used to think that...

- And perhaps you did
at one time.

Regrettably, you failed
the written exam.

I'm here to prepare
you to go home.

- What?
- It's all right.

We'll provide an alibi
for your missing time.

- That test was crazy.
- Any sane person...

I mean, all the questions
kept changing.

- Be that as it may...
- No!

Don't you want students
who make actual inquiry

instead of just accepting
like sheep?

I'm sorry.
Um...

Can I start over?

Please?

I can't just go to Yale
if I know this place exists.

- Which is why
I'm going to make sure

that you don't remember a thing.

- This won't hurt a bit.

- Quentin...

Let's see some magic.

- No...

magic, real magic.

Please.

- Okay.

Quentin...

do you like this place?

You have a gut feeling that...

it's something special?

You want to go back to Columbia?

That pointless,
miasmic march to death

you call life?

Family that never calls

and friends that don't
really get you

and feeling alone and wrong

until it crushes you?

- No.

- Then quit dicking around!

- Stop it.

- Do some goddamn magic!

- I said stop it!

Oh! Oh!
Oh, my God. Oh.

Holy shit.
I'm doing this.

- I wouldn't.

Playing with time
is such difficult magic.

You'll just make it worse.

- Jane Chatwin...

from the books.

Make what worse?

- And it won't stop him coming.

- Who?
- The Beast.

You're in the school.

He's going to find you.

You're the one he wants.

You have to learn.

- Learn what?
- What are you...

- Look down.

You're on the garden path.

Stay on,
the Beast will kill you,

kill everyone.

Step off the path or...

- Magic is real.

But you've gathered that,
haven't you?

- Have I?

- Three-year program,
graduate-level studies,

program begins immediately.

- How did you find me?

- Mm. Globes.

Sense magic...
It's not always right,

so we test it.

- How... how did
my friend do... Julia?

- I'm afraid
she didn't make the cut.

And my apologies
for the rocky road.

We certainly didn't intend
for Bob to die on you.

- The alumni guy?
- Mm-hmm.

- He works for you?
- Mm-hmm.

- Was he murdered?
- Snuck a box of Oreos.

- Magicians can't eat Oreos?

- Diabetics can't have Oreos.

- And the paramedic who...

Book Six"?

- Right.
- A scout... freelance, sort of.

Any more questions?

I've got another...
24 of you today.

- Um... okay...

So "be a magician"?

Is that illegal or...?

Are you guys trying to
take over the world or...?

- This school exists for
a single and timeless purpose...

To reveal your innate abilities

and hone them
to the highest degree.

Now, what you do with it after
that is entirely up to you.

If you want
to take over the world,

we don't teach that,
but give it a go.

Quentin, I need an answer.

- Friends and family
will be given the exciting news

of your early acceptance to
a prestigious master's program,

and with a little illusion work,

all their questions
will be answered.

Good.
Now, your meds.

Quentin, you haven't
been depressed.

You've been alone.

And you are not crazy.

You're angry.

And you are correct.

Everyone...

Everyone medicates...

out there.

Here, we hope you won't need to.

- Um...

are you my, uh...

- What up, roomie?

- Uh, hey, I had a...
- Okay, um, I had a...

- notebook right here.
- "Book Six."

- Did...
- And you what?

You think I stole it?

Some dumb-ass kid's book?

Why do you have
all that nerd-boy dragon

porn shit, anyway...
Are you 12?

Quentin!

This is the interruption
you've been waiting for.

- Hi. I'm Margo.

This is him.
Hmm.

He's not that cute.

- So first years
live in these dorms.

Then, depending on your talent,

you go to the house
with your emphasis.

- Or you flunk out,
in which case, bye-bye.

But you wouldn't care
'cause you won't remember.

- Good morning, professors.

Physical kids, telekinesis,

move shit, lift shit,
most can fly.

Also, magnificent partiers.

Do not come by our house
if you have anything important

to do the next morning.

Then there's illusions,
healing...

nature.

Hmm?
Knowledge.

- Psychics...
- You know what they are?

Losers.

Okay we heard that.

Eat shit, Eliot.

- Like I said.

- What? Who are they?
- Don't.

- You'll scare the child.
- Maybe he should be scared.

You're so dramatic.

- That is what's left
of the third-year class.

Were 20, now 4.
No one knows why.

- They're just gone?

- Mm, rumor has it, killed.
- Or flunked or got bored

or died 16 perfectly
natural deaths. Whatever.

We all signed this waiver.
I hope you read yours.

It says, "Spellwork is not
unlikely to murder you",

and, if so, oh, well."

- So stay
on the garden path, kid.

Yeah.

- Wait. did you say
"the garden path"?

- Yeah, enough maudlin blah.

Let's go find something magic
to smoke.

- Mm-hmm.

- At the exam,

each of you did magic.

What was inside you was coaxed.

The question is,
who can grow this magic...

into something more?

"Who can be a magician?"

Alice, please.

- Ooh, looks serious.

- Please...

an artist is at work.

- The answer is yes.

Until you pass out, and then
again when you wake up.

- Did you just read my...
- Nah, it's just a guess.

- Ah, one of those every year.

- One of what?
- Overachiever.

Shy, yet knows they're smarter
than everyone,

therefore everyone hates them.

- Yeah, Alice is, like...

I don't know how she does it.

- That's Alice Quinn?

Yeah, don't bother
trying to compare yourself.

I heard she comes from
a whole family of magicians.

It's good to be aware
the world is inherently unfair.

Act accordingly.

Hey, Alice, come join us.

Make some friends.
Take a load off.

- Poor, little magic girl.

- Hey, Alice.

Look, my friends...

earlier, they were...
They were just...

- Cruel? Unoriginal?

- Yeah. Sorry.

Just... um...

Look, honestly,
um, it's... it's my fault

that they said that.

They saw how jealous I am,

and... you're the best.

It's easy for you.

- No, I study.
- Then you get it.

I barely...

I'm terrified
I'm gonna get kicked out.

I need this place,

and I never had friends
or parents who under...

- Look, my parents
are useless, crazy people

who never taught me
a drop of magic, okay?

So, if you think that my family

is some sort of advantage,
you've been misinformed.

There, is there
anything else I can do

to make you feel better,
or are you good?

- Sorry.
- I just got your email.

Cell phone's aren't working
up here.

- My fifth email.
- Sorry. I was working.

You just tell me
what you meant by...

- I mean not herself.

I mean barely talks to me,
not eating.

She looks like a goddamn ghost.

She's not Julia.

- Why?
- What happened?

- If I knew,
would I need high and mighty

mega-genius you back here?

It's her birthday.
I'm sure you forgot that too.

I'm throwing a party.

- Okay. Party. Good.
- Oh, party?

- Oh, we're coming.
- No, it's not...

- Yeah, you go back out there
to the great, big, boring world,

you'll never find
your way back without us.

Trust.

So is it black-tie or...

- This is super risqué.

- That's better.
- Super risqué.

All right. Okay.
What is this?

It is a...
"Screwnacorn."

Q! Holy shit!

- Back from the wars.
- Hey.

- Hey. Hey.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- It's really good to see you.
- You too.

- Yeah.

- Scotch, neat.

- Saw the balloons over there.

Happy birthday.

Or not.

- Yep.
- So go jump off a cliff.

Thanks.

- I need you to tell them
they were wrong about me.

- Who?
- Brakebills.

Say "What's Brakebills?"
And I will stab you.

Tell them to test me again.

- H-how did you...
- Remember?

I don't know.

Maybe I'm a mutant.

Or maybe...

I wouldn't let myself forget.

- They'll just wipe
your memory again.

- I should be there.

- What happened
to should be at Yale?

- That was before I knew
there was something else.

Who cares about business school?
Would you?

- You have to be able
to do certain things.

- God, were you always
this smug?

Watch.

You have no idea
how long it took me.

To find a spell that was real.

- Yeah, it's real.
- Yeah, because I'm a magician.

- Not necessarily.

There's a...
There's just stuff out there.

There's a lot of nothing spells

that people don't even know
they're doing.

You go online, and there's
a video of George Bush

they keep taking down,
and he's drunk,

and he's laughing,
he's making magic air ripples.

- And your point is?

- It doesn't mean
you have potential.

- Ouch.

- I'm sorry,
but they would know.

- No, they missed it.
- I know that I...

- No, you know that
you don't want to fail.

- What?

- It's not about that.
- Are you sure, Jules?

Because you can do
everything else.

It's really okay
if this is not your thing.

You're hurting yourself,

and you're not okay.

- They cut off my life.

- Your life is here.

- We got to go.
- How's my hair?

- Good.

Aah!

- Hi.

- How does it feel
to know that...

I can do whatever I want to you?

Awesome.

I knew it.

- What the hell was that?
- What...

What are you, some kind
of crazy, psycho rapist?

- Hey, no.

No.
I would never.

I swear. I...

I just needed to see
if I was right.

Oh, you thought the school

was the only place
to track the gift?

We've been watching you
for quite a while now.

- Who's "we"?

- Um...

Hello? Do you need...

Do you need help?

What the...?

- Funny thing about Fillory...

You don't really decide
when to go.

It decides...
if you deserve to.

You haven't listened, Quentin.

You stuck firm to that path.

It's going to kill you.
Do you understand?

- No, I don't understand.

- Stop talking, you child.

Look, I know you like
Brakebills.

I know you feel
you finally belong,

but that place isn't the point.

You won't be there long.

- Shut up.
- This is a dream,

and you are a fictional,
English schoolgirl

stuck in my head from a book.

- You know I'm not.

- Look, Brakebills is the first
place that feels right to me

that is not literally
a fairy tale.

- Brakebills is a tool.

You feel right because you're
starting toward your destiny.

That's all.

Quit clinging.
Start questioning.

Seek real answers
that will help you fight!

- All right, back off.

I know that symbol.
What is it?

Find out, won't you?

- Hey, uh...
- I'm late.

- You were looking for something
in the cafe the other day.

- There was a page with a symbol.
- Go away.

- Wait.

What does that mean?

- How did you get this?

- I'll tell you if you tell me.

- Okay, fine.

Tonight, 10:00 p.m.,
meet me at the Admin Building.

And bring
an Estonian-English dictionary.

- What does it mean?

- "Contact the other side."

- The other side?
- What, like séance shit?

- Summoning, technically,
but, yes.

- Right.
- Summoning, of course.

Yeah, when I'm trying to
contact the dead,

I like to summon them
whenever possible.

- Yeah, that's the plan.

As soon as we get
the book that I need

that apparently got
pulled off the shelves

- two years ago.
- Pulled as in locked up?

- It's in the Dean's
private collection.

- Which means it needs
to be stolen, right?

Okay. Uh...

Look, I-I really...
I don't want to get kicked out.

And I really don't want
to be the guy

who dies in the first
ten minutes of the movie

because he's like,
"You know what?

"Let's take out the Ouija board.

What could possibly
go wrong?"

- Do you want
to cheat off my labs, huh?

Do you want a tutor?
Do you want to get straight As?

I can do that for you.

So just help me with this.

Okay, for some reason,
you're involved,

so be involved!

- Hey, Etude number 8...
- Left or right hand?

- Yo, pacey, what's your deal?

- Nothing. I...

- Look, hold that thought, okay?

- I got to...
- Got to what?

Hey, I'm all ears.

Penny, don't be a douche.
What?

- I can...

- Look, I hear voices.
- What, psychic?

- No, God, I hate that word.

- Okay, mind slut?

Come on, Penny,
you're not the first I've met.

I mean, you're not even
the first to get in my pants,

so...

- Look, so, I got to go
somewhere, all right?

- I'm obviously coming with you.

God.

Great, well, that makes me feel
a whole lot less nervous.

- Nut up, will you?

There's no such thing
as safe magic.

You should know that, Quentin.

Might as well take a risk.

- Great, well,
if put it like that...

Who are we trying to contact?
It says we... we need a name.

- Charlie.

- And who's Charlie?
- My brother.

He died.
It'd be nice to say hi.

What?

- H-h-how did he die?
- Horribly, I assume...

since no one will tell me
what happened.

All I know is that
it happened here at Brakebills

five years ago.

Did you think that I came here

because I just love magic
so much?

No.

I need an answer.

He deserves that.

So can we just concentrate?

We need to get this done
by exactly midnight, okay? So...

- Sorry.
- I mean...

to hear that.
I mean, I...

- Shit.
- No.

- What?
- No, this is good.

This is all making sense.

- Yeah. No, it is.

It's just we can do this.
It's just we can't do this.

We need...

- Oh.

Hi.

- So...
- You got to be kidding me.

We were sent here
to help these losers?

- Sent?

- Wait. Who sent you?
- No one!

Look, I got that you guys need
some extra hands or something.

Yes, I can.
Yes, I have.

Yes, everything you think
is so boring,

I replace it with dubstep.

- What's dubstep?

- It says we need four people.

"Each one a Magical Adept."

And here they are.

Please, come sit down.

This is perfect timing.

Well...

I'm hungry.

What? I am.

- Let us know
if shit gets exciting.

- I guess I'll start
cleaning up.

- A few helpful rules...

Don't demand, ask.

Safety first.
Be patient...

Nobody levels up in a day...

And don't leave
your purse lying around.

- And this what exactly?

- This is the real world, babe.

- Always pay close attention
to the alloys.

Um, iron has a...
Has a neutral quality,

whereas silver and gold
have the effect

of, uh, magnifying the effects
of other components of the alloy

and I would caution you
to test for this

each time before, uh...
Before using a knife

for, uh, ritual work
because, um...

A spell can alter
the metal at, uh...

At a quantum level.

From the, uh...

famous German poet
and, um... and wizard...

So, for instance, um,

this first device...

- Quentin Coldwater...

There you are.