The Lucy Show (1962–1968): Season 4, Episode 5 - Lucy the Stunt Man - full transcript
Lucy tries to fool Mr. Mooney into advancing her money for a new refrigerator by sabotaging the one she has. Her scheme backfires when he finds her real need for the money: a leopard coat she's lusting over. Conveniently, Lucy's f...
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Starring Lucille Ball.
Costarring Gale Gordon.
Oh, Lucy!
Lucy?
Hey!
Oh! Joanie, you
frightened me to death.
What in the world are you
doing in that refrigerator?
What?
What in the world
are you doing in there?
Are you homesick for that
cold weather back East?
No, nothing like that.
I'm just trying to get
this thing in shape.
Oh, you're fixing it.
No, I'm not fixing
it; I'm unfixing it.
Unfixing it?
Yeah.
That ought to do it.
- Lucy.
- What?
I hate to sound
stupid, but I am.
What's going on?
Operation: Leopard Coat.
You see, I can buy one
from Felix Franco,
the Friendly Furrier,
for $99.50.
That's logical.
You're breaking
that refrigerator
because you could buy
a leopard coat for $99.50.
I knew you'd understand.
Understand?
I thought I was making a joke.
Oh, well, then, let me explain.
You see, bankers
will give you money
for something silly
like an appliance,
but never for anything
necessary like a leopard coat.
I have invited my banker,
Mr. Mooney, over for breakfast.
Nice going. The way to a man's
heart is through his stomach.
Well, he doesn't
happen to have a heart.
I'm taking the freeway
right through to his wallet.
It must be a beautiful coat.
Oh, it is. I brought
it home on approval.
- You want to see it?
- Oh, yes.
Oh, it's stunning.
How does it feel?
Slinky.
I feel like a leopard.
Mrs. Carmichael!
Uh-oh.
There's my helpless prey.
Now, you get the door.
- I'll put this inside, okay?
- Okay.
Hello.
Hello. I...
Oh, I must be in
the wrong apartment.
I was looking for
Mrs. Carmichael.
Oh, she's here.
I'm her neighbor, Joan Brenner.
Oh, I'm Theodore Mooney.
Oh! You're the one she's
said so many nice things about.
Oh, I must be at
the wrong apartment.
You're not.
Lucy!
I was just leaving.
I wish I could say the same.
Well, if it isn't my
favorite banker.
Mrs. Carmichael, when
you warmly touch my hand
and say, "Well, if it
isn't my favorite banker,"
I know you must want
something, and the answer is no.
Oh, Mr. Mooney.
What makes you
think I want something?
Well, you certainly
didn't invite me over here
to go skateboarding.
Now, come on. I just
thought we could have
- a nice, friendly breakfast together.
- Oh.
Besides, I'd like to talk about
our old hometown, Danfield.
- Danfield?
- Yes.
You're homesick.
You're going back.
When are you leaving?
Tomorrow? Tonight?
How about this afternoon?
Why don't we have coffee in
the cab on the way to the airport?
I'll get the tickets.
I'll help you pack.
- Mr. Mooney.
- I have influence.
I can get you a... I can...
Mr. Mooney, I do not
want to leave here.
I love it here.
Oh, you do?
Yeah. Now, would you
mind getting the orange juice?
It's in the refrigerator.
- Uh, Mrs. Carmichael.
- Yes?
What's this?
Oh, that's the door handle.
Pay no attention to it.
Get the orange juice, please.
Mrs. Carmichael,
without the handle,
it's impossible
to open the door.
Just jiggle it a
little. It'll open.
I beg your pardon.
Just jiggle it a
little. It'll open.
- What's this?
- The door.
I know it's a door!
Well, you asked.
I only meant...
does the door always
come off in your hand?
Only when you open it.
The orange juice,
please, Mr. Mooney.
Oh, yes.
This orange juice is warm.
Oh, well, we're lucky.
Usually, it's hot.
I burned my tongue
on it yesterday.
It's the craziest
refrigerator I ever saw.
Well, possibly, you
need a new refrigerator.
Oh, no, no.
This one will do.
No use being extravagant.
I'd get you some ice, but
they're usually frozen solid.
Oh. Well, leave it to me.
A frozen ice tray
is nothing to me.
Nothing at all.
Here we go.
You... you said the
ice was frozen solid?
Sure melts fast, doesn't it?
Gee, maybe I do have
to get a new refrigerator.
I'll start saving.
I'll cut down on luxuries.
Oh, what luxuries do
you intend to cut out?
Oh, useless things
like bread, eggs, milk.
Oh, now, now, now, now.
There's no need for
that, Mrs. Carmichael.
When you need
something practical,
I'm only too happy to
advance the money for it.
No, I can wait.
No, nonsense! Nonsense!
That refrigerator's a mess.
So am I.
A soggy mess.
Well, I'll get you some
towels, Mr. Mooney.
I can do it myself,
thank you very much.
And when I've dried
off, I'll come back
and give you the
money for a refrigerator.
Ah.
Yeah. Mrs. Carmichael.
- Yes?
- Uh, how much
do you think a
refrigerator would cost?
Oh, well, they have
some lovely ones
for approximately $99.50.
- $99.50?
- Yes.
That sounds reasonable enough.
Oh, uh, Mr. Mooney,
I do believe it would
be more convenient
if you made the
check out to cash.
Mr. Mooney?
♪♪
How do I look in
your new refrigerator?
Madam, kindly notice
the automatic defrosting.
The vegetable crisper.
And all for only, uh, $99.50.
What a coincidence
that fur coats and refrigerators
cost exactly the same price.
Mr. Mooney, I
really need that coat.
The coat I had back East
is too warm for this climate.
Wear it and buy yourself
a small, inexpensive fan.
Please, Mr. Mooney.
That coat looks stunning on me.
Why, it even looks good on you.
One final word:
If you want $99.50 for
some foolish extravagance,
you go out and earn it.
Well, now, it just so happens
that I was going to
apply for a job today.
- Oh, really?
- Yes.
I'll read you the ad.
"Wanted: female lemon picker."
"Must have
transportation to Oxnard.
Also, leopard coat."
Mrs. Carmichael, your sly
little scheme will not work!
But Mr. Mooney, I
want this coat so badly.
I've just got to have it.
I've never wanted anything
more in my whole life.
Oh, please, Mr. Mooney,
I'll scrimp and I'll save.
I'll cut down. I'll do
anything you say.
But I just got to
have it, Mr. Mooney.
Please. I got to have
it. I got to have it.
Mrs. Carmichael!
Mrs. Carmichael!
You are making more of a fuss
giving up that fur
than the leopard did.
But give it up you will!
♪♪
Hi, honey.
Oh, hi, Joanie. Come on in.
How are you tonight?
Oh, you going out?
No, honey. Just
doing the dishes.
In that leopard coat?
I thought you
had to take it back.
I'm going to take
it back tomorrow.
Tonight I'm going
to sleep in it.
Lucy, will you do me a favor?
Sure. What?
I've got a date with...
with Chuck Casey tonight.
Do you remember that
stuntman I told you about?
- The big guy?
- Yes.
Oh, yeah. Where you going?
- Nowhere.
- Nowhere?
Whenever you go
out with a stuntman
and one of his
pictures is on TV,
you just sit there and watch
him till he gets clobbered.
Oh.
Only, my TV's out of whack.
Can we watch it on yours?
Oh, sure, honey.
Bring him over here.
Thank you, Lucy.
Chuck, honey!
- Lucy!
- Yeah?
- Lucy, this is Chuck Casey.
- Hi.
Lucy Carmichael.
- Nice to know you, Chuck.
- Hi.
Hi, Lucy.
Boy, you are a big one.
Wow.
Lucy says we can watch
the picture on her set.
Uh, you turn it on, though,
and I'll get the popcorn.
So how do you like
California, Mrs. Carmichael?
Oh, I just love it.
Everything's so
exciting out here.
Where else in the world
could I be having a
Hollywood premiere
right in my own apartment
with a famous stuntman and
a big Hollywood movie star?
Oh, I'm not a star.
- I just play bits.
- Well...
And most of them
are itsy-bitsy bits.
Shh. The picture's
already started.
Oh, boy. I hope we
didn't miss anything.
Here, help yourself.
Boy, that stagecoach
is really traveling!
Ooh, look at that tricky bit.
Yeah, and watch this trick
shot coming through the pass.
Okay.
Look out! Indians!
Oh, I'm sorry.
I just wanted to warn you.
That's all right, Lucy.
They would have
gotten him, anyway.
- Oh.
- Hey.
Now, watch the dead man's fall
I do from the top
of the stagecoach.
A dead man's fall?
Oh, Chuck, you
never died better.
Well, thanks a lot, Lucy.
But-but the picture
isn't finished yet.
Aren't we going
to see the rest of it?
Oh, we only watch Chuck's
pictures till he's knocked off.
Oh.
Oh, well, boy,
you were terrific.
Don't you ever get hurt?
Well, a stuntman
can't afford to get hurt.
It's the way we make our living.
But that fall from that coach...
That looked real dangerous.
Well, it was all planned
out ahead of time.
Really?
Yeah. I'll show you.
Uh... here.
- Now, I'm on a stagecoach.
- Yeah?
- And I'm riding shotgun.
- Yeah.
- We're heading down the trail.
- Uh-huh.
All of a sudden, I get shot.
Oh!
That's a D-4.
A D-4?
A dead-man's fall.
He's done so many of them,
the undertakers voted
him "Man of the Year."
Don't you ever get hurt in
those vicious fight scenes?
Oh, no. Once you get a bop
on the jaw, you go into a J-11.
A J-11, what's that?
That's a stumble bum's
stumble. Go on, show her, honey.
Oh!
Oh! Boy, my lamp!
- Lucy!
- What?
- Do you know what you just did?
- What did I did?
A perfect H-12.
I did an H-12? What's an H-12?
A roll over the table.
Really?
I'm doing one in a
picture tomorrow.
Yes, he's going to get
a hundred bucks for it.
- A hundred bucks?!
- Yeah.
Wow. I wish I could
have a hundred bucks
for every H-12
I've done in my life.
I could buy two live leopards
and raise my own coat.
Well, I have an early call.
I'll see you on the set
in the morning, Joan.
Oh, honey, aren't you going
to give me a good night kiss?
Oh! There it
goes, there it goes.
- What?
- Well, my sacroiliac.
Oh, don't worry, we'll find it.
It's got to be around
here someplace.
- Lucy, it's his back.
- What?
Oh, his back!
Is there anything
I can do for you?
Well, you can call casting and
have them get another stuntman.
I'll never do an
H-12 in the morning.
- Oh, gee, I'm sorry, Chuck.
- Oh, it's terrible, Chuck.
You're sure there isn't anything
we can do for you tonight?
- You take care.
- I'm so sorry. Night!
Oh, gee. It's a shame he's
going to lose all that work.
I've got to call
casting right away.
- Oh, dear.
- Gee, I wish I could do an H-12.
I could sure use
that hundred bucks.
Yeah, me, too.
You can, Lucy!
I can what?
Do an H-12.
Oh, now, wait a minute...
That hundred bucks
would pay for that coat.
- Oh, but I couldn't...
- Sure, you can!
Now don't worry.
All you do is get on the
set dressed for the part.
I'll be on that set tomorrow.
You have nothing to worry about.
You're going to be
on the set tomorrow?
Yes!
Uh, and all I have to do
is-is a-a roll over the table?
That's all.
And I get a
hundred bucks for it?
- A hundred bucks.
- Gee, maybe I could.
Sure, you could!
- Okay, I will.
- Good.
Oh, boy.
You know, this may
lead to a movie career.
I-I-I might become
a famous actress!
Well, I don't know about that.
Very few leading ladies have
started out as a stuntman.
Oh...
All the stuntmen
here? Slim Jones?
That's me, partner.
Buzz Kirkeby.
Right here, partner.
Chuck Casey.
Where's Chuck Casey?
Right here, partner.
Wait a minute. You're
not Chuck Casey.
I'm a friend of his.
Here's a little note from him.
"Sorry, can't work today.
This will introduce
Iron Man Carmichael."
You Iron Man Carmichael?
Yup.
"Best H-12 man in the
business. Love, Chuck."
"Love, Chuck"?
I guess he meant "regards."
Ain't seen you working
around here before, partner.
Well, I been out of the country,
working in Lawrence of Arabia.
What's wrong with your voice?
Got kicked in the
throat by a camel.
No wonder they
call you Iron Man.
Now look, the director's
going to want you guys
to roll your own in this scene.
Let's see you do it.
What's the matter
with you, Iron Man?
I forgot the makings.
Here you go, partner.
♪♪
♪♪
Smokin's for sissies.
I think I'll take a chaw.
Paper's the best part.
Okay, everybody, take five.
You better go out
and practice, Iron Man.
And get rid of those chaps!
This is a fight, not
a Halloween party!
Go on!
Out!
Oh, would you sign that?
Oh, sure.
Thank you.
Ah, Mr. Mooney! So nice
of you to come to the studio.
You know, when
I'm directing a picture
it's very difficult
for me to get away.
I hope it was no
inconvenience to you.
Don't you worry
about it, Mr. Wilson.
The motto of our bank is,
"If it's a convenience
for our customers,
it's no inconvenience for us."
Now, your loan
has been approved.
All I need is your signature
on the escrow papers.
Oh, they're already
signed. They're in my office.
Oh, well, I'll get
them then, I...
You know, Mr. Wilson,
this is quite exciting for me.
I've never been inside a
motion picture studio before.
Oh, well, we'll be
shooting a saloon brawl
with some, uh, stuntmen
in a few minutes.
Oh, why don't you
come back and watch it?
Well, I can't think of
anything more delightful...
Unless, of course,
you were going to do
a bathtub scene
with a pretty girl.
Uh, you're not.
All right, all right, all you
stuntmen on the set, please.
All the extras, come on.
All the atmosphere, let's go.
We've got a picture to shoot.
Hi, fellas.
Hi, Joanie.
Oh.
All right, easy on
the props, fella.
We-we've got a... we
haven't even started yet.
All right, boys,
clean up this mess.
Relax, act natural.
Pull it in there, fella.
Fresh!
All right, all right,
all right, now,
save that rough
stuff for the shoot.
Behave yourself. You're
supposed to be an Iron Man.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
Well, then, uh, Mr. Wilson,
- everything's under control.
- Oh...
All right.
It's Mr. Mooney.
Be careful, now.
Don't let him see you.
Why don't you make
yourself at home?
Well, thank you, I'll do that.
I'd be happy... Oh,
there's somebody I know.
- He's coming over.
- Oh, yeah.
Mr. Mooney, this is a surprise.
What are you doing here?
Well, I'm testing for
the dashing male lead
in Liz Taylor's next picture.
That's kind of a little
j... I really wasn't...
Well, actually... what, uh...
I had some business
with the director,
and he said I could stay
and watch some of the stunts,
you see, and...
Oh, pardon me,
a-are you a stuntman?
Yep.
Well, sir, let me
shake your hand.
By George, you
fellas do all the work,
and the stars
get all the credit.
- Well, that's showbiz.
- Yeah.
All right!
All you stuntmen gather
'round here, please.
Oh.
Come on, let me have
your attention, everybody.
Gather 'round.
All right, now, you, uh,
men all know your stunts.
Now, uh, who's this Iron
Man that does an H-12?
I am.
Oh, wow, we've
changed the action a little.
Instead of you doing
an H-12, you do a Z-7.
What's a Z-7?
It's a swing from a chandelier.
A swing from a chandelier?
Oh, boy, forget it.
Do you want that fur coat?
I'll swing.
All right, now, you fellas,
I want you to make
this brawl look real.
You're all tough hombres.
Uh, now you two fellas,
uh, rip off your shirts.
Which two?
Uh... these two here.
All right, now, uh...
Tell you what, let's,
uh, let's do the fight.
Now you two start
swinging at each other.
Then, uh, Joe, you get involved,
then Bob, you come in next.
Then everybody start swinging.
All right, now, places,
everybody, and roll 'em.
Action!
Cut! Cut!
Hold it! Hold...
Now... hold it.
Hold it, hold it now.
Now, look, Iron
Man, what's with you?
Oh, I had a little
trouble with my guns.
- Well, get 'em up, get 'em up.
- Yeah.
I guess I got the drop
on the other guys.
Now, come on,
Iron Man, get with it.
- Right.
- All right, now, fellas,
pick up the action
where you left off.
All right, now roll 'em.
Action!
Terrific! That's terrific!
All right.
Terrific, terrific.
Now, fellas, get into
your final positions.
All right, boys, the Z-7.
Get him up on the chandelier!
Swing him!
And... cut!
Lucy, are you all right?
Lucy?!
So long, partner.
Hold it, hold it, Iron
Man, I want to talk to you.
You know, that's the funniest
fight scene I've ever seen.
I'm going to give
you a $100 bonus.
- A bonus?
- Mm-hmm.
Thanks.
Who are the real-world Illuminati ?
Find out @ saveanilluminati.com
Find out @ saveanilluminati.com
Starring Lucille Ball.
Costarring Gale Gordon.
Oh, Lucy!
Lucy?
Hey!
Oh! Joanie, you
frightened me to death.
What in the world are you
doing in that refrigerator?
What?
What in the world
are you doing in there?
Are you homesick for that
cold weather back East?
No, nothing like that.
I'm just trying to get
this thing in shape.
Oh, you're fixing it.
No, I'm not fixing
it; I'm unfixing it.
Unfixing it?
Yeah.
That ought to do it.
- Lucy.
- What?
I hate to sound
stupid, but I am.
What's going on?
Operation: Leopard Coat.
You see, I can buy one
from Felix Franco,
the Friendly Furrier,
for $99.50.
That's logical.
You're breaking
that refrigerator
because you could buy
a leopard coat for $99.50.
I knew you'd understand.
Understand?
I thought I was making a joke.
Oh, well, then, let me explain.
You see, bankers
will give you money
for something silly
like an appliance,
but never for anything
necessary like a leopard coat.
I have invited my banker,
Mr. Mooney, over for breakfast.
Nice going. The way to a man's
heart is through his stomach.
Well, he doesn't
happen to have a heart.
I'm taking the freeway
right through to his wallet.
It must be a beautiful coat.
Oh, it is. I brought
it home on approval.
- You want to see it?
- Oh, yes.
Oh, it's stunning.
How does it feel?
Slinky.
I feel like a leopard.
Mrs. Carmichael!
Uh-oh.
There's my helpless prey.
Now, you get the door.
- I'll put this inside, okay?
- Okay.
Hello.
Hello. I...
Oh, I must be in
the wrong apartment.
I was looking for
Mrs. Carmichael.
Oh, she's here.
I'm her neighbor, Joan Brenner.
Oh, I'm Theodore Mooney.
Oh! You're the one she's
said so many nice things about.
Oh, I must be at
the wrong apartment.
You're not.
Lucy!
I was just leaving.
I wish I could say the same.
Well, if it isn't my
favorite banker.
Mrs. Carmichael, when
you warmly touch my hand
and say, "Well, if it
isn't my favorite banker,"
I know you must want
something, and the answer is no.
Oh, Mr. Mooney.
What makes you
think I want something?
Well, you certainly
didn't invite me over here
to go skateboarding.
Now, come on. I just
thought we could have
- a nice, friendly breakfast together.
- Oh.
Besides, I'd like to talk about
our old hometown, Danfield.
- Danfield?
- Yes.
You're homesick.
You're going back.
When are you leaving?
Tomorrow? Tonight?
How about this afternoon?
Why don't we have coffee in
the cab on the way to the airport?
I'll get the tickets.
I'll help you pack.
- Mr. Mooney.
- I have influence.
I can get you a... I can...
Mr. Mooney, I do not
want to leave here.
I love it here.
Oh, you do?
Yeah. Now, would you
mind getting the orange juice?
It's in the refrigerator.
- Uh, Mrs. Carmichael.
- Yes?
What's this?
Oh, that's the door handle.
Pay no attention to it.
Get the orange juice, please.
Mrs. Carmichael,
without the handle,
it's impossible
to open the door.
Just jiggle it a
little. It'll open.
I beg your pardon.
Just jiggle it a
little. It'll open.
- What's this?
- The door.
I know it's a door!
Well, you asked.
I only meant...
does the door always
come off in your hand?
Only when you open it.
The orange juice,
please, Mr. Mooney.
Oh, yes.
This orange juice is warm.
Oh, well, we're lucky.
Usually, it's hot.
I burned my tongue
on it yesterday.
It's the craziest
refrigerator I ever saw.
Well, possibly, you
need a new refrigerator.
Oh, no, no.
This one will do.
No use being extravagant.
I'd get you some ice, but
they're usually frozen solid.
Oh. Well, leave it to me.
A frozen ice tray
is nothing to me.
Nothing at all.
Here we go.
You... you said the
ice was frozen solid?
Sure melts fast, doesn't it?
Gee, maybe I do have
to get a new refrigerator.
I'll start saving.
I'll cut down on luxuries.
Oh, what luxuries do
you intend to cut out?
Oh, useless things
like bread, eggs, milk.
Oh, now, now, now, now.
There's no need for
that, Mrs. Carmichael.
When you need
something practical,
I'm only too happy to
advance the money for it.
No, I can wait.
No, nonsense! Nonsense!
That refrigerator's a mess.
So am I.
A soggy mess.
Well, I'll get you some
towels, Mr. Mooney.
I can do it myself,
thank you very much.
And when I've dried
off, I'll come back
and give you the
money for a refrigerator.
Ah.
Yeah. Mrs. Carmichael.
- Yes?
- Uh, how much
do you think a
refrigerator would cost?
Oh, well, they have
some lovely ones
for approximately $99.50.
- $99.50?
- Yes.
That sounds reasonable enough.
Oh, uh, Mr. Mooney,
I do believe it would
be more convenient
if you made the
check out to cash.
Mr. Mooney?
♪♪
How do I look in
your new refrigerator?
Madam, kindly notice
the automatic defrosting.
The vegetable crisper.
And all for only, uh, $99.50.
What a coincidence
that fur coats and refrigerators
cost exactly the same price.
Mr. Mooney, I
really need that coat.
The coat I had back East
is too warm for this climate.
Wear it and buy yourself
a small, inexpensive fan.
Please, Mr. Mooney.
That coat looks stunning on me.
Why, it even looks good on you.
One final word:
If you want $99.50 for
some foolish extravagance,
you go out and earn it.
Well, now, it just so happens
that I was going to
apply for a job today.
- Oh, really?
- Yes.
I'll read you the ad.
"Wanted: female lemon picker."
"Must have
transportation to Oxnard.
Also, leopard coat."
Mrs. Carmichael, your sly
little scheme will not work!
But Mr. Mooney, I
want this coat so badly.
I've just got to have it.
I've never wanted anything
more in my whole life.
Oh, please, Mr. Mooney,
I'll scrimp and I'll save.
I'll cut down. I'll do
anything you say.
But I just got to
have it, Mr. Mooney.
Please. I got to have
it. I got to have it.
Mrs. Carmichael!
Mrs. Carmichael!
You are making more of a fuss
giving up that fur
than the leopard did.
But give it up you will!
♪♪
Hi, honey.
Oh, hi, Joanie. Come on in.
How are you tonight?
Oh, you going out?
No, honey. Just
doing the dishes.
In that leopard coat?
I thought you
had to take it back.
I'm going to take
it back tomorrow.
Tonight I'm going
to sleep in it.
Lucy, will you do me a favor?
Sure. What?
I've got a date with...
with Chuck Casey tonight.
Do you remember that
stuntman I told you about?
- The big guy?
- Yes.
Oh, yeah. Where you going?
- Nowhere.
- Nowhere?
Whenever you go
out with a stuntman
and one of his
pictures is on TV,
you just sit there and watch
him till he gets clobbered.
Oh.
Only, my TV's out of whack.
Can we watch it on yours?
Oh, sure, honey.
Bring him over here.
Thank you, Lucy.
Chuck, honey!
- Lucy!
- Yeah?
- Lucy, this is Chuck Casey.
- Hi.
Lucy Carmichael.
- Nice to know you, Chuck.
- Hi.
Hi, Lucy.
Boy, you are a big one.
Wow.
Lucy says we can watch
the picture on her set.
Uh, you turn it on, though,
and I'll get the popcorn.
So how do you like
California, Mrs. Carmichael?
Oh, I just love it.
Everything's so
exciting out here.
Where else in the world
could I be having a
Hollywood premiere
right in my own apartment
with a famous stuntman and
a big Hollywood movie star?
Oh, I'm not a star.
- I just play bits.
- Well...
And most of them
are itsy-bitsy bits.
Shh. The picture's
already started.
Oh, boy. I hope we
didn't miss anything.
Here, help yourself.
Boy, that stagecoach
is really traveling!
Ooh, look at that tricky bit.
Yeah, and watch this trick
shot coming through the pass.
Okay.
Look out! Indians!
Oh, I'm sorry.
I just wanted to warn you.
That's all right, Lucy.
They would have
gotten him, anyway.
- Oh.
- Hey.
Now, watch the dead man's fall
I do from the top
of the stagecoach.
A dead man's fall?
Oh, Chuck, you
never died better.
Well, thanks a lot, Lucy.
But-but the picture
isn't finished yet.
Aren't we going
to see the rest of it?
Oh, we only watch Chuck's
pictures till he's knocked off.
Oh.
Oh, well, boy,
you were terrific.
Don't you ever get hurt?
Well, a stuntman
can't afford to get hurt.
It's the way we make our living.
But that fall from that coach...
That looked real dangerous.
Well, it was all planned
out ahead of time.
Really?
Yeah. I'll show you.
Uh... here.
- Now, I'm on a stagecoach.
- Yeah?
- And I'm riding shotgun.
- Yeah.
- We're heading down the trail.
- Uh-huh.
All of a sudden, I get shot.
Oh!
That's a D-4.
A D-4?
A dead-man's fall.
He's done so many of them,
the undertakers voted
him "Man of the Year."
Don't you ever get hurt in
those vicious fight scenes?
Oh, no. Once you get a bop
on the jaw, you go into a J-11.
A J-11, what's that?
That's a stumble bum's
stumble. Go on, show her, honey.
Oh!
Oh! Boy, my lamp!
- Lucy!
- What?
- Do you know what you just did?
- What did I did?
A perfect H-12.
I did an H-12? What's an H-12?
A roll over the table.
Really?
I'm doing one in a
picture tomorrow.
Yes, he's going to get
a hundred bucks for it.
- A hundred bucks?!
- Yeah.
Wow. I wish I could
have a hundred bucks
for every H-12
I've done in my life.
I could buy two live leopards
and raise my own coat.
Well, I have an early call.
I'll see you on the set
in the morning, Joan.
Oh, honey, aren't you going
to give me a good night kiss?
Oh! There it
goes, there it goes.
- What?
- Well, my sacroiliac.
Oh, don't worry, we'll find it.
It's got to be around
here someplace.
- Lucy, it's his back.
- What?
Oh, his back!
Is there anything
I can do for you?
Well, you can call casting and
have them get another stuntman.
I'll never do an
H-12 in the morning.
- Oh, gee, I'm sorry, Chuck.
- Oh, it's terrible, Chuck.
You're sure there isn't anything
we can do for you tonight?
- You take care.
- I'm so sorry. Night!
Oh, gee. It's a shame he's
going to lose all that work.
I've got to call
casting right away.
- Oh, dear.
- Gee, I wish I could do an H-12.
I could sure use
that hundred bucks.
Yeah, me, too.
You can, Lucy!
I can what?
Do an H-12.
Oh, now, wait a minute...
That hundred bucks
would pay for that coat.
- Oh, but I couldn't...
- Sure, you can!
Now don't worry.
All you do is get on the
set dressed for the part.
I'll be on that set tomorrow.
You have nothing to worry about.
You're going to be
on the set tomorrow?
Yes!
Uh, and all I have to do
is-is a-a roll over the table?
That's all.
And I get a
hundred bucks for it?
- A hundred bucks.
- Gee, maybe I could.
Sure, you could!
- Okay, I will.
- Good.
Oh, boy.
You know, this may
lead to a movie career.
I-I-I might become
a famous actress!
Well, I don't know about that.
Very few leading ladies have
started out as a stuntman.
Oh...
All the stuntmen
here? Slim Jones?
That's me, partner.
Buzz Kirkeby.
Right here, partner.
Chuck Casey.
Where's Chuck Casey?
Right here, partner.
Wait a minute. You're
not Chuck Casey.
I'm a friend of his.
Here's a little note from him.
"Sorry, can't work today.
This will introduce
Iron Man Carmichael."
You Iron Man Carmichael?
Yup.
"Best H-12 man in the
business. Love, Chuck."
"Love, Chuck"?
I guess he meant "regards."
Ain't seen you working
around here before, partner.
Well, I been out of the country,
working in Lawrence of Arabia.
What's wrong with your voice?
Got kicked in the
throat by a camel.
No wonder they
call you Iron Man.
Now look, the director's
going to want you guys
to roll your own in this scene.
Let's see you do it.
What's the matter
with you, Iron Man?
I forgot the makings.
Here you go, partner.
♪♪
♪♪
Smokin's for sissies.
I think I'll take a chaw.
Paper's the best part.
Okay, everybody, take five.
You better go out
and practice, Iron Man.
And get rid of those chaps!
This is a fight, not
a Halloween party!
Go on!
Out!
Oh, would you sign that?
Oh, sure.
Thank you.
Ah, Mr. Mooney! So nice
of you to come to the studio.
You know, when
I'm directing a picture
it's very difficult
for me to get away.
I hope it was no
inconvenience to you.
Don't you worry
about it, Mr. Wilson.
The motto of our bank is,
"If it's a convenience
for our customers,
it's no inconvenience for us."
Now, your loan
has been approved.
All I need is your signature
on the escrow papers.
Oh, they're already
signed. They're in my office.
Oh, well, I'll get
them then, I...
You know, Mr. Wilson,
this is quite exciting for me.
I've never been inside a
motion picture studio before.
Oh, well, we'll be
shooting a saloon brawl
with some, uh, stuntmen
in a few minutes.
Oh, why don't you
come back and watch it?
Well, I can't think of
anything more delightful...
Unless, of course,
you were going to do
a bathtub scene
with a pretty girl.
Uh, you're not.
All right, all right, all you
stuntmen on the set, please.
All the extras, come on.
All the atmosphere, let's go.
We've got a picture to shoot.
Hi, fellas.
Hi, Joanie.
Oh.
All right, easy on
the props, fella.
We-we've got a... we
haven't even started yet.
All right, boys,
clean up this mess.
Relax, act natural.
Pull it in there, fella.
Fresh!
All right, all right,
all right, now,
save that rough
stuff for the shoot.
Behave yourself. You're
supposed to be an Iron Man.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
Well, then, uh, Mr. Wilson,
- everything's under control.
- Oh...
All right.
It's Mr. Mooney.
Be careful, now.
Don't let him see you.
Why don't you make
yourself at home?
Well, thank you, I'll do that.
I'd be happy... Oh,
there's somebody I know.
- He's coming over.
- Oh, yeah.
Mr. Mooney, this is a surprise.
What are you doing here?
Well, I'm testing for
the dashing male lead
in Liz Taylor's next picture.
That's kind of a little
j... I really wasn't...
Well, actually... what, uh...
I had some business
with the director,
and he said I could stay
and watch some of the stunts,
you see, and...
Oh, pardon me,
a-are you a stuntman?
Yep.
Well, sir, let me
shake your hand.
By George, you
fellas do all the work,
and the stars
get all the credit.
- Well, that's showbiz.
- Yeah.
All right!
All you stuntmen gather
'round here, please.
Oh.
Come on, let me have
your attention, everybody.
Gather 'round.
All right, now, you, uh,
men all know your stunts.
Now, uh, who's this Iron
Man that does an H-12?
I am.
Oh, wow, we've
changed the action a little.
Instead of you doing
an H-12, you do a Z-7.
What's a Z-7?
It's a swing from a chandelier.
A swing from a chandelier?
Oh, boy, forget it.
Do you want that fur coat?
I'll swing.
All right, now, you fellas,
I want you to make
this brawl look real.
You're all tough hombres.
Uh, now you two fellas,
uh, rip off your shirts.
Which two?
Uh... these two here.
All right, now, uh...
Tell you what, let's,
uh, let's do the fight.
Now you two start
swinging at each other.
Then, uh, Joe, you get involved,
then Bob, you come in next.
Then everybody start swinging.
All right, now, places,
everybody, and roll 'em.
Action!
Cut! Cut!
Hold it! Hold...
Now... hold it.
Hold it, hold it now.
Now, look, Iron
Man, what's with you?
Oh, I had a little
trouble with my guns.
- Well, get 'em up, get 'em up.
- Yeah.
I guess I got the drop
on the other guys.
Now, come on,
Iron Man, get with it.
- Right.
- All right, now, fellas,
pick up the action
where you left off.
All right, now roll 'em.
Action!
Terrific! That's terrific!
All right.
Terrific, terrific.
Now, fellas, get into
your final positions.
All right, boys, the Z-7.
Get him up on the chandelier!
Swing him!
And... cut!
Lucy, are you all right?
Lucy?!
So long, partner.
Hold it, hold it, Iron
Man, I want to talk to you.
You know, that's the funniest
fight scene I've ever seen.
I'm going to give
you a $100 bonus.
- A bonus?
- Mm-hmm.
Thanks.
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