The Lucy Show (1962–1968): Season 3, Episode 4 - Lucy Gets Amnesia - full transcript

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Viv, you know I've
always wanted a fur coat,

and I can't let a
bargain like this go by.

Look, only $110.

Formerly $160.



That means I save $50.

If we keep right on
walking to the supermarket,

you can save $110.

Oh.

But this is such a bargain.

I just got to have it, Viv.

Oh, bonjour.

- Bonjour.
- Bonjour.

May I help you?

Well, uh, really,
we're just browsing.

Well, of course.

Would you like to see
something in mink?

Yeah, me.

Oh.



Well, uh, Madame Fifi,

we-we really didn't
intend to buy anything.

But, uh...

Uh, actually, th-that
coat in the window

does look interesting.

Oh, madame, you could
not have made a wiser choice.

Why, this is the biggest
bargain of our entire sale.

As you can see, our price
has been greatly reduced.

Well, I-I'm not really
looking for a bargain,

but I'll try it on.

- Would you hold on to that for me, dear?
- Uh-huh.

I don't, I don't hold much
stock in bargains as a rule,

but, uh, we're just
shopping today, you know.

Oh.

What kind of fur is this?

Well, it's a sable-dyed,
mink-affiliated,

oryctolagus cuniculus.

Oh.

What's oryctolagus cuniculus?

It sounds like
some kind of fish.

Oh, no, no, no, madame.

It's lapin.

Lapin?

That's French for "rabbit."

Oh. Oh, well, how does it look?

Magnifique, madame.

That's French
for "terrible", lady.

The sleeves seem so shor...

Well, now, who did you make
this coat for... Gypsy Rose Lee?

Well, that can be
fixed in no time.

It was just sewed
on temporarily.

Oh, oh.

Oh, excusez-moi.

Yeah, yeah. Viv,
this is a bargain.

It's rabbit.

It doesn't look like rabbit.

It couldn't look
more like rabbit

if it wrinkled its nose and
said, "Eh, what's up, doc?"

You're just jealous
because I saw it first.

Oh.

Now, look, I'm just
going to play it cool.

I-I don't want to
seem too enthusiastic.

And maybe I can get
it for less than $110.

You should.

Oh, I'm so sorry I
kept you waiting.

Oh, that's all right.

And, now, do you
want the coat delivered

or will you take it with you?

Well, actually, this
isn't what I had in mind.

It's-It's, uh, not really a
very good color for me

and, uh, it doesn't fit me.

It just isn't me.

Oh, but, madame,
this coat is you.

Why, it is so much you, I
will let you have it for $105.

I'll take it.

Oh, that's playing it cool.

Oh, and the five dollars
for repairing the sleeve

makes $110.

Nice going.

Well, uh...

I'll send it to
you this evening.

Thank you.

You can send it to
Mrs. Lucille Carmichael,

132 Post Road.

Oh, dear.

I seem to be a little short
on cash this morning.

Viv, darling, you don't happen
to have $110 on you, do you?

No. How did you know?

Oh, don't bother,
Mrs., uh, Carmichael.

You can stop in
tomorrow and pay for it.

Oh, thank you very much.

I will have the sleeves fixed.

Au revoir et merci.

- Thank you, thank you.
- Merci, merci.

"Oh, don't bother,

"Mrs. Carmichael.

You can stop in
tomorrow and pay for it."

With what?

- You haven't got $110.
- Oh.

You haven't even got 110
carrots to feed that rabbit.

Oh.

I will have the money, Viv.

Mr. Mooney will be
happy to advance it to me

when I tell him
that I saved $50.

On a rabbit?

Oh, like I said, you're just
jealous because I saw it first.

Oh, well, let's go home
and build it a hutch.

Huh?

Good morning, Mr. Mooney.

Oh, come on now, open your eyes.

I'm not going to
bother you today.

In fact, I have done something
that should make you very happy.

You have done something
to make me happy?

Yep.

You know what I've done?

You've taken a 99-year
lease on a house in Cairo?

No.

That would have made me happy.

Oh, now. I have just made $50.

You have made $50?!

Yeah. Didn't I, Viv?

Well, let's say you saved $50.

Well, a dollar earned
is a dollar saved.

I just saved $50, so
that means I earned $50.

Now, aren't you pleased
with me, Mr. Mooney?

Pleased? I'm flabbergasted.

I knew you would be.

Now, Mr. Mooney, as a
banker, you certainly know

that you have to spend money
to make money, don't you?

Uh, not necessarily.

Well, sometimes you do.

Sometimes you don't.

Well, I do.

No, you don't.

Please, Mr. Mooney, I
need an advance of $110.

What for?

Oh, I was afraid he'd ask that.

I need $110 to make the $50.

I'd give you the $110
if you'd move to Cairo.

Oh, please be reasonable.

Now, I have to have the money.

They're fixing it
and everything.

They're fixing what?

The lapin.

That's French for "rabbit."

Mrs. Carmichael, you
spent $110 for a rabbit?!

Why don't you eat steak
like everybody else?

Oh, it isn't to
eat, it's to wear.

Now, please approve
the advance for me.

I'm afraid I can't.

Well, you know, I
could take my business

to another bank.

Promises, promises.

I'm afraid I have to leave.

I'll be gone for a week
at a bankers' convention

in Bridgeport.

Oh, but you can't do that.

You can't go away and
leave me un-looked after.

I wouldn't dream of
leaving you un-looked after.

The bank has already arranged

for someone to take
my place while I'm gone.

He is Mr. Meyers of
our Jamestown branch.

And he is sitting
right in that office.

So you go on in there and
tell your sad story to him.

Oh, I think it only fair
to warn you however,

that if you can get the
time of day from Mr. Meyers,

then you can get
blood from a stone.

Well, ta-ta, and lots of luck.

Oh, Mr. Mooney...

- Oh.
- Well, what do we do now?

We tackle Mr. Meyers.

Now, you heard what
Mr. Mooney said about him.

Well, I've got to try.

What have I got to lose?

A French rabbit.

Oh, come on.

You just go back there

and foreclose that mortgage!

And tell them they won't get
one more penny out of this bank!

Whew, that guy's
colder than a cucumber.

Well, shall we go
back to Madame Fifi's

and cancel the rabbit?

No, I don't want to.

And stop calling it a rabbit.

I've just got to make
him give me that money.

Now, Lucy.

Well, it's my money, isn't it?

Well, not exactly.

You've already spent your money.

Oh, that's beside the point.

Banks are in the money business,
and I keep my money here.

And they lend my
money to strangers.

So they can just advance
me some of my own money,

even though I am overdrawn.

Now, come on.

Now, see here, Mr. Meyers,

it just so happens
that it is my money,

and it is my business
what I do with my money.

So you can just pick up your pen

and authorize an
advance for me of $110!

I can't believe it's you!

Mr. Mooney told me to watch
out for a Lucille Carmichael,

but I had no idea it was you.

You didn't?

Well, your name wasn't
Carmichael when I knew you.

What was it?

Well, you weren't married then.

Oh.

Uh, I'm-I'm Vivian Bagley.

- Oh, how-how do you do.
- How do you do.

You know, I knew you
the minute you walked in.

How could I ever
forget that hair,

those eyes, that face.

We were good friends
years and years ago.

Well, I had an idea
you'd met before.

And, you know, I'll
bet Lucy knew me

the minute she saw me.

Would you like to bet $110?

Uh, Viv...

Why, of course I knew
you, Mr., uh, Meyers.

Call me Vinnie.

Oh, Lucy,

I can't tell you
what a thrill this is!

Oh, it takes me back to
those glorious, glorious days.

What days?

Yeah, what days?

Lake Hiawatha.

Lake Hiawatha?

Why, I haven't been there
since I was 14 years old.

That's right.

You were 14 and I was 17.

And, Mrs. Bagley,
we were in love.

- Ah...
- Ah...

Of course, it was
just puppy love.

But you know something?

I don't think I ever
really quite got over it.

Did you?

Me? Oh, no, I
still love puppies.

I mean...

You know what I mean.

You know, we used to walk
around the lake holding hands.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
there was a lake there.

And we sat under
a sycamore tree.

Yeah, there were
a lot of trees, yeah.

And we carved our
initials on the tree.

Oh?

Do you remember the day
we found the little rabbit?

There's an opening
if I ever heard one.

Uh, Mr. Meyers...
I mean, Vinnie,

uh, I'd like to talk to you.

Oh, Lucy, there's
nothing I'd rather do

than sit and reminisce with you.

How about tonight?

Oh, well, uh, all right.

How would you like to
drop by about, uh, 8:00?

- I'll be there.
- Oh, fine.

Uh, Vinnie?

Yes?

I need a teensy-weensy little
advance on my allowance.

$110.

- $110?
- Yes.

Well, shall we discuss that
tonight while we're reminiscing?

Oh, all right.

I'll see you later.

- Oh, Lucy.
- Yes?

Do you remember the name
you used to call me, Love Bug?

Love Bug?

No, that's what I called you.

Oh.

Don't you remember the
pet name you called me?

She'd better.

Uh, why, of course I remember.

What was it?

Oh, why, uh...

The pet name I
used to call you, yeah.

Don't you worry, now.

- I remember it.
- Well, say it!

Well, uh, oh, I don't want
to say it in front of strangers.

Besides, if I tell you now,
maybe you won't come by tonight.

I'll tell you later.
I'll see you at 8:00.

So long.

Bye.

Good-bye, Love Bug!

Good-bye, uh...

I'll see you at 8:00.

Lucy!

Yeah?

Are you still down
in the basement?

It's almost 8:00.

I'm coming.

Did you find any old diaries
or any pictures or anything

that'd give you a
clue to his nickname?

No, all I found was
that green umbrella

that I accused Audrey
Simmons of keeping last year

and the yellow one I
made her give me in return.

Oh, Lucy, this is terrible.

I have a feeling if you don't
remember his pet name,

you're gonna have a rough
time getting that $110 out of him.

That's right.

You know, I usually have
a-a wonderful memory.

I remember Lake Hiawatha,
I remember the hotel,

I remember the
big sycamore trees.

I just can't remember him.

- Hey, I got an idea.
- What?

I'll throw some nicknames at you

and you see if any
one of them rings a bell.

- Okay.
- How about that?

Hurry up, though, 'cause
he's gonna be here any minute.

- Uh, uh, Cutie.
- No.

- Uh, Cuddles.
- No...

- Lollipop.
- No.

- Uh, uh, Skinny.
- No...

Uh, Tarzan.

Tarzan. Now, really, Viv,

does he look like
a Tarzan to you?

Well, not to me, but
to an ape, he might.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

This isn't gonna work.

We're gonna have to
think of something else.

What we need is a plan.

And we need it fast.

Hey!

What?

Listen.

Yeah?

- A few minutes
before 9:00, - Uh-huh.

- I will go upstairs, - Yeah.

- And you get Vinnie into the kitchen.
- Yes?

And then when the
clock strikes 9:00,

you look startled and
say, "What was that?!"

What was that?

- That's right.
- Uh-huh.

Then you run back in here,

and I will be lying right
there by the coffee table.

Oh...

- Yeah, it will look like I have
tripped on the stairs, -Yeah?

And staggered all
the way down here

- and hit my head on the coffee table.
- Yes?

Now, I will be out, see?

And-And when you
see me, you bring me to.

- Uh-huh.
- And you scream.

- Scream.
- Yeah.

Oh, all right, Viv.

- I know you know how to scream.
- Yes.

All right, then both
of you rush over to me

- and bring me to.
- Yes.

- And you will discover
that I'm all right, -Uh-huh.

Except I have amnesia.

Amnesia?

Yeah. I won't be able
to remember a thing.

I won't even know who I am.

Oh, Lucy, do you
think that'll work?

Well, why not?

I can't be expected to
remember his pet name

if I can't even remember my own.

That is a wonderful plan.

Now, remember, on
the stroke of 9:00...

Oh, remember the night

they had the dance at the hotel?

Yes.

You wore a bright blue dress.

Oh, yes!

With green lace sleeves.

And yellow buttons.

And red bows.

And it had fur on the bottom.

All on one dress?

Oh, Viv, you didn't see all that

because I wore a pink
polka dot cape over it.

Oh.

You know, that
was the first time

you called me by my pet name.

Aw, come on, Lucy,
say that name again.

Uh, Lucy, it's almost 9:00.

Oh, oh, will you
excuse me, Vinnie?

I have to go up and
check the children.

Oh, well, don't
be long, Love Bug.

Okay.

Uh, Vinnie, would you help me

carry these things out
to the kitchen, please?

Oh, of course. Be glad to.

I just can't wait to hear
her say your pet name.

Oh, neither can I.

Tell me what it is.

Oh, I'd rather not.

Oh, come on, now.

We're alone. I
won't tell a soul.

No, I want Lucy to
have the pleasure.

All right.

I'll bet a nickel
it was "Dimples."

You owe me a nickel.

If-If you really want to bet,
why don't you try "Poopsie"?

Your pet name was Poopsie.

No, you owe me a dime.

Hi, Mom.

What's the matter?

Oh. Oh, nothing.
Where have you been?

Over at Cynthia's,
typing up some reports.

Oh.

Chris, when you were 14,

you had a crush
on a boy, didn't you?

Yeah.

What was his name?

Bobby Edwards.

Did you have a pet
nickname for him?

- Oh, sure.
- What was it?

"The Fink."

Oh. You better get to bed,
Chris. School tomorrow.

But, Mother, it's only
one minute to 9:00.

- One minute to 9:00?!
- What's the matter?

Ooh, I gotta be out by 9:00.

- Out where?
- Out cold.

I mean, n-nothing.

You get to bed, dear.

Go on, now. School tomorrow.

Good night.

- What was that?
- What was what?

Well, it sounded
like somebody falling.

Did the clock strike 9:00?

No.

Well, then you didn't
hear anybody falling.

But, but I could
have sworn the...

What was that?!

The clock.

No, someone fell and hit
her head on the coffee table.

Oh, Lucy, you poor little...

Where is she?

There she is!

What's she doing over there?

She's supposed to be over here.

Oh, honey!

Oh, she's unconscious.

Oh, no. No, no, no.

She's-She's just, uh,
lost her memory, that's all.

Oh, how do you know?

Oh, well, look at her.

Uh, oh, I know
amnesia when I see it.

Oh, I think we'd
better get a doctor.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

She'll be all right
in a few minutes.

You just go out
there in the kitchen

and get me some smelling salts.

They're in a little
blue box over the sink.

Yes.

What are you doing over here?

You're supposed
to be over there.

Here we are.

Yes, that'll do it.
Come on now, honey.

Oh, I bet she can't
remember a thing.

Not a thing when she comes to.

- Oh, poor thing.
- Come on, dear.

- -Here, hold these.
- Oh, come on, hon.

Here, let's get her
over on the couch.

- Help me get her up.
- Come on, honey.

We'll sit you over on the couch.

Come on, honey.

Up you go.

- Upsy daisy.
- There she goes.

- There you go, honey.
- Now easy.

Now, come on.

Here you go, dear.

- Oh, you poor thing.
- Right over here.

- Oh, isn't this terrible?
- Oh, the poor... Oh, it's awful.

- She hit her head and lost her memory.
- Awful.

Yes, there you are,
dear. Right back there.

Oh! Here, honey.

There you go.

There you...

Where am I?

You're home, dear.

Whose home?

Why, your home, dear.

Who are you?

I'm Vivian Bagley,
your best friend.

And you and I live
here together, dear.

I never heard of you.

Doesn't she remember anything?

Who are you?! Go away!

- I'm Vinnie Meyers.
- Go away!

- Oh, don't pay any attention to her, now.
- Go away!

She'll be all right
in a few minutes.

- Don't you touch me!
- Oh, I think we'd better call a doctor.

- Oh, no, we can't afford a doctor.
- Don't you touch me!

I'll get a wet towel.

Yes, get a wet
towel. That'll help.

Oh, you're just doing great.

If...

What are you going up there for?

I want to go home!

Oh, now, Lucy, you
can cut out the act.

There's just the two of us here.

Where am I? Who are you?!

Oh, Lucy, come off of it.

He can't hear us.

Oh, be quiet.

Shh, you'll wake
up the children.

Children? What children?

Our children.

You mean, you and I are married?

Oh, you are a big ham.

How is she?

Oh, she's worse than
ever. Worse than ever.

Get that thing away from me!

It's dripping all over!

Oh!

- I'll get it.
- Now, wait a minute.

- Get that away from me!
- No, because you've got to...

What are you trying
to do, drown me?

Delivery for Mrs.
Carmichael from Madame Fifi.

- Oh, thank you so much.
- Get away from me!

I want to call the police.

- I want to call the police.
- Lucy, Lucy, here it is.

What's that mangy-looking thing?

Why, that's your
oryctolagus cuniculus.

Lady, I'd like to
know who you are,

what you're talking about.

Will you cut that out?

I'm getting soaked to the skin.

What are you trying
to do, drown me?

Lucy, fun is fun,

but I can play this
game, too, you know.

Sir, if this woman is your
wife, you have terrible taste.

Well, that does it.

I'm gonna tell him everything.

This is all just an act.

She hasn't lost her memory.

Watch, I'll show you.

Uh, Lucy, don't you remember
buying this this morning?

I don't know what
you're talking about.

You don't know what I'm
talking about! Honestly.

Oh, Viv, be nice to
her. She's got amnesia.

Oh, she hasn't got any more
amnesia than you have or I have.

I'll show you.

Lucy, I'm gonna take this back,
and you'll never see it again.

Fine. Take it back to the zoo.

Do you mean to say that you
don't care if I take this back?

No!

- Call a doctor!
- What happened?!

She really has amnesia!
Lucy in her right mind would

never let me take
that back to the store.

Don't just stand
there; go do something!

I'll go get another wet towel.

Yes, get another wet towel.

Lucy... don't you remember me?

No.

Well, don't you
remember anything?

No.

Don't you remember
your children?

Mr. Mooney?

I have child named Mr. Mooney?

Oh, Lucy! Oh, dear!

Oh, here comes drippy again.

That's it!

Oh, how wonderful!

What's wonderful?

Oh, her amnesia's gone.

She called me by my pet name:

Drippy.

Oh, Lucy, I can't tell you

what memories this
brings back to me,

hearing you call me
Drippy again. Lucy!

Let's get her...

Here, honey.

Let's get her over here.

Here, I think this will help.

This should help.

- This'll help.
- Hey, Viv, get my umbrella.

It's raining in here.

You called me Viv!

Well, what else
would I call you?

Oh, oh.

Oh, she's all right again.

Hey, where you two been?

Oh, her memory's back.

Oh, Lucy, you gave
me the thrill of my life

when you called me Drippy.

Drippy? I called you "Drippy"?

Drippy?!

Oh, Drippy!

Oh, just hearing you
call me Drippy again

gives me goose pimples
all over, Love Bug.

Oh, I was beginning to
think you'd forgotten me.

Oh, well, now, the minute
I saw you at the bank,

I said to myself,
"There's Drippy."

Ooh!

Uh, by the way, uh,

I-I won't have any
difficulty getting

a teensy-weensy
advance on my allowance,

will I, Drippy Wippy?

Oh, the money was all taken
care of as soon as you asked for it.

- Oh, Lucy, in
that case, - Well!

You won't have to
send your rabbit back.

My coat! When did it come?!

It came while you
were in the twilight zone.

Here, I'll help you.

Oh, isn't it beautiful?

Well...

What's the matter?

What's the matter?

Oh, Lucy!

Oh! Oh, it's only a pin.

For a minute, I thought
Bugs Bunny bit me.

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