The Lucy Show (1962–1968): Season 3, Episode 17 - Lucy Goes to Vegas - full transcript
Lucy and Vivian win a free trip to Vegas, but she and Viv have only $5 spending money left. The gals get dressed up and pose as big-money gamblers to score some free "comps" from the casino. The trick works so well that an oil tyc...
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Boy, you certainly see a lot
of funny-looking characters
in Las Vegas, huh?
You certainly do.
Lucy, get me some
more postcards, will you?
Are you out of those already?
Just about.
How many of these things
are you sending, anyway?
Oh, what's the
difference? They're free.
And I want all of our
friends back in Danfield
to have a picture of
this beautiful hotel.
Yeah, it sure is beautiful.
This is really living, huh?
Uh-huh.
Good afternoon, ladies.
Oh, good afternoon.
Care for some tea and cookies?
- Oh, I'd love some.
- Yes, thank you.
Thank you. Oh, tea and...
- There you are.
- Thank you.
Gee, isn't that nice?
Serving tea in the lobby.
Uh-huh, and how about the
coffee and that Danish pastry
they served us this morning?
Yeah.
Just wonderful the way they
wait on us, hand and foot.
Mm-hmm. I told you
this was one of the
nicest hotels in Las Vegas.
Yeah. I sure wish
we were living here,
instead of that crummy
motel down the street.
Shh.
If they hear you, they'll take
all this food away from us.
Well, I just think
Bigelow's department store
could at least have put
us up at a decent hotel.
Oh, now, stop complaining.
You won a weekend for
two in Las Vegas from them,
so let's enjoy it.
Yeah, I just think
they could have
planned it better, that's all.
After all, I was the
one millionth customer
to walk through their door.
You just be happy
they didn't find out
that you walked through
that door to return something.
I think they should have
given me a cash prize, too.
What do you think of that?
Oh, now, they did give
you that evening wardrobe.
And say, may I say, I'm
very glad that you decided
to keep that kooky green
outfit and give me the pink one.
What do you mean, kooky?
It's kooky.
It's a little high style.
Well, I'm just thankful
you gave me the pink one.
Well, what difference
does it make?
We can't wear them anyplace.
We haven't got any money
to see any of the shows.
Will you stop complaining?
We got to hear Frank
Sinatra last night.
Oh, sure, through the air-
conditioning in the powder room.
Well, he came over
very good, didn't he?
- Viv.
- Hmm?
How much money do we have?
You mean besides
our eating money
and our bus fare to the airport?
- Yeah.
- We have $5.50.
Good. With a little luck,
we may have enough money
to see every show in town.
How?
Maybe I could
take that five dollars
and get lucky at the dice table.
Oh, you don't know
anything about playing dice.
Yes, I do.
I have been studying
this little book here.
- Yeah?
- How to Gamble in Las Vegas.
- Yeah?
- Do you know that you get 30-to-one
if you bet on boxcars and win?
What are boxcars?
Six twos.
Or is it, uh, two sixes?
Yeah, it's two sixes, yeah.
- Yeah?
- See, this book has
all the gambling expressions
and systems for beating all
those gambling games in there.
- Really?
- Yeah, listen to this.
"The biggest benefits
are derived by those
who have the
courage to let it ride."
On the boxcars?
No, no, no.
Uh, give me the five dollars.
I will not.
Over my dead body will I
give you that five dollars.
Why not?
Because I'm going to
give that to Mr. Krause
to invest in our future.
Who's Mr. Krause?
Our butcher.
I buy our sweepstakes
tickets from him.
Oh. Well, how about the
50 cents that's left over?
Maybe I could
get lucky with that.
Oh, how much could
you win with 50 cents?
Well, this book also has
a system for beating, uh...
for beating the slot machines.
Now, listen to this.
"Las Vegas slot machines
are geared to give the player
"at least a 90%
return for his money.
"An alert player can watch
a machine being played,
"and after nine or
ten plays without a hit,
the player can be reasonably
sure that a payoff is due."
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Come on, I'll show
you what I mean.
- Lucy.
- What?
How much could we win
back with our 50 cents?
If we hit a jackpot
on that machine,
we can win $50.
- We can?
- Come on.
Oh, do you mind if we watch?
We thought maybe we might
be able to bring you a little luck.
I can use it.
I've had eight losers in a row.
Good...
heavens!
Isn't that awful?
Well, here goes
my last half dollar.
Well, good luck. I sure hope
you win something this time.
Ah, another lemon.
I've got to go and get
some more change.
Oh.
Quick, give it to me
before he gets back.
- Now, listen.
- Yeah?
Let me close my eyes
to bring you luck
before you put it in, huh?
- Okay.
- Here you go.
- All right.
- Ready? Go.
Here I go.
You won!
Lucy, you won...!
Oh.
Was that, uh...
Lucy, what happened?
It dropped on the floor.
Oh.
Oh, thank you.
You lost our 50 cents.
I couldn't help dropping it.
Well, it really
serves you right.
Cheaters never prosper.
Well, anyway, the machine
paid off like the book said.
Well, there goes all those
shows we were going to see.
Honestly, I don't know why
we even bothered to pack
that evening wardrobe.
Oh.
Good afternoon, ladies.
Good afternoon.
Boy, he's handsome.
Who do you suppose he is?
I think he's one of the bosses.
Oh, I wish he were my boss.
Yes, Mr. Cardenas, what is it?
Oh, Dick, I've got a big
gambler coming into town.
Now, we really want to roll
out the red carpet for him.
- Yes, sir.
- I tell you what you do.
You give him our best
suite, call around town,
get the best ringside
tables for all the shows,
and, uh, you better have a
chauffeur-driven limousine
at his disposal.
- You got that?
- Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
And, listen, don't forget,
everything is on the house.
Yes, sir.
Did you hear that?
When a big gambler
comes to town,
they roll out the
red carpet for him.
They got him
reservations at every...
at every show in town.
It's not costing him a cent.
Them that has, gets.
Yeah, and you know what?
What?
We're going to act
like we has till we gets.
Now, what do you mean by that?
We're going back to our motel,
and I'm going to study
this book on gambling.
Because tonight, I'm going to
be walking on that red carpet
they roll out for
the big gamblers.
And we're going to
see every show in town.
- We are?
- Yeah. Come on.
Coming out now.
His point is four.
Four's his point.
They're coming out
now. Put 'em down.
Hiya, boss.
How's it going?
It's kind of slow.
Hey, boss, here comes
a couple of live ones.
Roll the dice. Don't
hold the dice, please.
Eight.
Eight's his point.
Rather attractive atmosphere.
Fabulous, darling,
simply fabulous.
Dealer dear, let me have
$1,000 worth of chips, please.
No, Pamela.
Oh, Penelope, darling...
Now, dear... remember what
happened at Monte Carlo.
But only $1,000, darling.
- Please.
- Oh, Pamela dear,
it's always only $1,000.
Then it's only $20,000,
then $40,000, then $50,000.
Oh, you're such a sticky wicket.
- May I have $1,000, please?
- Pamela...
you know that gambling
is a disease with you.
One teensy-weensy
$1,000 bet, darling.
The most that you can bet
at one time is the house limit.
The house limit?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, how much is that, pray tell?
$100.
Only $100.
Is this a gambling
casino or a sewing circle?
Dealer dear, please
give me $1,000.
Please don't give it to
her. Don't give it to her.
Oh, Penny.
Oh, now, darling,
you know it's my duty
to keep you from squandering
away another fortune.
Oh, really, dear.
Now, come on, control
yourself, my darling,
and we'll go over there
to that cute little table
- and have a cup of coffee.
- Oh, all right, Penny.
That lady in green
must be a real player.
I wish she'd roll the
dice. I'd like to bet on her.
Yeah, me, too.
Oh, you were just great, girl.
I wish I could do
some real gambling.
I learned enough in that
book to make a fortune.
Oh, shh.
May I help you?
We'd just like come coffee
and toast please, dear.
Yes, ma'am.
Shh.
Pardon me, ladies.
May I, uh, join you?
Fabulous, darling.
Thank you.
I don't mean to be personal,
but I couldn't help being
intrigued by your conversation.
Intrigued by our conversation?
Whatever do you mean?
Well, I've been around
the casinos for a long time,
and I usually can
spot a heavy player,
but I never would have taken
you for an inveterate gambler.
Well, I-I've been
inveterate all my life.
Even when we were little girls,
she always wanted me
to play jacks with her.
Well, all little
girls play jacks.
Jacks or better?
Oh, it's true, yes.
Ever since I can remember,
I loved to play cards.
Now, you're not
going to believe this,
but when she was a little girl,
her parents used to have to play
strip poker with her every night
to get her to undress for bed.
Incredible.
Pamela, stop shuffling
those crackers.
Oh, dear, I'm terribly sorry.
- Isn't that terrible?
- It's this...
With all her money, I don't see
why she wants to gamble at all.
Hah!
Oh, Pamela.
You see how obsessed with
gambling the poor child is?
Oh, stop exaggerating, darling.
Bet you a thousand it
stops on the ketchup!
Oh, Pamela, will you
please try to control yourself?
Well, I really can't
help it, darling.
- It's in my blood.
- I know, dear.
Were your parents gamblers?
Well, in a way, yes.
But they were very refined.
The only time I ever heard
my mother raise her voice
was when she yelled, "Bingo!"
And your father?
Uh, well, he was in oil.
He has, uh, one of the
largest oil fields in Texas.
Oh, what's his output?
How's that?
How many, uh, barrels
does he get a day?
Well, I don't know actually,
but I do know they had to
send out for bigger barrels.
Oh.
That sounds like a lot of oil.
Oh, it sure is.
- Oh, here's our coffee.
- Here you are.
Thank you so much, dear girl.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Pamela, dear.
Yes, darling?
May I have some toast?
Oh, of course.
Pamela, what are you doing?
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
Oh, how silly of me.
I forgot to let
you cut the deck.
You are impossible, dear.
You know something, Miss Pamela?
What's that?
I just don't understand it.
If you have all this money,
and such an intense desire
to gamble, why fight it?
Well, actually, I don't
feel that it would be fair
to Penelope, poor darling.
You see, she doesn't gamble.
And we just came up
here to see the shows.
Well, that is, if we could get
reservations for the shows.
Yes. You see, being
strangers in town,
that-that is quite a problem.
Oh, no, no, no. That
wouldn't be any problem at all.
I'd be delighted to
get tickets for you
for every show in town.
How divine.
Oh, Penelope.
And I would love for
you to be my guests.
Oh, isn't he fabulous?!
Fabulous!
Now, if you ladies
will excuse me,
I'll go and make
your reservations.
Fabulous, darling. Thank you.
It worked! It worked!
We're going to get
to see all the shows.
We're not going to
see one of those shows
unless you take off that hat.
What's the matter with it?
It looks like a fresh
crop of crabgrass.
Excuse me, ladies,
will that be all?
Yes, thank you,
that will be all.
Lucy...
why'd you have that
chauffeur bring us here,
instead of back to our motel?
Have them find out we
live in that crummy place?
Oh.
As soon as he
leaves, we'll sneak out.
Good evening, ladies.
Did you enjoy the shows?
Oh, they were fabulous,
- thank you, yes.
- Wonderful!
Uh, Mr. Kelstrom,
this is a young lady
I would like for you to meet.
This is Miss Pamela, uh...
uh, Miss, uh, Miss Pamela...
Uh, Pettibone.
Pettibone. Pamela Pettibone.
And this is my friend Penelope.
Uh, Penelope, uh, Poopendorf.
Well, I sure am proud to
meet you, Miss Pettibone.
And you, too, Miss Poopendorf.
You can call me Penelope.
Yes, uh, she answers to that.
You know, you two
have a lot in common.
Oh, we do?
Sure, you both love to gamble.
Oh...
this must be the famous lady in
green you were telling me about.
Yes, and not only that,
you're in the same business.
Why, her father's a big
oil tycoon down in Texas.
Well, now, that's mighty
interesting, ma'am.
Miss Pettibone, uh, was
your father a wildcatter?
Wildcatter?
Yes, ma'am.
Well, not while
Mother was watching.
Oh, this little lady's got
a great sense of humor!
Actually, it was her grandfather
who discovered the oil.
He tried all of
his life to find oil,
but he was as poor as a
church mouse when he died.
- Oh?
- But...
when they were digging
his grave, they hit a gusher.
Well, ma'am, that... that's
a story I never heard before,
but like they say, anything
can happen in Texas!
Tell me, what time
does your plane leave?
Oh, got to leave in
about, uh, 15 minutes.
Say, there's one thing
I'd like to see before I go.
Anything you want, we'd
be glad to take care of it.
Well, I'd, uh, I'd like to see
the famous Miss Pettibone
do a little gambling.
Well, so would I, but
she seems to have taken
some kind of pledge against it.
Well, uh, actually,
see, I adore gambling,
but I... I promised
Miss, uh, Poopendorf
that I wouldn't.
Oh, yes. As a matter of
fact, I took the precaution
of hiding all of her
money this evening
so she just couldn't gamble.
Yes, at this very moment,
I don't think we have
more than five dollars on us.
That's hard to
believe, isn't it?
Oh, wait a minute,
little lady, I got an idea.
Now, as I said, I got to
leave in about 15 minutes,
and I'm $10,000 behind.
But why don't you
gamble with my money?
If you get me even,
I'll give you everything
you win over that.
Oh, I know the money
doesn't mean anything to you,
but, uh, might
have a lot of fun.
Yes, well, it, uh,
it is a challenge
to see if a gambler like myself
can win so much
money in so short a time.
I'm rather inclined
to give it a go.
Well, why don't you run along
and warm up the
dice, as they say.
- Oh, certainly, certainly.
- All right, ladies,
I'll see you in the casino.
Now's my chance to use
everything I
learned in the book.
Oh, I just hope you
can remember it.
Don't worry, all I have
to do is win back $10,000,
and anything over that is ours.
Come on. We're gonna be rich.
Uh, would you people please
clear the end of this table?
I have a big player
coming in. Please.
- Thank you.
- Thank you very much.
Oh, here we are, folks.
Now we got a
real gambler to roll.
- Get your money down.
- Get your money down.
All right, little lady.
- Want to hold that for me, darling?
- All bets are off.
There you are.
- Oh...
- Let 'em go! Let 'em go!
Get your money down now...
All right, now, everybody ready?
All right, now.
Oh!
No play. New dice.
It's all right,
dear, it's all right.
Coming out. Coming out.
Great sense of humor
this little lady's got.
Here we are, now!
Come on!
Uh, I-I'll hit way
down there now.
- Everybody, look out.
- Play backboard.
H-Here we go.
- There! What did I get?
- 11!
11! How do you like that!
That's just one
away from boxcars.
Yes, sir, and that's the
winner, that's the winner.
It's a winner?
- Yes. -Oh!
- Oh, no, no, no!
No, let it ride, honey.
- Let it ride.
- Let it ride!
- Let it ride, yes.
- That's a good idea. Let it ride.
- You bet! All right.
- Everybody, let it ride.
- Here we go!
- Because that's the way to make money.
Do it the same way again, honey.
- The same way again.
- Same way again.
All right. Okay!
There you are! What
is it? What did I get?
- 11!
- 11 is a winner!
- All righ...
- It's a winner.
We'll add it up
and let 'em ride!
All right.
You want... you want
the same thing again?
Same thing again, honey.
All right. And everybody's
letting it ride, now.
- Here we go.
- Okay. -Coming out.
What'd I get? What did I get?
- Seven!
- Seven!
Oh! I'm sorry, Mr. Kelstrom.
She's sorry for a winner!
What a sense of humor!
- Let it ride!
- Winner! Seven, a winner!
- Here we go.
- The winner.
- Winner!
- There's a lot of winners around here.
- Here we go, honey.
- Well, now!
Hey, Mr. Kelstrom, uh, how
would you like to play over there
- and play my lucky number?
- Well...
I have a 19 that I...
that I feel is very lucky.
Little lady, if that's
what you want, here it is.
- Put this on 19 for the lady.
- Yeah, why don't you p...
19, yes, ma'am.
Put that on 19, and
spin that little ball!
- And here we go! Okay.
- All right. -Coming out, now.
- Here we go.
- What did I get? What did I get?
- What did I get?
- Number ten!
- Number ten!
- Number ten!
- That's it!
- Number ten? Number ten.
Play it the hard way.
Play ten the hard way.
That's where all
the big money is.
The hard way.
Ten the hard way, the
lady says, and we're
- with ten the hard way.
- Everybody should play
- the hard way.
- Play the hard way.
- The hard way...
- 'Cause that's where the money is.
- Get your money down, now.
- Now, don't let those dice get cold.
- Come on. -19!
- Number 19!
Number 19 won over here!
19's the winner!
Number 19 won!
- Can we play it again?
- Play it again!
- Same bet on number 19.
- Same bet on 19.
All right, honey, don't
let those dice get cold.
- Spin the ball. I won't let 'em get cold.
- Come on, here we go.
Now... -Ten the hard way.
All right, ten's the point
- the hard way.
- We want ten the hard way, is that right?
What did we get?!
What did we get?!
And ten!
19!
19 won again! 19 won again!
- Want to play it again?
- Yes, play it again.
- Play it again, the same bet.
- Play 19 again.
And stack those chips.
- All right, let's go.
- What are we doing now?
Here we go.
Here, we're coming out
with a new number, honey.
Now, we want another new number.
- New number.
- What did I get? What did I get?
- What did I get?
- Point is nine!
- Nine is the point.
- Nine. Play it the hard way.
Play it the hard way.
What a sense of humor!
The hard way's the easy
way for this little lady.
All right, get your money down.
All right, put your money down.
- 19!
- Number 19!
19!
- 19 won again!
- All right, just stack
up those chips. Honey, you're
wonderful, you're wonderful.
- Can we play it again?
- Okay, let's do it.
- Play 19 again?
- Play 19 again, the lady says.
- Yeah, okay.
- Anything she wants.
- All right, the point is nine.
- All right, look out, look out.
- Nine's the point.
- Hit 'em, baby!
- What is it?
- Nine!
Nine!
19 wins!
Number 19 won again!
All right, stack 'em up!
Same bet, same bet on 19.
All right, honey.
You know what, Mr. Kelstrom?
Mr. Kelstrom, we haven't,
uh, gone for a boxcar, you see?
We ought to get a boxcar,
because they pay 30 to one.
There's a little lady
knows her odds.
Do you want to
play boxcars, honey?
Yes, they're the highest
odds on the... on the table.
The most money that
you can win is on boxcars.
That's it! Everything
on boxcars.
All right, everything
on boxcars.
- Here we go.
- Here we go on boxcars.
30 to one on boxcars.
- Okay!
- Here we go.
All right, now, what do we want?
Boxcars!
- Come on!
- Coming out now.
There it is!
19 the winner!
See?
19 won agai...!
Little lady...
little lady, I'm sorry,
but I've got to leave.
- But I want to tell you...
- You've got to go?
That when you're gambling,
you're a real thoroughbred.
Oh, thank you,
Mr. Kelstrom. Thank you.
- Charlie?
- Yes?
The little lady got
all your money back
and even made a profit.
- Well...
- I'll see you at the cashier's.
That's wonderful.
Well, little lady,
I promised you,
if you got me even, I'd
give you everything I won.
Thank you.
- Here you are.
- Thank you very much.
I'm just gonna say good-bye
and thank you very much.
- Nice to meet you, Mr. Kelstrom.
- Good-bye.
Good night, everybody!
What'd you get? What'd you get?
A five-dollar chip.
Oh, you know what?
You did all that work and
you only won five dollars?
- Yeah.
- Oh!
- You know what?
- What?
I did it once, I
can do it again.
- Oh, you cannot. You cannot.
- Yes!
I'm gonna take
this five-dollar chip,
and I'm gonna run it
up to $500 or $5,000.
You are not, Lucy. Now,
you can't have that five...
Yes!
- Vivian, I can do it. I can do it.
- I'm gonna take that...
- That's five dollars...
- Vivian, I can do it. I did it once
and I can do it again!
Craps! You lose!
Well, Pamela, shall we
go back to our motel?
All right, Miss Poopendorf.
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Boy, you certainly see a lot
of funny-looking characters
in Las Vegas, huh?
You certainly do.
Lucy, get me some
more postcards, will you?
Are you out of those already?
Just about.
How many of these things
are you sending, anyway?
Oh, what's the
difference? They're free.
And I want all of our
friends back in Danfield
to have a picture of
this beautiful hotel.
Yeah, it sure is beautiful.
This is really living, huh?
Uh-huh.
Good afternoon, ladies.
Oh, good afternoon.
Care for some tea and cookies?
- Oh, I'd love some.
- Yes, thank you.
Thank you. Oh, tea and...
- There you are.
- Thank you.
Gee, isn't that nice?
Serving tea in the lobby.
Uh-huh, and how about the
coffee and that Danish pastry
they served us this morning?
Yeah.
Just wonderful the way they
wait on us, hand and foot.
Mm-hmm. I told you
this was one of the
nicest hotels in Las Vegas.
Yeah. I sure wish
we were living here,
instead of that crummy
motel down the street.
Shh.
If they hear you, they'll take
all this food away from us.
Well, I just think
Bigelow's department store
could at least have put
us up at a decent hotel.
Oh, now, stop complaining.
You won a weekend for
two in Las Vegas from them,
so let's enjoy it.
Yeah, I just think
they could have
planned it better, that's all.
After all, I was the
one millionth customer
to walk through their door.
You just be happy
they didn't find out
that you walked through
that door to return something.
I think they should have
given me a cash prize, too.
What do you think of that?
Oh, now, they did give
you that evening wardrobe.
And say, may I say, I'm
very glad that you decided
to keep that kooky green
outfit and give me the pink one.
What do you mean, kooky?
It's kooky.
It's a little high style.
Well, I'm just thankful
you gave me the pink one.
Well, what difference
does it make?
We can't wear them anyplace.
We haven't got any money
to see any of the shows.
Will you stop complaining?
We got to hear Frank
Sinatra last night.
Oh, sure, through the air-
conditioning in the powder room.
Well, he came over
very good, didn't he?
- Viv.
- Hmm?
How much money do we have?
You mean besides
our eating money
and our bus fare to the airport?
- Yeah.
- We have $5.50.
Good. With a little luck,
we may have enough money
to see every show in town.
How?
Maybe I could
take that five dollars
and get lucky at the dice table.
Oh, you don't know
anything about playing dice.
Yes, I do.
I have been studying
this little book here.
- Yeah?
- How to Gamble in Las Vegas.
- Yeah?
- Do you know that you get 30-to-one
if you bet on boxcars and win?
What are boxcars?
Six twos.
Or is it, uh, two sixes?
Yeah, it's two sixes, yeah.
- Yeah?
- See, this book has
all the gambling expressions
and systems for beating all
those gambling games in there.
- Really?
- Yeah, listen to this.
"The biggest benefits
are derived by those
who have the
courage to let it ride."
On the boxcars?
No, no, no.
Uh, give me the five dollars.
I will not.
Over my dead body will I
give you that five dollars.
Why not?
Because I'm going to
give that to Mr. Krause
to invest in our future.
Who's Mr. Krause?
Our butcher.
I buy our sweepstakes
tickets from him.
Oh. Well, how about the
50 cents that's left over?
Maybe I could
get lucky with that.
Oh, how much could
you win with 50 cents?
Well, this book also has
a system for beating, uh...
for beating the slot machines.
Now, listen to this.
"Las Vegas slot machines
are geared to give the player
"at least a 90%
return for his money.
"An alert player can watch
a machine being played,
"and after nine or
ten plays without a hit,
the player can be reasonably
sure that a payoff is due."
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Come on, I'll show
you what I mean.
- Lucy.
- What?
How much could we win
back with our 50 cents?
If we hit a jackpot
on that machine,
we can win $50.
- We can?
- Come on.
Oh, do you mind if we watch?
We thought maybe we might
be able to bring you a little luck.
I can use it.
I've had eight losers in a row.
Good...
heavens!
Isn't that awful?
Well, here goes
my last half dollar.
Well, good luck. I sure hope
you win something this time.
Ah, another lemon.
I've got to go and get
some more change.
Oh.
Quick, give it to me
before he gets back.
- Now, listen.
- Yeah?
Let me close my eyes
to bring you luck
before you put it in, huh?
- Okay.
- Here you go.
- All right.
- Ready? Go.
Here I go.
You won!
Lucy, you won...!
Oh.
Was that, uh...
Lucy, what happened?
It dropped on the floor.
Oh.
Oh, thank you.
You lost our 50 cents.
I couldn't help dropping it.
Well, it really
serves you right.
Cheaters never prosper.
Well, anyway, the machine
paid off like the book said.
Well, there goes all those
shows we were going to see.
Honestly, I don't know why
we even bothered to pack
that evening wardrobe.
Oh.
Good afternoon, ladies.
Good afternoon.
Boy, he's handsome.
Who do you suppose he is?
I think he's one of the bosses.
Oh, I wish he were my boss.
Yes, Mr. Cardenas, what is it?
Oh, Dick, I've got a big
gambler coming into town.
Now, we really want to roll
out the red carpet for him.
- Yes, sir.
- I tell you what you do.
You give him our best
suite, call around town,
get the best ringside
tables for all the shows,
and, uh, you better have a
chauffeur-driven limousine
at his disposal.
- You got that?
- Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
And, listen, don't forget,
everything is on the house.
Yes, sir.
Did you hear that?
When a big gambler
comes to town,
they roll out the
red carpet for him.
They got him
reservations at every...
at every show in town.
It's not costing him a cent.
Them that has, gets.
Yeah, and you know what?
What?
We're going to act
like we has till we gets.
Now, what do you mean by that?
We're going back to our motel,
and I'm going to study
this book on gambling.
Because tonight, I'm going to
be walking on that red carpet
they roll out for
the big gamblers.
And we're going to
see every show in town.
- We are?
- Yeah. Come on.
Coming out now.
His point is four.
Four's his point.
They're coming out
now. Put 'em down.
Hiya, boss.
How's it going?
It's kind of slow.
Hey, boss, here comes
a couple of live ones.
Roll the dice. Don't
hold the dice, please.
Eight.
Eight's his point.
Rather attractive atmosphere.
Fabulous, darling,
simply fabulous.
Dealer dear, let me have
$1,000 worth of chips, please.
No, Pamela.
Oh, Penelope, darling...
Now, dear... remember what
happened at Monte Carlo.
But only $1,000, darling.
- Please.
- Oh, Pamela dear,
it's always only $1,000.
Then it's only $20,000,
then $40,000, then $50,000.
Oh, you're such a sticky wicket.
- May I have $1,000, please?
- Pamela...
you know that gambling
is a disease with you.
One teensy-weensy
$1,000 bet, darling.
The most that you can bet
at one time is the house limit.
The house limit?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, how much is that, pray tell?
$100.
Only $100.
Is this a gambling
casino or a sewing circle?
Dealer dear, please
give me $1,000.
Please don't give it to
her. Don't give it to her.
Oh, Penny.
Oh, now, darling,
you know it's my duty
to keep you from squandering
away another fortune.
Oh, really, dear.
Now, come on, control
yourself, my darling,
and we'll go over there
to that cute little table
- and have a cup of coffee.
- Oh, all right, Penny.
That lady in green
must be a real player.
I wish she'd roll the
dice. I'd like to bet on her.
Yeah, me, too.
Oh, you were just great, girl.
I wish I could do
some real gambling.
I learned enough in that
book to make a fortune.
Oh, shh.
May I help you?
We'd just like come coffee
and toast please, dear.
Yes, ma'am.
Shh.
Pardon me, ladies.
May I, uh, join you?
Fabulous, darling.
Thank you.
I don't mean to be personal,
but I couldn't help being
intrigued by your conversation.
Intrigued by our conversation?
Whatever do you mean?
Well, I've been around
the casinos for a long time,
and I usually can
spot a heavy player,
but I never would have taken
you for an inveterate gambler.
Well, I-I've been
inveterate all my life.
Even when we were little girls,
she always wanted me
to play jacks with her.
Well, all little
girls play jacks.
Jacks or better?
Oh, it's true, yes.
Ever since I can remember,
I loved to play cards.
Now, you're not
going to believe this,
but when she was a little girl,
her parents used to have to play
strip poker with her every night
to get her to undress for bed.
Incredible.
Pamela, stop shuffling
those crackers.
Oh, dear, I'm terribly sorry.
- Isn't that terrible?
- It's this...
With all her money, I don't see
why she wants to gamble at all.
Hah!
Oh, Pamela.
You see how obsessed with
gambling the poor child is?
Oh, stop exaggerating, darling.
Bet you a thousand it
stops on the ketchup!
Oh, Pamela, will you
please try to control yourself?
Well, I really can't
help it, darling.
- It's in my blood.
- I know, dear.
Were your parents gamblers?
Well, in a way, yes.
But they were very refined.
The only time I ever heard
my mother raise her voice
was when she yelled, "Bingo!"
And your father?
Uh, well, he was in oil.
He has, uh, one of the
largest oil fields in Texas.
Oh, what's his output?
How's that?
How many, uh, barrels
does he get a day?
Well, I don't know actually,
but I do know they had to
send out for bigger barrels.
Oh.
That sounds like a lot of oil.
Oh, it sure is.
- Oh, here's our coffee.
- Here you are.
Thank you so much, dear girl.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Pamela, dear.
Yes, darling?
May I have some toast?
Oh, of course.
Pamela, what are you doing?
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
Oh, how silly of me.
I forgot to let
you cut the deck.
You are impossible, dear.
You know something, Miss Pamela?
What's that?
I just don't understand it.
If you have all this money,
and such an intense desire
to gamble, why fight it?
Well, actually, I don't
feel that it would be fair
to Penelope, poor darling.
You see, she doesn't gamble.
And we just came up
here to see the shows.
Well, that is, if we could get
reservations for the shows.
Yes. You see, being
strangers in town,
that-that is quite a problem.
Oh, no, no, no. That
wouldn't be any problem at all.
I'd be delighted to
get tickets for you
for every show in town.
How divine.
Oh, Penelope.
And I would love for
you to be my guests.
Oh, isn't he fabulous?!
Fabulous!
Now, if you ladies
will excuse me,
I'll go and make
your reservations.
Fabulous, darling. Thank you.
It worked! It worked!
We're going to get
to see all the shows.
We're not going to
see one of those shows
unless you take off that hat.
What's the matter with it?
It looks like a fresh
crop of crabgrass.
Excuse me, ladies,
will that be all?
Yes, thank you,
that will be all.
Lucy...
why'd you have that
chauffeur bring us here,
instead of back to our motel?
Have them find out we
live in that crummy place?
Oh.
As soon as he
leaves, we'll sneak out.
Good evening, ladies.
Did you enjoy the shows?
Oh, they were fabulous,
- thank you, yes.
- Wonderful!
Uh, Mr. Kelstrom,
this is a young lady
I would like for you to meet.
This is Miss Pamela, uh...
uh, Miss, uh, Miss Pamela...
Uh, Pettibone.
Pettibone. Pamela Pettibone.
And this is my friend Penelope.
Uh, Penelope, uh, Poopendorf.
Well, I sure am proud to
meet you, Miss Pettibone.
And you, too, Miss Poopendorf.
You can call me Penelope.
Yes, uh, she answers to that.
You know, you two
have a lot in common.
Oh, we do?
Sure, you both love to gamble.
Oh...
this must be the famous lady in
green you were telling me about.
Yes, and not only that,
you're in the same business.
Why, her father's a big
oil tycoon down in Texas.
Well, now, that's mighty
interesting, ma'am.
Miss Pettibone, uh, was
your father a wildcatter?
Wildcatter?
Yes, ma'am.
Well, not while
Mother was watching.
Oh, this little lady's got
a great sense of humor!
Actually, it was her grandfather
who discovered the oil.
He tried all of
his life to find oil,
but he was as poor as a
church mouse when he died.
- Oh?
- But...
when they were digging
his grave, they hit a gusher.
Well, ma'am, that... that's
a story I never heard before,
but like they say, anything
can happen in Texas!
Tell me, what time
does your plane leave?
Oh, got to leave in
about, uh, 15 minutes.
Say, there's one thing
I'd like to see before I go.
Anything you want, we'd
be glad to take care of it.
Well, I'd, uh, I'd like to see
the famous Miss Pettibone
do a little gambling.
Well, so would I, but
she seems to have taken
some kind of pledge against it.
Well, uh, actually,
see, I adore gambling,
but I... I promised
Miss, uh, Poopendorf
that I wouldn't.
Oh, yes. As a matter of
fact, I took the precaution
of hiding all of her
money this evening
so she just couldn't gamble.
Yes, at this very moment,
I don't think we have
more than five dollars on us.
That's hard to
believe, isn't it?
Oh, wait a minute,
little lady, I got an idea.
Now, as I said, I got to
leave in about 15 minutes,
and I'm $10,000 behind.
But why don't you
gamble with my money?
If you get me even,
I'll give you everything
you win over that.
Oh, I know the money
doesn't mean anything to you,
but, uh, might
have a lot of fun.
Yes, well, it, uh,
it is a challenge
to see if a gambler like myself
can win so much
money in so short a time.
I'm rather inclined
to give it a go.
Well, why don't you run along
and warm up the
dice, as they say.
- Oh, certainly, certainly.
- All right, ladies,
I'll see you in the casino.
Now's my chance to use
everything I
learned in the book.
Oh, I just hope you
can remember it.
Don't worry, all I have
to do is win back $10,000,
and anything over that is ours.
Come on. We're gonna be rich.
Uh, would you people please
clear the end of this table?
I have a big player
coming in. Please.
- Thank you.
- Thank you very much.
Oh, here we are, folks.
Now we got a
real gambler to roll.
- Get your money down.
- Get your money down.
All right, little lady.
- Want to hold that for me, darling?
- All bets are off.
There you are.
- Oh...
- Let 'em go! Let 'em go!
Get your money down now...
All right, now, everybody ready?
All right, now.
Oh!
No play. New dice.
It's all right,
dear, it's all right.
Coming out. Coming out.
Great sense of humor
this little lady's got.
Here we are, now!
Come on!
Uh, I-I'll hit way
down there now.
- Everybody, look out.
- Play backboard.
H-Here we go.
- There! What did I get?
- 11!
11! How do you like that!
That's just one
away from boxcars.
Yes, sir, and that's the
winner, that's the winner.
It's a winner?
- Yes. -Oh!
- Oh, no, no, no!
No, let it ride, honey.
- Let it ride.
- Let it ride!
- Let it ride, yes.
- That's a good idea. Let it ride.
- You bet! All right.
- Everybody, let it ride.
- Here we go!
- Because that's the way to make money.
Do it the same way again, honey.
- The same way again.
- Same way again.
All right. Okay!
There you are! What
is it? What did I get?
- 11!
- 11 is a winner!
- All righ...
- It's a winner.
We'll add it up
and let 'em ride!
All right.
You want... you want
the same thing again?
Same thing again, honey.
All right. And everybody's
letting it ride, now.
- Here we go.
- Okay. -Coming out.
What'd I get? What did I get?
- Seven!
- Seven!
Oh! I'm sorry, Mr. Kelstrom.
She's sorry for a winner!
What a sense of humor!
- Let it ride!
- Winner! Seven, a winner!
- Here we go.
- The winner.
- Winner!
- There's a lot of winners around here.
- Here we go, honey.
- Well, now!
Hey, Mr. Kelstrom, uh, how
would you like to play over there
- and play my lucky number?
- Well...
I have a 19 that I...
that I feel is very lucky.
Little lady, if that's
what you want, here it is.
- Put this on 19 for the lady.
- Yeah, why don't you p...
19, yes, ma'am.
Put that on 19, and
spin that little ball!
- And here we go! Okay.
- All right. -Coming out, now.
- Here we go.
- What did I get? What did I get?
- What did I get?
- Number ten!
- Number ten!
- Number ten!
- That's it!
- Number ten? Number ten.
Play it the hard way.
Play ten the hard way.
That's where all
the big money is.
The hard way.
Ten the hard way, the
lady says, and we're
- with ten the hard way.
- Everybody should play
- the hard way.
- Play the hard way.
- The hard way...
- 'Cause that's where the money is.
- Get your money down, now.
- Now, don't let those dice get cold.
- Come on. -19!
- Number 19!
Number 19 won over here!
19's the winner!
Number 19 won!
- Can we play it again?
- Play it again!
- Same bet on number 19.
- Same bet on 19.
All right, honey, don't
let those dice get cold.
- Spin the ball. I won't let 'em get cold.
- Come on, here we go.
Now... -Ten the hard way.
All right, ten's the point
- the hard way.
- We want ten the hard way, is that right?
What did we get?!
What did we get?!
And ten!
19!
19 won again! 19 won again!
- Want to play it again?
- Yes, play it again.
- Play it again, the same bet.
- Play 19 again.
And stack those chips.
- All right, let's go.
- What are we doing now?
Here we go.
Here, we're coming out
with a new number, honey.
Now, we want another new number.
- New number.
- What did I get? What did I get?
- What did I get?
- Point is nine!
- Nine is the point.
- Nine. Play it the hard way.
Play it the hard way.
What a sense of humor!
The hard way's the easy
way for this little lady.
All right, get your money down.
All right, put your money down.
- 19!
- Number 19!
19!
- 19 won again!
- All right, just stack
up those chips. Honey, you're
wonderful, you're wonderful.
- Can we play it again?
- Okay, let's do it.
- Play 19 again?
- Play 19 again, the lady says.
- Yeah, okay.
- Anything she wants.
- All right, the point is nine.
- All right, look out, look out.
- Nine's the point.
- Hit 'em, baby!
- What is it?
- Nine!
Nine!
19 wins!
Number 19 won again!
All right, stack 'em up!
Same bet, same bet on 19.
All right, honey.
You know what, Mr. Kelstrom?
Mr. Kelstrom, we haven't,
uh, gone for a boxcar, you see?
We ought to get a boxcar,
because they pay 30 to one.
There's a little lady
knows her odds.
Do you want to
play boxcars, honey?
Yes, they're the highest
odds on the... on the table.
The most money that
you can win is on boxcars.
That's it! Everything
on boxcars.
All right, everything
on boxcars.
- Here we go.
- Here we go on boxcars.
30 to one on boxcars.
- Okay!
- Here we go.
All right, now, what do we want?
Boxcars!
- Come on!
- Coming out now.
There it is!
19 the winner!
See?
19 won agai...!
Little lady...
little lady, I'm sorry,
but I've got to leave.
- But I want to tell you...
- You've got to go?
That when you're gambling,
you're a real thoroughbred.
Oh, thank you,
Mr. Kelstrom. Thank you.
- Charlie?
- Yes?
The little lady got
all your money back
and even made a profit.
- Well...
- I'll see you at the cashier's.
That's wonderful.
Well, little lady,
I promised you,
if you got me even, I'd
give you everything I won.
Thank you.
- Here you are.
- Thank you very much.
I'm just gonna say good-bye
and thank you very much.
- Nice to meet you, Mr. Kelstrom.
- Good-bye.
Good night, everybody!
What'd you get? What'd you get?
A five-dollar chip.
Oh, you know what?
You did all that work and
you only won five dollars?
- Yeah.
- Oh!
- You know what?
- What?
I did it once, I
can do it again.
- Oh, you cannot. You cannot.
- Yes!
I'm gonna take
this five-dollar chip,
and I'm gonna run it
up to $500 or $5,000.
You are not, Lucy. Now,
you can't have that five...
Yes!
- Vivian, I can do it. I can do it.
- I'm gonna take that...
- That's five dollars...
- Vivian, I can do it. I did it once
and I can do it again!
Craps! You lose!
Well, Pamela, shall we
go back to our motel?
All right, Miss Poopendorf.
♪♪
♪♪
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