The Lucy Show (1962–1968): Season 2, Episode 2 - Kiddie Parties, Inc. - full transcript

The high cost of their kids' birthday parties inspires Lucy and Viv's latest money-making scheme. They'll make easy money with their own children's party business.

Starring Lucille Ball.

Costarring Vivian Vance.

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new fresh fruit taste.

From General Foods.

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Viv, can you lend
me five dollars?

Oh, for heaven's sake,
Lucy, the least you can do is

to say good morning
before you ask me for money.

Oh, sorry. Good morning.



Can you lend me five dollars?

Good morning. No.

Oh, Viv, I'm desperate.

You must have
something stashed away.

You always do.

What about your mad money?

I got mad and spent it.

Oh, gee.

But you must have a
nest egg or something.

I was counting on you.

You sure you're not
holding out on me?

Look, Lucy, the only way
you could get money out of me

is to hide in the bushes,
knock me in the head,

and take the gold
fillings out of my teeth.



Oh, dear.

Well, this is that dark
day we've been dreading.

We're both broke
at the same time.

Oh, swell.

What do you want
the five dollars for?

Jerry and Chris are both invited
to birthday parties this week,

and they cannot go empty-handed.

How about a couple
of gift-wrapped IOU's?

Hardly.

When's your monthly
allowance due from the bank?

Not for a whole week.

Oh, dear.

Hey, how about you calling
Ralph for your back alimony?

I already did.

And he gave me
his usual sob story.

You know Ralph.

Cry now, pay later.

Yep.

Well, looks like the
same old answer.

One of us is going
to have to get a job.

That same old answer brings
up the same old problem.

We don't know
how to do anything.

We are the unemployables.

Well...

darn these birthday parties.

I swear, some of
the kids in this town

must have two
birthdays each year.

I know.

Sherman's is coming
up again next month.

- And I swear we just had his party.
- Yeah.

I'm still digging cake
out of the living room rug.

But that was a
fun party, wasn't it?

Yes, it was.

- You know, I enjoyed it myself.
- Yeah.

I like to bake birthday cakes

and see kids having so much fun

- at birthday parties.
- Hey, that's it!

That's what?

I know how we can
make some money.

If it's anything short of
counterfeiting, I'm with you.

Listen.

You know what a bother
it is for most parents

to give their kids
birthday parties.

- Mm-hmm.
- Well, we'll go into the business

of giving birthday parties.

Giving birthday parties?

Yeah, we'll put an ad
in the Danfield Tribune.

And with the social life
of the kids in this town,

we ought to make a fortune.

Now, let's see,
what'll we call it?

Uh... kiddie, parties, uh...

Kiddie Parties, Incorporated...
How does that sound?

Now, just a minute, Lucy.

Ads in the Tribune cost money.

And so do party favors
and balloons and hats.

We can't go into business.
We don't have any money.

Well, now that we're
a big corporation,

we'll charge everything.

And we'll take it out of
the profits of the first party.

Now, just a minute.
Just a minute, girl.

Giving parties for our
own children is one thing.

But doing it commercially
on a big scale

is something else again.

We don't know enough about it.

Well, what's there to know?

All you've got to
do is keep it moving,

keep it short and keep out
of the way of flying ice cream.

Now, let's see. What'll
we say in our ad?

Do you mind if I ask
what you're doing?

I'm trying out a new
game for our parties.

What parties? Our ad's been
in the paper for a whole week

and we haven't
had one single call.

Well, don't you worry.

Won't be long, and
we'll be rolling in money.

Well, before we
are rolling in it,

stop rolling with that egg.

You might drop it,
and it cost five cents.

That's a pretty good game.

I think I'll put that
down... Egg on a Spoon.

Let's see now: Pin
the Nose on the Clown,

Musical Chairs,
London Bridge, Bean...

We need some new games.

What games did you
play when you were a kid?

Post Office.

I mean besides that.

Well, let's see. There was
another game we used to play.

It was called, uh, Five
Minutes in Heaven.

Five Minutes in Heaven?

- Uh-huh.
- How'd you play that?

Well, we all sat around
in the living room,

then we turned
all the lights out

for five minutes, and then...

Never mind. I don't
want to hear anymore.

Don't want to hear anything
about your flaming youth.

Five Minutes in Heaven.

Good game.

Who's that?

- How do you do?
- Yes, sir?

Is this Kiddie
Parties, Incorporated?

Oh, yes, sir.

My name is Sanford. I
saw your ad in the paper.

I'd like to inquire
about a birthday party

- for my little boy.
- Oh, yes, sir, Mr. Sanford.

I'm, uh, Lucy Carmichael.

And I'm Vivian
Bagley, her partner.

Uh, won't you come
in and sit down?

Yes, please do.

Oh, my. I'm terribly sorry.

Uh, won't you come
this way, please?

- Thank you.
- Right around here.

So silly of us.

- Right down, just sit down there.
- Sit down there.

Have a pillow for
your back. How's that?

- There we are.
- Fine, thank you.

Oh, will you have a cigarette?

Oh, yes, thank you.
Thank you very much.

Oh, Lucy. Oh!

That was so silly.

Made a large
conflagration, didn't it?

Well, now, about the party.

- Uh, how old is your little boy?
- Eight.

Oh, eight is such a cute age.

He'll be nine Saturday.

Oh, well, nine is
a cute age, too.

I know it's pretty
short notice, but could

you people handle a party
for this Saturday afternoon?

- Can we?
- Uh...

Uh, we-we'll have
to check the calendar.

Huh?

Uh...

By George, you're in luck.

We have a cancellation.

Oh, did they cancel?

Yes.

That's just fine.

Now, uh, what do you
provide for this party?

Oh, uh, everything:

uh, refreshments, entertainment,

balloons, the works.

Oh, yes. Mrs. Carmichael makes

the cutest favors you ever saw.

Yeah, oh, and-and
wait until you taste

Mrs. Bagley's birthday cake.

Well, I suppose you
people always have

a kind of theme
for these parties.

If it's any help to
you, my boy, Tommy,

is crazy about the circus.

Oh, good. Good.

Well, then we'll
use a circus motif.

And, uh, let's see.

I could make some
darling little, uh,

uh, animal place cards.

And, uh, then we could
bring the presents in, in a,

a miniature, uh, lion's cage.

Wouldn't it be better

for the clown to
bring in the presents?

Oh, uh, yes.

Yes, we-we'll let the
clown bring in the presents.

The clown?

Well, it wouldn't be a
circus without a clown.

Sure, Viv, anybody knows that.

Oh, well...

Well, we'll have the
clown bring in the presents.

Now, then, uh, just
what kind of animal acts

do you have to choose from?

Viv, what kind of animal acts
do we have to choose from?

Oh, I don't know.

The clown has my list.

Of course, it's,
uh, pretty standard,

but the kids always
seem to like a dog act.

Oh, yeah. You can't
go wrong with a dog act.

Oh, heavens, no.

- A dog act is such a showstopper.
- Yeah.

Well, that's it, then.
We'll have a circus motif,

and we'll have a dog act,
and we'll have a clown.

Fine. We'll figure about 1:00?

Yes, 1:00 is fine.

Oh! Oh, there is one more thing.

We don't have a
very big backyard,

so you'd better
bring only one pony.

Only one pony?

Now, Viv, if he only
wants one pony,

that's all we'll get...

Well, I guess that's
everything then, but the price.

Uh, how much do
you usually charge?

Um, h-how much do
we usually charge, Viv?

Uh, well, uh... the...

How much do you usually pay?

Well, that's up to you people.

You know best what
these sort of things run.

How much do you usually charge?

Uh, uh...

How much do you usually pay?

Well, what do you
say to, uh, $15?

- $15.00?
- $15.00?

We've invited ten children.

So that'll come to $150.00.

- We'll take it!
- Oh, it's a deal.

- Yes, yes.
- All right.

Oh, we'll see you on
Saturday then, Mr. Sanford.

Yes, we'll be over at your
place early to set things up.

Fine. And here's my
card with my address.

- Oh, thank you.
- Good-bye.

- Good-bye. -Good-bye, sir.
- Good-bye.

- Thank you.
- Oh, uh...

- Yes, sir?
- Oh, don't forget.

Only one pony.

Oh, I'm so glad you reminded me.

I might've brought
the whole herd.

- Thank you.
- Good-bye.

- Good-bye.
- Good-bye. -Good-bye.

$150.00!

I told you we were
going to be a big success!

But, Lucy, where are
we going to get a clown

and a dog act, and a pony?

Oh, don't worry about a thing.

With $150, we can
buy Ringling Brothers.

Where have you been?

We couldn't have plain old
chocolate and vanilla ice cream.

Oh, no. We had to
have ice cream molds

in the shape of circus
animals from Ridgebury.

Well, Ridgebury's
only five miles away.

How come it took you
an hour and a half?

I ran out of gas.

Well, it doesn't take an hour
and a half to get gas, Viv.

Getting the gas only
took five minutes.

What took all the
rest of the time

was going and pawning
my ring to pay for the gas.

Honestly, that ring has
been in the pawn shop

more often than I

- care to mention.
- All right, Viv. Calm down. Calm down.

We'll get your ring back.

Mr. Sanford already gave
me his check for the party.

He did?

- Yeah.
- Thank goodness.

How does the table look?

It just looks great, girl.

Thank you.

That's cute.

Aren't they darling?

Lucy, I'm still awful worried
about you doing the dog act.

Why?

Are you sure that the
trainer can't make it?

Now, he told us from
the very beginning

that he had another engagement.

But do you know
what you're doing?

Of course I know what I'm doing.

The dog and I have been working
with the trainer for three days.

We're going to be a smash.

Listen, after this party, we
can go on Ed Sullivan's show.

- Yeah.
- Where is he?

He's out in his
box, taking a nap.

See, we rehearsed
the act all morning.

What kind of tricks can he do?

Oh, Viv, wait till you see him!

He's just wonderful!

He jumps through a hoop.

He turns somersaults.

He balances on a great big ball.

And he walks a
tightrope with a parasol.

Oh, my goodness.

You don't believe this stuff.

No wonder he's taking a nap.

Yeah.

I hope you haven't
rehearsed him too much.

Oh, no. Not Thunderbolt.

He's a real trooper.

Well, come on. We got to
get the balloons all blown up.

- Okay.
- And we got a lot to do.

Everything's going
to be so wonderful.

What's that?

That's a helium tank.

Oh?

Yeah. Well, I'll blow them up,
and you tie the string on them.

- See?
- Okay.

Oh, wow!

Isn't that beautiful?

- Uh-huh.
- There we are.

How many balloons
do we have to blow up?

Oh, gee. I don't know.

Let's see. There's ten kids.

About three apiece.

Well, maybe about 40,

- so we have plenty.
- Oh...

Now, you tie the string
on this good and tight.

- Okay.
- Okay?

Viv!

There went 35 cents.

Oh, I'm sorry.

We have to have helium balloons.

We can't have just
plain old balloons

that you blow up,
like anybody else.

Yes, Viv.

It's helium balloons

and those special
little ice cream molds

that give our parties
those special little touches.

Now, you just stop
complaining and be careful.

Those things are expensive.

Ah.

By the way, your pony arrived.

He's out in the garage.

Good.

My pony?

Yes. I put you in
charge of the pony rides.

Why me?! Why not you?

Viv... I'm doing the dog act,
I'm in charge of the games,

I made the decorations,
I hired everybody.

I should think you'd be
glad to do your share.

Hocking my diamond
ring doesn't count, I guess.

Yes, dear, it counts.

- All right.
- Now, look, all you got to do

is lead a little pony
around this yard.

That won't kill you.

Some of these sound
like they're in agony.

Lead a pony around the yard.

Ten kids... I'll bet I have to go
around about a hundred times.

- All right.
- They all want to ride on the pony.

Okay, honey, stop griping.

You're lucky I didn't
throw a saddle over you.

All right, Viv,
that'll be 70 cents.

Now, Lucy!

And I'm gonna have to take it

out of the share of
your profits, I think.

Speaking of profits, how
much are we gonna make?

Well, remember, now,
this is our first party.

How much are we gonna make?

Well, we'll learn to cut corners
as we go along, you know.

How much are we going to make?

And then, too, this
party is pretty expensive,

with a pony and a
dog act and a clown

and ice cream molds
and things like that.

How much are we going to lose?

We are not gonna lose a cent.

We're gonna make
a profit, a cool profit,

after we pay for everything.

We're gonna get
five dollars apiece.

You mean to tell me

that I'm doing all this
hard work for five dollars?!

Five dollars minus 70 cents.

Oh, come, now, Lucy!

All right, you get five dollars.

Oh, that's...

Here you are.

Viv, you're gonna
have to finish these.

I got to go pick up the clown.

Okay.

Think you'll be able
to do it by yourself?

Yes, I can do it by myself.

- Okay.
- All right.

Lucy?

Boys! Boys!

Quiet! You'll get to ride again
as many times as you want to.

Now, boys, you have
to line up, though.

That's the best way to do it.

Get in line, and you'll
all get to ride the pony

as many times as you want to.

There you are.

I get to ride the pony next!

You already had six
turns; I only had three!

Now, Tommy, you'll
get to ride the pony

as many times as you want.

And so will you,
David. Now, don't worry.

Oh, here comes the pony again.

All right, Dimples, come on.

Right there.

Okay, sonny, down you go.

All right.

Okay, who's next?

Me! Me! I am! I am!

Mrs. Bagley, where
is Mrs. Carmichael?

Where is the dog act?

Where is the clown act?

Now, don't worry, they'll
all be here in just a minute.

Well, I hope so.

Yes, oh... uh-huh.

Okay...

Oh, here comes the clown!

The pony! I got
to water the pony!

I got to water the
pony, that's what I got to

do is water the pony!

You're gonna tell
me where the pony is!

There! There!

Well, where is the pony?!

Over there! Right there!

Oh! There's the pony!

Oh!

Ah, you're laughing at me!

You're laughing at me!

Now they're laughing at me!

Oh, now...

- Lucy?
- Okay.

- Lucy?
- Yeah?

Come here. Come here.

What's the big idea?
Where's the real clown?

He's got the flu.

Couldn't you find another one?

For your information,

Danfield is not the
clown center of the world.

Who's next?

Me! Me!

Birthday boy!
Birthday boy is next!

- All right, birthday...
- Take the little birthday boy!

The little birthday boy's
been around 31 times.

Well, it's his birthday, now...

You give him a
nice ride, cowboy.

Get a go on there, now.

Hi-ho!

- Get going there.
- Come on.

Toot your whistle, blow
your horn, shoot your gun!

Uh, pardon me. Uh,
pardon me, please.

Uh, could you tell me where
I can find Mrs. Carmichael?

Mrs. Carmichael?

You are the clown?!

That's me, and, boy, I'm hungry!

I'm gonna get a
chicken sandwich.

Yes, sir!

Here's a chicken sandwich.

I'm gonna eat the biggest...

That's not a chicken sandwich.

Oh, you bet

it's a chicken sandwich!

Chicken sandwich!

What happened?

What happened? What happened?

Dimples ran away.

- Ran away?!
- Yes.

Oh, Tommy, my
boy, are you all right?

What do you mean,

you people bringing a
pony you can't manage?

Well, can we help it
if she was gun-shy?

- There, Viv, Viv?
- Him shooting...

I'm paying $150 for...

What do you know?
It's time for the dog act!

Viv, go get the
dog. Get the dog.

Okay, fellas, oh,
everybody sit in here.

I'm gonna show you the
world's greatest trick dog.

Yes, sir, ladies and gentlemen,

introducing the
world-famous trick dog!

There he is,

the one and only... Thunderbolt!

Now, then...

We don't want
anybody to get excited

when he leaps up
and goes into action.

Yeah, and now
for his first trick,

he is going to jump
through this hoop.

I want everybody to watch this.

This is a mag...
Step back, lady.

We don't want any interference.

Get out of the way. We
don't want anybody hurt.

Okay, Thunderbolt,
through the hoop.

Here, boy.

Okay, Thunderbolt,
up and at 'em.

Through the hoop.

Up here, boy.

Thunderbolt?

Come on, baby.

Remember all the
tricks that we rehearsed?

Come on, it's Tommy
Sanford's birthday.

Come on, boy, up and at
'em! Up and through the hoop!

Yeah, well, for his next trick,

uh, he will, uh,
dance on his hind legs.

Come on, boy. Up.

Come on, boy.

Yeah, look at that!

Up on his hind legs!

He's gonna dance
on his hind legs!

Come on, boy.

Or would you rather
balance a ball?

I'll bet that's what
you want to do.

This is the trick
that's your favorite.

There you are,
fella, there's the ball.

Okay, up and on the ball!

And balance on the ball!

Okay, Thunderbolt...

Come on, boy. Come on, boy.

Come on, boy, get up there
and do something, huh?

Shouldn't you get up there
and do something, boy?

Come on here, honey.

Come on, up and at 'em.

Come on.

Yeah, well, I know
he's in there someplace.

Well...

Yeah, well,
world-famous Thunderbolt,

and here he goes.

Let's give him a big hand!

Yeah, well, everybody over
there for ice cream and cake.

Yeah, that's it.

Yeah, everybody... Yeah.

Yeah, how about some ice
cream and cake, Mr. Sanford?

Mrs. Carmichael, what
kind of a fraud is this?!

Can that dog do anything?

Well, I'd like to see somebody
stretch your skin that far.

This is a farce!

You people don't seem
to be able to do anything.

I may ask for my money back!

Oh, here, now, Mr. Sanford!

There's lots of fun ahead.

- Well, there better be!
- Okay, there is.

What fun ahead?

We've already done everything.

No, Viv, we've got
some games to play.

Now, listen, you serve the ice
cream and the... and the cake,

- and I'll go get the balloons.
- Okay.

Hey, where are the balloons?

- I tied them to the bumper of the car.
- Okay.

Lucy!

- What?
- Lucy!

- What?
- Come here.

What's... What's the matter?

The ice cream
molds have all melted.

Oh!

Oh, Lucy, what'll I do?

Well, pour 'em in a glass
and give 'em a straw.

Okay, now, hurry up and
finish your cake, 'cause in

a few minutes, you're gonna
have some beautiful balloons!

Viv! Aah, Viv!

Help me!

Lucy!

Oh!

- Oh!
- Oh!

Viv!

Viv!

- Let me down!
- Lucy!

Viv! Oh, cut me down from here!

What are you doing up there?!

What do you think
I'm doing up here?

I'm checking the air
currents for the weather...

Somebody get a ladder!

Oh, I'll tell ya... Lucy! Lucy!

You stay right there,
and I'll get the boys

to go home and
get their slingshots.

Oh, no, you don't!

Come on, fellas, you all

jump up and see if
you can get her feet.

Somebody get me down!

Oh, Lucy! Lucy!

See if you can get her feet.

Viv, I'm drifting away!

- Viv!
- Oh, Lucy!

Viv, be sure and tell little
Jerry to brush his teeth!

I will, honey. Oh, Lucy, I...

Aw, Viv!

Lucy!

Drop the check!

- Oh, Viv!
- Drop the check!

Do something!
What'd you say, Viv?

Drop the check!

Aaah!

♪♪

Now, look, Mayor Scanlon,

you've just got to do something
about getting Lucy down.

Well, the last we
heard, she was floating

over Grandma Sutton's
on Old Long Ridge Road.

Yes, she knocked over
Grandma's TV antenna!

We think she's headed
toward Ridgebury.

Now, there must be
something you can do!

Send for the hook-and-ladder
from New Rochelle.

Well, you just listen
here, Mayor Scanlon.

All I can say is, in
the next election,

you're not going to get my vote!

Or Lucy's, either!

If she ever comes down!

Boy, this space travel

sure isn't what it's
cracked up to be.

Are you all right?

Well, I think so.

I got sort of used
to being up there.

You know, I even dozed off on
my second orbit over Danfield.

Oh, you poor little thing! Oh!

- Y-You know, Viv?
- Uh-huh?

You haven't lived until
you've drifted the wrong way

through a flock of geese.

Oh, my!

Honey...

how did you finally get down?

I got caught on the Ridgebury
Community Church steeple.

Reverend Moss climbed all
the way up and got me down.

Oh, wasn't that lucky!

Yeah. I was headed
for the open sea.

Oh, honey.

It was a terrible experience,
but it wasn't a total loss.

We got lots of parties, lots
and lots of parties coming up.

Really? After that fiasco?

How come?

The kids all said they don't
care what else happens,

as long as you float
away at the finish.

Oh!

♪♪

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