The Lucy Show (1962–1968): Season 2, Episode 13 - Lucy Conducts the Symphony - full transcript

Starring Lucille Ball.

Costarring Vivian Vance.

Brought to you by...

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the light dessert with
new fresh fruit taste.

From General Foods.

Gee, I'm glad those
carpenters are out of here

and we finished redecorating...

now that I realize our
company is so tony.

Is Cousin Wally here yet?

No, he isn't here yet, darling.



I told my whole class at school

that a musician is
staying at our house.

You did?

Miss Pearson asked
me so many questions,

it took up the whole
arithmetic period.

I didn't know you were
that interested in music.

I'm not, but I'll
talk about anything

to get her mind
off long division.

Oh.

- Mom, - Huh?

I thought Cousin Wally

was with the McKeesport
Businessman's Symphony.

Well, he was, darling,

but the percussionist with
the Manhattan Symphony



had an accident and
quit, so they sent for Wally.

Hey, what kind of an accident?

Well, it seems that
during a "credenza,"

he got carried away

and pinched his nose
between the cymbals.

Oh, you're kidding!

Noi, noi, noi...

Oh, that was lucky for
Wally, though, wasn't it?

- I'll say it was.
- Oh!

I finished cleaning
up my room, Mom.

Thank you, dear.

And I hid all my rock and
roll records like you told me to.

Thank you very much.

I don't think it'll hurt you
too much to go 24 hours

without hearing
the "Surfer's Stomp."

Oh, that must be Wally!

I hope so.

Ooh...

Hi, Wally!

Oh, mwa. Oh...

Oh, for gracious sakes!

Oh, Wally, I am so
happy to see you.

You haven't changed a bit.

Well, that's not a
very nice thing to say.

Oh, Wally.

This is Lucy Carmichael.

- Hello, Wally.
- How do you do?

I'm so happy to...

I've heard a lot about you.

And you remember Sherman.

Hi, Wally.

Oh, hi. You've grown.

And my little Jerry and Chris.

- Hi, Wally.
- Nice to meet you.

Well, I know you've
had a very long trip,

and I know you'd like to rest,

so I'll show you right
up to your room, Wally.

No, no, no, no, I
want to rehearse.

I want to get in as
much rehearsal as I can

before the concert tomorrow
evening, if you don't mind.

Oh, we don't mind at all.

No.

I'll go out and get the
rest of my instruments.

Oh, that's all right. The
kids and I'll get them.

You two must have
a lot to talk about.

- Come on, kids.
- Oh, thanks, Lucy.

You'll be careful, won't you?

Yeah, we'll be careful.

- I'll take your hat.
- Thank you.

Go right over there
and sit down, Wally.

Oh, my, this is so exciting!

Wally, are you nervous

about playing the
concert tomorrow night?

No.

After all, music is music.

The Manhattan Philharmonic is
just the McKeesport Symphony

without the business suits.

- How could I be nervous?
- Oh.

- Oh, oh, oh!
- Oh, Wally, I'm sorry.

Oh, Wally, I'm so sorry.

Oh, oh, Wally, I'm so sorry.

My goodness, I guess

you are a little
nervous after all, huh?

Oh, no, no, not really.

- Uh, Wally, - Mm-hmm?

How are Edna and the kids?

Edna who?

Edna your wife.

Oh, that Edna, those kids, yeah.

They're fine. Yeah.

Wally, would it make you nervous

if we all sat and just
watched and listened to you?

No, no, not at all.

Sherman, Sherman,
did you have to do that?

Wally, sit down
and relax. Just sit..

Sherman...

What are you
going to play, Wally?

The first selection
tomorrow night will be

"The Nutcracker Suite"
by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky.

Oh, yes, I think that's
one of Peter's best.

It's where the violins come in.

Here come the woodwinds
we've all been waiting for.

Yeah, these are the woodwinds.

Isn't this part lovely?

Just beautiful.

I don't hear anything.

Quiet.

Oh, bravo!

Bravo! Yeah! Bravo! Oh!

Oh, you were just
wonderful, Wally.

Oh, great.

I was, I was just dreadful.

Oh?

I'll never be ready for the
concert tomorrow evening.

I'm just too nervous.

Hi, girl.

Hi.

I picked up Wally's dress suit.

Mr. Kroop did a good job
pressing, don't you think?

- He certainly did.
- How is Wally?

Oh, Lucy, he's still
just as nervous as a cat.

Really?

I just sent him upstairs
and told him to take a nap.

I couldn't sleep a wink.

I'll go in the kitchen
and get a glass of milk.

Oh, Wally...

Oh, Lucy, he's going
to be all worn-out

before the concert
even starts tonight.

Yeah, it's too bad

we can't relieve that
tension somehow.

Make him smile or
laugh or something.

Yes.

Hey, maybe I
could tell him a joke.

Jerry told me one he heard
at school the other day.

It's worth a try.

Uh, Wally,

Wally, do you know

how to keep an
elephant from charging?

No, I don't think so.

Take away his credit card.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. "Take...

Take away his credit card."

Oh, that is... that is goofy.

Where did you hear...?

Where on earth did you...?

Oh, no.

Oh...

What's the matter?

I... I laughed so hard,

I got the hiccups.

The hiccups?

I can't play a concert
when I have the hiccups.

It throws off all my timing.

Don't worry. They'll go away.

Oh, Wally, I have a
sure cure for the hiccups.

Wait a minute.

I doubt if it it'll work.

The last time I had
the hiccups, it... I had...

it took me two days
to get rid of them.

Really?

All righty now, Wally,

you just bite on this lime.

Oh, no, I don't,
I don't like limes.

They're too sour.

That's just it. They're so sour,

they'll take your mind
off of your hiccups.

- Noth-Nothing doing.
- Now come on, Wally.

- Come on, come on.
- I'd rather...

I'd rather have the...
than those limes.

- Wally, Wally...
- No, no.

Just give it a chance,
for heaven's sake.

Come on now, Wally.

All right, I'll hold him,
and you put it in his mouth.

All righty.

We did it!

Oh, Wally, you are
so right, they are sour!

Now, Wally, Wally,
stop worrying.

I know a lot of cures
we haven't even tried yet.

Eh, it's no use. I'll just...

I'll have these
hic-hiccups for two days

the way I always do.

I won't be able
to do the concert.

I just have to go
back to McKeesport

and tell them all I'm a failure.

Edna will kill me.

Hey, I got an idea.

Just forget it.

He hasn't recovered
from your last one.

No, no, now
maybe this will work.

Remember the other night
at Audrey Simmons' party,

one of the guests
got a coughing fit,

and Harvey cured him
by hypnotizing him?

So?

Well, maybe hypnosis
will cure the hiccups.

I don't want to
be hyp... notized.

Oh, that's a great idea.

Harvey's in Cleveland
on a business trip.

But hypnotizing looked so easy.

- I don't want to be hyp-...
- hypnotized.

I'll bet even I could do it.

- You?
- Why not?

I-I don't want to
to be hypnotized.

Why not, Wally?
Maybe it'll work.

Oh, Lucy, I don't think
you should do that.

You don't know how.

Well, what's to know?

All Harvey did
was dangle a watch

in front of that man's face
an-and talk him to sleep.

It's just the power
of suggestion.

Oh, I don't like the idea, Lucy.

It's dangerous.

Oh! Wally, give me your watch.

I don't know.

Look, it's either that
or back to McKeesport

and tell Edna you're a failure.

All right, now sit
down over there.

Oh, now, Lucy...

I doubt very much
that this will work.

I'll probably fight you

every every inch of the way.

I've got a will of iron.

Well, now, it's worth a try.

All right, now relax.

Just sit back, take it easy,

and all you have to
do is watch the watch.

Keep your eyes on the watch

and listen to what I say.

All right now, Wally.

Wally, uh...

Viv, what was it Harvey said?

Did he say, uh...

Did Harvey say, "You
are getting sleepy"

or "Your eyes are
getting very heavy"?

It seems to me he said, uh...

"You are getting sleepy."

Okay, Wally, you are getting...

Lucy, you really
did hypnotize him.

I wonder how long
it would have taken

if he didn't have
a will of iron?

Why, you're even
better than Harvey.

Faster, anyway.

Thank you.

Well, all right now, Wally,

when I count to three,
you are going to wake up,

and you are going to
be cured of the hiccups.

One, two...

three!

I don't understand.

That's the way Harvey did it.

With one exception...

When Harvey did
it, the man woke up.

All right, Wally, I'm going to
give you one more chance.

I'm gonna count to three
and you're gonna wake up

and you're gonna be
cured of the hiccups.

One, two, three!

Boy, that's what I
call being hypnotized.

Oh, Lucy, this is terrible.

Well, you got to admit one
thing: I cured his hiccups.

This is his one big chance,
and you've ruined it for him.

- He's never gonna wake up.
- Oh, yes, he is.

Wally, you know you've got
to play that concert tonight.

Wally! Wally!

- Come on! Up, up, up and at 'em.
- I got an idea.

Now, Wally, you know
what Edna will say.

You know this is your one
big chance, Wally. Wally!

- Wally!
- Wake up!

- Wally!
- Up and at 'em!

That isn't doing a
bit of good, Lucille.

Come on now, Wally? Wally?

Wait a minute! I got an idea!

- What?
- I know how we can save Wally's job.

- How?
- What's so tough about beating on a drum

or tapping a triangle
or-or clanging a cymbal?

And look, look at this music...

Every single cue
is written out on it.

Lucy, you don't mean
that you're thinking of...?

Why not?

You said nobody in the
orchestra had ever seen Wally.

You said they hired
him over the phone.

You get everything
in the station wagon.

I'm going to get dressed.

Don't just stand there, Viv.

This is the only way
to save Wally's job.

Vivian!

Wally, if you knew what
was going to happen,

you'd wake up.

Wally, Wally...

Ladies and gentlemen,

the conductor of the
Manhattan Symphony,

Mr. Jacques de Maroc.

♪♪

Bravo!

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