The Lucy Show (1962–1968): Season 1, Episode 5 - Lucy Buys a Sheep - full transcript

Starring Lucille Ball.

Costarring Vivian Vance.

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Morning, Mom!

Good morning, Jerry!

What's for breakfast?



Well, let's see.

Orange juice, cereal,

scrambled eggs, toast and...

Boy, that grass
sure needs cutting.

Again?

We just cut it two weeks ago.

Well, that's grass for you.

You water it, you fertilize it,

you weed it, you
don't walk on it,

and how does it
show its gratitude?

It grows.

Boy, that grass grows
as fast as my hair.

Faster.

Why don't you give it a butch?



Hey, that's a good idea.

We'll do it as soon as you get
home from school this afternoon.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mom.

I can't.

I have to stay after school.

Oh, dear, penmanship again?

No, the teacher says

I'm getting to write
pretty good now.

Well, what is it, then?

Now that she can read my writing

she found out that I
don't know how to spell.

Oh.

Well, I guess I'm
just going to have to

find some other
helper, that's all.

Put your napkin on.

Morning, Mom.

Good morning, Chris.

What's the matter with me?

Have I suddenly
become invisible?

No, but I keep hoping.

Children now, please.

Chris, are you

coming right home
from school today?

Sure, why?

Well, the grass is...

It's sort of time to cut it

and I was wondering
if you'd help me.

Mother!

Well, what if Walter Brewer
drives by on his bicycle

and I'm out there
cutting the grass?

How would it look?

It would look a lot
better than it does now.

But, Mom, it's
just not ladylike.

Oh, well, then that explains

why the members
of the embroidery club

threw stones at me the
last time I cut the grass.

Oh, Mother!

Morning!

Good morning, Sherman!

Hi, Chris. Hi, Jerry. Hi!

Sherman, I suppose you
have a very good reason

why you can't help me
cut the grass this afternoon.

Gosh, no.

I'd love to help you.

Well, good boy!

I finally got a helper.

I thought you had a
music lesson this afternoon.

I thought it was
too good to be true.

I'd a lot rather
help cut the grass

than play on that old piano.

Oh, no, your mother
wouldn't like that.

She doesn't need to know.

Well, now, she'd
find out eventually.

I won't tell her if you don't.

I won't tell her if you
give me a quarter.

Now, now, just a minute.

I appreciate your
offer, Sherman,

but you better take
your music lesson.

Well, I guess I have
just one prospect left.

Hi, Mom! Hi.

Good morning, Viv.

It's a beautiful
morning, isn't it?

Is it worth opening
my eyes to find out?

Those darned blackbirds

were singing outside
my window at 5:00 a.m.!

There must've been 20 of them!

If they have four
more friends over,

I'm gonna bake 'em in a pie.

You know, Viv,

speaking of the
trees and the birds

and the yard and all,

uh, I was noticing our grass.

Shh!

Not until she's had her coffee.

What's this you
don't want to tell me

till I've had my coffee?

Uh...

I was just wondering

if you'd help me cut
the grass this afternoon.

Hey, I've been doing enough
work around this house lately.

Who got dinner last night?

Who did the laundry last week?

Who did the marketing yesterday?

Who? Who?

Apparently, some
crabby blonde owl.

What's the matter
with all of you?

Haven't you got any civic pride?

What'll the neighbors think?

Maybe if we let the
grass grow a little higher,

they won't know we're here.

Well, we gotta do
something about the grass.

Anybody got any suggestions?

Why don't you cover
the grass with cement?

Yeah! That'd make a
neat basketball court.

I suggest you buy
a power lawnmower.

Have you any
suggestions as to where

we get the hundred
dollars to pay for it?

Ask Mr. Barnsdahl at the bank.

Oh, sure.

Well, he's in charge of
the money Daddy left us.

Isn't he supposed to give
us some when we need it?

Yeah, but his idea of need

and my idea of need
are slightly different.

Compared to Mr. Barnsdahl,
Scrooge was a swinger.

I know what we can do.

What's that, darling?

We've been studying
about Australia in school,

and Miss Clementine says

that the farmers there
never have to cut the grass.

They let the sheep
graze on the land,

then they keep it
trimmed by eating it.

Well, good.

We'll all move to Australia.

The two-acre basketball
court was a better idea.

Hey, we'll miss the bus!

Let's go! Don't miss the bus.

Bye, Mom! Bye, Aunt Viv!

Good-bye. Don't fall
off the bus, children.

Don't get lost in the grass.

Maybe we ought to get one.

Might be the answer
to all our problems.

It would just eat and sleep

and stay outdoors all the
time and play with the children.

What are you talking about?

A sheep.

Oh, I thought you were
describing an ideal husband.

No, I mean, why not
do as Sherman said,

and get a sheep
to eat the grass?

Now, Lucy, you're not thinking
of going into sheep farming?

Not a whole farm.

I just mean one good, thin
sheep that's been on a diet.

Well, if you ask me, I think
the whole idea is crazy.

All right, do you want
to mow the lawn?

Where are you going?

To go look at the want ads

to see where we can
get a cheap sheep.

Have you decided yet?

No, not yet, Mr. Evans.

I'm still browsing.

Please make up your mind.

You've seen every animal I got,
unless you're gonna hang around

till next spring for
the lambing season.

Well, I want to make
sure I get a good one.

This is the first time I've
ever been sheep shopping.

Take it from me, Miz Carmichael.

There's no difference in sheep.

I'll bet there is
to another sheep.

Let me see that one right there.

Oh, no, now that I see it
up close, I don't think so.

What's the matter with that one?

His eyes... They're
too close-set.

Yeah, you can
never trust him. See?

He looks crooked.

I wouldn't be a bit surprised
if he was 40% cotton.

Could I see that one

back there?

You've already
looked at him once.

Well, somehow he
looks different now.

Could be.

He's a lot older now.

What is there
about raising sheep

that makes a man so sour?

Oh! How'd you like this one?

Yeah, he's kind of cute.

Do you like black sheep, Viv?

Like 'em?

I was married to one.

Viv, you don't mean half the
things you say about Ralph.

I mean everything
I say about Ralph.

Ladies, please,
make up your mind.

I'm getting a rash
from all this wool!

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Evans.

Um, may I see him?

Her.

Her. Him. That one.

Here.

Say, that one's a pretty color.

Oh.

Aw, and I just love
the way it wrinkles

its flat little nose
when it smiles.

Watch it.

That's how I started with Ralph.

All right, Mr. Evans,

I'll take this one.

Good. She'll be $40.

40?! You said they were 35!

Ah, but this is a lead sheep.

Leaders cost more.

Oh, dear.

Wouldn't you know I'd have
expensive taste, even in sheep.

All right, will you
take a check?

All right with me.

Will it be all right
with Mr. Barnsdahl?

Oh, you had to
bring that up. Uh-huh.

What am I gonna
tell Mr. Barnsdahl?

Well, you could put "$40
for a sheep" on the check,

and then if he
asks you about it,

tell him it's mutton
for the freezer.

Please! Not in
front of the L-A-M-B!

Sorry.

You didn't hear that, honey.

Okay, I'll send you
a check, Mr. Evans.

Uh, uh, how am I going
to get this in the car now?

Well, Little Bo-Peep, why
don't you just leave it alone,

and it'll come home
wagging its tail behind it.

Go open the door.

Okay.

Yeah. Like this?

Yeah. No. Th-There.

Okay, I got it... I think.

Ooh!

I sure got a pretty
one, though, didn't I?

Thanks, Mr. Evans.

Hey, you really are all
wool and a yard wide!

Gee, isn't that
a beautiful sight?

The yard's almost
completely cropped,

and Clementine's only
been nibbling for three days.

She's liable to chew
her way out of a job.

As soon as she
finishes with the yard,

I'm gonna promote her to hedges.

That's automation for you.

You know, if this catches on,

there are going to be a
lot of gardeners out of work.

Yeah, you're not kidding.

Mrs. Farrington down the road
offered me two dollars a day

to let Clementine do her yard.

Lucy! Yeah.

We could go into a
rent-a-sheep business.

Yeah, we could have
our own Ewe Drive.

Huh?

Our own Ewe Drive.

Ewe, ewe.

E-W-E.

Oh, forget it.

I sure will.

Hey, Viv, I was just thinking,

if we can rent out one sheep,
why not two or four or more?

Maybe a whole flock?

And then just sit back
and watch the profits roll in.

Hey, we could make a fortune!

I wonder how much grass

Clementine would have
to chew her way through

before we can afford mink coats.

Mink coats!

Ha! Clementine, keep on eating.

As soon as you finish,

you can have Mrs.
Farrington's yard for dessert.

Oh, Lucy, it's starting to snow.

So?

So, if there's snow
all over the ground,

there won't be any grass
for Clementine to eat.

The neighbors won't
have to rent her,

we'll have to feed her,

and it's back to
our old cloth coats.

Oh, it can't be snowing.

It's too early.

Well, there's something

coming down, and it
isn't pennies from heaven.

Oh, gee, we're going to have to
do something about Clementine.

She'll catch pneumonia.

Clementine? Clementine?

Come on, girl!

Are you going to
bring her in the kitchen?

Well, what else
can I do with her?

The garage isn't heated.

She can't stay out there.

Well, what's your plan?

Are you going to keep
her in the house all winter?

No.

Just until we can build
her a nice, warm, little shed.

Oh, it isn't enough we have
to buy expensive feed for her.

Now we got to build her a house.

Well, when you're in business,

you have to expect
little setbacks.

Great. I've been in
business two minutes,

and already there's a recession.

Clementine?

Clementine, come on, girl!

Anybody home?

Oh, Mr. Barnsdahl!

Oh, hello. Well...

The front door was unlocked,

so I just took the
liberty of coming right in.

Oh, sure; that's
fine. Uh, uh, uh...

How's every little thing
down at the bank, huh?

Well, it's as good
as can be expected,

considering we have Mrs.
Carmichael as a customer.

Is, uh, is she home, by the way?

Yes, she's home;
yep, she's home.

Well, where is she?

Oh, she's out in the
backyard getting a... uh... uh...

She'll be in, in just a minute.

I'd like her to explain

a very interesting
check that she wrote.

Now, I realize I only
handle her business affairs,

and I wouldn't
pry for the world,

but I should like to
know why in blue blazes

she paid $40 for a sheep.

Well, it's cheaper than
a power lawn mower.

It's cheaper than a yacht, too,

but what's that
got to do with it?

Well, you can't cut
grass with a yacht.

Please... please, Mrs.
Bagley, don't confuse me.

I'll just wait and let
Mrs. Carmichael do it.

Yeah.

Baby, baby,

you're going to be
nice and warm in here.

Well, uh, hello, Mr. Barnsdahl.

I want you to meet the
newest member of the family.

Clementine, shake
hands with your banker.

Oh, 2:30?

Mother?

Yes, Chris?

I can't sleep.

Isn't Clementine ever
going to stop that bleating?

Oh, I don't know.

I think her bleater's stuck.

Well, I have a test tomorrow,

and I've just got
to get some sleep.

I know, honey.

I'm sorry.

Lucy, what are you going
to do about Clementine?

I don't know... I fed her.

I-I wrapped her in a
nice, warm blanket.

I think the only way
you're going to stop her

is to wrap her in some
nice aluminum foil

and show her the barbecue.

Now, Viv, you don't mean that.

Well, if I don't get some sleep

pretty soon, I am
liable to mean it.

Mommy, I can't sleep.

Join the club.

Where's Sherman?

Sound asleep.

How come?

He stuffed his ears full
of Clementine's wool.

Lucy, how are we ever
going to get any sleep?

I don't know.

I'll go down and
see what I can do.

Bah, yourself.

I'll be right ba-a-a-a-ack.

Clementine, what are
we going to do with you?

You're driving us all crazy.

Now, listen, you've
got to go to sleep.

You're keeping everybody awake.

What's the matter?

Are you sick?

You haven't got a fever.

What am I going to do with you?

Now, look, Clementine,

you're just going to
have to go to sleep.

Lie down.

Lie down!

Lie down, Clementine,
and count sheep

or whatever you count.

Maybe I can put you to sleep

like I used to put Jerry
and Chris to sleep.

♪ Oh, my darling,
oh, my darling ♪

♪ Oh, my darling, Clementine ♪

♪ You're a sleepy
little sheepy ♪

♪ Hit the sack now, Clementine ♪

♪ Oh, my darling,
oh, my darling ♪

♪ Oh, my darling, Clementine ♪

♪ You're my lamby,
I'm your mammy ♪

♪ Oh, my darling, Clementine. ♪

Whew!

Clementine.

Goodness, you scared
me out of my wits.

What am I going to do with you?

You've got to be quiet.

Got to be quiet
and let us sleep.

I've had it and
the family's had it!

Go to sleep.

That noise is getting louder.

Well, no wonder
it's getting louder.

Well, I didn't ask
her to come up here.

It was her own idea.

Oh, sure. Well, it was.

Oh...!

The only thing to do is to
get her out of the house.

Yeah.

Are you sure Mr. Evans
won't take her back?

No, I asked him.

As he put it, "I sell
sheep; I don't buy them."

Well, we've got to
do something with her.

You don't suppose we could
put this sheep in a basket

and leave it on
somebody's doorstep?

I don't think so.

Oh.

Hey.

Why don't we get
her back to Mr. Evans

without his knowing it?

How?

We could sneak her in the
pen with the other sheep.

He'd never notice one more.

Hey, that's good thinking.

And we'd be doing
Mr. Evans a favor, too.

He could sell
Clementine all over again.

And we'd be doing the
other sheep a favor, too.

Save them the trouble
of electing a new leader.

Right, right.

Good idea... we'll do it
first thing in the morning.

What's wrong with right now?

Right now?!

It's way past midnight.

Well, if we wait until morning,

Mr. Evans is liable to catch
us doing him this great favor.

Besides, what have we got to do

the rest of the night?

Sleep.

Oh, all right, go
warm up the car.

We'll be right down.

Clementine.

Oh, boy, what a night.

I don't care if I never
see another sheep

as long as I live.

Lucy, a night like last night,

speeding along at
3:00 in the morning

with you and that
not-so-darling Clementine,

almost makes Ralph look good.

Come in.

Great news!

I've saved the day.

Mr. Barnsdahl, could
you please save the day

a little more quietly?

Who's sleeping?

We are.

As soon as we go back to bed.

You two certainly
live a soft life.

You get up, eat, send
the children to school,

go right back to bed again.

Yeah, well, could you
tell us your great news,

so us two pampered darlings

can slither back
between our satin sheets?

Oh, well, if you're going
to be cranky, I won't tell you

how you can make $200
with that ridiculous beast.

- $200 with Clementine?
- How, how?

Well, I've got a friend of
mine in an advertising agency.

I told him about Clementine,

and he wants to come
over and take a picture

for a layout for a
blanket company.

Oh... well,

as a matter of... When does
your friend need Clementine?

Tomorrow morning.

He wants to come
over and take a picture.

Oh, well... Well,
she'll be ready. Good.

I have to get back to the bank.

You know, I do have
other things to do

besides getting jobs for sheep.

Lucy, can I ask you a question?

Sure.

Are you crazy?

Is that your question?

This is a two-part question.

Why did you tell him Clementine

would be available
tomorrow morning?

'Cause she will be...
We'll go and get her.

How?

Tonight, after it gets dark,

we'll go and snatch
her out of the pen.

We can't do that.

Since when are you
against making $200?

Since the penalty
for sheep-napping

is a stiff jail sentence
and a big fine.

You are not a sheep-napper

if you're napping
your own sheep.

I'd hate to have to
explain that to a judge.

Shh. I didn't do that.

Clementine?

Clementine?

Clementine?

Clementine?

Oh, Lucy, how are we
ever going to find her?

All sheep look alike.

Oh, they do not.

Well, they do to me.

Clementine?

Here, Clementine. Clementine.

Here, Clementine.

Will the real Clementine
Carmichael please stand up?

Here, Clementine.

You're not Clementine.

You're not Clementine.

You're not Clementine.

You're not.

You certainly aren't.

Here, Clementine.

Clementine.

Clemen... oh, Lucy,

we could be here all
night and never find her.

Oh... come here.

Take me to your leader.

I'll find her.

I know how to find her. How?

♪ Oh, my darling ♪

♪ Oh, my darling ♪

♪ Oh, my darling, Clementine ♪

♪ Oh, my darling ♪

♪ Oh, my darling ♪

♪ Oh, my darling, Clemen... ♪

♪ Oh, my darling,
oh, my darling ♪

♪ Oh, my darling, Clementine ♪

♪ Oh, my darling,
oh, my darling ♪

♪ Oh, my darling, Clementine ♪

♪ You are gone
and lost forever ♪

♪ Oh, my darling, Clementine. ♪

Oh.

Clementine?

Clementine. Clementine.

Clementine.

Oh, oh... Clemen...

Clementine. I found her.

I found her! You found her!

This is Clementine. Is that her?

Yes, I can tell. You're sure?

Yeah. Okay.

Well, don't just stand there.

Pick up your end.

How come this end is mine?

Oh, be quiet.

Good morning.

Good morning, Mrs. Carmichael.

This is Mr. Vincent, the
photographer. How do you do?

How do you do? Mrs. Bagley.

Hello, nice meeting
you. How do you do?

I was just looking
at the backyard.

I think I can set up my
lights right out there.

Okay, okay.

Uh, Clementine
will be out in a jiffy.

All right, thank you.

Okay. Where, uh...

where is our little
four-legged cover girl?

She's down in the cellar
playing with the boys.

I'll get her.

Boys, bring up Clementine!

We haven't told the boys
about Clementine's new career.

No, we don't want to spoil them

by telling them they're
going to be millionaires' kids.

Well, I'll settle for
a slight return on...

What have you got
there? What's that?

It looks like Clementine's wool.

That's right.

What are you doing with it?

We're going to
sell it. What for?

To pay for her food.

Oh, no! Oh, Sherman.

Sherman, you didn't.
Oh, Jerry... Lucy, look.

No! No!

Oh, no, boys!

Well, just don't stand
there... Get some glue!

Glue! Get to work!

Hey, Chris, got a great idea.

What?

All these greasy
dishes, let Tiger do them.

Boy, can he get a dish clean.

He sure can.

But his tongue will dry up

before he gets to
the greasy pans.

Takes suds that last
to clean everything.

And Swan's got them.

Swan?

Swan.

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and sudsing and sudsing ♪

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Watch.

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That's more than
you can say, Tiger.

♪ Swan keeps ♪

♪ Sudsing and sudsing
and sudsing and sudsing ♪

♪ The grease cutting-est ♪

♪ Grease cutting-est suds. ♪

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