The Lucy Show (1962–1968): Season 1, Episode 20 - Lucy and Viv Become Tycoons - full transcript

Starring Lucille Ball.

Costarring Vivian Vance.

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The Lucy Show is
brought to you by

Jell-O Pudding & Pie Filling,

the creamy, easy answer
to "What's for dessert?"

He got just what
was coming to him.

Yeah. He sure did.

Oh, boy, that was
an exciting movie.

Yeah, I'll say.

That sure is a
way to see a movie.



It's free, you don't
have to get dressed,

you don't have to park your car,

you don't even have to go
out in the lobby to buy candy.

Boy, you know, this
is great caramel corn.

Where'd you get it?

Viv made it.

You're kidding.

Tootsie, you made this?

Uh-huh.

With her own
sticky little hands.

You know, I've been in
every state of the union,

but I'll tell you something...

You just can't buy
caramel corn like this.

You bet your sweet
tooth you can't.



It's too bad, too, because
when I'm on the road,

I'd sure give a lot to be
able to find a box of this stuff.

It's crazy. Crazy.

Hey, I got an idea, Viv.

Why don't you put your
caramel corn on the market?

What are you talking about?

Going into business.

You heard what Eddie said.

You can't buy caramel
corn as good as this

anywhere in the country.

Oh, I couldn't go into business.

I don't know anything about it.

Well, you could learn, and you
could sure use the money, girl.

Oh, I could sure use
the money, all right.

Hey, why not?

You make the caramel
corn and I'll sell it.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

It takes capital to
go into business.

Well, I've got a
few bucks put aside

that I've been saving for
a hot opportunity like this.

You have?

Yeah.

What do you say?

Well, why not?

Is it a deal?

It's a deal.

It's a deal!

Hey, wait a minute.

How did you get
into this partnership?

It's my recipe and Eddie's
putting up the money.

I was the one that said
you should go into business.

It was my idea, remember?

Well, thanks a lot.

It was a very good suggestion,

but I don't see why we
need you in the business.

I've got the pots, the pans,
the stove, and the kitchen.

Where are you going to
make your caramel corn...

Over the radiator in your room?

How do you like that, Eddie?

We've been in
business two minutes,

and already we're being
forced into a merger.

Well, I think it should
be a three-way split.

Why, sure.

Come on, Viv, if
we're successful,

there'll be plenty of
profits to go around.

Okay, it's a deal.

Good. Right.

Now, what's the
first thing we do?

Let's see now, uh...

we have to get a good
name for the company.

Oh, yes, a good name.

Uh... how about Vivian
Bagley's Caramel Corn?

No, Vivian's Caramel Corn.

Yeah, that sounds
good. What do you think?

Well, I don't know.

Vivian's Caramel Corn.

Do you think the name
Vivian has a ring to it?

My mother and father thought so.

Oh, I don't mean that
it isn't a good name.

It's just that, well, it
doesn't sound catchy.

You know, the name of a
candy has to say something.

Well, now, what says
something catchy to you...

Lucy's Caramel Corn?

Oh, heavens, no.

Let's see now.

How about Carmichael's
Caramel Corn?

That says something.

It sure does; it says we
just went out of business.

Oh, Viv, don't be so
touchy, for heaven's sake.

I know how to work
your name into it.

"Carmichael's Caramel
Corn... Buy it by the Bagley."

That does it.

Just forget the whole thing.

Oh, Viv, come on now, we
got to have a good name.

Listen...

Eddie said it was crazy.

How about Crazy, uh, Caramel?

Crazy Corn?

Crazy...

Crunch.

Crazy Crunch.

Crazy Crunch.

Crazy Crunch.

That's it!

Good. Crazy Crunch!

I now officially declare us
Crazy Crunch, Incorporated.

Yeah!

Mmm! This is so good, Viv.

Mm-hmm, mmm!

Gee, I never dreamed we'd
get so many orders so fast.

Neither did I.

We've only been in
business two days,

and already we've sold 15 boxes

and got orders for ten more.

Yeah.

Before you know it,

we're going to be
caramel corn tycoons.

Hooray!

Our mothers are
going to be tycoons.

Yeah!

What's a tycoon?

That means you're the head

of a big profit-making
organization.

Mom, when will we
become millionaires?

Oh, not for a long time, honey.

It may take a month or two.

All right, fellas, get to work.

Okay now, Chris, remember...

A half a pound in each box.

Okay.

Okay, that's good.

Hey, Viv. Hmm?

What say we do our commercial
that we wrote last night?

A commercial? Yeah,
you want to hear it?

Yeah.

We wrote one in case we sponsor

a great big television show.

Are you ready?

Yeah, give me the key.

♪ Buy some Crazy Crunch today ♪

♪ C-R-A-Z-Y ♪

♪ Make your sweet
tooth say "Hooray" ♪

♪ C-R-A-Z-Y ♪

♪ With a crunch, crunch here
and a munch, munch there ♪

♪ Here a crunch, there a munch ♪

♪ Eat a bunch for
lunch or brunch ♪

♪ Buy some Crazy Crunch today ♪

♪ C-R-A-Z-Y ♪

♪ It's full of nuts. ♪

Hey, that's neat-o.

Oh, that's marvy.

Jerry,

I thought you said
you weren't going

to eat any more Crazy Crunch.

I couldn't resist
your commercial.

Oh!

Ha-ha! Not another
piece, young man.

Sherman...

I couldn't resist your
commercial either.

Oh-ho, you put that back.

Okay, Lucy, ready to go.

Oh, okay, ready?

Here's the crucial
point right here.

You got your popcorn ready?

Yeah. All right.

Ready to go, here we go.

Just pour it right
in there, huh?

Now, now, now, now, you
do it, do it exactly right, Lucy.

Okay. Now, slowly,
slowly pour the popcorn,

and then we have to stir
and stir while you're pouring.

That's it, that's it.

A little more, a little more,
a little more, the whole pan.

That's it.

Oh, this is what
makes it just right.

Now the nuts?

Yes, add a few
nuts now, that's it.

That's it, that's the
way I learned to do it.

All right, I think
that's about it.

That's about it.

Now, then...

Here we go.

It's the mixing, you see,

that makes it come out
right and makes it so great.

You going to pour it
right over here? Uh-huh.

How to do it. All right. Okay.

Ready? Yeah.

Go...

There you go.

Oh, it's a good
thing Eddie got us

these marble-topped
tables, isn't it?

It makes the cooling
process so much faster.

Yeah, I wonder
what's going to happen

when his landlady asks

what happened to the two tables.

Is it all out? There it is.

Is it all out?

There it is, just
perfect... ha-ha! Yeah.

Oh, I should answer the phone.

You better do this, Viv.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Eddie.

It's our sales manager, Viv. Oh.

Yeah, everything's working
out fine here at the factory.

Uh-huh, the assembly
line is going well,

although some of the
workers have been biting

into the profits.

What?

Oh, that's marvelous.

Sure we can do it.

Okay, Eddie. Bye.

Guess what, Viv?

What? Big news.

Eddie met Marge
Greene in the village

and she's got a
big order for us.

Oh, good!

A big order. Her sewing
circle is having a bazaar,

and she thinks she can
sell a hundred boxes.

A hundred boxes!

That's great. Yeah,
she needs 'em by 6:00.

Six o'clock?!

Yeah. Lucy, it's 4:30 now.

We couldn't possibly get
a hundred boxes ready

in an hour and a half.

Oh, sure we can.

We can do it. Oh, we cannot!

With a four-burner stove
and only two marble slabs?

Oh, we can, Viv. We'd
need a great big stove...

Now, don't waste time talking.
Believe me, we won't be able to do that.

Come on... Oh, n... oh, Lucy.

Sure we can do it.
That's an awful lot.

Come on now. Oh, my.

Oh! Those ten boxes
for Dr. Hoffstetter

at the drugstore...
You forgot 'em.

I forgot all about it.

I told him they could
be done by 4:00.

Sherman, you'll have to
get on your bicycle, dear,

and go down to the drugstore
and take those ten boxes

down to the drugstore
to Dr. Hoffstetter.

Don't you need me here?

I thought you were going
to step up production.

Well... The four of us
will have to manage.

Yeah. Now, you
hurry back; hurry back.

Here, Sherman, take these.

Viv. Huh?

I'm afraid you're going
to have to go off syrup

and go into the
packing department.

All right, now, watch
that syrup, watch it.

Okay. Oh, Lucy.

What? We haven't got nuts enough

for a hundred boxes.

We've barely got
enough for eight or nine.

Chris, go down to the store
and get some more nuts.

But you need me here.

Somebody's got to weigh
the boxes and tie them.

There will be nothing to
weigh and nothing to tie

if you don't get
some more nuts. Get!

Okay.

Oh, dear.

Huh, is that all
right? I think so.

Okay, I'll tie

and you sit here, huh?

Okay. Come and help him.

All right. I'll be fine.

Jerry, come on, get
going, fill those boxes.

I don't feel so good.

What's the matter?

I got a stomachache.

I think it was the
last piece that did it.

I think it was the last
ten pieces that did it.

Oh, honey, go on and lie down.

Call me if you want me.

Okay.

Poor little thing,
he ate too much.

Yes, yes.

Well, I guess it's
'cause it's so good.

Uh-huh.

Oh, I think it's about time

to take that syrup
off now, Lucy.

Oh, okay. I'll go
test it and see.

All right. Oh, dear...
a hundred. Oh, my.

Hello?

Uh...

Oh!

Yes, of course.

I'd love to tell you all
about Crazy Crunch.

Well, I'm Lucy Carmichael,
one of the owners.

Who is it? Who is it?

Uh, excuse me, please.

It's Frances Scully.

The food editor of the
New Rochelle Bulletin

wants a story about
us and the candy.

Oh, well, then
let me talk to her,

'cause I'm the one who
knows how to make it.

Well, I'm the one that knows
how to talk to the press.

Well, it's my recipe.
It was my idea.

What was it you
wanted to know, dear?

Oh.

Uh, C-R-A-Z-Y...

C-R-U-N-C-H.

Yes, this is Vivian Bagley.

I'm the creator of the product.

Uh-huh.

Yes.

Yes, well, really, it's
an old family recipe.

You see, my great-
grandmother handed it down

to my Grandmother Regan,

and she handed it
down to my mother,

and... Vivian.

Excuse me.

She wants your recipe,
not your family tree.

Lucy, don't just stand there.

Go stir the syrup.

Apparently, just one
of us has to manage.

Yes, Miss Scully?

Well, now, the mixed nuts,

you see, you can use
any type of mixed nuts.

Viv, it's almost time to take
this off, Oh, I use almonds,

while it's still
soft. And peanuts

and, uh, and lots of
popcorn and some cashews.

It's getting hard, Viv; you'd
better get off the phone.

Uh-huh.

Well, now, it's according to
how much you want to make.

I'm sure it's time to take
this off, Viv. Yes, I use

a cup and a half of brown sugar.

Viv, this has got to come
off the stove. Uh-huh.

A cup and a half of brown sugar.

That's what you start
out with, mm-hmm.

Then you add six
tablespoons of water.

Viv, we've got to
take this off. Uh-huh,

and about two...

Oh, about two tablespoons
of butter, I guess.

Now, you put all of that
on the stove and... Viv!

It's time for this to come off.

Well, take it off.

Yes, where were... the
two, the... oh, yes, now.

Now, you put the caramel...
You want me to take it off?

You put it on the stove.

Yes.

Now, you have to
watch this very carefully.

Now, you cook that until it
gets to the soft ball stage.

Uh-huh, the soft ball.

No, I don't think you
better try threading it.

No, we've been making
it for years, Miss Scully,

and I think this is
the best way to do it.

Shall I put the
stuff in? Uh-huh.

Uh-huh, yes.

Now, then, when you
take it off of the stove

at just exactly
the right time...

This is very important...

Then you take your popcorn,

yes, now put the
popcorn in rather slowly.

And you have to
stir, stir, stir, stir

and get all the popcorn in.

Viv, don't you think you
ought to get off the phone?

Now, then, watch it
because you have to

let it set for a while.

Well, you can't break it
up when you first start.

Uh-huh... Well, if you
leave it stand too long,

then it gets so hard
that you can't break it up.

Uh-huh.

Oh, I don't know.

Yes, yes, that's right.

Uh-huh.

Oh, I think you can do it.

Uh-huh.

Yes, you do that now.

You have all of that down?

Oh, yes, of course, Ms. Scully.

No, not at all.

I'm happy to give it to you.

Now, you better
get off the phone!

Well, now, you have
to pour all of that out...

Viv, I think you better
get off the phone, honey.

Well, pour it out
on a marble slab.

That's right.

A marble slab.

Well, do you have a marble slab?

Oh, doesn't everybody
have a marble slab?!

Well, if you don't
have a marble...

Viv!

Please get off the phone!

Well, we decided it
would be a good idea

to make a little extra money.

Well, I guess...
No, we don't mind!

No, I'd like to take you a box.

Oh, dear.

Viv, get off the phone!

Viv, please!

Well, it would be very
good publicity for us.

And it does take
publicity in order to...

Viv, I think you'd
better get off the phone.

Uh-huh. Really, I do!

Oh, no, we'd be happy to.

Anytime. Uh-huh.

Oh, well, it's just starting up.

Lucy!

What?

Oh, good grief!

Oh, Miss Scully, just a
moment, I'll have to call you back!

I told you to get off the phone!

Oh, look at it; it's all ruined!

I can't help it!

You were blabbing on the phone!

I've only got two hands!

Well, you'd have done
better if you'd used your feet!

Oh, is that so?!

Oh, will I ever learn

not to listen to you
and your dumb ideas?!

You know, it wouldn't
have happened

if you hadn't been
blabbing on the phone!

Blabbing? I was trying
to get some publicity

for this stupid business.

Hey, girls, guess what?

Old Man Armstrong,
down at the candy store,

wants to put Crazy Crunch
in every store in his chain

throughout the state.

What do you say to that?

Forget it!

What? What do you mean?

We just went out of business.

We can't even fill the order

we got a while ago
for all those boxes,

let alone supply a
whole chain of stores.

We haven't got enough
marble slabs... All right, all right!

Now, listen... hold it, hold it!

First thing tomorrow morning

we're going to get an
automatic popcorn machine

and when we make some profits,

then we'll move into
a store downtown

and get some help.

Now, what do you say?

Are we back in business?

Huh? Are we?

It's a deal.

Okay. Atta... oh!

Oh, it's a deal.

Oh, Lucy!

♪ Buy some Crazy
Crunch today, C-R-A-Z-Y ♪

♪ Make your sweet
tooth say "Hooray!" ♪

♪ C-R-A-Z-Y ♪

♪ With a crunch, crunch
here, crunch, crunch there ♪

♪ Here a crunch, there a crunch,
everywhere a crunch, crunch ♪

♪ Buy some Crazy... ♪

♪ C-R-A-Z-Y ♪

How're you doing?
Is that good and hot?

Yep, that's fine; good
and hot, going fine.

Well, here's another dozen.

Oh, I'm so glad Eddie talked
us into staying in business.

Yeah. You know,

if we keep on like this, Lucy,

we might really
become big tycoons.

Gee, Viv, if we ever have
a financial empire and get to

be big corporation executives,
will we have to carry briefcases

and smoke those
big, fat, black cigars?

I don't think so.

Mother? What, dear?

It was bad enough
when you turned

the kitchen into a factory.

Why did you have to take
over our living room, too?

Because people are
still buying our candy,

bless their
hungry little hearts!

What's the barbecue doing
in the living room, Mother?

The popcorn machine
uses so much voltage

that when we're using that, we
can't use any other appliances.

The only way to make the
syrup for the caramel corn

that makes the money
to send you to college

is to put the barbecue
in the living room.

That's what it's
doing here, "Mother."

I was just asking. Okay.

I'll be over at Cynthia's.

Okay, here, take
one of these with you.

It's on the house.

Hey, maybe this
isn't so bad after all.

I forgot about
the fringe benefits.

Viv! Viv! Luce!

Lucy! What?! What's the matter?

Oh, good! They're not here yet!

Who's not here yet?

The police! The police?!

Why would the police be here?

This area isn't
zoned for business.

So what?

So, can we be arrested for that?

For operating a
commercial venture

in a residential area,

you can get a $500
fine or six months in, in...

Where? Where?!

I have a feeling it isn't six
months in Miami Beach.

Jail!

Jail?! Jail?!

That's why I ran all the way.

No, I got tipped off by
my friend at the courthouse

that the police will
be here any minute.

Oh, well, they won't arrest
us when they get here

and find out that we didn't
know anything about zoning.

No, no, we'll just tell them
we're a couple of Dumb Doras.

They'll always believe
that women are stupid.

Oh, no, you don't!

You're not going to let me
take the rap because I'm a man!

I'm just as stupid as you are!

You're darned right you are!

Oh, now, now,
Tootsie, just a minute.

It doesn't matter
whose fault it is.

We're all in this
up to our necks.

And we're cooked the minute
the police walk in that door

and catch us with this evidence.

Oh, no!

Hold it, you mean
they can't arrest us

unless they find the
evidence? That's right.

Then there isn't going
to be any evidence.

Well, what will we do
with all this Crazy Crunch?

We're going to have
to burn the boxes,

dump the syrup and
hide the equipment.

Help me get this
into the closet.

Oh, no, no! Oh,
we'll have to do...

Oh, my...

Vivian, get going! All right.

Here, here, where
do I put this, Lucy?

Where do I put it? Give it here!

Take that, take that.

All right, oh, all right.

All right, okay.

Here we go, I got it.

Get all of this stuff.

Every bit of it!

I'll throw this out
in the bushes!

What to do with... oh, Lucy...

Oh!

Hang on! LUCY:
Get rid of everything!

That's done!

Oh!

Out of my way,
Eddie! All right, all right!

Did you dump all the syrup?

Yes, I got three gallons
down the kitchen sink.

Boy, Danfield is going to have

the sweetest
sewers in the county!

Well, $100 worth of ribbons
and boxes just went up in smoke.

Good, I put all my kettles
and everything on the top shelf.

We're in the clear
unless he's eight feet tall

and has a pogo stick.

What's that Crazy
Crunch doing here?!

Oh, now, Lucy...

let's just have one last
crunch for old times' sake.

Oh, Viv, honestly!
Oh, come on, now.

Eddie, help me move
this chair, will you?

Yeah, okay. Dear...

Okay! Here we go! You
and your Crazy Crunch.

Lift this up, put it right here.

Oh! Oh, good night!

Look at all the popcorn! Where?!

What are we
going to do with it?!

Oh, put it in my pockets! Okay.

Eddie, there's a police
car coming up in front!

Well, we're ready for 'em!

Tell us when he gets out
of the car. Hurry up, Eddie.

Calm down! I'm
hurrying as fast as I can!

And I can't swallow this!

He's getting out of the car!

Swallow it whole!
All right! All set here!

He's coming up the walk!

All set! All set!

Oh, no! Oh, now Eddie, get over!

Get over!

You'll have to eat this!

Eat it! No, put it
someplace. Huh?

Put it someplace!

I'll get it. Okay.

I'm Sergeant Robbins
of the Danfield Police.

Oh, what can I do for you?

I'm here to investigate a report

of a zoning violation
in this neighborhood.

My goodness!

You mean someone
in this neighborhood

are violating the zoning laws?

Well, if I, if I see
anything like that,

I'll let you know, Officer.

Just a minute.

This is the address the
commissioner gave me.

Did you make this here?

Crazy Crunch.

Oh, that's a cute name.

What is it? It's caramel corn.

With nuts.

You know about it?

Oh, uh...

uh, all caramel
corn has nuts in it.

Well, there must be, uh,
some mistake, Officer.

Look for yourself.

Is this a candy factory?

Well, do you mind
if I look around?

Oh, no, go right
ahead and look around.

You won't find a single piece

of that, uh, what was its name?

Crazy Crunch.

Which way is the
kitchen? That way.

Uh, Officer, just a minute.

Did you happen to take a
bite of that Crazy Crunch?

Yes, ma'am. How'd you like it?

Well, to tell you the truth,

it's not as good
as Cracker Jack.

Now, just a minute!

I've got something
to say! Viv! Viv!

Cracker Jack?!

You know that that's
better than Cracker Jack.

Viv, stop it. What's
the matter with you?

You crazy or something?!

Shh! Hey, girls, girls! Girls!

I think we're going to make it!

Yeah, I think so, too.

Especially if he doesn't see

that pot of syrup on the stove.

Pot of syrup!

Good heavens, what
are we gonna do with it?

Get rid of it!
Eddie, get rid of it!

No, you get rid of
it! It was your recipe!

Well, it was your money!
It was your idea, Lucy!

Shh! Oh, for heaven's sake!

What are you going to do, Lucy?

Yes, yeah!

Well, everything
seems okay out here.

I guess you're right.

There must be some mistake.

Maybe they gave
me the wrong address.

Mm-hmm.

Uh, yeah, I guess
that's what happened.

You got the wrong address.

I don't know what
I'm looking for.

You certainly wouldn't be making
caramel corn in your living room.

No... that's so silly.

I wouldn't be getting
all that sticky stuff

all over our nice rug.

Well, I suppose, while I'm here,

I might as well
check everywhere.

What's in this closet?

That's silly.

You certainly wouldn't
be making caramel corn

in the closet either.

Oh, my...

Do you mind if I make a call?

On the phone?

I thought so.

Will it take very long?

I want to call headquarters.

Well, go right ahead, Officer.

Sergeant Robbins.

Let me speak to the chief.

Hello, Chief?

Sergeant Robbins here.

Say, I'm out here at
the Carmichael house

and I think the
zoning commissioner

has got something all wrong.

He must've given
me the wrong address.

Huh?

No, there's nothing
going on out here.

No, sir.

I've checked everywhere.

There's no sign that
they're manufacturing

caramel corn on the premises.

No, sir.

All right, sir,
I'll be right in.

Sorry to bother you.

Oh, that's all
right, that's all right.

Well, you had to do your
duty, Officer, you know, I...

Say, I hear something popping.

Oh, you do?

Why, I don't hear anything.

Do you hear anything, Eddie?

No, no!

Sounds like corn popping.

Oh, it's me! I snap
my fingers a lot.

Oh, I snap 'em... we're
working up a Spanish dance.

Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!

I don't hear fingers snapping.

I hear popcorn popping!

Whatever you heard that
sounded like popcorn popping

seems to have stopped popping.

So it has.

I could've sworn I heard it.

Well, I guess I was wrong.

Well, y-y-you come back
any time you want, Officer.

Here... here...

Hey, tootsie,
what's this pudding?

It's great. You like it?

I just made it this morning.

No kidding.

Then this is it.

I'll put up the capital, and
you and Lucy can make it.

Now we have to get
a catchy name for it.

Uh, how about Jell-O

vanilla flavor pudding
and pie filling?

Jell-O vanilla
pudding and pie filling.

Jell-O vanilla
pudding and pie filling!

That's inspired. How did
you happen to think of that?

I got it off this box.

How do you like that?

Somebody beat us to it.

Yep, General Foods.

Don't tell me it's the
creamy, delicious answer

to "What's for dessert?"

It is.

Just my luck...

Another great idea and
somebody stole it from me.

The Lucy Show
was brought to you by

Jell-O Pudding & Pie Filling,

the creamy, easy answer
to "What's for dessert?"

Another fine product
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