The Lucy Show (1962–1968): Season 1, Episode 19 - Lucy's Barbershop Quartet - full transcript

When one of the members of Viv's female barbershop quartet drops out, Lucy convinces Viv and her friends to let her fill the vacant spot. Lucy takes singing lessons to learn to stay on key, but her instructor can do nothing for th...

Starring Lucille Ball.

Costarring Vivian Vance.

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Aunt Viv? Aunt Viv?

What?

How come you're practicing?

Oh, our ladies volunteer
fire department quartet



is going to rehearse
here tonight.

We just organized it.

We're calling ourselves
the Four Alarms.

You know, four alarm fire.

Get it?

Oh, that's a cute name.

We think so.

And at our age,

we can hardly call ourselves
The Four Freshmen.

Aunt Viv! Aunt Viv!

Huh? How long do you think

you'll be rehearsing?

Oh, all evening.

We're going to go



up to Albany next week.

We're going to enter

the Annual Ladies
Barbershop Quartet contest.

Oh.

Well, if you're
going to sing here,

I'd better go over to
Cynthia's to do my homework.

Hey, wait a minute.

What do you mean by that?

Well, I mean, if there are
going to be three more people

who sing like you...

Oh, I'd better help Mom

with the dishes.

Uh-huh.

Mom? Yeah, dear?

I think I'd better go over to
Cynthia's to do my homework.

Okay, but why?

Well, I don't think
I can concentrate

with your quartet
practicing here all evening.

Well, it's not my stale quartet.

I'm not even in it.

You're not? How come?

They had the nerve to tell me
that I don't know how to sing.

Oh.

I think you have a lovely voice.

Well, thank you, dear.

But apparently, I have a
voice only a daughter can love.

You sound great in the shower.

Well, I mentioned that,

but they said when
the water's not running,

my voice leaves
a lot to be desired.

Well, I'll bet you sing as
good as the rest of them.

Well, actually, they've had a
lot more experience, you know.

Dorothy and Grace
sing in the church choir.

And Thelma Green
says she once appeared

in the third road
company of Rio Rita.

And of course, Aunt Viv
sang with a band in college.

Did Aunt Viv really
sing with a band?

Yeah.

Oh, I didn't know that.

Oh, yeah. Viv keeps telling me

she could have been
another Wee Bonnie Baker.

Who is Wee Bonnie Baker?

Oh, she was a big singing star.

She made her-her
biggest hit when she sang...

♪ Oh, Johnny, oh,
Johnny, how you can love ♪

♪ Oh, Johnny, oh,
Johnny, heaven's above. ♪

That was a big hit?

Yeah, that was a big hit.

Aye.

Well, you-you'll
understand when you try

to explain to your daughter
what was so hot about

Elvis Presley singing...

♪ You ain't nothin'
but a hound dog ♪

♪ You ain't nothin'
but a hound dog. ♪

Oh, Mom!

Well, you will.

Are you disappointed that
you're not in the quartet?

Oh, heavens, no.

I couldn't care less.

Well, bye, Mom.

Bye, bye, honey.

Don't be too late, now.

No, I won't.

Hi, Thelma. Hi, Dorothy.

Hi, Viv.

Where's Grace?

Grace isn't coming.

We've got terrible news.

Tragedy has struck.

What?

Grace has to drop
out of the quartet.

Why?!

Oh, her husband's company
is transferring him to California,

and he has to leave right away.

And she has the nerve
to want to go along

with her husband
and four children.

Leaving our
quartet high and dry.

I never knew a
soprano you could trust.

Well, who can we
get to take her place?

Yes, who?

Hi, girls.

Hi, Lucy. Hi.

Well, I know you have
a lot of rehearsing to do,

so I'll leave you alone.

Oh, now, let's see.

There must be someone we can get

to take Grace's
place in our quartet.

Yeah, but who?

They don't have
barbershop trios, do they?

Oh, no. And even if they
did, we all sing harmony.

We need somebody to take melody.

Yes, we need somebody
that'll sing melody.

Lucy.

We're trying to think of a
singer to take Grace's part.

So, would you please
stop all that noise, dear?

Let's see, what other women

are in our volunteer
fire department?

Um, what about Pauline Lopus?

Oh, no, she could never get away

with those seven kids.

That's right.

Even before she comes to a fire,

she has to find a babysitter.

Listen.

What about Barbara Cushing?

She's the soloist in our choir.

She has a beautiful voice.

But she's not a member

of the Volunteer
Fire Department.

Oh, that's right.

Good try... keep thinking.

Where's the fire?

Oh, there isn't any fire,

but I know who you
can get to replace Grace.

Who?

Uh, well, it-it-it's someone

who, uh... who isn't
moving to California,

and someone who sings melody,

and someone who doesn't
have any babysitter problem,

and someone who is a member

of the Women's
Volunteer Fire Department.

Who is it? Give us her name.

♪ Down by the old ♪

♪ Mill stream. ♪

Her name, her name!

Well, if you three are so dense,

I don't know if I want to be

in your darned old quartet.

You? You? You?

Yes, me, me, me!

Oh, I don't know, Lucy.

What do you think, girls?

Well, I...

Well, now, her
voice isn't too bad.

It isn't good, but it's not bad.

Well, if we don't take her,

we won't be able
to go to Albany.

Well...

Well, there isn't anybody else.

She's better than nothing.

Okay, Lucy, you're in.

Oh, thank you!

Thank you!

Hey, we'd better
start rehearsing.

Yeah, girls, we got to
get rehearsing right now

if we're going up to Albany

and get ahold of
that little old cup.

Now, line up right over here.

Line up according to size,

because that makes
the sound a lot better.

I think if we... Lucy.

Lucille.

Well, uh...

what had you decided to sing?

Well, actually, we hadn't
come to any decision yet.

I still think we should
sing "Moonlight Bay".

Oh, "By the Light
of the Silvery Moon"

has such good harmony.

Yeah, but "Red Red Robin"
is that-that... you know...

Hey, hey, I know, I
know: "Be My Bumblebee".

That's a wonderful old number.

It has a great
arrangement for quartet.

And it's not... not one of those
things like "Red Red Robin"

that, you know, everybody
and his brother sings.

It's a won... Lucy.

Well, now, it's really up
to you three to decide.

Let's try "By The Light
of the Silvery Moon".

Okay. Okay.

"By the Light of
the Silvery Moon."

All righty, here's
your note, Dorothy.

Ready?

♪ By the light ♪

♪ Of the silvery moon ♪

♪ I want to spoon ♪

♪ To my honey, I'll ♪

♪ Croon love... ♪

What's the matter?

Well, are you
going to sing or not?

I was singing!

You were? Yes.

Well, I couldn't hear you.

I couldn't, either.
Well, I was singing.

Okay, let's try it again.

Now, sing out.

All right.

Let's go.

♪ By the light ♪

♪ Of the silvery moon ♪

♪ I want to spoon ♪

♪ To my honey, I'll... ♪

Now, don't tell me you couldn't
hear me that time, either.

You sing too soft.

I do not.

You three sing too loud.

Well, I was singing
as loud as I could.

It's not how loud you sing.

It's how much you project.

Project?

Yes, you've got to
throw out your voice.

Well, let's not get nasty.

Oh, listen, girls.

Let's just forget
the whole thing.

Let's forget the whole thing.

Oh, no, now, wait a minute, Viv.

Why don't you sing my number?

You'll be able to hear
me on my number.

"Be My Bumblebee".

I got it right here.

Look, Viv, you play that.

You sing right there;
I sing right here.

Here, give me my first note.

You'll be able to
hear me on this one.

It's a very good
arrangement. Yeah, come on.

♪ La, la, la, la ♪
♪ Be, be, be ♪

Are you ready? ♪ Be, be... ♪

♪ Be my little baby bumblebee ♪

♪ Buzz around, buzz
around, buzz around ♪

♪ Bring home all your
honey love to me ♪

♪ Buzz around, buzz
around, buzz around ♪

♪ Let me spend the happy hours ♪

♪ Buzz ♪
♪ Rollin' with you ♪

♪ Amongst the flowers ♪
♪ Buzz ♪

♪ When we get where
no one else can see ♪

♪ Buzz around, buzz
around, buzz around ♪

♪ Be my little baby bum... ♪

Uh, don't tell me you
couldn't hear me that time.

Oh, you bet your sweet life

we could hear you that time.

Don't you think those parts

are a little unevenly divided?

Well, you got to admit
you could hear me.

Oh, we could hear
you all right. Yeah.

Well, I don't know
about you two,

but I'm certainly not
going clear up to Albany

just to be a buzzer.

You're darned right.

That number doesn't
need a quartet.

All it needs is a
soprano and a hive.

I still say we should
forget the whole thing.

Let's just forget the
whole thing. Forget it.

Wait a minute... Thelma?

Thelma, what did you
say about projecting?

We said you didn't do it.

Well, would it help
if I learned how?

Well, sure it would
help, but how could you?

Hey, my vocal
coach is here in town.

I bet he could teach her how

to sing properly and to project.

Sure, he could.

Well, now, it may
be worth a try.

Sure, it's worth a try.

It's our only chance.

Yeah, it's your only chance.

I'll call Dr. Gitterman

first thing in the morning.

No, no, no, call him right now.

But it's so late.

Well, well, that's just it.

We haven't got a moment to lose.

You know how bad I am.

You're right.

How do you do?

I'm Dr. Gitterman.

Dr. Gitterman, how do you do?

I'm Lucy Carmichael. Yes.

Thelma tells me we've
got a little problem.

By next week, she wants
me to get some power

into that little,
tiny voice of yours.

Oh, well, I don't know

that I have such
a little, tiny voice.

Oh, would you mind
giving me a sample?

Uh...

♪ Down by the old ♪

♪ Mill stream... ♪

We haven't a moment to lose.

Stand right here, please.

Now, the first thing
I teach my pupils

is correct posture.
Well, but, Dr. Gitterman,

wouldn't you like to
take off your coat?

We haven't got that much time.

Oh, come on.

We have time to
take off your coat.

First thing I teach my
pupils is correct posture.

Yes, sir. Now, let me
see you stand, please.

Yes, sir.

Is that your posture?

Well, it sure looks like mine.

Well, now if you
want to be a singer,

you're gonna have to
learn to stand up straight.

Not quite so stiff.

You've got to learn...

You've got to learn to relax.

Oh. Now, do as I do. Here.

Now, completely
relax your entire body.

Okay?

Imagine yourself...

Imagine yourself a marionette.

You have absolutely no
control over your actions.

Someone is pulling the strings,

and you must do
exactly as he says.

Mrs. Carmichael,
what are you doing?

I think there's a new
man on the strings.

Well, now that we've
got you relaxed,

let's get back to your posture.

Now-now, stand straight
but remain relaxed.

Yes, sir. Now that...

That is the correct posture
for a singer. Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. Now, the next
thing we want to discuss

is breathing. Yes, sir.

Oh, yes, the breath
is most important.

The breath, after
all, is that power

that operates the vocal chords.

Where do you breathe?

Oh, anywhere I happen
to be at the moment.

Yes, well, the correct
placement of the breath

on the vocal chords
is very important.

You see, it's that

that produces the-the
proper tonal quality.

Yes, sir. Mm.

Well, now, sit down over
here and relax, please.

The breath hitting
the vocal chords

at exactly the right spot
that nature intended,

will give you a
sound like this...

You scared me!

Well, that's merely a
sound I'd like you to imitate.

Like this...

That is very good.

You show promise. Thank you.

Yes, now, I want you to
chew your tongue and hum.

Chew my tongue and hum?

That, um, that loosens
the vocal chords.

Now, at the same time, same time

I want you to think of
your voice as an umbrella

that closes and opens like this.

Now continue to chew
your tongue and hum.

Mwa...

Mwa...

Mwa... Mwa...

Mwa... Mwa...

Mwa...

My umbrella wouldn't open.

Mwa...

Mwa...

We'll try the vowels now.

The vowels? The vowels.

Ah... eh...

oh... ooh.

With me, please.

Ah... eh... Ah... eh...

oh... ooh... oh... ooh...

Ah... eh...

oh... ooh... Fast.

Ah... eh... oh... ooh.

Ah... eh... oh... ooh...

Ah... eh... oh... ooh.

Ah... eh... oh... ooh.

Ah... eh... oh... ooh.

Ah... eh... oh... ooh.

Ah... eh... oh... ooh.

Ah... eh... oh... ooh.

All aboard!

See, that-that
sounded like a train

pulling out of a
station, you know,

that sound they
make... I know, I know

what sound they make.

Now, I'd like you
to try another one.

Oo-guh!

Oo-guh!

With me.

Oo-guh!

Oo-guh!

Oo-guh!

Oo-guh!

Now, alternate with the vowels.

Ah... oo-guh.

Eh... oo-guh.

Oh... oo-guh.

Ooh... oo-guh.

Ah... oo-guh.

Eh... oo-guh.

Oh... oo-guh.

Ooh... oo-guh.

Push up. Oo-guh.
Oo-guh. Push up.

Ah... oo-guh. Up, up, up!

Oo-guh. Oo-guh.
No, no. Stop! Stop!

Stop!

You're not doing it right
at all, Mrs. Carmichael.

You're not using your glottis!

I didn't even know I had one!

I'm sorry.

Perhaps I've been going
along a little too rapidly for you.

You sure have.

Let-let's...

Let's try something else
now, shall we? All right.

Now to... breathe
correctly, you must...

you must use the-the
suction power of your lung.

Yes, sir. Now, I will tell
you what I want you to do.

I want you to take a
deep breath and hold it.

Now take a very
deep breath. Yes, sir.

Now hold it.

Deep.

Deep breath and hold it.

Up.

Hi! Oh, hi, Dr. Gitterman!

Oh, hello, Thelma, how are you?

Fine, thanks. Good to see you...

I'd like you to meet
the other members.

Vivian Bagley.

This is Dorothy Boyer.

Well,

how's our pupil coming?

Well, I think we can
show a little progress.

Oh...

What's the matter with her? Huh?

Oh, I forgot! Mrs. Carmichael!

Exhale!

Oh, oh, I'm so sorry.

I-I forgot about you.

I must say I'm amazed

at how long you were
able to hold your breath.

You must have
very powerful lungs.

Thank you. Hmm?

All right, we'll do that.

And let's show our friends
what we've done, huh?

So proud of you.

Remember everything
I've taught you.

The posture.

Yes, now relax.

Remember the...

Remember the proper breathing.

And chew your tongue and hum.

And the umbrella.

Now the correct tonal quality.

Now hit this note.

Mwa...

Mwaa-ow!

Mwaaaaaa...!

She's got it! Hooray!

Albany, here we come!

Oh, wonderful! Wonderful!

Mwa...

Congratulations!

Mwa...

Mwaa-ow!

Mwa-ow!

Mwaa-ow!

Mwa-ow!

Oo-guh!

Oo-guh!

Careful now, don't
strain that oo-guh!

Are you nervous, Lucy?

No. Why should I be?

Well, it's the first time
you've ever sung in public.

Well, I gotta start someplace.

Mm, who's that?

Come in.

Hi! Hi! Hi. Hurry up!

We've got to be at the
auditorium in ten minutes.

Okay. I understand

there are going to be 3,000
people in the audience.

3,000 people? Yeah.

Oh, oh, Dorothy,

oh, I'm so nervous, my
knees are knocking together.

I've got butterflies
in my stomach.

I've got butterflies,

and their knees are
knocking together.

How are you feel...

Lucy?

Are you all right?

I'll be all right
right after I faint.

You're not gonna faint.

That's right, I'm
not gonna faint.

Good girl.

I'm gonna be sick.

Oh, no you're not.

We've got to get
to that auditorium

and get dressed.

Oh... 3,000 people?

Oh, don't let that bother you.

Think of them as
just one person.

Just one person...

with 6,000 eyes.

Come on, now, Lucy,

you just got a
little stage fright.

Yeah, I just got
a little stage fright.

It's normal to feel nervous.

Yeah, it's normal
to feel nervous.

Well, you'll be fine once
you step out on that stage

and start singing our song.

What song?

The song we're gonna
sing in the contest

in about ten minutes.

What contest?

She's drawn a blank!

Lucy, you know the song
we've been rehearsing.

"By The Light of
the Silvery Moon".

By the what?

Oh, "By the Light
of the Silver Moon".

♪ By the light ♪

♪ Of the silvery moon... ♪

Ooh, that's a
catchy little tune.

What is it?

Lucy, come on now.

You know how badly you
wanted to join our quartet.

Remember? Now, you
know that, don't you?

No.

You remember Dr. Gitterman? No.

Dr. Gitterman,
the voice teacher,

that was going to
teach you to sing

so you could
sing in the contest.

Dr. Gitterman?

Gitterman, the voice teacher!

That's it. The one
that taught you that.

That's the one. Dr. Gitterman.

You're gonna sing "By the
Light of the Silvery Moon."

In the contest, that...
Mwa-ow! Mwa-ow!

Oh, that's it now.

♪ By the light ♪

♪ Of the silvery moon ♪
Oh, eh, ah, oh.

Oo-guh! Oo-guh!
♪ I want to spoon ♪

She's got it. Moon! June!

♪ To my honey, I'll croon ♪
Spoon! Moon! June!

♪ Love's tune... ♪
Oo-guh!

You've got it, honey.

♪ By light ♪
By the light.

♪ Of the silvery moon... ♪

Moon! Spoon! June!

Oo-guh! Oo-guh!

Mwaa-ow!

And now, for our last quartet...

from the Danfield Women's

Volunteer Fire Department...

The Four Alarms!

Place, park.

Scene, dark.

♪ Silvery moon is
shining through the trees ♪

Cast, two.

Me, you.

♪ Sound of kisses
floating on the breeze ♪

Act one, be-gun.

♪ Dialogue, where
would you like to spoon? ♪

My clue, with you.

♪ Underneath the silvery moon ♪

♪ By the light ♪

♪ By the light, by the light ♪

♪ Of the silvery moon ♪

♪ Silvery moon, silvery moon ♪

♪ I want to spoon ♪

♪ Want to spoon, want to spoon ♪

♪ To my honey, I'll... ♪

♪ Croon love's tune ♪

♪ Honeymoon ♪

♪ Honeymoon, honeymoon ♪

♪ Keep a-shinin' in June ♪

♪ Keep a-shinin' in June ♪

♪ Your silvery beams
will bring love's dreams ♪

♪ We'll be cuddling soon ♪

♪ By the silvery moon ♪

♪ The silvery moon ♪

♪ The silvery moon. ♪

Wait, come back
here. Come back here!

Come on out on the stage.

Come on out on the stage.

Our judges have just
handed me their decision,

and the winners
are from Danfield...

The Four Alarms.

Oh, th... Oh, thank you!

Thank you!

Thank you!

I know that you all join me

in wishing the Four Alarms
all the luck in the world,

when they appear in the
national finals in New York City,

which will be televised
from coast to coast

and seen by the entire nation!

The entire nation?

Yes! Lucy...

Now, Lucy...

Now, Lucy... No, she'll be fine.

She'll, she'll be fine.

Oh, she'll be
great in the finals.

Okay, kids, twist
right over there

and get started on those dishes.

Oh, no!

All these dishes and
greasy pans, too?

Oh, come now.

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