The Lucy Show (1962–1968): Season 1, Episode 15 - Lucy's Sister Pays a Visit - full transcript

Starring Lucille Ball.

Costarring Vivian Vance.

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Lucy? What?

What'd your sister
have to say in her letter?

What letter?

Well, when I went to
the market this morning,



I picked up the mail and
there was a letter from Marge.

Well, I didn't get
it. Where is it?

I gave it to Chris.

Now, Chris?

I gave it to Sherman.

I gave it to Jerry.

Uh-oh!

Well, Jerry?

I left it in my lunch box.

Well, I hope this group
realizes the penalty

for tampering with
the United States mail.

Oh, Mother...

I'm sorry, Mom, but I got
a little of my lunch on it.

Apparently, neither
snow nor rain,



nor peanut butter
can stay these couriers

from their appointed rounds.

Oh, it's from New York.

She must be back
from the honeymoon.

Yeah.

Oh... She says she and Hughie

adored the wedding
present I sent them.

What'd you finally send them?

An authentic,
Victorian fauteuil.

A what?

A fauteuil.

What's a fauteuil?

It's an antique chair.

I found a darling, little gold
opera chair over in Wilton.

You know, Marge
just adores antiques.

Well, there's one good thing.

I'll bet they didn't
get two fauteuils.

Oh, and listen to this.

"Married life is
simply marvelous.

We're the happiest
two people in the world!"

Isn't that nice.

Yeah, but I still wish
Marge and Hughie

hadn't run off and
eloped at the last minute.

Oh, what's the difference,
Lucy, as long as they're happy?

Well, I had such a
wonderful wedding

planned for them, remember?

Chris was going
to be bridesmaid,

and Jerry was going
to be ring bearer.

Oh, I'm sorry they eloped, too.

My dress was dreamy.

I'm glad they eloped,

so I didn't have to
carry that old pillow

and wear that sissy suit.

What are you
complaining about Jerry?

I rehearsed three
whole weeks for nothing.

I was going to play and
sing "Oh, Promise Me."

Maybe that's why they eloped.

Never you mind, young man.

Mother, may we be excused? What?

Yeah, but right upstairs and
do your homework. All right.

Both of you. VIVIAN: You do your
homework, too, now Sherm, huh?

Okay.

You know, maybe I
ought to keep in practice.

Just keep on practicing
"Oh, Promise Me."

Why?

I might pick up odd jobs

with the justice of the peace.

Oh, Viv...

♪ Oh, promise me that someday ♪

♪ You and I... ♪

♪ Will meet together in ♪

♪ That distant sky... ♪

What's the matter with you?

Oh, I forgot about
you and weddings.

Can I help it if I'm the
sentimental mushy type?

Lucy, am I going to have to hide

the Society section of
the paper again this June,

so you won't be going
around all puffy-eyed?

No. But I just wish
that Marge and Hughie

would let me give them
that formal wedding.

Don't you think it's about
time you forgot that?

Yeah, I guess so.

After all, the important
thing is that they're happy.

Mm-hmm.

I'll get it.

Marge!

Honey, we just got your letter.

We were just talking about you.

Marge! Oh, it's so
good to see you.

We just read your letter.

Honey, we're so delighted

to hear that you're so happy.

Marge, honey, what's the matter?

I'm so unhappy!

Oh, Marge, what happened, honey?

What happened?

Hughie and I
had our first fight!

Oh, dear, you poor baby.

Hughie's a beast!

I knew it when I first met him!

Well, then, why
did you marry him?

Because he's such a cute beast!

Oh...

Marge, honey, I hate to say

I told you so,
but I told you so.

What? This never
would have happened

if your marriage had
gotten off on the right foot.

What do you mean?

You should not have eloped.

You should've let me
give you a formal wedding.

Oh, come now, Lucy.

Ralph and I had a big,
formal garden wedding,

and we had a fight before
we got past the petunia bed.

Anyway, it was
Hughie's idea to elope.

You know, he's kind of shy,

and the idea of a big
wedding sort of scared him.

Well, I don't care.

I think we should have
a formal ceremony...

if we ever see Hughie again.

I mean, when you
see Hughie again.

Oh, please, if you don't mind,

I don't want to talk about
Hughie or weddings!

All right, honey, I understand.

Why don't you go
upstairs and lie down?

Relax a little bit.

I'll get your bag. You
take my room, honey.

And after you get
rested up a bit here,

come on down and
watch television with us.

There's a good movie on.

Yeah, that's a good
idea. What movie's on?

Father of the Bride.

Oh.

Oh, you're a big help!

I just remembered
there's a big framed picture

of Marge and
Hughie on my dresser.

I'll try to sneak it off
before she sees it.

She saw it.

I'm coming! I'm coming!

Hughie, what are you doing here?

It's 4:00 in the morning.

I feel terrible
about that little spat.

I never fight with anybody.

Oh, I don't know
what came over me.

If she'd only forgive
me, I-I'd promise I...

Marge is here, isn't she?

Yes, she's here.

Oh, thank goodness.

Lucy, who's ringing the
bell this time of night?

Oh, Hughie! Hughie!

Oh, Hughie! Oh! Marge!

Oh, Marge! Oh, Marge!

It was all my
fault, sweetie pie.

Oh, no, it was my
fault, honey bun.

Can you forgive me, cream puff?

Of course I forgive
you, sugar lump. Oh!

Isn't that sweet?

"Sweet"? It's almost fattening.

Oh, come on, honey.

Get dressed and get your things.

We're going home. Okay.

Oh, no. There's no
point in you going

all the way back
to New York tonight.

Stay here until tomorrow.

Well, we might as well.

Tomorrow's Saturday and
you don't have to go to work.

Yeah, that's right.

Tomorrow is Saturday.

I have the most wonderful idea!

Why don't we have a
wedding for you two?

A wedding?

We're already married.

No, I mean the wedding
that we planned for Marge,

with her family and
loved ones around.

A real wedding with
all the trimmings.

Oh, what do you think, Hughie?

Well, honey, you
know how I feel.

I hate a big fuss and a lot of
confusion and people around.

I think a wedding
is kind of private.

Well, if you'll pardon
my saying so, Hughie,

if your marriage had
had the right beginning,

you wouldn't be having the
trouble you're having right now.

I said, if you'd had
the right beginning,

you wouldn't be having
this trouble right now.

Huh? Trouble?

Oh, Lucy, that had
nothing to do with it.

We fought over the
most ridiculous thing.

What? What? Viv...

Well, it all began with
one of our presents.

Someone sent us the most

impractical gift in
the whole world.

Hughie!

Well, honey, they're family.

What's the harm in
telling them we got

a stupid, little gold chair

that I'm not even
allowed to sit on.

It has the silliest name.

It's, it's called a...

a "spa-doodle..."

Or a, a "fa-lookie."

It's a fauteuil.

Yeah, that's it! A fauteuil.

Oh, boy...

Hughie, you
apologize to my sister!

Lucy, I'm sorry.

I apologize from the
bottom of my heart.

Oh, that's all right.

Oh, really, Sis, I
love that fauteuil.

And you do, too,
don't you, Hughie?

Oh, I do-ey!

I mean, I do.

You really mean it?

Oh, I do.

Lucy, can you forgive me?

Well, I'll forgive you
on one condition.

Anything. Anything you say!

That you let me give
you that wedding.

Oh, no.

Aw, come on, Hughie.

It wouldn't be so bad.

Now, it's nothing
to worry about.

It's just a little,
simple home wedding

without a lot of fuss.

We'll only invite the family.

Now, you two go on
upstairs and get some sleep,

so you'll be bright and
fresh for your wedding.

Okay. Okay.

Good night. Good night.

Good night.

Oh, aren't they cute?

Yeah.

Where do you think you're going?

Back to bed, where else?

Viv, we have a
lot of work to do.

We're giving a
wedding this afternoon.

Lucy, it's 4:00 in the morning.

Exactly. We're lucky
we're already up.

Now, we're going to have
to use every minute we've got

to pull things together
before all the guests arrive.

Bup-bup-bup-bup, wait a minute.

What do you mean
"all the guests"?

I thought you told Hughie you
were just going to invite family.

That's all I'm going to invite,

but if you stop to think about
it, we have a huge family.

Now, I've got to
ask my brother, Fred,

and his wife, Zoe,
and their children.

And then, I'm
going to have to ask

Uncle Cecil and Aunt Cleo.

And Paula and Jack Carter.

Now, wait a minute.
The Carters aren't family.

Well, they're
practically family.

Lucy, how many people
do you plan to invite?

Well, by paring the list down

and stepping on a few
toes, I might be able

to get it down to 35 or 40.

Lucy, you told Hughie that...

Now, Viv, we don't
have time to quibble.

We're going to
have to make cakes.

We're going to have
to make the punch,

order the flowers, rent
that pump organ again,

call all the people,
and wash our hair,

and clean the whole house.

Now, wait a minute,
you told Hughie

we weren't going
to make a big fuss.

How can you not make a big
fuss with all those people coming?

Now, Viv, don't
just stand there.

Get out in the kitchen and
make a six-tiered wedding cake.

Oop!

There, how's the punch coming?

It'll be ready as soon as I get
all the fruit cut up and put in.

Hughie, where have you been?

I got a bouquet for Marge,
and went home a got a suit.

Why did you do that?

Well, I couldn't have been
married in my pajamas.

Oh, you're right.

You'll have to
excuse me, Hughie.

I've got a million
things on my mind.

Say, can I put this
in the refrigerator?

Yeah, if you can find room.

Thanks.

Say, isn't that a lot of cake
and punch for just your family?

Well, you might as
well know, Hughie,

you married into a
long line of sweet tooths.

Lucy, where's the ladle
for the punch bowl?

Where is it? It's the drawer.

It's in that drawer.
Which drawer?

That drawer there
where it's always been!

Okay. Where's
the polishing cloth?

The polishing cloth? In one
of those drawers... I don't now.

Which one? I think it's in the
same one where the ladle was.

Oh, that's it. It
was in this drawer.

Why didn't you say so...
All right. I didn't know.

I don't know. I was
just guessing at it.

What are you taking, Hughie?

A tranquilizer to calm me down.

Oh, Hughie, you don't
have anything to worry about.

Harry Connors, our
next-door neighbor,

is going to be your best man.

He takes care of
all the little details.

Oh.

Oh, I forgot a little detail.

What?

I forgot to invite Harry.

You forgot to invite Harry?!

Yeah, I'll go over
and ask him now.

I want to borrow his
candlesticks anyway. Candles!

I got to go back to town and buy the
candles. You forgot to buy candles?!

Well, you forgot
to invite Harry.

How can you have a wedding for heaven
sakes without candles? For heaven sakes...

I was going to buy them...

Girls, girls, hold it. What?

Will the two of you hold it?

Will you calm down?

I think you'd both better have
one of these tranquillizers.

I've never had one of those.

I haven't either.

What do they do to you?

They just relax you a little.

Relax you... take
one. Let's go. Okay.

I'll open the door!

Hi, honey. Hi...

Good grief!

Look at all the chairs!

Who did she invite, the
entire cast of Ben Hur?

Oh, come on, honey.

We've got to get ready.

Okay.

Uh, honey, you go ahead.

I'll be up in a minute.

I, uh... I forgot
something in the kitchen.

Oh, okay.

Viv, I got my hair washed.

And it's only 2:00 and our
guests don't arrive till 5:00,

so we're just doing fine.

Fine. All we have to
do is decorate the cake,

get dressed, we're all ready.

That's right.

Did you ever see
Marge's wedding ring?

What are you doing with it?

I have to give it to Jerry
to put on that little pillow.

Oh, isn't that pretty.

"To Marge from Hughie.

"May our love..."

Viv!

Oh, now really.

You shouldn't be
reading a thing like that.

That's private.

Now look what you've done.

Well, you knocked
it out of my hand.

I can't even see the bottom,

you've got so
much fruit in there.

Well, now don't get
nervous, don't get nervous.

I'll just scoop
around with this ladle;

we'll find it.

Here, give me a
cup, give me a cup.

Any luck?

No, it's not in here.

Don't pour that in the sink.

I spent all morning making that.

Well, I can't put it
back in the bowl.

I had my fingers in it.

Well, drink it.

Okay, I'm thirsty anyway.

Oh, boy, that hit the spot.

Anything?

Oh, oh.

You find it?

Wait a minute.

Nope, but we're getting warmer.

You'd think between
the two of us,

we could find it.

That's the best
punch I ever made.

Nothing.

Likewise.

Lucy. What?

I feel a little funny.

What do you mean?
How do you feel funny?

Well, kind of
light-headed, you know.

I'll bet it's that
tranquillizer.

Boy, you know, Viv,
this punch is a lot better

than the punch
you made last time.

I think you must
be using better fruit.

Thank you, Lucy.

Does have a kind of a tang

this time, doesn't it?

Hey, Lucy, you forgot
to look for the ring.

It's not in there.

Boy, I'll say one thing.

Hughie said these
pills would relax me,

and boy, am I relaxed.

Me, too. They're marvelous.

We'll have to get
some of those pills

from our pharmacist.

What's that thing
doing in there?

What thing?

Somebody's wedding ring.

Well, who could
have been so careless.

Boy, am I relaxed!

Lucille.

We have to decorate this
wedding cake, you know.

Why?

For the, uh, all the family

and the guests and
the wedding. Ah.

Lucy. What?

Remember how nervous
we were the last time

Marge and Hughie got married?

I guess it's better the
second time around.

Well, choose your weapon.

Now... What do you want
to make, roses or doves?

I think I'll make the doves.

No, I think I'd better
make the doves,

'cause as I recall, the
last time you made doves,

they weren't very pretty, honey.

In fact, they were
more like ugly dovelings.

You're a riot, girl.

"Uvly duglings."

How's this thing work?

You just plunge that
plunger in the back and done.

It works.

Now then...

I'm going to put the prettiest
dove you've ever seen up here.

You do that, honey.

Ah, there's...

Now, that's the way
a dove should look.

That's a dove?

Looks more like a buzzard.

So, it's a large dove.

Oh, boy, making doves

gets you awful
thirsty, doesn't it?

Lucy. What?

You want me to
write their names?

Whose names?

Uh, uh... girls...

uh, Mar... uh, Marge...

Marge and Hughie.

Oh, yeah, would you, honey?

You have such a
lovely handwriting.

You going to let me write
your sister's name? Yes.

I thought you'd want to
write that all by yourself.

You know that you're
very good to me?

Very good.

There isn't room to
write all those names.

Well, then we'll make room.

All right.

All right, there's Marge.

Oh, honey, you spelled
Marge with three "G's."

I'm so sorry.

Well, you know there's only two.

What's the matter with me?

Oh, now cross one out.

You haven't done
any harm. All right.

Cross it out.

And Marge and... Hugh... Hughie.

And I'll dot the "i."

That's dotted.

Ah, that's beautiful, honey.

Isn't that pretty? Yeah.

Now...

Would you like to
have a drink, honey?

That's all right,
I'll get my own.

Honey, you're going to
have to finish the borders,

and I'm going to take
care of all the little people.

All right.

Oh, I am making a border
like you never saw in your life.

What's the matter, honey?

I can't help it.

When I look at
these little people

going through life's
bumpy highway together...

I tell you, I worry about them.

Yes, sad, isn't it, honey?

Yes, I do.

Don't cry.

Have you finished?
I'm finished. I'm finished.

I'm gonna finish the top.

Would you mind getting
me a little drink, dear?

Okay.

I've been worried about her.

Okay, the bride and the...

And there...

♪ Oh, promise me ♪

♪ Oh, promise me. ♪

How do you feel, honey?

Terrible.

I'll never take
another tranquillizer.

Me either.

First time I ever got a
headache from relaxing.

It's 5:00. Shall I start

"The Wedding March"?

Yeah, but use a
soft pedal, will you?

Folks, I-I have an
announcement to make.

I'm sorry, but the bride and
groom have eloped again.

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