The Lucy Show (1962–1968): Season 1, Episode 12 - Lucy and Her Electric Mattress - full transcript
After Viv's new vibrating mattress almost takes Lucy for a ride, they have to buy a new one. But before it arrives, Lucy and Viv have to spend the night in their sons bunk beds. With Viv's claustrophobia and Lucy not being able to get into the top bunk, this proves to be one hilarious episode.
Starring Lucille Ball.
Costarring Vivian Vance.
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
The Lucy Show is
brought to you by
new richer-tasting Dream Whip.
The light, fluffy dessert
topping that won't wilt.
More toast, Chris?
No, thank you.
How about you, Sherman?
No, thank you.
My, isn't it a
beautiful morning?
It's dark and overcast.
What's so beautiful about it?
It's Friday.
So?
So, after Friday comes
Saturday and Sunday,
a whole weekend away
from the schoolroom grind.
Yeah, well, just remember,
after Sunday, there's
always Monday.
Please! Not while I'm eating.
Oh, Jerry!
Oh! Good morning, Mom.
Good morning, Aunt Viv.
Good morning, Viv.
Good morning.
Well, you certainly got out
of the wrong side of the bed.
With that bed of mine,
there's no other
side to get out on.
What do you mean by that?
Every muscle in my body aches!
Lucy, you're just going
to have to do something
about that lumpy
mattress of mine.
Oh, Viv, I'll get you
something to eat.
What would you like?
Orange juice, coffee
and a massage.
Uh-oh. There's the school bus.
Come on. There's the
school bus. Oh, okay.
Come on, Jerry, Chris.
Aren't you coming, Chris?
Cynthia's mother's taking us.
Oh, Sherman, come
here a minute now.
Remember now, I'm going to
pick you up at school this afternoon
so we can get an early
start to Uncle Ned's.
Oh, that's right.
I forgot we were going
away for the weekend.
Yeah, we are, honey.
Have a nice day.
Bye, Aunt Viv. Bye.
Bye, Aunt Lucy.
- Bye, sweetheart.
- Bye, Mom.
Bye-bye. Ooh!
Oh, my aching back!
Oh, one good thing
about going to Uncle Ned's.
I'll get a good night's sleep.
Viv, if you're hinting
around for a new mattress,
you can just forget it.
Your lease says room
and board, and that's it.
Yeah, but I didn't know
the board was going
to be in my room,
and I'd have to sleep on it.
Do you know how much a
new mattress would cost?
I can't afford it.
I'm not made of money, you know.
You know, Lucy,
if you had a moustache
and a deeper voice,
I'd swear I was having
breakfast with my ex-husband.
Oh, Viv!
You know, I hate to say this,
but do you know what
you're turning into?
A penny-pinching landlord!
I am not!
Yes, you are!
The next thing I know, you'll be
turning off the heat in my room
and making me put a quarter in
every time I want
to watch television.
Oh, Viv, honestly.
Well, I got to go get dressed.
I'm going to get a permanent.
Oh!
At least I'll get some
sleep under the dryer.
Mom, why don't you buy
Aunt Viv a new mattress?
Because there's nothing
wrong with the one that she has.
If it was good enough for
me, it's good enough for her.
When did you sleep
on that mattress?
When I was your age.
Wow-wee!
Chris, I said I slept on it,
not George Washington.
But Aunt Viv does pay rent.
Isn't she entitled to one?
Yeah, I suppose she is.
By George, she's right!
I am turning into a
penny-pinching landlord.
Oh, Mom. LUCY: Yes, I am!
What's the matter
with me anyway?
Well, I'll make it up to her.
When she comes
home Sunday night,
I'll have a big
surprise for her.
I'll fix over her whole room.
I'll, I'll wash the curtains
and wax the floors,
and I'll get her the best
mattress that credit can buy.
Mom? I'm home from school, Mom!
I'm up here, kids,
in Aunt Viv's room.
Hi.
Hi! Don't track on the floor.
I just waxed it.
Whee!
Jerry, I just asked
you not to do that.
Why did you do it?
Well, boys will be boys.
Oh.
Gee, Mom, you sure work fast.
It looks like a
wonderful mattress.
Yeah, I got it at Marshals,
and they delivered it right
after Viv left for the weekend.
Oh, what did you do
with the old mattress?
Oh, I got a very good deal.
Oh?
They only charged me
two dollars to haul it away.
What's that?
Oh, that's part of the mattress.
That's a control.
An electric mattress?
Yeah. It vibrates and gives
you a massage while you sleep.
See, it has two
speeds... Low and high.
Where's the motor?
Honey, don't move the bed!
You'll make marks on the floor.
Honestly! The motor's
in the mattress, honey.
Is there anything I
can do to help you?
Yeah, would you go
down to the hardware store
and ask Mr. McClay to give
you two hooks for the hall closet?
Oh, all right. Thank you, dear.
Can I go with her? Okay, honey.
Whee!
Jerry!
Honestly!
Oh!
Phew!
Oh.
Oh, boy.
Phew!
Just a cotton-picking
minute here!
Aah!
Hi! Oh, hi, dear!
How was the basketball game?
We lost again.
That makes the
third game in a row.
Well, don't feel too badly.
I just lost nine
games in a row myself.
Bed time, Jerry, dear.
Mom? What?
I sure hate to sleep in my room,
alone without Sherman.
Now, honey, I'm going
to be right down the hall.
Oh, Jerry, why do
you leave these stilts
in the middle of the floor?
Somebody's going
to break their neck.
Hey, maybe if I could sleep
on Aunt Viv's electric mattress,
it might make me feel better.
I'm sorry, honey,
but I sent that mattress
back this afternoon.
How come?
Well, I tried it
out this afternoon,
and that bed kind of took off.
If Aunt Viv ever went to sleep
and left the motor running,
she'd wake up halfway
to New Rochelle.
Well, what's she
going to sleep on?
Well, I ordered
another mattress...
An ordinary one that has
the decency to just lie there.
It'll be out in plenty of time
before Aunt Viv gets back.
Good night, Jerry. Good
night, Mom. Say good night.
Good night. Good night, dear.
Good night, sweetheart.
Good night, Mom.
You go right to sleep now. Okay.
Okay.
Come on in, honey.
I'll turn on the light.
Boy, Mom, I'm sure tired.
Oh, so am I. You
want a little snack?
A glass of milk, some
cookies or something?
Good idea.
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry
my old car broke down,
and you didn't even
get to see Uncle Ned.
Well, you couldn't help it.
It wasn't your fault your
transmission dropped out.
That's true.
I didn't even know I had one.
I'll tell you one thing...
The next time we take a trip,
I'm going to carry a
spare transmission
in the glove compartment.
Mom, that wouldn't work,
but I'm too tired
to explain why.
Well, I'm too tired
to understand.
Here's your cookies.
Come on, bring
them upstairs, honey.
Oh, I'm so beat, even that
old lumpy mattress of mine's
gonna feel good tonight.
Oh, help! Oh, help!
Viv, what are you doing here?
I live here.
And when there's a
mattress, I sleep here.
Well, are you all right?
Oh, sure.
Look, couldn't be better.
Lucy, I suppose
there's a good reason
why you took the
mattress off my bed.
I wanted to surprise you.
Well, you did!
I wasn't expecting you
home until Sunday night.
And I wanted to surprise
you with a new mattress.
How come you're home tonight?
Oh, my car broke down.
Oh! I spent six hours in a town
that had the poorest restaurant
and the richest mechanic
in the state of New York.
I was just 75 miles out of
Danfield when suddenly...
Did you say, new mattress?
Yeah. It'll be here
tomorrow, and it's a beauty.
Not a lump anywhere!
I wish I could say
the same for me.
How come you changed
and got so generous?
Well, I just started to
feel like a mean old miser.
So, I bought you a new mattress,
and I washed your curtains,
and I waxed your floors.
How does it look?
Oh, it looks lovely.
I never would have
thought that... Oh!
Oh, I'm afraid I got a little
carried away with my waxing.
Uh-huh.
I'm sorry.
Are you all right?
Uh-huh.
Well, it's late.
I'll see you in the
morning, honey.
Sleep well. Nighty-night.
You don't have a
place to sleep, do you?
No, I don't.
Well, you can sleep in my bed.
Thanks.
Wait a minute.
Where are you going to sleep?
I meant we could
both sleep in my bed.
Oh, no!
The last time we did,
you ate crackers in bed
and hogged all the covers.
Oh!
I woke up feeling like
a breaded Popsicle.
Well, I suppose
I could put Jerry and
Sherman in my room,
and we could sleep
in their bunk beds.
Oh, fine. I got two choices.
I can freeze with
you, or twist myself
into one of those
short little bunk beds,
huh? Well, what'll it be?
Well, I'd rather be a
pretzel than a Popsicle.
The boys didn't even wake up
when I switched them to my bed.
And how come you
get the lower bunk?
Because I got here
first, that's how come.
Well, where's the ladder?
Oh, the boys haven't
used that for ages.
Don't you remember?
They keep it out in
their tree house. Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, boy.
Ow! Lucy!
I'm sorry.
You're gonna have
to help me up here.
Oh!
Bend over.
I'll use your back for a step.
You'll use my what for a what?!
I want to step on your
back so I can get up there.
Try this.
Wait a minute, I'll step
up here first. All right.
Wait a minute now. All right.
Get over in front of the bunk.
Go.
Whoa!
Thanks.
Ow!
Oh...
Lucy, what are
you doing up there?
Well, I'm trying
to get comfortable.
Lucy! What's the matter?
Lucy!
One of my curlers is
stuck in the springs.
Ow!
Ow! Ow!
Thanks.
What do you want now?
I am not Peter Pan!
Ready? Now go!
Ow!
Eventually, I'll be able
to get up on my own.
Ohh!
What now?
Good night.
Lucy?
What?
I can't sleep down here.
The walls are closing in.
I got claustrophobia.
How can you have
claustrophobia down there?
There's plenty of space.
Don't tell me where I can
have my claustrophobia!
Come on, change
with me, will you?
Oh, good grief! Come on.
Oh, Viv, honestly!
You and your claustrophobia!
Give me it.
Ow!
Apparently my hands
were overloaded.
Never mind.
Come on. I'll do it by myself.
Watch out for that low...
Ow!
Ceiling.
Thank you.
Good night.
Good night.
Lucy?
What now?
What now?
I can't sleep up here either.
I'm afraid I'll fall out.
Fall out?!
I can't help it.
Now I'd rather
risk claustrophobia
than break my neck.
Come on, switch
with me, will you? Oh...
Oh now, Viv, come on.
Will you? Come on.
Make way.
Turn around!
Oh!
Oh...
Ahh... ahh!
Ow!
Are you trying to drive me nuts?
I'm sorry.
Oh, boy, I'm tired!
Ow! What a night!
Oh.
I'm so tired.
While I'm up,
I think I'll go down
and get a snack.
You want anything to eat?
Oh, no!
Boy, you must be tired.
Viv?
Viv?
Hello, Viv.
What are you eating?
Potato chips.
You want some?
How did you get up there?
Good old American know-how.
Swell.
What's the matter now?
Oh, now that you woke me
up, my claustrophobia's back.
Oh, Viv! Huh?
What'll I do? Look,
come on up here with me,
and I'll sleep on the
outside so you don't fall out.
Okay?
Come on.
Help me.
Get up there.
Come on, Viv.
I'm tired.
Turn around. What?
Up that way.
There.
I'm sorry about this
whole ugly mess, Viv,
but I was just trying to
do something nice for you.
Oh, that's all
right. I understand.
It was just bad timing.
Yeah.
Well, your new mattress
will be here in the morning.
Thank heavens!
Good night, dear.
Good night.
The Lucy Show
was brought to you by
light, fluffy Dream
Whip dessert topping.
Another fine product
of General Foods.
Who are the real-world Illuminati ?
Find out @ saveanilluminati.com
Costarring Vivian Vance.
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
The Lucy Show is
brought to you by
new richer-tasting Dream Whip.
The light, fluffy dessert
topping that won't wilt.
More toast, Chris?
No, thank you.
How about you, Sherman?
No, thank you.
My, isn't it a
beautiful morning?
It's dark and overcast.
What's so beautiful about it?
It's Friday.
So?
So, after Friday comes
Saturday and Sunday,
a whole weekend away
from the schoolroom grind.
Yeah, well, just remember,
after Sunday, there's
always Monday.
Please! Not while I'm eating.
Oh, Jerry!
Oh! Good morning, Mom.
Good morning, Aunt Viv.
Good morning, Viv.
Good morning.
Well, you certainly got out
of the wrong side of the bed.
With that bed of mine,
there's no other
side to get out on.
What do you mean by that?
Every muscle in my body aches!
Lucy, you're just going
to have to do something
about that lumpy
mattress of mine.
Oh, Viv, I'll get you
something to eat.
What would you like?
Orange juice, coffee
and a massage.
Uh-oh. There's the school bus.
Come on. There's the
school bus. Oh, okay.
Come on, Jerry, Chris.
Aren't you coming, Chris?
Cynthia's mother's taking us.
Oh, Sherman, come
here a minute now.
Remember now, I'm going to
pick you up at school this afternoon
so we can get an early
start to Uncle Ned's.
Oh, that's right.
I forgot we were going
away for the weekend.
Yeah, we are, honey.
Have a nice day.
Bye, Aunt Viv. Bye.
Bye, Aunt Lucy.
- Bye, sweetheart.
- Bye, Mom.
Bye-bye. Ooh!
Oh, my aching back!
Oh, one good thing
about going to Uncle Ned's.
I'll get a good night's sleep.
Viv, if you're hinting
around for a new mattress,
you can just forget it.
Your lease says room
and board, and that's it.
Yeah, but I didn't know
the board was going
to be in my room,
and I'd have to sleep on it.
Do you know how much a
new mattress would cost?
I can't afford it.
I'm not made of money, you know.
You know, Lucy,
if you had a moustache
and a deeper voice,
I'd swear I was having
breakfast with my ex-husband.
Oh, Viv!
You know, I hate to say this,
but do you know what
you're turning into?
A penny-pinching landlord!
I am not!
Yes, you are!
The next thing I know, you'll be
turning off the heat in my room
and making me put a quarter in
every time I want
to watch television.
Oh, Viv, honestly.
Well, I got to go get dressed.
I'm going to get a permanent.
Oh!
At least I'll get some
sleep under the dryer.
Mom, why don't you buy
Aunt Viv a new mattress?
Because there's nothing
wrong with the one that she has.
If it was good enough for
me, it's good enough for her.
When did you sleep
on that mattress?
When I was your age.
Wow-wee!
Chris, I said I slept on it,
not George Washington.
But Aunt Viv does pay rent.
Isn't she entitled to one?
Yeah, I suppose she is.
By George, she's right!
I am turning into a
penny-pinching landlord.
Oh, Mom. LUCY: Yes, I am!
What's the matter
with me anyway?
Well, I'll make it up to her.
When she comes
home Sunday night,
I'll have a big
surprise for her.
I'll fix over her whole room.
I'll, I'll wash the curtains
and wax the floors,
and I'll get her the best
mattress that credit can buy.
Mom? I'm home from school, Mom!
I'm up here, kids,
in Aunt Viv's room.
Hi.
Hi! Don't track on the floor.
I just waxed it.
Whee!
Jerry, I just asked
you not to do that.
Why did you do it?
Well, boys will be boys.
Oh.
Gee, Mom, you sure work fast.
It looks like a
wonderful mattress.
Yeah, I got it at Marshals,
and they delivered it right
after Viv left for the weekend.
Oh, what did you do
with the old mattress?
Oh, I got a very good deal.
Oh?
They only charged me
two dollars to haul it away.
What's that?
Oh, that's part of the mattress.
That's a control.
An electric mattress?
Yeah. It vibrates and gives
you a massage while you sleep.
See, it has two
speeds... Low and high.
Where's the motor?
Honey, don't move the bed!
You'll make marks on the floor.
Honestly! The motor's
in the mattress, honey.
Is there anything I
can do to help you?
Yeah, would you go
down to the hardware store
and ask Mr. McClay to give
you two hooks for the hall closet?
Oh, all right. Thank you, dear.
Can I go with her? Okay, honey.
Whee!
Jerry!
Honestly!
Oh!
Phew!
Oh.
Oh, boy.
Phew!
Just a cotton-picking
minute here!
Aah!
Hi! Oh, hi, dear!
How was the basketball game?
We lost again.
That makes the
third game in a row.
Well, don't feel too badly.
I just lost nine
games in a row myself.
Bed time, Jerry, dear.
Mom? What?
I sure hate to sleep in my room,
alone without Sherman.
Now, honey, I'm going
to be right down the hall.
Oh, Jerry, why do
you leave these stilts
in the middle of the floor?
Somebody's going
to break their neck.
Hey, maybe if I could sleep
on Aunt Viv's electric mattress,
it might make me feel better.
I'm sorry, honey,
but I sent that mattress
back this afternoon.
How come?
Well, I tried it
out this afternoon,
and that bed kind of took off.
If Aunt Viv ever went to sleep
and left the motor running,
she'd wake up halfway
to New Rochelle.
Well, what's she
going to sleep on?
Well, I ordered
another mattress...
An ordinary one that has
the decency to just lie there.
It'll be out in plenty of time
before Aunt Viv gets back.
Good night, Jerry. Good
night, Mom. Say good night.
Good night. Good night, dear.
Good night, sweetheart.
Good night, Mom.
You go right to sleep now. Okay.
Okay.
Come on in, honey.
I'll turn on the light.
Boy, Mom, I'm sure tired.
Oh, so am I. You
want a little snack?
A glass of milk, some
cookies or something?
Good idea.
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry
my old car broke down,
and you didn't even
get to see Uncle Ned.
Well, you couldn't help it.
It wasn't your fault your
transmission dropped out.
That's true.
I didn't even know I had one.
I'll tell you one thing...
The next time we take a trip,
I'm going to carry a
spare transmission
in the glove compartment.
Mom, that wouldn't work,
but I'm too tired
to explain why.
Well, I'm too tired
to understand.
Here's your cookies.
Come on, bring
them upstairs, honey.
Oh, I'm so beat, even that
old lumpy mattress of mine's
gonna feel good tonight.
Oh, help! Oh, help!
Viv, what are you doing here?
I live here.
And when there's a
mattress, I sleep here.
Well, are you all right?
Oh, sure.
Look, couldn't be better.
Lucy, I suppose
there's a good reason
why you took the
mattress off my bed.
I wanted to surprise you.
Well, you did!
I wasn't expecting you
home until Sunday night.
And I wanted to surprise
you with a new mattress.
How come you're home tonight?
Oh, my car broke down.
Oh! I spent six hours in a town
that had the poorest restaurant
and the richest mechanic
in the state of New York.
I was just 75 miles out of
Danfield when suddenly...
Did you say, new mattress?
Yeah. It'll be here
tomorrow, and it's a beauty.
Not a lump anywhere!
I wish I could say
the same for me.
How come you changed
and got so generous?
Well, I just started to
feel like a mean old miser.
So, I bought you a new mattress,
and I washed your curtains,
and I waxed your floors.
How does it look?
Oh, it looks lovely.
I never would have
thought that... Oh!
Oh, I'm afraid I got a little
carried away with my waxing.
Uh-huh.
I'm sorry.
Are you all right?
Uh-huh.
Well, it's late.
I'll see you in the
morning, honey.
Sleep well. Nighty-night.
You don't have a
place to sleep, do you?
No, I don't.
Well, you can sleep in my bed.
Thanks.
Wait a minute.
Where are you going to sleep?
I meant we could
both sleep in my bed.
Oh, no!
The last time we did,
you ate crackers in bed
and hogged all the covers.
Oh!
I woke up feeling like
a breaded Popsicle.
Well, I suppose
I could put Jerry and
Sherman in my room,
and we could sleep
in their bunk beds.
Oh, fine. I got two choices.
I can freeze with
you, or twist myself
into one of those
short little bunk beds,
huh? Well, what'll it be?
Well, I'd rather be a
pretzel than a Popsicle.
The boys didn't even wake up
when I switched them to my bed.
And how come you
get the lower bunk?
Because I got here
first, that's how come.
Well, where's the ladder?
Oh, the boys haven't
used that for ages.
Don't you remember?
They keep it out in
their tree house. Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, boy.
Ow! Lucy!
I'm sorry.
You're gonna have
to help me up here.
Oh!
Bend over.
I'll use your back for a step.
You'll use my what for a what?!
I want to step on your
back so I can get up there.
Try this.
Wait a minute, I'll step
up here first. All right.
Wait a minute now. All right.
Get over in front of the bunk.
Go.
Whoa!
Thanks.
Ow!
Oh...
Lucy, what are
you doing up there?
Well, I'm trying
to get comfortable.
Lucy! What's the matter?
Lucy!
One of my curlers is
stuck in the springs.
Ow!
Ow! Ow!
Thanks.
What do you want now?
I am not Peter Pan!
Ready? Now go!
Ow!
Eventually, I'll be able
to get up on my own.
Ohh!
What now?
Good night.
Lucy?
What?
I can't sleep down here.
The walls are closing in.
I got claustrophobia.
How can you have
claustrophobia down there?
There's plenty of space.
Don't tell me where I can
have my claustrophobia!
Come on, change
with me, will you?
Oh, good grief! Come on.
Oh, Viv, honestly!
You and your claustrophobia!
Give me it.
Ow!
Apparently my hands
were overloaded.
Never mind.
Come on. I'll do it by myself.
Watch out for that low...
Ow!
Ceiling.
Thank you.
Good night.
Good night.
Lucy?
What now?
What now?
I can't sleep up here either.
I'm afraid I'll fall out.
Fall out?!
I can't help it.
Now I'd rather
risk claustrophobia
than break my neck.
Come on, switch
with me, will you? Oh...
Oh now, Viv, come on.
Will you? Come on.
Make way.
Turn around!
Oh!
Oh...
Ahh... ahh!
Ow!
Are you trying to drive me nuts?
I'm sorry.
Oh, boy, I'm tired!
Ow! What a night!
Oh.
I'm so tired.
While I'm up,
I think I'll go down
and get a snack.
You want anything to eat?
Oh, no!
Boy, you must be tired.
Viv?
Viv?
Hello, Viv.
What are you eating?
Potato chips.
You want some?
How did you get up there?
Good old American know-how.
Swell.
What's the matter now?
Oh, now that you woke me
up, my claustrophobia's back.
Oh, Viv! Huh?
What'll I do? Look,
come on up here with me,
and I'll sleep on the
outside so you don't fall out.
Okay?
Come on.
Help me.
Get up there.
Come on, Viv.
I'm tired.
Turn around. What?
Up that way.
There.
I'm sorry about this
whole ugly mess, Viv,
but I was just trying to
do something nice for you.
Oh, that's all
right. I understand.
It was just bad timing.
Yeah.
Well, your new mattress
will be here in the morning.
Thank heavens!
Good night, dear.
Good night.
The Lucy Show
was brought to you by
light, fluffy Dream
Whip dessert topping.
Another fine product
of General Foods.
Who are the real-world Illuminati ?
Find out @ saveanilluminati.com