The Lucy Show (1962–1968): Season 1, Episode 11 - Lucy Builds a Rumpus Room - full transcript

Wanting a room to entertain their dates in, Lucy and Viv fix up the basement to make it into a living area. Hilarity ensues when they get stuck to the walls after applying heavy duty glue.

Starring Lucille Ball.

Costarring Vivian Vance.

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Is something wrong,
Mom? You look worried.

Well, I do have
a little problem.

You know, Aunt
Viv and I usually go



to the movies together
on Saturday nights.

Yeah?

Well, I can't go tonight.

I have a date.

Hooray!

Well, please, no
ticker tape parades.

It hasn't been that
long since I went out.

Who's it with? Harry?

No, dear, not Harry.

A very nice man I met

at the Simmons'
dinner party last week.

Well, that's swell, Mom.

What's your problem?

Well, I don't know
how to tell Vivian



without hurting her feelings.

Well, just tell her the truth.

I'm sure she'll understand.

Well, I'm not so
sure about that.

When she's counting
on something,

and it falls through, you
know how she sours around.

She's like a bear
with a thorn in its...

Oh, hi, girl!

Hi. Morning, Chris.

Lucy, it's freezing upstairs.

What happened to the heat?

Well, we're running out of coal,

so I turned the
furnace down low.

Oh.

I'll get you some coffee.

I suppose there's a good reason

why you don't order more coal.

Yeah, there is. It's Mr. Turner

and the unethical way
he runs his business.

He won't give me
this month's coal

till I pay last month's bill.

Oh, fine.

How long is our cold
spell going to last?

Well, my check from
the bank is all gone,

and your alimony hasn't arrived,

so we're in the
Twilight Zone again.

Oh, fine.

By the way, I won't be able

to go to the movies
with you tonight.

I have a date.

Well, that's a fine thing,

making a date
and not telling me,

leaving me high and
dry on a Saturday night.

What do you mean, Mom?

You've got a date, too.

Well, that's different.

How?

Yeah, how?

Aren't you finished
with your breakfast?

I can take a hint.

How is it different?

Because I was worried
about breaking plans with you,

and you couldn't care less
about breaking plans with me.

Oh, now look, Lucy,

when I moved in with
you, we made girls' rules.

If either one of us
had a date with a man,

all other plans were
automatically cancelled.

Remember?

Gee, you're right.

It's been so long since
either of us had a real date,

I'd forgotten what
the rules were.

It's been so long since
either of us had a real date,

I'd forgotten we were girls.

Oh, ho.

Who's your date with? Harry?

Oh, no, not Harry.

Gee, everybody acts as though

I never go out with
anybody but Harry.

You don't.

Well, Harry doesn't
even count as a real date.

I'm going out with a
Dr. Rudy Warren, a dentist.

Oh, no kidding?

That was a lucky little cavity.

He's not my dentist.

I met him at the Simmons'
dinner party last week.

Oh.

Who's your date?

Eddie Collins. Mm.

The poor dear's been
out on the road so long,

and he's been
eating in restaurants,

so I'm fixing him a
home-cooked dinner here tonight,

if it's all right with you.

Oh, dear.

What's the matter?

I promised Rudy a
home-cooked meal here tonight.

Oh, goodness.

Well, this is a sticky wicket.

One of our stickiest.

Well, obviously,

one of us will have
to go out to dinner,

and the other can stay home.

And I'm going to
go out to dinner,

and you're going to stay home?

Thank you, dear.

Now, wait a minute.

Now, Lucy, that's not fair.

I want to cook dinner
here for Eddie tonight, now.

I'm trying to convince
him what a homebody I am.

Since when did you get
so serious about Eddie?

Since there's nobody else around

at this particular time
to get serious about.

Well, Rudy's a gourmet,

and I promised to cook
him trout almondine.

Since when do you know
how to cook trout almondine?

Since I found out it's
Rudy's favorite dish.

Now, Lucy, I want to cook
dinner here tonight for Eddie.

I'm trying to impress him.

Well, I'm trying to make
an impression on Rudy,

and I promised to fix
him dinner here tonight,

and so it's all settled.

How is it all settled?

Now, wait a minute.

I pay you rent here,
and part of my deal is

that I have kitchen privileges.

So, it isn't settled at all.

I'm not going to go out
of this house tonight.

Well, neither am I.

Well, we'll just see about that.

Well, you bet we will.

All right.

Hi, girls.

What do you want, Harry?

Well, I had
nothing better to do.

I thought I'd come in
and get my head bitten off.

Well, I'm sorry.

Now look, Lucy,

if you think I'm going
to change my plans,

you've got another think coming!

If you think I've got
another think coming,

you've got another think coming!

Well, if I think that you think

that I've got another think...

Where are we?

I think she's got
another think coming.

Now look, Viv, I...

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Before we return to
the fight of the week,

how would you
lovely young ladies like

to be my guests at
the movies tonight?

I'll buy the tickets.

You buy the popcorn.

Sorry, Harry, we can't make it.

But you two always go to
the movies on Saturday night.

Well, tonight we have dates.

Dates?

Real, live dates.

You know, Harry,

like when someone
calls you up ahead of time

and asks if you're free
on a certain evening

in the future, unlike
some people I know.

I'm asking you ahead of time.

The movie's not until tonight.

I'm sorry. My calendar's full.

Now, listen, Viv, we are going

to get this thing
settled right now.

You're darned right we are.

Hold it. If you think...

Hold it, hold it.

What's this fight
all about anyway?

We both asked our dates
here for dinner tonight.

So, what's the problem?

Oh, boy, have you got a
lot to learn about dating!

Gee!

Harry, remember the old saying?

Two's company, four's a bore.

Yeah. Do you
remember what I told you

the last time you had this beef?

You should convert the
basement into a rumpus room.

Then you'd have two
places to entertain your dates.

A rumpus room would cost
$2,000, and I cannot afford it.

It would not cost $2,000.

They have a great new

do-it-yourself paneling kit.

The whole room would
only cost you $69.50,

and I'll help.

Harry, if we started right now
and had a crew of ten men,

we couldn't finish
that room by tonight.

You're right.

You've got any more
brilliant ideas, Harry?

Well, it seems to
me the only fair thing

to do is for each couple
to go out to dinner.

Well, I'm not going out.

And I am not going out, either.

Look, what's more important...

Your friendship, or some man?

Well?

Well?

Ah, he's right, Viv.

We'll both go out to dinner.

That's the only
fair thing to do.

Yeah. We'll both go out.

That's right.

Thanks, Harry.

I'm glad that's settled.

Boy, me, too.

Gee, uh...

Hey, I just thought
of something.

What's that, honey?

If you go out to dinner,

I might as well
stay here and cook.

Oh, no, you don't!

Nice try, Lucy.

Lucy, nobody stays home.

Okay, okay, nobody stays home.

Viv, come on! You're
going to miss that 7:04

if you have to pick up Eddie.

Hurry up! VIVIAN: I'm ready.

What are you
doing in the kitchen?

I was just checking to see

if there were any
trout in the ice box.

My, you have a suspicious mind.

Uh-huh.

Come on, kids, I'll drop
you off at the movie.

Bye, Mom. Bye, Aunt Lucy.

Bye. Bye-bye. Have a good time.

Have a nice time with Rudy.

Have a good time with Eddie.

Good night.

Viv!

Come on in, Eddie.

Oh, boy, a home-cooked meal.

I can hardly wait.

Oh, hi, there.

Oh. Hi, Lucy.

Uh... hi, Lu-Lucy.

What brings you two back?

Oh, uh...

Eh, uh...

I-I forgot my gloves.

Oh?

What are those two black
things buttoned on your hands?

You mean these two

black things on my hands?

Uh-huh.

They're my gloves.

Oh!

You see what you do
to me, you naughty boy?

Well, what restaurant
are we eating in, Eddie?

Restaurant?! Now, wait a minute.

Eddie... I thought this was...

Eddie, what restaurant, Eddie?

But Viv, wait a minute...

Good evening, Rudy.

Lucy, I'm sorry I'm so late.

Oh, that's quite all right.

Let me take your
coat. Thank you.

Beautiful evening,
isn't it? It certainly is.

Oh, you look lovely, Lucy.

Oh, thank you, thank you.

Mmm, something smells good.

Oh, that must be
my trout almondine.

Trout almondine. Mmm.

It has an unusual fragrance.

It smells like... pine.

Pine?

Oh, yes, pine.

Yes, that's the
secret to my recipe.

Well, I never heard of that.

Uh, what part of the
pine tree do you use?

Well, now,

what part of the tree
do you think I use?

You don't... you don't chop
up the needles in the sauce?

By George, you
guessed my secret.

Come on, sit down.

We can start dinner
right away. Oh, fine.

I'm starved. We'll start
with the salad and I tell ya...

You can cool the
wine for me. All right.

It just needs a little twiddling
back and forth, you know.

I just have to, uh,

get this mixed up a little.

Lucy, this is my favorite wine.

Oh, is it now? Yes.

Well, I'm so...

Well!

Dr. Rudy Warren,

this is Vivian Bagley
and Eddie Collins.

How do you do?
Delighted. Doctor.

Uh, well-well-well, what
did you forget this time?

May I speak to you
for a moment, dear?

Well, how about some
other time, honey?

How about right now, dear?

Well, right now I do
have a few things to do.

Lucy! I...

Would you excuse me?

Surely.

Lucy,

you've pulled some mighty
sneaky things in your day,

but this time you've
out-sneakered yourself.

How could you do this to me?

Me, your best friend.

Me who trusted you.

Me who believed
every word you said.

How could you do this?

I'm no good.

Would I do a thing
like this to you?

Would I?

Never in a million years!

Come in.

Barney's catering service.

Doesn't Mrs...

Mrs. Vivian Bagley live here?

It's another Mrs. Vivian
Bagley. Just a minute.

You've got the right place.
What have you got there?

Well, it's... None
of your business!

Open it! I will not!

If you don't, I will!

Well!

Lucy...

you've ruined my
home-cooked dinner.

Looks like the sneaker's
on the other foot.

Oh! What?

Oh! Oh!

Oh, my trout!

Oh, my trout!

Hey, Viv, what's
holding everything up?

Oh, uh, uh,

Lucy burned her trout.

And Vivian dropped
her box lunch!

What's the difference?
We'll just eat out.

Sure. We can all
eat out together.

Good deal.

Well, that sounds
like a fun idea.

Yeah, well, we'll be with
you in a few minutes, fellas.

The only way I'll
eat out with you

is in separate restaurants!

I wouldn't eat with
you if I was starving.

Well, you won't have to. And you
won't have to have dinner with me tonight,

and you won't have to have
breakfast or lunch with me ever again,

because tomorrow morning I am
going to move out of this house!

Good! That'll save me the
trouble of throwing you out!

Let's go, Sherman.

Bye, Chris. Bye.

Bye, Jerry. Bye. Mother?

Aren't you and Aunt Viv even

going to say good-bye
to each other?

Certainly. Good-bye, Vivian.

Good-bye, Lucille.

Hey, they're coming back.

Oh.

I had to come back.

It doesn't make
any difference to me,

but Sherman missed Jerry
so, it broke his little heart.

Yeah, Jerry feels the
same way about Sherman.

We've got to stay together
for the sake of the boys.

Hooray! We get to stay!

Hey, let me take your
bag. I'll help you unpack.

Yeah, it's gonna be nice to
be back in our old house again.

I'm sorry, Viv,

I'll never fight with you again.

And I'll never fight
with you again.

And just so we don't have
any more trouble on our dates,

I'm gonna take Harry's advice

and turn the basement
into a rumpus room.

Oh, Lucy,

you mean my friendship
is worth $2,000 to you?

No, $69.50.

We'll do it ourselves.

Yes, we'll do it ourselves.

Yeah, I think that's
the best idea...

Oh. Oh. There.

I'm finished.

Now, Harry says
that this has to set

for a few minutes,

so let's move the rest of
that coal bin over there.

Okay.

We have to let it set
for awhile before we put

that paneling on,
you know. All right.

I want it to work real right.

He said it's gonna
be a wonderful look.

Lucy? What?

Will you tell me

why we had to knock
down the coal bin

and move it from
over there over here?

Well, you certainly
don't want a coal bin

sitting out in the middle
of a beautiful rumpus room.

It's gonna look great now.

And don't forget,
when it's all finished,

half this room is yours.

I have a very good idea

which half is going to be mine.

Oh, push tush.

Well?

Oh, say now, Lucy. What?

We're gonna have to
remember to call Mr. Turner

and tell him we've moved
the coal bin over here,

or are we ever gonna
get any more coal again?

Well, I doubt it.

I called him this morning

and gave him the
most heartrending

sob story you ever heard.

I was magnificent, but
he didn't even budge.

If there's anything
I can't stand,

it's a hard-hearted
soft coal man.

Let's get at the paneling. Okay.

All right, Viv,
just guide me now

down here at the edge of this...

right down in here,
so I get it right straight

with that. All right.

Wait, up, up, up, up, up.

Is that it? That's it!

There we go!

And then you have to...

Real hard. I got it.

Go every inch
of... I know, I got it.

How about that?

Oh, boy, that's great!

Isn't that beautiful?!

Oh, I'll say one thing.

That glue really sticks.

Hey, isn't it gonna
look wonderful

when it's all done?

Oh, Viv, look at
this spot you left.

I'm sorry.

Well, I guess if you
want a room glued well,

you've got to glue it yourself.

Lucy? What?

I was just thinking.

When we get that coal bin

all put back together again,

we could get a sort of a...
Oh, a kind of a pretty screen

and hide all that
stuff over there, huh?

That's a good idea. Yeah.

I...

How about that?!

Is that stuck!

Can you believe that?

Here, I'll help ya.

Well, we could always
put a frame around it

and pass it off as a Picasso.

Get me something
over there to scrape it off.

Yes, ma'am.

I don't believe this glue.

I better get this
other panel done.

Lucy?

What?

I'm stuck!

I'm really stuck.
You're kidding!

I'm really stuck,
just like that brush.

Oh, honey... Just
pull me, pull me off!

No, get me around...

Pull a little harder, Lucy.

Come on now.

Come on, get...

Whoa!

My foot's stuck!

Well, now, that was
a dumb thing to do!

Well, I suppose
that's brilliant...

You getting your arm stuck.

Well, untie your shoe
and take your foot out of it

and get me off of here.

Honestly, I don't believe
this. Pretty uncomfortable.

I never heard of glue like this.

Now, come on, Lucy.

Yeah, okay. Come
on, get me around.

This is... come on. Get me...

Okay, now.

Come on, get a good grip...

Go!

Lucy!

Oh, no!

There's a car coming
in the driveway!

Help! We're saved!

Help! Help!

Help! We're down here! Help!

We're down here in the cellar!

Help! We're down... Help us!

Help us!

Oh, no!

It's Mr. Turner with the coal!

Lucy, we've got the
bin! No, Mr. Turner!

No, Mr. Turner, not down here!

Mr. Turner!

No!

Mr. Turner!

Lucy?

Viv?

We're down here, Harry.

I got off early.

I came over to help.

Hey, how's the paneling coming?

You're putting me on...

What happened here?

What-what-what's the
coal all doing here, huh?

Come on, what-what
are you doing stuck

against the wall?

Well, Harry, it's a long story.

Maybe some winter night,

when the television's broken

and we're sitting
around the fire,

and you haven't
got another flight,

we'll tell you all about it.

Okay, kids, twist
right over there

and get started on those dishes.

Oh, no!

All these dishes and
greasy pans, too?

Oh, come now.

Swan's got plenty of
suds to cut that grease.

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