The Love Boat (1977–1987): Season 4, Episode 15 - First Voyage, Last Voyage/April the Ninny/The Loan Arranger - full transcript
[THEME TUNE STARTS]
♪ Love
♪ Exciting and new
♪ Come aboard
♪ We're expecting you ♪ And love
♪ Life's sweetest reward
♪ Let it flow
♪ It floats back to
you ♪ The Love Boat
♪ Soon will be
making another run
♪ The Love Boat
♪ Promises
something for everyone
♪ Set a course for adventure
♪ Your mind on a new romance
♪ And love
♪ Won't hurt anymore
♪ It's an open smile
♪ On a friendly
shore ♪ It's love
♪ Welcome aboard ♪ It's love ♪
Joey, this is your first job and I want
to make sure you don't mess things up.
- Understand?
- Don't worry, Eddie.
When a client welches on
a loan, the boss don't like it.
The boss says this bum's
gotta be taught a lesson.
No sweat. I'll give him
a real good talking to.
Look, Joey, you
ain't hired to talk.
- This guy needs a little roughing up.
- Got ya.
[SIGHS] Here, I
wrote it down for you.
- His name's Tony Battochio.
- Uh-huh.
And Joey, take care of him,
or don't come back.
Oh, hi. Can you tell me
where I'm supposed to be?
That all depends on who you are!
Oh! I bet you're with the Anderson party.
- You're on, for 100 bucks!
- Huh?
- Pay up, you lose.
- You don't want her money.
The last batch she printed didn't
even have the right picture on it.
I keep telling her it's
Ulysses Grant, not Cary Grant.
I'm with you. I'd rather
look at Cary Grant any day.
I'm Julie McCoy, and this is
Isaac Washington. You're...?
Well, on your list
it's Antoinette Valentina Renée
Carmella Francesca Battochio.
I hope you don't have a personalized
license plate. That could block traffic!
Yes, you're on the Aloha
Deck, cabin 206, Miss Battochio.
Thanks. Oh, and
everybody calls me Toni.
OK.
- Hi.
- Hi!
Did April get here yet?
- We thought we heard a coochy-coochy!
- No, not yet.
Besides, when April boards, you always
know. The ship always shakes a little.
I think I'm beginning to
feel a little tremor now.
[SCREAMS]
[BABBLES IN SPANISH]
April!
[BABBLES EXCITEDLY IN SPANISH]
- April!
- Julie!
You're a sight for sore eyes!
It must be the smog,
cause my eyes hurt too.
We're so glad you're here
to perform for us again.
- Yes. Welcome home, April.
- Thank you.
I expect to see you
at my table for dinner.
Oh, you mean we are
not eating out tonight?
No, my table for dinner.
Yes. [SPEAKS SPANISH]
[CHILD SCREAMS]
I'll get you! I'm gonna get you!
[SHOUTING]
- Hold on. Just be calm... Oh!
- [CRASH]
Ay, chihuahua!
- I'm sorry.
- Me too.
There they are! Children!
Miss Chadwick, I hired
you to take care of them.
You don't need a governess, you
need a UN Peacekeeping Force!
I'm Mr. Younger. Have my
children been bothering you?
Oh, no!
Now, my guitar is
just like my English.
- [CRASH]
- Broken.
All right, which of
you did that? Hm?
I didn't mean it. It was
her fault for chasing me.
I'm very sorry. I apologize for
the way my children have acted.
They were only acting? I
can't wait to see the real thing.
I'll take care of
everything, Miss, I promise.
Just let us get them
settled in their cabins, OK?
OK. Está bien.
Let's go. And let's try to
keep them under control.
Have you got my nerve gas?
Don't worry, April. He'll make good on
that promise. Do you know who that is?
- No, who?
- That's Ty Younger.
He's the biggest
sportscaster in the business.
That's great for him, but what's April
supposed to use to perform with tonight?
Ah! No problema, Julie.
Not to worry. I can fix it.
For a girl who earns her living with
a guitar you don't seem very upset.
Well, that is what I
wanted to tell you.
I am quitting show business.
Goodbye, Columbus!
- Why?
- What are you talking about?
I got my reasons.
I tell you later.
It is a long short history.
Ay.
- [CHATTER]
- Ooh!
Hello! Gopher Smith's my
name. Assistant Purser's my game.
This here is our
sawbones, Dr. Bricker.
Arnold Simmons, Kansas
City. This is my wife, Flora.
- How do you do?
- Hello.
- And our daughter, Cindy.
- Hi.
Hello.
We would like to sign
up for all of your side trips!
Take it easy, Cindy,
we just got on board.
Why don't I start you off
with a couple of brochures?
That would be great. Come on!
Thank you so much for
bringing me on this trip.
We're going to have a ball.
Whoa, whoa! You've got my bag.
I'm sorry! Well, they
look exactly alike.
They told me mine
was one of a kind!
- I'm sorry about that.
- No, that's OK.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Well, anyway. Puerto
Vallarta, right? OK. That's it...
Doctor, I'm really thankful for
this opportunity to talk to you alone.
I was just concerned over your medical
facilities. Can you take blood tests?
Blood tests? Yes, of course.
Is there a medical problem?
Just something we
want to keep an eye on.
Please feel free
anytime, night or day,
to call me if there's anything
I can do to help you, sir.
It's not me. It's my
daughter, Cindy.
I see.
Hey, let's find our cabin!
- Bye, bye.
- Thanks.
[SHIP'S HORN BLARES]
- Here you go, another instant refill.
- Oh, thanks, Isaac.
Think I'll try my friend again.
Yeah, hi. Could you ring me
Tony Battochio's cabin, please?
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Think I'll have one of those.
- Right.
No answer, huh?
No, that's all right. I'll
try again later, thanks.
- Hey, Peanuts, that's my seat.
- Oh, sorry.
No, that's OK. I just didn't
want you to take my drink.
Wouldn't want to get Isaac
in trouble for serving a minor.
- Did you find your friend?
- No, no. He's still not in the cabin.
Ah.
- There you go.
- Thanks.
Hey, I sure guessed right
when I called you Peanuts!
- You really like those things!
- Yeah, I think I've got a salt tooth.
I used to go with a
guy that loved peanuts.
He was always throwing them up in
the air and catching them in his mouth.
- Who can't do that?
- Bet you can't.
You're on.
Now, wait a minute, if we're
gonna bet, let's bet. $10? $20?
No, I don't gamble
money. I work too hard for it.
What do you do?
I'm, uh... sorta like
a physical therapist.
- Sorta like you straighten people out?
- Right.
Exactly. My name's Joey Delmont.
Hi, Joey. My name's
not that simple.
- Ready?
- Mm-hm.
- It's Antoinette Valentina Renée...
- Wait, hold it, hold it. Time out.
I don't think I can
remember all that.
I'll just call you Peanuts.
I still can't believe you're
quitting show business.
- Oh, yes.
- Yeah, April, what's that all about?
- I thought you wanted to become a star.
- I am a star.
A falling star.
What about your boyfriend, Tex? I
thought he got you a job in Las Vegas?
Some job!
And by the way, Tex is
not my boyfriend anymore.
- You got that? You got it?
- Got it.
You know what they
wanted for me to do?
They want me to sing
and play the guitar...
naked!
- April, that's terrible.
- I know.
Yeah, at least they could
have given you a cello.
Huh! Qué simpático caray!
- Get lost!
- I was trying to make things lighter.
I know. Listen, I know all of you are
my good friends and you want to help me.
But let's face it, show
business is not for me.
One night here, one night there.
I don't like to live in motels
and eat alone in restaurants.
You know what I want?
You really want to know?
I want a home. I want children.
- Ah. Are you sure about that? Children?
- CHADWICK: No, you don't!
I said no swimming without
my permission. Now, come on!
I am going to tell your father
on you! You are driving me crazy!
Agh!
Well, maybe...
Maybe just a home.
- [BOTH LAUGH]
- No children.
Salud!
MAN: Oh! Oh, watch it.
- Hi, there.
- Hi, I'm sorry.
Don't be. I'm glad
you dropped in.
I'm sorry I left my bag
sitting out there like that.
No, it was my fault. I guess
I don't have my sea legs yet.
Well, the ones you're
using look just fine to me!
Hi, I'm Paul Harris.
And I bought my
one-of-a-kind red bag in Denver.
- Where'd you get yours?
- Kansas City. And I'm Cindy Simmons.
Well, you have
great taste in luggage.
Hi. Your daughter seems
to be getting on just fine.
Yeah.
- Could you join us, Dr. Bricker?
- Of course.
Yes, Cindy might look
and feel fine, super,
but it's only because
she's... Well, she's...
She's in remission,
Doctor. She has leukemia.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
The physicians at home,
they insisted that we tell you.
Of course. I'm sure they'd want
me to check her white cell count
to guard against infection.
- What's their prognosis?
- It's not good.
She could live a year, two
years, maybe even more.
Or it could be six months.
She certainly is a
brave young lady.
Cindy doesn't know.
She thinks she has it licked.
- Hi.
- Hi. You know everybody here, right?
- Well, I try. Why?
- I'm looking for this guy, Tony, um...
Ooh.
Never mind. I'll get
back to you later.
OK.
Hi. Ooh, you look très chic.
Who me? You look très
chic-er, Mademoiselle Peanuts.
[LAUGHING] Merci.
Wait, just a minute, let me help
you. I know you've had a hard day.
You crazy or something?
Come on, sit down.
- How was your business meeting?
- Oh, I haven't found him yet.
But when I do, I'll bet he
doesn't look as good as you.
[POLITE LAUGHTER]
I can't tell you how wonderful it
is to have you with us again, April.
Well, try anyhow.
Julie told us that you were thinking
about giving up show business.
Yes, but don't worry Vicki.
I'll always be willing to
come and sing on the ship.
- But what are you going to do?
- I don't know.
Well, I know you'll be successful
at whatever you undertake.
Undertaker? Ha!
No way! Nope!
Well, I must admit that
your conduct at dinner
has been better than
it was this afternoon.
Sorry about today, Dad.
When I'm away next
week covering the fight,
I don't want you giving Miss
Chadwick any trouble, OK?
We'll be good, Dad.
[CHILDREN SQUABBLE]
If you want to cover a fight, you
should stay home with the children.
Could I go too,
Dad? I just love fights.
No, and if you keep acting up,
you might be seeing my left hook.
That's your right.
Yes, I know. I just wanted to
see if they were on their toes.
What are we having for dessert?
Oh, I'll just have
something light.
I'll have a hot fudge sundae.
With vanilla, chocolate
and strawberry ice cream.
Maybe a little marshmallow,
but not too heavy on
the whipped cream.
- I'll have the same!
- Me too.
Oh, no, dear. You should
have gelatin. It's better for you.
- No. I want ice cream.
- I'll have ice cream.
Cherry gelatin! Mm-mm! Yummy!
Dad, that's not fair. How
can she get that and we can't?
All right, all right!
I think we could all
use some fresh air, yes?
Oh, here, let us help
you, Miss Chadwick.
Why aren't you dears? Thank you.
[CLATTERING]
[CHEERS, APPLAUSE]
- You were terrific!
- Thank you so much.
- I second the motion.
- Muchas gracias.
So, how do you like me?
Not bad, especially
that coochy-coochy part.
Yes, well, you're not
exactly a Captain Kangaroo.
Nobody's perfect.
Miss Chadwick, I think the
children have had a full day.
I'll be with you shortly.
I have some business to
discuss with Miss Lopez.
- I'll bet! Come along, children.
- Good night, children.
- Bye.
- Bye, bye.
Bye.
They are so nice. Mucho
mischief, but I like them.
- After what they did to you today?
- Well, kids will be children.
Well, yes, but they did a lot of
damage and while we're on the subject,
why did you return the
check I sent to your cabin?
$500 is too much for a guitar
I am not going to use again.
I don't understand.
You're an entertainer.
No more.
You have just seen my
farewell performance.
My last show.
My duck song.
Uh... swan.
Yes, I "swan" it
was my duck song.
[ROMANTIC LOUNGE MUSIC]
So, tell me about living in
Denver, way up in the Rockies.
- It sounds so beautiful.
- Oh, it is.
I'm crazy about
mountain climbing.
Whenever I have any spare
time, I just go climb something.
Then what are you
doing on an ocean cruise?
You don't meet many pretty girls
hanging on the side of a mountain!
I bet the Rockies would
be beautiful to paint.
- Are you an artist?
- Well, I'm studying to be.
Someday, I'd like to live in a
garret in Paris and paint and paint.
Someday, I'd like to
climb the Matterhorn.
[SIGHS] I'd really love to create
something that would live forever.
I don't think I
want to live forever.
But I could take 100
years like tonight.
- Thank you, sir.
- You got it. I'll be right back.
OK.
Yeah, hello, could you ring me,
uh... Tony Battochio's cabin, please?
Thank you.
No answer? Could you
tell me what cabin he's in?
Maybe I'll pop in
on him a little later.
Hold on a second, let me
write that down. Hey, Peanuts!
- You got a pen?
- Oh, um...
- Will lipstick do?
- Yeah, that's great.
- There you go.
- Let me lean on your back.
What's that number again?
Thanks.
I don't know why that guy bothered to
even pay for a cabin. He's never in it.
- Maybe he got lucky, like I did.
- Yeah, maybe.
Your wife picked up and left
you? Poof! She walked out?
- Yes, over a year ago.
- Wow!
- Well, she wanted a career of her own.
- Ha!
And she stuck you... I mean,
she left you, with the children?
They've always been high-spirited kids,
but they've gotten a little out of hand.
Sure. They feel neglected
with a mother fleeing the coop.
I try to spend as much
time with them as possible
but being a sportscaster, I'm
away from home a great deal...
At least you got
Miss Chapped Lips.
- Oh, Miss Chadwick? Yes, yes.
- Yeah!
You know, she's the 21st
governess we've had this year.
- No kidding?
- Yes!
One even offered to pay me
two weeks' salary to let her out.
- Well...
- Funny!
Thank you for listening to my
problems. I hope I wasn't too boring.
Oh, no, no. You was
just boring enough.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Yes? Come in.
It was our fault you didn't have
any dessert tonight, Miss Chadwick,
and we thought maybe
you would like some.
Why, that is very considerate of
you. Yes, I would like a little sweet.
Agh! Ugh!
CHADWICK: Agh! You are giving me
nightmares and I'm not even sleeping!
Let me out of here. I've
seen better children in jail!
- Miss Chadwick, what happened?
- Ask your lovely children.
[SOBBING] I quit,
Mr. Younger. I quit.
I'm going to look for a
job in a nuclear plant.
I want to live!
I want to live!
I want to live!
Look at those moonbeams
dancing on the waves.
That's one thing
Denver doesn't have.
Or Kansas City.
Or the Matterhorn.
Or Paris.
I'm sure glad I came
down off that mountain.
So am I.
Mm. That's the best
goodnight kiss I've ever had.
That's only my good-evening
kiss. The goodnight kiss comes later.
[EXCITED CHUCKLE]
- Hello.
- Where have you been?
- Do you realize what time it is?
- I have been with Paul!
He is so wonderful!
Oh, I'm so glad you're
having a good time.
You know, if things keep
going the way they are,
I would not be surprised
if you lose your little girl.
Whoo!
I'll see you early. We'll
go to Puerto Vallarta.
[BLOWS KISS]
Hey, Joey. Looks like
you had a good night.
Hey Doc, uh... Listen.
Could you tell me how I
can get to cabin A206?
You're warm, but you're
getting cold. It's back there.
- This deck?
- Yeah, Aloha Deck.
A little confusing till
you've been around a while.
Yeah, how about that? I was so
close. Thanks a lot, Doc. I appreciate it.
Sure.
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
GOPHER: Good morning and welcome
to the Mexican Riviera's Puerto Vallarta.
You can sign up in
the Purser's Lobby for
deep-sea fishing trips
and tours of the city.
Well, there's a week's
salary and air fare home.
Isn't there anything that will
make you change your mind?
Just one, a lobotomy.
Goodbye.
Well, nice going,
guys. You did it again.
Instead of a sign, you should've
put a number on her back!
21! That's how many
governesses you've gone through.
We're a lot of
trouble, aren't we?
I guess being a mother
and father isn't easy, is it?
No, but you'll just
have to get used to it.
You're stuck with me.
I'll never leave you.
Hey! Why don't we all
go into Puerto Vallarta?
- Yeah.
- Just us, the family.
Well, that...
No, I'm sorry. Your chance to go
into town just walked out that door.
But I love you.
Now, I have some work to do,
so I want you two to go
and amuse yourselves.
- But stay out of trouble, OK?
- OK. Bye.
OK. Bye.
Who am I kidding?
Hello, young lover! Are you
ready for Puerto Vallarta?
- Beat it.
- Very funny.
Would you come on,
please? I'm starving.
- I said beat it.
- Joey, is that you?
No! He's gone out of town.
Joey, would you open the
door, please? It's me, Peanuts.
That's exactly why I don't want
to open the door. Now get lost!
FLORA: Could we ask
your advice, Doctor?
Oh, yes, of course. Please.
Do you think we're doing the right
thing in not telling Cindy the truth?
Ah. That's the age-old
controversy in medicine,
and there are pros
and cons on both sides.
The answer really
depends on the individual
and how well equipped
she is to cope with it.
I'm afraid that's a decision
you'll have to make.
Yes, we realize
it's our decision,
but, well, it's nice to
hear a third voice, Doctor.
Yeah. There is something...
Perhaps I shouldn't
even ask this question...
But what about Paul?
If the two of them really get involved,
it could be devastating for him.
I know. Don't think we
haven't lost sleep over it.
Well, that's another decision
we may have to make.
But we certainly
appreciate your help, Doctor.
Oh, please.
Well, April, if you're really serious
about giving up show business,
you're going to have to start thinking
about something you'd like to do.
I don't know, Julie. Hey, what do
you think I should be when I grow up?
Let's see. What do you like? You
like kids. How about a nursery school?
No. You got to go to a school
a long time to be a nurse!
[BOTH SCREAM]
[LAUGHING]
[SCREAMING]
[SHOUTS ANGRILY IN SPANISH]
Don't ask me what
that means. I'm a lady.
I don't know what got into
him. I don't know what to say.
And if I did know what to say, he
wouldn't open the door and let me say it.
I thought you two were
getting along great.
- Yeah, me too.
- Oh, there he is.
Joey, Joey, what's going on? I
don't understand this. It's crazy.
- Last night, you told me you loved...
- Ssh. Sit down.
Toni, ssh.
Look, don't be mad
at me. I'm mad at you!
- Why are you mad at me?
- Cause you're Toni.
And a guy's supposed to
be named Tony, not a girl.
Wait a minute. Let
me get this straight.
You don't like my name,
so you're going to dump me?
You know, I'm really glad I
got a chance to clear this up.
Believe me, life
would be much simpler
if girls had girl names
and boys had boy names.
- Captain?
- Yes.
- What is your first name?
- Uh... Merrill.
You've been a great
help. Thank you.
Good afternoon.
I don't understand why
you're so crazy about names.
OK, how about the name
Friendly Loan Company?
- Ring a bell?
- Yeah.
- What business is it of yours?
- Cause that's who I work for.
And the boss sent down an
order to hurt Tony Battochio
for running up a debt
and not making good on it.
And I'm the new guy,
so I got the assignment.
Oh.
Look, I'm gonna pay
it back, I swear I am.
I just haven't been able
to save any money lately.
See, sometimes I like to gamble.
- Yeah, I noticed.
- And I'm having a bad streak
with the horses, baseball,
football, you name it.
You're betting on
the wrong things.
You never bet on other
people, just yourself.
- I should race against a horse?
- No!
Things like poker,
something you can control.
- I don't know how to play poker.
- Yeah? Maybe it's time you learned.
Wait a minute, we're
gonna play for money?
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Strictly cash. Come on.
[SQUEAKING]
Dad will kill us for this.
He told us to amuse
ourselves, didn't he?
Grrrr!
[CHILDREN SCREAM]
Wow!
So, big shoots, how do you
like getting scared into your wits?
- I knew it was you all the time.
- Is that so?
Then how come your
knees is still knocking?
- I got you!
- Well, I've got work to do.
I can't stand around all day talking to
two juvenile delinquents and a gorilla.
- Bye, bye.
- Say goodbye to Miss Julie.
- Bye, Miss Julie.
- Hey, April.
Why don't you take
us into Puerto Vallarta?
Are you kidding? I come from
Mexico. I cannot do that to my people.
- Please.
- Sure.
You made Miss
Chapped Lips a fruitcake,
and now you want to make
April a banana, you know it!
We'll be good. I promise.
What about your
father? It's OK with him?
Oh, yeah. He just told
us not to get into trouble.
Then I'd better not leave the
two of you alone. Let's vamos.
Puerto Vallarta, forgive
me for what I'm about to do.
Let's go.
Gopher, Gopher. I'm taking
the bambinos into town.
Dressed like that?
Sure, they look fine.
Tell to Mr. Younger.
Don't forget, don't forget.
GOPHER: Buenas
tardes, señores y señoras.
We hope you enjoyed
your day in Puerto Vallarta.
We lift anchor and
sail in one hour.
Thank you. If you see them,
let me know immediately.
Well, they're not in the movie
theater and they're not playing bingo.
This is ridiculous. Three hours
and you can't find two children?
I'm sure they're here somewhere,
Mr. Younger. This is a very big ship.
And they're very
little children.
APRIL AND CHILDREN: ♪
La cucaracha! La cucaracha! ♪
Brrr! Hey! Holá!
- Hi, Dad.
- Where have you kids been?
April took us into
Puerto Vallarta.
- I ate ticos and tortillies.
- Hey!
Tacos and tortillas.
April, how could you
have done a thing like that?
He was hungry.
No, how could you have taken
my children without asking me,
without leaving a message?
- Dad, she...
- I was worried sick!
You had absolutely
no right to do that!
Oh.
Oh! Oh, Mr. Younger.
I had a message for
you. Let me see. Uh...
"April took your
children into Puerto..."
April took your children
into Puerto Vallarta and...
Oh, you're back. Disregard
previous message.
That's what we were trying to
tell you, Dad. It wasn't April's fault.
Yeah, I know.
I'm sorry, guys.
- JOEY: How many?
- Um... two.
Thanks.
I take one.
I can't believe we've been
playing for three hours.
It sure doesn't seem like it.
OK, I'll bet you $200.
Oh, you don't have that much,
do you? What do you have?
Eight bucks.
Eight bucks it is.
Call. Full house.
Four nines. It's
higher, isn't it?
Yeah! Just what I needed. Now I'm broke.
You got all my money, every penny of it.
I knew there was a
reason I don't gamble.
Well, you're the best
teacher in the whole world.
Yeah, thanks a bunch. Look,
it was great running into you.
I always wanted to be
flat busted. Have a nice life.
Joey, wait a minute.
Where are you going?
Joey!
Well that's me, lucky at
cards and unlucky in love.
[SIGHS]
[LAUGHING] Oh, Cindy!
Excuse me a second. I think
I'm going to powder my nose.
You know, Mr. and Mrs. Simmons,
frankly when I came on this cruise,
I came to have a wild time.
But instead, I've run into the
most wonderful girl I've ever met.
Well, Cindy is
something special.
I hope you don't mind, but you're going
to be seeing a lot of me from now on.
I mean, after the cruise is over.
I've fallen in love with your daughter.
And unless I'm greatly mistaken,
she feels the same way about me.
But, Paul, you've only just met.
I know! It's been
like lightning striking.
This never happened
to me before.
I just know the only future I
want is one with Cindy in it.
- Did I say something wrong?
- BOTH: No.
Could we, uh... Could we
have a walk on the deck?
- Yes.
- Excuse me.
Hi, April. Thanks for coming.
Hey, hey. What's up?
What do you have to see me for? You
know, you should be snoring by now.
- We're sorry we got you into trouble.
- Oh, don't you worry.
Trouble is my
name in the middle.
Thank you. Hey,
you two, hit the sex!
- She means hit the sack.
- Yes! Go!
- It's very late. You leaving tomorrow?
- BOTH: Yeah.
- Having a good time?
- BOTH: Mm-hm.
Yeah, you could stay on a ship
like this forever. It is beautiful.
Hi.
Hi.
Well, now it's the older
Younger's turn to apologize.
A peace offering.
Puerto Vallarta's finest.
Thank you.
It's beautiful.
You don't have to apologize me.
Worrying about your children is
good. It shows how much you love them.
Yes, but, uh... I
acted very badly.
See? Now I know
where we get it from.
All right, all right, you two.
Let's get some shut-eye, OK?
Hey, could I
beddy-bye them a song?
- We'd love it.
- Thank you.
I'm going to sing for you a
song that my mama sing for me.
I hope you like it.
[PLAYS GENTLE INTRO]
♪ Duérmete
♪ Muy feliz
♪ Yo estaré ♪
Junto a ti ♪ Butterfly
♪ In the sky ♪ Something free
♪ Up so high...
[APRIL HUMS GENTLY]
That's one thing we learn,
Paul, this world isn't always fair.
Well, I go to powder my
nose and you take a powder.
Sorry. We just decided
to get some fresh air.
Um... I'm tired.
I'm sure Cindy and Paul wouldn't
mind if we left them alone, dear.
- I'm sure. Good night.
- Good night, Paul.
Night night. Good night.
- Love you.
- Love you.
- Aren't my folks great?
- What?
Oh, yeah. Sure.
They're super.
What were you and
Dad talking about?
When?
Uh... I don't know. I was telling
him about the mining business.
He was telling me
about... his business.
It really sounds interesting.
He's retired.
- How did he take it?
- How do you expect him to take it?
He loves her.
What happened?
Everything all right?
Look... [SIGHS]
You know I adore you both.
But you told Paul that
I've been sick, didn't you?
Paul, I was going
to tell you myself.
But I've never
fallen in love before.
And it hit me so quick, I didn't
know what was happening.
Besides, I'm feeling better and stronger
than I've ever felt in my whole life.
Pretty soon, I'm gonna
be as good as new.
Please! Somebody say something.
What's going on?
Cindy, darling...
I am getting better, aren't I?
Oh, dear God!
[SOBBING]
Why didn't you tell me?
I suppose I should have.
But the words just
couldn't get past my mouth.
I want to be alone for a while.
[VOICE BREAKING] Thanks for
taking me to the top of the mountain.
I'll look after Cindy.
Joey, I looked
for you at dinner.
Yeah, I skipped dinner.
I lost my appetite about the
same time I lost all my money.
Got anything
planned for tonight?
Yeah, I was supposed
to slap you around a little!
But now I don't even have that to
do since you got all the money back
to pay back what you borrowed.
Well, great, then I
can show you a trick.
Ready?
Queen of spades. Ta-da!
King of hearts. That's you.
King of hearts.
You left your marked
cards at the table today.
I couldn't figure out why
you wouldn't let me deal.
You let me win all that money so I
could pay your boss back, didn't you?
Joey, I can't take
your money that way.
Hey! Hey!
If we were married, the money
would belong to both of us.
- If we were married?
- Yeah.
I mean, how could I marry you
and kill you at the same time?
Oh!
You are a killer.
- Hi, Mr. Younger.
- Oh, hello, April.
That song you sang for the children
really worked. They're still sleeping.
Poor kids!
No one to take care of them.
You will just have to stay home
and don't go to work anymore.
I don't think I'll have to go that far.
No, I'll just have to hire another nanny.
- What?
- That's what they call them in England.
I like that word better
than "governess."
Me too.
Well, I hope you get
a good one next time.
Too bad you don't know
somebody the kids like already.
To tell you the truth,
April, since their mother left,
you're the first person
they've taken to.
OK. I'll do it, but I cannot
promise I stay forever.
- What?
- You're a smart cookie, you.
Making me feel guilty if I don't
come and take care of your children.
- April...
- Where do you live?
Uh... Beverly Hills.
Well, everybody got
to start someplace.
April, this is ridiculous. You're
an entertainer. You have a career.
I don't want that no more.
All of those smoky rooms.
[COUGHING DRAMATICALLY]
I want to sing beddy-bye
songs for Gayle and Jerry.
They love me and I love them.
- Uh...
- Please say yes. Please say yes.
It's yes.
Thank you, thank
you, thank you! Julie!
It worked! He said yes!
[SCREAMS]
Cindy.
I love you.
- Paul, please, I need to be by my...
- This doesn't change the way I feel.
I love you.
You can't! I won't let you!
I'm sorry, sweetheart,
you have no choice.
I found what I want.
I don't know how
much time I have to live.
Cindy, I could step off a curb
tomorrow and be gone just like that.
Nobody really knows
how much time they have.
That's why time is the one
thing that we never should waste.
[SOBBING]
I'm frightened. Oh, hold me.
You were wrong. I didn't take
you to the top of a mountain.
We're not even
halfway there yet.
And we're going
to climb it together.
Hey, Isaac, could you do me a favor?
A guy is coming on board looking for me.
Could you give him
this and tell him I quit?
Sure.
And I want you to have
this, please, for all your help.
- Are these cards lucky?
- You bet they are.
- We're getting married!
- Oh, that's great!
Hey listen, instead of having them
throw rice, tell 'em to throw peanuts!
- Take it easy.
- OK.
- Bye, bye.
- Bye, bye.
Thank you, Doctor.
We'll always be grateful.
You know, in a way, it's a relief that
she knows, if you know what I mean.
I understand.
This is the name of a doctor
in New York, tops in the field.
He's had surprising success
with leukemia patients.
Thank you, Doctor. Oh, there's
something we have to tell you.
- Let's let Cindy tell him.
- What's the news?
You are definitely
invited to the wedding.
- Wedding?
- Yes.
Paul and I both know that it's
not important how long you live,
- it's what you do with that time.
- Amen. Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Cindy's always dreamed
of painting in a Paris garret
and I've always dreamed
of climbing the Matterhorn.
So we compromised.
A Denver condominium
in Pikes Peak.
- Goodbye. Thank you.
- Bye, bye.
Thank you.
- We're going to miss you, April.
- Thank you, mis amigos.
I got the best friends
in the whole world!
- Yes, you certainly do.
- And now you have a new one.
Right. Mr. Younger,
the big sport!
- Uh... Sportscaster.
- Yeah.
Did you hear, Doc?
April's going to be working for
Mr. Younger taking care of the children.
Uh-huh. I'm going to be a ninny.
She's been a ninny as
long as I've known her.
She means a nanny! I
bet you guys are happy.
Oh, yes!
♪ Love
♪ Exciting and new
♪ Come aboard
♪ We're expecting you ♪ And love
♪ Life's sweetest reward
♪ Let it flow
♪ It floats back to
you ♪ The Love Boat
♪ Soon will be
making another run
♪ The Love Boat
♪ Promises
something for everyone
♪ Set a course for adventure
♪ Your mind on a new romance
♪ And love
♪ Won't hurt anymore
♪ It's an open smile
♪ On a friendly
shore ♪ It's love
♪ Welcome aboard ♪ It's love ♪
Joey, this is your first job and I want
to make sure you don't mess things up.
- Understand?
- Don't worry, Eddie.
When a client welches on
a loan, the boss don't like it.
The boss says this bum's
gotta be taught a lesson.
No sweat. I'll give him
a real good talking to.
Look, Joey, you
ain't hired to talk.
- This guy needs a little roughing up.
- Got ya.
[SIGHS] Here, I
wrote it down for you.
- His name's Tony Battochio.
- Uh-huh.
And Joey, take care of him,
or don't come back.
Oh, hi. Can you tell me
where I'm supposed to be?
That all depends on who you are!
Oh! I bet you're with the Anderson party.
- You're on, for 100 bucks!
- Huh?
- Pay up, you lose.
- You don't want her money.
The last batch she printed didn't
even have the right picture on it.
I keep telling her it's
Ulysses Grant, not Cary Grant.
I'm with you. I'd rather
look at Cary Grant any day.
I'm Julie McCoy, and this is
Isaac Washington. You're...?
Well, on your list
it's Antoinette Valentina Renée
Carmella Francesca Battochio.
I hope you don't have a personalized
license plate. That could block traffic!
Yes, you're on the Aloha
Deck, cabin 206, Miss Battochio.
Thanks. Oh, and
everybody calls me Toni.
OK.
- Hi.
- Hi!
Did April get here yet?
- We thought we heard a coochy-coochy!
- No, not yet.
Besides, when April boards, you always
know. The ship always shakes a little.
I think I'm beginning to
feel a little tremor now.
[SCREAMS]
[BABBLES IN SPANISH]
April!
[BABBLES EXCITEDLY IN SPANISH]
- April!
- Julie!
You're a sight for sore eyes!
It must be the smog,
cause my eyes hurt too.
We're so glad you're here
to perform for us again.
- Yes. Welcome home, April.
- Thank you.
I expect to see you
at my table for dinner.
Oh, you mean we are
not eating out tonight?
No, my table for dinner.
Yes. [SPEAKS SPANISH]
[CHILD SCREAMS]
I'll get you! I'm gonna get you!
[SHOUTING]
- Hold on. Just be calm... Oh!
- [CRASH]
Ay, chihuahua!
- I'm sorry.
- Me too.
There they are! Children!
Miss Chadwick, I hired
you to take care of them.
You don't need a governess, you
need a UN Peacekeeping Force!
I'm Mr. Younger. Have my
children been bothering you?
Oh, no!
Now, my guitar is
just like my English.
- [CRASH]
- Broken.
All right, which of
you did that? Hm?
I didn't mean it. It was
her fault for chasing me.
I'm very sorry. I apologize for
the way my children have acted.
They were only acting? I
can't wait to see the real thing.
I'll take care of
everything, Miss, I promise.
Just let us get them
settled in their cabins, OK?
OK. Está bien.
Let's go. And let's try to
keep them under control.
Have you got my nerve gas?
Don't worry, April. He'll make good on
that promise. Do you know who that is?
- No, who?
- That's Ty Younger.
He's the biggest
sportscaster in the business.
That's great for him, but what's April
supposed to use to perform with tonight?
Ah! No problema, Julie.
Not to worry. I can fix it.
For a girl who earns her living with
a guitar you don't seem very upset.
Well, that is what I
wanted to tell you.
I am quitting show business.
Goodbye, Columbus!
- Why?
- What are you talking about?
I got my reasons.
I tell you later.
It is a long short history.
Ay.
- [CHATTER]
- Ooh!
Hello! Gopher Smith's my
name. Assistant Purser's my game.
This here is our
sawbones, Dr. Bricker.
Arnold Simmons, Kansas
City. This is my wife, Flora.
- How do you do?
- Hello.
- And our daughter, Cindy.
- Hi.
Hello.
We would like to sign
up for all of your side trips!
Take it easy, Cindy,
we just got on board.
Why don't I start you off
with a couple of brochures?
That would be great. Come on!
Thank you so much for
bringing me on this trip.
We're going to have a ball.
Whoa, whoa! You've got my bag.
I'm sorry! Well, they
look exactly alike.
They told me mine
was one of a kind!
- I'm sorry about that.
- No, that's OK.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Well, anyway. Puerto
Vallarta, right? OK. That's it...
Doctor, I'm really thankful for
this opportunity to talk to you alone.
I was just concerned over your medical
facilities. Can you take blood tests?
Blood tests? Yes, of course.
Is there a medical problem?
Just something we
want to keep an eye on.
Please feel free
anytime, night or day,
to call me if there's anything
I can do to help you, sir.
It's not me. It's my
daughter, Cindy.
I see.
Hey, let's find our cabin!
- Bye, bye.
- Thanks.
[SHIP'S HORN BLARES]
- Here you go, another instant refill.
- Oh, thanks, Isaac.
Think I'll try my friend again.
Yeah, hi. Could you ring me
Tony Battochio's cabin, please?
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Think I'll have one of those.
- Right.
No answer, huh?
No, that's all right. I'll
try again later, thanks.
- Hey, Peanuts, that's my seat.
- Oh, sorry.
No, that's OK. I just didn't
want you to take my drink.
Wouldn't want to get Isaac
in trouble for serving a minor.
- Did you find your friend?
- No, no. He's still not in the cabin.
Ah.
- There you go.
- Thanks.
Hey, I sure guessed right
when I called you Peanuts!
- You really like those things!
- Yeah, I think I've got a salt tooth.
I used to go with a
guy that loved peanuts.
He was always throwing them up in
the air and catching them in his mouth.
- Who can't do that?
- Bet you can't.
You're on.
Now, wait a minute, if we're
gonna bet, let's bet. $10? $20?
No, I don't gamble
money. I work too hard for it.
What do you do?
I'm, uh... sorta like
a physical therapist.
- Sorta like you straighten people out?
- Right.
Exactly. My name's Joey Delmont.
Hi, Joey. My name's
not that simple.
- Ready?
- Mm-hm.
- It's Antoinette Valentina Renée...
- Wait, hold it, hold it. Time out.
I don't think I can
remember all that.
I'll just call you Peanuts.
I still can't believe you're
quitting show business.
- Oh, yes.
- Yeah, April, what's that all about?
- I thought you wanted to become a star.
- I am a star.
A falling star.
What about your boyfriend, Tex? I
thought he got you a job in Las Vegas?
Some job!
And by the way, Tex is
not my boyfriend anymore.
- You got that? You got it?
- Got it.
You know what they
wanted for me to do?
They want me to sing
and play the guitar...
naked!
- April, that's terrible.
- I know.
Yeah, at least they could
have given you a cello.
Huh! Qué simpático caray!
- Get lost!
- I was trying to make things lighter.
I know. Listen, I know all of you are
my good friends and you want to help me.
But let's face it, show
business is not for me.
One night here, one night there.
I don't like to live in motels
and eat alone in restaurants.
You know what I want?
You really want to know?
I want a home. I want children.
- Ah. Are you sure about that? Children?
- CHADWICK: No, you don't!
I said no swimming without
my permission. Now, come on!
I am going to tell your father
on you! You are driving me crazy!
Agh!
Well, maybe...
Maybe just a home.
- [BOTH LAUGH]
- No children.
Salud!
MAN: Oh! Oh, watch it.
- Hi, there.
- Hi, I'm sorry.
Don't be. I'm glad
you dropped in.
I'm sorry I left my bag
sitting out there like that.
No, it was my fault. I guess
I don't have my sea legs yet.
Well, the ones you're
using look just fine to me!
Hi, I'm Paul Harris.
And I bought my
one-of-a-kind red bag in Denver.
- Where'd you get yours?
- Kansas City. And I'm Cindy Simmons.
Well, you have
great taste in luggage.
Hi. Your daughter seems
to be getting on just fine.
Yeah.
- Could you join us, Dr. Bricker?
- Of course.
Yes, Cindy might look
and feel fine, super,
but it's only because
she's... Well, she's...
She's in remission,
Doctor. She has leukemia.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
The physicians at home,
they insisted that we tell you.
Of course. I'm sure they'd want
me to check her white cell count
to guard against infection.
- What's their prognosis?
- It's not good.
She could live a year, two
years, maybe even more.
Or it could be six months.
She certainly is a
brave young lady.
Cindy doesn't know.
She thinks she has it licked.
- Hi.
- Hi. You know everybody here, right?
- Well, I try. Why?
- I'm looking for this guy, Tony, um...
Ooh.
Never mind. I'll get
back to you later.
OK.
Hi. Ooh, you look très chic.
Who me? You look très
chic-er, Mademoiselle Peanuts.
[LAUGHING] Merci.
Wait, just a minute, let me help
you. I know you've had a hard day.
You crazy or something?
Come on, sit down.
- How was your business meeting?
- Oh, I haven't found him yet.
But when I do, I'll bet he
doesn't look as good as you.
[POLITE LAUGHTER]
I can't tell you how wonderful it
is to have you with us again, April.
Well, try anyhow.
Julie told us that you were thinking
about giving up show business.
Yes, but don't worry Vicki.
I'll always be willing to
come and sing on the ship.
- But what are you going to do?
- I don't know.
Well, I know you'll be successful
at whatever you undertake.
Undertaker? Ha!
No way! Nope!
Well, I must admit that
your conduct at dinner
has been better than
it was this afternoon.
Sorry about today, Dad.
When I'm away next
week covering the fight,
I don't want you giving Miss
Chadwick any trouble, OK?
We'll be good, Dad.
[CHILDREN SQUABBLE]
If you want to cover a fight, you
should stay home with the children.
Could I go too,
Dad? I just love fights.
No, and if you keep acting up,
you might be seeing my left hook.
That's your right.
Yes, I know. I just wanted to
see if they were on their toes.
What are we having for dessert?
Oh, I'll just have
something light.
I'll have a hot fudge sundae.
With vanilla, chocolate
and strawberry ice cream.
Maybe a little marshmallow,
but not too heavy on
the whipped cream.
- I'll have the same!
- Me too.
Oh, no, dear. You should
have gelatin. It's better for you.
- No. I want ice cream.
- I'll have ice cream.
Cherry gelatin! Mm-mm! Yummy!
Dad, that's not fair. How
can she get that and we can't?
All right, all right!
I think we could all
use some fresh air, yes?
Oh, here, let us help
you, Miss Chadwick.
Why aren't you dears? Thank you.
[CLATTERING]
[CHEERS, APPLAUSE]
- You were terrific!
- Thank you so much.
- I second the motion.
- Muchas gracias.
So, how do you like me?
Not bad, especially
that coochy-coochy part.
Yes, well, you're not
exactly a Captain Kangaroo.
Nobody's perfect.
Miss Chadwick, I think the
children have had a full day.
I'll be with you shortly.
I have some business to
discuss with Miss Lopez.
- I'll bet! Come along, children.
- Good night, children.
- Bye.
- Bye, bye.
Bye.
They are so nice. Mucho
mischief, but I like them.
- After what they did to you today?
- Well, kids will be children.
Well, yes, but they did a lot of
damage and while we're on the subject,
why did you return the
check I sent to your cabin?
$500 is too much for a guitar
I am not going to use again.
I don't understand.
You're an entertainer.
No more.
You have just seen my
farewell performance.
My last show.
My duck song.
Uh... swan.
Yes, I "swan" it
was my duck song.
[ROMANTIC LOUNGE MUSIC]
So, tell me about living in
Denver, way up in the Rockies.
- It sounds so beautiful.
- Oh, it is.
I'm crazy about
mountain climbing.
Whenever I have any spare
time, I just go climb something.
Then what are you
doing on an ocean cruise?
You don't meet many pretty girls
hanging on the side of a mountain!
I bet the Rockies would
be beautiful to paint.
- Are you an artist?
- Well, I'm studying to be.
Someday, I'd like to live in a
garret in Paris and paint and paint.
Someday, I'd like to
climb the Matterhorn.
[SIGHS] I'd really love to create
something that would live forever.
I don't think I
want to live forever.
But I could take 100
years like tonight.
- Thank you, sir.
- You got it. I'll be right back.
OK.
Yeah, hello, could you ring me,
uh... Tony Battochio's cabin, please?
Thank you.
No answer? Could you
tell me what cabin he's in?
Maybe I'll pop in
on him a little later.
Hold on a second, let me
write that down. Hey, Peanuts!
- You got a pen?
- Oh, um...
- Will lipstick do?
- Yeah, that's great.
- There you go.
- Let me lean on your back.
What's that number again?
Thanks.
I don't know why that guy bothered to
even pay for a cabin. He's never in it.
- Maybe he got lucky, like I did.
- Yeah, maybe.
Your wife picked up and left
you? Poof! She walked out?
- Yes, over a year ago.
- Wow!
- Well, she wanted a career of her own.
- Ha!
And she stuck you... I mean,
she left you, with the children?
They've always been high-spirited kids,
but they've gotten a little out of hand.
Sure. They feel neglected
with a mother fleeing the coop.
I try to spend as much
time with them as possible
but being a sportscaster, I'm
away from home a great deal...
At least you got
Miss Chapped Lips.
- Oh, Miss Chadwick? Yes, yes.
- Yeah!
You know, she's the 21st
governess we've had this year.
- No kidding?
- Yes!
One even offered to pay me
two weeks' salary to let her out.
- Well...
- Funny!
Thank you for listening to my
problems. I hope I wasn't too boring.
Oh, no, no. You was
just boring enough.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Yes? Come in.
It was our fault you didn't have
any dessert tonight, Miss Chadwick,
and we thought maybe
you would like some.
Why, that is very considerate of
you. Yes, I would like a little sweet.
Agh! Ugh!
CHADWICK: Agh! You are giving me
nightmares and I'm not even sleeping!
Let me out of here. I've
seen better children in jail!
- Miss Chadwick, what happened?
- Ask your lovely children.
[SOBBING] I quit,
Mr. Younger. I quit.
I'm going to look for a
job in a nuclear plant.
I want to live!
I want to live!
I want to live!
Look at those moonbeams
dancing on the waves.
That's one thing
Denver doesn't have.
Or Kansas City.
Or the Matterhorn.
Or Paris.
I'm sure glad I came
down off that mountain.
So am I.
Mm. That's the best
goodnight kiss I've ever had.
That's only my good-evening
kiss. The goodnight kiss comes later.
[EXCITED CHUCKLE]
- Hello.
- Where have you been?
- Do you realize what time it is?
- I have been with Paul!
He is so wonderful!
Oh, I'm so glad you're
having a good time.
You know, if things keep
going the way they are,
I would not be surprised
if you lose your little girl.
Whoo!
I'll see you early. We'll
go to Puerto Vallarta.
[BLOWS KISS]
Hey, Joey. Looks like
you had a good night.
Hey Doc, uh... Listen.
Could you tell me how I
can get to cabin A206?
You're warm, but you're
getting cold. It's back there.
- This deck?
- Yeah, Aloha Deck.
A little confusing till
you've been around a while.
Yeah, how about that? I was so
close. Thanks a lot, Doc. I appreciate it.
Sure.
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
GOPHER: Good morning and welcome
to the Mexican Riviera's Puerto Vallarta.
You can sign up in
the Purser's Lobby for
deep-sea fishing trips
and tours of the city.
Well, there's a week's
salary and air fare home.
Isn't there anything that will
make you change your mind?
Just one, a lobotomy.
Goodbye.
Well, nice going,
guys. You did it again.
Instead of a sign, you should've
put a number on her back!
21! That's how many
governesses you've gone through.
We're a lot of
trouble, aren't we?
I guess being a mother
and father isn't easy, is it?
No, but you'll just
have to get used to it.
You're stuck with me.
I'll never leave you.
Hey! Why don't we all
go into Puerto Vallarta?
- Yeah.
- Just us, the family.
Well, that...
No, I'm sorry. Your chance to go
into town just walked out that door.
But I love you.
Now, I have some work to do,
so I want you two to go
and amuse yourselves.
- But stay out of trouble, OK?
- OK. Bye.
OK. Bye.
Who am I kidding?
Hello, young lover! Are you
ready for Puerto Vallarta?
- Beat it.
- Very funny.
Would you come on,
please? I'm starving.
- I said beat it.
- Joey, is that you?
No! He's gone out of town.
Joey, would you open the
door, please? It's me, Peanuts.
That's exactly why I don't want
to open the door. Now get lost!
FLORA: Could we ask
your advice, Doctor?
Oh, yes, of course. Please.
Do you think we're doing the right
thing in not telling Cindy the truth?
Ah. That's the age-old
controversy in medicine,
and there are pros
and cons on both sides.
The answer really
depends on the individual
and how well equipped
she is to cope with it.
I'm afraid that's a decision
you'll have to make.
Yes, we realize
it's our decision,
but, well, it's nice to
hear a third voice, Doctor.
Yeah. There is something...
Perhaps I shouldn't
even ask this question...
But what about Paul?
If the two of them really get involved,
it could be devastating for him.
I know. Don't think we
haven't lost sleep over it.
Well, that's another decision
we may have to make.
But we certainly
appreciate your help, Doctor.
Oh, please.
Well, April, if you're really serious
about giving up show business,
you're going to have to start thinking
about something you'd like to do.
I don't know, Julie. Hey, what do
you think I should be when I grow up?
Let's see. What do you like? You
like kids. How about a nursery school?
No. You got to go to a school
a long time to be a nurse!
[BOTH SCREAM]
[LAUGHING]
[SCREAMING]
[SHOUTS ANGRILY IN SPANISH]
Don't ask me what
that means. I'm a lady.
I don't know what got into
him. I don't know what to say.
And if I did know what to say, he
wouldn't open the door and let me say it.
I thought you two were
getting along great.
- Yeah, me too.
- Oh, there he is.
Joey, Joey, what's going on? I
don't understand this. It's crazy.
- Last night, you told me you loved...
- Ssh. Sit down.
Toni, ssh.
Look, don't be mad
at me. I'm mad at you!
- Why are you mad at me?
- Cause you're Toni.
And a guy's supposed to
be named Tony, not a girl.
Wait a minute. Let
me get this straight.
You don't like my name,
so you're going to dump me?
You know, I'm really glad I
got a chance to clear this up.
Believe me, life
would be much simpler
if girls had girl names
and boys had boy names.
- Captain?
- Yes.
- What is your first name?
- Uh... Merrill.
You've been a great
help. Thank you.
Good afternoon.
I don't understand why
you're so crazy about names.
OK, how about the name
Friendly Loan Company?
- Ring a bell?
- Yeah.
- What business is it of yours?
- Cause that's who I work for.
And the boss sent down an
order to hurt Tony Battochio
for running up a debt
and not making good on it.
And I'm the new guy,
so I got the assignment.
Oh.
Look, I'm gonna pay
it back, I swear I am.
I just haven't been able
to save any money lately.
See, sometimes I like to gamble.
- Yeah, I noticed.
- And I'm having a bad streak
with the horses, baseball,
football, you name it.
You're betting on
the wrong things.
You never bet on other
people, just yourself.
- I should race against a horse?
- No!
Things like poker,
something you can control.
- I don't know how to play poker.
- Yeah? Maybe it's time you learned.
Wait a minute, we're
gonna play for money?
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Strictly cash. Come on.
[SQUEAKING]
Dad will kill us for this.
He told us to amuse
ourselves, didn't he?
Grrrr!
[CHILDREN SCREAM]
Wow!
So, big shoots, how do you
like getting scared into your wits?
- I knew it was you all the time.
- Is that so?
Then how come your
knees is still knocking?
- I got you!
- Well, I've got work to do.
I can't stand around all day talking to
two juvenile delinquents and a gorilla.
- Bye, bye.
- Say goodbye to Miss Julie.
- Bye, Miss Julie.
- Hey, April.
Why don't you take
us into Puerto Vallarta?
Are you kidding? I come from
Mexico. I cannot do that to my people.
- Please.
- Sure.
You made Miss
Chapped Lips a fruitcake,
and now you want to make
April a banana, you know it!
We'll be good. I promise.
What about your
father? It's OK with him?
Oh, yeah. He just told
us not to get into trouble.
Then I'd better not leave the
two of you alone. Let's vamos.
Puerto Vallarta, forgive
me for what I'm about to do.
Let's go.
Gopher, Gopher. I'm taking
the bambinos into town.
Dressed like that?
Sure, they look fine.
Tell to Mr. Younger.
Don't forget, don't forget.
GOPHER: Buenas
tardes, señores y señoras.
We hope you enjoyed
your day in Puerto Vallarta.
We lift anchor and
sail in one hour.
Thank you. If you see them,
let me know immediately.
Well, they're not in the movie
theater and they're not playing bingo.
This is ridiculous. Three hours
and you can't find two children?
I'm sure they're here somewhere,
Mr. Younger. This is a very big ship.
And they're very
little children.
APRIL AND CHILDREN: ♪
La cucaracha! La cucaracha! ♪
Brrr! Hey! Holá!
- Hi, Dad.
- Where have you kids been?
April took us into
Puerto Vallarta.
- I ate ticos and tortillies.
- Hey!
Tacos and tortillas.
April, how could you
have done a thing like that?
He was hungry.
No, how could you have taken
my children without asking me,
without leaving a message?
- Dad, she...
- I was worried sick!
You had absolutely
no right to do that!
Oh.
Oh! Oh, Mr. Younger.
I had a message for
you. Let me see. Uh...
"April took your
children into Puerto..."
April took your children
into Puerto Vallarta and...
Oh, you're back. Disregard
previous message.
That's what we were trying to
tell you, Dad. It wasn't April's fault.
Yeah, I know.
I'm sorry, guys.
- JOEY: How many?
- Um... two.
Thanks.
I take one.
I can't believe we've been
playing for three hours.
It sure doesn't seem like it.
OK, I'll bet you $200.
Oh, you don't have that much,
do you? What do you have?
Eight bucks.
Eight bucks it is.
Call. Full house.
Four nines. It's
higher, isn't it?
Yeah! Just what I needed. Now I'm broke.
You got all my money, every penny of it.
I knew there was a
reason I don't gamble.
Well, you're the best
teacher in the whole world.
Yeah, thanks a bunch. Look,
it was great running into you.
I always wanted to be
flat busted. Have a nice life.
Joey, wait a minute.
Where are you going?
Joey!
Well that's me, lucky at
cards and unlucky in love.
[SIGHS]
[LAUGHING] Oh, Cindy!
Excuse me a second. I think
I'm going to powder my nose.
You know, Mr. and Mrs. Simmons,
frankly when I came on this cruise,
I came to have a wild time.
But instead, I've run into the
most wonderful girl I've ever met.
Well, Cindy is
something special.
I hope you don't mind, but you're going
to be seeing a lot of me from now on.
I mean, after the cruise is over.
I've fallen in love with your daughter.
And unless I'm greatly mistaken,
she feels the same way about me.
But, Paul, you've only just met.
I know! It's been
like lightning striking.
This never happened
to me before.
I just know the only future I
want is one with Cindy in it.
- Did I say something wrong?
- BOTH: No.
Could we, uh... Could we
have a walk on the deck?
- Yes.
- Excuse me.
Hi, April. Thanks for coming.
Hey, hey. What's up?
What do you have to see me for? You
know, you should be snoring by now.
- We're sorry we got you into trouble.
- Oh, don't you worry.
Trouble is my
name in the middle.
Thank you. Hey,
you two, hit the sex!
- She means hit the sack.
- Yes! Go!
- It's very late. You leaving tomorrow?
- BOTH: Yeah.
- Having a good time?
- BOTH: Mm-hm.
Yeah, you could stay on a ship
like this forever. It is beautiful.
Hi.
Hi.
Well, now it's the older
Younger's turn to apologize.
A peace offering.
Puerto Vallarta's finest.
Thank you.
It's beautiful.
You don't have to apologize me.
Worrying about your children is
good. It shows how much you love them.
Yes, but, uh... I
acted very badly.
See? Now I know
where we get it from.
All right, all right, you two.
Let's get some shut-eye, OK?
Hey, could I
beddy-bye them a song?
- We'd love it.
- Thank you.
I'm going to sing for you a
song that my mama sing for me.
I hope you like it.
[PLAYS GENTLE INTRO]
♪ Duérmete
♪ Muy feliz
♪ Yo estaré ♪
Junto a ti ♪ Butterfly
♪ In the sky ♪ Something free
♪ Up so high...
[APRIL HUMS GENTLY]
That's one thing we learn,
Paul, this world isn't always fair.
Well, I go to powder my
nose and you take a powder.
Sorry. We just decided
to get some fresh air.
Um... I'm tired.
I'm sure Cindy and Paul wouldn't
mind if we left them alone, dear.
- I'm sure. Good night.
- Good night, Paul.
Night night. Good night.
- Love you.
- Love you.
- Aren't my folks great?
- What?
Oh, yeah. Sure.
They're super.
What were you and
Dad talking about?
When?
Uh... I don't know. I was telling
him about the mining business.
He was telling me
about... his business.
It really sounds interesting.
He's retired.
- How did he take it?
- How do you expect him to take it?
He loves her.
What happened?
Everything all right?
Look... [SIGHS]
You know I adore you both.
But you told Paul that
I've been sick, didn't you?
Paul, I was going
to tell you myself.
But I've never
fallen in love before.
And it hit me so quick, I didn't
know what was happening.
Besides, I'm feeling better and stronger
than I've ever felt in my whole life.
Pretty soon, I'm gonna
be as good as new.
Please! Somebody say something.
What's going on?
Cindy, darling...
I am getting better, aren't I?
Oh, dear God!
[SOBBING]
Why didn't you tell me?
I suppose I should have.
But the words just
couldn't get past my mouth.
I want to be alone for a while.
[VOICE BREAKING] Thanks for
taking me to the top of the mountain.
I'll look after Cindy.
Joey, I looked
for you at dinner.
Yeah, I skipped dinner.
I lost my appetite about the
same time I lost all my money.
Got anything
planned for tonight?
Yeah, I was supposed
to slap you around a little!
But now I don't even have that to
do since you got all the money back
to pay back what you borrowed.
Well, great, then I
can show you a trick.
Ready?
Queen of spades. Ta-da!
King of hearts. That's you.
King of hearts.
You left your marked
cards at the table today.
I couldn't figure out why
you wouldn't let me deal.
You let me win all that money so I
could pay your boss back, didn't you?
Joey, I can't take
your money that way.
Hey! Hey!
If we were married, the money
would belong to both of us.
- If we were married?
- Yeah.
I mean, how could I marry you
and kill you at the same time?
Oh!
You are a killer.
- Hi, Mr. Younger.
- Oh, hello, April.
That song you sang for the children
really worked. They're still sleeping.
Poor kids!
No one to take care of them.
You will just have to stay home
and don't go to work anymore.
I don't think I'll have to go that far.
No, I'll just have to hire another nanny.
- What?
- That's what they call them in England.
I like that word better
than "governess."
Me too.
Well, I hope you get
a good one next time.
Too bad you don't know
somebody the kids like already.
To tell you the truth,
April, since their mother left,
you're the first person
they've taken to.
OK. I'll do it, but I cannot
promise I stay forever.
- What?
- You're a smart cookie, you.
Making me feel guilty if I don't
come and take care of your children.
- April...
- Where do you live?
Uh... Beverly Hills.
Well, everybody got
to start someplace.
April, this is ridiculous. You're
an entertainer. You have a career.
I don't want that no more.
All of those smoky rooms.
[COUGHING DRAMATICALLY]
I want to sing beddy-bye
songs for Gayle and Jerry.
They love me and I love them.
- Uh...
- Please say yes. Please say yes.
It's yes.
Thank you, thank
you, thank you! Julie!
It worked! He said yes!
[SCREAMS]
Cindy.
I love you.
- Paul, please, I need to be by my...
- This doesn't change the way I feel.
I love you.
You can't! I won't let you!
I'm sorry, sweetheart,
you have no choice.
I found what I want.
I don't know how
much time I have to live.
Cindy, I could step off a curb
tomorrow and be gone just like that.
Nobody really knows
how much time they have.
That's why time is the one
thing that we never should waste.
[SOBBING]
I'm frightened. Oh, hold me.
You were wrong. I didn't take
you to the top of a mountain.
We're not even
halfway there yet.
And we're going
to climb it together.
Hey, Isaac, could you do me a favor?
A guy is coming on board looking for me.
Could you give him
this and tell him I quit?
Sure.
And I want you to have
this, please, for all your help.
- Are these cards lucky?
- You bet they are.
- We're getting married!
- Oh, that's great!
Hey listen, instead of having them
throw rice, tell 'em to throw peanuts!
- Take it easy.
- OK.
- Bye, bye.
- Bye, bye.
Thank you, Doctor.
We'll always be grateful.
You know, in a way, it's a relief that
she knows, if you know what I mean.
I understand.
This is the name of a doctor
in New York, tops in the field.
He's had surprising success
with leukemia patients.
Thank you, Doctor. Oh, there's
something we have to tell you.
- Let's let Cindy tell him.
- What's the news?
You are definitely
invited to the wedding.
- Wedding?
- Yes.
Paul and I both know that it's
not important how long you live,
- it's what you do with that time.
- Amen. Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Cindy's always dreamed
of painting in a Paris garret
and I've always dreamed
of climbing the Matterhorn.
So we compromised.
A Denver condominium
in Pikes Peak.
- Goodbye. Thank you.
- Bye, bye.
Thank you.
- We're going to miss you, April.
- Thank you, mis amigos.
I got the best friends
in the whole world!
- Yes, you certainly do.
- And now you have a new one.
Right. Mr. Younger,
the big sport!
- Uh... Sportscaster.
- Yeah.
Did you hear, Doc?
April's going to be working for
Mr. Younger taking care of the children.
Uh-huh. I'm going to be a ninny.
She's been a ninny as
long as I've known her.
She means a nanny! I
bet you guys are happy.
Oh, yes!