The Love Boat (1977–1987): Season 4, Episode 13 - Isaac's Teacher/Seal of Approval/The Successor - full transcript
[THEME TUNE STARTS]
♪ Love
♪ Exciting and new
♪ Come aboard
♪ We're expecting you ♪ And love
♪ Life's sweetest reward
♪ Let it flow
♪ It floats back to
you ♪ The Love Boat
♪ Soon will be
making another run
♪ The Love Boat
♪ Promises
something for everyone
♪ Set a course for adventure
♪ Your mind on a new romance
♪ And love
♪ Won't hurt anymore
♪ It's an open smile
♪ On a friendly
shore ♪ It's love
♪ Welcome aboard ♪ It's love ♪
Hey, welcome aboard.
They're here! They're here!
Oh, she's so cute! Hi!
Come here, baby. Come here!
[GRUNTING]
Come on, Shirley.
VICKI: Hi, Shirley,
welcome aboard.
Shake hands?
- Oh!
- Well, it didn't take you long
to find a friend,
did it Shirley?
Well, unless there's
someone else onboard
with a seal named Shirley,
you must be Oscar Tilson.
- Oh, yes... Oh, you're Julie McCoy.
- Yes, welcome aboard.
Thank you. Hey, Shirley,
say hello to the young lady
who booked our
act for this cruise.
- [SHIRLEY BARKING]
- [LAUGHS]
If she doesn't get
paid on time, she sulks.
Oh.
- Like my agent.
- [LAUGHS]
Well, we'd better get
unpacked. Come on, Shirley.
We'll see you later.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Haven't I seen
her on television?
- Yes, you have, Miss, uh...
- Karen Hughes.
Okay. Yes, you're on the
Fiesta Deck, cabin 136.
Isn't he adorable?
JULIE: Oh, the seal's a she,
Miss Hughes. Her name is Shirley.
I wasn't talking about her,
I was talking about him.
And I think that this cruise...
Oh, no. I'll see
you later, Gopher.
Welcome aboard.
Oh, I'm Hattie Williams,
and this is my grandson, Carl.
Oh, um... let's see.
You are, uh, in adjoining
cabins on Aloha Deck,
- cabins 130 and 132.
- Is something wrong?
- You don't get rowdy or mean, do you?
- No, why?
Well, it's just that I'd have
to be the one to stop you
and I hate to be a failure.
[LAUGHS] Carl
wouldn't hurt a fly.
It wasn't a fly I
was thinking of.
How do you do, welcome aboard.
Hello, we're Mr. and Mrs. Rogers.
Which way to Promenade 340?
- Oh, up the stairs and to your right.
- Thank you.
Tell me, are there many
single girls on this cruise?
- We do get quite a few...
- Good. I may need your help.
I want to find one
for my husband.
[HORN BLOWING]
[CHEERING]
Harold, how about that one?
Harriet, stop it. I'm not
interested in any other women.
I'm happy with you.
But you're not gonna have
me around much longer,
and I want to make sure you're
well cared for after I'm gone.
You're not going anywhere.
I know your mother passed
away at an early age but...
Yes, and so did her
mother and her sister.
But that doesn't
mean that you're
- gonna pass away...
- Yes it does, Harold.
It's the curse of
the Dumbrowskis.
The men live forever and
the women never make it to 45.
Harriet, only the other day, the
doctor said you were in perfect health.
What does a doctor
know about curses?
Now, sit back and enjoy.
I've made a great
selection for you.
All you have to do is pick one.
Wait, wait, wait, you
have a customer over here.
Well, tell 'em the bar's closed.
What's the matter with Isaac?
- You know what I think?
- What?
I think he's afraid of
that big guy over there.
Well, if you have to
be afraid of someone,
I guess he's a good choice.
- [BARKING]
- What's the matter, Shirley?
- [BARKS]
- Oh, I'm sorry.
Sorry, I just wasn't watching.
- How's that? Any better?
- [CROAKING]
You should gargle.
Hi, I'm Karen Hughes.
Oh, hi, Karen.
[CHUCKLING] I'm...
I'm Oscar Tilson.
- Uh, that's Shirley.
- Hi, Shirley.
I hope I'm not
interrupting anything.
I just thought you might like
to talk to a human for a change.
[BARKING]
Oh, she was only
kidding, Shirley.
She's very sensitive.
You think she knew what
we were talking about?
Mm-hm.
But that's impossible,
she's just an animal.
[ANGRY GRUNT]
She was only joking, honey.
Um, would you be a little
careful with what you say?
You see, she's my bread and butter,
and without her I don't have an act.
That's not true.
You're the real star.
[BARKING]
I've seen you on television.
Johnny Carson, Merv
Griffin, John Davidson...
- You were marvelous.
- Oh, thank you.
Of course, they only invite
me because of Shirley.
But it's you they talk to.
And you're funny and
bright and have the...
Well, I'm only a schoolteacher,
and I don't know much
about your business,
but despite what you
say, I think you're great.
Well, thank you. You
are very, very sweet...
I'd better get her to the cabin.
Hey, listen, why don't you
come to rehearsal later?
- I'd love to.
- Oh, wonderful!
[GRUNTS]
All right, all right. I'm
coming, I'm coming.
After you.
Bye-bye.
- [SHIRLEY BARKS]
- That's your opinion.
Before I return your tray, are
you moving back in or just visiting?
Sorry about that.
Something urgent came up.
I think it's coming up again.
- Bartender.
- Yes, sir?
Could you bring a glass of
orange juice to that table?
Got you covered.
I'll be right there.
Could you make that a pair? My
grandmother would like one, too.
- Your grandmother?
- Thanks.
Here, it's time for my break.
Isaac, wait a minute! Isaac!
- It's your turn.
- Huh?
How about her?
No.
Harold, you've got
to be cooperative.
Now, I've picked out
nine women so far, and...
and you've said
no to all of them.
Harriet... Harriet, I'm...
I'm not going to play
this game with you.
What's the matter?
Don't you like any of
the ones I've picked out?
Well, you know, they...
They are kind of, um...
You know, they're older.
Oh.
You want someone younger.
Sure.
Why fly tourist when
I can go deluxe?
Well, you pick one out.
There.
Her? The young one with... Her.
[LAUGHING]
You'll be dead before me.
[PLAYS FIVE NOTES
FROM "THE BLUE DANUBE"]
[PLAYS FOUR NOTES]
A little slow.
[BARKING]
[PLAYS FIVE NOTES]
- [CROAKS]
- What's wrong, Shirley?
Huh?
- [SHIRLEY BARKS]
- Shirley, she's a guest.
[BARKS]
Well, big deal.
Will you please come...?
Oh, all right.
- Hi, Karen.
- Hi, something wrong with Shirley?
I think maybe she's jealous.
Now, look, um...
she's very possessive, and
we really have to rehearse,
so if you wouldn't mind, uh...
- You know...
- Oh, no, of course not.
- I'm sorry, but...
- I understand.
Goodbye, Shirley.
She did that on purpose!
I'm... I'm terribly sorry! I
don't know what to say, I...
Listen, can I see you
later, after I put her to bed?
Of course, I'll
look forward to it.
Shirley, that was terribly rude.
What have you got to say for yourself?
Oh, listen, you...
- Listen, you...
- [BARKING]
I think I'll run down and
pick up the evening paper.
See what's going
on in the world.
And, uh...
long as I'm down
there, I might...
might jog a couple of miles.
You know, loosen up a little.
Might even make it five
miles. Gotta keep in shape.
[CHUCKLES] Well,
I'll see you later.
Don't wait up for me.
[BARKS]
All right, all right.
Now I lay me down to sleep, I
pray the Lord my soul to keep...
Go to sleep.
[LOUD BARK]
Oh, yes, yes.
And bless Lloyd
Bridges and Flipper.
Now, go to sleep.
Isaac.
Isaac, Isaac, Isaac.
- Been friends a long time, right?
- I'm not gonna tell you.
Tell me what?
Why I've been acting so dumb.
Ahhh... I know you're
afraid of that big guy.
I'm not afraid of him. It's
that little lady with him.
Forget that you
heard that from me.
- The little old lady?
- She's Mrs. Williams.
My high school English teacher.
Oh, you're afraid of
your English teacher?
What'd you do, forget
to turn in a composition?
You wouldn't understand.
I just can't face her.
You were that bad, huh?
No, I was that good.
You're looking at Mrs.
Williams's prize student.
You know Isaac, it's amazing.
The more you talk, the
less sense you make.
Gopher, I was voted
most likely to succeed.
Some success, huh?
I guess I can make
a better Ramos Fizz
than the other guys that
are now doctors and lawyers.
But Mrs. Williams thought I
was gonna be a great journalist.
A Nobel Prize winner.
Ever try to write
with a swizzle stick?
That's why you're hiding, huh?
I just can't let her
see me as a bartender.
Even if it is chief bartender.
Well, I think you're being
awfully hard on yourself.
Isaac Washington?
- Oh, my!
- Mrs. Williams.
What a surprise.
Isaac, I didn't know you
were working on this boat.
Isaac Washington was
one of my best students.
Well, that doesn't surprise me.
I'm Burl Smith the
Assistant Purser.
- How nice to meet you.
- How do you do.
Tell me Isaac, what
you do on this ship?
Well, the fact is...
Well, what doesn't
he do, Mrs. Williams.
Isaac Washington here
is the heart of the ship.
He's first officer. That
far from being the captain.
I knew you'd succeed.
[NERVOUS CHUCKLE]
Yeah, well, uh...
Actually, uh, that's all wrong.
Well, he's so modest. Heck,
was he that way at school?
Oh, absolutely.
When he was elected
president of the student body,
he asked for a recount.
Well, that's the way
he is around here.
He is always concerned
about everybody.
Oh, tell me Isaac, do you suppose
I could see where you work?
I've never been on a big ship before
and I'd love to watch what you do.
Well, what I really do is...
Well, I don't see any problem
with that, Mrs. Williams.
With First Officer
Washington's permission,
I could set it up tomorrow
morning between 10:30 and 11:00.
When the ship docks in Puerto
Vallarta, Captain Stubing will go ashore
and leave the ship
in your hands. Mm?
Uh, right.
Wonderful. I'll see you
then in the morning, Isaac.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Now, you're acting dumb.
Do you think I'm going to become
the first officer by tomorrow morning?
Why not? We're equal
opportunity employers.
[SLOW JAZZ PLAYING]
Hi! I'm sorry if I'm late,
but I didn't want
Shirley to get suspicious.
I'm glad you're here.
You sure cater to Shirley.
Well, it's just that
she's so jealous.
Last month, I hired
this cleaning woman.
And, well Shirley saw us
together and she ran away.
- No...
- Yeah.
Just waddled down to
the water and took off.
She came back a week
later, thank heavens,
because without Shirley,
I'm out of business.
Oh, that's not true, you're
a very talented person.
And I don't ever want to hear
you putting yourself down again.
[CHUCKLING]
There she is. The
next Mrs. Rogers.
All right, Harold, you're on.
[SIGHING]
- Harold.
- What's the matter?
I feel like I'm sending
you off to school.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
I'm Harold Rogers.
Cindy Sterling.
Anybody ever tell you that
you look like George Brent?
- George who?
- Brent, the movie actor?
Maybe a little of
Herbert Marshall.
- Good evening.
- Look over there, he found a girl.
- That pretty blonde!
- Who did?
My husband.
Oh, well, I'm sure it's
just a temporary thing.
Bite your tongue.
Oh, I just love old
movies. I go all the time.
Basil Rathbone was one of...
I'm so glad to see you
two getting along like this.
You'll like him.
He's attractive,
thoughtful, a good provider.
And as a lover, Burt Reynolds
could take lessons from him.
Really?
You want references? I could
give them to you in writing.
Uh, well, um...
I think he's nice, too,
but... who are you?
I'm his wife.
Well, back to older women.
Hey, Shirley, wait up!
I never dreamed a TV star
would see anything in me.
And I never dreamed anything
like this could happen to me...
A guy who runs around
with a pocket full of fish...
- All I've ever attracted was pussycats.
- [LAUGHS]
I thought all I'd ever
have was Shirley.
But now I have so much more.
[BALL BOUNCING]
[GRUNTS]
[SPLASHING]
- What was that?
- I didn't hear anything.
Is Shirley here?
Here? No, she's asleep.
No, I just followed her
here. I thought she...
Oh, no!
Oh, my God!
Shirley.
She must've seen us.
She's jumped overboard!
Shirley! Shirley!
Shirley!
[LIVELY MEXICAN MUSIC PLAYING]
Gopher, if the captain
ever finds us in here, man...
Relax. We'll have her
out of here in five minutes.
The captain'll never know.
He went ashore with Vicki.
Now, you better put on
one of the Captain's hats.
- Cut that out!
- Excuse me...
- Oh, hi!
- Am I late?
Oh, no, no, no, Mrs. Williams.
You come right in. Come on in.
- Yes...
- Look official.
- Isn't this impressive?
- Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
Just what are
your duties, Isaac?
Mrs. Williams, what I
really want you to know is...
GOPHER: That's all
right, sir, I'll fill her in.
You just resume your
numerous responsibilities.
- [CLICKS HEELS]
- Mm!
- Is something wrong?
- Oh, no, no, no.
It's just that when First
Officer Washington is on duty,
his total attention
is to the ship.
- That's a good attitude.
- Mm-hm.
But, to answer your question,
Mr. Washington's in charge
of navigation,
maritime procedures,
engines, crew,
passengers, everything.
That doesn't leave much
for the Captain to do, does it?
Well, the captain is
just an honorary position.
They find some guy that
looks good in a uniform.
See, Captain Stubing
is just for show.
Judging dance
contests, that sort of thing.
- Are you the captain?
- Yes, ma'am.
[WHIMPERS]
I've just finished judging
a cha-cha contest.
You must be proud to have two
such fine, young men sailing with you.
I can't tell you how proud.
Well, I can see
you're very busy.
Thank you for showing me your
ship, First Officer Washington.
I'll, uh, walk you
back to your cabin.
I'll help.
Gentlemen...
If it isn't an imposition,
I'd like to see both of you
in my office tonight
right after we leave port.
- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.
I'll try to look real
good in my uniform.
The whole thing is crazy.
My wife is driving me nuts.
What am I going to do?
Well, why not just go
along with her idea?
You mean, really
find another woman?
Yeah.
That way she'll
enjoy the cruise.
And, heh... you
certainly will, too.
I don't want to be
with anyone else.
But you won't be for long.
The odds are when she finally
actually sees you paying attention
to some sexy, voluptuous woman,
she'll get jealous and
snap back into her senses.
- [SNAPS FINGERS]
- Maybe that'll do it.
What if she doesn't get
jealous? What if she approves?
Then you're stuck with a
sexy, voluptuous woman.
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- Come in.
I've lost her, Karen.
She's gone forever.
Stop blaming yourself.
It's not your fault.
I should never have
let her find out about us.
She was so sensitive.
You'll get another seal.
No, not like Shirley.
No, it's over.
My dreams, my career.
My... life.
Oscar.
All I have left
now are memories.
Memories and 300
pounds of anchovies.
Excuse me.
No, no, no, please, don't go.
Um... I want to apologize
for me and my wife.
We're not a kinky
couple, honest.
You're not?
It's just that she wants
to find a woman for me.
That's normal?
Harold, believe me, Irene
Dunne would not do it.
Oh, no, you don't understand.
You see, my wife is
convinced she's gonna die,
and she wants to be certain
that I'm be looked
after when she's gone.
Oh.
You mean... Oh, me.
That's so beautiful.
Trying to find her
own successor.
I remember a movie where
Greer Garson was dying
and she did the same thing with
Vivien Leigh for Ronald Colman.
And they all lived
happily ever after.
Except Greer.
Cindy?
Cindy, would you consider
spending some time with me?
Letting my wife see us together.
Oh.
It would be a privilege.
We just have to be
absolutely certain
that she comes in at
the precise moment.
- Excuse me, Doc.
- Oh, hi, Harold.
I see you're following
my prescription.
Doc, we need your
help to get my wife
to come to Cindy's
cabin tonight.
Aloha Deck, 357.
Say, right at 9:00 sharp.
Aloha 357 at 9:00 sharp.
And what will be happening?
Oh, we'll be doing everything
we can to make his wife happy.
JULIE: That's on deck four.
- Hi, Karen.
- Hi Julie, I've been looking for you.
Oh?
I was thinking about
the show tonight.
I don't think there's
gonna be a show.
- Let Oscar go on, Julie.
- [CHUCKLES]
Well, you see, I
signed up a seal act.
Now, how do you do
a seal act with no seal?
He doesn't need a seal.
He's funny without it.
I know you're crazy
about the guy...
KAREN: You have
to give him a chance.
He's convinced that without
Shirley he's worthless.
Oh, Julie please.
I'm talking about more than
an act, I'm talking about his life.
Well, is he willing?
He will be when I
finish talking to him.
Okay, we'll give it a shot. But
if you're wrong, just remember,
the three of us may have
to swim back to Los Angeles.
STUBING: Come in.
You know, if you're busy,
we can come back later.
Next month?
Impersonating
a superior officer,
unauthorized
passenger on the bridge,
degrading a superior...
- Well?
- Would you believe we were drunk?
- No.
- I didn't think you would.
Your turn.
Captain... this whole thing...
- wasn't Gopher's fault.
- Oh?
Can I speak to you alone?
- You're dismissed.
- [CLEARS THROAT]
Sir, um...
by "dismissed," do you mean
dismissed or do you mean...
- [CLICKS TONGUE]
- I'll let you know later.
Captain, what you
overheard on the bridge was...
Isaac, do you know what I heard?
I heard a man trying to live up to
an image other people have of him.
But sir, Mrs. Williams was a
very special woman in my life.
A teacher.
She...
She expected great things of me.
Okay.
Let's say that she was
fooled by the masquerade.
But ultimately, the only one
you'd be kidding is yourself.
The problem that needs answering
is not what Mrs.
Williams wants of Isaac...
but what Isaac wants of Isaac.
Have a word with her.
If she's the woman I think she is,
she may help you with your answer.
Thank you, Captain.
You're dismissed.
Sir...
by dismissed, do you mean...
You're not fired.
- Thank you.
- Yet.
- It's almost show time.
- What are you talking about?
You have to go on.
- I can't go on without Shirley.
- Yes, you can.
I know you can. I've seen you.
You're bright and
funny and witty.
- That was Shirley.
- It was you!
Maybe I'm prejudiced because
I'm in love with you but...
- I'm sure you...
- In love with me?
[CHUCKLES] I thought it
was only me in love with you.
I know you can do
it. You really can.
A seal act without a seal.
Well, that's
certainly different.
Then you'll do it?
Well, if I fail, at
least we won't starve.
Bottom line, is that we've got 300
pounds of frozen fish to fall back on.
[WATER RUNNING]
CINDY: Be right out.
Don't hurry on my account.
Did you leave the door unlocked?
One minute to 9:00.
- There's lots of time.
- Not really, we'd better get started.
But I... I...
Doc, I been lookin'
all over for you.
- Have you seen Mrs. Rogers?
- Not lately. Look, Doc...
There is a super
chick, right over there,
who is dying to meet you.
She says she freaks on medics.
Yeah, but first I have to...
- She does?
- Right over there.
You'd better get started,
Doc, there's not much time.
Ship gets in tomorrow afternoon.
[APPLAUSE]
Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen,
tonight the Acapulco Lounge
proudly presents...
Oscar and Shirley.
[APPLAUSE]
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
A funny thing happened
to me on my way over here.
Shirley decided to put
me in business for myself.
Now, it was quite a blow.
Shirley and I were very close.
We worked together
for over ten years.
And well, Shirley was more
than a partner, she was...
Well, how would you men like
it if you woke up in the morning
and you found out your wife had
run off and was never coming back?
[LAUGHTER]
You sir, why are you laughing?
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
Now, on with the show.
- A one...
- [RING CLATTERS]
A two... and a three...
Now, I have to confess that this
trick is a lot more effective with a seal.
[LAUGHTER]
My next number is a
duet, and without Shirley,
I'm gonna need a volunteer.
Anybody want to volunteer?
[CROWD MURMURING]
Anybody want to volun...
Gopher, how about you?
- Oh, no, no, I don't...
- Come on, come on.
- [APPLAUSE]
- Come on and have some fun!
Come on, now!
It's very simple, you see, I
play... On the harmonica, I play...
[SINGS "THE BLUE DANUBE"]
♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum
And you play on the horns...
♪ Dum-dum, dum-dum
- You got it?
- I guess so.
Oh, that's good. Come on
now, it's really very simple.
You know, this could
be a steady job for you.
I hope you like anchovies.
- No, no, no.
- They don't work.
You don't squeeze
them, you blow into them.
You'll get the hang of it.
Just sit down. You ready now?
Here we go.
[BLOWS FIVE NOTES]
[PLAY THREE HALTING NOTES]
That's perfect, wonderful.
[PLAYS FIVE NOTES]
[PLAYS FOUR NOTES]
- [PLAYS FIVE NOTES]
- [PLAYS FOUR NOTES]
Now in tempo... [PLAYING FASTER]
A little faster.
[BOTH PLAYING FASTER]
Faster.
[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]
Doc!
Oh, hi, Harold.
Oh, no! I blew it.
I forgot to get your
wife. I'm terribly sorry.
Do you realize what
you just put me through?
I spent the last four hours lying
in bed next to a naked woman!
- Well, why are you angry?
- How would you feel?
I would... I
apologize, sincerely.
Because of you, I've been
making love all night long.
For nothing.
- Harold...
- You ruined my whole evening.
Okay, I'll tell
you what I'll do.
I'll go get your wife now and bring
her and you go back inside with Cindy.
Back to Cindy? Are you crazy?
I'm lucky to be alive.
What can I do to help?
Nothing. I have
a plan of my own.
Harriet may be ready to lose me,
but there are other
things more important
where she may not
be ready to give up.
Oh. Well, what if your
plan doesn't work?
Then I'll just have to
try Cindy's way again.
Harold! Where have you been?
I looked everywhere for you.
There were so many women
at the dance, all candidates.
- Let's go up and see...
- Harriet, the search is over.
I've found your successor!
Oh?
Well, that blonde that you
approved of. You remember.
- The young one with the...
- She'll be fine.
I was with her in
her cabin a while,
and I think we're
pretty, you know, um...
compatible.
Oh that's nice.
No, it really is.
It's what I wanted. I
just have to accept it.
I guess it's all settled.
I guess so.
Well, just a few little details.
Be sure and have your savings
account transferred to her name now.
There's a little sports car she
likes and it'll be just enough.
My bank account?
I saved that from the
house money, Harold.
It took me eleven years...
Believe me, she'll
appreciate it all the more.
And it'd be better if you didn't
wear that necklace anymore.
Cindy likes it, and it
might get scratched.
No Harold, wrong.
What's the difference?
- You'll be gone anyway.
- Wrong again, Harold.
There'll be no sports
car. Oh, no, Harold.
[CRYING] I'm going to keep
the blue dress and the necklace.
And I'm going to live
for however long it takes!
- You're sure?
- Yes!
Well, I'll tell Cindy
the deal's off.
And there'll be no more
talk of another woman?
No more. Ever.
Oh, I guess I just
didn't realize, Harold...
That's all I wanted to hear.
I love you Harriet,
and I always will.
I love you, too, Harold.
That's the only reason I ever...
But let's not talk
about it anymore.
Let's make this a
night to remember.
Right, we'll go right
up to the dance and...
I've got a better idea, Harold.
Harold... come to bed.
I was right all along.
They will be burying me first.
Good evening, Mrs. Williams.
Oh, good evening, Isaac.
I have a confession
to make to you.
I'm not the first
officer of this ship.
I'm the chief bartender.
- I know.
- You do?
When I told Carl about it,
he thought it was a coincident
that the bartender
was named Isaac.
So I thought it was
more than a coincident.
And I checked.
- You disappointed?
- Yes.
Very.
Oh, not in you, Isaac.
In myself. For not
being a better teacher.
But, Mrs. Williams, you were
the best teacher I ever had.
Then why wasn't I able to teach
you that who you are isn't important?
It's what you are that counts.
Isaac, do you think
it matters to me
whether you're a
bartender, a ditch digger
or a captain of a luxury liner?
All that matters to me
is that you are happy
at what you're doing.
And whatever it is,
you're doing your best!
You know... school's
been out all these years,
and I think you just taught me
the most important lesson of all.
Mrs. Williams, I love you.
I hate to leave this ship.
Last night was the most
wonderful night I've had in years.
I'm sure it was for you.
Yes dear, it was wonderful.
Oh, Harold, I want to make up
for the agony I've put you through.
From now on, I
promise that every night
will be wonderfully wild and
passionate, like last night.
Can I sit down for a minute?
Of course, dear.
Mrs. Rogers!
- You're still alive!
- I certainly am.
But he doesn't look too well.
I didn't get much
sleep last night.
Should you ever
again decide to pass on,
I just want you to know
that you can go peacefully,
because I'll be waiting
in the wings for Harold.
I wouldn't wait, dear.
When I go, Harold will be
more than ready to go with me.
Oh, I was afraid I'd miss
saying goodbye to you.
No chance, Mrs. Williams.
I've been watching for you.
And you be sure and
drive this boat carefully...
It's a ship, Mrs. Williams.
And you don't drive it...
Mr. Washington, I don't think
we're ready to teach the teacher.
When you come back Mrs. Williams,
you and I will go up on the bridge
and you can drive the
boat any way you want.
Oh, thank you, Captain.
CARL: Captain, thank you
for a most enjoyable trip.
STUBING: You're very welcome.
JULIE: Bye-bye,
thanks for sailing with us.
MAN: Bye-bye.
Well, I guess it's goodbye.
We sure want to thank
you for everything.
You more than thanked us with
that sensational solo act of Oscar's.
Solo? What about me?
Listen, would you consider
giving up the sea and becoming a...
[SHIRLEY BARKING]
OSCAR: Oh, Shirley...
Looks like I've
already been replaced.
Your brother's at the gangway.
He said that she turned
up at your beach house.
I guess she got homesick
and changed her mind.
You want to come back?
Okay, but on my terms.
First, no more temperament.
And second, we've got
a new manager: Karen.
Take it or leave it.
- [BARKS]
- Well, I guess a raise is in order.
Five fish an hour.
[BARKS]
Split the difference.
Seven and a half.
We got a deal. Come on
Karen, come on Shirley.
Bye!
ALL: Bye-bye!
♪ Love
♪ Exciting and new
♪ Come aboard
♪ We're expecting you ♪ And love
♪ Life's sweetest reward
♪ Let it flow
♪ It floats back to
you ♪ The Love Boat
♪ Soon will be
making another run
♪ The Love Boat
♪ Promises
something for everyone
♪ Set a course for adventure
♪ Your mind on a new romance
♪ And love
♪ Won't hurt anymore
♪ It's an open smile
♪ On a friendly
shore ♪ It's love
♪ Welcome aboard ♪ It's love ♪
Hey, welcome aboard.
They're here! They're here!
Oh, she's so cute! Hi!
Come here, baby. Come here!
[GRUNTING]
Come on, Shirley.
VICKI: Hi, Shirley,
welcome aboard.
Shake hands?
- Oh!
- Well, it didn't take you long
to find a friend,
did it Shirley?
Well, unless there's
someone else onboard
with a seal named Shirley,
you must be Oscar Tilson.
- Oh, yes... Oh, you're Julie McCoy.
- Yes, welcome aboard.
Thank you. Hey, Shirley,
say hello to the young lady
who booked our
act for this cruise.
- [SHIRLEY BARKING]
- [LAUGHS]
If she doesn't get
paid on time, she sulks.
Oh.
- Like my agent.
- [LAUGHS]
Well, we'd better get
unpacked. Come on, Shirley.
We'll see you later.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Haven't I seen
her on television?
- Yes, you have, Miss, uh...
- Karen Hughes.
Okay. Yes, you're on the
Fiesta Deck, cabin 136.
Isn't he adorable?
JULIE: Oh, the seal's a she,
Miss Hughes. Her name is Shirley.
I wasn't talking about her,
I was talking about him.
And I think that this cruise...
Oh, no. I'll see
you later, Gopher.
Welcome aboard.
Oh, I'm Hattie Williams,
and this is my grandson, Carl.
Oh, um... let's see.
You are, uh, in adjoining
cabins on Aloha Deck,
- cabins 130 and 132.
- Is something wrong?
- You don't get rowdy or mean, do you?
- No, why?
Well, it's just that I'd have
to be the one to stop you
and I hate to be a failure.
[LAUGHS] Carl
wouldn't hurt a fly.
It wasn't a fly I
was thinking of.
How do you do, welcome aboard.
Hello, we're Mr. and Mrs. Rogers.
Which way to Promenade 340?
- Oh, up the stairs and to your right.
- Thank you.
Tell me, are there many
single girls on this cruise?
- We do get quite a few...
- Good. I may need your help.
I want to find one
for my husband.
[HORN BLOWING]
[CHEERING]
Harold, how about that one?
Harriet, stop it. I'm not
interested in any other women.
I'm happy with you.
But you're not gonna have
me around much longer,
and I want to make sure you're
well cared for after I'm gone.
You're not going anywhere.
I know your mother passed
away at an early age but...
Yes, and so did her
mother and her sister.
But that doesn't
mean that you're
- gonna pass away...
- Yes it does, Harold.
It's the curse of
the Dumbrowskis.
The men live forever and
the women never make it to 45.
Harriet, only the other day, the
doctor said you were in perfect health.
What does a doctor
know about curses?
Now, sit back and enjoy.
I've made a great
selection for you.
All you have to do is pick one.
Wait, wait, wait, you
have a customer over here.
Well, tell 'em the bar's closed.
What's the matter with Isaac?
- You know what I think?
- What?
I think he's afraid of
that big guy over there.
Well, if you have to
be afraid of someone,
I guess he's a good choice.
- [BARKING]
- What's the matter, Shirley?
- [BARKS]
- Oh, I'm sorry.
Sorry, I just wasn't watching.
- How's that? Any better?
- [CROAKING]
You should gargle.
Hi, I'm Karen Hughes.
Oh, hi, Karen.
[CHUCKLING] I'm...
I'm Oscar Tilson.
- Uh, that's Shirley.
- Hi, Shirley.
I hope I'm not
interrupting anything.
I just thought you might like
to talk to a human for a change.
[BARKING]
Oh, she was only
kidding, Shirley.
She's very sensitive.
You think she knew what
we were talking about?
Mm-hm.
But that's impossible,
she's just an animal.
[ANGRY GRUNT]
She was only joking, honey.
Um, would you be a little
careful with what you say?
You see, she's my bread and butter,
and without her I don't have an act.
That's not true.
You're the real star.
[BARKING]
I've seen you on television.
Johnny Carson, Merv
Griffin, John Davidson...
- You were marvelous.
- Oh, thank you.
Of course, they only invite
me because of Shirley.
But it's you they talk to.
And you're funny and
bright and have the...
Well, I'm only a schoolteacher,
and I don't know much
about your business,
but despite what you
say, I think you're great.
Well, thank you. You
are very, very sweet...
I'd better get her to the cabin.
Hey, listen, why don't you
come to rehearsal later?
- I'd love to.
- Oh, wonderful!
[GRUNTS]
All right, all right. I'm
coming, I'm coming.
After you.
Bye-bye.
- [SHIRLEY BARKS]
- That's your opinion.
Before I return your tray, are
you moving back in or just visiting?
Sorry about that.
Something urgent came up.
I think it's coming up again.
- Bartender.
- Yes, sir?
Could you bring a glass of
orange juice to that table?
Got you covered.
I'll be right there.
Could you make that a pair? My
grandmother would like one, too.
- Your grandmother?
- Thanks.
Here, it's time for my break.
Isaac, wait a minute! Isaac!
- It's your turn.
- Huh?
How about her?
No.
Harold, you've got
to be cooperative.
Now, I've picked out
nine women so far, and...
and you've said
no to all of them.
Harriet... Harriet, I'm...
I'm not going to play
this game with you.
What's the matter?
Don't you like any of
the ones I've picked out?
Well, you know, they...
They are kind of, um...
You know, they're older.
Oh.
You want someone younger.
Sure.
Why fly tourist when
I can go deluxe?
Well, you pick one out.
There.
Her? The young one with... Her.
[LAUGHING]
You'll be dead before me.
[PLAYS FIVE NOTES
FROM "THE BLUE DANUBE"]
[PLAYS FOUR NOTES]
A little slow.
[BARKING]
[PLAYS FIVE NOTES]
- [CROAKS]
- What's wrong, Shirley?
Huh?
- [SHIRLEY BARKS]
- Shirley, she's a guest.
[BARKS]
Well, big deal.
Will you please come...?
Oh, all right.
- Hi, Karen.
- Hi, something wrong with Shirley?
I think maybe she's jealous.
Now, look, um...
she's very possessive, and
we really have to rehearse,
so if you wouldn't mind, uh...
- You know...
- Oh, no, of course not.
- I'm sorry, but...
- I understand.
Goodbye, Shirley.
She did that on purpose!
I'm... I'm terribly sorry! I
don't know what to say, I...
Listen, can I see you
later, after I put her to bed?
Of course, I'll
look forward to it.
Shirley, that was terribly rude.
What have you got to say for yourself?
Oh, listen, you...
- Listen, you...
- [BARKING]
I think I'll run down and
pick up the evening paper.
See what's going
on in the world.
And, uh...
long as I'm down
there, I might...
might jog a couple of miles.
You know, loosen up a little.
Might even make it five
miles. Gotta keep in shape.
[CHUCKLES] Well,
I'll see you later.
Don't wait up for me.
[BARKS]
All right, all right.
Now I lay me down to sleep, I
pray the Lord my soul to keep...
Go to sleep.
[LOUD BARK]
Oh, yes, yes.
And bless Lloyd
Bridges and Flipper.
Now, go to sleep.
Isaac.
Isaac, Isaac, Isaac.
- Been friends a long time, right?
- I'm not gonna tell you.
Tell me what?
Why I've been acting so dumb.
Ahhh... I know you're
afraid of that big guy.
I'm not afraid of him. It's
that little lady with him.
Forget that you
heard that from me.
- The little old lady?
- She's Mrs. Williams.
My high school English teacher.
Oh, you're afraid of
your English teacher?
What'd you do, forget
to turn in a composition?
You wouldn't understand.
I just can't face her.
You were that bad, huh?
No, I was that good.
You're looking at Mrs.
Williams's prize student.
You know Isaac, it's amazing.
The more you talk, the
less sense you make.
Gopher, I was voted
most likely to succeed.
Some success, huh?
I guess I can make
a better Ramos Fizz
than the other guys that
are now doctors and lawyers.
But Mrs. Williams thought I
was gonna be a great journalist.
A Nobel Prize winner.
Ever try to write
with a swizzle stick?
That's why you're hiding, huh?
I just can't let her
see me as a bartender.
Even if it is chief bartender.
Well, I think you're being
awfully hard on yourself.
Isaac Washington?
- Oh, my!
- Mrs. Williams.
What a surprise.
Isaac, I didn't know you
were working on this boat.
Isaac Washington was
one of my best students.
Well, that doesn't surprise me.
I'm Burl Smith the
Assistant Purser.
- How nice to meet you.
- How do you do.
Tell me Isaac, what
you do on this ship?
Well, the fact is...
Well, what doesn't
he do, Mrs. Williams.
Isaac Washington here
is the heart of the ship.
He's first officer. That
far from being the captain.
I knew you'd succeed.
[NERVOUS CHUCKLE]
Yeah, well, uh...
Actually, uh, that's all wrong.
Well, he's so modest. Heck,
was he that way at school?
Oh, absolutely.
When he was elected
president of the student body,
he asked for a recount.
Well, that's the way
he is around here.
He is always concerned
about everybody.
Oh, tell me Isaac, do you suppose
I could see where you work?
I've never been on a big ship before
and I'd love to watch what you do.
Well, what I really do is...
Well, I don't see any problem
with that, Mrs. Williams.
With First Officer
Washington's permission,
I could set it up tomorrow
morning between 10:30 and 11:00.
When the ship docks in Puerto
Vallarta, Captain Stubing will go ashore
and leave the ship
in your hands. Mm?
Uh, right.
Wonderful. I'll see you
then in the morning, Isaac.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Now, you're acting dumb.
Do you think I'm going to become
the first officer by tomorrow morning?
Why not? We're equal
opportunity employers.
[SLOW JAZZ PLAYING]
Hi! I'm sorry if I'm late,
but I didn't want
Shirley to get suspicious.
I'm glad you're here.
You sure cater to Shirley.
Well, it's just that
she's so jealous.
Last month, I hired
this cleaning woman.
And, well Shirley saw us
together and she ran away.
- No...
- Yeah.
Just waddled down to
the water and took off.
She came back a week
later, thank heavens,
because without Shirley,
I'm out of business.
Oh, that's not true, you're
a very talented person.
And I don't ever want to hear
you putting yourself down again.
[CHUCKLING]
There she is. The
next Mrs. Rogers.
All right, Harold, you're on.
[SIGHING]
- Harold.
- What's the matter?
I feel like I'm sending
you off to school.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
I'm Harold Rogers.
Cindy Sterling.
Anybody ever tell you that
you look like George Brent?
- George who?
- Brent, the movie actor?
Maybe a little of
Herbert Marshall.
- Good evening.
- Look over there, he found a girl.
- That pretty blonde!
- Who did?
My husband.
Oh, well, I'm sure it's
just a temporary thing.
Bite your tongue.
Oh, I just love old
movies. I go all the time.
Basil Rathbone was one of...
I'm so glad to see you
two getting along like this.
You'll like him.
He's attractive,
thoughtful, a good provider.
And as a lover, Burt Reynolds
could take lessons from him.
Really?
You want references? I could
give them to you in writing.
Uh, well, um...
I think he's nice, too,
but... who are you?
I'm his wife.
Well, back to older women.
Hey, Shirley, wait up!
I never dreamed a TV star
would see anything in me.
And I never dreamed anything
like this could happen to me...
A guy who runs around
with a pocket full of fish...
- All I've ever attracted was pussycats.
- [LAUGHS]
I thought all I'd ever
have was Shirley.
But now I have so much more.
[BALL BOUNCING]
[GRUNTS]
[SPLASHING]
- What was that?
- I didn't hear anything.
Is Shirley here?
Here? No, she's asleep.
No, I just followed her
here. I thought she...
Oh, no!
Oh, my God!
Shirley.
She must've seen us.
She's jumped overboard!
Shirley! Shirley!
Shirley!
[LIVELY MEXICAN MUSIC PLAYING]
Gopher, if the captain
ever finds us in here, man...
Relax. We'll have her
out of here in five minutes.
The captain'll never know.
He went ashore with Vicki.
Now, you better put on
one of the Captain's hats.
- Cut that out!
- Excuse me...
- Oh, hi!
- Am I late?
Oh, no, no, no, Mrs. Williams.
You come right in. Come on in.
- Yes...
- Look official.
- Isn't this impressive?
- Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
Just what are
your duties, Isaac?
Mrs. Williams, what I
really want you to know is...
GOPHER: That's all
right, sir, I'll fill her in.
You just resume your
numerous responsibilities.
- [CLICKS HEELS]
- Mm!
- Is something wrong?
- Oh, no, no, no.
It's just that when First
Officer Washington is on duty,
his total attention
is to the ship.
- That's a good attitude.
- Mm-hm.
But, to answer your question,
Mr. Washington's in charge
of navigation,
maritime procedures,
engines, crew,
passengers, everything.
That doesn't leave much
for the Captain to do, does it?
Well, the captain is
just an honorary position.
They find some guy that
looks good in a uniform.
See, Captain Stubing
is just for show.
Judging dance
contests, that sort of thing.
- Are you the captain?
- Yes, ma'am.
[WHIMPERS]
I've just finished judging
a cha-cha contest.
You must be proud to have two
such fine, young men sailing with you.
I can't tell you how proud.
Well, I can see
you're very busy.
Thank you for showing me your
ship, First Officer Washington.
I'll, uh, walk you
back to your cabin.
I'll help.
Gentlemen...
If it isn't an imposition,
I'd like to see both of you
in my office tonight
right after we leave port.
- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.
I'll try to look real
good in my uniform.
The whole thing is crazy.
My wife is driving me nuts.
What am I going to do?
Well, why not just go
along with her idea?
You mean, really
find another woman?
Yeah.
That way she'll
enjoy the cruise.
And, heh... you
certainly will, too.
I don't want to be
with anyone else.
But you won't be for long.
The odds are when she finally
actually sees you paying attention
to some sexy, voluptuous woman,
she'll get jealous and
snap back into her senses.
- [SNAPS FINGERS]
- Maybe that'll do it.
What if she doesn't get
jealous? What if she approves?
Then you're stuck with a
sexy, voluptuous woman.
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- Come in.
I've lost her, Karen.
She's gone forever.
Stop blaming yourself.
It's not your fault.
I should never have
let her find out about us.
She was so sensitive.
You'll get another seal.
No, not like Shirley.
No, it's over.
My dreams, my career.
My... life.
Oscar.
All I have left
now are memories.
Memories and 300
pounds of anchovies.
Excuse me.
No, no, no, please, don't go.
Um... I want to apologize
for me and my wife.
We're not a kinky
couple, honest.
You're not?
It's just that she wants
to find a woman for me.
That's normal?
Harold, believe me, Irene
Dunne would not do it.
Oh, no, you don't understand.
You see, my wife is
convinced she's gonna die,
and she wants to be certain
that I'm be looked
after when she's gone.
Oh.
You mean... Oh, me.
That's so beautiful.
Trying to find her
own successor.
I remember a movie where
Greer Garson was dying
and she did the same thing with
Vivien Leigh for Ronald Colman.
And they all lived
happily ever after.
Except Greer.
Cindy?
Cindy, would you consider
spending some time with me?
Letting my wife see us together.
Oh.
It would be a privilege.
We just have to be
absolutely certain
that she comes in at
the precise moment.
- Excuse me, Doc.
- Oh, hi, Harold.
I see you're following
my prescription.
Doc, we need your
help to get my wife
to come to Cindy's
cabin tonight.
Aloha Deck, 357.
Say, right at 9:00 sharp.
Aloha 357 at 9:00 sharp.
And what will be happening?
Oh, we'll be doing everything
we can to make his wife happy.
JULIE: That's on deck four.
- Hi, Karen.
- Hi Julie, I've been looking for you.
Oh?
I was thinking about
the show tonight.
I don't think there's
gonna be a show.
- Let Oscar go on, Julie.
- [CHUCKLES]
Well, you see, I
signed up a seal act.
Now, how do you do
a seal act with no seal?
He doesn't need a seal.
He's funny without it.
I know you're crazy
about the guy...
KAREN: You have
to give him a chance.
He's convinced that without
Shirley he's worthless.
Oh, Julie please.
I'm talking about more than
an act, I'm talking about his life.
Well, is he willing?
He will be when I
finish talking to him.
Okay, we'll give it a shot. But
if you're wrong, just remember,
the three of us may have
to swim back to Los Angeles.
STUBING: Come in.
You know, if you're busy,
we can come back later.
Next month?
Impersonating
a superior officer,
unauthorized
passenger on the bridge,
degrading a superior...
- Well?
- Would you believe we were drunk?
- No.
- I didn't think you would.
Your turn.
Captain... this whole thing...
- wasn't Gopher's fault.
- Oh?
Can I speak to you alone?
- You're dismissed.
- [CLEARS THROAT]
Sir, um...
by "dismissed," do you mean
dismissed or do you mean...
- [CLICKS TONGUE]
- I'll let you know later.
Captain, what you
overheard on the bridge was...
Isaac, do you know what I heard?
I heard a man trying to live up to
an image other people have of him.
But sir, Mrs. Williams was a
very special woman in my life.
A teacher.
She...
She expected great things of me.
Okay.
Let's say that she was
fooled by the masquerade.
But ultimately, the only one
you'd be kidding is yourself.
The problem that needs answering
is not what Mrs.
Williams wants of Isaac...
but what Isaac wants of Isaac.
Have a word with her.
If she's the woman I think she is,
she may help you with your answer.
Thank you, Captain.
You're dismissed.
Sir...
by dismissed, do you mean...
You're not fired.
- Thank you.
- Yet.
- It's almost show time.
- What are you talking about?
You have to go on.
- I can't go on without Shirley.
- Yes, you can.
I know you can. I've seen you.
You're bright and
funny and witty.
- That was Shirley.
- It was you!
Maybe I'm prejudiced because
I'm in love with you but...
- I'm sure you...
- In love with me?
[CHUCKLES] I thought it
was only me in love with you.
I know you can do
it. You really can.
A seal act without a seal.
Well, that's
certainly different.
Then you'll do it?
Well, if I fail, at
least we won't starve.
Bottom line, is that we've got 300
pounds of frozen fish to fall back on.
[WATER RUNNING]
CINDY: Be right out.
Don't hurry on my account.
Did you leave the door unlocked?
One minute to 9:00.
- There's lots of time.
- Not really, we'd better get started.
But I... I...
Doc, I been lookin'
all over for you.
- Have you seen Mrs. Rogers?
- Not lately. Look, Doc...
There is a super
chick, right over there,
who is dying to meet you.
She says she freaks on medics.
Yeah, but first I have to...
- She does?
- Right over there.
You'd better get started,
Doc, there's not much time.
Ship gets in tomorrow afternoon.
[APPLAUSE]
Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen,
tonight the Acapulco Lounge
proudly presents...
Oscar and Shirley.
[APPLAUSE]
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
A funny thing happened
to me on my way over here.
Shirley decided to put
me in business for myself.
Now, it was quite a blow.
Shirley and I were very close.
We worked together
for over ten years.
And well, Shirley was more
than a partner, she was...
Well, how would you men like
it if you woke up in the morning
and you found out your wife had
run off and was never coming back?
[LAUGHTER]
You sir, why are you laughing?
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
Now, on with the show.
- A one...
- [RING CLATTERS]
A two... and a three...
Now, I have to confess that this
trick is a lot more effective with a seal.
[LAUGHTER]
My next number is a
duet, and without Shirley,
I'm gonna need a volunteer.
Anybody want to volunteer?
[CROWD MURMURING]
Anybody want to volun...
Gopher, how about you?
- Oh, no, no, I don't...
- Come on, come on.
- [APPLAUSE]
- Come on and have some fun!
Come on, now!
It's very simple, you see, I
play... On the harmonica, I play...
[SINGS "THE BLUE DANUBE"]
♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum
And you play on the horns...
♪ Dum-dum, dum-dum
- You got it?
- I guess so.
Oh, that's good. Come on
now, it's really very simple.
You know, this could
be a steady job for you.
I hope you like anchovies.
- No, no, no.
- They don't work.
You don't squeeze
them, you blow into them.
You'll get the hang of it.
Just sit down. You ready now?
Here we go.
[BLOWS FIVE NOTES]
[PLAY THREE HALTING NOTES]
That's perfect, wonderful.
[PLAYS FIVE NOTES]
[PLAYS FOUR NOTES]
- [PLAYS FIVE NOTES]
- [PLAYS FOUR NOTES]
Now in tempo... [PLAYING FASTER]
A little faster.
[BOTH PLAYING FASTER]
Faster.
[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]
Doc!
Oh, hi, Harold.
Oh, no! I blew it.
I forgot to get your
wife. I'm terribly sorry.
Do you realize what
you just put me through?
I spent the last four hours lying
in bed next to a naked woman!
- Well, why are you angry?
- How would you feel?
I would... I
apologize, sincerely.
Because of you, I've been
making love all night long.
For nothing.
- Harold...
- You ruined my whole evening.
Okay, I'll tell
you what I'll do.
I'll go get your wife now and bring
her and you go back inside with Cindy.
Back to Cindy? Are you crazy?
I'm lucky to be alive.
What can I do to help?
Nothing. I have
a plan of my own.
Harriet may be ready to lose me,
but there are other
things more important
where she may not
be ready to give up.
Oh. Well, what if your
plan doesn't work?
Then I'll just have to
try Cindy's way again.
Harold! Where have you been?
I looked everywhere for you.
There were so many women
at the dance, all candidates.
- Let's go up and see...
- Harriet, the search is over.
I've found your successor!
Oh?
Well, that blonde that you
approved of. You remember.
- The young one with the...
- She'll be fine.
I was with her in
her cabin a while,
and I think we're
pretty, you know, um...
compatible.
Oh that's nice.
No, it really is.
It's what I wanted. I
just have to accept it.
I guess it's all settled.
I guess so.
Well, just a few little details.
Be sure and have your savings
account transferred to her name now.
There's a little sports car she
likes and it'll be just enough.
My bank account?
I saved that from the
house money, Harold.
It took me eleven years...
Believe me, she'll
appreciate it all the more.
And it'd be better if you didn't
wear that necklace anymore.
Cindy likes it, and it
might get scratched.
No Harold, wrong.
What's the difference?
- You'll be gone anyway.
- Wrong again, Harold.
There'll be no sports
car. Oh, no, Harold.
[CRYING] I'm going to keep
the blue dress and the necklace.
And I'm going to live
for however long it takes!
- You're sure?
- Yes!
Well, I'll tell Cindy
the deal's off.
And there'll be no more
talk of another woman?
No more. Ever.
Oh, I guess I just
didn't realize, Harold...
That's all I wanted to hear.
I love you Harriet,
and I always will.
I love you, too, Harold.
That's the only reason I ever...
But let's not talk
about it anymore.
Let's make this a
night to remember.
Right, we'll go right
up to the dance and...
I've got a better idea, Harold.
Harold... come to bed.
I was right all along.
They will be burying me first.
Good evening, Mrs. Williams.
Oh, good evening, Isaac.
I have a confession
to make to you.
I'm not the first
officer of this ship.
I'm the chief bartender.
- I know.
- You do?
When I told Carl about it,
he thought it was a coincident
that the bartender
was named Isaac.
So I thought it was
more than a coincident.
And I checked.
- You disappointed?
- Yes.
Very.
Oh, not in you, Isaac.
In myself. For not
being a better teacher.
But, Mrs. Williams, you were
the best teacher I ever had.
Then why wasn't I able to teach
you that who you are isn't important?
It's what you are that counts.
Isaac, do you think
it matters to me
whether you're a
bartender, a ditch digger
or a captain of a luxury liner?
All that matters to me
is that you are happy
at what you're doing.
And whatever it is,
you're doing your best!
You know... school's
been out all these years,
and I think you just taught me
the most important lesson of all.
Mrs. Williams, I love you.
I hate to leave this ship.
Last night was the most
wonderful night I've had in years.
I'm sure it was for you.
Yes dear, it was wonderful.
Oh, Harold, I want to make up
for the agony I've put you through.
From now on, I
promise that every night
will be wonderfully wild and
passionate, like last night.
Can I sit down for a minute?
Of course, dear.
Mrs. Rogers!
- You're still alive!
- I certainly am.
But he doesn't look too well.
I didn't get much
sleep last night.
Should you ever
again decide to pass on,
I just want you to know
that you can go peacefully,
because I'll be waiting
in the wings for Harold.
I wouldn't wait, dear.
When I go, Harold will be
more than ready to go with me.
Oh, I was afraid I'd miss
saying goodbye to you.
No chance, Mrs. Williams.
I've been watching for you.
And you be sure and
drive this boat carefully...
It's a ship, Mrs. Williams.
And you don't drive it...
Mr. Washington, I don't think
we're ready to teach the teacher.
When you come back Mrs. Williams,
you and I will go up on the bridge
and you can drive the
boat any way you want.
Oh, thank you, Captain.
CARL: Captain, thank you
for a most enjoyable trip.
STUBING: You're very welcome.
JULIE: Bye-bye,
thanks for sailing with us.
MAN: Bye-bye.
Well, I guess it's goodbye.
We sure want to thank
you for everything.
You more than thanked us with
that sensational solo act of Oscar's.
Solo? What about me?
Listen, would you consider
giving up the sea and becoming a...
[SHIRLEY BARKING]
OSCAR: Oh, Shirley...
Looks like I've
already been replaced.
Your brother's at the gangway.
He said that she turned
up at your beach house.
I guess she got homesick
and changed her mind.
You want to come back?
Okay, but on my terms.
First, no more temperament.
And second, we've got
a new manager: Karen.
Take it or leave it.
- [BARKS]
- Well, I guess a raise is in order.
Five fish an hour.
[BARKS]
Split the difference.
Seven and a half.
We got a deal. Come on
Karen, come on Shirley.
Bye!
ALL: Bye-bye!