The Love Boat (1977–1987): Season 3, Episode 3 - The Grass Is Always Greener/Three Stages of Love/Oldies But Goodies - full transcript
Julie envies her friend Tina, who gave up a career for marriage. Mike annoys his girlfriend Robin with constant talk about love's stages. A romance between seniors Nora and Phillip is disrupted by her flighty daughter and his stuffy valet.
(theme music playing)
♪ Love ♪
♪ Exciting and new ♪
♪ Come aboard ♪
♪ We're expecting you ♪
♪ And love ♪
♪ Life's sweetest reward ♪
♪ Let it flow ♪
♪ It floats back to you ♪
♪ The Love Boat ♪
♪ Soon we'll be
making Another run ♪
♪ The Love Boat ♪
♪ Promises something
For everyone ♪
♪ Set a course for adventure ♪
♪ Your mind on a new romance ♪
♪ And love ♪
♪ Won't hurt anymore ♪
♪ It's an open smile ♪
♪ On a friendly shore ♪
♪ It's love ♪
♪ Welcome aboard it's love. ♪
(music playing)
ISAAC: Good morning. JULIE: Hi.
GOPHER: Good
morning. Welcome aboard.
JULIE: Hello. GOPHER:
Thank you for sailing.
(music)
So romantic.
Should be. It's our anniversary.
In five days, we'll have gotten
together exactly 7.5 months.
I can't believe
it's been that long.
Well, stage one of a
romance always goes by fast.
What's stage one?
That's when you can't keep
your hands off each other,
and you don't care
who's watching.
That's us.
I hope it lasts forever.
Hi. Welcome aboard.
Everything okay?
Oh, just great.
We're stage one.
Isn't it wonderful
to watch young love.
Ah, it's even
better to participate.
(music)
You look lost.
No. I'm waiting for my daughter.
She's the one who
made the reservation.
Oh, well let's see
what cabin you're in.
Oh. Thank you.
The name, please?
The name?
Uh, that could be a problem.
She's been married
so many times.
Her name wouldn't
be Bricker, would it?
No.
I... I never can keep it straight
which name she's using.
Uh, is there a Daphne Mitchell?
Uh, no.
Leffler?
Uh-uh.
McClurk?
No.
Is there a Tindall?
No.
What's that blonde
fellow's name?
Uh, Beyorklin?
No. There's no
Daphne Mitchell, Leffler,
McClurk, Tindall, Beyorklin.
Mother!
There she is.
Daphne, there seems to be
a mix up in the reservations.
Oh, Mother, can't I even ask
you to do the simplest thing?
Could I see that
clipboard, please?
Here, hold this.
(music)
Well, there we are.
Daphne Knox, cabin
358, Aloha deck.
She's using the maiden name.
Not for long, Mother, that's
what this cruise is all about.
What in the world is this?
It belongs to this young lady.
I'll... I'll take it. They're
my daughter's wigs.
I don't care if they're
the queen's knickers.
Hey, Buster, that's my
mother you're talking to.
You must be the
bald-headed daughter.
Who do you think you are?
I happen to be this
gentleman's gentleman.
That's a joke.
If you're a gentleman,
then I'm Diana Ross.
Really?
- In that case, I...
- Stuff a sock in it fella.
Mother.
If I were you Perkins, I'd
ask for two out of three falls.
(music)
Julie!
Oh, Tina!
I'm so happy to see you!
Where's that old
husband of yours, Mac?
Well, he canceled
at the last minute,
and I... I took Brian
with me instead.
Brian?
I can hardly believe it.
The last time I saw you,
you were just a little baby.
Hey, Gopher. Come here, I
want you to meet my friend.
This is Brian and Tina Phillips.
Hi. How are you?
You might remember
my talking about Tina.
Oh, yeah. You want
to hear what she said?
Hey, uh, which one of
you guys is the captain?
- Well, actually...
- He's not.
I, however, am the
first assistant purser,
in charge of all
passengers under four feet.
Come on. I'll show you around.
Tina and I took our
cruiser director course
under Captain Stubing.
- Ah.
- We trained together.
Really?
We even shared a cabin.
Fantastic.
Guess who we
both had a crush on.
Captain Stubing.
How did you find that out?
- Tina.
- Hi.
Tina Phillips!
Oh, my favorite trainee
and my biggest crush.
Oh.
(Ship's horn blowing)
(music)
You needn't have been
so rude to those ladies.
Sir, it's part of my
job to act as a buffer
between you and undesirables.
They weren't both undesirable.
Well, if you found that my
services have been inadequate,
then perhaps I
should just resign.
Oh, Perkins, don't
start that again.
I have tried very hard to
meet your expectations.
What I expect on a vacation
is to have a good time.
Now, why don't we just
relax and try to enjoy this trip?
Just as you say, sir.
(music)
Yo.
- Hi.
- How you doing?
You know what
I've been thinking?
What's that?
Maybe I could give up my
apartment and move in with you.
I mean, I have most of my
stuff at your place anyway.
I know.
The other day the cleaning lady
asked me how I
liked my Lady Schick.
Well, don't you think
that my Indian throw rug
would look good in your place?
Now that is a stage two
question if ever I heard one.
Mike, what is it with
you and all these stages?
That's just the way
things go. That's all.
Stage two is when kissy, huggy
settles down to comfy cozy.
Sounds lovely.
So predictable.
All right. We'll
stay in stage one.
- Not possible.
- Why not?
Because I've been
through it all before.
It always comes out the same.
All right.
We're heading for stage two.
What are our
chances of making it?
I think your rug would
look best in my den.
(romantic music)
All I said, dear, was couldn't
you just wear something
a little less revealing.
And all I said was don't
bring your 1910 morals
along on my trip.
- Daphne, I'm just trying to...
- Mother, don't fuss over me.
I'm a mature woman.
I've been married five times.
Exactly.
It's my life, mother. You're
just along for the ride.
(music)
Hi.
I'm Phillip Shafer.
Hello.
Nora Knox.
You don't recognize me
without my wheelchair.
Oh, of course.
I'm sorry.
You're sorry? You ever try to
tap dance in one of those rigs?
Sit down.
Thank you.
I wanted to apologize for
my man, Perkins' rudeness.
Oh, I've forgotten
about that already.
I wish you hadn't.
I was thinking of buying you
a drink as a peace offering.
Well, I'd still be happy
to have a drink with you.
Do you want me
to call the waiter?
No. I was thinking more of a
cozy booth in the Pirate's Cove.
That way I could
consider it our first date.
- Well...
- I'll take that as a yes.
Please do.
Would you be good enough
to get that chair over here?
- Oh, of course.
- Please?
And what, Madame, do
you think you're doing?
Well, Mr. Shafer
and I were going...
I will take care of my duties!
Thank you, Perkins,
but you're free to go.
Mrs. Knox and I were
planning on having a little drink.
I believe your schedule
calls for therapy.
- Perkins!
- Sir,
my work is difficult
enough as it is
without you interfering
with the schedule.
I think you better go
have your therapy.
Perkins, my jacket is right
over there at that table.
Of course.
I'll humor him this afternoon,
then we can sneak
away for dinner tonight.
Sounds wonderful.
We'll start with a drink
right here say about 7:30?
I'll be here. Could you
hand me my purse?
Sure.
Sir, your jacket and
good day, Madame.
May I help you, sir?
(music)
BRIAN: I'm making a big monster.
There. Redder lips.
Hi.
- Hello.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Thanks. These are
neat pencils, Julie.
Why, you're welcome.
You're a pretty neat artist.
And thank you for me
too. It was a blessing.
He's been occupied for two
hours, and I needed the rest.
You needed the rest? I'm
the one that's been working.
You call this work?
Do they pay you
or do you pay them?
What do you think?
I think...
Oh, it's lovely.
Who is it?
Teresa.
I'll make you now.
Oh, thank you.
Whose Teresa?
Teresa is the housekeeper,
and Brian is crazy about her.
Housekeeper?
Oh, we have quite
a large house now.
Well, you've come
a long way, baby.
Well, who's this
handsome young man?
Hmm and talented too?
Well, this must be Brian.
Hi. I bet your head burns.
It's not allowed to.
I am the Captain.
Well, I see that talent
runs in the family.
And I see that you haven't
forgotten how to be a flatterer,
you old rascal you.
Oh, by the way, Julie, I
see that you're planning
a Mexican fiesta night.
Now, couldn't we come up
with something a little more
exciting?
How about a toga party?
Not that exciting.
You're so lucky, Julie.
It sounds like such fun.
What does?
Planning all these
parties and everything.
What a life.
Yeah.
What a life?
(music)
You know that Tina is so lucky.
Brian is such a doll.
Look what he gave me.
Oh.
Can't get something
like that from a career.
Whoa. Wait a minute.
What happened to
the old women's lib?
Ah, the heck with women's lib.
Right now, I would
like to trade in my cabin
for a nice frilly bedroom
and a big house,
with kids and pets, and two cars
and a live-in maid.
Sounds to me like you
got a case of Tina envy.
Tina envy? I don't envy Tina.
It's just that everything
she has, I want.
Oh, I can dig it.
Especially the two cars.
I kind of go for
the live-in maid.
Guys, you know what I mean.
Tina made the right choice.
I mean, she could have done
what I did and gone for the career,
but where would
that have gotten her?
Cabo San Lucas,
Puerto Vallarta, Acapulco.
Alaska.
(music)
Excuse me, guys. I got to go.
Oh, man. I said the wrong thing.
Oh. Only if you're
insensitive to romance.
Or consider a broken
heart just another toy.
(sad music)
Well, sir.
We seem to be a touch
high this evening, 160/95.
When it gets up to 200, sell.
The fact that you're in good
enough spirits to take humor
does not alter these results.
Don't get that forbidding
look on your face.
I have plans for tonight.
Apparently you failed
to inform your heart.
Now, tonight, sir, you
should eat in and retire early.
For God's sakes, Perkins, I
am not mentally incapacitated.
I can manage my own life!
Yes, sir.
However, I was hired to
make sure that you have a life
to manage.
Since I seem to be
aggravating your condition,
I should stay out of your sight.
Whenever you're ready to
order something from the menu,
just call me.
(sad music)
What do you know about this man?
Well, everything I need
to know. He's a man.
Someone in his
mid to late millions.
You don't mind being
on your own, do you?
Well, actually I have...
You could order room service
and that way you wouldn't
have to get dressed up.
Got to dash.
Don't wait up.
Don't you wait up either.
(music)
- Mike.
- What, what?
Would you do me a favor
and not leave your dirty socks
on the floor, please?
MIKE: I'm supposed
to. It's vacation.
Yeah, well, at the
end of three days,
it's going to look like I'm
leaving with a centipede.
Do you know what
someone once said?
Cleanliness is
next to godliness.
That somebody was my mother.
You're starting
to sound like her.
Maybe you'll like to
check under my fingernails
before we go to dinner.
Let's see.
This little piggy
could use some work.
Watch it, Robin. That's
a stage three alert.
Is it gonna be as
good as stage two?
No. That's the
picky picky stage.
That's where you find fault
in every little thing about me,
and that leads to
disenchantment...
Mike, I refuse to believe
that dirty socks can
lead to disenchantment.
I tell you what,
because I'm starved
and only because I'm starved,
I'll pick up your
dirty socks, okay?
See, watch. I'm picking them up.
But, if you ever do it again,
you'll be hearing
from my attorney.
So predictable.
- Are you ready?
- Shall we?
(sad music)
(music)
You know, Perkins,
you're absolutely right.
Eating in the cabin
will be very relaxing.
I'll call this in
right away, sir.
Room service? Perkins...
You know they'll
never get it right.
Perhaps I should take the
order to the kitchen personally.
Well, if you think that's best.
Yes, I think it's best.
It may take a bit longer, but
then we'll be better off for it.
You take all the time you need.
Right 0.
(music)
- WOMAN (on phone): Hello?
- Yes.
Could you connect me with
Mr. Phillip Shafer's cabin, please?
(phone ringing)
(music)
(knock on door)
Sorry I'm late.
They caught me doing
wheelies on the lido deck.
(dinner music)
This is neat ice cream, Julie.
Oh, I don't think that
neat is exactly the word.
Well, it was kind of slippery,
and I guess I did get
some on the outside.
He's wonderful, Tina.
Still, I was always surprised
that you opted for marriage
instead of a career.
Well, Mac twisted my arm.
You're just about the best
potential cruise director
in my class.
Well, don't forget
Julie's pretty good, too.
Of course.
She's made it.
And you haven't had a
chance to strut your stuff yet.
(Tina sighs)
I tell you what.
I'm going to take you to the
Acapulco lounge right now.
What? What for? Me?
My passengers
haven't seen you yet.
I want to show them what
a great dancer you are.
Now, just a minute. I'm
going to put Brian to bed.
Aw, Mom.
Oh, I'd love to take
care of Brian for you.
You go ahead.
Are you sure? You don't mind?
Oh, of course. I'd love a
chance to play Mommy.
Oh, gee.
I can play cruise director.
Goodbye, darling.
Be good.
PA: Good evening.
Late seating dinner is now being
served in the coral dining room.
Are they playing the Star
Spangled Banner somewhere?
Cute.
Look, Robin, I thought
we were passed all this.
Oh, really?
Did politeness go out with
stage one or stage two?
I know you think my talk
about stages is nonsense.
Mike, why don't you just relax
and let us be two
people in love, huh?
Oh, now the picking begins.
Come on.
It's just you seem to
have this novel of our lives
already written up in your head.
Meaning what? That I'm
forcing you to act like this?
Aw, some on.
Let's just throw out that novel
and work on a collaboration
of our own, huh?
It could begin on a ship
like dinner... and girl
takes the guy's hand.
Tells him he got
dirty fingernails.
(music)
Looks like the coast is clear.
I feel a little guilty.
Why?
Because we're sneaking around?
Taking you away
from your daughter.
Time away from
Daphne is time well spent.
At least you have
the comfort of a child.
I don't know which is worse.
Being a ward of the state
or a ward of my daughter.
What I'd really like
to be is self-reliant.
Self-reliance is not
always a matter of choice.
Well, whoever said war is hell
didn't live long enough
to realize that old is he...
You make me feel very young.
Why didn't I meet
you 20 years ago?
I'll take now.
No complaints.
(romantic music)
This is the Captain.
And this is Mom.
And this one I did of
me. I looked in the mirror.
Well, you are very
good. That's neat.
You can have it.
Thank you.
Are you sure you wouldn't
really rather give it to your mother?
Uh-uh. Mom's got the real
me, but you don't have anybody.
(melancholic music)
(disco music)
Isaac, could I have
another one, please?
- Oh, certainly.
- Thank you.
You trying to set a record?
I've only had two.
This makes three.
Yeah, but who's counting, right?
- Go ahead, have one.
- I don't want one now.
Thank you.
I want to dance.
I don't feel like dancing.
I don't either, but it beats
the heck out of sitting here
counting drinks, doesn't it?
Uh-oh. Stage
four on the horizon.
Stage four?
How does stage ten grab you?
You know, Mike, ever
since we got on this cruise,
you've been looking for a fight.
Well, you want to know
something? You've got one!
I think you're
selfish, thoughtless
and about as spontaneous
as Mount Rushmore!
So predictable.
Did you predict this?
Hi, you having a good time?
Oh.
Gin.
Beat you again. That's
two out of three for me.
Let's make it best
66 out of 100, eh?
I'm home!
Oh, Daphne.
It's me, Daphley.
I know.
I'll put you to bed.
Oh, mother. Why are
you always mothering me?
Somebody's got to tuck you in.
I've had five somebodies.
Five!
And none of them
ever tucked me in.
They were all
terrible... tuckers.
Can I help?
No, thanks. I'd better
handle this myself.
I'll see you tomorrow.
All right.
Did I ever tell you about Jim?
(music)
Mike.
Oh, Mike, I'm sorry about
those things I said before.
I didn't mean it really.
I'm glad you're back.
I just came back to
get my toothbrush.
(music)
Mike.
(Latin music playing)
GOPHER (on P.A.): Good morning
and welcome to Puerto Vallarta.
Those of you wishing
to go parasailing,
please meet on the coral
deck gangway in ten minutes.
(Latin music continues)
Julie.
Julie, I want to thank you for
taking care of Brian last night.
I had the most wonderful time.
So did I. He's incredible.
I know that little devil.
That's what he does
to the housekeeper.
- Tina.
- Good morning, Captain.
You were the life and
soul of the party last night.
You should have seen her.
It was really terrific
meeting those people.
Those people said it
was terrific meeting you.
Whatever it is, you have got it.
Thank you, sir.
By the way, Julie, what's
the theme for the party tonight.
Oh, boy. I forgot.
You forgot the theme?
No, sir. I forgot
the party. I'm sorry.
Well, gee, it shouldn't
be too hard to fix.
What have you done so far?
Have you had a western night?
Yep.
Uh, roaring 20's.
CAPTAIN: We had it.
Oh, Mardi Gras!
Let's go Mardi Gras.
Hmm. No. I don't think the
chef knows how to make gumbo.
I have something
you're going to love.
Yeah?
A sock hop.
A great idea.
Why don't you give Julie a hand
and help her out
with all the details?
I would love to.
(music)
If it's all right
with you, Julie.
Oh, sure.
The more the merrier.
Sir, if our trust has sank
so low that you feel the need
to sneak out on me, then
perhaps I should just resign.
One of these days, Perkins, that
may cease to be a threat to me.
A gentleman's gentleman
never threatens a gentleman.
He merely persuades.
Nora.
Mother, please walk straight.
I am walking straight.
Good morning, ladies.
Good morning.
Would you join us
for a little breakfast?
I'm sure Perkins
has no objections.
Of course not.
I think we'd better do something
about Daphne's hangover first.
Perkins has a marvelous cure.
No, thank you.
You take her over to the bar
and make that thing you make.
Bar?
Well, maybe just one.
As you wish, sir.
You umm, you feeling
adventurous today?
- You bet.
- Good.
Let's go see Puerto Vallarta.
- What about...
- Don't worry about her.
She's in very good
hands. Let's go.
I'm right behind you.
(romantic music)
- Mike, please don't...
- Come on, let's face it.
You hate me, and you
don't want me around.
I never said that.
Haven't you just heard
of a lover's spat, huh?
No, but there's
handwriting on the wall.
That's your handwriting, Mike.
Mine says that I
love you and let's talk.
- We can't.
- Who says?
Stage five.
That's when there's
nothing left to talk about.
Why don't you tell stage five
to mind its own damn business!
Goodbye, Robin.
Good bye?
Come back here!
Mike, you can't end things
this way. I have to fight back!
What's the matter?
Didn't you ever see Rocky?
(sad music)
What happened to those two?
It seems like only yesterday
they were hugging and kissing.
It was only yesterday.
My, how time flies.
All we have to do is
get some streamers,
and we can get them
to make a sign that says
Welcome to our High
School Sock Hop.
We can play 50's music.
I'll announce it
like a disc jockey.
And maybe you could wear
a simple little sign that says
"it was all my idea."
(music)
What does that mean?
Listen, what's wrong?
I'm just making suggestions.
You just don't quit, do you?
You had to come here and show
everybody what a big success
you've made out of your life
with your husband and your son
and your house and your maid,
but that's not
enough for you, is it?
No. You have to be a
success at my job, too.
Julie...
If it's that important
to you, Tina.
Go ahead and be
a cruise director.
To tell you the truth,
I've lost interest.
(sad music)
(knock on door)
Come in.
Hey, you want to go into
Puerto Vallarta with us?
I don't know.
Hey, we're going to
try that new restaurant
Papito on the Peer, remember?
Count me out.
Julie, aren't you feeling okay?
You mean physically
or emotionally?
I've been looking at these
old pictures of Tina and me
during our training.
I really looked up to her.
Well, why not?
She's a terrific lady.
Yeah. She's got it all together.
Yeah. Why is it that some
people get all the good things?
Julie, I warned you about
that green-eyed monster.
Doc, it's not that I'm jealous.
I just don't understand.
What is there about Tina?
Why do you guys
think she's so special?
Well, first of all,
she's gorgeous.
Yeah. And she's a lot of laughs.
Yeah, but don't you
think she's a little pushy?
Oh, well, actually I think
she's just semi-attractive.
Oh, you're much funnier.
Well, I don't mean
funny, I mean... uh, uh...
Never mind.
First time I've ever
heard someone
put half a foot in his mouth.
Look, Julie.
I know. I know I'm being silly,
but there's nothing silly
about protecting my job.
Tina doesn't want your job.
Yeah, and besides, who
could possibly replace you?
Look, people come on board
the ship to have a good time.
Now, if it makes Tina happy
to help you with your duty,
why don't you sit
back and enjoy it?
I wonder if she knows
how to make margaritas?
You're right.
I'm overreacting.
I guess I just haven't felt
very good about myself lately.
Hey, cheer up, Julie.
Besides, what other
woman do you know
that has three dates for lunch?
Yeah! Three darn
good looking dates.
Yeah.
Well, maybe two and a half.
(music)
Oh, oh what a day.
I can't remember
having so much fun.
In that case, let's get married.
Okay. You name the date.
Don't you want a little time
to think about your answer?
You're serious?
Uh-huh.
Look at us, we belong together.
I'm financially secure.
We could live
comfortably, travel,
have the rest of our days
be as wonderful as today
and from a practical viewpoint,
we'll solve both our problems.
You wouldn't need
Daphne anymore,
and I wouldn't need Perkins.
Mother, come up to the
cabin right away. I need you.
What is it?
He dumped me!
Men are all the same.
They don't appreciate a good
woman when they meet one.
I have to go to her.
But, what about us?
Well, I suppose you
could fire Perkins,
but I certainly can't
fire my daughter.
And I can't inflict her on you.
Nora.
I'm sorry, Phillip.
The answer has got to be no.
(music)
Nora.
(music)
(knock on door)
Who is it?
MIKE: It's me.
(music)
I missed my plane.
Can I come in?
That depends.
What stage is this?
Listen, crazy as my
theories may sound to you,
that's the way it's
gone with every girl
I've ever been involved with.
I'm not every girl.
I thought I was the right girl.
I believed in you and me, Mike.
Do you believe in anything
besides your stupid theories?
(music)
You didn't just miss the plane.
You missed the boat too.
(music)
(theme music)
I tell you, Julie, Tina
is absolutely brilliant.
You know those bon
voyage parties we have
when we leave Los Angeles?
Oh, well she's come up with
the idea where we should have
welcome home parties
when we get back.
Well, you know, champagne
cocktails for all the passengers
when they leave.
Isn't it marvelous?
(phone hangs up)
Julie?
Julie?
(dial tone)
She's probably so excited
she had to rush off
and congratulate Tina.
(knock on door)
(knock on door)
Come in!
What do you want?
Oh, it's you.
I could swear I heard the
voice of the Incredible Hulk.
(typing on keyboard)
Thank you.
Letter to the family?
I'm resigning.
From your family?
Actually, I waited until
my parents fired me.
That way I got severance pay.
Julie, this is a
letter of resignation!
You're quitting your job!
Are you crazy!
Yes, for giving this ship
the best years of my life.
(knock on door)
Julie, you got
to think this over.
I have.
(knock on door)
- Come in!
- Come in!
If I would have
been the Avon lady,
you would have scared
me clear out of my sachet.
Hey, isn't a little early to
be writing a letter to Santa?
Ooh, with language like that,
Donner and Blitzen
are going to bite you.
It's a letter of
resignation, man.
Do you believe that
from this female person?
Julie, you can't leave.
What's it going to be
like with Gopher saying,
"Hi, I'm your cruise
director, Julie McCoy?"
You're the only one
who could say that.
(knock on door)
Isaac, I'm serious. I've had it.
(knock on door)
ALL: Come in!
Gee, for a minute there,
I kind of got home
sick for my third wife.
Julie's quitting.
She's leaving the ship.
That's ridiculous!
How could you write
a letter of resignation?
You can't even spell it.
Look, all of you.
This is for real!
I want you to
understand, I quit!
(sad music)
Well, if Julie quits, I quit.
Well, if Gopher quits, I quit.
Well, if Isaac quits, I quit.
Well, Julie?
You guys.
This calls for a celebration.
(theme music)
(rock n' roll music playing)
Oh, what a bomb this party is.
Hey, man. Who thought this up?
Hi.
Would you like to dance?
What?
Maybe you'd rather have a drink?
I've already had my two.
Thank you very much.
I love you, Robin.
A lot.
It's just that, uh, I'm scared.
Of What?
Of what will happen if we
give it a go and it doesn't work.
Mike, you are not
buying a battery.
People just don't come
with written guarantees.
Could you manage a
90-day service contract?
(rock n' roll music)
(theme music)
So those huge engines you saw
we can control
from the small panel.
What happens if
you lose the key?
I just call the AAA.
You're kidding?
Me?
Well, actually we get
another ship to give us a push.
Hello.
Julie, you're not
at the sock hop.
No.
Tina seemed to have
everything under control.
Julie, I'm sleepy.
Well, come on and I'll
take you down to your cabin.
If you play your cards right,
I just might read
you a bedtime story.
How about if we forget about
the story and just play cards?
Hi-Lo?
Jokers are wild.
All right. Goodnight, Captain.
- Bye, captain.
- Good night, Brian.
(music)
You're not going to
let it go at this, are you?
I think you're hiding
behind Daphne's skirts.
Now, I'm going
to call your bluff.
She can live with us.
Oh, that's very kind,
but it's more than that.
I'd just be trading one
dependency for another.
What differences does it make
whether Daphne pays my freight
or whether you do?
The difference is that
we're in love, aren't we?
Mr. Shafer, I must
have a word with you.
Not now, Perkins.
I'll only take a
moment of your time.
I wish to inform you that
I've found other employment.
You may consider
this my resignation.
Fine.
It isn't that I
haven't warned you,
but your continual lack of
concern for anything I do...
Perkins.
Yes?
Take a hike.
(music)
Now, are we or
aren't we in love?
I'd say we definitely are.
(romantic music)
Can we mail letters on the ship?
Sure. Why?
I want to send one to my dad.
But Brian, you'll be seeing him
tomorrow when you get home.
No, I won't. He doesn't
live at our house anymore.
Oh.
Come on now, Tina.
It's not the end of the world.
Oh, I can't even make a
stupid party work out right.
Gee.
(knock on door)
Yes?
May I come in?
Please do.
Tina, I'm so sorry.
Tina, why didn't you tell
me about your husband?
Oh, I didn't have the courage.
Besides you're such
a success, and I'm...
such a failure.
Oh.
I wish I could take away
every one of those terrible things
I said to you.
I was such an idiot.
I'm the one who
should apologize.
I'm the idiot.
It was my fault.
It was my fault!
It was my fault!
It was my fault!
(music)
A sock hop.
(rock n' roll music)
(theme music)
Mike, what stage is this?
This one's called, "get
me to the church on time".
I can't imagine Perkins
working for a Texan.
Ah, he'll be fine.
Now that Daphne's
back with her millionaire,
you and I are off the hook.
Hurry it up, Perkins.
Buck didn't hire you to stand
around in an elevator all day.
Yes, Madame.
- Julie.
- Oh, Tina, hi.
I just want to thank you...
for being a friend.
Oh, anytime.
And I just hope... well,
whatever you hope for yourself,
that's what I hope for you.
The same for you.
Oh, thank you.
- Don't forget me.
- You too.
BOTH: Tina.
Good bye.
- Goodbye, Tina.
- Bye, Brian.
Bye, you guys and thank you.
You bet.
And thank you for
your understanding.
Hey, Captain. I got
a present for you.
It's a picture of your crew.
Hmm.
Wait a minute.
What kind of a picture is that?
Don't blame me. I just
draw 'em the way I see 'em.
(music)
♪ Love ♪
♪ Exciting and new ♪
♪ Come aboard ♪
♪ We're expecting you ♪
♪ And love ♪
♪ Life's sweetest reward ♪
♪ Let it flow ♪
♪ It floats back to you ♪
♪ The Love Boat ♪
♪ Soon we'll be
making Another run ♪
♪ The Love Boat ♪
♪ Promises something
For everyone ♪
♪ Set a course for adventure ♪
♪ Your mind on a new romance ♪
♪ And love ♪
♪ Won't hurt anymore ♪
♪ It's an open smile ♪
♪ On a friendly shore ♪
♪ It's love ♪
♪ Welcome aboard it's love. ♪
(music playing)
ISAAC: Good morning. JULIE: Hi.
GOPHER: Good
morning. Welcome aboard.
JULIE: Hello. GOPHER:
Thank you for sailing.
(music)
So romantic.
Should be. It's our anniversary.
In five days, we'll have gotten
together exactly 7.5 months.
I can't believe
it's been that long.
Well, stage one of a
romance always goes by fast.
What's stage one?
That's when you can't keep
your hands off each other,
and you don't care
who's watching.
That's us.
I hope it lasts forever.
Hi. Welcome aboard.
Everything okay?
Oh, just great.
We're stage one.
Isn't it wonderful
to watch young love.
Ah, it's even
better to participate.
(music)
You look lost.
No. I'm waiting for my daughter.
She's the one who
made the reservation.
Oh, well let's see
what cabin you're in.
Oh. Thank you.
The name, please?
The name?
Uh, that could be a problem.
She's been married
so many times.
Her name wouldn't
be Bricker, would it?
No.
I... I never can keep it straight
which name she's using.
Uh, is there a Daphne Mitchell?
Uh, no.
Leffler?
Uh-uh.
McClurk?
No.
Is there a Tindall?
No.
What's that blonde
fellow's name?
Uh, Beyorklin?
No. There's no
Daphne Mitchell, Leffler,
McClurk, Tindall, Beyorklin.
Mother!
There she is.
Daphne, there seems to be
a mix up in the reservations.
Oh, Mother, can't I even ask
you to do the simplest thing?
Could I see that
clipboard, please?
Here, hold this.
(music)
Well, there we are.
Daphne Knox, cabin
358, Aloha deck.
She's using the maiden name.
Not for long, Mother, that's
what this cruise is all about.
What in the world is this?
It belongs to this young lady.
I'll... I'll take it. They're
my daughter's wigs.
I don't care if they're
the queen's knickers.
Hey, Buster, that's my
mother you're talking to.
You must be the
bald-headed daughter.
Who do you think you are?
I happen to be this
gentleman's gentleman.
That's a joke.
If you're a gentleman,
then I'm Diana Ross.
Really?
- In that case, I...
- Stuff a sock in it fella.
Mother.
If I were you Perkins, I'd
ask for two out of three falls.
(music)
Julie!
Oh, Tina!
I'm so happy to see you!
Where's that old
husband of yours, Mac?
Well, he canceled
at the last minute,
and I... I took Brian
with me instead.
Brian?
I can hardly believe it.
The last time I saw you,
you were just a little baby.
Hey, Gopher. Come here, I
want you to meet my friend.
This is Brian and Tina Phillips.
Hi. How are you?
You might remember
my talking about Tina.
Oh, yeah. You want
to hear what she said?
Hey, uh, which one of
you guys is the captain?
- Well, actually...
- He's not.
I, however, am the
first assistant purser,
in charge of all
passengers under four feet.
Come on. I'll show you around.
Tina and I took our
cruiser director course
under Captain Stubing.
- Ah.
- We trained together.
Really?
We even shared a cabin.
Fantastic.
Guess who we
both had a crush on.
Captain Stubing.
How did you find that out?
- Tina.
- Hi.
Tina Phillips!
Oh, my favorite trainee
and my biggest crush.
Oh.
(Ship's horn blowing)
(music)
You needn't have been
so rude to those ladies.
Sir, it's part of my
job to act as a buffer
between you and undesirables.
They weren't both undesirable.
Well, if you found that my
services have been inadequate,
then perhaps I
should just resign.
Oh, Perkins, don't
start that again.
I have tried very hard to
meet your expectations.
What I expect on a vacation
is to have a good time.
Now, why don't we just
relax and try to enjoy this trip?
Just as you say, sir.
(music)
Yo.
- Hi.
- How you doing?
You know what
I've been thinking?
What's that?
Maybe I could give up my
apartment and move in with you.
I mean, I have most of my
stuff at your place anyway.
I know.
The other day the cleaning lady
asked me how I
liked my Lady Schick.
Well, don't you think
that my Indian throw rug
would look good in your place?
Now that is a stage two
question if ever I heard one.
Mike, what is it with
you and all these stages?
That's just the way
things go. That's all.
Stage two is when kissy, huggy
settles down to comfy cozy.
Sounds lovely.
So predictable.
All right. We'll
stay in stage one.
- Not possible.
- Why not?
Because I've been
through it all before.
It always comes out the same.
All right.
We're heading for stage two.
What are our
chances of making it?
I think your rug would
look best in my den.
(romantic music)
All I said, dear, was couldn't
you just wear something
a little less revealing.
And all I said was don't
bring your 1910 morals
along on my trip.
- Daphne, I'm just trying to...
- Mother, don't fuss over me.
I'm a mature woman.
I've been married five times.
Exactly.
It's my life, mother. You're
just along for the ride.
(music)
Hi.
I'm Phillip Shafer.
Hello.
Nora Knox.
You don't recognize me
without my wheelchair.
Oh, of course.
I'm sorry.
You're sorry? You ever try to
tap dance in one of those rigs?
Sit down.
Thank you.
I wanted to apologize for
my man, Perkins' rudeness.
Oh, I've forgotten
about that already.
I wish you hadn't.
I was thinking of buying you
a drink as a peace offering.
Well, I'd still be happy
to have a drink with you.
Do you want me
to call the waiter?
No. I was thinking more of a
cozy booth in the Pirate's Cove.
That way I could
consider it our first date.
- Well...
- I'll take that as a yes.
Please do.
Would you be good enough
to get that chair over here?
- Oh, of course.
- Please?
And what, Madame, do
you think you're doing?
Well, Mr. Shafer
and I were going...
I will take care of my duties!
Thank you, Perkins,
but you're free to go.
Mrs. Knox and I were
planning on having a little drink.
I believe your schedule
calls for therapy.
- Perkins!
- Sir,
my work is difficult
enough as it is
without you interfering
with the schedule.
I think you better go
have your therapy.
Perkins, my jacket is right
over there at that table.
Of course.
I'll humor him this afternoon,
then we can sneak
away for dinner tonight.
Sounds wonderful.
We'll start with a drink
right here say about 7:30?
I'll be here. Could you
hand me my purse?
Sure.
Sir, your jacket and
good day, Madame.
May I help you, sir?
(music)
BRIAN: I'm making a big monster.
There. Redder lips.
Hi.
- Hello.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Thanks. These are
neat pencils, Julie.
Why, you're welcome.
You're a pretty neat artist.
And thank you for me
too. It was a blessing.
He's been occupied for two
hours, and I needed the rest.
You needed the rest? I'm
the one that's been working.
You call this work?
Do they pay you
or do you pay them?
What do you think?
I think...
Oh, it's lovely.
Who is it?
Teresa.
I'll make you now.
Oh, thank you.
Whose Teresa?
Teresa is the housekeeper,
and Brian is crazy about her.
Housekeeper?
Oh, we have quite
a large house now.
Well, you've come
a long way, baby.
Well, who's this
handsome young man?
Hmm and talented too?
Well, this must be Brian.
Hi. I bet your head burns.
It's not allowed to.
I am the Captain.
Well, I see that talent
runs in the family.
And I see that you haven't
forgotten how to be a flatterer,
you old rascal you.
Oh, by the way, Julie, I
see that you're planning
a Mexican fiesta night.
Now, couldn't we come up
with something a little more
exciting?
How about a toga party?
Not that exciting.
You're so lucky, Julie.
It sounds like such fun.
What does?
Planning all these
parties and everything.
What a life.
Yeah.
What a life?
(music)
You know that Tina is so lucky.
Brian is such a doll.
Look what he gave me.
Oh.
Can't get something
like that from a career.
Whoa. Wait a minute.
What happened to
the old women's lib?
Ah, the heck with women's lib.
Right now, I would
like to trade in my cabin
for a nice frilly bedroom
and a big house,
with kids and pets, and two cars
and a live-in maid.
Sounds to me like you
got a case of Tina envy.
Tina envy? I don't envy Tina.
It's just that everything
she has, I want.
Oh, I can dig it.
Especially the two cars.
I kind of go for
the live-in maid.
Guys, you know what I mean.
Tina made the right choice.
I mean, she could have done
what I did and gone for the career,
but where would
that have gotten her?
Cabo San Lucas,
Puerto Vallarta, Acapulco.
Alaska.
(music)
Excuse me, guys. I got to go.
Oh, man. I said the wrong thing.
Oh. Only if you're
insensitive to romance.
Or consider a broken
heart just another toy.
(sad music)
Well, sir.
We seem to be a touch
high this evening, 160/95.
When it gets up to 200, sell.
The fact that you're in good
enough spirits to take humor
does not alter these results.
Don't get that forbidding
look on your face.
I have plans for tonight.
Apparently you failed
to inform your heart.
Now, tonight, sir, you
should eat in and retire early.
For God's sakes, Perkins, I
am not mentally incapacitated.
I can manage my own life!
Yes, sir.
However, I was hired to
make sure that you have a life
to manage.
Since I seem to be
aggravating your condition,
I should stay out of your sight.
Whenever you're ready to
order something from the menu,
just call me.
(sad music)
What do you know about this man?
Well, everything I need
to know. He's a man.
Someone in his
mid to late millions.
You don't mind being
on your own, do you?
Well, actually I have...
You could order room service
and that way you wouldn't
have to get dressed up.
Got to dash.
Don't wait up.
Don't you wait up either.
(music)
- Mike.
- What, what?
Would you do me a favor
and not leave your dirty socks
on the floor, please?
MIKE: I'm supposed
to. It's vacation.
Yeah, well, at the
end of three days,
it's going to look like I'm
leaving with a centipede.
Do you know what
someone once said?
Cleanliness is
next to godliness.
That somebody was my mother.
You're starting
to sound like her.
Maybe you'll like to
check under my fingernails
before we go to dinner.
Let's see.
This little piggy
could use some work.
Watch it, Robin. That's
a stage three alert.
Is it gonna be as
good as stage two?
No. That's the
picky picky stage.
That's where you find fault
in every little thing about me,
and that leads to
disenchantment...
Mike, I refuse to believe
that dirty socks can
lead to disenchantment.
I tell you what,
because I'm starved
and only because I'm starved,
I'll pick up your
dirty socks, okay?
See, watch. I'm picking them up.
But, if you ever do it again,
you'll be hearing
from my attorney.
So predictable.
- Are you ready?
- Shall we?
(sad music)
(music)
You know, Perkins,
you're absolutely right.
Eating in the cabin
will be very relaxing.
I'll call this in
right away, sir.
Room service? Perkins...
You know they'll
never get it right.
Perhaps I should take the
order to the kitchen personally.
Well, if you think that's best.
Yes, I think it's best.
It may take a bit longer, but
then we'll be better off for it.
You take all the time you need.
Right 0.
(music)
- WOMAN (on phone): Hello?
- Yes.
Could you connect me with
Mr. Phillip Shafer's cabin, please?
(phone ringing)
(music)
(knock on door)
Sorry I'm late.
They caught me doing
wheelies on the lido deck.
(dinner music)
This is neat ice cream, Julie.
Oh, I don't think that
neat is exactly the word.
Well, it was kind of slippery,
and I guess I did get
some on the outside.
He's wonderful, Tina.
Still, I was always surprised
that you opted for marriage
instead of a career.
Well, Mac twisted my arm.
You're just about the best
potential cruise director
in my class.
Well, don't forget
Julie's pretty good, too.
Of course.
She's made it.
And you haven't had a
chance to strut your stuff yet.
(Tina sighs)
I tell you what.
I'm going to take you to the
Acapulco lounge right now.
What? What for? Me?
My passengers
haven't seen you yet.
I want to show them what
a great dancer you are.
Now, just a minute. I'm
going to put Brian to bed.
Aw, Mom.
Oh, I'd love to take
care of Brian for you.
You go ahead.
Are you sure? You don't mind?
Oh, of course. I'd love a
chance to play Mommy.
Oh, gee.
I can play cruise director.
Goodbye, darling.
Be good.
PA: Good evening.
Late seating dinner is now being
served in the coral dining room.
Are they playing the Star
Spangled Banner somewhere?
Cute.
Look, Robin, I thought
we were passed all this.
Oh, really?
Did politeness go out with
stage one or stage two?
I know you think my talk
about stages is nonsense.
Mike, why don't you just relax
and let us be two
people in love, huh?
Oh, now the picking begins.
Come on.
It's just you seem to
have this novel of our lives
already written up in your head.
Meaning what? That I'm
forcing you to act like this?
Aw, some on.
Let's just throw out that novel
and work on a collaboration
of our own, huh?
It could begin on a ship
like dinner... and girl
takes the guy's hand.
Tells him he got
dirty fingernails.
(music)
Looks like the coast is clear.
I feel a little guilty.
Why?
Because we're sneaking around?
Taking you away
from your daughter.
Time away from
Daphne is time well spent.
At least you have
the comfort of a child.
I don't know which is worse.
Being a ward of the state
or a ward of my daughter.
What I'd really like
to be is self-reliant.
Self-reliance is not
always a matter of choice.
Well, whoever said war is hell
didn't live long enough
to realize that old is he...
You make me feel very young.
Why didn't I meet
you 20 years ago?
I'll take now.
No complaints.
(romantic music)
This is the Captain.
And this is Mom.
And this one I did of
me. I looked in the mirror.
Well, you are very
good. That's neat.
You can have it.
Thank you.
Are you sure you wouldn't
really rather give it to your mother?
Uh-uh. Mom's got the real
me, but you don't have anybody.
(melancholic music)
(disco music)
Isaac, could I have
another one, please?
- Oh, certainly.
- Thank you.
You trying to set a record?
I've only had two.
This makes three.
Yeah, but who's counting, right?
- Go ahead, have one.
- I don't want one now.
Thank you.
I want to dance.
I don't feel like dancing.
I don't either, but it beats
the heck out of sitting here
counting drinks, doesn't it?
Uh-oh. Stage
four on the horizon.
Stage four?
How does stage ten grab you?
You know, Mike, ever
since we got on this cruise,
you've been looking for a fight.
Well, you want to know
something? You've got one!
I think you're
selfish, thoughtless
and about as spontaneous
as Mount Rushmore!
So predictable.
Did you predict this?
Hi, you having a good time?
Oh.
Gin.
Beat you again. That's
two out of three for me.
Let's make it best
66 out of 100, eh?
I'm home!
Oh, Daphne.
It's me, Daphley.
I know.
I'll put you to bed.
Oh, mother. Why are
you always mothering me?
Somebody's got to tuck you in.
I've had five somebodies.
Five!
And none of them
ever tucked me in.
They were all
terrible... tuckers.
Can I help?
No, thanks. I'd better
handle this myself.
I'll see you tomorrow.
All right.
Did I ever tell you about Jim?
(music)
Mike.
Oh, Mike, I'm sorry about
those things I said before.
I didn't mean it really.
I'm glad you're back.
I just came back to
get my toothbrush.
(music)
Mike.
(Latin music playing)
GOPHER (on P.A.): Good morning
and welcome to Puerto Vallarta.
Those of you wishing
to go parasailing,
please meet on the coral
deck gangway in ten minutes.
(Latin music continues)
Julie.
Julie, I want to thank you for
taking care of Brian last night.
I had the most wonderful time.
So did I. He's incredible.
I know that little devil.
That's what he does
to the housekeeper.
- Tina.
- Good morning, Captain.
You were the life and
soul of the party last night.
You should have seen her.
It was really terrific
meeting those people.
Those people said it
was terrific meeting you.
Whatever it is, you have got it.
Thank you, sir.
By the way, Julie, what's
the theme for the party tonight.
Oh, boy. I forgot.
You forgot the theme?
No, sir. I forgot
the party. I'm sorry.
Well, gee, it shouldn't
be too hard to fix.
What have you done so far?
Have you had a western night?
Yep.
Uh, roaring 20's.
CAPTAIN: We had it.
Oh, Mardi Gras!
Let's go Mardi Gras.
Hmm. No. I don't think the
chef knows how to make gumbo.
I have something
you're going to love.
Yeah?
A sock hop.
A great idea.
Why don't you give Julie a hand
and help her out
with all the details?
I would love to.
(music)
If it's all right
with you, Julie.
Oh, sure.
The more the merrier.
Sir, if our trust has sank
so low that you feel the need
to sneak out on me, then
perhaps I should just resign.
One of these days, Perkins, that
may cease to be a threat to me.
A gentleman's gentleman
never threatens a gentleman.
He merely persuades.
Nora.
Mother, please walk straight.
I am walking straight.
Good morning, ladies.
Good morning.
Would you join us
for a little breakfast?
I'm sure Perkins
has no objections.
Of course not.
I think we'd better do something
about Daphne's hangover first.
Perkins has a marvelous cure.
No, thank you.
You take her over to the bar
and make that thing you make.
Bar?
Well, maybe just one.
As you wish, sir.
You umm, you feeling
adventurous today?
- You bet.
- Good.
Let's go see Puerto Vallarta.
- What about...
- Don't worry about her.
She's in very good
hands. Let's go.
I'm right behind you.
(romantic music)
- Mike, please don't...
- Come on, let's face it.
You hate me, and you
don't want me around.
I never said that.
Haven't you just heard
of a lover's spat, huh?
No, but there's
handwriting on the wall.
That's your handwriting, Mike.
Mine says that I
love you and let's talk.
- We can't.
- Who says?
Stage five.
That's when there's
nothing left to talk about.
Why don't you tell stage five
to mind its own damn business!
Goodbye, Robin.
Good bye?
Come back here!
Mike, you can't end things
this way. I have to fight back!
What's the matter?
Didn't you ever see Rocky?
(sad music)
What happened to those two?
It seems like only yesterday
they were hugging and kissing.
It was only yesterday.
My, how time flies.
All we have to do is
get some streamers,
and we can get them
to make a sign that says
Welcome to our High
School Sock Hop.
We can play 50's music.
I'll announce it
like a disc jockey.
And maybe you could wear
a simple little sign that says
"it was all my idea."
(music)
What does that mean?
Listen, what's wrong?
I'm just making suggestions.
You just don't quit, do you?
You had to come here and show
everybody what a big success
you've made out of your life
with your husband and your son
and your house and your maid,
but that's not
enough for you, is it?
No. You have to be a
success at my job, too.
Julie...
If it's that important
to you, Tina.
Go ahead and be
a cruise director.
To tell you the truth,
I've lost interest.
(sad music)
(knock on door)
Come in.
Hey, you want to go into
Puerto Vallarta with us?
I don't know.
Hey, we're going to
try that new restaurant
Papito on the Peer, remember?
Count me out.
Julie, aren't you feeling okay?
You mean physically
or emotionally?
I've been looking at these
old pictures of Tina and me
during our training.
I really looked up to her.
Well, why not?
She's a terrific lady.
Yeah. She's got it all together.
Yeah. Why is it that some
people get all the good things?
Julie, I warned you about
that green-eyed monster.
Doc, it's not that I'm jealous.
I just don't understand.
What is there about Tina?
Why do you guys
think she's so special?
Well, first of all,
she's gorgeous.
Yeah. And she's a lot of laughs.
Yeah, but don't you
think she's a little pushy?
Oh, well, actually I think
she's just semi-attractive.
Oh, you're much funnier.
Well, I don't mean
funny, I mean... uh, uh...
Never mind.
First time I've ever
heard someone
put half a foot in his mouth.
Look, Julie.
I know. I know I'm being silly,
but there's nothing silly
about protecting my job.
Tina doesn't want your job.
Yeah, and besides, who
could possibly replace you?
Look, people come on board
the ship to have a good time.
Now, if it makes Tina happy
to help you with your duty,
why don't you sit
back and enjoy it?
I wonder if she knows
how to make margaritas?
You're right.
I'm overreacting.
I guess I just haven't felt
very good about myself lately.
Hey, cheer up, Julie.
Besides, what other
woman do you know
that has three dates for lunch?
Yeah! Three darn
good looking dates.
Yeah.
Well, maybe two and a half.
(music)
Oh, oh what a day.
I can't remember
having so much fun.
In that case, let's get married.
Okay. You name the date.
Don't you want a little time
to think about your answer?
You're serious?
Uh-huh.
Look at us, we belong together.
I'm financially secure.
We could live
comfortably, travel,
have the rest of our days
be as wonderful as today
and from a practical viewpoint,
we'll solve both our problems.
You wouldn't need
Daphne anymore,
and I wouldn't need Perkins.
Mother, come up to the
cabin right away. I need you.
What is it?
He dumped me!
Men are all the same.
They don't appreciate a good
woman when they meet one.
I have to go to her.
But, what about us?
Well, I suppose you
could fire Perkins,
but I certainly can't
fire my daughter.
And I can't inflict her on you.
Nora.
I'm sorry, Phillip.
The answer has got to be no.
(music)
Nora.
(music)
(knock on door)
Who is it?
MIKE: It's me.
(music)
I missed my plane.
Can I come in?
That depends.
What stage is this?
Listen, crazy as my
theories may sound to you,
that's the way it's
gone with every girl
I've ever been involved with.
I'm not every girl.
I thought I was the right girl.
I believed in you and me, Mike.
Do you believe in anything
besides your stupid theories?
(music)
You didn't just miss the plane.
You missed the boat too.
(music)
(theme music)
I tell you, Julie, Tina
is absolutely brilliant.
You know those bon
voyage parties we have
when we leave Los Angeles?
Oh, well she's come up with
the idea where we should have
welcome home parties
when we get back.
Well, you know, champagne
cocktails for all the passengers
when they leave.
Isn't it marvelous?
(phone hangs up)
Julie?
Julie?
(dial tone)
She's probably so excited
she had to rush off
and congratulate Tina.
(knock on door)
(knock on door)
Come in!
What do you want?
Oh, it's you.
I could swear I heard the
voice of the Incredible Hulk.
(typing on keyboard)
Thank you.
Letter to the family?
I'm resigning.
From your family?
Actually, I waited until
my parents fired me.
That way I got severance pay.
Julie, this is a
letter of resignation!
You're quitting your job!
Are you crazy!
Yes, for giving this ship
the best years of my life.
(knock on door)
Julie, you got
to think this over.
I have.
(knock on door)
- Come in!
- Come in!
If I would have
been the Avon lady,
you would have scared
me clear out of my sachet.
Hey, isn't a little early to
be writing a letter to Santa?
Ooh, with language like that,
Donner and Blitzen
are going to bite you.
It's a letter of
resignation, man.
Do you believe that
from this female person?
Julie, you can't leave.
What's it going to be
like with Gopher saying,
"Hi, I'm your cruise
director, Julie McCoy?"
You're the only one
who could say that.
(knock on door)
Isaac, I'm serious. I've had it.
(knock on door)
ALL: Come in!
Gee, for a minute there,
I kind of got home
sick for my third wife.
Julie's quitting.
She's leaving the ship.
That's ridiculous!
How could you write
a letter of resignation?
You can't even spell it.
Look, all of you.
This is for real!
I want you to
understand, I quit!
(sad music)
Well, if Julie quits, I quit.
Well, if Gopher quits, I quit.
Well, if Isaac quits, I quit.
Well, Julie?
You guys.
This calls for a celebration.
(theme music)
(rock n' roll music playing)
Oh, what a bomb this party is.
Hey, man. Who thought this up?
Hi.
Would you like to dance?
What?
Maybe you'd rather have a drink?
I've already had my two.
Thank you very much.
I love you, Robin.
A lot.
It's just that, uh, I'm scared.
Of What?
Of what will happen if we
give it a go and it doesn't work.
Mike, you are not
buying a battery.
People just don't come
with written guarantees.
Could you manage a
90-day service contract?
(rock n' roll music)
(theme music)
So those huge engines you saw
we can control
from the small panel.
What happens if
you lose the key?
I just call the AAA.
You're kidding?
Me?
Well, actually we get
another ship to give us a push.
Hello.
Julie, you're not
at the sock hop.
No.
Tina seemed to have
everything under control.
Julie, I'm sleepy.
Well, come on and I'll
take you down to your cabin.
If you play your cards right,
I just might read
you a bedtime story.
How about if we forget about
the story and just play cards?
Hi-Lo?
Jokers are wild.
All right. Goodnight, Captain.
- Bye, captain.
- Good night, Brian.
(music)
You're not going to
let it go at this, are you?
I think you're hiding
behind Daphne's skirts.
Now, I'm going
to call your bluff.
She can live with us.
Oh, that's very kind,
but it's more than that.
I'd just be trading one
dependency for another.
What differences does it make
whether Daphne pays my freight
or whether you do?
The difference is that
we're in love, aren't we?
Mr. Shafer, I must
have a word with you.
Not now, Perkins.
I'll only take a
moment of your time.
I wish to inform you that
I've found other employment.
You may consider
this my resignation.
Fine.
It isn't that I
haven't warned you,
but your continual lack of
concern for anything I do...
Perkins.
Yes?
Take a hike.
(music)
Now, are we or
aren't we in love?
I'd say we definitely are.
(romantic music)
Can we mail letters on the ship?
Sure. Why?
I want to send one to my dad.
But Brian, you'll be seeing him
tomorrow when you get home.
No, I won't. He doesn't
live at our house anymore.
Oh.
Come on now, Tina.
It's not the end of the world.
Oh, I can't even make a
stupid party work out right.
Gee.
(knock on door)
Yes?
May I come in?
Please do.
Tina, I'm so sorry.
Tina, why didn't you tell
me about your husband?
Oh, I didn't have the courage.
Besides you're such
a success, and I'm...
such a failure.
Oh.
I wish I could take away
every one of those terrible things
I said to you.
I was such an idiot.
I'm the one who
should apologize.
I'm the idiot.
It was my fault.
It was my fault!
It was my fault!
It was my fault!
(music)
A sock hop.
(rock n' roll music)
(theme music)
Mike, what stage is this?
This one's called, "get
me to the church on time".
I can't imagine Perkins
working for a Texan.
Ah, he'll be fine.
Now that Daphne's
back with her millionaire,
you and I are off the hook.
Hurry it up, Perkins.
Buck didn't hire you to stand
around in an elevator all day.
Yes, Madame.
- Julie.
- Oh, Tina, hi.
I just want to thank you...
for being a friend.
Oh, anytime.
And I just hope... well,
whatever you hope for yourself,
that's what I hope for you.
The same for you.
Oh, thank you.
- Don't forget me.
- You too.
BOTH: Tina.
Good bye.
- Goodbye, Tina.
- Bye, Brian.
Bye, you guys and thank you.
You bet.
And thank you for
your understanding.
Hey, Captain. I got
a present for you.
It's a picture of your crew.
Hmm.
Wait a minute.
What kind of a picture is that?
Don't blame me. I just
draw 'em the way I see 'em.
(music)