The Love Boat (1977–1987): Season 3, Episode 21 - The Remake/The Perfect Match/The Captain's Ne'er Do Well Brother - full transcript


(theme music playing)

♪ Love ♪

♪ Exciting and new ♪

♪ Come aboard ♪

♪ We're expecting you ♪

♪ And love ♪

♪ Life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ Let it flow ♪

♪ It floats back to you ♪

♪ The Love Boat ♪

♪ Soon we'll be
making Another run

♪ The Love Boat

♪ Promises something
For everyone ♪

♪ Set a course for adventure ♪

♪ Your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ And love ♪

♪ Won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ It's an open smile ♪

♪ On a friendly shore ♪

♪ It's love ♪

♪ Welcome aboard it's love ♪

(theme music playing)

- Hello.
- Hi.

How do you do?

Here comes the guy
I've hated all my life.

Who is he?

I have no idea,

but he has those handsome
looks I've hated all my life.

Excuse me. Howard
Samuels, Promenade 110.

Ah, yes, sir. Promenade
110 up the stairs to your left.

Thank you.

Enjoy your cruise, sir.

Has he boarded yet?

Tall, dark, very
broad shouldered,

very athletic looking, uh, 32
waist, 16 neck and a 34 sleeve.

Couple of dimples too.

Howard Samuels.

Oh, Howard Samuels,
yeah. He just boarded.

Promenade 110
upstairs to your left.

Good.

Excuse me.

Are you his friend?

Me? No. I never met the man.

Well, Aunt Chris, now that
you've had a tour of the ship,

what do you think.
Pretty neat, huh?

I think you're going
to have a good time.

I suppose so.

Hey, come on. Will you stop it?

I'm not going to let you
waste the rest of your life

in mourning.

I'm not in mourning.

Okay, well your attitude is
black even if your dress isn't.

I think since Uncle John
died the last time you had fun

was re-caulking
your bathroom tile.

Julie, he was my husband.

I know.

But he's gone now,
and you're still here.

And I think it's time you went
out and started meeting people,

doing things.

It's been almost two years.

Julie, I do not want
to meet anyone.

I mean, it could just
never be the same, okay?

Okay.

Why don't you just give it a
chance and surprise yourself.

You might have a good time, huh?

You stay here. I'm
going to get your key.

Whoops. Oh, I'm sorry.

- Oh.
- Oh, are you all right?

I'm fine, it's just...

Miss?

I, uh...

it's just that you
look like someone.

Well, that's convenient
because I am someone.

Neal Rich.

I know I'm clumsy,
but I'm not dangerous.

Uh, Christine Frank.

Very nice to meet you.

Maybe we'll see
each other again.

Well, I think I'm still
trying to figure out

what you put in it.

Excuse me.

Hey, Christine, here's the
key to your floating suite.

What's the matter, Aunt Chris?

You look like you've
just seen a ghost.

I think I have.

(theme music)

- Good afternoon.
- Good afternoon.

I'm Marshall Stubing,
the captain's brother.

Oh, of course.

Well, I'm Julie McCoy,
your cruise director.

- Yes.
- Well, this is a great pleasure.

No. The Measure is mine, Cherie.

Well, I'm going to take this
hand and press it in a book.

Captain Stubing,
look who's here.

Marshall?

Merrill.

Surprise.

Surprise isn't exactly the word.

What happened, Marshall?

They close the
Riviera for remodeling?

Let me look at my big brother.

It's been ages.

Merrill, the sea has
been good to you.

But you always did look
smashing in a uniform.

Even in the boy scouts.

Excuse us.

Uh, yes, sir.

Drinks later.

Marshall, what are
you doing on my ship?

What everybody is doing,

looking for a little Mexican
moonlight and amore.

In other words, you're broke

and you're here to get your
hooks into some rich woman.

Marshall, I want
you off my ship.

Merrill, I see you haven't
lost your wry sense of humor.

Off. Off.

Sorry, but I have this.

One ticket for a wild
and wonderful cruise.

My goodness.

What a real sweet little boat.

I think I might buy me one.

I see my ticket for
the rest of my life.

May I take that for you?

Honey, that's my hand.

Of course.

Who can ever forget
a lovely hand like that?

Have we met before?

You don't remember, do you?

Was it Nice in '74?
Monte Carlo in '75?

I don't reckon so.

Was it Tulsa in '76.

Well, who cares?

At least we found
each other now.

Is Nice anywhere
near Oklahoma City?

Your brother sure works fast.

I called the Guinness
Book of Records.

I think he's just broken
the four minute mooch.

(ship's horn blowing)

(theme music)

(piano lounge music)

Here you go.

A pisco punch.

I had to look that
one up in the book.

I've never made it before.

Yeah, I know, It's unusual,

but it's the only thing I
drink during the daytime.

Ah, well, to each his own.

Yes, ma'am.

Hello, pisco punch, please.

A pisco punch?

Um-hmm.

Brandy, lemon juice, pineapple.

Please, Miss.

I'm a professional bartender.

Sorry.

Hi.

Do you happen to
know Close to You?

(piano plays) (Holly hums along)

That's it.

Thanks a lot. I love it.

Miss?

I hope you don't think
this is a line, but uh,

you just ordered
my favorite drink

and you just asked him
to play my favorite song.

Really? How interesting.

Green Bay Packers?

Uh, you a football fan too?

Guilty.

That's incredible.

I can't believe it.

Next you're going to be
telling me you like to play chess

and go camping and
you like Mozart, huh?

Yes, I do.

This is uncanny.

Are you serious?

Miss, we have to talk.

My name is Howard Sanders.

Holly Christopher.

- Hi, Holly.
- Hi. Thank you.

Holly, would you have
dinner with me tonight?

Look, I don't want you to
think that I'm the kind of guy

who comes onto every
pretty girl that he meets.

I'm really not.

It's true.

Well.

You'll see once
you get to know me.

I can hardly wait.

(theme music)

(Mariachi music)

Hello.

Captain Merrill?

Uh, not really.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, you look
like Captain Merrill

except for you have more...

Well, I mean, he
has more... skin.

(Mariachi music continues)

Evening, Captain.

Well, brother, I see you
met my daughter, Vicki.

Well, it's my pleasure.

I didn't know my
brother had a little girl.

Well, now we're even.

I never knew Captain
Merrill had an older brother.

May I have some ice cream?

Sure. Make it a double scoop.

So, where's your lady
in the white mink coat

or did she wise
up to you already?

Oh, she'll be here.

I'll introduce you.

Her name is Ruby Givens.

No thanks. I want no
part of your schemes.

Well, who's scheming?

I know how you operate.

First, you tell them you
live on the glorious Riviera.

Well, I do, don't I?

But you forget to tell
them you live in one room

over a Chinese laundry.

That's because I'm
fussy about my shirts.

And then you drop big
names trying to impress them.

You think I'm a name dropper?

Wait until you meet
Princess Grace.

You're never going to
learn, are you, Marshall?

When are you going to stop all
this... this deceiving of women?

When it stops working.

MARSHALL: Ruby.

Cherie.

Over here.

Good evening, Marshall.

Good evening.

You didn't tell me we were
dining with the Captain.

MARSHALL: Well, I
always go first cabin.

In London, I dined
with Prince Charles.

In Manhattan, I
rendezvous with Jackie.

Oh?

That's the one.

Oh.

You gentlemen are
brothers, aren't you?

You know, I thought
that you looked a lot alike.

This is an honor.

It's my pleasure.

Oklahoma, right?

However did you know?

I moonlight reading tea leaves.

Oh.

He always was the funny one.

What do you do in
Oklahoma, Miss Givens?

Well, nothing much.

Not since my husband, Horace
died, may he rest in peace.

I'm so sorry.

Yes. We buried
him in his oil field.

Horace always did like to
have everything put back

into the business.

Oil field?

RUBY: Well, it's
just nothing really.

Three little old
oil wells per acre.

Well, well, well.

This calls for a drink.

Well, you gentlemen
are busy talking.

Shall I get them?

Champagne all around?

None for me, thank
you. I'm driving.

- Oh, he is the funny one.
- Yes.

Merrill, do me a favor.

Lend me $50.

I left my wallet in the cabin.

It was empty at the time.

Come on, Merrill.
I'd do it for you.

Well, wait a minute.

Come on, Merrill.
Give me the money.

I'll stay out of your hair.

Sorry.

Thanks.

How much do I owe you?

That Will be 3.75.

There you go, champ.

Keep the change.

Keep the bottle.

Aunt Chris, try one
of our specialties.

Okay.

There you go.

- Julie, it's him.
- Who?

CHRISTINE: That's the
man I met in the lobby.

Ah, hello?

Oh, we meet again.

I was afraid I'd be
too late to see you.

Oh, uh, Julie this is Neal Rich.
This is my niece, Julie McCoy.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

The only people who love me
for being late are my students.

You're a teacher?

I beg your pardon,
I'm a professor.

Well, please excuse my faux pas.

I think that's a little like
calling a dentist "mister".

Would you mind if
we all sat together?

- Well, I...
- I think we'd love to.

Thank you.

- Here.
- Thank you.

Oh, waiter, uh, could we have
a bottle of Chateau Neuf '64.

Julie, that was
John's favorite wine.

Oh, 1964, an excellent year

unless you happened
to vote for Goldwater.

I see we both like lobsters.

How do you feel about dancing?

Oh, I love it.

Oh, good.

I feel lobster and dancing are
two of the necessities of life.

Oh.

(Mariachi music continues)

Oh, hi.

Would you care to join me
for dinner, Ms. Christopher?

Oh, well thank you
very much, but I... I, uh...

He's not here yet.

Will I do?

As a matter of fact,
in a way you will.

Oh.

Doctor, since you are a
doctor, I have something here

I'd like to ask a
second opinion about.

At your service.

This company that I work
for has all these computers

that house all this information
about millions of men.

Their likes, their dislikes,
their IQ, their health,

their heritage, and this figures
in separating the superior

insurable male versus
the inferior uninsurable one.

This one happens to be
superior in every category.

DOC: What is his name again?

Howard Samuels.

Howard Samuels.

I hated him on sight without
knowing why and now I know why.

Because he's perfect.

Soon to be the perfect
father of my child.

You mean, just
because of statistics,

you want to marry him?

No, no. I did not say
anything about marriage.

- Oh, you just want to...
- You got it.

Well, what about the
good old institution of love

and courtship and marriage?

Well, I... I want a child.
I don't want a family.

I want to be a mother, and
I'm ready to be a mother,

but a wife, no. I'm
not ready for that.

Hi.

Hi.

Have you seen the buffet?

The food looks wonderful.

Wait until you see the dessert.

Yeah.

(theme music)

(lounge music)

I can't believe
how good you are.

It's like we've been
dancing together for years.

Well, who knows, maybe we have.

I mean it. I'm amazed by
how well we fit together.

I know what you mean.

It's unusual for me, I've
been a loner all my life.

That's why I never got married.

What about you?

What?

Have you been married?

Oh, uh, I'm a widow.

No way you could
have stayed single.

More champagne?

I don't know.

I hate the taste of it, but
then again, I love the effect.

- I guess so.
- No problem.

I'll get you another one

and hold your nose
while you drink it.

(lounge music continues)

Two champagnes, please.

Certainly.

Enjoying the cruise?

Oh, yeah, I'm having
a wonderful time.

And it's mainly
because of Holly.

I've never met
anybody quite like her.

She is so beautiful. She
could have any man she wants.

But instead she just seems
to enjoy being with me

and talking football.

Well, maybe she just wants
a chip off your old block.

Huh?

It's just an old med
school expression.

Yeah, I went to the
only medical school

that a course in carpentry.

Here you go.

Promenade 110.

Okay.

Thank you.

Oh, that poor guy.

Looks pretty happy to me.

The least she could do
is take him to a movie first.

(theme music)

To Christine.

To John.

I mean, Neal.

Oh, I am so sorry.

It's just that I met so
many new people today.

It's all right. I understand.

Amy.

It's hard to believe we've
only known each other

- a couple of hours.
- Hmm.

Pretty crazy, isn't it?

Oh, I don't think so.

I think it's wonderful.

(romantic music)

You're right.

It is pretty wonderful.

You know what I'd like?

What?

CHRISTINE: Hot cocoa.

NEAL: Hot cocoa?

With marshmallows.

I'm sorry.

I just think hot cocoa in the
moonlight is very romantic.

If that's what you want, I'll
see if I can round some up.

Don't go away.

I won't.

Hot cocoa?

Uh, excuse me, Miss.
Have you seen my aunt?

She's easy to recognize.

She's the woman who
under no circumstances

thought she'd have a
good time on this cruise.

Oh, I'm glad I was wrong.

So am I. Seems like
a really terrific guy.

Oh, he is.

Julie, I never thought I would
meet anyone so like John.

But Aunt Chris.

He looks like John.
He dresses like him.

He's even a professor.

It's almost as if John
never really died.

But he's not Uncle John.

Oh, Julie. He's even
romantic the way John was.

Oh, it's like a dream come true.

(pensive music)

Windy tonight, huh?

Well, this is me.

Would you like to come in?

It's kind of late, isn't it?

Yes. It's very late.

But if you insist, you can
come in for a few minutes.

Come on.

Come on. Sit down.

There.

Just, uh, relax.

Take your tie off.

Take off anything you like.

Well...

That's better, huh?

Howard, I like you very much.

I think you're very nice.

Like that song?

Yeah.

Me too.

Howard, a lot of
people don't know this.

But sex is very
similar to the fox trot.

Watch.

One, two, like a box.

Three, four. See?

Try it.

One...

Two...

Three...

Four.

What are you doing
with my picture?

Uh, oh.

Howard, sit down.

I suppose I should have just
told you about this right away.

Told me what?

About us.

What about us? I just met you.

Yes, I know, but I spent
the last three months

studying everything about you.

Including where you'd
be on my vacation.

Why? What for?

Howard, I would like
to have your baby.

You can't have my baby.

Why not?

I don't have a baby.

Howard, I would like
you to give me a baby.

Give?

I don't believe this.

Well, what's the
big deal anyway?

You don't even have to spend
the night if you don't want to.

Just make love to
me and forget about it.

Forget about it?

You know, aside from the
fact that you've been using me,

you're forgetting one
very important thing.

The minute you become the
mother, I become the father.

It doesn't matter.

Well, it does to me!

I'm not just some sex object!

I am very disappointed in you.

All that talk about the Green
Bay Packers was just a come on.

Well, yeah.

(theme music)

Good night, Captain Merrill.

Oh, good night, Vicki.

Sweet dreams.

- Captain Merrill.
- Huh?

Don't you like Uncle Marshall?

Why do you ask me that?

I never told you that I
don't like my brother.

Well, you didn't exactly say
that, but you looked at him,

you know, like you
don't approve of him.

Vicki, it's not that I
disapprove of my brother.

It's just that, well, he's
never worked for a living.

Oh.

Oh, I see.

It's not that you
don't approve of him.

You're jealous of him.

MARSHALL: Hey
everybody, this way.

Last one in buys the drinks.

(screams)

Vicki.

I know. Go to bed.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Oh, I love this ship.

They got bars all over.

What's going on here?

Oh, just go on doing
what you doing, Merrill.

You won't bother us.

Bother you?

Who ordered all this champagne?

Well, you did.

The order was signed M. Stubing.

Really?

Well, I'm afraid you
all have to leave.

Come on now.

A toast to my brother, the
finest Captain on this ship.

Bottoms up.

Maybe I'd better not say
that while we're still at sea.

Now, I must insist.

Come on, everybody.

We're going to sing
now just like we practiced.

There you go, Ruby.

(ship's horn blowing)

(imitating horn)

(ship's horn blowing)

(imitating horn)

Everybody.

♪ Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream ♪

Ya!

♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is but a dream ♪

Starboard side only!

♪ Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream ♪

♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is but a dream ♪

Ruby, you're the greatest.

♪ Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream ♪

♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is but a dream ♪

(theme music)

(theme music)

Ah, beautiful morning.

It was a beautiful night.

Yeah.

Well, what do we do today?

How about some shuffleboard?

Hey, how about a game of gin?

Oh, no, I'm not much
into playing cards.

How about some backgammon.

Oh, I'll bet you're
a great card player.

What makes you think so?

A woman's intuition.

Well, I knew
someone a lot like you

who was a tournament champion.

We used to play
cards for days at a time.

I hate to disappoint you, but
I can barely tell the difference

between a spade and a club.

Oh, I'll teach you.

Give it a try, all right?

All right.

All the money you'll hustle
out of me is going to deprive

my poor old grandmother
of her gallbladder operation.

Hi.

Hi.

Listen, I'm really sorry for
what happened last night.

Okay.

I mean, I'm really sorry.

Okay.

I mean, you can't help
it if you're an animal.

Then you forgive me?

Yeah, sure.

I forgive you.

Oh, what a relief.

I am so glad you're
not mad at me anymore

because I really want you
to be the father of my baby.

Will you stop that!

If you don't stop, I
won't talk to you again,

not even about the
Green Bay Packers!

(theme music)

Marshall, I don't think
anything could ever be

more beautiful than last night.

Wait until tonight.

Oh.

(romantic music)

(Captain Stubing clears throat)

Forgive me, but I
thought I saw smoke

coming from this direction.

Oh, uh, my I have to run.

I have a manicure.

I'll, uh, see y'all later.

Bye, honey.

My compliments.

You're working
fast, even for you.

Why?

Because I gave her
an engagement ring?

You bought an engagement ring?

Well, you should know
that. I put it on your bill.

What?

Relax, Merrill.

I think maybe I love her.

Oh.

Well, this love you feel
wouldn't have anything to do

with three little old
oil wells, would it?

Per acre.

No. It's got nothing
to do with that.

I can't believe you.

What happens when she finds
out you're not what you claim to be?

Oh, Merrill, you've been a
worry wart since we were kids.

I don't suppose you want
advice from your older brother.

But you can't build
a happy marriage

on the foundation of lies.

You're absolutely right.

- I am?
- Yes.

I don't want your advice.

(somber music)

Oh, oh, oh my. I told you I
wasn't very good at cards.

Well, if you could just try.

Come on.

Why do you make
such a big thing of it?

Why is it so important
that I play cards?

Well, it's not so important.

It's just that I thought
it might be nice

if we could play cards
together. That's all.

There are other things we
can do together, aren't there?

Cards aren't such a big deal,
if you pardon the expression.

Okay. Come on, try again.

(theme music)

(knock on door)

Come in. It's open.

I hope I'm not interrupting.

Oh, no. It's just Captain stuff.

Getting our bearings.

We're either off the
coast of Puerto Vallarta

or somewhere near
Topeka, Kansas.

I, uh, want to talk to
you about your brother.

He just gave me this ring.

Yes. He said he
was going to do that.

Well, I want to buy Marshall
a little present, nothing fancy,

uh, a gold watch or a car.

Well, I know so little about
him, and I ought to know more

about the man I'm going
to spend my life with.

Well, in that case, maybe
you'd better sit down.

(pensive music)

Ms. Givens.

Ruby.

Ruby...

Look, I still think you should
find a guy and fall in love.

HOLLY: Nah.

Uh, buy a house in the
country, buy a station wagon

and then have his baby.

You don't seem to
understand something, Doctor.

I'm not against these things.

I like this.

But statistics prove,
and you know this,

that one out of every two
marriages ends in divorce.

One out of every two.

I know all about
those statistics.

In the last divorce survey,

I was the only one
mentioned by name.

But I still think you're
making a very serious mistake.

I think I know what
I'm doing, doctor,

but I'll tell you one thing, I
sure appreciate your concern.

May I speak to you?

- Me?
- Yeah.

Yeah, sure.

- I have had it!
- You have?

And not only that, I have
something to say to you.

Something I should
have said last night,

and you'd better listen.

What?

Holly, you are the best thing
that's ever happened to me.

You're kind and you're
beautiful and you're fun to be with.

And not only that,
you're a good person.

Did a computer somewhere
say all that about me?

But you're also selfish,
and you're unrealistic.

After all the time that
you spent choosing me

and then finding me, you can
just go choose somebody else?

I mean, I'm sure that Doc
is a nice guy, but let's face it.

You don't know
anything about him.

So, if you're going
to make a mistake,

you might as well
make it with me.

At least that way it'll be easy
to rectify because I like you.

What are you trying to say?

One, two, three, four.

You are kidding.

One, two, three, four?

My cabin 8:30.

Okay.

Yeah.

(music)

- Hey.
- Hi.

Hey, what are you buying in
there? You have everything.

Oh, I didn't buy
anything for myself.

It's a present for you.

- For me?
- Um-hmm.

Can I open it now or
have to wait for Christmas?

No, go ahead, open it.

Oh, that's great.

Almost makes me wish I smoked.

I know the best pipe
tobacco to go in it too.

You're really going to love it.

No, you didn't hear
me. I don't smoke.

I've been thinking how
distinguished you'd look

standing there lecturing in
front of your class with a pipe.

But... Look, I have
to get my hair done.

I'll see you at dinner, okay?

(soft music)

Oh.

A gift from your aunt.

That looks very professor-ish.

Maybe I can use it for a prop.

You know, it's just like the
one my Uncle John smoked.

(soft music)

(theme music)

(piano lounge music)

Ruby, where have you been?

I am sorry.

Hmm.

Marshall, I had along
talk with your brother.

Oh, great guy, isn't he?

Uh-huh.

What'd you talk about?

You.

I'll kill him. Don't
believe a word he said.

What'd he say?

He said that you were
a tad irresponsible and

you tend to stretch
the truth a might.

Did he say anything else?

Plenty.

I guess he told you that
I'm not really all those things

I said I was.

Well, not exactly.

And that I don't really own
a villa in the south of France.

No, he...

And then I'm sure he
told you I'm so broke

I don't know where my next
tin of caviar is coming from.

No, he didn't say that either.

What did he say?

He said he really admires you.

That you are one of the
few people in this world

that knows how to love life.

Merrill said that about me?

And that you're warm and giving

and that you'll make
me a wonderful husband.

(melancholic music)

I told you not to
believe a word he said.

It was nice, Ruby.

Really nice.

Marshall, wait.

Why are you leaving?

Because I love you.

You deserve a
lot better than me.

(dramatic music)

(theme music)

Aunt Chris, I just don't think

you ought to be taking
anything for granted.

I'm not, but Neal said he had
something important to tell me,

and well, I don't
think it's a secret

how we feel about each other.

(knock on door)

Oh, that must be
Neal. Would you mind?

Sure.

Well, hi.

Come on in.

I'll just see you two later.

You look lovely.

Thank you.

I, uh, ordered a bottle
of our favorite wine.

It should be here soon.

Now, uh, what is all this
you can't tell me at dinner.

Well, for one thing

maybe we shouldn't have
dinner together tonight.

Christine, this is
very hard to say,

but whatever it is that
happened between us

has gone too far too fast.

I think we have to slow it down.

Slow it down?

I don't know what you mean.

If you've come to say goodbye,
why didn't you just say it?

- Chris.
- I understand.

The cruise is almost over and
so is the shipboard romance.

You're a real gentleman
to let me know.

Chris, see what I feel about
you I never felt for anyone before.

I don't think you're
ready for us yet.

How can you say that?

You know I love you very much.

I admit that when I came
on board falling in love

was the furthest
thing from my mind.

But you reminded me so
much of my late husband, John,

that I fell...

(music)

I thought that's what it was.

I'm not John. Until
you accept that,

you won't be ready for me
or anyone else for that matter.

Is that it?

Have you had your say?

Yes.

Except that I care
for you very much.

I want you to know that.

I'll try to keep that in mind.

Christine.

Would you please go?

(dramatic music)

(theme music)

(knock on door)

I've been counting the minutes.

Well, I got here
as soon as I could.

Right there.

All right, certainly.

Now, would you, uh, like
me to open this for you now?

HOWARD: No, no.

ISAAC: Is this all
right? Is this fine?

HOWARD: Just great. Oh,
thank you. It's wonderful.

Thank you.

Oh, you're here.

Yeah, well I didn't want to
be late for our, you know.

Yeah, well that's
fine. I like punctuality.

Good.

Well, like you said, I'm here.

Yeah.

- Well, shall we...
- What?

Yes.

Dance?

Sure, why not?

Sure.

I wouldn't blame her if she
never wanted to see me again.

But it isn't your fault.

You had to try to get
through to her somehow.

I don't want to lose
her in the process.

I know.

- Neal, I...
- Oh, excuse me.

I'd better leave before
I'm late for whatever it is

I'd be late for
if I didn't leave.

Excuse me, my Aunt Chris.

Can I, uh, get you
folks something to drink?

How about some Chateau Neuf?

- Well, I...
- A cup of hot chocolate?

If you don't mind,

I think we ought to
try something different.

I mean, those others are good,

but maybe it's time we
found a new favorite.

Our favorite.

(romantic music)

(Isaac clears throat)

We'll leave it to you, Isaac.

But remember, you're
starting a tradition.

Hmm, a big responsibility
like that may take some time.

So you're going to
have to find a way

to keep yourselves occupied.

(romantic music)

No, stop.

Stop? Why?

Because can't you
see I like you too much.

Well what's wrong with that?

It ruins everything,
that's what.

It's defeating the whole
purpose of what I'm trying to do.

I mean, it's just not
another situation.

And you're not a
sex object anymore.

Well, that's not so bad.

Statistically, it's
horrible, Howard.

I mean, it's just no future in
anybody liking anybody anymore.

And believe me, I know
what I'm talking about, Howard.

I don't know. It just
seems like today

a good divorce is better
than a good marriage.

It lasts longer.

Well, you could be right.

I don't know. But what I
do know is that I like you.

A lot.

And I kind of have a feeling

that we could change
those statistics.

But you're going to have
to give me something

that's very important to you.

What?

A little time.

How much time?

Time to play chess, go camping
and maybe see a football game.

What do you say, Holly?

Can we start over again?

(romantic music)

Hi.

My name is Howard Samuels.

Hi.

My name is Holly Christopher.

Hi, Holly.

Hey, can I walk you home?

Yes, you handsome devil.

(music continues)

Evening, brother.

Evening, brother.

Where's Ruby?

Oh, before Ruby threw me over,

I thought I'd do her a
favor and throw myself over.

Oh, that was very nice
what you told her about me,

that I was warm and giving.

Well, you are.

Unfortunately, what
you give is usually mine.

Listen, Marshall,
everything I told her was true.

Well, I just told her some
other true things about me.

I guess you bring out the
boy scout in me, Merrill.

I'm glad you decided
to come clean.

So am I. Even though
it does cramp my style.

Marshall.

There you are.

I have been looking
all over this boat for you.

Evening, Captain.

Ruby.

Well, if you need
anyone to talk to,

I'll be in my cabin
polishing my merit badges.

Marshall, I was
worried about you.

About me?

Hey, I'm the guy who
really loves life, remember?

Marshall.

I love you.

You mean after the way I
led you on you still want me?

You don't have to say all
that stuff to impress me.

I don't care about
what you don't have.

It's what you've
got that matters,

and you got
something I really need.

I do?

Yeah.

You love me.

I really do.

Honey, I may not know much
about you, but I know what I like.

Oh, Ruby.

And I especially like that.

(romantic music)

(theme music)

Doc.

What was that for?

For your opinion.

What was that for?

Well, Holly told me some
of the things that you said,

and I just wanted to thank you.

Thanks again.

Hey, wait a minute. Doesn't
anybody want to thank me?

Sure, Gopher. I'll thank you.

Sure. Anytime.

JULIE: Bye-bye.

- Aunt Chris, is that you?
- Yep.

I thought I would try
something different for a change.

Oh, love the hat.

What are you looking at?

Nothing except for those glasses
and that hat you're the spitting

image of a girl I went
steady with in high school.

Really?

Why are you doing that?

From now on, when
we look at each other,

we won't be seeing anyone
who isn't there, okay?

It's a deal.

- Bye-bye.
- Goodbye, sweetheart.

That'll be fine, Jacqueline.

Merrill, it's been
great seeing you again

and meeting your
lovely daughter.

Well, Marshall, this
time I can honestly say

it was great seeing you
and your lovely Ruby.

Oh, thank you, Captain.

You're so pretty.

I hope I look like
you when I grow up.

You could do worse, Vicki.

When I grow up, I hope
I'm more like your father.

(heartwarming music)

(theme music)