The Love Boat (1977–1987): Season 3, Episode 18 - The Kinfolk/Sis and the Slicker/Moonlight and Moonshine/Too Close for Comfort/The Affair: Part 1 - full transcript

(theme music playing)

♪ Love ♪

♪ Exciting and new ♪

♪ Come aboard ♪

♪ We're expecting you ♪

♪ And love ♪

♪ Life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ Let it flow ♪

♪ It floats back to you ♪

♪ The Love Boat ♪

♪ Soon we'll be
making Another run ♪

♪ The Love Boat ♪

♪ Promises something
For everyone ♪

♪ Set a course for adventure ♪

♪ Your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ And love ♪

♪ Won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ It's an open smile ♪

♪ On a friendly shore ♪

♪ It's love ♪

♪ Welcome aboard It's love ♪

(theme music playing)

(theme music continues)

Well, back to the
old grind, Doc.

Boy, two days ashore sure
doesn't seem like enough.

I can live on my memories.

Oh, what a weekend.

I don't even care
about the cleaning bill.

- Hold it.
- What?

Somebody squished.

Don't look at me. I
haven't squished in years.

(playful music playing)

The deck is flooded.

Rainy season?

Oh, what about the cabins?

Oh, my books,

my cashmere sweaters,
my Dolly Parton poster!


Gopher, are you all right?

Well, first of all,

I'm going to need
a very large sponge.

(theme music playing)

All right. Thank you very much.

Apparently, the sprinkler
system on the crew deck

was set off accidentally.

Unfortunately, it'll
take at least a week

to repair the damage.

Oh, no!

Well, we have to make
other living arrangements.

Now, what is the situation
regarding vacant cabins?

Well, sir. We're
almost fully booked.

The only thing that's
empty is Fiesta 133,

and that's the smallest
cabin on the ship.

Sir, I know how
uncomfortable that cabin is,

but I am willing to
make the sacrifice.

Uh, Miss McCoy
will take Fiesta 133.

Like I was saying,

Julie is entitled to
a separate cabin.

Sir, what about us?

What... we can't
stay where we are.

Our cabins are so wet

we could sublet them
to Jacques Cousteau.

There must be somewhere.

Well, sir. There is one large
cabin that wasn't flooded,

and we could move in some cots.

Perfect. Which cabin?

Uh, there's a crew member
already living there, sir.

Miss McCoy,

these men need a place to sleep.

Now, no one on my
ship is going to deny them

simply because of some
minor inconvenience.

Now, whose cabin
are you talking about?

Yours, sir.

Well, as you can see, uh,

I'm in the midst
of painting here.

Yes, well I was thinking
of your bedroom.


Yes, of course.

Thank you for the suggestion.

Shall I arrange for those cots?

(sighing) I suppose so.

I mean, certainly.

Yes, sir.

That's very big of you, sir.

Hey, that's why our man
here gets the big money.

Right, sir?

- Mr. Smith?
- Yes, sir.

You're dripping on the mahogany.

Captain Merrill.

What happened to you?

I was bobbing for dinner.

Julie says that Doc
and Gopher and Isaac

are going to be staying
with you in your cabin.

Boy, are you guys
going to have fun.

Oh, goody.

(theme music playing)

(theme music continues)


Hello. Frank and Maura Belloque.

Such an incredible night.

Maura, look at that star.

I'd rather look at the bar.

That's us. Something
for everybody.

Hey, guys, look at all of this.

Oh, I'm so excited I could die.

With that dress, I'm
surprised you haven't.

Dave and Cynthia Wilmer.

Yes, sir.

Oh, Mr. Wilmer, yes.
You're all on the Aloha Deck,

cabin 270 and 272.

- Thank you.
- Let's go.


Hi. Let's go.


Well, maybe they're
kissing cousins...

or not.

When are you
gonna move your stuff

into the Captain's quarters?

Can't get into my cabin
until the tide goes out.

Ah, I know what you mean.

I wonder how my
albums are going to sound

after they've been underwater.

Ever heard Stevie Wonder gargle?

Hello. Welcome aboard.

- Julie.
- Hi.

- How are you?
- Oh, good.

Oh, Julie, I don't know
how to thank you for this.

I really don't.

Well, you just sing
as well as you did

when I heard you
in that club, okay?

Oh, that was a nothing place!

I wasn't even
getting paid there.


Oh, wow.

Oh, man.

You are a Julie McCoy discovery.

Now you remember
that when you make it big.

No, no. You mean in make it big.

You mean when.

Guess who's going
to be on this cruise?


Steve Sorrell.

Steve Sorrell? The
record producer?

Uh-huh. I bet he
gets one look at you,

and he offers you a contract.

Oh yeah?

No. No. I'll probably blow it.

No way. You've
got what it takes.

You've got talent
and style and looks.

You may be going
out there a singer, kid,

but you're coming back a star!

Oh, in that case, uh,

I got to go steam the
wrinkles out of my tux.

I have an image to protect.

I'll see you, Julie.
Thanks a lot.

It's an honor to have
you on board, Ms. Wasser.

I think I've read every
book you've ever written.

Yes, but how many
have you bought?

You know what I
enjoy about your novel?

I always feel that I'm
reading about real people.

- Oh, you are.
- I am?

Oh, I steal all
my plots from life.

I change the names,

add a few facts and voila.

But you mean that
that blind news boy

in the last bell
actually exists?

Oh, you couldn't make
up a character like him.

I hung around his
news stand in New York

until I knew every
detail of his life.

That's fascinating.

It's also expensive.

I must have bought $600
worth of magazines I didn't want.

And I talked in
headlines for weeks.

Well, uh, what are
you working on now?

My vacation.

I'm going to bingo
my brains out.

Oh, Mom, ain't this something?

Oh, fancy for a boat.

Too dang fancy.

I feel just like a
catfish in a gopher hole.

Oh, come on now grandpa.

Let's do what we came here for.

Ah, it's like a royal palace.

Uh, no it ain't.

It's like the big hotels
they have in Charleston.

Now, don't you put
on airs, Elmer Fargus,

you've never been outside
of West Virginia neither.

Hello. I'm Julie McCoy.

If you say so.

Howdy, ma'am, uh,
we're the Schofields.

Can you tell us where
we could find the youngster

who's singing on
this here cruise?

Oh, do you know Danny?

Well, uh, he used to sing
around our neck of the woods.

Oh, Mr. Schofield,

I'm sure that
Danny's going to enjoy

having some fans on board.

Your cabins are
right up those stairs.

Enjoy your cruise.

Thank you.

Captain, you'll have
to bingo without me.

I've just seen a best seller.

(soft music playing)

Ah, Mr. Sorrell, welcome back.

Hope you have a great cruise.

Listen, sir, if there's anything
that you need or want,

please just let us know.

- Well, there is one thing.
- Name it, sir.

Can you get me one of those?

Don't let your head be
turned by every city boy

that smiles at you, hear?

Now turn around here.

Now that's what I call

a good old country sunshine.

It's nice to know
I'm worth smiling at.

And mind your tone.

You ain't my husband
yet, you know?


(horn blowing)

(theme music playing)

(theme music continues)

You think he's going
to be surprised?

Like a hound dog in a tornado.

I still say if he
wanted to see us,

he could have come home.

Oh, grandpa, Danny doesn't
want to come back to Caters Corner.

He's making a name for himself.

Ain't nothing wrong
with the name he's got.

Oh, just quit scrapping now.

Oh. Here's the room.

(knock on door)




What are... what are you guys...

I mean, uh...

Close your mouth, son!

You don't know what
might stroll in there.


we wanted to surprise ya.

Ah, I'm surprised
all right, uh...

Uh, come... come in. Come in.

Lord, son.

You're skinny as a
possum with lockjaw.

How are you?

Have you been eating good?

Oh I... I've been
eating just fine, ma.

Tell me, uh, how
come you're all here?

Well, when you wrote
that you was going to sing

on a big fancy boat,

we just took our rainy day money

and just bought us tickets.

Oh, Mama.

Mama, you shouldn't
have done that.

That's a lot of money.

Well, Elmer pitched in.

His farm has been
doing real well.

That was, uh,
nice of you, Elmer.

Well, it's important
to your folks.

We haven't seen you
in such a long time.

- I missed you.
- Oh, I missed you too, Kitty.

You know, I've been meaning
to come back home for a visit,

but you know these
schedules, it, uh...

What does this here say
under Danny's picture?

Uh, now appearing in
the Acapulco Lounge,

Danny Fields.

Danny Fields? Who's that?

(clears throat)

That's, uh,

that's me.

You ain't no Danny Fields.

Now, grandpa, everybody in
show biz changes their name.

Well, it ain't right.

He's a Schofield.

His pa is a Schofield.

I'm a Schofield.

My pappy and my pappy's pappy

all the way back
were Schofields!

Oh, it's all right, Pa.

He's still our Danny.

Nothing could change that.

Isn't that right, son?

Sure, Mama. You bet.

Hey, you know,

I... I'm really glad
y'all came. I really am.

Heck, son. What are kin for?

Why a man without kin
is like grits without hog fat.


Hey look, I...

I wish I could spend some
more time with you, but I've...

I've got a rehearsal right
now that I've got to get to.

Oh, don't you fret.

Now, this boat's
got all sorts of ways

for people to busy themselves.

It sure has.

Well, you know,

they got a place here that
you can shoot your own supper.

Of course, I ain't
never ate no skeet.

Folks around here seem
to like 'em a whole bunch.

No, no. Grandpa. You...

You don't eat skeet,
you just shoot 'em.

What do you want to shoot
'em for if you can't eat 'em?

It's like I told you, Floyd.

Folks outside of West
Virginia is just plumb ignorant.

(theme music playing)

(knocking on door)

Good evening, ma'am.

Uh, Mr. Wilmer
ordered some hot milk.

- Yeah.
- Where can I put it?

- I'll take it. Thank you.
- Oh, thank you.

- Can I get you anything else?
- No, nothing.

- Have a nice evening.
- Good night.

Hot milk.


Dave, it's only ten o'clock.

I thought we'd get together
with Frank and Maura.

No way. I'm beat.

Oh, Dave.

(soft music playing)

(knocking on door)


What, you too?

What a bunch of party poopers.

It's been a long day.

Oh, but don't you
love it? Come on.

Aren't you glad Frank and I
got you guys to go on this cruise?

It beats sitting around
that apartment pool.

Doesn't it, Frank?

Frank's gone out.

Oh, well I...

I guess if you're
going to call it a night,

I might as well too.

- Good night, Maura.
- Good night.


Honey, I'm starved!

I'm going to go
check with the steward

to see what's
keeping our hot milk.

(theme music playing)

Ooh we!

It was a gift from Peaches.

You like it?

Oh, I didn't say that.

Hey, Gopher.

Come on, man. Get out of there.

You know, somebody else
wants to get into the bathroom!


(clears throat)

What, uh, seems to be
the problem, gentlemen?

It's Gopher, sir.

He won't come
out of the bathroom.

I think he's having an affair
with a bottle of Listermint.

That's it. Excuse me.

Mr. Smith,

the front office has suggested

that I recommend crew
members for our arctic freighter.

Now since you are so busy,

I suppose I jot down your name?

Please, can't a guy wash
up without getting deported?

I don't believe it. Dr. Dentons.

Hey, they're
comfortable. All right?

My feet get cold.

Oh, uh, sir. Can I just get...

Patience, Isaac. Patience.

Doc, you need patients.

I need the bathroom.


Got an idea here.

(disco music playing)

Isaac, don't you know
that listening to that stuff

can be hazardous to your health?

(classical music playing)

Hey, Doc, man, I
hate that kind of stuff.

(disco music playing)

And I hate that kind of stuff.

- (classical music playing)
- Well, that's just too bad.

(disco music playing)

Isaac, now look... (cross talk)

Now look what you did!

Look what I did?

Do you smell something?

Yeah. It's like a
combination of, uh,

honey suckle and lilac
and old sweat socks.

It's incense.


Gopher, what are you doing?

Earth to Gopher.
Earth to Gopher.

Come in, Gopher. Come in.

I think he stepped out.

(disco music playing)

Is somebody manufacturing
rubber in here?

Mr. Smith!

Sir, uh, I was meditating.

Helps me relax.

Well, tense up and go to bed.

Will somebody
please turn off that din?

Oh, yes sir.

I was just waiting for you

to come out of the bathroom.

It just put this to
distract me a little bit,

and I was going to
go to the bathroom!


All yours, Isaac.

Ooh, thank you.

Now I don't have to anymore.

All right.

Time for lights out.

Good night, Isaac.

Good night, Doc.

Good night, Merrill.

Good night, Adam.

Good night, Captain.

Good night, Isaac.

GOPHER: (moaning)
Oh... EVERYBODY: Gopher!

DOC: You'd make a lousy Walton.

(theme music playing)

(theme music playing)

(theme music continues)

You look like you're planning
to take that home with you.

Oh, hi.


This is my first ocean.

It's beautiful.

Yes, it is.

I've seen it so many times
I hardly notice anymore.

Well, uh, I'd better go.

My family will be
wondering where I got to.

Why don't you check in with them

and then let me
show you the ship?


Oh, well. I couldn't do that.

I got a beau.

A beau?


We're getting married come June.

Oh, I see.

Well, Elmer's gain is my loss.

I hope he knows how lucky he is.

(seductive music playing)

What are you gawking at?


I guess I didn't expect to
see so much of West Virginia

out here in the
middle of the ocean.



(soft music playing)

Ooh, baby, you're
getting really red.

Why don't you go inside?

(soft music playing)


- Howdy.
- Hi.

Anybody in the mood
for a game of bingo?


Aw, it's not very down
home around here, is it?

Hey, you know, my old
Irish grandfather used to say,

"Woman, you'll never
be far from home

as long as you have the
music of your heart with you."

I bet that's true for you too.

(theme music playing)

You're sorry we
came, aren't you?

No. Of course not,
Kitty. I just, uh thought...

You're scared we're
going to shame you.


No, it's just that...

this producer's on board,
this record producer.

Could be my big break,

and I just don't want to
blow it by letting him think

that I'm some kind of
hillbilly or something.

Well, he won't think that.

Why, heck, you don't even
sound country anymore.

Oh, I know that. I know that.

But ma, pa and grandpa, ooh.

Oh, they'd never do
nothing to hurt you.

Not on purpose. I know that.

(country music)

(country music continues)

Exactly what I was afraid of.

Look at them.

The quaint, country type folks

making fools of themselves
in front of everybody.

(country music playing)


No, I'm sorry, but I...

I just want to be so
much more than that.

So do I.

I mean, I don't know how.

Well, Kitty, for a start,

you think twice about tying
yourself down to some guy

who's going to keep you in
the kitchen the rest of your life.

Now, do you want that?

Come on.

Oh, Kitty,

there's so much more in
this world for you than that.

So don't get stuck
in the 19th century...

like them.

(country music playing)



(country music playing)

(theme music playing)

- Ping-pong, anyone?
- Not my game.

What is your game, Frank?

- I'm not much for games.
- Um-hmm.

Honey, what do you
say we get some drinks?

Oh, no thanks. I
just want some sun.

Maura, what do you say we
get our people some drinks?

Sure. Frank?

Aw, just one of
those fruity things.

How about a gin and tonic?


Frank, would you put
some oil on my shoulder?

Sure. Honey, where's the lotion?

What a couple of beauties!

What are you talking about?

Can't you see what's
going on under your nose?

Maura, you're raving.

Yeah, raving mad at your
wife. I don't need this from her.

What? What is it you don't need?

Dave, they're having an affair.


Who? Them!

Aw, come on. No way.

Come on, Dave.

They touch each other
every three minutes!

They touch each other from
opposite sides of the pool!

Maura, listen.

I know Frank's had
millions of affairs,

but this is not one of them.

Oh, and... and I'm sorry.

I really shouldn't
have said that.

Look, I love my wife.

So let's just pretend we
haven't had this conversation.

- Okay?
- Okay.

Whatever you think.

Ah, what will it be, folks? One
of my famous eye openers?

He just had one.

It didn't work.

(country music playing)

Oh, they're a fantastic family.


I could really build
a book about them.

Well, what's holding you back?

Grandpa Schofield.

You know, these mountain men

are so suspicious of outsiders.

They won't talk to anybody.

Except mountain women.

That's it, folks!

My pucker's tuckered!

Excuse me a minute, Captain.

I vow y'all have
brought a tear to my eye.

Well, thank you kindly, ma'am.

Oh, uh,

I hadn't heard nothing like
that since I left Miller Crossing.

Miller Crossing, West Virginia?

The identical.

Well, I'll be greased and fried!

Grandpa, you hear that?

We got ourselves
a neighbor here.

We come from Caters Corner.

Oh, don't that beat all?

Oh, we got kin
in Miller Crossing.

You don't happen to know
Ms. Barbara Jean Schofield?

Well, who don't?

I'm Verna Wasser.

Oh, how do, ma'am?

Recollecting a Wassers
in Miller's Crossing.

Well, my Mama done
married again, so...

I was there one
time 30 years ago.

Went to horse sale.

Got skunked real bad.

Old horse I bought was lame,

had to shoot him.

Ain't set foot in the
place since then.

But I'd sure been back

if I'd known their women folks
was as handsome as you are.

Well, you're smoother
than a barbershop shave.

Lucius Schofield, ma'am,
but you can call me Luke.

Howdy, Luke. I'm Vernie.

Say, how about you and me

just finding out how
big this old boat is?

Well, I think that would
just be lovely. Excuse us.

We'll see you kids.

Grandpa hadn't had a
twinkle in his eye like that

since the time Reverend Houska

fell off the pulpit and
landed in the rhododendron.

0, yeah!

(theme music playing)


(soft music playing)

Captain Merrill...

You said you'd take me to
see the engine room today.

Sweetheart, uh,

I really have to take a nap.

I didn't think grownups
did things like this.

Grownups do a lot of things
that would surprise you.

Was it fun last night with
Doc and Gopher and Isaac?

Yes, it was a real ball.

Doc snores like
a rusty chainsaw.

Gopher chants in his sleep.

And Isaac exercises
to disco music at 6 am.

Uh, I'm sorry, honey, but
I really have to lie down.

Look, uh, we'll see the
engine room another time.

But there's nothing else to do.

Oh, why don't you
go clean your room.

I'm sure it's a mess.

My room's a mess?

You've got to be kidding.

♪ Well ♪

♪ Get down, get down ♪

♪ Boogie until
your face Is frozen ♪

♪ Get down ♪

♪ Uh, get down. Ow! ♪

♪ Dance until you
feet Are hurting ♪

♪ Dance until they
smell Like bacon ♪

♪ Get down ♪

♪ Uh, get down Get down ♪

♪ Get it over with ♪

Oh, Captain. What's happening?

I was just going to
ask you the same thing.

Oh, a passenger spilled
a pina colada on me,

so I got to get a clean
shirt, clean tie, clean uniform,

shower, do my hair and change.

♪ Get down Uh, get down ♪

♪ Boogie until
your hair Is greasy ♪

Uh, Captain, are
you trying to sleep?


This hour of the day?

Don't be silly.

♪ Boogie until
your ears Are blue ♪

♪ Boogie Until
your parents move ♪

♪ Uh, get down Uh, get down ♪

♪ Get down. Get down. ♪

(theme music playing)

GOPHER: (speaker) Good morning,
and welcome to Puerto Vallarta.

We hope you enjoy your day.

Hey. Where in
tarnation have you been?

I've been looking
all over for you.

Folks is worried.

Elmer, I can't believe how
many things they got to do here.

Why, they've got games and
shows and movies and dances.

Even got those fancy
disco dances like on TV.


You want to go learn with me?

Well, what for? Ain't no place
to do them dances back home.

Well, we can do 'em
here. They got a band.

Oh, I already know all
the dances I need to know.

Elmer, don't you want
to learn nothing new?

Well, I ain't looking for
nothing new 'cause, uh,

already got everything I want.

I got the farm,

and I got you.

But don't you ever feel
like there's got to be more?

You don't understand, do you?

Hey, look.

You want to learn
fancy dances, go to it.

I'll sit With the folks.

Now, you have a
good time, you hear?

(soft music playing)

(soft music playing)

What in Sam Hill is here?

Why, they look sillier than
a sow with a saddle on.

Well, I... I think they's
what's called slot machines.

What are they for?


them people is sure
dumb, ain't they?

What do you mean, Luke?

Well, just look.

They're spending good money

just to watch them
little wheels go round,

and we're standing
right here watching 'em,

and we ain't paying a thing.

(disco music playing)

(disco music continues)

Hi, Kitty.

Hey, come on and join us.

That's real good.


Hi, again.

Oh, hi.

I don't know anything
about these type dances.

Well, that's why
you're here, isn't it?

To learn.

Luckily, you're in good hands.

I am?

Oh, certainly.

I'm a veteran of
Studio 54 in New York,

Regine's in London
and Le Club in Paris.

Then what are you
doing here taking lessons?

Oh, I'm not taking them.

I'm giving them.

(disco music playing)

(disco music continues)

What a day.

I'm having the best
time, aren't you?

Cynthia, I think I'd like to...

Look at you. You're
already dressed for lunch.

I'd better get a move on.

Cynthia, maybe we could...


What's With him?

Doesn't he know I'm
a married woman?

(soft music playing)

(soft music continues)



What are you doing in here?

I was, uh,

just lying here trying to decide

what to do about that
young lady on the Lido Deck.

What young lady is that, sir?

You know, that pretty stewardess

who insists on
sunbathing topless?

She's causing
quite a disruption.

Oh, that young lady.


Well, uh,

I'm sure you'll make
the right decision, sir,

because you always do.

I... I have to go, though, now.

I got to get back
to, uh, to work.


Wait until you hear this.

A passenger lent it to me.

Songs of the humpback whale.


(whale sounds)

(whale sounds continue)

I wonder what brought that on.

MAN: (speaker) We
hope you enjoyed your day

in Puerto Vallarta.

The ship will sail
in 30 minutes.

Well, I travel so much
I'm hardly ever home.

What's it like?

Seeing the world,
the big cities and all.

Oh, I guess one town is pretty
much the same as another.

People are pretty much people.

You mean, they're just
like us in Paris, France?

Uh, well no. They, uh...

(French accent) they speak

And uh, they are very romantic.

(French accent) Oh, monsieur,
you are so very romantic.

Hey, you've got a good ear.

Yeah. A lot of good it's
going to do me in Cox County.

(theme music playing)

Hey, how was rehearsal?

Oh, the band is really good.

So are you.

Oh, thanks, Julie.

Hey, Steve Sorts.“
is going to be sitting

at the Captain's table tonight.

You'll get a chance to
meet him before the show.

Oh, terrific. You know,
I've always want...

Oh no.

(country music playing)

Aren't they terrific?
The Schofields?

Hey, by the way,

they said that they're
old fans of yours.

They heard you sing.

Oh yeah, well...

I used to do a
lot of hillbilly stuff.


You know, that real
unsophisticated type

of hoedown music.

(soft music playing)

Doesn't take much to
please people like them.

Hey, Danny.

They're lovely people,

and at this stage
of your career,

you need all the
fans you can get.

Yeah, well, thanks.

I'll try to remember that.

(soft music playing)

(theme music playing)

Isaac, I think you've
got my cummerbund.

How can you tell?

I know whose I've got.

Vastly amusing.

No wonder you
can't find anything.

You're all slobs.


Listen, where's
my other cuff link?

Try your other cuff.

Gentlemen, we have
to get a move on.

Dinner begins at eight.

Oh, dinner at eight.
That's pretty catchy.


Wait a minute, man.

(cross talk)

Okay, give me my jacket.

I don't have your jacket.

You're wearing this inside out.

This is yours. You
must have my...

Wait a minute. Whose
jacket is this then?

(soft music playing)

Oh, I wish we were alone.

Dave, we are alone.

We're just with other people.

I like other people.

We always go away alone.

Now why don't you try to
be just a little more social

just this one time?

It wouldn't hurt you.

Oh, hi.

Lord, you look stunning.

Sorry we're late.

That's quite all right.

Listen, what would
you folks like to drink?

Nothing for me. I'd
just like some food.

Um, so would I. I'm starved.

Let's get the ladies
something to eat.

Let's get all the ladies
something to eat.

(soft music playing)

(jazz music playing)

(jazz music continues)

- Good evening.
- Good evening, Captain.

How is your, uh,
research coming along?

Oh, splendidly.

I'm getting reams of material.

Excuse me, will you, Captain?

Of course.


you're harder to find

than a junebug in
December, I swear.

I'm sorry I'm late.

You know, my
pappy used to say that

if a woman don't show up late,

she ain't coming at all.

Oh, I just think it's
a powerful shame

Danny can't eat here with us,

um, especially since
we ain't seen him all day.

Just so nice to have the whole
family here together again.

Danny's got important
people to meet.

Well, it seems to me kin folk's
pretty important people too.

A fella shouldn't
ought to ignore 'em.

You ain't no kin
folk yet, Elmer.

And you're not going to
be if you bad mouth Danny.

- Captain Stubing.
- Yes?

I'd like you to
meet Steve Sorrell.

Uh, good evening,
Mr. Sorrell. How are you?

And Mr. Sorrell,
I'd like you to meet

our featured entertainer,
Mr. Danny Fields.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Well, uh,

Julie's told me a lot about you.

Ms. Verna,

grandpa's got a
little surprise for you.


Don't go flapping
your gums, boy.

You're going to ruin it.

What's that, Luke?

I ain't saying.

Aw, Luke.


I figured that seeing as how
you hail from Miller's Crossing,

you probably was getting hungry

for some real old
down home vittles.

Oh, well, I sure am.

Grandpa went in the kitchen
and fixed a treat just for you.

Oh, you shouldn't have
gone to all that trouble, Luke.

Bet you can't guess what it is.

Oh, I wouldn't dare.

Neckbones and gravy.


Oh, boy.

They was going to throw 'em out.

Grandpa fixes the finest
neckbones in Cox County.

Well, go ahead, have a sip.



Oh boy howdy.

My mama never made
neckbones like that.

Weren't nothing.

Grandpa done
took a shine to you.

He don't fix neckbones
for just everybody.

Oh they's good.

Good eats, huh?



would you please
pass me the salt?

(clears throat) Would you
care for the pepper too?

No thank you.

Singing long, Danny?

Well, about as long
as I can remember.

Not professionally, of course.

Oh, Mr. Sorrell, wait
until you hear him sing.

Danny's about the best
young singer I've ever heard.


He's got everything.
Talent, looks, charm.

Before Miss McCoy
was a Cruise Director,

she sold used cars.

- Excuse me, Captain.
- Yes?

I just want to say
that me and mine

think you got a
right fine boat here.

Well, it's as cozy as a
dry barn in a hail storm.

Why, thank you very
much, Mr. Schofield.

I was just wondering...

I was kind of hoping
that maybe Danny here

could come over
and set a spell with us.

It'd make the
misses right cheerful.

Oh, of course, that is, uh,

completely up to Mr. Fields.

Well, uh, I'm, uh,

kind of busy right now, but
I'll look for you later, okay?

I'm much obliged.

Good fruit cocktail, ain't it?

(theme music playing)

(disco music playing)

(disco music continues)

Seems like Danny's got
hisself a swelled head in the city.

Oh, I don't know.

I guess we can't
expect Danny to be

just the way he was
before he went away.


No. Of course, not.

That boy's got so
much on his mind now.

I wager that the second
that man hears him sing,

he's just going to come over
here and tell us all about it.

I reckon you're right.

Through everything,
we're still his kin.

Let's dance, Elmer.
I'll show you how.

Now look, Kitty, I, uh, I
told you that's not for me.

Good evening.

- Howdy.
- Howdy.

You must be Elmer.
Uh, Steve Sorrell.


I thought you
might want to try out

some of the steps we
learned in disco class.

You don't mind, do ya?

(disco music playing)

Go ahead.


Shall we?

Think you're ready for some
more complicated steps?

I'm ready for anything.

(disco music playing)

It's getting kind
of stuffy in here.

I think I'm going to go outside
and get me some of that sea air.

(disco music playing)

Oh Floyd, why's he
lettin' that happen?

Must have his reasons, Annie.

(disco music playing)



What a beautiful name.

I think your name's
beautiful too.



You realize, of course,

it was fate that brought
us together tonight,

and fate should be toasted

with champagne and soft music.

In some intimate place,

like your cabin.

I think my mother
wouldn't like it

if I showed up
with you and fate.

Let's go to your place.

My place? Yes, well, uh...

Would you wait here?

Excuse me.

- Hi, Julie.
- Hi.


Uh, Julie, can I talk to you?


Can I talk to you man to man?

Uh, woman to man.

Uh, you know.

Doc, what are you
babbling about?

Well, uh, my friend and I,

we're looking for
some quiet spot

where we could play
some backgammon,

and I thought maybe if you
weren't using your cabin...

I'm sorry, Doc,

but I was planning to go
to sleep very early tonight.


Well, uh, thanks anyway.

- Sure.
- Vicki.

Well, are we going
to go to your place?

That depends.

How long can you tread water?

I wonder why they want
to play backgammon.

You think they'd be
playing post office and stuff.

(disco music playing)

(disco music continues)

Ah! Wow!

You know, you're
a terrific dancer.

Let's see, what's an
appropriate award for a star pupil?

I have it.

Champagne and caviar

under the moonlight.


What do those
fish eggs taste like?

Well, like a tiny bit of heaven.

Only saltier.

(disco music playing)

Are these folk sick?

Oh, they're just dancing.


Shoot. They look like
they just grabbed a hold

of a hot electric wire.

Excuse me. I got to do
something about fixing that music.

Why are we going to
the Captain's cabin?

You're not the Captain, are you?

Uh, not exactly,

but I am hoping
for a field promotion.

Just step across the threshold

and enter paradise.

Gee, I love that kind of talk.

(theme music playing)

It's salty.

It must taste pretty
funny with orange juice.

Can't go against my Daddy.

He never cottoned
to spirits a lot.

Wouldn't let us touch it...

much as I appreciate
ya orderin' the wine.

I've never met
anybody like you, Kitty.

Most of the girls I meet have...

seen and done it all.

They're pretty bored

and they're pretty boring.

I'm sorry.

I'm glad.

They make a perfect
background for a stand out like you.


What a beautiful thing to say.

You're a beautiful woman.

Oh, I got no call to be
here leading you on like this.

I'm not doing right
by you or by my folks

or by Elmer.

Uh, please, uh,
can we go in now?

We're going to miss the show.


I don't want to share
you with anybody.


Nice earrings.

I had a hard time explaining.

Would you believe
I said I found them?

- You're kidding?
- No.

Oh, Dave believes
everything and sees nothing.

It's his charm.

I want you.

Oh, God.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

No, Maura might see.

No. Maura won't see.

She's a dynamite cook
but a lousy detective.

(soft music playing)

Oh, Frank.

Anything I can get you?

Yeah. A new husband.

(country music playing)

♪ Now bow To your partners ♪

♪ Corners all join up hands ♪

♪ Circle left around the hall ♪

♪ Circle left all the way
around Until you're home ♪

♪ When you're home,
Swing and whirl ♪

♪ Go round and round
With the pretty little girl ♪

♪ Ladies, Chain
across the hall ♪

♪ Turn 'em on around And
the side two ladies chain ♪

♪ Turn that girl With
an arm around ♪

♪ Join up hands
And circle left ♪

♪ Allemande left
With the old left hand ♪

♪ Partner right, a
right And left grand ♪

♪ Now bow to your partners ♪

♪ Corners all join up hands ♪

♪ Circle left around the hall ♪

♪ Circle left all the way
Around until you're home ♪

♪ When you're home,
Swing and whirl ♪

♪ Go round and round
With the pretty little girl ♪

♪ Ladies, Chain
across the hall ♪

♪ Turn 'em on around And
the side two ladies chain ♪

♪ Turn that girl With
an arm around ♪

♪ Join up hands
And circle left ♪

♪ Allemande left
With the old left hand ♪

♪ Partner right, a
right, And left grand ♪

♪ Promenade ♪

That's all, folks...

Ah. Oh. Oh.

Oh, you almost missed him.

Did you see Kitty?


Believe me,

The view from this cabin
is the best on the ship.

You are going to love this.

Don't bother with the lights.


Hey, Adrian.

Hey, wait!

(cross talk)

(Captain Stubing
clears his throat)

Did you just hear
something familiar?

I'd recognize it anywhere.

How could you
possibly be that stupid?

Me? I'm stupid?

You forgot to lock the door!

I told you I wanted that
room for backgammon.

Sure, backgammon! Backgammon...


I think we have a little
misunderstanding here.

- Oh, I can explain that.
- It's very simple.

This is my cabin,
not the Dixie Motel!

So, from now on,

there will be no more carousing.

There will be no incense

and no more sloppiness!


Listen, don't worry.

The Captain won't mind
if I show you his cabin.

And no more disco at 6 a.m.!

On the other hand,
I'll see you tomorrow.


Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
it's a real pleasure for me

to introduce tonight's
featured entertainment.

He's a new talent, and I'm sure
you're all going to be hearing

a lot more from him.

So please welcome Danny Fields.

(up-tempo music playing)

♪ Ow, seven thirty seven
Comin' out of the sky ♪

♪ Won't you take me down To
Memphis on a midnight ride ♪

♪ I want to move ♪

♪ Playin' in a travelin' band ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Well I'm flyin'
'Cross the land ♪

♪ Tryin' to get a hand ♪

♪ Playin' in a travelin' band ♪

♪ Uh, take me to the hotel ♪

♪ Baggage gone, oh well ♪

♪ Come on, come on Won't
you take me to my room ♪

♪ I want to move ♪

♪ Playin' in a travelin' band ♪

♪ Ooh yeah ♪

♪ Well I'm flyin'
'Cross the land ♪

♪ Tryin' to get a hand ♪

♪ Playin' in a travelin' band ♪

♪ I'm playin' In
a travelin' band ♪

♪ Playin' in a travelin' band ♪

♪ What? ♪

♪ You gotta give me a hand ♪

♪ Playin' in a travelin' band ♪

♪ Well I'm flyin'
'Cross the land ♪

♪ Tryin' to get a hand ♪

♪ Playin' in a travelin' band ♪

♪ Watch out now ♪

♪ I listen to the radio
Talkin' 'bout the last show ♪

♪ Someone got excited,
Had to call the state militia ♪

♪ Want to move ♪

♪ Playin' in a travelin' band ♪

♪ Ooh yeah ♪

♪ Well I'm flyin'
'Cross the land ♪

♪ Tryin' to get a hand ♪

♪ Playin' in a travelin' band ♪

♪ Playin' in a travelin' band ♪

♪ Playin' in a travelin' band ♪

♪ I'm just gonna tell me I am ♪

♪ I'm playin' In
a travelin' band ♪

♪ Well I'm flyin'
'Cross the land ♪

♪ Tryin' to get a hand ♪

♪ Playin' in a travelin' band ♪

♪ I'm playin' In
a travelin' band ♪

♪ I'm playin' In
a travelin' band ♪

♪ Just gotta tell me I am ♪

♪ Playin' in a travelin' band ♪

♪ I'm flyin' 'cross the land ♪

♪ Tryin' to get a hand ♪

♪ Playin' in a travelin' band ♪

♪ Oh... ♪

♪ Playin' in a travelin' band ♪

♪ Aw, ooh ♪

Danny, you were great.

Thank you, Julie. Thank you.

Hey, where's, uh,
Where's Steve Serra“?

What did he say? Did he like me?

Oh, I'm sorry,

but he left before the
show for some reason.

He... he didn't see it?

No. Sorry.

Probably one too
many square dances.


Excuse me.

Well, he seemed
kind of upset, Floyd,

I think you ought
to talk to him.

He don't want to talk
to us no more, Annie.

Can't you see that?


So he didn't see you tonight.

He'll see you tomorrow night.

No, he won't.

He probably thinks
that I'm a hick too.

Well, I sure hope
you're proud of yourself,

Mr. Danny Fields.

Your Mama and Papa's two of
the finest folks that ever walked,

and you got no call
to go hurting them

the way you been doing.

They love you more than
anybody in the whole world ever will.

Why, I just can't understand.

So help me.

Excuse me, ma'am.

I believe I need a
change of scenery.

The Schofields are your family.

You don't understand,
do you Julie?

I just didn't want to
blow my big chance.

I was wrong when I said

that you had everything
it takes for success.

You lack the most
important part, Danny.

In show business, I
believe they call it ticker.

(sad music playing)

(theme music playing)


(continues snoring)

(soft music playing)

- Oh!
- Ah!

- Get away!
- Get back here!

What is it?

Huh? What is it?


Merrill, could you
please hold it down?

Lack of sleep could stunt
my growth, you know?

What's going on?

What are you doing in
my bed? Get out of there.

Explain this.

(theme music playing)

GOPHER: (speaker) Good
morning, and welcome to Mazatlan.

Van Tours will be
leaving in ten minutes

from the Coral Deck.

We hope you'll enjoy your day.

(soft music playing)

(soft music continues)


Danny, I've been looking
high and low for you.

Hi, Sis.

I'm just going to burst.

I have met the
most wonderful man.

No one has ever made
me feel like this before.

Why, he's been
everywhere in the world,

and he's going to
show it all to me.

Oh, that's great. Good for you.

That's mostly what I think.

Good for me.

And then I get to wondering.

I mean, is it good for me?

It'd make my life different

from everything I
thought it was going to be.

There's nothing wrong with that.

Just don't make my mistake.

You see,

I'm different from anything
I thought I'd ever be.

And I'm not proud of it.

Oh, I don't understand
that, Danny.

You're just... I am
a swell-headed jerk

who's throwing away
the most precious thing

that a person can have.

The love and
caring of his family.

Oh, Danny. I've
never felt like that.


If you really love this guy,

you'll know what to do.

You go out there,

and you'll change
your life if you have to.

But just don't change all
the good things that you are.

Don't make my mistake.

(soft music playing)

(theme music playing)

Howdy, Floyd.


Grandpa, Vernie.

- Howdy.
- Howdy.

Well, them two look lower
than Spats on the centipede.

Yeah, I know.

It's the young'uns.

You know, Danny's been
treating the whole family

like we were something
the cat drug in,

and Kitty was out
all hours of the night,

and I don't believe
she was with Elmer.

I just can't figure it out.

You know, you
spend your whole life

trying to teach your
young'uns things you believe in

and after all's said and done,

you find out you just
been wasting your breath.


You ain't wasting
your breath, Luke.

That good solid
foundation you give them

is going to go with them
wherever they go in the world.

Nobody can take
away their basic values.

Nobody can do that to them,

and they'll have
you to thank for it.

Thank you for saying
that, Ms. Vernie.

You know,

somehow or other,

you don't sound so Miller
Crossing all of a sudden.

Luke, I'm not from
Miller Crossing.

I'm from Los Angeles.

I'm a writer.

You see, I wanted
to write a book

about you and your family.

Well, I still think it
would be a great idea,

only now I'm not so sure.

Well, this is very
hard to explain.

Well, I may be just a
big old dumb country kid,

but I think I got
it figured out.

Why don't you just
write all that stuff

about our country ways.

Don't forget the part about
our family troubles neither.

Them city slickers

will get a heck of a
belly laugh out of that!

No, Luke. Luke,
you don't understand!


(sad music playing)


Well, hello.

So you got away?

Yes. She's playing bingo.

She's playing bingo
and I get the prize.

I love you.

I love you so much.


Oh, uh, uh...

Dave, it was just one
of those nutty things.


nothing's happened.

Honest. Nothing.

It was just a kiss.

Oh, Frank, please
let me talk to him.


Hey, Dave.

Please don't tell Maura.

Huh? Okay? What do you say?

He won't say anything.

Will you, Dave?

(soft music playing)

Huh, honey, I...

I didn't mean for you
to find out like this.


I love him...

and I have for a long time.

Then I guess you
should be with him then.

I'll give you a divorce
if that's what you want.

No sweat.


(sad music playing)

I'm not going to
let some city slicker

take advantage of my daughter.

Well, Katie's got a good
head on her shoulders.

I'll reckon she's doing
what she figures is right.


And I'm not going
to just sit around

like a toad on a tree stump

and see my daughter shamed!

Pa, I got to talk
to you a second.

I'm going to have a talk
with that Steve Sorrell fellow.

Steve? Wait a minute.
What are you talking about?

This is a family matter, boy.

You wouldn't be interested.

Come along, Annie.

(sad music playing)

You snore like an ox in labor.

- Bath room hogger.
- Tooth paste scruncher.

- Incense burner.
- Door unlocker!

Pajama feet wearer!

Disco lover!

Stick it in your Krelm.

What's a Krelm?

Who knows?

(soft music playing)

It's not that I
don't care for you.

It's just...

I don't think you and me are
right for each other anymore.

You think this fellow,
Steve, is what's right for you?

I got to grow Elmer.

There's so much I been missing,

and Steve can show me.

Uh, and you figure

just 'cause you been
missing something,

it's got to be better
than what you got?

Seems to me like you're
just chasing a dream.

Oh, Elmer.

You'll just never understand.

I guess not.

I guess if, uh,

I can't make you happy,

you got a right to
look somewhere else.

But I ain't going
to stop loving you.

(sad music playing)

Uh, Mr. Sorrell.


My daughter is Kitty Schofield.

I understand you and her
been keeping company.

Well, that's, uh... that's
true, Mr. Schofield.

I'd like to know
your intentions.

Well, do you intend
to marry her or not?

Well, forgive me for saying so,

but uh, I think that's
between Kitty and me.

(soft music playing)

(soft music continues)

Hey, Doc. Where's Gopher?

Is overboard too
much to hope for?

Oh, what is it with you guys?

Why does everybody hate
each other all of a sudden?

Oh, not hate just
carefully cultivated loathing.


Well, why don't you
and your roommates

get together with Danny Fields?

You can all form
a stupidity club.

My roommates couldn't
pass the entrance exam.

Julie, I don't know if I'm
ready for life in the fast lane.

(soft music playing)

He's not going to
tell Maura, is he?

I don't think so.

It's better that you
told her anyway.

Thanks a bunch.

Frank, we can be together.

Dave's going to
give me a divorce.

You want that?

Well... well, don't you?


Divorce can eat you up alive.

I don't make enough
money to get a divorce.

Look, you don't
have to get a divorce.

Well, I... I don't think I
have much choice now.

Maybe you can talk to
Dave, patch things up.

I... I don't get it.

Look, we'll stay away
from each other for a while.

I mean, while you and
Dave get it together.

And then... and then we can...

start all over.

Are you serious?


I don't think that's possible.

Why not?

I mean, we love each other.


That may be what you call love,

but I've got a
different dictionary!

(dramatic music playing)

(theme music playing)

Good afternoon, Ms. Wasser.

Good afternoon, Captain.

I noticed you're
not working today.

Did you get everything
you wanted to get

from Mr. Schofield?

Hmm, I'm not sure just
what I want, Captain.

Have you ever been
attracted to someone

that you could
never fit into your life?


I have.

Someone very special.

What happened?

Didn't work out.

But I tried.

And in had to do it over again,

the only thing
I'd do differently

is try harder.

Even if you knew
it was hopeless?

There's nothing hopeless
about finding someone special.

Some people search their
entire lives and never do.

It's only hopeless...

if you walk away.

This ship's a real Jim dandy.

- I'll get you one.
- What?

For a wedding present.

Your father came
to see me today.

He never.

He wanted to know if I was
going to marry you or not.


What'd you tell him?

Well, I didn't
tell him anything.

I wanted to ask you first.

Well, ask me.

I'm asking.

I'm answering.

(soft music playing)

(theme music playing)

Well, what do you want?

I want a word with you.

Ain't you done enough
snooping already?

Look, I'm sorry.

But I was afraid if I was
honest you wouldn't talk to me.

And you was right.


Why is it you distrust

anyone who wasn't born in
the same county you were?

Because they always turn
out to be exactly like you!

Phonier than a
three dollar bill.

Are you trying to
keep me prisoner?


Luke, I'm not going to write
about you or your family.

This time we've spent together
has been very special to me.

I can't ever remember meeting
anyone sweeter or nicer,

and well, what I'm trying
to say is I think you're great.

You're also a
pig-headed old goat!

Stubborn enough to make
a mule look cooperative!

(soft music playing)

She sure has got
a way with words.

I'll get dressed and
meet you for dinner.


(soft music playing)

That's my hat!

I see that now. It was
made for a pinhead.

♪ Get down, get down ♪

♪ Do it till your
skin Is peeling ♪

♪ Do it till you're
On the ceiling ♪

♪ Get down, get down ♪

♪ Get down ♪

Where are Dave and Cynthia?

I don't know. I haven't
seen them for hours.

What happened? Dave
find out about you two?


No more games, Frank.

Aw, hell.

It's okay.

I know.

Don't get upset.

Just take it like a man.

Maura, honest.

There's the word.

I've known for a long time.

How many have there
been over the years, Frank?

Ten, twelve, thirty?

Are you kidding?
What do you think I am?

I know exactly what you are.

Aw, damn.

I don't doubt you
love me, in your way.

I've always been
that safe haven.

I wash your socks,
clean your house,

keep things going.

You do a lot more than that.

In a way, I've
been just as guilty.

I let things go because
you put food on the table,

and I have nice dresses.

The only thing I've
missed is a relationship.

But we've had a relationship.

Not the kind a
girl dreams about.

Not this girl anyway.

Frank, I think there's
something out there for me

that's bound to be better.

I think we should call it a day.

(sad music playing)

I'm going to my cabin now.

Don't come back
for a while, okay?

(theme music playing)

(soft music playing)

You told your folks yet?

No. I want it to be our
secret for just a little longer.

Once Ma and the
others hear the news,

why they'll be planning
and doing for us.

Well, they'll
probably be inviting

half of Cox County
for the nuptials.

You ain't seen nothing until
you seen a country wedding.


I just don't think that's
going to be possible.

I mean, I got to be
in Paris in a week.

We'll be lucky to get five
minutes in front of a judge.

But... Kitty...

I know how much your
family means to you.

But we're going to be living
out of a suitcase, hopping planes.

You'd better not count on seeing
too much of them from now on.

Oh, honey, come on.

It's okay.

We'll work it out. We will.

Yeah. Come on.

Where's your pride?

Oh, that boy's
done made it clear

that he don't want to
be a part of our family.

All right. I don't know
what we're doing here.

We're here because I'm
going to hear my son sing.

Don't make no sense to me.

Me neither.

I ain't going to listen.

Me neither.

Will you just hush up?


Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome Danny Fields.

Hold it a second. Hold it.

What's the matter, Kitty?

Well, I just didn't think...

I mean, I didn't realize it
was going to be like this.

What'd you do to my sister?

- Your sister?
- Yes.

Is everybody aboard
this ship related to you?

Come here. I
want to talk to you.

Oh, Danny!

- Get up!
- Oh, dear!

Get up! I want to talk to you!

Nobody makes my sister cry!

Danny, don't fly off the handle!

I'll show you handle if you
been stringing my sister along!

Well, if that's the
way you want it, fine!

Hit it.

Uh, and now for your listening
pleasure, we have our band.

So... and some music, so, uh...

Dance, please.

Danny, don't fly off the handle.

I'll show you handle if you
been stringing my sister along!

Okay, if that's the
way you want it.


I'd think twice before
I tried that, buster.

Hold on, Grandpa.

Now stop it.
Stop it this minute.

He wants to marry me.

It's me that doesn't
want to marry him.

(sad music playing)

I'm, uh...

I'm really sorry,
Mr. Sorrell. I... Us too.

Please, leave us alone.

Come on, Grandpa.

(sad music playing)

I can't just change my
whole life in a couple of days.

I'd die of loneliness
without those people.

I know.

I been pretending this boat's
the real world, but it ain't.

It's just as make-believe
as a county fair.

Fair shuts down,
and you go home.

You don't try to live there.

You're right.

I know you're right, but...

I'm sure going to miss you.

(sad music playing)

I sure made a mess
out of this whole trip.

Why should tonight
be any exception, right?

Well, your heart was
in the right place, boy.

You were thinkin'
like a Schofield.

Yeah. I guess I was, wasn't I?

Hey, I got to get
back to work, okay?

Hold on.

Ladies and gentlemen, uh...

I'm sorry for that,
uh, interruption.

You know, they say that the,
uh, show must go on, but...

some things in this life that
are more important than a show.

And I've known that all my life,

but I guess I just had
to be reminded of it.

Most important people in this
world to me are here tonight,

people I care for and...

I sure do love them a lot.

I'd like for you to meet them.

Ladies and gentlemen,
my wonderful family.


Uh, I'd like to do a
song for you right now.

It's a song my Mama loves.

It's a simple song, but
I... I think you'll like it.

Hit it, guys.

(country music playing)

♪ Country road ♪

♪ Take me home ♪

♪ To the place I belong ♪

♪ West Virginia ♪

♪ Mountain Mama ♪

♪ Take me home ♪

♪ My country road ♪

♪ Almost heaven ♪

♪ West Virginia ♪

♪ Blue Ridge Mountains,
Shenandoah River ♪

♪ Life is old there,
Older than the sea ♪

♪ Higher than the mountains ♪

♪ Blowing like a breeze ♪

♪ Country road ♪

♪ Take me home ♪

♪ To the place I belong ♪

♪ West Virginia ♪

♪ Mountain Mama ♪

♪ Take me home,
My country road ♪

♪ Country road ♪

♪ Take me home ♪

♪ To the place I belong ♪

♪ West Virginia ♪

♪ Mountain Mama ♪

♪ Take me home ♪

♪ My country road ♪

♪ Take me home,
My country road ♪


Uh, sure is some kind of
a moon up there tonight.

Yes, it is.

I, uh...

don't suppose you'd
care to go strolling under it

with an old sour apple
like me, would you?

Well, if you're sure it
wouldn't go against your grain.

My grain just happens to be

plumb tied in a knot over you.

I don't know.

I ain't your kind,
and you ain't my kind.

I just don't understand it.

Well, Luke, neither do I.

But heck,

what have we got to lose
walking in the moonlight, huh?

Heck if I know.

(soft music playing)

- Oh, excuse me one second.
- Sure.

Uh, Mr. Sorrell.

Steve, I, uh...

I want to apologize
for what I did.

That's not necessary.

I feel the same way
about her as you do.

I'd just kill anybody
that tried to harm her.

Hey, you sound
pretty good up there.

Oh, thank you.

You're going to be a big star.

Oh, thanks.

I wish I could you use,

but we got all the country
singers we can use right now.

Good luck.

(soft music playing)

(theme music playing)

Surprised to see you alone.

The world is filled
with surprises.

Trouble in paradise?


Oh, I see.

Dave, what am I going to do?

Oh, frankly I don't know.

If you asked me that
question this morning,

what you were gonna do
at any point during the day,

I probably could have told you.

Hard finding out
nothing's for sure, is it?

I don't know what to do.

I don't know where to go.

I just have a lot
of thinking to do.

Want to think at home?

I don't deserve it, Dave.

And I don't deserve you.

Just come on home.

Think about what you want to do.

Then we can decide
what we want to do.


(theme music playing)

(soft music playing)


(theme music playing)

We'll be back in LA.
In another 30 minutes.

Too much happened
to fix in half an hour.

Maura, I'm sorry.

Me, too.

Won't you let me
make it up to you?

Remember what I said

about there being something
more out there for me?

Well, I think there's something
more out there for you, too.

I hope we both find it.

(sad music playing)

(theme music playing)

(theme music continues)

You were a big
hit here this week.

Oh, thanks, Julie.

Hey, I really appreciate
everything you've done for me.

- Yeah.
- I really do.

I'm sorry you didn't
get your big break.

Oh, I got something
more important.

Hey, I'll see you. Thanks a lot.


Oh, Danny.

Oh well.

Goodbye, honey.

I'm proud of you, son.

Now don't be a stranger.

I won't. I won't.

- Be sure to write now.
- You bet.

Oh, and remember,

next time y'all are down
around Caters Corner,

you just give us
a hoot, you hear?

You'll be the first one we call.

We sure would appreciate that.

Well, I had the best time.

- Oh, I did too.
- So long.

- Bye-bye.
- Bye.


Listen, I'll drop you a line

from time to time
from wherever I am.

That'll be nice.

I'll never forget you.

Me neither.

(soft music playing)

Ms. Wasser, I was wondering, uh,

if you ever need a
ship's Captain character

for one of your books,

I'd be very happy to cooperate.

Well, thank you, Captain.

That's very generous of you.

But I think I have all the
characters I need for now.


Luke here has decided he'd
like to be between the covers...

Of a book, that is.

Haven't you, Luke?

I'm going to be the main
fellow, ain't that right?

You ain't just Whistling
up the holler, Luke.

- Goodbye, Captain.
- Good bye.

She sure has got a way
with words, ain't she?

What a family.

Where exactly are they from?

Oh, Doc. Isn't that obvious.


(theme music playing)

There's a dance next week.

At the Grange at Oak Mills.

If you feel like going,
maybe I could take you.

That might be nice.

Ain't going to be nothing fancy.

I know, Elmer.

Just folks like always.

Elmer, I ain't going to lie

and say that Steve Sorts.“
didn't mean nothing to me.

It's going to take me a while to
get my feet back on the ground.

But I'm not going to
be like Scarlett O'Hara

and live on this forever.

I'll come around
sooner or later.

I'll be waiting.

I'm glad.

So long, Kitty.

See you later.

Yeah, I did have a
good time, by the way.

- Take care, buddy.
- God bless you.

Take care. Goodbye.

(soft music playing)


Maura, I'm... I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to.

To hurt me?

Nobody ever means
to hurt anybody.

We all ended up in
tatters just the same.

Well, see you around the pool.

(up-tempo music playing)

Captain Merrill! Doc!
Julie! Isaac! Gopher!



Your cabin's two
inches deep in water.

The sprinkler
system went off again.

Oh, no.


at least I got my cabin back,
all dry and nice and comfy

with my own bathroom
and everything.

So, if you need a place to
stay for a couple of days...

Thank you, Gopher.

I know this great motel
not too far from here.

Really great water
beds and everything.

Sir, don't...
don't do this, sir.

Never kill a crew
member. People will talk.

(theme music playing)