The Love Boat (1977–1987): Season 2, Episode 4 - The Man Who Loved Women/A Different Girl/Oh, My Aching Brother - full transcript

(Jack Jones' "The
Love Boat" playing)

♪ Love ♪

♪ Exciting and new ♪

♪ Come aboard ♪

♪ We're expecting you ♪

♪ And love ♪

♪ Life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ Let it flow ♪

♪ It floats back to you ♪

♪ The Love Boat ♪

♪ Soon will be
making Another run ♪



♪ The Love Boat ♪

♪ Promises something
For everyone ♪

♪ Set a course for adventure ♪

♪ Your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ And love ♪

♪ Won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ It's an open smile ♪

♪ On a friendly shore ♪

♪ It's love ♪

♪ Welcome aboard It's love ♪

( majestic theme playing)

Oh, my, excuse
me, I didn't see you.

Uh, do you know what
the...? Oh, good morning, I...

Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.



Well, the pleasure was
almost mine, Miss, uh...?

Stokes, Bonnie Stokes. Ah.

I'm sorry, I must have
my head in a cloud.

It's the first time
I've been on a ship.

Really? Mm-hm.

Oh, well, then, you have
to let me show you around.

Uh, say 8:00, cocktails
on the Lido Deck?

Wind in our hair,
moon at our fingertips.

(laughing)

You're one of those cruise
ship Casanovas, aren't you?

You better believe
it. Say you'll come.

Well, it's kind of
sudden, don't you think?

Oh, as I see it, we don't
have a moment to waste.

Oh.

(laughing)

Well, okay. Uh...?

Alvin. But my friends call me...

Vinnie. Uh... Yes, right, right.

Well, it suits you. Oh, thanks.

Well, I'll see
you later, Vinnie.

Okay. Okay, bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Vinnie? Who cares?

Wind in our hair,
moon at our fingertips.

I can use that some time.

Excuse me, there'll be
no hugging on my ship

unless I can get
in on it. Ha-ha-ha!

I gather you three
know each other.

I've never seen this
man before in my life.

Julie, this is Dave Stanton, Hi.

And his wife Laura. Hi, Julie.

Dave is my best friend's
boy. In fact, he's my godson.

Oh, and I thought
we were the only ones

who called you
the godfather, sir.

(laughs)

Well, how do you like it so far?

Oh, it's everything
you promised.

We've been waiting
for this for two years.

I can hardly believe it's real.

It's been a long time, Dave.
We've got a lot to talk over.

Right, I'll call you
in about a week.

(all laugh)

Bye-bye. Enjoy your cruise.

Honeymoon, right, sir?
Well, a belated honeymoon.

Mm.

Uh, you see, uh, he's
a captain in the Army,

and he was sent right to Turkey
as soon as he was married.

Well, Laura had to
stay in the States.

How come?

Her mother was
very sick, terminal.

Mm. Two years apart, not
much of a way to start a marriage.

Let's hope they
can start it here.

Hey, Joe, let's get off. I
can't go through with it.

It's too late, Harold.
We can't back out now.

But, Joe, what
if it doesn't work?

It's gonna work, it's gonna
work, Harold. Don't worry.

What if we get caught?

We're not gonna get
caught. Will you shut up?

How do you know, Joe?
How do you know, huh?

Harold, I'm your big brother.
Have I ever lied to you?

Yes, lots of times.

I never lied. What
are you talking about?

See? You're doing it again.

Stay here. I'm gonna
get our cabin number.

Stay right here.

( mysterious theme playing)

( sultry theme playing)

(clears throat)

Okay, Harold, Cabin
131 on the Fiesta Deck.

Oh, I don't know, Al.

I-It's kind of you to ask,

but, uh, I've been out
of circulation for so long.

Do you mind if I
don't call you Al?

It was my husband's name.

As Shakespeare said,
"What's in a name?"

But then, what's
he written lately?

No, no, I have a
middle name. Cornelius.

Oh, I like that.

Well, then, Cornelius it is.

And this afternoon,
say, uh, about 3:00

in the Pacific Lounge Bar?

How can I say no, Cornelius?

Cornelius.

Oh...

Oh, nuts.

Uh, may I help you?

Oh, thank you.

I'm Anita Carmichael.

It was a present from my
ex-husband. It never did work.

But then again, neither did he.

(laughs)

Oh, I think that does
it. Oh, thank you.

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry,
you're bleeding.

What can I do for you?

Have dinner with
me. A late dinner.

Under the starry skies,
the rippling waters.

Oh, perfect. I'll
meet you here at 10.

I'll bring the Band-Aids.

I mean, after all,
you bled for me.

The least I can do is
break bread with you.

(chuckles)

If we're gonna be an item,
shouldn't I know your name?

Oh, uh, McNair. McNair?

What a darling first name.

I'll see you at 10.

McNair.

Do you believe that guy?

We're not even out to sea

and he's already got
two women swooning.

Three. Three?

He's incredible.
He's out of his mind.

Those three ladies
are traveling together.

(whistles)

(horn honking)

( majestic theme playing)

(all chattering)

Go.

(whistling) Good.

Oh!

Oh, my back, I hurt
my back. My back.

Oh, oh!

My... What's the matter?

You're not gonna win an
Academy Award with that.

What? There's
something... It isn't...

There's something missing.

Agony and anguish.
That's it, anguish.

You need anguish and pain.

Oh. Some squealing, good.

(groaning) Agony, good.

Now, one more thing now.
With that agony, think of this.

Now, your two
eyes, with the agony,

roll your two eyes
back in your head.

It gets 'em every
time. (groaning)

Rolling the eyes.

Perfect, perfect. That face,

that's it, that face. That face.

That face is gonna get us
50,000 bucks in our pocket.

Perfect.

Why don't you have the accident?

No, no, no, we
talked about that.

You're the accident,
I'm business.

See, that's easy. (coughs)

I wish I'd never let
you talk me into this.

Wait a minute,
stop. Wait a second.

Do you wanna be a cough
drop salesman your whole life?

Now, come on, get with it.

Okay, but this time, heart.
With a little heart and agony.

You know, agony. I got it.

Go.

Confidence. (whistling)

Oh. My nose.

It's your back,
it's not your nose.

Oh, no, my nose.

See, you can't prove
a back... My nose!

(groaning)

Look, I'm bleeding.

I want you to be
serious, Harold.

There's no money
in bloody noses.

Ugh.

( mellow theme playing)

(laughing)

I haven't seen
this much confetti

since your wedding to Nick.

Who shall hereafter be
known as Nick the Nothing.

(laughing)

It would have been
more appropriate

to throw a little
confetti at the divorce.

Well, at least when you're
single, they can't divorce you.

No, all they can do
is put on their Adidas

and jog over your
heart a few times.

Oh, do I know that feeling.

So why did I let this fellow

talk me into having
cocktails tonight? Hm?

I'm gonna call it off.

No, you're not.

When you fall off the horse,

you're supposed
to get right back on.

Well, I didn't make a
date with Seattle Slew.

I have a surprise. What?

I'm meeting someone too.

You're kidding.

Seems like a very nice fellow.

You know what, I think
there's a wave of musk

attacking this ship.

I have a date too. A late date.

What do you say we all cancel?

Yeah, men. Who needs 'em?

ALL: We do.

( upbeat theme playing)

Oh.

Do you know how much I love you?

Uh-uh.

You know, I'm more nervous
than I was on our honeymoon.

Now, why should
you feel nervous?

Nothing can touch
what we have together.

I know, but... You
know, you've changed.

No, I haven't.

I'm still your same old Dave

who forgot to get you a
corsage for the senior prom,

who loaned you his English
notes for Composition 1-A.

And made me flunk the exam.

(laughing)

Yeah, you're still
my same old Dave.

But you seem a little more...

I don't know, commanding.

The Army will do that to you.

Hut, hut, left,
right, to the rear.

(yells)

You haven't changed.

You're the same
sweet girl I left behind.

Oh, don't say that. I was
hoping I'd grown up a little.

What do you mean?

You know, the last two years
haven't exactly been easy.

It's kind of been a
crash course in maturity.

Don't I seem a little
bit more mature?

In all the right places.

That's not what I meant.

I mean, I'm not a kid
anymore, you know?

I can give orders too.

Oh, yeah? Give me one.

Okay.

Attention!

Dress left. Undress.

No, sergeant, you've got that
wrong. It's dress left, dress.

Oh, yeah?

We do things differently
in my army, soldier.

(chuckles)

( sultry theme playing)

Pay attention, Rita.

Sure, Barney.

(sighs)

Well? Have you seen anything?

Oh, yeah.

No, no, no.

I mean, have you seen
anything on the ship

that you can fall
over, have you?

Oh, yeah.

How do you expect
to fall on your back

if you are already on your back?

Now, would you please get up
and look for something slippery?

Hm?

I said, will you stand up and
look for something slippery?

Now, come on. Oh.
Oh, yeah, sorry, Joe.

Would you please shoot, Rita?

(groaning)

Oh, my back! Are you all right?

Well, when you're near
me, I'm just absolutely fine.

Oh, no, no, this man
is hurt. Look at him.

Would everybody please...?

Now, come on, stand back
now and give him some air.

Everybody give
him some air, okay?

Okay, roll your eyes, come
on. This is it, roll your eyes.

This is my brother.
This is my brother,

and he's been
seriously hurt. (groans)

And, uh, you are all... Every
one of you... are witnesses here

to the gross negligence of
proper precautions on this ship.

Now, wait a minute. I don't
know about negligence.

I mean, I just saw a
guy fall down, that's all.

Are you ki...?

Oh, Oh. Oh, my back, my back.
I hurt my back when I fell down.

What'd you say?
What? Oh, my back.

I hurt my back real
bad when I fell down.

Now what do you got to
say, huh? What do you think?

I think that I better
go get the doctor.

Oh, you better. Oh, boy.

Oh, you poor, poor man.

( mellow theme playing)

A toast.

(speaking in foreign language)

Sounds lovely.

Would you care to translate? Mm.

Up to the lips
and past the gums.

Look out stomach, here it comes.

(chuckling)

No, it really
means health, love,

and money and
time to enjoy them.

It's been a long while
since I've enjoyed anything.

My husband died two years ago.

Well, you're a desirable woman

who obviously had a good
experience in marriage.

There's no reason
why you can't have

another satisfying relationship.

There was only one man for me.

That's impossible.

Of course, it won't
be exactly the same,

but it will be good
in its own way.

Uh...

This is all going a
little too fast for me.

I think I'd better go.

I understand, but look, uh...

Look, if... If you wanna call me

or talk or anything,
I'm in A-271.

(chuckles)

Maybe.

Thank you.

For what?

(chuckles)

For making me realize
I could feel again.

( mellow theme playing)

( upbeat theme playing)

(yelling)

How bad is it, doc?
Uh, not bad at all.

In fact, I think his
lungs are perfect.

He didn't fall on his lungs,
doc. He fell on his back.

Well, he's got a slight
bruise near the lumbar...

(yelling)

area, but, uh, I don't think

there's any damage to the disc.

(Harold yelling)

Then again, I could be wrong.

Well, we're gonna
sue anyway, doc.

Yeah, we're gonna sue.

I don't know how
long my kid brother's

gonna be in the
hospital. For all I know,

he could spend the rest
of his life in a wheelchair.

Or even longer.

Well, I'll... Excuse me. Yeah.

I'll, uh, check back
in a couple of hours.

He'll probably be
feeling better by then.

Feeling better? You call
yourself a doctor? Heh.

We're gonna get us a
specialist, that's what.

(groaning)

Excuse me.

How are you, you poor baby?

Oh!

I told you he'd feel better.

It's bad. It's very bad.
He'll be here, just...

( mellow theme playing)

(band playing jazzy music)

(all chattering)

How about a toast?

To my wife, the most
wonderful girl in the world.

And to you, the best
husband anybody ever had.

We have something
else to celebrate.

I can't believe I
forgot to tell you.

I got a promotion.

Hey, that's great, honey.

They wanna make me a
buyer for the whole store.

Well, are you gonna take it?

Well, why wouldn't I?

I thought now that I'm back,

you'd wanna spend a
little more time at home.

Oh, but, Dave, this is
such a great opportunity.

Oh, they all have
such faith in me.

Look, I know I
could be good at this.

Of course you would. You'd
be good at anything you tried.

But the thing that you're
best at is being my wife.

Boy, did I brag about you
to my buddies overseas.

I told those guys you can
cook up a Sunday dinner

that would put
the Ritz to shame.

And that you've got a shape
that makes Charlie's Angels

look like Hogan's Heroes.

Wanna dance? I thought
you wanted to talk.

Mm, I changed my mind.

Something bothering you?

Let's just dance, okay?

Sure, sure.

There's nothing wrong
with Mr. Nash's back.

I'd stake my
reputation on it. (sighs)

What we need to do is to prove
that Mr. Nash isn't really hurt.

All we've gotta do is find a
way to make him stand up.

How about sneaking
into his cabin

and playing the national anthem?

I could put some prune
juice in his piña colada.

STUBING: Hold it, hold it.

You're all forgetting
the possibility

that Mr. Nash is really hurt.

Any attempt to prove otherwise
could really make him worse.

Then we'd really have a lawsuit.

I want Mr. Nash made
as comfortable as possible.

He's to be treated like a VIP.

Yeah, very ingenious phony.

Isaac, you will please
take the gentlemen

a bottle of our best champagne
with my compliments.

Our foreign best or
our domestic best?

Domestic.

In case there's a remote
possibility I'm wrong.

( mellow theme playing)

You know, you've got
an extraordinary face.

(laughing)

And you have an
extraordinary line.

Don't you ever let
your guard down?

Well, when you've played the
singles game for a long time,

you hear a lot of lines
and a lot of promises.

And you end up
using a lot of Kleenex.

I know what you mean.

And, uh, you cry when it's over?

Bonnie, all men are
not made of stone.

I've been in love, and, yes,

you're darn right I've cried.

But I learned something from it.

You can't become so
afraid of getting hurt again

that you run from
something that could be right.

Well, my problem is

I've always been afraid.

I'm still afraid.

Good night, Vinnie.

Oh, gee, Rita, you know,

whenever you're near, I just...

Well, I feel so much better.

(knocking on door)

(groaning)

Isn't it awful how
it comes and goes?

(groaning)

Champagne.

Compliments of the captain.

Would you like me
to pour, Mr. Nash?

(groaning)

Right on. You've got it.

Oh, this is very
sweet of the captain.

Yes. Isn't it, Harold?

Yes, but I... I...

I don't think I can
sit up to drink it.

Don't worry about a
thing. I got that covered.

I brought this. See now.

I pop in the funnel,
and you've got it made.

Some of the finest champagne
I got all the way from...

(yelling)

I... Oh. Oh, jeez.

Oh, Mr. Nash, I'm just terri...
Wow, how did that happen?

Gee, wow, that's cold.

Oh.

Oh, I-I-I think that
made my back worse.

(groaning)

No, just your case.

( upbeat theme playing)

Oh, McNair, you
think of everything.

A picnic on a ship.

Well, you see, they
charge you extra

if you bring the moon
into the dining room.

Oh, you're so wonderful.

My ex-husband's idea
of a romantic evening

was hanging around McDonald's

waiting for them to change
the numbers to 37 billion sold.

(both laughing)

Well, uh, shall
we? Oh, wonderful.

Oh, by the way, I hope
that you, uh, like oysters.

I love them.

You know what they're known for?

Making pearls?

Oh, you do know.

(both laughing)

A little of the bubbly.

Ah. Ooh.

We've got a lot of
lost time to make up.

We got a lot of other
things to make up too.

Mm. Mm.

Maybe we'll get lucky and
make ourselves a beautiful baby.

Dave, you don't make
a baby just like that.

I know, but didn't
we always plan

to make our family
when we're 24?

Yeah, but we were 16
when we made those plans.

It all seemed so far off.

So, what are you saying?
You don't want a baby?

Of course I want a baby.

Then what are we waiting for?

We're waiting
for a lot of things.

Look, I just spent the last
two years caring for my mother.

We're waiting for me to
say that I'm ready to spend

a lot more years
caring for a child.

Honey, once that
little baby came,

you'd be the
happiest girl on earth.

Oh, Dave...

Can't we be happy
with just the two of us?

For now?

You really have
changed, haven't you?

Well, I haven't changed
the way I feel about you.

( dramatic theme playing)

And when the
champagne spilled on him,

he almost leaped out of the bed.

Must have been a bad year.

The guy is obviously faking it.

Look, the fact that he sat
up doesn't prove a thing.

Now, if he stood up
and walked around,

then we could
prove he's a fraud.

How are we gonna
get him to do that?

Yeah, and what if we're wrong?

And what about the captain?

He told us to give him
the finest treatment.

Then let's do what
the captain says.

Give him the treatment. Hm?

Ooh.

(laughs)

( upbeat theme playing)

Oh, Charlotte, look at
the dolphin out there?

Well, if it isn't
our wayward girl.

Oh, I never knew you
were so, uh, neat, Anita.

You made your bed
so well this morning,

it didn't even looked like
you'd slept in it last night.

Oh, girls, I have met Mr. Right.

Excuse me, but, uh,

that is what you said
about your first husband.

You remember him, Mr. Wrong?

Oh, McNair is different.

McNair is sophisticated
and... And elegant.

He's a close encounter
of the very best kind.

I know exactly what you mean.

Vinnie is so sensitive,

charming, that, uh...

Well, I don't think
it'd be very difficult

to get involved with him.

I don't get you two. One
date and rockets go off.

They do if you like fireworks.

Well, I was out
with a sweet man.

As a matter of fact,
outside of my husband,

he's the most understanding
man I've ever met.

But I certainly didn't
leap into bed with him.

Well, maybe you should have.

I think it's time you got
back in the swim, dear,

and I don't mean the pool.

( mellow theme playing)

Gopher, you're on. Okay.

Why am I shaking?

Stage fright, man.

I felt the same way when
I mixed my first bull shot.

You'll be fine. Break a leg.

Break a leg? I thought I was
supposed to have a heart attack.

Break a leg means good luck.

Oh.

Okay, here goes.

Your heart's on the other side.

(clears throat)

(grunting)

(gasping)

(laughs)

(grunting)

Gopher. Gopher, are you okay?

Sir, sure.

Oh, gee, if... If you liked
my Jerry Lewis impression,

wait till you see
my Dean Martin.

♪ Everybody loves
Somebody sometime ♪

Have you ever seen my impression

of a purser getting fired?

( upbeat theme playing)

If it's any consolation,
we liked your Dean Martin.

( upbeat theme playing)

Vinnie.

Vinnie?

Oh, hi.

I have something to say,
and if I don't say it all at once,

I probably won't be
able to say it at all,

so don't stop me
or I'll never say it.

Remember when
I said I was afraid?

Afraid of men? A...
A... Afraid of hurt?

Afraid... Afraid it
would always end

before it had a chance to begin?

Well... I'm not afraid anymore.

Not if it means losing a chance

to know somebody like you.

( upbeat theme playing)

Well, I'm off duty.

Either of you two kids
want a game of Ping-Pong?

No, thanks, Merrill.
We'll just soak up the sun.

I'd love one. Good.

Dave's dad warned me
about your killer serve.

(chuckling)

Um, Merrill,
could I talk to you?

I've got a little problem.

Oh. Is your cabin okay?

Or do you wanna have
dinner in a different table?

You know, I do have some pull.

No, it's, um, Dave.

Dave?

Oh, well, first of all,

you know that I love
him more than anything.

I mean, I wanna be his
wife for the rest of my life.

Well, that doesn't sound
like a problem to me.

It's just that I do
want a chance

to do some things on my own.

Well, of course you do.

If only Dave felt the same way,

then maybe I wouldn't
have to feel so...

Laura, what you have to
do is ask for what you want

or you're never gonna get it.

If you can't be
honest with Dave,

who can you be honest with?

Thanks.

Ah, now, you wanna
see my killer serve?

You bet.

Wanna see it again?

(chuckles)

Oh, Cornelius, you're
just the person I need.

Could you possibly
help me with this strap?

Oh, sure.

Oh, rat.

I, uh... I think it
has to be retied.

Maybe we better go
into my cabin, huh?

Oh, yeah, okay.

(sighs)

My husband used to take
care of problems like this.

( tender theme playing)

Charlotte. Hm?

When are you going to
stop living in the past?

I guess... now.

( romantic theme playing)

I can't wait for you
to meet my friends.

Can I bring them
to cocktails at 6?

Sure, it'd be my pleasure.

(knocking on door)

BONNIE: Charlotte,
are you in there?

ANITA: It's us,
Bonnie and Anita.

You can meet them right now.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Bonnie... Bonnie and
Anita, y-your friends?

Yes.

W-Well, I, uh, uh...

Never mind, I understand.

Uh, come back later, girls.

Uh, I have a
gentleman with me now

and he's not decent.

That's about the size of it.

( upbeat theme playing)

Our baby better have your
eyes or I'm gonna send him back.

(chuckles)

Hey, Dave.

I've been thinking
about that a lot,

and, um, I'd like
to wait a while

before we start our family.

We're young,

we have all the time in
the world ahead of us,

and I really wanna
take that job.

I just don't get you, Laura.

I used to know you inside out.

Now, suddenly,
you're a total stranger.

Look, I've handled
a lot of responsibility

in the last couple of years.

I grew up. I can't
pretend that didn't happen.

What about me? I've had
two years of growing up too.

Two years of thinking
about what I want.

A home, a family.

It's perfectly normal,
isn't it? Of course.

If two people want
it at the same time.

Lots of women want
what I want, Laura.

Fine.

If all those women are
lined up waiting for you,

why don't you
go find one? I did.

( dramatic theme playing)

What?

(sighs)

God, I didn't mean for
it to come out like that.

It was in Turkey. I was lonely.

I was... You were human.

I know how that feels.

Thanks for understanding, for...

For being you. Dave...

I was human too.

What did you say?

I was giving everything
I had to Mom.

I guess I needed someone
to give something back.

And I trusted you.

I trusted you. Dave.

Don't say...

Laura.

What's wrong?

Nothing. Uh...

I was honest with Dave, Merrill.

And?

And I think I just
blew my whole...

STUBING (over PA): Good morning.
We hope you enjoy your day at Mazatlán.

Oh, excuse me, doctor. Yeah.

Is there some way that
I can get off the ship?

It's... It's an emergency.

Well, I don't suppose it
could have anything to do

with the lovely ladies
in Cabin A-278, could it?

Oh, don't tell me I'm the last
one to know they're roommates.

See, I just don't
wanna hurt them.

I mean, they're... They're
the most wonderful...

Well, they're the sweetest...

You really like
them all, don't you?

Oh, I love them all.

Well, why not level with them?

Oh, uh...

I do that, I-I louse
up three lives.

Well, then, there's
only one thing left to do.

What?

Swim for it.

( upbeat theme playing)

(band playing jazzy music)

Oh, Charlotte dear, would
you sit down, please?

I wanna talk to you.

Oh, Cornelius.

This afternoon
was... Was wonderful.

And the cruise is almost over.

Couldn't we just spend
the rest of it together?

Every single minute of it.

Well, sure, but I... Shh.

Don't talk, darling. That's
all I wanted to know.

How's it going, Romeo?

Terrible.

Charlotte's gone to my cabin.

Bonnie is due here at 9,

and I'm meeting Anita
on deck in an hour.

I guess I'm gonna have to just

play this game
through to the end.

If it weren't so serious,

I wouldn't mind
having your problems.

Can I offer you a free lobotomy?

Oh, Rita, where did
you get those hands?

They came with
the rest of me, silly.

Does it help the pain?

Oh, yes, yes, it really
feels so much better.

I wonder if you could
just try it over here though.

Just... Perfect, yeah.

Right there. Oh, good.

Yes, much better. Oh.

Little closer,
though, little closer.

Mm. Yes. Oh.

(both moaning)

Be careful, your back.

Oh, just forget about my back.

(gasps)

You're standing. Ha-ha.

Your back is all better.

Yeah, well, I wanted to
talk to you about that, Rita.

Uh, well, it was never bad.

But you fell. You
were in such pain.

You couldn't even move, Harold.

I faked it.

What are you talking about?

Well see, Joe and I
staged this phony accident

so we could collect
the insurance money.

But listen, Rita, I'm not
gonna go through with it.

And I'm not going through
with anything either, you...

You fraud.

Yeah, but... But,
Rita, I love you

and I wanna marry you.

Go marry your brother.

That way, you won't
have to split the dough.

Rita, wait a minute.

Rita.

Rita, come back.

Where do you think you're going?

Are you kidding? Rita.

Listen, get back in the room
before somebody sees you.

I don't care. Rita!

Now, just call Miss McCoy.

I'm sure she can
arrange something.

Harold, I promise
you, if you blow this,

I'll personally break
your back, for real.

Nash.

Ooh. Ha-ha!

What happened?
Well, I left him alone.

He fell off the
chair, poor kiddie.

Crawled all the way out here

trying to find
somebody to help him.

Well, let me give you a hand.

Oh, yeah, well, okay. We can...

(all grunting)

Rita! Ah. I didn't hurt you?

Well, tell it to the
insurance company, okay?

Rita!

JOE: No, everything's fine.

HAROLD: Rita!

( upbeat theme playing)

Charlotte.

It's me, honey, Al... Cornelius.

CHARLOTTE: Come in.

ALVIN: Charlotte?

Could you turn on a
light? I can't see anything.

ANITA: I'll get it, McNair.

Or should we call you Vinnie?

Oh, boy.

Look, uh... Look, I-I
know what you're thinking.

I'm a skunk, I-I used you, um,

I'm a typical macho pig.

I-I don't suppose it would
probably make any difference

if I told you that I fell
in love three times.

We know.

Huh? BONNIE: We know.

McNair, one thing women
recognize is sensitivity.

They see so little of it.

Of course you came on
like a cruise ship cowboy.

But you never lied about it.

You said flat out what you were.

CHARLOTTE: You never
pushed any of us into anything.

Actually, it was the
reverse. We grabbed you.

I was hitting on you
from the moment we met.

And you know what? I'm glad,

because we had a wonderful time.

I don't regret one moment of it.

I think if I live to be 105,

I'll still remember that
terrific picnic on the deck.

And I'll remember the moment
I stopped living for something

that was gone from my life.

I can start all over now.

And I'll remember
not feeling scared

to go after what I want in life.

And I'll always
thank you for that.

Well, I, uh... I don't
know what to say.

Except, uh, you're
all, uh, wonderful.

And, uh, uh... Uh...
And goodbye, McNair.

I love you.

So long, McNair.

And Cornelius.

I love you.

Goodbye, Vinnie. I love you.

(door opens)

(door closes)

( mellow theme playing)

Dave.

Hey, what's going on?

Laura.

It's over with Laura and me.

What's this all about?

While I was gone,

Laura was with someone else.

My wife slept with another man.

Oh.

Well... You were
gone a long time, Dave.

What's that got to
do with anything?

In two years in Turkey,

didn't you ever reach out?

Need somebody?

Of course I did.
That was different.

No.

I think you're using
this as an excuse

to break up your marriage.

Come on, Merrill.

I mean it.

I think what you
really can't handle

is the fact that Laura
can stand on her own.

Make decisions for herself.

I think you feel she
doesn't need you

like she used to.

Great. Man's giving me theories.

How can you possibly
know how I feel?

Because I've been there.

I was in love with my wife.

I let it all go down the drain.

If I knew then
what I know now...

Look, Dave, you
both made a mistake.

You hurt each other,
you can't undo that.

What you have to do is use it.

Learn from it, go past it.

Talk to Laura.

She's a wonderful girl.

No, a wonderful woman.

Don't lose her
like I lost Stacy.

( tender theme playing)

Laura.

Laura.

Dave, I'm sorry.

Hey, no sorrys.

Listen, I've got some things
to learn about being a husband.

But if you just give
me a chance... Dave.

And about this other stuff,

we'll just forget
it ever happened.

Oh, no, I don't
think that we should.

I think we should talk about it.

Get it out and get rid of it
so it can never hurt us again.

I'm scared.

Yeah, I'm scared too.

Hey, but you know what?

Right now, we're halfway there.

( dramatic theme playing)

(horn honks)

( upbeat theme playing)

BRICKER: I tell you, captain,

that man's back is as
healthy as yours and mine,

or I'll turn in my tongue
depressors to the AMA.

No, I saw the man crawling
for help with my own eyes, doc.

Now, his suit
against this company,

in my estimation, is
justified. Case closed.

GOPHER: And they
say crime doesn't pay.

STUBING: What?
GOPHER: Others say that, sir.

STUBING: Say what?
GOPHER: Crime doesn't pay, sir.

Rita, baby. Oh,
honey, are you all right?

Don't you think you
ought to get back

into your wheelchair, Harold?

Oh, forget the wheelchair.
It's... Well, it's you I need.

Mm. And you I love and I
wanna be with you forever.

What a miraculous
recovery, Mr. Nash.

And in front of witnesses.

What can I tell you?
His... His back is back.

Now, about your negligence
suit against the company.

Oh, that? Well, why don't
we just forget that, captain?

Like they say in basketball,
you know, no harm, no foul, huh?

Ha-ha. Well, I'll be seeing you.

Not on my ship, sir.

(sighs)

Yeah.

(sighs)

I guess you were
right after all.

Well, sir, it takes a great man
to admit that he was wrong.

I didn't say I was wrong,
I said you were right.

Right, sir.

Yes, sir. Right.

I know a wonderful little
place over in the marina.

What do you say,
just the two of us?

With the wind in our hair
and the moon at our fingertips.

Oh! There he goes again.

She's a lucky lady.

Aren't we all?

(all laughing)

STUBING: Come see us again.

Thanks, Merrill, for everything.

Thanks.

Come on, cut that out.

What do they teach
you guys in the Army?

Now, remember I'm
still your godfather

so be good to each other.

That's an order
you can't refuse.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Captain. Captain.

( upbeat theme playing)

( upbeat theme playing)