The Love Boat (1977–1987): Season 2, Episode 21 - A Good and Faithful Servant/The Secret Life of Burl Smith/Tug of War/Designated Lover - full transcript
( Jack Jones' "The
Love Boat" playing)
♪ Love ♪
♪ Exciting and new ♪
♪ Come aboard ♪
♪ We're expecting you ♪
♪ And love ♪
♪ Life's sweetest reward ♪
♪ Let it flow ♪
♪ It floats back to you ♪
♪ The Love Boat ♪
♪ Soon will be
making Another run ♪
♪ The Love Boat ♪
♪ Promises something
For everyone ♪
♪ Set a course for adventure ♪
♪ Your mind on a new romance ♪
♪ And love ♪
♪ Won't hurt anymore ♪
♪ It's an open smile ♪
♪ On a friendly shore ♪
♪ It's love ♪
♪ Welcome aboard It's love ♪
( upbeat theme playing)
GOPHER: Oh, Shirl. Shirl,
you don't have to
call me Mr. Smith.
Please, we've known
each other for so long.
Just call me... Gopher!
I love that deep
voice of yours, Shirl.
Oh, for Pete's sake, Gopher,
it's almost boarding
time. Wake up.
Anything you want, Shirl.
Shirl? Mr. Smith. Move it. Now.
Morning, Doc. Morning.
I know you spend
every waking moment
thinking about Shirl Tyson,
but I didn't know you spent
every sleeping moment
thinking about
your cover girl too.
Uh.
She's not just a cover girl.
She's a goddess.
You're gonna have plenty of time
to daydream about your goddess.
How come?
Cause if you're not
up and out of there,
you're gonna get fired. Bye.
( sighs)
GOPHER: I know. You wanna speak,
but you just can't
say the words.
Oh, Shirl, there must be so
many questions you wanna ask.
So many things you'd
love to know about me.
What can I say?
I'm just a world-weary
wayfarer, adrift on the sea of life.
Oh, sure, I climbed
Mount Everest.
Took a surfboard
over Niagara Falls.
I walked a tightrope across
the Grand Canyon. On stilts.
( chuckles)
DOC: Gopher?
Gopher!
You're doing it
again, aren't you?
You're daydreaming
about Shirl Tyson.
Oh, no.
No, I was thinking
about the pros and cons
of the international
monetary crisis.
Hurry up, will you?
GOPHER: Close your
eyes. I have to get dressed.
Oh, dear, I do hope I've
brought enough to wear.
When you consider the
steamer trunks went on ahead,
it appears sufficient,
madam. Thank you.
Oh, Bertram.
See to it that the dogs are
put right into the kennels.
They're already there, madam.
Oh.
All the silverware
must be polished.
And... Oh, the gardener.
The last time he
over-watered my zinnias.
You will speak
to him about that?
Rest assured, madam,
it's all taken care of.
Oh, Bertram, what
would I do without you?
I'm sure you'd manage,
madam, somehow.
ANNOUNCER: All
visitors ashore, please.
It's time you went ashore.
Oh, Bertram, do
enjoy your holiday too.
Thank you, madam.
I'm sure I will.
I'm sure I will.
Bon voyage, madam.
Oh, pardon me.
Freight Train! Freight
Train Washington.
Reggie!
Ha, ha!
Hey. How you been, man?
Hey, fine.
You work on this ship? Yeah.
I didn't know that.
Well, I know what you've
been doing. I mean:
Ooh, ooh, wee!
Hey listen man, I got
two of my best friends
I want you to meet.
Okay? Hey, wait.
Nobody ever believes
me when I tell them
Reggie Jackson
and I are buddies.
Freight Train, I
need a favor first.
Name it.
I don't want anybody
to know I'm here.
Name something else.
Hey, man, the least you
could do is tell me why.
Where can we talk? In my cabin.
I'll meet you in ten
minutes. You can't miss it.
The crew deck is
just above the bilge.
After you. You're
the home team. Solid.
That's pretty nice of your
mom to give you a cruise
for your birthday.
Uh-huh.
Well, it's the least I can
do for the man in my life.
Wow, a whole cruise.
The best I ever got for my
birthday was a sailor suit.
Yeah, and he's still wearing it.
Dad.
Hi, son. Oh, how are you?
Ha, ha.
Well, Sherman.
How nice of you to
come and see Lucas off.
Oh, I'm not seeing
him off, Millicent.
I'm sailing too.
Would I miss your birthday?
Now here's a little bon
voyage present for you.
Uh.
Could I please have
a word with you?
Of course.
( sighs)
What are you doing here?
Well, he's my son too.
Now, you know the rules.
Oh, come on, Milly.
I bought a ticket.
There's no law against that.
The court made it very clear.
I've got custody of Lucas
and you have him
alternate weekends.
Hey, Dad, these
are great. Thanks.
You're welcome. Look, Mom.
Yes. Well, wonderful.
Come along, darling.
We're going to
see about our cabin.
Uh-oh.
Yeah. Some happy birthday.
( gasps)
It can't be. What?
Oh, my. What? What is it?
My T-shirt, it's
come to life. Look.
Julie, it's her. Gopher,
you're undressing.
It's her. Shirl Tyson.
It's her. Miss Tyson.
Miss Tyson, could
I just see you...?
Hello.
Hello. Hello.
Could somebody
show me to my cabin?
Oh, I will, I will.
He has a little problem
with his sea legs.
Allow me, Miss Tyson.
( chuckles)
GOPHER: As you were, baldy.
( gasps)
Oh. It's you, Admiral Smith.
Yes, it's me, you
nautical ninny.
Come here.
Uh.
Yes, sir. Anything you say, sir.
( yells)
Put that back on,
you living flashbulb.
Anything you say, sir.
Then stop repeating that.
Yes, sir. Anything you say, sir.
Mr. Stubing, who is
this lovely water nymph?
Well, uh...
Just one of your
ardent admirers, sir.
Intelligent too, I see.
Wait for me in my quarters.
( sighs)
Thank you, sir. I'll be waiting.
Dismissed.
Yes, sir.
GOPHER: Mr. Stubing.
Yes, sir? Yes, sir?
Get a hair cut.
Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
Gopher. Hm?
Gopher. What?
Uh, next? Next. Next.
Why don't you...?
Form a single line...
Hello.
JULIE: Yes. You go
right through those doors.
Welcome aboard.
( ship horn blows)
And it's the constant
autographs, Freight.
It's people coming up to you
when you're trying to
get something to eat
and have dinner with friends.
It's women hitting
on you all the time.
Man, it's murder.
Yeah, but what a way to die.
I gotta go to spring
training in a couple of weeks
and I've gotta get some rest.
I mean, help me.
You gotta understand.
Hey, okay. Listen.
As long as you're on this ship,
you are no longer
Reggie Jackson, superstar.
You are just plain
old R.J. from Oakland.
R.J., I haven't been called
R.J. in 15 years, man.
It brings it back home.
Hey, I haven't been
called Freight Train
since junior high school.
Never did grow, did
you? Wait a minute.
Don't forget who stomped
your tail in the fifth grade.
And who got yours in the
ninth, tenth, eleventh, huh?
Come on. I'm afraid
you did. Oh, man.
Hey. What I tell you? Funny
the way things have turned out.
It is kind of funny.
I mean, here I am with a career
in the leisure industry,
and there you are...
What is it that you do again?
Hey.
Hey, all right. Hey, all right.
( both laughing)
So this chap says to the girl,
"Why don't you come to my
cabin, and let my mother worry?"
( all laugh)
Oh, that's delightful. I
must remember that.
Mr. MacDonald,
looks like you're gonna
be the hit of the cruise.
Anyone who has stories like
that must be a salesman, right?
Well, um, I'm in transportation,
amongst other things.
That could mean almost anything.
Well, I dabble in silver
and thoroughbred dogs.
Are you involved in the markets?
Oh, yes, I'm in and out
of the market all the time.
Bertram?
Excuse me.
Madam.
What on earth are you
doing aboard this ship?
Vacationing. Same as you, madam.
On the same ship?
I read your travel brochures.
It sounded absolutely marvelous.
But with me?
Well, you see, uh,
I only get a vacation
when you have a vacation.
Bertram, I mean,
why didn't you tell me?
I thought you might disapprove.
And I might miss the
most wonderful trip
I've been saving for
for a very long time.
I see.
What's done is done.
I mean, I can't very well
order you overboard, can I?
( chuckles)
I'm sorry if I've
embarrassed you, madam.
But please don't worry.
It's a very large ship.
We needn't see each other.
Good day, madam.
Oh, madam, don't
talk to any strange men.
Hey, if you expect your
cover girl to notice you,
you have got to be cool.
K-O-double-L, cool.
How can I be cool? I'm
just an assistant purser.
She's every man's dream.
She's like...
eternity gazing
at itself in a mirror.
She's... She's...
She's just a person.
A person? What a cheap shot.
I'm sorry. Sorry.
Hey. No, that's
okay. I understand.
You're just a little tense.
Listen, why don't I give
you a shot of cognac?
You know, just sort
of calm you down.
I'm on duty.
How about a shot of milk?
Okay, but just one.
Hey, Freight Train, I understand
you make a mean piña colada.
You got it.
Hey, Gopher, I want you to
meet a friend of mine. R.J.
Oh, hi, R.J. Nice to meet you.
Any friend of Isaac's
is a friend of mine.
Do you think he recognized me?
Why not?
How about a cold drink?
How about a cold
shower? See you later.
Oh, thank you.
You got some sort of twitch?
It's her.
You could be arrested
for what you're thinking.
Shirl?
Oh.
I think that Cupid's arrow
has pierced our purser.
( chuckles)
I'd marry her tomorrow,
but she doesn't
even know I'm alive.
Well, why don't you
introduce yourself
and ask her out to dinner?
Dinner? I couldn't do that.
Why not? Gopher, you're
a sweet, loveable guy.
It's true. It's true.
But she's Shirl Tyson. I...
I don't believe
you're acting like this.
Gopher, you've met royalty,
congressmen,
movie stars, skiers.
You're right.
Excuse me. I don't
wanna keep her waiting.
Hi, we haven't been
formally introduced.
Oh, hello. I'm Shirl Tyson.
I'm G... I...
This is our assistant
purser, Gopher Smith.
And he has something
he'd like to ask you.
I... I... I... He gets
stuck sometimes.
Gopher, you have
the lady's attention.
What would you like to say?
Uh, I... I was w-wondering...
Oh, there you are, Miss Tyson.
I forgot to ask,
would you care to dine
at my table this evening?
Oh, thank you, captain.
I'd like that very much.
My pleasure.
Gopher, would you see to the
seating arrangements, please?
Well, I... I... I...
Aye, aye, sir.
I'm sorry. What was it you
wanted to ask me, Gopher?
Uh, w... W...
Would you autograph
my underwear?
Hi, Dad. Hi, big guy.
Haven't you got a
table of your own?
I like the company here better.
Don't you ever take
no for an answer?
No. ( laughs)
Hey, do you remember that
penknife you always wanted?
I found it right
here in the gift shop.
Thanks, Dad. You're welcome.
Wow, three blades.
Plus a knife, fork and spoon,
scissors, screwdriver
and a corkscrew.
The works.
Thanks again.
Don't put it in your
new jacket, darling.
It'll stretch the cashmere
all out of shape.
Cashmere.
SHERMAN: Ooh.
Just what a
7-year-old boy needs,
a cashmere jacket.
Better than a knife
he can cut himself with.
Come along, Lucas,
we're going to eat in the
Starlight Grill. Come on.
Poor kid. He's in the
middle of a tug of war.
Yeah, and it doesn't look like
there's an armistice in sight.
Good evening, Mrs.
Castlewood. Good evening.
Thank you.
( laughing): Oh, Bertram,
where do you get all those jokes?
I'm president of the
Steve Martin fan club.
DOC: Here you are,
Mrs. Castlewood.
You already know
Captain Stubing.
Mrs. Castlewood.
And this is
Mr. Bertram MacDonald.
Mr. MacDonald.
Please, call me Bertram.
And your first name is?
Estelle.
Estelle. I've always
loved that name.
( laughs)
I thought we weren't
going to see each other.
What are you doing here?
I mean, I was
invited by the captain.
Well, you don't think
I crashed, do you?
Thank you.
I understand you're
from Cleveland.
There she is.
Julie, do me a favor, please?
Mm-hm.
Ask her to eat with me
instead of the captain.
Have you lost your mind? No.
My heart.
Look, please, just put
in a good word for me.
You know, just
tell her I'm, uh...
Tell her I'm sexy.
You? Sexy?
( laughs)
Yeah.
Sexy.
More champagne, darling?
Oh, Gopher,
just being alone with
you is intoxicating enough.
( gunshots)
Get your hands off of
him. He's mine, all mine.
Get a grip on
yourself, little girl.
It's over between us.
No, Gopher. No.
Julie, it was great fun, but
it was just one of those...
Things.
No.
Gopher, you must come back to me
or I'll... I'll do myself in.
I get so bored with women
doing themselves in over me.
Shall we find quieter
table? Do, let's.
No.
No, Gopher. Gopher, no.
No, Gopher. I can't
live without you.
Julie, you're really
becoming quite a drag.
Gopher, no, no, no.
Hello, Gopher.
Could you show me where
the captain's table is, please?
I sure can. Um.
( playing romantic music)
( music ends, crowd applauds)
Oh, you certainly know
how to run a fun ship, captain.
Why, thank you.
But I think Mr. MacDonald
deserves a lot of that credit.
He's a marvelous
dancer. Yes, I'm sure.
Oh, please excuse me.
I promised this dance
to Mrs. Malenchuk.
Oh, of course,
captain. Thank you.
( clears throat) ( sighs)
Well, as they say,
three's a crowd.
See you later.
Bertram, your dancing
certainly seems to
have created a sensation.
My only expertise, Estelle,
is behind the steering wheel.
Would you like to pretend
that I'm the Rolls-Royce
and steer me around the
dance floor for a while?
Is that an order?
Well, for this ride you'll have
to sit up front with the driver.
Okay, here's your chance.
Take this drink to Shirl.
I can't. Come on.
Doc, I wouldn't
know what to say.
Just take the drink over to
her and say something like,
( with English accent): "Hello,
fair beauty, here's your rum."
What have you got to lose?
( with English accent): "Hello,
fair beauty, here's your rum."
( with English accent): Hello,
bare rooty, here's your bum.
( laughing)
I don't think the suave
approach is gonna work.
Well, it's been a
wonderful evening.
Gee, the way you say that,
it sounds an awful
lot like strike three.
What made you think you were
gonna get to first base with me?
Well, I was hoping
for a home run.
Home run?
Who do you think you
are, Reggie Jackson?
( door slams)
Isaac, Isaac. Freight Train,
just the man I wanna see.
Listen, about that
promise you made,
about not to tell
anybody who I am.
Well, I've been thinking...
Hey, that's okay, R.J., man.
I know where you're
coming from, man.
Because a lot of
guys in your position
would be using their
fame to get things.
Like, uh, the finest
table in the restaurant.
Not me.
Hey, front-row
seats at a theatre.
Not me.
Beautiful women.
Two for three's not bad.
Can't I go with you, please?
No, you've got a big day
ahead of you tomorrow.
Your birthday, remember?
Hello.
Have you forgotten how to knock?
I have to knock to come
into my own son's room?
Well, you're turning in
pretty early, aren't you?
No, not for a 7-year-old.
Almost 8.
Can't I stay up?
Dad says it's okay.
But I say it isn't, Lucas.
Thanks.
Sorry, son. I tried.
I'll tell you what,
tomorrow we'll go
skeet shooting. Okay?
Tomorrow he's going
swimming with me.
Can I do both?
Sure you can.
Your mother and
I will work it out.
Yes, we will.
Now you go to sleep. Goodnight.
Goodnight, son.
Goodnight, Mom. Goodnight, Dad.
You really have got a nerve.
First you come on
this cruise uninvited,
and now you're trying
to sabotage my vacation
with my son.
He's my son too. And
I've got a right to see him.
Not on my time.
MILLICENT: Let's
face it, Sherman.
You and I just
don't see eye to eye
on how to raise that child.
SHERMAN: That's right. That's
because you're too inflexible.
MILLICENT: Wrong.
You're too permissive.
SHERMAN: Me? Permissive?
A cruise, a cashmere jacket.
MILLICENT: Look who's talking.
Millicent, this is
getting us nowhere.
Tomorrow you take
Lucas for half a day,
I'll take him for half a day.
That way we won't have to fight.
We always fight.
We've been fighting about Lucas
ever since the day he was born.
SHERMAN: Nobody
knows that better than I do.
I feel as if I spent
the last ten years
with a sparring partner.
( cries)
( soft jazz music playing)
( laughing): What
was it you said?
You said that dancing
was spooning set to music.
( both laugh)
That's from an old
college humor magazine.
Hm. But, you know,
to Havelock Ellis,
dancing is the loftiest,
the most moving,
the most beautiful of the arts.
It's life itself.
Oh, Bertram, (
sighs): I'm astonished.
I mean, I always knew
you were quite trustworthy,
but I didn't know
that you also had
a very special kind of wit
and charm and intelligence.
I... I never realized.
Well, madam has been
looking at the back of my head
for the past 20 years,
and has never taken the
time to find out what's in it.
I'm sorry.
It's late. You must be tired.
May I see you to
your cabin? Thank you.
You know it's incredible
the way all those men
flock around you all the time.
I've just been hanging around
in hopes of picking up a reject.
Did I throw away any keepers?
No, but a few had possibilities.
Tell me if I'm out of line,
but you must have had
dozens of marriage proposals.
JULIE: How come
you're still single?
SHIRLEY: Oh, I don't know.
I've met a lot of
really nice men,
but I suppose I'm one of
those incurable romantics,
waiting for my knight
in shining armor.
( dreamy theme playing)
( Gopher sings like a trumpet)
Ah. Who goes there?
He's fairer than Sir Galahad.
And handsomer than Lancelot.
It's I, Sir Gophalot.
You've finally come.
Down boy.
Halt.
Sorry I'm late, but
you know how it is.
You slay a dragon,
you shine the armor.
You rescue a damsel,
you shine the armor.
You fall in a moat, forget it.
Oh, boy, they can
turn a prince into a frog,
you think they could make a
suit of armor that keeps its shine.
Oh, Gophalot,
take me away from all this
and I'll buff you every morning.
Methinks you're swell.
Down boy.
Oh, oh. Ho. Ho.
Sorry about him, he's a rental.
All right. Let's go.
( sings like trumpet)
He's very interesting, isn't he?
Well, have a wonderful evening.
Well, won't you come
in for a nightcap?
I mean, we seem to have
a great deal to talk about.
Oh, thank you,
but I don't really think
that's a very good idea.
Oh, are you afraid of talking?
Or are you afraid of
what it might lead to?
Madam... Estelle.
Oh, Bertram, this
isn't a request,
it's an order.
Madam, there are some
things one cannot order.
Goodnight.
( upbeat theme playing)
Excuse me, could I talk to
you for a minute, please?
( clicks stopwatch): Go.
It's about last night.
I know you were just joking,
but what you
said really is true.
I mean, home runs
and candy bars.
I mean, I really am
Reggie Jackson.
I mean...
Sure you are, baby.
And I'm Diana Ross.
♪ Ease on down Ease
on down the road ♪
♪ Ease on down Ease
on down the road ♪
( knock on door)
Hi. Hello.
I knocked. Is Lucas up?
No, he's not. Come back later...
On his birthday? I can't
let him sleep it away.
Oh, for Pete's sake.
♪ Happy birthday to
you Happy birthday... ♪
He's gone.
But it's his birthday.
Hey, Moishe, you missed a spot.
Good morning, Estelle.
Bertram, about last night. Yes.
I've been thinking
about that too.
Yes, well, please, I
would like to apologize
for any embarrassment
I may have caused you.
No, no. I'm the one
who should apologize.
What happened last
night was unfortunate.
What didn't happen,
you mean, don't you?
Perhaps we should
see less of each other
for the remainder of the cruise.
And I would suggest, not at all,
either on the ship or off.
I would be grateful, madam,
if you would accept
my resignation.
Hey, Lucas, how you doing? Fine.
You want a glass
of orange juice?
Sure.
Here. Hey, I almost forgot.
Today is your birthday, right?
Eight years old. Big deal.
Hey, you should be
happy on your birthday.
Were you?
Well, to tell you the truth,
I never really had
an eighth birthday.
I was so smart they
skipped me from 7 to 9.
Hey, you look like
you've been working out.
Yeah, but it hasn't been
doing me any good, man.
Well, what do you mean?
Nobody on the boat
seems to be recognizing me.
Well, hey, man, I thought
that was what you wanted.
Well, it was, but that was
before I struck out
twice, with the same lady.
Ooh.
Look, you gotta do me a favor.
Tell the people on
the boat who I am.
All right. And I know
just where to start.
See my friend over
there? His name is Lucas.
And his parents just split up
and he's taking it kind of hard.
Say no more.
I got it covered.
Hi. Hi.
Lucas, I want you to
meet a friend of mine,
Reggie Jackson.
Oh, hi. I thought
I recognized you.
Must be a Pete Rose fan, huh?
Wanna talk about it? No.
Oh, I understand.
I struck out five
times in a row once,
and I didn't wanna
talk to anybody.
But, you know, it seems
like if you don't talk about it,
the problem just
seems to get worse.
This is different.
My parents broke
up because of me.
What makes you think that?
I heard them.
Did you talk to them about it?
Nah. They don't care.
You know,
if the catcher doesn't
give the pitcher the signal,
then the pitcher doesn't
know what to throw.
ISAAC: Yeah, in other words,
if you don't tell your
parents how you feel,
how are they gonna
know you have a problem?
I'll just make things worse.
It might make things better.
You see, a family's like a team.
And every guy on the team
has to trust the other guy.
And if you trust your
folks, then they'll listen.
I'm afraid.
Sometimes I'm afraid too.
Sometimes I think
everybody's afraid.
But that's not the
important thing.
The important thing
is how you handle it.
Yeah, I guess so.
You know so.
Reggie says it's so.
Say, here come your folks.
The game's over there.
Don't just sit
there on the bench.
I'm gonna tell them.
Go get them, tiger.
Oh, happy birthday, sweetheart.
We've been looking
all over for you.
Yeah, happy birthday, son.
You should see the
presents you have to open.
I don't want any
presents. I wanna talk.
What's the matter, Lucas?
I'm sorry.
It's my fault you
don't get along.
It's my fault you broke up.
If I wasn't here, you
two would be together.
Oh, no, no. That's not true.
I heard you, last
night. It's my fault.
Lucas, you're wrong.
You're absolutely wrong.
Um, uh.
In fact, your mom and I are
getting back together again.
You are?
Oh, boy.
Wow!
Wait till I tell
Isaac and Reggie.
What in the world
made you say that?
I don't know.
He looked so sad,
it just popped out.
Besides, to be
perfectly honest with you,
the main reason I
came aboard is, uh...
Well, I was hoping
that the two of us could,
you know, get
back together again.
For Lucas' sake?
That wouldn't do
him or me any good.
I didn't say Lucas
was the reason.
As always, I'm the last
person to know your plans.
I remember when you
thought we should get a divorce,
you first went to Lucas to
see how he would take it,
and then you
discussed it with me.
Oh, Millicent...
Sherman, it's my life
you're playing with.
And maybe, just maybe,
what you've decided
is not what I want.
Now, you came on
this cruise uninvited.
And you've made a complete
shambles of it for everyone.
I really think it would
be better if you left.
When we dock in
Acapulco tonight,
you better just fly home.
Is that what you want?
Yes, that's what I want.
Fine. Fine.
What about telling Lucas?
I'll take care of it.
As usual, I'll do
your dirty work.
Here's to you and
your crew, captain.
I'm having a wonderful time.
Thank you, Shirl. Thank you.
Hi. Hello, Gopher.
Have a seat.
Thank you.
Comfortable, Gopher? Yes, sir.
Sir! Sir, I'm sorry. I
didn't see you there.
I'm sorry. I meant, uh...
I'll see you all later. Sorry.
Everything okay here?
Sorry.
Doc, what's the matter with him?
Well, that's easy. He's
in love with this lady.
Why don't you give
the poor kid a break
and have dinner with him?
I'd love to.
But he hasn't asked me.
I think you'll have to ask him.
Anything to keep him off my lap.
You people are terrific.
You really care
about each other.
Oh, sure.
I turn my back and
they steal my girl.
Don't worry, my pretty.
We have... ways
to make you talk.
And don't think your friend,
that English spy, will save you.
Double-0 Gopher
has never let me down.
Have you, dearest?
Well, well, well.
Flounder lips.
( hisses)
I'm sorry we can't stay for tea.
But I did remember
to send you flowers.
( sniffs)
No!
( explosion)
The old poison-gas-
in-the-white-carnation trick.
Again.
It's a good trick.
It always works.
Now, where were we?
Promise me you'll
never leave me again.
I wo... Mm.
SHIRLEY: Promise me
you'll never leave me again.
I won't. I won't.
But why won't you
have dinner with me?
Dinner with you? Mm.
Fantastic. You bet.
I'm... I'm gonna go change.
Heh.
Hello, captain. Good evening.
Say, I know who you are.
You're Isaac's
friend from Oakland.
Right. Reggie Jackson.
Ah.
( laughing): Well, you
certainly have a famous name.
I bet you take a lot
of ribbing about that.
Reggie Jackson.
Chef Armand, please.
Armand. Hi, Gopher.
Smith.
Listen, Armand.
I'm having dinner tonight
with the most
beautiful girl in the world
and I need your help.
Now, I thought we'd start
with the champagne and caviar.
Of course imported.
Now, what do you
recommend for a main course?
Beef Wellington? Perfect.
Now, about how
much will that come to?
Uh, tell you what, Armand,
we'll just go with the champagne
and caviar. Okay? Okay.
Uh, Armand.
Throw in a couple bags
of potato chips, will you?
Good evening, Mr. MacDonald.
Oh, hello, Mrs. Raleigh.
Would you care to rent me
a small part of your view?
Please, be my guest.
Have this one on me. Thank you.
MR. MACDONALD:
It's beautiful, isn't it?
You know I've always been
mesmerized by the ocean.
Awesome, serene,
soothing, restless.
Almost like people.
Yes, yes, that's true.
MR. MACDONALD:
Just look at that sky.
It's as if God flipped a switch
and a huge beacon came on.
And all the little
lights, one by one.
As if they're on a timer.
You're quite a romantic,
Mr. MacDonald.
When romance
is gone, so is life.
Yes.
My father used to tell
me, if I made a wish
on the first star
I saw at night,
my wish would come true.
Well, fathers never
tell lies to their little girls.
Starlight, star bright
First star I've seen tonight
May I join you?
Thank you, Mr. MacDonald.
If my wish comes true,
I'll buy you a whole
sky all your own.
And if my wish comes true,
I'll have it already.
ANNOUNCER: First-seating
dinner is now being served
in the Coral Dining Room.
So I've made all
the preparations.
Champagne dinner for
two served in my cabin.
And guess who's gonna
be sharing it with me?
No, thank you, but
I'm really not hungry.
( plays piano)
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to dedicate this song
to the lovely model
and cover girl,
Miss Shirl Tyson.
♪ Dream girl ♪
♪ Gotta get you into my life ♪
I love people with
musical talent.
It really does something for me.
( crowd cheering)
Thank you. Thank
you all for coming.
I love every one of you.
( crowd): Gopher!
Gopher! Gopher!
I'd like to dedicate this
song to a special someone.
You know who you are.
All right.
One, two, three, four.
( rock music playing)
( screams)
♪ Dream girl Gotta,
gotta, gotta get you ♪
♪ Into my life ♪
♪ Gotta get you into my life ♪
♪ Dream girl Gotta,
gotta, gotta get you ♪
♪ Into my life ♪
♪ Gotta get you into my life ♪
♪ Dream girl, dream girl ♪
♪ Gotta get you into my life ♪
♪ Gotta, gotta
Gotta, gotta, gotta ♪
♪ Get you, get you, get you ♪
♪ Gotta, gotta
Gotta, gotta, gotta ♪
♪ Get you, get you, get you ♪
♪ Gotta, gotta
Gotta, gotta, gotta ♪
♪ Get you, get you, get you ♪
♪ Gotta get you into my life ♪
Watch out.
( plays guitar solo)
♪ Dream girl ♪
♪ Dream girl ♪
♪ Dream girl ♪
♪ Dream girl ♪
♪ Gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta ♪
♪ Gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta ♪
♪ Gopher, Gopher
Gopher, Gopher ♪
♪ Gopher, Gopher
Gopher, Gopher ♪
♪ Gopher, Gopher
Gopher, Gopher ♪
♪ Ahh-h-h-h-h ♪
( crowd cheering, clapping)
DOC: Gopher? Gopher?
Oh, please, please,
don't put me on a pedestal.
What?
Where's Shirl?
Well, she's over
there, talking to Isaac.
Play it again, Isaac. ( laughs)
I saw that movie.
Hey, what's the matter
with you, anyway?
Doc, this is never
gonna work out.
She's beautiful and she's famous
and she can have
anybody she wants.
Well, she must want you.
You have a date with her.
Oh.
It's a mercy date.
Look, do her and
me a favor, okay?
Just tell her the dinner's off.
She'll understand.
( mellow theme playing)
ANNOUNCER: All
visitors ashore, please.
The ship will sail
in 30 minutes.
( knock on door)
May I come in?
Of course.
How did Lucas take the news?
I haven't told him yet.
Um... I'm sorry about today.
The way I acted,
the things I said.
Oh, well, that's okay.
I guess we've both made
our share of mistakes.
I was angry.
I meant what I
said this morning.
I'd like to try again.
( sighs)
If we do, things will
have to be different.
Oh, they would be.
No more ducking
confrontations, no more...
No more using
Lucas as a way out.
Right, right. We'll both
have to make changes.
You know, darling, you
have been pretty inflexible.
( Sherman chuckles)
Inflexible?
Mm-hm.
Uh.
Well, I'm here, aren't
I? Swallowing my pride.
Pride?
Is that all this means
to you? Your pride?
What do you want me to do?
I mean, throw
myself at your feet
and say, "I love you, Sherman"?
It wouldn't be a bad start.
Well, when you earn
it, you will hear it.
If you'll excuse me, I
have to finish packing.
I... I feel like Reggie Jackson.
I talk... My voice is
like Reggie Jackson.
I hit home runs like
Reggie Jackson.
( yells): I am Reggie Jackson.
I am Reggie Jackson!
I know.
I know, you told me earlier.
You know, it's too bad
you don't look like the
real Reggie Jackson.
You'd be the most
popular guy on this ship.
( laughs)
Hey, but...
( soft piano music playing)
Oh, Captain.
Oh, yes, Mr. MacDonald?
Something I can do?
I was looking for
Mrs. Castlewood.
Did she dine earlier?
Oh, no. She called to tell
me she wouldn't be joining us.
She lost her appetite.
Oh.
It can't be our cuisine.
Must be your jokes.
( both laugh)
Wonder where Dad
is. I don't know, darling.
Now, what are we
gonna have to eat?
( Isaac and Doc grunting)
Happy birthday, Lucas.
Yeah, hope you enjoy the gift.
( grunting)
Heavy, man.
Remind me to get you a
joke book for your birthday.
Thanks. You guys
are really neat.
But can I wait to open it
till my father gets here?
Well, sure.
And if you already have a
sled, you can exchange it.
Remind me to loan
you my joke book.
Maybe I ought to call Dad.
Lucas... Maybe he
took a nap or overslept.
No, sweetheart,
he didn't take a nap.
He's okay, isn't he?
Oh, yes, yes, he's fine.
Lucas, today, when
your father said
that we were getting
back together?
Well...
( sighs)
You're not getting
back together.
No.
I think he left the ship.
Lucas.
Daddy, I thought
you weren't coming.
You thought...?
You thought wrong.
Hello, you mind if
we join you for dinner?
Well, what more
can a girl ask for
than to have dinner with the
two men she loves the most?
Sherman, I...
Millie, I love you.
I love you both.
( sighs)
Estelle?
I hear you're not very well.
Is there anything I can do? Yes.
Leave me alone.
Well, not till you've listened
to what I've got to say.
All right. I'm listening.
Well, I'm afraid, uh,
we behaved rather
foolishly last night.
Did we?
I mean, it was foolish to
think that something romantic
could happen in an
employer-employee relationship.
Really? Yes.
So now that we've, um,
eliminated the
employer-employee relationship...
Bertram, what are
you suggesting?
I'm not, um...
I'm not putting all
this very well, am I?
Estelle,
would it offend you...
if I told you that I loved you?
I love you very much.
You do? You love me?
Yes.
I'm afraid it's been
going on for some time.
Almost 20 years, to be exact.
What took you so long?
Well, it hasn't
exactly been easy.
I've seen you through
two atrocious marriages.
I mean, one oaf, one ingrate.
They were awful. Yes, they were.
You were much too
good for either of them.
Good riddance is all I can say.
And another
thing... I love you too.
I think I always have.
I just never
dared to believe it.
Well.
That does put a whole new
complexion on
things, doesn't it?
And... Do shut up and kiss me.
Is that an order?
Oh, no.
Just a very earnest request.
Bertram.
Well, it has been
20 years, hasn't it?
Huh.
Now, will you kindly
follow me to my cabin?
Is that an order?
But definitely, madam.
Definitely.
( chuckles)
ANNOUNCER: Ladies
and gentlemen, a reminder.
Due to the big party
on the Lido Deck tonight,
there'll be no dancing
in the Acapulco Lounge.
( jazzy music playing)
Here's looking at you, Shirl.
( piano theme playing)
( mumbles)
I can't understand a
word you're saying.
I said, "Maybe next time, kid."
Oh, Rick.
Gopher.
Right.
Oh, Gopher, I
tried to stay away.
I loved you so much.
I still love you.
It's no good, baby.
You're famous and I'm not.
If you gave all that up
for me, you'd regret it.
Maybe not today,
maybe not tomorrow,
but soon, for the
rest of your life.
So dinner's off.
Goodbye, Rick.
Gopher.
Goodbye, Gopher.
If you want me, just whistle.
Here's looking at you, kid.
Is that all you're
going to do, Gopher?
Look... Ah. Shirl.
Doc gave me your
message that dinner was off.
Um, yeah.
Honestly, Gopher, you
could break a girl's heart.
Me? Break your heart?
Why not?
Well, because
you're... You're...
Shirl Tyson.
Famous model.
And you're Gopher Smith.
Clumsy idiot.
Don't be silly.
It's charming to see
such unabashed affection.
I like you.
I'd like to spend some
time alone with you.
You would?
Yes.
Will you dance with me?
( romantic theme playing)
( both humming)
( upbeat theme playing)
Bye, captain. Goodbye.
Thank you for a
most enjoyable cruise.
Oh, yes, indeed.
Seeing you two together,
it's almost as if you've
known each other for years.
Almost.
I can truthfully say
that all other men take
a back seat to Bertram.
Goodbye. Goodbye.
Goodbye.
( girls screaming)
Excuse me, I think I
see a friend over there.
Excuse me.
( crowd clamoring)
You're not gonna leave without
saying goodbye to me, are you?
Nah. I hope not.
I'm glad everything
worked out for you.
Yeah. Thanks,
Reggie. Thanks, Isaac.
Glad we could help.
Remember the time
when you told me
you skipped right from 7 to 9?
Yeah.
You missed the best year.
All right.
I gotta go now. See
you in the World Series.
Okay.
Remember when you
struck out five times straight?
Mm-hm.
I had the same problem
once in Little League.
But I figured if you stick
your foot in the bucket,
and kind of tuck
this elbow in here,
you got it licked.
Think about it.
Get out of here.
That's my friend Reggie Jackson.
He's said I can become
a star ball player like him
if I work real hard.
Really? I'm not
afraid of hard work.
Me neither. Come on, let's go.
If you ever get
to the Big Apple,
you stay at my place.
All right.
And if you play
your cards right,
I got a little pull, you know.
I might be able to get
you some tickets to a game
in the front row.
Solid. See you.
Okay.
Hey, that wasn't who I
thought it was, was it?
Is, was and always will be.
Imagine that.
I was on the same
ship as O.J. Simpson.
Hey, you weren't gonna leave
here without me, were you?
Depends, wanna go
to the ballpark with me?
There's nothing
happening at the ballpark
this time of year.
We're not there yet.
Well, my darling, shall we go?
Yes.
I don't think this
is going to work.
Perhaps you're right.
Well, I think we're quite
ready to go home now, madam.
Oh, Bertram, not quite.
Now I think we're
quite ready to go home.
( laughs)
JULIE: Thank you
for sailing with us.
STUBING: Come see
us again. JULIE: Bye-bye.
Well, I'm glad to see
that the two of you
finally got together.
Was there ever any doubt?
( all laugh)
Take good care of our purser.
We need him back in two days.
I will.
Right. I guess
we're ready to go.
Did you call a cab?
I thought you were
going to call a cab.
Me?
( As Oliver Hardy): Well, here is
another fine mess you've gotten us into.
( as Stan Laurel): Well, I didn't
know. I thought that you were gonna...
( whines)
SHIRL: Oh, of course
you didn't know.
I have to take
care of everything.
Hm!
I'm sorry, Ollie. It won't
happen again. Hm.
After you. After you.
BOTH: Hm! Hm.
Those two are very
strange together.
Mm. A perfect match.
BOTH: Hm.
( upbeat theme playing)
Love Boat" playing)
♪ Love ♪
♪ Exciting and new ♪
♪ Come aboard ♪
♪ We're expecting you ♪
♪ And love ♪
♪ Life's sweetest reward ♪
♪ Let it flow ♪
♪ It floats back to you ♪
♪ The Love Boat ♪
♪ Soon will be
making Another run ♪
♪ The Love Boat ♪
♪ Promises something
For everyone ♪
♪ Set a course for adventure ♪
♪ Your mind on a new romance ♪
♪ And love ♪
♪ Won't hurt anymore ♪
♪ It's an open smile ♪
♪ On a friendly shore ♪
♪ It's love ♪
♪ Welcome aboard It's love ♪
( upbeat theme playing)
GOPHER: Oh, Shirl. Shirl,
you don't have to
call me Mr. Smith.
Please, we've known
each other for so long.
Just call me... Gopher!
I love that deep
voice of yours, Shirl.
Oh, for Pete's sake, Gopher,
it's almost boarding
time. Wake up.
Anything you want, Shirl.
Shirl? Mr. Smith. Move it. Now.
Morning, Doc. Morning.
I know you spend
every waking moment
thinking about Shirl Tyson,
but I didn't know you spent
every sleeping moment
thinking about
your cover girl too.
Uh.
She's not just a cover girl.
She's a goddess.
You're gonna have plenty of time
to daydream about your goddess.
How come?
Cause if you're not
up and out of there,
you're gonna get fired. Bye.
( sighs)
GOPHER: I know. You wanna speak,
but you just can't
say the words.
Oh, Shirl, there must be so
many questions you wanna ask.
So many things you'd
love to know about me.
What can I say?
I'm just a world-weary
wayfarer, adrift on the sea of life.
Oh, sure, I climbed
Mount Everest.
Took a surfboard
over Niagara Falls.
I walked a tightrope across
the Grand Canyon. On stilts.
( chuckles)
DOC: Gopher?
Gopher!
You're doing it
again, aren't you?
You're daydreaming
about Shirl Tyson.
Oh, no.
No, I was thinking
about the pros and cons
of the international
monetary crisis.
Hurry up, will you?
GOPHER: Close your
eyes. I have to get dressed.
Oh, dear, I do hope I've
brought enough to wear.
When you consider the
steamer trunks went on ahead,
it appears sufficient,
madam. Thank you.
Oh, Bertram.
See to it that the dogs are
put right into the kennels.
They're already there, madam.
Oh.
All the silverware
must be polished.
And... Oh, the gardener.
The last time he
over-watered my zinnias.
You will speak
to him about that?
Rest assured, madam,
it's all taken care of.
Oh, Bertram, what
would I do without you?
I'm sure you'd manage,
madam, somehow.
ANNOUNCER: All
visitors ashore, please.
It's time you went ashore.
Oh, Bertram, do
enjoy your holiday too.
Thank you, madam.
I'm sure I will.
I'm sure I will.
Bon voyage, madam.
Oh, pardon me.
Freight Train! Freight
Train Washington.
Reggie!
Ha, ha!
Hey. How you been, man?
Hey, fine.
You work on this ship? Yeah.
I didn't know that.
Well, I know what you've
been doing. I mean:
Ooh, ooh, wee!
Hey listen man, I got
two of my best friends
I want you to meet.
Okay? Hey, wait.
Nobody ever believes
me when I tell them
Reggie Jackson
and I are buddies.
Freight Train, I
need a favor first.
Name it.
I don't want anybody
to know I'm here.
Name something else.
Hey, man, the least you
could do is tell me why.
Where can we talk? In my cabin.
I'll meet you in ten
minutes. You can't miss it.
The crew deck is
just above the bilge.
After you. You're
the home team. Solid.
That's pretty nice of your
mom to give you a cruise
for your birthday.
Uh-huh.
Well, it's the least I can
do for the man in my life.
Wow, a whole cruise.
The best I ever got for my
birthday was a sailor suit.
Yeah, and he's still wearing it.
Dad.
Hi, son. Oh, how are you?
Ha, ha.
Well, Sherman.
How nice of you to
come and see Lucas off.
Oh, I'm not seeing
him off, Millicent.
I'm sailing too.
Would I miss your birthday?
Now here's a little bon
voyage present for you.
Uh.
Could I please have
a word with you?
Of course.
( sighs)
What are you doing here?
Well, he's my son too.
Now, you know the rules.
Oh, come on, Milly.
I bought a ticket.
There's no law against that.
The court made it very clear.
I've got custody of Lucas
and you have him
alternate weekends.
Hey, Dad, these
are great. Thanks.
You're welcome. Look, Mom.
Yes. Well, wonderful.
Come along, darling.
We're going to
see about our cabin.
Uh-oh.
Yeah. Some happy birthday.
( gasps)
It can't be. What?
Oh, my. What? What is it?
My T-shirt, it's
come to life. Look.
Julie, it's her. Gopher,
you're undressing.
It's her. Shirl Tyson.
It's her. Miss Tyson.
Miss Tyson, could
I just see you...?
Hello.
Hello. Hello.
Could somebody
show me to my cabin?
Oh, I will, I will.
He has a little problem
with his sea legs.
Allow me, Miss Tyson.
( chuckles)
GOPHER: As you were, baldy.
( gasps)
Oh. It's you, Admiral Smith.
Yes, it's me, you
nautical ninny.
Come here.
Uh.
Yes, sir. Anything you say, sir.
( yells)
Put that back on,
you living flashbulb.
Anything you say, sir.
Then stop repeating that.
Yes, sir. Anything you say, sir.
Mr. Stubing, who is
this lovely water nymph?
Well, uh...
Just one of your
ardent admirers, sir.
Intelligent too, I see.
Wait for me in my quarters.
( sighs)
Thank you, sir. I'll be waiting.
Dismissed.
Yes, sir.
GOPHER: Mr. Stubing.
Yes, sir? Yes, sir?
Get a hair cut.
Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
Gopher. Hm?
Gopher. What?
Uh, next? Next. Next.
Why don't you...?
Form a single line...
Hello.
JULIE: Yes. You go
right through those doors.
Welcome aboard.
( ship horn blows)
And it's the constant
autographs, Freight.
It's people coming up to you
when you're trying to
get something to eat
and have dinner with friends.
It's women hitting
on you all the time.
Man, it's murder.
Yeah, but what a way to die.
I gotta go to spring
training in a couple of weeks
and I've gotta get some rest.
I mean, help me.
You gotta understand.
Hey, okay. Listen.
As long as you're on this ship,
you are no longer
Reggie Jackson, superstar.
You are just plain
old R.J. from Oakland.
R.J., I haven't been called
R.J. in 15 years, man.
It brings it back home.
Hey, I haven't been
called Freight Train
since junior high school.
Never did grow, did
you? Wait a minute.
Don't forget who stomped
your tail in the fifth grade.
And who got yours in the
ninth, tenth, eleventh, huh?
Come on. I'm afraid
you did. Oh, man.
Hey. What I tell you? Funny
the way things have turned out.
It is kind of funny.
I mean, here I am with a career
in the leisure industry,
and there you are...
What is it that you do again?
Hey.
Hey, all right. Hey, all right.
( both laughing)
So this chap says to the girl,
"Why don't you come to my
cabin, and let my mother worry?"
( all laugh)
Oh, that's delightful. I
must remember that.
Mr. MacDonald,
looks like you're gonna
be the hit of the cruise.
Anyone who has stories like
that must be a salesman, right?
Well, um, I'm in transportation,
amongst other things.
That could mean almost anything.
Well, I dabble in silver
and thoroughbred dogs.
Are you involved in the markets?
Oh, yes, I'm in and out
of the market all the time.
Bertram?
Excuse me.
Madam.
What on earth are you
doing aboard this ship?
Vacationing. Same as you, madam.
On the same ship?
I read your travel brochures.
It sounded absolutely marvelous.
But with me?
Well, you see, uh,
I only get a vacation
when you have a vacation.
Bertram, I mean,
why didn't you tell me?
I thought you might disapprove.
And I might miss the
most wonderful trip
I've been saving for
for a very long time.
I see.
What's done is done.
I mean, I can't very well
order you overboard, can I?
( chuckles)
I'm sorry if I've
embarrassed you, madam.
But please don't worry.
It's a very large ship.
We needn't see each other.
Good day, madam.
Oh, madam, don't
talk to any strange men.
Hey, if you expect your
cover girl to notice you,
you have got to be cool.
K-O-double-L, cool.
How can I be cool? I'm
just an assistant purser.
She's every man's dream.
She's like...
eternity gazing
at itself in a mirror.
She's... She's...
She's just a person.
A person? What a cheap shot.
I'm sorry. Sorry.
Hey. No, that's
okay. I understand.
You're just a little tense.
Listen, why don't I give
you a shot of cognac?
You know, just sort
of calm you down.
I'm on duty.
How about a shot of milk?
Okay, but just one.
Hey, Freight Train, I understand
you make a mean piña colada.
You got it.
Hey, Gopher, I want you to
meet a friend of mine. R.J.
Oh, hi, R.J. Nice to meet you.
Any friend of Isaac's
is a friend of mine.
Do you think he recognized me?
Why not?
How about a cold drink?
How about a cold
shower? See you later.
Oh, thank you.
You got some sort of twitch?
It's her.
You could be arrested
for what you're thinking.
Shirl?
Oh.
I think that Cupid's arrow
has pierced our purser.
( chuckles)
I'd marry her tomorrow,
but she doesn't
even know I'm alive.
Well, why don't you
introduce yourself
and ask her out to dinner?
Dinner? I couldn't do that.
Why not? Gopher, you're
a sweet, loveable guy.
It's true. It's true.
But she's Shirl Tyson. I...
I don't believe
you're acting like this.
Gopher, you've met royalty,
congressmen,
movie stars, skiers.
You're right.
Excuse me. I don't
wanna keep her waiting.
Hi, we haven't been
formally introduced.
Oh, hello. I'm Shirl Tyson.
I'm G... I...
This is our assistant
purser, Gopher Smith.
And he has something
he'd like to ask you.
I... I... I... He gets
stuck sometimes.
Gopher, you have
the lady's attention.
What would you like to say?
Uh, I... I was w-wondering...
Oh, there you are, Miss Tyson.
I forgot to ask,
would you care to dine
at my table this evening?
Oh, thank you, captain.
I'd like that very much.
My pleasure.
Gopher, would you see to the
seating arrangements, please?
Well, I... I... I...
Aye, aye, sir.
I'm sorry. What was it you
wanted to ask me, Gopher?
Uh, w... W...
Would you autograph
my underwear?
Hi, Dad. Hi, big guy.
Haven't you got a
table of your own?
I like the company here better.
Don't you ever take
no for an answer?
No. ( laughs)
Hey, do you remember that
penknife you always wanted?
I found it right
here in the gift shop.
Thanks, Dad. You're welcome.
Wow, three blades.
Plus a knife, fork and spoon,
scissors, screwdriver
and a corkscrew.
The works.
Thanks again.
Don't put it in your
new jacket, darling.
It'll stretch the cashmere
all out of shape.
Cashmere.
SHERMAN: Ooh.
Just what a
7-year-old boy needs,
a cashmere jacket.
Better than a knife
he can cut himself with.
Come along, Lucas,
we're going to eat in the
Starlight Grill. Come on.
Poor kid. He's in the
middle of a tug of war.
Yeah, and it doesn't look like
there's an armistice in sight.
Good evening, Mrs.
Castlewood. Good evening.
Thank you.
( laughing): Oh, Bertram,
where do you get all those jokes?
I'm president of the
Steve Martin fan club.
DOC: Here you are,
Mrs. Castlewood.
You already know
Captain Stubing.
Mrs. Castlewood.
And this is
Mr. Bertram MacDonald.
Mr. MacDonald.
Please, call me Bertram.
And your first name is?
Estelle.
Estelle. I've always
loved that name.
( laughs)
I thought we weren't
going to see each other.
What are you doing here?
I mean, I was
invited by the captain.
Well, you don't think
I crashed, do you?
Thank you.
I understand you're
from Cleveland.
There she is.
Julie, do me a favor, please?
Mm-hm.
Ask her to eat with me
instead of the captain.
Have you lost your mind? No.
My heart.
Look, please, just put
in a good word for me.
You know, just
tell her I'm, uh...
Tell her I'm sexy.
You? Sexy?
( laughs)
Yeah.
Sexy.
More champagne, darling?
Oh, Gopher,
just being alone with
you is intoxicating enough.
( gunshots)
Get your hands off of
him. He's mine, all mine.
Get a grip on
yourself, little girl.
It's over between us.
No, Gopher. No.
Julie, it was great fun, but
it was just one of those...
Things.
No.
Gopher, you must come back to me
or I'll... I'll do myself in.
I get so bored with women
doing themselves in over me.
Shall we find quieter
table? Do, let's.
No.
No, Gopher. Gopher, no.
No, Gopher. I can't
live without you.
Julie, you're really
becoming quite a drag.
Gopher, no, no, no.
Hello, Gopher.
Could you show me where
the captain's table is, please?
I sure can. Um.
( playing romantic music)
( music ends, crowd applauds)
Oh, you certainly know
how to run a fun ship, captain.
Why, thank you.
But I think Mr. MacDonald
deserves a lot of that credit.
He's a marvelous
dancer. Yes, I'm sure.
Oh, please excuse me.
I promised this dance
to Mrs. Malenchuk.
Oh, of course,
captain. Thank you.
( clears throat) ( sighs)
Well, as they say,
three's a crowd.
See you later.
Bertram, your dancing
certainly seems to
have created a sensation.
My only expertise, Estelle,
is behind the steering wheel.
Would you like to pretend
that I'm the Rolls-Royce
and steer me around the
dance floor for a while?
Is that an order?
Well, for this ride you'll have
to sit up front with the driver.
Okay, here's your chance.
Take this drink to Shirl.
I can't. Come on.
Doc, I wouldn't
know what to say.
Just take the drink over to
her and say something like,
( with English accent): "Hello,
fair beauty, here's your rum."
What have you got to lose?
( with English accent): "Hello,
fair beauty, here's your rum."
( with English accent): Hello,
bare rooty, here's your bum.
( laughing)
I don't think the suave
approach is gonna work.
Well, it's been a
wonderful evening.
Gee, the way you say that,
it sounds an awful
lot like strike three.
What made you think you were
gonna get to first base with me?
Well, I was hoping
for a home run.
Home run?
Who do you think you
are, Reggie Jackson?
( door slams)
Isaac, Isaac. Freight Train,
just the man I wanna see.
Listen, about that
promise you made,
about not to tell
anybody who I am.
Well, I've been thinking...
Hey, that's okay, R.J., man.
I know where you're
coming from, man.
Because a lot of
guys in your position
would be using their
fame to get things.
Like, uh, the finest
table in the restaurant.
Not me.
Hey, front-row
seats at a theatre.
Not me.
Beautiful women.
Two for three's not bad.
Can't I go with you, please?
No, you've got a big day
ahead of you tomorrow.
Your birthday, remember?
Hello.
Have you forgotten how to knock?
I have to knock to come
into my own son's room?
Well, you're turning in
pretty early, aren't you?
No, not for a 7-year-old.
Almost 8.
Can't I stay up?
Dad says it's okay.
But I say it isn't, Lucas.
Thanks.
Sorry, son. I tried.
I'll tell you what,
tomorrow we'll go
skeet shooting. Okay?
Tomorrow he's going
swimming with me.
Can I do both?
Sure you can.
Your mother and
I will work it out.
Yes, we will.
Now you go to sleep. Goodnight.
Goodnight, son.
Goodnight, Mom. Goodnight, Dad.
You really have got a nerve.
First you come on
this cruise uninvited,
and now you're trying
to sabotage my vacation
with my son.
He's my son too. And
I've got a right to see him.
Not on my time.
MILLICENT: Let's
face it, Sherman.
You and I just
don't see eye to eye
on how to raise that child.
SHERMAN: That's right. That's
because you're too inflexible.
MILLICENT: Wrong.
You're too permissive.
SHERMAN: Me? Permissive?
A cruise, a cashmere jacket.
MILLICENT: Look who's talking.
Millicent, this is
getting us nowhere.
Tomorrow you take
Lucas for half a day,
I'll take him for half a day.
That way we won't have to fight.
We always fight.
We've been fighting about Lucas
ever since the day he was born.
SHERMAN: Nobody
knows that better than I do.
I feel as if I spent
the last ten years
with a sparring partner.
( cries)
( soft jazz music playing)
( laughing): What
was it you said?
You said that dancing
was spooning set to music.
( both laugh)
That's from an old
college humor magazine.
Hm. But, you know,
to Havelock Ellis,
dancing is the loftiest,
the most moving,
the most beautiful of the arts.
It's life itself.
Oh, Bertram, (
sighs): I'm astonished.
I mean, I always knew
you were quite trustworthy,
but I didn't know
that you also had
a very special kind of wit
and charm and intelligence.
I... I never realized.
Well, madam has been
looking at the back of my head
for the past 20 years,
and has never taken the
time to find out what's in it.
I'm sorry.
It's late. You must be tired.
May I see you to
your cabin? Thank you.
You know it's incredible
the way all those men
flock around you all the time.
I've just been hanging around
in hopes of picking up a reject.
Did I throw away any keepers?
No, but a few had possibilities.
Tell me if I'm out of line,
but you must have had
dozens of marriage proposals.
JULIE: How come
you're still single?
SHIRLEY: Oh, I don't know.
I've met a lot of
really nice men,
but I suppose I'm one of
those incurable romantics,
waiting for my knight
in shining armor.
( dreamy theme playing)
( Gopher sings like a trumpet)
Ah. Who goes there?
He's fairer than Sir Galahad.
And handsomer than Lancelot.
It's I, Sir Gophalot.
You've finally come.
Down boy.
Halt.
Sorry I'm late, but
you know how it is.
You slay a dragon,
you shine the armor.
You rescue a damsel,
you shine the armor.
You fall in a moat, forget it.
Oh, boy, they can
turn a prince into a frog,
you think they could make a
suit of armor that keeps its shine.
Oh, Gophalot,
take me away from all this
and I'll buff you every morning.
Methinks you're swell.
Down boy.
Oh, oh. Ho. Ho.
Sorry about him, he's a rental.
All right. Let's go.
( sings like trumpet)
He's very interesting, isn't he?
Well, have a wonderful evening.
Well, won't you come
in for a nightcap?
I mean, we seem to have
a great deal to talk about.
Oh, thank you,
but I don't really think
that's a very good idea.
Oh, are you afraid of talking?
Or are you afraid of
what it might lead to?
Madam... Estelle.
Oh, Bertram, this
isn't a request,
it's an order.
Madam, there are some
things one cannot order.
Goodnight.
( upbeat theme playing)
Excuse me, could I talk to
you for a minute, please?
( clicks stopwatch): Go.
It's about last night.
I know you were just joking,
but what you
said really is true.
I mean, home runs
and candy bars.
I mean, I really am
Reggie Jackson.
I mean...
Sure you are, baby.
And I'm Diana Ross.
♪ Ease on down Ease
on down the road ♪
♪ Ease on down Ease
on down the road ♪
( knock on door)
Hi. Hello.
I knocked. Is Lucas up?
No, he's not. Come back later...
On his birthday? I can't
let him sleep it away.
Oh, for Pete's sake.
♪ Happy birthday to
you Happy birthday... ♪
He's gone.
But it's his birthday.
Hey, Moishe, you missed a spot.
Good morning, Estelle.
Bertram, about last night. Yes.
I've been thinking
about that too.
Yes, well, please, I
would like to apologize
for any embarrassment
I may have caused you.
No, no. I'm the one
who should apologize.
What happened last
night was unfortunate.
What didn't happen,
you mean, don't you?
Perhaps we should
see less of each other
for the remainder of the cruise.
And I would suggest, not at all,
either on the ship or off.
I would be grateful, madam,
if you would accept
my resignation.
Hey, Lucas, how you doing? Fine.
You want a glass
of orange juice?
Sure.
Here. Hey, I almost forgot.
Today is your birthday, right?
Eight years old. Big deal.
Hey, you should be
happy on your birthday.
Were you?
Well, to tell you the truth,
I never really had
an eighth birthday.
I was so smart they
skipped me from 7 to 9.
Hey, you look like
you've been working out.
Yeah, but it hasn't been
doing me any good, man.
Well, what do you mean?
Nobody on the boat
seems to be recognizing me.
Well, hey, man, I thought
that was what you wanted.
Well, it was, but that was
before I struck out
twice, with the same lady.
Ooh.
Look, you gotta do me a favor.
Tell the people on
the boat who I am.
All right. And I know
just where to start.
See my friend over
there? His name is Lucas.
And his parents just split up
and he's taking it kind of hard.
Say no more.
I got it covered.
Hi. Hi.
Lucas, I want you to
meet a friend of mine,
Reggie Jackson.
Oh, hi. I thought
I recognized you.
Must be a Pete Rose fan, huh?
Wanna talk about it? No.
Oh, I understand.
I struck out five
times in a row once,
and I didn't wanna
talk to anybody.
But, you know, it seems
like if you don't talk about it,
the problem just
seems to get worse.
This is different.
My parents broke
up because of me.
What makes you think that?
I heard them.
Did you talk to them about it?
Nah. They don't care.
You know,
if the catcher doesn't
give the pitcher the signal,
then the pitcher doesn't
know what to throw.
ISAAC: Yeah, in other words,
if you don't tell your
parents how you feel,
how are they gonna
know you have a problem?
I'll just make things worse.
It might make things better.
You see, a family's like a team.
And every guy on the team
has to trust the other guy.
And if you trust your
folks, then they'll listen.
I'm afraid.
Sometimes I'm afraid too.
Sometimes I think
everybody's afraid.
But that's not the
important thing.
The important thing
is how you handle it.
Yeah, I guess so.
You know so.
Reggie says it's so.
Say, here come your folks.
The game's over there.
Don't just sit
there on the bench.
I'm gonna tell them.
Go get them, tiger.
Oh, happy birthday, sweetheart.
We've been looking
all over for you.
Yeah, happy birthday, son.
You should see the
presents you have to open.
I don't want any
presents. I wanna talk.
What's the matter, Lucas?
I'm sorry.
It's my fault you
don't get along.
It's my fault you broke up.
If I wasn't here, you
two would be together.
Oh, no, no. That's not true.
I heard you, last
night. It's my fault.
Lucas, you're wrong.
You're absolutely wrong.
Um, uh.
In fact, your mom and I are
getting back together again.
You are?
Oh, boy.
Wow!
Wait till I tell
Isaac and Reggie.
What in the world
made you say that?
I don't know.
He looked so sad,
it just popped out.
Besides, to be
perfectly honest with you,
the main reason I
came aboard is, uh...
Well, I was hoping
that the two of us could,
you know, get
back together again.
For Lucas' sake?
That wouldn't do
him or me any good.
I didn't say Lucas
was the reason.
As always, I'm the last
person to know your plans.
I remember when you
thought we should get a divorce,
you first went to Lucas to
see how he would take it,
and then you
discussed it with me.
Oh, Millicent...
Sherman, it's my life
you're playing with.
And maybe, just maybe,
what you've decided
is not what I want.
Now, you came on
this cruise uninvited.
And you've made a complete
shambles of it for everyone.
I really think it would
be better if you left.
When we dock in
Acapulco tonight,
you better just fly home.
Is that what you want?
Yes, that's what I want.
Fine. Fine.
What about telling Lucas?
I'll take care of it.
As usual, I'll do
your dirty work.
Here's to you and
your crew, captain.
I'm having a wonderful time.
Thank you, Shirl. Thank you.
Hi. Hello, Gopher.
Have a seat.
Thank you.
Comfortable, Gopher? Yes, sir.
Sir! Sir, I'm sorry. I
didn't see you there.
I'm sorry. I meant, uh...
I'll see you all later. Sorry.
Everything okay here?
Sorry.
Doc, what's the matter with him?
Well, that's easy. He's
in love with this lady.
Why don't you give
the poor kid a break
and have dinner with him?
I'd love to.
But he hasn't asked me.
I think you'll have to ask him.
Anything to keep him off my lap.
You people are terrific.
You really care
about each other.
Oh, sure.
I turn my back and
they steal my girl.
Don't worry, my pretty.
We have... ways
to make you talk.
And don't think your friend,
that English spy, will save you.
Double-0 Gopher
has never let me down.
Have you, dearest?
Well, well, well.
Flounder lips.
( hisses)
I'm sorry we can't stay for tea.
But I did remember
to send you flowers.
( sniffs)
No!
( explosion)
The old poison-gas-
in-the-white-carnation trick.
Again.
It's a good trick.
It always works.
Now, where were we?
Promise me you'll
never leave me again.
I wo... Mm.
SHIRLEY: Promise me
you'll never leave me again.
I won't. I won't.
But why won't you
have dinner with me?
Dinner with you? Mm.
Fantastic. You bet.
I'm... I'm gonna go change.
Heh.
Hello, captain. Good evening.
Say, I know who you are.
You're Isaac's
friend from Oakland.
Right. Reggie Jackson.
Ah.
( laughing): Well, you
certainly have a famous name.
I bet you take a lot
of ribbing about that.
Reggie Jackson.
Chef Armand, please.
Armand. Hi, Gopher.
Smith.
Listen, Armand.
I'm having dinner tonight
with the most
beautiful girl in the world
and I need your help.
Now, I thought we'd start
with the champagne and caviar.
Of course imported.
Now, what do you
recommend for a main course?
Beef Wellington? Perfect.
Now, about how
much will that come to?
Uh, tell you what, Armand,
we'll just go with the champagne
and caviar. Okay? Okay.
Uh, Armand.
Throw in a couple bags
of potato chips, will you?
Good evening, Mr. MacDonald.
Oh, hello, Mrs. Raleigh.
Would you care to rent me
a small part of your view?
Please, be my guest.
Have this one on me. Thank you.
MR. MACDONALD:
It's beautiful, isn't it?
You know I've always been
mesmerized by the ocean.
Awesome, serene,
soothing, restless.
Almost like people.
Yes, yes, that's true.
MR. MACDONALD:
Just look at that sky.
It's as if God flipped a switch
and a huge beacon came on.
And all the little
lights, one by one.
As if they're on a timer.
You're quite a romantic,
Mr. MacDonald.
When romance
is gone, so is life.
Yes.
My father used to tell
me, if I made a wish
on the first star
I saw at night,
my wish would come true.
Well, fathers never
tell lies to their little girls.
Starlight, star bright
First star I've seen tonight
May I join you?
Thank you, Mr. MacDonald.
If my wish comes true,
I'll buy you a whole
sky all your own.
And if my wish comes true,
I'll have it already.
ANNOUNCER: First-seating
dinner is now being served
in the Coral Dining Room.
So I've made all
the preparations.
Champagne dinner for
two served in my cabin.
And guess who's gonna
be sharing it with me?
No, thank you, but
I'm really not hungry.
( plays piano)
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to dedicate this song
to the lovely model
and cover girl,
Miss Shirl Tyson.
♪ Dream girl ♪
♪ Gotta get you into my life ♪
I love people with
musical talent.
It really does something for me.
( crowd cheering)
Thank you. Thank
you all for coming.
I love every one of you.
( crowd): Gopher!
Gopher! Gopher!
I'd like to dedicate this
song to a special someone.
You know who you are.
All right.
One, two, three, four.
( rock music playing)
( screams)
♪ Dream girl Gotta,
gotta, gotta get you ♪
♪ Into my life ♪
♪ Gotta get you into my life ♪
♪ Dream girl Gotta,
gotta, gotta get you ♪
♪ Into my life ♪
♪ Gotta get you into my life ♪
♪ Dream girl, dream girl ♪
♪ Gotta get you into my life ♪
♪ Gotta, gotta
Gotta, gotta, gotta ♪
♪ Get you, get you, get you ♪
♪ Gotta, gotta
Gotta, gotta, gotta ♪
♪ Get you, get you, get you ♪
♪ Gotta, gotta
Gotta, gotta, gotta ♪
♪ Get you, get you, get you ♪
♪ Gotta get you into my life ♪
Watch out.
( plays guitar solo)
♪ Dream girl ♪
♪ Dream girl ♪
♪ Dream girl ♪
♪ Dream girl ♪
♪ Gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta ♪
♪ Gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta ♪
♪ Gopher, Gopher
Gopher, Gopher ♪
♪ Gopher, Gopher
Gopher, Gopher ♪
♪ Gopher, Gopher
Gopher, Gopher ♪
♪ Ahh-h-h-h-h ♪
( crowd cheering, clapping)
DOC: Gopher? Gopher?
Oh, please, please,
don't put me on a pedestal.
What?
Where's Shirl?
Well, she's over
there, talking to Isaac.
Play it again, Isaac. ( laughs)
I saw that movie.
Hey, what's the matter
with you, anyway?
Doc, this is never
gonna work out.
She's beautiful and she's famous
and she can have
anybody she wants.
Well, she must want you.
You have a date with her.
Oh.
It's a mercy date.
Look, do her and
me a favor, okay?
Just tell her the dinner's off.
She'll understand.
( mellow theme playing)
ANNOUNCER: All
visitors ashore, please.
The ship will sail
in 30 minutes.
( knock on door)
May I come in?
Of course.
How did Lucas take the news?
I haven't told him yet.
Um... I'm sorry about today.
The way I acted,
the things I said.
Oh, well, that's okay.
I guess we've both made
our share of mistakes.
I was angry.
I meant what I
said this morning.
I'd like to try again.
( sighs)
If we do, things will
have to be different.
Oh, they would be.
No more ducking
confrontations, no more...
No more using
Lucas as a way out.
Right, right. We'll both
have to make changes.
You know, darling, you
have been pretty inflexible.
( Sherman chuckles)
Inflexible?
Mm-hm.
Uh.
Well, I'm here, aren't
I? Swallowing my pride.
Pride?
Is that all this means
to you? Your pride?
What do you want me to do?
I mean, throw
myself at your feet
and say, "I love you, Sherman"?
It wouldn't be a bad start.
Well, when you earn
it, you will hear it.
If you'll excuse me, I
have to finish packing.
I... I feel like Reggie Jackson.
I talk... My voice is
like Reggie Jackson.
I hit home runs like
Reggie Jackson.
( yells): I am Reggie Jackson.
I am Reggie Jackson!
I know.
I know, you told me earlier.
You know, it's too bad
you don't look like the
real Reggie Jackson.
You'd be the most
popular guy on this ship.
( laughs)
Hey, but...
( soft piano music playing)
Oh, Captain.
Oh, yes, Mr. MacDonald?
Something I can do?
I was looking for
Mrs. Castlewood.
Did she dine earlier?
Oh, no. She called to tell
me she wouldn't be joining us.
She lost her appetite.
Oh.
It can't be our cuisine.
Must be your jokes.
( both laugh)
Wonder where Dad
is. I don't know, darling.
Now, what are we
gonna have to eat?
( Isaac and Doc grunting)
Happy birthday, Lucas.
Yeah, hope you enjoy the gift.
( grunting)
Heavy, man.
Remind me to get you a
joke book for your birthday.
Thanks. You guys
are really neat.
But can I wait to open it
till my father gets here?
Well, sure.
And if you already have a
sled, you can exchange it.
Remind me to loan
you my joke book.
Maybe I ought to call Dad.
Lucas... Maybe he
took a nap or overslept.
No, sweetheart,
he didn't take a nap.
He's okay, isn't he?
Oh, yes, yes, he's fine.
Lucas, today, when
your father said
that we were getting
back together?
Well...
( sighs)
You're not getting
back together.
No.
I think he left the ship.
Lucas.
Daddy, I thought
you weren't coming.
You thought...?
You thought wrong.
Hello, you mind if
we join you for dinner?
Well, what more
can a girl ask for
than to have dinner with the
two men she loves the most?
Sherman, I...
Millie, I love you.
I love you both.
( sighs)
Estelle?
I hear you're not very well.
Is there anything I can do? Yes.
Leave me alone.
Well, not till you've listened
to what I've got to say.
All right. I'm listening.
Well, I'm afraid, uh,
we behaved rather
foolishly last night.
Did we?
I mean, it was foolish to
think that something romantic
could happen in an
employer-employee relationship.
Really? Yes.
So now that we've, um,
eliminated the
employer-employee relationship...
Bertram, what are
you suggesting?
I'm not, um...
I'm not putting all
this very well, am I?
Estelle,
would it offend you...
if I told you that I loved you?
I love you very much.
You do? You love me?
Yes.
I'm afraid it's been
going on for some time.
Almost 20 years, to be exact.
What took you so long?
Well, it hasn't
exactly been easy.
I've seen you through
two atrocious marriages.
I mean, one oaf, one ingrate.
They were awful. Yes, they were.
You were much too
good for either of them.
Good riddance is all I can say.
And another
thing... I love you too.
I think I always have.
I just never
dared to believe it.
Well.
That does put a whole new
complexion on
things, doesn't it?
And... Do shut up and kiss me.
Is that an order?
Oh, no.
Just a very earnest request.
Bertram.
Well, it has been
20 years, hasn't it?
Huh.
Now, will you kindly
follow me to my cabin?
Is that an order?
But definitely, madam.
Definitely.
( chuckles)
ANNOUNCER: Ladies
and gentlemen, a reminder.
Due to the big party
on the Lido Deck tonight,
there'll be no dancing
in the Acapulco Lounge.
( jazzy music playing)
Here's looking at you, Shirl.
( piano theme playing)
( mumbles)
I can't understand a
word you're saying.
I said, "Maybe next time, kid."
Oh, Rick.
Gopher.
Right.
Oh, Gopher, I
tried to stay away.
I loved you so much.
I still love you.
It's no good, baby.
You're famous and I'm not.
If you gave all that up
for me, you'd regret it.
Maybe not today,
maybe not tomorrow,
but soon, for the
rest of your life.
So dinner's off.
Goodbye, Rick.
Gopher.
Goodbye, Gopher.
If you want me, just whistle.
Here's looking at you, kid.
Is that all you're
going to do, Gopher?
Look... Ah. Shirl.
Doc gave me your
message that dinner was off.
Um, yeah.
Honestly, Gopher, you
could break a girl's heart.
Me? Break your heart?
Why not?
Well, because
you're... You're...
Shirl Tyson.
Famous model.
And you're Gopher Smith.
Clumsy idiot.
Don't be silly.
It's charming to see
such unabashed affection.
I like you.
I'd like to spend some
time alone with you.
You would?
Yes.
Will you dance with me?
( romantic theme playing)
( both humming)
( upbeat theme playing)
Bye, captain. Goodbye.
Thank you for a
most enjoyable cruise.
Oh, yes, indeed.
Seeing you two together,
it's almost as if you've
known each other for years.
Almost.
I can truthfully say
that all other men take
a back seat to Bertram.
Goodbye. Goodbye.
Goodbye.
( girls screaming)
Excuse me, I think I
see a friend over there.
Excuse me.
( crowd clamoring)
You're not gonna leave without
saying goodbye to me, are you?
Nah. I hope not.
I'm glad everything
worked out for you.
Yeah. Thanks,
Reggie. Thanks, Isaac.
Glad we could help.
Remember the time
when you told me
you skipped right from 7 to 9?
Yeah.
You missed the best year.
All right.
I gotta go now. See
you in the World Series.
Okay.
Remember when you
struck out five times straight?
Mm-hm.
I had the same problem
once in Little League.
But I figured if you stick
your foot in the bucket,
and kind of tuck
this elbow in here,
you got it licked.
Think about it.
Get out of here.
That's my friend Reggie Jackson.
He's said I can become
a star ball player like him
if I work real hard.
Really? I'm not
afraid of hard work.
Me neither. Come on, let's go.
If you ever get
to the Big Apple,
you stay at my place.
All right.
And if you play
your cards right,
I got a little pull, you know.
I might be able to get
you some tickets to a game
in the front row.
Solid. See you.
Okay.
Hey, that wasn't who I
thought it was, was it?
Is, was and always will be.
Imagine that.
I was on the same
ship as O.J. Simpson.
Hey, you weren't gonna leave
here without me, were you?
Depends, wanna go
to the ballpark with me?
There's nothing
happening at the ballpark
this time of year.
We're not there yet.
Well, my darling, shall we go?
Yes.
I don't think this
is going to work.
Perhaps you're right.
Well, I think we're quite
ready to go home now, madam.
Oh, Bertram, not quite.
Now I think we're
quite ready to go home.
( laughs)
JULIE: Thank you
for sailing with us.
STUBING: Come see
us again. JULIE: Bye-bye.
Well, I'm glad to see
that the two of you
finally got together.
Was there ever any doubt?
( all laugh)
Take good care of our purser.
We need him back in two days.
I will.
Right. I guess
we're ready to go.
Did you call a cab?
I thought you were
going to call a cab.
Me?
( As Oliver Hardy): Well, here is
another fine mess you've gotten us into.
( as Stan Laurel): Well, I didn't
know. I thought that you were gonna...
( whines)
SHIRL: Oh, of course
you didn't know.
I have to take
care of everything.
Hm!
I'm sorry, Ollie. It won't
happen again. Hm.
After you. After you.
BOTH: Hm! Hm.
Those two are very
strange together.
Mm. A perfect match.
BOTH: Hm.
( upbeat theme playing)