The Love Boat (1977–1987): Season 2, Episode 15 - My Sister, Irene/The 'Now' Marriage/Second Time Around - full transcript

Irene Austin (Martha Raye) agrees to meet her college classmate, Andy Hopkins (Ray Bolger), after 40 years, then panics and tells him she's Irene's sister; Dr. Todd Gardiner (Peter Marshall) wrote a book about open marriage, but finds his own marriage, to Eleanor Gardiner (Barbara Rush), in jeopardy, as he gets close to a fellow passenger (Phyllis Elizabeth Davis); Doc's (Bernie Kopell) ex-wife (Tina Louise) arrives with a new fiancé (Lyle Waggoner).

( Jack Jones' "The
Love Boat" playing)

♪ Love ♪

♪ Exciting and new ♪

♪ Come aboard ♪

♪ We're expecting you ♪

♪ And love ♪

♪ Life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ Let it flow ♪

♪ It floats back to you ♪

♪ The Love Boat ♪

♪ Soon will be
making Another run ♪



♪ The Love Boat ♪

♪ Promises something
For everyone ♪

♪ Set a course for adventure ♪

♪ Your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ And love ♪

♪ Won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ It's an open smile ♪

♪ On a friendly shore ♪

♪ It's love ♪

♪ Welcome aboard It's love ♪

( majestic theme playing)

( indistinct chattering)

Good morning.

Oh, good morning.



I'm Captain Stubing.

Oh, I'm Eleanor Gardener.

Welcome aboard. Thank you.

Have you sailed with us before?

Oh, no, no. No, I'm a
novice. This is my first cruise.

Tell me, do they
have organized tours

at ports like Mazatlán
or Puerto Vallarta?

Yes, we can give
you that information

in the Purser's Lobby.

Oh.

Uh, but when we get to port,

would you care for
a personal escort?

Oh.

Well, that sounds
very interesting.

I'll ask my husband
when he comes aboard.

Husband?

My husband is Dr. Todd
Gardener, the author.

Mrs. Gardener. ( laughs)

I'll check out that information.

Please, don't
hesitate to call me

if you need anything,
anywhere, at any time.

Until then, have a wonderful
cruise, and welcome aboard.

GOPHER: So I'll see
you around the ship.

Okay, bye-bye.

Uh, Gardener. Dr. Todd Gardener.

Gopher? What?

Gardener.

Dr. Gardener? Yes, dear.

I'm Nancy Bishop. Hi.

Have we met?

No, but your picture's
on the jacket of your book.

Oh, right.

Dr. Gardener wrote
The Now Marriage.

Oh, I don't believe I'm
familiar with your book.

It's all about open marriage,

where husbands and wives
agree to have other relationships.

Yes.

Other relationships.

You mean like fooling around?

Gopher.

Ah, yes, Dr. and Mrs. Gardener

are in Cabin 350 on
the Promenade Deck.

Well, how about that?

Your cabin's right
down the hall from mine.

Well, good, I've always believed
in the good-neighbor policy.

Excusez-moi.

I'd like to get a
copy of his book.

Yeah.

I'd like to read it.

I'd like to shove
it down his throat.

( jazzy theme playing)

Can I help you, ma'am?

Oh, thank you.
Um, I'm Irene Austin.

Oh, Mrs. Austin, you're
on the Promenade Deck,

Cabin 346, and your friend
Mr. Hopkins will be in 348.

Mr. Hopkins hasn't checked in?

Not yet, no.

Oh, good. I have some time
to make some major repairs.

Oh, you don't need
repairs. You look wonderful.

For an older woman.

Oh, I don't know why I let
Andy talk me into this crazy idea

in the first place.

Pardon me?

He's expecting the Irene
Austin he knew in college.

That's 40...

Well, count them, 40 years ago.

You haven't seen him since then?

Well, we've kept in touch.
Christmas cards, letters.

When Andy found
out about my divorce,

he wrote and suggested
that we meet again, here.

That's what I call romantic.

But what if he
doesn't recognize me?

Mrs. Austin, he's
40 years older too.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

And for all I know, he could
be a baldheaded old man

with a potbelly.
Yeah. ( both laugh)

We'll make a perfect pair.

GOPHER: Okay, Mr. Hopkins.

Promenade Deck is
just up those stairs,

348's to your right.

( gasps)

It's him. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, he's
so young-looking.

Have yourself a
wonderful cruise.

I'm sure I will.
I'm sure I will.

( chuckles)

Well, he is a good-looking guy.

I'll go tell him you're here.

No, no. I'm going to my cabin.

Okay. But, you know,
he's gonna ask about you.

What do I tell him?

Don't tell him
anything. Nothing.

Just find him
somebody his own age.

Okay.

Bye. Bye.

Hello, darling.

Julie, Gopher,

I'd like you to meet my
ex-, ex-, ex-, ex-wife,

the incomparable Betty Bricker.

How do you do? How do you do?

So nice to meet
you. Nice to meet you.

Well, it won't be
Bricker much longer.

Adam, I'd like you to meet
the incomparable Lance Wilson,

my betrothed.

Believe me, darling, it
wasn't easy to replace you,

but then Lance came along,

and he's so immensely
wealthy and successful

and, of course,
when it came to looks,

there was no comparison.

Uh, welcome aboard, Lance.

Well, thanks, guys and gal.

( both laugh)

Well, I guess we should go
to our cabin, Lancey baby.

Hm? Hey, no sense in you tiring

those pretty little
legs of yours.

Whoa. ( squeals, laughs)

BETTY: Oh, you are
absolutely fabulous.

Baby, push the
up button, please.

I certainly will. ( laughs)

I don't know what
she sees in him.

Yeah, he's nothing.

Tall, dark, handsome,
debonair, gorgeous.

Yeah, he's nothing.

So I was wrong.

You can put me down now.

But I like holding you.

Besides, as an actor,

it's helping me
get into my role.

Well, just remember
it's only a role.

I hired you to play my fiancé

for one reason and
one reason only:

To get Doc back.

All right. I'm just practicing
for the honeymoon.

And when I carry you across
that threshold, I'm gonna...

Lance, there's no audience here.

Hm?

( mellow theme playing)

Yes? Irene.

No.

( foghorn sounding) (
grandiose theme playing)

There seem to be some
very attractive people onboard.

We should meet them.

I'm already married to
a very attractive man.

Well, thank you.

Besides, I have a
confession to make.

I brought my date with me.

You did? Mm-hm.

Ernest Hemingway. We've
been having an affair for years.

So you see, I don't
need any new affairs.

Is that your oblique way

of saying you think I
want to have an affair?

Hm!

Look, Eleanor,

let me try and
explain one last time.

When I wrote about open
marriage, it was just a theory,

a way to help couples circumvent

the unnatural
restrictions of monogamy

and deepen their
love for one another

by enriching their own lives.

Since that time,
I've seen it work.

I've helped a lot of
couples stay together.

You've had a
lot of failures too.

Ah-ha, that's
part of the theory.

If a marriage doesn't work
out, it wasn't meant to be.

I'm happy with you.
Aren't you happy with me?

Well, of course I am.

I just don't see
how it could hurt us

to try some new relationships.

( chuckles)

I know you believe
in what you're saying,

so I'm not going to
stand in your way.

But as for me, I'll stick
with my old relationships.

Ernest

and you.

( romantic theme playing)

Hey.

Hey, nice bathing suit.

Thank you.

I bought it in the men's
shop. All I did was...

sign your name.

Lance, I'm not made of money.

Nobody in theater
expects an actor

to supply his own wardrobe.

Oh, well, it's just
a bathing suit.

And a new tuxedo
and dress shirt.

Lance.

I bought the bow tie.

( sighs)

Oh, by the way,
we're having dinner

at the captain's table tonight.

Eight o'clock sharp.

Really? Mm-hm.

I wonder what time it is now.

A watch too?

That's a very important prop.

Take it back.

What's my motivation?

Your motivation is, if
you don't take it back,

I'm gonna break both your legs.

That works for me.

( chuckles)

Andy, may I talk to you?

ANDY: Huh? Oh, uh, sure.

Andy, there's something
I have to tell you.

If you're not Irene Austin,

you're close enough
to be her sister.

That's what I wanna tell you.

I'm, uh... I'm her
older sister, Althea.

I didn't know
Irene had a sister.

Oh, brothers, sisters.
She's got them all.

Well, uh, Althea,

uh, how come Irene
didn't make the cruise?

She, um... Well, she
just changed her mind.

She decided to go
back to her ex-husband.

Oh, I get the picture.

Oh, but she's sorry.
She's really sorry.

A lot.

Well, you tell Irene
no hard feelings.

I hope she's very happy.

I'll tell her.

I'll... I'll tell her.

I'll also tell her
she's an idiot.

( wistful theme playing)

What do I owe you?

Nothing.

Compliments of the lady.

Lady?

Oh, yes, thank you.

Well, hi, neighbor.

Hi. Neighbor and fan.

Oh, the book.
What did you, uh...?

What did you think of it?

I'm always interested
in a lay opinion.

Well, you won't get one
from me. I'm a psych major.

I'm doing postgraduate work
on the sexual revolt of the '70s.

And you think my
book is revolting?

Don't tell me my
idol has clay feet.

No, just cold feet.

Tell me, how do I...?

How do I get up enough
nerve to ask you to dinner?

Are you nervous?

Oh, I get it. Your wife, right?

Oh, no. No,
that's not it at all.

I'm free to practice
what I preach.

Well, doctor, what you
need is a little less preaching

and a little more practice.

Why don't you meet
me at 6:00 for cocktails?

Six for cocktails.

( whistles)

Don't tell me
you're still hiding

from that nice Mr. Hopkins.

Worse than that, Julie.
I told him I didn't come.

I told him I went back
to my ex-husband.

I claimed to be somebody else.

Oh.

And the thing about it
is, Julie, you were right.

He is that nice Mr. Hopkins.

Really nice Mr. Hopkins.

And... Oh, rats.

( stirring theme playing)

Hi, honey.

Glad to see you finally
got out of the cabin.

Well, I was going to go
into the lounge for a drink.

Look, how about you buying me

a margarita, good-looking?

Well, as a matter of fact,

I already have a
date for cocktails.

Oh.

I'll cancel if you want.

An open marriage has
to be a two-way street.

I mean, there's no point...
No. No, no, that's all right.

You go ahead.

Really.

Thanks. I was counting
on your support.

( chuckles)

What about dinner?

Us?

No, I mean you
and the girl, silly.

Well, well, you go
ahead. I'll be fine.

You sure?

Of course.

That's my girl.

( chuckles)

You're the best.

Mwah.

( accordion music playing)

Good evening. Good evening.

Good evening.

ALL: Good evening.

Excuse us. Excuse us.

Adam, would you be a dear

and tell us how to get
to the captain's table?

Of course. You start as a
midshipman and work your way up.

( laughs)

Oh, Adam, you still don't
have any sense of humor.

Oh, incidentally, Adam,

Lance owns several
large hospitals.

Just in case you ever tire
of being the Dr. Schweitzer

of the seasick
and the sunburned.

Ha-ha. Follow me, please.

Why didn't you tell me
about owning hospitals?

I could have done a whole
scene from Marcus Welby.

Hi. Hi.

I will put on my fanciest
duds and my sexiest perfume.

I'm gonna make
you forget my sister.

That's not going to be easy.

I've been in love with Irene
as long as I can remember.

Good evening, Mrs. Gardener.

Oh, good evening, captain.

We met at a Las
Vegas gambling casino.

Lance had $15,000 riding
on a hand of blackjack,

and he already
had the dealer beat.

And suddenly I walk by.

And he folds his hand,
and he follows me.

( laughs)

What was it you said
about that, honey?

Hm? Oh! Uh, it was...

Easy come, easy
go. Right? Right.

( both laugh)

Oh... That wasn't in the script.

Haven't you ever
heard of an ad lib?

Doc, we haven't heard
any of your stories tonight.

Why don't you tell
us about the time

you saved the life
of Howard Hughes?

Oh, it was really nothing much.

Well, we were in the
vicinity of his private yacht

when we received
a distress signal.

The distress signal
came... Waiter?

Champagne for everyone
at the table, please.

Well, we were near
his private yacht

when we received
this distress signal.

Waiter, uh,

make that champagne for everyone
at the surrounding tables too.

Well, we received
this distress signal.

Excuse me, will you?

Doc.

Story.

Well, I forget.

( majestic theme playing)

Mrs. Gardener.

( sniffles)

Is there anything I can do?

Do?

I see what's happening.

I just thought you might
like someone to talk to,

a shoulder to cry on,

even though it is the
shoulder of a stranger.

Oh, thank you, captain.
Oh, you've got it all wrong.

I, uh...

I'm encouraging my husband
to see that young woman.

He thinks somehow

it will help our
marriage, and, uh...

( whimpering)

somehow he really
believes in what he's doing.

Maybe he does.

I don't.

I don't think you do either.

Oh.

Captain,

I think I'll take that
shoulder after all.

( sniffles)

( soft dance music playing)

( all applaud)

Irene told me what a
wonderful dancer you were.

She's a wonderful girl.

There's only one Irene.

Uh, what else did
she tell you about me?

Well, she told me about
the night you pinned her

at your fraternity house.

And she also told me what
happened at the lake later.

( chuckles)

You know, uh, after
Irene got married,

she sent my fraternity
pin back to me.

It may sound silly,

but I was hoping, uh, I
could pin it on her again.

May I see it, please?

Oh, of course.

You can have it if you'd like.

I have no use for
it anymore, now.

Oh, no, I... I couldn't.

You'll find somebody
nice to give it to, someday.

I've already found
somebody nice to give it to.

Oh.

I still can't believe
I'm here with you.

I mean, I knew from your book

that you were a warm
and giving person.

When you're with the right
person, it's not the giving.

It's the sharing.

Exactly.

I feel I can share
so much with you.

You have a way
of making a person

really get in touch
with her feelings.

And you have a way of helping
a person get back in touch

with the feelings
he thought he'd lost.

Oh, Todd.

You know, sometimes in our work,

we talk about
interpersonal relationships

until the words almost
lose their meaning.

Mm-hm.

And then we have to
find the meaning again.

I think we have.

( soft jazz music playing)

I feel foolish coming
in here with you.

I feel honored coming
in here with you.

Even though I'm a married lady?

I'll introduce you as my niece.

( both laugh)

You see, just because
you're miserable,

doesn't mean you
shouldn't have fun.

Why'd she have
to bring him here?

Free country.

Hey, Doc, being
divorced from Betty

hasn't slowed you
down up till now.

You guys.

You think of me as
this sophisticated,

extremely charming man
that all the women go wild for

when really I'm a lonely wretch
who spends his life wondering

why he can't keep the
love of a good woman.

There was a time when I thought
Betty and I could last forever.

But then... You started
dating some blond.

How'd you find out about that?

( people applauding)

Wait here, darling.

You know how Lance
is quietly powerful?

You're noisily lecherous.

Hey, Betty. Here's your drink.

Oh, thank you,
Isaac. I really need it.

Mm.

Lance is just
dancing my feet off.

Betty, where did we go wrong?

Oh, darling, who
cares? Who cares?

( majestic theme playing)

Oh, I had a wonderful
time tonight, Andy.

So did I.

I'm sorry about all this.

I mean, if my sister
wanted to change her mind

about meeting you here,

she could have had the decency
to at least call you and say so.

Oh, it's okay.

I have to thank Irene
for sending you onboard.

In fact,

I wonder if you'd
give her this for me.

Or, uh, if you like,

maybe you could
keep it for yourself.

( grandiose theme playing)

You don't have to tiptoe.

I'm awake.

( sighs)

You've been crying. No kidding.

Todd, it's 4:00 in the morning.

I knew it was gonna
be hard for you

to control your
feelings of rejection.

Hey.

You know I wouldn't
do anything to hurt you.

Well, you are doing
something to hurt me.

I don't get it.

You agreed to all of
this in the beginning.

You're right.

I haven't been spending
any time with you.

How about breakfast together?

Bloody Marys, blueberry
waffles, the works.

I, um...

I... I already have
a date for breakfast.

Oh? Mm-hm.

( dramatic theme playing)

Thanks for bailing me out.

Well, it's always a pleasure

to have breakfast
with a beautiful lady.

You know, I've never
lied to Todd before,

but suddenly last night

it just seemed very
important to say I had a date.

I understand perfectly.

Right now, it's very important

for me to say
that I have a date.

With you.

To tour Puerto
Vallarta this afternoon.

( chuckles)

Oh, Merrill,

I just feel I'm using you
to get back at my husband.

Well, maybe I'm using you.

Maybe I'm taking
advantage of a time

when you're confused and upset.

Or maybe we're just two people

who'd like to hear some
good Mexican music.

Does that mean yes?

Or do I have to give
you a free sample?

( laughs)

♪ La cucaracha, la cucaracha ♪

BOTH: ♪ Sing no
matter where you are ♪

Good. ♪ La cucaracha,
la cucaracha ♪

♪ Play it on your old guitar ♪

( laughing): Merrill,
yes. Yes. I'd love to.

( mellow theme playing)

Hut, two, three, four,

five, six, seven,
eight, nine, ten...

So that's how you keep
looking so young, huh?

Uh-huh. How do you do it?

Me?

Yeah, you.

Oh, no, I'm... I'm
not young-looking.

Well, listen, nobody looked
like they did in college.

You're telling me.

( chuckling): Well,
I'll see you later.

I'm gonna grab a little
shower before I melt.

( upbeat theme playing)

There. Ah.

That feels good.

I mean, how does that feel?

I always get what
the doctor says

and what the patient
says mixed up.

It feels wonderful.

How does this feel?

Like old times.

Oh, Betty, I've missed you.

It was hard breaking up. Yeah.

Just dividing up the china
and the silverware took days.

Did we make a mistake?

I know I did. I took the
knives and the forks,

and now I haven't got
any cups and saucers.

Be serious, Betty.

Maybe... Maybe we should...

Maybe we should what?

What's going on here?

I was just taking
something out of her eye.

As a doctor,

I take things out of
ladies' eyes all the time.

Oh, yeah? Well, maybe so.
But that's not just any eye.

That eye happens
to be engaged to me.

Now, take it easy.

Look buddy, you may be
good at taking things out of eyes,

but my speciality is
putting things into eyes,

namely, my fist.

Adam, let me talk to him.

Well, somebody
better talk to him,

or I may just have to
punch his lights out.

Oh, yeah?

What do you think you're doing?

Playing the part
of a jealous lover.

I thought it came
off well, didn't you?

You're ruining everything.

See, I was trying to combine
the characters of Cary Grant,

in one of his light comedies,

with Charles Bronson
in Death Wish.

You were marvellous. Thank you.

Now, will you please leave?

But I haven't
finished the scene.

An actor has to
finish the scene.

Otherwise, it's like
telling Lady Macbeth,

"Forget the part about
stabbing the king."

All right, Lance. We'll both go.

Well, I'm glad you understand.

Because if Lady Macbeth
doesn't stab the king,

she is nothing but an
ordinary, dissatisfied housewife.

( sighs)

STUBING: We hope you
enjoyed your day in Puerto Vallarta.

The ship sets
sail at 1800 hours.

( people laughing)

BOTH: ♪ La cucaracha,
la cucaracha ♪

( scatting)

It's okay. Introduce us.

( chuckles)

Well, of course.
I'm being silly.

Um. Todd, this is
Captain Merrill Stubing.

How do you do?

Hello.

Where have you been all day?

Puerto Vallarta.

With my friend.

Todd, darling. Why,
the gang's all here.

You didn't tell me there
was gonna be a party.

No, this isn't a party.

Good, because we were
gonna watch the sunset together,

weren't we, lover?

Uh, maybe you two
would like to join us.

Well, I thought we'd
watch it from the bridge.

Come on, sweetheart. Excuse me.

Thanks, again.

Come on.

( dramatic theme playing)

( people chattering
indistinctly)

I love dancing with you.

You do?

I love being with you. I
love everything about you.

I guess your plan worked.

I've forgotten all about Irene.

You have?

Well, what's there to remember?

A woman I barely
knew 40 years ago.

We exchanged a few letters,

a few phone calls.

But you, I love
to dance with you.

We love the same food.

We love to travel.

You and I could
have a life together.

Marry me, Althea.

I love you.

Well, what about Irene?

I don't care if I
ever see her again.

( dramatic theme playing)

We even dance great
together. I guess that clinches it.

Clinches what?

Our relationship, silly.

But I can think of a
better way of clinching it.

Yeah.

I have such
wonderful plans for us

as soon as you're
free of Eleanor.

What do you mean?

I have no intention of
being free of Eleanor.

Now, you understood
that from the beginning.

Yeah, but haven't things
changed now that we,

well, have what we have?

No.

I began this relationship

knowing that it would strengthen
the way I feel about my wife.

Well, what do I get out of it?

Well, like you
said, what we have.

I see.

You really believe
all that junk you write.

Oh, well, of course I do.

Well, I'll tell you
something, Todd.

In theory it's great, but, well,

when you're personally
involved, it hurts.

Nancy, there's
nothing wrong with that.

As long as you allow yourself
to experience the pain and...

And don't suppress
your feelings.

Do you understand
what I mean, dear?

Mm-hm.

Todd. Yeah?

Suppress this.

( upbeat theme playing)

What are you thinking?

That I never would have made
it through this cruise without you.

How could I ever thank you?

You can't thank a
friend for friendship.

You've been more than a friend.

I'd like to be.

But I'm old-fashioned
about what a marriage is.

I wish Todd shared
some of your ideas.

And I wish he was the gentleman.

The gentle man that you are.

Todd was right about one thing.

It is good to have
new experiences.

And it is good to
feel new feelings.

Good night, Merrill.

Uh, Lance, just a moment.

There's something
I wanna say to you.

Now, wait. Before you say
what you wanna say to me,

there's something I
wanna say to you. Come in.

Me first.

No. Me first.

I'd like to... This is my cabin.

All right. I can't
argue with that.

Okay.

I've been watching
you and Betty.

And she'd probably
marry you again.

Only, it wouldn't last.

Because you're from
two different worlds.

And when two people are
from two different worlds

and living in one world,

that's a total of three
worlds for only two people,

leaving a surplus of one world.

That's interesting.

Do you like it?

That's what Claude
Rains said to John Garfield

when John Garfield
wanted to marry

Rains' daughter, Rosemary Lane.

But of course, it's not exactly
what Claude Rains said.

As a serious actor,
I like to improvise.

That way, I can bring some of
myself to the parts that I play.

You're an actor?

( laughing): Well, of course.

How else could I
re-create Claude Rains

right before your very eyes?

That takes years of study
with the finest teachers.

Of course, Betty was looking
for the best actor she could find

to play the part of her fiancé.

Well, I think you're the most
marvellous actor I've ever seen.

( laughs)

There is Olivier. You
know, for the older parts.

Being such a great actor,

do you suppose you could
play the part of a funeral director?

Well, I suppose so. Why?

Because I'm gonna kill Betty.

You're not gonna touch a hair
on her head. I love that woman.

Oh? What movie is that from?

I don't think it's
from any movie.

I must really love her.

Yes, I do. I
definitely love her.

Well, what good's that
gonna do me? She loves you.

She only hired me
to make you jealous.

Well, wanting to make me
jealous doesn't prove she loves me.

Just the same as being
jealous doesn't prove I love her.

But I do love her
enough to wanna help her.

Maybe I can help all of us.

How?

I used to do a
little acting myself.

In fact, some people
thought I was one of the finest

15-year-old King
Lears they ever saw.

Needs work.

( door closes)

Oh, you're in early.

How was your evening?

Wonderful. Good.

I knew once you
overcame your fears,

this experiment would work.

Don't you wanna know
how it is with Nancy and me?

Not really.

Well, it's over.

I'm sure that pleases you.

But the point is,

it was a freeing experience,
a personal growth.

Something I can bring

to enrich our marriage.

Todd.

There's no marriage to enrich.

Huh?

I want a divorce.

( dramatic theme playing)

Oh, Betty.

I've been thinking about
what went wrong with us,

and I think it's because

I was probably never
very honest with you.

I haven't exactly been
very honest with you.

No, you've been honest.

But I'm still not honest.

And honesty is the best policy,

so I'm gonna be honest.

Honestly? Hm?

Yes.

I'm married again.

You're what?

And my wife's pregnant.

And there are three little
ones by her first marriage.

And I'm supporting her brother
because he's unemployable.

He's an archaeologist
who can't dig

because of his bad back.

Poor Adam.

And your poor wife.

Oh.

She gets a lot of help
from her arthritic mother,

when she isn't falling
out of her wheelchair.

How do you cope with
all your troubles, Adam?

We usually renew
our faith in mankind

and one another
by going bowling.

Adam, if you'll excuse me, uh,

I don't want Lance to see us
together again and get upset.

Thanks for being honest.

( sighs)

( whistles)

Mr. Hopkins' room, please.

( phone rings)

Hello.

Andy?

This is Althea.

Are you all right?

Yes.

Well, you didn't
give me an answer.

Will you marry me?

I can't, Andy. Why?

I just can't.

It... It wouldn't be fair.

I don't understand.

I'm sorry, Andy.

( wistful theme playing)

( whimpering)

I love you, Andy.

I love you too...

Irene.

( sniffles)

You knew?

Of course I knew.

How could I ever forget the face

of the only woman I ever loved?

But I'm...

I'm not the young girl
you knew in college.

Those... Those years...

Beauty is in the
eyes of the beholder.

And in my eyes,

you're the most beautiful
woman in the whole world.

Still.

Mrs. Austin, I was just
thinking, why don't you...?

Never mind.

( romantic theme playing)

( upbeat theme playing)

Oh, Nancy.

Hi, honey.

Can I, uh, give
you a lift into town?

You mean, can you and
Eleanor give me a lift?

Eleanor?

No. No, Eleanor's leaving me.

Aw.

Well, like you always say, if
a marriage doesn't work out,

that's the way it was
meant to be. Right, Todd?

Does that hurt? Well, good.

Because I want you
to feel it, experience it.

Don't suppress it.

Bye, Todd.

Hi. Hi.

Well, bye, Julie.

It's been quite a
cruise. It sure has.

Thanks for everything,
Gopher. You bet.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Thanks
for sailing with us.

Oh, pleasure.

You still haven't
answered my question.

Do I look as good as I did
when we were in college? Do I?

Now, listen here, young lady.
I don't want you to say, "Do I?"

I want you to say, "I do."

I do. I do.

( laughs): That's right.

Perhaps we'll have a chance
to spend more time together

now that you'll be...
Perhaps we can.

But whatever happens,
whatever becomes of us,

let's promise
ourselves one thing.

What's that?

We'll be friends first.

Eleanor, we'll be friends first,

last, and always.

Goodbye, Merrill.

Like my new suit?

Lance, if you charged
that to my account,

I'm gonna brain you.

Actually, I paid for it myself.

Oh. I wanted something special

for my big exit scene.

Am I gonna need a handkerchief?

Is it like Gone with the Wind?

Oh, no.

No, this is a scene I'm
going to improvise on the spot.

A scene where I take
you in my arms... Hm.

Tell you that I love you... Aw.

Ask you to marry me... Mm.

And then kiss you.

Lance, that was
some showstopper.

You're a wonderful actor.

Who was acting?

Hm?

( laughs)

I can't let her go. Easy, Doc.

Not like this.

Betty?

I wasn't completely
honest with you yesterday.

Oh, that's all right, Doc.

At least I know
I've been honest.

I said that Lance was my fiancé,

and all of a sudden he is.

And as for you, stick
to playing King Lear.

Uh, maybe not.

( laughs)

I wonder if we'll ever meet
Doc's other wives aboard ship.

Oh, I wouldn't doubt it, sir.

They'll probably
attack by submarine.

( upbeat theme playing)