The Love Boat (1977–1987): Season 2, Episode 13 - El Kid/The Last Hundred Bucks/Isosceles Triangle - full transcript

(Jack Jones' "The
Love Boat" playing)

♪ Love ♪

♪ Exciting and new ♪

♪ Come aboard ♪

♪ We're expecting you ♪

♪ And love ♪

♪ Life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ Let it flow ♪

♪ It floats back to you ♪

♪ The Love Boat ♪

♪ Soon will be
making Another run ♪



♪ The Love Boat ♪

♪ Promises something
For everyone ♪

♪ Set a course for adventure ♪

♪ Your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ And love ♪

♪ Won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ It's an open smile ♪

♪ On a friendly shore ♪

♪ It's love ♪

♪ Welcome aboard It's love ♪

( upbeat theme playing)

Now, Van, even if
you are my brother,

I have to tell
you, you're crazy.

You could live for months



on what you're
spending on this cruise.

Pete, where would I
be? I'm still unemployed.

Look, if I'm going broke,
I'm going out with a bang.

Peter, look, after a
year of turn-downs,

I'm beginning to
get a little picture.

These companies
want younger men.

When I get back,
I'll get a paper route.

All right? Okay.

Hello. Welcome aboard.

Hi. Hi.

I'm Julie McCoy, your cruise
director. Welcome aboard.

Thank you. We're the
Hartmans, Larry and Cybill.

Otherwise known as
a temporary twosome.

Temporary?

We're expecting a baby.

Uh, you don't look,
um... Oh. Heh-heh.

You know, that's
what I keep telling her.

Uh, we're adopting. A baby boy.

He's waiting at the St. Theresa
Orphanage in Puerto Vallarta.

Well, that's wonderful.

But it sure seems like a
long way to go to get a baby.

Well, we've been on the
waiting list for four years.

LARRY: Well, most tourists

bring back pottery from Mexico.

We just wanted to
be a little different.

It worked. Bye-bye.

Oh, April, look.
Isn't it beautiful?

I never should have
left Jerry Hamlin

in charge of the hospital.

Oh, believe me, April,

your hospital will be
there when you get back.

Jerry Hamlin is perfectly
capable of running it.

Running it into the ground, yes.

Hey, come on. Will you relax?

We're supposed to be
here enjoying ourselves.

Van?

Oh, my God. Wes, how are you?

Van Milner. I haven't
seen you in a dog's age.

Hi. Well, how are things at
Larson Box and Paper, right?

I've grown a lot
since then, old buddy.

Yeah? It's Larson
Industries Limited.

Well, that's great. Great.

And the only thing that
isn't limited are the profits.

Ha. Sounds good. (chuckles)

Hey, come on and
say hi to Renee, okay?

Oh, yeah. Sure, yeah.

Renee.

Honey, you remember Van Milner.

Hi. How are you, Renee?
Oh, Van, of course.

I'm fine, thank you.

Oh, this is a friend of
ours. April Dunleavy.

Hi, how are you? Hello.

Can't get over it, Van Milner.

Yeah.

McCullough
Marketing's boy genius.

Genius? Boy?

(all chuckle)

Hey, you're not on this
cruise alone, are you?

Well, uh, yes, but I'm not
gonna make a religion out of it.

Uh, as a matter of fact,
does anybody want a drink?

Sure. Great.

Oh, uh, Wes, I think we oughta

get checked in first, don't you?

Uh, why don't you two go
ahead and we'll join you later.

That sounds good.
What do you think, April?

Fine. VAN: Good.

I think... I think it's
this way. I'm not sure.

See you later.
See you later, then.

Good to see you. Okay.

Well, well, well, well, well.

Maybe we won't have
April on our hands after all.

Wes.

Oh, I mean, maybe
she's found somebody

that will take her
mind off of business.

Uh-huh.

(both chuckle)

Get your bags, honey.

Gentlemen, I would
like you to meet

my good friend Karen Maynard.

Karen, this is Captain
Merrill Stubing.

How do you do?

And Adam Bricker,
our ship's doctor.

KAREN: Hello. Hi.

You know, this is
my very first cruise.

Now, it may take some
doing to make me into a sailor.

I wouldn't try to make
you into anything.

I like you just the way you are.

Ah.

Karen, maybe I'd better
show you your cabin.

Heh. Yeah.

If you need
anything, just holler.

Or better yet, just
pick up your phone

and dial number one.

That's me.

KAREN: All right.

Hmm. Let's take the elevator.

Bright. Gorgeous.

Charming. Gorgeous.

Provocative. Gorgeous.

Well, what do you know? We
agree on a woman for once.

Oh, come on, Doc, we're
behaving like a couple of schoolboys.

Yeah. Yeah.

I'll just let her come to me.

Right.

(chuckles)

( playful theme playing)

(chuckles)

Can you believe those two?

That's the latest event in
the middle-aged Olympics.

The 60-yard hop, skip and lust.

(chuckles)

(horn blows)

( adventurous theme playing)

Oh, this is so fabulous, Julie.

You are so lucky
to be working here.

Ha. Hey, don't let the
sunshine and the sea

and all the glamour fool you.

It's just a job.

And if I lost it,
I'd kill myself.

Hi. Hi.

As the ship's doctor,

I know how all this sunshine
can dehydrate a person.

So I'm prescribing...
A dose of champagne.

I think you took that one away
from its mother too soon. Ha-ha.

How terrific.

It's just a simple
toast for a bon voyage.

Would you care to
join Karen and me?

Well, you know what
they say, two's company

and three's... Four.

Four is a crowd.

Yes. They do say
that, don't they?

See you later, crew.

Yes, sir. Bye, Karen.

Bye.

How about that, man?

The captain just beat
Doc in his own game.

Oh, Doc's just saving
himself for later.

What later?

The lady likes our leader.

(chuckles)

A hundred bucks says our
leader loses to the dashing doctor.

You're on.

Everything's ready
for little Robin.

Do you think he'll
like his name?

Well, it was good
enough for my old man,

it's good enough for him.

Well, I hope I'm a
good enough mother.

Well, if you're not, we could
always send for my mother.

I'll learn.

(knock at door)

Maybe that's him.
He swam to meet us.

Hi. Hello.

I hope I'm not disturbing
the parents-to-be,

but I wanted to drop
off a little something

I got at the gift shop.

Oh, Julie. That's sweet of you.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Let me guess what it is.

Gee, I hope it's not
another color television set.

No.

Here, let see.

( tender theme playing)

(both coo, chuckle)

It's a baby spoon. Look at that.

Oh, thank you.
You're very welcome.

I always knew my
son would be born

with a silver
spoon in his mouth.

Looks like he's
got everything else.

Almost, not quite. Yeah.

All right, Robin,
baby. Chuck it here.

What do you say?
I'm at first, huh?

Larry, a baseball
mitt? You're crazy.

Yeah, you're right. Maybe
he'll go out for football.

(all chuckle)

( tranquil theme playing)

STUBING (over PA):
Attention, jackpot bingo

is now in progress in
the Starlight Lounge.

(indistinct chatter)

So anyway, last year I made...

What, six? Six million, right.

But this year, it looks
like we're gonna...

Honey, honey.

We are on a holiday.

And I'm sure that Van and April

don't wanna hear about how
much money you're making.

I do.

That way I can hit you

for another donation
to my hospital.

Good. Good.

You don't happen to have
your checkbook handy?

I gave at the office. Oh, yeah?

Honey, we're gonna be late
for the bridge tournament.

What bridge tournament?
There is no bridge tournament.

We'll see you two later.
Okay, don't get lost.

(sighs)

Well, so you, uh...

You're running a hospital, huh?

Mm-hm. The Dunleavy Institute.

My father founded it. He
was the pioneer in gerontology.

Gerontology?

Mm-hm. That's the study of...

No, don't tell me.

It's the study of diseases
of the aging, right?

Hey, that's right.
Are you impressed?

Yes. I am.

(both chuckle)

Anyhow, I worked with
Dad until I got married,

and then when my
marriage bit the dust,

I went back to work.

And then, when
Dad died, I took over.

Well, I'm impressed.
That's quite a load to carry.

Yeah, but I love it.

Yeah. But, you know, Van,

you oughta meet the
people who come to us.

They really make it all
worthwhile, you know.

Yeah. Sure, I know.

I think, you know,

actually that's what
it's all about, the people.

What do you do, anyway?

Well, I-I used to be
the president of a...

A marketing company.

And then a few years
ago my wife died,

so I took a sabbatical.

I did a couple of years
in the Peace Corps.

The Peace Corps?

Yeah. Really?

I went down to
this village in Bolivia

and tried to teach 'em
how to market their crafts.

Listen, it's my turn
to be impressed.

I'd like to buy you a drink.

No, no, no. You
can't buy me a drink.

See, I have to buy the drinks.

I'll... What I'll do is,

I'll just write it off

as a donation to your hospital.

See, it's shifty, but
it's very effective.

( tranquil theme playing)

(light jazz music playing)

(both giggle)

Karen, do you mean to tell me

that you had dinner with
each of them, separately?

Yes, I did. (groans)

If I keep this up,

I'm gonna give the Goodyear
blimp some competition.

(both chuckle)

Oh, don't you think it's time

you started thinking
about making a decision?

I can't. I mean, I really can't.

They're both great guys. Hm.

Look at the captain.

He's so strong and handsome,

and look at the doctor.

He's so...

He's wonderful.
He's romantic too.

Oh... By the way, was
he ever a surgeon?

No. Why?

Because he's got great hands.

You're so fresh.

I'll see you later.

Hello.

Huh? Uh-huh.

Hey, now... Now...
Now, watch, man.

She's gonna sit right
down with the captain.

Come on, Karen.

She's headed for Doc.

What are you guys worried about?

The doc and captain are
behaving like perfect gentlemen.

We have more at
stake here than love.

Oh.

Hi. Hi.

Care to join me in
a drink? I'd love to.

Oh, I'm sorry, Karen.

But unfortunately, Doc is
gonna be tied up tonight.

He has to prepare his
weekly medical report.

But, captain, that
report isn't due

till we dock in San Pedro.

Well, then you'll
get an early start.

But, captain... Carry on.

Excuse me.

Shall we?

Captain. We're not
gonna eat again, are we?

Maybe just a nibble.

Oh. This way.

Looks like the perfect gentlemen
have just taken off the gloves.

(chuckling)

( majestic theme playing)

Excuse me, would you play
"Yes Sir, That's My Baby"?

Sure. Thank you.

(upbeat jazz music playing)

(chuckles)

Oh, Julie.

Julie, that is the most
appropriate song in the world.

Thanks for requesting it.
JULIE: You're welcome.

Well, tomorrow's the big
day. Anybody nervous?

Us? Nervous?

(chuckles)

CYBILL: More
like, uh, petrified.

It seems like we've
been waiting forever,

and now it's finally happening.

Well, what do you
say we have a drink?

Great idea, I'll get 'em. Okay.

Formula for everyone.

Thanks.

Oh, boy, can I understand
how you two must feel.

Well, you know, I'm
fine. It's just that Larry...

I mean, I keep
telling him to relax.

It's only a baby. Of course.

Oh, my Lord. Heh.

A baby. (chuckles)

Cybill, would you and Larry

like me to come
with you tomorrow?

You might need some help
finding your way around town.

Oh, Julie, I thought
you'd never ask.

Oh, good. Tomorrow, then.

Thanks.

Well, I'll bet at your level,

the pressure is really
incredible, isn't it?

Mm-hm. Mmm.

(chuckles)

Say, you know
what I was thinking?

What?

Suppose you and I
just drink and be merry

and cut up a
little bit. (chuckles)

What do you...? What
do you think, huh?

All right. No business.

Could I ask you
one question first?

What? Well...

Well, Van, I've been
thinking about what you do,

and I really could use
some expert advice.

Do you mind if I
asked you a question?

Mm-hm.

You do? Yes.

Oh. Well, I'm
gonna ask it anyway.

All right.

How do you market a hospital?

A hospital?

See, our big problem

is raising the funds
to pay for the work.

Yeah, sure. Yeah,
I understand that.

What, uh...? See I think...

I've got this chief
administrator, Jerry Hamlin,

but he just can't handle it.

Yeah, what's...?
What's his problem?

He's incompetent.

Yeah, that's a problem. Yeah.

Plus he won't take advice
from anybody including me.

Yeah, yeah, I know the type.

Why don't, uh...?

Why don't you just...? Fire him.

I can't. He's got eight
months to go on his contract.

And he won't resign. Uh-huh.

Well, in that case,
what I would do is just...

Mm-mm. Don't say pay
him off. I can't afford that.

No, no, what I was gonna
say is what I first suggested.

You mean fire him?

No. That we just, you know...

Suggest that we drink, be merry

and cut up a little bit

and not talk about
business at all, all right?

(chuckles)

( tranquil theme playing)

(sighs) Look at that ocean.

And the stars,
it's just beautiful.

You know, I really should
fire that Jerry Hamlin.

(sighs)

You know, you
really are impossible.

Why?

With this business talk.

(chuckles): I'm sorry.

I just can't seem to
stop talking business.

Sorry.

Well, actually, you know,
there is one way to stop you.

How?

( romantic theme playing)

( upbeat theme playing)

STUBING (on PA): We hope
you enjoy your day in port.

The Princess will be
leaving Puerto Vallarta

at 11:00 this evening.

Wait here, please. The
padre will soon come.

Thank you, Pepito.

Can I bring you some
water or a piece of bread?

Well, I'm... I'm sorry,
but that's all we got here.

Bread and water?

Well, sometimes we eat a
little piece of dried cheese.

Oh, poor kid.

What do you call that
thing up there in English?

LARRY: Oh, you mean the ceiling?

That's correct. Hey, you're
smarter than you look.

(all chuckle)

Cute.

(door opens, closes)

Señor and Señora Hartman?

Padre. Yes, I'm Larry Hartman
and this is my wife, Cybill.

Hi, nice to meet you. Señora.

And this is Julie
McCoy from the ship.

(both speak Spanish)

Pepito, go to lunch, your
roast beef is getting cold.

I guess they all ran
out of bread and water.

I thought I had my, uh, glasses.

Pepito.

I was only trying to surprise
you and clean them up.

Yeah, you mean clean me out.

I told you you were
smarter than you look.

(chuckles)

(speaks Spanish)

(chuckles)

Well, how's the baby,
Padre? Is he healthy?

Sí, señora.

But there is something
I must tell you.

Uh, por favor, will
you please sit down?

What is it, Padre? Is
there something wrong?

Well, when I called the hospital
this morning about your baby,

the mother had changed her mind.

( melancholy theme playing)

She's decided to keep the baby?

Oh, Larry.

(Cybill sobbing)

Honey, I know how
long we've been waiting,

but maybe next time.

Oh, Mrs. Hartman.

Cybill.

There will be other babies.

I mean, I can understand
her for wanting to keep it,

but it's just... It's not fair.

PADRE: I know, señora.

I know how you must feel.

(sobs)

Padre, is there
anything that you can do?

I mean, we've come so
far. We've waited so long.

We've planned.

Well, there is another child
up for adoption. He is, uh...

Another boy?

Oh. Oh, Larry,
did you hear that?

He is perhaps a little older.

Oh, it doesn't matter.
When can we see him?

You already have.

Pepito.

Pepito? Uh, Padre,
you've gotta be kidding.

I mean, we wanted a baby.

He's practically
ready for high school.

He's a dear boy, Padre, but...

PADRE: He needs much
love and understanding.

It has not been easy for him.

He has problems.

Yeah, like, um, stealing.

His problems could be solved
if he found the right parents.

It takes patience, but
you would not be sorry.

He is worth it.

(sighs)

Well, we do have
a lot to offer him.

Honey, I don't know.

We're set up for an infant,
not a juvenile delinquent.

Well, so he swiped
your sunglasses.

Big deal.

He is an awfully cute kid.

I see that you have a
very big decision for you.

But please, por favor,

do not feel pressured.

Take plenty of
time to think it over.

( playful theme playing)

I'm all packed up, Padre.
Are they taking me?

So tell me, Van, what's goin'
on in the marketing business?

Well, you tell me, Wes.

You know, I, uh... I
dropped out for a while.

You're back with McCullough
Marketing, aren't you?

No, they evidently like the
guy that took my place, so...

They let you go? Yeah.

Van, you put that
company on its feet.

Well, do me a favor, will
you, and, uh, tell them that.

(chuckles)

That's their loss, little buddy.

The lucky guys are the
ones that picked you up.

Who would that be?

Oh, don't tell me
you're looking for work?

I've been looking for
almost a year now.

I'm, uh... I'm almost
busted. I'm... I'm broke.

I don't know what to say, Van.

I mean, I figured you're on
this cruise, first-class cabin.

It's just a last fling.

You know, the funny thing is,
that when I bumped into you, I...

I thought maybe...

Look, Van, a
couple of years ago...

I mean, we would have
been begging you, you know?

But right now, I mean,

it's not just up to me now.

I mean, there's the whole board.

Yeah.

Well, don't... You know,
don't worry about it, Wes.

As a matter of fact, uh,

lately I've been thinking
about giving up on marketing

and, uh, becoming
a, uh, golf pro.

What do you think?

(chuckles)

( tranquil theme playing)

Wow. Heh-heh. I can't believe
I'm really steering this ship.

You're doing swell.

(squeals)

I really had a
good time last night.

Yeah, me too.

Too bad it had to end so early.

Karen, I think you and I...

BRICKER: Captain.

Here are the medical
reports you asked for, sir.

Captain, I'm surprised at you.

A passenger on the bridge,

not to mention letting
her steer the ship.

I thought that was
strictly against regulations.

Yes, well, this is a special...

BRICKER: Now, believe me,

this is for Karen's benefit.

We wouldn't want
her to be in violation

of maritime regulations,
would we, huh?

No... No need to thank me.

I can see the
gratitude in your eyes.

(lullaby playing)

You gotta be
kidding with this stuff.

I ain't sleeping in no crib.

We already told you,
we were bringing in a cot.

Okay, but believe me,

you won't be comfortable on it.

Uh, not me, you.

Look, we just want
you to be happy, Robin.

Who can be happy
with a name like Robin?

My name's Pepito.

Okay, Pepito.

And look at all those diapers.

If you want, I'll
sell 'em for you.

We'll split the profits, okay?

Instead of Oliver
Twist, we got Fagin.

Oh, Larry.

Look, Rob... Pepito.

What do you say we
play a game of go fish?

Go fish?

You treat me like a
little baby. I'm a man.

Okay, man, where are you going?

To check out the boat.
Maybe I can find some action.

(groans)

Look, honey, be
patient with him.

He's just testing us.

And I'm on the
verge of flunking out.

( dramatic theme playing)

( tranquil theme playing)

It's been such a beautiful day.

Well, let's make
it a beautiful night.

I promised Renee we were
gonna join them for dinner.

I know that. I'm looking ahead.

I'm talking about
later on this evening.

You rascal, you... Well?

Van. What?

Can I make you a proposition?

Yes, you can, darling.

I mean a business proposition.

Oh, I don't know.

Just two minutes, all right?

There's something
about my situation

that I wanna explain to you.

Okay, well, let me go first.

All right.

I want you to take
Jerry Hamlin's place

at the hospital.

And I'll tell you why, Van,

because we need you down there.

We need your business sense.
We need your marketing skills.

But most of all, I need the
way you feel about people.

All right. Let me say something.

Wait a minute, now.
Don't interrupt me.

I know you have
details to work out,

and that the salary
I'm going to offer

isn't nearly what
you're making now...

That... That's not the problem.

Good, because you know there are

more important
things than money.

Like the satisfaction you get

out of watching
somebody get well.

And you know the
research we're doing.

Someday we'll even be able
to prevent disease, hopefully.

But I think most...
Most important is,

I think you and I would
make a terrific team.

When I heard you
talking the other day...

So do I. - -the Peace... What?

I said, so do I.

What, think we'd
make a terrific...?

Yes. Well, what?

Does that mean "yes"?

Yes. You'll take it?

I'll take it.

Oh, Van. Well,
now wait a minute.

Now do we shake on
this or do we kiss on it?

I'm shaking already.

Well, then, we should kiss.

I think so.

(both chuckle)

( romantic theme playing)

( light jazz music playing)

Well, the captain's
been with her now

for a full 90 seconds.

Ah, ah, ah. Don't talk so fast.

Look at this, my man
is moving in again.

You know, I have
enormous respect for you.

But will you respect
me in the morning?

(giggles)

Seriously.

After overcoming five
years of alcoholism.

You're really lucky to have
a man like Captain Stubing

to lean on in these tough times.

Yeah. I don't know
what I'd do without him.

She is well under his spell.

(chuckles)

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

There he goes. The
captain is making his move.

Oh, do these ever get heavy?

Never.

(both chuckle)

That's what I like about you.

You are so strong. Thank you.

And confident. Thank you.

You seem to be
in complete control.

Thank you.

That's really good to
bounce back after, uh,

running two ships aground.

Oh.

(chuckles): Uh, yes.

How about some fresh air?

I think I'd like that.

This way.

I knew she was gonna
leave with the captain.

You wanna pay me now?

Are you nuts?

Now, Doc is just pacing himself.

He's a stretch runner.

Well, if he stretches
much further,

he's gonna snap.

(chuckles)

Oh, it's so beautiful
out tonight, isn't it?

Ha-ha. Yes.

So romantic.

I can't think of any
place I'd rather be.

Well, I can think of one.

My cabin.

MAN (on PA): Captain Stubing
to the bridge immediately.

(groans)

Excuse me.

Captain Stubing to
the bridge immediately.

(chuckles)

What's a nice girl like you

doing on a stuffy
deck like this?

(chuckles)

Well, where should I be?

In a doctor's stuffy cabin.

It's kinda late.

Yes, but if you count the
actual time we've spent together,

it's so early.

GOPHER: Come on, Doc.

Lifeboat drill.

Lifeboat drill? Yeah.

I didn't hear a bell.
Oh, there was no bell.

It's just for the crew.
It's a new regulation.

I gotta tell the other
guys. Come on.

Yeah, but...

Well, I gotta go. See you later.

Bye. Bye.

Lifeboat drill?

( playful theme playing)

(knock at door)

Renee?

WES: And Wes. Are you decent?

Yes, yes, I am. Just a minute.

Come in. Come in.

Gosh, you two. I'm sorry
to keep you guys waiting.

Van ready?

We wanted to talk to
you before he got here.

What about? About Van.

You see, uh, April, we
feel sort of responsible,

because we kind of
pushed you two together.

Oh, I oughta thank you for that.

He's a phony, April.

He came on this cruise
trying to pass himself off

as some high-level executive.

Well, isn't he?

He's, uh... He's washed up.

Broke.

Even tried to hit me for a job.

And I figured maybe
he might try to...

Oh, I don't know, charm
you into the same thing.

( melancholy theme playing)

Oh. Oh, no.

Oh, April, you didn't...

APRIL: Oh, I did. I...

I offered him a
job at the hospital.

(sighs)

Bet he jumped at it.

(inhales sharply)

Would you please excuse me?

Of course.

I'm so sorry, April.

I am too.

See you later.

(sobs)

(knock)

(sniffles)

Hi. You ready? Hey.

Are we, uh, meeting them
here or at the dining room?

I can't remember.

What's the matter?

Am I late?

No.

What's the matter? Everything.

Wait. What does that mean?

Van, will you just
answer one question?

Sure.

Is it true that you've
been looking for a job

for almost a year?

Why do you ask?

Why don't you answer?

Is it true?

(sighs)

What difference does it make?

Does it make any
difference to you?

Yeah, it could.

Yeah, it's true.

Tell you something else too.

I'm almost broke. Does
that make any difference?

Maybe.

( melancholy theme playing)

Van.

I don't think we better
see each other anymore.

Yeah. That thought
had occurred to me too.

(door closes)

(sighs)

(upbeat jazz music playing)

Place your bets, please.

CROUPIER: Ten, tenth
point. Ten will win the money.

Eight. Eight, easy. Easy eight.

Eight. Eight easy. Easy eight.

Eleven. Winner 11.

We're coming out.
Place your bets.

Did you see my watch? I
couldn't find it in the cabin.

No, uh, maybe you put it
away when you went swimming.

Julie? Mm-hm?

Have you seen
Pepito? Not so far.

Oh, he's over there.

CROUPIER: Coming
to ceiling, every roll.

Place your bets, please.

Eleven. Winner 11. Pay the line.

Now, look, young man... Pepito.

What...? Where have you been?

And where did
you get that money?

Well, it's... It's mine
from shining shoes.

(scoffs) I make big tips.

Is that the truth?

Sure.

Oh, Pepito, did you
take Larry's watch?

I didn't do nothing.

Oh, come on, now, who would
buy a watch from a kid for $10?

Anybody. It's
worth at least 100.

Fourteen-karat gold, man.

That does it. You're coming
to the cabin for a spanking.

No way. Nobody
puts a hand on me.

Yeah, except your loving father.

Larry, don't spank him.
Just a talking to, okay?

This kid's a thief.

Well, maybe if you just
sent him straight to bed.

Black 31.

That's my number. I
could have been a winner.

You're a winner all right.

We're the ones who
lost out on this deal.

Get your bets down, please.

CROUPIER: Eleven.
Winner, winner, winner, 11.

How's it going, Van?

Well, not so good, Wes.

Not so good.

CROUPIER: Place your bets,
please. Same lucky shooter coming out.

Forget him, April.

What, um...? What's
your lucky number?

Oh, don't do that, Van.

No, what is it? Seven or what?

Eleven.

Eleven.

Let's have a $100 on 11, please.

CROUPIER: Eleven black.

Okay, let's put it
on black for me.

He's crazy.

CROUPIER: Thirty-one black.

Oh, thank heavens.

That's $7,000.

Just, uh, let it ride.

MAN: He's got guts.

(gasps)

Twenty-seven black hard.

(all gasp, cheer)

That's $14,000.

Oh, wow. (chuckles)

Here you go, April.

A little something
for the hospital.

Thank you.

Van, that's $14,000.
You need that.

No, I don't.

No, I don't, uh... I
don't need anything.

Pepito.

Pepito, where are you?

Well, knowing him, he's probably
trying to crack the ship's safe.

Larry, you remember
what Father Ramos said.

Pepito's never
had a decent home.

He's full of hostility.

That makes two of us.

Maybe if we're
lucky, he'll stay lost.

CYBILL: I know
you didn't mean that.

LARRY: Come on, let's find him.

Pepito.

CYBILL: Pepito.

( dramatic theme playing)

( majestic theme playing)

(groans)

Larry, I'm worried.
Where could he be?

It's all my fault. I should
have talked to him.

Oh, Cybill, I'm sorry.

(knock)

Pepito.

I'm sorry.

The crew's been
searching all night.

There's no sign of him.

What if something's
happened to him?

He's just a little boy.

Oh, look, he's got brains.

He knows how to
take care of himself.

We'll find him.

(sighs)

If anything happens to
him, I'll never forgive myself.

Pepito. Pepito.

Pepito. Pepito.

Pepito. Pepito.

Pepito.

Here we go, amigo.

Now, we put you in the ocean,

and it's back to
Mexico where I belong,

with or without parents.

Pepito. Wait.

No, Pepito.

Wait.

Leave me alone. I wanna
go home to the padre.

Pepito, you have a
new home with us.

We love you, sweetheart.

Pepito, they love you.

Honest.

Then why was he gonna
give me a spanking?

Because you were stealing.

I always steal.

Before I went to the padre,
I had to steal so I could eat.

You don't have to steal anymore.

You'll always
have plenty to eat.

But you don't want me.

You want a baby.

Oh, Pepito.

What's a guy like me
gonna do with a baby?

Except wait for him to
grow up into a boy like you.

I mean, babies can't even talk.
Y-you can speak two languages.

We can go places together.

We can do things, play baseball.

I don't know how to play.

Well, uh, I'm not
much good either,

but maybe we can learn
something together, huh?

( tender theme playing)

What do you say, son?

I think I'm getting a cold.

(sniffles)

Julie, I'm gonna need your
help. This thing has gone too far.

I know what you mean.
They're like armed camps.

What am I gonna do?

I think you're gonna have
to choose one or the other

and let it go at that.

I really can't do that.

I mean, they're
really both great guys.

I wouldn't hurt
either one of them.

Besides, Doc, h-he
could start drinking again.

And the captain, he could
run this ship aground again.

(chuckles)

( playful theme playing)

Oh, sorry.

Excuse me.

Uh, would you like to have
lunch with me this afternoon?

I think we should talk. Right.

Oh, you don't wanna
associate with a guy

who stoops to fake
boat drills, do you?

ISAAC: No way.

Knowing you, I wasn't
interrupting anything important.

(chuckles)

That's telling him, captain.

Julie. Uh, excuse me, guys.

(clears throat)

Pardon me.

Karen has just told me
that she's made a decision.

I did?

(mouths): Yes.

Yes, I did.

(chuckles)

Now she can't go on
like this any longer,

so she asked me to tell you

that she'll meet you both
on deck tonight at 11:00.

I will?

Yes, I will.

And that's when she'll
tell you who it's gonna be.

Now, are you both willing
to abide by her decision?

I can live with that.

Sounds fair to me.

( playful theme playing)

It's fine with me.

Me too.

Until tonight.

I'll be thinking of you.

I'm gonna what?

Julie. (giggles)

Don't worry, Doc. Look,
listen. Wait, wait, don't worry.

If she chooses the captain,

I've got a foolproof plan
to put him out of action.

Now, first we...

Hold it, Isaac. This is nuts.

I like Karen a lot,

but Merrill Stubing
and I are good friends.

I don't wanna risk
hurting that friendship.

I'll just let him have her.

But, Doc... Isaac,
my mind's made up.

You got a hundred
bucks I can borrow?

Hm?

I love the way you laid
into him back there, sir.

Definitely came out the winner.

Who are you kidding?

We're both a couple of
fools. I mean, this is ridiculous.

I'm the captain. I'm
becoming a spectacle.

(sighs)

I'm gonna bow out
and let Adam have her.

You're gonna what?

You know how Doc is about women.

His ego needs
this kind of thing.

There's no telling what he'll
do once Karen chooses me.

I mean, he could go to pieces.

Is one woman worth that?

(sighs)

She is to me.

( tranquil theme playing)

Van.

Van, I'm sorry for what I said.

Well, I'm... I'm sorry
for what I didn't say.

I, um...

I am broke and I
did ask Wes for a job,

but I didn't ask you for one.

I know you didn't. I know.

(sighs)

I'm... I'm very
good at what I do.

And I'm sure that I'll
get a lot of job offers,

but there's only one you.

You too.

( uplifting theme playing)

Oh, Van.

( melancholy theme playing)

The captain's probably
with her right now.

Yeah.

Well, it's her loss.

You're right.

Unfortunately, I feel
a certain loss myself.

It's your move, sir.

Oh, I already made
my move, Gopher.

I guess it was the right one.

Well, it was the
noble thing, sir.

Thank you, Gopher.

It was an awful choice to make.

Lose Doc's friendship
or break Karen's heart.

Not to mention
Gopher's bank account.

What was that?

Uh, nothing, sir. Hm.

It's your move.

Oh, yes.

(grunts)

Karen.

Hi. Make your decision?

Yes, I did and neither one
of them showed up to hear it.

Oh.

I guess it's my fault. I kept
them dangling too long.

Oh, I'm sorry. Who
was it gonna be?

What's the difference?
I really blew it.

Oh, you can tell me.

What's the point? Who cares?

I care. I mean, I'm interested.

Karen.

Now, how am I supposed
to get any sleep tonight?

( upbeat theme playing)

Here you go, Pop. Good as new.

My wristwatch.

Pepito, you didn't... No.

I make him good trade.

The baby silver spoon

and a couple of good
horses al caliente.

(chuckles)

Come on, I can
give you caliente.

Said she'd meet us right here.

Yeah.

Oh, there she is.

ALL: Hi.

Hi there, big winner.

Hey, that was some
king-sized donation.

Well, yeah. Lot
of style, old buddy.

You know, there might be a
place for you at Larson after all.

Well, Wes. I think you'd have to
talk to my new boss about that.

Oh, really?

Well, Dunleavy Institute's
getting a good man.

(chuckles) So is April Dunleavy.

Congratulations.
Oh, that's terrific.

Congratulations.

JULIE: Karen.

Oh, Julie.

Thanks for everything. Sure.

I'm sorry that things
turned out the way they did

with captain and Doc.

No, that's okay.
I'm the big loser.

What you doing here, captain?

I thought you'd be
saying goodbye to Karen.

STUBING: Oh, very funny, Adam.

It's not enough I bowed
out and let you have her,

now you gotta rub it in.

You what?

You bowed out
and let me have her?

Yes.

I bowed out for you.

You did?

Well, of course.

You mean more to
me than she does.

Well, me too. No,
I mean, you do too.

Doctor.

Captain.

(both chuckle)

We didn't lose a girl.

We kept a friendship.

You say goodbye
to them for me, okay?

I will. Uh, but, Karen...

now could you tell me who
you were gonna choose?

Mmm.

Well, let's just
put it this way.

In case they bother to ask you,

You honestly don't
know now, do you?

No. Bye-bye.

C'est la vie.

C'est la vie.

Au revoir, my love.

Au revoir.

( wistful theme playing)

( upbeat theme playing)