The Love Boat (1977–1987): Season 1, Episode 7 - Julie's Old Flame/The Jinx/The Identical Problem - full transcript

( Jack Jones' "The
Love Boat" playing )

♪ Love ♪

♪ Exciting and new ♪

♪ Come aboard ♪

♪ We're expecting you ♪

♪ And love ♪

♪ Life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ Let it flow ♪

♪ It floats back to you ♪

♪ The Love Boat ♪

♪ Soon will be
making Another run ♪



♪ The Love Boat ♪

♪ Promises something ♪

♪ For everyone ♪

♪ Set a course for adventure ♪

♪ Your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ And love ♪

♪ Won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ It's an open smile ♪

♪ On a friendly shore ♪

♪ It's love ♪

♪ Welcome aboard It's love ♪

( upbeat theme playing )

Hi, gorgeous.

What are you doing later?



What did you have
in mind, sailor?

Uh-oh.

( mellow theme playing )

I think I'm in love.

Well, that'll teach me

to give my heart
to a man of the sea.

Hi. I'm Miss Edwards.

Welcome. Miss Edwards...

Yes, you're on the
Aloha Deck, Cabin 351.

I'm Cruise Director Julie McCoy,

and this is Dr. Bricker.

Call me Adam.
And I'll call you Eve?

Don't call me.

I'll call you.

What is this strange power
you have over women?

She's just not in a
holiday mood yet. Mm-hm.

Give her mariachis, margaritas,

Mexican moonlight,
she'll come around.

Or not.

( upbeat theme playing )

( people chattering )

Ah, welcome aboard.

I'm Yeoman-Purser Smith.
"Gopher," to my friends.

And I've just made up my
mind you two are my friends.

Congratulations.

( laughs ) Well,
thank you very much.

And we are the MacDonalds.

I am Horace and
this is Henrietta.

Ah, yes. Now, let's see.

We have you in 270 Fiesta Deck.

This certainly is
a lovely vessel.

Oh. Mm-hm. Quite a change

from the first time Horace
and I first went to sea.

Oh, have you sailed
on many ships?

Just one.

And we were married on it.

( both chuckle )

Oh, really? Which one was that?

The Titanic.

You mean, "Th-that
lousy little iceberg

will never sink us"?

That Titanic? That's the one.

And it was all Horace's fault.

He just didn't bail fast enough.

( laughs )

With those silly little... Oh.

Oh, uh... Uh, Gopher,

it seems that I have misplaced

my brochure to,
uh, Puerto Vallarta.

Could you...? I mean...

Would you...? Oh,
n-no problem, sir.

No problem. Oh, thank you.

I'll just get some... Whoa!

( laughs ): Oh.
Oh, I... I found it.

( laughs )

HORACE: Never mind!

( grunts )

Ah.

( sniffs )

Ew.

( mellow theme playing )

There she is again,
my one and only.

JULIE: Oh, why don't you
quit while you're behind?

We're only in the first inning.

Hi.

Uh, couldn't you
find your cabin?

Hm? Oh.

Oh, no. ( chuckles )

But, uh...

maybe you'd like to
show me, sweet cheeks.

Well, I'd be delighted.

Although, it's only
fair to warn you:

I don't believe in
kissing on a first date.

Oh?

So when are we
gonna have our second?

Anytime now.

( sighs )

Sure.

He breaks hearts,
and I break bones.

What happened?

Good morning, group.

( sighs )

I said, good morning.

Morning. Oh. Morning, sir.

( dramatic theme playing )

You know, I really...

( frightened ):
Take over for me.

( sighs )

This ain't my day.

( knocking on door )

Who is it?

WOMAN ( whispers ): It's me.

It's open.

Hi, sis.

How's it going so far?

I'm scared to death.

Oh, traveling on one ticket?

We won't get caught.

Besides, it's a great way

to meet guys at half the price.

I'm not here to
meet guys. I'm...

I'm here to get
a little vacation.

To each his own.

I'll get a man, you get a tan.

By the way, be sure
to take your glasses off

when you leave the cabin.

Without them,
I'll walk into walls.

But I don't wear glasses.

We're supposed to be
one person, remember?

Just take them with you.

I don't wanna go
strolling overboard.

Now I'm... I'm
setting the wrist alarm.

We each get equal time.

When it goes off,
you come right back,

and I take your place.

Be sure you do the
same when it's your turn.

Would I shortchange
my own sister?

Is Kojak bald?

( upbeat theme playing )

( all laughing,
yelling indistinctly )

( foghorn blows )

Oh. Jeez.

( sighs )

Hey, Gopher. How's your wrist?

Worse, thanks.

I'm sorry.

( dramatic theme playing )

( exhales )

( foghorn blows )

( mellow theme playing )

Excuse me.

Here, that ought
to do the trick.

Oh. Is there anything
else I can get you?

How about a date
with Robert Redford?

Oh. Settle for a pillow?

Would you?

Oh, Isaac. Yes?

Would you bring us a couple
of orange juices, please?

Coming right up, sir.

( chuckles )

Uh... Oh, and, Isaac, uh...

put a little vodka in mine...

to kill the taste.

You got it.

Dear, I don't remember,

did they have
swimming on the Titanic?

Mm, certainly.

How do you suppose
we got to the lifeboats?

( funky theme playing )

Hey.

Hey, Goph. Ha.

How long did Doc say
you have to wear that thing?

Oh, about a week.

It's sprained, you know.

Oh, it's funny, Isaac.

This happened right
after I spoke to that couple

from the Titanic.

Those two? Now,
they're fantastic people.

Don't go blaming your clumsiness

on those two people.

Okay. I'm just telling you.

( dramatic theme playing )

Oh, no.

( passengers scream )

( both laughing )

Now, who had the orange juice?

It'll be rectified, but...
( knocking on door )

Come in.
- -it's gonna be too much money.

Doc?

Oh, excuse me.

I can come back another time.

Uh, something wrong, Miss McCoy?

Oh, no. No.

Nothing. Everything's fine.

Julie... get back in here.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on over here.

Sit up here.

Doc... You know...
strange as it may seem,

I'm not only a captain.

I'm a human being.

Now, maybe I can help.

Well, I have a personal problem.

Oh.

Oh, uh... Wait, wait, wait.

I can see him now.

Tall, confident,
three-piece suit.

Maybe a lawyer.

How did you know?

Well, I watched you
hightail it past me

when he came aboard.

Ex-boyfriend? Old flame?

A raging inferno.

We met in Paris.

( slow, dramatic theme playing )

Strangers walking in the park.

Turned into three of the most
wonderful weeks in my life.

I was young, and...
And he was worldly.

I was so crazy about this guy

that I quit my job at
the airlines, sold my car,

moved to Los Angeles
to be where he lived.

Serious stuff.

JULIE: Well, we
were madly in love.

Inseparable...
two nights a week.

Mm-mm.

Let me take a wild
guess: He was married.

I thought it would kill me.

I was full of girlish dreams
of rose-covered cottages,

and tuna fish casseroles
and quiet evenings at home.

That can kill you too.

( laughs )

Anyway, he's here now
and he's traveling alone.

What will I do?

Well, uh... I think
the thing to do...

I can't just avoid
him for a whole week.

I mean, sooner or later we're
gonna run into each other.

What should I say?

Well, in my opinion...

He'll be more upset than I will.

I know he's here.

( gasps ) It's gonna be

a total shock to him.

How will I handle it?

Well, I feel the thing to do...

I'll handle it the way any
mature, grown-up person

deals with a situation
that's hard to handle:

I'll deal with it when
the time comes.

Captain... thank you
for all your advice.

Glad I could help.

( majestic theme playing )

You wise old owl, you.

( laughs )

Thank you.

Doc! Doc.

It happened again.

The jinx just got Isaac.

( grunts )

( upbeat theme playing )

Hey, Doc. How long I got
to wear this stupid collar?

Just wear it till the
soreness goes away.

I look ridiculous.

No, you don't. Just say
you're going with a turtle.

( chuckles )

Hey, you keep
laughing at my neck,

and you're gonna wear
your mouth in a sling.

Hey, cool it, Isaac.

We're both in the same boat.

Yeah, the Titanic. Mm.

Hey Doc, you know, I
kind of think Gopher is right

about Henrietta and Horace.

You know what they call
people that survive a shipwreck.

Yeah. Lucky.

No. A jinx.

Oh, come on. Your only jinx is

wearing leather-soled
shoes by a slippery pool.

( knocking on door )

Come in.

Oh. ( laughs nervously )

There you are, Isaac.

We just wanted to
make sure you're all right.

( voice breaks ): Oh yes. Fine.

( laughs ) ( clears throat )

Oh, uh, uh... Uh,
this is Dr. Bricker.

This is Horace and
Henrietta MacDonald.

Dr. Bricker. How do you do?

Doctor.

Hello.

Oh, yeah, we're glad
you're okay, Isaac.

See you later.

ISAAC (voice breaks
): Mm-hm. Bye.

( door closes )

That's the jinx couple?

Okay. Be sarcastic.

You're just lucky
you're still in one piece.

Oh, sure. And black cats
and walking under ladders

are bad luck.

Oh, I forgot to tell you. Uh...

I'm glad to see that you're

feeling better too, Gopher.

( chuckles, claps )

( mellow theme playing )

( people chattering )

( gasps )

( dramatic theme playing )

Well, good evening. ( sighs )

How are you coming
along with your, um...

problem?

( speaking in deep
voice ): Fine, sir.

Are you coming down with a cold?

No. No, sir, I'm fine.

Well, I think you should see

Dr. Bricker right away.

Yes, sir.

Uh, Dr. Bricker's office

is on the next deck.

Yes, sir.

( elevator dings )

I'd know that perfume anywhere.

Hi, baby.

( speaking indistinctly )

( people chattering )

Hi.

I guess I'm seated with you two.

( piano playing )

Hi... Uh, would you
mind if I sit down?

Thank you.

Please, no, don't get up.

Hi.

What happened to you?
Cut yourself shaving?

No, I got banged up
fighting off three women

to get to you.

Oh. I hope tomorrow
you'll say it was worth it.

( laughs ) Your roast beef.

May I take your order?

Um, I'll have what
they're having.

Me too. But let's
have dinner first.

( both laugh )

Uh, two roast beef, please.

How would you like yours?

Well... Really? I
like mine medium.

( laughs )

Isn't that rare?

( Bricker laughs )

Uh, two roast beef, rare.

Thank you.

Here you go.

( buzzes )

No, don't quit while
you're on a streak.

What is that?

It's, um... It's time for me

to take a pill
for my... allergy.

As long as you're
not allergic to me.

Oh, no way, darling.

As I was saying,

do you think it's easy
being a doctor on this ship?

People sit at your
table, they kiss,

they don't pay any
attention to you.

( sighs )

( mellow theme playing )

I think this dumb
thing went off early.

I didn't even have
time to eat dinner.

Here.

Don't forget my glasses.

Anything I need to know?

That cute doctor
is at our table.

And he's mine.

( sighs )

And fill me up a
doggy bag, will you?

( muffled ): I missed you.

That's a disgusting habit.

But I always thought so too.

Roast beef.

Rare.

Rare?

Don't you have an
end cut, well-done?

( mellow music playing )

It's nice to see you
again, you know?

It's nice to see you too.

Oh, hi, there.

Hi, Doc.

Uh, mind if I sit down?

Oh, well.

Mind if I stand up?

Buddy, this is Adam Bricker,

another of our walking wounded.

Adam, this is Buddy Stanfield.

How do you do?

Pleasure trip?

Here with the, uh, family?

No, it's a business trip.

A meeting in Puerto Vallarta.

I have to get away from
the phone for a few days

to, uh, prepare for it.

Ah, well, maybe
you'll enjoy it so much,

next time you'll
bring the family.

Doc, don't you
have a heart to break

or something?

Ah. There's a story to tell.

Uh, maybe another time, hm?

Right.

Hey. How's your cat?

Old what's-his-name?

Herb? Oh, he's fine.

( song ends, applause )

How's your wife,
old what's-her-name?

( chuckles )

Barbara? She's fine.

Only she's not my wife anymore.

( dramatic theme playing )

Oh?

We untied the knot last year.

Oh.

You wanna have dinner
with me tomorrow night?

Oh.

Oh, no. No.

It's no trouble at
all, Mrs. MacDonald.

Oh, boy.

Mr. and Mrs. Jinx

want these postcards
delivered right away.

I'd do it myself, but...

I have to stay here

in case someone phones
for more postcards.

Doc.

Gopher, I'd really love to help,

but I have an emergency hickey.

What do you do for a hickey?

Just get lucky.

Isaac.

Sorry, Gopher,

but if I deliver
those postcards,

it would take days

before they got 'em. Why?

Because we turtles
move very, very slow-ly.

Thank you, guys.

Appreciate it.

Vince! Vince.

Would you take these
up to Cabin 314, please?

Sure. Thank you.

It's the MacDonalds, but
there won't be any problem.

I don't even know
why I said that.

( quietly ): I know
why I said that.

( dramatic theme playing )

Welcome to the club, Vince.

( majestic theme playing )

Uh... well, how do you
do? We meet again.

Finally. Hi.

I've been looking
all over for you.

Now, look, I don't get it.

Uh, last night...

Well, last night was last night.

But this is right now.

Uh...

how about a little
preventive medicine?

I've got some dru...

Like what?

Like rubbing some of
this on my legs and back...

and anywhere else
I might get burned.

( upbeat theme playing )

How's my back?

Delicious.

It's your second-best side.

Mm. That feels good.

Now all I need is
a drink to go with it.

How about a piña colada?

( chuckles )

You read me like a book.

Can't wait to get to
the end of the chapter.

( watch buzzes )

( mouths ): Shoot.

Two piña coladas, my good man.

I always wondered how
you manage to stay so cool.

You drink on the job.

They're both for her.
For medicinal purposes.

They're the miracle cure
for acute lack-of-love life.

Just what the doctor ordered.

Will you pay cash,
or is this on Medi-Cal?

That's vastly amusing.

( upbeat theme playing )

What do you think you're doing?

But you asked for...

Why don't you just
go make a house call?

Excuse me.

Something wrong with the drinks?

How would I know? I
haven't drank 'em yet.

Hey, Isaac, how's the neck?

Uh... it's okay.

How's your wrist?

Better. How's your head?

Coming along. Wanna
buy two drinks cheap?

Uh-uh. Well... if I see
the Red Cross lady,

I'll have her send over
some coffee and doughnuts.

Captain, take my word for it:

watch out for
Horace and Henrietta.

Uh, Doc told me everything
about Gopher's jinx theory.

It's not a theory
anymore. It's reality.

Grown men. ( laughs )

You should be
ashamed of yourselves.

Uh-oh, here comes trouble.

Excuse me, captain. Yes?

Mr. and Mrs. MacDonald have

a very special request.

Yes? Mrs. MacDonald and I

would like to renew
our vows again

aboard the Princess.

To be married once more.

Yes, the same vows we took

65 years ago on the Titanic.

STUBING: What
a beautiful thought.

I'd be honored to officiate.

And I guarantee
you, we will make this

a very special occasion.

Uh, we can have the wedding

in the Coral Dining Room.

And afterwards, a reception.

I know all my crew
will love to be there.

HORACE: This calls for
a bottle of champagne.

Absolutely. Isaac,
we'll be over here.

Oh-ho. No way in the world

I'm going to that wedding.

I've suffered enough.

You can count me out too.

I can't believe it.

You really, honestly
blame those people

for your injuries?

Well, let me put it this way:

Every time they've been around,

something happens.

Funny. Nothing's happened to me.

Ow!

( all talking indistinctly )

( upbeat theme playing )

( playing mellow jazz music )

( people chattering )

And Doc's over there...

and I was over here,

and Isaac's opening the bottle.

And then: ( makes
popping sound )

Hit me right in the eye.

I felt so silly. I
mean, there I was...

Isaac...

that guy looks as
though he's got 200 teeth.

And I'll bet you
every one of them

is as phony as he is.

I didn't like that dude
when I first met him.

And when Doc told
me he was married,

I liked him even less.

Ought to take him outside.

If you do, be polite.

Looks as though
he's got some muscle

underneath that
$8 pleated shirt.

He doesn't bother me.

Ho-ho, he doesn't?

No, I can outrun him.

Hey. Listen, Doc and I
already tried to bust 'em up.

Now it's your turn.

Well, what do you want me to do?

Do what you do best:

make a nuisance out of yourself.

I don't have to tell you
how to do that, do I?

I remember. Oh, do I remember.

( laughs )

Hi, Julie.

The eye okay?

Yes, thank you.

Good.

Hey, you wanna dance?

No, thanks.

Oh. Okay.

Well, I'll just sit and
chat for a while, then.

Gopher Smith, Buddy Stanfield.

Hi.

Hey, how about
those Dodgers, huh?

You a baseball fan?

No.

Hockey. How about
those Canadiens, hm?

No.

Water polo. No.

T-track- and-field?

Gymnastics?

Come on, Julie, let's dance.

Thank you.

But don't let us interrupt you.

How about broomball?!

Boy, there's an
underrated sport.

You have very
persistent friends.

Well, they're trying to
protect me from you.

Do you need protection?

Frankly, I don't know.

Would it make you nervous

if I told you how
beautiful you are?

Well...

Your eyes have the
glow of 1,000 stars.

Well, maybe one of 'em.

( both laugh )

Excuse me.

Oh, Captain Merrill
Stubing, Buddy Stanfield.

Hello. How do you do?

May I?

You're the captain.

That's right.

Is that him?

Yes, it is.

Well, you're doing a
nice job of avoiding him.

Well, things are a
little different now.

Mm-hm. I see.

( inhales )

Julie. Miss McCoy...

I think it's time I stopped
being the human being

and started to be
the captain again...

for your own good.

Now, it seems to
me that on a ship

filled with 600 passengers,

the cruise director could
find more than one person

to spend all her time with.

But sir, he's an old friend.

Well, you can't have too
many friends, Miss McCoy.

Spread yourself around.

Yes, sir.

( song ends, applause )

Join me at a nice,
quiet table for two?

How about a table for three:

me, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?

Oh, I... I'm sorry.

I realize I've
been a little erratic.

( sighs )

Actually, I owe you an apology.

For what?

Well, I was a little
forward by the pool.

( scoffs )

Are you kidding?
You're the only one

who's making
this trip enjoyable.

Oh? Well, you have a
weird way of showing it.

( upbeat theme playing )

There. Now, was that so weird?

Yes.

But that's the kind
of weirdness I like.

Look, uh, how about
a few less people

and a little more moonlight?

Perfect.

( watch buzzes )

Tomorrow night at 9
would be just perfect.

Now, that was weird.

( mellow theme playing )

( sighs )

Here you are.

Thank you. ( grunts )

( sighs )

Um...

You know, it's hard to imagine

that 3 years has passed.

You don't seem any different.

You're just the same, Buddy.

Yeah. Same old
Buddy, same old Julie.

Same old feelings.

Buddy, is all this just
for old times' sake?

Mm.

This is all for new times' sake.

Look, it's probably too
soon to talk about now...

but I've got a deal

cooking in Puerto Vallarta.

And if I can pull it off...

it'll change my life.

It'll change our life.

What do you mean?

I don't wanna rush
into anything, Julie.

But there's something I
wanna ask you tomorrow night.

Oh, Buddy, I don't know. I...

( quietly ): Hey.

( sighs )

See you later. Okay?

( exhales )

( sighs )

Hi. Hi.

Hi, guys.

Julie...

let us lay a hypothetical
situation on you.

Yeah. Hypothetical situation.

Now, let's say that, uh,

you were blindfolded,

and you were about to step off

the fantail of the
ship into the propeller,

and we grabbed you
and saved your life.

Wouldn't you thank us?

I'll thank you to
stay out of my affairs.

Now she's getting the idea.

Look, things have changed
between Buddy and me.

First of all, he's divorced.

Now, I don't expect that
to change your attitude.

You never liked
him to begin with.

Just because he's
arrogant, shifty-eyed...

Mean, self-centered...

Stop beating around the bush.

You've got him all wrong.

Buddy's a wonderful guy.

( inhales )

And he's practically
asked me to marry him.

I think the key word
here is "practically."

Well, he just doesn't
wanna rush me.

He's gonna pop the
question tomorrow night.

So quit worrying, will you?

( slow, dramatic theme playing )

You know... I just
can't picture that guy

ever saying... "Will
you marry me?"

More likely, he'll
just say, "Will you?"

( mellow theme playing )

Now, wasn't that
worth waiting for?

I bet we could do
even better than that

with practice.

( mouthing dialogue )

( mouths ): Yes! Now!

Mm-hm. I have to go.

What?

Oh. I... I'm sorry.
I really have to go.

Oh, no, I'm not letting you go.

No, I've got to go.

Oh, why?

Oh, I wish I could tell you.

But you can tell me anything.

For Pete's sake, I'm a doctor.

( door closes )

You changed your mind.

You lost your mind?

Yes, I have. Mm-hm.

I'm crazy about you.

Oh.

( small gasp )

Doctor... ( clears throat )

I like that prescription.

Can I get a refill?

( sighs )

Ow.

( phone ringing )

( slow, humorous theme playing )

Hi, Mr. MacDonald.

Oh, I don't know.

Something just
told me it was you.

Finally. I've been waiting
here for hours. ( door closes )

We've always been truthful
with each other, right?

Since we were kids.

Okay.

I was with Doc.

I'm afraid I've fallen for him.

You?

You don't fall for
guys. You get a tan.

I thought you said
you didn't like him.

I didn't. Until he kissed me.

Sure, I did your warm-up.

Well, it was your idea
to go on this crazy trip.

"Two for the price of one."

What now, genius?

Listen to us.

We haven't argued like
this since we were kids.

Who could use the roller skates.

How did we solve that one?

We got rid of the roller skates.

Maybe that's what
we should do with Doc.

You mean, not see him anymore?

( slow, dramatic theme playing )

It's the only way.

Agreed?

Okay.

Phew. He's such a sweet guy.

( sighs )

We can't just drop him
without an explanation.

I'll tell him tomorrow.

Maybe I should do it.

Just leave it to me.

CREW: ♪ Because ♪

♪ You come to me ♪

♪ With naught ♪

♪ Save love ♪

♪ And hold my hand ♪

♪ And lift mine eyes ♪

♪ Above ♪
( organ playing )

♪ A wider world ♪

♪ Of hope and joy I see ♪

♪ Because ♪

♪ You come to me ♪

Friends... we are
gathered here today

for a most beautiful
and unusual event.

The reaffirmation of vows

by two people the
youngsters of today

would do well to emulate.

Many years ago...
on a ship at sea,

I married a girl I
loved very much.

And now...

more than a half
a century later,

my love is still as
deep as that ocean.

And I stood on that deck
more than half a century ago

with a young, handsome,

dashing man who always
had a twinkle in his eye.

And now he's more
than a half a century

more handsome and more dashing.

And he's taught me
how to twinkle too.

( all chuckle )

Do you, Horace MacDonald,

take this woman to be
your lawful wedded wife...

to love and cherish
till death do you part?

I do.

And do you, Henrietta MacDonald,

take this man to be your
lawful wedded husband,

to love and cherish...

till death do you part?

I do.

( watch buzzes )

( quietly ): Damn!

By the power vested in me...

I again pronounce
you man and wife.

♪ Love is lovelier ♪

♪ The second time around ♪

♪ Shooby dooby ♪

ALL: ♪ Just as wonderful ♪

♪ With both feet On the gr... ♪

Ground. Both feet...

STUBING: I know
the sea's kind of rough,

but the sunshine
is so beautiful.

Let's have the reception
outside on the Riviera Deck.

HORACE: That's wonderful.

STUBING: Yes,
but first, the pictures.

Right over here.

Oh, I hope my
wedding's as nice as this.

Yeah.

Hey, listen, you guys.
Let's help, uh, Isaac

with this stuff.

Sure. Okay, yeah. Thanks.

Okay. Sure. I appreciate it.

Well, I guess we're
all still in one piece.

( laughs ): Yeah.
How about that?

Not one thing went wrong.

( all talking indistinctly )

Who was it that said,

"We have nothing
to fear but fear itself"?

Me.

Well, everybody ready to go?

Yeah. Okay. Look out!

( dramatic theme playing )

( Gopher laughing )

( laughing ): Oh, no.

Ah, your face.

Who said, "Let them eat cake"?

( mellow theme playing )

( knocking on door )

Well, hello there.

Can I come in?

I don't know. Do you
have an appointment?

This is an emergency, Doc.

Little first aid?

I've got something to tell you.

Tell me like you
told me last night.

( grunts )

Oh. Please, Doc. Let
me say what I have to say.

Talk to me.

Well, I... I wanted
to say that...

( grunts )

Yes?

( relaxed theme playing )

Do we need all this light?

That's just what I
was gonna ask you.

( moans softly )

( sighs )

I'm so glad everything
went well in Puerto Vallarta.

Better than I hoped. ( laughs )

Oh, you're such
a wonderful girl.

I wanna have you for
my very own, always.

You do?

It won't be like it was before.

I was deceiving you.

And I was deceiving Barbara.

And I was deceiving myself.

We won't have to
do that anymore.

Oh, I'm so happy.

We'll get the most
fantastic penthouse in L.A...

Oh.

We'll travel together. And
you're gonna see places

you've never even
seen in your life.

We'll be happy. I know we will.

Buddy... I love you.

Oh!

You mean more to me...

than anyone in the whole world.

( exhales )

But I don't want
you to leap into this.

You sleep on it. It's late.

And tomorrow...

Tomorrow, you can
give me your answer.

Mm.

Good night, my darling.

Night, Buddy.

( slow, dramatic theme playing )

( sighs )

Helen?

Yeah?

Did you see Doc?

Yeah.

You spoke to him, then?

Yeah.

Thanks, Helen.

( sighs )

Was he terribly upset when
you told him it was over?

I think he got the message.

You sure took long enough.

I wanted to let him down easily,

the way we agreed.

Right?

Mm-hm.

( sighs )

Doctor, you're in great shape.

( sighs )

All you need
now is a little rest.

Some rest.

Little rest would be nice.

( knocking on door )

Who is it?

ELLEN: It's me.

I've changed my mind
about breaking up.

Forget it.

If we've been breaking up...

I wonder what
getting together is like.

( whispers ): Helen.

Do you always talk to yourself?

Only when I'm in
the mood for love.

Something in her vitamin shots.

( sighs )

( rings )

( clears throat ) Hello?

Hello, Buddy.

Uh, I have a question.

Oh, hi, Julie.

Well, what's the question?

It's a blunt question.

Shoot.

Uh, tonight...

did you ask me to marry you?

( slow, dramatic theme playing )

Is that a toughie?

Julie, Julie.

Buddy, Buddy.
Answer the question.

Julie... ( sighs )

I... I have to tell you, I...

Uh, I live in terror

of making the same
mistakes all over again.

Oh. So do I.

( sobbing )

( majestic theme playing )

( foghorn blows )

Morning.

Morning.

Julie. Don't do that to me.

Did he pop the question?

Course he did.

He did?

I just, um...

I haven't given
him my answer yet.

Look, you'll have to excuse me.

I'm a little preoccupied.

Got a very big decision to make.

Who knows?

This could be my last cruise.

I have some passengers to see.

Julie, wait a minute.

D... ( whispers ):
What happened?

He popped the question. He what?

Excuse me.

I'm looking for a passenger.

His name's Buddy Stanfield.

Oh. It seems to
me I remember a...

Is he, uh, kind of a tall dude?

Uh-huh. Real cute?

BOTH: Oh, yeah.

Cute as a but-ton.

( laughs )

Yeah, uh, you can
have him paged.

But, uh... is he expecting you?

Well, I sure hope so.

I'm his wife.

( speaks gibberish )

His... wife.

Oh, gee. That's funny.

Mm. I had the impression

when I met him
that he was divorced.

Oh, he was. I nabbed him so fast

he didn't know what hit him.

We've been married two months.

Isn't that cute?

Cute as a bug in a rug.

( both laugh )

Um, I think I'll go look inside.

Thanks.

We should speak to Julie.

We've got to speak to Julie.

Gopher... I have
something to tell you.

I have something to tell you.

No, me first.

I didn't tell you
the truth earlier.

You didn't? ISAAC: Good.

( chuckles ): Um...

Goph and me, we
don't have any secrets.

Buddy did pop the question.

It just wasn't the
right question.

He asked me to go back
to the same old relationship.

A relationship
without a commitment.

And what did you tell him?

I said no.

And you know what?

( slow, dramatic theme playing )

I feel a million times better.

( laughs )

I'll admit, I had a
world-shaking cry last night.

But this morning...

Not even a flicker
of the old flame?

Mm.

( both chuckle ) Mm.

( sighs )

Well, I'm glad to
get that off my chest.

Now... what did
you wanna tell me?

Oh, uh, you know
what? I can't remember.

Can you?

Oh, uh, hey, listen, man,

my mind is a complete blank.

Ah. Business as usual.

Excuse me. Julie? Mm.

Are you... okay?

Yes sir. The old
eye is just fine.

How about the old heart?

Well, that could
use a patch too.

But... I'll survive.

Carry on, Miss McCoy.

I'll do my damnedest.

( chuckles )

Thank you, sir.

My darling.

Doc.

I guess this is goodbye.

I love you.

And here's my number at work.

( sighs )

The end of another wonderful,

permanent love affair.

I don't believe it.

I've met some fascinating
women in my time,

but this one...

You're back.

I can't say goodbye.

Here's my number at the office.

Call me.

I love you.

This is the beginning of

a wonderful,
permanent love affair.

Does this mean that
it's over between us?

Who are you?

Oh.

Oh, what a woman.

Sometimes she's reserved,

sometimes she's exciting.

Then she's sweet...
then she's a-rotten.

Hm.

And now, look at this.

What?

She even holds down two jobs.

Oh!

Well... I guess this
means it's not over

between us.

( upbeat theme playing )

( talking indistinctly )

( clears throat )

Have a nice weekend, sir.

Yes, I intend so.

If anyone wants me,

I'll be visiting an
old friend of mine

on that yacht over there.

Oh, by the way,

everything went
very nicely this trip...

despite your
collective childishness

concerning Horace and Henrietta.

I hope by now you realize

there is no such
thing as a jinx.

Oh, come on, sir.
What about my eye?

And my head?

My neck.

My wrist? My foot.

Everything that happened
was your own negligence.

Nothing more, nothing less.

But sir... Please.

Now, until you stop
falling over your own feet,

I suggest you all keep up
your Blue Cross payments.

( clears throat )

( upbeat theme playing )

Guess he told us.

He certainly did.

JULIE: Well, how
was the honeymoon?

Getting better all the time.

Ha-ha. ( laughs )

Where's Captain Stubing?

We wanna say goodbye to him.

Oh, what a shame.
You just missed him.

No, he... He's right over there.

Oh. Oh, Captain Stubing!

Captain Stubing!

We just wanna say thank you!

Thanks for everything!

My pleasure.

Oh, oh, oh.

Whoa!

( upbeat theme playing )