The Loud House (2016–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - Suite and Sour/Back in Black - full transcript

- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house

♪ In the Loud house

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ Is how we show our love

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪



- ♪ One boy and ten girls

♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud Loud Loud

♪ Loud house

- Poo-poo.

[rock music]

♪

[crickets chirping]

- [snoring]

[static]
Ah!

- Slumberjack, come in.
It's Night Owl.

Slumberjack, do you read me?

- Clyde?

- Sorry about the late hour,



but I have the best news ever.

- Lori found the book of poems
you wrote about her

and realized
she's in love with you?

- Okay, second-best news ever.

My dads are having another baby.
- [gasps]

- I'm going to be a big brother.
- Clyde, that's amazing.

Did they just tell you?
- Well, not exactly.

But I've been noticing
clues for a while.

[whistling]

Baby clothes?

[jazzy bass music]

Baby bottles?

Come on, Cleopawtra.

- There, can't be too safe
with a little one on the loose.

- [gasps] That reminds me,
we need to secure loose cables,

and cover the outlets, and
lock up the cleaning supplies.

- So it was pretty clear
what was going on,

but I wasn't positive
until about five minutes ago.

- Well, Howie,
I think our home is ready,

but what about our hearts?

Do we really have room

for another little
bundle of joy?

- Of course we do, Harebear.
[gasps]

I cannot wait
to surprise Clyde.

- Being a big brother
is the most important job

I'll ever have, apart
from being Lori's soul mate.

I need to make sure
I'm ready for it.

- You woke up
the right guy, Clyde.

I've got the big brother thing
down to a science.

Why don't you spend a day
shadowing me

so you can learn firsthand?

- Sweet! I'm on my way!

- Love that enthusiasm,
Night Owl,

but it's 1:00 a.m.

- [laughs] Right.

See you at 9:00,
Slumberjack.

- Sleep well,
Night Owl.

[jazzy music]

Okay, Clyde,
allow me to introduce...

Lincoln Loud's three Cs
of big brothering:

confidence, caring,

and when all else fails,

cookies!

- Snickerdoodles.
My favorite!

- Ah, ah, ah.
Those aren't for us.

Now, time to start my rounds

so you can observe
the three Cs in action.

♪

- [wailing]
- Hear that?

First big brother cue
of the day.

- [wailing]
- First up, confidence.

Don't worry, Lily.
Your big brother's here to help.

Let's get a look
at that thumb of yours.

- [whimpering]

- Just what I thought,
a boo-boo.

This calls for caring.

Aw, I'm sorry you got
such a bad ouchie,

but we can make it better.

- [cooing]

- Wow, you didn't even
need a cookie.

- Cookie?

- Sometimes
it's safer to spell.

- Lana!

Stop it!
- Make me!

- Sounds like a twin fight.

This should be very educational.

[grunting and smacking]

All right, Clyde.
What do you think we need here?

- Um, confidence?

[smacking]

- What seems to be
the problem?

- Lana's supposed to be guarding

my princess tower,
not attacking it!

- Now, Lana--
- Ah, guarding is boring!

Attacking is cool.

[grunting]

- Clyde, any guesses?

- Um, caring?

- I think I know a compromise
that will make you both happy.

[dramatic music]

The evil troll's
attacking your tower.

Rawr!
both: Get him!

♪

- Nice, and once again,

you didn't need
the C-O-O-K-I-E-S.

both: The troll's
got cookies!

[all grunting]
- I saw them!

- Another tip...
[grunting]

Six-year-olds can spell.
[grunting]

- I need--
- Cookies!

- Elder brother,
I require your assistance.

- What can I
help you with, Lisa?

Lab explosion?
Nuclear crisis?

- No, I have a hankering
for a PB&J.

- Coming right up.

- I can isolate uranium,

but they won't let me
use a butter knife.

Also, I like the way Lincoln
makes my sandwiches.

- Here you go, easy
on the jelly, crusts cut off,

and sliced into four right
triangles for optimum mouth fit.

- Thank you.
Technically, they're isosceles,

but I'm not gonna bite
the hand that feeds me.

- Ah!
- Hey, Lincoln.

Could you help me
with a poem for school?

I need a rhyme for "tomb."

- Hmm. "Gloom"? "Doom"?
"Powder room"?

- I knew
I could depend on you.

[sniffs]
Do I smell snickerdoodles?

- It's a real pleasure
to watch a master at work.

- Eh, I've had
a lot of practice.

- Give it!
- No! You give it!

- You ready to get
some practice too?

- Heck yes!

[dramatic music]

[grunting and smacking]

Okay, Clyde. Confidence.

Um, hey, guys,
do you think you could just--

[grunting and smacking]

[crunch]
Ah! That was my foot!

[grunting and smacking]

What seems to be
the problem here?

- You? Where's Lincoln?

- I'm temporarily
filling in for him

and would be happy to help you
settle your differences.

- Lisa stole my best rat,
Bitey!

- Who's Bitey?
This is Subject 57A.

- Ah!

Uh, well, you both
seem attached to it,

and I want to be fair--

Ah!
- Hey, Clyde, I need advice.

How do you know
you've met your soul mate?

- Oh, uh, wow.

That's some serious stuff.

How much time do you have?

- Lincoln!

Clyde! Help me choreograph
my ribbon dance!

- Hold on a sec, Lucy.

Did Lincoln even go
over ribbon dancing?

- [whimpers] Boo-boo.

- Just another minute, Lucy.
Hang on, Lola.

Whoops.

- [wailing]
- No, no, no, no, no. Wait.

It's all okay. Shh. Shh.

Ah!
- [wailing]

[all shouting at once]

- [struggling]

Just take the cookies!

[all gasping]

- [squeaks]

[dramatic music]

- Clyde! What happened?

- L-L-L-L-Lori?

[moans]

- Whatever.

[suspenseful chimes]

- Clyde. Talk to me, buddy.

What happened back there?

- [sighs]
I failed at the three Cs.

- What?
How is that possible?

You're the most caring
person I know.

And you make great cookies.

- It's the confidence
I'm struggling with.

What if I give bad crush advice,

and my future sibling
gets their heart broken?

Or what if I can't choreograph
a ribbon dance,

and they drop out of school

and start holding up
convenience stores?

I'm going to be
a terrible big brother!

- Clyde, you're spiraling!

You can do this.

Just get out there
and try again.

- I can't, Lincoln!

I don't have
the confidence you do,

and I never will.

- It's okay, buddy.

How about we just forget
the whole

training thing
and play some video games?

- That sounds great.

- I'll just go
grab us some snacks.

- Lincoln?
- Ah! Sister!

I mean, hi, Lisa.

- I require assistance
securing my shoestrings.

- Aren't you a certified genius?

- Yes, which is why
there is no room

in my brain
for such trivialities.

Thanks, Clyde.

You're a lifesaver.

- Where's Lincoln?
- Ah!

I mean, you might want
to try the kitchen.

- What's a long walk.
I need a rhyme for "Lori."

- Really?
Well, I've got about a hundred.

"Story," "glory,"
"Montessori"...

And "inventory."

Now, those are just
the ones in English.

- Thanks, Clyde.
You're a lifesaver.

[horn beeps, tires squeal]
- Where's Lincoln?

I need him to show me
how to buckle my seat belt.

- Oh.
Well, that's simple enough.

Why don't I show you?

Just insert the metal fitting
into the buckle

and pull tightly
across your waist.

To release, simply press
the center button.

[seat belt clicks]
- Oh!

I never could have
figured that out.

You're a lifesaver, Clydey.

[tires squealing]

- You--you want me
to read to you?

Um...

"And Z is for 'zucchini.'
The end."

- [giggling]

- Hey, Lincoln! Guess what!

I think I have
the missing C now.

Lincoln?
- Okay.

I did the damsel
in distress act.

Now where's my 5 bucks?

- Yeah, pay up.

- I should be
doubly compensated

for having to act
like such an ignoramus.

- You staged that whole thing?

- Clyde!
I can explain.

I was just trying
to boost your confidence.

- I think I should go.

- Clyde, wait!

- [cooing]

- Clyde! Help!

I can't get down!

- You can save the act, Lana.

I know Lincoln's
paying you to do this.

- What are you talking about?

Bitey and I are really stuck,

and I think
he's afraid of heights.

And maybe I am too.

- It's okay, Lana.
Don't be scared.

I'll rescue you!

You guys doing okay?

I know what it's like.

One time, I got stuck
on a diving board.

And a step stool.

- Yay!

- Here. You've earned it.

- I don't know what I would have
done without you, Clyde.

Oh, you're a real lifesaver!

- Clyde.
I thought you left.

Look, I owe you an apology--
- It's okay, Lincoln.

I finally got my confidence,
for real this time.

I got to go tell my dads
I'm ready to be a big brother.

- Good luck, buddy.
You're gonna do great.

- Lisa! Move your big butt!

- Move your own
oversized posterior!

- Ah, a big brother's work
is never done.

- Clyde, honey, we have
something to tell you.

- I already know what it is.
We're having a baby,

and I'm gonna be a big brother,
and it's gonna be great,

'cause Lincoln taught me
the three Cs,

and I can't wait to start
baking cookies and--

- Clyde, you're spiraling.
- And did you say "baby"?

- Yeah, I saw the bottles
and the clothes,

and I heard you guys talking.

- I'm afraid there's been
a bit of a mix-up.

Your dad and I haven't been
preparing for a baby.

- We've been preparing for...

a kitten!

Meet Cleopawtra's sister,
Ne-purr-titi!

We finally got to bring her home
from the shelter today!

- Wow, she's perfect!

And just so you guys know,
if you ever do decide

to have another human child,

I'm totally ready for it.

- We'll be back in an hour.

You okay keeping an eye
on the kitties?

- I've got the three Cs:

caring, confidence,
and cat treats.

[cats yowling]

Whoops, guess I should have
spelled that.

[rock music]

♪

- [whistling]

- Sorry, bro.
Kitchen's off-limits.

Lori's in there cooling off.

She and Leni had
a major throwdown.

- Yeah, sad story,
but I'm hungry.

- Fear not, male sibling.

You should be able
to satiate your appetite

by foraging under
the couch cushions.

See what I scored?

- Ooh, an everything bagel.

- Mm, correction:
a plain bagel...

with lint, dog hair, and--
[gasps]

gadzooks, is that a booger?

- Ah, do not eat
the "couch bagel."

- Sorry, bathroom's off-limits.

Leni's in there cooling off
from the fight.

Here. Use this.
- A bucket? [gulps]

- Don't knock it
till you try it.

[grunting and smacking]

- Sorry, TV's off-limits.

- Oh, come on! Why?

- Lori and Leni are on edge.

You watching a monster truck
rally is not going to help them.

- This is ridiculous--what are
they even fighting about?

[all talking at once]

- Guys, guys, guys.

Check out this dress
I found at the mall.

It's literally one-of-a-kind.
Yay!

all: Ooh!

- O.M. gosh, you guys!

Look at this dress
I found at the mall.

[all gasp]

Ooh, when did we put a mirror
in the living room?

- That's not a mirror.
That's me!

Now go take your dress back.
- What? No!

You take yours back!

[both growling]

[all whistling]

- That's it?
You got to be kidding me.

Clyde and I wore the same shirt
on picture day,

and we didn't care.

- It's a sister thing.
You wouldn't understand.

- Well, let's go help them
work it out

so we can have our house back.

Oof!
- Negative.

In this family, we have
a sister fight protocol:

butt out and let them
resolve it on their own.

- Yeah, well,
I have a protocol too,

which is I don't like
pooping in a bucket.

[sighs] Hey, guys.

Now look, I know you've been
having a little problem--

- Lincoln--
- But I think I can settle this.

- Lincoln--
- Leni, why don't you

just return the dress?
Lori once said

blue makes you look
washed-out anyway.

- Wait, what?
- Okay, okay.

I'm just spitballing here.

Lori, why don't you
return the dress?

Leni says taffeta makes you look
like Aunt Ruth,

and who wants that,
am I right?

- [gasps] Excuse me?

- So what do you say?
Ready to hug it out?

- We already hugged it out.
We were fine.

But now that I know that she

thinks I look like Aunt Ruth,
we are definitely not fine.

- You insulted my skin tone.

Nothing's gonna make that right.

You knew I can't tan!
- You literally betrayed me!

- How could you say that?

[both screaming at once]

[muffled screaming]

- Ah!

- Oh, nice job, Lincoln.

We told you to stay out of it.

- I look good in every color!
- You're ruining my whole life!

- Based on rising
decibel levels,

I'm upping the threat level
in the house

from Thunderstorm
to Hissing Cat.

Sisters, to your stations.

- Uh, what's going on?
- Let us handle it.

- Ah!
- Scram, dude.

We need your room.
- What? Why?

- Lori's approaching the sector,

and we can't risk
a run-in with Leni.

[militaristic music]

- Coast is clear, brah.

- Copy that. You may proceed.

♪

[beeping]

♪

- Abort. Abort.
Leni's headed back up.

- Ah!

- Ah!
- Lincoln!

Make like a drum and beat it.

[laughing] Get it?
But seriously, out.

- Ah!

[sighs]

- And then Mort realized he was
drinking regular,

not decaf!
[laughing]

- Dinner was delicious, Mom.

- Thanks, sweetie.

- Yeah, thanks, Mom.
I am stuffed.

- Well, I hope you saved
room for dinner.

- Wait, what?

- Sister fight protocol:
Lori and Leni dine separately.

- And we have to eat
with them both,

so they don't think
we're taking sides.

- And then Mort realized
he was drinking regular,

not decaf!
[laughing]

- [laughing]

- [whistling]
- Hey, what gives?

What happened to my sheets
and blanket?

- Sister fight protocol:
we used them

to make a divider in Lori
and Leni's room.

- Well, what am I supposed
to sleep under?

- Try this.
- Ah!

- [laughing]

- All right, that's it!

- Lincoln, what are you doing?

Guys, we have a situation.

[dramatic music]

[both gasp]

- I'm done with this!

You guys and your stupid fight

have ruined the whole day.

It's time to get over it
and make up.

- Lincoln, this has
to run its course.

Sister fight protocol.
- Forget sister fight protocol!

- Well, I'm not sleeping
in here with her.

- I'm not sleeping
in here with her either.

- Fine--Luna, you sleep
in here tonight.

Leni sleeps in your room.

- Works for me.
- Me too.

♪

- You're playing with fire, bro.

[all agreeing]

- Listen, by tomorrow, Lori and
Leni will have cooled off,

and you'll be thanking me.

[whistling]

- [babbling]

♪

- [yawns]

Hmm. Peaceful.

Sounds like good ol' Lincoln
saved the day.

- Just admit you're wrong!
- You're wrong, dude!

- Or not.
[sighs]

Wait a minute, that didn't sound
like Lori and Leni.

- Lori had the dress first.

She told me the whole story
last night.

- Well, Leni told me her side,

and she clearly had
the dress first.

- Ha! That's funnier than most
of your lame jokes.

- Oh, I'm sorry,
I couldn't hear you.

I've gone partially deaf from
your horrible guitar playing.

- Guys, guys.
[both growling]

- Sister fight protocol:
divide and isolate.

- You're paying for
new shocks, Lincoln.

- This room is now off-limits.

- Come on--
why is it always my room?

- Congratulations,
elder brother.

Thanks to you, the threat level

is now at Stampeding T-Rex.

- Stampeding T-Rex?
No!

We'll ride the storm out
in here.

- Did you remember the bucket?
- Dang it.

- Commencing T-Rex protocol.

I've got Big L
and we're on the move.

- Roger that.

- We're headed for the red zone.

- Copy that.
We're headed for the green zone.

[all growling]

- Lola, what are you doing?

This is the red zone!

The door is red!
- Uh, hello?

The carpet is green!

[all shouting at once]

[dramatic music]

♪

- Here you go, Mrs. Loud.
- Thanks, Bobby.

Just the large pepperoni for us.

You can deliver the rest
to the front door.

- Do I have to?
Lori told me

the threat level is at
Stampeding T-Rex.

- Just ring the doorbell
and run!

- Ooh, good call, Mr. L.

- Okay, first seating will be
Leni, Luan, and Lana.

- Roger. Copy that.

- Gasp.
What are you doing?

You're supposed to be watching
Lori, Luna, and Lola.

- Can't I have a break?

I've been working
for nine hours.

- So have I, and you don't
see me complaining.

- Oh, yeah, 'cause you're always
such a ray of sunshine.

- At least I don't smell like
crusty athletic socks.

- Please, like Eau De Death
is better!

- Oh, boy. Here we go.
[both shouting]

We are now at
Erupting Volcano, people!

- Enough with your dumb chart!

- How would you like
to eat that hat?

[all shouting at once]

[grunting and shouting]

- Hey, guys.

[grunting and smacking]

Clyde, come in.
- Hey, Lincoln. What's up?

- Is your trundle bed available?

- Is it for you...or Lori?

- For me, Clyde! Duh!
Sorry buddy.

I'm a little stressed.

We're at Erupting Volcano
over here.

- Say no more.

- And the next thing I know,
they're all fighting!

- Interesting, and how did that
make you feel?

- Clyde, what are you doing?

- When I take my problems
to Dr. Lopez,

this is how she helps me.

- Okay, okay.
Anyway, I feel frustrated.

Their ridiculous
sister fight protocol

only makes things worse.

If they'd just let me help them,

I could fix everything.

- I see.
So what do you plan to do?

- I'm gonna march back
in there tomorrow

and talk some sense
into those girls.

- That seems sensible.
[watch beeping]

Hmm, I see our time is up.

- What? Can't I stay over?

- Oh. I'm sorry.

I'm so used to hearing
Dr. Lopez say that.

[suspenseful music]

- Okay. Here goes.

Attention, Loud sisters!

I am here to resolve
your conflicts.

Please remain calm.
I am coming in.

♪

[pleasant music]

What's going on?
What happened to the fighting?

- Pfft, we're over that.
We made up.

- All of you?
- Correct.

Threat level is back
to Field of Daisies.

- Oh, thank goodness!
- I don't understand.

How did you fix everything?

- No, Lincoln.
You fixed everything.

- Me? How?
- By leaving.

- We told you,
if you just butted out,

we'd resolve it on our own.
- But the dress--

- I came up
with the perfect solution.

Lori gets to wear it
on the days that end in Y,

and I get to wear it
the rest of the time.

- And once they made up,
the rest of us made up.

- Huh, well, I guess
I've learned my lesson:

always respect
the sister fight protocol.

- Glad you're finally
getting it.

- Oh, I totally do,
believe me.

Next time Lynn says she needs

a windshield wiper
when Lisa talks,

or Lana says Lola snores
like Pop Pop,

I am staying out of it.

- You said what now, sporty?

- Oh, I snore, do I?

How can you hear me over all
your sleep-farting?

- Whew, can't wait to use
the real toilet.

[all shouting at once]

Ah! Retreat! Retreat!
- Wait for me!

[all shouting at once]

[banging and crashing]

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Loud house

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Loud house

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line to take a pee

♪ Never any privacy

♪ Chaos with 11 kids

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house