The Loud House (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 23 - The Loud House - full transcript
Lincoln wishes he had ten brothers instead of ten sisters, and Lisa gives him a glimpse into that reality. Lola wants to be a part of the siblings' secrets club, but they won't let her in because she's a "tattle tale."
- ♪
- [birds chirping]
- [yawning]
Ooh, the sweet sound of silence.
That never happens
on a Saturday.
I must be the first one up.
Wait a minute. 10am?
How could it be this
quiet this late?
- [door opening]
- [electricity sparks]
- Uh, hello?
- [moaning]
- Hey, guys.
- [moaning]
- Uh. [nervous laugh]
Oof! Lori, I think
something's wrong with...
- [moaning]
- Arrgh!
- [doorknob rattling]
- Urgh.
- Ahh!
What the...
- LOLA: He looks okay.
- LENI: But we'd
better check him.
- 986 degrees? He's good.
Let him go.
- Will someone please tell me
what the heck is going on?
- Haven't your heard?
This morning our house
became infested
with an acute febrile
contagious virus.
Or, as it's known on
the street: the flu.
- With 13 Louds packed
into 1200 square feet,
when someone gets sick, it
spreads like the plague.
We're not just talking the flu,
we're talking a
zombie apocalypse!
- The first virus siting
was in Lori's room.
- You have got a
fever, young lady.
You need to get
right back in bed.
- [sneeze]
- [ball bouncing]
- [germs splattering]
- [sneeze]
[groaning]
- Morning!
- [germs squeaking]
- [burping]
- Mom! Lana's drinking
from the carton!
- [coughing]
- And now she's coughing on me...
ugh.
- Okay, the only survivors
are you, me, Leni, Luan,
Luna and Lucy.
- Wait! Lucy's infected.
- Incorrect.
I always look like this.
- If we want to live
to see another day,
I suggest we initiate
escape protocol, A-S-A-P.
- I'm on it. Healthy
Loud to Safe Haven.
We've got a level four outbreak.
- [coughing] The flu?
Lincoln, give it to me straight.
Did Lori make it?
- [sigh] Negative.
- [gasps] Why? Why? Why?
Sorry, I know we can't afford
the luxury of grief right now.
I'll have everything ready.
Cot, medical supplies,
MI patented heal meals.
How many survivors? - Six.
- [sneezing]
- Make that five.
- Guys, no!
It's not what you think.
[laughing]
[groans]
- She's infected.
Get her out!
- Guys, don't you think we
should take care of the sick?
After all they're
still our family.
- No, dude. It's
too late for them.
But not for us.
- Everyone, out of the house.
Let's move.
- Wait. We can't
just go out there
with our proverbial
keisters hanging out.
In case we're attacked,
this concoction
will slow down the infected.
- Tastes like chicken soup.
- That's because it
is chicken soup.
- ♪
- Um, I don't know if this is...
- Duck and load people.
Look sharp. They
can be anywhere.
- Luna! Three o'clock!
- [groans]
- [yells]
- LINCOLN: Lisa! Six o'clock.
- [yells]
- [car crashing]
- Leni! Nine o'clock.
- Lincoln, make up your mind.
What time is it?
- No! Behind you!
- Ah!
Want a tissue?
- Lincoln, where is your heart?
- Where is your brain?
We're trying to stay alive here.
- Dudes, help!
- [groaning]
- Ah!
- [groaning]
- Evacuate!
- [groaning]
Think, Loud! You've seen
a million zombie movies.
Wait! I've got it.
Urgh... aargh.
- Whoa. Lincoln's
one of them now.
- In that case...
- [gun cocking]
- Hold your fire. I'm
just trying to blend in.
Come on. It's your
ticket to freedom.
- [groaning]
- Aww. They sound so sick.
Do you guys need a cough drop?
- [groaning]
- Leni, you're putting the squad
in jeopardy and I won't have it.
Wait. Where's Lucy?
Dang it. We lost another one.
She was so young.
Healthy Loud to safe haven.
We're down to three survivors.
- CLYDE: Sorry to hear
it, Healthy Loud.
Everything's set on this end.
Quick question for
the heal meals,
does everyone eat guacamole?
- Affirmative. And, hey,
Safe Haven, thanks.
We're tasting freedom
in three, two...
- [groaning]
- Aargh!
The virus has jumped species.
- We can still escape
through the back door!
- But, Lincoln...
- Once we're out the door,
keep a tight formation.
- [gasping]
- Reroute! Reroute!
- To the parental dwelling!
- [crickets chirping]
- Mom and Dad's room.
- Move! Move!
- Dad! The house is infected.
We need to get out
through your window.
- [groaning]
- [gasping]
- We've got a hostile.
- [door opens]
- [gasping]
- [groaning]
- Aww. Mom doesn't feel well.
She just needs a hug.
- Leni! Stand down!
- [groaning]
- Mom, I hate to do this, but...
Arrgh! Noodle jam!
Why did you have to
use chunky style?
- It's heartier.
- [groaning]
- Aah! Lucy's infected!
- Again, this is
just how I look,
and you're welcome
for the rescue.
- [groaning]
- That should hold 'em.
- [groaning]
- Aww. Poor guys.
They need a tissue.
- Good idea.
- [groaning]
- Lincoln, you could have
just handed it to them.
- Fall out!
- But what about our...
- CLYDE: Healthy Loud! Come in.
- Safe Haven, this
is Healthy Loud.
We are just about out the door
and heading to your location.
- That's why I'm calling.
I'm afraid there's a
bit of a crisis here.
- What's that, Clyde? Go again.
- I said health issues,
possible casualty unless...
- Unless what? Clyde!
Dang it! The walkie's dead!
We can't leave without knowing
if Safe Haven is truly safe.
- I have batteries in my room.
- Looks like we're going up.
Loud, you take front!
- We're all Loud.
- Fine. Just follow me.
- Uh, let's see, graduated
cylinder, uh, test tube,
enriched uranium.
Here we are. Two
fresh double As.
- LILY: [groaning]
- Don't make any
sudden movements.
- [laughs]
[sneezes]
- Aww. Poor baby.
- [sneezes]
- Incoming! Hit the deck!
Forgive me Lily!
- No!
- What is wrong with you?
- Our family may be turning
into gross, snotty sickies.
But you are turning
into a monster.
- I'm trying to save us.
And I'm tired of you
acting like Mother Teresa.
- Shows what you know.
Our mother's name is Rita.
- Soup in the hole!
If you two ninnies
are done bickering,
I'd like to go taste
that guacamole.
- Safe Haven, we're back in.
What is this crisis you
were talking about?
- I made a peanut sauce for
the Santé Fe egg rolls.
But, then, I realized someone
might have a food allergy.
- That's the food crisis?
We're fighting for
our lives, Clyde.
No one has a food allergy.
- That's a relief,
'cause this sauce
really ties the dish together.
Safe Haven out.
- Roll out!
- We'll be tasting
freedom in three, two...
- Hey! The bubble is back.
- Okay. Now I'm sick.
See the difference?
- No.
- No.
- [sneezes]
- Argh! Now the
doorknob's infected.
- Uh, don't panic.
I'm sure we'll find a
way out of this...
- [sneezes]
- Dang it.
- [groaning]
- Leni, help me with the table.
- Are you finally gonna be
nice and make them a meal?
- Not exactly.
This doesn't look good, Leni.
There's no way out
of this house.
- Too bad we're not dogs.
Then we could use
Charles's door.
- That's it.
- You go.
I'm gonna stay here and
take care of the sick.
- Don't be a fool. They're gone.
We have to start a new
world without them.
They'd want it that way.
- I can't. But don't
worry about me.
If I wear a mask and I'm
careful, I'll be okay.
- I may not always
agree with you, Loud,
but I respect you. Good luck.
- Nah, too blah.
- [groaning]
- [table scraping]
- Too flashy. Ooh! Perfect!
Goes with my outfit.
- Urgh. Leni! Duck!
- [sneezes]
- A duck? Where? Is it sick?
- Noooo!
- Lincoln, you saved me. Why?
- 'Cause you've
got a good heart,
and you deserve to
survive more than I do.
- [sneezes]
Dang it.
- [groaning]
- Well, the escape
mission was a bust.
But just because the
Louds are infected
doesn't mean that
they're not human.
Plus, I hate to see all
this good food go to waste.
Who wants Santa Fe egg rolls?
- [groaning]
- Don't forget the peanut sauce.
It's to die for.
Oops! [nervous laugh]
Poor choice of words.
- [birds chirping]
- [yawning]
Ooh, the sweet sound of silence.
That never happens
on a Saturday.
I must be the first one up.
Wait a minute. 10am?
How could it be this
quiet this late?
- [door opening]
- [electricity sparks]
- Uh, hello?
- [moaning]
- Hey, guys.
- [moaning]
- Uh. [nervous laugh]
Oof! Lori, I think
something's wrong with...
- [moaning]
- Arrgh!
- [doorknob rattling]
- Urgh.
- Ahh!
What the...
- LOLA: He looks okay.
- LENI: But we'd
better check him.
- 986 degrees? He's good.
Let him go.
- Will someone please tell me
what the heck is going on?
- Haven't your heard?
This morning our house
became infested
with an acute febrile
contagious virus.
Or, as it's known on
the street: the flu.
- With 13 Louds packed
into 1200 square feet,
when someone gets sick, it
spreads like the plague.
We're not just talking the flu,
we're talking a
zombie apocalypse!
- The first virus siting
was in Lori's room.
- You have got a
fever, young lady.
You need to get
right back in bed.
- [sneeze]
- [ball bouncing]
- [germs splattering]
- [sneeze]
[groaning]
- Morning!
- [germs squeaking]
- [burping]
- Mom! Lana's drinking
from the carton!
- [coughing]
- And now she's coughing on me...
ugh.
- Okay, the only survivors
are you, me, Leni, Luan,
Luna and Lucy.
- Wait! Lucy's infected.
- Incorrect.
I always look like this.
- If we want to live
to see another day,
I suggest we initiate
escape protocol, A-S-A-P.
- I'm on it. Healthy
Loud to Safe Haven.
We've got a level four outbreak.
- [coughing] The flu?
Lincoln, give it to me straight.
Did Lori make it?
- [sigh] Negative.
- [gasps] Why? Why? Why?
Sorry, I know we can't afford
the luxury of grief right now.
I'll have everything ready.
Cot, medical supplies,
MI patented heal meals.
How many survivors? - Six.
- [sneezing]
- Make that five.
- Guys, no!
It's not what you think.
[laughing]
[groans]
- She's infected.
Get her out!
- Guys, don't you think we
should take care of the sick?
After all they're
still our family.
- No, dude. It's
too late for them.
But not for us.
- Everyone, out of the house.
Let's move.
- Wait. We can't
just go out there
with our proverbial
keisters hanging out.
In case we're attacked,
this concoction
will slow down the infected.
- Tastes like chicken soup.
- That's because it
is chicken soup.
- ♪
- Um, I don't know if this is...
- Duck and load people.
Look sharp. They
can be anywhere.
- Luna! Three o'clock!
- [groans]
- [yells]
- LINCOLN: Lisa! Six o'clock.
- [yells]
- [car crashing]
- Leni! Nine o'clock.
- Lincoln, make up your mind.
What time is it?
- No! Behind you!
- Ah!
Want a tissue?
- Lincoln, where is your heart?
- Where is your brain?
We're trying to stay alive here.
- Dudes, help!
- [groaning]
- Ah!
- [groaning]
- Evacuate!
- [groaning]
Think, Loud! You've seen
a million zombie movies.
Wait! I've got it.
Urgh... aargh.
- Whoa. Lincoln's
one of them now.
- In that case...
- [gun cocking]
- Hold your fire. I'm
just trying to blend in.
Come on. It's your
ticket to freedom.
- [groaning]
- Aww. They sound so sick.
Do you guys need a cough drop?
- [groaning]
- Leni, you're putting the squad
in jeopardy and I won't have it.
Wait. Where's Lucy?
Dang it. We lost another one.
She was so young.
Healthy Loud to safe haven.
We're down to three survivors.
- CLYDE: Sorry to hear
it, Healthy Loud.
Everything's set on this end.
Quick question for
the heal meals,
does everyone eat guacamole?
- Affirmative. And, hey,
Safe Haven, thanks.
We're tasting freedom
in three, two...
- [groaning]
- Aargh!
The virus has jumped species.
- We can still escape
through the back door!
- But, Lincoln...
- Once we're out the door,
keep a tight formation.
- [gasping]
- Reroute! Reroute!
- To the parental dwelling!
- [crickets chirping]
- Mom and Dad's room.
- Move! Move!
- Dad! The house is infected.
We need to get out
through your window.
- [groaning]
- [gasping]
- We've got a hostile.
- [door opens]
- [gasping]
- [groaning]
- Aww. Mom doesn't feel well.
She just needs a hug.
- Leni! Stand down!
- [groaning]
- Mom, I hate to do this, but...
Arrgh! Noodle jam!
Why did you have to
use chunky style?
- It's heartier.
- [groaning]
- Aah! Lucy's infected!
- Again, this is
just how I look,
and you're welcome
for the rescue.
- [groaning]
- That should hold 'em.
- [groaning]
- Aww. Poor guys.
They need a tissue.
- Good idea.
- [groaning]
- Lincoln, you could have
just handed it to them.
- Fall out!
- But what about our...
- CLYDE: Healthy Loud! Come in.
- Safe Haven, this
is Healthy Loud.
We are just about out the door
and heading to your location.
- That's why I'm calling.
I'm afraid there's a
bit of a crisis here.
- What's that, Clyde? Go again.
- I said health issues,
possible casualty unless...
- Unless what? Clyde!
Dang it! The walkie's dead!
We can't leave without knowing
if Safe Haven is truly safe.
- I have batteries in my room.
- Looks like we're going up.
Loud, you take front!
- We're all Loud.
- Fine. Just follow me.
- Uh, let's see, graduated
cylinder, uh, test tube,
enriched uranium.
Here we are. Two
fresh double As.
- LILY: [groaning]
- Don't make any
sudden movements.
- [laughs]
[sneezes]
- Aww. Poor baby.
- [sneezes]
- Incoming! Hit the deck!
Forgive me Lily!
- No!
- What is wrong with you?
- Our family may be turning
into gross, snotty sickies.
But you are turning
into a monster.
- I'm trying to save us.
And I'm tired of you
acting like Mother Teresa.
- Shows what you know.
Our mother's name is Rita.
- Soup in the hole!
If you two ninnies
are done bickering,
I'd like to go taste
that guacamole.
- Safe Haven, we're back in.
What is this crisis you
were talking about?
- I made a peanut sauce for
the Santé Fe egg rolls.
But, then, I realized someone
might have a food allergy.
- That's the food crisis?
We're fighting for
our lives, Clyde.
No one has a food allergy.
- That's a relief,
'cause this sauce
really ties the dish together.
Safe Haven out.
- Roll out!
- We'll be tasting
freedom in three, two...
- Hey! The bubble is back.
- Okay. Now I'm sick.
See the difference?
- No.
- No.
- [sneezes]
- Argh! Now the
doorknob's infected.
- Uh, don't panic.
I'm sure we'll find a
way out of this...
- [sneezes]
- Dang it.
- [groaning]
- Leni, help me with the table.
- Are you finally gonna be
nice and make them a meal?
- Not exactly.
This doesn't look good, Leni.
There's no way out
of this house.
- Too bad we're not dogs.
Then we could use
Charles's door.
- That's it.
- You go.
I'm gonna stay here and
take care of the sick.
- Don't be a fool. They're gone.
We have to start a new
world without them.
They'd want it that way.
- I can't. But don't
worry about me.
If I wear a mask and I'm
careful, I'll be okay.
- I may not always
agree with you, Loud,
but I respect you. Good luck.
- Nah, too blah.
- [groaning]
- [table scraping]
- Too flashy. Ooh! Perfect!
Goes with my outfit.
- Urgh. Leni! Duck!
- [sneezes]
- A duck? Where? Is it sick?
- Noooo!
- Lincoln, you saved me. Why?
- 'Cause you've
got a good heart,
and you deserve to
survive more than I do.
- [sneezes]
Dang it.
- [groaning]
- Well, the escape
mission was a bust.
But just because the
Louds are infected
doesn't mean that
they're not human.
Plus, I hate to see all
this good food go to waste.
Who wants Santa Fe egg rolls?
- [groaning]
- Don't forget the peanut sauce.
It's to die for.
Oops! [nervous laugh]
Poor choice of words.