The Librarians (2014–2018): Season 3, Episode 5 - And the Tears of a Clown - full transcript
The Librarians investigate a mysterious traveling carnival and discover how dangerous their collection of magical artifacts could be.
Step up, step up, Whack-a-Mole.
Two tickets gets you three hits.
Here's your prize.
Congratulations.
Okay, Kirby, the key is to
aim slightly above the target
so that the water arcs down.
How do you know that?
I love carnivals.
They're just, uh, magic.
I never want tonight to end.
Yeah, me neither.
I mean, think about it.
No one's unhappy here.
We wouldn't have to worry
about that math midterm.
No one sitting
with me on the bus.
And here we go!
Eye on the game,
eye on the game.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Yes!
I won!
- All right, thank you.
- Congrats, kid.
Charlotte, I
wanted to ask you...
Charlotte?
- Charlotte!
- Thank you.
Behind your ear.
Is that your ticket?
- Oh, my goodness.
- You found it.
Can I get two of these?
- All right.
- Got it on your end?
Good.
What are you people
still doing here?
Didn't the Feds already
tell you to hightail it?
You can't set up a
carnival on my land.
You're not being very friendly.
Well, I ain't your friend.
Well, you will be.
We're all friends here.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
The greatest carnival on Earth.
Faster.
Faster.
Oh, you can do
better than that. Faster.
Faster still.
Faster! Do it faster!
- My apologies.
- Yeah.
Oh, Miss Cillian, I...
I beg your pardon. I thought
you were someone else.
- Sure. That's okay.
- Forgive me.
Jenkins, stay away. Stay
away from the carnival.
Whatever you do, don't
come after us, Jenkins.
Wow!
Hi, one please.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Do you have a senior discount?
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Hey, you know what? I'm cool.
Well, thank you for the
Christmas present, Mr. Jones.
Oh, hi.
Hello, hi.
I'm sorry, I was
just looking for...
You guys work here?
'Cause I-I got turned around
at the Ferris wheel and I...
Oh, there he is, you see? Come
here, you precocious little scamp.
Looking all over for you.
You have scared
your uncle silly.
Uncle Silly. That... That's his
nickname. My cousin... Nephew.
Bye.
Thanks, those clowns are freaky.
You know what?
You shouldn't be here.
No, it's fine. If I'm back by
7:00, my folks won't even notice.
What? No, no, no. I
mean, it's not a good place.
I know. Tell me about it.
They don't even have a
Double Shock Drop Tower.
No, no! It is dangerous.
You... Hold on a second.
You've been here before.
Every night since it showed up.
My dad thinks it's creepy because
it just, like, appeared out of nowhere.
You know, no trucks
or anything, but I like it.
- Have you seen this person?
- Uh, no. But I have seen him.
Where?
Uh, right there.
Thank you. There you go.
So, what are you gonna do?
What? Um... Thank you
for your help, young man.
You really have to leave now.
And yet, still, here you are.
The, uh, lady on your
phone, is she your daughter?
No. My friend.
Oh... Yeah, my grandpa
has a younger friend, too.
My mom doesn't like her, though.
Okay, you really have to
leave. Or, you know what?
I'm gonna tell the carnies
you snuck in without paying.
They won't care. Look.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Hello? Hi.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Everyone here is like that.
You can do anything. The only ones
who will come after you are the clowns.
Well, then, why sneak in?
I'm a precocious scamp.
Yes.
He dropped one.
Is it your friend?
Do you know where
these are taken?
Yeah, right there. Come on.
- What?
- Let's go.
Hi... Oh! Get a room.
Come on, let's go. - Yeah.
I presume you were
raised on electronics.
Uh, yes, I was.
There's a memory card in there.
How do I get the pictures off of it?
Uh, um...
It should be done.
Yes.
Those people look weird.
Yes, they do. Uh...
Something very
bad happened here.
What's in that tent?
- Let's find out!
- Hey! No.
It is time you actually heed
my warning and go home.
But it's the
carnival's last day.
There is nothing about this
carnival that you can trust.
You see, what happened to
the people in these pictures?
That's what happened
to my friends.
And they are a lot better at
sneaking around than either you or I.
Listen, I can take
care of myself, okay?
Uh, I see. You know...
You know those dreams you have,
that somebody's chasing you
and you try to
scream for help...
Ah... Uh...
But nothing comes
out of your mouth?
This place,
those dreams are real.
And here, when the
clowns catch you,
you never wake up.
So I implore you. Go.
Colonel Baird.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
- Eeny, meeny, miny, moe...
- Welcome to the greatest...
- Jenkins!
- Oh, Colonel.
I can't tell you how
glad I am to see you.
What is that disgusting smell?
Oh, this, uh, uh... Discarded
condiments, a little cow manure.
Sort of a poor
man's smelling salts.
Oh, you had to ask.
- What you lookin' at?
- What you lookin' at?
Ha-ha!
Jenkins, please
tell me I'm dreaming
and haven't really
grown a second head.
Sorry, Colonel, you have.
You've been transmogrified.
Well, you all have.
Hello, Ezekiel.
Okay. I see you, Jacob Stone.
I see your muscles, your
abdominals and your biceps...
- greatest carnival on Earth.
- And your gluteus maximus.
Jenkins, get this second
head off my shoulders.
Oh, like you weren't looking.
They're my colleagues!
Well, luckily, I'm not you.
Or am I?
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
- Much better.
- This sucks.
All right, here. I'll retrieve Miss
Cillian. You awake the others.
What should I do?
And speed would
be of the essence.
Excuse us. Pardon
us. Coming through.
- Coming through.
- Are you okay, Cassandra?
Squeak once for
yes, twice for no.
I'm never eating sushi again.
- Would you stop playing that thing?
- He can't stop.
No more than you can
stop looking like Popeye.
But you can change
us back, right?
One would hope, otherwise
we're going to have to move
Miss Cillian's experiment
to the indoor pool.
- Great.
- Pool party.
I don't understand how
this happened to us.
I don't remember anything.
Not surprising. This entire
carnival is a perverted manipulation.
Real, not real, whoever did
this is either very powerful
or very new at
magic, or worse, both.
You let them escape?
They were gonna be the
highlight of my show tonight.
Come on, guys. I depend on you.
You should be sad. You know
how long we've worked on this?
Now, they can't be far.
You go out there and you find
them and you bring them back
or I will melt that
smile off your face!
Go!
Go!
God, you're a bunch of clowns.
- Jenkins, where's that door?
- Right here,
and then left at
the Twinkie stand.
What is it, Cassandra?
What?
I know those clowns.
- Those clowns know us.
- Who is it?
Mr. Stone, how much
do you think you can lift?
Could you have put the
door any further, Jenkins?
The colonel told me not to
come at all. Be glad I ignored her.
In here, in here.
Oh, thank God.
That must be a weight
off your shoulders.
Well, good.
Uh, away from the influence of
the pervasive magic of the carnival,
you're transmutations
have reversed.
My feet are back! And my voice!
And I'm talking really loud!
No! No! No! No, no, no!
You let them go? Ugh!
This is not good.
I'm gonna punish you.
I'm gonna make you
part of the wax museum.
Charlotte's here now?
How do I look? How's my tie?
Don't touch me.
Oh, okay.
Go and make everything perfect.
Perfect!
Go!
You're amazing and mysterious.
You're amazing and mysterious.
You're amazing and mysterious.
It's you.
It's the, the real you?
I don't believe it.
- Excuse me?
- Well...
Your golden ticket.
You're the winner.
That's wonderful.
Yeah, I got this
in the mail. Um...
It said to come here to
pick up my cash prize?
Yes, yes. And you
have free admission
to everything at the carnival.
That, that sounds like fun,
but I have to get to work.
No. No, no, no. No, no.
We have many attractions,
and a-a magic show.
The best you've ever
seen, with yours truly.
I'm sure it is, but my boss
will be unhappy if I'm late.
Again.
Well, that's really the thing
about carnivals, isn't it, Charlotte?
No one's unhappy here.
How do you know my name?
A magician never
reveals his secrets.
But it's on your tag.
I'm sorry.
Um...
Maybe I could stay
for a few minutes.
Yes, wonderful!
You're gonna love it.
You're gonna love it.
I... I'm gonna rather...
Allow me to show you around.
Thank you, Mister...
You may call me the
Amazing Mysterium.
Whoa! What...
- That is amazing.
- Yes.
And that's only the beginning.
Please.
Who knew being a
fish was so dehydrating?
Or that snake charmers
had such amazing abs.
Seriously, did you see my abs?
We have to go back.
Uh, you sure you
kept the right head?
We have to find out what's
happening at that carnival.
We don't even know what
happened the first time.
How are we supposed to stop
it from happening the second?
With a little help.
This is a mixture
of sodium pentothal,
fennel for sight,
thyme for memory,
and, well, some special
ingredients of my own invention.
It will restore your memory.
Also good for clogged drains.
Sounds dangerous.
You all have magically-induced
lacunar amnesia.
Memory loss affecting
a specific event.
Now, whatever you saw at
that carnival scared you enough
that you tried to warn
me not to come after you.
We need to know what that was.
Bottoms up. Hmm...
Cheers.
Uh... Oh!
Oh, it's like a
hangover in reverse.
Is anyone else seeing colors
that don't exist in real life?
All right, all right, we need
to go from the beginning.
How did the case start?
Uh, I-I was laying
digital breadcrumbs
to keep DOSA off our tail.
And then the Clipping
Book flipped open.
It sent us to a
hospital room in Iowa
to talk to a Jane Doe.
But she wasn't talking.
Says here she was
admitted for exhaustion.
The nurse said they
picked her up at a carnival.
She was their juggler.
She came in with open
sores on her hands.
Busted hands, perfect manicure.
Definitely not the nails of
someone who juggles for a living.
Oh, but she was wearing a ring.
With a unique seal.
The sign of the Twelve
Tables. The heart of Roman law.
The ring is a "Coveted award given
by the California Bar Association."
Last year's winner,
Charlotte Holloway Esquire.
Yep, she's a bigwig partner
for a law firm in San Francisco.
So this woman left a high-paying
job in a law firm to join a carnival?
It happens.
I mean, Baird left
her super cool job
with the NATO Anti-Terrorism Task
Force to become a Guardian for the Library.
Way better dental plan.
Nothing about this woman,
Charlotte Holloway, seemed to add up.
So we went to
check out the carnival
and talk to the
carnival's owner.
The Amazing Mysterium.
Ah, the juggler. She
collapsed this morning.
Couldn't keep up with the
stress of carnival life, I suppose.
She used to be a
high-powered attorney.
Really? I didn't know that.
Come to think of it,
how did you know that?
We're Librarians.
Oh. Well, she was one of the
greatest jugglers I've ever seen.
Hard to replace her on
short notice, but we make do.
Well, we'd like to take a
look around, if you don't mind.
Mind?
Enjoy the carnival, my friends.
Two heads are better than one.
And while you guys
were talking to Houdini,
me and Jones found out
where the clowns came from.
Seems we weren't the
only ones asking questions.
There was a police officer.
The clowns grabbed him, took
him into the House of Horrors.
Come on, guys.
Let's get out of here.
Come on, let's go now!
Hey!
That's the last
thing I remember.
I-I remember running like crazy
and then the Insane Clown
Posse, he was on my tail,
so I went and I hid inside a...
A, uh, photo booth?
Worst souvenir ever.
We were on the midway.
Jenkins, I was trying to call
you to give you an update.
This is so cool.
See, a normal plain mirror
reflects a perfect image,
but this one has convex
and concave sections
that make me look like the
inhabitant of a lower gravity planet.
Come on, you've really
never been to a carnival.
Nope.
But I love clowns.
I hate clowns.
I couldn't fight back.
It felt like someone was inside
my body and I was trying to resist it
so I could warn you.
Jenkins, whatever you do,
stay away from the carnival.
Do not come after us.
Next thing I remember
is you finding me.
And other me.
He can make people
do whatever he wants.
He can turn 'em into
whatever he wants.
And conjure a
carnival out of thin air.
Well, this is more power
than I've seen in one person
in a very long time.
We need to find out who
this Amazing Mysterium is.
Colonel?
While I admit that my field
experience is limited, rest assured...
That is not why I warned you
to stay away from the carnival.
Jenkins, you told me there is a
battle coming, the ultimate battle.
Judson is gone,
Charlene is missing,
Flynn is in and out, and
DOSA is after the Library.
He managed to
get all four of us.
What if he got you, too?
Uh, yes, fine, I understand.
Your logic is sound.
But there's nothing that would
stop me from coming after you.
Remind me to never
doubt you again.
I don't get it.
There's nothing on the Internet
about an Amazing Mysterium.
Well, that's magic in itself.
Come on, guys. In the military,
when we run out of a digital trail,
we look for a physical one.
Shoe prints,
types of clothing...
- Oh, like his cape.
- What about it?
Well, you know how I
see patterns in everything?
Brush strokes or cloth.
This was the finest
fiber I have ever seen.
Um, it was 12.5 microns.
Even the best cashmere
is 13.5 microns, so it's...
- Vicuna.
- Matata.
It means "Fabric of the Gods."
Yeah, I once, uh, "borrowed"
a European prince's
sports coat made out of it.
Okay, so how many companies
have made a magician's cape out of it?
Only one.
Yamena Tailors in Peru.
They made one for
a "Kirby Goulding."
Uh, here we go.
Low-rent kid's magician.
Hang on. He must've turned
into a great magician overnight.
I mean, up until six months
ago, his reviews are terrible,
and then all of a sudden,
they rave about him
like he's the second
coming of Siegfried and Roy.
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait. Six months ago.
That's when the
traveling carnival started.
And Kirby went from zero
to hero. I smell an artifact.
The question is,
Jenkins, which one?
Oh, now, an artifact that can turn
a run-of-the-mill children's magician
into someone who can
transform matter, control minds?
They're... I mean, they're here.
The Scepter of Korob,
the Fontainebleau Diadem.
They're here,
stored in the Library.
Wait, so we're looking
for an ancient artifact
that even Mr. Jenkins
hasn't heard of?
Why does it have to be ancient?
Because it was made
when magic was in the world.
Yeah, but magic
is back, big time.
Brand-new artifacts are
being created every day?
If it's a new artifact
Kirby's been using
to create a carnival and
control everyone around him...
It could literally be anything.
All right, these are the most
potent smelling salts that I can make.
Use them to wake up all
those under Kirby's spell.
Get them far away
from the carnival.
Hopefully they haven't been
under his influence for too long.
I've got the magic
spectrometer up and running.
But I would still have to
have some kind of clue
about the objects
we're looking for.
There's nothing in these books.
Tells you everything
about a magical artifact
except how it was made.
No, no, no. The
how, that's easy.
At some point, an object with
some emotional significance
came into contact
with a ley line.
The what! We have to find
something that's important to him.
Hmm, something the
Amazing Mysterium holds dear.
Well, that narrows it down.
His wand. Huh?
Magician's best friend.
Way too obvious, mate.
Okay, the Amazing Mysterium will have
his gang of clowns on the lookout for us.
But I figured out a way
for us to go undetected.
No, no, no no, no, no.
- Yup.
- No, no, no.
I'm not... I don't use magic.
It's not magic.
It's whimsy.
Every thief knows, if
it's something valuable,
it's either kept
close or kept safe.
Kirby's trailer. It's
patrolled by security clowns,
but I bet you anything there's
something in there to protect.
Take Ezekiel. Cassandra
and I will get eyes
on the Amazing Mysterium.
I'm telling you, it's the wand.
All right, cool your
jets, Harry Potter.
What's with all the retro...
Why would you keep
your old school supplies?
High school yearbook?
Yeah, don't most people
want to forget high school?
"Have a good summer,"
"Have a good summer."
That's usually what you write
when you forget someone's name.
He took pictures of us.
It's like a sick serial killer
keeping mementos of his victims.
Not victims, friends.
And he's looking
for one in particular.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Everyone who works here
is under the same spell.
Well, not for long.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
- It isn't working.
- They've been under too long.
The only way we can save
them now is to find that artifact.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
You loved carnivals as a kid.
I'm guessing, because
you have a face
that says that you would, you would
dream about being someone else.
Who did you want to be?
Not the awkward kid I was.
What about you?
I don't know.
Not a waitress who
can't pay her electric bill.
You are much more
than a waitress, Charlotte.
Come on, line up. Water races.
This feels so familiar.
- Squirt in the clown's mouth.
- Try your luck?
Sure.
Now, the key is to
aim slightly above...
So the water arcs down.
Why hasn't he put
the spell on her yet?
Because he has feelings
for her. Look, you can see it.
Oh, yeah, totally.
He's displaying every
micro-expression tell in the book.
80% of how we communicate
with one another is nonverbal.
When people are nervous, they
run their hands through their hair.
They adjust their clothes.
When people are intrigued,
they raise their eyebrows.
And cue the smile.
Oh, that is impressive.
Is that how you knew Flynn
liked you when you first met him?
Nope.
He sent me a note that said,
"Do you like me? Check yes or no."
- That's classic.
- We have to know who that woman is.
She's Charlotte Holloway.
Another Charlotte Holloway?
Like the juggler in the hospital?
Yes, and yes.
In fact, we found
these in Kirby's trailer.
Five special invitations to
Kirby's carnival in five cities?
Yeah, all addressed to five
different Charlotte Holloways.
Well, that's not a coincidence.
No, lawyer/juggler Charlotte
was invite number five.
Seems ever since Kirby
found his real magic power,
he's been looking for this gal.
And when they turn
out to be the wrong one,
he punishes them by
turning them into carnies.
How do we know if this is the
Charlotte that he's looking for?
Because this is the
Charlotte he's in love with.
Come on. Come on.
- I got it. Got it.
- We have a winner.
No, no. No, no, no.
He's not supposed to
win. She's supposed to win.
No, it's fine. It's
just all in good fun.
You're the special guest,
Charlotte. Give, give her the prize.
- Hey! Give her the prize.
- Hey, what?
Excuse me for a minute.
I told you never to interrupt
me when I'm with her.
What the heck is this?
You found this in my trailer?
No.
I'm sorry. Where were we?
This has been great, but I
really need to get to work.
No, you can't go.
You just got here.
And you have to see my show.
Maybe some other time.
No, there is no other
time. You're here now.
Now I can finally give you
what you've always wanted,
an escape from the real world.
A place where no one
will ever bother us again.
Hey.
I have been looking for you
for a very long time, Charlotte.
Now, you once said that you
never wanted the carnival to end.
Well, tonight, after
the Ascension,
this carnival will live forever.
Ascension? Doesn't
sound like a fun new ride.
Wait, wait. When
Houdini's mother died,
he became obsessed with
the occult, mostly debunking it,
but he wrote a letter
to Arthur Conan Doyle
speculating other dimensions,
referring to travel
there as the Ascension.
Like when the Library
untethered from our reality.
So, if Kirby could send the entire
carnival off to another dimension...
And anyone else
that's trapped here...
Then we gotta find
that new artifact tonight.
Before everything and everyone
in this carnival disappears forever.
Please, I just want to go home.
But this is your home now. I want
to make sure you're having fun.
- Are you having fun?
- No.
No, no. Cards aren't fun.
I know what's fun.
Friends, join us!
Let's get silly!
Charlotte Holloway, welcome
to the greatest carnival on Earth.
If he's going to Ascension
this entire carnival,
why's he wasting
time doing a magic act?
He wants to impress her.
He keeps waving that wand around
but he's not using magic on her.
He needs her
affection to be real.
No, I bet it's the wand.
Wh-what?
I mean, what else would
a magician be attached to?
Plus, he uses it all the time.
- Unbelievable.
- He's so delusional.
He doesn't even realize
his power is in the wand.
Wow. I wish I
would've thought of that.
Oh. Oh. Wait a minute! I did!
All right, guys, we
need to get a read
on the wand using the
magic spectrometer.
- Well, that might be a problem.
- We kind of lost it.
- You lost it.
- You lost the magic spectrometer?
Do you know how
much those things cost?
All right, guys.
I've got a plan.
Grab their masks and
take their place on-stage.
Yes!
Oh, come on.
This is all for you.
I know what'll cheer you up.
Pies!
Everybody loves
pies! Pies! Pies! Pies!
Everybody gets pies. Here.
Oh! Direct hit!
Give 'em pies. Pies. More pies.
You're still not laughing.
All right, you want to see
something really funny?
Punch him.
Come on, you hit like a girl.
Punch him!
You're not gonna take
that. Go on, hit him back.
Now, your turn.
Wow! That looked
like it really hurt.
You must be angry. I mean,
angry enough to want to kill him.
Don't worry, my friends. I
know exactly how that feels.
You see, Charlotte. My friends
are dying to entertain you.
Give him the baseball bats.
- What now?
- No, Jones.
We're not giving him the
bats. They'll kill each other.
Please stop this! Uh... Uh...
Give 'em the baseball bats.
Please, please,
you can't do this!
Why are you doing this?
I don't know, maybe
because you're a kidnapper.
Or just a sadist, who doesn't
understand the power of true magic.
I don't understand magic?
Magic flows through me.
I'm the greatest
magician in the world.
No, you're not.
A real magician would use
technique and skill and finesse.
Flair and showmanship,
of which you have none.
Yeah, Houdini, Dante, Blackstone,
they were the real deal, not you.
You're a fraud.
True magicians are
masters of illusion.
- Disguise...
- Escape artistry...
And sleight of hand!
Let's leave magic to
the professionals, mate.
I don't need a magic wand in order to
be the greatest magician in the world.
Um, guys, I can't move.
I guess that's not the artifact?
See, Stone, I told
you it wasn't the wand!
Take 'em away.
Let 'em find out what it
means to not be my friend.
You all ruined my show.
And right during
the grand finale!
Since I can't have you
causing any more problems,
congratulations.
You're all about to become a
permanent part of my House of Horrors.
Wax friends don't cause trouble.
I really thought
it was the wand.
If it's not the wand,
what could it be?
I don't want you to be afraid
of these people anymore.
All right? I'll make it so that
none of them
bother us ever again.
"Doubt truth be a lie, but
always know, I love you."
Actually, it's "Doubt truth to
be a liar, but never doubt I love."
Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2.
Don't correct me.
Don't be wrong.
Once they're taken care of,
I will perform my final trick,
and then you and I and
this entire carnival will live on.
Please, Mysterium,
I don't know what I did
to you, but I'm so sorry.
I just want to go home.
The greatest gift a man
ever bestowed upon a woman,
and you still don't
even know who I am.
I was invisible to you,
and once you said,
"I love the carnival."
And so I recreated it for
you, exactly as it was before!
Before? There was
another carnival?
Well, in Kirby's trailer,
there was a poster,
a carnival in Green
Town, Kansas.
So everything here is a recreation
of a carnival from his childhood?
I did this all for
you, just for you.
- You don't care.
- No.
I won a prize for you, and
you walked away from me.
Well, you can't
walk away this time.
You will understand.
You will all understand!
When you are
frozen in wax forever!
Come on, Charlotte, think.
I-I don't know what
he's talking about.
Winning me a prize?
That prize could be what's
powering his magical mojo.
Yeah, whatever it is, it obviously has
incredible emotional significance for him.
Try and remember.
I went to the carnival
every summer.
I don't know when
I could've met him.
1996, to be exact,
at a carnival
just like this one.
Everything about
Kirby's exactly the same
as the magician on the
poster that he wants to be.
Everything but the
flower on the lapel.
The flower?
Wait, did you say "Kirby"?
Kirby.
Kirby Goulding?
You know who I am?
Of course I know
who you are, Kirby.
You were my friend.
You're lying.
You're just saying
that to save yourself.
No, no, it's true.
We had math together,
Mr. Crane's class.
And, and, and I remember
we went to the
carnival together.
We played the water pistol game.
Yes, we did.
And you won. A flower.
I remember everything
about that night.
Do you remember walking
away to go off with that magician
and just leaving me?
I went to get us tickets
for the magic show,
but when I got
back, you were gone.
- I would never leave you.
- You wouldn't?
You were such a sweet kid.
I thought you were cute.
And, uh, that amazing
and beautiful flower,
you won it for me.
I did.
I've wanted to give
you this for 20 years.
We can be friends again.
No, Kirby.
We could never be friends again.
Why not?
'Cause you're a
total psycho now!
How dare you. Do
you know who I am?
A pathetic loser who's just lost
his super-charged flower power?
Go get them. Get them!
They're not under
your spell anymore.
Give me the flower.
Give me the flower!
Give it to me now!
- Yoo-hoo.
- Give it to me.
Give it to me right now!
Don't you dare! No, no, no!
We're gonna take
a report on this...
Excuse me.
Sir?
Might be... Might be my sister.
It just appeared, all right?
I'm telling you. A whole
carnival right here on my land.
That's why I called you
FBI guys in the first place.
We're not with the FBI, sir.
We're with DOSA, the
Department of Statistical Anomalies.
All right, well,
whoever you are,
I'm just glad I
got my land back.
And you have no memory
of who was behind all this?
Thank you.
He was a sweet kid.
Nerdy, but not sick.
What happened?
Absolute power
corrupts absolutely.
Nothing more
powerful than magic.
Oh, uh, except knowledge.
I can't believe you
thought it was the wand.
Well, this new artifact
proved to be very dangerous.
Something like this
could happen again.
Yes, if we do not get
the ley lines under control
this new wing for
modern artifacts
will fill up rather quickly.
And next time, we
may not be so lucky.
Two tickets gets you three hits.
Here's your prize.
Congratulations.
Okay, Kirby, the key is to
aim slightly above the target
so that the water arcs down.
How do you know that?
I love carnivals.
They're just, uh, magic.
I never want tonight to end.
Yeah, me neither.
I mean, think about it.
No one's unhappy here.
We wouldn't have to worry
about that math midterm.
No one sitting
with me on the bus.
And here we go!
Eye on the game,
eye on the game.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Yes!
I won!
- All right, thank you.
- Congrats, kid.
Charlotte, I
wanted to ask you...
Charlotte?
- Charlotte!
- Thank you.
Behind your ear.
Is that your ticket?
- Oh, my goodness.
- You found it.
Can I get two of these?
- All right.
- Got it on your end?
Good.
What are you people
still doing here?
Didn't the Feds already
tell you to hightail it?
You can't set up a
carnival on my land.
You're not being very friendly.
Well, I ain't your friend.
Well, you will be.
We're all friends here.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
The greatest carnival on Earth.
Faster.
Faster.
Oh, you can do
better than that. Faster.
Faster still.
Faster! Do it faster!
- My apologies.
- Yeah.
Oh, Miss Cillian, I...
I beg your pardon. I thought
you were someone else.
- Sure. That's okay.
- Forgive me.
Jenkins, stay away. Stay
away from the carnival.
Whatever you do, don't
come after us, Jenkins.
Wow!
Hi, one please.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Do you have a senior discount?
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Hey, you know what? I'm cool.
Well, thank you for the
Christmas present, Mr. Jones.
Oh, hi.
Hello, hi.
I'm sorry, I was
just looking for...
You guys work here?
'Cause I-I got turned around
at the Ferris wheel and I...
Oh, there he is, you see? Come
here, you precocious little scamp.
Looking all over for you.
You have scared
your uncle silly.
Uncle Silly. That... That's his
nickname. My cousin... Nephew.
Bye.
Thanks, those clowns are freaky.
You know what?
You shouldn't be here.
No, it's fine. If I'm back by
7:00, my folks won't even notice.
What? No, no, no. I
mean, it's not a good place.
I know. Tell me about it.
They don't even have a
Double Shock Drop Tower.
No, no! It is dangerous.
You... Hold on a second.
You've been here before.
Every night since it showed up.
My dad thinks it's creepy because
it just, like, appeared out of nowhere.
You know, no trucks
or anything, but I like it.
- Have you seen this person?
- Uh, no. But I have seen him.
Where?
Uh, right there.
Thank you. There you go.
So, what are you gonna do?
What? Um... Thank you
for your help, young man.
You really have to leave now.
And yet, still, here you are.
The, uh, lady on your
phone, is she your daughter?
No. My friend.
Oh... Yeah, my grandpa
has a younger friend, too.
My mom doesn't like her, though.
Okay, you really have to
leave. Or, you know what?
I'm gonna tell the carnies
you snuck in without paying.
They won't care. Look.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Hello? Hi.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Everyone here is like that.
You can do anything. The only ones
who will come after you are the clowns.
Well, then, why sneak in?
I'm a precocious scamp.
Yes.
He dropped one.
Is it your friend?
Do you know where
these are taken?
Yeah, right there. Come on.
- What?
- Let's go.
Hi... Oh! Get a room.
Come on, let's go. - Yeah.
I presume you were
raised on electronics.
Uh, yes, I was.
There's a memory card in there.
How do I get the pictures off of it?
Uh, um...
It should be done.
Yes.
Those people look weird.
Yes, they do. Uh...
Something very
bad happened here.
What's in that tent?
- Let's find out!
- Hey! No.
It is time you actually heed
my warning and go home.
But it's the
carnival's last day.
There is nothing about this
carnival that you can trust.
You see, what happened to
the people in these pictures?
That's what happened
to my friends.
And they are a lot better at
sneaking around than either you or I.
Listen, I can take
care of myself, okay?
Uh, I see. You know...
You know those dreams you have,
that somebody's chasing you
and you try to
scream for help...
Ah... Uh...
But nothing comes
out of your mouth?
This place,
those dreams are real.
And here, when the
clowns catch you,
you never wake up.
So I implore you. Go.
Colonel Baird.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
- Eeny, meeny, miny, moe...
- Welcome to the greatest...
- Jenkins!
- Oh, Colonel.
I can't tell you how
glad I am to see you.
What is that disgusting smell?
Oh, this, uh, uh... Discarded
condiments, a little cow manure.
Sort of a poor
man's smelling salts.
Oh, you had to ask.
- What you lookin' at?
- What you lookin' at?
Ha-ha!
Jenkins, please
tell me I'm dreaming
and haven't really
grown a second head.
Sorry, Colonel, you have.
You've been transmogrified.
Well, you all have.
Hello, Ezekiel.
Okay. I see you, Jacob Stone.
I see your muscles, your
abdominals and your biceps...
- greatest carnival on Earth.
- And your gluteus maximus.
Jenkins, get this second
head off my shoulders.
Oh, like you weren't looking.
They're my colleagues!
Well, luckily, I'm not you.
Or am I?
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
- Much better.
- This sucks.
All right, here. I'll retrieve Miss
Cillian. You awake the others.
What should I do?
And speed would
be of the essence.
Excuse us. Pardon
us. Coming through.
- Coming through.
- Are you okay, Cassandra?
Squeak once for
yes, twice for no.
I'm never eating sushi again.
- Would you stop playing that thing?
- He can't stop.
No more than you can
stop looking like Popeye.
But you can change
us back, right?
One would hope, otherwise
we're going to have to move
Miss Cillian's experiment
to the indoor pool.
- Great.
- Pool party.
I don't understand how
this happened to us.
I don't remember anything.
Not surprising. This entire
carnival is a perverted manipulation.
Real, not real, whoever did
this is either very powerful
or very new at
magic, or worse, both.
You let them escape?
They were gonna be the
highlight of my show tonight.
Come on, guys. I depend on you.
You should be sad. You know
how long we've worked on this?
Now, they can't be far.
You go out there and you find
them and you bring them back
or I will melt that
smile off your face!
Go!
Go!
God, you're a bunch of clowns.
- Jenkins, where's that door?
- Right here,
and then left at
the Twinkie stand.
What is it, Cassandra?
What?
I know those clowns.
- Those clowns know us.
- Who is it?
Mr. Stone, how much
do you think you can lift?
Could you have put the
door any further, Jenkins?
The colonel told me not to
come at all. Be glad I ignored her.
In here, in here.
Oh, thank God.
That must be a weight
off your shoulders.
Well, good.
Uh, away from the influence of
the pervasive magic of the carnival,
you're transmutations
have reversed.
My feet are back! And my voice!
And I'm talking really loud!
No! No! No! No, no, no!
You let them go? Ugh!
This is not good.
I'm gonna punish you.
I'm gonna make you
part of the wax museum.
Charlotte's here now?
How do I look? How's my tie?
Don't touch me.
Oh, okay.
Go and make everything perfect.
Perfect!
Go!
You're amazing and mysterious.
You're amazing and mysterious.
You're amazing and mysterious.
It's you.
It's the, the real you?
I don't believe it.
- Excuse me?
- Well...
Your golden ticket.
You're the winner.
That's wonderful.
Yeah, I got this
in the mail. Um...
It said to come here to
pick up my cash prize?
Yes, yes. And you
have free admission
to everything at the carnival.
That, that sounds like fun,
but I have to get to work.
No. No, no, no. No, no.
We have many attractions,
and a-a magic show.
The best you've ever
seen, with yours truly.
I'm sure it is, but my boss
will be unhappy if I'm late.
Again.
Well, that's really the thing
about carnivals, isn't it, Charlotte?
No one's unhappy here.
How do you know my name?
A magician never
reveals his secrets.
But it's on your tag.
I'm sorry.
Um...
Maybe I could stay
for a few minutes.
Yes, wonderful!
You're gonna love it.
You're gonna love it.
I... I'm gonna rather...
Allow me to show you around.
Thank you, Mister...
You may call me the
Amazing Mysterium.
Whoa! What...
- That is amazing.
- Yes.
And that's only the beginning.
Please.
Who knew being a
fish was so dehydrating?
Or that snake charmers
had such amazing abs.
Seriously, did you see my abs?
We have to go back.
Uh, you sure you
kept the right head?
We have to find out what's
happening at that carnival.
We don't even know what
happened the first time.
How are we supposed to stop
it from happening the second?
With a little help.
This is a mixture
of sodium pentothal,
fennel for sight,
thyme for memory,
and, well, some special
ingredients of my own invention.
It will restore your memory.
Also good for clogged drains.
Sounds dangerous.
You all have magically-induced
lacunar amnesia.
Memory loss affecting
a specific event.
Now, whatever you saw at
that carnival scared you enough
that you tried to warn
me not to come after you.
We need to know what that was.
Bottoms up. Hmm...
Cheers.
Uh... Oh!
Oh, it's like a
hangover in reverse.
Is anyone else seeing colors
that don't exist in real life?
All right, all right, we need
to go from the beginning.
How did the case start?
Uh, I-I was laying
digital breadcrumbs
to keep DOSA off our tail.
And then the Clipping
Book flipped open.
It sent us to a
hospital room in Iowa
to talk to a Jane Doe.
But she wasn't talking.
Says here she was
admitted for exhaustion.
The nurse said they
picked her up at a carnival.
She was their juggler.
She came in with open
sores on her hands.
Busted hands, perfect manicure.
Definitely not the nails of
someone who juggles for a living.
Oh, but she was wearing a ring.
With a unique seal.
The sign of the Twelve
Tables. The heart of Roman law.
The ring is a "Coveted award given
by the California Bar Association."
Last year's winner,
Charlotte Holloway Esquire.
Yep, she's a bigwig partner
for a law firm in San Francisco.
So this woman left a high-paying
job in a law firm to join a carnival?
It happens.
I mean, Baird left
her super cool job
with the NATO Anti-Terrorism Task
Force to become a Guardian for the Library.
Way better dental plan.
Nothing about this woman,
Charlotte Holloway, seemed to add up.
So we went to
check out the carnival
and talk to the
carnival's owner.
The Amazing Mysterium.
Ah, the juggler. She
collapsed this morning.
Couldn't keep up with the
stress of carnival life, I suppose.
She used to be a
high-powered attorney.
Really? I didn't know that.
Come to think of it,
how did you know that?
We're Librarians.
Oh. Well, she was one of the
greatest jugglers I've ever seen.
Hard to replace her on
short notice, but we make do.
Well, we'd like to take a
look around, if you don't mind.
Mind?
Enjoy the carnival, my friends.
Two heads are better than one.
And while you guys
were talking to Houdini,
me and Jones found out
where the clowns came from.
Seems we weren't the
only ones asking questions.
There was a police officer.
The clowns grabbed him, took
him into the House of Horrors.
Come on, guys.
Let's get out of here.
Come on, let's go now!
Hey!
That's the last
thing I remember.
I-I remember running like crazy
and then the Insane Clown
Posse, he was on my tail,
so I went and I hid inside a...
A, uh, photo booth?
Worst souvenir ever.
We were on the midway.
Jenkins, I was trying to call
you to give you an update.
This is so cool.
See, a normal plain mirror
reflects a perfect image,
but this one has convex
and concave sections
that make me look like the
inhabitant of a lower gravity planet.
Come on, you've really
never been to a carnival.
Nope.
But I love clowns.
I hate clowns.
I couldn't fight back.
It felt like someone was inside
my body and I was trying to resist it
so I could warn you.
Jenkins, whatever you do,
stay away from the carnival.
Do not come after us.
Next thing I remember
is you finding me.
And other me.
He can make people
do whatever he wants.
He can turn 'em into
whatever he wants.
And conjure a
carnival out of thin air.
Well, this is more power
than I've seen in one person
in a very long time.
We need to find out who
this Amazing Mysterium is.
Colonel?
While I admit that my field
experience is limited, rest assured...
That is not why I warned you
to stay away from the carnival.
Jenkins, you told me there is a
battle coming, the ultimate battle.
Judson is gone,
Charlene is missing,
Flynn is in and out, and
DOSA is after the Library.
He managed to
get all four of us.
What if he got you, too?
Uh, yes, fine, I understand.
Your logic is sound.
But there's nothing that would
stop me from coming after you.
Remind me to never
doubt you again.
I don't get it.
There's nothing on the Internet
about an Amazing Mysterium.
Well, that's magic in itself.
Come on, guys. In the military,
when we run out of a digital trail,
we look for a physical one.
Shoe prints,
types of clothing...
- Oh, like his cape.
- What about it?
Well, you know how I
see patterns in everything?
Brush strokes or cloth.
This was the finest
fiber I have ever seen.
Um, it was 12.5 microns.
Even the best cashmere
is 13.5 microns, so it's...
- Vicuna.
- Matata.
It means "Fabric of the Gods."
Yeah, I once, uh, "borrowed"
a European prince's
sports coat made out of it.
Okay, so how many companies
have made a magician's cape out of it?
Only one.
Yamena Tailors in Peru.
They made one for
a "Kirby Goulding."
Uh, here we go.
Low-rent kid's magician.
Hang on. He must've turned
into a great magician overnight.
I mean, up until six months
ago, his reviews are terrible,
and then all of a sudden,
they rave about him
like he's the second
coming of Siegfried and Roy.
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait. Six months ago.
That's when the
traveling carnival started.
And Kirby went from zero
to hero. I smell an artifact.
The question is,
Jenkins, which one?
Oh, now, an artifact that can turn
a run-of-the-mill children's magician
into someone who can
transform matter, control minds?
They're... I mean, they're here.
The Scepter of Korob,
the Fontainebleau Diadem.
They're here,
stored in the Library.
Wait, so we're looking
for an ancient artifact
that even Mr. Jenkins
hasn't heard of?
Why does it have to be ancient?
Because it was made
when magic was in the world.
Yeah, but magic
is back, big time.
Brand-new artifacts are
being created every day?
If it's a new artifact
Kirby's been using
to create a carnival and
control everyone around him...
It could literally be anything.
All right, these are the most
potent smelling salts that I can make.
Use them to wake up all
those under Kirby's spell.
Get them far away
from the carnival.
Hopefully they haven't been
under his influence for too long.
I've got the magic
spectrometer up and running.
But I would still have to
have some kind of clue
about the objects
we're looking for.
There's nothing in these books.
Tells you everything
about a magical artifact
except how it was made.
No, no, no. The
how, that's easy.
At some point, an object with
some emotional significance
came into contact
with a ley line.
The what! We have to find
something that's important to him.
Hmm, something the
Amazing Mysterium holds dear.
Well, that narrows it down.
His wand. Huh?
Magician's best friend.
Way too obvious, mate.
Okay, the Amazing Mysterium will have
his gang of clowns on the lookout for us.
But I figured out a way
for us to go undetected.
No, no, no no, no, no.
- Yup.
- No, no, no.
I'm not... I don't use magic.
It's not magic.
It's whimsy.
Every thief knows, if
it's something valuable,
it's either kept
close or kept safe.
Kirby's trailer. It's
patrolled by security clowns,
but I bet you anything there's
something in there to protect.
Take Ezekiel. Cassandra
and I will get eyes
on the Amazing Mysterium.
I'm telling you, it's the wand.
All right, cool your
jets, Harry Potter.
What's with all the retro...
Why would you keep
your old school supplies?
High school yearbook?
Yeah, don't most people
want to forget high school?
"Have a good summer,"
"Have a good summer."
That's usually what you write
when you forget someone's name.
He took pictures of us.
It's like a sick serial killer
keeping mementos of his victims.
Not victims, friends.
And he's looking
for one in particular.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
Everyone who works here
is under the same spell.
Well, not for long.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
- It isn't working.
- They've been under too long.
The only way we can save
them now is to find that artifact.
Welcome to the
greatest carnival on Earth.
You loved carnivals as a kid.
I'm guessing, because
you have a face
that says that you would, you would
dream about being someone else.
Who did you want to be?
Not the awkward kid I was.
What about you?
I don't know.
Not a waitress who
can't pay her electric bill.
You are much more
than a waitress, Charlotte.
Come on, line up. Water races.
This feels so familiar.
- Squirt in the clown's mouth.
- Try your luck?
Sure.
Now, the key is to
aim slightly above...
So the water arcs down.
Why hasn't he put
the spell on her yet?
Because he has feelings
for her. Look, you can see it.
Oh, yeah, totally.
He's displaying every
micro-expression tell in the book.
80% of how we communicate
with one another is nonverbal.
When people are nervous, they
run their hands through their hair.
They adjust their clothes.
When people are intrigued,
they raise their eyebrows.
And cue the smile.
Oh, that is impressive.
Is that how you knew Flynn
liked you when you first met him?
Nope.
He sent me a note that said,
"Do you like me? Check yes or no."
- That's classic.
- We have to know who that woman is.
She's Charlotte Holloway.
Another Charlotte Holloway?
Like the juggler in the hospital?
Yes, and yes.
In fact, we found
these in Kirby's trailer.
Five special invitations to
Kirby's carnival in five cities?
Yeah, all addressed to five
different Charlotte Holloways.
Well, that's not a coincidence.
No, lawyer/juggler Charlotte
was invite number five.
Seems ever since Kirby
found his real magic power,
he's been looking for this gal.
And when they turn
out to be the wrong one,
he punishes them by
turning them into carnies.
How do we know if this is the
Charlotte that he's looking for?
Because this is the
Charlotte he's in love with.
Come on. Come on.
- I got it. Got it.
- We have a winner.
No, no. No, no, no.
He's not supposed to
win. She's supposed to win.
No, it's fine. It's
just all in good fun.
You're the special guest,
Charlotte. Give, give her the prize.
- Hey! Give her the prize.
- Hey, what?
Excuse me for a minute.
I told you never to interrupt
me when I'm with her.
What the heck is this?
You found this in my trailer?
No.
I'm sorry. Where were we?
This has been great, but I
really need to get to work.
No, you can't go.
You just got here.
And you have to see my show.
Maybe some other time.
No, there is no other
time. You're here now.
Now I can finally give you
what you've always wanted,
an escape from the real world.
A place where no one
will ever bother us again.
Hey.
I have been looking for you
for a very long time, Charlotte.
Now, you once said that you
never wanted the carnival to end.
Well, tonight, after
the Ascension,
this carnival will live forever.
Ascension? Doesn't
sound like a fun new ride.
Wait, wait. When
Houdini's mother died,
he became obsessed with
the occult, mostly debunking it,
but he wrote a letter
to Arthur Conan Doyle
speculating other dimensions,
referring to travel
there as the Ascension.
Like when the Library
untethered from our reality.
So, if Kirby could send the entire
carnival off to another dimension...
And anyone else
that's trapped here...
Then we gotta find
that new artifact tonight.
Before everything and everyone
in this carnival disappears forever.
Please, I just want to go home.
But this is your home now. I want
to make sure you're having fun.
- Are you having fun?
- No.
No, no. Cards aren't fun.
I know what's fun.
Friends, join us!
Let's get silly!
Charlotte Holloway, welcome
to the greatest carnival on Earth.
If he's going to Ascension
this entire carnival,
why's he wasting
time doing a magic act?
He wants to impress her.
He keeps waving that wand around
but he's not using magic on her.
He needs her
affection to be real.
No, I bet it's the wand.
Wh-what?
I mean, what else would
a magician be attached to?
Plus, he uses it all the time.
- Unbelievable.
- He's so delusional.
He doesn't even realize
his power is in the wand.
Wow. I wish I
would've thought of that.
Oh. Oh. Wait a minute! I did!
All right, guys, we
need to get a read
on the wand using the
magic spectrometer.
- Well, that might be a problem.
- We kind of lost it.
- You lost it.
- You lost the magic spectrometer?
Do you know how
much those things cost?
All right, guys.
I've got a plan.
Grab their masks and
take their place on-stage.
Yes!
Oh, come on.
This is all for you.
I know what'll cheer you up.
Pies!
Everybody loves
pies! Pies! Pies! Pies!
Everybody gets pies. Here.
Oh! Direct hit!
Give 'em pies. Pies. More pies.
You're still not laughing.
All right, you want to see
something really funny?
Punch him.
Come on, you hit like a girl.
Punch him!
You're not gonna take
that. Go on, hit him back.
Now, your turn.
Wow! That looked
like it really hurt.
You must be angry. I mean,
angry enough to want to kill him.
Don't worry, my friends. I
know exactly how that feels.
You see, Charlotte. My friends
are dying to entertain you.
Give him the baseball bats.
- What now?
- No, Jones.
We're not giving him the
bats. They'll kill each other.
Please stop this! Uh... Uh...
Give 'em the baseball bats.
Please, please,
you can't do this!
Why are you doing this?
I don't know, maybe
because you're a kidnapper.
Or just a sadist, who doesn't
understand the power of true magic.
I don't understand magic?
Magic flows through me.
I'm the greatest
magician in the world.
No, you're not.
A real magician would use
technique and skill and finesse.
Flair and showmanship,
of which you have none.
Yeah, Houdini, Dante, Blackstone,
they were the real deal, not you.
You're a fraud.
True magicians are
masters of illusion.
- Disguise...
- Escape artistry...
And sleight of hand!
Let's leave magic to
the professionals, mate.
I don't need a magic wand in order to
be the greatest magician in the world.
Um, guys, I can't move.
I guess that's not the artifact?
See, Stone, I told
you it wasn't the wand!
Take 'em away.
Let 'em find out what it
means to not be my friend.
You all ruined my show.
And right during
the grand finale!
Since I can't have you
causing any more problems,
congratulations.
You're all about to become a
permanent part of my House of Horrors.
Wax friends don't cause trouble.
I really thought
it was the wand.
If it's not the wand,
what could it be?
I don't want you to be afraid
of these people anymore.
All right? I'll make it so that
none of them
bother us ever again.
"Doubt truth be a lie, but
always know, I love you."
Actually, it's "Doubt truth to
be a liar, but never doubt I love."
Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2.
Don't correct me.
Don't be wrong.
Once they're taken care of,
I will perform my final trick,
and then you and I and
this entire carnival will live on.
Please, Mysterium,
I don't know what I did
to you, but I'm so sorry.
I just want to go home.
The greatest gift a man
ever bestowed upon a woman,
and you still don't
even know who I am.
I was invisible to you,
and once you said,
"I love the carnival."
And so I recreated it for
you, exactly as it was before!
Before? There was
another carnival?
Well, in Kirby's trailer,
there was a poster,
a carnival in Green
Town, Kansas.
So everything here is a recreation
of a carnival from his childhood?
I did this all for
you, just for you.
- You don't care.
- No.
I won a prize for you, and
you walked away from me.
Well, you can't
walk away this time.
You will understand.
You will all understand!
When you are
frozen in wax forever!
Come on, Charlotte, think.
I-I don't know what
he's talking about.
Winning me a prize?
That prize could be what's
powering his magical mojo.
Yeah, whatever it is, it obviously has
incredible emotional significance for him.
Try and remember.
I went to the carnival
every summer.
I don't know when
I could've met him.
1996, to be exact,
at a carnival
just like this one.
Everything about
Kirby's exactly the same
as the magician on the
poster that he wants to be.
Everything but the
flower on the lapel.
The flower?
Wait, did you say "Kirby"?
Kirby.
Kirby Goulding?
You know who I am?
Of course I know
who you are, Kirby.
You were my friend.
You're lying.
You're just saying
that to save yourself.
No, no, it's true.
We had math together,
Mr. Crane's class.
And, and, and I remember
we went to the
carnival together.
We played the water pistol game.
Yes, we did.
And you won. A flower.
I remember everything
about that night.
Do you remember walking
away to go off with that magician
and just leaving me?
I went to get us tickets
for the magic show,
but when I got
back, you were gone.
- I would never leave you.
- You wouldn't?
You were such a sweet kid.
I thought you were cute.
And, uh, that amazing
and beautiful flower,
you won it for me.
I did.
I've wanted to give
you this for 20 years.
We can be friends again.
No, Kirby.
We could never be friends again.
Why not?
'Cause you're a
total psycho now!
How dare you. Do
you know who I am?
A pathetic loser who's just lost
his super-charged flower power?
Go get them. Get them!
They're not under
your spell anymore.
Give me the flower.
Give me the flower!
Give it to me now!
- Yoo-hoo.
- Give it to me.
Give it to me right now!
Don't you dare! No, no, no!
We're gonna take
a report on this...
Excuse me.
Sir?
Might be... Might be my sister.
It just appeared, all right?
I'm telling you. A whole
carnival right here on my land.
That's why I called you
FBI guys in the first place.
We're not with the FBI, sir.
We're with DOSA, the
Department of Statistical Anomalies.
All right, well,
whoever you are,
I'm just glad I
got my land back.
And you have no memory
of who was behind all this?
Thank you.
He was a sweet kid.
Nerdy, but not sick.
What happened?
Absolute power
corrupts absolutely.
Nothing more
powerful than magic.
Oh, uh, except knowledge.
I can't believe you
thought it was the wand.
Well, this new artifact
proved to be very dangerous.
Something like this
could happen again.
Yes, if we do not get
the ley lines under control
this new wing for
modern artifacts
will fill up rather quickly.
And next time, we
may not be so lucky.