The Librarians (2014–2018): Season 1, Episode 6 - And the Fables of Doom - full transcript

( Honking )

Come on!

Come on!

Go now.

( Honking )

Hold it.
Hold it.

That's it.
Yeah, that's what you get!

Unbelievable.

Stop, stop, stop!

Hey, buddy!

( Tires screech )



You're an idiot!

Jeez, that was close.

( Growling )

Whoa!

Whoa.

No, please, stop! Stop!

♪ The Librarians 01x06 ♪
And the Fables of Doom
Original Air Date on January 3, 2015

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

Man: Stay clear on that side!

We saw the car
just down there.

( Electricity crackles )

Never going to get
used to that.

I know. Right?

Investigating a traffic accident
in Bumblefart, Washington.



Excellent use of
my criminal genius.

The clippings book
showed us an article

about a truck crash
in Bremen--

Well, we're in Bremen.

Right, so any idea how you're
going to talk to these people?

Because I don't think you
can keep flashing

your counter-terrorism badge
and I don't think

we can walk up and go,
"Hey, we're from the library".

Um, well on TV shows,
the Supernatural detectives,

they always tell people that weird stuff
was caused by swamp gas.

That's UFOs, not magic.

Excuse me, Sheriff Hiyer.

Actually, it's Heyer.
Like, "hey!" Er.

Uh, hi.
I'm Eve Baird.

We spoke on the phone.

Right, right.
Nice to meet you.

So what was it you said
you were here for again?

We're from the, uh,
Metropolitan Library.

And we're doing a
"traffic flow study".

Conducting and collating
accident reports

and statistical surveys
on rural stuff.

Well, uh, it wasn't
no traffic flow issue.

The way I see it, the truck
driver was driving too fast,

trying to pass a car,
swerved to avoid

oncoming traffic and then

( makes sound effects )

Fellow was darned lucky
he survived with scrapes and bruises.

See? Quaint explanation
for a quaint place.

Quaint?

Yeah, it means small.
Boring. You know.

I know what the word means.

I'm just trying to decipher
what you mean by it.

You with this
library, son?

Oh, look, there's the truck.
Mind if we take a peek?

- Right there.
- Mr. Jones.

Hey, thank you, by the way,
for, uh-- we'll just--

glad to help.

Do not antagonize
local law enforcement.

But it's so much fun.

One of these days your
luck's gonna run out

and a man with a badge
is gonna put an end

to your fun once
and for all.

Yet today is not that day.

Cassandra:
Guys, there's a pattern.

It's waves, waves,

waves, amber waves of grain.

Grain, cereal, cereal,
milky cereal.

Oh, yum, tasty.

I'm sorry.

I don't see it.

That is--

--A fingerprint.

A big one.

It might be a troll.

A troll?

Uh, yes, I understand
your skepticism, Mr. Jones.

Trolls are not indigenous
to the Pacific Northwest.

But with the return
of magic to the world,

all sorts of odd things
are waking up.

And if indeed it is
a troll you're facing,

we'll it's not been nice
knowing you, per Se--

How do we fight a troll?

You don't.

You flee or you die quickly.

But if you can get me a
picture or a sample to analyze,

I could identify the species
and find a weakness.

Correct me if I'm wrong,
but subduing a troll

to get a sample,
might be a little tricky?

I'll be happy
to correct you, Colonel.

You are wrong.

Trolls are nothing
but subdued.

In daylight.

Oh. Cryptic and annoying.

A two-fer.

Okay, so we have to get a sample
or a picture and not die.

You two, see if the sheriff
has any surveillance from the bridge.

Maybe we'll get lucky.

I'll see if I can find
anything on the ground.

Um, maybe I should
go with you.

You and stone
work together.

- Got it?
- Yeah, no problem.

And I'll head back
to the Annex.

I think it's time for
my after breakfast nap.

You're coming with me.
Let's go track a troll.

Tree. Tree.

Tree. Tree.

Tree.

Troll!

Oh, no,
just another tree.

Jones, you have to
adjust that attitude.

You want to call yourself
a librarian,

you're gonna have
to do the job.

Job? Ooh, no, don't like
the sound of that word.

You see, I became a librarian
because it looked like fun.

Stealing artifacts,
dodging monsters.

I like a challenge.

There's more to life
than traveling the world

and pushing your luck.

Not for me there isn't.

When it stops being fun,
I get bored.

When I'm bored, I'm gone.

I think your definition
of bored and mine

differ greatly.

"Trolls are nothing but
subdued in daylight."

That's just a pile
of rocks, right?

Hmm. Then you should have
no problem reaching in there

and grabbing a few pebbles.

Go on. Grab a few.

Thank you.

What?

Um, I didn't think you'd
want to work with me.

I told you, Cassandra.
I can work with you.

I like you.

I just don't trust you.

So, what, am I supposed
to just keep

running around trying
to regain your trust?

No.

No, I'm cool
with the way it is.

Surveillance photos from
last night you called about.

Thank you.

Thanks, these will really help with our
traffic flow study.

Well.

Small car, medium car,
big truck, bridge.

Small, medium, big bridge.

Why does that sound familiar?

Hi!

Morning, sheriff!

Mayor!
What are you doing?

( Sighs )
Just out for a morning jog.

Wanted to see how last night's
bridge accident was being managed.

Sir, I mean, what are you
doing in your birthday suit?

Yes, my wife did get me
this jogging suit for my birthday.

How did you know?

Well, everything seems
to be in hand here.

I'll leave you to it Sheriff.

That is more than I ever wanted
to see of any elected official.

I take it that's not normal.

Nope. Can't say
that it is.

Is there any other
unnatural stuff

that's going on around here?

We have our usual
small town problems.

Uh, there's a farm
down the way claims

they're hearing voices from
a barn full of animals.

A girl from a local community
college who went to

a music festival last week,
didn't come back.

And old Mrs. Stubbins was
stuck in her pizza oven.

We got her out okay.

There's weirder stuff
in the big cities, right?

- Yeah.
- You bet.

- Uh, what about-- yeah.
- Thanks.

- You betcha.
- Thank you.

Cheers.

Definitely a troll.

Actually, no.

Well, it sure looked
like a troll.

No, we're saying
it's more than just a troll.

( Screaming )

That is a really big wolf.

Everybody!
Stay back.

( Growls )

We need help.

( Woman screams )

( Wolf whimpers, thuds )

Where'd you learn
how to do that?

Well, I just--
I don't know.

Whoa.

This is no ordinary wolf.

I mean, it's at least twice
the average size

and it was unusually
hostile and--

--It's wearing
a frilly nightcap.

A wolf in a nightcap.

Little Red Riding Hood?

A naked mayor.
The Emperor's New Clothes.

Three cars.

Small, medium and
the big one was attacked by a troll.

That's the Three
Billy Goats Gruff.

Fairy tales are
coming to life.

Fairy tales are coming to
life and attacking people.

Someone has weaponized
fairy tales?

If someone is making,
wow, okay--

fairy tales come to life,

the question is
what or who?

Yes.

Now, these are all of
the magical items, curses

and paradoxes
that could possibly

cause fairy tales
to come true and attack.

So fifty-seven.

We have to find fifty-seven
magical items.

Ick.

Listen, no, luckily
for all of our sanities

we can employ a process
of elimination.

We can cross off any artifact
that is currently

in the library since
being un-tethered

from this reality makes
accessing them rather difficult.

There have been no fires or
floods reported in the area

so we can cross off anything that
requires displays of nature's power.

The immortals prefer southern
Europe this time of the year.

The Libris Fabula has been
lost for centuries, thankfully.

It is a really nasty one.

The Black Mask is not
worth mentioning at this point

and the Genie's lamp can go.

Why not the Genie's lamp?

It's never the Genie's lamp.

Okay.

So that leaves us with the
Mother Goose Treaty of 1918.

They never forgave
the way Beatrix Potter

rewrote that bloody history.

And Aesop's Lyre.

Loose nukes, nerve gas,
I know how to find.

Where do we even start here?

Autopsy.

Autopsy on who?

Well, the giant dead wolf,
of course.

- Bring it back here.
- Bring it back here?

You want us to move a giant
dead wolf through town

and put it through
a magical door.

No problem.
( Chuckles )

Cassandra: Wait. Where did that
wolf end up?

We're the only place in town
with a freezer big enough

to hold the body,
so Sheriff Heyer

said once Fish and
Wildlife come, I can keep it.

Keep the wolf?

I'm gonna get it stuffed,
put it out front,

rename the place
the Big Wolf Tavern.

People will come from
miles around to see it.

I even got the
Guinness people coming.

That's sure something.

Next round's on me.

Wow, chivalry's not dead.

So what do I do about stone?

He'll come around.

I've seen a million guys
like him.

Farm boys straight off
the bus into basic.

World's nothing but
black and white.

( Girls sighing )

Guys like him have a wide turning radius,
but they do turn.

What?

Do I have something, here?

I feel like everyone's
staring at me.

I mean, why would
they stare at me?

You're the one who's having
the amazing hair day.

I didn't do anything
to my-- my hair.

It's so shiny and full.

We're on.

Hey, Walter, how are
those drinks coming?

Here you are, milady.

Thanks.

So, I was wondering--

Oh, yes.

Do you think that maybe

the Guinness record people

would like to take
your picture?

Very handsome man.

Ezekiel: Twice the size but
half the weight.

Moving a wolf carcass
the size of a pony

through a small town,
we're gonna get spotted.

- Hey, it was your plan.
- I was being sarcastic.

Subtext is very hard
with you.

I don't have any subtext.

Shh.

- Shh.
- Shh!

All right.
In the truck.

No, we're not
stealing a truck.

No, of course "we" aren't.

I am.

No, no. You're not
stealing a truck.

Oh, unlocked.
Lucky me.

Unlocked doesn't
mean turned on.

And we can hardly
call it stealing.

Nobody's that lucky.

So, what, is the cap stuck?

No, it's not just stuck, it's,
like, part of the wolf's body.

It's pretty cool.

This probably
eliminates Aesop's Lyre.

While it does make animals
loquacious,

I have never known it
to affect their wardrobe.

So, it's the goose one?

Yeah, the Mother Goose
Treaty of 1918.

Only one way to be sure.

If it is, the inside of this wolf
will be stuffed with feathers.

Scalpel.

You know what?
Maybe the Obsidian Blade?

That would be...

Oh, well, that might work.

Do you even know
what you're doing?

Of course I do.
I think.

I don't know-- it feels right.

Oh, something's in here,
but--

What happened?

Where am I?

This is very bad.
It's not the treaty.

It's the Libris Fabula.
The story book.

It can bring any story you
want to life but at a price.

You said that was lost.

Yes, well,
somebody found it.

The huntsman
cut open the wolf

and Little Red Riding Hood
emerged whole and safe.

I love these stories.

Oh, we're all relieved you found her
but she's not making a lot of sense.

Said something about
you pulling her out of a wolf?

She suffered exposure
in the woods.

Traumatized.

Thank you for
letting us talk to her.

It wasn't up to me.

She wouldn't let go
of your friend's hand.

I don't know what happened.

So you don't
remember anything?

I remember
finishing my shift

and then going
out to my car

and then you pulling me
out of that thing.

Actually, no, no, no.

That was, I was the one
that pulled you out.

I know, but, you
played an important role.

So, you finished
your shift?

Actually, I skipped out
a little early.

I didn't want to miss
the opening act.

Can I get your number?

Wow.

Just in case my life
needs saving again?

Yeah! Huh?

I'm not really
comfortable with that.

There's a-- I'm not
gonna be able to--

you know what?
Here's the thing--

I'm actually,
if you don't mind,

I'm the one that pulled
you out, right over here.

I'm the one that
pulled you out.

Of a wolf.

You know, Walter at
the bar said his wolf

went missing after
you two were there.

Your high school mascot's
the wolves, right?

Your football rivals, I bet they'd love
to steal your giant wolf.

Sheriff, between the accident
on the bridge,

the wolf on the street,
and the girl,

you're probably
a bit overworked.

We're glad we could help.

What he means is--

No, I know exactly
what he means.

And he might just be right.

If only he hadn't
pinged my radar.

I know trouble, young man.

And you?

( Sniffs loudly )

You smell like trouble.

( Whistles )

What did I tell you about antagonizing
local law enforcement?

What made you think
I would listen?

Girl doesn't
remember anything.

Let's talk to Jenkins,
find out how this book works.

Baird: Let's go.

Ah, I adore these.

It's like a miniature
apartment building.

And when you hit
the right numbers,

the occupant of your
choice leaps to his death

and becomes your snack.

You don't get
out much, do you?

Ha. Only when necessary.

And the Libris Fabula
calls for it.

As long as that book
is being read,

its stories will
come to life.

Any story?

At first only the stories
already in the book

come to life but as
the book gains power,

those stories can be changed,
new stories added, rewriting reality.

Mm. Reality.

It's just shared narrative
we agree to believe.

You're a very odd cowboy.

So I've been told.

And as the stories
come to life,

they get more powerful
and more powerful,

more people are
swept up in them.

Entire towns,
entire nations.

How big are we talking?

What do you think
caused the Black Death?

The yersinia pestis bacterium.

You're adorable.

Can it be controlled?

Can you control
your imagination?

- No.
- No.

No.

No, the book's only limit
to bring stories to life

is that life has
to come from somewhere.

So it needs a power source
to feed the magic.

Very good.

And the people who
feed the story,

they grow weak,
they get sick, they die.

So, somewhere in
the records of this hospital--

There's a pattern of people
becoming ill for no reason.

Good, you two comb
through the records,

see if you can find
magic patient zero.

Stone, you and I are gonna
hunt down that book.

All right.

I think I saw a local
library down the street.

Maybe we can get a lead
on local collectors, rare books--

- Ezekiel?
- ( Alarm blares )

Just stay out of jail.

Nope.

Ah-ha!

Here's a case of a boy
getting sick after

eating a piece of
siding off of his house.

Ooh, and one about an epidemic
of food poisoning at a local apple farm.

Psychiatric file on
a woman paranoid

that her stepchildren
were trying to kill her.

All of these have been happening in
the past three weeks.

Those are people
being affected by the story,

not being sucked dry
to power the book.

And no one died.

Maybe it's too new.

Maybe the Libris Fabula
isn't strong enough yet?

Yes, it took several years
for the plague to build up.

Still, something odd.

Well, we're lucky they're just getting
trapped in fairy tales.

You know, singing, dancing,

woodland creatures
making ball gowns.

Oh, my dear, these are
not your cartoon stories.

These are the original fairy tales
filled with death and dismemberment.

And there's still
a long list of archetypes.

Archetypes?

The mayor was the only one
able to wear

the emperor's new clothes.

And that girl, she cut out
of work early,

strayed from the path
she was meant to be on

and she got eaten
by a wolf for it.

Fairy tales are getting
stronger.

There are more roles to
fill that we haven't seen.

Princes, princesses,
huntsmen, rogues.

And their stories,
their fates,

are often
the most terrible of all.

Oh! What?

What are you doing?
Are you okay?

My shoe keeps falling off.

- Hello.
- Hi, there.

Can I help you folks?

We are looking
for a book.

( Chuckles )

Well, you've come
to the right place.

This is the library.

I'm Mr. Maguire.

I've been running the Bremen
library for the past 30 years.

Well, then you should
know every book in here.

What we're looking
for is very old.

Well, got a lot
of old books.

Austen, Bronte, Dickens,

not that anybody
wants the classics.

Nowadays,
I read to the kids,

it's all Katniss Everdeen
or Artemis Fowl.

Whoever that is.

Well, we're looking
for something just a little bit older.

Oh. Um...

Old like that.

Ah.

That's 15th century folio.

Mm-hmm.

That should be in a museum.

Is that
"Hypnerotomachia Poliphili"?

Yeah, I'm just finishing up
some cataloging.

These are part of a collection
recently donated to us

by Mr. Deter in his will.

Deter. Thompson Deter?

Ah!

Hi.

What are you doing here?

Ezekiel Jones, world class
coin hunter, and you are--

Dying.

But it's okay, they let me
choose my flavor of Jell-O

well, at least you have
that going for you.

It took me awhile,

but when my ANC
got down to 1,000,

I graduated from green
to the red flavor.

Ugh. Hate the green.

If I get under 500, I think
they'll break out the pudding.

Well, that's not right.

You should be able to sneak
desserts better than that.

Oh, yeah?
How would you do it?

Thompson Deter is-- was
a rare books collector.

I heard he has the biggest
collection of arcane

and mystic texts
in the world.

I'm sorry, when did he die?

A few weeks back.

He left this entire
collection to detail.

It takes me a month to get
through one manuscript.

Well, maybe we could help
you catalog them.

We're librarians, too.

Really?

Really.

As trustee
of this collection,

I have a sacred duty.

I have to document all of these
before I can expose any more.

Sorry.

We need someone
who can pick a lock.

Feel for the pins.

These are standard
five pin locks.

Kitchen lock's
will be the same.

Now, push each pin up
'til it locks into place.

Then turn.

There you go!

A little bit of practice and
you'll be swimming in tapioca.

Problem is, I'm not really
supposed to be out of bed.

I get tired.

What do you have?

They don't know.

I just got sick one day.

I fell asleep at story hour at
the library and I woke up here.

Look, all I know is you gotta
be the one to help yourself.

Do what you want
when you want.

Otherwise you spend the rest of your life
stuck with green Jell-O.

I think my dad would rather
I just stay in this room.

He said a girl was saying
she got swallowed by a wolf.

Yeah. I heard about that.

Sort of cool, right?

Like one of those
old fairy tales?

Fairy tales aren't
really my thing.

The bad guy?
He never wins.

I love them.

Magic and heroes--

What are you looking for?

I was just wondering if you
had any books I could borrow.

They don't let me
keep any books in here.

It's not sterile.

Not even any visitors
except reading days.

I'll be back, okay?

Hang on to this for me.
For luck.

Hi!

Cassandra, you are
so charming.

Let me get you
another drink.

No, honey, why don't you get
me some French fries?

My friends are here.

We think we found
the book at the library.

You saw it?

Stone: No, but there's a rare
collection of books there.

It fits.

Oh, good.

We need you to pick
a lock at the library.

Easy. But we have to go to
the hospital first.

Cassandra: No, there's no time.

If the book is
in the collection,

we need to get it now.

We couldn't find
a pattern of people

getting sick but that's because
the book wasn't strong enough yet.

Maybe we can find it
and stop it

before it gets strong
enough to kill someone.

Collection's only been
there a few weeks.

It makes sense.

No, listen. There's a kid
at the hospital.

She likes fairy tales and
she's sick, no one knows why.

She's the one--

She's the one you should
have stayed away from.

Sheriff, what is this?

Your friend here broke into

my daughter's hospital room.

Bad enough he could
get her sicker,

but I find her
practicing lock-picking?

( Growls )

I told you I could
smell trouble.

Jamie's your kid.
Lucky me.

But tell me, Sheriff,
how are you going to arrest me

when you can't catch me?

Sheriff, you know you can't
take him without charging him.

He comes with me or else!

Yeah?
Or else what?

( Growls )

Or I'll huff and I'll puff and

I'll blow this whole bar down!

Another wolf?

Different fairy tale,
it's a different wolf.

And he wants his little piggy.

Well how is this my fault?

Okay, it's a little my fault.

We've got to move
before the sheriff realizes

this building is
only made out of wood.

( Sniffs, growls )

All right, looks like
the coast is--

Down! Down! Get down!

Okay. How many wolves are
there in the original fairy tales?

Well, considering they
originated in Germanic folklore

and wolf's the natural enemy
of the agrarian life--

I'd say a lot. Why?

Cassandra: The football players.
They're the wolves.

We have to get to
the library and get that book.

The old man has to have it.

No, no, no, we need to
go to the hospital.

No, the library's closer.

Yeah, but we got--

( humming )

♪ Ha-ha-ha ♪

Eve, what are you doing?
Are you humming?

What?

- You were just humming.
- No, I wasn't.

All right, look,
this, this is strange.

All right? Cassandra's
like a chick magnet and Baird,

I'm pretty sure that hair
is not army regulation.

Oh, I'm sorry.
We're being strange?

Where'd you get the axe?

I don't know.

( Sniffs )

You smell that?

A storm's a coming.

There's a bird on you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

( Phone rings )

Yes?

Jenkins! Quick question.

Is it possible we're getting
sucked into the fairy tales?

Fatal, yet interesting.

Just out of curiosity,
what roles are you playing?

Well, I'm pretty sure
Stone's the Huntsman.

And Cassandra's
Prince Charming.

Weirdly.

And Baird is a princess.

( Scoffs )

A princess!

( Laughs )

It's happening.

Look, Jenkins,
if we're all heroes,

we're all the good guys, that means
we get happy endings, right?

No, remember I told you,
even for the heroes,

there's death, dismemberment,
100-year comas.

Not to mention all
the civilian bystanders.

In fact the only one who escapes
every story unscathed is the "Jack".

The "Jack"?

Yes, Jack.
The nimble rogue.

The lucky thief
who lives by his wits.

Where's Ezekiel?

All right. Listen.
Good luck finding the book.

Got to go.

All right, sheriff's gone.

Look at everybody else.

I'm sorry, have you
seen my sheep?

No? Has anyone
seen my sheep?

Man: I did not look
at another woman!

( Slide whistle )

Woman: Did your nose
just grow?

Ooh.

The book's
getting stronger.

It's not just us,
it's everybody in town.

They could all
get hurt, or worse.

Baird:
New plan.

We get everyone on the highway
and out of town to--

( creaking )

Okay, old plan.

Back to the library,

but we take all
the civilians with us.

Hey! Come with me if
you want to live!

I've been waiting for you to
say that to me my whole life.

Okay.

There they are!

Let's move!
Time to move!

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

The prince, the princess
and the huntsman.

As the wolves followed
their prey down the path--

Stop.

Oh, hello.

Jamie? Wake up.

What's wrong with her?

This happens when she's
listening to the stories.

It's reading day.

You think you're helping her
by reading her

what she likes but you're
draining the life out of her.

( Laughs )
That's ridiculous.

I know exactly
what I'm doing.

All right. It's time
to stop the crazy

Oh, oh, ooh.

You know, when I started
reading this book to the kids,

I found out
that it drains the listener

but it gives the storyteller
some of its strength.

I haven't felt
this good in years.

You're hurting Jamie.

You're going to kill her.

People say you're lucky
if you die of old age.

But do you have any idea
what it's like to get old?

To be forgotten?

I gave my life
to this town.

Now this town is
giving life to me.

It's my happily ever after!

You're welcome to stay
and listen.

Listen, while
I take out your friends.

Now, where were we?

Oh, yes, yes, here we are.

The wolves hunted their prey.

Everybody in the back.

Go.

I don't want to leave you.

I know, but I need you
to be safe.

All right,
come on.

They're coming.
We got to hold them back.

Until?

Until a lucky rogue
can save us.

( Cellphone rings )

Maguire:
Took all the villagers--

If you left because
you got bored, so help me--

I'm at the hospital
with the book

and your nice
old library guy.

Actually not so nice.

He's reading
the book to the kid.

He's getting some
kind of juice from it.

Kid? What kid?
The kid you found?

Yeah, I tried to tell you.
I stumbled on her by sheer--

Sheer luck--
of course you did.

Jones, you're the only one
the story works for, not against.

What?

You have to get him to stop.

The story he's telling
will kill us.

It'll kill the town.

Maguire:
They could hear,

but the wolves smashed
in the doors of the sad little castle!

( Glass shatters )

( Growling )

( Sniffs )

Smells like dinner.

My friends, now is the time
we will rise against

the forces of darkness.

There is no beast that
cannot be slain,

no army that will
not be faced.

Together we will fight
and together we will win!

( Cheering )

( Snarls )

Baird.

Hey!

( Growls )

Hey guys, I'm actually
pretty good at this.

( Whimpers )

( Whimpers )

Why am I wearing heels?

- While the villagers cowered--
- Jones!

The princess,
prince and huntsman--

change the story, Jones!

Change the story!

Change the story.

The wolves that were hunting
them were all suddenly blind.

It has
to be a story.

Stories have a beginning,
the wolves hunt your friends,

a middle, they find them,

and an end.

The wolves kill everyone.

( Growling )

They're all dead.

Jamie, Jamie, wake up.

What story am
I supposed to tell?

Yours. Give it
your happy ending.

Tell your story.

Okay.

Quick before the spell
wears off.

Well, in mine, in mine it
only looked like they died.

Because the huntsman
is really a, a robot.

Yeah, I can work with this.

And the princess
is a ninja princess.

( Wolves whimper )

About time.

Keep going, Jamie.

The prince is really
Merlin in disguise

and you can't kill Merlin.

And using their combined skills
they chase the wolves away.

Except for the head wolf.

He's forced to pay
for his crime.

But he doesn't die either.

No. But he has
to eat green Jell-O.

Forever.

I don't even know
where these came from.

The end.

That can't be the end.

Looks like you don't get
your happy ending after all.

I just-- I don't
understand what happened.

One minute, I was with you all
at Walter's tavern and then--

Sometimes what happens is
when unexplainable events occur,

people like to think it's
magic when really it's just--

Swamp gas.
Swamp gas.

We discovered it during
our traffic flow study.

Yes, it's a natural,
but localized occurrence.

It causes, you know,
people in a radius, the town,

to mass hallucinate.

Hallucinate?

We need to call FEMA.

No, no, no.

No need to do--

we've neutralized
the situation--

is a thing that we do.

The library,
jobs of the library.

Anyway, that's why so many
crazy things kept happening.

In fact, you might want
to give everyone in town

a pass on
the last couple days.

Jamie!
How are you out of bed?

Jamie's feeling
a lot better.

- Right kid?
- Right, Dad.

I am.

This can't be real.

Wait, what did you do?

I think this is one of
those times where we say,

"and they lived
happily ever after,"

and we go our separate ways.

Oh, sweetie. Oh.

Dad?
Who are those people?

They're librarians,
honey.

Librarians?

Wow, now that I say
that out loud,

that does not make
any sense at all.

Not a lick.

( Electricity buzzes )

Jenkins!

Are those--

Yes. Thompson Deter's
arcane book collection?

I decided it was likely
better that they come with us.

Who knows what else is in them?

I can only imagine.

An annotated "Paradise Lost"?

You don't want to know
who it's annotated by.

The Libris Fabula.

Baird:
Blank. It's blank.

Not entirely.

Magic always has a cost.

I have just
the place for him.

Mr. Maguire and the book
will cause no further problems.

Is it just me or the deeper into magic
we get the weirder it gets?

I don't know. I didn't mind all
those girls buying me drinks.

I'm just glad my hair
is back to normal.

I think I'll go spend some
time with the punching bag.

Break a few nails.

What about you, Ezekiel?

What about me?

Do you feel different?

Nah.

Really? That's it?

You don't--
nothing at all?

Why? Should I?

Well, surprisingly,
you did save the day.

Of course I did.
I'm awesome.

So that's it?
You're awesome?

Yeah.

Well, everybody tells me
I can't do what I want,

can't rely on luck,
but when a magic spell

turns everybody into
heroes of legend,

who did it turn me into?

Me.

Yep. I'm gonna go
punch something.

I'm right behind ya.

Seriously?

You know
who's really lucky?

Not me. You.

For knowing me.

You're welcome.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

( Music playing )