The Librarians (2014–2018): Season 1, Episode 4 - And Santa's Midnight Run - full transcript

I'll take that for you.

You look hungry, my friend.

Have some of the best
chili for Christmas.

Chili? For Christmas?

That's robin, that is.

Nobody move!
I'm here for the money!

Tea-leafing a soup kitchen?
Are you Patrick Swayze?

Kris Kringle, give me
the cash donations

Before I paint these walls
with Christmas cheer.

You don't want to do that, son.

And you want to die?



Everyone, no matter
what their choices are,

Have the potential for good.

You've done some
good things in the past.

Maybe not many,
but there is something,

Someone you want to...

You need to be better for.

A family member.

A mother.

A mother who believed
in you no matter what.

You shut up.

So little human
kindness ever shown to you,

My poor boy, but it is there.

Be what she wanted.

Be a better version
of who you are.



It's not too late, son.

It's never too late to take
in the Christmas spirit.

Isn't that better?

Mistletoe, a trick
to reveal myself.

No. Really?

We have to do this here?

Plus, I just spent a week
clearing all this.

Which one of you messed it up?

No, not them. The annex.

This is an interface to
the library

And that was Flynn's workspace
so the annex will always

Reset it to his specifications.

He's the Librarian, so his
settings take precedence.

He belongs here.

And I don't?

I don't belong here!

Now I'm talking to
the building just like him.

Wonderful.

Why are you all so
into this anyway?

By this, do you mean the most
joyous holiday of the entire year?

It was good family fun.

Nieces and nephews ripping
though presents,

Their grandparents singing.

I get to see my cousins
once a year, go out,

Play a little pool,
every once in a while get

Into bar brawl
on Christmas eve.

A Christmas eve bar brawl?

Yeah. I miss it.

My parents felt that it would
stunt the development

Of my intellectual rigor
to expose me

To supernatural fallacies
during my formative years.

They told me that Santa wasn't
real at a very young age.

I wish I'd had even just
a little while to believe.

Jones, don't tell me
you're buying into all this.

I actually love Christmas.

All those valuables
lying around,

Clearly marked by
wrapping paper and bows.

Come on.
That's all just an act.

I know there's good
inside of you.

Yeah. There are days where
I wish I could see

What it's like
to be the good guy.

What? No, no, no,
listen, Gretchen.

Of course. No. He's not here!

Why would he be here, Gretchen?

Yes. No. All right. Fine.

We'll get on it right away.

Christmas is cancelled.

Thank you!

No. I mean Christmas is
cancelled for the whole world

And soon after the whole world

Will be cancelled because
Santa Claus has disappeared.

Follow me.

What?

- Santa is real?
- Santa Claus is real?

Santa's not real.

Santa is real.

Santa is real.

Not exactly in the sense
that you understand.

Now the being often
called Santa...

Not calling him Santa.

Is an immortal avatar
of good will.

All year long he travels
around the world witnessing,

Participating in acts
of kindness, humanity.

Absorbing all of that good
spirit on Christmas eve,

He rises into the atmosphere,
releases all of that goodwill

Back into the human race

Recharging our
karmic battery, as it were.

Without Santa...

Not calling him Santa.

Doing this, the human race
will run out of good will.

Every city on the planet will
be burning by groundhog day.

So that's why everyone's
always cranky

Around the holidays because
we're running low on goodwill?

Precisely. Now when
Mrs. Claus called...

Mrs. Claus is real!

Shiny balls, yes.

When Gretchen called,
she said the last time

He checked in he was in
a soup kitchen in London.

I'll fire up the back door.
You're all going. Come on.

Yes!

Still not calling him Santa.

What do you mean
have I seen me?

I'm right here.

Not you. Santa Claus.

She's out of her bacon.

- My what?
- Your mind.

It's cockney rhyming slang.

Bacon rind, mind.

Are there any languages
you don't speak?

Well, my urdu's a little rusty.

No. I'm sorry. Who was grabbed?

Well, a heap of coke with a
funky titfer serving chili.

Heap of coke, titfer, his jeep
was revoked with a zipper.

No, bloke in a hat.
It's tit for tat.

Yeah, chili was mae west.

Mae west, Santa's
taking a day of rest.

Mae west, the best. Stop.

Got taken off by a bat and ball
and a bunch of sporting tattoos.

Tattoos.
They were playing kazoos!

No. I mean they had tattoos.

This one here, ey?
Nothing in the loaf.

Actually she's got more lemons in
her head than you'll ever have.

- Lemon tart.
- Smarts.

I'm trying...

Can you describe
these people for me?

Well, one of them had
a right fine pair of reds.

Red rubies for...

Yeah.

These tattoos, Joe Blakes?

You're a sharp wooden plank.

Santa's not missing.
He was grabbed.

Local surveillance
cameras use wi-fi,

So I popped open
the hard drives.

There's no sign of him.

People who grabbed
him had tattoos.

Joe Blakes. Snakes.

Serpent Brotherhood.

- It's him.
- Him who?

From the Serpent Brotherhood.

You all met Lamia, but I'm
the only one who met him.

He's the boss. Dulaque.

Dulaque?

Of course that's what
he's calling himself.

Of course.

Quick question, Jenkins.

What the hell are
you talking about?

If Dulaque and the
Serpent Brotherhood

Have Santa, at least
we know what happens next.

Dulaque kills him.

He kills Santa Claus.

Santa was not expecting
this turn of events.

Santa wouldn't, would he?

Santa has spent a year

Gathering a magical power
from the entire human race,

So we will kill him
precisely at midnight.

Kill Santa?

Well that's one way to end up
on the naughty list.

Thus releasing the power
of his magic unto us.

Why not kill him now and
forget all the pageantry?

The closer to midnight,
the more power we harvest.

Santa's very disappointed
in you, Lamia.

Santa knows why you
wanna do this,

But Santa also knows
it's the wrong way.

Santa knows that you wanna
help people deep down.

He knows that...

Ack!

Mistletoe, poinsettia,
and holly.

Take him to the library.
We finish him at midnight.

If all they have to do
is kill him,

There's no need to move him.
He's still in London.

You remember where
Dulaque's office was

The first time you were there?

I didn't see his address.

I was in the car.
I was blindfolded.

Well, that's a start.
Better than a start.

One thing every thief knows, London is the
most heavily surveilled city in the world.

Average person gets caught
on camera 300 times a day.

Yeah, but I think they'd be pretty
careful not to catch Santa on camera.

Yeah. But what about you
on your first trip?

Were they that
careful with you?

Good having a thief.

Yeah. Still there's half
a million cameras

In London itself and
we got to narrow it down.

All right. You got
a photographic memory,

What do you got
from that first visit?

But I didn't see anything.

Skip sight. Other senses.

Okay.

We landed at Heathrow.

We took a helicopter
into the city.

Not too many helicopter
landing spots in the city.

Helicopter, whirlybird,

Bernoulli's principle
exploited by Sikorsky...

Cassandra. Cassandra,
listen. Focus.

All right?
Just don't see it, listen.

Okay.

We were high up, then we drove

For five and a half minutes

And there was a bridge
in the middle.

North or south.

The car was warmer
on the right-hand side

In the morning,
so we were going north.

Got a radius.

And nicely for us, a lot of them
have police and city cameras

And they do not wipe
their hard drives,

So we're go into
the police servers...

That ain't legal.

Not even remotely.

Got a street, not a building.

It was really, really old.

Then we got it.

That's the Chamberlain House
right there on that street.

It's a classic Victorian.

It was designed by Bevins,
very historical building.

I thought you did art,
not architecture.

Architecture is just
art we live in.

Why doesn't anybody get that?

It's just...

There's not a lot
of three thousand year old

Nefertiti busts laying around.

No, there are not.

You'd be Stone then.

I've read your work.
You're quite gifted.

Pity you don't have the courage

To publish under your own name.

Hello, darling.

Darling?

Last time I saw you, you were
trying to murder me with a sword.

I don't get out the katana to
murder just anybody, cowboy.

You're special.

And the guardian.

The last time I saw you,

You were in that green dress.

No Librarian to protect you
this time, love.

And really, what
sort of guardian

Needs to be saved
by her Librarian?

Kill them, but no guns.

I don't want anything
in here damaged.

Is it... is this yours?
This... what is this?

A qiao bin?

Look at the blue design
under the underglaze.

Quite brilliant, his signature.

What do you think this is?

Do you think this is
late 1426, maybe early 1427?

I reckon there's
probably only like

One of these in
the whole world?

You wouldn't.

No, I mean... well...

What do we got here?
What is it?

A thousand-year-old
kublai khan,

Probably worth
about 20 million.

Take a look at that, Baird.

No thanks. Lamia?

Is this tibetan?

What do you think?

Hook shot.

Catch it... catch it. Thank you.

Look at this. What do we got?

Here we go. Take that.

Stop it.

Why are you...

Why are you doing this?

Down the chimney. Well done.

You're Santa Claus.

Indeed, Cassandra Cillian.

Santa knows my name!

You don't look
like the pictures.

Santa does not
look like any of the pictures,

But all the pictures look
like Santa, Ezekiel Jones.

Santa knows my name.

You're in Santa's book.

Same book as her?

You've been a little naughty.

Why are you doing this?

They're stalling.

Get to Santa!

It's a, one of a
kind tibetan kubera.

I couldn't live with myself.

Did they go up the chimney?

They won't get far.

Santa won't be
feeling quite himself.

It's Santa Claus,
like for real.

Jacob Stone, sir.

Santa knows you.
Both incarnations of you.

All right. Get him to the nearest
door Jenkins can home in on.

No. Santa needs to be at
the North Pole tonight!

Santa needs his sleigh.

Number 943 in things
I thought I'd never say,

But I'm saying in this job,

Okay, Santa, where did
you park your sleigh?

Santa hid it nearby,
along the rail road tracks.

And you're gonna talk in
the third person all day.

Awesome.

All right.
Standard asset protection,

They already believe
you two have him.

Draw them off while
I run escort to transport.

All right.

How do we get their attention?

This should be interesting.

You suck at being subtle,
work with that.

We have them.
They're heading north.

Santa always hides his sleigh.

I'm not smelling reindeer.

Santa senses that Eve Baird

Does not have
the Christmas spirit.

Pal, I've known
immortal things before.

People may call you Santa,
but you're not Santa Santa.

Santa will prove it to you
when you see...

Somebody jacked Santa's ride.

Awesome.

Here you go, mate.

We got to go.
What are you doing?

I have no idea.

Come on.

Okay. There's a
little truck thing.

We'll get to the truck,
we're gonna...

What did you... what is that?

A doll?

Why is there a doll in my boot?

Because he's Nikolas.
Nikolas the wondermaker.

Santa Claus has different
incarnations throughout history.

Different cultures
manifested him different ways.

Nikolas the wondermaker
was a prankster.

He hid gifts in children's
shoes, which makes no sense.

He hasn't been Nikolas
in centuries.

Don't be Nikolas.

Santa is having a hard time keeping
his incarnations straight.

Tell Jenkins
that Santa was poisoned.

Wait. Poisoned?

Santa's almost all-powerful.

He shouldn't be
affected by poison.

Santa is without the talisman
of his current form.

Talisman?

It's what defines each
version of Santa.

The stick is Nikolas.
The hat...

The hat? Wait.
He doesn't have his hat?

I gave it to Ezekiel.
Will it affect him?

♪ Deck the halls
with boughs of holly ♪

♪ fa la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la ♪

♪ 'tis the season to be jolly ♪

Please kill me.

♪ Now we don our gay apparel ♪

Listen, you keep moving.

Santa is very powerful magic.

They'll be able to track him
if you stop moving.

Great. Road trip with a psychotic
shape-shifting avatar of goodwill.

Santa thinks that will be
a mouthful to say every time

You want to get
Santa's attention.

Fine. Nick, I'll go with Nick.

Santa does not understand

Why colonel Baird
hates Christmas.

The real Santa would.

Especially because Santa
knows why your first name is...

Don't. Don't even consider it.

And don't ho.

Nick, don't ho.

You have to let Santa
get to third the ho.

Otherwise it's sticks
to Santa's head.

I don't care.

I hear you.

Off-key humming for hours
of a Christmas carol.

Aces.

Colonel Baird really seems
to be on Christmas's case.

I just... Christmas carols
are annoying.

Christmas is annoying.

Listen to yourself.

Christmas is the holiday
that brings everybody together.

Yeah. That's the story.

That's it. Look at us.
We're all together.

I've been on a dozen tours
and every Christmas eve,

Everybody gets drunk and tells
each other the same story.

We're all together on
this night, in this place.

It's a good story.

It's just a story.

Save me.

Colonel Baird, have you
reached the North Pole yet?

Jenkins, do you expect me
to drive to the North Pole?

Santa can get us there.

Santa's sleigh has the power
of flight,

But Santa is the one
that makes it go fast.

Jenkins, we're nowhere
near the North Pole.

We're in Canada.

Why aren't we
at the North Pole?

We're out of gas.

Colonel Baird got Santa
out of London,

But there is no way to get
him to the North Pole in time.

How about we just all
hold hands, bow our heads,

And be grateful that we're
all here safe together.

I don't feel so well.

It's the hat. Christmas magic.

You might wanna tell him
to take it off.

Nah.

Wait. Does it have to be
the North Pole?

This is about ley lines, right?

Santa releases the magic
power at midnight,

That power travels through
the world using the ley lines.

Yes, and the northern ones
are the most powerful.

Hence, the legend of
Santa and the North Pole.

Pole, polarity.

I got it. All right?

All right. One more.

Flynn.

Okay. I have an idea,
but I'm gonna need

Satellite maps,
a farmer's almanac.

Right here.

And plasma quantum
dynamics charts,

Also some of that... i'm sorry.

Do you smell hot chocolate?

Don't forget
the cinnamon sticks.

Oven's ready for the cookies.

Where do you reckon
he got the apron?

I have...

We're in Canada in the middle
of nowhere, out of gas.

Good rescue.

Colonel Baird, it's all right.

Cassandra believes
she has a plan.

I don't think we need to go
all the way to the North Pole.

I think we can tap in using
the northern lights

As a plasma conductor
into the ley line.

Why can't I stop stuffing?

That would work, but we need
the strongest possible

Aurora borealis,
which happens...

There, somewhere over Alaska.

How exactly am I supposed
to get to Alaska?

No, no, that's all right.

There is a commercial
shipping airport near you.

What part of out of gas
are we unclear on?

Colonel Baird, I will send
Cassandra and Ezekiel ahead

To arrange a plane
to transport you

To the site of
the aurora borealis.

And Mr. Stone will meet you,

Here, small town,
very near you.

And he'll get a car...

And he'll transport
you to the airport.

Good luck.

What now?

Now, Nick, we walk.

Yup. There you go.

There's the Christmas spirit.

Mr. Hank Perry of moose jaw
is just having a bad day.

Like I said, I've seen a dozen
Christmases in a dozen countries.

More, if colonel Baird counts the
army bases she lived on as a child.

Don't do that.

Don't use your power
for personal stuff, don't.

Santa is sorry.

Accepted.

But maybe that's why
colonel Baird feels like

She has no place
where she belongs.

But as long as you're with
other people, you belong.

The entire human race
belongs together.

All those Christmases,
I was in places

That completely
disproved that theory.

I was there because people were
fighting, hurting each other,

Doing things I, that they,
that nobody could ever

Make right on Christmas.

Colonel Baird is correct.

A human action, once taken,
can never be changed,

But a human heart, that
can always be changed.

Town's up ahead.

All right. Stay out of trouble.

I'm going to call Stone.

Hi.

Is that the plane being
held for colonel Baird?

Yeah, it is. I'm your pilot.

Midnight flight on
Christmas eve?

Yup.

You're trying
to see the sleigh?

People do that sometimes.

Something wrong there, mate?

Don't seem to have the
traditional holiday spirit.

I promised my fiancée
we'd spend tonight together

And then I got called
on this flight.

Well, we won't be long,

So you'll have plenty of time
to celebrate afterwards.

Yeah, you're right.

I need the cash
for the wedding.

But you'd really love to be
with her right now?

I mean, that'd be
your Christmas wish?

More than anything.

No, no.

Yes.

No. Dear.

Yes. No.

- Ezekiel?
- No. Yes, no.

Ezekiel, no.

Go be with the one you love.

Don't listen to me.

Yes. We're okay without you!

Are you sure?

Absolutely. Here.

Love is the supreme power.
It trumps everything.

Why am I doing this?

Go be with the one you love.

Take this as a wedding gift!

Hugs.

Okay. My gosh.

You're the nicest guy
in the world.

Thank you.

Did I do it again?

Yeppers.

Actually went through a door that
wasn't a bathroom this time.

I rented a truck from a local.

Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!

Shit. He's changed
incarnations again.

He's Odin.

The Viking god of battle
and death.

What?

What the hell kind
of Santa is that?

The Vikings celebrated both
winter solstice and yule.

And Odin actually was the
original incarnation of Santa.

They made sacrifices to him as
a god and he protected them.

Come on, Nick. Time to go.

Odin does not want to go.

Odin wants more beer.

Okay, okay, buddy.
Slow it down there?

Mere mortals, do not tell
Odin to slow it down.

Odin wants revelry.

Odie, ogie, whatever,

You're about to get turfed
from this bar.

You don't... you don't...
you don't have to do that.

- We got him.
- Nick.

- No.
- Nick.

No. Now Odin wants
to spill blood.

Well, then, okay then.

Okay then?

With me, warriors?

Gloves off?

Santa is sorry.

Unbelievable.

Saw that.

Somebody's doing what
they're supposed to.

Thank you, Ezekiel.

Thank you, Cassandra.

- Pilot in the plane?
- Not exactly.

He is spending this most glorious
of holidays with his fiancée.

Merry Christmas.

Sorry. You said... the plane?

Right, well, the plane's
right there, so we did.

Merry Christmas.

There's no pilot?

It's actually kind of positive if
you choose to look at it that way.

You know, like, the glass is
half full instead of half empty.

Unless there's a pilot
in the glass

That can get this bird up in
the air, there is no positive.

Because I'm pretty sure that I
am the most likely person here

To know how to fly
a cargo plane

And I do not know how
to fly a cargo plane.

Santa can fly large
objects through the air.

You sick, Nick?

Santa is carrying all
the power of all the good acts,

All the good humanity
has done for one year.

It is becoming too much.

Don't worry.

According to this,
we'll be in the middle

Of the aurora borealis
in a few minutes

And you can... whatever
you call it.

Deliver the gift.

Gift?

I thought it was gifts for
all the little boys and girls.

No. Just one gift for everyone.

Santa's sleigh
is missing, right?

That's what Baird said.

I think I know who stole it.

Somebody's opened the rear door
from the outside.

Well, that was new.

What kind of a person
steals Santa's sleigh?

A very talented one.

Now hand over Santa, blah,
blah, and you won't be harmed,

Blah, blah, blah, a patently
transparent lie of course.

I'm going to kill you,
blah, blah...

Blah.

Well, I see only one of you
has got a weapon, so...

I'm going to check that out.

As soon as I'm through this
door, lock it and... Nick!

Nick, Nick!

Autopilot engaged.

Guys, Nick is...

Santa's been poisoned
with holly, mistletoe,

Old hedge magics.

Morgan Le Fay would be proud.

Now, hand him over or

I'll show you how very good
I am with a blade.

I've killed more Librarians than
you've seen stars, guardian.

Do it.

Lamia, disable the plane.

Prepare the sleigh.

We shall remove Santa and
kill him at our leisure.

Jones, give Santa his hat.

Why?

It's his. He needs it

To regain his power?

No.

To fight off the poison?

It's a talisman, isn't it?

Give it here, boy.
I'll take that power now.

Don't feel a thing.

I'll be off to kill Santa now.

Actually, it would make us
very, very happy

If you would just kill
Santa right here.

All of us, so happy.

Well...

I'll kill him here then!

Go ahead and take the sleigh.

I'm going to kill him here,
on the plane.

What? Are you sure?!

It would really make
my Christmas

If you sent Lamia right along.

Yes, Lamia.

Go. Take the sleigh and go.

Dulaque, what are you
talking about?

My tippy top Christmas wish
is for her to go.

Go!

Actually, it would make us
all very, very happy

If you told us all
the secrets of magic

And how to stop the
Serpent Brotherhood's plan.

A bit too much?

Just a touch.

Come on, Santa.

Tell me how to help Nick.

Or what? You'll let go?

Colonel Baird, I know
something you don't.

I know I'm holding you
in this plane.

To what end?

How is he?

Santa's...

Ain't gonna fly this plane.

Warning, hydraulic
pressure dropping.

Lamia did a number
on the hydraulics.

I can't keep her up.

What is that beeping?

It's the GPS transmitter.

There's a pipeline survey
station down there.

Are you sure?

I worked the Trans-Alaska
for a year.

It's gonna be abandoned, but
the transponder's still working.

We could get supplies.

There's gonna be shelter.

You want to help me out?

Yeah. How?

Google "how to lower
landing gear."

All right..

Get some heat going,
some light.

See if we can reach Jenkins
on a radio, something.

All right.

Okay, Nick, do your thing.

I...I can't.

What do you mean I?

When did you stop referring to
yourself in the third person?

Nick, you're freakin' me out.

The poison, the separation
from my talisman.

I gave that back!

It's too late.

I contain the energies,
the goodwill of all mankind,

But I cannot focus.

We have failed.

Santa has failed.

The aurora borealis
is going nuts.

Come on, Nick.

Fire up some Christmas cheer.

I can't.

The poison weakened me.

I possess the power, but not
the will to deliver the gift.

We can't have come
all this way and failed.

We can't.

We need a new vessel.

Someone else must
channel the power.

Someone else must be
the Santa for just this night,

But there is no guarantee that
a mortal will survive.

Look. We're the Librarians.

We'll take that risk.

No. I need someone more
attuned to the night,

Someone more bound
to Christmas.

I love Christmas.

What? Me?
Because I wore the hat?

There is no one here more
in tune with Christmas

Than the baby born on
the last stroke of midnight.

So named by her parents as
the girl born on Christmas...

Eve.

You will splinter across the
entire world in an instant.

You will probably not survive.

I think I can survive spreading
around some goodwill.

Goodwill? Who told you?

Jenkins?

But he never really understood.

When a person commits
an act of goodwill,

It does not just create
more goodwill,

It transforms
into something better,

Into a gift
for their fellow man.

So I give you, Eve Baird,
all of humanity's goodwill.

Now, go and give them
back the gift...

Of hope.

Come on. Come on.

Hello!

Bp dropping, vitals are crashing.
We gotta go!

My god.

Damn it. He's gone.

Yes. Go, go, go, baby.
He's still with us!

Rodriguez, get out of there!

I can't find her.
I just can't find her.

Rodriguez, get out of there.
It's coming down.

Baird!

She didn't go anywhere.
Did it work?

She went. Everywhere.

You okay, Eve?

Call me that one more time
and you'll be picking

Pieces of you off
an ice floe for a year.

She's okay.

Just can't believe
Dulaque would kill himself.

Dulaque, die from
falling out of a plane?

We're... he's much
tougher than that.

Speaking of tough, Santa
is making a full recovery.

Well, tell Nick I said hi.

Still not calling him...

Not calling him Santa.

Any plans for the holidays?

No, just a little peace and...

- Surprise!
- Surprise!

Surprise!

Quiet.

How stolen is this?

Is it really considered stolen
if no one knows it's gone?

Well, wasn't the day I was
planning, but it was pretty fine.

What are you talking about?

You got your Christmas wish.
A bar fight.

Isn't that a funny coincidence?

Cassandra got
to believe in Santa Claus.

Yeah. And Ezekiel got
to know what it was like

To be the good guy even
just for a little while.

It was as horrible
as I imagined.

Too bad you didn't make a
Christmas wish, colonel.

Would've come true, too.