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The Letdown (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Matresence - full transcript

Audrey misses the final Parents' Group but gets a surprising one-on-one with Ambrose. Georgia organises a nurse-in and Jeremy finally reveals his Californian job offer and he and Audrey face their past and future.

AUDREY: Fucking hell, this is ridiculous!

It was a joke kiss.

We were pretending
to be husband and wife.

I did not... It was nothing.
I didn't mean for it to linger.

- Linger. Did you say linger?
- Linger? For how long?

That's the wrong word. It didn't...

- Five or six seconds, max.
- Six seconds?

- One one thousand...
- That's an eternity in kissing.

I can't believe we're even
talking about this.

We have much bigger things
to worry about.

Like the fact that we're
gonna be homeless in a month.

What? What are you talking about?

Darling, darling,
you left this in the car.

Um... I couldn't help but overhear...

You do know that I am
a qualified couple's counsellor.

Not qualified,
she has one more exam tomorrow.

So who was kissing who, hm?

Let me take a stab and say
it's my daughter with, ah, you.

- Yeah.
- Ruben!

So let's start with intimacy, OK?

Sex lives.

Um... where's it all at?

Can everyone just... leave, please?

Yeah, just... just go, Mum.

- Not you.
- Oh...

Bye. I'll call you tomorrow, Mum.

Ideally, we'll find something cute
in the area

and it won't be such a big deal.


I'm still grappling with the fact

that you've offered for us to move out
that seems pretty crazy to me.

How many times have I told you I did
not expect her to say yes, did I?

It's her house!

We've had a good run.

I thought we wanted
to buy our own place.

Yeah, when we'd saved a deposit,
not when we went down to one income.

Yeah, I know, but she can't
afford two rents and the mortgage

and we can't cover it all.

She's in a mess.

Verity is irresponsible with money, OK.

Well, I don't hear you complaining
every time she buys you a new shirt.

Well, that would be rude.

It's not because she has excellent
taste in menswear? That is one!

Alright, she doesn't have to go
to Venice to get it.

Can we not do this again?

I am sorry, I will fix it.

I will go to this open house
and get an idea of what we...

Oh, what about mother's group?

I'm sure Ruben would be
really keen to see you.

Yeah, I think our living situation

is a bit more important than that,

- Watch out.
- Oh, well, there we go.

Good morning.

I hate gentrification.

- Cortado?
- Yes, please.

So, um, what are we talking?

- Like, high sevens, eights?
- Two.

- Two?
- Two, yep.

- $2 million?
- Yeah.

Well, fuck off. (LAUGHS)

$2 million for the... ? With these tiles?


- Does that sit in your price range?
- Yep.

Good, OK.

Does it?



- Are you OK?
- Yes.

I'm just gonna, um...

I'm going to check
the orientation of the bathroom.

- North-east.
- Yes, is it?

- Yeah. Mm-hm.
- Good.

Excuse me. Thanks. Yep.

Oh, impeccable timing.

Ooh, yes.



MAN: Are you gonna be long?

Ah, sorry, I won't be a sec.

Can you tell me the dimensions

Um, yeah, it's about
two by three, I'd say.

The vanity... is it
engineered stone or... ?

No, it's like a fake granite.

Um, ah, like a fancy laminate,
think early '90s.

Is there a shower and a bath
or just a bath?

Just a... No, it's a bath, um...

It's a bath with jets.

- Ooh, like a spa bath?
- Yes, yes.


you need to open the door.

Yeah, OK, I'm just
changing a nappy, alright?

Won't be a sec, sorry.


AMBROSE: Well, final week.
You made it.

Here's to you all and to Audrey,
wherever she is.

ALL: Cheers.

I can't believe this is over.

We've all changed so much.

I mean look at me,
I'm drinking out of a paper cup.

Oh, yeah, I'm gonna need those back too.

They're for Neil's 40th on Sunday.

Alright, 20 words - or less -
one thing you've all learned.

How much you can achieve
on such little sleep.

Head lice can definitely survive on
bedsheets for longer than 24 hours.

Yeah, and FYI, ladies,
bald babies can catch them too.

Um, that career and money
aren't everything.

- Big shift on that one.
- Yeah, you're right.

Career and money aren't...

Well, hang on...

I need my career
so I can earn us some money.

- Oh.
- Georgia?

Well, no surprise, really, to learn

just how fucking sexist and
misogynistic the world still is

and how appalling it is that
I can still be body-shamed

for feeding my baby.

- What?
- What? You?

Yeah. I got kicked out of a cafe
for breastfeeding.

- Oh, stop it.
- No way!

- That is crazy.
- Why is that still happening?

That is outr... That... I'm sorry...

... that really gets me.

LEAH: No, really,
how is this still happening?

There are legal protections
in place for this.

Yeah, I had to draft a lactation
accommodation policy at my work.

Mainly for me. It was very tedious.

Georgia, which cafe was it?
Please don't say Petty Cash Cafe.

- It was Petty Cash.
- Oh, shit.


That is shit that you were kicked out

and not that it is...
was our favourite cafe.

Well, there is one thing you lot can do.


No, I was thinking of writing a letter.

- I'm in, actually.
- Of course you are.

- Yeah, me too.
- Yeah, me too. That sounds fun.

RUBEN: Let's do it.

Nah, I think breastfeeding
in public's gross.

- What?
- Why?

I am joking, of course I'll come,
I was just trying to get out of it.

- Oh, I'm weaning, is that an excuse?
- No.


Anything you wanna tell me?


No? Nothing in California?

Just how did you...

Don't get mad.

I was gonna tell you as soon
as I had all the paperwork

and all the finer details,
then I was gonna let you...

I can give you them right now,
if you like.

Um, "Danish '60s teak,
D-shape legs, well proportioned.

"Excellent condition", apparently,
and it's in Palo Alto.


You've got a serious problem, pal.

This is the last thing
we should be spending money on.

Hang on, paperwork? What?

I've been offered a new job.

They're developing a new prototype
for the electric car.

Why didn't you tell me that?

Because it's in California.

You're kidding me.

We can't go to America.

For one, I am not flying long-haul
until she's two and I can drug her,

and for two, what about Trump?

- California's quite progressive.
- Oh, right.

There's even a movement to secede,
it is called Calexit.

- Is it?
- Yes.

Yeah, well, I'll secede from you
in a minute.

- And you know what I'll call that?
- What will you call that?

Jeremy exit. J... Jegzit.

Jerk Exit. Jegzit.

Yeah, good one, Aud.

Are you just gonna make a unilateral
decision on this, are you?

Kind of like the one you made with
Verity when you gave back our house?

- Her house?
- Yes.

Look, I haven't accepted the job
but I would be stupid not to.

14 people have been retrenched
this last month.

What? Why haven't you told me that?

Because there's this thing,
I don't want you to worry.

Well, now I'm more worried because
you kept the initial worry from me.

Oh, so with that logic maybe
I should be a little bit more concerned

about what goes on
between you and Ruben?

Oh, come on. That's...

Look, I think this job offer
has come at the best time.

You and I have talked about
we want to go and move overseas,

these guys will pay start-up costs.

Aud, this is my job
and it's taking us...

What about my job? My career?

I just don't work for a few years.
Is that it?

'Cause I'm really excelling
at this stay-at-home mum thing.

- You are excelling.
- I am not.

- Yes, you are!
- I'm not!

Last night's carbonara
was made with breast milk.

So what?

Because I couldn't be fucked
going to the shops.

Yeah, that's good, isn't it?
I have never washed

any of my maternity bras and
how old is she now? That's months.

Well, sometimes...

I tell people she's teething when
I can't work out how to settle her,

- which is a lot of the time...
- OK, I get it.

- I get that stuff.
- So you can't just...

First the baptism and now this.

And I know you finished
Chef's Table without me.

- They're stand-alone episodes.
- What is happening to us?

This is supposed to be...
the happy time.

People talk about this is like
the best time.


I'm just trying to look after you, OK?

Yeah, well, I am a fucking grown-up.

I'm going to cool down.

Literally, I'm gonna go to the pool.

Um, she's napping, so you...
Ah, you'll work it out.

Hello, stranger.

We get to say goodbye after all.

I get irritated at the smallest things.

Like... people exercising or...

... Jeremy's loud breathing.

I don't want to be a cranky mum.

Of course you don't wanna be
a cranky mum, it's normal.

Maybe I'm too selfish
to be any good at this.

You know, last weekend
I went away without her and, um...

... it was a relief.

I quite enjoyed scrubbing floors
and fighting with Mum.

It's normal.


What if I can't always put her first?

You need to let go
of how you thought it would be.

I don't really feel like me.

Well, it's normal. I mean,
Ester said something this week.

She said she'd realised
that you are still you

as well as being a mum.

Even though you're a mum,
you're still you and it's true.


I get... Well, she... you know...

... she's smart, she's quite smart.
She is a bit annoying. But she's...

- Very annoying.
- Yeah.

- But clever. Yeah.

If you keep looking back,

the only thing you'll think about
is what you've lost.

How are things going with, ah,
what's his name? Jeremy, is it?

Yeah. Um...

- Right now we're not at our best.
- Mm.

You know when babies cry
and we give them a little squeeze,

it doesn't matter how irrational it is,

we just try to understand them

and make them feel safe.

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

Imagine if we could do that for
ourselves, or for any other adults.

We're all just big babies, really.

How many did you have?

I carried one to term
and then I lost him.

Oh, wow. I am...

- ... I'm so sorry.
- Don't be.

- And here I am just complaining...
- Don't be.

- Sorry.
- Don't be, it's normal.

I get to work with babies every day.

This is what mother's group
was for - having a good chat.

You stay in touch with the girls...

... and Ruben.

They're an interesting bunch.


We should get changed,
your lips are blue.

- Ooh, thank you for noticing.
- Yeah, sorry.

- It's alright. You good?
- Yeah.

Good, 'cause I'm freezing.

- Hey.
- Hi.

When's she gonna start sleeping
in a cot like a normal baby?

Not that I am complaining,
these pick-ups are great.

You look nice. Is that lipstick?

- And eye-liner.
- Wow, God I miss make-up.

You never wore make-up.

Yeah, well, I miss making
the conscious choice to not wear it.

Hey, can you swing by the park?

I want to see your old mate
with the bum bag.

- Big night? Hot date?
- Actually, I'm seeing Bob again.


Yeah, we've been back on
for about a month.

That's... Oh, that's good.

What are you doing tonight?

- Oh, just this.
- Oh, OK.

I almost forgot, I've got news.

We might be moving.

Jeremy's just been offered
a job in California.

Holy shit. Awesome.

- Is it?
- Yeah.

- Won't you miss me?
- Miss you, no.

I'll be on the first
cheap flight to visit,

we'll probably see more of each other.

I can't remember the last time
I was in California.

- Having a good night?
- BOTH: Yeah.

Who's going to California?

I been there, it's awesome.
You'll love it, it's the best.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- When?
- Ah, like '85. Mum won the lotto.

She took me and my two
half sisters to Disneyland.

And this is how you thank her? With
your life of drugs and petty crime.

I didn't ask to go to Disneyland.

Like, she could have invested
her money wisely,

maybe she would have a house now
that she owns, but she doesn't.

- Hey, can I PayPal?
- Yeah, totally, yeah, yeah.

Why don't you deposit the money online,

then put 'cocaine'
in the description bit,

then I'll email you a receipt
for your records.

Yeah, OK, I just thought
you might prefer

not to carry all that
cash around in your...

Well, he is carrying drugs, isn't he?

So the cash is probably
the least of his worries.

Let's do this.

- What are you doing?
- Hey? This.

- Get out of the car.
- No, no.

- Get out!
- It will take two seconds.

You are not doing that here.
You are not doing that here.

- There is a minor there.
- Where?

- Just there.
- Oh, my God, he's grown, hasn't he?

Don't touch her. Get out.
Get out. Get out. Get out.

- I'll just walk to Bob's.
- OK.

- Bye, love.
- Bye.

Hey, um, before you go,
what are you doing tomorrow?

Some friends are staging a nurse-in.
Extra bodies would be good.

Is that... That's a joke, right?

Not really.
Don't worry... No, don't worry.

- Um, miss you already.
- See ya.

I'm free.

- Not you.
- OK.


GEORGIA: When I say 'mother',
you say 'sucker'.

- Mother.
- ALL: Sucker.

- Mother.
- Sucker.

So how long does a nurse-in
go for, love? Just a ballpark?

As long as it takes to
get our message through.

- Another cupcake?
- Yeah, thank you.

I don't know why I'm here.

I've weaned and we're not making
much of an impact,

the place is bloody heaving.

- That's because you're on the ground.
- Get up, stand up, show some spirit!

ALL: Alright.

OK, Ruben, another chant.

Start something
that will draw a crowd, yeah?

OK, so breastfeeding's not working...

What about the Westlink Motorway?
That really gets people riled up.

No! Fuck motorways.

OK, what about, um, safe schools.

Trans rights,
that's really hot right now.

Like bathrooms are for everyone,
trans rights are human rights.

I thought this was a breastfeeding
rights things, not a trans thing.

Well, it is, but you're dressed
for both, so, good on you, Dave.

What are you two wearing?

- What is that?
- BOTH: Breasts.

Hey, there's Audrey. Audrey, hi.

ALL: Hi!

Audrey's here. Sorry.

Here, Aud, have a cake
before Barb eats them all.

- They're bloody nice.
- Maybe later.

Hi, Audrey.

Nice to meet you...
See you again. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

You too.

- Is that Breakfast News Tony?
- Ah, it is.

- Oh, my God!
- Yeah, he owes me.

I accidentally leaked that council
memo on travel expenses last year.

Thought it was my civic duty.

- Do you wanna meet him?
- Damn right I do.

- Here hold this.
- Come with me.

- Georgia Lee. Thanks for coming.
- Is this the whole thing?

I gave up a state government
sex scandal for this?

Come on, you can build it.
Just do some long lens stuff.

A bit of slow motion of the manager
behind the glass,

ominous music, it'll be fine.

Can we at least get some boobs out?


...her, blondie.

Sorry. It is the number one
morning news show.

We're number three,
it's been a tough year.


Hey Soph, is Ziggy Junior
ready for a feed?

Yes, sure.


Get in tight. Tight.


ALL: (CHANT) Tits for tots!
Tits for tots!

Tits for tots! Tits for tots!

- Tits for tots!
- OK, got the chant.

- I hate the word 'tits'.
- Oh, same.

Hey, guys, I was thinking
of drawing up a social calendar

now that our Ambrose time's up -
maybe rotate hosting.

Oh, yeah...

I'm not sure how long I'll be around.

We might be moving for Jeremy's work.

- What?
- Where to?

Ah... America actually. California.

- ALL: What?!
- America?!

- Are you going?
- What's the job?

Ah, electric car engineering stuff.

Nup, sounds dumb.
He should get a real job here.

TONY: Piece to camera. Let's go.

OK, let's go.

You're OK, we've been doing so well.


Our culture sexualises the breast,

whether it's through porn
or plastic surgery or whatever.

But what is the true purpose of breasts?

To feed human babies.

- Let's turn the cameras off, huh?
- Oh, here he is.

This woman comes into our cafe daily

and illegally downloads,
then binge-watches TV shows, OK?

She sneaks in her own food.

She... she drinks hot water
and she chews up all our data.

That's why I asked her to leave.

- I was breastfeeding.
- Breasts had nothing to do with it.

If anything, it was the breasts
on screen that were the problem.

Some subtitled thing.
Danish, I think.

Hoax nursing, entitled millennial
falsely accuses local businessman.

Don't you dare.

You don't know what's it like looking

after these precious little humans.

The monotony and the boredom
and the cabin fever.

Does something to your brain, OK?

I mean, eventually our brains
get a lot bigger and more complex

but there is a transition period.

We need caffeine. We need cafes.

We definitely need, you know,
to escape into quality Danish drama.

And efficient broadband.

Alright, but you owe me.


Let me get some overlay
for childhood obesity.

- Who's got the fattest kid?
- None of... none of them.

Actually, yours will do.

What? She is not even in
the 70th percentile.

It's fine.
We stretch the footage anyway.

Alright. Just promise me
you'll blur her face.

Sorry, Stevie.

Hello, darling.

Well, you didn't miss much.
It just fizzled out in the end.

God, I'm hungry.

Get the mushrooms. They're good.

Hey, I just wanted to say I'm...

I'm sorry I was so mean to you
all those years ago

when you wouldn't give me a sibling.

It's not that straightforward, is it?

Were you?

Yeah, remember when I went
to kick the puppy

'cause I thought it was
a consolation prize?


No, I've got no memory of that.

Anyway, it was your father
who wanted only you.

I wanted a whole tribe of you.

You did not.

Yes, I did. I would have gone for five.

That way you would all
take care of each other.

- Now, Aud, sex.
- Mm-hm?

Looking for more clients, are you?

You two need to make more time
for each other.

Alright, go. I'm not paying you.

- Hi.
- Hi.

How was the nurse-in?

Ah, really good.

Um, I'm just gonna put her down
and then I'm gonna go to bed.

I think I need an early night.


Ooh, come on.

- Aud?
- Shh.

She's asleep. Finally.


Whisky picnic?

Whiskey picnic. Yes.

(CHOKES) Oh, wow.

Out of practice. (COUGHS)

I wanted to say sorry
for not telling you about the job.


I'd just like to make
the odd decision that isn't...

... a striped body suit
or whale print onesie, you know?

- We need to talk to each other.
- Well, OK.

And before you mention the house
again, I know...

- Well, what about the kiss?
- I was...

... getting to that. I'm sorry.

- Is it me?
- I'm...

- I mean, do you not want to...
- No! No!

You and Stevie are everything.

I'm sorry.

I am start... starting to feel
a little less... outside myself.

Maybe it's 'cause I got my period
again. Might be a release thing.

I actually love menstruating.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

I think it's, um...

... it's taken me a while
to get over the... birth.

- I get that.
- Yeah.


I think I can do this California thing.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Oh, fuck it. Let's do it.

- What about Verity?
- No, she is thrilled.

Yeah, she, um... She's gonna
come over for three months,

- help us settle in and...
- Oh, good.

Um, what about her counselling?

Oh, she's all about LA courses now.
Wants to be a death doula.

And I was thinking maybe
I should finish my masters

- 'cause Berkley's in California.
- Yeah...

- Isn't it?
- Yes, it is. I mean, it's far.

It's pretty expensive, but, I mean,
let's just talk about it.

We can keep talking about it and...

- Can we?
- This is delicious.

It is. It's really good.

♪ Open ended, tilt my
head to the night ♪

♪ All the stars above bars
we're human, you and I ♪

♪ Told each other when we looked
down on all the parked cars ♪

♪ I feel lost and lonely when
you show me how to start ♪

♪ Told my friends a stranger
is stranger in the dark ♪

- ♪ But my doubts and ins and outs ♪

♪ Come out easy when I
don't know who you are. ♪

I'll get the keys.

♪ Told each when we looked
down on all the parked cars ♪

- ♪ I feel lost and lonely... ♪

Yeah, can we change positions?
She's right in my eye line.

Yes, sure, sure, sure.

- Ooh... You go first.
- Whoops, sorry.

(LAUGHS) I'll swap you,
you can help me with that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

♪ Told each other when we looked
out on all the parked cars ♪


♪ I feel lost and lonely when
you show me how to start. ♪

- That was good.
- Yeah.

- It was really good.
- Yep.

- Having a good night?
- Oh, Jesus! You're...

- You are omnipresent.
- Mate, I'm everywhere.

- Recognise the car. Saw all that.
- Oh, good.

- OK, mate, thanks.
- Thank you, mate.

Thanks for the show. Who are you?

Yeah, I know him.

But I don't know you.
You're the ball and chain, are ya?

Yeah. That's it. Is that all right?

- You're with this one?
- BOTH: Yes.

- Are ya?
- Yeah.

You know what you've done here
is illegal...

- OK.
- ... in public and in front of a minor.

You probably traumatised
the little fella.

Should be ashamed of yourself.

Nah, only kidding, mate.
Should be proud. Good on ya.

Only young once...
and middle-aged once.

- Anyway, off you fuck.
- OK.

You're in my office.
Got a minute to get out of here.

- Going.
- Thank you.

- Have a good one. Hey, safe travels.
- Thank you. Yep.


OK, well, she's awake.

God, I have become my mother.

What the fffuck?


- Harry?
- Jezza.

- Yeah. Hi.
- G'day, mate.

Just... just reading the contract.

- Ah, good. You got it.
- Yeah, yeah, I got it.

So, a few tweaks on the final draft -
I'll be based in California,

you'll be based
in the manufacturer's workshop.

I'm sorry, say that again.
I... I think I missed that.

I'll be in California,

you'll be based in the head office
in Australia.


Maybe will be the odd trip
here and there.

There's a ripper conference in October.

You can fly the whole family out
for that.

Right. So it's one conference in LA?

Dallas, baby.
But that's a great city, mate.

Dealey Plaza, all that JFK stuff,
and you will love it...


Hello? Harry?

Are you there? Harry?

Can you hear me?


"Mid-stream" - that's ridiculous.


- (CALLS) Aud?
- Hang on, just a sec.

One, two, three, four, five.


Oh, God.

(WHISPERS) No baby. No baby. No baby.

No baby. No baby. No baby. No baby.

Oh, thank Christ! Oh, thank...

Oh, wow.


You will be happy to know we are
only taking one child to California.


The job's actually in... Adelaide.

It's a communication breakdown.


It's... Adelaide.

You're fucking kidding me?

We're going to Adelai... Oh...

But good news... about the...

... about the minus sign, right?

No, it's a cross sign on the test.

Not a minus sign on it.

You want a minus on the test
for a negative.

- No, you don't. It's a cross.
- You want a minus on the test for it.

- No, it's a cross for no baby.
- No, that's not a cross.

- Yes, it is. No...
- That's a plus sign.

Do you know how sometimes you get
confused about some of that stuff

where like at the airport you go to
arrivals instead of departures...

No, I don't. That's it.

... because you think that someone's
about to arrive somewhere...

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

- You think it means one thing...
- Oh, my God.

- ... but it means another...
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, God.

We'll have two under two in Adelaide.
Oh, my God!

♪ California ♪

♪ I'm coming home ♪

♪ Gonna see the folks I dig ♪

♪ I'll even kiss the sunset pig ♪

♪ California, I'm coming home. ♪