The League (2009–2015): Season 6, Episode 9 - Taco Standard Time - full transcript

Taco takes on the end of Daylight Savings Time. The guys try to help Lane during a difficult time. Andre and his cat M'Lady are on the rocks.

I'm so hungry I can't
even think.

Hello?

Peter? Hey, it's Lane.
Oh, hey, Lane.

I didn't recognize the number.
I'm calling from a burner.

How are you?
I'm good. How are you?

I'm gonna be honest with you,
Peter-- lately I've been having

a hard time.
Uh...

It's like the things I used
to enjoy, I don't even enjoy

anymore.
Hey, Pete, I've got...

I'm... sorry.
My friend Tina last night

brought over a bunch of locally
sourced farm-to-table cocaine,



and I couldn't even find the
will to do a line.

Okay. Sorry.
I've been having a hard time

maintaining an erection at art
shows, which has never been a

problem for me.
My friend Tina won't even invite

me to his cuddle parties
anymore.

Whatever, he's pretentious,
but still, it just feels bad.

My hausfrau quit, so now how am
I gonna find someone to clean my

house in the traditional
Bavarian fashion?

I haven't touched my didgeridoo
in, like, three and a half...

Are you chewing?
No, no, I'm listening.

Peter, are you eating lunch
right now?

I'm disrobing my soul, and
you're masticating?

I'm sorry.
Lunch came and I just wanted to

eat it before it got cold.
Well, is it, like, a grilled



cheese or shawarma or something?
Turkey wrap.

A hot turkey wrap?
No.

Damn it, Peter.
I'm sorry!

How sorry can you be through
a mouthful of Ruffles?

No, no, no, I'm hungry sorry.
Now I'm asking you

point-blank, please stop eating
chips.

Ah, Peter!

A turkey wrap?
It was sitting right in front

of me; I was hungry.
I had my lunch boner.

- You can't just put that away.
- You were in your

appetite vinegar strokes.
Oh, God, oh, God, I got to eat!

Why do you smell like cat food?

I can explain.
I am actually bathing with a

cat-food-scented soap.
Why?

Because Milady's been very
aggressive with me.

She's, like, always attacking me
and fighting with me.

It's like Percy Harvin and the
Seahawks.

Well, then trade her to the
Jets.

We're not gonna trade anyone
anywhere, all right?

I care about this relationship.
As a matter of fact, we're going

to therapy this week.
Oh, sweet baby Jesus, this

is a new low for this league.
You know what is not a low

for this league?
Two tickets, Bears-Packers.

Lambeau Field.
Whoa.

Who are you taking?
I mean, I could take you,

Pete, or I could take you,
Kevin, or I could take you,

Andre.
Been willing to bring out my

portable crepe machine for a
little tailgate.

Or I could take my wife,
Sofia, who knows nothing about

football, thinks the team name
is the Pack Rats.

It really depends on who steps
up.

Daddy needs a fresh drink.
Drink for the man, please.

- Can I get a drink over here?
- Hey! How long am I

gonna have to wait at the movie
theater before you guys decide

to show up?
The movie doesn't start for

an hour.
What are you talking about?

It's 9:30.
No, it's not. It's 8:30.

What?
No, you forgot about daylight

savings time.
What the hell's that?

You know, fall backwards,
spring forward?

I don't know what you're
talking about.

It's for the farmers.
The farmers?

To help with their crops.
How?

I think... it's in the
daylight and the way the Earth

rotates during the winter.
Yeah, so they have more time.

So who does this?
Everybody.

Everybody in the country does
it, Taco.

No, except for Arizona.
And Idaho, I think.

You do it twice a year at
2:00 a.m. on the Saturday.

Well, Sunday morning.
Not every Saturday.

We all agree on one Saturday.
It's not Idaho. Indiana.

Oh, you're right.
Guys, I love you and

everything, but you all sound
super weird right now and kind

of stupid.
Daylight savings time does

sound stupider than Taco.
All right, boys, who's gonna

take Daddy to the prom?
Oh, that sounded weirder than I

wanted it to.
Hey!

Lane?
Rodney!

Everybody calls me Ruxin.
Good to see you,

you little Jew.
So what's up, Lane?

I've been battling some
pretty serious clinical

depression, and, uh, Peter and I
had a little bit of a tiff.

Well, Pete's a pickle.
Anyway...

My mens-only feminist
collective is being sued.

Why?
We had a male-only Take Back

the Night rally.
Some women showed up.

They wanted to participate.
We said, "You can't."

They didn't go home.
We had to surround them and

scream at them, and it got a
little physical.

So you've got a good
relationship with women.

Are you and your mom close?
Yeah, she's a bitch, but I

need her.
Okay, well, this has been

weird.
You seem like you're in the

middle of a manic break.
Now that I'm here,

spending time with you, I just
want more of that sweet sauce.

How about this weekend?
Sweat lodge?

Oh, I can't this weekend.
I'm swamped with, uh,

spreadsheets and...
What are these?

Oh, those are tickets to the
Packers game this weekend.

Oh, well, if you're gonna be
working, I'll take them.

No, I... if I get all my work
done, then I'll probably take a

client.
I have to take a client.

I'll go with you guys.
What?

I'll do Reiki on you and your
client. Have you, have you

had Reiki before?
I got a hand job from a

subservient Asian girl one time.
This is, uh, more of a barely

sexual touching, and I'll do it
on you while you drive.

Uh-huh.
Also, it's kismet, because

I've been doing a photo essay
called "Twinks Love Bears,"

where I go to Bears games, and I
find guys who look gay, and I

take their photograph and then
I-I put it on my twink blog

online.
As enticing as it is, the

idea of me driving two hours
with your hands hovering over

me, the energy of a manic
breakdown surrounding me, and

then arriving at that game, and
you approaching men at a

football game telling them you
think they're gay and taking

their picture with me by your
side, I'm gonna have to pass.

I just have too much work to do.
So I'm not gonna be able to go.

I understand, Rodney.
Thank you for the tickets.

I appreciate this.
What?

I'm gonna touch your face.

I can't believe you gave up
those Packers tickets.

You think my first experience
at Lambeau Field was gonna be

- with Lane?
- Ah, come on,

Cleveland!
At least make it a game.

A.J. Green just sitting on the
bench, getting all comfy.

I need those points!
And I need you not to get

those points, which is why I
love garbage time!

You just got G.T.!
Garbage time!

Garbage time is the worst.
Those are pathetic points.

Okay, don't insult garbage time.

That is the ethos upon which I
have built my life.

It's like, look, you close a
deal at 10:30 a.m., rest of the

day, garbage time.
Closing time at a bar.

All the girls are drunk.
All the hot guys have gone home.

So it's garbage time.
That's where I excel.

You did.
You landed the drunk girl.

Yeah, marriage is the
ultimate garbage time.

You two are just running out the
clock together.

That's right.
It's less about scoring at this

stage than just, like, trying
not to get injured.

We're taking the knee of
life, babe.

Hey, what's up, guys?
Hi, Andre.

Chilly, Andre?
Oh, I'm not...

Whoa!
What?

Oh, my God.
I got into a little accident

at work with some scalpels.
Really?

Or was it your cat, Milady?
Okay, it was Milady.

But hear me out, okay?
Milady likes to relax at the end

of the day and have a little
catnip, and I took it away from

her too quickly.
It's my fault.

I should've known.
I mean, I shouldn't have taken

it away from her until she was
done.

Andre, stop.
You are clearly in an abusive

relationship-- with your cat,
but it's an abusive

relationship, though.
I'm not in an abusive

relationship.
We love each other, and we have

a great relationship. It's fine.
Whoa.

Why are you guys awake?
It's, like, 5:30 in the morning.

What?
No, it's 9:30 at night.

Not on Taco Standard Time,
it isn't.

Taco Standard Time?
What?

All this daylight savings
stuff is bullshit.

No, no, no one should be telling
us what time it is.

We should be deciding for
ourselves.

I'm pro-choice when it comes
to time.

That doesn't even make any
sense.

So I have rolled back my
clock 14 hours and 39 minutes.

That doesn't explain at all
why you are carrying a toolbox.

When I can't sleep, I fix
things in your house.

The drip in the shower,
the garbage disposal.

How do you think things get
fixed around here?

Bruce can't be here all the
time.

Whoa, guys, Lane tried to
commit suicide.

What?
Really?

Oh, shit. Hope it wasn't my
turkey wrap.

I just think it's kind of
selfish.

Yeah, that's what they say
about suicide.

It's very selfish.
No, it's selfish that he took

my Packers tickets knowing he
was gonna commit suicide and

that he wasn't gonna be able to
use them.

That's the real issue here.
Exactly.

That was selfish.
Lane!

Rodney.
Everybody... calls me Ruxin.

Oh, I'm so glad you're here.
Mm-hmm. It's good to see you.

It's good to be touched.
The guys are wondering how

you're doing, wondering how we
can make you better and

wondering where those Packers
tickets are.

I was in a pretty dark place,
and material possessions ceased

to mean anything to me.
I donated all of my carob to an

animal shelter.
So that dogs would know what

chocolate doesn't taste like.
I gave my Victrola away to a

deaf man as a last piece of
performance art, and then I

prepared to self-slaughter.
I just got to think, before

you do the deed, you're like, "I
should probably send those

Packers tickets back to Ruxin,
because I'm not gonna use them."

Tickets were the last thing
on my mind.

You were in garbage time.
You garbage-timed me.

I guess.
It's all in my note.

Huh?
I sent you a suicide e-mail.

Did you not get it?
Oh, you know what?

Your e-mails go to a very
specific folder.

Here it is.
Wow, this is... 13 pages long?

Yeah.
That's the edited version.

You'd think maybe you'd want
to focus-group it, show it to a

few friends who have committed
suicide, see what worked for

them, what didn't work...
Well, I see the issue with that.

You know.
So... how's the patient?

I see you have visitors today.
Yeah.

I feel melancholic, Dr. Harvat.
Well, that's much better than

when you were first in here.
Great. Well, we're all good.

Just keep in mind where those
tickets went, okay, bud?

Okay.
Well, read the note.

Okay, visiting time is over.
I... I just have to ask: if

you knew you weren't gonna use
the tickets, why would you take

them?
Why would God take my sense

of hope?
The answer to both questions is

in the note.
This is the most

inconsiderate suicide attempt
I've ever seen.

If this is gonna escalate,
let's make it physical.

Wait, what time does your

phone say?
Mmm...

10:04.
Oh, my God!

I was supposed to be in court at
9:00 a.m.!

Why does my clock say 7:43?

Oh, God, Lipscombe's gonna kill
me.

No, no, no, no, no!
What are you doing?!

Yeah!
What is this?

Ah, don't worry about it.
I already changed all the clocks

in your house to the correct
time: 14 hours and 39 minutes

back.
I know, you idiot.

I'm talking about the existing
clock fire in my driveway.

Oh, this is a Taco Standard
Time tradition.

Spring forward, fire back.
It's "fall back," you

ignoramus.
And your version of daylight

savings time has existed for 24
hours, so it's not a tradition.

I don't have time for this.
I have to go to work.

But do not burn down my house.
You can't tell me what to do

from your time zone.
I don't know where he is.

Did you try his house?
Did you try his car?

He can sometimes have...
MacArthur!

Um... no.
We-- I mean, we can keep going

on about this, but it's been a
half hour already.

Where the hell were you?
You missed the whole deposition!

I-I'm sorry.
My clocks were all screwed up

because of this TST thing,
and...

TST?
Taco Standard Time.

I'm working with this alternate
time zone...

Look, because of you, a
career criminal is gonna be back

out on the streets.
You messed up this time,

MacArthur.
You messed up bad.

I'm sorry, I just...
I-I have a lot on my plate right

now.
Um...

A friend of mine tried to commit
suicide last night.

A friend of yours?
Yes.

He tried to slash his wrists
several times, and... just...

Oh, God.
What?

Oh, God...
Oh.

Oh. Okay.
Didn't know we were doing that.

Look... I've been there.
My fraternity brother, Dan, he

tried a couple of times.
My God, I'm so sorry, Mr.

Lipscombe.
Your friend needs you.

Why don't you just take the rest
of the day off?

What? Oh.
Okay.

Garbage time.
I think I'll have the

fajitas, please.
You're ordering already?

Yeah, I want to get through
this quickly.

Right.
Yeah, I'll have the same.

All right.
Did you read this?

Sure, uh, you know, I read,
uh... the first-first couple of

pages, kind of got a sense of
it. What about you?

I skimmed it and then read
the end.

Good. What happens?
I'm lying to you.

I didn't read it.
I just scanned...

I-I came down here for you.
I just scanned, looking for

my name.
Oh. Hi, Lane.

Hi.
Ooh.

Mmm.
Rod.

Hey, Lane.
How are we doing?

Well, better.
Good!

It was dark days for a while,
but now...

On the up and up.
Did you slit your wrists?

No, I tried to put heavy
rocks in my pockets and wander

into Lake Michigan, but the
rocks were too heavy and I

strained my wrists, so... these
are supports.

Anyway, I'm doing better.
I started a new business.

I sell fair-trade tampons out of
my bike basket.

It's Lane's Lunar Madness for
Your Feminine Messes.

Enough about me.
I keep yakking about myself.

Did you guys read it?
What... I'm dying to hear your

thoughts.
Yeah...

Did we read it?
Yes.

I mean, it was... obviously
very sad, but also...

We appreciated it wasn't so
one-note.

Let's talk specifics.
What did you think about the

stuff about my dad?
Wow.

Well, that was my favorite part.

That was...
The presence of your dad

obviously...
That force.

...loomed large.
That force.

And I think he regretted a lot
of those things he said to you,

you know?
I never met my dad.

Mm-hmm.
Yeah.

Yeah.
How long did I want the juice

cleanse that everyone began at
my funeral to last?

I mean, you know, it's, uh,
standard.

It's a ten... typical
ten-day...

25 days.
I wanted people sick.

You know what?
You didn't read it... fine.

We're gonna read it now.
You're gonna read this whole

thing right now?
What, right...

"A Tale of Insufferable Pain.

As a boy, I expected that my
life would be a kaleidoscope--

a beautiful tube in which colors
and shapes danced elegantly."

You're not even reading it.
Do you have this memorized?

Yes.
"I worry that I will be hunted

like Malcolm X..."
Looks great.

"In committing suicide, I
join my peers: Miles Davis,

Pablo Picasso, Golda Meir,
Harry Truman..."

Mm-hmm.
"...Jesus Christ..."

Yeah?
"...Allah.

And so..."
Oh. No.

What are you doing?
We're listening.

I know that you said a bunch of
names of people who didn't

actually commit suicide.
Yeah.

They're my peers spiritually
and if you weren't spending all

your energy stuffing your face,
you would've heard that.

I've seen actual starving
people, okay?

I've deejayed for them.
You're not starving people.

I'm out of here.
Peter, I will forgive you later.

Rod, I will never forgive you,
and if you ever want to see

these Green Bay Packer tickets,
read the suicide note.

Then we'll talk.
Uh...

I can't read this note, so
you're gonna have to read it,

get the tickets and then you can
take me to the game.

They're my tickets.
You have to read it.

Okay, maybe I will read it
and maybe I'll take Kevin.

Or maybe I'll take Andre.
Or maybe I'll take that cute

girl in the cubicle across from
me, who hates football.

Challenge accepted.
All right.

Hmm.
Kevin, we need to talk.

What do you want?

I lied to you.
These scratches... are not

from catnip.
The situation with Milady and I

has gotten out of hand.
What does this have to do

with me? I don't care.
You're the commissioner.

I have to come to you because I
need your help.

Did you watch the video I sent?
No.

I don't watch any of the videos
you send, Andre.

Come on, they're good.
Not after the ALS bucket

challenge video.
Do you remember that?

I explained that to you.
It was an homage to Silence of

the Lambs.
Those children were minors,

okay?
You could've been arrested.

Okay...
And then you come back with

the "Feeling Nuts" video. Huh?
Well, that was unclear,

because I thought you had to
grab somebody else's nuts.

You don't go around grabbing
people's testicles, Andre!

I thought that's how you got
them to join in.

I shouldn't have to explain
that to you.

Okay, but we raised money.
Just forget it.

What do you want to talk about,
Andre?

It's security cam footage
from an elevator after Milady

and I left our pet therapist.

Milady and I... have reached a
crossroads.

Oh, Milady...
And I just feel like I want to

give up.
I'm done with it, and nothing

can stop me now.
I am over.

Oh.
Hi.

Um... Mr. Lipscombe, how are
you?

Excuse me for butting in.
I'm Gary Lipscombe.

You must be Kevin's friend.
Yeah.

Oh, wow.
Those look really fresh.

Yeah, it's been a rough
couple of nights.

Don't give up.
Easy for you to say.

Okay.
Thank you.

Let's get back to this...
Okay.

...for a second.
Jesus, Lane, come on.

It's impossible.
I'll get that right to you.

Uh, Jeremy.
Yeah?

Listen, I gotta reach out to
you, man.

I could really use some help.
Okay.

Could you read this and, uh,
just tell me what you think

about it?
Uh... sure.

Thank you so much, man.
I just... I'm really struggling

with this, you know?
Okay.

I appreciate it.
Yeah, yeah, no, no, not a

problem.
Holy shit.

Wow.
Wow.

This needs to be handled
correctly.

What do we do?
Show it to the other guys?

Absolutely not.
That would cause them to lose

all respect for you, Andre.
And they have such little to

begin with now, all right?
I think we just pretend that I

never saw this.
Hey, what are you guys

talking about?
Nothing. Nothing at all.

Nothing.
So, guys, I hear you're

having a hard time with the TST
conversion, so I got you all

Taco Standard Time watches.
From now on, it's Taco clock all

the time.
Yeah, I don't want a watch.

Hey, Andre, so listen.
I called the hospital because

I've been worried about you.
Me?

Dr. Harvat is here to help
you.

As you can see clearly, he's
still a danger to himself.

Oh, what are you talking...?
I'm not, I'm not suicidal.

Hello, Andre.
Hi.

It's gonna be okay.
Okay, but I know it's gonna

be okay, I'm fine...
It will be okay if you come

with me.
Yeah, Kevin! Taco! Tell him!

I have a good life!
Kevin, tell him I have a great

life!
You do.

We just want you to get the
help you need, Andre.

Come on! Come on, please!
It's Hilton or Wallace.

Pete?

Yeah?
Oh, thank God! You're okay.

Listen, Jeremy showed me your
suicide note.

Oh, that's not...
I'm really sorry, Pete, for

everything that's going on.
Yeah, it's that...

I think it would be best if
you left work and went home and

just took the rest of the day
off to kind of get your head

together.
And I need you to witness this.

I'm giving you back your
property, which was read to but

not by me.
You see, there's a, there's a

liability issue here.
Company policy stipulates that

if an employee's feeling
depressed, it's-it's better that

they, um, try to get better at
home.

So, just to be clear, you-you
want me to go home, do

absolutely no work for the good
of the company?

For the good of yourself!
And for the good of the company.

You know, from a legal
standpoint.

I'm gonna do this for you, Bill.

Thank you.
I'm praying for you, buddy.

In a non-denominational,
legally indemnifying way,

we all are.
Okay.

Hey, and, um, I read the
chapter about your boss, and I

need to apologize if I've been
overly sexualizing you. I...

It's something that happens from
time to time.

You're really starting to...
You know what? Forget it.

Forget it, yeah.
Just en-enjoy yourself and, uh,

if I don't see you again...

Well, okay, then.
Garbage time.

Group, I guess you notice
that we have a new face among

us.
I want you to welcome Andre.

And please be as supportive as
possible because we want to

create a safe environment.
First of all, you don't need

to create a safe environment
because I don't belong here.

Okay? I'm not depressed like you
guys, okay?

Whoa, wait a minute, now.
That's a judgment, right?

So, what do we do with
judgments?

We take that judgment and we
throw it away. What do we do?

Throw it away? All right...
You're not judging anybody.

Throw it away.
There, I'll throw it, there.

Well, you don't have to throw
away two, just one.

Okay, fine, I'll save one for
next time, then.

No, you can't do that.
You should pick up that

judgment.
It's behind your chair.

I get it...
I mean, I just thought...

I thought it was a safe space.
Put it in your pocket.

But then I'm keeping a ju...
All right.

I'm keeping a judgment, okay.
I don't even know why I'm here.

I have a great life.
I mean, sure, I have a little

bit of a gluten allergy.
That's no big deal.

I look for the GF on the menus.
I'm totally fine.

I get you.
I'm sexually super confused,

too, and my friends hate me as
well.

You don't get me.
I do.

No, you don't.
I do.

Okay, so...
What did you just throw away

there?
He doesn't get me.

I threw that away.
That wasn't a judgment.

He's speaking from his heart.
He's calling me names.

What? Don't throw that away!
I'm not a name caller.

You are a name caller!
Oh! That's a judgment.

We throw that away.
You say it's a safe space,

but I don't know what's going
on, what I'm throwing away, what

I'm getting, all right?
And you guys are just all being

weird, okay?
No! No! No! No! No! No!

Hi, Andre. It's Lane again

for the third time.
Are you cutting me out of your

life?
I had to hear about Ménage à

Cinq from a message board.
I could've told you about ménage

à cinqs in real life.
I've lived them.

I had a ménage à cinq with four
members of Ladysmith Black

Mambazo when they played
Oberlin.

I'm feeling real vintage-era
sadness right now.

Summer-of-'78, Levi-501-style
sadness.

I don't know, I don't know.
I got to go.

I've been really focused on

getting that spark back with
Milady, but she won't meet me

halfway.
She doesn't care.

You're always worried about
what Milady thinks.

You should start thinking about
what Andre thinks.

What am I gonna do-- just let
her loose on the street?

You know, who's gonna feed her?
Whose gonna take care of her?

You need to get out of this
relationship.

I think you, you have to,
like, let go of her.

Yeah, maybe you're right.
I need to make decisions for

Andre.
And then you no longer open

yourself to being hurt by your
lady.

And you know what?
I'm gonna bring her to that

groomer to get her claws
trimmed, too.

You mean her fingernails?
No, no, no. Her claws.

You know, she's been scratching
me up and down.

You take this catnip away from
her and...

...she went nuts.
Those are cat scratches?

Yeah, Milady's a cat, my cat.
We sat here and opened up our

hearts to you and you're talking
about your stupid cat?!

Okay, I'm feeling a
little bit of judgment.

I heard you talk about all
your stupid clothes and your

loft and that idiotic cat?
No, you can't... No.

It goes there.
You're a whiny, superficial,

petty little man!
I feel very judged here!

You are being judged!
You are!

This suicide note is so

dense.
Boarding School Thomas is the

same as Semester At Sea Thomas,
right?

You know, I know everything
that's in that note and I didn't

even have to read it.
How is that possible?

It went viral around my office.

So, everybody's been asking me
about my complex relationship

with my sister, what happened on
the seventh grade field trip...

Ooh, what did happen on that
field trip?

You got to keep reading to
figure it out.

You'll get there, buddy.
Okay, I need to share

something with you guys.
Something that is highly, highly

sensitive.
But I feel like it is my duty as

commissioner to not mishandle
this situation.

Plus, it involves Andre and his
cat.

Ooh!
Yeah.

Okay, prepare yourselves for
this.

Oh, Milady, aren't you...?
Aw, that's sweet.

Hmm, wait for it.
Oh, oh, God!

Oh, Milady!
Ooh!

Oh, my God.
Wow!

Jesus!

Oh, my God! Poor Andre.
He's out.

And then the cat just, like,
walks over him like nothing

happened.
What are we gonna do with

this?
We got to suspend this cat.

Commissioner, how long have
you had this video?

I just received this material.

Great answer, Goodell.
How long have you actually had

the video?
No, I mean, I watched it 500

times, but I just got it.

Hold on a second.
Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, Lane just sent a
suicide tweet?

"Good-bye, friends.
Hate myself.

Going to end it tonight.
#VerySad, #ForReals."

Who sends a suicide tweet?
We did kind of rib him for

how long the suicide note was.
Packers tickets.

I'm gonna go grab something
from my car real quick.

Pardon me, Jenny.
Sorry.

No way.
Oh, son of a bitch!

I don't think so!
Hey, hey! Guys!

No, no, no, no, no!
So, what do we do now?

Do we retweet it?
I think we favorite it.

Yeah.

Tonight, Lane, you play
panpipes in hell!

Hey, Wayne.
Taco?

Aw, you like to car-huff,
too? Awesome!

What are you doing here?
We were supposed to hang out

this morning!
Yeah, it is this morning.

Oh, wait, are you still on that
daylight savings shit?

No, no, man.
TST is where it's at.

No, this is not a good time.
It's always a good time when

you're car-huffing.
All right, let me take a hit.

Oh, yeah!

That's some smooth shit.
Oh, I'm getting very

lightheaded.
I think I'm gonna pass out.

No, just...
Oh, sh... Oh, shit!

Lane! Lane.
Lane, wake up!

We read your suicide note!
He's not moving.

I think he's dead.
Oh, my God.

Lane?
Lane?

Oh!

Are you stoned?

Have you been smoking pot?
Yes, Mother.

Found it.
It was under your seat.

What is going on?
Taco has agreed to invest in

Lane's Lunar Madness.
I gave him $5,000 up front

and $40 million in stock
options.

Top-shelf sanitation for your
monthly menstruation.

Lane, listen, we are so happy
that you are still with us.

And you didn't take that ticket
up to Heaven...

Yeah, you still got those
tickets to the Packers game.

You know, 'cause I'm free.
And I'm free.

I'll go to breakfast with you
beforehand even.

Because Taco has shown such
largesse, I've given him one of

the tickets.
Yeah, Bears versus Packages,

here I come!
Now, Peter, we've had our ups

and downs lately, but you remain
my best friend.

So, you will be going to the
game with Taco.

Now, Rodney, I see you there

throbbing with Semitic fury.
There's good news for you, too.

You're free Sunday morning.
I'm free Sunday morning.

Boys' brunch-- you and me.

- ***
- See what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna pouch an egg...

The only furniture I have is a hammock.

But we can both share that
and we'll rock back and forth...