The League (2009–2015): Season 6, Episode 5 - The Hot Tub - full transcript
Kevin and Jenny get a hot tub, Taco shops for a new home, Pete tries to put and end to hand holding.
Ta-da!
- No way.
No way!
Are you kidding me?
Happy sex-iversary, babe.
This is awesome!
Hot tub!
Hot tub!
I think this is going to do
great things for your low T
situation, because you cannot
spell hot tub without
a double T.
Yeah, it's just like all
the focus is on my penis.
It's like Groundhog's Day,
you know? Is the Kev-hog gonna pop out
and see his shadow? I don't like that.
You don't like Kev-hog?
The visual.
Was it the teeth?
No, it's the idea of, like, a
rodent coming up.
You know, maybe I go down a
different hole.
That's the problem.
That's it?
Yeah.
What is this?
Aboveground hot tub?
Where'd you get it, at Costco?
Look it, he's laughing at us.
That's rich.
Yeah, I am, actually.
Just got my check today.
That is a check
for $1.1 million.
Yeah, American dollars.
I put it in the contract that he
couldn't give me Cuban dollars.
Business. I just don't understand why
Mark Cuban wants this EBDB thing.
I don't know, but he said I
get to keep the kiosk, and let
me tell you, offline is where
it's at.
If I'm gonna buy a book or a CD,
I want to go into a store, and
I'm pretty sure the rest of the
world agrees with me.
He's a millionaire.
And we live check-to-check.
Jenny, I'm gonna want to buy
a house, so I will let you be my
Realtor.
Thank you, Taco.
What are you looking for?
Something that's, like,
different than your house.
Okay, great, are you looking
for, like, a craftsman or
Mediterranean?
Uh, no, just better.
You know, better house,
better furniture, better food.
And no kids, you know, better.
Do you want someone living in
your attic who eats all your
food and smokes pot
in the house?
No, I don't want to run a
homeless shelter.
Jesus.
I never thought I would say I
work for Taco.
Don't worry about it, babe.
We're going in the hot tub
tonight.
Yeah. Whoa, look.
Is that Pete and his
new lady? Hello.
- Hey there.
- Oh, holy shit.
This is crazy.
Uh, this is Rosette.
These are my best friends,
Kev and Jenny.
Hi.
Nice to meet you guys.
Nice to meet you, too.
Um, we were just gonna jump
inside for a drink, if you guys
want to join us.
Oh, I would love to, but I
have to work in the morning, so
I have to go home.
I have to work in the
morning, so I have to go in
there, so...
We might part ways here.
All right. Good night.
All right.
I had a lot of fun. Thanks.
I had fun, too. All right.
Talk to you soon. Bye.
Okay. Whoa, whoa, okay.
See you later.
Bye.
Wow.
She's cute.
Come on, let's go inside.
- Get...
- Dude, it's so great to
- have you back from Korea.
- Yeah, we'll see for
how long. They're gonna send me back, I
know it. Yeah, I tried to contact you
offline, but your MyFace page
must be broken.
Oh, I was using the Korean
MyFace page.
Oh, damn it.
Well, listen, now that you're
back, let me ask you a quick
question.
It's week five, right?
Russell is on fire.
Coming up against me, and I got
some choices to make.
Check it out, right?
I got Montee Ball, Stephen
Jackson, Trent Richardson and
Zac Stacy, and I'm just trying
to figure out, should I be
playing, like, three running
backs or should I put, like, a
wide receiver in my flex?
I don't know.
Here's what I would say.
You got Denver versus the
Cardinals; Montee Ball's good
for at least one.
Okay.
Philly versus the Rams,
I would go with Zac Stacy.
Now, conventional wisdom says
you want to play a running back
at your flex position, but I
think that Golden Tate is gonna
light up the Buffalo Bills
defense.
Oh, I didn't even think about
playing Golden Tate.
Golden Tate is still my
favorite cereal.
This is awesome.
Thank you so much for this.
Andre, it's my pleasure.
You're like my personal charity,
except your disease is your
horrible fashion sense.
Oh. Oh.
Ruxin!
Hey, welcome back!
Hey.
Oh, look, it's Andre's
shit list.
Uh, actually, no, but I have
a question for you, right?
Okay. Do you think I should play Golden
Tate? Hold on! I just gave you a
very thoughtful response, and
now you're asking someone else?
Are you doing that again,
Andre? I told you not to
be an advice slut.
I'm not being an advice slut.
He just gave me a tip.
It was a tip.
I didn't give him just the tip.
I fully penetrated his mind.
In fact, I cream-pied him with
ideas. Okay, he did not cream-pie me.
You did not cream-pie me.
Enough. We have our own big
news, okay?
The MacArthurs have a hot tub.
Yep, a hot tub.
And I'm pretty excited about it.
You know what, guys, you can
just stop that.
I already told them you got an
aboveground hot tub, so...
That's irrelevant.
That doesn't make a difference
at all.
No, it's very relevant.
There are two kind of people in
the world, people who have a hot
tub that is in the ground and
other people who are worried
that a tornado is gonna take
their aboveground hot tub away
from the trailer park that they
live in.
You guys are a bunch of
ruiners, okay?
And you're not even invited into
our hot tub. Pete.
Yeah! Pete! You and Rosette, in the hot
tub. No, I'm not sure I'm ready to
go there with her just yet.
But I saw you guys
holding hands.
That's kind of the issue.
She's been wanting to hold hands
since, like, day one of the
relationship.
Feels a little forward.
It's oddly personal.
Yeah, holding hands is the
worst. That's not where the hand wants
to be. I think hand holding is a
really lovely gesture.
It makes me feel nice.
I can't hold hands with
Sofia, 'cause it's just like
this supple, soft magic.
Oof.
That's crazy.
I actually miss Sofia.
I'm excited to see her tonight.
Wait a minute, you just got
back from Korea.
You haven't even gone home to
see your wife yet?
No, I told her my flight was
getting in later so I could come
here, have a drink, relax,
loosen up all the kimchi that
plagues my insides, hit the can
here, empty the tank, no heavy
lifting at home. Yeah.
Gross.
So if you guys will excuse
me, I'll see you in a few.
Why do you have Korean baby
wipes?
You guys have never used
Korean baby wipes?
I use these bad boys, cleans me
up all pretty, and I walk around
like a little toddler in a
tuxedo. Why don't you just use toilet
paper like the rest of the world?
Let me ask you a question.
Do you pick up mud with a dry
towel or a wet towel?
I use my hands.
Oh, that was quick.
Sorry about that.
Oh, you just got a little
excited.
I tried all my methods, you
know what I mean?
I thought about Kevin winning
the league.
I thought about Rafi moving in.
I thought about us having
another kid.
Usually that just
stops it.
Honey, just go to sleep.
Sorry.
And the kimchi is back.
Use the bathroom downstairs.
Downstairs has the weird
black toilet.
It creeps me out.
Downstairs.
It's gorgeous, huh?
Yeah.
This is the life.
Ugh, don't touch my foot.
I'm sitting on your foot.
So, Ruxin, what inspired you
to join us lowly aboveground
hot tub people?
My wife is just too hot, and
I have been gone too long, and I
keep going offsides.
You got to cut down on those
false starts, boy.
That's why I'm in this
disgusting aboveground cesspool; I'm
hoping to soft-boil the eggs. Really?
Why would you want to do that?
I got to slow my roll a
little bit.
It's like making the team run
suicides before a game so that
they're not too excited.
Pigs in a blanket!
Wow.
Wow.
Stare much?
What? No, no.
I'm hungry. I was staring at
the pigs in a blanket.
You're a pig in a blanket.
I can't wait to try this hot
tub.
Oh, wow.
This is really nice.
Yeah, it's not bad, actually.
Right? Let's have a toast.
Yes. Kevin and Jenny finally
made it to the middle class.
Thank you, thank you.
Cheers.
No.
Jenny, I just finished the
tour of your house, and I've
compiled a list of all the
things I do not want in my
new house.
Taco, are you using that Mark
Cuban check to write notes?
Yeah, not only is it
$1.1 million, but it's also a
great notepad.
Ooh, I do not want one of these
in my new house.
Some people are just really
desperate to bathe outside, I
guess.
What, have you guys just never
been clean your entire lives?
Wow.
Oh, crap.
Now I got to dry that off.
Ah, who needs that guy, huh?
We got a hot tub party
happening here.
Come here, baby.
Babe, this is what we wanted
when we got the hot tub.
I bet it's exactly what you
wanted.
That was an accident.
Mm-hmm. I'm just enjoying being in
here with you, holding your hand.
Your hands are so soft and
supple and sexy.
It just turns me on.
Kevin, I'm not holding your
hand right now.
Um, it's actually my hand.
Huh?
Oh, God, Kevin!
It was super fun watching you
ogle Sofia all night long.
No, I was ogling the moment,
babe.
The moment took over, and you
know, her body got in the way.
Kevin!
Babe, you are the only person
in the world that I'm attracted
to, that I want to be with, that
I love.
Really? Prove it.
Prove it?
Yeah.
What? Whoa. Right now?
Mm-hmm.
You're putting a lot of
pressure on the Kev-hog.
Yeah, I am.
Come on out, Kev-hog.
Oh, no, don't do that.
I get it now.
It-It's, yeah, it's not good.
Sooey!
Is that a boar?
Hello!
Come out and play!
Don't yell at him.
You're scaring him.
Please. Well, now he's-he's in the
cave now. He's not coming out.
Six more weeks of winter.
No more.
We're done with it.
No more holding hands. Wait, so it's my
fault that you held Sofia's hand? Yes!
Yes, 'cause now she wants to
hold hands with me, and they're
so delicate and beautiful.
It's like a Peyton Manning
hard count.
She keeps drawing me offsides.
"Hold my hand!" and I jump.
It's a disease, Pete.
And you are like patient zero,
so get it under control!
Get it under control.
Okay, I don't want to hold
hands, anyway. It's fine.
Then don't do it! No more!
Then don't hold hands. Shake on it, no
more hand holding. Okay, we're shaking.
Here we go.
No more hand holding.
Do we all agree?
Yes, we're done.
Look me in the eye.
Do you agree with me, no more
hand holding?
No more holding hands!
We gonna hold hands anymore?
No more!
Hold my hand and look me in
the eye and say no more hand
holding.
No more holding hands.
All right, that's it.
I got bigger problems
than you idiots.
I can't even perform for my
wife right now.
Ooh, still having trouble
down south, huh?
I'm thinking about taking
that andro lube and just
smearing it all over my junk.
This time, I'm gonna take a
Q-tip and I'm gonna go into the
pee hole.
Hey, man, maybe the problem
isn't what's in your pants.
Maybe the problem is your pants.
Hi, Russell.
Couldn't help but overhear
what you're going through, and I
can tell you that all these
problems can be solved by a
thinner gauge of pant.
Really? Yeah, I'm talking
about love pants. Love pants?
What are love pants?
They make pants out of
microfibers so thin it's like a
spider spun a glorious thin web
all around your dick and balls.
I'm telling you, you're gonna
experience the world in a whole
new way.
Especially crowded subway rides.
Really?
And horsing around at the dog
park. Watch this.
Did you feel that?
No. You would if you were wearing love
pants. You would feel the sweet caress
of my hot breath.
So you're not a sex addict
anymore, huh, Russell?
No, not at all.
Hey, whose wine is that?
Uh, it's Andre's.
Oh.
Where is Andre?
I just saw him over
by the jukebox.
So you guys are definitely
saying that Montee Ball?
Watch, he's getting advice
from random dudes now.
Andre, come here.
Get over here!
I'll be right back.
All right, see you, man.
What's wrong with you?
What's up, dudes?
What are you doing?
What? What do you mean?
I spent my whole lunch hour
going over your shit lineup, and
now you're over there getting
your mind stuffed by some
randos?
Ah, that? That?
Come on, that's nothing.
It was casual.
It wasn't serious. Oh, it always starts
off casual. Yeah, always casual,
Mr. All-Input Andre.
I can take a lot of input.
I like to get advice from
multiple dudes.
When you get advice from a
guy, you're getting advice from
every guy that that guy has ever
gotten advice from.
You're being ridiculous.
I'm not gonna bring their advice
over to this group, okay?
I keep you guys protected.
And by the way, you're
spreading your terrible advice
over to them.
You're probably giving that
group of guys Draids.
It's all fun and games until
someone plays a quarterback on a
bye week.
No more advice coming from us.
You have an addiction.
You need to deal with it.
Guys, come on!
They don't mean anything to me!
Andre, I'm so sorry.
I didn't know that you suffered
from my addiction.
I don't suffer from your
addiction.
It's about fantasy.
It seems like a fantasy,
doesn't it? Until you start working at
a Montreal sex club as "The Toilet."
Did you do that?
For three years.
Okay, look...
Don't do it, though.
I'm not gonna become a
toilet, thank you very much.
Good. Don't. Don't.
I'm not. Okay. Okay.
You could make good money.
The manager's name is Rick.
This is sort of a house
education for you, Taco.
It'll help you know what you
like, what you don't like.
Yeah, well, I definitely
don't like this.
It's a little too lower middle
class for me.
I can see that.
Ooh, I like that, though.
The beer, that's good. Can I help
you with something? Yes, actually.
Does your place have a bathroom?
Yes.
Wow, okay.
All right, I'll be back.
Hey, you stole Chalupa's baby
wipes?
Yeah, you're my Realtor.
Your wipes are my wipes.
I really like the space.
I just hate the stuff in the
space.
Oh, well, that all goes as
soon as you move in.
Yeah, and I have a little
question. That person's not gonna be
in any house that I buy, right? Andre?
Yeah. I mean, he'll be there if you
invite him. No, of course not.
Well, then no, he won't be.
Oh, right.
Oh, actually, Jenny, now
that you're here, I have a quick
question.
I asked out this girl who works
in the hat store at Barney's,
and she's super hot and she's
super hip, and I just want to
find a really cool place to take
her. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you asked
me for the same advice last night.
I was on the phone with you for,
like, an hour!
It's a different perspective,
that's all!
Andre, no advice for you!
You're cut off!
And I'm not buying your place.
It's not for sale.
No deal!
This lovely home is 2,800
square feet, three bedroom,
three bath, two miserable human
beings.
Nope. Not interested.
No?
Hello.
Oh, hey, guys.
It's 7:00 a.m.
What are you doing in our house?
Did he not talk to you
about this?
Thank you for the open house.
Appreciate it.
There is no open house.
Any unlocked house is an open
house.
The house isn't unlocked.
You don't know much about
real estate.
This place is white-hot garbage.
Kind of reminds me of your
place.
It is my place. You said you wanted to
look at comps. This would be a comp.
Yeah, well, I still hate it.
It's good to know what I don't
like, though.
Oh, this commission better be
worth it.
Good love pants are hard to
find, but this is my spot, and
my guy, November, he will hook
you up.
Ah, Russell, welcome back.
This must be the square friend
you were talking about.
The friend that you were talking
about.
These are going to loosen you
right up.
This was actually made from real
silk worms in Peru that were
raised in a vat of ayahuasca.
Okay, thank you.
I wish you well. Nama-star.
Um, all right,
I'll try them on, then.
"Underwear must be worn to try
on pants"?
Isn't that a given?
November, is that because of me?
Oh, it's absolutely because
of you.
Recovery is a process.
Okay, um, I'm gonna try the
pants on.
Hey, so now that he's gone,
I wanted to ask you a little
first-date advice.
I met this girl and I want to
know, where do you think I
should take her?
Hot tub.
Hot tub?
It's like a giant bowl of
soup without the noodles.
You don't have to explain
what a hot tub is.
We're the noodles.
I know what a hot tub is.
It's like a broth.
Very déclassé, okay?
I want something a little bit
more sophisticated. What, like
a restaurant with food? Yeah.
Girls don't like eating, man.
They like to sit in boiling
hot water.
I'm not taking her on a hot
tub date.
What am I gonna do, take her to
my gym or break into Kevin and
Jenny's house and, like, use
their hot tub?
A forbidden hot tub?
That's the best kind of hot tub.
It's illicit.
Yeah, all right.
Uh, I don't think these are
gonna work.
I mean, what-what is this?
I feel like I look like Aladdin.
Let me tell you something
about these pants, these pants
gave me a son that I've never
met and an arrest record in
Maryland.
I don't feel anything
different down there.
If they're too thick for you,
we can go thinner. November?
Yes?
We've got to go thinner.
Well, these are the thinnest
that I've got.
Legally, I'm not allowed to call
them pants.
They're a trouser-cut stocking.
I mean, take a look at that.
Wow.
Oh, yeah!
All right, well, if I'm
worried about feeling something
down there, why don't I just go
without underwear?
That's too much sensitivity.
You couldn't handle it, okay?
You don't want to fly too close
to the sexual sun and melt your
penis off like Dickarus.
I think you mean Icarus.
What's an Icarus?
Jenny, you're all out of
wipes, and your indoor outhouse
is broken.
My beer and cheese breakfast is
just sitting there.
You guys keep flushing all of
the wipes down the toilet!
They are not meant to be
flushed. You are going to break the toilet.
This whole house is a broken
toilet.
Hey, babe.
Hey, what's going on?
I am dealing with your brother, who
just broke our indoor outhouse. What?
Because everyone's flushing
all these wipes, our plumbing is
going to explode.
Forget about Taco, forget
about the plumbing.
My mom's gonna pick the kids up
in a little bit, and we are
gonna celebrate a proper
sex-iversary at a hotel this
evening.
Who knows where the night's
gonna take us, but I have a
sneaking suspicion it's gonna
take us to sex.
You think you can make
that happen?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The Kev-hog is ready to come out
of his hole, baby.
It's springtime.
Oh, I still don't love that
metaphor, but I'm very excited.
I'll see you later, okay?
All right, I love you.
Love you.
Love pants, huh?
Game time.
Wear your underwear!
Remember, Dickarus!
What does that guy know?
The sex addict.
He's gonna get chubs all the
time.
I need all the help I can get.
Ooh!
This is a whole new world.
Oh.
Oh, my God, there's movement
already. All right, time to take this
Kev-hog for a walk.
Kevin?
Oh, Sofia, hey.
How are you?
Good, how are you?
I'm great.
Oh, it's so nice to see you.
Good to see you.
Where's Ruxin?
Oh, he's on his way.
He loves the flower mart.
He told us how much he loves
it here.
Yeah, what are you doing here?
I'm actually on my way to see
Jenny, because it's kind of our
anniversary, sort of.
That's cool.
Yeah. That's why you're wearing these
snazzy pants. Oh-ho, no, no, no.
Uh, no, I'm actually, you know,
just gonna pick up some flowers.
We got a hotel room.
Oh, you're so romantic.
She's so lucky to have you.
Thank you. I know!
That's what I tell her.
I want to help you.
Really?
Come on, let's go.
This is gonna be fun.
Okay, so what flowers do you
usually get her?
Uh, about $50, $60 worth.
Okay, I am gonna hook you up.
This slipper orchid.
That is so beautiful.
Look at this one. Wow.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, excuse me.
Sorry, my purse.
No, no.
Back over here.
No, man, come on.
Get a couple of these.
Come on.
Oh, God, okay.
It's really crowded here.
Yeah, yeah, it is.
Oh, wow, okay. Hi.
No, no, no.
We're gonna find it.
We're gonna find what you're
looking for.
Okay. God.
I should've worn underwear.
Let's go over here.
Ooh, look at these.
I've never seen these before.
Wow. Oh, excuse me.
Excuse me. Um, let me see what's
behind you. I think... Oh, wow.
This is a tiger orchid.
She would love these.
Great. Just get them.
These are the ones that you
want to get.
This is really beautiful.
No, you don't need it.
You don't need it, man.
Come on.
Oh, sorry.
Oh, no. No!
No.
Excuse me.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, God.
That's tight.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, no.
Kevin?
Kevin?
Dickarus!
Did you just drop hot soup on
my wife?!
Oh, my God!
I got to get out of here.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Babe!
Stay there.
He came on me!
Don't come any closer.
I'll get you a hose!
Babe!
Oh, Sofia Ruxin,
forever unclean!
Babe, please!
We could go to a movie.
You've been holding that
empty cup for, like, 20 minutes.
When are you gonna
throw it away? You know, I can't
find a trashcan. Oh, there's one.
Oh, great, thank you.
You know, those clouds are just
so beautiful.
I feel like...
Oh, you see that bird?
He's just, like, dancing back
and forth.
Oh, you know, I think something
bit me here.
Okay, um,
I don't like holding hands, and
I don't want to do it anymore.
It's just, I feel like we're
those weird twins in
The Shining, and it's not my
thing. Okay, that is the weirdest
intimacy issue I've ever heard of.
It's a guy thing.
It's just not where our hands
want to be. Well, do you like it when I
hold this? That's not a fair question.
Well, you still have to
answer it.
Yes, yes, I like that.
Well, then you're gonna have
to hold this. Consider it the contact
contract. The contact contract?
Mm-hmm.
So, are you willing to sign?
Can we make it an oral
agreement?
I'll think about it.
Okay. All right.
What are you doing here?!
I saw everything!
Oh, my God, Rafi, it was a
mistake.
I-I did not mean...
This is like a dream come
true for me. Are you kidding?
What?
You marked Sofia today.
You know what that means?
No.
That means she's yours.
I'm about to have my best friend
marry my sister.
You are completely misreading
the situation!
I'm happily married to Jenny!
Who, the woman that cleans
your house, that dumb brunette?
That's a housekeeper that
comes once a week.
I married Jenny. Brown hair...
The one I had sex with?
You what?!
Oh, great. I'm sorry!
I didn't know the difference
between your housekeeper and
your wife!
Did you have sex with my
housekeeper?
Of course I did!
She found me asleep in the
crawlspace, hand stuff started
happening, I don't know.
You had hand sex with my
housekeeper?
No, it started with hand sex,
and then it turned into mouth
sex, pussy sex, butt sex.
We went top to bottom. T to B.
Okay, you know what, Rafi?
I don't want anything to do
with Sofia on that level.
Listen-- have you had one of
her blow jobs yet?
No. No!
They're amazing.
What?
I've heard.
Okay, all right.
A buddy told me.
Please... Uh, occupied.
Over-occupied.
There's a sign here that
specifically reads "only one
person per fitting room."
I see four feet.
That's too many feet.
Sorry, we're just jerking off
in here.
We'll be out in a minute.
No, we're not!
I'm sorry, we're not J-ing off.
You want to get in on this, bro?
No. Was the offer to get in on
it legitimate? No, it was not.
No, it was not legitimate.
Time to go.
Uh, we'll be out in a
second, sir.
We are never coming out!
We're not going anywhere!
You will have to get the FBI.
Gattaca!
We got, like, five minutes to
get out of here.
Leave me alone.
I'm a happily married man.
There's no way you're happy!
You have two kids!
Your wife is a disaster!
I'm going to take matters into
my own hands!
I will show her this.
She will divorce you. You will become
my brother forever. No, give me!
What are you doing?
Give the...
Isn't this nice? See, there's nothing
wrong with holding hands. No!
Yeah, what could go wrong?
Ooh.
Sorry, Rosette!
Should've had your hand free.
What happened?
Oh.
No, no, no, no, no!
Get it!
Come on.
No! Sorry, I didn't mean it like that.
It's just, it's, you know.
Come on.
No, don't.
What are you... What?
No!
No, Brian, no!
Why did you do that?!
That's it.
Time to go.
Oh.
Huh?
I called the police.
This isn't them.
This is William.
He works across the street at
the 98 Cent Store.
Get them, William.
Kevin, where are you?
Happy sex-iversary.
Come on, guys, I'm late to
meet my wife. Yeah, she can wait.
You make me sick, you know?
We're not that kind of store.
I mean, we were six months ago,
and that's exactly the kind of
behavior that got us in trouble.
You disgust me.
What?
What is this, your number?
No. Look, I'm just a regular guy who
came in his pants, you know? It happens.
All right, that's it.
Come on, get in the car.
What? Oh, come on, man.
Watch your head, you pervert.
Nice to meet you, Brian.
What?
Hey, buddy.
Oh, no, no, no. No.
What's going on?
I don't want to go to prison.
Ooh, I hope we're cellmates.
That means we're prison married.
We could take turns being the
girl.
I'm not tender.
Ready?
And take off your blindfold.
Ta-da!
It's a hot tub.
It's an aboveground hot tub.
It's just like The Bachelor.
Come on, this is fun.
It's adventurous, right?
Is this your hot tub? No, I just
kind of broke in here. We broke in?
Yeah. You know, yeah.
This is, you know.
Can we steal stuff?
Well, I actually know the
people who live here, so I don't
want...
You can steal stuff.
Whatever you want.
I have a spare key. This is gonna be a
pretty adventurous date, right? Yeah.
Come on, let's get in,
all right?
Okay.
This is fun, right?
Yeah.
Adventurous.
I love breaking in.
You're sure no one's here?
No one.
Get in there. All right.
Love the moist pee bibs.
All right.
What? There are only, like, 20
or 30 pee bibs in there.
Come on.
Come on, flush, flush.
Ah, there she goes.
Oh, boy.
That didn't sound good.
Oh.
Is it supposed to do that?
Don't you worry.
I will fix this.
Huh.
Huh.
Huh.
Huh.
These people live like animals.
Oh, my God, this hot tub...
Oh, my God!
- No way.
No way!
Are you kidding me?
Happy sex-iversary, babe.
This is awesome!
Hot tub!
Hot tub!
I think this is going to do
great things for your low T
situation, because you cannot
spell hot tub without
a double T.
Yeah, it's just like all
the focus is on my penis.
It's like Groundhog's Day,
you know? Is the Kev-hog gonna pop out
and see his shadow? I don't like that.
You don't like Kev-hog?
The visual.
Was it the teeth?
No, it's the idea of, like, a
rodent coming up.
You know, maybe I go down a
different hole.
That's the problem.
That's it?
Yeah.
What is this?
Aboveground hot tub?
Where'd you get it, at Costco?
Look it, he's laughing at us.
That's rich.
Yeah, I am, actually.
Just got my check today.
That is a check
for $1.1 million.
Yeah, American dollars.
I put it in the contract that he
couldn't give me Cuban dollars.
Business. I just don't understand why
Mark Cuban wants this EBDB thing.
I don't know, but he said I
get to keep the kiosk, and let
me tell you, offline is where
it's at.
If I'm gonna buy a book or a CD,
I want to go into a store, and
I'm pretty sure the rest of the
world agrees with me.
He's a millionaire.
And we live check-to-check.
Jenny, I'm gonna want to buy
a house, so I will let you be my
Realtor.
Thank you, Taco.
What are you looking for?
Something that's, like,
different than your house.
Okay, great, are you looking
for, like, a craftsman or
Mediterranean?
Uh, no, just better.
You know, better house,
better furniture, better food.
And no kids, you know, better.
Do you want someone living in
your attic who eats all your
food and smokes pot
in the house?
No, I don't want to run a
homeless shelter.
Jesus.
I never thought I would say I
work for Taco.
Don't worry about it, babe.
We're going in the hot tub
tonight.
Yeah. Whoa, look.
Is that Pete and his
new lady? Hello.
- Hey there.
- Oh, holy shit.
This is crazy.
Uh, this is Rosette.
These are my best friends,
Kev and Jenny.
Hi.
Nice to meet you guys.
Nice to meet you, too.
Um, we were just gonna jump
inside for a drink, if you guys
want to join us.
Oh, I would love to, but I
have to work in the morning, so
I have to go home.
I have to work in the
morning, so I have to go in
there, so...
We might part ways here.
All right. Good night.
All right.
I had a lot of fun. Thanks.
I had fun, too. All right.
Talk to you soon. Bye.
Okay. Whoa, whoa, okay.
See you later.
Bye.
Wow.
She's cute.
Come on, let's go inside.
- Get...
- Dude, it's so great to
- have you back from Korea.
- Yeah, we'll see for
how long. They're gonna send me back, I
know it. Yeah, I tried to contact you
offline, but your MyFace page
must be broken.
Oh, I was using the Korean
MyFace page.
Oh, damn it.
Well, listen, now that you're
back, let me ask you a quick
question.
It's week five, right?
Russell is on fire.
Coming up against me, and I got
some choices to make.
Check it out, right?
I got Montee Ball, Stephen
Jackson, Trent Richardson and
Zac Stacy, and I'm just trying
to figure out, should I be
playing, like, three running
backs or should I put, like, a
wide receiver in my flex?
I don't know.
Here's what I would say.
You got Denver versus the
Cardinals; Montee Ball's good
for at least one.
Okay.
Philly versus the Rams,
I would go with Zac Stacy.
Now, conventional wisdom says
you want to play a running back
at your flex position, but I
think that Golden Tate is gonna
light up the Buffalo Bills
defense.
Oh, I didn't even think about
playing Golden Tate.
Golden Tate is still my
favorite cereal.
This is awesome.
Thank you so much for this.
Andre, it's my pleasure.
You're like my personal charity,
except your disease is your
horrible fashion sense.
Oh. Oh.
Ruxin!
Hey, welcome back!
Hey.
Oh, look, it's Andre's
shit list.
Uh, actually, no, but I have
a question for you, right?
Okay. Do you think I should play Golden
Tate? Hold on! I just gave you a
very thoughtful response, and
now you're asking someone else?
Are you doing that again,
Andre? I told you not to
be an advice slut.
I'm not being an advice slut.
He just gave me a tip.
It was a tip.
I didn't give him just the tip.
I fully penetrated his mind.
In fact, I cream-pied him with
ideas. Okay, he did not cream-pie me.
You did not cream-pie me.
Enough. We have our own big
news, okay?
The MacArthurs have a hot tub.
Yep, a hot tub.
And I'm pretty excited about it.
You know what, guys, you can
just stop that.
I already told them you got an
aboveground hot tub, so...
That's irrelevant.
That doesn't make a difference
at all.
No, it's very relevant.
There are two kind of people in
the world, people who have a hot
tub that is in the ground and
other people who are worried
that a tornado is gonna take
their aboveground hot tub away
from the trailer park that they
live in.
You guys are a bunch of
ruiners, okay?
And you're not even invited into
our hot tub. Pete.
Yeah! Pete! You and Rosette, in the hot
tub. No, I'm not sure I'm ready to
go there with her just yet.
But I saw you guys
holding hands.
That's kind of the issue.
She's been wanting to hold hands
since, like, day one of the
relationship.
Feels a little forward.
It's oddly personal.
Yeah, holding hands is the
worst. That's not where the hand wants
to be. I think hand holding is a
really lovely gesture.
It makes me feel nice.
I can't hold hands with
Sofia, 'cause it's just like
this supple, soft magic.
Oof.
That's crazy.
I actually miss Sofia.
I'm excited to see her tonight.
Wait a minute, you just got
back from Korea.
You haven't even gone home to
see your wife yet?
No, I told her my flight was
getting in later so I could come
here, have a drink, relax,
loosen up all the kimchi that
plagues my insides, hit the can
here, empty the tank, no heavy
lifting at home. Yeah.
Gross.
So if you guys will excuse
me, I'll see you in a few.
Why do you have Korean baby
wipes?
You guys have never used
Korean baby wipes?
I use these bad boys, cleans me
up all pretty, and I walk around
like a little toddler in a
tuxedo. Why don't you just use toilet
paper like the rest of the world?
Let me ask you a question.
Do you pick up mud with a dry
towel or a wet towel?
I use my hands.
Oh, that was quick.
Sorry about that.
Oh, you just got a little
excited.
I tried all my methods, you
know what I mean?
I thought about Kevin winning
the league.
I thought about Rafi moving in.
I thought about us having
another kid.
Usually that just
stops it.
Honey, just go to sleep.
Sorry.
And the kimchi is back.
Use the bathroom downstairs.
Downstairs has the weird
black toilet.
It creeps me out.
Downstairs.
It's gorgeous, huh?
Yeah.
This is the life.
Ugh, don't touch my foot.
I'm sitting on your foot.
So, Ruxin, what inspired you
to join us lowly aboveground
hot tub people?
My wife is just too hot, and
I have been gone too long, and I
keep going offsides.
You got to cut down on those
false starts, boy.
That's why I'm in this
disgusting aboveground cesspool; I'm
hoping to soft-boil the eggs. Really?
Why would you want to do that?
I got to slow my roll a
little bit.
It's like making the team run
suicides before a game so that
they're not too excited.
Pigs in a blanket!
Wow.
Wow.
Stare much?
What? No, no.
I'm hungry. I was staring at
the pigs in a blanket.
You're a pig in a blanket.
I can't wait to try this hot
tub.
Oh, wow.
This is really nice.
Yeah, it's not bad, actually.
Right? Let's have a toast.
Yes. Kevin and Jenny finally
made it to the middle class.
Thank you, thank you.
Cheers.
No.
Jenny, I just finished the
tour of your house, and I've
compiled a list of all the
things I do not want in my
new house.
Taco, are you using that Mark
Cuban check to write notes?
Yeah, not only is it
$1.1 million, but it's also a
great notepad.
Ooh, I do not want one of these
in my new house.
Some people are just really
desperate to bathe outside, I
guess.
What, have you guys just never
been clean your entire lives?
Wow.
Oh, crap.
Now I got to dry that off.
Ah, who needs that guy, huh?
We got a hot tub party
happening here.
Come here, baby.
Babe, this is what we wanted
when we got the hot tub.
I bet it's exactly what you
wanted.
That was an accident.
Mm-hmm. I'm just enjoying being in
here with you, holding your hand.
Your hands are so soft and
supple and sexy.
It just turns me on.
Kevin, I'm not holding your
hand right now.
Um, it's actually my hand.
Huh?
Oh, God, Kevin!
It was super fun watching you
ogle Sofia all night long.
No, I was ogling the moment,
babe.
The moment took over, and you
know, her body got in the way.
Kevin!
Babe, you are the only person
in the world that I'm attracted
to, that I want to be with, that
I love.
Really? Prove it.
Prove it?
Yeah.
What? Whoa. Right now?
Mm-hmm.
You're putting a lot of
pressure on the Kev-hog.
Yeah, I am.
Come on out, Kev-hog.
Oh, no, don't do that.
I get it now.
It-It's, yeah, it's not good.
Sooey!
Is that a boar?
Hello!
Come out and play!
Don't yell at him.
You're scaring him.
Please. Well, now he's-he's in the
cave now. He's not coming out.
Six more weeks of winter.
No more.
We're done with it.
No more holding hands. Wait, so it's my
fault that you held Sofia's hand? Yes!
Yes, 'cause now she wants to
hold hands with me, and they're
so delicate and beautiful.
It's like a Peyton Manning
hard count.
She keeps drawing me offsides.
"Hold my hand!" and I jump.
It's a disease, Pete.
And you are like patient zero,
so get it under control!
Get it under control.
Okay, I don't want to hold
hands, anyway. It's fine.
Then don't do it! No more!
Then don't hold hands. Shake on it, no
more hand holding. Okay, we're shaking.
Here we go.
No more hand holding.
Do we all agree?
Yes, we're done.
Look me in the eye.
Do you agree with me, no more
hand holding?
No more holding hands!
We gonna hold hands anymore?
No more!
Hold my hand and look me in
the eye and say no more hand
holding.
No more holding hands.
All right, that's it.
I got bigger problems
than you idiots.
I can't even perform for my
wife right now.
Ooh, still having trouble
down south, huh?
I'm thinking about taking
that andro lube and just
smearing it all over my junk.
This time, I'm gonna take a
Q-tip and I'm gonna go into the
pee hole.
Hey, man, maybe the problem
isn't what's in your pants.
Maybe the problem is your pants.
Hi, Russell.
Couldn't help but overhear
what you're going through, and I
can tell you that all these
problems can be solved by a
thinner gauge of pant.
Really? Yeah, I'm talking
about love pants. Love pants?
What are love pants?
They make pants out of
microfibers so thin it's like a
spider spun a glorious thin web
all around your dick and balls.
I'm telling you, you're gonna
experience the world in a whole
new way.
Especially crowded subway rides.
Really?
And horsing around at the dog
park. Watch this.
Did you feel that?
No. You would if you were wearing love
pants. You would feel the sweet caress
of my hot breath.
So you're not a sex addict
anymore, huh, Russell?
No, not at all.
Hey, whose wine is that?
Uh, it's Andre's.
Oh.
Where is Andre?
I just saw him over
by the jukebox.
So you guys are definitely
saying that Montee Ball?
Watch, he's getting advice
from random dudes now.
Andre, come here.
Get over here!
I'll be right back.
All right, see you, man.
What's wrong with you?
What's up, dudes?
What are you doing?
What? What do you mean?
I spent my whole lunch hour
going over your shit lineup, and
now you're over there getting
your mind stuffed by some
randos?
Ah, that? That?
Come on, that's nothing.
It was casual.
It wasn't serious. Oh, it always starts
off casual. Yeah, always casual,
Mr. All-Input Andre.
I can take a lot of input.
I like to get advice from
multiple dudes.
When you get advice from a
guy, you're getting advice from
every guy that that guy has ever
gotten advice from.
You're being ridiculous.
I'm not gonna bring their advice
over to this group, okay?
I keep you guys protected.
And by the way, you're
spreading your terrible advice
over to them.
You're probably giving that
group of guys Draids.
It's all fun and games until
someone plays a quarterback on a
bye week.
No more advice coming from us.
You have an addiction.
You need to deal with it.
Guys, come on!
They don't mean anything to me!
Andre, I'm so sorry.
I didn't know that you suffered
from my addiction.
I don't suffer from your
addiction.
It's about fantasy.
It seems like a fantasy,
doesn't it? Until you start working at
a Montreal sex club as "The Toilet."
Did you do that?
For three years.
Okay, look...
Don't do it, though.
I'm not gonna become a
toilet, thank you very much.
Good. Don't. Don't.
I'm not. Okay. Okay.
You could make good money.
The manager's name is Rick.
This is sort of a house
education for you, Taco.
It'll help you know what you
like, what you don't like.
Yeah, well, I definitely
don't like this.
It's a little too lower middle
class for me.
I can see that.
Ooh, I like that, though.
The beer, that's good. Can I help
you with something? Yes, actually.
Does your place have a bathroom?
Yes.
Wow, okay.
All right, I'll be back.
Hey, you stole Chalupa's baby
wipes?
Yeah, you're my Realtor.
Your wipes are my wipes.
I really like the space.
I just hate the stuff in the
space.
Oh, well, that all goes as
soon as you move in.
Yeah, and I have a little
question. That person's not gonna be
in any house that I buy, right? Andre?
Yeah. I mean, he'll be there if you
invite him. No, of course not.
Well, then no, he won't be.
Oh, right.
Oh, actually, Jenny, now
that you're here, I have a quick
question.
I asked out this girl who works
in the hat store at Barney's,
and she's super hot and she's
super hip, and I just want to
find a really cool place to take
her. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you asked
me for the same advice last night.
I was on the phone with you for,
like, an hour!
It's a different perspective,
that's all!
Andre, no advice for you!
You're cut off!
And I'm not buying your place.
It's not for sale.
No deal!
This lovely home is 2,800
square feet, three bedroom,
three bath, two miserable human
beings.
Nope. Not interested.
No?
Hello.
Oh, hey, guys.
It's 7:00 a.m.
What are you doing in our house?
Did he not talk to you
about this?
Thank you for the open house.
Appreciate it.
There is no open house.
Any unlocked house is an open
house.
The house isn't unlocked.
You don't know much about
real estate.
This place is white-hot garbage.
Kind of reminds me of your
place.
It is my place. You said you wanted to
look at comps. This would be a comp.
Yeah, well, I still hate it.
It's good to know what I don't
like, though.
Oh, this commission better be
worth it.
Good love pants are hard to
find, but this is my spot, and
my guy, November, he will hook
you up.
Ah, Russell, welcome back.
This must be the square friend
you were talking about.
The friend that you were talking
about.
These are going to loosen you
right up.
This was actually made from real
silk worms in Peru that were
raised in a vat of ayahuasca.
Okay, thank you.
I wish you well. Nama-star.
Um, all right,
I'll try them on, then.
"Underwear must be worn to try
on pants"?
Isn't that a given?
November, is that because of me?
Oh, it's absolutely because
of you.
Recovery is a process.
Okay, um, I'm gonna try the
pants on.
Hey, so now that he's gone,
I wanted to ask you a little
first-date advice.
I met this girl and I want to
know, where do you think I
should take her?
Hot tub.
Hot tub?
It's like a giant bowl of
soup without the noodles.
You don't have to explain
what a hot tub is.
We're the noodles.
I know what a hot tub is.
It's like a broth.
Very déclassé, okay?
I want something a little bit
more sophisticated. What, like
a restaurant with food? Yeah.
Girls don't like eating, man.
They like to sit in boiling
hot water.
I'm not taking her on a hot
tub date.
What am I gonna do, take her to
my gym or break into Kevin and
Jenny's house and, like, use
their hot tub?
A forbidden hot tub?
That's the best kind of hot tub.
It's illicit.
Yeah, all right.
Uh, I don't think these are
gonna work.
I mean, what-what is this?
I feel like I look like Aladdin.
Let me tell you something
about these pants, these pants
gave me a son that I've never
met and an arrest record in
Maryland.
I don't feel anything
different down there.
If they're too thick for you,
we can go thinner. November?
Yes?
We've got to go thinner.
Well, these are the thinnest
that I've got.
Legally, I'm not allowed to call
them pants.
They're a trouser-cut stocking.
I mean, take a look at that.
Wow.
Oh, yeah!
All right, well, if I'm
worried about feeling something
down there, why don't I just go
without underwear?
That's too much sensitivity.
You couldn't handle it, okay?
You don't want to fly too close
to the sexual sun and melt your
penis off like Dickarus.
I think you mean Icarus.
What's an Icarus?
Jenny, you're all out of
wipes, and your indoor outhouse
is broken.
My beer and cheese breakfast is
just sitting there.
You guys keep flushing all of
the wipes down the toilet!
They are not meant to be
flushed. You are going to break the toilet.
This whole house is a broken
toilet.
Hey, babe.
Hey, what's going on?
I am dealing with your brother, who
just broke our indoor outhouse. What?
Because everyone's flushing
all these wipes, our plumbing is
going to explode.
Forget about Taco, forget
about the plumbing.
My mom's gonna pick the kids up
in a little bit, and we are
gonna celebrate a proper
sex-iversary at a hotel this
evening.
Who knows where the night's
gonna take us, but I have a
sneaking suspicion it's gonna
take us to sex.
You think you can make
that happen?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The Kev-hog is ready to come out
of his hole, baby.
It's springtime.
Oh, I still don't love that
metaphor, but I'm very excited.
I'll see you later, okay?
All right, I love you.
Love you.
Love pants, huh?
Game time.
Wear your underwear!
Remember, Dickarus!
What does that guy know?
The sex addict.
He's gonna get chubs all the
time.
I need all the help I can get.
Ooh!
This is a whole new world.
Oh.
Oh, my God, there's movement
already. All right, time to take this
Kev-hog for a walk.
Kevin?
Oh, Sofia, hey.
How are you?
Good, how are you?
I'm great.
Oh, it's so nice to see you.
Good to see you.
Where's Ruxin?
Oh, he's on his way.
He loves the flower mart.
He told us how much he loves
it here.
Yeah, what are you doing here?
I'm actually on my way to see
Jenny, because it's kind of our
anniversary, sort of.
That's cool.
Yeah. That's why you're wearing these
snazzy pants. Oh-ho, no, no, no.
Uh, no, I'm actually, you know,
just gonna pick up some flowers.
We got a hotel room.
Oh, you're so romantic.
She's so lucky to have you.
Thank you. I know!
That's what I tell her.
I want to help you.
Really?
Come on, let's go.
This is gonna be fun.
Okay, so what flowers do you
usually get her?
Uh, about $50, $60 worth.
Okay, I am gonna hook you up.
This slipper orchid.
That is so beautiful.
Look at this one. Wow.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, excuse me.
Sorry, my purse.
No, no.
Back over here.
No, man, come on.
Get a couple of these.
Come on.
Oh, God, okay.
It's really crowded here.
Yeah, yeah, it is.
Oh, wow, okay. Hi.
No, no, no.
We're gonna find it.
We're gonna find what you're
looking for.
Okay. God.
I should've worn underwear.
Let's go over here.
Ooh, look at these.
I've never seen these before.
Wow. Oh, excuse me.
Excuse me. Um, let me see what's
behind you. I think... Oh, wow.
This is a tiger orchid.
She would love these.
Great. Just get them.
These are the ones that you
want to get.
This is really beautiful.
No, you don't need it.
You don't need it, man.
Come on.
Oh, sorry.
Oh, no. No!
No.
Excuse me.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, God.
That's tight.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, no.
Kevin?
Kevin?
Dickarus!
Did you just drop hot soup on
my wife?!
Oh, my God!
I got to get out of here.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Babe!
Stay there.
He came on me!
Don't come any closer.
I'll get you a hose!
Babe!
Oh, Sofia Ruxin,
forever unclean!
Babe, please!
We could go to a movie.
You've been holding that
empty cup for, like, 20 minutes.
When are you gonna
throw it away? You know, I can't
find a trashcan. Oh, there's one.
Oh, great, thank you.
You know, those clouds are just
so beautiful.
I feel like...
Oh, you see that bird?
He's just, like, dancing back
and forth.
Oh, you know, I think something
bit me here.
Okay, um,
I don't like holding hands, and
I don't want to do it anymore.
It's just, I feel like we're
those weird twins in
The Shining, and it's not my
thing. Okay, that is the weirdest
intimacy issue I've ever heard of.
It's a guy thing.
It's just not where our hands
want to be. Well, do you like it when I
hold this? That's not a fair question.
Well, you still have to
answer it.
Yes, yes, I like that.
Well, then you're gonna have
to hold this. Consider it the contact
contract. The contact contract?
Mm-hmm.
So, are you willing to sign?
Can we make it an oral
agreement?
I'll think about it.
Okay. All right.
What are you doing here?!
I saw everything!
Oh, my God, Rafi, it was a
mistake.
I-I did not mean...
This is like a dream come
true for me. Are you kidding?
What?
You marked Sofia today.
You know what that means?
No.
That means she's yours.
I'm about to have my best friend
marry my sister.
You are completely misreading
the situation!
I'm happily married to Jenny!
Who, the woman that cleans
your house, that dumb brunette?
That's a housekeeper that
comes once a week.
I married Jenny. Brown hair...
The one I had sex with?
You what?!
Oh, great. I'm sorry!
I didn't know the difference
between your housekeeper and
your wife!
Did you have sex with my
housekeeper?
Of course I did!
She found me asleep in the
crawlspace, hand stuff started
happening, I don't know.
You had hand sex with my
housekeeper?
No, it started with hand sex,
and then it turned into mouth
sex, pussy sex, butt sex.
We went top to bottom. T to B.
Okay, you know what, Rafi?
I don't want anything to do
with Sofia on that level.
Listen-- have you had one of
her blow jobs yet?
No. No!
They're amazing.
What?
I've heard.
Okay, all right.
A buddy told me.
Please... Uh, occupied.
Over-occupied.
There's a sign here that
specifically reads "only one
person per fitting room."
I see four feet.
That's too many feet.
Sorry, we're just jerking off
in here.
We'll be out in a minute.
No, we're not!
I'm sorry, we're not J-ing off.
You want to get in on this, bro?
No. Was the offer to get in on
it legitimate? No, it was not.
No, it was not legitimate.
Time to go.
Uh, we'll be out in a
second, sir.
We are never coming out!
We're not going anywhere!
You will have to get the FBI.
Gattaca!
We got, like, five minutes to
get out of here.
Leave me alone.
I'm a happily married man.
There's no way you're happy!
You have two kids!
Your wife is a disaster!
I'm going to take matters into
my own hands!
I will show her this.
She will divorce you. You will become
my brother forever. No, give me!
What are you doing?
Give the...
Isn't this nice? See, there's nothing
wrong with holding hands. No!
Yeah, what could go wrong?
Ooh.
Sorry, Rosette!
Should've had your hand free.
What happened?
Oh.
No, no, no, no, no!
Get it!
Come on.
No! Sorry, I didn't mean it like that.
It's just, it's, you know.
Come on.
No, don't.
What are you... What?
No!
No, Brian, no!
Why did you do that?!
That's it.
Time to go.
Oh.
Huh?
I called the police.
This isn't them.
This is William.
He works across the street at
the 98 Cent Store.
Get them, William.
Kevin, where are you?
Happy sex-iversary.
Come on, guys, I'm late to
meet my wife. Yeah, she can wait.
You make me sick, you know?
We're not that kind of store.
I mean, we were six months ago,
and that's exactly the kind of
behavior that got us in trouble.
You disgust me.
What?
What is this, your number?
No. Look, I'm just a regular guy who
came in his pants, you know? It happens.
All right, that's it.
Come on, get in the car.
What? Oh, come on, man.
Watch your head, you pervert.
Nice to meet you, Brian.
What?
Hey, buddy.
Oh, no, no, no. No.
What's going on?
I don't want to go to prison.
Ooh, I hope we're cellmates.
That means we're prison married.
We could take turns being the
girl.
I'm not tender.
Ready?
And take off your blindfold.
Ta-da!
It's a hot tub.
It's an aboveground hot tub.
It's just like The Bachelor.
Come on, this is fun.
It's adventurous, right?
Is this your hot tub? No, I just
kind of broke in here. We broke in?
Yeah. You know, yeah.
This is, you know.
Can we steal stuff?
Well, I actually know the
people who live here, so I don't
want...
You can steal stuff.
Whatever you want.
I have a spare key. This is gonna be a
pretty adventurous date, right? Yeah.
Come on, let's get in,
all right?
Okay.
This is fun, right?
Yeah.
Adventurous.
I love breaking in.
You're sure no one's here?
No one.
Get in there. All right.
Love the moist pee bibs.
All right.
What? There are only, like, 20
or 30 pee bibs in there.
Come on.
Come on, flush, flush.
Ah, there she goes.
Oh, boy.
That didn't sound good.
Oh.
Is it supposed to do that?
Don't you worry.
I will fix this.
Huh.
Huh.
Huh.
Huh.
These people live like animals.
Oh, my God, this hot tub...
Oh, my God!