The League (2009–2015): Season 6, Episode 13 - The Beach House - full transcript

Shivakamini Somakandarkram!

It feels good to be back.

Oh, God. But maybe I won't win.

Who am I playing in
the Shiva Bowl this year?

We've known him as Tefl-Andre
because nothing sticks to him,

But you know what
is gonna stick to him?

The ropes and ropes of yogurt
that I will cover his face with.

Andre is going to walk away
from this Shiva Bowl loss...

looking like he got in an
accident at a custard factory.

Unnecessary.

And so, the terrible reign
of Ruxin begins anew!



What are you doing?

Oh. Is this that stupid
league of yours again?

- Yeah, I'm just making a video
because I'm in the finals.
- Ooh.

- What do you want? A trophy?
- We do have a trophy. It's the Shiva.

It's this Indian girl we went
to high school... Who cares?

It's an eight-team
league full of morons.

Congratulations. You're king
of the dipshits. Get back to work.

Yeah, I just gotta...
Get back to work!

I'm gonna be the champion. Work!

I'm the champion.

♪♪

Seriously? You're gonna
hang that right there?

Yeah, don't worry. I
got one for you too.

And sadly, it might be just
as appropriate next year.



Well, 'tis the season for an
all-MacArthur Sacko Bowl.

No, no, don't look at
me. It's all right here.

I cannot believe that
I'm in the Sacko again.

Yeah, my strategy
didn't work too well either.

Not changing your lineup from
the beginning of the season...

regardless of byes,
match-ups or injuries?

Hmm? An e-mail from the
estate of Ted Rappaport?

Oh, shit. Here, pull it up.

Hello. My name is
Frederick Mandino,

and I represent the estate of
the late Theodore Rappaport.

Mr. Rappaport left his
Laguna Beach house...

to the winner of your
fantasy football league,

and as your Shiva
Bowl has arrived,

he wanted you to see
what you were playing for.

Whoa! Oh, my God.

I would leave my
family for that house.

I would take your
family for that house.

I have also sent you
some plane tickets,

as Mr. Rappaport felt that since
you were playing for the house,

you should be
staying at the house.

- What?
- Holy shit! We're all flying
to California.

Hold on. I have to
check my calendar.

Mr. Rappaport then instructed me to make
a series of very obscene gestures which,

for professional reasons
and some personal reasons,

I would prefer not to
do over electronic media.

Looks like we are going
on a Shiva Bowl road trip!

Yeah, I'm free.

F-First class?

Yeah, I used my miles
from Korea to upgrade.

- Can I use your bathroom?
- If you use our bathroom, I'm
gonna call the air marshal.

- Thank you.
- I'm good.

Wasn't it so thoughtful of
Ted to get Shiva her own seat?

Can I have Shiva's peanuts? No.

Andre, what are you doing in
coach? You always fly first class.

After the debacle at Ménage à
Cinq, money's been a bit tight.

So I figured I'd fly coach.
It's not that bad at all.

- Do I get the champagne
in the back?
- Yeah.

Okay, sounds great.

All right. Let's
get onboard here.

- Who do we want to win this beach house?
- - Andre.

Yeah, I feel that if Ruxin wins, it'll
be nicer, but we won't have access.

If Andre wins, it'll
be super douchey,

but we can do whatever we want.

If I win, I'll let you
guys use it sometimes.

You can't. You're out.

- I'm not giving up, guys.
- You are mathematically
eliminated.

And if I do win, I'm gonna open a
second location in Laguna Beach,

the EBDB-BnB-LB.

That's the spirit, Taco.

Why is anyone pretending
this is a back massager?

Hello, sir.

Can I get you a meal
order tonight? Yes, please.

Can I have the chicken piccata?
Sorry. We gave the last one away.

- Hmm?
- The salmon's delicious though.

It has a pink peppercorn sauce.

- I'll just have
the chicken piccata, please.
- I'm so sorry.

We don't have enough for
everyone to have their first choice.

What about the pilots? Are they just
gonna be given soda and imitation Chex Mix?

Um, no, of course
they get a meal.

- They're both having
the salmon?
- Um...

- No, one is and the other...
- Is having the piccata?

I'm gonna talk to the
pilot and see if he'll switch.

Sir, no, you can't.
The seat belt sign is on.

And besides, he's very
busy. He's flying the plane.

That's right. He
is flying the plane.

So he doesn't want to be
concentrating on something...

as silly as what
he's eating for dinner.

No, I guess not.

Maybe in this particular case,
he's gonna have the salmon?

- What do I tell him?
- I would just tell him,

"I'm sorry, but we don't have enough
for everybody to get their first choice."

Okay. Thank you.

- Now, that was impressive.
- Oh, that was nothing.

- Can I ask what you do?
- I'm a corporate lawyer.

But I'm getting a little tired
of being a concierge of evil.

Well, maybe I can help.

I'm Tom Condon.

Tom Condon? Super
agent Tom Condon?

Represents Drew Brees, Eli Manning
and Peyton Manning, Tom Condon?

We're always looking
out for new talent,

and if you can negotiate with teams
the way you did with that flight attendant,

we may have
something to talk about.

As a matter of fact, why don't you stop
by my office while you're on the coast?

Yeah, okay, sure.

Psst! Ruxin!

- Get out of here,
you flight urchin.
- Ruxin!

- Take a cookie. Go.
- Whoa!

Oh, God, it's right
on the beach. Whoo!

Well, welcome, everyone.

Glad to have you here, if only to
fulfill the wishes of a great man,

Mr. Theodore Rappaport.

And he left specific instructions
that I be here for the weekend...

to monitor the Shiva Bowl to make
sure that no funny business occurs.

I can assure you, as
commissioner of this league,

there has never been
any funny business.

There was a negotiation of
a man's prison sentence...

as you exchanged
number one draft picks?

I plead the Fifth. Allegedly.

You have abused the
Make-A-Wish Foundation...

so that Josh Cribbs
would help your team.

You know, I have one
thing to say to that... Cribbs!

Cribbs!

Crabs!

Taco, you impersonated a
notary public, ran a brothel...

and illegally imported and
exported Three Penis Wine.

And, Kevin, I believe you ingested
Mr. Rappaport's medicinal cocktail...

in order to gain a,
quote-unquote, "AIDS-vantage."

Are there any more questions?

- May I use the restroom?
- Yes.

Thank you.

Hi, Kevin.

How do you like the place?

Ted! Wait, no, you're,
uh... Smarter than you.

- - Better looking? More
money, more successful...

- No, you're dead!
- Oh, correct.

Oh, no, no, no. No, no. No,
this... this cannot be happening.

But much like your low T and
terrible fantasy lineup, here we are.

If you really are a
ghost, then I want a sign.

Why does everybody feel like they have
to make the dead guy jump through hoops?

You're so tedious, man.

Here.

Keep me a secret. I'll
be back tonight. Okay.

- How much did you see in here?
- I came in at the scratching.

That's okay.

Whoa!

This place is the tits!

What the hell is he doing here?

Mr. Rappaport's will stipulated
that Rafi also be flown out.

Oh, God. He's screwing
us from beyond the grave.

- Hey, Brian! Put this in our room.
- No, no.

Hey! Where you going?

That dumb dildo left us his cab.

- Rafi, why did the bag
make a squish?
- It's full of chicken livers.

You mash them all together,
and then you have sex with them.

It mimics the consistency
of a human vagina.

I'm gonna be banging
that bag all weekend, bro.

Squish, squish, splurt.

This is not the sign
I was looking for.

So you're really gonna take
this meeting with Tom Condon?

Yeah, I'm sick of working for that
corn-fed monster Bethesda anymore,

and I'm not going back to Korea.

I win the league, get a new
house, get a new job, new beginning.

- Yeah, you're gonna bring
the whole family out?
- What's that now?

Your family... Sofia, Geoffrey. Does
she even know you're here with us?

She knows that I'm on a work
trip, which it now turns out, I am.

- Wow.
- So looking back, I've been
very straightforward with her.

Great sports agent.

You guys notice anything
weird about this house?

I saw Rafi pissing in
my chest of drawers,

but that's not really
out of the ordinary.

Tall Guy, when am I gonna
stop hearing about this?

I told you. I'm
afraid of new toilets.

So I Goldilocksed all the drawers in
the house, and yours was just right.

- Anyone run across my brother
at all today?
- Oh, you mean Tac Cousteau?

Yeah, he's out fishing on the
pier, trying to get us some dinner.

What? I'll be back.

I hope he catches the
Little Mermaid, right?

You ever seen
anything as sexy as that?

When they have the tail, I'm not
sure you can do what you want to do.

They've got fish biz
down there, okay?

And all I want is to get
involved with fish biz.

Great. Oh, here comes Andre.

Hey, Andre!

Hey! - Hey, hey, hey.

We have something we
want to talk to you about.

Yeah? What? I would
like to offer you...

my personal advice on
your fantasy lineup. Me too.

- Really?
- But when you win,

I get use of this beach
house one month a year.

I also get use for a
month... A summer month.

- I want a summer month.
- Yeah, it's totally fine.

There's plenty of room. You take
the top, I'll take the bottom, whatever.

Yeah, no, I was thinking you
probably wouldn't be there.

Yeah, more of a
solo thing. Yeah.

I... Okay, yes. Yes. All right.

I want your advice. Here you go.

All right. I like that.

Right? I like that.

Of course I'm playing
Antonio Gates as tight end.

Hmm. Pictures. Ooh!

Bikini shot, huh? What?

Jenny bikini shot. Stop
it. Andre, I was packing.

Give it to me. You don't look
through someone else's phone.

You just handed it to me.

It's like going through someone's
medicine cabinet, Andre!

I can look through people's
medicine cabinets. I'm a doctor.

No, you can't! Enough, enough.

You guys... Come here.

- Now think about the match-ups.
- - It's good, right?

Oakland. I mean, come on.

I smell collusion.

Taco, I gotta talk to you
about the Sacko Bowl.

- Oh, hey, brother.
- I can't win the Sacko
for two years in a row, okay?

I-I can't be hammered
like that again.

Yeah, you definitely
can't. That's gonna be bad.

Well, that's why I need
your help. You gotta...

- You gotta take a dive.
- What do you mean,
take a dive?

I need you to lose on purpose.

- You need me to cheat.
- It's not really cheating,
Taco.

You really don't even
care about this league.

I don't care about this league.

But there's one thing I do
care about, and that's you.

You've never really done
anything with your life.

Your career isn't working,
your marriage isn't working,

and your dick's
not even working.

My dick is back to normal. Okay?
That is nothing to brag about.

Part of this is my fault. What?

I've been too easy on you. No more. I'm gonna
try my very hardest to beat you this week.

I'm gonna make
you work for this win.

You need to toughen
up, you little bitch! What?

I'm a tough guy! I am!

God, why did I think
this was gonna work?

In what planet...

What the shit? What
are you doing, Taco?

I'm doing this 'cause
I love you, brother.

And don't shit in
the water, Seabiscuit.

I'm not Seabiscuit! One
snuck out on impact.

Hi, Kevin.

You look real stupid
when you sleep.

- Is this real?
- You guys make a nice couple.

I need you to come with me.

- Up there?
- Up?

Oh, buddy.

- Oh, no, no, no. I'm a good person.
- I'm kidding. To the balcony.

Oh. Yeah.

Let's go. Okay.

Just take a quick look
at your wife. What?

- Hey, hey, hey! No!
- Lovely legs.

Relax, okay? I'm not
gonna give her ghost AIDS.

Ghost AIDS? You
guys can't catch a break.

So Taco's gonna go for it against
you, and he's got a good enough team.

I don't want to be the
Sacko. Not two years in a row.

I'm gonna help you win, but
you gotta do something for me.

- What can I do for you?
- I want one more prank
on these guys.

Why? Why?

You drafted on my embalmed body.

You knocked over the coffin.

You had sex at my funeral. No.

Nobody had sex
because no one came.

- Penetration is sex.
- No, I just put the tip in.

- Kevin, you're all tip.
- That's not cool, man.

- Gonna do this or not?
- Yes.

What do you want to do?
I'm thinking something fun.

I'm just spitballing, but I heard
Andre talking about his cat.

- Hmm? Can't do that. We already did that one.
- Hmm.

- You don't watch everything
up there?
- I'm not gonna watch Andre.

Oh. Hey, do you guys
play fantasy football?

I'm in a 14-team fantasy league
with Gandhi and the Ultimate Warrior.

No way. Yeah.
There's no bye-weeks.

- Your best players
never get injured.
- Heaven.

Yeah, I know. You're not going.

Are you in or out? I'll do it.

But... I want to win
first. I couldn't care less.

Great. Pranks?
We could... Brian?

Hey! Hey.

Oh, what are you doing out
here, man? If you must know...

I'm talking to Ted's ghost.

I get that, man. I've been talking
to a gremlin for an hour in my room.

All right. Well, anyway, Ted wanted
me to pull a prank on everyone...

I'm in. You had me at prank.

- You don't know
what we're gonna do.
- I don't care.

I'm in. I want to do it
with you. Prank bros.

Okay, well, here's
what I was thinking.

We get everyone together
in a group for a picture here,

and then we get someone
up here with a bucket...

I'll be the bucket
guy. You sure?

Brian, look at me in my eyes.

I will take care of this.
Fine. I'm gonna go to bed.

All right. Let's go. Great. No!

- Why?
- Just be by yourself. Enjoy the scenery, okay?

- Look.
- I'm probably gonna
put my dick in this beach.

- All right, fine. You can get crabs.
- Joke's on you.

I'm gonna give this beach crabs.

Ooh, you sexy bitch.

♪♪

California Shiva Blast!

Shivakamini Somakandarkram!

Whoo!

This is the life.

It looks just like her.

♪♪

I'm gonna miss you.

Look, I'm diligent,
I'm detail-oriented,

and I don't think you will find
someone with better bathroom etiquette.

- How's your office small talk?
- Keep it under a minute. No TV spoilers.

No pictures of kids. We're done.

- What do you think, Tom?
- I like him.

I like him too.

As a matter of fact, we
could use somebody...

with your corporate experience
in our legal department,

and then we can segue
you into the agent business.

Great! I'll pick up and
start tomorrow, if you want.

I will tell you this. Our clients
are our most important asset.

This isn't fantasy football.

As a matter of fact, we don't
play fantasy football here.

You don't play
fantasy football here?

No, we don't play
fantasy football.

Good. I don't play fantasy
football. I am a football purist.

You know, some people play in an
eight-team league? How sad is that?

I mean, fantasy
football's pathetic.

And an eight-team league? Sad.

Sad.

Guys! Guys! Oh, my God!

- What's going on? What happened?
- I lost the Shiva!

- What?
- We were having a beautiful
afternoon on the beach...

Sitting, enjoying the sun.

And then this rogue wave just
came and just... crashed over us!

And it pulled us out.

And I swam, and I swam, and then
another wave came and it knocked me down...

and then I lost her...
She just... out to sea!

The sea has taken Shiva.

I cannot believe this. I'm on the verge
of winning, and you lose the Shiva.

I'm sorry. It's terrible.
Hey, babe, listen.

Terrible! It's okay. It's okay.

I'll go grab the Sacko, throw it in
the ocean, we start from scratch.

No, no! No.

Why? Oh, God!

What are we gonna do?

I guess the house
is the new Shiva.

Oh. That's not bad, yeah.

Yeah, Shivakamini
Somakandar-casa.

- And by the way, Kevin... I'm fine!
- Oh, God! Oh.

Oh, my God. Is that
alive? It's seaweed.

Is it alive though?

You know, before we hire you, we want
to see how you interact with the clients.

Great. I'm a real people person.

Future first-ballot
Hall-of-Famer Antonio Gates.

How you doing?
Hey, nice to meet you.

- Haven't we met before?
- Met before?

- You're an angry little man.
- Yeah, I'm about to get angry
all up in your face.

Yeah? Yeah? Yeah. Yeah!

- Nope, not that I recall.
- You look familiar.

Yeah, I got one of those
faces, but, um... Okay.

Take a seat there, buddy.

- Tone, take it easy on him. We like this guy.
- No problem.

You gonna come back real soon?

- You said your name was Ruxin?
- Everybody calls me Rodney.

Yeah, but we've met.

Hey, big game this week,
huh? Against the Niners?

Big game, absolutely. Yeah.

It's a big week, and yet, you know,
you got to save yourself for the play-offs.

In this league,
you can't do that.

You got to kind of play every week,
every single week. 'Cause you never know.

Maybe... Maybe let the wide
receivers get a TD or two.

Like, throw Keenan Allen a bone.

I've marked this on my calendar.

I need to have a
big week this week.

Maybe next week.

- No, I gotta play big
this week.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Enough about me. Tell me
something about you. You got a family?

Yeah, I got a wife
and kid. Kid's not bad.

He's actually a pretty
solid little athlete.

Early developer.
Home run hitter. Nice.

- Cute kid. Cute kid.
- He is a cute kid, yeah.

It's really kind of bad etiquette
to go through someone's phone.

- Oh, fantasy player, huh?
- What's that now?

- Ruxin Roll.
- Ah, a pun.

- Get your Rux off.
- Yeah, it's just pun stuff
just to keep the mind nimble.

Hmm. I remember you.

You're that angry little man
that tried to throw a punch at me.

That's how I know you.

You were mad at me 'cause I
dropped a 40 burger on your team.

I'm a different guy now. I don't even
play fantasy football anymore, so...

So I guess, you know, you wouldn't mind if
I started dropping a couple players, huh?

It wouldn't bother you. Mm-mmm.

Get rid of Drew
Brees. Drew Brees.

- Get rid of Dez Bryant.
- Yeah, 'cause he's not
having a big year at all.

- Yeah, Peyton Manning.
- If you were saying you were
gonna get rid of Papa John's,

I might stop you,
but I don't care.

- Chris Johnson.
- You can actually get rid of
Chris Johnson if you want.

Get rid of Jamaal Charles,
huh? Yeah, you don't need him.

Yeah, I don't need him.

Okay. Okay.

- Here we go.
- No!

No! Drew Brees, gone.

Not Drew! Tom Brady...

Please don't do
this to me. Gone.

How can you hold me back
with one arm? Gone. Gone.

- How's everything
going in here, guy...
- What the hell is going on?

Guys, this is exactly
what it looks like.

Are you kidding me? Come on!

It is beautiful outside,

and you guys are just sitting
here, glued to your computers.

- Let's go to the beach.
- No, I'm good.

- Leave us alone.
- God, you guys
are like couch mushrooms.

Taco, you should probably
hit the beach with Jenny.

No, I'm good, brother. Got to set the
best lineup possible, because I love you.

Okay, I'm gonna take Victor Cruz
out, 'cause I just noticed he's injured.

Victor Cruz has been
injured since week six.

Final poll. I need a D.

Miami or the Titans
versus Jacksonville?

Miami. Ooh, good one.

- Titans.
- Good, good, good.

- Titans for sure.
- I don't take advice
from Sackos.

Hey, Rafi, got to pick a D.
Trying to think, Miami or Titans?

"Pick a D"? What, like a dick?

Forget this. Which
is the biggest dick?

Don't worry about it. I'm gonna pick
Miami. Miami. Thank you very much.

Well, I can't believe this, but
the games are about to start.

- I love this West Coast thing.
- I know. Life begins at 10:00 AM.

All right, the Shiva Bowl
Championship lineup has been set.

Time for a beer to celebrate.

Uh, you realize your winning
lineup has yet to be saved?

What's that?

You tinkered, you stinkered, but
you forgot to press "set lineup."

- Oh, very funny.
- Oh, no joke. They're kicking off.

- What? No!
- They just started.

Kickoff.

- No, I pressed it. I pressed it, I pressed it.
- Yes, yes.

- No, I pressed "set lineup."
- No, I don't see it submitted,
Ruxin.

You pressed it too late.

Lineups lock when the
kickoff happens. Sorry.

Commissioner, I set my lineup.
You saw me set my lineup.

- You know how this works.
- Yeah, I know exactly
how this works.

All you parasites
collude against me,

and then just when it
matters most, you screw me.

Your finger
colluded against you.

No, your outfit
colluded against you.

You look like a
European porn extra.

Hey, babe, did you see these super
cute pictures your mom sent of the kids?

They are so cute. Oh,
I'd love to see the kids.

Cutie. Cutie. So cute.
Hey, wait a second.

No, that's not my...
Oh, what's this?

E-mail from Andre to the group
about splitting up the house.

Oh. You joking me?

- This is collusion!
- That is not collusion!

We talk about what
we want to talk about.

We're gonna split the house. It
doesn't mean we're colluding against you.

So, the, uh, Shiva
Bowl is under way?

Yeah, the Shiva Bowl's under way,
because they're colluding against me,

which means we've
officially begun.

- Can't take someone's phone
and go through their pictures.
- You can't take anything.

All right.

Everyone, please, quiet!

Potato chip.

This is exactly as
Mr. Rappaport predicted.

You people cannot
stop acting like animals!

So I have prepared for this.

I am bringing in the perfect
person to make a ruling.

Everyone, I would like you to meet Mike
Pereira, former head of NFL Officiating.

Yeah, we know who he is. We
watched him on TV every week.

- What are you doing here?
- Ted was a good man.

I'm just here to help
him with his final wishes.

I don't know how to tell
you this, but Ted died.

Well, I have filled Mike in on everything
that's transpired thus far this morning.

Well, I can tell
you right now...

that I pressed
the submit button.

- My finger crossed the plane.
- Okay, well, let's go under
the hood and review it.

- It's a kitchen hood.
- Hey, respect the stripes.

I'm trying to respect the
stripe on your stupid hat.

Hey, I see a finger smudge here.

That's the one. That's my
print. That's my fingerprint.

I got to mark it.

Got to get my chains out.

After reviewing the play,

Ruxin failed to reach...

the "submit lineup" button
when the finger was down.

You lose your challenge.

- Send it to New York.
- I am New York. We're not gonna send anywhere.

What are you, crazy?
You know what?

I'm throwing my
red challenge flag,

because these people have
been colluding against me.

I went on her phone,
and I saw proof...

they were gonna split this
house amongst themselves.

Wanna know how he saw that?

He grabbed my phone...

and went through all the
pictures like a grubby raccoon.

- You went through her phone?
- Doesn't matter
how I got the information.

I got the information that
they were colluding. Red flag.

It does matter. The
rules of society, my friend.

If you are looking at a phone and somebody
gives it to you to look at a photo,

you look at that photo only.

You don't scroll up and down.
You don't look at other e-mails.

You don't open other apps.

You know what that's
called? Illegal scrolling.

Illegal scrolling. I like that.

We're picking up
the flag for collusion.

And you, my friend, lose
your second challenge.

Yes!

I want to bring back
the replacement refs!

Oh, sure. Everybody says that.

Well, congratulations, Andre.

You're Shiva Bowl Champion.

If you can just sign here, then
the house will be yours. That's right.

- Whoo! Okay, thank you so much.
- You, uh... You all disgust me.

And you, perhaps, most of all.

You do not deserve this.

Congratulations.

♪ Shiva Bowl Champ ♪

♪ I won I won ♪

No, we won.

Now let's talk some
months, buddy. Come on.

You all lost. You're all losers.

- A pax on all of your homes.
- Think you mean "pox," Ruxin.

No, I mean, that the only cable
network you all should get is PAX.

I don't get it. This is
not the lineup I set.

Oh, Taco, lose with a
little dignity. Stop whining.

No, I'm telling you. It's
different. It's not the lineup I set.

I wonder what could've happened.

I wonder what could've
happened. Thank you! Thank you!

Thank you! Thank you, Shiva!

Oh, well. A win's
a win, I guess.

Yes, it is. A win is a win.

You earned it. I know. I did.

I'm proud of you,
brother. Thank you.

- Come on.
- Well, not proud. Just less embarrassed.

No, no. That's interesting.

Come on. No.
Family functions only.

- Okay, sorry.
- Stop it.

This is not a family
function. Sit down.

- Hey, don't you have
something to do?
- Yes.

Uh, all right, I would like to do a
league photo on the lower balcony.

So just get everyone together.
Meet me over there, okay?

Guys, I have a quick
announcement to make.

I was just talking
to Mike Pereira,

and I think I'm
gonna become a ref.

What? Think about it.

I love to be in a position
of power arbitrarily.

I love having people listen to me and do
what I say even if I happen to be wrong.

And I'll never have
to say I'm sorry again.

It's kind of, like, my calling.

- And the stripes
are pretty slimming too.
- Don't really care about that.

- You should.
- Thank you, Jenny.

Well, on that note... Please,
come with me down to the beach.

Oh, boy. Might
need some of that.

Rafi! Hey, come on!

Time for the prank. Rafi?

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa. Wait, what's all this?

Allow me to introduce you
to my two favorite pranksters:

gasoline and kerosene. No!

- Why do you have
all this stuff?
- For the prank.

- Told you I'd take care of it.
- You're gonna light them
on fire?

- It's a prank!
- No, I want you to take water
and pour it onto their heads.

Brian, water puts out fire.
How do you not know this?

Oh, my God, you are adorable.

I don't think you
know how pranks work.

The year of the Dre begins now.

We'll put aside our
petty disagreements,

and in the words
of Taylor Swift,

we will just shake it off.

Boo! Shake, shake.

Okay, in the spirit of
good sportsmanship,

I present a message to
you, my fellow league-mates.

Enjoy!

- Ooh!
- Wow.

Whoa!

Whoa! Hey! Whoo!

- "Suck it"?
- Oh, come on!

- You stole my saying.
- I co-opted it.

In the year of the
Dre, I say suck it.

- What are we
supposed to suck, Andre?
- The butthole.

- What?
- We're supposed to suck
your butthole?

- No... everyone's butthole.
- We have to suck
everyone's butthole?

- It's my butthole. Fine, you suck my butthole.
- Why do... Oh!

So you made some fireworks so
that we could all suck your butthole?

Yes, it's a punishment. When you've
been bad, you have to suck the butthole.

So when everybody's
saying "suck it,"

you think we're talking
about buttholes, to be clear?

- What else would you
be talking about?
- What about dicks?

- Yeah.
- Why would you even do that?

Have you ever gotten a blow job?

Yeah, I've had a blow job.

You've had one? Yeah.

- Andre?
- What, I've had plenty of...

You're lying, first of all. But
you've had your butthole sucked on?

- Yeah, it's second base.
- You think that's what
second base is?

What? It's not?

I do not want you to light
our friends and family on fire!

Brian, this is what
taking care of it is.

No, I don't want you
to handle this prank.

You are now out
of this prank game.

Brian, just smell this.
No! Put that down!

- It's hilarious.
- That is the opposite
of what I want you to do.

Brian, why are you
ruining this prank?

How does this thing
play out in your mind?

You pour gasoline on
our friends, and then what?

We light them on fire! And they're like,
"Oh, my God! Rafi and Brian pranked us!"

No, they won't be laughing,
because they'll be on fire!

Course they're gonna be on
fire, and yes, they're gonna die.

But then we're gonna bury
their remains under this house...

where we will live for the
rest of our days as best friends!

Hilarious prank! What?

Oh, shit. Oh, boy.

- Reverse prank.
- I'm out of here!

I don't need you guys, okay?

You know what? This
is the year of the Dre!

- Andre, look behind you!
- I'm not gonna look behind me.

I'm gonna look ahead, to the
future! Andre, you're on fire.

I am on fire! With winning!
I'm unstoppable now! Get back!

- I'm on f...
- We made a mistake!

Get back! Awesome prank!

Oh, God! Something
amazing is about to happen!

Watch this! It's
gonna be hilarious!

Yes!

Pranked! Pranked!

Yeah!

Whoa!

Oh! Shiva!

- Hey, I thought she was
washed out to sea.
- Oops.

- My beach house.
- You stupid assholes.

No way, dead guy.
Best prank ever!

- Rafi, what did you do?
- That was Brian's idea. I just helped.

Brian!

♪♪