The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (2015–…): Season 8, Episode 53 - Andy Cohen/Anderson Cooper - full transcript
TV host Andy Cohen (TV series, "Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen"); journalist Anderson Cooper (TV series, "Anderson Cooper 360"); Louis Cato performs;
>> SOME G.O.P. LAWMAKERS ARE
WEARING 'OK BUTTONS TO SHOW
THEIR SUPPORT FOR KEVIN
MCCARTHY AS HOUSE PEEKER.
THE O.K. BUTTONS STAND FOR "ONLY
KEVIN" AND ARE MEANT AS A
COUNTERWEIGHT TO THE "NEVER
KEVIN" MOVEMENT.
>> HOUSE REPUBLICANS ARE
BURSTING WITH ENTHUSIASM FOR
KEVIN MCCARTHY TO BE SPEAKER,
SHOWING THEIR SUPPORT WITH "ONLY
KEVIN" BUTTONS.
BUT THERE ARE EVEN MORE BUTTONS
YOU CAN WEAR TO SHOW YOUR
EXCITEMENT FOR KEVIN MCCARTHY,
LIKE THESE:
ED
ED
SO STAND UP TODAY AND SHOW YOUR
SUPPORT FOR KEVIN MCCARTHY BY
SAYING PROUDLY:
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT:
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES:
ANDERSON COOPER
AND ANDY COHEN
AND A SPECIAL HOLIDAY
PERFORMANCE BY LOUIS CATO AND
THE LATE SHOW BAND.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE
ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THANKS, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME, WELCOME ONE AND ALL,
DOWN HERE, UP THERE, ALL AROUND
THE WORLD.
WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
THIS RIGHT NOW--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WE MADE IT!
MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS ARE
GOING TO BE "WORKING OUT MORE"
AND "NOT HAVING TO TALK ABOUT
NAZIS."
I WONDER--
( APPLAUSE )
BREAK
FIRST.
THE YEAR IS ENDING ON A BANG.
WHAT LOOKED LIKE A SLOW NEWS DAY
HAS SUDDENLY BEEN TRANSFORMED
INTO A BRASING MOMENT OF
HISTORY.
AND IT'S ALL THANKS TO THE
FORMER PRESIDENT.
YESTERDAY, HE POSTED ON HIS
SOCIAL MEDIA SITE PROMISING
A MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT TOMORROW,
ALONG WITH THIS VIDEO:
>> AMERICA NEEDS A SUPERHERO.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HUH.
KIND OF MYSTERIOUS.
WHAT WOULD HE POSSIBLY USE LASER
VISION FOR?
JIM, CAN WE PULL OUT A LITTLE
BIT?
THERE YOU GO.
THAT MAKES SENSE.
THAT'S ON BRAND.
( APPLAUSE )
ANNOUNCEMENT WAS GOING TO BE,
BUT THERE WAS A LOT OF ACTUAL
SPECULATION.
WOULD HE ANNOUNCE A LONG-SHOT
BID TO BECOME SPEAKER OF THE
HOUSE?
WOULD HE ANNOUNCE HIS INTENDED
RUNNING MATE?
AND WOULD KID ROCK SAY YES?
( LAUGHTER )
ANNOUNCEMENTS TURN OUT TO BE
DUDS.
NOT THIS ONE.
BECAUSE LATE THIS MORNING, THE
FORMER PRESIDENT DROPPED THE
BLOCKBUSTER NEWS: MAJOR
ANNOUNCEMENT!
MY OFFICIAL DIGITAL TRADING CARD
COLLECTION IS HERE!
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU READ THAT RIGHT!
THE EX-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES, THE EX-MOST POWERFUL MAN
IN THE WORLD, HAS LAUNCHED A
LINE OF TRADING CARDS.
IT'S GROPE-E-MON!
( LAUGHTER )
PIKA-PIKA!
PIKA-COUP!
LORD HAVE MERCY.
THIS IS THE LEAST-DIGNIFIED
ATTEMPT AT POST-PRESIDENTIAL
MERCHANDISING SINCE THE LAUNCH
OF "TICKLE-ME-TRUMAN."
( LAUGHTER )
WEBSITE-- AND, YES, THERE IS
ONE.
THE FORMER PRESIDENT TELLS YOU
JUST WHAT YOU CAN EXPECT FROM
THIS PREMIUM OPPORTUNITY.
>> I'M DOING MY FIRST OFFICIAL
DONALD J. TRUMP N.F.T.
COLLECTION, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT
NOW.
>> Stephen: HE'S A BUSINESS
GENIUS!
JUMPING IN ON THE N.F.T.
MARKET, WHEN IT'S AT ITS
HOTTEST!
NEXT, HE'S RELEASING AN
EXCLUSIVE LINE OF ROTARY PHONES.
( LAUGHTER )
THE TRADING CARDS ALLOW YOU TO
COLLECT ALL OF YOUR FAVORITE
CHARACTERS FROM THE EXTENDED
FORMER PRESIDENT UNIVERSE,
BECAUSE EVERY CARD IS HIM.
THERE'S-- AND THESE ARE ALL
REAL-- HIM PLAYING GOLF, HIM
APPROVING OF GOLD, HIM WEARING A
HAT THAT SAYS "DOW"-- JUST LIKE
THEY DO ON WALL STREET-- AND
HIM STEALING THE TORCH FROM THE
STATUE OF LIBERTY.
( LAUGHTER )
MAKES SENSE.
SHE WAS HOLDING IT UP TO LIGHT
THE WAY FOR IMMIGRANTS.
HE'S LIKE, "BACK, YOU HUDDLED
MASSES!
I'LL BURN YOU!
I'VE GOT A SILVER BULLET!
BANG-BANG!
EAT FLAME, JOSE!"
THAT'S JUST THE BEGINNING.
THE FORMER PRESIDENT SAYS THE
CARDS FEATURE "AMAZING ART OF MY
LIFE AND CAREER."
THAT'S WHAT HE SAYS.
BUT THEY DEPICT HIM AS A COWBOY,
A RACE CAR DRIVER, AND AN
ASTRONAUT.
SO IT REALLY SEEMS LIKE THE
CARDS MEMORIALIZE EVERYTHING
HE'S NEVER DONE, LIKE HAVE ABS.
( LAUGHTER )
SAYING, "STEVE, YOU'RE PROBABLY
PICKING OUT THE STUPIDEST OF
THESE TRADING CARDS."
NO, BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL EQUALLY
STUPIDEST.
HERE HE IS STANDING ON THE
45-YARD LINE ABOUT TO PUNCH A
FOOTBALL.
AND HERES ONE WHERE HE IS
DRESSED UP AS A PILOT AND STOOD
ATOP THE EARTH WITH THE SUN
SHINING OUT OF WHERE THE
SUN DON'T SHINE.
ANY OF THESE PRICELESS IMAGES
CAN BE YOURS FOR ONLY $99 EACH.
THAT MAY SEEM LIKE A LOT, BUT
REMEMBER, YOU DON'T GET TO
CHOOSE WHICH ONE, BECAUSE THE
WEBSITE SAYS, "THESE TRADING
CARDS ARE RANDOMLY GENERATED AND
DELIVERED, SO YOU WON'T KNOW
WHICH CARD YOU RECEIVE UNTIL YOU
CHECK YOUR WALLET AFTER
PURCHASE."
OKAY, LET'S SEE WHAT I GOT.
OH, COWBOY AGAIN.
OKAY.
GUESS I'M GOING TO HAVE TO PAY
ANOTHER $99.
COWBOY!
ALL RIGHT, NEVER AGAIN.
AFTER THIS ONE.
OKAY...
ERIC!
DAMMIT!"
( APPLAUSE )
STANDS BEHIND WHATEVER HE SELLS
WITH THIS PROMISE AND GUARANTEE:
"WE MAKE ABSOLUTELY NO PROMISE
OR GUARANTEE THAT THE N.F.T.s
WILL INCREASE IN VALUE OR
MAINTAIN THE SAME VALUE AS THE
AMOUNT YOU PAID TO PURCHASE
SAME.
YOU UNDERSTAND AND AGREE THAT
THE N.F.T.s HAVE NO INHERENT
MONETARY VALUE."
SOLID.
REMINDS ME OF ARBY'S SLOGAN, "WE
MAKE ABSOLUTELY NO PROMISE OR
GUARANTEE THAT WHAT WE HAVE IS
MEATS."
( LAUGHTER )
TASTY, THOUGH.
>> Louis: THEY DO TASTE GOOD.
>> Stephen: IN A WAY, THIS IS
ALL KIND OF GRATIFYING, BECAUSE
A MONSTER WHO TRIED TO INSTALL
HIMSELF AS OUR FASCIST STRONGMAN
IS NOW REDUCED TO HAWKING A LINE
OF TRADING CARDS.
IT'S LIKE IF HITLER ESCAPED THE
BUNKER AND RELEASED MEIN KOMIC
BOOK.
OF COURSE, IF THAT N.F.T.
ASTRONAUT WANTS TO BE PRESIDENT
AGAIN, HE'LL HAVE TO DEFEAT
JOE BIDEN.
MAYBE.
BECAUSE BIDEN HASN'T YET SAID
WHETHER HE'LL RUN FOR
RE-ELECTION, AND DEMOCRATS
AREN'T SURE IF HE SHOULD.
THE MAJORITY OF HIS OWN VOTERS
SAY HE SHOULDN'T RUN AGAIN, AND
THE MAJOR REASON IS HIS AGE.
WELL, THAT MAKES SENSE.
MOST 80-YEAR-OLDS AREN'T OUT
THERE BATTLING PUTIN.
THEY'RE AT HOME BATTLING
PUDDING.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
GET THE SPOON THROUGH THE SKIN!
BRING ME MY CORDLESS DRILL!"
APPARENTLY, THE PRESIDENT IS
GETTING SICK OF ALL THE TALK
ABOUT HIS AGE, RECENTLY SNAPPING
AT ONE ALLY: "YOU THINK I DON'T
KNOW HOW (BLEEP) OLD I AM?"
"SORRY MY LANGUAGE GOT SALTIER
SORRY.
I'M SORRY, FOLKS, NO.
"SORRY MY LANGUAGE GOT SALTIER
THAN A REHOBOTH TAFFY, BUT
JEEPERS, JACK?
I KNOW HOW OLD I AM!
I'VE KNOWN SINCE BACK WHEN YOU
COULD BUY A NICKEL FOR A PENNY!
I KNOW THE NUMBER, YOU KNOW THE
NUMBER, SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST
SAY IT, AND I'LL TELL YOU IF
YOU'RE RIGHT.
80?
FAIR ENOUGH, OKAY.
BUT THESE TEETH
ARE ONLY 15!
GIVE 'EM A TAP, THEY RING LIKE
CHIMES!
YOU SHOULD HEAR ME IN
THE BREEZE!"
ONE PERSON--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THE JOURNEY WE'VE BEEN ON HERE.
( LAUGHTER )
JOB IS OUTGOING SPEAKER OF THE
HOUSE, NANCY PELOSI, SEEN HERE
SHOWING WHAT SHE'D DO TO KEVIN
McCARTHY'S BALLS IF HE HAD ANY.
( LAUGHTER )
A DIAMOND!
PELOSI PASSED THE TORCH OF
DEMOCRATIC LEADERSHIP IN THE
HOUSE TO HAKEEM JEFFRIES.
AND, YESTERDAY, TO MARK THE END
OF HER TERM, REPUBLICANS AND
DEMOCRATS GOT TOGETHER TO
UNVEIL HER OFFICIAL PORTRAIT.
THAT IS REALLY LOVELY.
BUT THAT'S JUST MY OPINION.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE
PAINTING, MADAM SPEAKER?
OH, NICE.
AND WHAT WERE YOU GONNA DO WITH
IT IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT?
OKAY, TOUGH BUT FAIR.
AND WHO IS LIKELY TO FOLLOW
YOU AS THE NEXT SPEAKER?
>> THE POO POO.
>> Stephen: YES, YES.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
AN APT-- APT DESCRIPTION.
BUT HIS FRIENDS CALL HIM KEVIN.
NOW, IT SEEMS LIKE EVERY DAY
THERE'S A STUPID NEW STORY ABOUT
TESLA C.E.O. AND BOND VILLAI
( BOOING )
ANNOUNCING, "I WILL DESTROY THE
WORLD UNLESS YOU GIVE ME $8 A
MONTH!" ELON MUSK.
EVER SINCE MUSK BOUGHT TWITTER,
HE'S CLAIMED TO BE A FREE-SPEECH
ABSOLUTIST, AND EVEN TWEETED:
"MY COMMITMENT TO FREE SPEECH
EXTENDS EVEN TO NOT BANNING THE
ACCOUNT FOLLOWING MY PLANE, EVEN
THOUGH THAT IS A DIRECT PERSONAL
SAFETY RISK."
AUTOMATICALLY POSTED THE
MOVEMENTS OF HIS PRIVATE JET.
AND TO MUSK'S CREDIT, HE STOOD
BY HIS FREE-SPEECH PRINCIPLES
AND LET IT STAY UP...
UNTIL YESTERDAY, WHEN TWITTER
SUSPENDED THE ACCOUNT THAT
TRACKED MUSK'S PRIVATE JET.
>> I REMEMBER TELLING MY
ROOMMATE, "HEY, ELON MUSK JUST
DIRECT MESSAGED ME."
>> ACCORDING TO THE MESSAGES,
ELON SAID, "I DON'T LOVE THE
IDEA OF BEING SHOT BY A NUTCASE
AND THEN OFFERED JACK $5,000 TO
SHUT THE ACCOUNT DOWN.
>> THEN I BASICALLY ASKED FOR
$50,000 OR A TESLA AND HE SAID,
"THINKING ABOUT IT."
>> Stephen: BUT MUSK DECIDED NOT
TO SHELL OUT 50,000 TO SHUT THE
KID UP, INSTEAD SPENDING 44
BILLION TO BUY THE COMPANY AND
BAN HIM.
HE'S A FINANCIAL GENIUS!
AND AS A RESULT--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I GOT A COUPLE, THERE YOU GO.
AS A RESULT OF HIS BUSINESS
SAVVY, MUSK'S NET WORTH HAS
RECENTLY PLUMMETED, AND THIS
WEEK, HE SOLD $3.5 BILLION
OF TESLA STOCK, AND NO ONE
KNOWS WHY.
I THINK I KNOW WHY.
COULD IT BE TO INVEST IN TRADING
CARDS?
( LAUGHTER )
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT!
MY GUESTS ARE ANDERSON COOPER
AND ANDY COHEN.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, IT'S
PUPPIES!
♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
EVERYBODY.
GIVE IT UP FOR THE GREATEST BAND
ON TELEVISION, LOUIS CATO AND
THE LATE SHOW BAND.
BEFORE WE GO OI WANT TO TALK
ABOUT SOMETHING WE STARTED JUST
THIS WEEK.
FOR THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN WATCHING
THE SHOW, YOU KNOW WE HAVE
LAUNCHED A CHARITY DRIVE.
IT'S ON THIS T-SHIRT.
IT'S CALLED THE "IS POTATO"
T-SHIRT.
AND YOU ALSO GET "IS POTATO"
MUG.
"IS POTATO."
ALL THE SALES FROM THIS GO TO
WORLD CENTRAL AND WHICH OUR
FRIEND JOSE ANDRES.
YOU GO RIGHT THERE, AND GREAT
CHRISTMAS PRESENT.
A FANTASTIC CHRISTMAS PRESENT
RIGHT THERE.
( APPLAUSE )
AND WORLD CENTRAL KITCHEN, AND
THEIR EFFORTS TO FEED THE
DISPLACED PEOPLE OF UKRAINE
DURING THIS TERRIBLE WAR, WHICH
IS NOW REACHING ITS TENTH MONTH.
AND I'M PROUD TO SAY, OVER JUST
THE LAST TWO DAYS, YOU PEOPLE
OUT THERE HAVE RAISED OVER
$100,000 BY BUYING THESE
T-SHIRTS.
( APPLAUSE )
NICE THINGS.
>> Louis: THAT'S AMAZING.
>> Stephen: ONE OF THE NICE
THINGS TO DO ON THIS SHOW IS BE
ON STAGE WITH THE TALENT ASKED
AMAZING PEOPLE, BUT THE AMAZING
THING TO DO A SHOW WITH AN
AUDIENCE LIKE YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
LOVELY BOSS-- WE HAVE LOVELY
BOSSES, DON'T WE, TOM?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THEY'RE LIKE MAN'S BEST FRIEND
WHO NEVER ASKS YOU TO HELP THEM
MOVE.
AND BECAUSE I LOVE DOGS, I ALSO
LOVE MY SEGMENT "RESCUE DOG
RESCUE," WHERE WE HELP FIND
HOMES FOR REAL RESCUE PUPPIES.
AND I'M PROUD TO SAY THAT SO
FAR, WE HAVE A PERFECT RECORD OF
EVERY SINGLE DOG WE'VE FEATURED
GETTING ADOPTED!
THAT'S RIGHT, 100% SUCCESS--
WHICH, IN DOG MATH, IS 700%.
THAT'S WHY I'M SO EXCITED TO
ANNOUNCE IT'S TIME FOR A SPECIAL
HOLIDAY EDITION OF "RESCUE DOG
RESCUE"!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
♪ ♪ ♪
LA-LA-LA
LA-LA-LA-LA♪
WELCOME TO "RESCUE DOG RESCUE."
HERE'S HOW SHE WORKS:
WE'RE ABOUT TO SHOW YOU SOME
ADORABLE PUPPIES THAT ARE
ACTUALLY UP FOR ADOPTION THROUGH
NORTH SHORE ANIMAL LEAGUE
AMERICA.
AND TO MAKE SURE THESE LITTLE
DOGS FIND A HOME, WE HAVE MADE
UP A SERIES OF FLATTERING LIES
ABOUT EACH OF THEM TO MAKE YOU
WANT TO ADOPT THEM EVEN MORE.
NOW, IF ONLY, IF ONLY THERE WERE
NOW, IF ONLY, IF ONLY THERE WERE
SOME CELEBRITIES WILLING TO HELP
ANDERSON COOPER AND ANDY COHEN!
OH, MY GOD!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
FEALS!
WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING
HERE?
>> WE SPEND ALL DECEMBER CAMPED
OUT IN DOWNTOWN
>> YEAH, JUST IN CASE THE BALL
DROPS EARLY.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> NO, STEPHEN!
WE'RE LYING TO PROVE WE CAN
HELP YOU LIE ABOUT THESE DOGS.
>> Stephen: OKAY, BUT YOU NEVER
LIE WHEN YOU'RE REPORTING AT
CNN, RIGHT?
>> ABSOLUTELY, I LIE ONLY FOR
PUPPIES.
>> Stephen: OKAY, GREAT TO
HEAR IT.
LET'S DO IT.
FIRST UP: HELLO!
IT'S OKAY!
IT'S OKAY!
FIRST UP, THIS IS PIXIE!
DUE TO A TICKETMASTER ERROR,
PIXIE ACTUALLY GOT THE ENTIRE
FRONT ROW FOR THE UPCOMING
TAYLOR SWIFT TOUR!
( LAUGHTER )
SELL THE TICKETS AND RETIRE
TOMORROW!
>> WELL, THIS IS JUDAH.
JUDAH KNOWS HOW TO THROW THE
PERFECT CELEBRATION FOR HANUKAH.
AND EVEN MORE IMPRESSIVE: HE
KNOWS HOW TO SPELL IT.
LOVE YOU!
>> Stephen: OH!
THERE YOU GO!
>> THIS IS WOLFY BLITZER.
THIS LITTLE GUY IS A TOTAL
NEWSHOUND AND AN IMPARTIAL
JOURNALIST.
HE DOESN'T SEE RED STATES OR
BLUE STATES, BECAUSE DOGS ARE
COLORBLIND.
>> Stephen: THIS-- OH, HOLD
ON, KRINGLE.
THERE YOU GO.
THIS IS KRINGLE.
KRINGLE WOULD-- HELLO!
KRINGLE WOULD MAKE THE PERFECT
CHRISTMAS PRESENT BECAUSE HE IS
ADORABLE, CUDDLY AND, ALSO, A
FULLY FUNCTIONING PLAYSTATION 5.
DON'T ASK WHERE THE PLUG GOES.
>> THIS FELLA IS YUKON.
YUKON HAS BEEN SPECIALLY TRAINED
TO CLEAN UP ALL THE DISHES AFTER
YOUR HOLIDAY DINNER, AND HE
PROMISES TO ONLY HUMP SOMEONE'S
LEG IF YOU NEED A DISTRACTION
WHEN YOUR UNCLE CARL SAYS
SOMETHING RACIST.
( LAUGHTER )
IT'S OKAY!
IT'S OKAY!
IT'S OKAY!
KIND OF LOOKS LIKE YOU.
>> AND BREAKING NEWS: WE HAVE A
VERY SPECIAL RESCUE DOG SILVER
FOX!
THIS IS SILVER FOX.
THAT'S RIGHT, THIS IS REGGIE, A
12-YEAR-OLD TERRIER MIX.
REGGIE IS A MATURE DOG, WHICH
MEANS YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT HIM CHEWING ON YOUR
FURNITURE, AND HE WON'T JUDGE
YOU FOR THAT LOUD GROAN YOU MAKE
WHEN YOU SIT ON THE COUCH.
LET'S GO BACK HERE, RICHEY.
>> Stephen: OH!
OH!
HOLD ON THERE, FELLA!
THERE YOU GO!
THIS IS GLITTER.
ADOPT HIM AND HE'LL SAVE YOU A
FRONT-ROW SPOT FOR NEW YEARS IN
TIMES SQUARE.
HE DOESN'T MIND GETTING THERE
EARLY BECAUSE, UNLIKE THE REST
OF THE CROWD, HE'S USED TO
PEEING IN THE STREET.
>> THIS IS ROXANNA.
I AM HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE ROXANNA
IS THE FIRST CAST MEMBER OF THE
BRAND-NEW BRAVO SERIES "REAL
HOUSEPETS OF NEW YORK."
HER TAGLINE IS "I MAY BE A DOG,
BUT THIS BITCH IS NO MAN'S BEST
FRIEND."
( LAUGHTER )
>> HEY, HOW'S IT GOING.
>> THAT LOOKS LIKE YOU, TOO.
>> I KNOW!
FINALLY, THIS IS SPICE.
SPICE WANTS TO SPEND NEW YEAR'S
EVE WITH YOU WATCHING THE BALL
DROP, AS LONG AS YOU DON'T BRING
UP THE FACT THAT HE HIMSELF NO
LONGER HAS ANY DROPPABLE BALLS.
>> Stephen: WELL, THAT DOES IT
FOR "RESCUE DOG RESCUE"!
ALL THESE DOGS ARE UP FOR
ADOPTION THROUGH NORTH SHORE
ANIMAL LEAGUE AMERICA.
HEAD TO THEIR SITE OR SCAN THE
Q.R. CODE RIGHT THERE FOR MORE
INFO.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ANDY
COHEN AND ANDERSON COOPER.
STICK AROUND.
( APPLAUSE )
WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY, TO "THE
LATE SHOW."
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY GUESTS
TONIGHT ARE THE ANCHOR OF CNN'S
"ANDERSON COOPER 360," AND THE
HOST OF BRAVO'S "WATCH WHAT
HAPPENS LIVE."
THEY'VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR OVER 25
YEARS.
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE
SHOW," ANDERSON COOPER AND ANDY
COHEN!
♪ YOU GOT A FRIEND IN ME
YOU GOT A FRIEND IN ME ♪
( APPLAUSE ).
ELEPHANT MUSIC?
WAH-WAH.
>> Stephen: LOVELY TO HAVE
BOTH OF YOU GUYS HERE.
>> GREAT TO BE HERE.
>> GREAT TO BE HERE.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR
BEING HERE.
THANK YOU FOR HELPING US PUSH
THE PUPPIES.D&
>> LOVE PUSHING PUPPIES.
>> Stephen: ANDY THANK YOU FOR
DRESSING APPROPRIATELY.
>> YES, I WAS A BIT SURPRISED AS
WELL.
>> I HAVE BEEN LISTENING TO A
LOT OF JONNY CASH.
>> YEAH!
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT, I
DON'T BLAME YOU.
ALWAYS GOOD, MAN IN BLACK RIGHT
THERE.
>> I HAVE BEEN LISTENING TO THE
ALBUM "HURT."
IT'S SO GOOD.
>> Stephen: OH, YEAH.
WOW.
YOU OKAY?
HERE'S THE THING, YOU GUYS--
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT IT'S NOT
NEW YEAR'S EVE WITHOUT THE TWO
OF YOU IN TIMES SQUARE FREEZING
YOUR BONES OFF.
>> WE LIKE TO THINK WE ARE THE
ONLY TV HOSTS ON NEW YEAR'S EVE
WHO ARE ACTUALLY HAVING FUN.
>> Stephen: IN YEARS PAST, YOU
REALLY DO LOOK LIKE YOU'RE
HAVING FUN.
AND I KNOW YOU'RE ACTUAL
FRIENDS.
WRUR NOT MAKING THIS STUFF UP.
OF COURSE, IT'S BIG NEWS OUT
THERE, THAT OUR OLD FRIEND CHRIS
LICHT, WHO USED TO BE THE EXEC
ON THIS SHOW, SAID NO DRINKING
ON NEW YEAR'S EVE.
IS THAT GOING TO HOLD?
IS THAT GOING TO HOLD
( AUDIENCE BOOING )
HE DOESN'T WORK HERE ANYMORE.
HOW ABOUT A COCKTAIL?
ANDERSON... THERE YOU GO.
THERE YOU GO.
( APPLAUSE )
>> CHEERS!
>> WHAT ARE WE DRINKING.
>> Stephen: WHAT ARE WE
DRINKING?
THIS IS ANDY'S.
>> WE'RE HAVING A TEQUILA
FRESCA.
THIS IS A FRESQUILA, A TEQUILA
AND FRESCA.
>> Stephen: I FEEL LIKE IT'S
1977 AND I SHOULD BE SMOKING A
VIRGINIA SLIM.
I HAVEN'T SEEN FRESCA SINCE I
WAS LIVING WITH MY MOTHER.
>> I DIDN'T KNOW THEY STILL MADE
IT.
>> YES!
>> Stephen: IT'S REALLY
DELICIOUS.
YOU CAN REALLY TASTE THE, TASTE
THE-- AH... SACCHARIN.
WELL, FELLAS-- NO, NO, NO.
IT STAYS RIGHT THERE.
IT STAYS RIGHT THERE.
YOU CAN PUT IT DOWN.
YOU CAN TUT OF PUT IT DOWN.
>> THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
>> Stephen: WE ALSO HAVE A
BOTTLE OF TEQUILA IF YOU WANT TO
DO A SPIDER BITE.
>> A SPIDER BITE?
THERE YOU GO, THERE YOU GO.
>> Stephen: COME ON, I'LL JOIN
YOU.
THERE YOU GO.
NOW, FELL AS, LET ME ASK YOU
THIS ABOUT-- DO YOU WANT A LIME?
>> SURE.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
>> HE IS SO BAD AT THIS.
>> Stephen: YOU ALL RIGHT?
THERE YOU GO.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW-- YOU
KNOW WHO WOULD BE OKAY WITH THAT
SHOT?
JONNY CASH.
>> YEAH.
( LAUGHTER ).
AWAY FROM YOU, YOUNG MAN.
>> NO, NO, THANK YOU, THANK YOU,
STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: LET ME ASK YOU
SOMETHING, FELLAS.
WHY-- I'M JUST CURIOUS-- WHY--
WHY DOES CNN COVER NEW YEAR'S
EVE?
>> THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
YOU KNOW, I STARTED COVERING NEW
YEAR'S EVE, LIKE, 17 YEARS AGO
FOR CNN.
>> Stephen: ON THE OFF CHANCE
THAT TIME DIDN'T PASS THAT
NIGHT?
BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE THE ONLY
NEWS IS IF 2 DIDN'T BECOME
JANUARY 1 AT MIDNIGHT.
>> THEY HAD NO ONE ELSE TO DO
IT, SO I VOLUNTEERED TO DO IT.
I VOLUNTEERED TO DO IT BECAUSE I
HATE-- I HAVE ALWAYS HATED NEW
YEAR'S EVE.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> AND I DIDN'T WANT TO, LIKE--
NEW YEAR'S EVE IS NEVER WHAT YOU
EXPECT IT TO BE.
YOU TRY TO GO TO A CLUB IN NEW
YORK.
THE LINES ARE TOO LONG.
YOU CAN'T GET A CAR.
>> YOU WIND UP GETTING
CHLAMYDIA.
>> EXACTLY.
WHO AMONGST US --
>> Stephen: IS THAT A FLOWER?
A TYPE OF ORKIT KID.
>> I'VE BEEN DOING IT FOR 17
YEARS.
>> Stephen: DO YOU ENJOY NEW
YEAR'S EVE, ANDY?
>> I LOVE NEW YEAR'S EVE.
I LOVE AN OVER-HYPED EVENT.
AND, YOU KNOW, COVERING NEW
YEAR'S EVE IS-- I SAY THIS EVERY
YEAR-- IT IS LIKE A TELETHON
WITH NO DISEASE.
WE'RE STANDING THERE JUST
MARKING THE PASSAGE OF TIME.
( LAUGHTER ).
ENTROPY.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: IT'S ENTROPY.
>> SO IT'S AN ODD THING.
>> WE'RE THERE FOR FOUR AND A
HALF HOURS.
AND IT'S FREEZING COLD.
>> Stephen: THAT'S INSANE!
>> AND THEY DON'T ALLOW SPACE
HEATERS OR ANYTHING.
>> Stephen: WHY NOT?
>> IT'S A SECURITY ISSUE.
I DON'T KNOW.
NEW YORK CITY DOES NOT --
>> Stephen: DO YOU WEAR
FLAMMABLE CLOTHING?
>> ONE YEAR WE WORE ELECTRIC
CLOTHING TO TRY THAT OUT.
IT DIDN'T SEEM TO WORK.
>> Stephen: ANDY, LAST YEAR,
YOU WERE A BIT...
OVERSERVED AND AT A CERTAIN
POINT YOU WENT ON--
>> THIS MAY BE WHY WE AREN'T
ALLOWED TO DO THIS YEAR.
>> ALL RIGHT!
>> Stephen: THIS IS THE MOMENT
YOU WERE GOING ON A RANT--
>> THAT WAS ONE OF MY RANTS,
YES.
I HAD THINGS TO SAY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
RANT ABOUT.
>> Stephen: I BELIEVE THE RANT
WAS ABOUT THE BAND JOURNEY WHO
WAS PERFORMING WITHOUT STEVE
PERRY IN TIMES SQUARE.
>> I THINK RYAN SEACREST
ACTUALLY HAD BOOKED THE BAND
JOURNEY AND THEY WERE PERFORMING
BEHIND US.
>> AND THEY SPRAYED ME WITH
THEIR STUFF.
>> Stephen: WHAT DOES THAT
MEAN?
>> I'M COVERED WITH THEIR
GLITTER THERE.
>> Stephen: OH, LIKE THE
GLITTER BOMBS AND STUFF LIKE
THAT?
>> YES.
SO IT JUST RUBBED ME THE WRONG
WAY AND I WENT OFF.
>> Stephen: THERE WAS FALLOUT
FOR THIS, WASN'T THERE?
>> HE WAS RANTING IT WASN'T THE
REAL JOURNEY.
>> I WAS CALLING IT "FAKE
JOURNEY."
>> Stephen: THAT WOULD BE
PHONY.
>> RIGHT, RIGHT.
NEIL SCHOEN WONT AFTER ME FOR A
YEAR.
>> Stephen: THE GUITARIST.
>> YES, AND I FELT TERRIBLE
AFTERWARD, BUT I'M A BIG STEVE
PERRY FAN.
>> I'M A JOURNEY FAN AND I THINK
THEY'RE FANTASTIC.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE AN AN
BIASED JOURNALIST IS WHAT YOU
ARE.
YOU DON'T PICK SIDES.
>> EXACTLY.
>> Stephen: I WANT TO POINT
OUT, LOOK HOW HAPPY YOU ARE TO
WATCH HIM GET IN TROUBLE.
>> YEAH, I KNOW.
THAT IS A FACE OF SOMEBODY
WATCHING MY OLD FRIEND JUST,
LIKE, DIG HIS GRAVE.
AND I'M JUST LIKE, I'M SO GLAD
THIS IS NOT ME.
AND I'M JUST KNOW--
>> Stephen: EVERYONE THIS IS
LIKE-- AGAIN, THIS DOES LOOK
LIKE THE MAN WHO IS ENJOYING
HIMSELF TO A DEGREE THAT WAS NOT
ANTICIPATED BY THE CREE.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: I'M JUST CURIOUS,
EVERYBODY HAS A FIRST GETTING
TOO DRUNK STORY.
DO YOU, ANDY, I'M GOING TO
GUESS, DOWCH ONE?
>> I DO.
I REMEMBER I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I WAS UNDERAGE.
I SHOULDN'T VSH DRINK EXPUG
DRANK TOO MUCH.
AND I REMEMBER I WOKE UP IN THE
MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND I HAD
TO-- I WAS SICK.
AND I KNEW THEY WASN'T GOING TO
MAKE IT TO THE BATHROOM.
AND SO I PULLED OFF MY BOXERS,
AND I BARFED IN MY BOXERS, AND I
WASN'T OF RIGHT MIND.
SO I JUST OPENED THE WINDOW AND
THREW THE BOXERS OUT, OUT
WINDOW.
OF COURSE, WHAT I WASN'T REALLY
THINKING BECAUSE MY ROOM IS OVER
THE FRONT YARD.
AND SO THE NEXT MORNING MY DAD
TURNS UP AT MY DOOR AND SAYS
THERE'S A PAIR OF YOUR BOXERS ON
THE FRONT LAWN THAT ARE MESSY?
THAT WAS MY FIRST.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: WE ALWAYS
REMEMBER.
>> WE ALWAYS REMEMBER OUR FIRST.
AND NOW LOOK AT ME!
I'M A PROFESSIONAL, DAD!
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
QUICK BREAK BUT WE WILL BE RIGHT
BACK WITH MORE ANDERSON COOPER
AND ANDY COHEN, EVERYBODY.
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: GIVE HER A KISS.
WE'RE BACK WITH THE HOSTS OF
CNN'S "NEW YEARS EVE LIVE," ANDY
COHEN AND ANDERSON COOPER.
WE'VE HEARD THIS YEAR ABOUT BOTH
OF YOUR NEW BABIES.
>> YES!
>> Stephen: THIS IS THE SECOND
BABY FOR BOTH OF YOU.
THIS IS RIGHT HERE.
THIS IS SECOND BABY FOR BOTH,
RIGHT.
>> YES.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE ANDERSON
SON SEBASTIAN LUKE ROUTE HERE,
AND ANDY'S DAUGHTER RIGHT HERE.
>> THEY BOTH LOOK LIKE THEY'RE
FRENEMIES.
THEY'RE SKEPT PEL OF EACH OTHER.
>> Stephen: SEBASTIAN LUKE IS
A LITTLE MORE SERIOUS AND AFRAID
SHE'S GETTING THE AUDITION RIGHT
HERE.
>> SHE GOT THE PART!
>> Stephen: SHE GOT THE PART.
CAN I ASK WHERE SEBASTIAN LUKE
COMES FROM.
MY PARTNER, BENJAMIN, AND I WE
JUST LIKEDLET NAMES.
>> Stephen: OBVIOUSLY, YOU'RE
NOT GOING TO NAME YOUR CHILD--
>> BENJAMIN, HE IS MY EX, BUT
WE'RE RAISING KIDS TOGETHER, AND
HE'S THEIR PAPA AND I'M THEIR
DADDY, AND HE WORKS IN FRENCH
AND ENGLISH.
AND WE COLLECT ARTS, AND HE LIKE
THE ICONOGRAPHY OF
ST. SEBASTIAN.
>> Stephen: YOU NAMED YOUR
BABY BY SOMEONE KILLED WITH
ARROWS.
>> IT'S ICONIC AND OLD MASTER
PORT RATOUR.
>> Stephen: CLASSY, CLASSY.
LUCY EVE.
WHAT'S THE STORY?
>> SEBASTIAN WAS TAKEN.
AND SO --
>> Stephen: YOU LOVE THE
CHOCOLATE FACTORY.
>> YES, EXACTLY.
NO, MY DAD'S NAME IS LOU, MY
MOM'S NAME IS EVELYN.
>> I THOUGHT IT WAS FOR THE
PEANUTS.
HE LOVES SNOOPY.
>> I DO.
>> Stephen: THEN HE WOULD NAME
HIS DAUGHTER SNOOPY.
YOUR FOLKS ARE STILL WITH US,
CORRECT?
>> THEY ARE.
.OH, THANKS FOR BRINGING THAT U.
>> Stephen: I KNOW FROM--
>> I CALLED MY RABBI.
IT'S OKAY.
THERE ARE MANY TRADITIONS IN THE
JEWISH RELIGION.
AND--
>> Stephen: ONE OF THEM HERE,
EXPLAIN WHAT THAT TRADITION IS.
>> ONE IS THAT YOU DON'T NAME
YOUR CHILDREN DIRECTLY-- THE
DIRECT NAME OF YOUR PARENTS--
YOUR LIVING PARENT.
THIS IS A-- THESE NAMES ARE IN
TRIBUTE.
THEY'RE NOT THEIR EXACT NAMES,
OF COURSE.
AND IT'S OKAY-- I GOT A
CLEARANCE FROM MY RABBI.
THAT'S ALL THAT COUNTS.
>> Stephen: IS IT TOP MAN?
LYCRA BY POPE?
>> TOP WOMAN.
>> Stephen: OH, GOOD, GOOD FOR
HER.
>> OH, NICE!
I GOTTA TELL YOU.
>> Stephen: YES SIR.
>> I THINK I'M DRUNK FROM THAT
TEQUILA
>> AND YOU'RE ON THE AIR
TONIGHT.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A SHOW
TONIGHT?
>> YES, HE DOES.
>> Stephen: LET'S DO ANOTHER.
>> NO, I'M GOOD.
I'M GOOD.
( APPLAUSE )
I'M GOOD.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HERE'S THE TWO OF YOU AS KIDS.
THERE YOU GO.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHAT WERE YOU TWO
LIKE AS KIDS?
>> THIS IS EMBARRASS AGO.
>> Stephen: LOOK AT YOU RIGHT
HERE.
>> I LOOK LIKE YOUNG PAUL LYNN
ON THE CENTER SQUARE, OR A MIX
BETWEEN TRUMAN CAPOTE OR PAUL
LYNN.
I'M NOT SURE WHICH IS GAYER.
>> Stephen: AND YOU WERE
HITTING THAT BANANA PRETTY HARD
RIGHT THERE.
WHAT WERE YOU GUYS LIKE AS A
KID?
WERE YOU A GOOD CHILD, ANDERSON?
>> I WAS A VERY GOOD CHILD,
YEAH.
I WAS VERY RESPONSIBLE AND VERY
SWEET.
>> Stephen: RESPONSIBLE.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT I
LOVE ABOUT THAT TODDLER?
HE'S SO RESPONSIBLE.
VERY FEW TODDLERS ARE DESCRIBED
THAT WAY.
ANDY, HOW ABOUT YOU?
HOW ABOUT YOU?
>> I WAS GREAT.
I USED TO GO AROUND TO THE
NEIGHBORS' HOUSE, I USED TO
IMITATE THIS PREACHER NAMED
ERNEST AINGELY, A FAITH HEALER
ON TV.
>> Stephen: OH, SURE.
>> I AND WOULD GO TO THE
NEIGHBORS AND HEAL THEM.
>> I USED TO IMITATE DIANA
BRELIN.
>> Stephen: REALLY.
DID YOU HAVE ANY OBSESSIONS AS A
KID KID?
>> I WAS A VERY STRANGE KID,
CLEARLY.
I WAS REALLY INTERESTED IN...
>> HE'S DRUNK.
>> NO, I'M NOT.
>> HE'S DRUNK!
LEES DRUNK!
HE'S DRUNK!
HE'S GONE.
( LAUGHTER )
>> ONE SHOT!
ONE SHOT!
>> I WAS
( GIGGLING )
I CAN'T BRING MYSELF TO SAY IT.
I WAS
( GIGGLING ).
>> Stephen: WHAT AS A CHILD
COULD YOU POSSIBLY DO THAT MADE
YOU GIGGLE?
AS A CHILD YOU WERE INTERESTED
IN.
>> I WAS INTERESTED IN THE ZULU
WARS.
>> Stephen: LIKE CHELMSFORD?
>> I WAS.
>> Stephen: DID YOU SING "MEN
OF ARLIK."
>> THE VANDERBILT BOY!
>> YES, I KNOW.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE
ANOTHER LITTLE BREAK HERE.
WHEN WE COME BACK, WE WILL TALK
ABOUT FINDING LOVE IN THE NEW
YEAR WITH ANDERSON AND ANDY.
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
LOOK WHO'S THERE.
IT'S ANDY COHEN AND ANDERSON
COOPER, HOST OF CNN'S "NIEFS
LIVE" NEW YEAR'S EVE LIVE.
NEW YEAR'S, OBVIOUSLY, IS ALL
ABOUT NEW STARTS, FRESH STARTS,
PEOPLE TAKING A NEW APPROACH TO
LOVE.
ANDY, ARE YOU READY TO GET BACK
OUT THERE?
>> I AM.
I'M BACK OUT THERE.
I'M ON THE YAPPS.
I'M ON TINDER.
I'M ON RYA.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS RYA?
>> IT'S A MEMBERS ONLY DATING
THING.
IT SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF INSTAGRAM
INFLUENCERS --
>> Stephen: IS THERE AN
INTERVIEW PROCESS TO GET ON
THERE?
>> YOU HAVE TO BE REFERRED BY
SOMEONE TO GET ON.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU ON THERE?
>> NO!
>> I WOULD LIKE HIM TO BE, AND I
WOULD LIKE HIM TO BE ON TINDER.
>> I'M NOT ON AN APP.
>> Stephen: CAN YOU IMAGINE,
ANDERSON COOPER COMES UP.
THAT WOULD BE FANTASTIC.
MY FAVORITE THING IS TO TALK
ABOUT THE BATTLE FROM 1840?
WHAT IS IT?
>> EARLIER THAN THAT.
THE MOST VICTORIA CROSSES EVER
AWARDED.
>> I SAW SWRULUE WITH MICHAEL
CAINE.
INTRODUCING MICHAEL CAINE.
LET'S WORK ON HIS PROFILE.
LET'S SELL ANDY T PEOPLE OUT
THERE.
BEST THING ABOUT YOUR FRIEND?
>> HE'S THE LIFE OF THE PARTY.
HE'S LOYAL.
HE'S FUNNY.
HE'S A GENUINELY GOOD PERSON.
>> Stephen: OKAY, LET'S BE
HONEST.
WHAT'S THE DOWN SIDE?
>> DOWN SIDE?
>> Stephen: WELL YOU HAVE TO
BE HONEST HERE.
>> HE WORKS CONSTANTLY.
HE PRODUCED CONTENT AROUND THE
CLOCK, AND IS EXHAUSTING TO BE
AROUND.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.
ANDY, AN DIERKS LET'S GET
ANDERSON OUT THERE.
LET'S SELL SOME TICKETS TO
ANDERSON COOPER.
WHAT'S THE BEST PART?
>> SILVER FOX.
YOU GET LOST IN HIS BIG BLUE EYE
S.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
>> SUPER SMART.
>> Stephen: SUPER SMART.
>> COME FROM THE VANDERBILT
LINEAGE.
A LOT OF BAGGAGE THERE.
>> Stephen: A LOT OF BAGGAGE.
>> PLUS AND MINUS.
PLUS AND GLIENESS BUT ON THE
PLUS, HE'S A QUICK DRUNK.
>> QUICK DRUNK, CHEAP
DATE, BIG GIGGLER.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
GENTLEMEN, IT'S SO LOVELY TO SEE
YOU AGAIN.
HAVE A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR'S EVE.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> Stephen: HAPPY NEW YEAR.
HAPPY NEW YEAR.
( APPLAUSE )
ANDERSON.
"NEW YEAR'S EVE LIVE WITH
ANDERSON COOPER AND ANDY COHEN"
IS ON CNN DECEMBER 31st.
ANDERSON AND ANDY
EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
SPECIAL PERFORMANCE BY LOUIS
CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND.
>> Stephen: AND NOW, PERFORMING
STEVIE WONDER'S "SOMEDAY AT
CHRISTMAS" WITH THE HARLEM
GOSPEL CHOIR, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, LOUIS CATO AND THE
LATE SHOW BAND.
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
>> ♪ SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMAS MEN
WON'T BE BOYS
♪ PLAYING WITH BOMBS LIKE KIDS
PLAY WITH TOYS
♪ ONE WARM DECEMBER OUR HEARTS
WILL SEE
♪ A WORLD WHERE MEN ARE FREE
SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMAS THERE'LL BE
♪ NO WARS
WHEN WE HAVE LEARNED WHAT
♪ CHRISTMAS IS FOR
WHEN WE HAVE FOUND OUT WHAT
♪ LIFE'S REALLY WORTH
THERE'LL BE PEACE ON EARTH
♪ SOMEDAY ALL OUR DREAMS WILL
COME TO BE
♪ SOMEDAY IN A WORLD WHERE MEN
ARE FREE
♪ MAYBE NOT IN TIME FOR YOU
AND ME
♪ BUT SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMASTIME
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMAS
♪ WE'LL SEE A LAND
WITH NO HUNGRY CHILDREN,
♪ NO EMPTY HAND
ONE HAPPY MORNING
♪ PEOPLE WILL SHARE
OUR WORLD WHERE PEOPLE CARE
♪ SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMAS THERE'LL
BE NO TEARS
♪ WHEN ALL MEN ARE EQUAL AND NO
MAN HAS FEARS
♪ ONE SHINNING MOMENT ONE PRAYER
AWAY
FROM OUR WORLD TODAY
♪ SOMEDAY ALL OUR DREAMS WILL
COME TO BE
♪ SOMEDAY IN A WORLD WHERE
MEN ARE FREE
♪ MAYBE NOT IN TIME FOR YOU AND
ME
BUT SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMASTIME
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMAS MAN
WILL NOT FAIL
♪ HATE WILL BE GONE AND
LOVE WILL PREVAIL
♪ SOMEDAY A NEW WORLD THAT
WE CAN START
WITH HOPE IN EVERY HEART,
♪ SOME DAY ALL OUR DREAMS WILL
COME TO BE
♪ SOMETIMES IN A WORLD WHERE MEN
ARE FREE.
♪ MAYBE NOT IN TIME FOR YOU AND
ME
BUT SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMASTIME
♪ SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMASTIME ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LATE SHOW BAND, EVERYBODY.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
GOOD NIGHT!
( APPLAUSE )
WEARING 'OK BUTTONS TO SHOW
THEIR SUPPORT FOR KEVIN
MCCARTHY AS HOUSE PEEKER.
THE O.K. BUTTONS STAND FOR "ONLY
KEVIN" AND ARE MEANT AS A
COUNTERWEIGHT TO THE "NEVER
KEVIN" MOVEMENT.
>> HOUSE REPUBLICANS ARE
BURSTING WITH ENTHUSIASM FOR
KEVIN MCCARTHY TO BE SPEAKER,
SHOWING THEIR SUPPORT WITH "ONLY
KEVIN" BUTTONS.
BUT THERE ARE EVEN MORE BUTTONS
YOU CAN WEAR TO SHOW YOUR
EXCITEMENT FOR KEVIN MCCARTHY,
LIKE THESE:
ED
ED
SO STAND UP TODAY AND SHOW YOUR
SUPPORT FOR KEVIN MCCARTHY BY
SAYING PROUDLY:
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT:
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES:
ANDERSON COOPER
AND ANDY COHEN
AND A SPECIAL HOLIDAY
PERFORMANCE BY LOUIS CATO AND
THE LATE SHOW BAND.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE
ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THANKS, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME, WELCOME ONE AND ALL,
DOWN HERE, UP THERE, ALL AROUND
THE WORLD.
WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
THIS RIGHT NOW--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WE MADE IT!
MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS ARE
GOING TO BE "WORKING OUT MORE"
AND "NOT HAVING TO TALK ABOUT
NAZIS."
I WONDER--
( APPLAUSE )
BREAK
FIRST.
THE YEAR IS ENDING ON A BANG.
WHAT LOOKED LIKE A SLOW NEWS DAY
HAS SUDDENLY BEEN TRANSFORMED
INTO A BRASING MOMENT OF
HISTORY.
AND IT'S ALL THANKS TO THE
FORMER PRESIDENT.
YESTERDAY, HE POSTED ON HIS
SOCIAL MEDIA SITE PROMISING
A MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT TOMORROW,
ALONG WITH THIS VIDEO:
>> AMERICA NEEDS A SUPERHERO.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HUH.
KIND OF MYSTERIOUS.
WHAT WOULD HE POSSIBLY USE LASER
VISION FOR?
JIM, CAN WE PULL OUT A LITTLE
BIT?
THERE YOU GO.
THAT MAKES SENSE.
THAT'S ON BRAND.
( APPLAUSE )
ANNOUNCEMENT WAS GOING TO BE,
BUT THERE WAS A LOT OF ACTUAL
SPECULATION.
WOULD HE ANNOUNCE A LONG-SHOT
BID TO BECOME SPEAKER OF THE
HOUSE?
WOULD HE ANNOUNCE HIS INTENDED
RUNNING MATE?
AND WOULD KID ROCK SAY YES?
( LAUGHTER )
ANNOUNCEMENTS TURN OUT TO BE
DUDS.
NOT THIS ONE.
BECAUSE LATE THIS MORNING, THE
FORMER PRESIDENT DROPPED THE
BLOCKBUSTER NEWS: MAJOR
ANNOUNCEMENT!
MY OFFICIAL DIGITAL TRADING CARD
COLLECTION IS HERE!
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU READ THAT RIGHT!
THE EX-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES, THE EX-MOST POWERFUL MAN
IN THE WORLD, HAS LAUNCHED A
LINE OF TRADING CARDS.
IT'S GROPE-E-MON!
( LAUGHTER )
PIKA-PIKA!
PIKA-COUP!
LORD HAVE MERCY.
THIS IS THE LEAST-DIGNIFIED
ATTEMPT AT POST-PRESIDENTIAL
MERCHANDISING SINCE THE LAUNCH
OF "TICKLE-ME-TRUMAN."
( LAUGHTER )
WEBSITE-- AND, YES, THERE IS
ONE.
THE FORMER PRESIDENT TELLS YOU
JUST WHAT YOU CAN EXPECT FROM
THIS PREMIUM OPPORTUNITY.
>> I'M DOING MY FIRST OFFICIAL
DONALD J. TRUMP N.F.T.
COLLECTION, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT
NOW.
>> Stephen: HE'S A BUSINESS
GENIUS!
JUMPING IN ON THE N.F.T.
MARKET, WHEN IT'S AT ITS
HOTTEST!
NEXT, HE'S RELEASING AN
EXCLUSIVE LINE OF ROTARY PHONES.
( LAUGHTER )
THE TRADING CARDS ALLOW YOU TO
COLLECT ALL OF YOUR FAVORITE
CHARACTERS FROM THE EXTENDED
FORMER PRESIDENT UNIVERSE,
BECAUSE EVERY CARD IS HIM.
THERE'S-- AND THESE ARE ALL
REAL-- HIM PLAYING GOLF, HIM
APPROVING OF GOLD, HIM WEARING A
HAT THAT SAYS "DOW"-- JUST LIKE
THEY DO ON WALL STREET-- AND
HIM STEALING THE TORCH FROM THE
STATUE OF LIBERTY.
( LAUGHTER )
MAKES SENSE.
SHE WAS HOLDING IT UP TO LIGHT
THE WAY FOR IMMIGRANTS.
HE'S LIKE, "BACK, YOU HUDDLED
MASSES!
I'LL BURN YOU!
I'VE GOT A SILVER BULLET!
BANG-BANG!
EAT FLAME, JOSE!"
THAT'S JUST THE BEGINNING.
THE FORMER PRESIDENT SAYS THE
CARDS FEATURE "AMAZING ART OF MY
LIFE AND CAREER."
THAT'S WHAT HE SAYS.
BUT THEY DEPICT HIM AS A COWBOY,
A RACE CAR DRIVER, AND AN
ASTRONAUT.
SO IT REALLY SEEMS LIKE THE
CARDS MEMORIALIZE EVERYTHING
HE'S NEVER DONE, LIKE HAVE ABS.
( LAUGHTER )
SAYING, "STEVE, YOU'RE PROBABLY
PICKING OUT THE STUPIDEST OF
THESE TRADING CARDS."
NO, BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL EQUALLY
STUPIDEST.
HERE HE IS STANDING ON THE
45-YARD LINE ABOUT TO PUNCH A
FOOTBALL.
AND HERES ONE WHERE HE IS
DRESSED UP AS A PILOT AND STOOD
ATOP THE EARTH WITH THE SUN
SHINING OUT OF WHERE THE
SUN DON'T SHINE.
ANY OF THESE PRICELESS IMAGES
CAN BE YOURS FOR ONLY $99 EACH.
THAT MAY SEEM LIKE A LOT, BUT
REMEMBER, YOU DON'T GET TO
CHOOSE WHICH ONE, BECAUSE THE
WEBSITE SAYS, "THESE TRADING
CARDS ARE RANDOMLY GENERATED AND
DELIVERED, SO YOU WON'T KNOW
WHICH CARD YOU RECEIVE UNTIL YOU
CHECK YOUR WALLET AFTER
PURCHASE."
OKAY, LET'S SEE WHAT I GOT.
OH, COWBOY AGAIN.
OKAY.
GUESS I'M GOING TO HAVE TO PAY
ANOTHER $99.
COWBOY!
ALL RIGHT, NEVER AGAIN.
AFTER THIS ONE.
OKAY...
ERIC!
DAMMIT!"
( APPLAUSE )
STANDS BEHIND WHATEVER HE SELLS
WITH THIS PROMISE AND GUARANTEE:
"WE MAKE ABSOLUTELY NO PROMISE
OR GUARANTEE THAT THE N.F.T.s
WILL INCREASE IN VALUE OR
MAINTAIN THE SAME VALUE AS THE
AMOUNT YOU PAID TO PURCHASE
SAME.
YOU UNDERSTAND AND AGREE THAT
THE N.F.T.s HAVE NO INHERENT
MONETARY VALUE."
SOLID.
REMINDS ME OF ARBY'S SLOGAN, "WE
MAKE ABSOLUTELY NO PROMISE OR
GUARANTEE THAT WHAT WE HAVE IS
MEATS."
( LAUGHTER )
TASTY, THOUGH.
>> Louis: THEY DO TASTE GOOD.
>> Stephen: IN A WAY, THIS IS
ALL KIND OF GRATIFYING, BECAUSE
A MONSTER WHO TRIED TO INSTALL
HIMSELF AS OUR FASCIST STRONGMAN
IS NOW REDUCED TO HAWKING A LINE
OF TRADING CARDS.
IT'S LIKE IF HITLER ESCAPED THE
BUNKER AND RELEASED MEIN KOMIC
BOOK.
OF COURSE, IF THAT N.F.T.
ASTRONAUT WANTS TO BE PRESIDENT
AGAIN, HE'LL HAVE TO DEFEAT
JOE BIDEN.
MAYBE.
BECAUSE BIDEN HASN'T YET SAID
WHETHER HE'LL RUN FOR
RE-ELECTION, AND DEMOCRATS
AREN'T SURE IF HE SHOULD.
THE MAJORITY OF HIS OWN VOTERS
SAY HE SHOULDN'T RUN AGAIN, AND
THE MAJOR REASON IS HIS AGE.
WELL, THAT MAKES SENSE.
MOST 80-YEAR-OLDS AREN'T OUT
THERE BATTLING PUTIN.
THEY'RE AT HOME BATTLING
PUDDING.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
GET THE SPOON THROUGH THE SKIN!
BRING ME MY CORDLESS DRILL!"
APPARENTLY, THE PRESIDENT IS
GETTING SICK OF ALL THE TALK
ABOUT HIS AGE, RECENTLY SNAPPING
AT ONE ALLY: "YOU THINK I DON'T
KNOW HOW (BLEEP) OLD I AM?"
"SORRY MY LANGUAGE GOT SALTIER
SORRY.
I'M SORRY, FOLKS, NO.
"SORRY MY LANGUAGE GOT SALTIER
THAN A REHOBOTH TAFFY, BUT
JEEPERS, JACK?
I KNOW HOW OLD I AM!
I'VE KNOWN SINCE BACK WHEN YOU
COULD BUY A NICKEL FOR A PENNY!
I KNOW THE NUMBER, YOU KNOW THE
NUMBER, SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST
SAY IT, AND I'LL TELL YOU IF
YOU'RE RIGHT.
80?
FAIR ENOUGH, OKAY.
BUT THESE TEETH
ARE ONLY 15!
GIVE 'EM A TAP, THEY RING LIKE
CHIMES!
YOU SHOULD HEAR ME IN
THE BREEZE!"
ONE PERSON--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THE JOURNEY WE'VE BEEN ON HERE.
( LAUGHTER )
JOB IS OUTGOING SPEAKER OF THE
HOUSE, NANCY PELOSI, SEEN HERE
SHOWING WHAT SHE'D DO TO KEVIN
McCARTHY'S BALLS IF HE HAD ANY.
( LAUGHTER )
A DIAMOND!
PELOSI PASSED THE TORCH OF
DEMOCRATIC LEADERSHIP IN THE
HOUSE TO HAKEEM JEFFRIES.
AND, YESTERDAY, TO MARK THE END
OF HER TERM, REPUBLICANS AND
DEMOCRATS GOT TOGETHER TO
UNVEIL HER OFFICIAL PORTRAIT.
THAT IS REALLY LOVELY.
BUT THAT'S JUST MY OPINION.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE
PAINTING, MADAM SPEAKER?
OH, NICE.
AND WHAT WERE YOU GONNA DO WITH
IT IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT?
OKAY, TOUGH BUT FAIR.
AND WHO IS LIKELY TO FOLLOW
YOU AS THE NEXT SPEAKER?
>> THE POO POO.
>> Stephen: YES, YES.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
AN APT-- APT DESCRIPTION.
BUT HIS FRIENDS CALL HIM KEVIN.
NOW, IT SEEMS LIKE EVERY DAY
THERE'S A STUPID NEW STORY ABOUT
TESLA C.E.O. AND BOND VILLAI
( BOOING )
ANNOUNCING, "I WILL DESTROY THE
WORLD UNLESS YOU GIVE ME $8 A
MONTH!" ELON MUSK.
EVER SINCE MUSK BOUGHT TWITTER,
HE'S CLAIMED TO BE A FREE-SPEECH
ABSOLUTIST, AND EVEN TWEETED:
"MY COMMITMENT TO FREE SPEECH
EXTENDS EVEN TO NOT BANNING THE
ACCOUNT FOLLOWING MY PLANE, EVEN
THOUGH THAT IS A DIRECT PERSONAL
SAFETY RISK."
AUTOMATICALLY POSTED THE
MOVEMENTS OF HIS PRIVATE JET.
AND TO MUSK'S CREDIT, HE STOOD
BY HIS FREE-SPEECH PRINCIPLES
AND LET IT STAY UP...
UNTIL YESTERDAY, WHEN TWITTER
SUSPENDED THE ACCOUNT THAT
TRACKED MUSK'S PRIVATE JET.
>> I REMEMBER TELLING MY
ROOMMATE, "HEY, ELON MUSK JUST
DIRECT MESSAGED ME."
>> ACCORDING TO THE MESSAGES,
ELON SAID, "I DON'T LOVE THE
IDEA OF BEING SHOT BY A NUTCASE
AND THEN OFFERED JACK $5,000 TO
SHUT THE ACCOUNT DOWN.
>> THEN I BASICALLY ASKED FOR
$50,000 OR A TESLA AND HE SAID,
"THINKING ABOUT IT."
>> Stephen: BUT MUSK DECIDED NOT
TO SHELL OUT 50,000 TO SHUT THE
KID UP, INSTEAD SPENDING 44
BILLION TO BUY THE COMPANY AND
BAN HIM.
HE'S A FINANCIAL GENIUS!
AND AS A RESULT--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I GOT A COUPLE, THERE YOU GO.
AS A RESULT OF HIS BUSINESS
SAVVY, MUSK'S NET WORTH HAS
RECENTLY PLUMMETED, AND THIS
WEEK, HE SOLD $3.5 BILLION
OF TESLA STOCK, AND NO ONE
KNOWS WHY.
I THINK I KNOW WHY.
COULD IT BE TO INVEST IN TRADING
CARDS?
( LAUGHTER )
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT!
MY GUESTS ARE ANDERSON COOPER
AND ANDY COHEN.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, IT'S
PUPPIES!
♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
EVERYBODY.
GIVE IT UP FOR THE GREATEST BAND
ON TELEVISION, LOUIS CATO AND
THE LATE SHOW BAND.
BEFORE WE GO OI WANT TO TALK
ABOUT SOMETHING WE STARTED JUST
THIS WEEK.
FOR THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN WATCHING
THE SHOW, YOU KNOW WE HAVE
LAUNCHED A CHARITY DRIVE.
IT'S ON THIS T-SHIRT.
IT'S CALLED THE "IS POTATO"
T-SHIRT.
AND YOU ALSO GET "IS POTATO"
MUG.
"IS POTATO."
ALL THE SALES FROM THIS GO TO
WORLD CENTRAL AND WHICH OUR
FRIEND JOSE ANDRES.
YOU GO RIGHT THERE, AND GREAT
CHRISTMAS PRESENT.
A FANTASTIC CHRISTMAS PRESENT
RIGHT THERE.
( APPLAUSE )
AND WORLD CENTRAL KITCHEN, AND
THEIR EFFORTS TO FEED THE
DISPLACED PEOPLE OF UKRAINE
DURING THIS TERRIBLE WAR, WHICH
IS NOW REACHING ITS TENTH MONTH.
AND I'M PROUD TO SAY, OVER JUST
THE LAST TWO DAYS, YOU PEOPLE
OUT THERE HAVE RAISED OVER
$100,000 BY BUYING THESE
T-SHIRTS.
( APPLAUSE )
NICE THINGS.
>> Louis: THAT'S AMAZING.
>> Stephen: ONE OF THE NICE
THINGS TO DO ON THIS SHOW IS BE
ON STAGE WITH THE TALENT ASKED
AMAZING PEOPLE, BUT THE AMAZING
THING TO DO A SHOW WITH AN
AUDIENCE LIKE YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
LOVELY BOSS-- WE HAVE LOVELY
BOSSES, DON'T WE, TOM?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THEY'RE LIKE MAN'S BEST FRIEND
WHO NEVER ASKS YOU TO HELP THEM
MOVE.
AND BECAUSE I LOVE DOGS, I ALSO
LOVE MY SEGMENT "RESCUE DOG
RESCUE," WHERE WE HELP FIND
HOMES FOR REAL RESCUE PUPPIES.
AND I'M PROUD TO SAY THAT SO
FAR, WE HAVE A PERFECT RECORD OF
EVERY SINGLE DOG WE'VE FEATURED
GETTING ADOPTED!
THAT'S RIGHT, 100% SUCCESS--
WHICH, IN DOG MATH, IS 700%.
THAT'S WHY I'M SO EXCITED TO
ANNOUNCE IT'S TIME FOR A SPECIAL
HOLIDAY EDITION OF "RESCUE DOG
RESCUE"!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
♪ ♪ ♪
LA-LA-LA
LA-LA-LA-LA♪
WELCOME TO "RESCUE DOG RESCUE."
HERE'S HOW SHE WORKS:
WE'RE ABOUT TO SHOW YOU SOME
ADORABLE PUPPIES THAT ARE
ACTUALLY UP FOR ADOPTION THROUGH
NORTH SHORE ANIMAL LEAGUE
AMERICA.
AND TO MAKE SURE THESE LITTLE
DOGS FIND A HOME, WE HAVE MADE
UP A SERIES OF FLATTERING LIES
ABOUT EACH OF THEM TO MAKE YOU
WANT TO ADOPT THEM EVEN MORE.
NOW, IF ONLY, IF ONLY THERE WERE
NOW, IF ONLY, IF ONLY THERE WERE
SOME CELEBRITIES WILLING TO HELP
ANDERSON COOPER AND ANDY COHEN!
OH, MY GOD!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
FEALS!
WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING
HERE?
>> WE SPEND ALL DECEMBER CAMPED
OUT IN DOWNTOWN
>> YEAH, JUST IN CASE THE BALL
DROPS EARLY.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> NO, STEPHEN!
WE'RE LYING TO PROVE WE CAN
HELP YOU LIE ABOUT THESE DOGS.
>> Stephen: OKAY, BUT YOU NEVER
LIE WHEN YOU'RE REPORTING AT
CNN, RIGHT?
>> ABSOLUTELY, I LIE ONLY FOR
PUPPIES.
>> Stephen: OKAY, GREAT TO
HEAR IT.
LET'S DO IT.
FIRST UP: HELLO!
IT'S OKAY!
IT'S OKAY!
FIRST UP, THIS IS PIXIE!
DUE TO A TICKETMASTER ERROR,
PIXIE ACTUALLY GOT THE ENTIRE
FRONT ROW FOR THE UPCOMING
TAYLOR SWIFT TOUR!
( LAUGHTER )
SELL THE TICKETS AND RETIRE
TOMORROW!
>> WELL, THIS IS JUDAH.
JUDAH KNOWS HOW TO THROW THE
PERFECT CELEBRATION FOR HANUKAH.
AND EVEN MORE IMPRESSIVE: HE
KNOWS HOW TO SPELL IT.
LOVE YOU!
>> Stephen: OH!
THERE YOU GO!
>> THIS IS WOLFY BLITZER.
THIS LITTLE GUY IS A TOTAL
NEWSHOUND AND AN IMPARTIAL
JOURNALIST.
HE DOESN'T SEE RED STATES OR
BLUE STATES, BECAUSE DOGS ARE
COLORBLIND.
>> Stephen: THIS-- OH, HOLD
ON, KRINGLE.
THERE YOU GO.
THIS IS KRINGLE.
KRINGLE WOULD-- HELLO!
KRINGLE WOULD MAKE THE PERFECT
CHRISTMAS PRESENT BECAUSE HE IS
ADORABLE, CUDDLY AND, ALSO, A
FULLY FUNCTIONING PLAYSTATION 5.
DON'T ASK WHERE THE PLUG GOES.
>> THIS FELLA IS YUKON.
YUKON HAS BEEN SPECIALLY TRAINED
TO CLEAN UP ALL THE DISHES AFTER
YOUR HOLIDAY DINNER, AND HE
PROMISES TO ONLY HUMP SOMEONE'S
LEG IF YOU NEED A DISTRACTION
WHEN YOUR UNCLE CARL SAYS
SOMETHING RACIST.
( LAUGHTER )
IT'S OKAY!
IT'S OKAY!
IT'S OKAY!
KIND OF LOOKS LIKE YOU.
>> AND BREAKING NEWS: WE HAVE A
VERY SPECIAL RESCUE DOG SILVER
FOX!
THIS IS SILVER FOX.
THAT'S RIGHT, THIS IS REGGIE, A
12-YEAR-OLD TERRIER MIX.
REGGIE IS A MATURE DOG, WHICH
MEANS YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT HIM CHEWING ON YOUR
FURNITURE, AND HE WON'T JUDGE
YOU FOR THAT LOUD GROAN YOU MAKE
WHEN YOU SIT ON THE COUCH.
LET'S GO BACK HERE, RICHEY.
>> Stephen: OH!
OH!
HOLD ON THERE, FELLA!
THERE YOU GO!
THIS IS GLITTER.
ADOPT HIM AND HE'LL SAVE YOU A
FRONT-ROW SPOT FOR NEW YEARS IN
TIMES SQUARE.
HE DOESN'T MIND GETTING THERE
EARLY BECAUSE, UNLIKE THE REST
OF THE CROWD, HE'S USED TO
PEEING IN THE STREET.
>> THIS IS ROXANNA.
I AM HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE ROXANNA
IS THE FIRST CAST MEMBER OF THE
BRAND-NEW BRAVO SERIES "REAL
HOUSEPETS OF NEW YORK."
HER TAGLINE IS "I MAY BE A DOG,
BUT THIS BITCH IS NO MAN'S BEST
FRIEND."
( LAUGHTER )
>> HEY, HOW'S IT GOING.
>> THAT LOOKS LIKE YOU, TOO.
>> I KNOW!
FINALLY, THIS IS SPICE.
SPICE WANTS TO SPEND NEW YEAR'S
EVE WITH YOU WATCHING THE BALL
DROP, AS LONG AS YOU DON'T BRING
UP THE FACT THAT HE HIMSELF NO
LONGER HAS ANY DROPPABLE BALLS.
>> Stephen: WELL, THAT DOES IT
FOR "RESCUE DOG RESCUE"!
ALL THESE DOGS ARE UP FOR
ADOPTION THROUGH NORTH SHORE
ANIMAL LEAGUE AMERICA.
HEAD TO THEIR SITE OR SCAN THE
Q.R. CODE RIGHT THERE FOR MORE
INFO.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ANDY
COHEN AND ANDERSON COOPER.
STICK AROUND.
( APPLAUSE )
WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY, TO "THE
LATE SHOW."
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY GUESTS
TONIGHT ARE THE ANCHOR OF CNN'S
"ANDERSON COOPER 360," AND THE
HOST OF BRAVO'S "WATCH WHAT
HAPPENS LIVE."
THEY'VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR OVER 25
YEARS.
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE
SHOW," ANDERSON COOPER AND ANDY
COHEN!
♪ YOU GOT A FRIEND IN ME
YOU GOT A FRIEND IN ME ♪
( APPLAUSE ).
ELEPHANT MUSIC?
WAH-WAH.
>> Stephen: LOVELY TO HAVE
BOTH OF YOU GUYS HERE.
>> GREAT TO BE HERE.
>> GREAT TO BE HERE.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR
BEING HERE.
THANK YOU FOR HELPING US PUSH
THE PUPPIES.D&
>> LOVE PUSHING PUPPIES.
>> Stephen: ANDY THANK YOU FOR
DRESSING APPROPRIATELY.
>> YES, I WAS A BIT SURPRISED AS
WELL.
>> I HAVE BEEN LISTENING TO A
LOT OF JONNY CASH.
>> YEAH!
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT, I
DON'T BLAME YOU.
ALWAYS GOOD, MAN IN BLACK RIGHT
THERE.
>> I HAVE BEEN LISTENING TO THE
ALBUM "HURT."
IT'S SO GOOD.
>> Stephen: OH, YEAH.
WOW.
YOU OKAY?
HERE'S THE THING, YOU GUYS--
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT IT'S NOT
NEW YEAR'S EVE WITHOUT THE TWO
OF YOU IN TIMES SQUARE FREEZING
YOUR BONES OFF.
>> WE LIKE TO THINK WE ARE THE
ONLY TV HOSTS ON NEW YEAR'S EVE
WHO ARE ACTUALLY HAVING FUN.
>> Stephen: IN YEARS PAST, YOU
REALLY DO LOOK LIKE YOU'RE
HAVING FUN.
AND I KNOW YOU'RE ACTUAL
FRIENDS.
WRUR NOT MAKING THIS STUFF UP.
OF COURSE, IT'S BIG NEWS OUT
THERE, THAT OUR OLD FRIEND CHRIS
LICHT, WHO USED TO BE THE EXEC
ON THIS SHOW, SAID NO DRINKING
ON NEW YEAR'S EVE.
IS THAT GOING TO HOLD?
IS THAT GOING TO HOLD
( AUDIENCE BOOING )
HE DOESN'T WORK HERE ANYMORE.
HOW ABOUT A COCKTAIL?
ANDERSON... THERE YOU GO.
THERE YOU GO.
( APPLAUSE )
>> CHEERS!
>> WHAT ARE WE DRINKING.
>> Stephen: WHAT ARE WE
DRINKING?
THIS IS ANDY'S.
>> WE'RE HAVING A TEQUILA
FRESCA.
THIS IS A FRESQUILA, A TEQUILA
AND FRESCA.
>> Stephen: I FEEL LIKE IT'S
1977 AND I SHOULD BE SMOKING A
VIRGINIA SLIM.
I HAVEN'T SEEN FRESCA SINCE I
WAS LIVING WITH MY MOTHER.
>> I DIDN'T KNOW THEY STILL MADE
IT.
>> YES!
>> Stephen: IT'S REALLY
DELICIOUS.
YOU CAN REALLY TASTE THE, TASTE
THE-- AH... SACCHARIN.
WELL, FELLAS-- NO, NO, NO.
IT STAYS RIGHT THERE.
IT STAYS RIGHT THERE.
YOU CAN PUT IT DOWN.
YOU CAN TUT OF PUT IT DOWN.
>> THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
>> Stephen: WE ALSO HAVE A
BOTTLE OF TEQUILA IF YOU WANT TO
DO A SPIDER BITE.
>> A SPIDER BITE?
THERE YOU GO, THERE YOU GO.
>> Stephen: COME ON, I'LL JOIN
YOU.
THERE YOU GO.
NOW, FELL AS, LET ME ASK YOU
THIS ABOUT-- DO YOU WANT A LIME?
>> SURE.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
>> HE IS SO BAD AT THIS.
>> Stephen: YOU ALL RIGHT?
THERE YOU GO.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW-- YOU
KNOW WHO WOULD BE OKAY WITH THAT
SHOT?
JONNY CASH.
>> YEAH.
( LAUGHTER ).
AWAY FROM YOU, YOUNG MAN.
>> NO, NO, THANK YOU, THANK YOU,
STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: LET ME ASK YOU
SOMETHING, FELLAS.
WHY-- I'M JUST CURIOUS-- WHY--
WHY DOES CNN COVER NEW YEAR'S
EVE?
>> THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
YOU KNOW, I STARTED COVERING NEW
YEAR'S EVE, LIKE, 17 YEARS AGO
FOR CNN.
>> Stephen: ON THE OFF CHANCE
THAT TIME DIDN'T PASS THAT
NIGHT?
BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE THE ONLY
NEWS IS IF 2 DIDN'T BECOME
JANUARY 1 AT MIDNIGHT.
>> THEY HAD NO ONE ELSE TO DO
IT, SO I VOLUNTEERED TO DO IT.
I VOLUNTEERED TO DO IT BECAUSE I
HATE-- I HAVE ALWAYS HATED NEW
YEAR'S EVE.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> AND I DIDN'T WANT TO, LIKE--
NEW YEAR'S EVE IS NEVER WHAT YOU
EXPECT IT TO BE.
YOU TRY TO GO TO A CLUB IN NEW
YORK.
THE LINES ARE TOO LONG.
YOU CAN'T GET A CAR.
>> YOU WIND UP GETTING
CHLAMYDIA.
>> EXACTLY.
WHO AMONGST US --
>> Stephen: IS THAT A FLOWER?
A TYPE OF ORKIT KID.
>> I'VE BEEN DOING IT FOR 17
YEARS.
>> Stephen: DO YOU ENJOY NEW
YEAR'S EVE, ANDY?
>> I LOVE NEW YEAR'S EVE.
I LOVE AN OVER-HYPED EVENT.
AND, YOU KNOW, COVERING NEW
YEAR'S EVE IS-- I SAY THIS EVERY
YEAR-- IT IS LIKE A TELETHON
WITH NO DISEASE.
WE'RE STANDING THERE JUST
MARKING THE PASSAGE OF TIME.
( LAUGHTER ).
ENTROPY.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: IT'S ENTROPY.
>> SO IT'S AN ODD THING.
>> WE'RE THERE FOR FOUR AND A
HALF HOURS.
AND IT'S FREEZING COLD.
>> Stephen: THAT'S INSANE!
>> AND THEY DON'T ALLOW SPACE
HEATERS OR ANYTHING.
>> Stephen: WHY NOT?
>> IT'S A SECURITY ISSUE.
I DON'T KNOW.
NEW YORK CITY DOES NOT --
>> Stephen: DO YOU WEAR
FLAMMABLE CLOTHING?
>> ONE YEAR WE WORE ELECTRIC
CLOTHING TO TRY THAT OUT.
IT DIDN'T SEEM TO WORK.
>> Stephen: ANDY, LAST YEAR,
YOU WERE A BIT...
OVERSERVED AND AT A CERTAIN
POINT YOU WENT ON--
>> THIS MAY BE WHY WE AREN'T
ALLOWED TO DO THIS YEAR.
>> ALL RIGHT!
>> Stephen: THIS IS THE MOMENT
YOU WERE GOING ON A RANT--
>> THAT WAS ONE OF MY RANTS,
YES.
I HAD THINGS TO SAY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
RANT ABOUT.
>> Stephen: I BELIEVE THE RANT
WAS ABOUT THE BAND JOURNEY WHO
WAS PERFORMING WITHOUT STEVE
PERRY IN TIMES SQUARE.
>> I THINK RYAN SEACREST
ACTUALLY HAD BOOKED THE BAND
JOURNEY AND THEY WERE PERFORMING
BEHIND US.
>> AND THEY SPRAYED ME WITH
THEIR STUFF.
>> Stephen: WHAT DOES THAT
MEAN?
>> I'M COVERED WITH THEIR
GLITTER THERE.
>> Stephen: OH, LIKE THE
GLITTER BOMBS AND STUFF LIKE
THAT?
>> YES.
SO IT JUST RUBBED ME THE WRONG
WAY AND I WENT OFF.
>> Stephen: THERE WAS FALLOUT
FOR THIS, WASN'T THERE?
>> HE WAS RANTING IT WASN'T THE
REAL JOURNEY.
>> I WAS CALLING IT "FAKE
JOURNEY."
>> Stephen: THAT WOULD BE
PHONY.
>> RIGHT, RIGHT.
NEIL SCHOEN WONT AFTER ME FOR A
YEAR.
>> Stephen: THE GUITARIST.
>> YES, AND I FELT TERRIBLE
AFTERWARD, BUT I'M A BIG STEVE
PERRY FAN.
>> I'M A JOURNEY FAN AND I THINK
THEY'RE FANTASTIC.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE AN AN
BIASED JOURNALIST IS WHAT YOU
ARE.
YOU DON'T PICK SIDES.
>> EXACTLY.
>> Stephen: I WANT TO POINT
OUT, LOOK HOW HAPPY YOU ARE TO
WATCH HIM GET IN TROUBLE.
>> YEAH, I KNOW.
THAT IS A FACE OF SOMEBODY
WATCHING MY OLD FRIEND JUST,
LIKE, DIG HIS GRAVE.
AND I'M JUST LIKE, I'M SO GLAD
THIS IS NOT ME.
AND I'M JUST KNOW--
>> Stephen: EVERYONE THIS IS
LIKE-- AGAIN, THIS DOES LOOK
LIKE THE MAN WHO IS ENJOYING
HIMSELF TO A DEGREE THAT WAS NOT
ANTICIPATED BY THE CREE.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: I'M JUST CURIOUS,
EVERYBODY HAS A FIRST GETTING
TOO DRUNK STORY.
DO YOU, ANDY, I'M GOING TO
GUESS, DOWCH ONE?
>> I DO.
I REMEMBER I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I WAS UNDERAGE.
I SHOULDN'T VSH DRINK EXPUG
DRANK TOO MUCH.
AND I REMEMBER I WOKE UP IN THE
MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND I HAD
TO-- I WAS SICK.
AND I KNEW THEY WASN'T GOING TO
MAKE IT TO THE BATHROOM.
AND SO I PULLED OFF MY BOXERS,
AND I BARFED IN MY BOXERS, AND I
WASN'T OF RIGHT MIND.
SO I JUST OPENED THE WINDOW AND
THREW THE BOXERS OUT, OUT
WINDOW.
OF COURSE, WHAT I WASN'T REALLY
THINKING BECAUSE MY ROOM IS OVER
THE FRONT YARD.
AND SO THE NEXT MORNING MY DAD
TURNS UP AT MY DOOR AND SAYS
THERE'S A PAIR OF YOUR BOXERS ON
THE FRONT LAWN THAT ARE MESSY?
THAT WAS MY FIRST.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: WE ALWAYS
REMEMBER.
>> WE ALWAYS REMEMBER OUR FIRST.
AND NOW LOOK AT ME!
I'M A PROFESSIONAL, DAD!
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
QUICK BREAK BUT WE WILL BE RIGHT
BACK WITH MORE ANDERSON COOPER
AND ANDY COHEN, EVERYBODY.
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: GIVE HER A KISS.
WE'RE BACK WITH THE HOSTS OF
CNN'S "NEW YEARS EVE LIVE," ANDY
COHEN AND ANDERSON COOPER.
WE'VE HEARD THIS YEAR ABOUT BOTH
OF YOUR NEW BABIES.
>> YES!
>> Stephen: THIS IS THE SECOND
BABY FOR BOTH OF YOU.
THIS IS RIGHT HERE.
THIS IS SECOND BABY FOR BOTH,
RIGHT.
>> YES.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE ANDERSON
SON SEBASTIAN LUKE ROUTE HERE,
AND ANDY'S DAUGHTER RIGHT HERE.
>> THEY BOTH LOOK LIKE THEY'RE
FRENEMIES.
THEY'RE SKEPT PEL OF EACH OTHER.
>> Stephen: SEBASTIAN LUKE IS
A LITTLE MORE SERIOUS AND AFRAID
SHE'S GETTING THE AUDITION RIGHT
HERE.
>> SHE GOT THE PART!
>> Stephen: SHE GOT THE PART.
CAN I ASK WHERE SEBASTIAN LUKE
COMES FROM.
MY PARTNER, BENJAMIN, AND I WE
JUST LIKEDLET NAMES.
>> Stephen: OBVIOUSLY, YOU'RE
NOT GOING TO NAME YOUR CHILD--
>> BENJAMIN, HE IS MY EX, BUT
WE'RE RAISING KIDS TOGETHER, AND
HE'S THEIR PAPA AND I'M THEIR
DADDY, AND HE WORKS IN FRENCH
AND ENGLISH.
AND WE COLLECT ARTS, AND HE LIKE
THE ICONOGRAPHY OF
ST. SEBASTIAN.
>> Stephen: YOU NAMED YOUR
BABY BY SOMEONE KILLED WITH
ARROWS.
>> IT'S ICONIC AND OLD MASTER
PORT RATOUR.
>> Stephen: CLASSY, CLASSY.
LUCY EVE.
WHAT'S THE STORY?
>> SEBASTIAN WAS TAKEN.
AND SO --
>> Stephen: YOU LOVE THE
CHOCOLATE FACTORY.
>> YES, EXACTLY.
NO, MY DAD'S NAME IS LOU, MY
MOM'S NAME IS EVELYN.
>> I THOUGHT IT WAS FOR THE
PEANUTS.
HE LOVES SNOOPY.
>> I DO.
>> Stephen: THEN HE WOULD NAME
HIS DAUGHTER SNOOPY.
YOUR FOLKS ARE STILL WITH US,
CORRECT?
>> THEY ARE.
.OH, THANKS FOR BRINGING THAT U.
>> Stephen: I KNOW FROM--
>> I CALLED MY RABBI.
IT'S OKAY.
THERE ARE MANY TRADITIONS IN THE
JEWISH RELIGION.
AND--
>> Stephen: ONE OF THEM HERE,
EXPLAIN WHAT THAT TRADITION IS.
>> ONE IS THAT YOU DON'T NAME
YOUR CHILDREN DIRECTLY-- THE
DIRECT NAME OF YOUR PARENTS--
YOUR LIVING PARENT.
THIS IS A-- THESE NAMES ARE IN
TRIBUTE.
THEY'RE NOT THEIR EXACT NAMES,
OF COURSE.
AND IT'S OKAY-- I GOT A
CLEARANCE FROM MY RABBI.
THAT'S ALL THAT COUNTS.
>> Stephen: IS IT TOP MAN?
LYCRA BY POPE?
>> TOP WOMAN.
>> Stephen: OH, GOOD, GOOD FOR
HER.
>> OH, NICE!
I GOTTA TELL YOU.
>> Stephen: YES SIR.
>> I THINK I'M DRUNK FROM THAT
TEQUILA
>> AND YOU'RE ON THE AIR
TONIGHT.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A SHOW
TONIGHT?
>> YES, HE DOES.
>> Stephen: LET'S DO ANOTHER.
>> NO, I'M GOOD.
I'M GOOD.
( APPLAUSE )
I'M GOOD.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HERE'S THE TWO OF YOU AS KIDS.
THERE YOU GO.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHAT WERE YOU TWO
LIKE AS KIDS?
>> THIS IS EMBARRASS AGO.
>> Stephen: LOOK AT YOU RIGHT
HERE.
>> I LOOK LIKE YOUNG PAUL LYNN
ON THE CENTER SQUARE, OR A MIX
BETWEEN TRUMAN CAPOTE OR PAUL
LYNN.
I'M NOT SURE WHICH IS GAYER.
>> Stephen: AND YOU WERE
HITTING THAT BANANA PRETTY HARD
RIGHT THERE.
WHAT WERE YOU GUYS LIKE AS A
KID?
WERE YOU A GOOD CHILD, ANDERSON?
>> I WAS A VERY GOOD CHILD,
YEAH.
I WAS VERY RESPONSIBLE AND VERY
SWEET.
>> Stephen: RESPONSIBLE.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT I
LOVE ABOUT THAT TODDLER?
HE'S SO RESPONSIBLE.
VERY FEW TODDLERS ARE DESCRIBED
THAT WAY.
ANDY, HOW ABOUT YOU?
HOW ABOUT YOU?
>> I WAS GREAT.
I USED TO GO AROUND TO THE
NEIGHBORS' HOUSE, I USED TO
IMITATE THIS PREACHER NAMED
ERNEST AINGELY, A FAITH HEALER
ON TV.
>> Stephen: OH, SURE.
>> I AND WOULD GO TO THE
NEIGHBORS AND HEAL THEM.
>> I USED TO IMITATE DIANA
BRELIN.
>> Stephen: REALLY.
DID YOU HAVE ANY OBSESSIONS AS A
KID KID?
>> I WAS A VERY STRANGE KID,
CLEARLY.
I WAS REALLY INTERESTED IN...
>> HE'S DRUNK.
>> NO, I'M NOT.
>> HE'S DRUNK!
LEES DRUNK!
HE'S DRUNK!
HE'S GONE.
( LAUGHTER )
>> ONE SHOT!
ONE SHOT!
>> I WAS
( GIGGLING )
I CAN'T BRING MYSELF TO SAY IT.
I WAS
( GIGGLING ).
>> Stephen: WHAT AS A CHILD
COULD YOU POSSIBLY DO THAT MADE
YOU GIGGLE?
AS A CHILD YOU WERE INTERESTED
IN.
>> I WAS INTERESTED IN THE ZULU
WARS.
>> Stephen: LIKE CHELMSFORD?
>> I WAS.
>> Stephen: DID YOU SING "MEN
OF ARLIK."
>> THE VANDERBILT BOY!
>> YES, I KNOW.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE
ANOTHER LITTLE BREAK HERE.
WHEN WE COME BACK, WE WILL TALK
ABOUT FINDING LOVE IN THE NEW
YEAR WITH ANDERSON AND ANDY.
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
LOOK WHO'S THERE.
IT'S ANDY COHEN AND ANDERSON
COOPER, HOST OF CNN'S "NIEFS
LIVE" NEW YEAR'S EVE LIVE.
NEW YEAR'S, OBVIOUSLY, IS ALL
ABOUT NEW STARTS, FRESH STARTS,
PEOPLE TAKING A NEW APPROACH TO
LOVE.
ANDY, ARE YOU READY TO GET BACK
OUT THERE?
>> I AM.
I'M BACK OUT THERE.
I'M ON THE YAPPS.
I'M ON TINDER.
I'M ON RYA.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS RYA?
>> IT'S A MEMBERS ONLY DATING
THING.
IT SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF INSTAGRAM
INFLUENCERS --
>> Stephen: IS THERE AN
INTERVIEW PROCESS TO GET ON
THERE?
>> YOU HAVE TO BE REFERRED BY
SOMEONE TO GET ON.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU ON THERE?
>> NO!
>> I WOULD LIKE HIM TO BE, AND I
WOULD LIKE HIM TO BE ON TINDER.
>> I'M NOT ON AN APP.
>> Stephen: CAN YOU IMAGINE,
ANDERSON COOPER COMES UP.
THAT WOULD BE FANTASTIC.
MY FAVORITE THING IS TO TALK
ABOUT THE BATTLE FROM 1840?
WHAT IS IT?
>> EARLIER THAN THAT.
THE MOST VICTORIA CROSSES EVER
AWARDED.
>> I SAW SWRULUE WITH MICHAEL
CAINE.
INTRODUCING MICHAEL CAINE.
LET'S WORK ON HIS PROFILE.
LET'S SELL ANDY T PEOPLE OUT
THERE.
BEST THING ABOUT YOUR FRIEND?
>> HE'S THE LIFE OF THE PARTY.
HE'S LOYAL.
HE'S FUNNY.
HE'S A GENUINELY GOOD PERSON.
>> Stephen: OKAY, LET'S BE
HONEST.
WHAT'S THE DOWN SIDE?
>> DOWN SIDE?
>> Stephen: WELL YOU HAVE TO
BE HONEST HERE.
>> HE WORKS CONSTANTLY.
HE PRODUCED CONTENT AROUND THE
CLOCK, AND IS EXHAUSTING TO BE
AROUND.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.
ANDY, AN DIERKS LET'S GET
ANDERSON OUT THERE.
LET'S SELL SOME TICKETS TO
ANDERSON COOPER.
WHAT'S THE BEST PART?
>> SILVER FOX.
YOU GET LOST IN HIS BIG BLUE EYE
S.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
>> SUPER SMART.
>> Stephen: SUPER SMART.
>> COME FROM THE VANDERBILT
LINEAGE.
A LOT OF BAGGAGE THERE.
>> Stephen: A LOT OF BAGGAGE.
>> PLUS AND MINUS.
PLUS AND GLIENESS BUT ON THE
PLUS, HE'S A QUICK DRUNK.
>> QUICK DRUNK, CHEAP
DATE, BIG GIGGLER.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
GENTLEMEN, IT'S SO LOVELY TO SEE
YOU AGAIN.
HAVE A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR'S EVE.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> Stephen: HAPPY NEW YEAR.
HAPPY NEW YEAR.
( APPLAUSE )
ANDERSON.
"NEW YEAR'S EVE LIVE WITH
ANDERSON COOPER AND ANDY COHEN"
IS ON CNN DECEMBER 31st.
ANDERSON AND ANDY
EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
SPECIAL PERFORMANCE BY LOUIS
CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND.
>> Stephen: AND NOW, PERFORMING
STEVIE WONDER'S "SOMEDAY AT
CHRISTMAS" WITH THE HARLEM
GOSPEL CHOIR, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, LOUIS CATO AND THE
LATE SHOW BAND.
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
>> ♪ SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMAS MEN
WON'T BE BOYS
♪ PLAYING WITH BOMBS LIKE KIDS
PLAY WITH TOYS
♪ ONE WARM DECEMBER OUR HEARTS
WILL SEE
♪ A WORLD WHERE MEN ARE FREE
SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMAS THERE'LL BE
♪ NO WARS
WHEN WE HAVE LEARNED WHAT
♪ CHRISTMAS IS FOR
WHEN WE HAVE FOUND OUT WHAT
♪ LIFE'S REALLY WORTH
THERE'LL BE PEACE ON EARTH
♪ SOMEDAY ALL OUR DREAMS WILL
COME TO BE
♪ SOMEDAY IN A WORLD WHERE MEN
ARE FREE
♪ MAYBE NOT IN TIME FOR YOU
AND ME
♪ BUT SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMASTIME
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMAS
♪ WE'LL SEE A LAND
WITH NO HUNGRY CHILDREN,
♪ NO EMPTY HAND
ONE HAPPY MORNING
♪ PEOPLE WILL SHARE
OUR WORLD WHERE PEOPLE CARE
♪ SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMAS THERE'LL
BE NO TEARS
♪ WHEN ALL MEN ARE EQUAL AND NO
MAN HAS FEARS
♪ ONE SHINNING MOMENT ONE PRAYER
AWAY
FROM OUR WORLD TODAY
♪ SOMEDAY ALL OUR DREAMS WILL
COME TO BE
♪ SOMEDAY IN A WORLD WHERE
MEN ARE FREE
♪ MAYBE NOT IN TIME FOR YOU AND
ME
BUT SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMASTIME
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMAS MAN
WILL NOT FAIL
♪ HATE WILL BE GONE AND
LOVE WILL PREVAIL
♪ SOMEDAY A NEW WORLD THAT
WE CAN START
WITH HOPE IN EVERY HEART,
♪ SOME DAY ALL OUR DREAMS WILL
COME TO BE
♪ SOMETIMES IN A WORLD WHERE MEN
ARE FREE.
♪ MAYBE NOT IN TIME FOR YOU AND
ME
BUT SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMASTIME
♪ SOMEDAY AT CHRISTMASTIME ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LATE SHOW BAND, EVERYBODY.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
GOOD NIGHT!
( APPLAUSE )