The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (2015–…): Season 8, Episode 52 - Episode #8.52 - full transcript

ACCORDING TO

A NEW SURVEY MORE AMERICANS PLAN
TO BUY GIFTS FOR THEIR PETS THAN

THEIR IN-LAWS. WHEN ASKED WHO
WOULD BE ON THEIR SHOPPING LIFT,

34% OF RESPONDENTS SAID MY DOG,
22% SAID MY CAT WHILE ONLY 19

PERCENT SAID IN-LAWS.
(TO THE TUNE OF "DECK THE

HALLS")

HALLS")

>> Announcer: IT'S THE LATE SHOW
WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!

TONIGHT: WRONG DESANTIS!
AND EMILY BLUNT TAKES THE

COLBERT QUESTIONERT.
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES

CHEF JOSEÉ ANDREÉS.
WITH A SPECIAL APPEARANCE BY



JEFF GOLDBLUM.
FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE

LATE SHOW BAND.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE

ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!

>> Stephen: HEY, RIGHT OVER
THERE.

SORRY.
HELLO, HELLO, HELLO HELLO.

HELLO.
HAPPY WEDNESDAY.

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO "THE LATE
SHOW."

I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
WE ARE ONE MONTH PAST THE 2022

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
WE ARE ONE MONTH PAST THE 2022

ELECTION, WHICH MEANS WE ARE
DEEP INTO THE 2024 ELECTION.

WE'VE ALREADY GOT SO MANY
FANTASTIC CANDIDATES FROM THE

OLD GUY
WITH RED TIE TO OLD GUY WITH

LUE TIE.
BUT THERE'S ONE LESS-OLD GUY

MAKING A NAME FOR HIMSELF IN THE
G.O.P.: FLORIDA GOVERNOR RON



DESANTIS, SEEN HERE WITH, LET'S
SAY, HIS MIAMI CAUGHT IN A VICE.

A NEW "WALL STREET JOURNAL" POLL
SAYS THAT, IN A HYPOTHETICAL

G.O.P. PRIMARY MATCHUP, DESANTIS
BEATS THE FORMER PRESIDENT 52 TO

38%.
YAY?

ALSO BOO?
HARD TO KNOW WHO TO ROOT FOR

HERE.
THAT'S LIKE A POLL BETWEEN

GONORRHEA AND A SLIGHTLY MORE
RACIST GONORRHEA.

(APPLAUSE)
, APOLOGIES TO GONORRHEA.

THIS IS ALL BECAUSE, WHAT WITH
THE INSURRECTIONS AND THE HITLER

DINNERS, ONLY THE MOST
CONSERVATIVE VOTERS ARE STILL

BACKING THE EX-PRESIDENT.
WHILE DESANTIS IS TROUNCING HIM

WITH VOTERS WHO CONSIDER
THEMSELVES ONLY "SOMEWHAT

CONSERVATIVE."
BASICALLY, THE FOLKS WHO DON'T

SUPPORT GAY MARRIAGE, BUT THINK
ANDY COHEN DOES A GREAT JOB

HANDLING THOSE HOUSEWIVES.
SO, TO TAKE FULL COMMAND OF THE

G.O.P., ALL DESANTIS HAS TO DO
IS REEL IN THE COVETED

CONSERVATIVE DEMOGRAPHIC OF
"ANGRY CONSPIRACY Q-ANON

ALL-MEAT DIET TAN-YOUR-TESTICLE
BOYS."

AND HIS OPENING OFFER TO THEM
IS CALLING FOR A GRAND JURY

INVESTIGATION OF COVID VACCINES.
YOU STUPID MOTHER-PFIZER!

YOU WANT AN INVESTIGATION, LET
ME SAVE YOU SOME TIME AND MONEY.

IN THE U.S. ALONE, THE COVID
VACCINES HAVE SAVED MORE THAN

THREE MILLION LIVES AND HELPED
PREVENT 18.5 MILLION

HOSPITALIZATIONS.
AND IF THAT'S NOT ENOUGH,

AND BECAUSE IDIOTS IN YOUR PARTY
POLITICIZED THE VACCINE,

ALMOST TWICE AS MANY REPUBLICANS
DIED FROM COVID BEFORE THE

MIDTERMS THAN DEMOCRATS.
Y'ALL KILLED YOUR VOTERS!

IT'S THE STUPIDEST POLITICAL
STRATEGY SINCE THE WHIGS' SLOGAN

OF 1840: "TIPPECANOE AND TAUNT A
GRIZZLY."

STILL, DESANTIS IS PUSHING AHEAD
ON THIS NONSENSE, BUT SINCE A

GOVERNOR DOESN'T HAVE THE POWER
TO IMPANEL A GRAND JURY, HE'S

TRYING TO GET HELP FROM THE
FLORIDA SUPREME COURT.

WHICH OF COURSE IS MADE UP OF
A GATOR ON A JET-SKI, A LEATHERY

DUDE WHO GIVES BACHELORETTE BOAT
TOURS, AND A CAN OF FOUR LOKO

WITH A D.U.I.
THAT DUDE LOOKS PRETTY GOOD.

WELL, IF DESANTIS IS GOING FULL
CONSPIRACY AND ATTACKING ANYONE

WHO PROMOTED THE VACCINE, I JUST
HOPE HE CRACKS DOWN ON WHOEVER

THIS GUY IS:
>> WE KNOW THAT THERE IS NO TIME

TO WASTE WHEN IT COMES TO
GETTING SHOTS IN ARMS.

THEY'RE SAFE, THEY'RE EFFECTIVE
VACCINES.

THE MESSAGING SHOULD BE GET A
VACCINE BECAUSE IT'S GOOD FOR

YOU TO DO IT.
IT WORKS.

THE VACCINES PROTECT YOU.
GET VACCINATED AND THEN LIVE

YOUR LIFE AS IF YOU'RE
PROTECTED.

THESE VACCINES ARE SAVING LIVES.
THEY ARE REDUCING MORTALITY.

THESE VACCINES MAKE IT SO YOUR
CHANCE OF SURVIVAL IS PRETTY

DOGGONE CLOSE TO 100%.
>> Stephen: OKAY, THAT'S

EVIDENCE IT CAUSES GENETIC SIDE
EFFECTS RIGHT THERE.

BECAUSE THIS GUY USED TO PROMOTE
THE VACCINE, BUT ONCE HE GOT IT,

TURNED INTO A HUGE DICK BAG.
SPEAKING OF DICK BAGS, TWITTER

TURNED INTO A HUGE DICK BAG.
SPEAKING OF DICK BAGS, TWITTER

C.E.O.
ELON MUSK, SEEN HERE COSPLAYING

AT LOBSTERFEST.
MUSK GOT SOME BAD NEWS THIS WEEK

BECAUSE ACCORDING TO BOTH FORBES
AND BLOOMBERG, ELON MUSK IS NO

LONGER THE WORLD'S RICHEST
PERSON.

DON'T WORRY, ELON.
YOU STILL HAVE YOUR SPARKLING

WIT AND PERSONALITY.
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED: MOST OF

MUSKS FORTUNE COMES FROM TESLA,
BUT IN THE LAST YEAR, TESLA

STOCK HAS LOST ABOUT 50% OF ITS
VALUE, IN PART BECAUSE MUSK'S

TWITTER POLITICS ARE ADDING
PRESSURE ON TESLA'S BRAND IMAGE.

AND IT DOESN'T HELP THAT THE NEW
MODEL X COMES PRE-LOADED WITH

KANYE'S TWEETS.
LIBERALS IN PARTICULAR ARE

HAVING A TOUGH TIME WITH TESLA.
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS GRAPH OF

TESLA'S FAVORABILITY AMONG
DEMOCRATS: IT'S FINE UNTIL

OCTOBER WHEN HE BUYS TWITTER
AND WEEEE!

USUALLY FOR TESLA TO PLUNGE OFF
A CLIFF LIKE THAT IT HAS TO BE

IN SELF-DRIVING MODE.
-- YOU CAN COVER THAT, RIGHT?

OH YEAH, YOU GOT FLA, YOU GOT
THAT BABY.

NOT A GREAT BUSINESS STRATEGY TO
ALIENATE YOUR BEST CUSTOMERS.

LIBERALS BUY MORE ELECTRIC CARS.
THAT'D BE LIKE IF HOOTERS CAME

OUT WITH A STATEMENT SAYING
THEY'D SERVE ANYONE EXCEPT

DIVORCED DADS ON THEIR FIRST
CHRISTMAS WITHOUT THE KIDS.

AND WHO TOOK ELON'S PLACE?
THE NEW WORLD'S RICHEST MAN IS

FRENCH LUXURY FASHION MAGNATE
AND KEEBLER ELF ABOUT TO EAT

THAT OTHER KEEBLER ELF, BERNARD
ARNAULT.

AS IN:
(FRENCH ACCENT)

"ELON, YOU ARNAULT-LONGER THE
WORLD'S RICHEST MAN."

BUT AS BAD AS THINGS ARE FOR
TESLA, THEY'RE WORSE FOR

TWITTER.
IN FACT, TO CUT COSTS, TWITTER

HAS NOT PAID RENT FOR ANY OF ITS
GLOBAL OFFICES FOR WEEKS.

THAT'S NOT COST-CUTTING.
THAT'S BEING A DEADBEAT.

"LOOK, WE'RE FACING ECONOMIC
HEADWINDS, SO WHEN THE WAITER

BRINGS THE CHECK, HAUL ASS!"
(APPLAUSE)

SDZ THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
MUSK ISN'T JUST SKIPPING OUT ON

THE RENT.
TWITTER HAS ALSO REFUSED TO PAY

AN ALMOST $200,000 BILL FOR
PRIVATE CHARTER FLIGHTS MADE THE

WEEK OF HIS TAKEOVER.
WELL, YOU'VE GOT TO FLY PRIVATE.

I MEAN, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH
COMMERCIAL AIRLINES CHARGE

TO CHECK YOUR SINK?
BUT MUSK HAS A PLAN TO MAKE

MONEY-- HE'S GOING TO START
CHARGING TO GET VERIFIED, IT'S A

SERVICE CALLED "TWITTER BLUE."
THE WHOLE FUTURE OF THE COMPANY

IS RIDING ON IT, SO MONDAY, HE
INTRODUCED THIS AMAZING NEW

LOGO:
OKAY.

THAT'S EITHER THE NEW LOGO, OR A
CLOSE-UP A 1974 CHEVY VAN.

IF THIS VAN'S A ROCKIN', DON'T
COME A-KNOCKIN'.

'CUZ THERE'S NAZIS IN THERE.
TWITTER'S NOT THE ONLY SOCIAL

MEDIA APP IN TROUBLE.
BECAUSE YESTERDAY, U.S.

LAWMAKERS INTRODUCED A BILL TO
BAN TIKTOK.

THE PUSH IS BEING LED BY FLORIDA
SENATOR AND BABY SEEING A BRIGHT

COLOR, MARCO RUBIO.
RUBIO'S BILL WOULD BAN SOCIAL

MEDIA APPS WITH AT LEAST ONE
MILLION USERS THAT ARE

BASED IN, OR UNDER THE
"SUBSTANTIAL INFLUENCE" OF

FOREIGN ADVERSARIES, INCLUDING
CHINA, RUSSIA, IRAN, AND NORTH

KOREA.
WHICH ALSO MEANS AMERICANS WOULD

NO LONGER BE ABLE TO USE NORTH
KOREA'S PREMIERE SOCIAL MEDIA

SITE: "LINKED-UN."
(APPLAUSE)

2022 IS WINDING DOWN, WHICH
MEANS WE GET TO BURN SOME TAPE

WITH A FUN, END-OF-YEAR ROUNDUP!
TODAY, WE GOT THE 10 ODDEST

GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS OF
THE YEAR.

WE GOT SOME GOOD ODD ONES, ALL
OF WHICH I PROMISE ARE REAL.

FIRST UP: THERE'S A NEW
WORLD RECORD FOR "FASTEST TIME

TO FIND AND ALPHABETIZE THE
LETTERS IN A CAN OF ALPHABET

SOUP:"
JACOB CHANDLER OF OREGON, WHO

ALPHABETIZED ALL THE LETTERS IN
ONLY TWO MINUTES AND 8.6

SECONDS.
BIG DEAL.

I DID IT EVEN FASTER WITH
SPAGHETTIOS.

ANOTHER BIG WINNER THIS YEAR: AT
AN EVENT IN OCTOBER, "JAPAN'S

SAME NAME ASSOCIATION OF
HIROKAZU TANAKAS," FOUNDED BY

HIROKAZU TANAKA, TOOK THE RECORD
FOR "LARGEST GATHERING OF PEOPLE

WITH THE SAME FIRST AND LAST
NAME."

THAT NAME?
HAROLD PETERSON.

NOW, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
THINKING: STEVE, THESE RECORDS

ARE GREAT, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE
NONE OF THEM HAVE TO DO WITH

BALANCING EGGS ON THE BACK OF
YOUR HAND.

WELL, SHUT UP, BECAUSE WE ALSO
HAVE A NEW RECORD HOLDER FOR

"MOST EGGS BALANCED ON THE BACK
OF THE HAND."

IT'S IBRAHEEM SADEQ OF IRAQ, WHO
MANAGED TO BALANCE 18 EGGS.

LET'S SEE HIM IN ACTION:


LET'S SEE HIM IN ACTION:


(APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: COME ON.

AMAZING.
AMAZING.

THAT'S A MOVE THEY CALL
"GUY AT THE GROCERY STORE WHO

WON'T GET A BASKET BECAUSE HE'S
ONLY GETTING A FEW EGGS."

ONE RECORD THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY
SHATTERED IN "MOST DRINK CANS

PLACED ON HEAD USING AIR
SUCTION," WHICH WENT TO JAMIE

KEETON OF WISCONSIN.
HERE HE IS:

HE ALSO SET THE RECORD FOR
"WORLD'S MOST UNCLE!"

ALL IN, KEETON GOT TEN CANS TO
STICK TO HIS HEAD AND FACE,

WHICH IS A LOT, BUT I HAVE ONE
QUIBBLE WITH JAMIE: WHY DID YOU

KEEP THE GOATEE?
THAT'S VITAL CAN-STICKING REAL

ESTATE!
FORGET A SOUL PATCH, YOU COULD

HAVE A TIN CHIN!
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU

TONIGHT!
MY GUESTS ARE EMILY BLUNT AND

CHEF JOSEÉ ANDREÉS.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK,

MEANWHILE!
JOIN US, WON'T YOU?

Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org

>> Stephen: GIVE IT UP FOR THE
BAND, EVERYBODY.

LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW
BAND.

LOUIS, LOUIS, FOR THE PEOPLE
WATCHING AT HOME, WHO ARE WE

DELIGHTED TO HAVE WITH US.
>> WE HAVE THE HONOR OF

WELCOMING THE ONE, ONLY, GRAMMY
RECORDING ARTIST LALA HATHAWAY.

>> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR BEING HERE.

(APPLAUSE)
AND I WILL COUNTER THAT WITH

WE'VE GOT THE LOVELY, THE
TALENTED EMILY BLUNT IS GOING TO

DO THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT
TONIGHT.

MARY POPPINS HERSELF.
AND OUR FRIEND AND YOURS, THE

WONDERFUL JOSE ANDRES IS GOING
TO BE OUT HERE IN JUST A LITTLE

WHILE WITH HIS THREE DAUGHTERS,
WITH HIS THREE DAUGHTERS TO GIVE

US SOME LITTLE COOKING.
THEY HAVE A COOKING SHOW NOW

ABOUT THEIR TRIP TO SPAIN.
AND AS LONG AS WE ARE TALKING

ABOUT JOSE HERE.
JOSE IS ONE OF THE FOUNDERS OF

WORLD CENTRAL KITCHEN WHICH
HELPS PEOPLE ALL AROUND THE

WORLD.
HAS DELIVERED HUNDREDS OF

MILLIONS OF MEALS.
AND RIGHT NOW THEY'RE CONTINUING

TO WORK SO HARD O FEED THE
PEOPLE WHO ARE DISPLACED IN THE

UKRAINE.
AND WE HAVE LAUNCHED A CHARITY

EFFORT HERE ON THE SHOW.
YOU CAN GO GET ONE OF THE LATE

SHOW T-SHIRTS.
IT IS, IS POTATOE AND ALSO A

SAME LATE SHOW MUG RIGHT THERE,
AND IT SAYS IS POTATOE, RIGHT

THERE ON THE MUG.
GO GET THESE.

DO WE HAVE THE DWRKS R CODE?
WRITE THERE, YOU CAN HIT THAT QR

CODE RIGHT THERE, IT WILL TAKE
YOU TO THE WEBSITE.

ALL OF THE LATE SHOW'S PROCEEDS
WILL GO TO WORLD CENTRAL KITCHEN

SUPPORTING THEIR MISSION IN
UKRAINE AND AROUND THE WORLD.

TOTALLY WORTHWHILE.
RIGHT THERE.

PLUS A REALLY GOOD LOOKING
PICTURE OF A POTATOE.

>> Stephen: FOLKS, I SPEND MOST
OF MY TIME, CASTING THE DAY'S

MOST STRIKING STORY MODELS,
LIGHTING THE HIGHEST, SHARPEST

TOPICAL CHEEKBONES UNDER A
PRO-FOTO 2-D4 FLASH HEAD, AND A

PHOTEK SOFTLIGHTER II UMBRELLA
BEFORE AN OLIPHANT TERRACOTTA

BACKDROP AND CAPTURING THEM WITH
A MAMIYA RZ-67 TO CREATE FOR YOU

THE PENETRATING YET POIGNANT
ANNIE LEIBOVITZ PORTRAIT THAT IS

MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, I BREAK INTO A

PETTING ZOO IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
NIGHT, FEED THE ANIMALS A

COCKTAIL OF ADDERALL, BENADRYL,
AND MOUNTAIN DEW CODE RED THEN

STARTLE A GOAT JUST AS I SNAP
THE SHUTTER TO CREATE THE

BARNYARD MUGSHOT OF NEWS THAT IS
MY SEGMENT:

>> MEANWHILE!
(APPLAUSE)

SDZ THAT IS HYDROGEN IN MY
BALLOON.

>> Stephen: MEANWHILE, HERE'S
THE LATEST FROM K-POP SUPERGROUP

BTS: JIN, THE ELDEST MEMBER, HAS
ENLISTED IN THE SOUTH KOREAN

ARMY.
BECAUSE KOREAN MEN ARE REQUIRED

TO ENLIST IN THE MILITARY BY AGE
28.

IN AMERICA, BY THE AGE OF 28,
ALL MEN MUST JOIN AN IMPROV

GROUP AND GET INTO HOME BREWING.
MEANWHILE, THERE'S BIG NEWS FROM

THE WORLD OF WORDS, BECAUSE
DICTIONARY.COM'S WORD OF THE

YEAR IS 'WOMAN.'
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Stephen: OKAY.
REALLY?

THE WORD OF THE YEAR DESCRIBES
HALF OF THE WORLD'S POPULATION?

WHICH YEAR ARE WE TALKING HERE?
1?

(AS CAVEMAN)
"GARG, I MET SOMEONE DIFFERENT.

THEY ARE LIKE MAN, BUT WOAH!"
ACCORDING TO DICTIONARY.COM,

WOMEN ARE OFFICIALLY IN THE
ZEITGEST BECAUSE OF MAJOR

STORIES LIKE THE SUPREME COURT'S
OVERTURNING OF ROE V. WADE, THE

IRAN PROTESTS, AND THE DEATH OF
QUEEN ELIZABETH II.

RIGHT.
BECAUSE WHEN QUEEN ELIZABETH

DIED WE WERE DEFINITELY GOOGLING
THE WORD WOMAN AND NOT "CORGIES,

EUTHANIZED, QUESTION MARK?"
I'M NOT SAYING I WOULD DO IT,

JUST CURIOUS.
MEANWHILE, SCIENTISTS HAVE

UNCOVERED THE OLDEST KNOWN
NARRATIVE PIECE OF ART.

IT'S AN 11,000-YEAR-OLD CARVING
IN TURKEY THAT FEATURES A MAN

HOLDING HIS PHALLUS AS LEOPARDS
CORNER HIM.

IT'S A TALE OLD AS TIME.
ANYONE WHO'S EVER HAD A LEOPARD

SAFETY COURSE KNOWS...
IF YOU'RE EVER NAKED AND

ENCOUNTER A LEOPARD, HOLD YOUR
JUNK.

THAT'S A CHEETAH, I THINK THAT
WAS A CHEETAH.

MEANWHILE, "SCIENTISTS HAVE
DESIGNED A 'VAGINA ON A CHIP'."

GREAT, ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE
WEIRD CANADIAN FLAVORS.

FIRST KETCHUP, NOW THIS.
HOPEFULLY, THE VAGINA CHIP WILL

BE MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN THE LAST
GENITAL THEMED SNACK:

PRETZ-TICLES.
AND I'M BEING INFORMED THAT

THESE CHIPS ARE NOT FOR
SNACKING, BUT TISSUE GROWN ON

SILICONE TO SIMULATE THE VAGINAL
MICROBIOME FOR RESEARCH.

AND HARVARD'S DR. DONALD INGBER
IS VERY CONFIDENT ABOUT THE

QUALITY OF HIS SIMULATION,
BOASTING, "THIS WALKS, TALKS,

AND QUACKS LIKE A HUMAN VAGINA."
(LAUGHTER)

NOW HERE'S THE THING,
NOW, I DIDN'T GO TO HARVARD, BUT

I'M GONNA SAY THIS GUY IS NOT
THAT FAMILIAR WITH A HUMAN

VAGINA.
LET ME ASK YOU, DOC.

THESE VAGINAS, THAT YOU "KNOW
ABOUT", DO THEY LIKE BREAD

CRUMBS AND FLY SOUTH FOR THE
WINTER?

MEANWHILE, IT WAS ANNOUNCED
TODAY THAT AFTER DECADES OF

THINKING OTHERWISE, SURPRISE!
SNAKES HAVE CLITORISES.

REACHED FOR COMMENT, FEMALE
SNAKES SAID, "YESSSSSSSSSS."

RESEARCHERS THOUGHT THE ORGAN
DIDN'T EXIST, IN FACT, CBS NEWS

REPORTS IT TOOK MORE THAN A
CENTURY, BUT SCIENTISTS FINALLY

FOUND IT.
THAT'S A LONG TIME COMING.

FOUND IT.
THAT'S A LONG TIME COMING.

OR NOT, IF YOU'RE A FEMALE
SNAKE.

AND THE NEWS IS EXTRA EXCITING
BECAUSE IT TURNS OUT SNAKES HAVE

TWO INDIVIDUAL CLITORISES--
HEMICLITORES-- SEPARATED BY

TISSUE AND HIDDEN BY SKIN ON THE
UNDERSIDE OF THE TAIL.

SO SNAKES WENT FROM HAVING NO
CLITORIS TO HAVING TWO?

BONUS!
THAT'S LIKE REACHING INTO THE

POCKET OF A JACKET YOU HAVEN'T
WORN IN A WHILE AND FINDING TWO

CLITORISES.
WHEN WE COME BACK, I DEBUT THE

NEWEST CELEBRITY CHRISTMAS
ALBUM.

STICK AROUND.

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK.
LOUIS, BEFORE I FORGET, I WANT

TO LET EVERYBODY KNOW THAT
TOMORROW NIGHT YOU AND THE BAND

ARE DOING A SPECIAL PERFORMANCE,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING TOMORROW

NIGHT.
>> WE'RE DOINGS OUR OWN

ARRANGEMENT OF STEVIE WONDERS,
SOME DAY AT CHRISTMAS.

>> Stephen: CHECK THAT OUT
TOMORROW NIGHT.

BECAUSE HERE'S THE THING,
CHRISTMAS IS ALMOST HERE: THE

BELLS ARE JINGLING, THE EGGS ARE
NOGGING, CHRISTMAS MUSIC IS BACK

IN ROTATION.
AND THERE IS A CAROL FOR

EVERYONE, WHETHER YOU LIKE
TENDER BALLADS ABOUT THE ARRIVAL

OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR, OR
TOE-TAPPIN' CHRISTMAS DITTIES

ABOUT KIDS BEGGING SANTA FOR
TEETH.

AND THIS YEAR ALONE, THERE ARE
NEW HOLIDAY ALBUMS FROM ALICIA

KEYS, JOSS STONE, GLORIA
ESTEFAN, ANDREA BOCELLI, CHRIS

ISAAK AND DOZENS OF OTHERS.
BUT I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE

THINKING: STEVE, WHEN ARE WE
GONNA GET A HOLIDAY ALBUM FROM

THE ONE ARTIST MOST CLOSELY
ASSOCIATED WITH THE CHRISTMAS

SEASON?
STAR OF "JURASSIC PARK" AND "THE

FLY," JEFF GOLDBLUM.
WELL, THE WAIT IS OVER.

LET THE GOLD-BLUM.
>> THERE ARE TWO THINGS THAT

MAKE EVERYBODY HAPPY, CHRISTMAS
MUSIC AND JEFF GOLDBLUM.

>> HI, JEFF GOLDBLUM HERE, MERRY
CHRISTMAS.

>> STAY MERRY GOLDBLUM CHRISTMAS
FEATURING HOLIDAY FAVORITES LIKE

THE 12 DAITION OF CHRISTMAS.
>> ON THE FIRST DAY OF

CHRISTMAS.
♪ MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO ME.

♪ A PARTRIDGE, A PARTRIDGES, DID
YOU KNOW, DID ANYBODY KNOW THIS,

PARTRIDGES TRADITIONALLY LIVE IN
GRASS LANDS-- I JUST FOUND THAT

OUT RECENTLY.
BUT SPEAKING OF PARTRIDGES, WHO

KNOWS ABOUT THE PARTRIDGE
FAMILY.

>> IT'S CHRISTMAS CLASSICS THE
GOLDBLUM WAY.

>> NOW UP TO THE SECOND DAY OF
CHRISTMAS, MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO

ME, TRUE LOVE, THERE ARE A LOT
OF KINDS OF TRUE LOVE.

WELL, ROMANTIC LOVE, OF COURSE.
FRATERNAL LOVE, THERE IS

PLATONIC LOVE AND OF OF COURSE
THERE IS KOURTNEY LOVE, SHE AND

I RAN INTO EACH OTHER.
>> JEFF, JEFF, SORRY TO CUT IN.

BUT CAN WE GET BACK TO THE SONG.
>> SURE.

OKAY.
YES, OKAY.

BACK TO THE-- BACK TO THE MUSIC.
>> PLENTY OF INTERRUPTIONS.

>> TEN LORDS A LEAPIN.
NINE LADIES DANCING.

EIGHT MADES A MILLIN.
MILK, HEY, EXCUSE ME, IF I TALK

ABOUT MILK FOR A SECOND.
THIS IS A.

>> JEFF, WE HAVE A LOT TO GET
DONE.

CAN WE PLEASE STICK TO THE SONG.
>> OKAY, OKAY.

>> NO TANGENTS.
>> IT WAS MORE OF AN ANECDOTE

THAN TANGENT.
MILK, MILK, LEMONADE, FINISH

THAT POEM.
>> AROUND THE CORNER FUDGE IS

MADE.
>> YES, AROUND THE CORNER FUDGE

IS MADE, YOU DON'T EVEN NEED A
QUESTION MARK, YOU KNOW DAMN

WELL AROUND THE CORNER A FUDGE
IS MADE.

>> AND A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR--
LIME?

IT'S A PEAR-- WHAT.
>> TREE.

>> BRIE?
>> TREE OH, TREE, I THOUGHT YOU

SAID BRIE.
IF I WAS A KIND OF CHEESE, WHAT

WOULD I BE, WHAT DO YOU THINK.
>> BUT ON THE PLUS SIDE, IT'S 14

HOURS LONG, A VERY GOLDBLUM
CHRISTMAS.

>> Stephen: THANK YOU TO JEFF
GOLDBLUM FOR BEING THE MOST JEFF

WHO HAS EVER GOLDBLUM-ED.
AND CHECK OUT "THE CHRISTMAS

WALTZ," AN ACTUAL CHRISTMAS
SONG BY JEFF GOLDBLUM AND THE

MILDRED SNITZER ORCHESTRA.
WHEN WE COME BACK, I GIVE THE

COLBERT QUESTIONERT TO EMILY
BLUNT.

STICK AROUND.

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK.
HERE, EMILY BLUNT, STALLS A

PLEASURE HAVING YOU HERE.
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.

>> IT SAY TON OF FUN, I'M A BIG
FAN OF YOU AND OF OF COURSE YOUR

HUSBAND, AND WE HAVE HAD A
CHANCE TO HAVE SOCIAL TIME

OUTSIDE OF HERE T HAS BEEN WAY
TOO LONG.

>> IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG.
>> Stephen: BUT I FEEL LIKE

THIS IS WHERE YOU GOT TO GET TO
KNOW SOMEBODY.

>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: WHEN THE AUDIENCE

IS WATCHING THAT IS WHEN.
>> REAL INTIMACY HAPPENS.

>> Stephen: EXACTLY RIGHT.
BUT THE PROBLEM IS WE DON'T HAVE

ENOUGH TIME TO GET DOWN TO IT.
>> WE'LL GET DOWN TO IT.

>> Stephen: AT THE LATE SHOW
QUESTION CAME UP WITH A THING

CALLED THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT.
THE PEOPLE KNOW.

THE PEOPLE KNOW.
THESES ARE 15 QUESTIONS THAT

HAVE BEEN CALIBRATED
SPECIFICALLY TO PENETRATE OUR

PSYCHIC DEFENSES AND ACTUALLY
REVEAL THAT PERSON TO THE WORLD

AT LARGE.
AND TO BE KNOWN, SCARY?

BUT IT'S SUCH A RELIEF WHEN YOU
FINALLY DON'T HAVE TO.

>> I WILL FEEL MUCH LIGHTER.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU READY TO

TAKE THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT.
>> SO READY.

>> Stephen: EMILY BLUNT.
>> YEAH SDZ WHAT IS THE BEST

SANDWICH.
>> CUBAN SANDWICH.

>> Stephen: DESCRIBE TO PEOPLE
WHAT A CUBAN SANDWICH IS.

IT'S PORK.
>> PORK, HAM, MAYO, PICKLE,

SOMETHING SPICY IN IT.
AND I LIKE POTATOE CHIPS IN IT.

>> Stephen: I LIKE YOURS
CONTAINS BOTH PORK AND HAM.

>> IT DOES, BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT
THE PORKS AND THE SLICED HAM.

AND CHEESE.
>> Stephen: YES.

>> YEAH?
>> Stephen: AND PROBABLY IT'S

LATE AT NIGHT.
>> OH, SO LATE.

>> Stephen: WHAT IS THE ONE
THING THAT YOU OWN THAT YOU

SHOULD REALLY THROW OUT?
>> UM, OH GOD, A REALLY

TERRIBLE, A REALLY TERRIBLE OLD
ROYAL BLUE VELVET JACKET AND I

DON'T WEAR IT BUT I WORE T I
WORE IT ON JOHN AND I'S FIRST

DATED AND HAVE I NOT THROWN IT
OUT.

>> Stephen: YOU SHOULDN'T
THROW IT OUT.

>> I KNOW, BUT IT'S SUCH AN
AWFUL JACKET T SITS THERE, THAT

IS A TERRIBLE JACKET.
>> Stephen: IT WAS A TERRIBLE

JACKET THEN.
>> IT PROBABLY WAS BUT I THINK I

WAS BLIND TO IT.
>> Stephen: AND EVIDENTLY HE

WAS TOO.
>> AND I WAS LIKE LOOKING GOOD.

>> Stephen: HE WENT ON A
SECOND DATE AFTER THAT TERRIBLE

JACKET.
>> HE SENT ME A MEMO AND SAID

DON'T WEAR THE JACKET AND WILL
YOU GET ANOTHER DATE.

>> Stephen: WHAT IS THE
SCARIEST ANIMAL.

>> A COCKROACH.
>> Stephen: A COCKROACH.

>> Stephen: ARE WE TALKING
LIKE THESE NEW YORK COCKROACHES

OR LITTLE THINGS OR THE PALMETTO
BUGS.

>> I WAS JUST IN ATLANTA FOR 11
WEEKS.

AND THERE WAS A BIT OF AN
INFESTATION AT MY HOUSE.

>> Stephen: EVERYWHERE, LOVELY
HOUSES.

>> AND I'VE NEVER BEEN THE SAME
SINCE.

>> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES.
>> APPLESES.

>> Stephen: OF COURSE.
>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER
ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR

AUTOGRAPH?
>> NO.

LOOK, A SORT OF A GRUMBLE.
>> Stephen: IT WASN'T A

GRUMBLE.
I WONDER WHAT THAT SAYS ABOUT

HER.
>> DOES SHE THINK SHE'S SO MUCH

BETTER THAN EVERYONE.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU THINK

HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE?
>> I THINK WE GO SOMEWHERE MORE

BEAUTIFUL.
THAT'S WHAT I TELL MYSELF.

I HOPE.
I WANT THAT.

>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> OH GOD, NOW I FEEL LIKE

YOU'RE LIKE OKAY, THAT'S NOT
TRUE BUT-- .

>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW T
DOESN'T MATTER.

>> YOU SORT OF PITIED ME.
>> Stephen: WHAT HELD ME BACK

IS LIKE IS IT MORE BEAUTIFUL.
>> THE WORLD IS A VERY BEAUTIFUL

PLACE.
>> VERY BEAUTIFUL BUT I FEEL

LIKE MAYBE ST EUPHORIC
BEAUTIFUL.

>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> YEAH?

>> Stephen: I WILL SEND YOU
SOME LINKS TO SOME REALLY GREAT

RESORTS.
>> OKAY, GREAT F IT HAS A WATER

SLIDE PARK I'M IN.
>> Stephen: FAVORITE ACTION

MOVIE.
>> OH MY GOD, WHAT IS IT?

LAD, COME ON, AND IT'S A SHOW.
FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE, DOES

INDIANA JONES COUNT, RAIDERS OF
THE LAST ARC.

>> Stephen: IT COUNT, RAIDERS
OF THE LOST ARC.

THERE YOU GO.
>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: WINDOW OR AISLE.
>> AISLE.

>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A
RAISALE.

>> BECAUSE I NEED TO PEE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT AND I

DON'T WANT TO BE SHUFFLING PAST
SOMEONE, DOING THAT.

>> Stephen: FAVORITE SMELL.
>> MY CHILDREN WHEN THEY WAKE

UP, THEY SMELL SO GOOD.
WHY DO THEY SMELL SO SWEET.

>> Stephen: HOW OLD ARE THEY.
>> THEY ARE SIX AND EIGHT.

>> Stephen: WAIT UNTIL THEY
ARE 14.

>> I KNOW, I KNOW.
>> Stephen.

>> THEY SMELL SO YUMMY RIGHT
NOW.

>> Stephen: LEAST FAVORITE
SMELL?

>> A MAN'S BATHROOM. YOU KNOW,
WHEN YOU REALLY NEED TO GO, LIKE

THIS IS-- WHEN YOU REALLY NEED
TO GO, ONLY THE MEN'S IS

AVAILABLE, I'M LIKE THIS-- GOING
IN. AND I FEEL LIKE-- .

>> Stephen: SO ARE WE.
WE KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN

THERE.
>> WHY DOES IT SMELL SO BAD.

>> Stephen: ST A MUSK.
>> I DON'T LIKE THAT WORD.

>> Stephen: I DON'T LIKE THAT
WORD.

>> NO.
>> Stephen: THE MOIST MUSK.

>> MOIST MUSK, THAT IS A NO-NO,
ISN'T IT?

>> Stephen: CATS OR DOGS.
>> OH WOW, NO T IS BECAUSE I AM

ALLERGIC TO CATS AS WELL.
>> Stephen: OKAY, CATS OR

HORSES?
>> HORSES.

>> Stephen: OKAY.
HORSES OR DOGS.

>> [BLEEP] I WILL SAY DOGS CUZ I
CN GET BY WITHOUT HAVING TO

TAKE A PILL.
YEAH.

>> Stephen: DO YOU ONLY GET
ONE SONG TO LISTEN TO FOR THE

REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT IS IT?
>> LA VIE ENROSE.

>> Stephen: WHAT NUMBER AM I
THINKING OF?

>> 36.
>> Stephen: NO.

DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
IN FIVE WORSED.

>> IT WILL HOPEFULLY BE BLISSFUL
>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS.

YOU ARE KNOWN.
THE ENGLISH IS ON PRIME VIDEO.

THE YOUNG LADY IS EMILY BLUNT,
EVERYBODY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE SHOW,

ALREADY IN PROGRESS.
I'M JOINED NOW BY MY FRIEND CHEF

JOSEÉ ANDREÉS AND HIS DAUGHTERS,
WHO ALL STAR IN THE NEW SERIES

"JOSEÉ ANDREÉS AND FAMILY IN
SPAIN."

PLEASE WELCOME JOSEÉ, CARLOTA,
INEÉS, AND LUCIÍA ANDREÉS!

OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, IT IS THE
HOLIDAYS SO EVERYBODY, IT MEANS

COOKING WITH FAMILY, WHAT IS IT
LIKE TO COOK WITH YOUR FATHER,

GIRLS?
>> OH MY GOSH, CHAOS.

>> DO YOU COOK WITH HIM A LOT.
>> WE'RE IN THE KITCHEN A LOT.

COOKING, I'M NOT SO GOOD AT.
>> Stephen: IS HE BOSSY IN THE

KITCHEN.
>> VERY, VERY BOSSY.

>> WELL, HE DOESN'T LET US DO
ANYTHING.

>> Stephen: WOULD YOU LIKE TO
RESPOND.

>> IS THIS A PSYCHOLOGIST CLASS,
I LET YOU DO EVERYTHING.

WHAT HAPPENED?
I'M QUICKER.

>> Stephen: SPEAKING OF QUICK,
LET'S GETS TO IT, WHAT ARE WE

GOING TO DO TODAY, FIRST
CARLOTA, TELL ME WHAT WE HAVE

HERE.
>> APPARENTLY WE'RE COOKING

HAM-- QUUTING HAM, THIS IS
REALLY BIG FOR ME BECAUSE WE

NEVER, EVER, EVER LET US TOUCH
THE PIG, LIKE AT HOME, EVER.

>> Stephen: SO THIS IS HAMMON
IBERICO.

>> YOUR ENGLISH HAS TO GET
BETTER, STEPHEN.

YOU.
>> Stephen: I'M WORKING ON IT.

>> AND THIS IS HAM.
>> Stephen: THIS IS THE

GREATEST HAM IN THE WORLD.
>> IT IS ACORNS.

>> Stephen: WHAT DOES THAT
MEAN.

>> YOU KNOW ACORNS.
>> Stephen: FROM A TREE.

>> FROM THE OAKTREE, EVERY
SEPTEMBER THEY BEGIN FALLING

DOWN, WHY BECAUSE THEY SAY I'M
TIRED OF BEING ON THE TREE, I

WANT TO GO DOWN.
SO THEY GO DOWN.

AND WHEN THEY GO DOWN THEY
RELEASE THE PIG, AND THEY BEGIN

ETING THE ACORNS, AND THEY
BEGIN COMING FATTY AND FATTY AND

FATTY AND SWEETER AND HAPPY, AND
WHEN THEY ARE HAPPY AND FATTY WE

MURDER THEM.
>> LOOK HOW GOOD HE COOKED THE

HAM.
>> Stephen: HOW IS THAT, HOW

IS MY CUT.
>> AND THIS IS WHAT SEPARATES

THE HAM FROM ANY OTHER COUNTRY
IN THE WORLD.

>> Stephen: THIS IS BETTER
THAN PROCIUTTON MY OPINION.

>> DEFINITELY, I AGREE WITH YOU.
>> ST BETTER.

I LOVE MY ITALIAN COUNTERPARTS
BUT YOU CANNOT COMPARE THEM.

PRO OSCIUTTO IS GREAT FOR THAT.
BUT THIS IS YOU EAT THIS AND

YOUR LIFE CHANGES FOREVER.
>> Stephen: IN PROSH OUTO YOU

DON'T GET THE HOOF.
I LIKE ANY FOOD WHEN I'M DONE,

CAN I MAKE CLOGS.
>> IN SPAIN YOU CAN BUY WITH THE

WHOLE HOOVE BUT HERE THEY DO THE
MANICURE.

>> Stephen: YES.
>> TOO MUCH.

>> Stephen: PEDESTRIAN CARE,
TECHNICALLY SPEAKING.

>> LOOK HOW GOOD, LOOK AT THIS
CULT.

>> OH MY GOD.
>> THIS IS GOOD, THE FACT THAT

I'M CUTTING THIS HAM, THIS SAY
RITE OF PASSAGE.

>> Stephen: SO HOW DID YOU
START WORKING ON THE SHOW

TOGETHER.
HOW DID IT COME ABOUT?

>> DURING THE PANDEMIC, WHAT
HAPPENED DURING THE PANDEMIC?

>> WE COOKED IN THE KITCHEN.
>> WE PUT IT WHERE.

>> ON INSTAGRAM.
WE WERE DOING RECIPES FOR THE

PEOPLE.
>> Stephen: YOU ARE

ORCHESTRATING THEM.
IS THIS YOUR PARENTING STYLE,

YOU POINT AT THEM AND MAKE THEM
TALK.

>> YEAH STRKS LIKE MONTESSORI.
IT IS SO MUCH FUN.

>> Stephen: HOW OFTEN,
CARLOTA, IS THE MEAL IN YOUR

FAMILY JUST CUTTING UP A LEG.
>> EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

>> DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU HAD
TO DO THAT PAPER.

>> FOR MY COLLEGE ESSAY I WROTE
ABOUT.

>> YOU HAD TO WRITE ABOUT THE
WHAT.

>> SO IN THIRD GRADE WE HAD TO
WRITE ABOUT A PET, OUR HOUSEHOLD

PET, WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY, BUT WE
HAD A LEG.

>> Stephen: HAM LEG.
>> IT TH IS HOW CREATIVE MY

DAUGHTER BECAME BY BEING MY
DAUGHTER.

>> Stephen: DID YOU NAME THE
HAM LEG.

>> I DON'T REMEMBER, I HOPE I
DIDN'T.

>> YES.
>> Stephen: NOW WHAT ARE WE

DOING HERE, WHO ARE THESE LITTLE
FELLOWS RIGHT HERE.

>> KNEES AREN'T OUR PETS, THESE
ARE JUST FOOD.

>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> SOME SHRIMP, WE'RE GOING TO

MAKE A TYPICAL DISH, BECAUSE WE
ACTUALLY COOK IN THE LAST

EPISODE.
THESE ARE SHRIMP AND WHAT AM I

DOING WITH THEM.
>> I AM THE CHEF OR YOU ARE THE

CHEF, YOU FOLLOW ME.
>> Stephen: YOU YOU HAVE TO BE

BOGSY LIKE YOUR DAD.
>> YOU PUT FOIL IN THE PAN AND

THEN ADD THE GARLIC.
>> Stephen: GARLIC, THERE YOU

GO.
>> AND THEN ADD SOME OF THE

CHILI PEPPER YOU HAVE OVER
THERE.

>> THEY ARE VERY NICE.
>> YOU SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING,

WHAT IS HAPPENING?
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE GARLIC?

>> Stephen: IT'S SINGING.
>> THE OLIVE OIL IS.

>> IT'S DANCING.
>> ST NOT SIPGING, IT'S DANCING.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW, I

DON'T KNOW, JOSE, WHAT'S WRONG
WITH YOU.

>> AND NOW IN THIS MOMENT YOU
ADD THE SHRIMP.

>> Stephen: HOW MANY.
>> THREE OR FOUR, AND THEN YOU

PUT SOME SALT INSIDE-- .
>> Stephen: HOW MUCH SALT DO I

PUT IN.
>> YOU PUT SALT UNTIL THE SHRIMP

TELLS YOU NO MORE.
A LITTLE BIT MORE.

HE DIDN'T TELL YOU ANYTHING YET.
AND THIS, MY FRIEND, IS THE MOST

ICONIC SPANISH TAPA EVER.
>> Stephen: DO I BACK OFF.

>> NO, BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHY-- I
WILL SHOW IT TO YOU.

>> Stephen: THAT'S VERY NICE.
>> THAT'S IT, MY FRIEND.

>> Stephen: ALMOST DONE.
>> NO, YOU DON'T WANT TO

OVERCOOK THEM N THIS MOMENT.
>> Stephen: OKAY.

>> I WILL DRK DRK.
>> YOU KNOW YOU BLEW OP IT.

YOU YOU KNOW HOW MANY-- TESTS TO
COME OP YURP SHOW, I DID THREE

TESTS IN THE LEFT, THREE IN THE
MOUTH, ONE IN MY MOUTH, I DON'T

WANT TO TELL YOU WHAT ELSE.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS IT LIKE

DOING THE SHOW WITH YOUR DAD?
WAS IT FUN OR WAS THERE PRESSURE

>> DEFINITELY PRESSURE BUT I
LEARNED THAT WORKING WITH FAMILY

REALLY ISN'T THAT BAD.
>> Stephen: REALLY?

WAS WAS THAT A SURPRISE.
>> YEAH, THEY ALWAYS SAY BE

CAREFUL WORKING WITH FAMILY.
I THINK IT TURNED OUT PRETTY

WELL.
>> Stephen: WHEN ARE WE DOING

THE NEXT ONE.
>> A PERFECT IMPERFECTION.

>> Stephen: YOU, THE FAMILY
IS.

>> YEAH.
>> WHAT ARE WE DOING.

>> WE ARE DOING A ROAST CON
LECHE.

>> NOW YOU SOUND, I WANT TO
MATCH-- .

>> Stephen: ARRO CON LECHE.
>> YOUR ENGLISH IS GETTING

BETTER BY THE MINUTE, SO NOW
THIS IS VERY HOT, LOOK HOW HOT

ST.
>> Stephen: WOW.

>> YOU ARE GOING TO PUT SUGAR ON
TOP.

WHAT IS THIS?
RICE AND MILK THAT YOU COOK FOR

ONE HOUR, WITH CINNAMON.
>> Stephen: ST RICE PUDDING.

>> AROZ CON LECHE.
RICE PUDDING.

>> Stephen: DO, IS THIS CUZ IN
THE UNITED STATES, THIS GETS

SERVED AT THE RETIREMENT HOME.
IS THIS-- .

>> SO THIS IS HOW WE DO IT.
>> Stephen: HOW LONG DO I PUT

IT ON.
>> UNTIL THE RICE TELLS YOU

ENOUGH.
I MEAN WHEN YOU SEE THIS, IT IS

READY BECAUSE ARE YOU GETTING
THE SMOKE.

ARE YOU BECOMING THE DESSERT.
ARE YOU LIKE A SWEET-- .

>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND.
>> THAT'S IT, THAT'S TOO MUCH.

>> Stephen: YOU DO THE SAME.
>> NOW WHAT HAPPENS IS THIS

THESE BECOME A-- STH'S LIKE A B
BB RROULLE.

>> AROZ CON LECHE.
>> WHY YOU CHANGE THE NAMES OF

THINGS, THIS IS NOT BROULLE.
STH AROZ CON LECHE.

>> Stephen: HOW DID YOU GET
AROUND SPAIN.

>> WE DROVE A LOT.
>> Stephen: IS HE A GOOD

DRIVER.
>> ABSOLUTELY NO AT THE FIRST

MOMENT WE GET IN THE CAR, FIRST
TRIP, RIGHT WHEN HE ISING TO

ADJUST THE REARVIEW MIRROR T
JUST POPS RIGHT OFF.

>> Stephen: THAT SEEMS LIKE ST
NT HIS FAULT THOUGH.

>> SHOW IT WAS.
>> IT WAS HIS FAULT.

>> I'M A VERY GOOD DRIVER.
I AM PROBABLY THE BEST DRIVER IN

THE HISTORY OF DRIVERS.
IN FACT, I AM A VERY

GOOD-- YEAH, YEAH, I AM.
>> Stephen: I WISH YOU HAD

MORE CONFIDENCE.
>> AND I'M THE PERFECT CHEF.

EVERYTHING I COOK IS PERFECT,
RIGHT, IT'S PERFECT.

>> NEVER SALTY.
>> NO, NO NO.

>> WHAT?
>> BUT YOU KNOW.

>> Stephen: DOES HE OVERSALT.
>> HIS TRICK IS THAT WHATEVER

HAPPENS, HE JUST CHANGES THE
NAME OF THE RECIPE.

IF IT DOESN'T GO AS PLANNED.
>> OH MY GOD.

>> YEAH.
>> OH MY GOD.

>> Stephen: SO WHAT DO YOU
HOPE PEOPLE TAKE FROM THE SHOW,

JOSE?
>> THAT WHATEVER HAPPENS WHEN

YOU ARE WITH FAMILY, EVERY
SINGLE MOMENT, THE GOOD ONES AND

THE ONES THAT SOMETIMES THEY ARE
STRANGE, BECAUSE BEING WITH

FAMILY TOGETHER CAN BE
STRESSFUL, RIGHT, LADIES.

>> A LITTLE.
>> SO WITH THIS SHOW, FAMILY IS

FAMILY NO MATTER WHAT.
>> Stephen: ABSOLUTELY RIGHT,

JOSE.
THEIR NEW SERIES,

"JOSEÉ ANDREÉS AND FAMILY IN
SPAIN," DEBUTS DECEMBER 27th ON

DISCOVERY PLUS.
THE ANDREÉS FAMILY, EVERYBODY!

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE
LATE SHOW."

TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS
WILL BE ANDERSON COOPER AND ANDY

COHEN, AND WE'LL HAVE A SPECIAL
PERFORMANCE BY LOUIS CATO AND

THE LATE SHOW BAND.
GOOD NIGHT.