The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (2015–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - Trevor Noah/Ban Ki-Moon/Chris Stapleton - full transcript
Trevor Noah (The Daily Show (1996)); United Nations secretary-general Ban Ki-moon. Also: Chris Stapleton performs.
This morning, cnns Jim
acosta is banned from the white
house.
His press credentials pulled
after a testy exchange with the
president.
The White House press also
put out a docketed version of
the video by info wars, made
acosta look more aggressive than
he actually was.
The "late show" obtained new
ly released footage from the
White House of the acosta accost
ing.
White House of the acosta accost
ing.
White House of the acosta accost
ing.
( Laughter )
Announcer: "Late show" with
Stephen Colbert!
Tonight acosta lavista, baby!
Plus Stephen welcomes Billy
crystal and senator Kirsten
gillibrand, featuring Jon
batiste and "stay human."
And now live on tape from the ed
Sullivan theater in New York
city, its Stephen Colbert!
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: Whoo!
Please have a seat, everybody!
Thank you so much!
( Cheers and applause )
Please!
Thank you so much.
Welcome to "the late show,"
ladies and gentlemen.
Im your host Stephen Colbert.
( Cheers and applause )
The election was just two days
ago, but it feels like five
years.
( Laughter )
Whats a beto?
Is that a candy bar or
something?
And in the last 48 hours Donald
Trump has points on the board.
For instance
hes banned a journalist.
Thats very strongman.
Im not saying hes Kim jong
un, but hes Kim jong-ish.
( Laughter )
Heres what happened: Yesterday
at a White House press tantrum,
the president and cnns Jim
acosta got into it, until an
intern was dispatched:
Do you think that you
demonized immigrants?
No, not at all.
I want them to come into the
country but they have to come in
legally.
Theyre hundreds and hundreds
of miles away.
Thats not an invasion.
Honestly, I think you
should let me run the country
and you run CNN, and if you did
it well, your ratings would be
better.
If I may ask one other
question...
Thats enough!
Thats enough!
Thats enough!
Thats enough!
Pardon me, maam.
Stephen: Thats got to be the
worst intern assignment.
( Laughter )
"Okay, Alan, youre in charge of
coffee runs, Brad, youre in
charge of making copies, and
cathie, youll be destroying the
first amendment.
( Laughter )
But remember, its for college
credit."
( Cheers and applause )
Then last night, the White House
revoked Jim acostas press pass.
Oh no!
Now how will he "not" get
answers to his questions!
( Laughter )
A lot of people are outraged,
but press secretary Sarah
hucka-sands defended the
decision saying, "president
Trump believes in a free press
and expects and welcomes tough
questions of him and his
administration.
We will, however, never tolerate
a reporter placing his hands
on a young woman just trying to
do her job as a White House
intern."
And she included this video:
The intern reaches for the mic
and, hi-ya!
( Laughter )
That is terrible, or would be,
if it werent "fake news."
Because "Sarah Sanders tweeted a
doctored video."
We should have known because in
the same video, Trump looked
like this.
( Laughter )
Looking good.
And where did the White House
get that video?
It appears to have originated
with far-right conspiracy site
"infowars."
( Booing )
Now, if youre not familiar with
infowars, congratulations, can
we switch brains?
( Laughter )
Info wars is a far right website
founded by talk show host and
hot dog you forgot to Pierce
before microwaving, Alex Jones.
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
Thats Sanders reliable source.
"CNN is fake news, and to prove
it, heres a video from a
reputable news source that
believes the government is
putting plastic liners in juice
boxes to turn our sons into
gay frogs."
( Laughter )
And the fact that the white
house press secretary is
promoting this doctored video
is reprehensible, and grounds
for dismissal.
Or as they call it in the Trump
administration, "Thursday."
( Laughter )
Its going to be hard to trust
all the other footage theyve
released like: April Ryan
shooting flames out of her
mouth, and Jake tapper killing
Han Solo!
How could you, Jake!
He was your father!
( Laughter )
( Piano riff )
And yesterday, Trump got rid of
Attorney General Jeff sessions.
It took two long years, but
Trump finally guessed his real
name.
( Laughter )
With sessions gone, Trump has a
new man overseeing Robert
Mueller: Acting Attorney General
and baby who grew up and is not
happy about it, Matthew
Whitaker.
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
Whitakers is a long-time
outspoken critic of the
investigation he will now head.
Hes previously served as the
U.S. attorney for the Southern
district of Iowa.
Then, after that, he worked for
world patent marketing, which
was shut down by the federal
trade commission for fraud.
Great!
So hes an expert on federal
crime because hes committed it!
Now were hiring the attorney
general according to "silence
of the lamb" rules.
But how bad could it be, its
not like he was some shady hot
tub salesman.
Its a unique design thats
going to help lots of people.
Stephen: Again, shut down
for fraud.
So I guess you could say this
guy is a hot tub lie machine.
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
But if whitakers going to shut
down the Russia probe, hed
better start moving because
Robert muellers team has
started writing its final
report.
( Cheers and applause )
Yeah.
Going fast.
Going fast as they can.
Hey, Bob, I know how you feel.
Youre just about done writing
something and then Trump does
something crazy.
( Laughter )
And just in case you thought
today couldnt get any worse,
weve learned that Ruth bader
ginsburg has been hospitalized
with fractured ribs.
No!
Does she need ribs?
Ive got ribs!
She can take mine... somebody get
me a pair of pliers and a bite
stick!
( Laughter )
And if mine are no good, ive
started a crowdfunding
page on ribstarter.
( Laughter )
We still dont know exactly what
happened, other than that the
85-year-old justice fell in her
office at the court and broke
three ribs.
What was she doing walking
around an office?!
( Laughter )
She is far too precious!
Forget a black robe, she should
be dressed in bubble wrap and
carried down the hallway like a
faberge egg!
( Cheers and applause )
At least shes resilient.
In 1999, she was diagnosed with
colon cancer and underwent
surgery, chemotherapy, and
radiation, and then a decade
later, she underwent surgery for
pancreatic cancer.
Yet, she never missed a day
on the supreme court bench.
( Cheers and applause )
Thats bad-ass.
That is tough, period.
Jon: That is tough.
Stephen: That is a tough
lady.
I once called out of work
because I was going to sneeze,
( laughter )
But then I didnt sneeze, but I
was like, its going to happen.
I better sit this one out.
And this isnt the first time
that shes broken
her ribs.
She also broke two ribs in a
fall in 2012.
Come on, Ruth!
Youre 85 years old!
Its time to let go of your
extreme sports lifestyle.
( Laughter )
For gods sake, no more
alligator wrestling, and I have
to insist you back out of your
role in "creed 2."
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
Im looking forward to it.
Theyll find somebody else to do
that part.
Fun fact: The election isnt
totally over.
And I lied about the fun part.
( Laughter )
As you remember, one of the
biggest disappointments for
democrats on Tuesday was Florida
governors race between Andrew
gillum and Ron desantis.
It may not be over yet because
Florida law... and I did not
know Florida had laws...
( Laughter )
Says that an automatic
recount is triggered if the
candidates are within .5% of one
another, and, as the final
encounted ballots roll in today,
the race is now at the recount
range.
( Cheers and applause )
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
This is very exciting. Theres
no two words more reassuring to
a Democratic
politician than "Florida
recount."
( Laughter )
Jon: Come on, now...
Stephen: And after learning
they had a
snowballs chance in Florida,
the gillum campaign put out a
statement: "Our campaign is
monitoring the situation closely
and is ready for any outcome."
The desantis also put out a
statement: "No take-backs!!
Dibs!
I licked the governors chair!"
( Laughter )
No one knows where this will end
up, but if history is any guide,
the supreme court will rule that
the next governor of Florida is
George w. Bush.
( Laughter )
Congratulations, sir.
And in the Georgia gubernatorial
race, democrat Stacey Abrams is
refusing to concede because
there are still votes out there.
Uncounted.
( Cheers and applause )
Now, youll remember, this race
has been controversial because
her opponent, Brian kemp, is
also the secretary of state, and
he purged more than a million
voters from the rolls, including
over 50,000 applications,
predominately from African
Americans, because their I.D.
Was not an "exact match" to
other state records because of
something as small as a dropped
hyphen in a persons name.
Wow.
Over punctuation.
Although, it is refreshing to
see a republican politician
whos just a grammar Nazi.
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
Jon: That was right in
there.
Stephen: Okay.
Jon: Boom.
Stephen: If you need any
proof that Brian kemp made it
hard for people to vote, look no
further than Brian kemp, because
when he tried to vote, his voter
card said "invalid."
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
When asked to comment kemp said
"oh my god... am I... black?"
( Laughter )
Was shocking to him, too.
And counting all those votes is
important because right now
kemp is just barely above 50%.
And if he drops below, theres
an automatic runoff election.
On one hand, I welcome the
chance for every American to get
their voice heard.
On the other, I dont think my
liver can handle another
election night!
( Laughter )
Weve got a great show for you
tonight.
Billy crystals here.
Stick around!
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
Stephen: Jon batiste and
"stay human," everybody!
Give it up for the band right
there!
( Cheers and applause )
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
right now...
Jon: We getting to it.
Stephen: We are getting to
it tonight, and im giddy
because
my first guest tonight has been
entertaining
you on screen and on stage for
over 40 years.
His latest play, "have a nice
day," is a bestseller on
audible.
Please welcome to "the late
show," Billy crystal!
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
( Cheers and applause )
Thank you!
Oh, my god!
Wow.
Stephen: The people love
Billy crystal.
( Cheers and applause )
You could have put me up
there.
Stephen: We could have.
Thank you all so much.
My god, amazing.
I have to tell you something.
Stephen: Yes, sir.
First of all, im really glad
to see you.
Stephen: Im glad to see
you, too.
I made my network debut in
television theater 1975, it was
called sniel... "Saturday night
live" with Howard cosell.
You never know.
Stephen: Its CBS.
They know.
They may be too young.
They tried to turn him into ed
Sullivan, which didnt work, and
it was my first network comedy,
doing standup on network
television.
It was sitting right where you
are, maam, and it was, like, is
the morning.
The guests were Ted Kennedy who
I shared the dressing room with.
Stephen: Also hilarious.
( Laughter )
Gwen verden, Roy Clark, me
and shamu the killer whale live
from San Diego.
So Howard is talking to the the
producers, one of which is Alan
king, and the producer is
yelling, let me get this
straight, am I talking to the
kid who feeds him the herring?
Who the hell am I you canta...
Who the hell am I talking to?
I cant talk to a whale!
Stephen: Were in the after
math of the midterms right
now.
How are you feeling?
Well, we got the house...
Which is great.
( Cheers and applause )
( Piano riff )
Stephen: It is.
It is.
And we need everyone to work
together because the approval
rating is 11, is zika virus is
20.
So weve got some work to do.
Stephen: Yeah, mm-hmm.
Im so glad that part is over
now, of course, seconds later
something new happens with this
guy.
Im glad im not watching the
rallies to watch agent orange go
nuts.
( Cheers and applause )
And what would happen was I get
into my car and I turn on the
radio and I come in mid sentence
and I hear this all the time,
Trump rips Billy crystal again!
I said, what did I do?
Its the bill Krystal with a k
can, the conservative.
Ovary day, its bill Krystal...
And people say, what did you say
to him?
Its not me!
Stephen: Do you do anything
to calm down?
I vape.
Stephen: Oh.
( Laughter )
( Applause )
Stephen: Thats very young
of you.
Thats very hip.
Thats very...
Its legal.
Stephen: Oh, its legal,
okay.
Which means its not as much
fun.
Stephen: That kind of
vaping.
Yeah, well, there is a senior
section in the cannabis store
that I frequent...
Stephen: Really?
Yeah.
Stephen: Theres senior
cannabis?
There is, and they have
different strains for people
over 65 and 70.
Stephen: Butterscotch
flavored.
Not quite.
One is called spider veins,
thats a good one.
( Laughter )
Mr. Regular.
( Laughter )
Cranky men on the pore off.
Theres that.
Stephen: Sure.
Dont hit the ball in my yard
thats a good one, too.
Stephen: Mm-hmm.
And I find that I needed it
after a day of going through
what we go through, when we
watch this happen to us.
Stephen: Yeah.
But my cravings are different
than when I was, you know, back
in 19-ba-ba-ba-bum.
Stephen: The munchies are
different.
Yeah, I go, I could really
like some... soup.
( Laughter )
Stephen: Thats a challenge
, I gotta say.
Yeah.
Stephen: Delicious.
Obviously, but youve set your
self a challenge to munch on
soup.
Yeah.
Chewing tomato basil soup.
Stephen: Heres the thing,
youre a humanitarian, involved
with communities, obviously
comic relief, helped millions of
people over the years, but I
dont associate you with
politics and I understand you
are now holding political office
yes, I am.
My wife now of 48 years...
Stephen: In a row?
Yeah, in a row.
We married young, I was seven,
she was five, it was a hasidic
kind of... we never met each
other before.
We were just put together.
Stephen: Sometimes it works
we are the co-honorary mayors
of our hometown in L.A. called
the pacific palisades between
Santa Monica and Malibu.
Other honorary mayors, Vivian
vans was the first one... Ethel
merits from I love Lucy...
Stephen: Sure,.
♪ All we are saying is Vivian
vans ♪
Gavin McCloud.
♪ Love exciting and new
Anthony Hopkins was a two-term
mayor until he ate the police
chief.
( Laughter )
We took it very seriously.
We really wanted to make a a
change.
We basically have lived in this
town for, like, 40 years and we
inherited a really terrible
administration from Kevin kneel
Kevin neilen who is a
really funny guy but he left us
an absolute mess.
Stephen: Yes.
He had to leave office.
He was caught free basing is a
releto.
( Laughter )
There you go.
No, kevins a good guy, disaster
( Laughter )
In our speech, we said its got
to be palisades first.
So we imposed tariffs on Malibu,
heavy tariffs on tuna pokay,
macrame plant holders and surf
board wax and were stopping
this caravan thats ubering
toward us from Beverly Hills.
Stephen: Very dangerous.
Very dangerous.
Stephen: I hear there are
people from the middle east
mixed in there.
Very dangerous.
Stay safe.
( Applause )
( Piano riff )
Yeah, but we have a lot of
fun because were doing it
together.
Thats why weve moved to this
little town.
Stephen: Co-mayors.
Weve given out trophies at
the middle school.
The best one, we crowned the
king and queen of the senior
prom.
The senior prom.
You had to be 90 and prove it.
( Laughter )
I swear.
It was great.
It was at the ladies auxiliary.
The big thing is the July 4th
parade, Janice and I
came as the two George
Washingtons, because everything
we do is equal.
So here we are at the July 4th p
Stephen: Nice.
Co-Washingtons.
Co-Washingtons.
Stephen: George and George.
Those are who of my
grandchildren rowing as we did
Washington crosses the Delaware
and musical from "Hamilton."
♪ Here come the generals
but it was us
Stephen: Well be right back
with more Billy crystal.
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
Stephen: Were back with
Billy crystal.
Can I ask you about somebody you
knew about anybody in comedy
would be jealous of, you knew
Johnny Carson.
You were on the show how many
times?
I dont know, really.
20 maybe.
Stephen: What was that like
to be on the show with John
Johnny?
First of all, all of you
amazing night hosts, youre so
great, really.
Every one of you.
Stephen: Ive never loved
you more.
But youre all great.
Stephen: I have great
respect.
Its a small little club.
But now its a club.
Back then, it was only really
one show.
Stephen: He was a god.
He was awesome.
When you grow up watching
somebody and suddenly youre on
the show for the first time, it
was really strange.
Im behind the curtain, two
stage hands are ready to page
the curtain so you walk out and
I I had such dry mouth.
I knew my first line would be
like Bob and ray, hey, good
evening, ladies... it would be
like a cat with a hair ball.
It would be terrible.
The band is playing through the
commercial break then you hear
Johnnys voice on the squawk box
back stage introducing you.
It was amazing.
A young guy from New York, we
always like it when young guys
come outs here... my heart is
going boom boom boom.
Before the show, the stage
manager says when you finish
your bit, I will be at camera
ray one.
Watch me.
If im like, this take your bow,
look over at Johnny, you can
wave to him if you want, thats
it.
But if you get to the panel,
which I doubt, im going to go
like this, boom, go over there
and look like you do it all the
time.
But nobody goes there.
So I finish my thing and im
looking at him and he goes, boom
and I go over next to him for
the first time and, sitting on
my right is Orson Wells.
That was my first appearance on
the tonight show.
I revered him.
He was a great comedian.
He had this sort of iconic thing
about him.
He hosted the oscars great.
Then I started doing the show.
In 1998, we had what turned out
to be the highest-rated Oscar
show of all time.
It was a really good show, and I
had a really good night.
It was one of those not everyone
was great.
That one you walk away from and
you go, that was a good one.
( Applause )
It was the year of at a... of
Titanic so the ratings were huge
the opening was funny.
When Leo split I made my
entrance, hit me in the forehead
, and started the show.
But youve hosted big events,
you cant get it out of your
system.
Its like the night after the
prom.
Its like you get home at 2:00,
3:00 in the morning and youre
thinking why did I say that?
I shouldnt have.
That worked good.
No.
Why did I do that joke.
Dont do that joke.
Did you see Sophia loren?
Stephen: I dont know what
youre talking about.
You go nuts.
6:00 A.M., im wired like crazy,
fail sleep.
Phone rings, 9:00 A.M., my long-
time assistant Carol and
goes, hey, boss, Johnny carsons
on the phone.
I went, really?
Im thinking, its Marty short
or Chris guess, someone busting
me.
I said are you sure?
She said, gnaw, no assistant,
its him.
I said, all right, tell him to
( Bleep ) Off.
She goes, what?
I said, im kidding.
Im going to hold on for 30
seconds and let me get myself
together.
Now im sweating like Albert
Brooks in broadcast news because
its like getting a call from
god going im going to give you
20 more years.
So I go, as cool as I could be
...Hi, Johnny.
I just got to tell you... and he
went on and on and said all
these amazing things that you
just wished he would say, you
know, and he said them all, and
he said, you think so... you
know, I was home watching and I
was there with Alex and she said
why dont you call him and its
not what I usually do but I want
to call you and I want to get to
know ya.
Rodney used to say, just give me
one of these, I got one these
are from Johnny and it was an
amazing things.
( Applause )
Stephen: Were going to
take a break.
When we get back, more with
Billy crystal.
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
Stephen: Were back with
Billy crystal.
You and I have one thing in
common is we both lost our
fathers when we were quite young
oh, this is going to be a fun
segment.
Stephen: Im not
necessarily talking about the
loss.
I was ten.
I was 15.
Stephen: At any age its
terrible, youre still
developing as a person, how you
communicate with the world.
Comedy definitely became a way
to keep my mom happy.
Absolutely.
But it started out before that.
You start out trying to make
your parents laugh.
I think we all try to do that.
So if I could do that with her
in the darkest of those days,
sorto of chip away at it, it was
great for both of us.
For me it was a little bit of
relief for myself.
Stephen: Has a purpose, too
you feel kind of lost, what does
anything mean.
Yeah, and she was an amazing
woman.
She was a wonderful dancer, the
voice of minnie mouse in the
macys day parade for years.
♪ Im forever blowing bubbles
so she had that kind of spirit.
Stephen: Did she give you
notes?
Yeah.
Earlier, because my dad worked
two jobs so he wasnt at home a
lot at night, so when the oscars
would be on, and for some reason
, even when we were kids,
that show was so damn long, and
I would have to go to sleep
because I had school the next
day, so ID go to sleep around
10:00, around documentaries...
( Laughter )
...But when I got up to go to
school, in my cereal bowl was a
note saying, Gregory peck best
actor, to kill a mockingbird,
whoever won, and that would be
from her.
I did four straight and I took
three years off and I came back
and it was the first time I did
the opening films at the we did.
It took everybody by surprise.
And the last little piece of
that film was from the english
patient, and let mineral was in
the plane coming to kill me in
the desert.
It was amazing.
He was a great sport.
He crashes his plane into me and
then I ran towards the camera.
For the audience theyre seeing
it on the screen, I ran right
through the screen.
It was a screen that were really
slats and they were shocked.
They stood up, and all I was
looking for was my mom.
We looked at each other and I
just went like that, she went
like that, and I kept thinking
of the cereal bowl and where
stuff starts, you know.
And that was, I think, the high
light of my Oscar experience
was just that one little look we
had with each other in the same
room, you know, it was awesome.
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: Well, you are
receiving the friars club
entertainment icon award on
Monday night.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Its going to be fun.
I hope you can make it over.
Stephen: Ill try.
Its from 6:00 to 11:00...
( Laughter )
Stephen: Well, I just want
to let you know that, while
thats a big deal, and obviously
youve got a lot of other awards
, the biggest award anyone
can get here at the show is my
former assistant now producer,
she actually puts together a
hunk of the day, and you were
the very first hunk of the day
ever here at "the late show."
Harry met Sally.
Todays hunk is young Billy
crystal.
But she couldnt let it go.
She was so hunkfied on you,
three days in a row, she said I
will have what shes having if
its a heaping helping of Billy
crystal.
She put up yum-yum, I want Billy
crystal a la mode but not ice
cream on top, strawberry, not
vanilla, ice cream... if no ice
cream, then whipped cream.
If nothing then Billy.
( Cheers and applause )
Oh, I love it!
Stephen: Billy will receive
the entertainment icon award
from the friars club this Monday
night.
Billy crystal, everybody!
Well be right back with senator
Kirsten gillibrand.
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: Welcome back.
Folks...
( Cheers and applause )
Folks, last night, there was
another
horrific shooting, this time in
thousand oaks, California.
I want to say that the pain and
the horror that community is
experiencing right now is
unimaginable, but its become
all too common.
And Americans, whatever their
political party, know that now
is the time for action to keep
our communities safe.
My next guest has an f rating
from the n.R.A., and she was
just re-elected as the us
senator from New York.
Please welcome, senator
Kirsten gillibrand!
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
Stephen: Senator, thanks
for being here.
The last time you were here was
just six days after parkland.
Yeah.
Stephen: And here we are
again, talking about another
horrific shooting.
Back then, you talked about the
lack of action observe on... on
gun control and that the n.R.A.
Is outspending everybody.
Yeah.
Stephen: What do you think
the chances are and what do you
think should be done now?
Whats the opportunity you...
Opportunity?
Its extraordinarily
heartbreaking and infuriating
because congress literally has
done nothing in the face of gun
death after gun death in
communities all across this
country.
But... and it is because of the
greed, the greed of the gun
manufacturers and the greed of
the n.R.A.
But I do believe things are
changing, and the reason why I
believe that is we had
candidates running this last
election who ran on this issue.
We had Lucy mcbath run in the
outskirts of Atlanta...
( Cheers and applause )
...Run a race, a woman very much
part of the moms movement, who
won a race because she lost her
son to gun violence.
It was very much a part of her
campaign and she won.
Jennifer wexton won in Virginia
on common sense gun reform where
the n.R.A. Is located in her
district.
So you saw candidates speaking
truth to power on this very
issue.
And we need to get the money out
of politics.
You have to get the money out of
politics because it overwhelming
ly corrupts the system.
Im hopefully because new
candidates ran and won on these
issues in places... in this
district where Lucy ran, we
didnt win it last time because
she ran on this issue.
So you have people speaking this
truth and you also have people
like Emma Gonzalez speaking out
and calling b.S. Every time a
politician gives her an excuse.
So we have to flip the senate,
the common sense reform.
But I think this country is in a
place where we will fight this
and totally get it done because
you need these basic reforms.
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: Jeff sessions was
fired yesterday, and his
replacement, Whitaker, has been
appointed by the president.
Do you believe that whitakers
appointment is constitutional?
No, I dont.
Because he is such a senior
position, you need advice and
consent of the senate.
Stephen: Even while the
senate is out of session?
Correct.
There was a succession plan, it
should have been Rosenstein,
they disregarded that and put
someone in place who has nod had
hearings and approval by the
senate.
Stephen: Several senators
including republican Jeff flake
said he should recuse himself.
He should.
Stephen: What are your odds
thats going to happen?
None.
I mean, the president put in
place someone who has already
said publicly he doesnt believe
in the Mueller investigation,
called it a witch hunt.
You know, hes a lackey of the
president.
Hes been chosen because he is a
political pawn.
So he shouldnt be in this role,
he should have advice and
consent of the senate.
But I hope we can get back into
session.
One to have the first things we
do is pass the bipartisan bill
that will protect the Mueller
investigation.
Good luck because youre
going to need it.
( Applause )
Yeah.
Stephen: You have a new
childrens book.
Mira calman beautiful
illustrator.
Its called "bold and brave."
Whats it about?
The suffrage movement.
In 2020, it will be 100 years
since women earned the right to
vote.
Stephen: November 2.
I wanted to write a book
about these women because... ten
vignettes about women who did
the impossible work with of
getting women the right to vote.
Some never even got to see the
right to vote themselves and as
generation after generation
building on what each other have
done, and its stories about
bravery, courage, never giving
up, stick-to-itiveness thats as
relative as its ever been.
And in these stages, little
girls and boys will see whats
possible if you use your voice
and speak out and speak up and
if you never give up.
So amazing suffragists like
Harriet tubman, Susan b. Anthony
thats me at 5:00.
Stephen: Well, this is year
of the women.
Yes.
Stephen: Not only running
but the female voters actually
made a huge difference this year
lets talk about that because
the right to vote is so
important and we saw it in full
force in this election.
You have Stacy... Stacey Abrams
fighting so hard today to make
sure every vote in Georgia
counts and shes going to make
sure theres a recount and
everyones voice is heard.
This book is for our kids to
read so chirp know how important
their voices are.
This right was so hard to earn
and thats why Stacey Abrams is
the suffragist today.
Shes making sure every persons
vote in Georgia counts.
We are having recounts in
Florida, Georgia and Arizona and
my dear friend is ahead by 2,000
votes!
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: You have been
saying for a long time now you
dont want to talk about 2020
because youre concentrated on
2018, midterms are over, what
are you concentrating on now?
Is there another election that
you might be concentrating on,
senator?
For now?
Well, so I do think its an
important question...
Stephen: It is an important
question.
Thats why I asked it.
Yes.
( Laughter )
I believe it is a moral question
for me, and I believe in right
versus wrong, and until this
election I actually thought
wrong was winning.
And as ive traveled across my
state, across the country for
all these candidates, ive seen
the hatred and the division that
President Trump has put out into
our country, and it has called
me to fight as hard as I
possibly can to restore the
moral compass of this country.
Our country was founded on the
principles that we should care
about one another, that we
believe in h the golden rule,
that I should care about your
kids or your kids as much as I
care about my own, and, so, I
believe right now that every one
of us should figure out how we
can do whatever we can we can
with our time, with our talents
to restore that moral decency,
that moral compass and the truth
of who we are as Americans, so I
will promise you I will give it
a long, hard thought of
consideration.
( Cheers and applause )
I will do that.
Stephen: That close.
Senator, thank you for being
here.
Bold and brave is available tews
senator Kirsten gillibrand,
everybody!
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: Thats it for "the
late show."
Tune in tomorrow when my guests
will be Alexander skarsgard,
chef Flynn mcgarry, and triumph
the insult comic dog.
Now stick around for James
corden.
Goodnight!
( Cheers and applause )
acosta is banned from the white
house.
His press credentials pulled
after a testy exchange with the
president.
The White House press also
put out a docketed version of
the video by info wars, made
acosta look more aggressive than
he actually was.
The "late show" obtained new
ly released footage from the
White House of the acosta accost
ing.
White House of the acosta accost
ing.
White House of the acosta accost
ing.
( Laughter )
Announcer: "Late show" with
Stephen Colbert!
Tonight acosta lavista, baby!
Plus Stephen welcomes Billy
crystal and senator Kirsten
gillibrand, featuring Jon
batiste and "stay human."
And now live on tape from the ed
Sullivan theater in New York
city, its Stephen Colbert!
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: Whoo!
Please have a seat, everybody!
Thank you so much!
( Cheers and applause )
Please!
Thank you so much.
Welcome to "the late show,"
ladies and gentlemen.
Im your host Stephen Colbert.
( Cheers and applause )
The election was just two days
ago, but it feels like five
years.
( Laughter )
Whats a beto?
Is that a candy bar or
something?
And in the last 48 hours Donald
Trump has points on the board.
For instance
hes banned a journalist.
Thats very strongman.
Im not saying hes Kim jong
un, but hes Kim jong-ish.
( Laughter )
Heres what happened: Yesterday
at a White House press tantrum,
the president and cnns Jim
acosta got into it, until an
intern was dispatched:
Do you think that you
demonized immigrants?
No, not at all.
I want them to come into the
country but they have to come in
legally.
Theyre hundreds and hundreds
of miles away.
Thats not an invasion.
Honestly, I think you
should let me run the country
and you run CNN, and if you did
it well, your ratings would be
better.
If I may ask one other
question...
Thats enough!
Thats enough!
Thats enough!
Thats enough!
Pardon me, maam.
Stephen: Thats got to be the
worst intern assignment.
( Laughter )
"Okay, Alan, youre in charge of
coffee runs, Brad, youre in
charge of making copies, and
cathie, youll be destroying the
first amendment.
( Laughter )
But remember, its for college
credit."
( Cheers and applause )
Then last night, the White House
revoked Jim acostas press pass.
Oh no!
Now how will he "not" get
answers to his questions!
( Laughter )
A lot of people are outraged,
but press secretary Sarah
hucka-sands defended the
decision saying, "president
Trump believes in a free press
and expects and welcomes tough
questions of him and his
administration.
We will, however, never tolerate
a reporter placing his hands
on a young woman just trying to
do her job as a White House
intern."
And she included this video:
The intern reaches for the mic
and, hi-ya!
( Laughter )
That is terrible, or would be,
if it werent "fake news."
Because "Sarah Sanders tweeted a
doctored video."
We should have known because in
the same video, Trump looked
like this.
( Laughter )
Looking good.
And where did the White House
get that video?
It appears to have originated
with far-right conspiracy site
"infowars."
( Booing )
Now, if youre not familiar with
infowars, congratulations, can
we switch brains?
( Laughter )
Info wars is a far right website
founded by talk show host and
hot dog you forgot to Pierce
before microwaving, Alex Jones.
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
Thats Sanders reliable source.
"CNN is fake news, and to prove
it, heres a video from a
reputable news source that
believes the government is
putting plastic liners in juice
boxes to turn our sons into
gay frogs."
( Laughter )
And the fact that the white
house press secretary is
promoting this doctored video
is reprehensible, and grounds
for dismissal.
Or as they call it in the Trump
administration, "Thursday."
( Laughter )
Its going to be hard to trust
all the other footage theyve
released like: April Ryan
shooting flames out of her
mouth, and Jake tapper killing
Han Solo!
How could you, Jake!
He was your father!
( Laughter )
( Piano riff )
And yesterday, Trump got rid of
Attorney General Jeff sessions.
It took two long years, but
Trump finally guessed his real
name.
( Laughter )
With sessions gone, Trump has a
new man overseeing Robert
Mueller: Acting Attorney General
and baby who grew up and is not
happy about it, Matthew
Whitaker.
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
Whitakers is a long-time
outspoken critic of the
investigation he will now head.
Hes previously served as the
U.S. attorney for the Southern
district of Iowa.
Then, after that, he worked for
world patent marketing, which
was shut down by the federal
trade commission for fraud.
Great!
So hes an expert on federal
crime because hes committed it!
Now were hiring the attorney
general according to "silence
of the lamb" rules.
But how bad could it be, its
not like he was some shady hot
tub salesman.
Its a unique design thats
going to help lots of people.
Stephen: Again, shut down
for fraud.
So I guess you could say this
guy is a hot tub lie machine.
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
But if whitakers going to shut
down the Russia probe, hed
better start moving because
Robert muellers team has
started writing its final
report.
( Cheers and applause )
Yeah.
Going fast.
Going fast as they can.
Hey, Bob, I know how you feel.
Youre just about done writing
something and then Trump does
something crazy.
( Laughter )
And just in case you thought
today couldnt get any worse,
weve learned that Ruth bader
ginsburg has been hospitalized
with fractured ribs.
No!
Does she need ribs?
Ive got ribs!
She can take mine... somebody get
me a pair of pliers and a bite
stick!
( Laughter )
And if mine are no good, ive
started a crowdfunding
page on ribstarter.
( Laughter )
We still dont know exactly what
happened, other than that the
85-year-old justice fell in her
office at the court and broke
three ribs.
What was she doing walking
around an office?!
( Laughter )
She is far too precious!
Forget a black robe, she should
be dressed in bubble wrap and
carried down the hallway like a
faberge egg!
( Cheers and applause )
At least shes resilient.
In 1999, she was diagnosed with
colon cancer and underwent
surgery, chemotherapy, and
radiation, and then a decade
later, she underwent surgery for
pancreatic cancer.
Yet, she never missed a day
on the supreme court bench.
( Cheers and applause )
Thats bad-ass.
That is tough, period.
Jon: That is tough.
Stephen: That is a tough
lady.
I once called out of work
because I was going to sneeze,
( laughter )
But then I didnt sneeze, but I
was like, its going to happen.
I better sit this one out.
And this isnt the first time
that shes broken
her ribs.
She also broke two ribs in a
fall in 2012.
Come on, Ruth!
Youre 85 years old!
Its time to let go of your
extreme sports lifestyle.
( Laughter )
For gods sake, no more
alligator wrestling, and I have
to insist you back out of your
role in "creed 2."
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
Im looking forward to it.
Theyll find somebody else to do
that part.
Fun fact: The election isnt
totally over.
And I lied about the fun part.
( Laughter )
As you remember, one of the
biggest disappointments for
democrats on Tuesday was Florida
governors race between Andrew
gillum and Ron desantis.
It may not be over yet because
Florida law... and I did not
know Florida had laws...
( Laughter )
Says that an automatic
recount is triggered if the
candidates are within .5% of one
another, and, as the final
encounted ballots roll in today,
the race is now at the recount
range.
( Cheers and applause )
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
This is very exciting. Theres
no two words more reassuring to
a Democratic
politician than "Florida
recount."
( Laughter )
Jon: Come on, now...
Stephen: And after learning
they had a
snowballs chance in Florida,
the gillum campaign put out a
statement: "Our campaign is
monitoring the situation closely
and is ready for any outcome."
The desantis also put out a
statement: "No take-backs!!
Dibs!
I licked the governors chair!"
( Laughter )
No one knows where this will end
up, but if history is any guide,
the supreme court will rule that
the next governor of Florida is
George w. Bush.
( Laughter )
Congratulations, sir.
And in the Georgia gubernatorial
race, democrat Stacey Abrams is
refusing to concede because
there are still votes out there.
Uncounted.
( Cheers and applause )
Now, youll remember, this race
has been controversial because
her opponent, Brian kemp, is
also the secretary of state, and
he purged more than a million
voters from the rolls, including
over 50,000 applications,
predominately from African
Americans, because their I.D.
Was not an "exact match" to
other state records because of
something as small as a dropped
hyphen in a persons name.
Wow.
Over punctuation.
Although, it is refreshing to
see a republican politician
whos just a grammar Nazi.
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
Jon: That was right in
there.
Stephen: Okay.
Jon: Boom.
Stephen: If you need any
proof that Brian kemp made it
hard for people to vote, look no
further than Brian kemp, because
when he tried to vote, his voter
card said "invalid."
( Laughter )
( Cheers and applause )
When asked to comment kemp said
"oh my god... am I... black?"
( Laughter )
Was shocking to him, too.
And counting all those votes is
important because right now
kemp is just barely above 50%.
And if he drops below, theres
an automatic runoff election.
On one hand, I welcome the
chance for every American to get
their voice heard.
On the other, I dont think my
liver can handle another
election night!
( Laughter )
Weve got a great show for you
tonight.
Billy crystals here.
Stick around!
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
Stephen: Jon batiste and
"stay human," everybody!
Give it up for the band right
there!
( Cheers and applause )
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
right now...
Jon: We getting to it.
Stephen: We are getting to
it tonight, and im giddy
because
my first guest tonight has been
entertaining
you on screen and on stage for
over 40 years.
His latest play, "have a nice
day," is a bestseller on
audible.
Please welcome to "the late
show," Billy crystal!
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
( Cheers and applause )
Thank you!
Oh, my god!
Wow.
Stephen: The people love
Billy crystal.
( Cheers and applause )
You could have put me up
there.
Stephen: We could have.
Thank you all so much.
My god, amazing.
I have to tell you something.
Stephen: Yes, sir.
First of all, im really glad
to see you.
Stephen: Im glad to see
you, too.
I made my network debut in
television theater 1975, it was
called sniel... "Saturday night
live" with Howard cosell.
You never know.
Stephen: Its CBS.
They know.
They may be too young.
They tried to turn him into ed
Sullivan, which didnt work, and
it was my first network comedy,
doing standup on network
television.
It was sitting right where you
are, maam, and it was, like, is
the morning.
The guests were Ted Kennedy who
I shared the dressing room with.
Stephen: Also hilarious.
( Laughter )
Gwen verden, Roy Clark, me
and shamu the killer whale live
from San Diego.
So Howard is talking to the the
producers, one of which is Alan
king, and the producer is
yelling, let me get this
straight, am I talking to the
kid who feeds him the herring?
Who the hell am I you canta...
Who the hell am I talking to?
I cant talk to a whale!
Stephen: Were in the after
math of the midterms right
now.
How are you feeling?
Well, we got the house...
Which is great.
( Cheers and applause )
( Piano riff )
Stephen: It is.
It is.
And we need everyone to work
together because the approval
rating is 11, is zika virus is
20.
So weve got some work to do.
Stephen: Yeah, mm-hmm.
Im so glad that part is over
now, of course, seconds later
something new happens with this
guy.
Im glad im not watching the
rallies to watch agent orange go
nuts.
( Cheers and applause )
And what would happen was I get
into my car and I turn on the
radio and I come in mid sentence
and I hear this all the time,
Trump rips Billy crystal again!
I said, what did I do?
Its the bill Krystal with a k
can, the conservative.
Ovary day, its bill Krystal...
And people say, what did you say
to him?
Its not me!
Stephen: Do you do anything
to calm down?
I vape.
Stephen: Oh.
( Laughter )
( Applause )
Stephen: Thats very young
of you.
Thats very hip.
Thats very...
Its legal.
Stephen: Oh, its legal,
okay.
Which means its not as much
fun.
Stephen: That kind of
vaping.
Yeah, well, there is a senior
section in the cannabis store
that I frequent...
Stephen: Really?
Yeah.
Stephen: Theres senior
cannabis?
There is, and they have
different strains for people
over 65 and 70.
Stephen: Butterscotch
flavored.
Not quite.
One is called spider veins,
thats a good one.
( Laughter )
Mr. Regular.
( Laughter )
Cranky men on the pore off.
Theres that.
Stephen: Sure.
Dont hit the ball in my yard
thats a good one, too.
Stephen: Mm-hmm.
And I find that I needed it
after a day of going through
what we go through, when we
watch this happen to us.
Stephen: Yeah.
But my cravings are different
than when I was, you know, back
in 19-ba-ba-ba-bum.
Stephen: The munchies are
different.
Yeah, I go, I could really
like some... soup.
( Laughter )
Stephen: Thats a challenge
, I gotta say.
Yeah.
Stephen: Delicious.
Obviously, but youve set your
self a challenge to munch on
soup.
Yeah.
Chewing tomato basil soup.
Stephen: Heres the thing,
youre a humanitarian, involved
with communities, obviously
comic relief, helped millions of
people over the years, but I
dont associate you with
politics and I understand you
are now holding political office
yes, I am.
My wife now of 48 years...
Stephen: In a row?
Yeah, in a row.
We married young, I was seven,
she was five, it was a hasidic
kind of... we never met each
other before.
We were just put together.
Stephen: Sometimes it works
we are the co-honorary mayors
of our hometown in L.A. called
the pacific palisades between
Santa Monica and Malibu.
Other honorary mayors, Vivian
vans was the first one... Ethel
merits from I love Lucy...
Stephen: Sure,.
♪ All we are saying is Vivian
vans ♪
Gavin McCloud.
♪ Love exciting and new
Anthony Hopkins was a two-term
mayor until he ate the police
chief.
( Laughter )
We took it very seriously.
We really wanted to make a a
change.
We basically have lived in this
town for, like, 40 years and we
inherited a really terrible
administration from Kevin kneel
Kevin neilen who is a
really funny guy but he left us
an absolute mess.
Stephen: Yes.
He had to leave office.
He was caught free basing is a
releto.
( Laughter )
There you go.
No, kevins a good guy, disaster
( Laughter )
In our speech, we said its got
to be palisades first.
So we imposed tariffs on Malibu,
heavy tariffs on tuna pokay,
macrame plant holders and surf
board wax and were stopping
this caravan thats ubering
toward us from Beverly Hills.
Stephen: Very dangerous.
Very dangerous.
Stephen: I hear there are
people from the middle east
mixed in there.
Very dangerous.
Stay safe.
( Applause )
( Piano riff )
Yeah, but we have a lot of
fun because were doing it
together.
Thats why weve moved to this
little town.
Stephen: Co-mayors.
Weve given out trophies at
the middle school.
The best one, we crowned the
king and queen of the senior
prom.
The senior prom.
You had to be 90 and prove it.
( Laughter )
I swear.
It was great.
It was at the ladies auxiliary.
The big thing is the July 4th
parade, Janice and I
came as the two George
Washingtons, because everything
we do is equal.
So here we are at the July 4th p
Stephen: Nice.
Co-Washingtons.
Co-Washingtons.
Stephen: George and George.
Those are who of my
grandchildren rowing as we did
Washington crosses the Delaware
and musical from "Hamilton."
♪ Here come the generals
but it was us
Stephen: Well be right back
with more Billy crystal.
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
Stephen: Were back with
Billy crystal.
Can I ask you about somebody you
knew about anybody in comedy
would be jealous of, you knew
Johnny Carson.
You were on the show how many
times?
I dont know, really.
20 maybe.
Stephen: What was that like
to be on the show with John
Johnny?
First of all, all of you
amazing night hosts, youre so
great, really.
Every one of you.
Stephen: Ive never loved
you more.
But youre all great.
Stephen: I have great
respect.
Its a small little club.
But now its a club.
Back then, it was only really
one show.
Stephen: He was a god.
He was awesome.
When you grow up watching
somebody and suddenly youre on
the show for the first time, it
was really strange.
Im behind the curtain, two
stage hands are ready to page
the curtain so you walk out and
I I had such dry mouth.
I knew my first line would be
like Bob and ray, hey, good
evening, ladies... it would be
like a cat with a hair ball.
It would be terrible.
The band is playing through the
commercial break then you hear
Johnnys voice on the squawk box
back stage introducing you.
It was amazing.
A young guy from New York, we
always like it when young guys
come outs here... my heart is
going boom boom boom.
Before the show, the stage
manager says when you finish
your bit, I will be at camera
ray one.
Watch me.
If im like, this take your bow,
look over at Johnny, you can
wave to him if you want, thats
it.
But if you get to the panel,
which I doubt, im going to go
like this, boom, go over there
and look like you do it all the
time.
But nobody goes there.
So I finish my thing and im
looking at him and he goes, boom
and I go over next to him for
the first time and, sitting on
my right is Orson Wells.
That was my first appearance on
the tonight show.
I revered him.
He was a great comedian.
He had this sort of iconic thing
about him.
He hosted the oscars great.
Then I started doing the show.
In 1998, we had what turned out
to be the highest-rated Oscar
show of all time.
It was a really good show, and I
had a really good night.
It was one of those not everyone
was great.
That one you walk away from and
you go, that was a good one.
( Applause )
It was the year of at a... of
Titanic so the ratings were huge
the opening was funny.
When Leo split I made my
entrance, hit me in the forehead
, and started the show.
But youve hosted big events,
you cant get it out of your
system.
Its like the night after the
prom.
Its like you get home at 2:00,
3:00 in the morning and youre
thinking why did I say that?
I shouldnt have.
That worked good.
No.
Why did I do that joke.
Dont do that joke.
Did you see Sophia loren?
Stephen: I dont know what
youre talking about.
You go nuts.
6:00 A.M., im wired like crazy,
fail sleep.
Phone rings, 9:00 A.M., my long-
time assistant Carol and
goes, hey, boss, Johnny carsons
on the phone.
I went, really?
Im thinking, its Marty short
or Chris guess, someone busting
me.
I said are you sure?
She said, gnaw, no assistant,
its him.
I said, all right, tell him to
( Bleep ) Off.
She goes, what?
I said, im kidding.
Im going to hold on for 30
seconds and let me get myself
together.
Now im sweating like Albert
Brooks in broadcast news because
its like getting a call from
god going im going to give you
20 more years.
So I go, as cool as I could be
...Hi, Johnny.
I just got to tell you... and he
went on and on and said all
these amazing things that you
just wished he would say, you
know, and he said them all, and
he said, you think so... you
know, I was home watching and I
was there with Alex and she said
why dont you call him and its
not what I usually do but I want
to call you and I want to get to
know ya.
Rodney used to say, just give me
one of these, I got one these
are from Johnny and it was an
amazing things.
( Applause )
Stephen: Were going to
take a break.
When we get back, more with
Billy crystal.
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
Stephen: Were back with
Billy crystal.
You and I have one thing in
common is we both lost our
fathers when we were quite young
oh, this is going to be a fun
segment.
Stephen: Im not
necessarily talking about the
loss.
I was ten.
I was 15.
Stephen: At any age its
terrible, youre still
developing as a person, how you
communicate with the world.
Comedy definitely became a way
to keep my mom happy.
Absolutely.
But it started out before that.
You start out trying to make
your parents laugh.
I think we all try to do that.
So if I could do that with her
in the darkest of those days,
sorto of chip away at it, it was
great for both of us.
For me it was a little bit of
relief for myself.
Stephen: Has a purpose, too
you feel kind of lost, what does
anything mean.
Yeah, and she was an amazing
woman.
She was a wonderful dancer, the
voice of minnie mouse in the
macys day parade for years.
♪ Im forever blowing bubbles
so she had that kind of spirit.
Stephen: Did she give you
notes?
Yeah.
Earlier, because my dad worked
two jobs so he wasnt at home a
lot at night, so when the oscars
would be on, and for some reason
, even when we were kids,
that show was so damn long, and
I would have to go to sleep
because I had school the next
day, so ID go to sleep around
10:00, around documentaries...
( Laughter )
...But when I got up to go to
school, in my cereal bowl was a
note saying, Gregory peck best
actor, to kill a mockingbird,
whoever won, and that would be
from her.
I did four straight and I took
three years off and I came back
and it was the first time I did
the opening films at the we did.
It took everybody by surprise.
And the last little piece of
that film was from the english
patient, and let mineral was in
the plane coming to kill me in
the desert.
It was amazing.
He was a great sport.
He crashes his plane into me and
then I ran towards the camera.
For the audience theyre seeing
it on the screen, I ran right
through the screen.
It was a screen that were really
slats and they were shocked.
They stood up, and all I was
looking for was my mom.
We looked at each other and I
just went like that, she went
like that, and I kept thinking
of the cereal bowl and where
stuff starts, you know.
And that was, I think, the high
light of my Oscar experience
was just that one little look we
had with each other in the same
room, you know, it was awesome.
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: Well, you are
receiving the friars club
entertainment icon award on
Monday night.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Its going to be fun.
I hope you can make it over.
Stephen: Ill try.
Its from 6:00 to 11:00...
( Laughter )
Stephen: Well, I just want
to let you know that, while
thats a big deal, and obviously
youve got a lot of other awards
, the biggest award anyone
can get here at the show is my
former assistant now producer,
she actually puts together a
hunk of the day, and you were
the very first hunk of the day
ever here at "the late show."
Harry met Sally.
Todays hunk is young Billy
crystal.
But she couldnt let it go.
She was so hunkfied on you,
three days in a row, she said I
will have what shes having if
its a heaping helping of Billy
crystal.
She put up yum-yum, I want Billy
crystal a la mode but not ice
cream on top, strawberry, not
vanilla, ice cream... if no ice
cream, then whipped cream.
If nothing then Billy.
( Cheers and applause )
Oh, I love it!
Stephen: Billy will receive
the entertainment icon award
from the friars club this Monday
night.
Billy crystal, everybody!
Well be right back with senator
Kirsten gillibrand.
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: Welcome back.
Folks...
( Cheers and applause )
Folks, last night, there was
another
horrific shooting, this time in
thousand oaks, California.
I want to say that the pain and
the horror that community is
experiencing right now is
unimaginable, but its become
all too common.
And Americans, whatever their
political party, know that now
is the time for action to keep
our communities safe.
My next guest has an f rating
from the n.R.A., and she was
just re-elected as the us
senator from New York.
Please welcome, senator
Kirsten gillibrand!
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
( Cheers and applause )
( Band playing )
Stephen: Senator, thanks
for being here.
The last time you were here was
just six days after parkland.
Yeah.
Stephen: And here we are
again, talking about another
horrific shooting.
Back then, you talked about the
lack of action observe on... on
gun control and that the n.R.A.
Is outspending everybody.
Yeah.
Stephen: What do you think
the chances are and what do you
think should be done now?
Whats the opportunity you...
Opportunity?
Its extraordinarily
heartbreaking and infuriating
because congress literally has
done nothing in the face of gun
death after gun death in
communities all across this
country.
But... and it is because of the
greed, the greed of the gun
manufacturers and the greed of
the n.R.A.
But I do believe things are
changing, and the reason why I
believe that is we had
candidates running this last
election who ran on this issue.
We had Lucy mcbath run in the
outskirts of Atlanta...
( Cheers and applause )
...Run a race, a woman very much
part of the moms movement, who
won a race because she lost her
son to gun violence.
It was very much a part of her
campaign and she won.
Jennifer wexton won in Virginia
on common sense gun reform where
the n.R.A. Is located in her
district.
So you saw candidates speaking
truth to power on this very
issue.
And we need to get the money out
of politics.
You have to get the money out of
politics because it overwhelming
ly corrupts the system.
Im hopefully because new
candidates ran and won on these
issues in places... in this
district where Lucy ran, we
didnt win it last time because
she ran on this issue.
So you have people speaking this
truth and you also have people
like Emma Gonzalez speaking out
and calling b.S. Every time a
politician gives her an excuse.
So we have to flip the senate,
the common sense reform.
But I think this country is in a
place where we will fight this
and totally get it done because
you need these basic reforms.
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: Jeff sessions was
fired yesterday, and his
replacement, Whitaker, has been
appointed by the president.
Do you believe that whitakers
appointment is constitutional?
No, I dont.
Because he is such a senior
position, you need advice and
consent of the senate.
Stephen: Even while the
senate is out of session?
Correct.
There was a succession plan, it
should have been Rosenstein,
they disregarded that and put
someone in place who has nod had
hearings and approval by the
senate.
Stephen: Several senators
including republican Jeff flake
said he should recuse himself.
He should.
Stephen: What are your odds
thats going to happen?
None.
I mean, the president put in
place someone who has already
said publicly he doesnt believe
in the Mueller investigation,
called it a witch hunt.
You know, hes a lackey of the
president.
Hes been chosen because he is a
political pawn.
So he shouldnt be in this role,
he should have advice and
consent of the senate.
But I hope we can get back into
session.
One to have the first things we
do is pass the bipartisan bill
that will protect the Mueller
investigation.
Good luck because youre
going to need it.
( Applause )
Yeah.
Stephen: You have a new
childrens book.
Mira calman beautiful
illustrator.
Its called "bold and brave."
Whats it about?
The suffrage movement.
In 2020, it will be 100 years
since women earned the right to
vote.
Stephen: November 2.
I wanted to write a book
about these women because... ten
vignettes about women who did
the impossible work with of
getting women the right to vote.
Some never even got to see the
right to vote themselves and as
generation after generation
building on what each other have
done, and its stories about
bravery, courage, never giving
up, stick-to-itiveness thats as
relative as its ever been.
And in these stages, little
girls and boys will see whats
possible if you use your voice
and speak out and speak up and
if you never give up.
So amazing suffragists like
Harriet tubman, Susan b. Anthony
thats me at 5:00.
Stephen: Well, this is year
of the women.
Yes.
Stephen: Not only running
but the female voters actually
made a huge difference this year
lets talk about that because
the right to vote is so
important and we saw it in full
force in this election.
You have Stacy... Stacey Abrams
fighting so hard today to make
sure every vote in Georgia
counts and shes going to make
sure theres a recount and
everyones voice is heard.
This book is for our kids to
read so chirp know how important
their voices are.
This right was so hard to earn
and thats why Stacey Abrams is
the suffragist today.
Shes making sure every persons
vote in Georgia counts.
We are having recounts in
Florida, Georgia and Arizona and
my dear friend is ahead by 2,000
votes!
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: You have been
saying for a long time now you
dont want to talk about 2020
because youre concentrated on
2018, midterms are over, what
are you concentrating on now?
Is there another election that
you might be concentrating on,
senator?
For now?
Well, so I do think its an
important question...
Stephen: It is an important
question.
Thats why I asked it.
Yes.
( Laughter )
I believe it is a moral question
for me, and I believe in right
versus wrong, and until this
election I actually thought
wrong was winning.
And as ive traveled across my
state, across the country for
all these candidates, ive seen
the hatred and the division that
President Trump has put out into
our country, and it has called
me to fight as hard as I
possibly can to restore the
moral compass of this country.
Our country was founded on the
principles that we should care
about one another, that we
believe in h the golden rule,
that I should care about your
kids or your kids as much as I
care about my own, and, so, I
believe right now that every one
of us should figure out how we
can do whatever we can we can
with our time, with our talents
to restore that moral decency,
that moral compass and the truth
of who we are as Americans, so I
will promise you I will give it
a long, hard thought of
consideration.
( Cheers and applause )
I will do that.
Stephen: That close.
Senator, thank you for being
here.
Bold and brave is available tews
senator Kirsten gillibrand,
everybody!
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: Thats it for "the
late show."
Tune in tomorrow when my guests
will be Alexander skarsgard,
chef Flynn mcgarry, and triumph
the insult comic dog.
Now stick around for James
corden.
Goodnight!
( Cheers and applause )