The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (2015–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Jake Gyllenhaal/Apple CEO Tim Cook/Run the Jewels & TV on the Radio - full transcript
Actor Jake Gyllenhaal (Everest (2015)); Apple CEO Tim Cook; Run the Jewels performs with TV on the Radio.
Stephen: Oh, hi there.
I was just pretending to vote.
What a strange couple of
soarchries the last two years
have been.
Im glad things are finally
changing... or theyre not.
You see, we taped this song last
week... oh, spoiler alert...
Theres about to be a song.
The rest of the show is live, so
stick around.
But right now, I have no idea
who won or how I feel.
( Laughs )
Come on!
But one thing I know for sure,
whichever side won today, the
good news is Americans are all
in this together.
Its bad news is...
Same as the good news.
Jon.
♪ ♪
two years ago you voted to make
things better
♪ hey, thats what I did, too
turns out one of us was mistaken
♪ could have been me but it
might have been you
♪ but even though some of us
screwed us over back in 2016
♪ were in this big American
boat together
♪ but surprise, its a submarine
♪ we slammed the hatch
there was water on the floor.
♪ It Rose so fast
who built this thing with screen
doors?
♪ We make may collapse from all
the pressure
♪ but if we do, at least well
all crumple together
♪ no one agreed to bring
provisions on this submarine
♪ and someone emptied out all
the fire extinguishers and
filled them up with gasoline
♪ weve lost all communication
with anyone up above
♪ youve got no choice but to
love thy neighbor
♪ theres no one else here to
love.
Weve all been trapped till the
next time we could vote
♪ weve all held hands
on each others throats
♪ and though its been only
stormy weather
♪ we cant drift apart
because were all stuck here
together
♪ but tonight might change our
minds and prove that hope is not
a delusion
♪ then again, all the bad things
done to humankind were done by
humans
♪ why did god put us in charge
of us?
Were not even all believers
♪ we might be better off if we
gave the controls to golden
retrievers
( cheers and applause )
♪ but we cant split up
thats not what were about
♪ besides, we tried that once.
And look how that turned out
♪ and so for the worse or for
the better
♪ today we got to pull the lever
in what just might be our last
boat ever
♪ oh, damn!
My feet are getting wetter
♪ but whatever happens tonight
well all find out together (
cheers and applause )
Its "the late show with
Stephen Colbert."
Tonight, live midterm lateness.
Plus Stephen welcomes from "the
circus," Alex Wagner and John
heilemann.
And hasan minhaj.
Featuring Jon batiste and stay
human.
And now, live on tape from the
ed Sullivan theater in New York
city, its Stephen Colbert!
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: Woooo!
Come on!
Hi, there!
Hey, everybody!
Thanks everybody!
Thank you.
Thanks, everybody.
Jon, whats going on?
Give it up!
Give it up!
Audience: Stephen!
Stephen!
Stephen!
Stephen!
Stephen!
Stephen!
Stephen!
Stephen: Thank you, ladies
and gentlemen.
( Cheers and applause )
What a lovely crowd of people.
What a lovely crowd of people.
Welcome, welcome one and all to
"the late show."
Im your host, Stephen Colbert.
It is...
(
cheers and applause )
I feel exactly the same way.
Its election night, and the
late show is live!
- Everything... (
- Cheers and applause )
Everything... everything you see
right now is happening in real
time.
To prove it, I sent an intern to
pick up the very latest edition
of "the New York times," and
heres the headline:
"It is 11:36 and 42 seconds P.M.
Eastern standard time."
There you go.
That proves it.
Now, we will... we will keep you
completely up to date with this
live CBS news ticker at the
bottom of our screen.
Oh, hey, look at that one.
Isnt that a humdinger?
I imagine.
I cant read the ticker
because its facing to you.
Many of the races have not been
called yet, right.
We have a lot still not called.
But with 100% of fox news
reporting, the democrats
will take control of the house
of representatives.
( Cheers and applause )
There it is opinion ha-ha-ha!
( Cheers and applause ) Nice.
Thats sweet.
Okay.
So, here we have it.
Thats the first news of the
evening.
Democrats control the house!
They can now open investigations
into the president.
And well finally find out if
Donald Trump has ever done
anything unethical.
Thats the banner headline of
the evening... democrats take
house."
Everything after this is just
gravy.
The democrats have taken control
of half of one of the three
branches of government.
( Laughter )
All the g.O.P. Has is the other
half of congress, the supreme
court, and a president who does
whatever he wants.
So, so far, tonights feeling
is...
( Laughter ) Yes.
( Laughter )
All, all... yes.
( Applause ) Its a hot one!
Thank you, citizen.
Now, apparently, voters
responded to the democrats call
to expand here,
more than trumps message:
"Latinos are coming to hit you
in the face with rocks!"
This victory means the return to
power of presumed speaker of the
house and woman treating herself
to two calcium chews tonight,
Nancy pelosi.
( Laughter )
You live it up, Nancy!
( Cheers ) You go, girl!
This is the craziest part.
This is how America find out.
Around 9:30, when only 98 of the
435 house seats had been
called, suddenly, on fox news,
this happened:
We are now ready to make one
of the biggest calls of the
night.
The fox news decision desk can
now project the democrats will
take control of the house of
representatives for the first
time in eight years, dealing a
major setback to president
trumps legislative agenda.
Stephen: Wait a second.
Is Trump right?
Is fox the only non-fake news?
( Laughter )
Are we in the upside down?
Is the new senate majority
leader the demigorgen?
And do we have results.
We have results.
In West Virginia, Democratic
incumbent Joe manchin has
defeated republican Patrick
Morrissey.
( Cheers and applause )
Manchin celebrated his victory
by saying, "wait, im a
democrat?"
(Laughter)
In the Tennessee race for senate
republican Marsha Blackburn
defeated democrat Phil bredesen,
despite bredesen receiving an
endorsement from Taylor swift.
I guess tay-tay didnt have that
much sway-sway.
( Laughter )
And blackburns support for the
Trump administray-stray
eventually outweigh-weighed
bredesens support for higher
teacher pay-pay, at the end of
the day-day.
Democratic rising star, New York
senator Kirsten gillibrand, has
easily won reelection to the
senate.
( Cheers and applause )
Huge turn out in New York, even
though it was raining very
heavily here in the city.
I sure hope the ink on her lawn
signs is permanent and wont get
washed... there you go.
That makes sense.
And in jerseys Senate Race,
democrat Bob menendez, who was
- indicted... (
- Cheers and applause )
Indicted for corruption and
accused of underage
prostitution, has defeated
challenger Bob hugin, proving
you cannot keep a good man down.
Or Bob menendez.
Congratulations to the devil
you know.
( Laughter )
In the Connecticut Senate Race,
incumbent Chris Murphy has
easily defeated republican
challenger Matthew Corey.
( Cheers and applause )
So Chris Murphy can get back to
focusing on the very important
work of no one knowing who he
is.
And Rhode Island democrat
Sheldon whitehouse has defeated
republican Bob flanders.
( Cheers and applause )
I gotta tell you, this kind...
This kind of election momentum
is sure to put whitehouse on the
path to working in the senate.
( Laughter )
Of course, if hed lost, he had
a backup plan: Starring on the
new CBS show "63-year-old
Sheldon."
This fall.
Any Vermont lefties out there,
put your bong full of maple
syrup down.
Because voters delivered a
resounding re-election victory
to Vermont senator Bernie
Sanders.
( Cheers and applause )
Put that back up, Jim.
Sanders easily defeated his
opponent: A comb.
( Laughter )
In the results... do we have the
results now.
Here are the numbers in the
results.
In the final results, Bernie
won.
(As Bernie)
"70% of the bottom 50%, while
the top .01% percent gave 30%
of their donations to .0001 of
the candidates.
Its a national disgrace.
Im honored."
( Cheers and applause )
And I am getting breaking news
of one of the most important
races in the country.
CBS news can now confirm that
Idris Elba has been named
"peoples" "sexiest man alive."
I did not see that coming.
I did not see that coming.
Did you call that?
Did we... did not see that
coming.
Its a harsh repudiation of the
incumbent, Blake Shelton, whose
victory last year sent
shockwaves through the sexy
community.
( Laughter )
And this is exciting.
On tonights "late show," if
theres any breaking results,
CBS news will interrupt this
broadcast to bring them to you
live, okay.
In Virginia, former v.P.
Candidate Tim kaine has defeated
republican Corey Stewart.
( Applause )
Congratulations, congratulations
to senator kaine on winning an
election.
But I do have to ask... did it
have to be this one.
And im being told that CBS has
some breaking news from
Louisiana!
Lets go there live.
Apologies for the
interruption, Stephen, but we
have a major development that
cannot wait.
Stephen: Scott bakula?
I dont know who that is.
This special agent Dwayne pride,
reporting from NCIS: New
Orleans."
We have breaking news about the
body we found in the chemical
tank out by the wetlands.
Turns out it belonged to a man
named yeoman Bennett who was on
his way to an underground poker
game, run by a mysterious woman
known only as "madame scorpion."
( Laughter )
Stephen: Thats really not
the kind of breaking news this
system is for.
Do you have any actual election
updates?
Yes, Stephen.
With 100% of NCIS field agents
reporting, we are now able to
project that the city of new
Orleans has gone red...
With blood.
Back to you, Stephen.
Stephen: Thank you, agent
pride.
Turnout was huge all over the
country.
There were long lines down in
Georgia, here in New York,
Texas, Arizona, and Ken-ducky.
Some polling places seem to have
been caught off guard by the
large crowds.
Like in fiercely contested
Georgia, where voting was halted
in one location because the
voting machines were running on
battery and the battery ran out.
Sorry, ancestors who fought and
died for our right to vote.
Alan forgot to bring a charger.
( Laughter )
"Uh, I had to charge my phone.
I was playing clash of clans."
And up in north Carolina, the
state board of elections said
humidity appears to be causing
difficulties in feeding
ballots through tabulators.
Isnt that kind of an 1890s
problem?
"We cant count the votes!
The paths too muddy for
the horses to pull the ballot
boxes up to the counting silo!"
(
laughter )
Even early voting, early voting
today was massive.
According to the a.P.
"Based on reports from 50
states, at least 39.4 million
people voted early," which
"exceeds the 2014 early vote."
Ahhh, the 2014 midterms feel so
long ago.
What were we even voting on back
then, whether to add blue m&ms?
Legalizing conscious uncoupling?
I cant remember.
These midterms are so huge, that
even Trump wasnt exaggerating
when he said this at his rally
last night:
You know, the midterm
elections used to be like
boring, didnt they?
Do you even remember what they
were?
People said "midterms, they
said "what is that?
What is it?"
Right?
Now its like the hottest thing.
Stephen: Gee, I wonder why.
( Laughter ) (A
s Trump)
"I tell you, it used to be so
unpopular to run screaming out
of the pool, but as soon as I
pooped in it, its all the
rage."
( Laughter ) (
applause )
"Youre welcome.
Youre welcome.
There it goes."
Of course, it wouldnt be voting
day, if there werent millions
of people posting photos of
themselves on Instagram wearing
an "I voted" sticker.
Because in 2018, gramming an "I
voted" selfie is on fleek.
If "on fleek" is still on fleek?
No?
Voting is bae?
( Laughter ) Its totes venmo?
Is voting "thank u next?"
Someone just tell me what to
say, because... so my mouth seems
younger than my face.
Senate majority leader Mitch
mcconell voted today, and this
guy photobombed him with (
cheers and applause )
Thumbsdown.
I gotta say... could have been
worse.
Many people would have given
Mitch a different finger.
Weve got a great show for you
tonight.
John heilemann and Alex Wagner
from "the circus" is here.
Plus hasan minhaj!
But when we return, more
election results right over
there.
Stick around.
Hit it, baby.
♪ Dont step on my blue suede
shoes ♪
♪ Lets go
dont step on my blue suede
shoes
♪ you can do anything but dont
step on my shoes ♪ (
cheers and applause )
Stephen: Jon batiste and
stay human, right over there.
Come on!
Oh, my goodness.
Jon, there you go, folks.
Jon, Jon, this is exciting.
Weve got a very interesting
night going on right here.
Jon: Oh, yeah.
Stephen: Big day for
America, not just the election
because today was the final
official release date of "whose
boat is this boat?" Available in
bookstores.
Available in bookstores.
And im going to say marinas,
maybe.
Every word of this book was said
by Donald Trump as he toured the
aftermath of a hurricane and
100% "the late shows"" profits
go to victims of hurricanes in
the carolinas, Florida, and
Georgia.
So go pick up your copy.
Pick up your copy.
If youve already got one, show
the world.
Tweet @colbertlateshow with the
hashtag #whosebook.
Send us a picture of you with
the book.
Include it in your family
hoatos.
Make it look like your cat are
read.
Use it to balance a shaky taib.
Use it as a cutting board.
Whatever!
As I said before when I was over
there, were live right now.
And if you remember...
(
cheers and applause )
If you remember what happened on
our last live election show,
that makes one of us.
( Laughter )
The bad news that night caught
me a bit off guard, but tonight
im prepared.
I have a lovely bottle of
bourbon right here.
( Cheers and applause )
And if for any reason I need to
pormyself an emergency drink, I
can merely break glass.
I can break glass for glass.
Right here.
( Applause ) Okay.
Weve got a few more results.
Ted Cruz has held on to his
senate seat
( booing )
In Texas.
Hold on one second.
( Laughter ) (
cheers and applause )
( Laughter ) (
cheers and applause )
But, ahhh...
( Applause )
Save some of that to snort
later.
Okay.
Then again, why wouldnt Ted
Cruz win in Texas?
Because at the end of the day,
real cowboys only love three
things: Barbecue, rodeo, and
Canadians who went to Princeton
and Harvard.
So once again, Ted Cruz defeats
beto orourke.
Although, although by not being
Ted Cruz, beto still a winner.
( Cheers and applause )
Oh!
Was this excreted by an angel?
( Laughter )
With Ted Cruz holding his seat,
this means Republicans have
officially kept control of the
U.S. senate and to celebrate,
Republicans are deporting
immigrants via confetti Cannon.
This news is sure to bring a
smile comitch mcconnells
face.
( Laughter ) (
applause )
Meanwhile, in mcconnells home
state of Kentucky, antigay
marriage county clerk Kim Davis
lost her re-election.
( Cheers and applause )
All this time, all this time she
was worried about gay people
getting married when she should
have been worried about them
voting.
Now, Davis lost to a man named
biellwood cawdell Jr., and in
north daek, republican Kevin
cramer has defeated Heidi
heitkamp.
This was an expected loss for
height camp, despite the
democrat capturing all of north
daeks black vote, Todd.
Jon: Oh, yeah, Todd.
Do we have this.
Stephen: Do you know Todd?
Jon: Yeah, I know Todd.
Stephen: Is he a good guy?
Jon: Yeah, hes a good guy.
Stephen: He must be lonely.
In the Minnesota Senate Race,
Tina Smith has defeated
republican Karen housley.
( Cheers and applause )
So this... can we call this... the
Minnesota senators will remain
Amy klobuchar and Tina Smith,
the most famous aimy and Tina
combo in the history of the
world.
( Applause )
In Floridas race for governor,
republican Ron desantis has
defeated Tallahassee mayor
Andrew gillum.
Its a tough loss.
Gillum would have been Floridas
first black governor.
But instead desantis is
Floridas historic 46th
white governor.
The streak continues.
And in Kansas, a big win for
democrats as Lara Kelly has
decreted grand imperial vote
depressor kris kobach.
Coback, you may remember, is the
guy who Trump put in charge of
finding those three million
illegal voters.
So good news, kris.
Youll have plenty of time to
look for them now.
Meanwhile, ought on the west
coast, if the democrats can pull
off... do we have this?
Im told we have more breaking
news from CBS.
Hello, Stephen.
This is N.Y.P.D. Detective Danny
Reagan.
I have some breaking news.
With 100% of my family of police
officers reporting, we are now
able to project that New York
has gone blue with blood.
Blue blood.
Fridays on CBS.
Back to you, Stephen.
Stephen: Thank you, Danny.
Of course, Trump has been
rallying hard to get out the
vote.
And last night, he made his
closing argument... namely, that
if the Republicans lose the
house, its not his fault.
Im not on the ticket...
Although they want to put me on
the ticket.
I will say this... if we dont do
so well tomorrow, they will put
me on the ticket.
If we do great tomorrow, they
will say, "he had nothing to do
with it.
He was not on the ticket."
Stephen: That is the sign
of a true leader.
He reminds me of my favorite
quote from "braveheart," they
may take our lives but they will
never take our freedom.
Also, if they take our lives, I
was never here!"
Mel is so good in that.
( Cheers and applause )
Mel is so good in that.
Trump was willing to try
anything to get votes.
The democrat plan would
obliterate obamacare.
Stephen: What the hell is
going on?
( Laughter )
Is Trump advocating for
obamacare now?
Am I finally losing my mind?
"The democrats want to destroy
beautiful obamacare.
Also, did you know, I was born
in Kenya?
Yeah.
A lot of people dont know that.
I dont get credit for that
part."
But the president was not the
only one trying to get out the
vote.
So was the first lady who
tweeted... whatever this is:
Someone actually sat down and
made that.
( Laughter )
And I think they made that by
sitting on their phone.
Now, this... this is... is this
true?
This happened.
This is huge.
A ballot measure has passed in
Florida which restores voting
rights to more than one million
former felons.
( Cheers and applause )
That is... thats huge.
It restores voting rights to one
million former felons as opposed
to Floridas existing rule,
which gives voting rights to
future felons.
One race... I have to take a
minute to call here... in
virginias fifth district,
riggleman beats kochburn.
I know nothing about the race,
nor do I care, but we live on
CBS, and I get to say the words
"riggleman" and "kochburn."
One can only hope.
( Applause )
One can only hope they put aside
their differences and find
romance because I already know
their celebrity couple name,
riggle-koch.
Weve got a hard break coming
up.
I can see that?
Before we go, I just... I want to
let all of our viewers out there
know California, Delaware,
Montana... and im just naming
states... south Carolina, Utah...
This is a surprise... west
Virginia is still a state.
And well be back with more on
tonights results with the stars
of showtimes "the circus," John
heilemann, Alex Wagner.
Wisconsin, north Dakota.
Maine.
Michigan.
Illinois.
Iowa.
( Applause )
Stephen: Hey!
Thank you, Jon.
My first guests have been
travelling the country for
months while covering the
midterms.
Im happy they could join us
here tonight.
From showtimes "the circus,"
please welcome John heilemann
and Alex Wagner!
♪ Three to get ready, go, dont
step on my blue suede shoes ♪
( Applause )
Stephen: Welcome back.
( Cheers and applause ).
Thank you.
Stephen: Welcome back.
Thank you.
Stephen: Would anyone else
care for a cocktail?
Or 17.
Stephen: Oh, 17.
Actually, I have something to
say about that.
Stephen: What do you have
to say about that?
The last time I was here two
years ago, it was bad.
Stephen: Yeah, I... yes,
yes, I believe the term "not
since the civil war" was thrown
around pretty casually.
I was actually thinking about
the most traumatic moment on
television from "the aprentice"
when Rob blagojevich was on.
I thought tonight things might
get worse.
They told me I couldnt bring my
whole suitcase of contraband,
but I did bring a bottle.
Stephen: A bottle.
This is from 2016.
You can have that back.
Stephen: Were live.
Is this live TV?
Youre welcome.
Stephen: I also have black
cove if anybody would like some
black coffee.
All right.
Or everything.
Stephen: Here we go.
Lets break downtown results a
little bit, you two.
It was kind of going as
expected?
Yup.
Stephen: What was the
expectation going in, Alex?
I can just say one word about
the expectations?
Stephen: Sure.
The idea that democrats are
taking back the house is a
b.f.d.
In 20... and I think...
(
cheers and applause )
There is a sense because the
Republicans are going to hold on
to the senate that somehow
democrats didnt perform.
In 2010, Republicans
gerrymandered the national map
to a degree that was
unprecedented in history.
The fact the democrats have won
back the house is massive.
It could not have happened
unless circumstances are... were
what they are today.
But it is historic.
This victory is a big one for
democrats.
And they should own that.
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: You guys may know
this... there you go, young man.
You guys may know this better
than I, but I read before I came
out here there is an estimate
the democrats probably took the
popular vote for the house by
9%.
Which you have to do now
because of the maps.
Stephen: Maybe 35 seats,
something like that, is what im
hearing.
They need 23.
It looks theyre gog get around
35.
Is that a wave?
Well, look, its not a Tsunami.
I think its not impossible...
They could end up in the 40s.
There are still, I think, 20
competitive seats out there...
Stephen: California, or,
Oregon... all on the west coast.
Its not a Tsunami but its
not a puddle.
Its a pretty big deal, right?
Its a pretty big deal.
It will give them a functional
majority.
Its not like where if they lose
a couple of votes they will be
in trouble.
They will have enough of a Marge
town maybe, occasionally, get
things done.
But I think a lot of democrats
will make Donald Trump and his
cabinets life miserable.
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: Because...
The... the... when we talk
about waves and the size of
them, we tend to be talking
about one shade which, is it a
blue wave?
One color it is.
The wave is pink because the 23
seats... the 23 seats that the
democrats have flipped, 15 of
those are female candidates.
( Cheers and applause )
And that is a big deal.
Stephen: Thats fantastic.
That is a big deal.
Stephen: But now the... now
the democrats get the
chairmanships of the committees.
Right.
Stephen: And now... Adam
schiff, head of intelligence
oversight...
House intelligence committee.
Stephen: He gets a rusty
hacksaw to just start sawing
open the White House and start
asking them questions now,
right?
I think the advice to
everyone in the White House if
they havent already is lawyer
up.
- Because... (
- Cheers and applause )
There will be a lot of legal
wrangling on capitol hill in the
next several months.
Stephen: Any surprises
tonight?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I think... well, I dont
know... this goes back to alexs
point.
I think a lot of democrats...
And this is why a lot of
democrats are going to wake up
tomorrow and not heed the wise
words of Alex Wagner that
winning the house is a huge
biele diehl.
Because of the way the national
media works and the way
democrats like to invest their
hearts and souls in big
characters, the marquee races...
Beto orourke in Texas, Andrew
gillum in Florida, and Stacey
Abrams if Georgia... theyve lost
two of those, and the Abrams
race is not going her way.
I think there are a lot of
democrats who are going to wake
up tomorrow, again, who looked
at those three, and they were
big characters and they were
promising something new exwfs
unabarbed liberalism,
progressive, trying to build a
new coalition to do historic
things...
Stephen: In the south.
In the south.
And if they all three lose, I
think a lot of democrats are
going to wake up not feeling as
good as they should feel about
the house because those
candidates who they thought as
of last night they could win all
three.
I spent a lot of time in
Florida, and I gotta say, the
fact that Andrew gillum lost is
shocking.
But theres something else that
happened in Florida...
Stephen: You really thought
he was going to win.
He had crowds.
He this enthusiasm.
He had everything that you would
think would lead to a victory.
But something else happened
tonight in Florida which could
change Andrew gillums chances
if he decides to run again and
thats the passage of amendment
four, which means 1.5 million
felons in... felons who have
served time in Florida have been
restored the right to vote.
That means 18% of black people
in Florida cannot vote because
of the current prohibitions on
felons who have served time
voting.
Stephen: 1.5 million is
bigger than a lot of states.
Correct.
And in Florida where the margins
are that thin, if Andrew gillum
ran in four years, he might win.
Stephen: Was that a
partisan issue?
Was, like, democrats were in
favor, and Republicans were
opposed.
Or were both parties in favor of
it?
Surprisingly it passed with I
think over 60% of the vote.
There was more bipartisan accord
on that than who should lead the
state.
Its good news for me because
im planning to retire in
Florida, and now ill be able to
vote.
( Laughter ).
Stephen: Well...
( Laughter )
In hindsight, what were some of
the sort of strategic triumphs
or missteps of tonight, or
things that you, the Republicans
or democrats should have done
differently over the past 1500
years of this race?
( Laughter )
I think theres going to be
actually an interesting debate
in the republican party over the
way Trump closed, right.
I mean, we saw, over this
weekend, Paul Ryan and others
were begging Trump to stop
talking about the car expran
about immigration and these kind
of racist, xenophobic appears
that he was making that everyone
was calling out.
They wanted him to talk about
the economy.
You noticed yesterday, he
finally in the last closing
hours was like, "the economy,
very good."
And then back to... back to
racism and xenophobia, on stage
with Sean hannity and Jean
pirrow.
But I do actually think for a
lot of those, Trump decided to
win the senate, and he
sacrificed on the altar of that,
all of those moderate house
members who wanted him to talk
about the economy, not to talk
about this other stuff.
But that was a big strategic
choice Trump made.
It worked out well apparently in
the senate, and thats what
Trump will trumpet tomorrow.
It didnt work out well at all
in the house.
Stephen: We have one more
result, shortly before you game
out here.
In Missouri, Claire mccaskill
has lost to Josh hawley.
And he was extremely loyal to
Trump.
Yes.
Stephen: He actually sold
himself as, like, the ultimate
Trump loyalist, which means
Trump will soon betray him way
porn star.
( Laughter ) ♪ ♪
But that... that helped in
certain parts of the country.
Some people ran away from Trump.
But the... in the senate, if you
hugged him closer, it worked.
Let us be very clear about
what has happened to the
republican party in the wake of
this.
Its not over, right.
The votes are still being
counted.
But the moderates in the
republican party have largely
been vanquished by democrats in
the house.
The Republicans who are left in
the senate are... they have
pledged their fealty to Donald
Trump.
And so in effect, while the
democrats have won the house,
the republican party is now more
than ever the party of Donald
Trump.
Because those that are left in
the party are the true
believers, are the people that
have said, "im setting aside
whatever reservations I may have
about you.
Youre my leader."
This is his party now.
In many ways, the g.O.P. Has
gotten more extreme as of
tonight.
Stephen: And as these
investigations go forward,
theyre going to have to circle
the wagons around their leader.
Yes.
And they will.
I think Trump wakes up tomorrow
and says, "I campaigned on
racism, xenophobe yark fear of
the other, paranoia, all that
stuff.
And my its punishment I
suffered was I got an enhanced
majority in the senate, and the
two black candidates who
everybody cared about lost."
I mean, for him I think you head
into 2020...
Stephen: Its vindication.
Hes going to be campaigning
on, like the ebola caravan.
Stephen: Were live so we
have to go on a hard break here.
I hope you stay around and well
wrap this up.
"The circus" airs Sundays on
showtime.
John heilemann and Alex Wagner,
everybody!
Well be right back with hasan
minhaj.
( Cheers and applause )
( Applause ) ♪ ♪
Stephen: Hey, everybody!
Welcome back.
Oh, folks, my next guest is a
former "the daily show"
correspondent whose new series
"patriot act" is now on Netflix.
Please welcome hasan minhaj!
( Applause ) ♪ ♪
Stephen: Yeah!
Hey!
Stephen: Yeah!
Live, man!
Stephen: Nice to see you.
Good to see you.
Stephen: Welcome to the
live show, live midterm show.
Yeah.
Stephen: Did you vote
today?
Yes.
Stephen: Where is your
sticker.
Stesticker.
I did absentee.
Stephen: You dont get a
sticker for absentee.
Thats the new democracy, you
got your vaccine sticker.
You got your shots.
You dont do alcohol, right?
No, I cant drink on camera.
Stephen: I have a little
sparkling... sparkling cider
right there.
There you go.
Internet, you see this, apple
cider.
Stephen: Cheers, cheers.
There you go.
Thank you.
( Cheers and applause )
Thank you.
Stephen: Big... youre
young, right?
( Laughter ) Youre young.
You look fresh.
Sure.
Stephen: You look...
Thank you.
Stephen: You look young.
How old are you?
Im 33 years old.
Stephen: Thats young.
Yeah.
Stephen: Thats young.
Im in my late 30s.
Yeah, okay.
Stephen: Extremely late
30s.
I was talking earlier, is voting
bae?
I would say its lit.
Stephen: Votings lit?
Sure, its lit.
Young people...
Isnt it lit?
I would say its lit.
Its popping.
Stephen: Speak for all
young people, will you?
Sure.
Stephen: Are you prepared?
Hit me.
Stephen: Beto lost.
Yes.
Stephen: Very popular all
across the United States.
Right.
Stephen: Really motivate
aid lot of young voters?
Yes.
Stephen: Voter turnout
between 18 and 30 was New Jersey
Texas.
Sad he lost?
I am sad that he lost.
But actually it isnt a partisan
thing.
Im just eye looked at the
endorsemented.
He had all of black excellence
backing him, Beyonce, Travis
Scott... thats weird to put
Travis next to... Travis Scott,
LeBron James.
LeBron James had a beto hat on
during a San Antonio spurs game.
Do you understand how crazy that
is?
The greatest basketball player
living right now was wearing a
Senate Race hat in San Antonio.
Thats as boring as it gets.
And he still couldnt win.
Stephen: And Willie Nelson.
Yeah!
Thats like if I got an
endorsement from Stephen
Colbert, Jon Stewart, Seth
Myers, Samantha bee, John
Oliver, Jay leno, and the ghost
of Johnny Carson, and I still
got canceled.
( Laughter )
And then, they gave the show to
Ted Cruz.
( Laughter )
Thats what it would... you know
how much juice that is!
Stephen: Well, you will not
be, because the show is great.
"Patriot act," your new show.
Thank you (
applause ).
Stephen: It delves into
topical issues.
Yes.
Stephen: As many of us
alums of "the daily show" do.
Yes.
Stephen: But yours is
unique.
You dont do a lot of Donald
Trump pup dont actually talk
about Donald Trump.
No.
Stephen: Isnt it, like,
the seventh amendment that
"daily show"" alums have to talk
about Donald Trump.
I treat it like... you know
the character in addition want
Harry Potter book and a lot
dont mention lord vold mer.
But a lot of people in late
night are saying we have to say
the "v" word.
For me he is the man who shall
not be named.
I know he exists, but I do not
want to give him attention.
( Applause ).
Stephen: No free rides.
Yeah.
Totally, yeah.
Stephen: On the minhaj
machine.
Sure.
Stephen: What do you call
him?
D.j.t.
45.
Stephen: 45, okay.
Sometimes when I want to mess
around with the writers, I go,
Mr. Two terms."
And theyre like, "no!
Aarrgghh!" and im like mart
nellies.
Stephen: What do you focus
on?
Fun stuff, like affirmative
action or Saudi Arabia.
Stephen: Sure.
Its really...
Stephen: Thats a laugh a
minute, Saudi Arabia.
Really, really exciting
stuff, yeah.
Stephen: Do you do
down-ballot issues like... are
you excited about people being
restored their franchise in
Florida?
Those kinds of issues.
Sort of stuff like that... we
did a big thing on... you know,
obviously, there are the major
leagues which are the big sexy
things, like the betos.
And I say the dont forget about
the down-ballot stuff.
Your modesto nuts.
Your minor league issue s.
Stephen: So how many... how
many episodes are you doing for
Netflix this season?
We are doing on our first
cycle seven, but we have 32
episodes.
Stephen: So, like, six and
a half weeks.
Were not going to do them
straight.
Were going to do them in
batches, which will be fun.
Stephen: Okay.
Yeah.
( Laughter ).
I dont know what that
assessment gleens I do 202 a
year.
I was just curious how many...
Oh!
Oh, got tokay.
To be fair... to be fair,
Stephen, I dont know if youve
seen the show, its pretee its
pretty incredible.
Theres no desk.
Its just all...
Stephen: No deck.
No its all screens.
Its like being at a Drake
concert but youre learning.
Its crazy.
If you have been to an edm
concert.
Stephen: I have never been
ive never been to one.
And you thought, what if I
could learn it tax reform right
now.
Stephen: While I was
dropping Mollie.
Totally.
Thats "patriot act."
Stephen: Trump obsessed
about immigration.
Yes.
Stephen: Especially fear
mongering about immigrants.
Youre a child of immigrants.
Should Americans be afraid of
immigrants?
Totally, yes, 100,000%, yes.
Stephen: Should why we be
afraid?
You have to understand, there
are the people on the caravan...
We have a whatap going.
Stephen: You have friends
on the caravan?
Yeah, totally.
Stephen: I get that, I get
that.
Its a melanin d.M.
Situation.
Whats going on over there?
Its pretty crazy.
Do you want to come?
Yeah, we should come.
But for a lot of immigrants, if
you think about it, theres a
lot of families, children.
Theyre going... these immigrant
families are going to come here.
These parents are gog have high
expectations of their kids.
Theyre going to have to live
the American dream.
What if they grow up and theyre
supposed to do med, and then do
stand movie up comedy for 14
years, their parents continue to
get disappointed and they
finally get a late-night show,
and out of 37 late-night hosts
they happen to be the first
late-night host with brown
melanin.
It would be crazy.
I was about to say the "f" word,
but im not going to do that.
It would be nuts.
So of course people should be
afraid of immigrants.
Stephen: By "people" you
mean me?
Yeah, were stealing jobs.
Slowly but surely.
"Patriot act" is on Netflix now.
Hasan minhaj everybody!
Well be right back with more
election coverage.
Stick around.
( Applause )
Stephen: Thank you, Jon!
All right, folks, welcome back.
Welcome back.
Check your calendars here.
Were going a little bit long
tonight, but we are back with
Alex Wagner, John heilemann, and
hasan minhaj.
A little wrap-up of the evening.
Before... before we go any
further, just down in Florida,
weve also found out bill Nelson
has defeated... no, nope.
No, no!
Bill Nelson was defeated by
Rick Scott.
Oh, man!
Stephen: Sorry!
Sorry.
The red card.
I gotta saber the red card was
the hint.
Sorry, sorry.
Bill Nelson was defeated.
Its "la la land."
Stephen: Most people have
gone to bed at this point.
Do we have a photo of Rick Scott
here celebrating?
Heres a photo of him shoakdz by
the news or happy or hungry.
Its hard to tell.
It hammered home what we already
knew, house for the democrats,
senate for the Republicans.
And Florida is a weird state.
Stephen: And Florida is a
weird state.
So... so whats it mean for
America?
I feel like we still call
this place the United States of
America, but right now is really
does feel... pardon the cliche...
Like the divided state of
America.
The division that already
existed is going to get steeper.
And if possible, the road ahead
may be even uglier than it has
been thus far.
In a few weeks, months, Robert
Mueller is going to be dropping
his report.
And if there is any comedy on
capitol hill, that will vanish
as soon as there are... there is
evidence, investigative evidence
of wrong... potential wrongdoing,
collusion, criminal behavior.
We dont know.
Stephen: If evidence of
wrongdoing, collusion or
criminal behavior by the Trump
administration means no comedy
on capitol hill, dont worry,
well have it all here.
- ( Laughter ) (
- Applause ).
Stephen: It will be fine.
But... but is this... is this... is
the house in one hand, the
senate in the other, is this
just sort of the carbunkle of
the divided American populous
coming to a head right now?
Its the division made visible.
Do Americans want this?
Do we want a divided government,
do you think?
Are we so afraid of each other
that we dont want anything to
happen?
Wed is rather have nothing than
something go wrong?
I dont know about that.
I certainly think... we have had
divided governments in our
history, but right now, what was
driving what happened in the
house were a bunch of people who
were like, "Donald Trump need to
have"... I dont want to say
guardrails, needs to be wrapped
in swaddling of some kind.
Hes... there are a lot of people
who think Trump needs a balance,
a counter-balance.
I dont think its people dont
want to get anything done.
I think its more a bunch of
people are worried about what
Trump can do, would do, will do,
has tried to do with no
restraint.
Stephen: Is... is... do you
think that the democrats being
able to investigate the white
house going to be part of issue
of the 2020 race?
Is the 2020 race happening...
Does it start right now?
Yes.
It started about an hour ago.
Yeah, 47 minutes ago.
Corey booker just touched
down in des moines.
( Laughter )
Elizabeth Warren is doing a
listening tour in New Hampshire.
And Michael avenatti is
setting up a long bus swing with
stormy Daniels through... through
the deeper provinces of
something.
Stephen: But does it really
start tonight?
Yes.
Yeah.
100%.
Yeah, for sure.
Maybe not tonight.
Tomorrow morning.
I mean its not... in the finest
tradition, back in 2008, when
Barack Obama decided to run for
president, he had a meeting the
day after the midterms and
looked up and took the measure
of the midterms, sat down with
David axelrod and say we have to
go do this.
The guys running for president...
There were a lot.
That band, this audience,
everybody up here times three is
the number of people running for
the Democratic nomination.
A lot of them have been thinking
about it now for last year, year
and a half... really for two
years.
Theyve been waiting to see what
was going to happen today, and
theyre going to be... there will
be people in the New Hampshire
in the next... before
Thanksgiving, filing.
Some of them were actually
already on the campaign trail
under the auspices of the
midterm.
Kamala Harris, Bernie Sanders,
Elizabeth Warren, core booker,
they were all out there.
That was testing.
Stephen: Two years ago as I
sat at this very desk and talked
to you, John bwhat had happened.
It felt sort of hopeless Hassan.
Yes.
Stephen: As a fresh eye to
covering politics live, do you
have any hope?
Does tonight give you some hope?
I felt a lot of hope.
We had two female Muslim members
of congress.
That happened for the first
time.
Two native American members of
congress.
( Applause )
The first openly gay governor.
Thats huge.
I think thats definitely a
plus.
If this Mueller mix tape is
going to drop, ive been waiting
for it.
Stephen: I want it by
Friday because I have big plans
for the weekend, and I have a
brand new bottle of rye thanks
to John heilemann.
Weve got to go.
Alex Wagner, John heilemann,
hasan minhaj, thank you for
being here, everybody.
Well be right back.
Dont go away!
Thats it for the late show!
Tune in tomorrow when Chris
pine other major Garrett, and
Trump the insult comic dog.
Good night!
I was just pretending to vote.
What a strange couple of
soarchries the last two years
have been.
Im glad things are finally
changing... or theyre not.
You see, we taped this song last
week... oh, spoiler alert...
Theres about to be a song.
The rest of the show is live, so
stick around.
But right now, I have no idea
who won or how I feel.
( Laughs )
Come on!
But one thing I know for sure,
whichever side won today, the
good news is Americans are all
in this together.
Its bad news is...
Same as the good news.
Jon.
♪ ♪
two years ago you voted to make
things better
♪ hey, thats what I did, too
turns out one of us was mistaken
♪ could have been me but it
might have been you
♪ but even though some of us
screwed us over back in 2016
♪ were in this big American
boat together
♪ but surprise, its a submarine
♪ we slammed the hatch
there was water on the floor.
♪ It Rose so fast
who built this thing with screen
doors?
♪ We make may collapse from all
the pressure
♪ but if we do, at least well
all crumple together
♪ no one agreed to bring
provisions on this submarine
♪ and someone emptied out all
the fire extinguishers and
filled them up with gasoline
♪ weve lost all communication
with anyone up above
♪ youve got no choice but to
love thy neighbor
♪ theres no one else here to
love.
Weve all been trapped till the
next time we could vote
♪ weve all held hands
on each others throats
♪ and though its been only
stormy weather
♪ we cant drift apart
because were all stuck here
together
♪ but tonight might change our
minds and prove that hope is not
a delusion
♪ then again, all the bad things
done to humankind were done by
humans
♪ why did god put us in charge
of us?
Were not even all believers
♪ we might be better off if we
gave the controls to golden
retrievers
( cheers and applause )
♪ but we cant split up
thats not what were about
♪ besides, we tried that once.
And look how that turned out
♪ and so for the worse or for
the better
♪ today we got to pull the lever
in what just might be our last
boat ever
♪ oh, damn!
My feet are getting wetter
♪ but whatever happens tonight
well all find out together (
cheers and applause )
Its "the late show with
Stephen Colbert."
Tonight, live midterm lateness.
Plus Stephen welcomes from "the
circus," Alex Wagner and John
heilemann.
And hasan minhaj.
Featuring Jon batiste and stay
human.
And now, live on tape from the
ed Sullivan theater in New York
city, its Stephen Colbert!
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: Woooo!
Come on!
Hi, there!
Hey, everybody!
Thanks everybody!
Thank you.
Thanks, everybody.
Jon, whats going on?
Give it up!
Give it up!
Audience: Stephen!
Stephen!
Stephen!
Stephen!
Stephen!
Stephen!
Stephen!
Stephen: Thank you, ladies
and gentlemen.
( Cheers and applause )
What a lovely crowd of people.
What a lovely crowd of people.
Welcome, welcome one and all to
"the late show."
Im your host, Stephen Colbert.
It is...
(
cheers and applause )
I feel exactly the same way.
Its election night, and the
late show is live!
- Everything... (
- Cheers and applause )
Everything... everything you see
right now is happening in real
time.
To prove it, I sent an intern to
pick up the very latest edition
of "the New York times," and
heres the headline:
"It is 11:36 and 42 seconds P.M.
Eastern standard time."
There you go.
That proves it.
Now, we will... we will keep you
completely up to date with this
live CBS news ticker at the
bottom of our screen.
Oh, hey, look at that one.
Isnt that a humdinger?
I imagine.
I cant read the ticker
because its facing to you.
Many of the races have not been
called yet, right.
We have a lot still not called.
But with 100% of fox news
reporting, the democrats
will take control of the house
of representatives.
( Cheers and applause )
There it is opinion ha-ha-ha!
( Cheers and applause ) Nice.
Thats sweet.
Okay.
So, here we have it.
Thats the first news of the
evening.
Democrats control the house!
They can now open investigations
into the president.
And well finally find out if
Donald Trump has ever done
anything unethical.
Thats the banner headline of
the evening... democrats take
house."
Everything after this is just
gravy.
The democrats have taken control
of half of one of the three
branches of government.
( Laughter )
All the g.O.P. Has is the other
half of congress, the supreme
court, and a president who does
whatever he wants.
So, so far, tonights feeling
is...
( Laughter ) Yes.
( Laughter )
All, all... yes.
( Applause ) Its a hot one!
Thank you, citizen.
Now, apparently, voters
responded to the democrats call
to expand here,
more than trumps message:
"Latinos are coming to hit you
in the face with rocks!"
This victory means the return to
power of presumed speaker of the
house and woman treating herself
to two calcium chews tonight,
Nancy pelosi.
( Laughter )
You live it up, Nancy!
( Cheers ) You go, girl!
This is the craziest part.
This is how America find out.
Around 9:30, when only 98 of the
435 house seats had been
called, suddenly, on fox news,
this happened:
We are now ready to make one
of the biggest calls of the
night.
The fox news decision desk can
now project the democrats will
take control of the house of
representatives for the first
time in eight years, dealing a
major setback to president
trumps legislative agenda.
Stephen: Wait a second.
Is Trump right?
Is fox the only non-fake news?
( Laughter )
Are we in the upside down?
Is the new senate majority
leader the demigorgen?
And do we have results.
We have results.
In West Virginia, Democratic
incumbent Joe manchin has
defeated republican Patrick
Morrissey.
( Cheers and applause )
Manchin celebrated his victory
by saying, "wait, im a
democrat?"
(Laughter)
In the Tennessee race for senate
republican Marsha Blackburn
defeated democrat Phil bredesen,
despite bredesen receiving an
endorsement from Taylor swift.
I guess tay-tay didnt have that
much sway-sway.
( Laughter )
And blackburns support for the
Trump administray-stray
eventually outweigh-weighed
bredesens support for higher
teacher pay-pay, at the end of
the day-day.
Democratic rising star, New York
senator Kirsten gillibrand, has
easily won reelection to the
senate.
( Cheers and applause )
Huge turn out in New York, even
though it was raining very
heavily here in the city.
I sure hope the ink on her lawn
signs is permanent and wont get
washed... there you go.
That makes sense.
And in jerseys Senate Race,
democrat Bob menendez, who was
- indicted... (
- Cheers and applause )
Indicted for corruption and
accused of underage
prostitution, has defeated
challenger Bob hugin, proving
you cannot keep a good man down.
Or Bob menendez.
Congratulations to the devil
you know.
( Laughter )
In the Connecticut Senate Race,
incumbent Chris Murphy has
easily defeated republican
challenger Matthew Corey.
( Cheers and applause )
So Chris Murphy can get back to
focusing on the very important
work of no one knowing who he
is.
And Rhode Island democrat
Sheldon whitehouse has defeated
republican Bob flanders.
( Cheers and applause )
I gotta tell you, this kind...
This kind of election momentum
is sure to put whitehouse on the
path to working in the senate.
( Laughter )
Of course, if hed lost, he had
a backup plan: Starring on the
new CBS show "63-year-old
Sheldon."
This fall.
Any Vermont lefties out there,
put your bong full of maple
syrup down.
Because voters delivered a
resounding re-election victory
to Vermont senator Bernie
Sanders.
( Cheers and applause )
Put that back up, Jim.
Sanders easily defeated his
opponent: A comb.
( Laughter )
In the results... do we have the
results now.
Here are the numbers in the
results.
In the final results, Bernie
won.
(As Bernie)
"70% of the bottom 50%, while
the top .01% percent gave 30%
of their donations to .0001 of
the candidates.
Its a national disgrace.
Im honored."
( Cheers and applause )
And I am getting breaking news
of one of the most important
races in the country.
CBS news can now confirm that
Idris Elba has been named
"peoples" "sexiest man alive."
I did not see that coming.
I did not see that coming.
Did you call that?
Did we... did not see that
coming.
Its a harsh repudiation of the
incumbent, Blake Shelton, whose
victory last year sent
shockwaves through the sexy
community.
( Laughter )
And this is exciting.
On tonights "late show," if
theres any breaking results,
CBS news will interrupt this
broadcast to bring them to you
live, okay.
In Virginia, former v.P.
Candidate Tim kaine has defeated
republican Corey Stewart.
( Applause )
Congratulations, congratulations
to senator kaine on winning an
election.
But I do have to ask... did it
have to be this one.
And im being told that CBS has
some breaking news from
Louisiana!
Lets go there live.
Apologies for the
interruption, Stephen, but we
have a major development that
cannot wait.
Stephen: Scott bakula?
I dont know who that is.
This special agent Dwayne pride,
reporting from NCIS: New
Orleans."
We have breaking news about the
body we found in the chemical
tank out by the wetlands.
Turns out it belonged to a man
named yeoman Bennett who was on
his way to an underground poker
game, run by a mysterious woman
known only as "madame scorpion."
( Laughter )
Stephen: Thats really not
the kind of breaking news this
system is for.
Do you have any actual election
updates?
Yes, Stephen.
With 100% of NCIS field agents
reporting, we are now able to
project that the city of new
Orleans has gone red...
With blood.
Back to you, Stephen.
Stephen: Thank you, agent
pride.
Turnout was huge all over the
country.
There were long lines down in
Georgia, here in New York,
Texas, Arizona, and Ken-ducky.
Some polling places seem to have
been caught off guard by the
large crowds.
Like in fiercely contested
Georgia, where voting was halted
in one location because the
voting machines were running on
battery and the battery ran out.
Sorry, ancestors who fought and
died for our right to vote.
Alan forgot to bring a charger.
( Laughter )
"Uh, I had to charge my phone.
I was playing clash of clans."
And up in north Carolina, the
state board of elections said
humidity appears to be causing
difficulties in feeding
ballots through tabulators.
Isnt that kind of an 1890s
problem?
"We cant count the votes!
The paths too muddy for
the horses to pull the ballot
boxes up to the counting silo!"
(
laughter )
Even early voting, early voting
today was massive.
According to the a.P.
"Based on reports from 50
states, at least 39.4 million
people voted early," which
"exceeds the 2014 early vote."
Ahhh, the 2014 midterms feel so
long ago.
What were we even voting on back
then, whether to add blue m&ms?
Legalizing conscious uncoupling?
I cant remember.
These midterms are so huge, that
even Trump wasnt exaggerating
when he said this at his rally
last night:
You know, the midterm
elections used to be like
boring, didnt they?
Do you even remember what they
were?
People said "midterms, they
said "what is that?
What is it?"
Right?
Now its like the hottest thing.
Stephen: Gee, I wonder why.
( Laughter ) (A
s Trump)
"I tell you, it used to be so
unpopular to run screaming out
of the pool, but as soon as I
pooped in it, its all the
rage."
( Laughter ) (
applause )
"Youre welcome.
Youre welcome.
There it goes."
Of course, it wouldnt be voting
day, if there werent millions
of people posting photos of
themselves on Instagram wearing
an "I voted" sticker.
Because in 2018, gramming an "I
voted" selfie is on fleek.
If "on fleek" is still on fleek?
No?
Voting is bae?
( Laughter ) Its totes venmo?
Is voting "thank u next?"
Someone just tell me what to
say, because... so my mouth seems
younger than my face.
Senate majority leader Mitch
mcconell voted today, and this
guy photobombed him with (
cheers and applause )
Thumbsdown.
I gotta say... could have been
worse.
Many people would have given
Mitch a different finger.
Weve got a great show for you
tonight.
John heilemann and Alex Wagner
from "the circus" is here.
Plus hasan minhaj!
But when we return, more
election results right over
there.
Stick around.
Hit it, baby.
♪ Dont step on my blue suede
shoes ♪
♪ Lets go
dont step on my blue suede
shoes
♪ you can do anything but dont
step on my shoes ♪ (
cheers and applause )
Stephen: Jon batiste and
stay human, right over there.
Come on!
Oh, my goodness.
Jon, there you go, folks.
Jon, Jon, this is exciting.
Weve got a very interesting
night going on right here.
Jon: Oh, yeah.
Stephen: Big day for
America, not just the election
because today was the final
official release date of "whose
boat is this boat?" Available in
bookstores.
Available in bookstores.
And im going to say marinas,
maybe.
Every word of this book was said
by Donald Trump as he toured the
aftermath of a hurricane and
100% "the late shows"" profits
go to victims of hurricanes in
the carolinas, Florida, and
Georgia.
So go pick up your copy.
Pick up your copy.
If youve already got one, show
the world.
Tweet @colbertlateshow with the
hashtag #whosebook.
Send us a picture of you with
the book.
Include it in your family
hoatos.
Make it look like your cat are
read.
Use it to balance a shaky taib.
Use it as a cutting board.
Whatever!
As I said before when I was over
there, were live right now.
And if you remember...
(
cheers and applause )
If you remember what happened on
our last live election show,
that makes one of us.
( Laughter )
The bad news that night caught
me a bit off guard, but tonight
im prepared.
I have a lovely bottle of
bourbon right here.
( Cheers and applause )
And if for any reason I need to
pormyself an emergency drink, I
can merely break glass.
I can break glass for glass.
Right here.
( Applause ) Okay.
Weve got a few more results.
Ted Cruz has held on to his
senate seat
( booing )
In Texas.
Hold on one second.
( Laughter ) (
cheers and applause )
( Laughter ) (
cheers and applause )
But, ahhh...
( Applause )
Save some of that to snort
later.
Okay.
Then again, why wouldnt Ted
Cruz win in Texas?
Because at the end of the day,
real cowboys only love three
things: Barbecue, rodeo, and
Canadians who went to Princeton
and Harvard.
So once again, Ted Cruz defeats
beto orourke.
Although, although by not being
Ted Cruz, beto still a winner.
( Cheers and applause )
Oh!
Was this excreted by an angel?
( Laughter )
With Ted Cruz holding his seat,
this means Republicans have
officially kept control of the
U.S. senate and to celebrate,
Republicans are deporting
immigrants via confetti Cannon.
This news is sure to bring a
smile comitch mcconnells
face.
( Laughter ) (
applause )
Meanwhile, in mcconnells home
state of Kentucky, antigay
marriage county clerk Kim Davis
lost her re-election.
( Cheers and applause )
All this time, all this time she
was worried about gay people
getting married when she should
have been worried about them
voting.
Now, Davis lost to a man named
biellwood cawdell Jr., and in
north daek, republican Kevin
cramer has defeated Heidi
heitkamp.
This was an expected loss for
height camp, despite the
democrat capturing all of north
daeks black vote, Todd.
Jon: Oh, yeah, Todd.
Do we have this.
Stephen: Do you know Todd?
Jon: Yeah, I know Todd.
Stephen: Is he a good guy?
Jon: Yeah, hes a good guy.
Stephen: He must be lonely.
In the Minnesota Senate Race,
Tina Smith has defeated
republican Karen housley.
( Cheers and applause )
So this... can we call this... the
Minnesota senators will remain
Amy klobuchar and Tina Smith,
the most famous aimy and Tina
combo in the history of the
world.
( Applause )
In Floridas race for governor,
republican Ron desantis has
defeated Tallahassee mayor
Andrew gillum.
Its a tough loss.
Gillum would have been Floridas
first black governor.
But instead desantis is
Floridas historic 46th
white governor.
The streak continues.
And in Kansas, a big win for
democrats as Lara Kelly has
decreted grand imperial vote
depressor kris kobach.
Coback, you may remember, is the
guy who Trump put in charge of
finding those three million
illegal voters.
So good news, kris.
Youll have plenty of time to
look for them now.
Meanwhile, ought on the west
coast, if the democrats can pull
off... do we have this?
Im told we have more breaking
news from CBS.
Hello, Stephen.
This is N.Y.P.D. Detective Danny
Reagan.
I have some breaking news.
With 100% of my family of police
officers reporting, we are now
able to project that New York
has gone blue with blood.
Blue blood.
Fridays on CBS.
Back to you, Stephen.
Stephen: Thank you, Danny.
Of course, Trump has been
rallying hard to get out the
vote.
And last night, he made his
closing argument... namely, that
if the Republicans lose the
house, its not his fault.
Im not on the ticket...
Although they want to put me on
the ticket.
I will say this... if we dont do
so well tomorrow, they will put
me on the ticket.
If we do great tomorrow, they
will say, "he had nothing to do
with it.
He was not on the ticket."
Stephen: That is the sign
of a true leader.
He reminds me of my favorite
quote from "braveheart," they
may take our lives but they will
never take our freedom.
Also, if they take our lives, I
was never here!"
Mel is so good in that.
( Cheers and applause )
Mel is so good in that.
Trump was willing to try
anything to get votes.
The democrat plan would
obliterate obamacare.
Stephen: What the hell is
going on?
( Laughter )
Is Trump advocating for
obamacare now?
Am I finally losing my mind?
"The democrats want to destroy
beautiful obamacare.
Also, did you know, I was born
in Kenya?
Yeah.
A lot of people dont know that.
I dont get credit for that
part."
But the president was not the
only one trying to get out the
vote.
So was the first lady who
tweeted... whatever this is:
Someone actually sat down and
made that.
( Laughter )
And I think they made that by
sitting on their phone.
Now, this... this is... is this
true?
This happened.
This is huge.
A ballot measure has passed in
Florida which restores voting
rights to more than one million
former felons.
( Cheers and applause )
That is... thats huge.
It restores voting rights to one
million former felons as opposed
to Floridas existing rule,
which gives voting rights to
future felons.
One race... I have to take a
minute to call here... in
virginias fifth district,
riggleman beats kochburn.
I know nothing about the race,
nor do I care, but we live on
CBS, and I get to say the words
"riggleman" and "kochburn."
One can only hope.
( Applause )
One can only hope they put aside
their differences and find
romance because I already know
their celebrity couple name,
riggle-koch.
Weve got a hard break coming
up.
I can see that?
Before we go, I just... I want to
let all of our viewers out there
know California, Delaware,
Montana... and im just naming
states... south Carolina, Utah...
This is a surprise... west
Virginia is still a state.
And well be back with more on
tonights results with the stars
of showtimes "the circus," John
heilemann, Alex Wagner.
Wisconsin, north Dakota.
Maine.
Michigan.
Illinois.
Iowa.
( Applause )
Stephen: Hey!
Thank you, Jon.
My first guests have been
travelling the country for
months while covering the
midterms.
Im happy they could join us
here tonight.
From showtimes "the circus,"
please welcome John heilemann
and Alex Wagner!
♪ Three to get ready, go, dont
step on my blue suede shoes ♪
( Applause )
Stephen: Welcome back.
( Cheers and applause ).
Thank you.
Stephen: Welcome back.
Thank you.
Stephen: Would anyone else
care for a cocktail?
Or 17.
Stephen: Oh, 17.
Actually, I have something to
say about that.
Stephen: What do you have
to say about that?
The last time I was here two
years ago, it was bad.
Stephen: Yeah, I... yes,
yes, I believe the term "not
since the civil war" was thrown
around pretty casually.
I was actually thinking about
the most traumatic moment on
television from "the aprentice"
when Rob blagojevich was on.
I thought tonight things might
get worse.
They told me I couldnt bring my
whole suitcase of contraband,
but I did bring a bottle.
Stephen: A bottle.
This is from 2016.
You can have that back.
Stephen: Were live.
Is this live TV?
Youre welcome.
Stephen: I also have black
cove if anybody would like some
black coffee.
All right.
Or everything.
Stephen: Here we go.
Lets break downtown results a
little bit, you two.
It was kind of going as
expected?
Yup.
Stephen: What was the
expectation going in, Alex?
I can just say one word about
the expectations?
Stephen: Sure.
The idea that democrats are
taking back the house is a
b.f.d.
In 20... and I think...
(
cheers and applause )
There is a sense because the
Republicans are going to hold on
to the senate that somehow
democrats didnt perform.
In 2010, Republicans
gerrymandered the national map
to a degree that was
unprecedented in history.
The fact the democrats have won
back the house is massive.
It could not have happened
unless circumstances are... were
what they are today.
But it is historic.
This victory is a big one for
democrats.
And they should own that.
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: You guys may know
this... there you go, young man.
You guys may know this better
than I, but I read before I came
out here there is an estimate
the democrats probably took the
popular vote for the house by
9%.
Which you have to do now
because of the maps.
Stephen: Maybe 35 seats,
something like that, is what im
hearing.
They need 23.
It looks theyre gog get around
35.
Is that a wave?
Well, look, its not a Tsunami.
I think its not impossible...
They could end up in the 40s.
There are still, I think, 20
competitive seats out there...
Stephen: California, or,
Oregon... all on the west coast.
Its not a Tsunami but its
not a puddle.
Its a pretty big deal, right?
Its a pretty big deal.
It will give them a functional
majority.
Its not like where if they lose
a couple of votes they will be
in trouble.
They will have enough of a Marge
town maybe, occasionally, get
things done.
But I think a lot of democrats
will make Donald Trump and his
cabinets life miserable.
( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: Because...
The... the... when we talk
about waves and the size of
them, we tend to be talking
about one shade which, is it a
blue wave?
One color it is.
The wave is pink because the 23
seats... the 23 seats that the
democrats have flipped, 15 of
those are female candidates.
( Cheers and applause )
And that is a big deal.
Stephen: Thats fantastic.
That is a big deal.
Stephen: But now the... now
the democrats get the
chairmanships of the committees.
Right.
Stephen: And now... Adam
schiff, head of intelligence
oversight...
House intelligence committee.
Stephen: He gets a rusty
hacksaw to just start sawing
open the White House and start
asking them questions now,
right?
I think the advice to
everyone in the White House if
they havent already is lawyer
up.
- Because... (
- Cheers and applause )
There will be a lot of legal
wrangling on capitol hill in the
next several months.
Stephen: Any surprises
tonight?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I think... well, I dont
know... this goes back to alexs
point.
I think a lot of democrats...
And this is why a lot of
democrats are going to wake up
tomorrow and not heed the wise
words of Alex Wagner that
winning the house is a huge
biele diehl.
Because of the way the national
media works and the way
democrats like to invest their
hearts and souls in big
characters, the marquee races...
Beto orourke in Texas, Andrew
gillum in Florida, and Stacey
Abrams if Georgia... theyve lost
two of those, and the Abrams
race is not going her way.
I think there are a lot of
democrats who are going to wake
up tomorrow, again, who looked
at those three, and they were
big characters and they were
promising something new exwfs
unabarbed liberalism,
progressive, trying to build a
new coalition to do historic
things...
Stephen: In the south.
In the south.
And if they all three lose, I
think a lot of democrats are
going to wake up not feeling as
good as they should feel about
the house because those
candidates who they thought as
of last night they could win all
three.
I spent a lot of time in
Florida, and I gotta say, the
fact that Andrew gillum lost is
shocking.
But theres something else that
happened in Florida...
Stephen: You really thought
he was going to win.
He had crowds.
He this enthusiasm.
He had everything that you would
think would lead to a victory.
But something else happened
tonight in Florida which could
change Andrew gillums chances
if he decides to run again and
thats the passage of amendment
four, which means 1.5 million
felons in... felons who have
served time in Florida have been
restored the right to vote.
That means 18% of black people
in Florida cannot vote because
of the current prohibitions on
felons who have served time
voting.
Stephen: 1.5 million is
bigger than a lot of states.
Correct.
And in Florida where the margins
are that thin, if Andrew gillum
ran in four years, he might win.
Stephen: Was that a
partisan issue?
Was, like, democrats were in
favor, and Republicans were
opposed.
Or were both parties in favor of
it?
Surprisingly it passed with I
think over 60% of the vote.
There was more bipartisan accord
on that than who should lead the
state.
Its good news for me because
im planning to retire in
Florida, and now ill be able to
vote.
( Laughter ).
Stephen: Well...
( Laughter )
In hindsight, what were some of
the sort of strategic triumphs
or missteps of tonight, or
things that you, the Republicans
or democrats should have done
differently over the past 1500
years of this race?
( Laughter )
I think theres going to be
actually an interesting debate
in the republican party over the
way Trump closed, right.
I mean, we saw, over this
weekend, Paul Ryan and others
were begging Trump to stop
talking about the car expran
about immigration and these kind
of racist, xenophobic appears
that he was making that everyone
was calling out.
They wanted him to talk about
the economy.
You noticed yesterday, he
finally in the last closing
hours was like, "the economy,
very good."
And then back to... back to
racism and xenophobia, on stage
with Sean hannity and Jean
pirrow.
But I do actually think for a
lot of those, Trump decided to
win the senate, and he
sacrificed on the altar of that,
all of those moderate house
members who wanted him to talk
about the economy, not to talk
about this other stuff.
But that was a big strategic
choice Trump made.
It worked out well apparently in
the senate, and thats what
Trump will trumpet tomorrow.
It didnt work out well at all
in the house.
Stephen: We have one more
result, shortly before you game
out here.
In Missouri, Claire mccaskill
has lost to Josh hawley.
And he was extremely loyal to
Trump.
Yes.
Stephen: He actually sold
himself as, like, the ultimate
Trump loyalist, which means
Trump will soon betray him way
porn star.
( Laughter ) ♪ ♪
But that... that helped in
certain parts of the country.
Some people ran away from Trump.
But the... in the senate, if you
hugged him closer, it worked.
Let us be very clear about
what has happened to the
republican party in the wake of
this.
Its not over, right.
The votes are still being
counted.
But the moderates in the
republican party have largely
been vanquished by democrats in
the house.
The Republicans who are left in
the senate are... they have
pledged their fealty to Donald
Trump.
And so in effect, while the
democrats have won the house,
the republican party is now more
than ever the party of Donald
Trump.
Because those that are left in
the party are the true
believers, are the people that
have said, "im setting aside
whatever reservations I may have
about you.
Youre my leader."
This is his party now.
In many ways, the g.O.P. Has
gotten more extreme as of
tonight.
Stephen: And as these
investigations go forward,
theyre going to have to circle
the wagons around their leader.
Yes.
And they will.
I think Trump wakes up tomorrow
and says, "I campaigned on
racism, xenophobe yark fear of
the other, paranoia, all that
stuff.
And my its punishment I
suffered was I got an enhanced
majority in the senate, and the
two black candidates who
everybody cared about lost."
I mean, for him I think you head
into 2020...
Stephen: Its vindication.
Hes going to be campaigning
on, like the ebola caravan.
Stephen: Were live so we
have to go on a hard break here.
I hope you stay around and well
wrap this up.
"The circus" airs Sundays on
showtime.
John heilemann and Alex Wagner,
everybody!
Well be right back with hasan
minhaj.
( Cheers and applause )
( Applause ) ♪ ♪
Stephen: Hey, everybody!
Welcome back.
Oh, folks, my next guest is a
former "the daily show"
correspondent whose new series
"patriot act" is now on Netflix.
Please welcome hasan minhaj!
( Applause ) ♪ ♪
Stephen: Yeah!
Hey!
Stephen: Yeah!
Live, man!
Stephen: Nice to see you.
Good to see you.
Stephen: Welcome to the
live show, live midterm show.
Yeah.
Stephen: Did you vote
today?
Yes.
Stephen: Where is your
sticker.
Stesticker.
I did absentee.
Stephen: You dont get a
sticker for absentee.
Thats the new democracy, you
got your vaccine sticker.
You got your shots.
You dont do alcohol, right?
No, I cant drink on camera.
Stephen: I have a little
sparkling... sparkling cider
right there.
There you go.
Internet, you see this, apple
cider.
Stephen: Cheers, cheers.
There you go.
Thank you.
( Cheers and applause )
Thank you.
Stephen: Big... youre
young, right?
( Laughter ) Youre young.
You look fresh.
Sure.
Stephen: You look...
Thank you.
Stephen: You look young.
How old are you?
Im 33 years old.
Stephen: Thats young.
Yeah.
Stephen: Thats young.
Im in my late 30s.
Yeah, okay.
Stephen: Extremely late
30s.
I was talking earlier, is voting
bae?
I would say its lit.
Stephen: Votings lit?
Sure, its lit.
Young people...
Isnt it lit?
I would say its lit.
Its popping.
Stephen: Speak for all
young people, will you?
Sure.
Stephen: Are you prepared?
Hit me.
Stephen: Beto lost.
Yes.
Stephen: Very popular all
across the United States.
Right.
Stephen: Really motivate
aid lot of young voters?
Yes.
Stephen: Voter turnout
between 18 and 30 was New Jersey
Texas.
Sad he lost?
I am sad that he lost.
But actually it isnt a partisan
thing.
Im just eye looked at the
endorsemented.
He had all of black excellence
backing him, Beyonce, Travis
Scott... thats weird to put
Travis next to... Travis Scott,
LeBron James.
LeBron James had a beto hat on
during a San Antonio spurs game.
Do you understand how crazy that
is?
The greatest basketball player
living right now was wearing a
Senate Race hat in San Antonio.
Thats as boring as it gets.
And he still couldnt win.
Stephen: And Willie Nelson.
Yeah!
Thats like if I got an
endorsement from Stephen
Colbert, Jon Stewart, Seth
Myers, Samantha bee, John
Oliver, Jay leno, and the ghost
of Johnny Carson, and I still
got canceled.
( Laughter )
And then, they gave the show to
Ted Cruz.
( Laughter )
Thats what it would... you know
how much juice that is!
Stephen: Well, you will not
be, because the show is great.
"Patriot act," your new show.
Thank you (
applause ).
Stephen: It delves into
topical issues.
Yes.
Stephen: As many of us
alums of "the daily show" do.
Yes.
Stephen: But yours is
unique.
You dont do a lot of Donald
Trump pup dont actually talk
about Donald Trump.
No.
Stephen: Isnt it, like,
the seventh amendment that
"daily show"" alums have to talk
about Donald Trump.
I treat it like... you know
the character in addition want
Harry Potter book and a lot
dont mention lord vold mer.
But a lot of people in late
night are saying we have to say
the "v" word.
For me he is the man who shall
not be named.
I know he exists, but I do not
want to give him attention.
( Applause ).
Stephen: No free rides.
Yeah.
Totally, yeah.
Stephen: On the minhaj
machine.
Sure.
Stephen: What do you call
him?
D.j.t.
45.
Stephen: 45, okay.
Sometimes when I want to mess
around with the writers, I go,
Mr. Two terms."
And theyre like, "no!
Aarrgghh!" and im like mart
nellies.
Stephen: What do you focus
on?
Fun stuff, like affirmative
action or Saudi Arabia.
Stephen: Sure.
Its really...
Stephen: Thats a laugh a
minute, Saudi Arabia.
Really, really exciting
stuff, yeah.
Stephen: Do you do
down-ballot issues like... are
you excited about people being
restored their franchise in
Florida?
Those kinds of issues.
Sort of stuff like that... we
did a big thing on... you know,
obviously, there are the major
leagues which are the big sexy
things, like the betos.
And I say the dont forget about
the down-ballot stuff.
Your modesto nuts.
Your minor league issue s.
Stephen: So how many... how
many episodes are you doing for
Netflix this season?
We are doing on our first
cycle seven, but we have 32
episodes.
Stephen: So, like, six and
a half weeks.
Were not going to do them
straight.
Were going to do them in
batches, which will be fun.
Stephen: Okay.
Yeah.
( Laughter ).
I dont know what that
assessment gleens I do 202 a
year.
I was just curious how many...
Oh!
Oh, got tokay.
To be fair... to be fair,
Stephen, I dont know if youve
seen the show, its pretee its
pretty incredible.
Theres no desk.
Its just all...
Stephen: No deck.
No its all screens.
Its like being at a Drake
concert but youre learning.
Its crazy.
If you have been to an edm
concert.
Stephen: I have never been
ive never been to one.
And you thought, what if I
could learn it tax reform right
now.
Stephen: While I was
dropping Mollie.
Totally.
Thats "patriot act."
Stephen: Trump obsessed
about immigration.
Yes.
Stephen: Especially fear
mongering about immigrants.
Youre a child of immigrants.
Should Americans be afraid of
immigrants?
Totally, yes, 100,000%, yes.
Stephen: Should why we be
afraid?
You have to understand, there
are the people on the caravan...
We have a whatap going.
Stephen: You have friends
on the caravan?
Yeah, totally.
Stephen: I get that, I get
that.
Its a melanin d.M.
Situation.
Whats going on over there?
Its pretty crazy.
Do you want to come?
Yeah, we should come.
But for a lot of immigrants, if
you think about it, theres a
lot of families, children.
Theyre going... these immigrant
families are going to come here.
These parents are gog have high
expectations of their kids.
Theyre going to have to live
the American dream.
What if they grow up and theyre
supposed to do med, and then do
stand movie up comedy for 14
years, their parents continue to
get disappointed and they
finally get a late-night show,
and out of 37 late-night hosts
they happen to be the first
late-night host with brown
melanin.
It would be crazy.
I was about to say the "f" word,
but im not going to do that.
It would be nuts.
So of course people should be
afraid of immigrants.
Stephen: By "people" you
mean me?
Yeah, were stealing jobs.
Slowly but surely.
"Patriot act" is on Netflix now.
Hasan minhaj everybody!
Well be right back with more
election coverage.
Stick around.
( Applause )
Stephen: Thank you, Jon!
All right, folks, welcome back.
Welcome back.
Check your calendars here.
Were going a little bit long
tonight, but we are back with
Alex Wagner, John heilemann, and
hasan minhaj.
A little wrap-up of the evening.
Before... before we go any
further, just down in Florida,
weve also found out bill Nelson
has defeated... no, nope.
No, no!
Bill Nelson was defeated by
Rick Scott.
Oh, man!
Stephen: Sorry!
Sorry.
The red card.
I gotta saber the red card was
the hint.
Sorry, sorry.
Bill Nelson was defeated.
Its "la la land."
Stephen: Most people have
gone to bed at this point.
Do we have a photo of Rick Scott
here celebrating?
Heres a photo of him shoakdz by
the news or happy or hungry.
Its hard to tell.
It hammered home what we already
knew, house for the democrats,
senate for the Republicans.
And Florida is a weird state.
Stephen: And Florida is a
weird state.
So... so whats it mean for
America?
I feel like we still call
this place the United States of
America, but right now is really
does feel... pardon the cliche...
Like the divided state of
America.
The division that already
existed is going to get steeper.
And if possible, the road ahead
may be even uglier than it has
been thus far.
In a few weeks, months, Robert
Mueller is going to be dropping
his report.
And if there is any comedy on
capitol hill, that will vanish
as soon as there are... there is
evidence, investigative evidence
of wrong... potential wrongdoing,
collusion, criminal behavior.
We dont know.
Stephen: If evidence of
wrongdoing, collusion or
criminal behavior by the Trump
administration means no comedy
on capitol hill, dont worry,
well have it all here.
- ( Laughter ) (
- Applause ).
Stephen: It will be fine.
But... but is this... is this... is
the house in one hand, the
senate in the other, is this
just sort of the carbunkle of
the divided American populous
coming to a head right now?
Its the division made visible.
Do Americans want this?
Do we want a divided government,
do you think?
Are we so afraid of each other
that we dont want anything to
happen?
Wed is rather have nothing than
something go wrong?
I dont know about that.
I certainly think... we have had
divided governments in our
history, but right now, what was
driving what happened in the
house were a bunch of people who
were like, "Donald Trump need to
have"... I dont want to say
guardrails, needs to be wrapped
in swaddling of some kind.
Hes... there are a lot of people
who think Trump needs a balance,
a counter-balance.
I dont think its people dont
want to get anything done.
I think its more a bunch of
people are worried about what
Trump can do, would do, will do,
has tried to do with no
restraint.
Stephen: Is... is... do you
think that the democrats being
able to investigate the white
house going to be part of issue
of the 2020 race?
Is the 2020 race happening...
Does it start right now?
Yes.
It started about an hour ago.
Yeah, 47 minutes ago.
Corey booker just touched
down in des moines.
( Laughter )
Elizabeth Warren is doing a
listening tour in New Hampshire.
And Michael avenatti is
setting up a long bus swing with
stormy Daniels through... through
the deeper provinces of
something.
Stephen: But does it really
start tonight?
Yes.
Yeah.
100%.
Yeah, for sure.
Maybe not tonight.
Tomorrow morning.
I mean its not... in the finest
tradition, back in 2008, when
Barack Obama decided to run for
president, he had a meeting the
day after the midterms and
looked up and took the measure
of the midterms, sat down with
David axelrod and say we have to
go do this.
The guys running for president...
There were a lot.
That band, this audience,
everybody up here times three is
the number of people running for
the Democratic nomination.
A lot of them have been thinking
about it now for last year, year
and a half... really for two
years.
Theyve been waiting to see what
was going to happen today, and
theyre going to be... there will
be people in the New Hampshire
in the next... before
Thanksgiving, filing.
Some of them were actually
already on the campaign trail
under the auspices of the
midterm.
Kamala Harris, Bernie Sanders,
Elizabeth Warren, core booker,
they were all out there.
That was testing.
Stephen: Two years ago as I
sat at this very desk and talked
to you, John bwhat had happened.
It felt sort of hopeless Hassan.
Yes.
Stephen: As a fresh eye to
covering politics live, do you
have any hope?
Does tonight give you some hope?
I felt a lot of hope.
We had two female Muslim members
of congress.
That happened for the first
time.
Two native American members of
congress.
( Applause )
The first openly gay governor.
Thats huge.
I think thats definitely a
plus.
If this Mueller mix tape is
going to drop, ive been waiting
for it.
Stephen: I want it by
Friday because I have big plans
for the weekend, and I have a
brand new bottle of rye thanks
to John heilemann.
Weve got to go.
Alex Wagner, John heilemann,
hasan minhaj, thank you for
being here, everybody.
Well be right back.
Dont go away!
Thats it for the late show!
Tune in tomorrow when Chris
pine other major Garrett, and
Trump the insult comic dog.
Good night!