The Last Word (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript
A story about a funeral eulogy speaker who loses faith in her work and tries to sabotage her husband's funeral.
[people chattering]
[plays piano]
[laughter]
[shushing]
[shushing]
-Silver wedding anniversary.
-[cheering and applause]
Twenty-five years.
[cheering and applause continues]
Shit, we're old! Right?
[laughter]
[laughs]
[continues playing piano]
It feels as though we stopped
paying attention for a moment…
and then, all of a sudden,
25 years went by.
-[stops playing]
-Just like that.
You know what that means?
[chuckles] It means
we had an awesome time!
-[cheering and applause]
-Am I right? Am I right?
-Stephan…
-[glasses clink]
This one is for you.
-[upbeat music plays]
-DJ Tonio!
[cheering, applause, and whistling]
♪ I know you better
Than you know yourself ♪
♪ Know what annoys you and what you like ♪
-♪ I know you hate my mother ♪
-[laughter]
♪ And that you grab my ass
When I'm asleep ♪
-[laughter]
-♪ I know that you sniff your socks ♪
♪ And read Brigitte
While you take a shit ♪
-[laughter]
-♪ I know all that about you ♪
♪ And that's exactly why I love you ♪
♪ And out of the last 25 years ♪
♪ I regret no more than five ♪
Are you done yet? We want to drink!
[laughter]
-This is crazy.
-♪ I want to be with you forever ♪
♪ When I'm heading towards the abyss ♪
♪ You're the one who catches me ♪
♪ You're always there for me ♪
♪ We're the best thing that I have ♪
♪ That's how it should always be ♪
♪ Don't ever leave me alone ♪
[cheering and whistling]
♪ Don't ever leave me alone ♪
[cheering]
♪ And every time I run away ♪
-♪ You always bring me back home ♪
-[glasses clink]
♪ I think our neighbor is hot ♪
♪ And I know you've known that
For a while ♪
-♪ Because I read your e-mails-- ♪
-[woman] Undress, you sexy bastard!
[laughter]
Are you guys… Seriously?
I'm singing a love song
for my husband here!
-[loud pop]
-[surprised reactions]
[laughter]
[guests murmuring]
-[microphone feedback]
-Shit!
[guests murmuring]
Our guests miss you.
-[Karla] That's a lie.
-Mm, you're right.
But you'd make me very happy
if you joined us.
I'm not interested.
I'm quite happy here.
[Stephan sighs]
I'd like for you to finish my song.
But not today.
-[guests cheering]
-[groans]
The party's calling.
-[whistling]
-[Karla sighs]
-Counter offer. You stay here…
-[Stephan] Mm-hmm.
…and we bang as if we're 24 again.
[chuckles] Great suggestion.
Yeah?
But first we should get rid
of our dear family and guests.
Yes. Let's chase them away now.
I'm in.
-Thanks for disposing of my mom, Vivian.
-No problem at all, sweetie.
It wasn't great,
but at least it was over quite quickly.
[laughing hysterically]
[Tonio] Don't you want me to learn
to take care of myself?
-[Stephan] Sure, in two years' time maybe.
-I don't get what your problem is.
You're 15.
But I'll just be camping with friends
by a fucking lake for a weekend!
Mm-hmm, I know.
Which means LSD, sex,
and drowning in the lake.
[sighs] You're the shittiest shit father
in this shitty shit world.
-Love you too. Sleep well!
-[Tonio] Shut up.
-Fuck you.
-[door slams shut]
You're the shittiest shit father
-in this shitty fucking shit world.
-[laughs]
And that's a compliment.
[groans]
-You could've said something, too.
-Nope.
-No?
-I'm glad I'm not the bad guy for once.
[Stephan groans]
Don't be sad.
He's not moving out just yet.
-You'll have him a little longer.
-Yeah.
Some Judith left a message, too.
Judith? Judith Fazius! Our daughter!
-I guess that's our daughter, yes.
-[gasps]
-She sends her love.
-Thank you!
-That's so thoughtful of her, no?
-[chuckles]
["Sparring Partner"
by Paolo Conte playing]
[Stephan sighs]
Twenty-five years.
Do you regret it?
No. At most five or six years.
[choking]
Don't say a wrong word now.
[Stephan] Hmm.
What do you think?
[Stephan] Hmm?
"Hmm" what? Let's go.
Ding-dong.
Um…
Yes, why not? Maybe…
[laughs]
Oh, it's that urgent, is it? Okay, then.
-That's where we are.
-Um…
Suggestion. I'll go first…
undress…
apply my anti-wrinkle cream…
[laughs]
[imitating older woman]
…take out my false teeth
and put them in that cleaning fluid.
That's very important.
And I'll turn off the lights,
just to be on the safe side,
and then let's see what… [farting noise]
Excuse me… what happens, okay?
-I'll be waiting for you.
-[groans]
Let's see what happens…
Very funny.
I'll be waiting.
But hurry. I don't have much time left.
Off with those compression stockings.
Right…
I'm ready.
[normal voice] Stephan?
Stephan.
[imitating older woman] Stephan!
Okay, my love. I've had enough.
Right…
Now we've sent the guests away,
time for a little anal play.
Stephan?
Stephan!
[normal voice] Stephan. Oh, man.
Stephan?
Come on.
Stephan?
Stephan?
Stephan!
Tonio!
[Andi] Come on.
Yes, Borowski here, the funeral director.
You left me a voicemail.
Yes?
Oh, you've found another funeral director?
Yes, but I'm nearly at your place.
Yes, of course.
Shit! They've called Eitner now.
[sighs]
We should still give it a shot, right?
Do I turn left here?
-Ronnie!
-Huh?
-Do I turn left?
-Okay.
-"Okay" what? Yes or no?
-I don't know.
You're meant to give me directions.
That's what that thing's for.
Shit. Left…
[brakes screech]
Eitner.
[turn signal ticking]
Shit. We have to turn right.
[horn honking]
-[tires screech]
-[horns honking]
That's my corpse!
[tires screech]
[brakes screech]
[doorbell buzzes]
Ready?
[breathing heavily]
Okay.
Mrs. Fazius. Borowski, the undertaker.
-My deepest condolences.
-Ah, I'm not…
I'm just a friend. Come on in.
[Andi] Okay.
-Morning.
-Borowski.
-Borowski?
-Yes, the undertaker.
I thought it would be Eitner.
Well, it doesn't matter.
What was it?
An aneurysm. He died immediately.
Not a bad way to go, if you ask me. Well…
-Thank you.
-Goodbye.
-[grunts]
-[door opens]
[door closes]
Lovely apartment.
[grunts]
[footsteps approaching]
Come. Come on.
[footsteps depart]
Mrs. Fazius.
Borowski, the undertaker.
My deepest condolences.
Did you just lose someone too?
Or why are you slouched like that?
-Sorry?
-[Karla] What are you waiting for?
The long face won't do anyone good.
♪ I'm gonna live till I die ♪
♪ I'm gonna laugh 'stead of cry ♪
♪ I'm gonna take the town
And turn it upside down ♪
♪ I'm gonna live, live, live until I die ♪
♪ Gonna dance, gonna fly ♪
♪ I'll take a chance ridin' high ♪
♪ Before my number's up
I'm gonna fill my cup ♪
♪ I'm gonna live, live, live, live, live ♪
♪ Until I die ♪
When my father was still alive,
we were top dog.
You can only dream [laughs]
of the funerals we used to organize.
But you know how things are today.
People just don't know how to bury people
in a decent manner anymore.
[sighs] Yes, I know…
But we might be lucky this time.
[inhales]
He was a dentist after all.
BOROWSKI FUNERAL SERVICE
ESTABLISHED 1809
See you in a bit.
-[water bubbling]
-[kissing]
[door chimes]
Borowski.
[door creaking]
[sniffs, clears throat] Hello, darling.
-[door closes]
-[inhales]
We got a new job.
Ronnie and I just picked him up.
-[Frauke] Congratulations.
-[Andi] Mm-hmm.
-Hmm…
-Don't you dare.
[deep breath]
Could turn out to be a big fish.
A dentist.
Well, that would be something.
[deep breath]
[whispering] Come here. Come.
-[Andi groans]
-Come to me.
[Karla] Seriously?
Man, they're all ugly.
Who's responsible for these?
What does the designer of the "seabed" urn
think about when they go home at night?
-Surely they can't be happy.
-Pff…
Urns in your team's colors?
Is this for real?
Mrs. Fazius, it's rather popular
among soccer fans.
Mr. Borowski,
we have to approach it differently.
-[Andi] Mm.
-Stephan was a special person.
-Mm-hmm.
-It can't be just any old funeral.
It has to be special. I don't want people
to wish it were over, sitting around and…
Do you know what I mean?
Yes, I believe… I believe I do.
It has to be a celebration. It has to be…
[grunts] Do you understand?
Yes, I believe I do.
[exhales] With music and dancing
-and lots of flowers.
-[Andi] Mm-hmm.
With a brass band, for example.
Could you arrange that?
A live band? [chuckles]
[inhales] Well, I'd just have to make
a few calls, but… sure.
-I guess we'd need a theme for it, right?
-A theme. Yes.
To show who he really was.
Right, Tonio?
What was Dad like?
No idea. He was a dentist.
Come up with something.
[Judith, in English]
Hi, Anthony. Listen, um…
I had to go back to Berlin
on short notice.
[inhales deeply]
My father, he passed away and…
Yeah, that's… that's kind of it.
No, no, no, no. I'm… I'm okay.
-I'm… It's…
-[in German] The end is nigh!
-[driver] Piss off, you bum!
-Oh, fuck! Dude…
Yeah, your end is nigh, you cunt!
What an asshole.
Ant… Shit.
Oh, God. I hate Berlin.
Hello, Judith.
Hello.
I'm so sorry.
Yes. [sighs]
So how is she?
-Come in first.
-[dishes clatter]
-[Karla] I spoke with Borowski again.
-It's bad, isn't it?
We'll be in charge of the music ourselves.
We could practice something together.
Please no.
-Dad would've liked it.
-[Vivian] Karla?
[Karla] What is it?
[silverware clatters]
There you are.
I'm glad you're here.
You look like shit.
Come, have a seat.
[softly] Oh, God…
Listen. I've done most of it, but…
But, to be honest, all this bureaucracy,
that must be a German thing, right?
-[Judith] Hmm.
-[Karla scoffs]
Hey, squirt. How are you?
[inhales deeply]
[sighs]
I'm sorry.
That's Dad's seat.
Some people in this business still say
everything was better in the past, hmm?
In the past,
people spent a lot on funerals.
That's true, but back then
a funeral was a status symbol.
We at Eitner believe that we have
to make it as easy as possible
for our customers
to choose their desired funeral.
This means pre-made funeral packages
that appear to be individually designed.
Absolute price transparency,
and most importantly--
Mr. Eitner, I don't need a lecture
on our industry.
Just tell me what it is you want.
Mr. Borowski, I'd like…
you to become part of the Eitner family.
I'm sure you will find our offer
to be very generous.
[Andi] Family? Right.
Mr. Eitner.
I was eight years old when my father
first showed me a corpse.
I had to help him wash it.
Then he said to me,
"Pay attention, Andreas."
"You will be doing this
for the rest of your life."
He had just taken over the business
from his father at the time.
I did my apprenticeship here
and then worked for 20 years,
and 15 years ago,
my father passed down the business to me.
My father kept on working here
until he died.
My mother worked here until she died,
my wife works here, and my son works here.
That's what I consider family.
And that's all the family I need.
But Mr. Borowski, I'm sure you realize
that your business concept has no future.
[inhales sharply]
I'd like you to take your time
and think about my offer.
Mr. Eitner… [clears throat]
…perhaps I didn't make myself clear.
Get the hell out of my funeral home.
[sighs] I don't get it.
We're cremating him.
-Why do we have to pick clothes for him?
-Because we want him to look good…
and wear what he liked to wear.
But he doesn't care now.
We won't be able to see it either.
-How about the leather jacket?
-No.
-Why not? He used to like it.
-Exactly.
True. It made your father look like he was
going through a midlife crisis at 30.
[Judith laughs]
Oh, God. I felt so embarrassed
whenever he wore it.
[door opens, slams shut]
I'll check on him.
Just one thing… Would it be possible
for me to say goodbye to him?
What do you mean?
Well, could I see Dad one last time?
I have no idea. I think so. I'll…
I'll ask the undertaker.
Thank you.
[knocking]
[door opens]
[keys jangle]
[keys jangle]
[keys jangling]
[soft instrumental music plays]
[spraying]
[hair dryer whirring]
[Andi] That's good.
That's really good.
You'll make a good undertaker one day.
-I'm going for a smoke.
-[Ronnie] Okay.
[door opens]
[door closes]
[camera clicks]
[Andi] So your father is dressed, um…
closed eyes and all that.
We always do that
when the relatives want to view the body.
Right, okay. Shall I go with you,
or would you rather be alone?
-Alone, please.
-Mm-hmm.
Take as long as you like, and let me know
if you need anything, okay?
I'll be here.
-Okay. It's the door straight ahead.
-Thank you.
Good.
[shaky breath]
[stutters, clears throat]
[shaky breath]
Hey.
[shaky breathing]
I… I just… I just wanted to…
[shaky breathing]
Okay, don't worry. I'm not going
to talk to you or anything. I…
[sobbing]
-Oh, sorry. I…
-Oops.
-I'm finished in there.
-Was everything okay?
Huh?
Well, with your father. How he looked.
Oh, right.
[chuckles] Yes.
-[chuckles]
-I think so.
-Good. Bye.
-Bye.
[Ronnie clears throat]
My condolences, by the way.
-Thanks.
-[door chimes]
-Ronnie?
-Yes?
-[Andi] Anything wrong?
-No.
-Important clientele, okay?
-Yes.
[birds chirping]
So this is it.
It's a nice spot. Thank you.
No need to thank me.
[siren wailing in the distance]
What do you guys think?
Yes.
It's nice.
And as you requested, there would be
enough space for nine people.
Oh, so you mean it's for… all of us?
No one is forcing you.
So you've already planned
our funerals, too?
No one is forcing you.
Sorry, what a stupid number is nine?
Did you include grandkids, too?
I didn't include anything.
As I said, you don't have to.
[sighs]
-Sorry, the tree is blocking the light.
-You just said it was fine.
-But it wasn't my grave then.
-Yes or no?
-No.
-Tonio?
Hey.
He's not even listening.
There's one for two back there.
It's a bit sunnier, too.
That sounds good.
Come on.
[electronic music
playing through headphones]
[knock at door]
-[door opens]
-[Karla] Hey.
[floorboards creak]
Are you okay?
[sighs]
[Karla] What's up?
-Should something be up?
-[Karla] Well…
You spend all day in your dark room,
staring at the ceiling.
Looks like you're waiting to die.
And to be honest,
it already smells of decay in here.
Or have you found something
really interesting on the ceiling?
Something you might like to share with me?
[Tonio inhales deeply]
[sighs]
Do you know the last thing
I said to Dad?
Yes, something like,
"You're the shittiest shit father
in this shit world."
"Shut up."
[inhales deeply]
That's it. That will always be
the last thing I ever said to him.
That's why we're having the funeral.
So we can say our goodbyes
and say the right things.
[Karla sighs] You know
that I need you right now.
In all of this.
[Tonio sighs]
[Karla] You know what?
We should eat a ton of candy now.
-Dad can't complain anymore, anyway.
-[chuckles]
[Karla chuckles]
Know what he always used to say?
[chuckles]
"Do you know
what sugar does to your teeth?"
[sniffs]
[shaky breath]
-Hey, sweetie.
-[Judith sniffs]
Are you okay?
We just decided that we will…
have some candy.
-[door closes]
-[sighs]
[keys jangling]
What's this key for?
Huh?
[sighs]
[Judith] Could you please…
Could you please explain to us again
exactly what you mean?
[sighs, clears throat]
What I mean is that your mother's
financial situation isn't exactly good.
How… How is that possible?
My husband always earned very well.
Yes… that's true, but it has been
significantly less in the last two years.
And if you take the lifestyle
into account…
Well, life isn't fair, is it?
From one day to the next…
It's terrible. And no securities…
Yes, and how big of a problem
will this be for her, then?
[man] Well, in a nutshell,
you don't have any debt,
but there is definitely not much left.
[Andi] Mrs. Fazius, okay.
I took care of everything, and the funeral
will be exactly as we discussed.
-Thanks. That's wonderful, Mr. Borowski.
-It's just, um…
[inhales]
Due to your numerous additional wishes,
the price has increased.
I just wanted to make sure
that you're fine with it. This…
This part here.
Yes. Yes, of course it's okay.
Good.
I really loved my husband, and I want him
to have the best funeral in the world.
-Here?
-[Andi] Yes.
I'm certain
it will be a beautiful funeral service.
Great. Thanks.
-Bye.
-[Andi] Yes.
Mrs. Fazius.
Just one more thing.
I've got a date
for your husband's cremation.
It's tomorrow afternoon.
If you or any other family members
wish to attend,
then I'll have to let them know now.
Um, what?
-The cremation is, uh…
-[Karla] No.
No, no, no.
Certainly not.
-[Andi] Okay.
-Okay.
[nervous chuckle]
[door closes]
[relieved sigh]
[Karla] What can I tell you
about Stephan?
He was a fantastic dentist,
a mediocre dancer,
and he was… funny.
Sometimes even on purpose.
I have no idea how he did it,
but he was happy.
I think.
[inhales deeply, then sighs]
Seriously, what… What do I…
What do I tell people about you?
Stephan was a dentist.
He was a family guy.
And his last words were…
"Yes, why not?"
I remember how you said, "Yes, I do."
Or was it more of a "Yes, why not"
even then?
[Judith] Karla?
[Karla] Hmm?
[Judith] Can we have a quick chat?
[Karla] Do you think
the picture's at an angle?
Actually, I don't.
I've gone through your finances.
I highlighted where you could save money.
Just suggestions.
It'd be good if you have a look
and think about what you could do.
And I found an eight-year-old lease.
I don't know what it's for.
Sounds like a garage.
[Karla] Hmm.
[Judith] You still need it?
[Karla] Um…
Oh, yes. Now.
Yes, I know what this is.
It was… It was for a friend.
We don't need that anymore.
-[Judith] Okay, fine.
-[Karla] Hmm.
[Judith] Then cancel the lease.
Okay.
LEASE FOR COMMERCIAL PREMISES
[phone line trilling]
[Vivian] Hi, sweetie. How are you?
Hey. I'm just going through some documents
the accountant gave us,
and something's really odd.
Stephan hardly earned any money
in the last two years.
It must be some mistake, right?
[Vivian] Um…
-Vivian?
-[Vivian] Hey, yes, that, um…
I'll have accounting take a look.
Yes, but the dental office
was doing well, wasn't it?
-[Vivian] Yes, it was.
-So then what is the problem?
[Vivian] Well, he didn't
work much anymore.
Huh? Of course he worked a lot.
He went to work every morning.
-What are you talking about?
-[Vivian] I thought you knew about it.
His name was still on the door,
but that was it.
You're saying my husband, the dentist,
hasn't worked as a dentist in two years?
[Vivian] I…
Um…
-Are you kidding me?
-[Vivian] I don't know what to tell you.
Well, if he didn't go to work,
where'd he go?
[Vivian] I don't know.
He was your husband.
I'm sorry.
No, it's okay.
-[Vivian] I can come over sometime.
-No, it's all right.
Fuck.
["Sparring Partner"
by Paolo Conte plays]
-What can I tell you about Stephan?
-[keys jangle]
At some point in his life,
he used to be a dentist.
He had a teenage son,
a moody daughter and…
an unacceptable wife.
He must've been
the happiest person on the planet.
So what didn't you tell me?
[keys jangling]
A dentist comes home from work.
His wife asks him…
"Why are you so late?"
The dentist answers,
"This is going to hurt a little, but…"
[gasping]
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK
-[Andi] Hello, Mrs. Fazius.
-Where…
-Where is my husband right now?
-[Andi] I'm sorry?
[voice trembling]
Where is my husband at the moment?
[Andi] In the crematorium.
Why? What is it?
Give me the address.
[accelerating]
[tires screech]
[tires screech]
Hello. Please can you help me?
I just have to…
[indistinct]
[inaudible]
[inaudible]
[inaudible]
[Andi] I understand. No brass band, then.
This has to go, too.
Right, so now just two…
floral arrangements?
-Good.
-Yes. There's no other option.
My mother's condition,
her financial situation is, um…
I'll do my best to cancel certain orders,
but for some things it might be too late.
[Judith] Okay.
And a eulogist?
-Can you organize one for us?
-Hmm?
My mother wanted to do it herself, but…
To be honest, I don't even know
if she can go to the funeral.
I'll just go see… Sorry.
Yes, of course.
Hey.
-Everything okay?
-Yes, I'm great. And you?
[inhales deeply]
Listen.
You're doing everything
really, really well with Karla.
-Thank you.
-[Judith] Please listen.
We'll get through this together. Okay?
"We"? "We"?
You haven't been here
for the last five years!
You showed up three times a year.
Where were you?!
Now you turn up
and you suddenly want to take over.
Fuck you! Fuck you, dude!
[Andi] Mrs. Fazius?
Mrs. Fazius?
I don't know if you can hear me.
I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry
about how things have turned out.
[sighs]
I can totally understand
your daughter's decision, but…
[sighs]
…it really would have been
a beautiful funeral
that you planned for your husband.
[Andi sighs]
You can tell that he meant a lot to you.
I'd like that myself.
[dialing]
Mr. Sonnabend, one question.
I need a eulogist on short notice.
Mr. Elster, how are you?
Yeah, you know, people are always dying.
Yes, Mr. Kaneti, I am still alive.
It's this Wednesday at 11:00.
No, this coming Wednesday.
If we cut the speech in half,
can we do something about the price?
Oh, only for Eitner?
Priests or ministers
are definitely out of the question.
Mrs. Schneider!
I need a eulogist. A female one.
Of course, I immediately thought of you.
-[sniffs]
-[Frauke] Dinner!
Are you coming?
Yes, I'm coming.
[softly] Kiss my ass.
[scoffs] "Affordable."
[sighs]
What a load of shit, shit, shit!
[deep breath]
[Frauke] I'll clear your plate away.
Won't be long, love.
The Fazius funeral will be
a lot smaller than we thought.
-Hadn't they signed everything?
-Yes, but what can I do?
The widow has money issues
and a nervous breakdown.
[Frauke] Andi.
You're her undertaker.
Not her priest or her friend, right?
Yes.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
[inhales deeply]
So you're getting shit-faced
to celebrate the day?
I'll clean up downstairs.
Are you full already?
Yes.
Thanks, Ronnie.
Call Eitner again.
Nope.
What's the issue?
You could still work here.
Ronnie could still work here.
We'd just have some security.
But I'm not selling.
-This is my family's business.
-[Frauke inhales]
I inherited it from my father.
He inherited it from his father.
And at some point,
my son will inherit it. Period!
[Andi clears his throat]
Stepson.
Dear mourners, we are gathered here today
to say farewell to Steffen Fazius.
Oh… [muttering indistinctly]
Stephan. Stephan Fazius.
Stephan Fazius. Shit.
[sniffs, sighs]
Dear mourners…
dear penny-pinchers…
dear cheapskates.
This is my last funeral
because I'm fed up with you all.
If you could,
you'd wrap your relatives in toilet paper
and bury them without ceremony for €2.50.
But Andi doesn't want to do that anymore.
Sort out your own shit!
[liquid pouring]
[soft instrumental music plays]
-[footsteps approaching]
-[keys jangling]
-[Judith] Are you ready? We have to go.
-[bell tolling]
[Tonio sighs]
Come on.
One day, you wake up…
You won't… You won't… You won't wake up.
The birds sing as they sang yesterday.
Nothing changes this new daily routine.
Only you are gone.
You are free now.
And our tears wish you…
luck.
Dear mourners,
we have just had a look
at the life of Steffen Fazius.
His family. His career.
His life's journey.
Before we all go outside…
to commit his ashes to the earth,
I'd like to give you
a few moments of reflection…
for your own personal thoughts…
feelings…
that you associate with Steffen.
Stephan.
Stephan.
-[people murmuring]
-Sorry. Stephan.
[shaky exhale]
What is all this?
[people murmuring]
Don't you have any idea…
what happened?
The best human being
in the history of the world…
-[Andi] Mrs. Fazius.
-[Karla] …is dead.
-Mrs. Fazius.
-What is it? Sit down.
Please. Sober up now.
[people murmuring]
It all flies by.
[sighs]
You have great times together.
You experience great things together.
You…
You move in together.
You have great kids.
You get married.
You go on holiday together.
You buy a house.
You argue.
You make up.
[shaky breath]
And then…
And then the bastard says goodbye.
All over.
And then you ask yourself the question…
Were… we… happy?
Was that the best life we could have had?
And the answer is…
I don't know.
[shaky breath]
For God's sake, I don't know.
-[whispering] I have to stop this.
-Just--
The next lot is waiting outside.
Um…
I…
[sniffs]
I promised Stephan something and…
It's probably not appropriate now,
-but fuck that.
-[people murmuring]
♪ I know you better
Than you know yourself ♪
♪ Know what annoys you and what you like ♪
-♪ I know you hate my mother ♪
-[laughter]
♪ And that you grab my ass
When I'm asleep ♪
-♪ I know that you sniff your socks ♪
-[laughter]
♪ And read Brigitte
While you take a shit ♪
♪ I know all that about you ♪
♪ And that's exactly why I love you ♪
[sentimental music plays]
[inaudible]
[inaudible]
♪ We're the best thing that I have ♪
♪ That's how it should always be ♪
♪ Don't ever leave me alone ♪
[sobbing]
♪ Don't ever leave me alone ♪
Yes. [clears throat]
This is breaking my heart, but…
The Götz family is waiting outside,
and they've been very, very patient.
So I'd like to ask you to go outside
together with the deceased…
[sobbing]
[sniffles]
[guests sobbing]
[sniffles] Mom.
Dad…
He would have loved your speech.
[sniffling]
[birds chirping]
[man] That really was some event.
I've never been to a funeral like that.
What are you doing here?
Your mom wrote to me.
Really?
Yes.
How is Karla doing?
I have no idea.
[shaky inhale]
[Karla] I guess all in all it was okay.
I was merciful with you.
I mean, the speech was a little short,
but what should I have said? I…
Many people congratulated me afterwards.
But don't you dare think
that we are done here.
Anyway, I thought
that I could do eulogies for a living.
I mean, I've got a family
to support now, right?
Right?
[phone rings]
[deep breath]
[continues ringing]
Borowski Funeral Service.
[Karla] Hello. This is Karla Fazius.
I gave the eulogy for my husband.
Yes, of course, Mrs. Fazius. I know.
-[inhales] I still feel very guilty about…
-It's fine.
[Andi] I know how important
this funeral was to you. Um…
-There's only one chance to say goodbye.
-Yes, okay. Yes, you messed up. Yes.
Yes, but…
[in English] Nobody's perfect.
[Andi, in German] I have to say,
you did a great job.
Thanks.
[Andi] No, it was special.
It's nice of you to say that,
because I've been thinking.
I think I'd be pretty good at it.
[Andi] Uh…
At what?
[mid-tempo music plays]
[plays piano]
[laughter]
[shushing]
[shushing]
-Silver wedding anniversary.
-[cheering and applause]
Twenty-five years.
[cheering and applause continues]
Shit, we're old! Right?
[laughter]
[laughs]
[continues playing piano]
It feels as though we stopped
paying attention for a moment…
and then, all of a sudden,
25 years went by.
-[stops playing]
-Just like that.
You know what that means?
[chuckles] It means
we had an awesome time!
-[cheering and applause]
-Am I right? Am I right?
-Stephan…
-[glasses clink]
This one is for you.
-[upbeat music plays]
-DJ Tonio!
[cheering, applause, and whistling]
♪ I know you better
Than you know yourself ♪
♪ Know what annoys you and what you like ♪
-♪ I know you hate my mother ♪
-[laughter]
♪ And that you grab my ass
When I'm asleep ♪
-[laughter]
-♪ I know that you sniff your socks ♪
♪ And read Brigitte
While you take a shit ♪
-[laughter]
-♪ I know all that about you ♪
♪ And that's exactly why I love you ♪
♪ And out of the last 25 years ♪
♪ I regret no more than five ♪
Are you done yet? We want to drink!
[laughter]
-This is crazy.
-♪ I want to be with you forever ♪
♪ When I'm heading towards the abyss ♪
♪ You're the one who catches me ♪
♪ You're always there for me ♪
♪ We're the best thing that I have ♪
♪ That's how it should always be ♪
♪ Don't ever leave me alone ♪
[cheering and whistling]
♪ Don't ever leave me alone ♪
[cheering]
♪ And every time I run away ♪
-♪ You always bring me back home ♪
-[glasses clink]
♪ I think our neighbor is hot ♪
♪ And I know you've known that
For a while ♪
-♪ Because I read your e-mails-- ♪
-[woman] Undress, you sexy bastard!
[laughter]
Are you guys… Seriously?
I'm singing a love song
for my husband here!
-[loud pop]
-[surprised reactions]
[laughter]
[guests murmuring]
-[microphone feedback]
-Shit!
[guests murmuring]
Our guests miss you.
-[Karla] That's a lie.
-Mm, you're right.
But you'd make me very happy
if you joined us.
I'm not interested.
I'm quite happy here.
[Stephan sighs]
I'd like for you to finish my song.
But not today.
-[guests cheering]
-[groans]
The party's calling.
-[whistling]
-[Karla sighs]
-Counter offer. You stay here…
-[Stephan] Mm-hmm.
…and we bang as if we're 24 again.
[chuckles] Great suggestion.
Yeah?
But first we should get rid
of our dear family and guests.
Yes. Let's chase them away now.
I'm in.
-Thanks for disposing of my mom, Vivian.
-No problem at all, sweetie.
It wasn't great,
but at least it was over quite quickly.
[laughing hysterically]
[Tonio] Don't you want me to learn
to take care of myself?
-[Stephan] Sure, in two years' time maybe.
-I don't get what your problem is.
You're 15.
But I'll just be camping with friends
by a fucking lake for a weekend!
Mm-hmm, I know.
Which means LSD, sex,
and drowning in the lake.
[sighs] You're the shittiest shit father
in this shitty shit world.
-Love you too. Sleep well!
-[Tonio] Shut up.
-Fuck you.
-[door slams shut]
You're the shittiest shit father
-in this shitty fucking shit world.
-[laughs]
And that's a compliment.
[groans]
-You could've said something, too.
-Nope.
-No?
-I'm glad I'm not the bad guy for once.
[Stephan groans]
Don't be sad.
He's not moving out just yet.
-You'll have him a little longer.
-Yeah.
Some Judith left a message, too.
Judith? Judith Fazius! Our daughter!
-I guess that's our daughter, yes.
-[gasps]
-She sends her love.
-Thank you!
-That's so thoughtful of her, no?
-[chuckles]
["Sparring Partner"
by Paolo Conte playing]
[Stephan sighs]
Twenty-five years.
Do you regret it?
No. At most five or six years.
[choking]
Don't say a wrong word now.
[Stephan] Hmm.
What do you think?
[Stephan] Hmm?
"Hmm" what? Let's go.
Ding-dong.
Um…
Yes, why not? Maybe…
[laughs]
Oh, it's that urgent, is it? Okay, then.
-That's where we are.
-Um…
Suggestion. I'll go first…
undress…
apply my anti-wrinkle cream…
[laughs]
[imitating older woman]
…take out my false teeth
and put them in that cleaning fluid.
That's very important.
And I'll turn off the lights,
just to be on the safe side,
and then let's see what… [farting noise]
Excuse me… what happens, okay?
-I'll be waiting for you.
-[groans]
Let's see what happens…
Very funny.
I'll be waiting.
But hurry. I don't have much time left.
Off with those compression stockings.
Right…
I'm ready.
[normal voice] Stephan?
Stephan.
[imitating older woman] Stephan!
Okay, my love. I've had enough.
Right…
Now we've sent the guests away,
time for a little anal play.
Stephan?
Stephan!
[normal voice] Stephan. Oh, man.
Stephan?
Come on.
Stephan?
Stephan?
Stephan!
Tonio!
[Andi] Come on.
Yes, Borowski here, the funeral director.
You left me a voicemail.
Yes?
Oh, you've found another funeral director?
Yes, but I'm nearly at your place.
Yes, of course.
Shit! They've called Eitner now.
[sighs]
We should still give it a shot, right?
Do I turn left here?
-Ronnie!
-Huh?
-Do I turn left?
-Okay.
-"Okay" what? Yes or no?
-I don't know.
You're meant to give me directions.
That's what that thing's for.
Shit. Left…
[brakes screech]
Eitner.
[turn signal ticking]
Shit. We have to turn right.
[horn honking]
-[tires screech]
-[horns honking]
That's my corpse!
[tires screech]
[brakes screech]
[doorbell buzzes]
Ready?
[breathing heavily]
Okay.
Mrs. Fazius. Borowski, the undertaker.
-My deepest condolences.
-Ah, I'm not…
I'm just a friend. Come on in.
[Andi] Okay.
-Morning.
-Borowski.
-Borowski?
-Yes, the undertaker.
I thought it would be Eitner.
Well, it doesn't matter.
What was it?
An aneurysm. He died immediately.
Not a bad way to go, if you ask me. Well…
-Thank you.
-Goodbye.
-[grunts]
-[door opens]
[door closes]
Lovely apartment.
[grunts]
[footsteps approaching]
Come. Come on.
[footsteps depart]
Mrs. Fazius.
Borowski, the undertaker.
My deepest condolences.
Did you just lose someone too?
Or why are you slouched like that?
-Sorry?
-[Karla] What are you waiting for?
The long face won't do anyone good.
♪ I'm gonna live till I die ♪
♪ I'm gonna laugh 'stead of cry ♪
♪ I'm gonna take the town
And turn it upside down ♪
♪ I'm gonna live, live, live until I die ♪
♪ Gonna dance, gonna fly ♪
♪ I'll take a chance ridin' high ♪
♪ Before my number's up
I'm gonna fill my cup ♪
♪ I'm gonna live, live, live, live, live ♪
♪ Until I die ♪
When my father was still alive,
we were top dog.
You can only dream [laughs]
of the funerals we used to organize.
But you know how things are today.
People just don't know how to bury people
in a decent manner anymore.
[sighs] Yes, I know…
But we might be lucky this time.
[inhales]
He was a dentist after all.
BOROWSKI FUNERAL SERVICE
ESTABLISHED 1809
See you in a bit.
-[water bubbling]
-[kissing]
[door chimes]
Borowski.
[door creaking]
[sniffs, clears throat] Hello, darling.
-[door closes]
-[inhales]
We got a new job.
Ronnie and I just picked him up.
-[Frauke] Congratulations.
-[Andi] Mm-hmm.
-Hmm…
-Don't you dare.
[deep breath]
Could turn out to be a big fish.
A dentist.
Well, that would be something.
[deep breath]
[whispering] Come here. Come.
-[Andi groans]
-Come to me.
[Karla] Seriously?
Man, they're all ugly.
Who's responsible for these?
What does the designer of the "seabed" urn
think about when they go home at night?
-Surely they can't be happy.
-Pff…
Urns in your team's colors?
Is this for real?
Mrs. Fazius, it's rather popular
among soccer fans.
Mr. Borowski,
we have to approach it differently.
-[Andi] Mm.
-Stephan was a special person.
-Mm-hmm.
-It can't be just any old funeral.
It has to be special. I don't want people
to wish it were over, sitting around and…
Do you know what I mean?
Yes, I believe… I believe I do.
It has to be a celebration. It has to be…
[grunts] Do you understand?
Yes, I believe I do.
[exhales] With music and dancing
-and lots of flowers.
-[Andi] Mm-hmm.
With a brass band, for example.
Could you arrange that?
A live band? [chuckles]
[inhales] Well, I'd just have to make
a few calls, but… sure.
-I guess we'd need a theme for it, right?
-A theme. Yes.
To show who he really was.
Right, Tonio?
What was Dad like?
No idea. He was a dentist.
Come up with something.
[Judith, in English]
Hi, Anthony. Listen, um…
I had to go back to Berlin
on short notice.
[inhales deeply]
My father, he passed away and…
Yeah, that's… that's kind of it.
No, no, no, no. I'm… I'm okay.
-I'm… It's…
-[in German] The end is nigh!
-[driver] Piss off, you bum!
-Oh, fuck! Dude…
Yeah, your end is nigh, you cunt!
What an asshole.
Ant… Shit.
Oh, God. I hate Berlin.
Hello, Judith.
Hello.
I'm so sorry.
Yes. [sighs]
So how is she?
-Come in first.
-[dishes clatter]
-[Karla] I spoke with Borowski again.
-It's bad, isn't it?
We'll be in charge of the music ourselves.
We could practice something together.
Please no.
-Dad would've liked it.
-[Vivian] Karla?
[Karla] What is it?
[silverware clatters]
There you are.
I'm glad you're here.
You look like shit.
Come, have a seat.
[softly] Oh, God…
Listen. I've done most of it, but…
But, to be honest, all this bureaucracy,
that must be a German thing, right?
-[Judith] Hmm.
-[Karla scoffs]
Hey, squirt. How are you?
[inhales deeply]
[sighs]
I'm sorry.
That's Dad's seat.
Some people in this business still say
everything was better in the past, hmm?
In the past,
people spent a lot on funerals.
That's true, but back then
a funeral was a status symbol.
We at Eitner believe that we have
to make it as easy as possible
for our customers
to choose their desired funeral.
This means pre-made funeral packages
that appear to be individually designed.
Absolute price transparency,
and most importantly--
Mr. Eitner, I don't need a lecture
on our industry.
Just tell me what it is you want.
Mr. Borowski, I'd like…
you to become part of the Eitner family.
I'm sure you will find our offer
to be very generous.
[Andi] Family? Right.
Mr. Eitner.
I was eight years old when my father
first showed me a corpse.
I had to help him wash it.
Then he said to me,
"Pay attention, Andreas."
"You will be doing this
for the rest of your life."
He had just taken over the business
from his father at the time.
I did my apprenticeship here
and then worked for 20 years,
and 15 years ago,
my father passed down the business to me.
My father kept on working here
until he died.
My mother worked here until she died,
my wife works here, and my son works here.
That's what I consider family.
And that's all the family I need.
But Mr. Borowski, I'm sure you realize
that your business concept has no future.
[inhales sharply]
I'd like you to take your time
and think about my offer.
Mr. Eitner… [clears throat]
…perhaps I didn't make myself clear.
Get the hell out of my funeral home.
[sighs] I don't get it.
We're cremating him.
-Why do we have to pick clothes for him?
-Because we want him to look good…
and wear what he liked to wear.
But he doesn't care now.
We won't be able to see it either.
-How about the leather jacket?
-No.
-Why not? He used to like it.
-Exactly.
True. It made your father look like he was
going through a midlife crisis at 30.
[Judith laughs]
Oh, God. I felt so embarrassed
whenever he wore it.
[door opens, slams shut]
I'll check on him.
Just one thing… Would it be possible
for me to say goodbye to him?
What do you mean?
Well, could I see Dad one last time?
I have no idea. I think so. I'll…
I'll ask the undertaker.
Thank you.
[knocking]
[door opens]
[keys jangle]
[keys jangle]
[keys jangling]
[soft instrumental music plays]
[spraying]
[hair dryer whirring]
[Andi] That's good.
That's really good.
You'll make a good undertaker one day.
-I'm going for a smoke.
-[Ronnie] Okay.
[door opens]
[door closes]
[camera clicks]
[Andi] So your father is dressed, um…
closed eyes and all that.
We always do that
when the relatives want to view the body.
Right, okay. Shall I go with you,
or would you rather be alone?
-Alone, please.
-Mm-hmm.
Take as long as you like, and let me know
if you need anything, okay?
I'll be here.
-Okay. It's the door straight ahead.
-Thank you.
Good.
[shaky breath]
[stutters, clears throat]
[shaky breath]
Hey.
[shaky breathing]
I… I just… I just wanted to…
[shaky breathing]
Okay, don't worry. I'm not going
to talk to you or anything. I…
[sobbing]
-Oh, sorry. I…
-Oops.
-I'm finished in there.
-Was everything okay?
Huh?
Well, with your father. How he looked.
Oh, right.
[chuckles] Yes.
-[chuckles]
-I think so.
-Good. Bye.
-Bye.
[Ronnie clears throat]
My condolences, by the way.
-Thanks.
-[door chimes]
-Ronnie?
-Yes?
-[Andi] Anything wrong?
-No.
-Important clientele, okay?
-Yes.
[birds chirping]
So this is it.
It's a nice spot. Thank you.
No need to thank me.
[siren wailing in the distance]
What do you guys think?
Yes.
It's nice.
And as you requested, there would be
enough space for nine people.
Oh, so you mean it's for… all of us?
No one is forcing you.
So you've already planned
our funerals, too?
No one is forcing you.
Sorry, what a stupid number is nine?
Did you include grandkids, too?
I didn't include anything.
As I said, you don't have to.
[sighs]
-Sorry, the tree is blocking the light.
-You just said it was fine.
-But it wasn't my grave then.
-Yes or no?
-No.
-Tonio?
Hey.
He's not even listening.
There's one for two back there.
It's a bit sunnier, too.
That sounds good.
Come on.
[electronic music
playing through headphones]
[knock at door]
-[door opens]
-[Karla] Hey.
[floorboards creak]
Are you okay?
[sighs]
[Karla] What's up?
-Should something be up?
-[Karla] Well…
You spend all day in your dark room,
staring at the ceiling.
Looks like you're waiting to die.
And to be honest,
it already smells of decay in here.
Or have you found something
really interesting on the ceiling?
Something you might like to share with me?
[Tonio inhales deeply]
[sighs]
Do you know the last thing
I said to Dad?
Yes, something like,
"You're the shittiest shit father
in this shit world."
"Shut up."
[inhales deeply]
That's it. That will always be
the last thing I ever said to him.
That's why we're having the funeral.
So we can say our goodbyes
and say the right things.
[Karla sighs] You know
that I need you right now.
In all of this.
[Tonio sighs]
[Karla] You know what?
We should eat a ton of candy now.
-Dad can't complain anymore, anyway.
-[chuckles]
[Karla chuckles]
Know what he always used to say?
[chuckles]
"Do you know
what sugar does to your teeth?"
[sniffs]
[shaky breath]
-Hey, sweetie.
-[Judith sniffs]
Are you okay?
We just decided that we will…
have some candy.
-[door closes]
-[sighs]
[keys jangling]
What's this key for?
Huh?
[sighs]
[Judith] Could you please…
Could you please explain to us again
exactly what you mean?
[sighs, clears throat]
What I mean is that your mother's
financial situation isn't exactly good.
How… How is that possible?
My husband always earned very well.
Yes… that's true, but it has been
significantly less in the last two years.
And if you take the lifestyle
into account…
Well, life isn't fair, is it?
From one day to the next…
It's terrible. And no securities…
Yes, and how big of a problem
will this be for her, then?
[man] Well, in a nutshell,
you don't have any debt,
but there is definitely not much left.
[Andi] Mrs. Fazius, okay.
I took care of everything, and the funeral
will be exactly as we discussed.
-Thanks. That's wonderful, Mr. Borowski.
-It's just, um…
[inhales]
Due to your numerous additional wishes,
the price has increased.
I just wanted to make sure
that you're fine with it. This…
This part here.
Yes. Yes, of course it's okay.
Good.
I really loved my husband, and I want him
to have the best funeral in the world.
-Here?
-[Andi] Yes.
I'm certain
it will be a beautiful funeral service.
Great. Thanks.
-Bye.
-[Andi] Yes.
Mrs. Fazius.
Just one more thing.
I've got a date
for your husband's cremation.
It's tomorrow afternoon.
If you or any other family members
wish to attend,
then I'll have to let them know now.
Um, what?
-The cremation is, uh…
-[Karla] No.
No, no, no.
Certainly not.
-[Andi] Okay.
-Okay.
[nervous chuckle]
[door closes]
[relieved sigh]
[Karla] What can I tell you
about Stephan?
He was a fantastic dentist,
a mediocre dancer,
and he was… funny.
Sometimes even on purpose.
I have no idea how he did it,
but he was happy.
I think.
[inhales deeply, then sighs]
Seriously, what… What do I…
What do I tell people about you?
Stephan was a dentist.
He was a family guy.
And his last words were…
"Yes, why not?"
I remember how you said, "Yes, I do."
Or was it more of a "Yes, why not"
even then?
[Judith] Karla?
[Karla] Hmm?
[Judith] Can we have a quick chat?
[Karla] Do you think
the picture's at an angle?
Actually, I don't.
I've gone through your finances.
I highlighted where you could save money.
Just suggestions.
It'd be good if you have a look
and think about what you could do.
And I found an eight-year-old lease.
I don't know what it's for.
Sounds like a garage.
[Karla] Hmm.
[Judith] You still need it?
[Karla] Um…
Oh, yes. Now.
Yes, I know what this is.
It was… It was for a friend.
We don't need that anymore.
-[Judith] Okay, fine.
-[Karla] Hmm.
[Judith] Then cancel the lease.
Okay.
LEASE FOR COMMERCIAL PREMISES
[phone line trilling]
[Vivian] Hi, sweetie. How are you?
Hey. I'm just going through some documents
the accountant gave us,
and something's really odd.
Stephan hardly earned any money
in the last two years.
It must be some mistake, right?
[Vivian] Um…
-Vivian?
-[Vivian] Hey, yes, that, um…
I'll have accounting take a look.
Yes, but the dental office
was doing well, wasn't it?
-[Vivian] Yes, it was.
-So then what is the problem?
[Vivian] Well, he didn't
work much anymore.
Huh? Of course he worked a lot.
He went to work every morning.
-What are you talking about?
-[Vivian] I thought you knew about it.
His name was still on the door,
but that was it.
You're saying my husband, the dentist,
hasn't worked as a dentist in two years?
[Vivian] I…
Um…
-Are you kidding me?
-[Vivian] I don't know what to tell you.
Well, if he didn't go to work,
where'd he go?
[Vivian] I don't know.
He was your husband.
I'm sorry.
No, it's okay.
-[Vivian] I can come over sometime.
-No, it's all right.
Fuck.
["Sparring Partner"
by Paolo Conte plays]
-What can I tell you about Stephan?
-[keys jangle]
At some point in his life,
he used to be a dentist.
He had a teenage son,
a moody daughter and…
an unacceptable wife.
He must've been
the happiest person on the planet.
So what didn't you tell me?
[keys jangling]
A dentist comes home from work.
His wife asks him…
"Why are you so late?"
The dentist answers,
"This is going to hurt a little, but…"
[gasping]
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK
-[Andi] Hello, Mrs. Fazius.
-Where…
-Where is my husband right now?
-[Andi] I'm sorry?
[voice trembling]
Where is my husband at the moment?
[Andi] In the crematorium.
Why? What is it?
Give me the address.
[accelerating]
[tires screech]
[tires screech]
Hello. Please can you help me?
I just have to…
[indistinct]
[inaudible]
[inaudible]
[inaudible]
[Andi] I understand. No brass band, then.
This has to go, too.
Right, so now just two…
floral arrangements?
-Good.
-Yes. There's no other option.
My mother's condition,
her financial situation is, um…
I'll do my best to cancel certain orders,
but for some things it might be too late.
[Judith] Okay.
And a eulogist?
-Can you organize one for us?
-Hmm?
My mother wanted to do it herself, but…
To be honest, I don't even know
if she can go to the funeral.
I'll just go see… Sorry.
Yes, of course.
Hey.
-Everything okay?
-Yes, I'm great. And you?
[inhales deeply]
Listen.
You're doing everything
really, really well with Karla.
-Thank you.
-[Judith] Please listen.
We'll get through this together. Okay?
"We"? "We"?
You haven't been here
for the last five years!
You showed up three times a year.
Where were you?!
Now you turn up
and you suddenly want to take over.
Fuck you! Fuck you, dude!
[Andi] Mrs. Fazius?
Mrs. Fazius?
I don't know if you can hear me.
I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry
about how things have turned out.
[sighs]
I can totally understand
your daughter's decision, but…
[sighs]
…it really would have been
a beautiful funeral
that you planned for your husband.
[Andi sighs]
You can tell that he meant a lot to you.
I'd like that myself.
[dialing]
Mr. Sonnabend, one question.
I need a eulogist on short notice.
Mr. Elster, how are you?
Yeah, you know, people are always dying.
Yes, Mr. Kaneti, I am still alive.
It's this Wednesday at 11:00.
No, this coming Wednesday.
If we cut the speech in half,
can we do something about the price?
Oh, only for Eitner?
Priests or ministers
are definitely out of the question.
Mrs. Schneider!
I need a eulogist. A female one.
Of course, I immediately thought of you.
-[sniffs]
-[Frauke] Dinner!
Are you coming?
Yes, I'm coming.
[softly] Kiss my ass.
[scoffs] "Affordable."
[sighs]
What a load of shit, shit, shit!
[deep breath]
[Frauke] I'll clear your plate away.
Won't be long, love.
The Fazius funeral will be
a lot smaller than we thought.
-Hadn't they signed everything?
-Yes, but what can I do?
The widow has money issues
and a nervous breakdown.
[Frauke] Andi.
You're her undertaker.
Not her priest or her friend, right?
Yes.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
[inhales deeply]
So you're getting shit-faced
to celebrate the day?
I'll clean up downstairs.
Are you full already?
Yes.
Thanks, Ronnie.
Call Eitner again.
Nope.
What's the issue?
You could still work here.
Ronnie could still work here.
We'd just have some security.
But I'm not selling.
-This is my family's business.
-[Frauke inhales]
I inherited it from my father.
He inherited it from his father.
And at some point,
my son will inherit it. Period!
[Andi clears his throat]
Stepson.
Dear mourners, we are gathered here today
to say farewell to Steffen Fazius.
Oh… [muttering indistinctly]
Stephan. Stephan Fazius.
Stephan Fazius. Shit.
[sniffs, sighs]
Dear mourners…
dear penny-pinchers…
dear cheapskates.
This is my last funeral
because I'm fed up with you all.
If you could,
you'd wrap your relatives in toilet paper
and bury them without ceremony for €2.50.
But Andi doesn't want to do that anymore.
Sort out your own shit!
[liquid pouring]
[soft instrumental music plays]
-[footsteps approaching]
-[keys jangling]
-[Judith] Are you ready? We have to go.
-[bell tolling]
[Tonio sighs]
Come on.
One day, you wake up…
You won't… You won't… You won't wake up.
The birds sing as they sang yesterday.
Nothing changes this new daily routine.
Only you are gone.
You are free now.
And our tears wish you…
luck.
Dear mourners,
we have just had a look
at the life of Steffen Fazius.
His family. His career.
His life's journey.
Before we all go outside…
to commit his ashes to the earth,
I'd like to give you
a few moments of reflection…
for your own personal thoughts…
feelings…
that you associate with Steffen.
Stephan.
Stephan.
-[people murmuring]
-Sorry. Stephan.
[shaky exhale]
What is all this?
[people murmuring]
Don't you have any idea…
what happened?
The best human being
in the history of the world…
-[Andi] Mrs. Fazius.
-[Karla] …is dead.
-Mrs. Fazius.
-What is it? Sit down.
Please. Sober up now.
[people murmuring]
It all flies by.
[sighs]
You have great times together.
You experience great things together.
You…
You move in together.
You have great kids.
You get married.
You go on holiday together.
You buy a house.
You argue.
You make up.
[shaky breath]
And then…
And then the bastard says goodbye.
All over.
And then you ask yourself the question…
Were… we… happy?
Was that the best life we could have had?
And the answer is…
I don't know.
[shaky breath]
For God's sake, I don't know.
-[whispering] I have to stop this.
-Just--
The next lot is waiting outside.
Um…
I…
[sniffs]
I promised Stephan something and…
It's probably not appropriate now,
-but fuck that.
-[people murmuring]
♪ I know you better
Than you know yourself ♪
♪ Know what annoys you and what you like ♪
-♪ I know you hate my mother ♪
-[laughter]
♪ And that you grab my ass
When I'm asleep ♪
-♪ I know that you sniff your socks ♪
-[laughter]
♪ And read Brigitte
While you take a shit ♪
♪ I know all that about you ♪
♪ And that's exactly why I love you ♪
[sentimental music plays]
[inaudible]
[inaudible]
♪ We're the best thing that I have ♪
♪ That's how it should always be ♪
♪ Don't ever leave me alone ♪
[sobbing]
♪ Don't ever leave me alone ♪
Yes. [clears throat]
This is breaking my heart, but…
The Götz family is waiting outside,
and they've been very, very patient.
So I'd like to ask you to go outside
together with the deceased…
[sobbing]
[sniffles]
[guests sobbing]
[sniffles] Mom.
Dad…
He would have loved your speech.
[sniffling]
[birds chirping]
[man] That really was some event.
I've never been to a funeral like that.
What are you doing here?
Your mom wrote to me.
Really?
Yes.
How is Karla doing?
I have no idea.
[shaky inhale]
[Karla] I guess all in all it was okay.
I was merciful with you.
I mean, the speech was a little short,
but what should I have said? I…
Many people congratulated me afterwards.
But don't you dare think
that we are done here.
Anyway, I thought
that I could do eulogies for a living.
I mean, I've got a family
to support now, right?
Right?
[phone rings]
[deep breath]
[continues ringing]
Borowski Funeral Service.
[Karla] Hello. This is Karla Fazius.
I gave the eulogy for my husband.
Yes, of course, Mrs. Fazius. I know.
-[inhales] I still feel very guilty about…
-It's fine.
[Andi] I know how important
this funeral was to you. Um…
-There's only one chance to say goodbye.
-Yes, okay. Yes, you messed up. Yes.
Yes, but…
[in English] Nobody's perfect.
[Andi, in German] I have to say,
you did a great job.
Thanks.
[Andi] No, it was special.
It's nice of you to say that,
because I've been thinking.
I think I'd be pretty good at it.
[Andi] Uh…
At what?
[mid-tempo music plays]