The Last Post (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript
It must be 100 degrees!
Why am I wearing wool?
Our driver will be here soon.
Before we melt?
It might be cooler inside, darling.
I love it when you call me darling.
I don't think I'll ever get used to it.
This isn't Aldershot, is it?
I can't tell you how happy that makes me.
'Aden, where East meets West.
Vital as an oil refinery,
as well as a Gulf trade route.
The beach here at Aden is lovely.
The sand is warm
and the sharks are not always hungry.
The Queen has full
confidence in Aden's future
describing it as the perfect
example of colonial rule.
Ian. Ahlan.
Kaif halik? Kaif halik?
Aismi al Earif Armstrong.
Tony.
Yusra.
What?
What did you say?
Hurry up, Baxter!
Well, we'll miss you, sir.
All this cash we win off you.
- On the Queen. All in.
- All in!
- Hang on, oi!
- Here we go...
Wait... Shh, shh, shh.
- No! No!
- Yes!
I've spent two years waiting
for a fly to land on that card!
What's the chances?
You fixed it for me to win.
No, no not me, sir. I
respect you too much, Captain.
I know you better than any
soldier I've ever served with
and you fixed it for me to win.
How would I do that, sir, a pet
fly that understands English?
So, you're telling me on my last
day I finally hit the jackpot?
A good officer needs three things.
Judgment, authority and luck.
- Hear, hear.
- You've got all three, sir.
Thanks.
I farted on it.
No, you didn't! You did what?!
He always puts his money
on the Queen of Hearts.
I farted on it before the game started.
Alison, we need to...
Have a good day at the office, dear.
Ey up, Sarge, Laithwaite of Arabia's here.
Can I ask where you're going, sir?
Off base? Sir?
Doing my job.
Well, it is standard
military police practise
to always know where you are, sir.
It's classified.
Lieutenant Laithwaite is, er...
What's the word I'm looking for, sir?
Are you about to criticise an officer
in the presence and hearing
of another officer, Baxter?
The British Army is the
best in the world...
because you always trust
the man standing next to you.
Captain Page, taking a last look around?
An officer's wife hanging
a bra out to dry.
What's the world coming to?
Sir.
From the hillside above Ballinluig.
It's seen me through, you have it now.
They're... getting me a drum.
How do you know?
A good officer knows
everything his men are doing.
Why didn't Ed get it?
Your job.
Don't know.
Nothing to do with me?
No.
- So you - do - know.
Your husband is a good officer...
So it must be me.
What am I going to do without you?
I think you should put some effort
into being Mrs Laithwaite...
and maybe a bit less of that.
Don't do that. Not now,
so late in the bloody day.
Can we?
One more time?
Promise me you'll be safe.
We said we wouldn't!
It is the biggest shipment
of arms into Aden yet
and they are British,
left behind after Suez.
So we're supplying the
weapons and the targets?
The British Empire is destroying itself
and we're not even making money out of it.
One thing in the shipment
is not British...
A Blindicide Bazooka.
Belgian.
They're serious.
And did your man get any
closer to this leader?
Better than that...
Abdul Kadir Hakim.
He'll do anything to
get rid of the British
and he wants to put on a
show to announce himself.
What kind of show?
He sees you as the symbol of occupation...
The Royal Military Police.
Maybe it's the red caps you wear.
Look, they came with us...
Raindrops from England!
Come under the umbrella, Joe.
I'm fine.
Tell me something I don't
know about my new husband.
- Like what?
- Anything.
I'm just as you see me.
What if they've forgotten us?
They'll be here.
No, what if night comes
and it's just you and me
and... and the desert and the stars?
Really, afraid of planes?!
Geronimo, fall in!
I've got his leaving present here.
Here you are. I don't know
what the locals call it.
A mirwas, sir. Tight skin, small, hairy.
Why would Captain Page want a drum?
To remind him of your
lovely bollocks, Stoneham.
He'll get a regimental plaque
for the wall. They all get that.
The good ones get a piss
up in the Sergeants' Mess.
The best, the very best, the
one's that you'd die for?
They get something that means something.
It doesn't matter what it is,
it's the fact that you give it.
He's the best officer I've
served under in 20 years.
Year and a half and we're still standing.
So, the new man, what
do you know about him?
I know that his driver's late.
F...
Run!
So a piss up in the Sergeants' Mess?
Not for you, Stoneham.
You get to babysit the CO's boy.
George, come and look!
All right...
Hello!
I was just taking a
last look at the desert
from the roof.
Do you think Father Christmas will come?
- Come on, George.
- I'm going to decorate the tree...
Hello, Mary.
My fourth shower of the day.
Sometimes I think it's all
I do... sweat and wash.
Perspire and ablute.
The men do the sweating and the washing.
What would any of us do without you?
Are you all right, Alison?
The walls used to sweat...
Do you remember? In Hong Kong.
We used to sit and watch the
water running down the walls.
Such close relationships
we make in Army life.
But we pack up and we move on.
In the morning, he'll be gone.
Look, we all think Ed should
have got the promotion,
so it'll be hard for him with the new man.
He'll need your support.
This is for you and Ed.
Merry Christmas, Mrs Laithwaite.
What did your man say?
That he's the charismatic leader
that they've all been waiting for,
and to announce himself to the world,
it's us red caps that he's after.
What would you have me do?
Send the whole unit out on night
patrol but not give Captain Page
his sendoff, all because your
source has a feeling in his waters?
Give me permission to
interview the prisoner.
- My source says he seems to know something...
- That's not possible.
Intel boys are in with him as we speak and my orders are to...
- Sir.
Leave him to stew, as
talking to these people before
softening them up doesn't work.
How would we know that?
Has it ever been tried?
You're obeying orders.
It's what we do!
Don't be bitter, Ed.
If you get angry because you
were passed up for promotion,
you'll be passed up next time.
Left, right, left!
Left, left!
Left, right, left, right!
Left, right, left!
Not a mark on him.
Leave the prisoner in that
position until I tell you.
There's a good chap.
Shh.
Trust me.
What are you doing?
Trying to do my job.
Well, don't. There are rules.
Usually rules are written down.
Not these ones. Why not, sir?
Ed... - 72 hours of stress and
everyone talks... that's the theory.
You don't think it works?
I think torture's the best
recruiting sergeant for terrorists.
How long till the intel boys come back?
They didn't say.
Well, he's our prisoner, sir.
In their absence...
Corporal Armstrong, sir.
You're late, Armstrong.
Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
Hello, Armstrong.
Why?
Sir?
Why are you late?
Well, the war doesn't stop, sir...
Not at anyone's convenience, sir.
Are you being facetious?
I don't know, sir.
It's a yes or no answer, Corporal.
Well, it is if you know
what facetious means, sir.
Don't do that, darling.
What?
He needs to know that lateness
will not be tolerated by me.
Well, what did I do?
You... took your sunglasses off.
Er, George, darling, will
you get the angel for Mummy?
Good boy.
It's a fairy.
I think it's an angel.
It's a fucking fairy.
Where did you hear that word?
Mrs Laithwaite. She says it a lot.
What's the difference?
Ask Daddy.
Daddy!
You do it, Daddy. Mummy can't reach.
One, two, three...
Good grief!
What's Mummy feeding you these days?
Up...
Well done.
Tidy up your cars.
What is it?
Nothing.
It's not nothing, Mary. Tell me.
The number he wants on the back of
his football shirt for Christmas.
I don't understand.
Have you tried sewing a number eight?
Is that it? Is that all?
And you?
I'm fine.
She sells seashells on the seashore.
The seashells that she
sells are seashells...
Come on, Joe!
She sells seashells on the seashore.
The seashells that she sells
are seashells, she's sure.
We were playing it on the plane,
but you couldn't get
it, could you, darling?
Not at all. Not even slowly.
We only got married a week ago.
We didn't have time for a
honeymoon, so this drive is it.
This is our week in Capri, Armstrong.
What was he like? Captain Page?
Technically he hasn't left yet.
He won't be doing much
sleeping tonight, though.
You haven't answered my question.
We trusted him with our lives, sir.
What about me? Who are my
new friends going to be?
Brigadier Christmas.
Captain Page came to say goodbye,
which says a lot about
him, don't you think?
He told me something he shouldn't have.
He said everyone thinks
it should have been you.
Drink?
I'm on duty.
Do you mind if I do?
Why would he say that?
Why wouldn't he?
I don't know.
Cos it's not true?
I'm just not one of the boys, Al.
Knock knock.
Who's there? Come in, Mary!
It was good of Nick Page.
What's that?
To do the farewell rounds.
He brought me a sprig of heather.
Such a charmer. Did he
come and see you too?
And there was me thinking
I was the special one.
I'd better get off. Security checks.
What would you like for Christmas?
I'd give anything for a
wet weekend in Haslemere.
Thank you, Jeeves.
And you shall have... this one.
That song again... you'd
think she'd grow tired of it.
I'm so glad I'm married to you.
What a funny thing to say.
I think it every day.
What if it were a different number?
What if it weren't a number eight?
Then my life would be
without a single wrinkle.
Sorry.
No, no.
You should go... the wives are waiting.
We should be asking her to babysit.
No, I'd prefer Corporal Stoneham doing it.
Calamine lotion for his prickly heat.
Fan speed high until he goes to bed,
then turn it down to the
secondslowest speed.
Bedtime is straight
after Uncle Bill on BFBS.
Two puffs on his asthma inhaler.
Don't forget to tell Corporal
Stoneham all of this.
It's important.
And Green Teddy needs
his pyjamas on for bed.
Ed Laithwaite took the
hood off a prisoner today.
I had to put it back on.
I...
Goodnight, lovely boy.
Goodnight, Green Teddy.
You smell nice, Mummy.
Fucking nice.
Two targets for tonight, Corporal.
Sir.
One... a haircut, short and sensible.
Two... a new favourite footballer.
It has to be a winger so
there's a number seven
or a number 11 on his back.
Achieve these, and I'll get you
mentioned in dispatches. Good lad.
These are the officers' blocks.
You'll be taking over Captain
Page's quarters, sir.
Thank you, Corporal.
Sir.
Wait.
Ooh!
Hello...
Mrs Page?
There's no Mrs Page.
He's married to the army. They all are.
Drunk.
Sorry.
Don't tell anyone.
The new man.
God...
Baxter. I don't want you
drinking tonight. Yes?
- Too late, sir.
- Well, I need you to double the guard.
The whole unit is on the
base, Ed. The base is secure.
Sir.
Sometimes the best officers
know when to switch off.
Yes, sir.
You need to tell me what they're planning.
I know that you know.
Cigarette?
Shukran.
I gave you an order.
Now get yourself along
to the Sergeants' Mess
and start behaving like a proper officer!
I had him. He's about to talk.
I said to leave him alone.
If anything happens...
your conscience.
Sorry.
We're in and out of each
other's quarters all the time.
You'll see.
But everyone is so looking
forward to you both.
The Sergeants' Mess...
They'll be singing him out.
Why don't you pop along
and they can sing you in?
In with the new, out with the old?
In, out, in, out, shake it all about?
- Will you be all right, darling?
- Yes.
Course she will. We're going
to be the best of friends.
Incorruptible.
I don't want a haircut.
I want to be a footballer.
He will be the best footballer
the world has ever seen.
- You watch.
- What's his name?
George.
Like me!
Yeah.
He's got long hair.
Yeah.
What number is he?
Seven. Sometimes 11.
Have you ever been up
on the roof at night?
- No.
- What do you think you might see?
The stars!
How about... I cut your hair
while you look at the stars?
Promise me you won't tell your dad.
Come on, then.
Whoa!
Wow.
Let's sit down, then.
You know, even the nearest
star is billions of miles away,
but it still feels like you can
reach up and touch it, doesn't it?
Everyone... this is Captain
Joe Martin's wife, Honor.
Honor.
Wool in Aden.
Your MFO boxes haven't arrived?
Well, none of my dresses fit.
You can have them all
while I'm so enormous.
I'm sorry. It should have been you.
Thanks, Nick.
Er, gentlemen, if I could er,
have your attention briefly.
Remember this.
We are the British Army and as such,
we represent Her Majesty The Queen.
So I don't want to see any
drunkenness or foolishness tonight.
At 22hundred hours I shall be
retiring to my married quarters,
from where, I have to inform you,
that I shall be unable
to see or hear anything.
A drum! You shouldn't have!
We got you something loud and ugly, sir...
Thank you.
Speech!
I can't begin to... put into
words what it has meant to me
to serve with all of you.
Except to say that I have
been guided in everything that
I've done by what some army officers
call respect for their men, others
call comradeship,
but which I have no hesitation
in describing as love.
Hip, hip...
Thank you, Baxter.
I'm pregnant. It's not Ed's.
Alison...
I'm going to tell him.
Captain Martin. Nick Page's replacement.
Call me Ed. Captain.
Not a drinking man?
Not tonight.
OK, men, this is it.
OK. Done!
Lift me up like Daddy does.
George!
Go to your bed! Go on!
Seeing you makes me happy much.
- That's...
- Is this wrong?
No. No, it's much right.
Just wear the clothes
that Mrs Markham lent you.
Darling, they're a bit...
She'll be offended if you don't.
And you're beautiful whatever you wear.
Alison said she'd help
me out, with everything.
Well, Lieutenant
Laithwaite is a Lieutenant.
He's below me, in rank.
So?
What if I have to order him to do
something he doesn't want to do?
It won't help either of us if my
wife and his wife are friends.
The one you need to win over is Orchover.
Thank you for the advice, Corporal...?
Orchover, sir.
20 years a Corporal... never
wanted to take his Sergeant's exams.
Normandy, The Rhine, Suez,
Malaya. He's seen it all.
Him and Baxter... they're the backbone.
And the wives?
Has Laithwaite got his wife under control?
Time to go, sir... your carriage awaits!
Sir.
- Sir. - Sir.
I hope you were a good boy for
Corporal Stoneham last night?
Daddy?
- Daddy?
- Yes.
I got shot in the head.
Sounds like you had a good time.
A quiet night after all.
None of us should apologise
for what we've given to
those parts of the world
lucky enough to have us.
Once the roads and the schools and
the hospitals are built, we leave.
The British Empire is benevolent.
What's the longest conversation
you've had with anyone
in Aden who was born here?
Have you ever had the
curiosity or the courtesy or
the imagination to ask
anyone if they agree with you?
They hate you, sir, and
everything you stand for.
Me?
It's us, Ed. We wear the same uniform.
We trust one another because
we live by the same rules.
Let's get him the fuck out of here!
Take care, sir.
Alison?
Hello?
Thanks, sir.
Sir... scotch.
Stick 'em on the bonnet. They'll
be dry in two minutes. -...
Drop 'em!
Stop laughing.
And the rest.
All right there, like that?
Sir!
Oi, sir, come...
Sir, come on! Sir...
- Sir, you've got me shorts...
- Come on!
- Hurry up!
- Come on, sir, please!
- Sir, for God's sake!
- Come on!
Come on, please!
Fucking hell.
Sorry, come on.
- Come back, sir!
- Woowoowoo! - Sir, come back!
Shit.
Squad, stand at ease.
RAF recon are saying...
it's a single Land Rover.
And it's burnt out.
Sir...
is it them?
Captain Page and Lance
Corporal Armstrong...
should have been at the
airfield two hours ago.
The more professionalism we
show now, in dealing with this,
the better the chance of us
finding whoever is responsible.
Remember who we are...
and what Lance Corporal Armstrong
and Captain Page would expect from you.
Where are they?
OK, which way did they go?
Look at me! Which way did they go?
Stay where you are.
Tell me everything you
know, everything you saw.
Hands where I can see them.
Tell me what you know!
Look at me, tell me what you know.
The men are finding this hard.
It's pretty vital that we officers
keep our emotions under control.
Right! Come out, come out!
Are there any more men in there?
Baxter!
- Sir!
- ~.
I need you here.
- Sir!
- They'll be long gone.
With respect, sir, no, they won't, sir.
My guess is they'll still be here,
hiding in amongst the locals.
No Armstrong?
- Sir?
- No remains.
Nothing.
Why not?
- Did he wear dog tags?
- Yes, sir.
So, where are they?
Radio back to base.
- I want a search party out, now!
- Sir! - Sir, I think we should move out.
- We're sitting ducks.
- We're not finished here.
We take our dead with us
and we do it with dignity.
I want them all to know what
the British Army is made of.
Slow.
Slower.
Yusra?
Tony.
No...
Shukran, shukran.
There, all done.
I'm sorry, I...
Sorry, I can't write this.
Where do they live?
Er, Sancreed.
The toe end of Cornwall.
We've been there.
The sheep in the churchyard,
do you remember?
He was their only son,
Mary. It'll kill them.
Will you help me?
"Dear Mr and Mrs Page..."
We're NOT like that!
We are!
We pretend we're not but we are!
Help him up.
Lieutenant!
These are real people.
Some of them are wonderful,
some of them are bastards!
OK. - Most of them are, you
know, they're just in between,
they're just like us.
But we can't treat people the
same because the rules say.
Then why the hell were you doing that to him?
- Because he knew.
Because I knew.
I knew.
- I'm sorry.
- Go home.
Have a drink.
Be with your wife.
Armstrong?
Armstrong!
You're late.
Yes, sir.
Sorry, sir.
Very late.
Yes, sir.
Welcome home.
I saw a shooting star.
Death, that's what you're seeing.
The raid party goes in at 1300 hours.
Their objective, to capture one man.
He's brutal, he's clever.
Ambre Solaire, fish and chips, gin.
This is my favourite place in the world.
I'm sorry about Nick Page.
It's even harder...!
There's a reporter coming with us.
I can't make this decision,
choosing between my wife and my men.
Why am I wearing wool?
Our driver will be here soon.
Before we melt?
It might be cooler inside, darling.
I love it when you call me darling.
I don't think I'll ever get used to it.
This isn't Aldershot, is it?
I can't tell you how happy that makes me.
'Aden, where East meets West.
Vital as an oil refinery,
as well as a Gulf trade route.
The beach here at Aden is lovely.
The sand is warm
and the sharks are not always hungry.
The Queen has full
confidence in Aden's future
describing it as the perfect
example of colonial rule.
Ian. Ahlan.
Kaif halik? Kaif halik?
Aismi al Earif Armstrong.
Tony.
Yusra.
What?
What did you say?
Hurry up, Baxter!
Well, we'll miss you, sir.
All this cash we win off you.
- On the Queen. All in.
- All in!
- Hang on, oi!
- Here we go...
Wait... Shh, shh, shh.
- No! No!
- Yes!
I've spent two years waiting
for a fly to land on that card!
What's the chances?
You fixed it for me to win.
No, no not me, sir. I
respect you too much, Captain.
I know you better than any
soldier I've ever served with
and you fixed it for me to win.
How would I do that, sir, a pet
fly that understands English?
So, you're telling me on my last
day I finally hit the jackpot?
A good officer needs three things.
Judgment, authority and luck.
- Hear, hear.
- You've got all three, sir.
Thanks.
I farted on it.
No, you didn't! You did what?!
He always puts his money
on the Queen of Hearts.
I farted on it before the game started.
Alison, we need to...
Have a good day at the office, dear.
Ey up, Sarge, Laithwaite of Arabia's here.
Can I ask where you're going, sir?
Off base? Sir?
Doing my job.
Well, it is standard
military police practise
to always know where you are, sir.
It's classified.
Lieutenant Laithwaite is, er...
What's the word I'm looking for, sir?
Are you about to criticise an officer
in the presence and hearing
of another officer, Baxter?
The British Army is the
best in the world...
because you always trust
the man standing next to you.
Captain Page, taking a last look around?
An officer's wife hanging
a bra out to dry.
What's the world coming to?
Sir.
From the hillside above Ballinluig.
It's seen me through, you have it now.
They're... getting me a drum.
How do you know?
A good officer knows
everything his men are doing.
Why didn't Ed get it?
Your job.
Don't know.
Nothing to do with me?
No.
- So you - do - know.
Your husband is a good officer...
So it must be me.
What am I going to do without you?
I think you should put some effort
into being Mrs Laithwaite...
and maybe a bit less of that.
Don't do that. Not now,
so late in the bloody day.
Can we?
One more time?
Promise me you'll be safe.
We said we wouldn't!
It is the biggest shipment
of arms into Aden yet
and they are British,
left behind after Suez.
So we're supplying the
weapons and the targets?
The British Empire is destroying itself
and we're not even making money out of it.
One thing in the shipment
is not British...
A Blindicide Bazooka.
Belgian.
They're serious.
And did your man get any
closer to this leader?
Better than that...
Abdul Kadir Hakim.
He'll do anything to
get rid of the British
and he wants to put on a
show to announce himself.
What kind of show?
He sees you as the symbol of occupation...
The Royal Military Police.
Maybe it's the red caps you wear.
Look, they came with us...
Raindrops from England!
Come under the umbrella, Joe.
I'm fine.
Tell me something I don't
know about my new husband.
- Like what?
- Anything.
I'm just as you see me.
What if they've forgotten us?
They'll be here.
No, what if night comes
and it's just you and me
and... and the desert and the stars?
Really, afraid of planes?!
Geronimo, fall in!
I've got his leaving present here.
Here you are. I don't know
what the locals call it.
A mirwas, sir. Tight skin, small, hairy.
Why would Captain Page want a drum?
To remind him of your
lovely bollocks, Stoneham.
He'll get a regimental plaque
for the wall. They all get that.
The good ones get a piss
up in the Sergeants' Mess.
The best, the very best, the
one's that you'd die for?
They get something that means something.
It doesn't matter what it is,
it's the fact that you give it.
He's the best officer I've
served under in 20 years.
Year and a half and we're still standing.
So, the new man, what
do you know about him?
I know that his driver's late.
F...
Run!
So a piss up in the Sergeants' Mess?
Not for you, Stoneham.
You get to babysit the CO's boy.
George, come and look!
All right...
Hello!
I was just taking a
last look at the desert
from the roof.
Do you think Father Christmas will come?
- Come on, George.
- I'm going to decorate the tree...
Hello, Mary.
My fourth shower of the day.
Sometimes I think it's all
I do... sweat and wash.
Perspire and ablute.
The men do the sweating and the washing.
What would any of us do without you?
Are you all right, Alison?
The walls used to sweat...
Do you remember? In Hong Kong.
We used to sit and watch the
water running down the walls.
Such close relationships
we make in Army life.
But we pack up and we move on.
In the morning, he'll be gone.
Look, we all think Ed should
have got the promotion,
so it'll be hard for him with the new man.
He'll need your support.
This is for you and Ed.
Merry Christmas, Mrs Laithwaite.
What did your man say?
That he's the charismatic leader
that they've all been waiting for,
and to announce himself to the world,
it's us red caps that he's after.
What would you have me do?
Send the whole unit out on night
patrol but not give Captain Page
his sendoff, all because your
source has a feeling in his waters?
Give me permission to
interview the prisoner.
- My source says he seems to know something...
- That's not possible.
Intel boys are in with him as we speak and my orders are to...
- Sir.
Leave him to stew, as
talking to these people before
softening them up doesn't work.
How would we know that?
Has it ever been tried?
You're obeying orders.
It's what we do!
Don't be bitter, Ed.
If you get angry because you
were passed up for promotion,
you'll be passed up next time.
Left, right, left!
Left, left!
Left, right, left, right!
Left, right, left!
Not a mark on him.
Leave the prisoner in that
position until I tell you.
There's a good chap.
Shh.
Trust me.
What are you doing?
Trying to do my job.
Well, don't. There are rules.
Usually rules are written down.
Not these ones. Why not, sir?
Ed... - 72 hours of stress and
everyone talks... that's the theory.
You don't think it works?
I think torture's the best
recruiting sergeant for terrorists.
How long till the intel boys come back?
They didn't say.
Well, he's our prisoner, sir.
In their absence...
Corporal Armstrong, sir.
You're late, Armstrong.
Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
Hello, Armstrong.
Why?
Sir?
Why are you late?
Well, the war doesn't stop, sir...
Not at anyone's convenience, sir.
Are you being facetious?
I don't know, sir.
It's a yes or no answer, Corporal.
Well, it is if you know
what facetious means, sir.
Don't do that, darling.
What?
He needs to know that lateness
will not be tolerated by me.
Well, what did I do?
You... took your sunglasses off.
Er, George, darling, will
you get the angel for Mummy?
Good boy.
It's a fairy.
I think it's an angel.
It's a fucking fairy.
Where did you hear that word?
Mrs Laithwaite. She says it a lot.
What's the difference?
Ask Daddy.
Daddy!
You do it, Daddy. Mummy can't reach.
One, two, three...
Good grief!
What's Mummy feeding you these days?
Up...
Well done.
Tidy up your cars.
What is it?
Nothing.
It's not nothing, Mary. Tell me.
The number he wants on the back of
his football shirt for Christmas.
I don't understand.
Have you tried sewing a number eight?
Is that it? Is that all?
And you?
I'm fine.
She sells seashells on the seashore.
The seashells that she
sells are seashells...
Come on, Joe!
She sells seashells on the seashore.
The seashells that she sells
are seashells, she's sure.
We were playing it on the plane,
but you couldn't get
it, could you, darling?
Not at all. Not even slowly.
We only got married a week ago.
We didn't have time for a
honeymoon, so this drive is it.
This is our week in Capri, Armstrong.
What was he like? Captain Page?
Technically he hasn't left yet.
He won't be doing much
sleeping tonight, though.
You haven't answered my question.
We trusted him with our lives, sir.
What about me? Who are my
new friends going to be?
Brigadier Christmas.
Captain Page came to say goodbye,
which says a lot about
him, don't you think?
He told me something he shouldn't have.
He said everyone thinks
it should have been you.
Drink?
I'm on duty.
Do you mind if I do?
Why would he say that?
Why wouldn't he?
I don't know.
Cos it's not true?
I'm just not one of the boys, Al.
Knock knock.
Who's there? Come in, Mary!
It was good of Nick Page.
What's that?
To do the farewell rounds.
He brought me a sprig of heather.
Such a charmer. Did he
come and see you too?
And there was me thinking
I was the special one.
I'd better get off. Security checks.
What would you like for Christmas?
I'd give anything for a
wet weekend in Haslemere.
Thank you, Jeeves.
And you shall have... this one.
That song again... you'd
think she'd grow tired of it.
I'm so glad I'm married to you.
What a funny thing to say.
I think it every day.
What if it were a different number?
What if it weren't a number eight?
Then my life would be
without a single wrinkle.
Sorry.
No, no.
You should go... the wives are waiting.
We should be asking her to babysit.
No, I'd prefer Corporal Stoneham doing it.
Calamine lotion for his prickly heat.
Fan speed high until he goes to bed,
then turn it down to the
secondslowest speed.
Bedtime is straight
after Uncle Bill on BFBS.
Two puffs on his asthma inhaler.
Don't forget to tell Corporal
Stoneham all of this.
It's important.
And Green Teddy needs
his pyjamas on for bed.
Ed Laithwaite took the
hood off a prisoner today.
I had to put it back on.
I...
Goodnight, lovely boy.
Goodnight, Green Teddy.
You smell nice, Mummy.
Fucking nice.
Two targets for tonight, Corporal.
Sir.
One... a haircut, short and sensible.
Two... a new favourite footballer.
It has to be a winger so
there's a number seven
or a number 11 on his back.
Achieve these, and I'll get you
mentioned in dispatches. Good lad.
These are the officers' blocks.
You'll be taking over Captain
Page's quarters, sir.
Thank you, Corporal.
Sir.
Wait.
Ooh!
Hello...
Mrs Page?
There's no Mrs Page.
He's married to the army. They all are.
Drunk.
Sorry.
Don't tell anyone.
The new man.
God...
Baxter. I don't want you
drinking tonight. Yes?
- Too late, sir.
- Well, I need you to double the guard.
The whole unit is on the
base, Ed. The base is secure.
Sir.
Sometimes the best officers
know when to switch off.
Yes, sir.
You need to tell me what they're planning.
I know that you know.
Cigarette?
Shukran.
I gave you an order.
Now get yourself along
to the Sergeants' Mess
and start behaving like a proper officer!
I had him. He's about to talk.
I said to leave him alone.
If anything happens...
your conscience.
Sorry.
We're in and out of each
other's quarters all the time.
You'll see.
But everyone is so looking
forward to you both.
The Sergeants' Mess...
They'll be singing him out.
Why don't you pop along
and they can sing you in?
In with the new, out with the old?
In, out, in, out, shake it all about?
- Will you be all right, darling?
- Yes.
Course she will. We're going
to be the best of friends.
Incorruptible.
I don't want a haircut.
I want to be a footballer.
He will be the best footballer
the world has ever seen.
- You watch.
- What's his name?
George.
Like me!
Yeah.
He's got long hair.
Yeah.
What number is he?
Seven. Sometimes 11.
Have you ever been up
on the roof at night?
- No.
- What do you think you might see?
The stars!
How about... I cut your hair
while you look at the stars?
Promise me you won't tell your dad.
Come on, then.
Whoa!
Wow.
Let's sit down, then.
You know, even the nearest
star is billions of miles away,
but it still feels like you can
reach up and touch it, doesn't it?
Everyone... this is Captain
Joe Martin's wife, Honor.
Honor.
Wool in Aden.
Your MFO boxes haven't arrived?
Well, none of my dresses fit.
You can have them all
while I'm so enormous.
I'm sorry. It should have been you.
Thanks, Nick.
Er, gentlemen, if I could er,
have your attention briefly.
Remember this.
We are the British Army and as such,
we represent Her Majesty The Queen.
So I don't want to see any
drunkenness or foolishness tonight.
At 22hundred hours I shall be
retiring to my married quarters,
from where, I have to inform you,
that I shall be unable
to see or hear anything.
A drum! You shouldn't have!
We got you something loud and ugly, sir...
Thank you.
Speech!
I can't begin to... put into
words what it has meant to me
to serve with all of you.
Except to say that I have
been guided in everything that
I've done by what some army officers
call respect for their men, others
call comradeship,
but which I have no hesitation
in describing as love.
Hip, hip...
Thank you, Baxter.
I'm pregnant. It's not Ed's.
Alison...
I'm going to tell him.
Captain Martin. Nick Page's replacement.
Call me Ed. Captain.
Not a drinking man?
Not tonight.
OK, men, this is it.
OK. Done!
Lift me up like Daddy does.
George!
Go to your bed! Go on!
Seeing you makes me happy much.
- That's...
- Is this wrong?
No. No, it's much right.
Just wear the clothes
that Mrs Markham lent you.
Darling, they're a bit...
She'll be offended if you don't.
And you're beautiful whatever you wear.
Alison said she'd help
me out, with everything.
Well, Lieutenant
Laithwaite is a Lieutenant.
He's below me, in rank.
So?
What if I have to order him to do
something he doesn't want to do?
It won't help either of us if my
wife and his wife are friends.
The one you need to win over is Orchover.
Thank you for the advice, Corporal...?
Orchover, sir.
20 years a Corporal... never
wanted to take his Sergeant's exams.
Normandy, The Rhine, Suez,
Malaya. He's seen it all.
Him and Baxter... they're the backbone.
And the wives?
Has Laithwaite got his wife under control?
Time to go, sir... your carriage awaits!
Sir.
- Sir. - Sir.
I hope you were a good boy for
Corporal Stoneham last night?
Daddy?
- Daddy?
- Yes.
I got shot in the head.
Sounds like you had a good time.
A quiet night after all.
None of us should apologise
for what we've given to
those parts of the world
lucky enough to have us.
Once the roads and the schools and
the hospitals are built, we leave.
The British Empire is benevolent.
What's the longest conversation
you've had with anyone
in Aden who was born here?
Have you ever had the
curiosity or the courtesy or
the imagination to ask
anyone if they agree with you?
They hate you, sir, and
everything you stand for.
Me?
It's us, Ed. We wear the same uniform.
We trust one another because
we live by the same rules.
Let's get him the fuck out of here!
Take care, sir.
Alison?
Hello?
Thanks, sir.
Sir... scotch.
Stick 'em on the bonnet. They'll
be dry in two minutes. -...
Drop 'em!
Stop laughing.
And the rest.
All right there, like that?
Sir!
Oi, sir, come...
Sir, come on! Sir...
- Sir, you've got me shorts...
- Come on!
- Hurry up!
- Come on, sir, please!
- Sir, for God's sake!
- Come on!
Come on, please!
Fucking hell.
Sorry, come on.
- Come back, sir!
- Woowoowoo! - Sir, come back!
Shit.
Squad, stand at ease.
RAF recon are saying...
it's a single Land Rover.
And it's burnt out.
Sir...
is it them?
Captain Page and Lance
Corporal Armstrong...
should have been at the
airfield two hours ago.
The more professionalism we
show now, in dealing with this,
the better the chance of us
finding whoever is responsible.
Remember who we are...
and what Lance Corporal Armstrong
and Captain Page would expect from you.
Where are they?
OK, which way did they go?
Look at me! Which way did they go?
Stay where you are.
Tell me everything you
know, everything you saw.
Hands where I can see them.
Tell me what you know!
Look at me, tell me what you know.
The men are finding this hard.
It's pretty vital that we officers
keep our emotions under control.
Right! Come out, come out!
Are there any more men in there?
Baxter!
- Sir!
- ~.
I need you here.
- Sir!
- They'll be long gone.
With respect, sir, no, they won't, sir.
My guess is they'll still be here,
hiding in amongst the locals.
No Armstrong?
- Sir?
- No remains.
Nothing.
Why not?
- Did he wear dog tags?
- Yes, sir.
So, where are they?
Radio back to base.
- I want a search party out, now!
- Sir! - Sir, I think we should move out.
- We're sitting ducks.
- We're not finished here.
We take our dead with us
and we do it with dignity.
I want them all to know what
the British Army is made of.
Slow.
Slower.
Yusra?
Tony.
No...
Shukran, shukran.
There, all done.
I'm sorry, I...
Sorry, I can't write this.
Where do they live?
Er, Sancreed.
The toe end of Cornwall.
We've been there.
The sheep in the churchyard,
do you remember?
He was their only son,
Mary. It'll kill them.
Will you help me?
"Dear Mr and Mrs Page..."
We're NOT like that!
We are!
We pretend we're not but we are!
Help him up.
Lieutenant!
These are real people.
Some of them are wonderful,
some of them are bastards!
OK. - Most of them are, you
know, they're just in between,
they're just like us.
But we can't treat people the
same because the rules say.
Then why the hell were you doing that to him?
- Because he knew.
Because I knew.
I knew.
- I'm sorry.
- Go home.
Have a drink.
Be with your wife.
Armstrong?
Armstrong!
You're late.
Yes, sir.
Sorry, sir.
Very late.
Yes, sir.
Welcome home.
I saw a shooting star.
Death, that's what you're seeing.
The raid party goes in at 1300 hours.
Their objective, to capture one man.
He's brutal, he's clever.
Ambre Solaire, fish and chips, gin.
This is my favourite place in the world.
I'm sorry about Nick Page.
It's even harder...!
There's a reporter coming with us.
I can't make this decision,
choosing between my wife and my men.