The L Word: Generation Q (2019–…): Season 3, Episode 5 - Episode #3.5 - full transcript

Previously, on
The I Word: Generation Q...

Oh, shit!

You should not be
fucking around in here.

I'll just stay
out of your way then.

You kind of have a pattern.

Is that what you think about?

- When you think about me?
- Sometimes.

Contestant three, I choose you!

You're not regular.

- Yes, I am.
- Well, so am I.

There's a 45-foot
picture of you outside.



Guess who's
coming to town tonight?

Roxy!

She is into you.

Do you want to
go home with me?

I'm halfway
out the door, baby.

I just can't stop thinking
about this person.

When are you
gonna stop punishing me, Fin?

I don't want to be
your patient.

Mom, I don't mind.

I want to go live
in the nursing home.

- I want to have a baby.
- My mom

doesn't even
know we're dating yet.

So, who's the guy?

It's just the fact
that it's really new



and nobody knows.

- Okay.
- A secret boyfriend?

- Who are you?
- I can show you who I am.

Well, it's not a bad start.

As much as I'd like to,

I can't.

- Fuck you, Shane.
- ♪ I don't find trouble ♪

- Ah!
- ♪ Yeah, trouble finds me ♪

♪ Ladies make the ♪

♪ Ladies, ladies ♪

♪ Ladies make, ladies make
the world go round ♪

Yeah, I couldn't get
middle seats,

but I did get a row
where there's no one behind us,

so we don't have to worry about

people kicking our seats.

Yeah, yeah, that sounds good.

I'll just...

I'll find you guys
when I get there.

Oh, it's just us.

Um, Taylor's got to work.

But, can you please not be late?

'Cause you know how I like
to watch the previews.

I know that.

I know, I know, I know.
I promise.

I'm gonna be there
at 7:30 sharp.

Okay. I'm gonna get two
popcorns though, 'cause I don't

like to share. But then
sometimes I'm like, should I

- get a medium...
- Okay, okay, bye.

- Oh...
- Hi. How are you?

I just started
packing these for your mom.

Okay.

Are those...?

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I-I think we should
talk about this.

I don't really have anything
to say to you right now.

All right. I just, uh...

- I don't know...
- Oh. Oh, my God!

- What?
- Is that a bee?

- What?
- Oh, my God. Go!

- Okay, okay, okay.
- Get it.

Okay, I got it, I got it,
I got it, I got it.

Well, don't kill it.
Wh-What are you doing?

- It's right there.
- Okay, yes.

Who said anything
about killing it?

- Hold on.
- Okay, well, just, I don't know.

They're just endangered
or whatever.

- Okay, good.
- It's fine.

I wasn't gonna kill it.

Fine.

Can you open the door?
Tess, do you want me

to release it
here in the kitchen?

- Okay, no, but just...
- Open the door. Come on.

- Keep... Wait.
- What?

Keep it away from me.

Come on, come on, come on.

How do you fucking do this?

I know, I know, it sticks.
Just open it.

Oh, goddamn it.

- No, don't get it near me.
- All right.

- It's all right.
- Okay, but just wait, let me,

let me close the door first.
Let me close the door first.

Okay.

Okay. Okay, go.

All right, it's gone.

Are you all right?
We survived.

- Whew.
- Are you allergic?

I just, I've never seen you
act like this.

I don't know. Maybe.
Those plants need watering.

What?

- What?
- This is locked.

No, it's not.

It's jammed.
It's not locked.

It's locked.

Oh, my God.
No, no, no, no.

Please tell me you have
your phone on you.

Do you?

No.

Are we fucking trapped
out here together?

- Well, it's certainly feeling that way.
- Yeah.

- You're fucking kidding me.
- Oh, my God.

Uh-uh, no. Hello!

What, um, what is his name?

- Harvey.
- Harvey!

The-the wife, the wife...
What is the wife's name?

Ellen.

Ellen!
Why the fuck...

They are never home!

Mack. Mack. Mack!

Mack! Mack!

There we go. Come on.

Be the hero, Mack.
Be the hero.

Honey, up here. High-five me.
Come on, baby, high five.

- Paw.
- Oh, my God.

Paw, Mack, paw.

As if the dog can open the door.

Do you have a better suggestion?

Mack, come on, big boy.

Come on. Come on.

- Come up here.
- Oh, my God, is anybody

- gonna find us out here?
- Listen to your mom.

Mack, Mack. Mack...
No, Mack.

Ah, fuck!

You wanted to talk, right?

Okay, let's talk.

♪ Baby, you could be
the death of me ♪

♪ Maybe I'm crazy ♪

♪ I know you're danger ♪

♪ Baby, you could be
the death of me ♪

♪ I'm falling, fading ♪

♪ And seeing angels ♪

♪ Baby, you could be
the death of me ♪

G, are you busy?

Please say no 'cause I kind of
have a she-mergency.

What? What happened?

Promise you won't judge me?

- I promise. Wh...?
- Um, okay,

So I was at the Lambda Chi house
and one of the baseball guys

- was eyeing me.
- Uh-huh.

I love how the booty looks
in those pants.

I'm not sure I can help you out
with that one but...

We started making out
in his room.

He had, like, no bedsheets,
by the way.

- Ew. I...
- Angie...

there's a condom stuck inside me

and you got to help me
get it out.

Please.

- ♪ Something about that ♪
- A what?

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh... ♪

Okay, so...

what do you want to know?

Oh, man, okay.

Um...

- What's their name?
- Um, Dre.

- She has a hot person's name.
- No, that is not

a hot person's name.

No. No.

They're not hot.

Okay.

That actually makes me feel
a little bit better.

Okay, good. Good.

Um, how did you meet them?

Um, I-I met them on Hinge.

Hinge?
When did you join Hinge?

After you left rehab

and decided you were gonna stay
at sober living.

Up in the Bay.

I got lonely.

Uh, how many times?

How many times, what?

How many times
did you sleep together?

Once.

So, you had a one-night stand?

Basically.

- What does that mean?
- We...

we slept together once,
but we hung out twice.

Okay, so you liked them enough
to call them again.

I guess so.

Uh...

Why did it end?

Because I was in love with you.

And I told them that,
and then that was it.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Okay.

Right answer.

Why didn't you just tell me?

♪ Gentle music ♪

Because...
you were doing so well and...

I didn't want to be the reason
you weren't doing well.

Are they as charming as I am?

No!

No way.

Got nothing on you.

Yeah?

♪ Upbeat, energetic music ♪

Yeah. No, I love you, too.

I said I love you, too.

Okay, yeah.

Okay, bye.

She knows.

My mom knows that we're dating.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

How scared
should I be of Grace?

No, she's...
she's totally into it.

- Come on.
- Oh, my...

- Should we celebrate?
- Sure.

You want to find a sperm donor?

Whoa, that is way better
than what I was going to say.

What were you going to say?

- Organize the Tupperware drawer?
- Oh, yeah.

Okay, well, maybe we
could be wild and do both.

Can we be in bed by 9:00?

Maybe, uh... 8:30?

Shut up.
What a dream!

Okay. I'll get started
on the lids.

Okay. Mwah.

♪ Gentle, optimistic music ♪

No, no. I don't want to hear
how sorry you are.

Okay, then,
what do you want to hear?

Nothing, actually.

There's nothing
that you could say.

- So just...
- Okay.

Then I'll say nothing,
and then you'll say nothing.

And sure, yeah.
That sounds like fun.

Yeah, it does.

I know you're
thinking something.

I'm thinking that I'm an idiot.

- You're not an idiot.
- Oh, yes, I am.

Because I knew about you.

Your reputation.
Everybody does.

But what-what I don't
understand is this...

Is this really what you do?
Is this really who you are?

You know who I am.

I thought I did.

I also thought
that you loved me.

I do love you.

You have a really fucked-up
way of showing it, Shane.

You're right. I do.

I understand that.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

I didn't.

Well, you failed miserably
at that then.

I do want to know why though.

Just an old pattern.

Yes, but why?

I don't know why.

Okay.

Then how about you
take this time

while we're locked out here
on your fucking patio

and think about it.

Okay, so what
the website said to do

is to get into the position

that you would
to put in a tampon.

Okay.

Wait, that's how
you put in a tampon?

- How do you do it?
- Like this.

Oh.

Okay, and then it said

you need to, like, put your fi...

Two fingers, and like a,
like a hooking,

like a hook, hook,
hooking situation.

- Okay.
- To try to get it out.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Mm.

♪ Pulsing, intriguing music ♪

Mm, I-I can't tell what's me
and what's the condom.

Just feel for something slimy.

Well, everything is slimy.

- Ow, ow, ow.
- Oh, no, what's wrong?

- What's wrong?
- Mm.

I picked the wrong day
to get my claws done.

Ow! Okay, okay.
This isn't working.

Just calm down.

Just calm down.

That's, like, the main thing.
You're okay.

- Okay, okay.
- Take a deep breath.

Okay, okay.

Angie?

What?

Will you please
get it out for me?

♪ Gotta move things forward,
everywhere I go ♪

Hey, D-bag, it's Roxy.

I caught an early flight
to Costa Rica.

Good job crying it out
the other night.

The real deal is gonna happen

- for you soon. Trust me.
- No, no, no. Oh, yo! Yo!

- Whoa, bro!
- Hey, hey, hey. Watch it!

♪ Upbeat music ♪

Oh, shit.

You good?

♪ Yeah, I get it,
it's all happening quickly ♪

Yeah.

The scooter almost
took you out.

Yeah.

♪ When I'm crying all night ♪

I think you might have
just saved my life.

♪ From my mouth, huh? ♪

I feel like I should
kiss you right now.

But, I mean, I won't

because this is real life
and not a shitty rom-com.

♪ I'm trying, I'm trying hard ♪

♪ Still you managed to get me
with my guard down ♪

♪ How? How? How? ♪

♪ I like it, don't stop now ♪

I'm so sorry.

No, no, no. No.
Don't, don't apologize.

- I'm sorry.
- No...

I just, I didn't mean to
just kiss you, it just...

♪ Whoo-ooh-ooh ♪

Next up, we have...

What do you think?
You gonna, uh...

sign up, serenade me again?

That was a good move, okay?

- It was.
- It sure was.

It worked. I believe I went home
with you that night.

- Oh, you sure did.
- You got me.

Where's my song?

Oh, you do not want to hear
this bad boy sing.

- Yes, I do.
- No.

Sing for me, please.

Sing something in my ear. Go.

Okay, stop, stop,

you're hotter when you don't.

Okay. See, I told you.

But I do have something

that, um, you might
like way better

that I've been
thinking about all day.

Yeah, what?

You want to meet me
in the back office in ten?

Really?

Yeah, I'm the,
uh, big boss tonight.

Ooh, big boss.
Big boss lady.

Yeah, I'm in charge.

Ew.

- Oh. Sorry.
- Sorry.

- I'm kidding. Hi.
- Hi.

- Uh, can I get you anything?
- Yes.

I'll have a tequila rocks.

- Okay. Nothing cheap.
- Okay. No, I know, bud.

- I've been to your house.
- Okay?

- Okay.
- So, uh...

- Wait, where's Roxy?
- Oh, she's...

she's off to Costa Rica
because of course she is.

Can I tell you something

without you being
totally judgy?

- Uh, when have I ever?
- Okay.

I just kissed
this really hot person.

What?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

I'm thinking maybe
I'll have, like a,

like a hot girl autumn
or something?

Oh, my God.

I love this for you!

They saved my life.

- Did I mention that?
- No.

I was literally

like J.Lo
in The Wedding Planner.

Oh, my God, you get to be
J.Lo in The Wedding Planner?

I fucking love that movie.

- Me too!
- Wait,

but also problematic
culturally...

Oh, yeah,

but everything in
the 2000s kind of was.

I know.

What, what?

She was playing
an Italian person.

- J.Lo is Puerto Rican!
- Right.

And what was that, the-the guy
with the shitty accent?

Oh, my God, what was his name?

Massimo!

- Oh, my God.
- So cheesy.

Oh, God, we loved Massimo.
Oh, my God, wait.

What did J.Lo say
when Matthew McConaughey

saved her fucking life?
It was, um...

Oh, she goes, she goes,
"You saved...

...my shoe."

Wow, we have
a ton of options here.

Well, the, uh, the rock climber
sounded promising.

Eh, he's only five-seven.

Six-plus or bust.
We are not messing around here.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

- Are you serious?
- I mean,

why not?
If you have the option to.

My family are all shorties.

We have to average it out
somehow.

Right. Okay.

Okay, I definitely think

that we should go
with the athletic body type.

This is weird.
It's weird. It's weird.

Why?

- It kind of feels like eugenics.
- What?

- No! Ew, no.
- Come on.

I'm sorry but, you know,
choosing physical traits,

- it's-it's weird, right?
- No, it's not.

Look, we have a chance
to design the perfect baby.

Yeah, it's eugenics.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Um, also, this is insane.

Why do we have
so much Tupperware?

We have a problem.

Oh. Shane!

Psst, Shane!

Oh.

That's not Shane.

It makes sense, but, like,

this is like wax and sugar.
Is this good?

Oh, yeah, that's great.

♪ Intriguing music ♪

You can have the salty popcorn.

Sex always means something.

To me it really is... just sex.

So what, are you like proposing
we do ENM or something?

- I don't know what that is.
- Ethical Non-Monogamy.

It's like multiple partners.

No, no, no, no, no.
I just...

I wanted you.

Well, it does not
feel like that.

Are you an addict?

- I don't know.
- Because when I think about

your behavior like that, like,
it makes more sense to me.

M-Maybe I am.

O-Okay.

- Okay, then...
- It's not that simple though.

It's just, it's been a lot.

Hasn't it?

Admit that. Please.

Uh, okay.

When you moved in here,
it was great.

It was. And then,
and then your mom comes.

Oh, my God, that is not fair.

You said that you wanted her
to move in.

Wait, wait.
No, no, no, no, no.

Let me finish.

I'm glad she came here.

And I'm so happy
we could help her.

I don't regret that.

We also have Dana's.

And then you want a second bar.

And somewhere
within all of that...

...you changed.

And you stopped seeing me.

I'm not trying to blame you.

I'm just trying to explain this.

There was a disconnect.

Yes. Okay, yes.

Like, it's...
It's been hard.

But you know

what I did when I started
feeling like it was too much?

I wrote in my fucking journal,

Shane.

I didn't go out
and fuck the first person

that showed me
some kind of attention.

I know. You're right.

Yeah, no shit, I'm right.

Anyway, how's work?

- It's good.
- Yeah?

Yeah, um,
I'm actually throwing

Fletcher's album release party
in a couple of weeks.

Fletcher?

- Mm-hmm.
- Can I come?

- Yeah, everyone can come.
- Wow.

Yeah, I feel like things
are finally turning around.

Yeah.

Can you, can you play this one?

- I'll give you the signal.
- All right.

Oh, my God. That's them.

Dang, this mic is high.

Let me just...

There we go.

- Hi.
- Oh, my God.

I know, right?

Hey, everybody. I'm Dre.

That's... that's them.

That's, that's,
that's the person

I slept with when...

No.

- Yes.
- Okay...

No.

Fuck, I have to find Finley.

Fuck!

♪ Tense music ♪

Hey, um...

It's... okay, look,
it's not a big deal

or anything like that,

but...

I missed you.

♪ I don't want to be ♪

- ♪ Alone tonight ♪
- I missed you, too.

♪ It's pretty clear
that I'm not over you ♪

♪ I'm still thinking 'bout
the things you do ♪

♪ So I don't want to be
alone tonight ♪

♪ Alone tonight, alone tonight ♪

♪ Can you light the fire ♪

♪ I need somebody ♪

♪ Who can take control ♪

♪ I know exactly
what I need to do ♪

♪ 'Cause I don't want to be ♪

♪ Alone tonight, alone tonight ♪

♪ Alone tonight ♪

♪ Look what you made me do ♪

♪ I'm with somebody new ♪

♪ Ooh, baby, baby ♪

♪ I'm dancing with a stranger ♪

♪ Look what you made me do ♪

♪ I'm with somebody new ♪

♪ Ooh, baby, baby ♪

♪ I'm dancing with a stranger ♪

♪ I wasn't even
going out tonight ♪

♪ But, girl, I need to get you ♪

♪ Off my mind ♪

♪ I know exactly
what I have to do ♪

♪ I don't want to be ♪

♪ Alone tonight, alone tonight ♪

♪ Alone... ♪

I'm sorry.

- You all right?
- Yeah, yeah, I just...

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- It's okay. Are you okay?

Um...

I just don't think
that I can, um,

- I can do this right now, um...
- No problem.

We don't have to do anything
you don't want to.

♪ Dancing with a stranger ♪

They're here.

- Who's here?
- Dre.

♪ Look what you made me do ♪

- ♪ I'm with somebody new ♪
- Look...

♪ Ooh, baby, baby ♪

- ♪ I'm dancing with a stranger ♪
- Finley...

- ♪ Look what you made me do ♪
- Wait.

♪ I'm with somebody new ♪

♪ Ooh, baby, baby ♪

♪ I'm dancing with a stranger ♪

♪ I'm dancing with a stranger ♪

♪ I'm dancing with a stranger ♪

♪ I'm dancing
with a stranger ♪

Have you ever been to therapy?

No.

Well, would you consider it?

Yeah, I mean...

...if I thought it would help.

- I'm not against it.
- It does work.

I know that you have been
through so much.

I try to remind myself of that

every... every time
I think about that you...

Just say it.
I cheated on you. Right?

Yes, that you cheated.

We've all been through a lot.

All of us.

But we all don't hurt people
the way that you do.

And that's nobody else's fault.

- I'm not saying it is.
- Okay, so you need to

take responsibility for that.

I am taking
responsibility for it.

- Have I been denying this?
- No.

You're taking responsibility
for it now because you feel bad.

So what happens when
that feeling disappears,

and you're not feeling
so bad about it?

Are you still gonna want to take
responsibility for it?

Because that's
what has to happen

in order for you to change.

And I need you to change.

I want you to change.

Like, but, is that,
is that something that you want?

Do you want to change?

Yeah, everybody just make
your way to the exit.

Thank you.

Please, leave your drinks.

Night, night's over.
I'm so sorry.

This-this isn't a drill.

We appreciate the business.

Just make your way calmly.

- Please. Just, uh... Thank you.
- All right. All right.

All right,
Fin, Fin, Fin, please,

can we just talk about this?

I can't hear you.
The-the alarm is going off.

I saw you pull the alarm, okay?

I need, I need you
to leave the premises.

I didn't know that
they were going to be here.

- I didn't know.
- Please.

Go, go!

It's for your own safety,
ma'am, please.

Fin, come on.

I need you to exit
the building, please!

Just get out, please.

♪ Somber music ♪

♪ "Sloppy" by King Mala ♪ plays...

♪ God called,
she said I'm headed straight ♪

♪ Into the fire... ♪

Fuck.

♪ I like the way that it burns,
karma keeps showing up... ♪

You want to grab dinner?

Um...

I can't. Actually.

You're right. We should
probably just go back to mine

and finish what we started.

- Okay.
- Okay?

I'm just saying,
this night could be over.

My adrenaline
is fucking pumping.

I never performed
in L.A. before.

And fire alarm or not,
that crowd was dope.

Where do you usually perform?

My house. TikTok.

Tiny-ass venues in Ohio.

A retirement home in Akron.
Yeah.

You're really good.

I think you're great, actually.

- I'm glad you liked it.
- Unfortunately,

you did sleep with my ex,

and I'm really

not into being anyone's
second choice, so...

♪ I tried it all... ♪

Wait, wait. I've been here
for six months,

how could I have slept
with your ex?

Hey, Dani, can I get a ride?

♪ In a choke hold ♪

♪ If life is gonna fuck me... ♪

Hey, uh...
nice to see you again.

Hey. Yeah.

- Cool.
- It was nice to meet you.

♪ If life is ♪

♪ Gonna fuck me, it better ♪

That's it?

♪ Call me mommy... ♪

No, actually.

Um...

if you ever need a publicist,
hit me up.

A publicist?

Wonderful.

Great.

♪ Chaos... ♪

A publicist, bro?

All right.
I see you, Dani.

Shoot.

Okay.

- What, what's wrong?
- I'm afraid I'll hurt you.

Well, I thought you knew
your way around down there.

Well, the thing is,

my high school girlfriend
and I,

we, like, did stuff,
but we didn't...

Oh, you've never had sex?

Technically, no.

- No shame.
- No, but, yeah.

We just never really felt ready.

Okay, but you want to bone
your new guy or no?

That's, like, a big question
to ask before I penetrate you.

Okay, it felt natch to me.

Well, he asked me to go away

- with him and I...
- OMG, are you gonna do it?

- I want to but...
- But what?

Ask me anything.
I'm an open book.

I just don't even know
like how it starts.

Okay.

My experience is, like,

it will be super awkward
and quiet,

and then I'll lean in
and kiss whoever it is,

and then it sort of
just goes from there.

- Cool.
- With consent, of course.

Of course,
yeah, we love consent.

We sure do.
Then clothes come off.

You touch him.
He touches you.

Usually, they're,
like, a little off.

Off, how?

Hmm, they miss. They think

they're on your clit
and they're rubbing your labia

- like they're DJing in Ibiza.
- Ew.

Stop it.

Stop doing that.

Oh, yeah.

Boys are usually
total dummies about sex.

You just have to guide them
a little bit.

Tell them what you like.

Like, literally,
spell it out for them.

PowerPoint
presentation that pussy.

And I'll just know what I want.

Yeah, you got to trust
your instincts.

You probably know
a lot more than you think.

- Okay.
- Okay.

I'm ready.

Okay.

Okay, please let me know
if I hurt you.

Mm-hmm. Just-just do it.

- Do it.
- Okay. Ready? Here we go.

Mm. Mm.

- I got it. I got it!
- Oh, my God!

- Thank you!
- Oh, my God, ew, ew, ew.

I knew you could do it!
I knew you could do it!

I feel really accomplished!

- Yes!
- Oh.

- Good, good. Oh, my God.
- Wow. Wow.

Oh, well, now you just got to do
a little something for yourself.

Like what?

Like this.

Here.

♪ Yeah, we are fired up. ♪

Uh, excuse me,

can you please move?

I'm trying to watch the movie.

Oh, it's just gonna take
a second.

You're being rude.

I'm trying to spy
on my girlfriend.

Hey, actually,
what do you think?

You think they look like
they're on a date?

Or do you think that could be,

like, her cousin or something?
It's hard to tell.

I can't...

I can't really tell from here.
Can you?

That's the most exciting thing

- anyone's ever done for me.
- Ooh.

Well, let's hope
they're not full-blood.

What the actual fuck, Taylor?

- You're on a date?
- Alice?

What are you doing here?

Are you crazy?

Hey, hey.

You lied to me.

Sit down, lady.

Okay, this is just gonna
take a second, sir,

so just pipe down.

You told me you were working
and you're clearly on a date.

I know.

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have lied to you
about having to work.

Yeah, no shit.

I thought we were,
like, a thing.

We are a thing.

And we can be a thing, too.
We just don't know yet,

because we're dating.

Yeah, we're dating.

Yes, this is dating.
We date each other

and we date other people.

Uh, since when?

Since the beginning of time,
as far as I know.

Well, I wish somebody
had told me.

Namely you.

I thought you knew.

And I definitely thought

you were dating
other people, too.

- Why would you think that?
- I don't know.

You're famous.

Who is she?

- Okay...
- Is it Ellen?

No. Okay, that is such
a bullshit excuse.

- I should just go.
- No.

- What?
- No, you should stay.

Alice...

It's not an excuse. Okay?
It's just a fact.

I like you.

But I also like my regular life.

And those two things
don't naturally go together

because we just live
in different worlds.

You with the reg...
Oh, my God, I'm normal.

I have normal friends.

No. You're not.

And you haven't been for so long
you can't even see it.

No. No, you know what?

I think you're looking for
things that are wrong

because this is right.

Did you ever think of that?
Did that ever occur to you?

That maybe this is about you
and not about me?

I just need to go slow.

You know, just turn
the heat down a little.

And I guess I just didn't know
how to tell you that.

Well, this way sucked.

- For all of us.
- Sit down.

- Oh, shut it, mister.
- Yeah.

You never had a little
dating drama in your life?

No.

I'm sorry... I lied to you.
I really am.

Yeah, I am, too.

You like her more than me?

Alice.

You didn't have to answer that.

Well, enjoy your movie.

By the way, he dies in the end!

Come on, lady!

Okay, okay, let's just think
of another way to pick a donor.

Right? Let's, uh,
not focus on perfection.

What are we looking for?

I guess you.

You have managed to both
flatter me and insult me?

Only you can really do that.

Oh, thanks.

Okay, so, who are you?

Uh...

Okay, me, uh...

Who am I? Um...

I am Chinese American.

- That feels important.
- Of course.

Uh, I don't know, I'm anxious.

You want our kid to be anxious?

No, no, of course not.
I'm just describing myself.

You like books.

That's true. I do.

But, I mean,
is there a section for that?

I see, uh,

favorites animal,
favorite person,

education, food. I mean...

This is really making me sad.

Yeah.

Yeah, me too.

You know, this was
supposed to be really fun,

and it's just
depressing, really.

I just wish we could
make a baby

that's part of you
and part of me and...

Yeah, me too.

Cis-heads can just get drunk
and do this on accident,

but we have
to self-reflect and...

Oh, cis-heads definitely need

to be doing some
self-reflecting, too.

- And there should be a test.
- Right?

There's a test for everything,
except to be a parent.

- Any idiot could do it.
- Oh, and they do.

All the time.

Okay, maybe we just have to

figure out
what we have in common.

So the baby, like,
fits in our family, you know?

Yeah.

- Yeah, I love that idea.
- Okay.

Okay. All right.

Well, let's see if
shit-talking is a category.

Oh, yeah, yeah, it's right here.

- Under religion.
- Wow.

I thought you were it for me.

Yeah, I never...

let myself think about
the future.

'Cause my mom,

she always made
all of these big promises,

every time she got a new gig,
or met a new guy.

And none of them
ever panned out.

So...

I just stopped
thinking long-term.

Yep.

And I've tried,

but I've never been able
to think long-term.

I let myself with you though.

I saw my life with you.

Us getting old together.

I've never been able
to do that with anyone.

But it can't happen.

Unless you really

try to figure out why it is
you do what you do.

Because if you don't,
we're just gonna end up

right back here
and I can't do this again.

It's just too painful.
Do you understand that?

I'm not happy, Tess.

♪ Soft, somber music ♪

Hey. Tess.

No, I'm so sorry,
I can't do this back-and-forth.

I just, I need to get off
this fucking ride.

Oh, my God! No.

Just not. Definitely.

How do you even do that?

Hmm.

Okay, uh... let's see.

Oh, what about this one?

- Yeah, I like her.
- Yeah.

She's all like, I'm cute,
I'm compact...

And I get shit done.

- Sure.
- Yeah.

Oh, God, you're hilarious.

He's lucky to have you.

- Thanks, Bella.
- Mm.

- That's super sweet.
- Mm-hmm.

Okay, purchased.

- Oh, I should get one, too.
- But, like, in different colors.

So we don't mix them up.

Oh, my God.

Such a good call.

Thank you so much.

Yep, yep.
That is the right move.

Hey, Mack. Where's your mama?

- Oh, my God.
- Shane?

Oh, my God. Finley!

Open, open the door,
open the door.

Hi, okay.

Hey.

Oh, my God, I was wondering why
you weren't answering my texts.

Oh, God.

- I, uh... what happened?
- Thank you.

I'm gonna get my stuff
and I'll take the dog.

What? That's it?
You're just gonna go?

Yeah.

I don't know
what else to do, Tess.

I can't keep hurting you, so...

I think this is for the best.

♪ Slow, somber music ♪

Oh, my God.

I had a shit day, too.

It's okay.

- Ready?
- Yeah.

No fucking results?

You got to be kidding me.

Back to the Tupperware?

Yeah.

♪ "Different" by Wild Story ♪ plays...

♪ Keep trying to fit
inside the lines now ♪

♪ What if we never do? ♪

♪ Sick of standing
on the outside ♪

♪ Of a crowded room ♪

♪ Rainbows in our eyes
can't seem to find ♪

♪ The great divide
and get to the bottom ♪

♪ Could be somebody else ♪

♪ But who the hell
will tell themselves ♪

♪ It's us that's the problem ♪

♪ Sometimes it feels like ♪

♪ Nobody is listening ♪

♪ Sharks in the water ♪

♪ But I just keep swimming ♪

♪ We'll never fit in
with the rest ♪

♪ We've all got monsters
under beds ♪

♪ We'll never change it ♪

♪ 'Cause, darling,
we're different ♪

♪ Would they notice
if we got lost? ♪

♪ If we disappeared? ♪

♪ Tell me right after
this rainstorm ♪

♪ That the smoke will clear ♪

♪ Looking at our dreams ♪

♪ On movie screens
and magazines ♪

♪ Don't see a reflection ♪

♪ Could be somebody else ♪

♪ But who the hell
will tell themselves ♪

Hey.

♪ It's us that's the problem ♪

Outside? Here?

Now?

Okay.

♪ We'll never change it ♪

♪ 'Cause, darling,
we're different ♪

Sorry I closed the bar early.

It's fine.

I'll pay you back
whatever I lost.

I'm sure it wasn't much.

Or you can just take it
out of my paycheck.

But maybe not all at once.

Or just do whatever
you think is best.

- It's fine.
- Also,

we might owe the fire department
a couple thousand dollars.

But it was that or drink.

So I just thought it was best
to get the hell out of there.

Mm.

I'm talking because I felt like

whatever happened
out there was bad,

and I want to make it better,
but I don't know how to, so...

♪ gentle music ♪

We need to go to a meeting.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Um, let's go to a meeting.
- Okay, yeah, let's do that.

- Let's, um...
- That's a good idea.

Yeah.

All right.
We got ice cream.

- Mm-hmm.
- Popcorn. Here we go.

Yeah, for sure.

Oh. God.

- What happened tonight was...
- Oh, my gosh.

It was... gay, so very gay.

There really
aren't enough of us.

Mm-mm. You know...

you should hit them streets

and start recruiting
some more people.

I'm sure they'd sign up
in a heartbeat.

Right.

Mm.

You know, I, um...

I haven't really let myself
think about Dre since we met.

God, we had the best
weekend together.

It was like I was
in a different life

for a minute or something.

I can imagine.

I don't have to imagine,
actually.

I have my own version of them
right up here.

Yeah, that's right.

Mm-hmm.

You know, if...
if you're into them

and you wanna see
where it goes, like, don't...

- Mm. No.
- I'm...

No, no, no, no.
No, no. No.

I'm not gonna do that to you.

You know me.
Loyal like a dog.

Yeah.

- Mm!
- Hmm?

We should watch the director's
cut of The Wedding Planner.

- Oh, my God. Yes, we should.
- Yes.

And you know why?

Because, you know,
it just makes me feel good

knowing that J.Lo's heel
just so happens to be

the exact same size
as a manhole cover hole.

You remember that shit?

That is what makes it
fate though.

- I know, it's fucking fate.
- It's fate.

Oh, wait, what does he say?

"I have no idea

why you became
a wedding planner, Mary.

But I know the curves
of your face.

And I know every
fleck of gold in your eyes.

And I know that that night
in the park

was the best night I ever had."

So good.

Okay, you've definitely seen it
too many times.

Oh, fuck, yeah.
Again and again and again.

- By the way, he dies in the end.
- Come on, lady!

Okay, stop.
I can't watch it anymore.

- Stop.
- Wow, they really turned on you.

I know.

Can you blame them?

Okay, it wasn't
my finest moment.

You look insane.

Okay! Okay. Okay.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

And it looks like I ate
both tubs of popcorn.

Did you eat both popcorns?

Well, yeah, I mean...

Duh.

All right.

You know, it's not like it was
even right with Taylor...

Or anyone lately.

Do you ever think that
maybe this "not right" thing...

...has more to do with you?

- No.
- No?

- Mm-mm.
- All right.

You okay?

No.

No, no, I'm not. I'm not okay.

I, uh...

I ruined it.

I ruined it. With Tess.

No, she loves you.

Yeah, but that's not enough.

Well, look at us.

Oh, yeah.

♪ "We'll All Be Alright"
by Amy Stroup ♪

You want to be the little spoon?

No one's ever asked me that.

♪ We'll all, we will all,
we will all be alright ♪

Yeah, I'll be the little spoon.

You got it.

♪ Love of mine ♪

♪ We'll all, we will all,
we will all be alright ♪

♪ We'll all, we will all,
we will all be alright ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ We fall, we fly ♪

♪ We'll all, we will all,
we will all be alright ♪

♪ We fall, we fly ♪

♪ We'll all, we will all,
we will all be alright ♪

♪ Love of mine ♪

♪ We'll all, we will all,
we will all be alright ♪