The L Word: Generation Q (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Let's Do It Again - full transcript

[SOPHIE MOANING] Oh, God.

[MOANING]

[PANTING]

I love you.

Oh, you.

Good morning.

Goddamn. I woke up so horny.

- Oh...
- This happens every month.

Yeah, okay. Get your naked ass off me.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Hey, don't touch anything.



- Oh.
- Those are my good sheets.

Yes, ma'am.

Oh, we better have tampons.

None of that light days bullshit.

[LAUGHS]

["BETTER IN COLOR" BY LIZZO]

♪ And you can be my lover ♪

♪ 'Cause love looks better in color ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Color ♪

♪ Love looks better,
love, love looks better ♪

♪ You know it do, in color... ♪

[ENGINE WHIRRING]

Oh, come on, baby. Come on.



♪ If I try to tell you,
then you try to hurt me ♪

[EXHALING SOFTLY]

♪ Sick six piston, tell 'em ♪

♪ Tiptoe kissing, tell 'em ♪

♪ Catcall kittens, tell 'em ♪

♪ Whole milk licking, tell 'em ♪

♪ See my vision, tell 'em,
rainbow smitten, tell 'em ♪

♪ It's easy, baby, got the
whole world for the picking ♪

♪ You can be my lover ♪

♪ 'Cause love looks better... ♪

[MAN] Hey, honey. Give
me a smile. Come on.

Time's Up, jackass!

♪ In color ♪

♪ Rainbows and shit ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ If I try to tell you,
then you try to hurt me ♪

♪ I'mma tell your mama ♪

♪ Color me, color me,
color me, color me ♪

♪ Color me, color me,
color me, color me ♪

♪ Yeah, you can be my lover ♪

♪ 'Cause love looks better in color ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ It's dark under the covers ♪

♪ But love looks better in color ♪

[PHONE CHIMES]

No, a D is not a passing grade.

I'm not gonna call your
parents. All right?

We don't do that when you're
in college. All right, so...?

Just come during my office
hours and we'll figure it out.

Yeah, any time after 4:00.

No, any time after...
I'm sorry, I got to go.

- Did you see what's outside?
- No. What?

Aww. Better view
from upstairs. Let's go.

Covert op.

Good morning. Ooh!

- You're a savage.
- [MICAH] She made me do it,

- I swear.
- [DANI] But why?

- Why?
- [FINLEY] Oh, there's a guy

- moving in next door.
- Holy shit.

- Oh...
- [FINLEY] Hot, right?

Wait, wait, Finley, Finley.
What is she doing?

- Hey, how are you?!
- [MICAH] What's wrong with her?

I'm Finley!

[JOSÉ] Hi. I'm José.

Welcome to the neighborhood!

Thank you.

I don't live here.

You know what? I'll come down in a bit.

Okay.

Dude, that could be your future husband.

Oh, great. He'll probably
propose before you do.

- Hey.
- Mm.

- [LAUGHING] Ooh, shots fired.
- That-that feels right.

- Mm-hmm.
- I am committed, okay?

- We live together.
- Yeah, and you're cute

- when you're defensive.
- [GROANS]

- I got to get to work.
- [FINLEY] Oh, bro,

- you're gonna have to drive.
- What the fuck?

I thought you were picking me up.

Yeah, we had some slight
transportation issues.

[SOPHIE] Why you gotta be so stupid?

[FINLEY] Oh, boy, do I have...

What? [CHUCKLES]

When are you gonna propose to her?

- I know. I know.
- Yeah?

'Cause she's gonna kill you
if you don't do it soon.

I'm gonna do it. The ring
is literally in my car.

Okay, so when?

- What are you waiting for?
- I just have

- to tell my dad about it first.
- Dani.

He's never gonna think
she's good enough for you.

That's...

[FINLEY] Micah.

He's right outside, with his, like, body

and I think I'm gonna invite him in.

- No. No.
- Yeah, I think that sounds good.

- Finley, you're not... no...
- I think that's good. Ha!

[RAPID FOOTSTEPS]

[CHUCKLES] Oh, God.

["RANSOM" BY LIL TECCA]

[LINE RINGING]

- [BETTE] Hello again.
- [PIERCE] So sorry to rush you,

but the graphics team needs an answer.

Do you like the adjustments they made?

Yeah, that equal sign in
the E is brilliant, actually.

Okay, good. I'll let them
know you're happy,

and we'll get them ready
for the rally tonight.

Oh, and your 10 a.m.
got bumped up to 9:30,

so I'll meet you at 8:00.

- [HORN HONKING]
- Okay, great.

I'll see you at the office.

- See you then.
- All right.

Hey, Angie?

[PHONE CHIMES]

♪ I know that I'm gone,
they see me blowing up... ♪

- _
- [BETTE] Ange?

♪ I got two twin Glocks,
turn you to a dancer ♪

_

_

[BETTE] Angie, your ride is here.

♪ I got the blue, what you want? ♪

_

[BETTE] Did you eat breakfast?

No, I'm good.

[BETTE] I asked if you ate.

Yeah, I said I'm good.

Okay. You're good.

Love you.

[HORN HONKS]

Have a great day.

[SIGHS] Angie?

Angie?

[LAUGHING] I'm playing. I love you back.

- Very funny.
- Mm-hmm.

- But not really. Mmm.
- See you.

Bye, sweetheart.

[TRANQUIL MUSIC]

[HIP-HOP BEAT]

♪ ♪

- [ELI] Please put it away.
- [OLIVE] You can't have that.

- [ELI] Yes, I can.
- No, you can't have that.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Guys? Where the fuck

does your mom keep the good spatula?

- Spatula's in the sink.
- What?

- Hi. Good morning.
- Hi. Mm... Good morning.

Guys, Alice is making you breakfast.

That's so nice. What do you say?

[BOTH] Thank you.

You know, when I was a kid,
uh, my mom made me split

a SlimFast shake with her for breakfast.

You're not our mom.

Oh, yeah, no, I sure do know that.

- Hi, hi, hi.
- Hi.

What's happening? Today's
Alice's day to drop off the kids.

Oh, sh... I'm sorry.

- Hi, Alice.
- It's-it's...

Oh. Yep... oh. Two.

- Uh... It's fine. It's great.
- You sure?

- 'Cause I can go if you want.
- No, it's not.

The schedule is in your calendar.

- I'm sorry. I didn't see it.
- Yes, you did.

- Did you want to take them?
- Oh, no. It's fine.

- That's not the point.
- No, but it really is fine.

No, it's really not fine.

It's not a big deal if
she wants to take them.

- I...
- I'm okay if you're okay.

Yeah, and I'm the... same.

- Both are good.
- None of this is good.

I want to go with Mom.

Great. Problem solver.

It's good.

Are you sure?

- [NAT] No.
- Yeah.

Really.

It's so great. I have
a huge day at work.

It's just...

Okay. Thank you.

Yeah, sure, sure.

Okay.

Eli, Olive, come on,
backpacks. Let's go.

Oh, the girl who does my
nails loves your show.

- Huge fan.
- Oh, yeah?

She says it's very cute.

[ELI] Mom.

- Stop.
- [GIGI] You know?

Thank you. [CHUCKLES]

- Okay.
- [SPEAKS FARSI]

[ELI SPEAKING FARSI]

Okay, Alice. Lunches. Lunches?

Oh, yeah. Sorry. Here.

- Thank you.
- I love you guys.

Okay, love you.

- Have a good day.
- Bye.

Bye, sweetie.

- Bye.
- Yep.

- You get it. Yep.
- Mm-hmm.

- Bye.
- Thank you. Bye.

[NAT] Okay, we're gonna
wave at the window.

Yeah. We'll do the window thing.

Okay, we're gonna wave.

Okay.

- Here...
- [NAT] Bye!

- Oh! There they are again.
- Bye, guys.

- [ELI] Bye.
- I love you. Have fun.

- Okay. Bye.
- Bye.

- I still see you.
- Do we do the whole time?

What a fucking bitch.

Oh, I thought w... Oh, you're serious?

Yeah. I mean, she can't
just come into our home

and take over like that.

Well, it used to be her
home, is the thing.

Can you please commiserate
rather than rationalize?

Oh, Nat, I don't want
to do therapist-speak.

Okay, she can't barge in here
anymore. I'm gonna call her

- and tell her to...
- No, no, no, no.

If you do that, then
she'll tell the kids,

they'll hate exactly one
person. That's this guy.

I just want you to feel like
you're part of this family.

Because you are.

[SIGHS] You're cute.

- Yeah...
- I'm serious.

I know.

And you're cute.

Can we talk about something else now?

What time do you have to leave?

Seven minutes.

Do you want to see if
we can do it in six?

- Yes, I do.
- Yes.

[LAUGHS]

- [TOY COW MOOING]
- Ow.

Oh, my God, is it mooing?

- [ALICE MUTTERS]
- [TOY CONTINUES MOOING]

["YES, I KNOW" BY THE PACK A.D.]

♪ ♪

♪ My head in reverse ♪

♪ Mind controlled ♪

♪ Align wires in cortical rows... ♪

Thank you very much for flying
with us, Ms. McCutcheon.

I look forward to seeing much
more of you in the future.

Yeah.

♪ One note to beat my
heart, beat my heart ♪

♪ Beat like a drum ♪

♪ Battle stations go ♪

[MOANING, PANTING]

♪ Ready to blow ♪

♪ Yes, I know ♪

♪ Bridge has lost control ♪

♪ Armed and ready to blow ♪

♪ Yes, I know ♪

♪ Yes, I know ♪

[MOANING]

- [PHONE RINGING]
- [TRUCK BEEPING]

[FINLEY] You know the
bartender from Black?

- [SOPHIE] Oh, mm-hmm.
- She broke up

- with her boyfriend.
- Yeah.

And last night, I finally
get a text from her.

And she's like, "U up?"

And I'm like, "For you, Kween? Yaas".

[CHUCKLES] Oh, yeah?
Did you say it just like that?

I texted it, but yeah.

Problem is,

I only have enough gas in my car

for a one-way trip to the Eastside.

So, I go over there, we
fudge... it is awesome...

but this morning, I snuck out,

left my car, stole her bike...

- Look at us.
- [TIRES SCREECH]

Still to work on time and shit, though.

[WHOOPS]

Your shirt's on backwards.

Balls.

You could give the woman her bike back.

Dude, I absolutely cannot do that.

That's so freakin' embarrassing.

- Morning, boss.
- Hey. Morning.

Uh... ooh, coffee.

Uh, hey, Alice, can I get five minutes?

Oh, no, I can't right
now. I have a brunch.

Well, I have a new guest
idea I want to pitch.

Okay, and I want to hear
it, so I'm gonna see you

- in the writers room at 1:00.
- Great. I'll see you then.

What are these doing on my desk?

The art department wants
you to choose the hero mug.

You want one lip or three lips?

I think they're mouth lips,
but they could be vagina lips.

Really, there's no way
to tell at this point.

I like the three.

Does it block my face? Is it too big?

- No, it's great.
- I like that one.

I'll let them know. Sign that, please.

- [ALICE] Okay.
- [SLOW CLAP]

[SCREAMS]

You're here! [SQUEALS]

- [SHANE] I'm here.
- [LAUGHS] Here!

I can't believe you're really here.

Look at you.

Do you really live in L.A. again?

[SHOUTS]

- Oh, my God. Hi.
- Look at this face.

- I miss this face.
- Ugh... Oh, Finley. Shane.

- Shane, Finley.
- How are you?

Hey, how are you?

This is just absolutely incredible.

- You think?
- Yeah. Look what you did

for yourself. It's outstanding.

Oh, man. This doesn't seem
real, that you're back.

It's like, "Ah!" you know?

I promise you it's real. But
it doesn't feel real, I know.

Okay, I'm starving. Can
we go eat, and I'm gonna

- show you everything later?
- Yeah.

Oh, the little... see the
puppet people, though?

- Is that...
- Come on, come on, come on.

I'll show you later.

Wait. Wait, but... but you
sold the salon in Paris?

- Yeah.
- Okay. What about the one

- in New York?
- Got rid of it, too.

So what are you gonna do now?

I don't know.

- Okay. Okay. All right.
- Okay.

- Do you like your new house?
- Yeah.

Yeah, it's, uh, it's good. It's empty.

Let's send a bed to her house.

- Oh, absolutely.
- No, no, I can do that myself.

No, of course you can, but you won't.

I'll have Finley come help you.

- I don't need it.
- It's already done.

So, are you happy you're back at least?

Yeah. I am.

Mm.

What the fuck spilled in here?

- Don't look at me like that.
- I can look at you

any way I want to look at you.

Have you spoken to her yet?

No.

I don't, I don't plan to.

Well, you know, I'm just
asking you 'cause I missed you.

And, in all honesty, I
believe I missed you more.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I missed you more.

Mm-mm. It's not a contest.

It is, and I'm gonna win.

What the hell are you doing?

I'm parenting, Shane.
It's a whole thing.

You know, and you're doing
great. You're doing great.

You know, I'm still
stepping on those Legos,

and those things are fucking deadly.

You should switch to Lincoln Logs.

They're way less hazardous.

Oh, my God, 'cause they're round.

Wait, what, wait, why couldn't you all

have just moved into your place?

Well, that wouldn't solve the problem

'cause the kids would
still have to come with us.

- Mm.
- But, you know,

my mom's still living in
my house, so it's fine.

- And how is Lenore?
- Oh, stop.

- What?
- No. Really.

Are you trying to fuck my mom?

I'm-I'm asking you how she is.

I can't believe you still
want to fuck my mom.

- [CELL PHONE BUZZES]
- Excuse me.

She's an attractive woman, Alice.

Yeah, I-I'm at breakfast.
It's not really a good time.

Can I call you back?

[BOTH] Tina.

["TIME FLIES" BY RICO NASTY]

♪ I don't want to be ♪

♪ On the ground when the time flies ♪

♪ Had so many friends going,
"Wonder when it's my time" ♪

♪ I live every day like
I'll die by the nighttime ♪

♪ It took me so long getting
back to my right mind... ♪

...vision of race and class
hold up in modern times?

And how does race dictate what happens

to characters in the book?

Okay, when analyzing the
characters in "Don Quixote",

these are the questions I need
you guys to keep coming back to.

Just like last week when...

One second.

Thanks. Okay.

Uh, let's everybody write a paragraph

on what Don Quixote wants
when the story begins.

Hey, Angie, can you grab your
things, go see Mr. Bennet?

- Okay.
- Yeah.

I'm sorry your grandma's unwell.

Thanks.

I lost my grandma when I
was much younger than you

and I always felt like

I didn't get to say what
I needed to say to her.

That's her.

- That's my cousin.
- Okay.

[LOUD RAP MUSIC PLAYING]

- Yes.
- Okay.

Well, I hope your grandma feels better.

- Mm-hmm. Thank you, thank you.
- Family's important.

♪ I don't fall in love
'cause I be loving hard ♪

♪ Do everything like
my shirt, extra large ♪

♪ I don't care I'll crash a Ghost ♪

♪ Got two cribs in two states,
I be doing the most ♪

♪ I got white folks money
that I won't blow ♪

♪ And if you ask why 'cause
the white folks don't ♪

♪ Big bank take lil' bank, bank... ♪

- [JORDI] Did he buy it?
- Yes!

I can't believe you pulled it off.

Dude, I told you it'd work.

Do you want to smoke?

Okay.

- [BOTH LAUGHING]
- Oh, my gosh.

♪ Don't talk to me ♪

♪ For a show 150, don't talk to me ♪

♪ You ain't never helped
your mans, don't talk to me ♪

♪ You just follow all the
trends, don't talk to me ♪

♪ Ay, I set the bar,
I'm the fucking bar ♪

♪ Big bank take lil' bank, bank ♪

♪ Big bank take lil' bank, bank ♪

[BETTE] Tina, stop worrying.

Four AP classes and a
school play is not too much.

She can handle it.

All right, if she falls behind,
we'll just get her a tutor.

She's a smart kid, she'll be fine.

[SCOFFS] Yes, I will
say it nicer than that.

Okay. Bye, Tina.

Hey, everybody.

Hey. So, we have

several potential donor
meetings set up for today.

Every name on the list
carries tremendous weight

within their communities,

and all were instrumental
in electing Garcetti.

So they're "friends of the party"?

Got to love the dog and pony show.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I took another stab at your speech

for the outreach forum
tonight. It's in your inbox.

Great. If you could get me a
hard copy on my desk, I'll make

- notes as soon as possible.
- Perfect.

Ms. Porter, here are the
specs for the Green New Deal.

Thank you, Allie.

All right, first up, Rodolfo Nùñez,

President of Nùñez Inc.,

an L.A.-based, minority-owned
investment company

with a philanthropic reputation.

He's got pull in both the Latinx
and the Persian communities.

Jesus. That's half the city.

Exactly.

[KATIE] Dani.

Your father got pulled away and
he can't take his next meeting.

What happened?

He didn't say, but he asked
that you take his 2:00 p.m.

- in the conference room.
- Who's in there?

Mayoral candidate Bette Porter.

Isn't she trailing Milner?

She is, but she's poised
to close the gap.

With me.

If elected then Porter'll be
L.A.'s first female mayor.

She's also the first
openly gay candidate.

Her views are very progressive.

Ms. Porter.

Dani Nùñez, Director of Communications.

Pleasure to meet you. This is Pierce
Williams, my campaign manager.

Yeah, I believe we met
on Garcetti's first bid.

- Yes. Good to see you again.
- [CHUCKLES] Likewise.

My father's deeply sorry, but
he won't be able to make it.

Oh, well, I hope everything's okay.

I'm sure it will be.
Please, have a seat.

[CLEARS THROAT]

So you work for your father?

I do.

I like to think I was bred for the job.

I studied Communications at Stanford

and then I did my graduate work at USC,

but it is possible there was
some nepotism involved,

if that's what you're thinking.

[PRODUCER] You feel
close? Do you feel it?

[ALICE] No. No.

None of them are right. No.

- They don't feel like me.
- At least Dr. Oz

is a vaginal steaming advocate.

I did vaginal rejuvenation in '04.

Have vaginas changed since then?

No, they have not.

- No.
- I know it sucks, but,

hopefully, if we give
the network this win,

they'll be more inclined

to allow us to stretch to include

more politically-minded candidates.

Right, like my beloved Roxane Gay.

Exactly.

I got a phone call this morning

from an old friend of
mine from grad school.

She's working as an aide to
a very interesting person.

Okay, listening.

The network wants to
broaden our demographic.

They want to attract a more
far-reaching audience, right?

Alice wants to keep it
queer, queer-adjacent,

uh, social, political.

Who's it gonna be? I
smell an Obama coming.

Kamala.

Can you get her?

Yeah. I interviewed her
for a documentary I made

on criminal justice reform
back when she was a D.A.

This is amazing. You have to book her.

I cannot wait to ask her

real but also inappropriate questions.

- Right?
- Oh, my God.

I'm so glad you're here this season.

It's all happening. [CHUCKLES]

I'll keep Dr. Oz warm, just as a backup.

- Okay, we're not. Yeah, yeah.
- Okay.

Okay, let's get some questions.

Let's go.

We want to convert the
Lincoln Heights Jail

to expand our corporate offices.

We know it's been a
hotly contested area,

but we do have capital in place

to invest in a project of that scale.

I just, I have to ask: What's
the source of your capital?

My father's political contributions,

they're made through our foundation,

entirely separate from
our family's company.

I don't think you answered the question.

We have a diverse portfolio.

Investments in everything from

biomedical research to agriculture...

And the funding for the
biomedical research,

does that come from the
sale of pharmaceuticals?

We design prosthetics for
Wounded Warriors, Ms. Porter.

I understand, but do you also invest

in the production of opioids?

Prosthetics don't pay for themselves.

I see.

Our only interest here is
finding the best person

to run this city,

and we believe that person is you.

I'm not buying what you're selling.

Our current mayor bought it.

I'm not him.

Ms. Porter.

Do you know why I'm running for office?

I can't say that I do.

It's because of people like you.

The products you're pushing
are the cause of suffering.

They have contributed to
the worst opioid crisis

our city has ever faced,

and that property that you want
to turn into corporate offices,

that could be used as a
long-term rehab facility.

And while I might understand
the willful ignorance

of a straight white man, I'm
having a hard time understanding

how you could turn a blind eye.

So I guess what I really want to know is

how the hell do you sleep at night?

[DOOR CLOSES]

My job is to introduce
you to potential donors.

Nùñez is a big player.

I've told you, I'm never
taking money from big pharma.

I know you have a sensitivity
around that particular issue,

- but you need...
- Fuck sensitivity.

Don't ever set up another
meeting like that again.

I am not willing, under
any circumstances,

to compromise my values.

Noted.

- That meeting never happened.
- Never happened.

- Never happened.
- Never happened.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

Well, that was a fucking shitshow.

- I'm sorry, Dani...
- In the future,

you need to either take
those meetings yourself

or prep me better. She
made me feel like an idiot.

- Where were you, Dad?
- We have a problem.

What is it?

One of our employees' son's overdosed.

You're going to take point on this.

Get ahead of it as much as you can.

I need you to handle him for us.

- I understand.
- Okay.

[DANI] Jack.

- Hi.
- I can't believe this.

I just saw him, and
he'd been clean, and...

- I did this.
- No, you didn't.

Yeah, I did. We did. I mean...

- this is all our fault.
- Jack.

Stop.

Sit down.

[SIGHS]

That is exactly what the
media wants you to think.

They'll try to connect your
work here with your son's death.

But they're wrong.

- Jack...
- Yeah.

...you know what we do here.

We are not the bad guys.

Me, you, my father?

We are a family, too.

You can't let them tear us apart.

Yeah, I know, I know,
but what we do here...

Stop. Listen to me.

Your son cannot

be a statistic.

He was a person. He was your son.

Yeah, he was.

He was...

my little boy.

Exactly.

You're right. [CHUCKLES]

Now tell me, what did he love to do?

[LAUGHS] Uh...

Mikey was a person.

He was not a salacious news story.

He loved life. He loved
to fish, play chess.

[REPORTER] Please believe me when I say

that I am deeply sorry for your loss.

[JACK] He was funny, and he was loved.

Mikey was special.

He's handling this very well.

Mm-mm. That's not him.

That's the woman you met earlier.

He's been coached.

Too bad she works for the wrong side.

[JACK] ...death of my son was a tragedy

that has nothing to do with my work.

[REPORTER] Thank you very much
for giving us your time today.

You did good.

Thanks, Dad.

[WATER SWISHING, SPITS]

[JOSÉ] Come on. [GRUNTS]

Shit.

- Dammit.
- Oh, wait, here.

- Oh, no, no. It's okay.
- Let me help.

No, no, it's okay. Um,
here, give me that one.

- [GRUNTS]
- Yeah.

Thank you. You s... You
sure you got both of those?

Yeah, um, yeah. Here. See?

Okay.

These-these are beautiful, by
the way, these are gorgeous.

Thank you. My ex hated them.

They thought they took
up too much space.

No, these are amazing. Where
are you moving from, by the way?

- Echo Park.
- Oh, Echo Park!

I love Echo Park. Oh, my
God, no, I got friends...

- Oh...
- Oh, my God.

That's okay.

- It's fine.
- I'm so sorry.

It's okay, I can fix it. I'm
the new property manager.

- So...
- Okay.

Good. That's good.

Well, if you need me

to break anything else,

you know where I live.

Noted.

[LAUGHS]

Um, would you want to grab dinner later?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

Sure. Where you guys going?

Oh, them. Yes.

I will ask them where they want to go.

You know, or it could
just maybe be you and me,

and not them.

Yeah. Sure.

Sounds fun.

Yeah.

Oh, um, and this is
weird timing, probably,

but our stove light's been
out for a few years...

If you don't mind, maybe...

I'll add it to the list.

Cool.

[ALICE] Fuck!

She really said no?

Kamala's not interested in
doing this kind of show.

What kind is that?
Like a fun, feminist one

where you can drink coffee and wine?

She thinks it's too small for
where she's at right now.

- Oh, that is fucked.
- I know.

Yeah. No. Uh-uh.

You know what, though?
What's more fucked

is you said you could get her.

I had reason to believe
that she'd say yes.

I-I interviewed her when
she ran for senate.

I have a personal relationship
with her aide, I mean...

But this is a totally
different platform.

- I know. Just...
- No, Sophie,

you can't overpromise me things.

I understand.

Okay. All right. Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. So I'm gonna listen
to Dr. Oz mansplain to me

how a vagina works.

Yeah.

It's great.

It's a great day at work.

It's a fuckin' nightmare.

["I'LL DIE ANYWAY" BY GIRL IN RED]

♪ I reach for me but I'm not there ♪

♪ It's so lonely but who cares? ♪

♪ It's fine, it's okay ♪

♪ I'll die anyway... ♪

[SIGHS] Fuck.

[GLOVES HITTING PUNCHING BAG]

[GRUNTING]

Uh, your bed's all good.

Oh, thanks. I appreciate it.

Sure.

Hey, I got a couple extra screws,

which is probably not
a great sign, so...

let me know if you have any problems.

I'll come back, fix it.

No charge, obviously.

All right, there's money on the table.

Oh, no, that's cool. Alice paid me.

Oh, well, then just take it as a tip.

I feel kind of weird about that.

I would love a beer if
you have one, though.

Uh... uh, sure. There's more over there.

Oh, my God. Awesome.

[GRUNTING]

You got a sick spot, man.

Thanks.

If you get any more furniture,

need me to put it together...

Or I can build stuff.

Anything.

Built-ins, tables.

I'm, like, a traditional lesbian
when it comes to tools, so...

All right.

Man...

this is what I thought living
in L.A. was gonna be like.

You know?

- Where you from?
- Missouri.

And now I live in a one
bedroom in Koreatown

with five other girls.

- Ugh.
- [LAUGHS] Yeah, it sucks.

- I been there.
- Really?

Oh, yeah.

Well, if you ever need some space,

I think there's some extra
bedrooms in the back.

Wait, are you serious?

Yeah. [SNIFFS]

Holy shit. That's awesome.

Thank you. That's, like...

Wow. I don't even know
what to say. Thank you.

- No problem.
- [PHONE CHIMING]

_

Who's that?

My wife.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

- You did well today, Cariña.
- Thanks, Dad.

The board and I have talked it over,

and we all agree that
you deserve a promotion.

What?

Senior vice president.

I-I-I don't know what to say.

You deserve it.

Thank you.

We'll celebrate this weekend.

I'll make reservations
somewhere nice, hmm?

Yeah. I'll-I'll ask Sophie.

Who?

I'm just kidding. Invite your friend.

Dad, you know she's not just my friend.

Yes, yes.

I actually was...

I think it's important to have
fun when you are young.

I'll see you this weekend, hmm?

Drive safely.

[CONTEMPLATIVE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[STARTS ENGINE]

[BUZZES]

- _
- Hey, baby, it's me.

Shit, I had a fuckity fucked up day.

Uh, I hope yours was better than that.

I was just calling to say hi
to let you know I love you,

'cause I do.

And I can't wait for you to get home

so I can smack that ass.

[LAUGHS]

Shit, I think Alice just
heard that. Okay, whatever.

Uh... [LAUGHS] I love you.

Uh, I'll make dinner.
You got any requests?

Never mind, I'll just
make something good.

Okay, I love you.

Again, like, a lot.

Okay, bye.

[QUIET, PULSING MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[EMCEE] Ladies and gentlemen,

it is my pleasure to welcome

the next mayor of Los Angeles,

- Bette Porter.
- [APPLAUSE]

[BETTE] The homelessness
crisis has hit L.A.,

and it tears at the very
fabric of who we are

and what we believe in.

And the government, the
government is meant to help

in times like these.

It's meant to protect
the most vulnerable

in our population.

We need change, and we need it now.

And I believe that I am
the face of that change.

[CHEERING, WHOOPING]

And now, I'd... I'd like to
open it up to questions.

I want to hear from you.

I want to know what
keeps you up at night.

The staff has mics.

Yes?

[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]

Prior to running for office,

you were the Director
of Cultural Affairs

for the City of Los Angeles.

That's correct.

While you served as director,

do you remember fucking my wife?

- [CROWD GASPS]
- [MURMURING]

How does sleeping with Felicity Adams,

a married employee of yours,

make you qualified to be the mayor?

[MOANING]

[HEART BEATING]

- Do not touch me!
- Get him out of here.

Shame on you, Ms. Porter! Shame on you!

- Bette. Bette, Bette.
- [REPORTERS CLAMORING]

Let's go. Come on. Come on.

No more questions at this time. Come on.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

No questions at this time, please. Here.

Shit.

[REPORTERS CLAMORING]

I need to call Angie.

I don't want her to read
about this on fucking Twitter.

Got you.

♪ Big bank take lil' bank, bank ♪

♪ Big bank take lil' bank, bank ♪

[BOTH LAUGHING]

♪ Type of money you gonna need a bank ♪

We should get matching tattoos.

You think?

Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Be pretty cool.

♪ Big bank take lil' bank, bank ♪

♪ Everything proper, no propaganda... ♪

What?

- Nothing.
- Yeah, right. Well...

- Let's take a selfie.
- [MUSIC STOPS]

- Whoa.
- What's wrong?

Uh, is your phone on?

No. My mom tracks me. Why?

Well, there's some
shit going on with her.

Where the fuck is she?

I'm sure she's fine.

I'll text her.

I'm just so fucking angry.

She's a good kid.

I know. No. I'm angry at myself.

Hot flash?

Yes. Death is coming.

So what are you gonna
do about the campaign?

My advisors told me
that I should drop out.

- Oh, that's bullshit.
- You can't do that.

I'm sorry, I don't see
what the problem is.

She slept with an employee.

- It was consensual.
- But she was married.

Okay, so I fucked up.

I think it's because you're gay.

Well, I think the
problem is Felicity's gay

and it makes her husband
feel like less of a man,

I mean, whatever that means.

That makes the most sense.

But they're trying to paint
you like these male predators.

And I might be just like them.

Mm-mm. No, no, no, no, no. That's shame.

You should make a statement.

- You should come on my show.
- What? Why? No.

I can give you a platform
to tell your side.

Yeah. You can tell them who you are.

But I don't know who I am right now.

You're Bette fucking Porter.

[DOOR OPENS]

Angie?

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- Thank God.

Could you guys excuse us, please? Angie!

Let's get out of here.

You want to get a burrito or something?

No, I want a burger.

[BETTE] Angie!

Angie!

I hate you! You ruin everything!

That's fine, but you cannot
ditch school and go MIA.

Whatever. You fucked somebody...

Hey! You do not get to
talk to me that way.

No. Everything you do
becomes my fucking problem.

Do you know know how humiliating
it is to be your daughter?

Wait, are you high right now?

- No.
- Are you kidding me?

Stop. Stop!

- No, stop!
- I'm looking... Stop it.

I'm gonna check.

- We vaped.
- What does that mean?

- Vaped what? Pot?
- Yeah.

But I don't have it, Jordi does.

Angie... you cannot smoke pot.

- It's not illegal.
- Yes, it is.

You are 16 years old.

I want to live with Mama T.

[EXHALES]

Do you want me to call her right now

and tell her what you did today?

Fine. I'll just tell her
that you fucked somebody.

I'm pretty sure she already heard.

Give me your phone. You're grounded.

And if you think it doesn't
pain me to know that I hurt you,

you are wrong, and I'm deeply sorry.

You deserve better.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[GENTLE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Um...

[EXHALES] Okay.

- Hm.
- [DOOR OPENS]

Oh, fuck, what a shitty fucking day!

Oh! Hi.

- Hi.
- God, that was a long one.

Ooh. Can I get a glass of wine?

Well, yeah, I actually poured
you a glass right over there.

Okay.

Oh, boy. Ooh.

Huh. Hey. Wow, that's really,

[CHUCKLES] that's really nice out there.

I love the way that you talk to the TV.

A-And I love that you dance

with your eyes closed.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

What are you doing?

[GENTLE, RISING MUSIC]

♪ ♪

You're my person.

No.

Yes.

I need you in my life forever.

[EXHALES]

Do not fuck with me.

Uh...

Oh, my God.

Sophie Suarez...

will you marry me?

[RAGGED EXHALE]

Please? Will you marry me, please?

[SNIFFLES]

Ooh.

Yes.

- Yes?
- Yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

God, you waited a long time to say yes.

[STAMMERS] I can't believe

you're gonna be my wife.

This is just...

Oh, man.

Mmm.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Wow. Whoa.

Oh, my...

Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God.
- [LAUGHS]

It's okay.

Oh, no. No, it's not okay.

It doesn't fit.

Rings are just a symbol
of the patriarchy.

Yeah, but I still want you to have one.

Yeah, I'll still take it.

[BOTH LAUGH]

I'll get it resized.

I love you.

I love you, too.

[BOTTLE POPS]

Fuck!

- Did you do it?
- I told her we should wait.

Hey, I got nervous. It got quiet.

- Did you do it?
- So?

- Yeah, we're engaged!
- We're engaged!

- [CHEERING, SCREAMING]
- Oh, my God!

- That is...
- I love you.

I'm so happy.

- Oh, my God.
- [SHOUTS]

Oh, my God.

I can't believe you both knew.

I can't believe I kept my mouth shut.

I get to be best man, right?

- Yeah! Of course.
- What? Come on!

[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]

[HEATHER] Are you guys
ready for the show?

- Let me hear you.
- [AUDIENCE CHEERING]

There we go.

- Are you ready?
- [CHEERING, APPLAUSE]

All right, you guys.

Here she is,

- the name on everybody's lips.
- Water?

You got this. You're Alice.

You're the name on everybody's lips.

Alice!

[RIOT GRRRL MUSIC]

- [CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
- Hey!

[WHOOPS]

[LAUGHS]

Hi. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you so much. Please.
Please, please, please.

Thank you. Oh, it is
so great to be back.

It really is. I have
missed you all so much.

Uh... that hiatus was
really long, wasn't it?

Felt like it was, like, a
decade or something. Huh?

- Right, Heather?
- [HEATHER] Sure did.

Yeah, oh, you met my third cousin?

- Yes. Ha.
- Yeah.

[ALICE] And... So how was your break?

[HEATHER] I was just hanging out

in my, uh, shared studio
apartment in the Valley,

just waiting for the show to come back.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah. Is there a reason

you keep bringing up that
you share an apartment?

- [LAUGHTER]
- [HEATHER] I just know that

you have an extra bedroom at your house

- and it's real fancy.
- [LAUGHS] Okay. Oh...

No, I get it.

[BOTH] See you latte.

[LAUGHTER]

All right, ladies and gentlemen
and everyone in between,

it is my absolute pleasure to welcome

my dear friend and
candidate for L.A. mayor...

she likes her coffee black
with one raw sugar...

Bette Porter!

[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]

["MATTER OF TIME" BY SHARON JONES]

♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah ♪

♪ Uh-huh, oh, yeah... ♪

Wow. Well, thank you so much for coming.

- Thank you for having me.
- Uh, full disclosure,

we've known each other
for about 25 years.

[SIGHS] Yes, that's right.

Okay, and in those 25 years,
have I ever gone easy on you?

Cut you any slack?

- Let you off the hook?
- Not even for

- a single day, Alice.
- Yeah. Okay.

So, do your voters know
that you stole a billboard

- in the mid-aughts?
- [CHUCKLES]

- Uh, we-we borrowed it, Alice.
- [LAUGHTER]

- Oh, "we".
- We borrowed it. Yeah.

[ALICE] Oh, you're put... Okay. Okay.

Were you gonna keep that on the DL?

Because I didn't get that memo.

- I think we should. Yeah.
- Well, I missed that.

[ALICE] All right, let's dig in.

So, in case you've been
living under a rock,

yesterday during a forum,

a man who's since been
identified as Tyler Adams

publicly accused mayoral
candidate Bette Porter

of having an affair with his wife.

- Is that correct?
- That's correct.

So why did you want to
come on the show today?

I mean, why not let something like that

just kind of blow over?

Well, because I won't
be shamed into silence.

I mean, historically,

that's what happens to
women in my position.

We're shamed and then we
stand down, but I won't.

- Not now, not ever.
- [AUDIENCE CHEERING]

[ALICE] So, are you sorry

that you slept with a married woman?

Well, it's tricky because I-I...

I don't want anyone
to think that I'm okay

with causing another person
pain, because I'm not.

But I also don't want it to
seem like I'm apologizing

for having a relationship
with a consenting adult

because that's also a message

that I'm not comfortable sending.

So you're not sorry?

I think I answered the question.

It's not that that simple.

Ugh.

It's getting a little hot in here.

- [LAUGHTER]
- [GRUNTS SOFTLY]

Can I just tell you the
most frustrating part

of this whole ordeal?

- Please.
- [SIGHS]

I mean, it's distracting.

People would rather focus
on what's titillating

than stare death in the face.

And the fact is, our city is
in crisis and people are dying.

[ALICE] I know

that you have a very real
reason that you're running.

A very personal reason.

Why won't you talk about it?

[SOMBER MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Um,

because despite this week's events,

I've chosen to keep my
private life private.

But those people out there,

they want to know who you are,

not just what you stand for.

[BETTE] Okay.

Well, um...

I'm a woman.

I'm gay, I'm biracial.

Um, I'm a mother

to an extraordinary daughter.

I'm an ex-wife, uh, a friend.

I think I'm a really loyal friend.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.

[BETTE] Uh, I'm a daughter,

I'm-I'm a sister.

Uh... and I'm...

...and I'm you.

I'm... I am a part of you.

I really feel that.

You know, I'm that part of
you that wants to do better.

I'm that part of you
that loves this city

and wants to see all of
its communities thrive.

I'm that part of you
that makes mistakes.

And I know I've disappointed
people that I love.

And that's not a mistake
that I want to make again.

And I hope that my indiscretions

don't cloud my greater purpose,

because while I know

[EXHALES] I'm not the perfect messenger,

I do have the perfect message.

[APPLAUSE SWELLS]

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

Thank you.

[ALICE] Thank you.

Thank you.

We'll be right back.

["LOW KEY" BY BROOX]

♪ I like to keep you real close ♪

♪ To me ♪

♪ Fiddle with your thoughts ♪

♪ Keep it out, keep... ♪

- Hey.
- Hi, honey.

♪ Want to see what's
inside, see how... ♪

- Hey. Hi.
- Okay.

♪ Surrender ♪

♪ Your pretty mind ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ And we'll be just fine ♪

♪ Take it real slow ♪

♪ Stay up the whole night ♪

♪ No one has to know ♪

♪ And we'll be just fine ♪

♪ Stay up the whole night ♪

♪ Now it feels so wrong ♪

♪ Singing this song ♪

[BIRDS SINGING]

♪ Figured I could stop... ♪

Bette?

♪ Till our love had fallen ♪

Thank you for agreeing to meet with me.

So, I'm just so curious to
know what I can do for you.

Would you like to have a seat?

No, thank you.

I am not gonna bullshit you, Ms. Porter.

I don't think you've got the time.

Well, I appreciate that.

[SIGHS]

My colleague's son died the other night.

Heroin overdose. 23 years old.

I saw.

Up until yesterday, I
managed to convince myself

that my job was to protect the company

that afforded me the life that I have.

Protect the people who helped
build it from the ground up.

Go on.

[SIGHS]

You asked me the other
day how I sleep at night,

but the truth is,

I don't.

I am damn good at my job,

but I want to work for
someone I believe in.

And I came here today
because I believe in you.

I'm not so sure that I trust you.

You've started your professional life

in a compromised industry.

I know.

But if you want to win,
I think you need me.

["BRING IT ON" BY DEAP VALLY]

♪ I'll bring it on ♪

♪ I'll bring it on, bring it on ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, here it comes ♪

♪ So bring it on, bring it on ♪