The L Word (2004–2009): Season 1, Episode 12 - Locked Up - full transcript

THIS IS NOT DIRTY.

IT'S THE WAY I SAY IT.

LOOK, WHEN I SAY
I'VE BEEN WITH PEOPLE,

I DON'T MEAN 20 OR 30.

OKAY, SO WHAT, LIKE,
HUNDREDS, THOUSANDS?

WHAT?

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN...

950 AND 1,200

SINCE I WAS 14.

WHOA.

WELL, WHATEVER, YOU KNOW,



IT DOESN'T MATTER. I DON'T CARE.

I TURNED TRICKS ON SANTA
MONICA WITH MY FRIEND CLIVE,

AND ALL THESE GUYS THOUGHT
I WAS SOME LITTLE STREET FAG,

AND I COULD'VE BEEN KILLED.

THAT'S SO COOL WHEN
YOU THINK ABOUT IT,

RIGHT?

CLEA, IT'S NOT COOL.

LISTEN, I LIKE YOU,

BUT WHAT YOU WANT FROM
ME ISN'T GOING TO HAPPEN.

OKAY, YOU KNOW,

I KNOW, IT'S BECAUSE
OF MY FATHER, RIGHT?

YOU GUYS, YOU HAVE
THIS BUSINESS TOGETHER.

CLEA, I'M INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE.

OH.



ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH HER?

YEAH...

I AM.

HEY, GIRL.

HEY, YOU OKAY?

NO.

HEY, YOU HANG IN THERE.

SHE'LL BE BACK
BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.

I HOPE NOT.

WHOA.

OKAY, WELL, YOU FINALLY SAID IT.

CAN I SAY WHAT IT IS NOW, HMM?

YOU DESERVE

TO BE HAPPY.

YOUR HAPPINESS IS
JUST AS IMPORTANT

AS ANYBODY ELSE'S.

COME ON, THE PLANET IS YOURS.

IF YOU AND FRANCESCA
ARE SPLITTING UP,

SHE'S NOT GOING TO
TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU.

YES, SHE IS.

AT BEST, SHE WANTS
TO BE BOUGHT OUT.

I SAT UP ALL NIGHT
TRYING TO FIGURE OUT

HOW I CAN COME UP
WITH THAT MUCH MONEY.

THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY.

I WORK SO HARD.

WHERE'S TRISH?

I DECIDED TO COOL
IT FOR A WHILE.

OH, YEAH?

MM-HMM.

HMM.

WHY?

I WAS ACCEPTED AT THE G.S.I.E.

I'M FINALLY GETTING
MY TEACHING DEGREE.

WOW, THAT'S... THAT'S AMAZING.

YEAH, SO WHEN I
SWITCH DEPARTMENTS,

TRISH AND I CAN SEE
ONE ANOTHER AGAIN

IF WE STILL WANT TO.

DID SHE CRY

WHEN YOU TOLD HER YOU
HAD TO BREAK UP WITH HER?

YEAH, SHE DID.

YEAH.

HOW'S YOUR WRITING?

IT'S GOOD.

I'M ACTUALLY...
WORKING ON A STORY

RIGHT NOW

ABOUT A WOMAN

THAT'S BEEN MUTE FROM BIRTH,

AND THEN SHE DISCOVERS

THAT SHE'S ABLE TO SPEAK
THE LANGUAGE OF MANATEES.

♪ I AM A MAN, BABY
THAT'S WHAT I AM ♪

♪ I'M A STRANGER
WITH A MASTER PLAN ♪

♪ I AM A MAN, BABY
THAT'S WHY I'M HERE ♪

♪ I AM A MAN, I AM
A MAN I AM A MAN ♪

♪ I AM A MAN ♪

♪ I AM A MAN, I AM
A MAN I AM A MAN ♪

♪ COME ON ♪

♪ YEAH ♪

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, GIVE IT UP,
LET'S HAVE SOME LOVE FOR...

THAT WAS PHIL MCCRACKEN.

ALL RIGHT,

NOW FOR OUR FINAL

KING OF THE NIGHT,

LET'S GIVE A GOOD, HOT
WELCOME TO IVAN AYCOCK.

ALL RIGHT, SHAKE IT, BABY!

WHOO!

♪ I WAS STANDING ON THE
CORNER OF THE AVENUE ♪

♪ I WAS WATCHING
ALL THE GIRLS GO BY ♪

♪ AND THERE SHE WAS IN A
FIVE- AND TEN-CENT STORE ♪

♪ SOMEHOW I GOT
TO MAKE HER MINE ♪

♪ YEAH, SOMEHOW I
GOT TO MAKE HER MINE ♪

HEY, ISN'T THAT ROBIN, THE
GIRL JENNY'S GOING OUT WITH?

RIGHT THERE?

OH, YEAH, IT IS.

♪ SOMEHOW I GOT
TO MAKE HER MINE ♪

♪ YEAH, SOMEHOW I
GOT TO MAKE HER MINE ♪

♪ SHE'S GOT STYLE
SHE'S GOT TASTE ♪

♪ SHE'S GOT A BEAUTIFUL
FACE SHE'S GOT SAVOIR FAIRE ♪

♪ SHE DON'T NEED NO HOOK SHE'S
GOT MORE THAN GOOD LOOKS ♪

♪ SHE'S GOT SAVOIR FAIRE ♪

WHOO!

I HAVE A DATE ON
WEDNESDAY NIGHT.

ANYONE I KNOW?

UM... NO.

HER NAME IS ROBIN,

AND I MET HER AT PALM SPRINGS

WHEN I...

YOU KNOW, WHEN I WENT
WITH TINA AND ALL OF THEM.

AND YOU'RE TELLING
ME THIS BECAUSE...

WELL, BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT
I CAN'T AFFORD RESTAURANTS

RIGHT NOW. LET ME
GET THIS STRAIGHT.

YOU'RE ASKING TO
BORROW MONEY FROM ME

FOR A DATE,

NO, I WASN'T, I WAS
ASKING YOU IF IT'S OKAY

IF I INVITE HER TO MY PLACE.

I WAS GOING TO MAKE
A SALADE NICOISE.

WEDNESDAY'S

BASKETBALL AND BEER NIGHT,

SO I'M NOT GOING
TO BE HOME TILL LATE.

IF YOU WANT, YOU
CAN USE THE KITCHEN,

MAKE YOUR SALAD.

HEY, HEY.

HELLO.

HOW'S EVERYTHING?
I'VE HEARD ABOUT YOU.

SHANE.

WHAT?

CHECK IT OUT.

HOW ABOUT...

SHIT. THAT SUCKS.

WELL, DO YOU THINK...

DO YOU THINK SHE
THOUGHT WHEN I SAID...

LIKE, WHEN I POINTED
HER OUT, THAT I...

NO.

THAT IS SO... WRONG.

YEP.

HEY, IVAN. OH, HEY.

THIS WAS ONE OF THE
BEST NIGHTS OF MUSIC

I HAVE EVER HAD.

I MEAN... AND THANK
YOU FOR ORGANIZING

"THE KINGS OF THE NIGHT."

IT WAS THE BOMB.

THE PLEASURE WAS ALL MINE.

HEY, WHY DON'T YOU MAKE ROOM

FOR THE LADY?

WHAT CAN I GET YOU, KIT?

UM... OH, NOTHING.

I'M FINE.

WELL, WHAT'S YOUR DRINK?

I MEAN, A PINK
LADY, CAJUN MARTINI,

MAYBE A SIMPLE WHISKEY SODA?

I'M KEEPING DRY THESE DAYS.

WELL, THAT'S A FINE THING
FOR A BEAUTIFUL LADY.

YOU IN THE PROGRAM?

YEAH, I AM.

11 YEARS NEXT MONTH.

CONGRATULATIONS.

I'M...

37 DAYS.

37 DAYS IS A LIFETIME.

LOOK, IF YOU EVER NEED

ANYONE TO TALK TO,

OR FOR ANY OTHER REASON...

GIVE ME A CALL, OKAY?

THANKS.

WHOA.

YOU'RE NOT LEAVING
ALREADY, ARE YOU?

OSCAR AND I ARE DUE IN COURT

AT 8:15.

ARTHUR CROFT AGREED

TO REPRESENT US PRO BONO
AGAINST CLAY PATTERSON.

WOW, DID YOU... DID YOU LAND

ARTHUR CROFT?

UH-HUH. REMEMBER?

I MET HIM WHEN WARNERS GOT
SUED OVER THAT SCRIPT I DEVELOPED?

WOW, TINA.

OSCAR MUST JUST
BE BESIDE HIMSELF.

YEAH, AND THEN,

AFTER WE'RE FINISHED IN
COURT, I HAVE A MEETING

WITH THESE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENTS

WE'RE STARTING AN
ORGANIC FOOD CO-OP

AT THEIR SCHOOL.

ISN'T THAT COOL?

WELL, YEAH, THAT...
THAT'S GREAT.

UM, OH, WAIT, THE...

MY JILL SANDERS
SUIT, DO YOU KNOW?

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA?

UM, I THINK IT'S AT
THE DRY CLEANERS.

I...

I DROPPED IT OFF LAST WEEK.

OH, GREAT, THEN YOU COULD
PICK IT UP TODAY, THEN?

UH-UH, I...

CAN YOU GET JAMES TO DO IT?

I'M HAVING A REALLY BUSY WEEK.

OKAY?

BYE.

SO OKAY, SO HE
GETS HIS PREDNISONE

AT 11:00 AND 2:00,

AND IF FOR SOME REASON
I'M NOT HOME BY 5:00,

JUST GO AHEAD AND GIVE HIM

HIS LIQUID THYROID MEDICINE.

IT COMES IN THREE FLAVORS,

SO, YOU KNOW, JUST SEE
WHAT HE'S IN THE MOOD FOR.

OKAY.

BYE, BABY. BYE.

THANK YOU.

BYE, SWEETIE PIDDLY PIE.

TON-TON'S GOING TO TAKE

EXTRA SPECIAL CARE

OF YOU,

MY HANDSOME,
LOVER BOY, PUSS POT.

OH, YES, OH, YES.

OH, YES.

OKAY.

BYE. BYE.

DEB. IT'S TONYA.

YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE
WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW.

WE'RE READY TO INSTALL
IN THE MAIN GALLERIES,

BUT I WANT YOU TO KEEP
THE ANISH KAPUR CRATED

UNTIL OUR TECHNICIAN ARRIVES.

YEAH. BETTE.

HOLD ON.

I THINK YOU SHOULD COME DOWN

AND SEE WHAT'S
GOING ON OUT HERE.

I'LL CALL YOU BACK.

WHAT?

WE HAVE PROTESTERS AND...

MA'AM, YOU DON'T
WANT TO GO IN THERE.

YES, I DO.

ARE YOU AWARE THAT
THIS SO-CALLED MUSEUM

IS RUN BY HOMOSEXUAL

PORNOGRAPHERS?

ARE YOU A HOMOSEXUAL
PORNOGRAPHER?

GET OUT OF MY FACE, SLIMEBALL.

THE CAC SHOULD BE SHUT DOWN

AND THE PEOPLE
INSIDE LOCKED AWAY!

HAVE YOU SEEN IT OUT THERE?

YEAH, ONE OF THEM
TRIED TO BLOCK ME

FROM COMING IN THE MUSEUM.

ARE YOU OKAY?

YEAH, I'M FINE.

I HAVE MOVERS DUE WITH
A SHIPMENT OF ARTWORK

IN 40 MINUTES,

I HAVE FIVE ARTISTS ARRIVING

TO DO INSTALLATION WORK,

AND I HAVE A BUNCH OF
LUNATICS OUT IN THE COURTYARD

WHO APPARENTLY WANT TO
SEE ME TARRED AND FEATHERED...

BUT THE MAIN
GALLERY LOOKS GREAT.

WELL, WE'RE NEARLY FINISHED.

HERE, LET ME SHOW
YOU SOME DRAWINGS

OF THE SHOJI SCREENS.

OKAY.

SO...

FUCK.

I'M SORRY, I...

WHAT HAPPENED THE OTHER
NIGHT CANNOT HAPPEN AGAIN.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

UM... OKAY,

THIS IS NOT A BEARING WALL,

SO I FIGURED WE'D JUST
ERECT THE SCAFFOLDING HERE,

AND...

BETTE, THEY HAVE
ALMOST A HUNDRED PEOPLE

OUT THERE.

THEY'RE THREATENING
TO NOT LET THE ARTWORK

INTO THE MUSEUM.

JESUS. WHAT ARE
WE SUPPOSED TO DO?

SHOULD WE CALL THE POLICE?

THE POLICE ARE HERE,

BUT THEY'RE NOT
GOING TO HELP YOU.

THESE PROTESTERS HAVE A PERMIT.

WHAT ABOUT THE ALLEY?

CAN'T WE TAKE THE
TRUCKS OUT BACK

AND LOAD IN FROM THERE?

NO, NO, NO, THEY'RE
BLOCKING THAT, TOO.

THIS IS CRAZY.

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO RESCHEDULE,

AND I'M NOT GOING TO BACK
DOWN FROM THESE LUNATICS.

HAVE YOU EVER
DONE CLINIC DEFENSE?

NO, I HAVEN'T, I'VE
JUST WRITTEN CHECKS.

WELL, WHEN WE USED TO DO

CLINIC DEFENSE,

THERE'D BE, I DON'T
KNOW, 40, 50, 60 OF THEM

TO EVERY 20 OF US,

AND SO WE FIGURED THE ONLY WAY

TO GET A CLIENT PAST THEM...

WELL, WE WOULD LINK ARMS

AND FORM A COLUMN TO THE STREET.

THEN THE CLIENT

WOULD GET OUT OF HER CAR.

SHE'D BE IMMEDIATELY
INSIDE OF OUR COLUMN,

AND THEN WE'D GET
HER SAFELY INSIDE.

LIKE A HUMAN SHIELD.

YEAH.

AND HOW MANY PEOPLE DOES IT TAKE

TO DO SOMETHING

LIKE THAT?

ALL RIGHT, JAMES, I WANT YOU
TO ASK EVERYONE IN THE OFFICE.

I THINK WE HAVE ABOUT 25 PEOPLE.

LET'S GET ON THE PHONE.

CALL ALL THE ARTISTS
THAT ARE IN TOWN.

I WANT YOU TO CALL YOUR
FRIENDS. WE NEED BODIES.

OKAY.

WINE?

I HAVE TO GET BACK TO WORK.

I HAVE A CLASS OF 10-YEAR-OLDS

ASPIRING TO BE
TIGHT ROPE WALKERS.

OH, DON'T WORRY,
WE'LL HAVE IT TONIGHT.

GRAZIE.

OH, ACTUALLY,

I... I CAN'T DO THAT EITHER.

I ALREADY HAVE PLANS.

WHAT KIND OF PLANS?

OR IS THAT A SECRET? OH.

NO, IT'S NOT A SECRET.

NO, YOU SHOULD NEVER TELL

SECRETS,

NEVER.

TELL ME SOMETHING ELSE.

DO YOU LIKE TO READ?

UM, I GUESS, WHEN
I... WHEN I HAVE TIME.

I'M NOT EXACTLY A BIG READER.

HAVE YOU EVER READ ANYTHING

BY ANNE CARSON?

UM, I DON'T THINK SO.

DOES SHE WRITE NOVELS, OR...

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A BOOK.

YOU CAN TAKE IT WITH
YOU WHEN YOU RUN AWAY

WITH THE CIRCUS.

IT'S CALLED EROS

THE BITTERSWEET.

IT'S VERY ROMANTIC.

MISS PORTER.

WITH ALL THE CONTROVERSY,

IS THE CAC STILL GOING AHEAD

WITH THE PROVOCATION SHOW?

WITHOUT THE
SLIGHTEST HESITATION.

I NOTICE FAE BUCKLEY ISN'T HERE.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE SHE IS?

I HAVE NO IDEA.

DID YOU RUIN HER

BY EXPOSING HER FAMILY TRAGEDY?

DID YOU GO TOO FAR? I
HAVE TO GO. EXCUSE ME.

LINK ARMS, MOVE
AROUND TO THE LEFT,

LINK ARMS.

YOU ARE OBSTRUCTING COMMERCE.

IF YOU DO NOT LET
THESE MOVERS THROUGH,

YOU'LL BE VIOLATING THE LAW.

TELL THEM NO. FILTH
AS ART HAS GOT TO GO.

SHUT THEM DOWN. TELL THEM
NO. FILTH AS ART HAS GOT TO GO.

MY GOD, IT'S A FULL-SCALE WAR.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.

LOOK, BETTE, DANA'S COMING, TOO.

I DON'T KNOW. I
LEFT WORD FOR HER.

SHE AND OSCAR WERE
SUPPOSED TO BE IN COURT

EARLIER THIS MORNING.

I CAN'T GET THROUGH.

FILTH AS ART HAS GOT TO GO.

SHUT THEM DOWN. TELL THEM
NO. FILTH AS ART HAS GOT TO GO.

HEY.

SO COME BY AFTER WORK.
I'LL HAVE THE BOOK FOR YOU.

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'LL JUST COME BY TOMORROW.

NO, I WON'T KEEP YOU
LONG, JUST COME BY LATER.

OKAY, FINE.

YOU'RE VERY PERSISTENT.

AH, PERSISTANCE, C'EST LA
MERE DE TOUS LES SUCCES.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

HEY.

HEY, MARINA.

UM, MARINA,

REMEMBER WHEN WE
TALKED ABOUT KIND OF A PLAN?

WELL, WE ARE GOING TO FIND YOU

SOME PARTNERS,

AND WE'RE GOING TO
RAISE SOME MONEY,

AND YOU ARE GOING
TO BUY FRANCESCA OUT.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT YOU?
YOU COULD BE MY PARTNER.

I...

OKAY, WELL, MAYBE WHEN
SOME OF MY ROYALTIES

COME IN.

YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T
SEEN ONE CENT

FROM THAT SLIM DADDY SONG.

WHAT ABOUT BETTE? SHE
COULD LEND YOU THE MONEY.

OH, UH-UH-UH.

I MEAN, COME ON,
YOU'RE GOOD FOR IT.

I DON'T KNOW.

I'M ON MY WAY OVER THERE
NOW AS SOON AS IVAN GETS HERE.

IVAN?

IVAN IS

RIGHT OVER THERE.

OH... YEAH, RIGHT.

UM, HEY.

HEY.

IVAN, HOW YOU DOING?

ALWAYS GOOD.

OKAY.

UH, YEAH, SHOULD WE...
WE'D BETTER GET GOING,

I GUESS. YEAH, LET'S GO.

HEY, GIRL, I'LL CATCH
YOU LATER, OKAY?

YEAH, HAVE A GREAT TIME.

DON'T FORGET TO ASK BETTE.

WHERE'S TINA?

WHICH GODLESS

PIECE OF FILTH IS THAT?

WHICH RELIC OF SATAN?

WHICH AFFRONT TO DECENCY?

BACK OFF.

YOU'RE GETTING TOO CLOSE.

YOU HEARD HER.
SHE SAID, BACK OFF.

DON'T LET HIM TOUCH IT!

GET OFF OF ME!

THAT'S THE ONE. GET HER.

SHE MADE A VIDEO OF HERSELF

BEING SODOMIZED

BY JESUS CHRIST.

SHE'S ON HER KNEES, NAKED,

WITH CHRIST COMMITTING
UNSPEAKABLE ACTS ON HER.

HOLY SHIT.

WHOA, HEY, HEY, HEY.
I'VE GOT TO HELP HER!

HEY, YOU HAVE A D.U.I.

YOU GO GET YOURSELF ARRESTED,

IT'LL BE YEARS BEFORE
YOU GET A LICENSE AGAIN,

ALL RIGHT?

ANYWAY, THAT'S YOUR SISTER

RIGHT THERE, ISN'T IT? HUH?

YEAH.

KIT, COME ON.

SHE NEEDS YOU ON THE OUTSIDE.

YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING HERE.

BETTE, BETTE, IS THIS
YOUR FIRST ARREST?

HOW WILL YOU PLEAD?

COME ON. IT'S OKAY.

LET'S GO.

NO, I...

OW. GOD.

OH, GOD, I'M GOING TO DIE

IF MY PARENTS FIND
OUT ABOUT THIS.

WELL, LOOK AT THE UPSIDE.

NOW BEING A DYKE
WON'T BE A BIG DEAL.

THIS IS ABSURD.

YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY...

HEY, GOOD-LOOKING.

REMOVE YOUR SHOES

AND ANY HARD OBJECTS,

INCLUDING COMBS, HAIRPINS,

ALL WATCHES...

AND CELL PHONES.

NO, THAT'S LIKE TAKING
HER LIFE SUPPORT AWAY.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

JUST LET IT GO, SHANE.

IT'S OKAY.

TAKE THE FUCKING PHONE.

DON'T LOSE THAT.

I'LL ALSO NEED ALL
YOUR JEWELRY...

AND YOUR EYEGLASSES.

THE WHALE SWAM CLOSE TO HER...

ODD CLICK-LIKE SOUNDS.

UNTIL THIS MOMENT,

HER IMAGINAT... HER
IMAGINATION HAD BEEN ENOUGH.

SHE UNDERSTOOD IT HAD
TO BE THE CORE OF DESIRE...

YOLANDA, HEY, IT'S CANDACE.

LISTEN, I'M IN A LITTLE
BIT OF TROUBLE HERE.

I KNOW YOU'RE REAL BUSY SAVING
THE WORLD AND EVERYTHING,

BUT I NEED YOU TO START
ANSWERING YOUR PHONE.

HEY, CHERIE, IT'S ME.

LOOK, I'M GOING
TO BE A LITTLE LATE

FOR OUR DATE TONIGHT.

IS HE GETTING HIS
MEDICINE? IS HE LISTLESS?

HAS HE HAD A POO?

ALICE, IT'S MOM.

CAN YOU DROP MY HEAD
SHOTS BY MY AGENT'S?

WHY ARE WE BEING
HELD SEPARATELY?

BECAUSE YOU'RE HIGH RISK.

DANGEROUS RING LEADERS.

AREN'T YOU GOING TO SIT DOWN?

I CAN'T.

WHY?

I CAN'T SIT NEAR YOU.

WHAT IF YOU STAY ON
ONE SIDE OF THE COT?

I'LL STAY ON THE OTHER.

WE'LL DRAW AN IMAGINARY
LINE DOWN THE MIDDLE.

I DON'T THINK THAT'S
GOING TO WORK FOR ME.

I AM IN SO MUCH TROUBLE.

DO YOU WANT TO PLAY
AN ALPHABET GAME?

I STILL WANT IT TO BE A MANATEE.

KEELA. HEY.

HAVE YOU EVER MET A MANATEE?

NO.

THEY HAVE THE CRAZIEST
MATING BEHAVIOR

OF ANY SEA MAMMAL.

SHE LIKES YOU.

HAVE YOU EVER MET A MANATEE?

YEAH, THERE WAS A
SMALL HERD OF THEM

BEACHED OFF THE COAST

OF BOCA RATON LAST MONTH,

AND I WAS ONE OF THE BIOLOGISTS

CALLED IN TO PROTECT THEM.

I'M GENE FEINBERG.

JENNY SCHECTER.

HEY.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM?

WHY WERE THEY BEACHED?

THE ONE FEMALE WAS RUNNING
AWAY FROM THE FIVE MALES.

SHE STAYS IN HEAT
FOR... A MONTH,

AND THE BULLS
SPEND THE ENTIRE TIME

SMASHING INTO EACH OTHER,

TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH HER.

THEN THEY JUST KIND OF DITCH HER

ONCE SHE'S PREGNANT.

GOSH, THAT SOUNDS
LIKE A LOT OF HUMANS.

PLEASE TELL ME

THAT'S NOT YOUR
EXPERIENCE WITH MEN.

NO,

NOT EXCLUSIVELY.

WELL, THAT'S GOOD.

DO YOU WORK HERE?

MM-HMM.

ASSISTANT CURATOR OF FISH

AND AQUARIUM DIVE COORDINATOR,

AND...

YOU, IT APPEARS, WORK
AT A GROCERY STORE?

OH, GOD.

CAN YOU CAN TELL
THAT BY LOOKING AT ME?

OH, WELL, I'M FAMILIAR

WITH THE
RED-AND-WHITE CHECKED...

OH, MY GOD.

LAURELWOOD FARMS, RIGHT?

YES.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT
FISH HAD CURATORS.

I DIDN'T KNOW

THAT NICE JEWISH GIRLS
WORKED IN GROCERY STORES.

IS THAT YOUR
LIFE'S CALLING, OR...

NO, IT'S NOT MY LIFE'S CALLING.

I'M... I'M A FICTION WRITER.

COOL.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT
I'M A NICE JEWISH GIRL?

ARE YOU IMPLYING
THAT YOU'RE NOT NICE?

TOO MANY GRAPES, KEELA.

UM...

IF YOU WANTED TO
HAVE DINNER WITH ME,

I COULD TELL YOU
EVERYTHING I KNOW

ABOUT MANATEES.

THANKS.

OKAY.

UM... BYE.

BYE.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

EROS THE BITTERSWEET,
HUH? OKAY, I'LL READ IT.

WAIT, THERE IS A PASSAGE

THAT IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

YOU KNOW WHAT, MARINA?
I REALLY... I'VE GOT TO GO.

I'M SORRY.

OF COURSE.

THANKS.

"THE GREEK WORD 'EROS'
DENOTES 'WANT, ' 'LACK, '

"THE DESIRE FOR
THAT WHICH IS MISSING.

"THE LOVER WANTS
WHAT IT DOES NOT HAVE.

"IT IS BY DEFINITION
IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM

"TO HAVE WHAT HE WANTS,

"IF...

"AS SOON AS IT IS HAD,

IT IS NO LONGER WANTING."

EXCUSE ME, HOW MUCH
LONGER IS THIS GOING TO BE?

YOU KNOW...

YOU KNOW, THIS IS
REALLY RIDICULOUS.

NOW, I HAVE BEEN HERE
I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG,

TRYING TO JUST...

HEY, HEY, HEY, SIT TIGHT.

OKAY? OKAY?

I'M GOING TO GO HUSTLE UP

A COUPLE OF BAIL BONDS

JUST IN CASE NOBODY
SHOWS UP WITH CASH...

OH.

AND I'LL BRING YOU

SOME REESE'S CUPS.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT'S
WHAT I WAS JONESING FOR?

OFFICER, I'M FRANKLIN PHILLIPS,

CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD OF
THE CALIFORNIA ART CENTER.

I'M HERE TO POST BAIL

FOR BETTE PORTER. THANK GOD.

WHERE YOU BEEN, MAN?

WELL,

I'VE BEEN AT A COCKTAIL
PARTY FOR THE GOVERNOR.

WHO ARE YOU?

KIT PORTER, BETTE'S SISTER.

OH. WELL, NICE TO MEET YOU.

CAN WE HURRY THIS UP, PLEASE?

WE'VE GOT A LOT OF PAPERWORK

TO PROCESS.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO HAVE A SEAT.

MISS PORTER.

GO AHEAD, DO THE "W" s.

WEST VIRGINIA,

WASHINGTON,

WISCONSIN...

WYOMING.

I THINK THAT'S IT.

THERE ARE NO "X", "Y"s OR "Z"s.

LET'S DO MATH. WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

TWO PLUS TWO

EQUALS FOUR.

THE SQUARE OF THE
HYPOTENUSE SIDE

OF A RIGHT TRIANGLE

IS EQUAL TO THE
SUM OF THE SQUARES

ON THE OTHER TWO SIDES.

HEY.

HEY.

I'M TALKING TO YOU.

UM, DO YOU REMEMBER
THE FIRST TIME

THAT YOU WERE EVER
REALLY, REALLY EMBARRASSED

BY ONE OF YOUR PARENTS?

ABSOLUTELY.

IT WAS BEFORE MY
DAD GOT TRANSFERRED

TO TEXAS.

WE WERE LIVING IN
FORT LAUDERDALE.

13 YEARS OLD. OH, MY GOD.

JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL.

WHAT?

I...

WHEN I WAS 13, I...

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. I JUST
HAD A TOTAL FLASHBACK.

I HAVE TO KNOW MORE
ABOUT THAT, PLEASE.

NO, NO, NO.

I WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR STORY.

OKAY, FINE.

SO MY MOM'S DROPPING
ME OFF AT THIS PARTY.

RIGHT.

FIRST TIME I GET INVITED
TO A COOL KIDS' PARTY,

AND SHE INSISTS
ON WALKING ME IN,

WHICH IS ALREADY
TOTALLY HUMILIATING.

THEN SHE'S KISSING ME
GOODBYE, ON THE LIPS,

AND AS SHE'S WALKING AWAY,

SHE TURNS BACK
AND SHE CALLS OUT,

SHE SAYS, "HONEY, REMEMBER,
THE MORE YOU HANG ONTO IT,

"THE MORE THEY WANT IT,

"SO DON'T LET ANY OF THE BOYS

GET FUNNY WITH YOU."

THAT WAS HORRIBLE.

THAT'S AWFUL.

AS IT TURNS OUT,

I WASN'T EVEN
INTERESTED IN BOYS.

DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU WERE GAY?

NO, I JUST KNEW I
WASN'T INTO BOYS.

I DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS
ATTRACTED TO GIRLS

UNTIL THE FIRST

CIRCUS TOUR I DID.

I FELL MADLY IN LOVE THAT YEAR.

OH, GOD.

WITH THE BEARDED LADY?

NO.

YES.

NO, IT WASN'T.

I CAN'T STAND IT.

I'M SORRY IT'S SO PAINFUL.

IT'S SO PAINFUL.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?

I JUST LIED DOWN.

I'M LYING

ON TOP OF YOU.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M DOING RIGHT NOW?

I THINK SO.

GOD, THIS IS FUCKING INSANE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?

FUCKING YOU.

COME OVER HERE.

I AM THERE. YOU KNOW I AM.

SO... I REMEMBER

THAT WE WERE ALL SQUISHED

INTO THE BACKSEAT OF THE CAR.

YEAH.

IT WAS... IT WAS ME,

TODD, AMY,

AND OF COURSE ANDREW,

AND WE WERE ALL MAKING OUT,

WHICH WAS GOOD,

AND THEN I FELT

THAT ANDREW HAD AN ERECTION,

AND IT WAS JUST...

AND I REACHED OVER,

AND I UNDID HIS FLY,

AND I REMEMBER

IT WAS REALLY SMALL...

AND I REMEMBER
IT WAS JUST LIKE...

HE WAS REALLY TERRIFIED.

SO YOU DID IT?

I DID,

WITH MY PANTIES ON.

I JUST SLIPPED THEM TO THE SIDE,

AND I DID IT.

I DON'T KNOW WHY.

I JUST FELT, LIKE...

"I HAVE TO DO THIS."

HMM.

YOU WERE 13.

YEAH.

JENNY, ARE YOU IN THERE?

YOU SAID YOU'D BE HOME.

UM...

WHAT'S GOING ON?

SHIT. TIM...

JEN? JENNY, COME ON OUT.

YEAH, JENNY. COME
ON OUT AND PLAY.

WHO THE HELL IS THAT?

I, UH...

SHUT UP AND EAT. CHEERS.

WHO IS THAT?

UM... HMM.

THAT... THAT'S TIM.
THAT... THAT'S MY EX.

AH.

HE'S RENTING ME THE PLACE,

AND HE SAID THAT HE WOULD BE OUT

REALLY LATE TONIGHT.

OH.

WELL...

MAYBE WE SHOULD TRY THIS

ANOTHER TIME, HUH?

HOW ABOUT FRIDAY?

I CAN'T.

OH.

I... I'M WORKING

AT LAURELWOOD FARMS,

THE LATE SHIFT,

BECAUSE I NEED THE MONEY.

I'VE BEEN THERE.

UM, ARE YOU FREE
ON SATURDAY NIGHT?

I HAVE A DATE.

OH.

I'M DATING.

OF COURSE YOU ARE.

THIS WAS A DATE, RIGHT?

TOTALLY.

WELL, UM, WHY DON'T I JUST...

UM, I'LL CALL YOU,
AND WE'LL WORK IT OUT.

YES.

BYE. LATER.

OKAY, I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW.

OKAY.

YEAH!

LOOK AT THAT, TIM.

YES!

WHOO!

YES!

YES. WHOO!

I GUESS YOU WEREN'T
MAN ENOUGH FOR HER.

WOULD YOU GROW UP?

OH, COME ON NOW. YES!

HELLO?

OH.

HELLO, GENE.

HOW ARE YOU?

YES.

WELL...

I WOULD LOVE TO SPEND
AN EVENING WITH YOU

AND SEVERAL OF YOUR
MANATEE FRIENDS.

WELL, I WILL SEE YOU
ON SATURDAY NIGHT.

OKAY.

BYE.

WELL, THANKS, JUDGE. I OWE YOU.

IT WON'T BE LONG NOW. I PUT
IN SOME CALLS DOWNTOWN.

YOU KNOW, THIS SUCKS.

YOU NEED TO TAKE BETTER
CARE OF YOUR PEOPLE.

OH, MY GOD, I GOT THE MESSAGE

A HALF-HOUR AGO.

OSCAR AND I WERE
DOING THE SOUP KITCHEN.

I'M SO SORRY.

HAVE A SEAT.

THE PETTY BUREAUCRATS

ARE PULLING A POWER
TRIP ON US HERE.

HAVE THEY SET BAIL?

YES, IT'S $2,000.

WE'VE GOT IT COVERED,

AND FOR THE ARTIST...
PERNOD, WHATEVER HER NAME IS.

WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS?

WHAT OTHERS?

I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE
FOR ANY OTHERS.

I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO

TO GET THEM THROUGH QUICKER,

AND THEN WE'LL GET
SOME BAIL BONDS.

FUCK.

FUCK.

I NEED A CIGARETTE.

YOU SMOKE?

NOT SINCE I WAS 12.

PORTER, JEWELL, YOU MADE BAIL.

YOU GUYS...

DID THEY DO ANYTHING STUPID

TO YOU IN THERE?

OH, MAN.

JAIL IS WHACK.

OH, I'M SO GLAD
YOU GUYS ARE HERE.

WHERE'S BETTE?

I DON'T KNOW. SHE GOT
THROWN IN A CELL WITH...

HEY.

HEY.

OH, THIS IS CANDACE JEWELL,

MY CELL MATE.

BETTE HAS BEEN TELLING ME

WHAT AN INCREDIBLE JOB
YOU'VE BEEN DOING AT THE CAC.

IT'S NICE TO FINALLY MEET YOU.

THANKS. YEAH, YOU, TOO.

UNDER SOME CRAZY CIRCUMSTANCES.

YEAH.

HOW DID YOU GET
TANGLED UP IN THIS MESS?

OH, WELL, MY CREW AND I

WERE DOING SOME WORK
DOWN AT THE GALLERY,

AND THE BIBLE THUMPERS

STARTED DOING
THEIR THING OUTSIDE.

ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER...

THEY TREAT YOU OKAY?

YEAH.

HEY.

HEY, BABY SIS.

OH, I WANT YOU TO MEET IVAN.

HE GAVE ME A RIDE OVER HERE.

UH, "HE"?

HI. NICE TO MEET YOU.

OH, GEE, IVAN, I'M SO SORRY.

I'M SO SORRY.

HEY, NO WORRIES.
I'M HAPPY EITHER WAY.

CAN WE GIVE ANYONE A LIFT?

YEAH, WEST HOLLYWOOD.

SAME HERE. I'M STAYING

I DON'T KNOW WHERE
IT IS, THOUGH. IT'S...

IT'S THE SUNSET MARQUIS.

IT'S RIGHT AROUND
WHERE THEY LIVE.

YOU KNOW, I'M GOING TO STAY.

I THINK CHERIE'S
GOING TO GET ME, SO...

WHAT ABOUT YOU, CANDACE?

DO YOU NEED A RIDE?

UH, I LIVE

ALL THE WAY IN SILVERLAKE,

SO I'LL JUST GET A CAB.

DON'T BE SILLY. WE'LL
GIVE YOU RIDE HOME.

I LIVE IN LOS FELIZ.

I'LL GIVE YOU A
RIDE IF YOU'D LIKE.

OH, THANK YOU, THAT
WOULD... THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

LET'S GO.

HEY, BE GOOD.

HEY, CHERIE, IT'S
ME. WHERE ARE YOU?

UM... I'M FREE FINALLY,

SO IF YOU STILL WANT
TO GET TOGETHER,

WILL YOU CALL ME BACK?

I...

I'M JUST GOING TO WAIT
HERE UNTIL I HEAR FROM YOU,

SO...

SO PLEASE CALL BACK.

BYE.

UH... I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.

YEAH, THAT WAS TOO SOON.

CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

YEAH.

WAS IT MY FAULT?

WAS WHAT YOUR FAULT?

YOU LIKING WOMEN.

WAS IT BECAUSE I WAS...

INADEQUATE IN SOME WAY?

NO.

UM, BECAUSE...

IT'S BEEN ON MY MIND...

AND I REALLY NEED YOU

TO BE...

HONEST WITH ME.

YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD MAN.