The L.A. Complex (2012): Season 1, Episode 5 - Home - full transcript

Previously on
The "L.A. Complex":

How long you guys been together?

Why would he tell them?

He'd have to out himself too.

They won't fire you
just 'cause you're gay.

Dude, how much
you think he's worth?

Hey!
Do not talk about money.

I'm still working him.

"Working him?"

He's perfect;

he's rich and bored
with his life,



and wants to get into movies.

My mother was a
huge Grace Kelly fan.

If you could wear them
in just one scene...

I'm in.

You're amazing.

Maybe this is a mistake.

Can we just keep in casual?

Mm... mm... wait.
What does that mean?

She's bragging
to all her friends

about that Usher tour.

I didn't even book that.

I am better than every single...

Look, you make a sex tape,

and you can't be in
a music video for tweens.



I got a job offer with Vivid.

- The porn company?
- It's just sex, Nick.

Connor, why am I here?

'Cause I'm not good enough.

I don't want anything from you,

and that's exactly what I get.

Hey, Connor?
Are you in there?

Yeah!

Oh! Look out!

Yeah!

Sorry I'm late, guys.

It's all right, I'm here.

Let's do this!

Cut!

Steve?!

Let's do this.

Yes.

What does that even mean?

That's what I'm asking you.

Okay, but you guys have
slept together, right?

Short answer: No.

Long answer: Nooooo.

Nick, she's been staying
at your place for weeks.

Yeah, but I just got
green lit very recently.

So what's the holdup?

Well, one night,
Alicia kinda ruined it...

She barged in.

Then another night I came home
she was already asleep.

I'm not gonna do that.

And then there was another night
where it just wasn't...

You know you can have sex
during the daytime too.

Yes, I understand.

So, basically,
you've fooled around once,

- and that's it.
- Yes.

That doesn't really sound
like much of anything.

Right, but she said
"let's keep it casual."

Right? Now, in your mind,
what's the "it"?

- What's the "it"?
- What's the "it"?

It's gotta be something.

Have a good day, losers!

The "it" is friendship.

The "it" is nothing.

Hey!

What're you doing?

Lego roshomon.
What's up?

Well, he's in.

Gary's in.

Are you serious?!

He loved your shorts

and he wants to invest
in our movie.

Oh my God!
For how much?

All of it.

He's gonna pay for all of it.

Oh my God! Oh my God!

We're making a movie!
We're making a movie!

Wait, wait, wait!
We gotta celebrate!

We gotta celebrate!

I stole these
from a timeshare seminar

a couple months ago.

Perfect!

Wait, wait, wait!

Aren't you still
in A.A.?

We don't want you
to break character.

The first step to fake-recovery

is admitting you have
a fake problem.

Ah! She's drinking.
Here you go!

Yeah! Woo!

Ugh!

This tastes like sweaters.

It's only 10 A.M.

Maybe we should just
take a rain check.

- Yeah. I guess.
- Right?

We could mix it
with orange drink.

Mimosas!

We're making a movie!

We're making a movie!

Agghhhhhhhh!

♪ Havin' hard times ♪

♪ In this crazy town ♪

♪ Havin' hard times ♪

♪ There's no love to be found ♪

♪ Havin' hard times ♪

- Damn it!
- Right?

This girl's for real.
Sings good too.

Who the hell is this?

Yo, just listen.
Listen.

♪ Havin' hard times ♪

Damn! A'ight!

Right?!

Anybody call dibs on that yet?

Naw, man, this is Tariq's girl.

I know.

Tariq's girl?

Yo. What'd you say
her name was again?

Abby.

Woo! Abby!

A girl like you,
with a voice like that,

don't need to be messing
with no little boy.

You need yourself a real man.

Guys:

True dat!
True dat!

That there is the only real man

I've ever been with.

You'll could learn
a thing or two.

Ooooooooh!

- I like her.
- Ungh!

Oh my God!
I hit a kid with my car!

Get outta here!
Where, where's the body?

Freeze!

Don't you understand?
I'll kill myself

if you don't go on
a date with me

You're putting
a lot of pressure on me.

Jump in, man.

Nah, this is maybe a dumb idea,
I'm a comic, not an improviser.

So what do you do
when someone heckles you?

Historically,

sort of stand there and look
scared until they stop.

Ah..
They'll show 'em.

So why'd you take my class?

I don't know,

I thought you might help me
generate material,

make me more spontaneous, I guess?

So jump in then!
Make something happen.

Look, this is a safe place.

No one is gonna judge you here.

- Get in there.
- Ok, freeze, I guess?

Freeze!

Yes, um...

You... excuse me, you..., this latte
I ordered from you,

here in this coffee shop,

doesn't have enough foam.

Stop, stop.
Nick this scene is violently boring.

Take a risk, raise the stakes.

Oh. Uh, I was actually just
trying to draw from my own life, so...

Oh. Well, in that case,
your life is violently boring.

Take a risk, raise the stakes.
Go.

Uh, hold on! Hold on!
Hold on!

What is the origin
of this coffee?

This isn't fair trade!

People are dying,
I'll have you know!

Freeze!

Oh my God, we are trapped
in the centre of the sun,

and I am pregnant.

And there's a bomb
that's about to go off

and it's gonna kill my baby,

and it's gonna kill
everybody else,

and it's gonna blow up the sun,

and do I cut the red wire
or do I cut the blue wire?

I don't know 'cause
I'm red-blue colour-blind.

And the baby is yours
and it's coming.

It's coming.

Oh! Oh! Oh!
Okay! Okay!

I can't have this baby

before you disarm
this bomb! Hurry!

Uh...

I'll keep the baby in you;
You deal with the bomb.

We can do this!
Hold my coffee?

I love you.

Ow!

And scene.

Students:

This is why you're
paying $200 a class, people!

I'm afraid your son has intra...

Um, intra-ocular...

Ah, I can't say that.

Can we just say...
Eye cancer?

Eye cancer.
I can say eye cancer.

I don't know what your son has.

Let's use that.

Real doctors probably
forget stuff all the time.

Ugh! Can we just...

Why don't we just...
Animate my lips

like animal movies,

get Seth Rogen to do my voice.

He'd be funny.

I'm afraid that your son
has uh...

Uh...

I'm sorry, but your son's dead.

All right.

Why don't we pick
this up tomorrow?

I'm sorry, I'm...

I... I got it.
I'll just...

I'll just read it
a couple times.

Yeah, why don't you
go home and sleep it off.

I don't want to go home
and sleep it off.

Connor, go home.

I'm sorry.
What's the line?

I'm gonna go for a walk,
I think.

Excellent mileage, zero down,

and no payments
for three months.

She's sleek, elegant,
and sophisticated,

just like you.

Thank you for dropping this off!

This is my first new car.

Really?
What's the occasion?

A new job.

Oh. Can I ask
what you do?

Oh! Sorry!

Am I in the wrong room?

Don't know who you are,
where you came from,

or what Tariq told you,
but I know one thing:

If I so much as hear a whisper

about some little bitch

spreading lies about Kaldrick king?

That little bitch is gonna spend

the most painful twenty-four hours

of her damn life...

Before she disappears forever.

You feel me?

Yeah, you feel me.

+

Connor, we're gonna
wrap you for the day.

Why don't you head home?

Home.

You know what?
You're tired.

Let me just check you out.

Seriously, come on.

Just take a deep breath.

Connor, I think it's time to go.

I think you need to go home.

Call me in the morning.

I have to get into that
writing room with you guys.

Just doing takes, I'm like...

Wouldn't it be great
if I... then...

But between this
and between the other series

that I'm on hold for...

Oh! Yes! Got it!

Quest, quest, questo...

I don't speak Spanish, man.

Course you do.
Soy...

Someone ate all your cookies.

You wanna get outta here?

Do you wanna get outta here?

Let's get outta here.

I have to work all day.

Ditch with me.

Not right-hey!
What?

Okay, jeez!

Okay!

Hey, man, I'm Pete.
I'm fillin' in for Danny.

Where's home?

Alicia?
Are you ready to shoot?

Are you okay in there?

Oh, wow.
Beautiful.

Is your room okay?

Is it too warm?
Is it too cold?

- It's fine.
- Hey, Tabitha.

Well, I didn't know
what you wanted to drink,

but I can get you a water,

or a juice if you'd rather...

Water's fine, thank you.

Oh, perfect timing!

Dennis, this is Alicia.
Alicia, this is Dennis.

You two will be
working together today.

It's nice to meet you, Alicia.

I'm really looking forward
to working with you.

If there's anything you need...

And I mean anything -
you just let me know.

Donna tells me
this is your first time.

I don't wanna do this anymore!

I changed my mind,
I'm going home.

But...

Hey. Sabrina, right?

Um... I'm Nick.

I don't know if you remember me,

but we just did a scene

where I put my hands on your...

And then kissed you
and then you slapped me?

It was like a minute ago.

Rings a vague bell.

Yeah.
That was crazy, huh?

Sure was, Nick.
Well, all the best.

Uh...

You're not by any chance
silently watching me,

are you, Nick?

No. I just...
I wanted to...

I wanted to thank you

for saving my bacon back there.

Sure. You looked
really foolish

until I slapped you in the face.

That's probably true.

Uh, now, about that slap,

was that...
Was that...

Like were you in like character?

Mm, you know, I was just
so into it out there,

I don't know who it was,
you know?

Right...

Well, I just wanted to come over

and apologize for kissing you.

You know, here's some lady
advice from a lady:

Maybe don't express regret
about kissing a girl

to the girl you just kissed.

Ever.

Uh, duly noted.

So did I hear you right?

You're a comic?

Um... yep.

- Cool. Me too.
- Yeah?

Are you funnier than I am?

I'm just messing with you,

I know the answer's no.

So who are you into?

Like influences?

Uh, I don't know, Bill Cosby.

George Carlin.

Anyone not from olden times?

Yes.
Someone's that not...

I like Patton Oswalt a lot.

So you know how to use
the Internet.

That's good.
I do, yes.

Good.

Have you ever heard of dice's
"the day the laughter died"?

Dice?
Like Andrew Dice Clay?

The diceman?

Uh, no, it's not
the mid-nineties...

It's not what you think.
It's this amazing set

where he just completely bombs.

It's like watching
your least favourite Uncle

implode in slow motion.

Wow. That sounds...

No, I've never heard that one.

I actually just got into
the just for laughs showcase.

You know what I just decided

while you were trying
to brag to me?

You should come over now
and listen to it.

Like come over to your place?

Yeah.

Okay.

Come on!
You can come to terms with it on the way.

Uh, yeah.
Yes. Okay.

Hey, is something wrong?

Um, I don't feel well,
I have to go home.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold up a second.

You... you what?
I just...

Something came over me

and I-I don't think
I can sing any more today.

Do you know how hard it was
to get you in here?

I have to go home.

Abby, what's wrong?

Hey! We doin' this or what?

Get outta my way,
I have to go home.

♪ Ooh... ooh-ooh... ♪

♪ Lookin' for a lovin' home ♪

♪ It never is far away ♪

♪ The only way to move on ♪

♪ Is to get back
in the game... ♪

Ah, that's so erotic.

Hey hippies!
Get in this pool!

We're making a movie!

Get in the pool!

Come on!

Hey, boozehog,
quit hogging the booze!

You almost ruined
our terrible champagne!

Gary...

What're you doing here?

My patient canceled.

Thought I'd see
if you wanted a coffee.

But it looks like you don't.

We were...
We were just celebrating

'cause of the movie.

I can see that.

I can't be here right now.

I just had like a
couple swigs of champagne.

It's not a big deal.

I think we both know

that neither of those
things are true.

Gary!

What? You wanna lie
to me some more?

♪ She's just a party girl
smoking... ♪

What just happened there?

I think Raquel just
fell off the wagon.

Gary! Gary, wait!

Please stop!

Gary, listen!
Listen!

I screwed up, okay?

I don't know
what you want me to say.

I screwed up

and it's never gonna
happen again.

Traditionally,
a drunk will sober up

before promising
to not drink again.

I'm so sorry.

It's my fault.

I never should've gotten
involved with you.

It's too early in my sobriety.

Clearly, too early in yours.

Oh, Gary...
Please don't do this...

I need you.

You need a meeting.

I can't help you anymore.

- Gary...
- Goodbye, Raquel.

Gary, come on!

Gary, come on!
Please!

+

What did you say to her?!

One second she's fine,

the next minute she's
crying her eyes out.

Tariq, what's going on?

You better watch your tone, boy.

Before somebody mistake you
for being disrespectful.

Oh, you wanna talk
about respect?

Well, I wasn't
gonna make it big deal,

being that that's
your girl and all.

But since you asked me
so nicely,

your little friend followed me
into the bathroom,

asked what she could do
to make sure she makes the cut.

Now, on principle,

I told her
I couldn't consummate,

you know, on a biblical level...

But she could blow me.

After that, I guess she...
got cold feet or something.

Little bitch ran out crying.

Now, I know you're upset,

but you should see
how my dick feels.

Not a happy dick, brother!

I quit.

Tariq!

Tariq!

He ain't gonna quit.

What was that all about, man?

He asked me, so I told him.

You say something like that,

how'd you expect him to react?

I woulda walked out on you too.

I go to prison for a year,

all of a sudden,
everybody got feelings.

Nah, I got it.

Look, I know I signed
a contract,

so if you wanna sue me
then sue me.

I just bought a new car.

You're more than
welcome to have that.

But aside from that I'm broke,

so... good luck.

I'm... not a lawyer.

I'm Donna.
I'm the director today.

I was hoping we could
have a little chat?

Okay, well, whoever you are,
I'm leaving, so.

Okay.

Look, I don't know you, okay?

But you are obviously

a beautiful, sexy young woman

with a good head
on her shoulders.

And I'd be lying to you

if I said they didn't
all see dollar signs

when they look at you.

But nobody's gonna force you

to do something
you don't wanna do.

No, I know that.

Truth is you'll have
more control here

than you'll ever get
in mainstream Hollywood,

and you'll probably have
to sleep with fewer people.

Listen, why don't you just
hang around for the day.

You know, get a feel
for the place.

You don't have
to shoot anything.

Or... you can leave
right now.

Completely up to you.

Eddie:

Eddie, c'mon man,
I can hear you in there.

All right. Okay.

Hey! Connor!

What's up, man?
You look terrible.

I just want um...

Can I have my old room back?

Yeah, right.

Seriously?

It's been rented.
All the rooms are rented.

What do you want
your room back for?

What, are you researching
a role?

I'll take your room.
I'll take anything.

I'll pay you double.

Triple.

Okay. Hey, come on in
for second, buddy.

It's great to see you, man.

Connor, you do not wanna
move back in here, okay?

I think we have silverfish.

Do you know what silverfish are?

Neither do I,
but they are terrifying.

And I think there's asbestos
in the walls.

I was cleaning the vents
in 111 last week,

all of a sudden I've got a cough

I can't get rid of

and my arm will not
stop itching.

So what I think you should do,

is just go back to your mansion

and have nice epsom salt bath

in your big hot tub.

'Kay? Right?

What?

Oh... hey man, hey.
It's okay.

I don't think...

Hey. No, no, no.
Shush.

Shush. Shush.

You want a drink?
Huh?

I'll make one of
Eddie's magical mojitos.

How 'bout that?
Yeah?

Have a drink, we'll stop crying,
it'll be great.

Here. Come sit.
Come sit.

Right there. Okay.

Wow. Great place.

Oh, cool, you like...

A bunch of music I don't know.

You know this one?

I thought we were gonna listen
to Andrew Dice Clay.

You did?
That's adorable.

Oh! Mm... okay.

I mean, I'd still like
to hear it after.

It sounds really interesting.

Uh...
What?

I'm sorry, this is just so cool.

This whole thing
is just so cool.

You're like this awesome girl
I barely know

and then-stop talking.

Okay.

Tariq.

Tariq!

Boy, I'm talking to you.

What did you say to her?

Don't you come at me
all puffed up like that!

She's my friend,
I care about her.

I don't give a damn about her!

What about me?
Hmm?

You talked to that girl
about me?

She's not gonna say anything!

Oh, I know she's not.
You know how I know?

Cuz I told her I'd put
her ass in the ground.

You can't threaten my friends.

Well, then don't make me!

You broke the rules

when you ran your damn mouth!

You know, I am sick
of your rules!

How'd you think
it was gonna play out?

You thought I was just gonna
let you talk

to your little friends?

Do you love me?

Keep your voice down, Tariq.

Do you love me?

- I'm not gonna say it again.
- Do you love me?!

- Keep your voice-
- Do you-stop!

Get off me!

Get off me!

Keep your damn voice down.

I love you.
You know I do.

But this is my life,
you understand that?

Why'd you bring that girl here
in the first place, huh?

So Dynasty and Jay
and everybody else

can see that you're a real man.

We're exactly the same.

Mm... no.
You're all hate.

Oh!

I'm sorry.

Stay away from me,
stay away from my friends.

Oh, Tariq!

+

It's like the best
worst thing ever.

Right?

Oh, I hope I don't die like that

on my "Just for laughs"
showcase.

You should keep
namedropping that

a few more times.

I haven't quite figured out
you're doing it yet.

Sorry.

Do you want me to call John,

see if I can get you a spot...

I'm already on the bill,
junior, but thanks.

Let's hear some
of this amazing set.

Oh, no, I...

Yes, one thing.
One funny joke.

Um... oh, okay.

Vagina's are like time machines:

Men go in, babies come out.

I'm not really giving it my...

Well, it's part of
a whole bigger thing.

Has anybody ever laughed
at that?

You're starting
to make me feel bad.

Don't blame me,
blame your terrible joke.

What is wrong?
Did I hurt your feelings?

I can be sharp and pointy
sometimes,

but I actually really like you.

I didn't even have
to fake my orgasm,

and that is rare.

Yeah, no, me too,

my orgasm was definitely...
real also.

I-I-I just...

I kinda started seeing
a friend of mine, recently.

"Seeing" as in Rowboat Rides?

No...
No Rowboat Rides.

She says she wants
to keep it casual.

Mm. So she doesn't
like you.

What?
No, she likes me plenty.

Likes you when?

You know, if something bad
has happened and she's upset,

she'll often come to me
for comfort and solace.

Like when she has a fight
with her boyfriend.

No!

Sometimes...
It's about like work stuff.

You're confused.

A little.

You know why?
Because it's confusing.

Oh, that's much clearer.
Thank you.

Look, if someone wants
to keep it casual,

they're gonna officially
label it casual.

Right.

There's nothing less casual

than the keep-it-casual
conversation.

Right. Exactly.

Because if you actually
want to keep it casual,

you're not gonna talk about it.

I mean, you should be
at home all day,

having sex in a lazy
side spoon position...

Facing the television.

That's the way I do it.

Watching fresh prince reruns.

Mm-hmm. Exactly.
If I want to keep it casual,

I not gonna have formal
conversations.

Right.
It's opposing principles.

It defeats the whole purpose.

Well, it's like wearing
sweatpants under suit pants.

- It's confusing.
- Exactly.

Mm-hmm.

I also try not to hand out
certificates when we bang.

Good one.

Mm. You know how you know
this is casual?

Because you're generally
mean to me?

Because I still have
my shoes on under here.

- Really.
- Mm-hmm.

Mind if I check?

Where do you think my shoes are?

I'm mostly just
trying to distract you

from making fun of me.

Oh, we're gonna have to work

a whole lot harder than that...

Oh yeah.

Okay, this way, everybody.

I wanna direct your attention

to the sink full of dirty dishes

everyone's been ignoring.

Okay, your mother
doesn't work here.

We're all adults...

That's why it's called
the adult film industry.

So I think we're capable of...

When does all the...
You know, sex happen?

After lunch.

Five dollar Friday!
Wanna do the honors?

- Oh!
- Come on.

No peeking!

Dennis Walker.

Yes!

Okay, our tour's
gonna have to wait,

I forgot I had a meeting.

Uh, Mandi,

can you help me out for a sec?

Who's the new girl?

This is Alicia.

Mandi's our resident...

Uh, how would you
describe yourself?

In charge of spirit.

- Hi.
- Hi.

All right.
See you in a bit.

'Kay.

Wanna see the secret room?

That guy
sounds like such a jerk!

Where does he live?

I'm gonna go burn
his house down.

He was kind of sweet.

Yeah. Until he completely
screwed you over.

I swear, the next time
I see Ricky Lloyd,

I'm gonna give him a face-punch.

So... what do think
of all this?

I don't know,

I don't have a problem
with porn itself,

it's just I'm not sure
if I wanna...

Have sex with a stranger

while a bunch of people film it?

Right.

So don't.

Have sex with me.

I'm not a stranger.

We just bitched about our exes,

consumed some refined sugar;

that officially
makes us friends.

But the script says
I'm with Dennis.

You've seen a porn before,
right?

We're not super-committed
to the story.

Yeah, but...

Wait...

You've never done it
with a girl before.

What am I, Amish?

Of course I've done it
with a girl.

Alicia, I really like you,

and it would mean
a lot to me if...

You'd let me be your first.

Well, technically,

Ricky would've been my first.

Ugh! Ricky?!
Okay, that is it.

That guy's house
is getting burned.

Oh...

There she is!

Did you want some help?

- There's a trick with those.
- I got it!

Hey...

Hey, hey...

Are you drunk?

It's okay, just...
It's okay.

Oh. See?

Not so hard.

Thanks.

What happened?

It's complicated and...

I don't wanna talk about it.

I know what this is about.

You're upset...
About Mansoor.

What? Who's...

Our lovechild,
conceived on the rooftop.

Unconceived in the pharmacy.

I named him Mansoor.

You miss him, don't you?

I do.

Our imaginary Spanish-Asian
Australian child.

God, he would've worked
constantly.

This is how you're trying
to make me fee better?

Well, it's one of my ways.

I have many.

Oh yeah?
Like what?

Like... break dancing.

Okay. Okay,
I got two ways.

What's in there?

Ah! I have three ways.

Um... do you wanna
come in?

Yeah. Isn't that
Nick's room?

Yeah.
Um, I got evicted,

so I'm just crashing here

until I can scratch
together enough money

to get my own place.

Why did we stop hanging out?

You banged an old blonde chick.

Riiiiight.

I'm not even into blondes.

Yes you are.

I've seen you into blondes.

Okay, how 'bout this?
Let's get these all out.

Have you got anymore?

Cuz I would love
to get to the part

where we're friends again.
I'm done.

I'm done. She's a whore
and I hate her.

Okay. Now I'm done.

So... why aren't you
at work?

I got sent home.

Why?

For really good behaviour?

Is everything okay?

Are you okay?

Not really.

What's wrong?
Tell me.

I don't...

- Connor!
- What?

Move in with me.

What?

I have a huge empty house,

you can stay
as long as you like.

No!

Well, what're you gonna do?

Are you gonna stay on
Nick's couch forever?

Nick is amazing.
He's there for me.

I can be there for you.
I will be there for you.

Okay, you need to leave.

Come on.
No, Abby, wait. I'm sorry.

Let's just...
Let's just sit here and...

Um, are you hungry?
I'll buy you some food.

Please.

Come on, let's just... sit.

I'll just sit over here,

and you can just
stay over there,

And I promise
that I won't try and touch you.

Can I just talk?

Okay... okay...

I am sorry.

+

I'm not sure if I'm
supposed to be here,

but the truth is,

I don't have
anywhere else to go.

I have no idea what I'm doing,

and I don't have anyone
to talk to about that

because I've been
pretty successful

at keeping anyone
who cares about me

about as far away as possible...

Pretty much my entire life.

And if they have managed
to get close,

I've become quite good

at finding ways to hurt them,

take advantage of them,

make them hate me.

Which, I guess,
is safer or something?

I don't know.

I have done a particularly
good job of that lately.

In fact...

I think I may have
just destroyed

the first real relationship
of my life.

And I guess
I also just lost a movie,

but uh...

I'm having trouble caring
about that right now.

I don't have
my 24-hour chip yet,

because... I haven't been sober
for twenty-four hours.

But I'd really like
to get that chip, I think.

I'm really tired.

Thanks for listening.

Goodbye.

Raquel!

Raquel!

Sorry.

I don't want this to be it.

I want to figure this out.

I'm just gonna ruin everything
for both of us.

No, you're not.

Don't say goodbye.

Hello. How was your day?

Uh, oh!
Everything okay?

What happened?

I don't wanna talk about it.

Okay.
Yeah, of course.

You wanna get outta here,

go to a movie, eat some food?

What do you need?

Whoa... what is this?
What are we...

I don't wanna be casual anymore.

♪ There was a time ♪

♪ When my world was filled
with darkness ♪

♪ Darkness, darkness ♪

♪ Then I stopped dreaming ♪

♪ Now I'm supposed to fill it up
with something ♪

♪ Something, something ♪

♪ In your eyes I see the eyes
of somebody I knew before ♪

♪ Somebody long ago ♪

♪ I'm still trying
to make my mind up ♪

I love you.

♪ Am I free
or am I tied up? ♪

I love you.

♪ I change shapes
just to hide in this place ♪

♪ But I'm still,
I'm still... ♪

I love you too.

♪ Nobody knows it but me
when I slip ♪

♪ Yeah, I slip ♪

♪ I'm still an animal ♪

And that is a wrap on Alicia!

You were so hot!

That was incredible, Alicia.

Wasn't Alicia amazing?

Okay, now we also have
a bit of a surprise.

Through some hard-earned,
much-protected Intel,

we've discovered
it's somebody's birthday!

Oh! You guys!

Wait, you have
to see the surprise!

Daniel?!

Happy Birthday, sexy.

All right, blow out your candles

and cut this thing;

these people want cake.

Alicia, this is one
of my very best friends,

Daniel Diaz.

I know who you are.

Oh, we've met?

No, but I've auditioned for you.

Well, for your choreographer.

I didn't get hired or anything.

Oh, well, remind me
to fire my choreographer.

Actually, we're auditioning

for the new
Will I Am video tomorrow.

What's your availability like
in morning?

Seriously?

Seriously.

Look, here's my card.
Address is on there.

10:15,
I'll squeeze you in?

Isn't he the best?!

Speech! Speech!

Something tells me
I'm lucky we met.

Me too.

I'm just so happy
to have found all of you.

You guys are my family

and I love all of you.

And because I'm probably
gonna wreck my mascara anyway,

um, I'd like to make a toast...

To a girl who had
her first day today.

I just want her to know

how incredible I think she is.

To Alicia.

To Alicia!

Ah...

♪ And now I'm pulling
your disguise out ♪

♪ Are you free
or are you tied up? ♪

Hey Tariq, you coming down?

Come on, brother!

♪ I'm still,
I'm still an animal ♪

♪ Nobody knows it but me
when I slip ♪

♪ Yeah, I slip ♪

♪ I'm still an animal ♪

♪ I change shapes
just to hide in this place ♪

♪ But I'm still ♪

♪ I'm still an animal ♪

♪ Nobody knows it but me
when I slip ♪

♪ Yeah, I slip ♪

♪ I'm still an animal ♪

Oh hey, man.
Can I have another...

Another round?

I'm gonna have to say no.

Oh, come on, man.

The answer's still no.

What about a nice hot cup
of tea then?

Why don't you just pay your bill

and go home?

Somebody tell me
where this home is

that everyone keeps
talking about?

Show me where the home is,
because I'll go there.

That's what I thought.

What, you enjoying the show?

Not really.

You wanna give me
some direction?

Okay, Orlando Bloom,

why don't you quit
while you're ahead,

before I show you where to go.

He's just a kid.

I don't care how old he is.

He talks to me like that again,

I'll take him over my knee,

maybe smash his pretty
little face in for him.

I-I didn't mean anything by it.

I just had a hard day
at the office.

Lost a patient.

Let me buy you a drink.

Ungh!

Ungh!

That's where you can go.

Just go home, man.

I'll be good.

Ungh!