The Kominsky Method (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Chapter 6: A Daughter Detoxes - full transcript

Chapter 6: A Daughter Detoxes.

You're a good friend, Sandy.
Thank you for doing this.

Oh, please. I'm happy to help.

Haven't been out this way
since I took Tristin to Coachella.

Tristin?

Yeah, that girl that I was seeing...

that you kept calling "Triscuit."

Oh, yeah, right.

Coachella?

Rock concert.

Ah.

Did you enjoy it?



The music, yeah.

People thinking that I was
Tristin's grandfather, not so much.

Yeah.

Humiliation doesn't bother you, does it?

I'm an actor.

Where are we?

Oh. Look who decided
to rejoin the land of the living.

Just outside Anaheim.

My throat hurts.

Because they stuck a tube down it
to pump your stomach

from the drugs
you almost killed yourself with.

Right. Right.

Well, at least
I'm not coming down with something.

I've heard good things
about this rehab, Phoebe.



Only the best funny farms
for my little girl.

- Don't be mean, Daddy.
- Yeah, Daddy. Don't be mean.

What was the name of that place
you went to near Yosemite?

Answers at The Redwoods.

Right.

Answers at The Redwoods.

You were addicted to pain pills,

and your mother was worried
you were gonna get Lyme disease.

Hey, you know what people worry about
in Florida?

Key Lime disease.

Nothing, huh?

All right.

I hated that place.

They made you go camping and hiking.

We had to build these strange, uh...

tents, what are they called?

Yurts.

How many rehabs you been to?

I don't know.

Seven. I have the check stubs to prove it.

- Don't be mean, Daddy.
- Thank you.

Yurts.

It's a funny word.

Well, I'm havin' a good time.

Uh-oh. Yoink!

No!

How dare you! Mm!

...really good for you, like...

- You wanna switch booths?
- Let's just order.

Oh, that's my daughter.

Excuse me.

Great kid. Love her like crazy.

Hey, Min. What's up?

I'm looking at a letter from the IRS.

Oh?

Please tell me this is a mistake.

Uh...

What is, honey?

That you owe
three years’ worth of back taxes.

Really?

That's what it says, Dad.

Care to explain?

Well, uh, it's not complicated really.
When Mickey passed away...

You remember my accountant, Mickey Levine?

Lovely man. Died way too young.

Had a massive heart attack
playing tennis at a pro-am event.

Mixed doubles.

Serena Williams gave him CPR
and cracked two of his ribs.

- Dad!
- Anyway, when Mickey died,

I was pretty shook up, as you can imagine,
and I kinda dropped the ball

for the next year or two,
you know, tax-wise.

This is three years!

No, those are fiscal years, sweetheart.
It's different than regular years.

Do you realize what you've done?
We are fucked.

This says we owe $285,000.

Wow. That... that sounds like too much.

Plus interest and penalties!

I can't believe you.

This is just fucking crazy!

Mindy, I...

Hello? Hello? Mindy?

You know, when they pumped my stomach,
they found a nickel.

You can leave the tip.

You're the best, Mindy.
No, I love you, too.

All right. Bye-bye, sweetheart.

Can you believe that?
She just called to say that she loves me.

So did we order yet?

You must be hungry.

Honey, I'm home.

Please don't talk.

- I thought it was funny.
- Thank you.

Hi.

Uh, checking in Phoebe Schumacher.

I don't use that name anymore.

Fuck him. He's poison.

He's your husband.

He is the reason why my life is a mess.

Well, I thought
it was me and your mother's fault.

There's plenty of blame to go around.

Fine. Checking in Phoebe whoever.

Newlander. Phoebe Newlander.

Oh, yes. We have been expecting you.

Shepherd, would you take Miss Newlander
in for her physical?

Right this way.

Um, hang on.

I just wanna say that...

this time, I'm gonna make it.

I'm gonna get clean.

And I'm gonna be the kind of daughter
that you can be proud of.

Thank you.

Let's do this.

So, Shepherd, are you seeing anybody?

Would you like
to put this on your credit card?

What I'd like is to have gotten
a vasectomy about 46 years ago.

Whew.

- That's pricey.
- I am well aware.

She could spend 28 days
in the Bel-Air Hotel for that money.

Mm-hm.

What's equine therapy?

Horses are very spiritual animals,

and they help our patients
in their path to recovery.

Ah.

A path filled with horse shit.

That's it?
We don't even say goodbye to Phoebe?

No, they discourage that. It's like
dropping your kid off at preschool,

but with grown-up junkies.

Makes sense.
They wanna minimize the drama.

Dad!

Dad!

Uh, Norman?

Dad!

I don't wanna be here!

I'll be fine!

Get the fuck away!

Just keep going.

I'll just drink beer!

You still up for finding
a place to spend the night

and then head home in the morning?

Sure. Why stop the fun now?

Wanna listen to some music?

No, I like the quiet. Helps me think.

What are you thinkin' about?

Ah... as it happens, suicide.

Whose?

My own.

Oh, please. You're not killing yourself.

Are you offering to murder me?
Because that would be very thoughtful.

You're kidding, right?

Not at all. If you look at it objectively,
my continued existence is...

pointless.

Come on, Norman.

You're just depressed, okay? It'll pass.

It'll pass.

My wife, the woman
who gave my life meaning, is dead,

my job doesn't fulfill me anymore,

and I just put my 45-year-old dope-fiend
daughter in rehab for the eighth time.

You've got a grandson.

Who's in Scientology and won't speak
to me because I'm a "suppressive."

Suppressive? Oh, that's not fair.

Oppressive, maybe.

I'm sorry,
I still think you have a lot to live for.

You do, huh? Let's hear it, Pollyanna.

Why should I live?

You've answered the question.

No, no, no! Just give me a minute.

You're beloved.

A lot of people would be very sad.

I'm not Tom Hanks. They'll get over it.

All right, how about this?

I need you.

You?

Yes. You're my best friend,

and your guidance and support

is crucial to...
to my continued well-being.

Your agent is your best friend.

That's very sad.

I'm serious!

I mean, do you think I would've come
on this trip if I didn't care about you?

Thank you. Forget I said anything.

Good. Good.

So then, you're not going to...

No, I'm not gonna do that.

- Maybe this.
- Norman!

I'm kidding.

I'd fill up my pockets with smoked salmon,

go out in the woods
and look for a hungry bear.

You sure you don't wanna push through?

No, I...
I don't like driving at night.

I'm an accident waiting to happen.

That works for me.
I'd take my seat belt off.

Trust me. This is way better
than a Marriott or something.

We'll have a nice dinner,
get a good night's rest,

head back fresh in the morning.

I suppose.

I've never
been to an Indian casino before.

They're pretty much like a Vegas casino,

except they're not overly
fond of reservations.

Get it?

What's wrong with you?
Are you back on cocaine?

Oh, fuck you. It's funny.

- Will that be one room or two?
- One.

Two. I like my own bathroom.

I'm sure you do. One room.

Are you trying to save money?
I'm happy to pay.

No. It's me keeping an eye on you

so you don't do something stupid.

I'm not gonna commit suicide
in an Indian casino.

What's this now?

No, no, no, no, no.
He's... he's joking around.

Just give her your credit card.

Fine.
One room for me and my deranged nephew.

See?

A nice meal.

Good glass of wine.

It's reason to live.

I don't get any pleasure out of this.

I'm trying to hasten a coronary.

Oh, Jesus.

Maybe I'll start smoking again.

They still make Chesterfields?

You smoked Chesterfields?

Yeah. What did you smoke?

Newports.

Why? Were you a jazz trumpeter?

You know, you're not the only one here
with problems.

Oh, what are your problems?

You dodged the penis issue, right?

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Thank you.

It was my prostate. My penis is jim-dandy.

Then what else? You have a thriving
business, a wonderful, loving daughter.

You're seeing this nice Lisa woman

who seems not to know
what she's getting herself into.

You know what?

Nah. Never mind.
You're the only one here who has problems.

The world has seven billion happy people,

except for poor, pitiful you.

Your sarcasm falls on deaf ears,
especially this one.

It's pretty good. Sounds just like him.

I just need one!

Come on, let's go pee.

Yay, a nightcap.

I can't believe you! I am done, Dad!

IRS!

We're totally fucked!

Oh, geez.

Oh, gosh.

Shit!

I should have peed first.

He'd better be dead.

Norman!

- What?
- Oh, Jesus. I was worried!

Nothing to worry about.

I just couldn't sleep.
Say hello to Eddie Money.

How you doin'?

- Wait, you... you're the real guy.
- Shh. Keep it down, will you, please?

I don't understand. Why...
Why are you working as a tribute band?

Eddie Money has tax problems.

Freddie Money is free and clear.

That's interesting. Yes.
Maybe I could change my name.

What for?

Uh, never mind.

Can you keep an eye on him?
I've really gotta take a pee.

Barefoot in a casino men's room?

That's a brave man.

Hi, Lisa. It's Sandy.

Hello, Sandy.

Um, I hope I'm not calling you too early.

No, I'm up. What's, uh... what's goin' on?

Oh, I'm on the road with Norman.

We just put his daughter in rehab
and thought I'd lob in a call, say hi.

Thought you'd lob one in, huh?

Yeah. So how are you doin'?

Well, considering
that you and I slept together a week ago

and I never heard from you again,
not so good.

Really? It's been a week?

Phew. Memory's so vivid, it's...

Wow.

I've gotta give you a big "fuck you"
on that one.

Oh. I'm sorry.

I just got caught up
with Norman and his daughter,

and, you know, my, uh... my physical...

I'd say predicament,

but, you know,
"dick" is right there in the middle.

You are hilarious.

You know, I know exactly
why you came running to me.

You were feeling sorry for yourself,

and you wanted to prove
you have still got what it takes.

Now, hold on just a minute.

Shut up! Look, I have my own life.

I don't need to wait around for the great
Sandy Kominsky to need a little ego boost.

Lisa, I am really sorry.

All you had to do was call. Just...

check in, see how I'm doing.

Pretend to give a shit.

I don't know what to say.

I do. Just... Bye.

I'll say one thing for these Indians.
They got terrific water pressure.

Wait a minute.

- What are you doing?
- Hang on. Hang on.

Oh, no!
Why are you throwing away your money?

Sh, sh, sh.

What if we commit suicide together?

You only lost five dollars.

Yeah.

Are you okay?

Not really.

What's going on?

When you were in the shower,
I called Lisa,

and, uh, she dumped me.

Oh, I'm sorry.

What did you do?

What do you mean, what did I do?

Well, I'm assuming it's your fault.
Am I wrong?

No.

She said I took her for granted.

Did you?

Maybe, yeah.

May I give you some advice?

Dating advice?

Last time you went on a date,

Richard Nixon was in office
and he was doing well.

The secret to a happy relationship

is that the woman must always
feel like she comes first.

But what about when she doesn't?

When there's other things going on,
you know, and you don't have the time?

No. I said feel like she comes first.

So lie?

No, no. It's not lying. It's acting.

You should try it some time.

Very funny.

Maybe take a class.

This drives very nicely.

Glad you like it.

Did I ever tell you who I bought it from?

Yeah, Heinrich Himmler, about 15 times.

It's still a good joke.

You ever see that movie,
Thelma & Louise?

Of course.

Man, that was a good movie.

What brought that to mind?

I was just thinking about the ending,

where they drive off the cliff
into the Grand Canyon.

Yeah?

They were doomed.

They had no escape, and they chose to
go out on their own terms, with dignity.

What dignity?
They were mangled in a horrible crash.

Yeah, but they cut before that happened.

The last image
was them soaring triumphantly.

- Are you tired? You want me to drive?
- No, I'm fine.

You know, they had a convertible...

we have a convertible.

- Norman, you're freaking me out.
- Oh, relax. I'm just musing.

All right.

Well, quit it.

- You're still musing.
- Okay, okay.

Norman, what are you doing?

I'm sorry, Sandy!

What do you mean, you're sorry?

Deep down,
you know it's what we both want!

Slow down, Norman!

Oh! Oh, God!

Oh, Jesus!

Ah!

What the hell?

Here.

What's happening?

I got you a churro.

Where the hell are we?

You're welcome.
I had to pee, and there was a rest stop.

Oh, I thought, uh...

What?

Uh, nothing...

There's a guy over there
selling bonsai plants.

Before we leave, I wanna go look.

Okay.

Boy, what a deal.

You're crazy not to get one.

I'm okay.

The churro is delicious.

It's the reason
we should never build that wall.

Absolutely.

Immigrants make
the pastries Americans won't.

Beautiful.

Maybe it's worth sticking around for.

Maybe.

I would like to say something.

Can't I just enjoy this?

No. You need to hear it.

Sandy, I am very grateful
for our friendship,

and I want you to know
how happy I am to have you in my life.

Well, that is very sweet of you, Norman.
Thank you.

I mean it. I can't put a price
on what you mean to me.

I can.

What?